The Town Crier
Welcome to the June 2025 issue of the Horley Town Crier !
I am delighted to present the June 2025 issue of the Horley Town Crier community magazine.
The groups, clubs, societies, charities, artists and businesses of the community present yet again a varied and interesting read that I’m confident you will enjoy.
So once more, my heartfelt thanks to everyone who played their part in putting this issue together.
The Town Crier is becoming a stronger and stronger voice and forum for the community.
And just to briefly reiterate some Town Crier Policies regarding free promotion, paid advertising and so forth, please see this page where I've tried to give you a succinct guide.
For more details, go to the website here
Become a Columnist
I’m very pleased to acknowledge those who have kindly agreed to contribute a column of tips and advice and fascinating features each month for the general edification and enlightenment of the community.
If you feel you have something to offer and would like to become a monthly columnist, please feel free to contact me at any time. Thank you!
Submit!
The door is now wide open for your submissions for the July issue. The deadline for the July issue is 6pm on July 19th.
For a guide as to the type of features we are looking for and how to submit, please visit the Town Crier website here
The cover photograph is by Horley’s favourite photographer Julie Suttle.
In this issue . . .
JJ’s Epic Eats page 4
The Horley Flower Club page 5
The Horley Lawn Tennis Club page 6
Franklin Music page 7
The Horley Lions page 8
Let’s Dance Melange! page 9
The Archway Theatre Company page 10 and 11
The Horley Men’s Shed page 12
Age Concern page 13
Trekking in Iceland to Raise Awareness page 16
Welcome to Sunny June! pages 17, 18 and 19
The Horley Repair Café page 21
The Horley Singers page 22
Some things that won’t kill you page 23
Celebrate the Darkness of the Night page 24
Pedestrian Speed Limits by 2025 page 25
Learning a Language, Is it Hard? page 26
How to Promote Yourself in the TC page 27
Horley United FC pages 28 and 29
To contact the editor, please email:
JJ’s Epic Eats - the Best Grub Guide in Town
This month: Horley Charcoal Grill – Wraps so BIG they should come with Handles
Born and raised in Horley, JJ Suttle is our 12year-old food review writer who brings fresh and fearless opinions to the table with a side of personality.
Last night we went to Horley Charcoal Grill, a proper good takeaway kebab shop in Horley. We walked straight in: no queue, no stress, just ordered and waited a few minutes.
Open seven days a week and a long-standing favourite in the area, this kebab shop has built a loyal following with its large portions, friendly service, and consistently delicious food.
The menu is centred around a classic range of grilled meat dishes, including the ever-popular chicken and lamb doner, lamb shish, kofte, and burgers. What sets them apart is the care taken with each order: the shish, kofte, and burgers are all cooked to order.
Salads are fresh and generous, with a mix of lettuce, shredded cabbage, onion, tomato, cucumber, lemon wedges, and those fiery pickled chilli peppers for anyone wanting a bit of a kick. Add to that a good selection of sauces, including their homemade chilli sauce (which is a must-try), and you’ve got a wellbalanced and tasty meal - unless, of course, you go heavy on the garlic sauce (which, while delicious, might tip the “healthy” label into question!).
My stepdad and I both ordered a chicken doner wrap, and my mum had a chicken shish kebab in pita bread. The wraps were massive, seriously packed with chicken and salad. I didn’t even have any sauce on mine, and it still tasted great. Real juicy chicken breast and fresh salad wrapped up tight so it didn’t fall apart.
My stepdad looked at his and said, "How much meat have they put in that - did they use a whole animal or something?" And he wasn’t wrong; they definitely don’t skimp on the chicken.
Prices have seen a recent increase - £8 for doner wraps and £9 for the shish - but given the portion sizes and the quality of the food, it still represents excellent value. You could easily feed a family of five without breaking the bank, and you’ll likely have leftovers too.
Mum’s pita shish kebab looked really good too: soft bread, loads of salad, and a heap of chicken. But I think the wraps were the best choice overall.
The staff were really friendly, efficient and helpful. Even though it’s just a small takeaway place, they were quick and made you feel welcome. You can tell they know what they’re doing.
Only thing is, the wrap was almost too full: kind of hard to hold and a bit messy to eat. Also, while it was super tasty, it could’ve used just a little more seasoning or something to make it stand out more (maybe I should’ve gone for sauce after all).
Still, for £9, it was really good value: I was super full after.
Overall: 8.5/10.
Really good food, nice people, decent price and lots of optionsworth a visit if you’re in Horley. Just don’t expect it to be fancy.
In summary, Horley Charcoal Grill is like a local institution -no frills, just great food done right time and time again.
Horley Flower Club on Show
Horley Flower Club is continuing its Sapphire Celebrations in 2025. We meet at the Regent Hall in Albert Road, Horley on the first Tuesday of each month from 7.30pm.
At our club night in June, Angela Woodley, a demonstrator from the London and Overseas area of NAFAS (National Association of Flower Arranging Societies) came and created some amazing floral displays to the theme of ‘Gardener’s Galore’.
As well as doing a traditional flower arrangement in a basket, other displays used more unusual containers; with one in a barbecue bucket and another in a wheelbarrow.
Angela brought beautiful foliage and flowers from her own garden to make into a hand-tied bouquet. All the arrangements were raffled at the end of the evening and members were able to take them home and continue to enjoy them. We always welcome visitors to our meetings so do drop in and see us. We have another great demonstration lined up for July.
Our club is always looking for opportunities to share our love of flowers in the local community. The Horley Methodist Church held its annual summer flower festival over the first weekend in June, entitled ‘Childhood Memories‘ and Joyce Worts and Bev Warner from our club provided an arrangement, using beautiful white roses, lilac coloured statice and blue thistles against a background of eucalyptus and fatsia foliage with twigs of twisted hazel. Other community groups and local businesses also provided exhibits and there was a real WOW factor when you entered the church and saw all the arrangements and smelled the scent of all the flowers.
On the afternoon of Saturday July 5th arrangements created by Horley Flower Club will again be on show at the English Martyrs Church Hall in Vicarage Road, Horley.
We are holding our competitive flower show where members of our flower club enter arrangements in one or more of ten classes and an external NAFAS
judge comes and critiques them and gives awards.
The title of the show is ‘Let’s Celebrate…65 Years!’
We invite you to come along and see how the class titles such as ‘Here Comes Summer’, ‘Green and Gorgeous’ and ‘Floral Fiesta’ are interpreted and who will be awarded the ‘Horley in Bloom’ trophy. Come along and enjoy the flower displays, refreshments, raffle and tombola. Bring along the voucher below to get free entry.
Click the image to go to the voucher, then click the “print” icon on the top right of the voucher page.
HORLEY LAWN TENNIS CLUB Recent News
Horley Lawn Tennis Club is delighted to congratulate its Head Coach Sean Watson (pictured tight) on achieving runner-up spot in the Coach of the Year category at recent Reigate and Banstead Borough Council's Sports Awards.
This was a hard-fought competition with the winner being the Head Coach/Instructor at Fuzion Dojo.
Sean and his ALL IN TENNIS team at Horley LTC run an active coaching programme for kids and adults alike and are always keen to welcome new people on court.
The 11th May saw ex-Davis Cup players Danny Sapsford and Luke Mulligan hold a fun day at the Club, comprising group coaching, serving competitions and exhibition matches.
Danny heads the Bright Ideas for Tennis charity which raises funds for other, largely tennis-related, charities.
Horley LTC is a registered charity and is currently providing tennis for a group of disabled children. It is open to new, similar, initiatives.
Pictured left: some of the adult participants. Sessions were also run for junior players
Visit our website at: https://
clubspark.lta.org.uk/ HorleyLawnTennisClub
Contact via contact form at the above website
The Horley Lions Easter Egg Draw raised £1500, which was donated to the LRF (Lucy Raynor Foundation) who do a fantastic job of supporting our youngsters who are struggling with Mental Health.
The Lions’ next Fundraising event was their Skittles Week, which was held in early June at the Horley Cricket Club.
The Horley Lions
The Skittles Tournament started some 40 years ago and was immensely popular for many years, however for various reasons it closed. In the 1990’s, Horley Lions purchased the equipment and have since then run the Skittles Tournament. This attracts teams from Companies, Clubs, Pubs, Sports establishments etc.
Five daily competitions were held each evening (3rd – 7th June), starting 6.30 p.m. and 16 teams of 6 players competed.
In next month’s issue we hope to be able to report how much money was raised
Let’s Dance Mélange!
April 2016 saw the beginning of a BBC series, ‘How to Stay Young’ with the fabulous Angela Rippon! This proved to be the inspiration for ‘Let’s Dance Surrey’ (as it was first known).
Our founder, Sharon Baker, got together with some like-minded people (in a nice local pub of course) and after one or two very convivial meetings, ‘Let’s Dance Surrey’ was born!
Our first ever session kicked off at St Joseph’s, Redhill, on 1 June 2016 and was followed by our Horley session two weeks later, in the Community Hall, Albert Road. this soon proved to be so popular we had to move to a new larger hall at Horley Baptist Church. In due course our Redhill group also had to be relocated and we found a new hall at Perrywood in Salfords.
A change of name occurred along the way when it was discovered that another ‘Let’s Dance Surrey’ already existed - we then decided we would henceforth be known as ‘Let’s Dance Mélange’ - which describes us perfectly with our mix of fun dances to popular music spanning the decades, together with various social events.
We were thrilled when Angela Rippon joined us to celebrate our first anniversary in 2017 - a major highlight out of several over the yearsand here we are, still going strong nine years later!
We are a non-profit club providing fun, low impact dancing - led by a professional dance teacher - which suits all levels of fitness and with the aim of boosting fitness, health and well-being in a relaxed atmosphere and having a great time! Definitely no previous dance experience is necessary!
We also offer occasional social events, e.g. group walks, quiz
evenings, theatre trips, etc Our primary aim is to cater for people of more mature years (50+) and those returning to exercise after a break.
Our current members range in age from 50s through to 80s (no upper limit though!), but we welcome adults of all ages.
We are a very friendly bunch, so feel free to come along and find out what we’re about - £6 per dance session (pay-as-you-go) and the option to continue by joining our membership at your second session for £12 per annum (payable pro rata).
Please see further details on the leaflet below.
TheAddams Family arrives at TheArchway
by Peter Tucker
On 16-19 and 22-26 July 2025, The Archway Theatre, in Horley, Surrey, will present The Addams Family, a wonderfully crazy, new musical comedy created by Jersey Boys authors Marshall Brickman and Rick Elice and Drama Desk Award winner Andrew Lippa (The Wild Party). This production is directed by Ali Hannant and Maddie Jowett.
The Addams Family features an original story, and it’s every father’s nightmare. Wednesday Addams, that well known macabre teenager, has grown up and fallen in love.
The only problem is that the target of her affection is respectable and not like the Addams clan at all and what’s more, they have never met him. When she shares her secret with him, Gomez Addams must do something he’s never done before: keep a secret from his beloved wife, Morticia.
How will Pugsley cope when his sister doesn’t want to torture him anymore? How will the ‘meet the parents’ dinner go? And what will the Addams family ancestors make of all the shenanigans and secrets?
The only way to find out is to book a ticket and join this spooky family for a truly Addams family adventure!
Admission prices are: £11.50 (Archway members); and £13.50 (non-members). Tickets can be purchased at www.archwaytheatre.co.uk
What else is on at The Archway Theatre? Find out here
by Peter Tucker
Archway YoungAdults present The IT
The Young Adults Workshop at The Archway Theatre, located in Horley, Surrey, recently presented The IT, by Vivienne Franzmann, directed by Ella Sowton and Jenna Simmonds-Wood.
The Archway Theatre is delighted that its young adult members took to the main auditorium this year to stage an exciting production of The IT, which grappled with issues arising from adolescent mental health, and ‘the rage within’. Told from the perspective of a teenager, with support from a flexible cast comprising various characters, the play considered how people cope when their inner feelings take unexpected forms.
Written specifically with young casts in mind, this play was first performed in 2021,and went on to win Best Play for Young Audiences at the Writers’ Guild of Great Britain Awards 2023. This is a very exciting piece of theatre.
Director Ella Sowton commented,
“It is an absolute pleasure and privilege for me to run this group that is full of immensely talented, vibrant young people who are the future of our greatly loved theatre. I am so proud of all of their hard work and commitment during this production. The Archway Theatre is extremely lucky to have them!”
ABOUT THE DIRECTORS
Ella Sowton has been a member of the Archway Theatre since 2017 when she joined the Young Adults Workshop Group. She believes firmly that being a part of the Young Adults Workshop as a young adult has shaped her as a performer. Ella has taken part in Young Adults productions in the past including Twisted Tales, The Spirit of Albion and
Midsummer Nights Dream. When the opportunity arose to take over running The Young Adults Workshop, Ella jumped at the chance. She directed her first Young Adults Workshop production, DNA, in October 2024.
Co-director Jenna Simmonds-Wood has been an avid member of The Archway for many years, having last been on stage in the Young Adults production of DNA. This was Jenna’s second directing gig, but the first time in the main theatre. At the time she said: “I cant wait for audiences to see how hard everyone has been working on this show and I hope they enjoy it/”
ABOUT THE ARCHWAY THEATRE
The Archway Theatre is among Surrey's leading repertory drama theatres. Nestled in Horley’s atmospheric railway arches, The Archway Theatre Company has for over 70 years been surprising and delighting local residents and visitors with high quality productions, ranging from Shakespeare and the classics, through modern comedies, musicals and pantomimes, to experimental pieces that push the boundaries of the form.
A member of the prestigious Little Theatre Guild, the Archway boasts a comfortable 95-seat auditorium and a cosy, recently refurbished bar, where audience members and cast and crew can relax and enjoy the anticipation and afterglow of memorable performances.
The theatre’s ten main house productions per year run for ten nights each. In addition, there is a studio space for smaller-scale shows and its Youth Workshop and Young Adults group offer fantastic opportunities for the young people of the area to experience the thrill of putting on live theatre.
Trekking in Iceland to RaiseAwareness!
by Revd Kerry Jane Evans
I will soon be trekking for a few days in Iceland. Because Breast Cancer can affect anyone!
You can support Coppafeel with sponsorship here
In 2002 I trekked 100km in the Scottish Highlands with 100 women who remain dedicated to raising awareness, money and supporting others with Breast Cancer.
Founder of CoppaFeel! Kris Hallenga was diagnosed at just 23 with secondary Breast Cancer and died last year. She and three of my fellow trekkers who have also died in the last 12 months had a better quality of life because of incredible breast cancer charities.
CoppaFeel! are the UK’s only youth focused breast cancer awareness charity and are on a mission to get every 18-24 year old checking their chest. Getting the message across to young people to check themselves and know their normal. They educate people on the signs and symptoms of breast cancer and encourage them to check their chests regularly, so that if they notice something unusual they are empowered to contact their GP and advocate for themselves. That’s because when diagnosed early and accurately, breast cancer treatments are more effective and survival rates are higher.
Early detection truly can save lives.
Tell others about checking themselves and to receive a monthly text reminder to check yourself go to Coppafeel.org/get-a-reminder
Revd Kerry Jane Evans is Assistant Curate at the Horley Team Ministry email revkerryjane@icloud.com www.horleyteamministry.org.uk
Welcome to Sunny June!
by Town Crier columnist Angela Sara West
This month, you can WIN two tickets to the Polo Cup Final in Windsor and so much more…
Held under Royal Patronage from the Jaipur Royal Family, the esteemed Asia Cup Polo event in Windsor is a highlight of the summer social calendar, combining world-class polo, exceptional hospitality, plus a vibrant atmosphere with ambient live music, setting the perfect tone for a day of sport and celebration.
Join us at Surrey Fashion Week x Miss Britannia Family Pageant At The Polo!
Sunday 29th June is Polo Cup Final Day, seeing us stage a Surrey Fashion Week catwalk followed by a family pageant from Miss Britannia, where kids, parents and grandparents will be scouted to win a title for the day.
For just £30 (kids go free) you can enjoy two exciting games of polo followed by the prize ceremony, plus our catwalk extravaganza with Surrey Award-winning SFW brands, world-class entertainment and more!
Hosted by ‘Britain’s Next Top Model’ judge, Royal Ascot and Epsom Derby TV presenter Louis Mariette, soak up our Surrey Fashion Week
showcase compered by celebrity milliner extraordinaire Louis, famous for creating the world's most expensive hat - the £1.5 million hat Chapeau D'Amour commissioned by Harrods.
'Britain's Got Talent' fans will have seen his exquisite work worn by Amanda Holden, who donned a stunning Louis Mariette headpiece for the BGT final – see here: https://www.instagram.com/p/ DKWmGRnN4w6/
Party & Polo for Just £30
Immerse yourself in an unparalleled and unique ambiance at this quintessentially English event, also offering VIP shopping in the Shopping Village plus a fun afterparty, too.
Set in the picturesque parkland of the private Winkfield Polo Club in Windsor in an atmosphere of prestige, excitement and camaraderie, this exclusive event promises an unparalleled blend of top-class sport, fashion and luxury hospitality.
Sun 29th June is Finals Day and Family Day, so there will be plenty of activities available for the kids!
National press and luxury lifestyle magazine photographers will be in attendance and, if you have watched the movie 'Pretty Woman' you will know that 'treading the divots' is a must between matches, so dress to impress for both the camera and the occasion.
Your £30 tickets include access to:
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- Two Polo Matches
- Surrey Fashion Week x Miss Britannia Showcase & Family Pageant
- Shopping Village
- Excellent Networking
- Afterparty with DJ & Live Band
Tickets are selling fast so secure yours asap at our special price of just £30 (50% goes to charity)! www.tickettailor.com/events/ celebrasianreasiacuppolo/1696085
Or simply scan QR code in the flyer.
All profits after fees will go to cancer research charities via our new fundraising platform The Triple C (Cancer Care Community) www.thetriplec.co.uk
Top Prizes Up For Grabs!
WIN FANTASTIC PRIZES in our sensational silent auction accompanying our exciting polo fashion event.
We have everything from polo tickets, superyacht charters in Mallorca worth a whopping £50k and luxury fine dining experiences at multi-awardwinning Kinghams restaurant in Shere in the stunning Surrey Hills, to celebrity treatments in Surrey salons, bootcamps and delectable drinks bundles, all at just a snip of the retail price.
Looking for love? Have a hot date with a former Miss Kingston - now an international cover model –or our dashing Surrey Fashion Week model and philanthropic hero John Parker from John’s Red Bus (delivering humanitarian aid to Ukraine).
Check out our fantastic prizes at rock-bottom prices, all in aid of our chosen cancer charities, including The Royal Marsden Hospital in Sutton, Surrey.
*WIN*
• 2 x Tickets to the Polo Cup Final in Windsor
• Fine Dining at Award-winning Kinghams in Shere, Surrey Hills
• Superyacht Charters in Mallorca
• Makeup Masterclass with Celebrity Hair & Makeup Artist in Reigate
• Holistic Bliss Treatment: Reflexology, Meditation & Breathwork
• Premium Rum & Vodka Bottle Bundles
• Celeb-signed Merch & More!
Simply visit www.jumblebee.co.uk/ surreyfashionwweekxmissbritanniaxpolo
Get bidding NOW to bag a bargain holiday, another luxury experience or a premium product and treat yourself, your family & friends.
Best of luck!
Strawberries & Cream Rock Wimbledon Fashion
With Wimbledon just weeks away, our Surrey Fashion Week model Helen and I were invited to the launch of the world-famous tennis tournament’s official clothing collection for 2025.
As fashion plays a pivotal part in tennis becoming a bigger part of British culture and our national identity, this year's collection is a curated blend of high-performance leisurewear and sophisticated lifestyle pieces, allowing wearers to seamlessly transition from on-court action to stylish post-match socialising.
The All England Club’s ‘Court to Club’ capsule collection is inspired by Wimbledon’s rich heritage, integrating archival elements honouring the world-famous event's exceptional history, while embracing a more versatile and modern aesthetic.
While the iconic Wimbledon core colours remain central, the collection introduces highlight shades such as pink to provide a seasonal pop, ensuring all pieces, from performance wear to casual attire, seamlessly coordinate. Reflecting the timeless elegance of the historic event and the tennis lifestyle, this chic collection caters to those set on perfecting their serve or simply socialising off court in top tennis-style clothing.
With an injection of playful fun in this fabulous fashion offering, the 2025 capsule collection presents strawberry emblazoned pieces encapsulating the evolving trends in tennis fashion, blending performance functionality with a touch of country club elegance, perfect for both on and off the court.
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Offering a wide range of stylish and lightweight performance and casual wear, including cotton denim jackets, navy and green wordmark hoodies, joggers, cycling shorts, skorts and leggings, the collection is available from just £10 at https:// shop.wimbledon.com/
And check out my exclusive cover interview with Surrey’s tennis champ Andy Murray for Time & Leisure here! www.timeandleisure.co.uk/andy-murray -interview/
Live The SeaDream!
Helen and I lived the SeaDream last month to sample the loveliest lunch afloat at London landmark Tower Bridge on a spectacular superyacht.
The SeaDream II sailed supremely into the capital to showcase its sensational service and sister companies, seeing us wash down dream cuisine with premium wines and spirits served in unique handcrafted Hadeland Glassverk ICON glasses, which enhance the flavours of everything imbibed.
Chic and stylish, SeaDream yachts redefine travel, offering sophisticated informality with unparalleled personal service, world-class cuisine, ocean view accommodation, plus the only Thai-certified spa at sea.
Where casual elegance meets unsurpassed luxury, our sublime lunch aboard SeaDream II saw us decadently dine alfresco on deck, savouring delectable gourmet dishes and sampling outstanding organic skincare brand Elm.
An award-winning adventure afloat for all the senses, experience the SeaDream difference. Set sail on an unprecedented culinary venture capturing the flavours of your inspiring ports of call and indulge in an elegant ambiance of exclusivity afloat with the SeaDream Yacht Club. And you can WIN a superyacht holiday on White Star Charter’s Lady Helena of London or Lady Tatiana of London in
Mallorca in our silent auction! www.jumblebee.co.uk/ surreyfashionwweekxmissbritanniaxpolo
We Review YOUR BIZ!
Finally, got a big night out? Special celebration coming up? My new go-to for a gentle glo-up to get red-carpet ready is the lovely Anamaria, based in Hyperion Walk near Horley station.
Anamaria also offers aesthetics including body sculpting, mummy makeovers and more!
Check out her website: www.divabodysculpting.co.uk with our review coming soon to the Horley Town Crier.
Want us to review YOUR biz? I’m a cover journalist for Surrey Rocks, Time & Leisure and other local magazines, too, so drop me a line at angelasarawest@gmail.com
Have a fun June! Angela
@angela_sara_west : @surreyfashionweekuk www.angelasarawest.com
HORLEY REPAIR CAFÉ @ ST WILFS
As you may be aware, a new Repair Café started in Horley in January and it has been a great success.
The Repair Café organisation is international with over 2,500 Repair Cafes worldwide but up until the start of the year hadn’t been represented in Horley.
Vast numbers of items are thrown away where often a simple repair would give these items a new lease of life. By repairing these items they are saved from landfill, raw materials are saved, and the owner saves money. It also means these repairing skills are passed to others rather than being lost forever.
The Repair Café is run entirely by volunteers and also acts a community hub, allowing people to meet and chat over a hot drink and piece of cake whilst their items are being repaired. Owners of items can get involved as much as they want to with the repair, even undertaking it themselves if they so wish, overseen by one of the volunteers.
The first six sessions of the Horley Repair Café, which is a Church-run event, have been busy with, on average, over 50 items brought into each session, meaning we have looked at over 300 items of which almost 200 have been successfully repaired.
We currently have a great team of volunteers to welcome you and to undertake repairs of items such as electrical, electronic, woodwork, mechanical and general items, clothing/sewing, hi/fi & audio, bicycles, clocks, watches (battery replacement), tool/knife sharpening, glass, plastic and porcelain and computers. Subject to volunteer availability.
So far, we’ve repaired items such as vacuums, radios, record players, bicycles, clocks, jumpers, jeans, power tools, soft toys, electrical garden equipment, wooden furniture and sharpening of knives and garden tools.
We can’t look at microwaves, petrol-powered items or e-bikes for insurance purposes, but we will try to repair most other small household items.
There is no need to pre-book, just turn up. The repair service is offered free of charge (parts chargeable) with donations welcome to cover running costs.
What will you bring in for repair? The volunteers like a challenge! Please spread the word by mentioning the Repair Café to family, friends and neighbours.
The Horley Repair Café @ St Wilfs runs on every second Saturday of the month 11.30am – 2.30pm (last items in by 2pm please) at St Wilfrids Church Hall, Horley Row, Horley RH6 8DF. Our next session is Saturday 12th July 2025.
This enterprise is only possible due to the very kind support of the Horley Team Ministry.
For more information please contact horleyrepaircafe@yahoo.com or see our Facebook page Horley Repair Café @ St Wilfs
Another Recipe that Won t Kill You
Here is a very easy way to make tasty, sugar-free all-organic scones that are great with organic butter and a dollop of St Dalfour sugar-free jam.
Preheat your oven to 180 C.
In a large mixing bowl put 200g of organic flour. You can use any flour you prefer but I’ve found the best one for these scones is Dove’s Farm Organic Fine Plain Wholemeal Flour.
To the flour add a pinch of natural sea salt.
Then add one tablespoon of bicarbonate of soda.
Then add 1 or 2 tablespoons of Stevia natural sweetener. You can vary the amount according to your taste.
Take a fistful of walnuts (you can vary the amount according to your taste or use different nuts if you prefer) and grind them up; in a blender is easiest.
Mix these ingredients together thoroughly and add 20g of organic coconut oil. Using your hands, work the coconut oil in finely.
Carefully add organic full-fat milk bit-by-bit mixing as you go until your mixture is moist and stodgy but not runny. You need to be able take some and shape it into a ball then have it keep its shape without collapsing.
Then mix in one large organic egg.
Then shape the mixture into about ten balls and stand them on a baking sheet.
Put them in the oven for 15 minutes.
Take them out and let them cool.
Then scoff them. I know I do . . .
A housewife, an accountant, a shopkeeper and a chicken factory manager inadvertently start Earth's first interstellar war and they are very sorry about that.
Plus Earth's first interstellar sing-song, featuring a well-known rugby song and they are very sorry about that too!
Also features some attempted probing and quite a lot of running away.
"Excellently hilarious book! " GK
"I thoroughly enjoyed it but I think you should put a warning on the cover, advising people not to read it in public, I giggled a lot & laughed out loud several times, very embarrassing when I'm sitting in a coffee shop! " GF
"The author’s signature blend of wry humour and observational skill makes this short story a joy to read. Gently satirical, it good-naturedly pokes fun at human society while hinting at a darker reality beneath.
"Treat yourself to a copy, you won't regret it. Be warned though, this is not a book to read in a library . . . too many laugh-out-loud moments."
Ingenue Magazine
Buy it now while Earth is still free or join the Earth Resistance (Library Branch).
Available in eBook and Paperback:
Find more details here
New Pedestrian Speed Limits in Force by 2027
Government to introduce restrictions as safety concerns grow
by Steve Cook
The government today announced that as from 2027, new speed limits for pedestrians will come into force. The move is a response to growing fears about the safety of pedestrians on the nation’s pavements and is an effort to reduce the casualties that could possibly happen to people all over the country as a result of potentially fatal collisions caused by people walking too fast, not looking where they are going and losing control of their bodies on tight bends and so forth.
The matter was brought to a head recently by the tragic death of George Dimm of Knockdown Fell in Derbyshire whilst on a day trip to London. Mr Dimm died at the junction of Mincing Lane and Fenchurch Street when he took a corner too fast, lost control and veered into the road where he was knocked down by a bus.
Whilst a postmortem later revealed he was well over the drink-walk alcohol limit at the time of the tragedy, the incident nevertheless underscored the government’s growing safety concerns. As a spokesperson for the Ministry of Silly Walks (MSW) explained:
“This tragedy is but one example of the kind of senseless death that almost occurs a million times a day on account of people irresponsibly walking about in a reckless manner and it simply has to stop before someone else is hurt. This government is absolutely committed to people not getting hurt –except through the usual, official channels of invading countries, psychiatric treatment and so forth.”
Another case in point that highlights the threat to the safety of every citizen is the severe bruising sustained by Dorothy Cornfoot in an horrific collision in the centre of Leicester last Tuesday. As Ms Cornfoot explained:
“I was late for work and, I admit, in a bit of a hurry and walking much too fast for the conditions –which were wet. I overtook a slow-moving pensioner in a Zimmer frame and collided with a
lamp post coming in the opposite direction.”
It was this latest tragedy that finally spurred the government to take strong action before anyone else gets bruised. Accordingly, there will be stiff fines for anyone exceeding the new two-miles-an-hour speed limit in built-up areas and three miles an hour on open country pavements.
In addition to exceeding the speed limit, there will be fines and possible walking bans for repeat offenders for such offences as:
Reckless walking
Walking without due care and attention
Walking under the influence of drugs or alcohol
Walking in an offensive manner
Running or jogging without a licence (see below)
Walking whilst texting
This will of course have an effect on many of the nation’s joggers who will henceforth have to jog very slowly – although those unable to jog very fast, believed to be in the majority, will probably not be affected at all. However, a new Jogging Licence will be introduced: the sum of £500 per year will authorise anyone who wishes to do so to go on torturing themselves in the traditional way. The licence will not, however, entitle anyone to jog whilst texting for obvious reasons.
The government is also considering introducing electronic pavement-side displays linked to speed cameras, which flash an oncoming pedestrian’s speed with a “Thank you for walking slowly” message for those in compliance with the speed limit and “Slow Down!” for those inadvertently walking too fast.
The pedestrian speeding fines and jogging licences are estimated to provide an additional revenue for the government of a £100 million per year, although the MSW spokesperson was quick to point out that, “These measures are driven entirely by our concerns about looking concerned about public safety and have nothing whatever to do with squeezing extra revenue from the citizenry.”
Related Article:
Concerns over the safety of jogging grow as nobody can recall ever seeing the same jogger twice.
ENT TO INTRODUCE SPEED LIMITS AS SAFETY
Learning a Language – is it hard?
one.
• And of course, go on holiday to practise your new skill!
A lot of people want to learn a new language, but most find it hard to do.
First of all, if you want to learn a language, ask yourself which one; secondly why you want to do it. Is it to get by while on holidays? To watch foreign language films? Because you have friends who speak that language? Because you are buying a house abroad? Or simply for fun?
All those reasons are valid, but it is important to work it out so that you can then choose how to go about learning it.
There are many ways to go about it: take lessons with a tutor, buy a language course, or follow one of the many free ones available online; go to evening classes. Or even start a club with like-minded people.
But is learning a language hard? It can be; it depends on the language; and it depends how far you want to take it. But mostly it is not.
Whatever language you choose to learn, to make it easier and keep it fun, here are some tips based on my personal experience:
• If today you don’t feel like stretching your brain learning, leave it to another day.
• Listen to foreign music and if you can, foreign radio;
• Read children’s books in that language;
• Get yourself a foreign language recipe book and start cooking!
• Watch subtitled foreign movies;
• If you know someone who speaks that language, see if you can meet them for coffee and a chat;
• Every time you come across someone who speaks that language, use what you’ve learned with them; don’t be shy, they’ll be happy to hear their own language;
• As you advance in your learning, read books, do simple crosswords in that language;
• Don’t worry if you don’t get it right, or if you find it hard at times, that’s normal! Pat yourself on the back when you do get things right instead.
• Never worry about your accent. We all have
And don’t forget: learning a language is also learning a culture. So watch documentaries about the country or countries where that language is spoken.
I hope you have fun in your language-learning adventure!
À bientôt!
Dominique Cook
French translator and interpreter
Member of the Chartered Institute of Linguists
Dip.Trans. CIOL
www.linguafrancafrenchtranslations.com
Commended and Recommended
This month we commend and recommend Seasons, Forest Row.
They have a stellar range of healthy, organic, environmentally friendly products, a busy but efficiently run shop with friendly and helpful staff.
If you care about your health, your family's health and the wellbeing of your environment, this shop is very, very highly recommended.
Well done, Seasons!
Keep up the good work!
Promote Yourself in the Town Crier
If you belong to or are active in the communities embraced by this magazine, you can promote yourself, your community activity, charity, club society, special interest, hobby, cause célèbre or small local business in it.
Free promotion
If you are a charity or not-for-profit club, society, association or group, you can promote free of charge. In exchange, if you can contribute a small donation this will be appreciated. Donations are not obligatory but in the interests of fairness, those who have helped with donations will, where need arises, be given priority in proportion to their generosity.
As we want to avoid the Town Crier becoming just another advertiser in which articles play second-fiddle to advertisements, we ask that where possible you submit an article about your charity, activity, event and so forth that will provide an interesting and engaging read. Such articles can be any length up to about 600 words and should be accompanied where possible with some pictures that will help grab attention plus any contact/ website/social media details you would like people to have.
Having said that, we will also do our best to place your announcements, event promo and so forth so please do send them in.
Best formats for images are JPEG and PNG.
Free Promotion for Local Businesses
If you are a local for-profit operation we will provide one free advertorial-style article per business. As described above we are looking for something that will engage, inform, inspire or interest our readers. Length can be up to 600 words, which would give you a full page of free advertising. Please also provide some pictures and full contact/website/social media details. Alongside the opportunity for a free advertorial we also provide very affordable advertising space (see below).
Become a Columnist
Another way to promote your enterprise (whether for-profit or not-for-profit) is to become a columnist for the magazine providing a monthly article that gives people advice and tips from your area of expertise - a great way to promote your competence and good will. In exchange for providing interesting material for our readers and perhaps a small donation you get monthly free advertising. To apply to have a column please email the editor at egtowncrier@gmail.com and we’ll give your proposal fair consideration.
PaidAdvertising in the Town Crier
In order to avoid becoming just another advertiser over-filled with ads, we are making only a limited amount of space available for advertising. This amounts to the equivalent of one page of advertising for every four pages of articles. It is to the benefit of advertisers in any case to have a magazine full of content people will want to read without a barrage of advertisements competing for their attention.
Advertising costs are being kept low and amount to the equivalent of roughly £10 or less per week for a quarter page ad. Our full pricing structure can be found here
To give further value for your paid advert, while you have a paid ad running in the magazine we will not run a paid ad for a competitor selling the same product or service. Where your ad clashes with a free advertorial by a competitor the advertorial will be placed in a different part of the magazine and every effort made to have your paid ad appear earlier in the magazine. Our policies regarding paid advertising are further explained here
We have also made advertising space available on the Town Crier website. See the details here
The door is also open for you to submit humorous/ satirical articles, poetry and verse, “how-to” tips and advice, interesting/entertaining news and titbits, recipes etc and if we publish your submission you can include a link to the website of your choice.
Farewell for now!
We hope you enjoyed this issue of the Town Crier. The July issue is already under construction so please don’t miss out and get your submissions in early. Browse this website for more info and look out for Town Crier bulletins and updates.