CY Family Mag #198 by Country Yossi

SUMMER 2015

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Message From the Publisher Hi Everybody, With summer now officially here, we are all busily preparing for two months of fun and excitement. But for many the summer season is filled not with joy and sunshine, but with sadness and frustration. For those desperately seeking their zivug, the long days and sleepless nights seem interminable. But now there’s hope! Yad L’Achim has arranged for a minyan of Talmidei Chachamim to pray in Amuka, the resting place of Reb Yonasan ben Uziel, for all those who contribute to pidyon shvuyim (redeeming of captives)! This tefillah will be recited on the noted day of segulah for shidduchim - Tu B’Av! If this applies to you I encourage you to join the many whose bakashos were answered after last year’s tefillah. Elsewhere in this sizzling issue, R’ Ron Yitzchok Eisenman grades our davening, R’ Avi Shafran challenges your tranquility and R’ Yonasan Rosenblum does it because he chose to! Asher Yatzar is a frequently recited bracha, but not one often scrutinized and explained. R’ Moshe Meir Weiss takes his Torah lens to it in this issue and what he finds may take you by surprise. Our Real Life section encourages you to consider becoming a Jewish astronaut, while also recommending that

you get an FBI agent to accompany you when you visit the Holocaust museum! As a Special Report, we present the president’s address at a D.C. shul, during which he offers his take on Jewish lingo, Jewish values, and his ‘Good Deal’ with Iran, uch oon vey. Then we crunch the numbers with 10 mistakes smart couples make and 8 things that happen when you stop drinking diet soda! Make sure you buckle your seatbelt and hold on tight! The strikingly poignant tale of ‘Sholom Ber,’ in our CY Songbook this isse, imparts an important lesson for kids of all ages. Don’t miss Dov Shurin’s column this month. He wrote it from his hospital bed in Israel, where he has been recovering for over 10 weeks! Keep him in your prayers. Our YWN Coffee Room hock offers some unsolicited advice if you’re getting married but have no money. Welcome to the club!! Don’t forget to tune in to Country in the Country every Sunday night 810 on Thunder 102FM - all summer long. See ya on the radio! Your friend,

Country Yossi

Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

SUMMER 2015

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Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

SUMMER 2015

v"ga, ct-zun,

Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

ISSUE 198

“New York’s Premier Jewish Magazine”

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“The only thing human about my shvigger is her sheitel!” – Kayla Kuchleffel Summer 2015 /v"ga, ct-zun,

Table of Contents

Volume 28 Number 2

SPOTLIGHT • Easy Flow: Little One’s Serenity, Mother’s Best Remedy, by Chaya Sara Schlussel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24 COVER STORY • Yad L’Achim: Tu B’Av. Segulah for Shidduchim . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 LET’S SHMOOZE ...................................................................................................................................................................................37 OPINION • Challenges to Tranquility, by Rabbi Avi Shafran . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44 • Because I Chose to Be, by Jonathan Rosenblum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46

INSPIRATION • The Necklace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48 TIMELINE ................................................................................................................................................................................................50 TORAH • A Great Way to Thank Hashem Five Times a Day, by Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56 • The Report Card, by Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57 REAL LIFE • Jewish Astronauts... Who Knew? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62 • Why I Require FBI Agents to Visit the Holocaust Museum, by James B. Comey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64 SPECIAL REPORT

• The President’s Address at a D.C. Synagogue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66 HEALTH AND ADVICE • Dear Bubby . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76 • 10 Dumb Mistakes that Smart Couples Make, By Rabbi Bentzion Shafier . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78 • 8 Things that Happen When You Finally Stop Drinking Diet Coke, by Jordan Davidson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80 ISRAEL • Riding the Kaf Zchut, by Dov Shurin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84 CONTROVERSY • YWN Coffee Room: How to Make a Wedding Without Money . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86

JEWISH BOOKS • Top 10 in Jewish Books . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89 JEWISH MUSIC • Top 3 in Jewish Music . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92 • CY Songbook: Sholom Ber . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95 HUMOR • The Gantze Mishpuche, by Chaptzem . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96 • Can’t You Just Plotz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99 • Walk, Don’t Run, by Kayla Kuchleffel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101

COUNTRY YOSSI FAMILY MAGAZINE • 1310 48th Street, Suite 304 • Brooklyn, New York 11219 Telephone: (718) 851-2010 • Email Address: country@countryyossi.com COPYRIGHT © 2015 - Country Yossi Family Magazine, Inc. All rights reserved. Country Yossi Family Magazine is not responsible for unsolicited submissions. Unsolicited manuscripts, photographs, and other submitted materials must be accompanied by a stamped self-addressed envelope. We reserve the right to print all letters in part or in full unless specifically requested otherwise. No articles, photographs, artwork or other material in this magazine may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever, without prior written permission of the publisher. Country Yossi Family Magazine will not be responsible for typographical errors or advertisers’ claims.

Cover Design: R.A. Stone

website: www.countryyossi.com Follow countryyossi on Twitter

Interior Layout: H. Walfish

SUMMER 2015

S P O T L I G H T

EASY-FLOW: LITTLE ONE’S SERENITY, MOTHER’S BEST REMEDY BY CHAYA SARA SCHLUSSEL

t’s 2:20am. Two weeks ago at this time, I was pacing the floor of my living room, wearing my rug threadbare as I trudged back and forth with my eyes drooping in sleep-deprivation. In my arms was my chronically screaming infant daughter. I patted her, sang to her and begged her to calm down. She just continued howling. It was almost 4am by the time we both finally succumbed to an exhausted sleep. That was the routine I had been blindly following for more than two months, despairing of ever finding rest, and giving up on the hope of a happy, content baby. I lovingly nursed her, but it was a monumental sacrifice for me, rather than a relaxing exchange between mother and child. I was never sure if she had eaten enough, as she never seemed satisfied. Both my daughter and I were miserable - which is why I will be forever grateful to the friend who finally introduced me to an incredible product called Easy-Flow. I’m sure my story will sound familiar to many. After my first 2-week stint of insomnia, I seriously contemplated switching from nursing to formula. It just wasn’t working out, and I was ready to quit. But once I learned about the many benefits of mother’s milk, bottle feeding became a far less optimal option for me. Aside from the incomparable bonding experience it creates, breastfeeding stimulates the immune system, protecting against invasive diseases, viruses and cancers - even lowering the risk of Leukemia by 30%. Additionally, nursing has been scientifically proven as an IQ-booster, providing proper nourishment for the brain in its earliest stages. It prevents obesity and eating disorders later on in the baby’s life and significantly lowers baby’s risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). With all its natural benefits, nursing was inarguably the superior feeding alternative. So instead of jumping ship,

I set out to find a way, if at all possible, to continue nursing without the crankiness. I began asking people for advice and soon found that many women shared similar circumstances to mine. Some complained about colic and gassiness in their infants. Others sighed over nursing-induced irritation and soreness. Many were despairing of ever enjoying their “bonding experience.” And then finally, I met my friend Mimi at the park. I casually mentioned that my nursing was not all I had hoped it would be. She nodded knowingly, and then whipped a bottle of Easy-Flow out of her pocketbook. “Easy-Flow,” she confidently asserted, “will change your life. Trust me. Just try it.” I began taking Easy-Flow twice a day, and I’ve never looked back since. During my 2-month quest for answers, I learned many things about nursing that I’d previously been unaware of. I learned that some women have a low milk supply, which results in an unsatisfied, unhappy baby. Other women have plentiful milk, but still fail to satiate their baby’s hunger due to poor milk consistency, diluted quality, bitter taste or lack of nutrients. In some cases, mother’s milk cannot travel properly for lack of conduit fluency - and the frustrated baby cannot get enough. At times, superficial sores and skin conditions can cause severe discomfort to the mother both during and after nursing sessions. Amazingly, the one natural, centuriesold antidote for all of these complications is Easy-Flow. This prize product from Smiling Herbs both enhances and enriches mother’s milk to its greatest advantage. It’s a healthy supplement that provides instantaneous, positive results in many areas of difficulty. Easy-Flow aids smooth movement of the milk by ensuring consistency and conduit clearance. It eliminates irritation by targeting internal infection. It in-

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creases baby’s appetite, making nursing sessions longer and more productive. Vital minerals and nutrients give both mother and baby a healthy boost, as mom’s immune system is strengthened and resistance to infection and disease is fortified. One mother confided that she only began using Easy-Flow after twelve months of nursing, when her milk supply gradually began to decrease. Easy-Flow reversed the decline. With absolutely no side effects, Easy-Flow does not cause any reactions, allergic or otherwise. And best of all, EasyFlow has a soothing effect on babies, targeting pressure points and eliminating headaches, upset stomachs, colic, gassiness, and other causes of stress or interference. It’s a favorite of mothers worldwide, who cannot help but rave about the incredible transformation that Easy-Flow has brought to their nursing sessions. Recently, this standard herbal supplement was redesigned to contain a high-potency extract that is easy to take, with revolutionary results. The Smiling Herbs Company saw the tremendous need for a product that would aid mothers significantly in their nursing. Using a precise processing system overseen by a highly trained staff of field experts with extensive knowledge of herbal history, Smiling Herbs reintroduced Easy-Flow to their exuberant customer base. The all-natural ingredients are hand-selected for their physical and chemical potential. Now small, easy-to-swallow capsules provide instant relief in manageable dosages. While every mother needs to regulate her own dosage, most people see a definite improvement with just two capsules a day. The feedback that Easy-Flow has received is overwhelmingly positive from their many satisfied clients. Now it’s 2:25am and the only reason I’m still up is that I had to finish writing this article, letting all the feeding-forlorn mothers out there know about this unparalleled product, so they too can upgrade their nursing from bleary-eyed to beautiful. Mommies, don’t quit. Take Easy-Flow and get to enjoy the beauty, bounty, and blessing of your baby. Thank you, Smiling Herbs, for the miracle of quiet and contentment that you’ve given me. Good night! Smiling Herbs 347-546-2792 smilingherbs@gmail.com

Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

SUMMER 2015

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Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

COVER STORY

YOUR REBBE IS YOUR FRIEND Dear Country Yossi, My 6-year-old (who will iy’H be starting 1st grade in a few months) just came over to me and asked “Tatty, is your Rebbe your friend?” I had a sneaking suspicion as to where he got that idea from, but asked him just to be sure, and he confirmed that it was from Kivi and Tuki. So I sat down with him and carefully explained the difference between a Rebbe and a peer. Thanks for putting my parental skills to the test! H.P. Flatbush

that re-fixing, eating, renewing - I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there’d always be more. But then my mother died, and on that clear summer’s night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any more.

SCIENCE CATCHES UP TO THE TORAH

KEEPER Dear Country Yossi, I grew up with practical parents. A mother who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it. A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones. Their marriage was good, their dreams were focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, my father in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress; lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep. It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All

are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special. And so, we keep them close! I hope I am a ‘keeper’ to the important people in my life, so I sent it to you hoping you will publish it for your readers - all of whom are keepers too! M.P. Boro Park

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away… never to return. So, while we have it… it’s best we love it and care for it and fix it when it’s broken and heal it when it’s sick. This is true for marriage and old cars, and children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they

Dear Country Yossi, I saw this and wanted to share it with your readers. Interesting news reported this morning about a team of Yale paleontologists who applied a set of algorithms to genetic and morphological data and concluded that the ancestor of living snakes had hind legs, complete with toes and ankles. It’s reminiscent of the late Carl Sagan’s observation that pain in childbirth seems to exist only in human beings, the result of a relatively sudden, “explosive” evolutionary growth in the size of the human cranium to accommodate the large human brain. The brain, that is, that is able to engage in rational thought and make choices not born of mere instinct. Daas, in other words, yields bi’etzev teildi banim. T.W. Boro Park

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DON’T JUDGE Dear Country Yossi, I thought this was an important lesson to share. A little girl was holding two apples, one in each hand. Her mother approached and softly asked her little daughter with a smile: “Sweetie, could you give your mommy one of your two apples?” The girl looked up at her mom for some seconds, then suddenly took a quick bite from one apple, and then quickly one bite from the other. The mom felt the smile on her face freeze. She tried hard not to reveal her disappointment and dismay. Then the little girl handed one of the bitten apples to her mom and said, “Mommy, here you are. This is the sweeter one!” No matter who you are, always delay judgment. Give others the privilege to explain themselves. What you see may not be the reality. Y.N. Boro Park

CONVERSATION IN THE WOMB Dear Country Yossi, For all the atheists out there, this is the best parable I’ve heard. In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?” The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.” “Nonsense,” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?” The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.” The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”

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SUMMER 2015

The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.” The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.” “Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.” The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?” The second said, “She is all

around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.” Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.” To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and you really listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.” H.B. Flatbush

A YID AND HIS QUARTER Dear Country Yossi, Several years ago, a rabbi from

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out-of-state accepted a call to a community in Houston, Texas. Some weeks after he arrived, he had an occasion to ride the bus from his home to the downtown area. When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him a quarter too much change. As he considered what to do, he thought to himself, ‘You’d better give the quarter back. It would be wrong to keep it.’ Then he thought, ‘Oh, forget it, it’s only a quarter. Who would worry about this little amount? Anyway, the bus company gets too much fare; they will never miss it. Accept it as a gift from G-d and keep quiet.’ When his stop came, he paused

Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

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momentarily at the door, and then he handed the quarter to the driver and said, ‘Here, you gave me too much change.’ The driver, with a smile, replied, ‘Aren’t you the new rabbi in town?’ ‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about going somewhere to worship. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you too much change. I’ll see you in Shul on Shabbos.’ When the rabbi stepped off of the bus, he literally grabbed the nearest light pole, held on, and said, ‘Oh Rebono Shel Olam (creator of the world), I almost sold a Yid for a quarter.’ Our lives are the only thing some people will ever read. This is a really scary example of how much people watch us as JEWS, and will put us to the test! Always be on guard - and remember - You carry the name of Hashem on your shoulders when you call yourself a ‘JEW.’ Received via email

WORDS OF ADVICE Dear Country Yossi, Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. I’m glad a friend sent that thought to me as a reminder. So, I chose to send it to you - my friend. May Hashem bless you, and I hope you are having a wonderful day! C.T. Flatbush

GETTING MORE FROM OUR SHULS Dear Country Yossi, We all want to get the most out of our shuls. It is there that we connect

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with Hashem and have many opportunities to be involved in chesed and tzedakah. Perhaps the most precious aspect of our shuls is the Torah that we learn there. Whether from the Rav’s drashos, classes or chavrusas, it is the place where the study of Torah happens. However, lately something has changed which has caused this special time of learning to become diminished. It is because the learning that took place between mincha and maariv has almost become obsolete with the new custom of early maariv. The problem with this is threefold. One, that Krias Shma needs to be repeated at the proper time and is often forgotten. Two, the ability to learn with the Rav either Ein Yakov, Mishnayos, Halacha, Hashkafa, Gemara after a long day at work has ceased. And thirdly, I think most importantly, is that the kavana level during maariv is weakened because davening a good Shmoneh Esrei takes a lot of energy and when we daven two in a row without a break it’s hard to give it all you’ve got. Especially during the sefira counting when one must count after the right zman. The learning after mincha would enable us to do so at the right time. Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss often explains that when we daven we talk to Hashem and when we learn Torah Hashem is talking to us. How does a father feel when his child doesn’t want to let him talk, because he is too busy talking himself? Where are we rushing out of shul so fast? This could become the best hour of our day. It would shield us from sins and would inspire us to grow higher toward dvaykus, our family life would improve greatly and the family of Klal Yisroel would have an abundance of zechusim to draw from. B.N. Boro Park

KNOWING HALF THE STORY Dear Country Yossi, The video was horrifying. A bus driver, with just a few kids left on his route, stopped at the side of the road. He threw a kid's bag out the door onto the grass, and ordered the kid off. Then he drove away, with the other kids screaming at him not to leave a child blocks away from home, sobbing in distress.

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SUMMER 2015

Unsurprisingly, the school district demanded the driver be fired for this horrific act of cruelty. Then the bus company released a video of its own, showing the lead-up to this incident. Not only was one kid kicking and punching another, but a second, burly eighth-grader used his hockey bag to strike the driver while the bus was on the road. He had jeopardized the life of the driver and every student on that bus. Afterwards, the first kid, who had directed his fists towards another student, kept up a running diatribe against the driver for another mile or so - at which point the driver had had enough, and threw the kid and his bag off the bus. As predictably as was its first reaction, the school district changed its tune. It apologized to the bus company and the driver for its rush to judgment, and disciplined the students instead of the driver. How often are we prepared to judge, based upon knowing half the story?

THE PROBLEM WITH JEWISH WOMEN TODAY Dear Country Yossi, Elimelech, in Megilas Rus, was labeled Tzoras Ayin (stingy) because he neglected to support the poor in Israel. The question is, wouldn’t this middah be associated with the heart? He should have been called a Tzoras Lev! However, what caused his downfall was a lack of correct perception and that is linked to the eyes. He didn’t see that Hashem gave him more to give to others, and so he was punished. Proper Hashkafa in life is worth more than life itself, because what use is life when it’s heading in the wrong direction? Even a slight shift can become total apikorsus down the road. As my Rav often says, the Reform Movement began just by omitting the Yakum Purkon Tefilah. And we see how far they have strayed. With all the available reading and listening material about Torah, mussar and hashkafa, we still face the reality of poor choices that the majority of women are making for themselves and their families. This is why so many are single and divorced and this is why our children are confused about their own priorities.

The story of Rabbi Akiva’s wife Rochel is such an important mindset for Jewish women to have, and yet my daughter and her teachers never heard it. Rabbi Akiva made an agreement with Rochel to learn Torah after their marriage. But when the time came he refused to keep the deal. At age 40 he was too embarrassed to learn aleph bais with youngsters. How could his wife get him to do the right thing? She thought and davened and came up with an ingenious plan. She took him to the market with a donkey that had two humps on its back. Between these humps she placed a tomato plant. All the people coming to the market could see this funny sight and when they saw it, they laughed and laughed. On the second day the same people who had seen this donkey laughed again, but by the third day they hardly even noticed it. “Akiva,” she said, “so what? They’ll laugh at you, but eventually they will stop laughing.” He was convinced, and the rest is history. Incidentally, after his 24,000 talmidim died, Rebbi Akiva developed 5 more talmidim who formed the mesorah of Torah we now have today. So we can all agree that Rabbi Akiva was an integral personality in Jewish history. Where would he and we be if not for his wife taking the moment to ponder his future and use all her faculties and energy to set him straight? Why did she do it? She was young, beautiful and rich. She could have married anyone. But in Rabbi Akiva she saw a middah of humility that she knew could propel him to greatness. Women, you should know that you do not have your own mazel. It comes from your husband and his mazel depends on what he does with his life. Which is where you come in. Your need for each other is so absolute that it can only be fully realized in Olam Haba. Find a middah in him that you are determined that he develop. Then daven, plan, etc. to be able to come up with a strategy that will get him moving in that direction. Singles who date must make a chart of pros and cons about what you see in him. Is there one item in his character that you could embellish, build and promote? Thousands of girls are throwing away their zivugim because they are looking for the wrong

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things. Your job is to be an eizer and the best helper you can be is to make him first a mentch and then a talmid chacham and then a tzadik. You can do it if you put to work what Hashem gave you. We men cannot do it by ourselves; we certainly need your help. Sincerely, A Man With Potential.

LOOK IN THE MIRROR Dear Country Yossi, I am in great demand as a shadchanit. People call at all hours of the day or night with their requests. I try to help, but I often come across stumbling blocks. People who are desperate, whose children or, should I aptly call them, adults, are way past the starting age of shidduchim, are still being unreasonably choosy. I would like to take this opportunity to tell all of you, young and old, that before you call a shadchan, you should take a good long look in the mirror. Be honest. Look at all your flaws, and realize that even though you have a wonderful son/daughter, so does the other side! Also, please remember that the one thing you can’t buy is TIME! One can’t turn back the clock. Like the mother of the thirty year old girl who complained, “This you redt for my daughter? Do you have any idea what I threw away?” Yes, my lady, this I can redt now. But not for long, because soon he won’t be left either. Raboisai, do you realize that after 120 years you will approach the Kisei Hakavod and you will be asked why your children remained single. Why they never married. What are you going to answer? That you didn’t like the family? That he or she wasn’t properly educated? That he or she was too short, too tall, too fat? That you didn’t like his hat? That you were looking for MONEY?!! Don’t you people realize that all these and more excuses are not justification for destroying doros? Moshiach is waiting to come, but first all the yet unborn neshamos are anxious to be born. Please be realistic and marry off your children. Let’s be zoche to Bias Goel Bimheira. Received via email

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SUMMER 2015

O P I N I O N

CHALLENGES TO TRANQUILITY BY RABBI AVI SHAFRAN

here are, they like to say, two types of people: Those who categorize people into two groups and those who don’t. I generally don’t. But I have found that the “two groups” model does seem to encompass most folks when it comes to facing change. Some individuals relish changes, are excited at the prospect of new circumstances, thrilled by interruptions of the norm. And then there are the rest of us, we who are happiest when thing just blessedly stay the same, who are content with predictability, enamored of the status quo. Changes, though, are part and parcel of life. And so even those of us who are naturally averse to disruptions of our routines cannot escape them. And among us, too, are two groups: Those who kick and scream (to no avail), and those who learn to come to terms with change. There’s nothing wrong, of course, with wishing for peace and calm and stability. No less a personage than our forefather Yaakov, Chazal inform us, “wished to dwell in tranquility.” But as in Yaakov’s life, challenges to tranquility appear in every life. Some take place, with Hashem’s help, as a matter of inevitable course, like adulthood and aging. Others come as special blessings, like (hopefully) marriage, parenthood, grandparenthood, and - with Divine assistance - beyond. Other changes, though, disrupt not only our status quos but our emotional equilibrium. Things like illness, family problems, loss of employment, loss of loved ones. Such uninvited and unwanted guests in our lives are vexing, of

course. They elicit the “Why me?” or “Why now?” or just the “Why?” laments, and can easily lead to feelings of resentment, anger and frustration. Even Yaakov was not immune to seeing his many trials, even in retrospect, in a bitter light. “Few and bad have been my days,” he tells Paroh when the Egyptian ruler, apparently noting our forefather’s wizened appearance, asks how old he is. The Midrash considers Yaakov to have erred in that attitude, and even to have lost years from his life as a result. Yaakov, to be sure, did indeed have a travail-filled life, and the travails were far from minor. But he is held to account nonetheless for regarding them as negative. Well, what then? As positive? Apparently yes. It’s not easy, to be sure, but it’s right. And it’s reflected even in halacha: “Just as one offers a blessing over good,” Chazal teach and the Shulchan Aruch codifies, “so does one offer a blessing over bad.” Our first, visceral, understandable, predictable reaction to unwanted change is usually negative. But it’s misguided. We need to realize that we need to have a second, more thoughtful, reaction, born of the admonition that even “bad” deserves a blessing - to internalize, and even express, the recognition that what seems unfortunate is, one way or another, for our benefit. On Purim we celebrated Haman’s downfall. Imagine, though, how things must have looked when Mordechai refused to bow to the Amalekite. What a terrible, dangerous move that was. It was born of Mordechai’s choice, to be sure, not an “act of Hashem,” but it

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was in accord with His will. And it was something that certainly seemed to bode ill. It ended up, to put it mildly, boding well. Commemoration of Purim’s geulah, the Gemara tells us, must take place in the month closest to the ge’ula of Yetzias Mitzrayim. Think back about the beginnings of that redemption. A decree to kill all newborn baby boys. A baby being abandoned by his parents, left to his fate in the bulrushes. Which led to his being taken by Paroh’s daughter Basya into the royal palace. All, in the end, for the good. It’s not only in the Torah, though, or the Megilla, that the inscrutability of seemingly “bad” happenings is evident. In 1941, my dear father, may he be well, barely a teenager, joined the Bialystok Novardhok Yeshiva, which had relocated, first, like many yeshivos at the time, to Vilna; and then, in the case of his yeshiva, to the Lithuanian town of Birzh. The Soviets, who had taken over Lithuania, gave the talmidim a stark choice: Become citizens of the USSR or retain your Polish citizenship and be considered foreign nationals. The former status would mean being drafted and sent to the front, cannon fodder for the German army; the latter, being banished to Siberia. My father and his colleagues and their Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Yehudah Leib Nekritz, zt”l, made the second choice, and were put on a freight train headed east to the frigid, forbidding place that would be their home for close to three years. He remembers how, as the train prepared to depart, the Jewish townsfolk wailed and bemoaned the lot of the Siberia-bound boys. How must those boys have felt? Yet they grew in unimaginable ways during their Siberian ordeal. And they survived the war to marry and have children. And those children had children. And those latter children are now raising their own families - two of them, as it happens, my father’s granddaughters, and their husbands, in Oak Park. But how dark the future must have looked as that train pulled slowly away and gained steam. Continued on Page 58

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SUMMER 2015

O P I N I O N

BECAUSE I CHOSE TO BE BY JONATHAN ROSENBLUM

n a recent trip to the United States, I was invited for a leil Shabbos meal by the son of a good friend of mine. (You know that you are getting old when it does not seem strange to be invited for a meal by friends’ children.) The evening’s conversation was wide-ranging, though much centered on why this particular young man felt as soon as he landed at Kennedy Airport at 18 that he would never return to live in his native Israel. As I was putting on my overcoat to leave, he related that he had once asked his father how it was that he seemed so comfortable with all his children despite their great differences from one another some are in full-time learning, others in business or klal work; some live in Israel; others in America. His father answered him succinctly: “Because I chose to be.” That struck me as another example of the great wisdom I have heard from my friend over the past quarter century. As parents, the temptation to live vicariously through our children is constant. If we have had successes in life, we want them to be successful in the same way. And if we have suffered disappointments, we hope for their accomplishments to erase those disappointments. How many young men do we see harmed by their fathers’ insistence on pushing them into prestigious yeshivos for which they are ill-suited because of the reflected glory of having a son in such a yeshiva? How many unhappy marriages are caused by parents who fail to focus on what their son and daughter need or want in a spouse, and instead concern themselves with the yichus or bank account of the mechutanim? In an important short work on dealing with struggling teenagers, soon to appear in English, Rabbi Uri Zohar devotes a great deal of attention to the importance of creating a line of open communications

with our children long before they enter their teenage years. That means, inter alia, showing an interest in what is important to them, and making sure that they feel comfortable sharing their feelings. But there is one kind of frequent communication that should be avoided: that which centers exclusively on the child’s test scores, or how highly they are evaluated by others. Constant questions about test scores or popularity or how many points they scored in a basketball game convey the message to our children that they are important to us not for themselves but only for the glory they confer on us. Rather than building a relationship, such communication destroys it. My friend happens to be a major talmid chacham. I have no idea whether any of his sons will approach his level in learning. But by accepting each of his children for what he or she is, he has made it possible for each to develop his or her own potential to the fullest. “BECAUSE I CHOSE TO BE,” however, is not just good advice on how to relate to our children. It has implications for every aspect of our lives. We live in an age where the very idea of free will is under assault. There are those who argue that all our apparent choices can be understood in terms of certain neural impulses, and that as our understanding of the brain advances, we will be able to predict how a person will react in every circumstance. The Torah view, of course, rejects that view. Our lives are defined at every moment by the choices we make: “I have placed before you life and death, the blessing and the curse; choose life” (Devarim 30:19). But even we Torah Jews often succumb to determinism. For as depressing as it would be to conceive oneself as lacking free will, it is often consoling to absolve ourselves of responsibility for our actions and to imagine that we could not have acted otherwise.

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Literary critic Gary Saul Morrison observes acutely (in the April Commentary) of one of Tolstoy’s most famous literary creations, Anna Karenina, that she told herself that she had no choice but to succumb to her passions. And that, indeed, is how most modern readers view her. But that was not Tolstoy’s view. Morrison shows how the novelist subtly conveyed “her loss of will (as something) willed.” Even as she feels drawn into a vortex, Tolstoy writes, “She would surrender or resist at will.” We tend to view our happiness or lack of it as something forced upon us by external circumstances over which we have no control. Yet if we think about the people we know, we will realize how little external circumstances have to do with happiness and how much it has to do with how we relate to those circumstances. We all know those who have endured one or more tragedies that we imagine would leave us unable to function, and yet maintain a sunny, upbeat disposition and the ability to rejoice in their blessings. And we know others seemingly blessed with all that most people seek, and yet who suffer from anhedonia and seem unable to take pleasure in those blessings. Some of these differences in disposition are innate. But to a large extent they are chosen. Happiness is quality of the soul, not something imposed upon us. Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert writes in Stumbling Upon Happiness how most people when they hear of Siamese twins or people who are disabled in some crucial way say that they are happy, deny the possibility that they are telling the truth because they cannot imagine themselves being happy in those circumstances. That is why handicapped and disabled people are always at the forefront of any campaign against legislation that would confer on doctors the power to terminate lives that are no longer “worth it.” Human beings are notoriously poor predictors of what will make them happy, much less what can make others happy. And much of the reason is the failure to appreciate the element of choice involved. “Because I choose to be happy” is not just sound advice on how to relate to our children, but on everything else in life as well.

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SUMMER 2015

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Inspiration The Necklace

uring the Holocaust, a large group of Polish women were rounded up to be sent to the gas chambers. As the group gathered their possessions to take with them into the camp the evil Nazi officers called out to all the villagers who were standing by watching, “Anything that these Jews leave behind you may take for yourselves, because for sure they will not be coming back to collect them!” Two Polish women who were standing nearby saw a woman towards the back of the group wearing a large, heavy, expensive coat. Not wanting to wait to see if others got the coat before them, they ran to the woman and knocked her to the ground, grabbed her coat and walked away. As the Jewish women were being led away, these two Polish women lay down the coat to divide the spoils of what was hiding inside. As they rummaged through the pockets, they discovered gold jewelry, silver candlesticks and other heirlooms. But still, as they lifted the coat it seemed heavier than it should be. After further inspection they found a secret pocket, and hidden inside the coat was a little baby girl. Shocked at their discovery, one of the women turned to the other, saying “I don’t have any children, and I’m too old to have any now. You take all the gold and silver and let me take the baby.” The deal was agreed upon and the Polish woman took her new ‘daughter’ home to her delighted husband. They raised the Jewish girl as their own, treating her very well, but never told her anything of her history. Paula* excelled in her studies and became a successful pediatrician, working in the top hospital in Poland. After

some years Paula’s ‘mother’ passed away. A week afterward, she received a knock at the door. An old woman invited herself in and said “I want you to know that the woman who passed away last week was not your real mother.” And she proceeded to tell her the whole story. Paula did not believe her at first, but the old woman said to her “When we found you, you were wearing a beautiful gold pendant with strange writing on it which must be Hebrew. I am sure that your ‘mother’ kept the necklace. Go and look.” And with that parting advice she left. The girl went into her ‘mother’s’ jewelry box and found the necklace just as the woman described. She had it extended and wore it every day, but thought nothing more of her Jewish roots. Sometime later, Paula went on holiday abroad and saw two Lubavitch boys. Seizing the opportunity she told them the entire story and showed them the necklace. The boys confirmed that a Jewish name was inscribed on the necklace, but they did not know what to say about her status. They recommended that she send a letter to the Lubavitch Rebbe explaining everything. She sent off the letter and received a speedy reply saying that it is clear from the facts that she is a Jewish girl and since she had a special talent, she should use her invaluable skills in

Israel, a place in desperate need of talented pediatricians. She took the Rebbe’s advice and moved to Israel, where she approached a Beis Din who declared her Jewish. She was accepted into a hospital to work, and she met her husband and raised a family. Years later, there was a terrorist attack at the Sbarro cafe in the center of Jerusalem in August 2001. Paula was walking nearby with her husband. She told her husband to return home to the kids and she proceeded to rush to the scene, where she treated the wounded and helped the injured to the hospital. When she arrived at the hospital she met an elderly man who was in a state of shock. He was searching everywhere for his granddaughter, who had become separated from him. She calmed him down and went with him to search amongst all the patients in order to find his granddaughter. Asking how she could recognize her, the frantic grandfather gave a rough description of a gold pendant necklace that the girl was wearing. After searching amongst the injured, they finally found the granddaughter who was wearing the necklace. At the sight of this necklace, the pediatrician froze. She turned to the old man and asked, “Where did you buy this necklace?” “You can’t buy such a necklace,” he responded. “I am a goldsmith and I made this necklace. Actually, I made two identical ones for each of my daughters. This is my granddaughter from one of them, and my other daughter did not survive the war.” And that was how the young Jewish Polish girl was reunited with her father. (Told by Harav Moshe Kupetz shlit”a)

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SUMMER 2015

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Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

SUMMER 2015

T I M E L I N E

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HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage. INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better. RAISIN: A grape with a sunburn.

AN ECLECT IC COL LECTION OF NEWS ITEMS, FEATURES AND HUMOR WE JUST COULDNâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T FIT ANYWHERE ELSE!

PERFECT DEFINITIONS ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends, and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time. SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off. TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction. TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

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SUMMER 2015

ell, the quadrennial circus that we lovingly refer to as the presidential election cycle, has begun in earnest. As of this writing, on the Republican side, you have twelve - count ‘em twelve - already announced candidates! Whew! Talk about, ‘you can’t tell the players without a scorecard!’ The really interesting thing is that any one of them would be light years better than who we have now or whomever the Democrats eventually put up to run against them. But before we even get to the Democrats we have to pay attention to an Independent who has declared his candidacy, namely Bernie Sanders, the self-declared Socialist Senator from Vermont. While the temptation is there to write him off as just another windmill-tilting Don Quixote, his popularity in early primary states simply cannot be discounted. Which brings us finally to the Democrat side of the ledger, and here we find possibly the most interesting scenario of all. There are currently three announced candidates two of which you’ve probably never heard, and the third who appears to be awaiting a coronation. I’m not sure what’s more mind-boggling. That Hillary Clinton believes she deserves to be President, or that a very

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sizable chunk of the voters in this country will actually vote for her! Let me ask you this. Once you get past the fact that she’s a woman, and in this day and age of identity and demographic politics the idea of a ‘woman President’ is almost irresistably appealing, what qualifications does this woman have to accede to one of the most, if not the most powerful positions in the world? If asked, you would be hard-pressed to identify even one positive accomplishment over her already alltoo-many years of public life. Her non-positive accomplishments, however, are almost too numerous to mention! Should she ultimately be successful in obtaining her party’s nomination, I will devote a future column to cataloging the long and sordid history of this most dangerous woman. In the meantime, let’s not lose sight of the fact that there remain seventeen months until election day and during that time, and for two more months thereafter, we will still be under the thumb of the categorically worst President in history. It would certainly be characteristic for him to take advantage of this upcoming circus atmosphere to sneak through yet more damaging policy decisions while we are all distracted. Here’s hoping that at least our elected officials are paying attention.

ELECTI ON SEASON

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SUMMER 2015

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Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

SUMMER 2015

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A Great Way to Thank Hashem Five Times a Day by Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss

he great Chovos HaLevovos teaches us that “Dvorim sherotzeh l’hasmid bah, al tivtach bah Things that you want to continue, don’t take them for granted!” Thus, if we want the marvels of our body to operate continuously and smoothly, like our heart and our liver, our pancreas and our brain, our eyes and our ears, it would be wise for us to thank Hashem regarding them on a regular basis. Of course, we have dedicated blessings for some of these functions such as the brocha in the morning of pokei’ach ivrim, He opens our eyes, and Ata chonein l’adam daas - You, Hashem, bequeath us knowledge, in the Shemone Esrei. There is however a sweeping blessing that we make around five times daily which is a great time to thank Hashem for the many wonders of our amazing body and that is the great brocha of asher yatzar. The Tuvcha Yabi’u writes that the saying of asher yatzar with kavana, proper concentration, is a great segula for good health. This blessing was instituted regarding the wonders of the excretory system, and we conclude with “Rofei kol basar umafli la’asos - He cures all flesh and does so wondrously.” We thank Hashem for curing us by removing the poisonous wastes from our bodies, thus curing us from their harmful effects. Furthermore, we conclude with a flourish that He does so wondrously, since we, in our conscious minds, have no clue what part of the food is good for us and what part of it is harmful. Still, despite our not knowing, the body separates and purges it amazingly on its own without our effort or knowledge.

The blessing contains many references to the other gifts of our body and is a reservoir of opportunity to thank Hashem for the many amazing gifts that we might tend to take for granted. For example, we start the brocha with the acknowledgment that Hashem created us with chochma, wisdom. The simple meaning of this is we thank Hashem for investing great wisdom in our incredible bodies. For example, we benefit from the gift of hair in our nostrils that serves as a filtration system. We have eyelids and eyelashes to facilitate comfortable sleep. There are intricacies of sight and hearing, details that can fill thousands of books, and the list goes on. But the Maharsha in Brochos gives yet another meaning to the reference to chochma: Hashem created us with wisdom. When we were in our mothers’ wombs, an angel taught us all of Torah. And although as we exit the angel strikes us over the lip and we forget It, It is all there in our subconscious and is much easier to recover. This is the great blessing that every Jew is a Shas Yid and can learn all of Daf Yomi - for he already learned it once while he was a fetus. Then, we thank Hashem for n’kavim n’kavim, chalulim chalulim, orifices and orifices, hollow organs and hollow organs. Why do we repeat these terms? The Vilna Gaon, zt”l, zy”a explains that we do so to indicate that there are so many of them. He adds that the gematria of chalulim chalulim is 248, the number of limbs in the human body. The L’vush explains that we are referring to the beginning and end of the food digestion/excretion mechanism. So, n’kavim n’kavim refers to the mouth which

starts the process by admitting the food and the rectum which concludes the process. So too, chalulim chalulim refers to the esophagus and the colon and intestines, respectively. Thus, in this brocha, we have a great opportunity to thank Hashem for the smooth functioning of peristalsis by which food moves down the esophagus and the scores of enzymes that break up the foods. We can meditate gratefully on the durability of the stomach lining which is not punctured by sharp, pointed foods nor worn away by the sharp-tasting foods we like to consume. We can reflect appreciatively about the reliability of our hearts pumping away nonstop, better than a Duracell battery, with amazing reliability for up to a dozen decades. Perhaps there’s another reason we say n’kavim n’kavim, chalulim chalulim in repetition. As we know, when a baby is in its mother’s womb, the mouth is closed and the belly button is open. After the baby is born, that which was open closes and that which was closed opens. To indicate that at different phases there are different openings and sealed areas might be why we repeat the openings and hollow organs. We then vigorously proclaim “She’im yifasei’ach echad meihem o yisaseim echad meihem, i’efshar l’hiskayeim - If one of them would open or close we would not be able to exist.” Here is a marvelous opportunity to thank Hashem that we have no tumors to block the necessary flow and functions of the body. We also can have in mind our appreciation that we have no hemorrhages in the brain or elsewhere that can spell, rachmona litzlon, instant death.

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It is interesting to note that we preface this awareness by saying, “Galu’i v’yadua lifnei kisei K’vodecha - This is revealed and known before your Heavenly throne.” While this is certainly true, it is a bit puzzling since it isn’t only known by Hashem. Everyone knows that we can’t survive with cysts and hemorrhages! The Imrei Noam explains that it is emphasizing that even on His celestial lofty throne, Hashem still knows the details of our lowly needs. It is also possible we are saying that while we are in the bathroom, it is only Hashem that sees what we are doing. Even the angels that escort a person are asked by us [(cf. Masechtas Shabbos) hiskabdu m’chubadim - Honor us Oh honored ones] to wait outside until we complete the process of relieving ourselves. Thus, our behavior in the lavatory (e.g. personal modesty) is a litmus test of our yiras Shomayim, our awareness of Heaven. Finally, it is possible that since we are also referring to the fetus in the mother’s womb, this state is truly only visible to Hashem and no one else. May we be zoche to say this blessing with greater fervor and meaning and in that merit may Hashem bless us with good health, happiness, and everything wonderful! Sheldon Zeitlin takes dictation of, and edits, Rabbi Weiss’ articles.

Rabbi Weiss is currently stepping-up his speaking engagements. To have him in your community, call now 718.916.3100 or email RMMWSI@aol.com. To receive a weekly cassette tape or CD directly from Rabbi Weiss, please send a check to Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss, P.O. Box 140726, Staten Island, NY 10314 or contact him at RMMWSI@aol.com. Now back in print is a large size paperback edition of Power Bentching. Also Rabbi Weiss’s 12 cd album on Pirkei Avos is still available. To order call Rabbi Weiss at 718-916-3100 or email at above. Attend Rabbi Weiss’s weekly shiur at the Landau Shul, Avenue L and East 9th in Flatbush, Tuesday nights at 9:50 p.m. Rabbi Weiss’s Daf Yomi and Mishnah Yomis shiurim can be heard LIVE on Kol Haloshon at (718) 906-6400. Write to KolHaloshon@gmail.com for details. They can now also be seen on TorahAnyTime.com.

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THE SHORT VORT

THE REPORT CARD BY RABBI RON YITZCHOK EISENMAN

hen the caller identified himself as Alex and asked when the ‘next service’ was, I assumed he had Yahrtzeit and was looking for a place to say Kaddish. When I told him that the last Mincha would be at 7:30 PM he seemed not to comprehend what I was talking about. He then said somewhat haltingly, “Oh, excuse me. My name is Alex Montina and I am a student at Bergen Community College and I am taking a course in comparative religions. We have an assignment to visit a Jewish house of worship and to observe the service. I was wondering if I could come to your synagogue and see the next service.” I told him to come to the office a few minutes before Mincha and we can talk and if everything looked fine he was welcome to come to Mincha. He arrived and when he timidly sat down and showed me his assignment and I was convinced that he was not a covert operative for AlQaeda I gave him a Yarmulke and invited him to observe Mincha and Maariv. He sat very quietly in the back and I could see him writing copious comments on his assignment sheet. After davening ended we regrouped and he asked me a few questions about the davening. Nothing too difficult: “What does the text of the prayers mean? Are the prayers based on the Bible?” I answered his questions and then I asked him if I could look at the notes he took. He gladly obliged. He wrote under the question: How did you find the decorum in the sanctuary? “Very serious and intense.” When asked to describe the service, he wrote: “There was an introductory prayer and then the men

stood for about five to seven minutes rocking and swaying back and forth while silently praying. Then the rabbi began a responsive part of the prayer when the rabbi read and others responded with a one word response. Then everyone sat for about two to three minutes and the prayers ended with everyone standing and again a responsive prayer.” Under general comments he wrote, “In general the prayer service was serious and intense with no communication taking place between the people. The service was totally in Hebrew; only men attended and the dress was semi-formal with many men wearing hats and jackets.” I looked at the paper and thought about the words, “The men stood for about five to seven minutes rocking and swaying back and forth while silently praying.” I wondered, “I managed to convince this young 20-year-old college student that I appeared ‘serious and intense.’ I was able to give over the impression that during Shmoneh Esrei I was ‘silently praying.’” What did Hashem write on His ‘assignment sheet’ for this davening? Did Hashem also agree that my davening was ‘serious and intense?’ Would Hashem classify my words, which were said during the silent Shmoneh Esrei, as ‘praying’ or did I allow my mind to wonder off into another world as I continued to recite the words without proper intent? What remarks did Hashem write about me during yesterday’s Mincha? To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln who said: “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all of the time.” We can say: “You can fool a college student some of the time, however, you can never fool Hashem!”

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Shafran… Continued from Page 44 Talk to anyone thoughtful over 60 - or anyone younger, if he or she is a perceptive person - and you can hear personal stories of how changes feared and then bemoaned turned out to be blessings. Perhaps you can testify to your own. If not, with Hashem’s help, you one day will. “Reuvain” was once part of a small Jewish community centered around a yeshiva where he taught. Over seven years, the yeshiva thrived, the community grew and remained

close-knit, and Reuvain was sure that he and his family would live out their lives in that wonderful place. Then, quite suddenly, circumstances entirely beyond Reuvain’s control dismantled the community and the yeshiva. He found himself having to move thousands of miles away to become part of another institution and community. He was devastated. Eleven years later, Reuvain was still in that new place, and it had become a wonderful home for him and his growing family. He wanted to stay

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there until Moshiach’s arrival. But, once again, circumstances beyond his control, a school administration bent on a certain path, conspired to evict him. He and his family picked up again, in tears, and moved to a place Reuvain had said he’d never want to do more than visit: New York. It’s been 20 years since that latter move, and Reuvain has grown to recognize the bracha in that move as well. In fact, when his employment status changed radically and unexpectedly several years ago, a seemingly grave setback to his parnassah, it too, turned out to be a blessing in disguise, allowing him more creative freedom and opening new doors for income. “Reuvain,” something of a slow learner, will likely still react with pain at any future seeming setbacks. I know, because his real name is Avi and he is me. But he won’t have any excuse; just looking back at his own life so far should reassure him that things that seem bad can be very misleading. The idea is enshrined in Rabbi Akiva’s motto of “All that the Merciful One does is for the good,” and in the account related in the Gemara (Brachos, 60b) about his being refused lodging in a certain town. Rather than express anger or frustration, he simply pronounced his motto to the people of the town, and went off to sleep in a nearby field. More problems awaited him there, as the candle he lit was blown out by the wind; the rooster that was to serve as his alarm clock was devoured by a cat; and his donkey killed by a lion. Still and all, he simply reminded himself that all that Hashem does is for the good. That night a regiment of soldiers invaded the nearby town, taking all its residents captive. Rabbi Akiva was spared that fate, the loss of his flame and animal having rendered him undetectable in the night. The Gemara continues, though. When the townsfolk, marched out in chains past Rabbi Akiva, he said to them, “Didn’t I tell you that all that the Merciful One does is for the good?” It’s a bit disturbing to read that final sentence. What was Rabbi Akiva doing? Mocking the unfortunate captives with his own happy escape from their destiny?

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I don’t think he was doing anything of the sort. Quite the contrary. He was offering them encouragement, strength to face their own futures. “I experienced adversity yesterday and last night,” he was saying to them, “and in the end it was clearly for my good. You are experiencing adversity now. Realize that, even if the change in your lives seems irredeemably evil, it is not. It is, in some way or other, whether you can imagine it or not, for the good.” We’re not always able, even in the long run, to recognize the good in what seems bad in our lives. There are times, moreover, when adversity serves a purpose in itself, in ways we simply cannot see in this world. But there’s a bottom line here, Rabbi Akiva’s parting message to the captives. When we feel captive ourselves to changes we didn’t anticipate or want, we’re wise to hear in our heads his admonishing, encouraging words: “Didn’t I tell you that all that the Merciful One does is for the good?”

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SUMMER 2015

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Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

SUMMER 2015

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Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

SUMMER 2015

R E A L

L I F E

JEWISH ASTRONAUTS… WHO KNEW?

uri Gagarin was the first Jewish man in space. He flew into orbit aboard the Soviet spacecraft Vostok I on 12 April 1961. He never told anyone he was Jewish. Boris Volynov was another Jew in space. He was the commander of Soyuz 5 in January 1969. Judy Resnick was the first American Jewish astronaut to go into space. She served as mission specialist on the maiden voyage of the Space Shuttle Discovery in 1984 and also on the Challenger. She died tragically when the Challenger broke apart shortly after

liftoff for its 10th mission. She consulted a rabbi about lighting Shabbat candles aboard the Space Shuttle. Of course, an open flame was not permitted, so she was advised to use electric lights at the proper hour corresponding to the onset of Shabbat at their home base, in Houston. Jeffrey Hoffman was the first American Jewish man in space and the first person to ever bring a Torah into space. He did this during his 1996 mission on the Space Shuttle Columbia. Another Jewish astronaut, David Wolf, was in orbit during Chanukah and, though he couldn’t light his menorah due to the hazards of fire in

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an oxygen-rich atmosphere, he did take advantage of zero gravity when spinning his dreidels. “I probably have the record dreidel spin,” he later said. “It went for about an hour and a half until I lost it. It showed up a few weeks later in an air filter. I figure it went about 25,000 miles.” Then, of course, there’s Gregory Chamitoff, in 2008. He took mezuzos shaped like rockets on to the International Space Station and placed them on the door post near his bunk bed. Ilan Ramon was the first Israeli astronaut. He was the payload specialist on the Space Shuttle Columbia and, sadly, he died along with his crew mates when the Columbia disintegrated during re-entry over Southern Texas. But during his career as an astronaut Judaism was a prominent part of his life in space. He was the first astronaut to request kosher food in space and also the first one to consult a rabbi about how to observe Shabbat while in orbit. In addition to a Torah scroll and microfiche copy of the bible, he also carried a picture of Earth as seen from

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the moon that was drawn by a Jewish boy in a concentration camp during World War II. Gary (Garrett) Reisman was the first Jewish astronaut to live on the International Space Station, and he brought a memento from Ilan Ramon’s widow with him. He left right before Passover and asked if he could bring matzah with him, but, alas, mission control thought the crumbs would be uncontainable. Mark Lewis “Roman” Polansky (born June 2, 1956) is an American aerospace engineer and research pilot and a former NASA astronaut. Polansky received the nickname “Roman” as a joke, because he shares a last name with director Roman Polanski. He flew on three Space Shuttle missions: STS98, STS-116, and STS-127. Scott Jay “Doc” Horowitz (born March 24, 1957) is a retired American astronaut and a veteran of four space shuttle missions. He graduated from the United States Air Force Test Pilot School in Dec, 1990 as a member of class 90-A. Horowitz was selected as an astronaut candidate by NASA in 1992,

and piloted missions STS-75 (1996), STS-82 (1997) and STS-101 (2000). He commanded mission STS-105, a visit to the International Space Station for equipment and crew transfer. John Mace Grunsfeld (born October 1958) is an American physicist and a former NASA astronaut. He is a veteran of five Space Shuttle flights as a Mission Specialist and has served as NASA Chief Scientist. Martin Joseph Fettman (B.S., D.V.M., M.S., Ph.D., Diplomate, ACVP) is an American pathologist and researcher who flew on NASA Space Shuttle mission STS-58 aboard the Space Shuttle Columbia as a Payload Specialist. Jerome III “Jay” Apt, Ph.D. (born April 28, 1949 in Massachusetts) is an American astronaut and professor at Carnegie Mellon University. From 1982 through 1985 he was a flight controller responsible for Shuttle payload operations at NASA’s Johnson Space Center. In 1985 he was selected as an astronaut candidate, and qualified to become an astronaut after a year of training. He has flown on four space

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missions and has logged over 847 hours in space. Marsha Sue Ivins (born April 15, 1951) is an American former astronaut and a veteran of five space shuttle missions. She was assigned as a flight engineer in 1980 and co-pilot on NASA administrative aircraft. In 1984, Ivins was selected as an astronaut candidate. She has flown aboard missions STS-32 (1990), STS-46 (1992), STS62(1994), STS-81 (1997), and STS-98 (2001). Ellen Louise Shulman Baker, M.D., M.P.H. (born April 27, 1953) is an American physician and a NASA astronaut. Baker serves as Chief of the Education/Medical Branch of the NASA Astronaut Office. Selected by NASA in May 1984, Baker became an astronaut in June 1985. Since then, she has had a variety of jobs at NASA in support of the Space Shuttle program and Space Station development. She was a mission specialist on STS-34 in 1989, STS-50 in 1992, and STS-71 in 1995 and has logged over 686 hours in space. She is Chief of the Astronaut Office Education/Medical Branch.

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R E A L

L I F E

Why I requIre FBI agents to vIsIt the

holocaust MuseuM By JaMes B. coMey

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The writer is the Director of the FBI. This commentary is adapted from a speech given Wednesday at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum’s 2015 National Tribute Dinner.

believe that the Holocaust is the most significant event in human history. And I mean “significant” in two different ways. It is, of course, significant because it was the most horrific display in world history of inhumanity, one that simply defies words and challenges meaning. I was born into an Irish Catholic family in this great, wonderful and safe country, but the Holocaust has always haunted me, and it has long stood as a stumbling block to faith. How could such a thing be? How is that consistent with the concept of a loving G-d? How is that in any way reconcilable with the notion of a G-d with a role in human history? How could there possibly be meaning in life, when so many lives were snuffed out in such a fashion? I have asked those questions since I was a young teenager. I have asked them my entire life. I asked the same questions standing in the pit at Ground Zero in early 2002. I have asked those questions many times as I have confronted unimaginable suffering and loss. And I know I am in good company asking such questions. Last month, on a flight home from Eastern Europe, I reread Viktor Frankl’s wrenching “Man’s Search for Meaning,” in which he seeks to find meaning in suffering and loving, among other things. And going much farther back, back before I was a religious studies major in college, I recalled the voice from the whirlwind in the Book of Job, rebuking us for even asking the question “Why?” “How dare you!” the voice seems to say. “It is not for you to ask, it is not

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for you to know.” And yet I ask, as so many of us do. And I still don’t know. But I do know this: I know it is our duty, our obligation, to make sure some good comes from unimaginable bad. Not so we can comfort ourselves by saying, “Oh, that was worth it then.” That’s nonsense. That would be perverse. It will never be “worth it.” Instead, I believe it is simply our duty to do that, and I believe this is truth no matter where you come from on a philosophical or religious spectrum. Our obligation is to refuse to let bad win, to refuse to let evil hold the field. As Abraham Lincoln said on a field of unimaginable pain and loss, it is essential “that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain.” Our resolution does not justify the loss, but we simply cannot be alive and give up. There are so many ways to fight evil to ensure it doesn’t hold the field. Some do this through public service that can involve actual physical battles against evil; others by different kinds of service, including the service of teaching a world what happened, teaching a world what is true. The Holocaust was, as I said, the most horrific display in world history of inhumanity. But it was also the most horrific display in world history of our humanity, of our capacity for evil and for moral surrender. And that second significance is the reason I require every new FBI special agent and intelligence analyst to go to the Holocaust Museum. Naturally, I want them to learn about abuse of authority on a breathtaking scale. But I want them to confront something more painful and more dangerous: I want them to see humanity and what we are capable of. I want them to see that, although this slaughter was led by sick and evil people, those sick and evil leaders were joined by, and followed by, people who loved their families, took soup to a sick neighbor, went to church and gave to charity. Good people helped murder millions. And that’s the most frightening lesson of all - that our very humanity made us capable of, even susceptible to, surrendering our individual moral

authority to the group, where it can be hijacked by evil. Of being so cowed by those in power. Of convincing ourselves of nearly anything. In their minds, the murderers and accomplices of Germany, and Poland, and Hungary, and so many, many other places didn’t do something evil. They convinced themselves it was the right thing to do, the thing they had to do. That’s what people do. And that should truly frighten us. That is why I send our agents and our analysts to the Holocaust Museum.

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I want them to stare at us and realize our capacity for rationalization and moral surrender. I want them to walk out of that great museum treasuring the constraint and oversight of divided government, the restriction of the rule of law, the binding of a free and vibrant press. I want them to understand that all of this is necessary as a check on us because of the way we are. We must build it, we must know it and we must nurture it now, so that it can save us later. That is the only path to the responsible exercise of power.

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SPECIAL REPORT

The PresidenT’s Address AT A

d.C. synAgogue By PresidenT BArACk oBAmA

hank you, everybody. (Applause.) Thank you. Well, good morning, everybody! AUDIENCE: Good morning! THE PRESIDENT: A slightly early Shabbat Shalom. (Laughter.) I want to thank Rabbi Steinlauf for the very kind introduction. And to all the members of the congregation, thank you so much for such an extraordinary and warm welcome. I want to thank a couple of outstanding members of Congress who are here. Senator Michael Bennet where did Michael Bennet go? There he is. (Applause.) And Representative Sandy Levin, who is here. (Applause.) I want to thank our special envoy to combat anti-Semitism, Ira Forman, for his important work. There he is. (Applause) But as I said, most of all I want to thank the entire congregation of Adas Israel for having me here today. Earlier this week, I was actually interviewed by one of your members, Jeff Goldberg. (Applause.) And Jeff reminded me that he once called me “the first Jewish President.” (Laughter.) Now, since some people still seem to be wondering about my faith (laughter) - I should make clear this was an honorary title. (Laughter.) But I was flattered. And as an honorary member of the tribe, not to mention somebody who’s hosted seven White House Seders and been advised by - (applause) - and been advised by two Jewish chiefs of staff, I can also proudly say that I’m getting a little bit of the hang of the lingo. (Laughter.) But I will not use any of the Yiddish-isms that Rahm Emanuel taught me because

- (laughter) - I want to be invited back. (Laughter.) Let’s just say he had some creative new synonyms for “Shalom.” (Laughter.) Now, I wanted to come here to celebrate Jewish American Heritage Month because this congregation, like so many around the country, helps us to tell the American story. And back in 1876, when President Grant helped dedicate Adas Israel, he became the first sitting President in history to attend a synagogue service. And at the time, it was an extraordinarily symbolic gesture - not just for America, but for the world. And think about the landscape of Jewish history. Tomorrow night, the holiday of Shavuot marks the moment that Moses received the Torah at Mount Sinai, the first link in a chain of tradition that stretches back thousands of years, and a foundation stone for our civilization. Yet for most of those years, Jews were persecuted - not embraced - by those in power. Many of your ancestors came here fleeing that persecution. The United States could have been merely another destination in that ongoing diaspora. But those who came here found that America was more than just a country. America was an idea. America stood for something. As George Washington wrote to the Jews of Newport, Rhode Island: The United States “gives to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance.” It’s important for us to acknowledge that too often in our history we fell short of those lofty ideals - in the legal subjugation of African Americans, through slavery and Jim Crow;

the treatment of Native Americans. And far too often, American Jews faced the scourge of anti-Semitism here at home. But our founding documents gave us a North Star, our Bill of Rights; our system of government gave us a capacity for change. And where other nations actively and legally might persecute or discriminate against those of different faiths, this nation was called upon to see all of us as equal before the eyes of the law. When other countries treated their own citizens as “wretched refuse,” we lifted up our lamp beside the golden door and welcomed them in. Our country is immeasurably stronger because we did. (Applause.) From Einstein to Brandeis, from Jonas Salk to Betty Friedan, American Jews have made contributions to this country that have shaped it in every aspect. And as a community, American Jews have helped make our union more perfect. The story of Exodus inspired oppressed people around the world in their own struggles for civil rights. From the founding members of the NAACP to a freedom summer in Mississippi, from women’s rights to gay rights to workers’ rights, Jews took the heart of Biblical edict that we must not oppress a stranger, having been strangers once ourselves. Earlier this year, when we marked the 50th anniversary of the march in Selma, we remembered the iconic images of Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel marching with Dr. King, praying with his feet. To some, it must have seemed strange that a rabbi from Warsaw would take such great risks to stand with a Baptist preacher from At-

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lanta. But Heschel explained that their cause was one and the same. In his essay, “No Religion is an Island,” he wrote, “We must choose between interfaith and inter-nihilism.” Between a shared hope that says together we can shape a brighter future, or a shared cynicism that says our world is simply beyond repair. So the heritage we celebrate this month is a testament to the power of hope. Me standing here before you, all of you in this incredible congregation, is a testament to the power of hope. (Applause.) It’s a rebuke to cynicism. It’s a rebuke to nihilism. And it inspires us to have faith that our future, like our past, will be shaped by the values that we share. At home, those values compel us to work to keep alive the American Dream of opportunity for all. It means that we care about issues that affect all children, not just our own; that we’re prepared to invest in early childhood education; that we are concerned about making college affordable; that we want to create communities where if you’re willing to work hard, you can get ahead the way

so many who fled and arrived on these shores were able to get ahead. Around the world, those values compel us to redouble our efforts to protect our planet and to protect the human rights of all who share this planet. It’s particularly important to remember now, given the tumult that is taking place in so many corners of the globe, in one of the world’s most dangerous neighborhoods, those shared values compel us to reaffirm that our enduring friendship with the people of Israel and our unbreakable bonds with the state of Israel - that those bonds, that friendship cannot be broken. (Applause.) Those values compel us to say that our commitment to Israel’s security - and my commitment to Israel’s security - is and always will be unshakeable. (Applause.) And I’ve said this before: It would be a moral failing on the part of the U.S. government and the American people, it would be a moral failing on my part if we did not stand up firmly, steadfastly, not just on behalf of Israel’s right to exist, but its right to thrive and prosper. (Applause.) Be-

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cause it would ignore the history that brought the state of Israel about. It would ignore the struggle that’s taken place through millennia to try to affirm the kinds of values that say everybody has a place, everybody has rights, everybody is a child of God. (Applause.) As many of you know, I’ve visited the houses hit by rocket fire in Sderot. I’ve been to Yad Vashem and made that solemn vow: “Never forget. Never again.” When someone threatens Israel’s citizens or its very right to exist, Israelis necessarily take that seriously. And so do I. Today, the military and intelligence cooperation between our two countries is stronger than ever. Our support of the Iron Dome’s rocket system has saved Israeli lives. And I can say that no U.S. President, no administration has done more to ensure that Israel can protect itself than this one. (Applause.) As part of that commitment, there’s something else that the United States and Israel agrees on: Iran must not, under any circumstances, be allowed to get a nuclear weapon. (Ap-

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plause.) Now, there’s a debate about how to achieve that - and that’s a healthy debate. I’m not going to use my remaining time to go too deep into policy - although for those of you who are interested - (laughter) - we have a lot of material out there. (Laughter.) But I do want everybody to just remember a few key things. The deal that we already reached with Iran has already halted or rolled back parts of Iran’s nuclear program. Now we’re seeking a comprehensive solution. I will not accept a bad deal.

As I pointed out in my most recent article with Jeff Goldberg, this deal will have my name on it, so nobody has a bigger personal stake in making sure that it delivers on its promise. (Applause.) I want a good deal. I’m interested in a deal that blocks every single one of Iran’s pathways to a nuclear weapon - every single path. A deal that imposes unprecedented inspections on all elements of Iran’s nuclear program, so that they can’t cheat; and if they try to cheat, we will immediately know about it and

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sanctions snap back on. A deal that endures beyond a decade; that addresses this challenge for the long term. In other words, a deal that makes the world and the region - including Israel - more secure. That’s how I define a good deal. I can’t stand here today and guarantee an agreement will be reached. We’re hopeful. We’re working hard. But nothing is agreed until everything is agreed. And I’ve made clear that when it comes to preventing Iran from getting a nuclear weapon, all options are and will remain on the table. Moreover, even if we do get a good deal, there remains the broader issue of Iran’s support for terrorism and regional destabilization, and ugly threats against Israel. And that’s why our strategic partnership with Israel will remain, no matter what happens in the days and years ahead. And that’s why the people of Israel must always know America has its back, and America will always have its back. (Applause.) Now, that does not mean that there will not be, or should not be, periodic disagreements between our two governments. There will be disagreements on tactics when it comes to how to prevent Iran from getting a nuclear weapon, and that is entirely appropriate and should be fully aired. Because the stakes are sufficiently high that anything that’s proposed has to be subjected to scrutiny - and I welcome that scrutiny. But there are also going to be some disagreements rooted in shared history that go beyond tactics, that are rooted in how we might remain true to our shared values. I came to know Israel as a young man through these incredible images of kibbutzim, and Moshe Dayan, and Golda Meir, and Israel overcoming incredible odds in the ‘67 war. The notion of pioneers who set out not only to safeguard a nation, but to remake the world. Not only to make the desert bloom, but to allow their values to flourish; to ensure that the best of Judaism would thrive. And those values in many ways came to be my own values. They believed the story of their people gave them a unique perspective among the nations of the world, a unique moral authority and re-

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sponsibility that comes from having once been a stranger yourself. And to a young man like me, grappling with his own identity, recognizing the scars of race here in this nation, inspired by the civil rights struggle, the idea that you could be grounded in your history, as Israel was, but not be trapped by it, to be able to repair the world - that idea was liberating. The example of Israel and its values was inspiring. So when I hear some people say that disagreements over policy belie a general lack of support of Israel, I must object, and I object forcefully. (Applause.) For us to paper over difficult questions, particularly about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict or about settlement policy, that’s not a true measure of friendship. Before I came out here, the Rabbi showed me the room that’s been built to promote scholarship and dialogue, and to be able to find how we make our shared values live. And the reason you have that room is because applying those values to our lives is often hard, and it involves difficult choices. That’s

why we study. That’s why it’s not just a formula. And that’s what we have to do as nations as well as individuals. We have to grapple and struggle with how do we apply the values that we care about to this very challenging and dangerous world. And it is precisely because I care so deeply about the state of Israel - it’s precisely because, yes, I have high expectations for Israel the same way I have high expectations for the United States of America - that I feel a responsibility to speak out honestly about what I think will lead to longterm security and to the preservation of a true democracy in the Jewish homeland. (Applause.) And I believe that’s two states for two peoples, Israel and Palestine, living side by side in peace and security. (Applause.) Just as Israelis built a state in their homeland, Palestinians have a right to be a free people on their land, as well. (Applause.) Now, I want to emphasize - that’s not easy. The Palestinians are not the easiest of partners. (Laughter.) The neighborhood is dangerous. And we

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cannot expect Israel to take existential risks with their security so that any deal that takes place has to take into account the genuine dangers of terrorism and hostility. But it is worthwhile for us to keep up the prospect, the possibility of bridging divides and being just, and looking squarely at what’s possible but also necessary in order for Israel to be the type of nation that it was intended to be in its earliest founding. (Applause.) And that same sense of shared values also compels me to speak out compels all of us to speak out - against the scourge of anti-Semitism wherever it exists. (Applause.) I want to be clear that, to me, all these things are connected. The rights I insist upon and now fight for, for all people here in the United States compels me then to stand up for Israel and look out for the rights of the Jewish people. And the rights of the Jewish people then compel me to think about a Palestinian child in Ramallah that feels trapped without opportunity. That’s what Jewish values teach me. That’s what the

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Judeo-Christian tradition teaches me. These things are connected. (Applause.) And in recent years, we’ve seen a deeply disturbing rise in anti-Semitism in parts of the world where it would have seemed unthinkable just a few years or decades ago. This is not some passing fad; these aren’t just isolated phenomenon. And we know from our history they cannot be ignored. AntiSemitism is, and always will be, a threat to broader human values to which we all must aspire. And when we allow anti-Semitism to take root, then our souls are destroyed, and it will spread. And that’s why, tonight, for the first time ever, congregations around the world are celebrating a Solidarity Shabbat. It’s a chance for leaders to publicly stand against anti-Semitism and bigotry in all of its forms. And I’m proud to be a part of this movement, and I’m proud that six ambassadors from Europe are joining us today. And their presence here - our presence together - is a reminder that we are not doomed to repeat the mistakes of the

past. (Applause.) Our traditions, our history, can help us chart a better course as long as we are mindful of that history and those traditions, and we are vigilant in speaking out and standing up against what is wrong. It’s not always easy, I think, to speak out against what is wrong, even for good people. So I want to close with the story of one more of the many rabbis who came to Selma 50 years ago. A few days after David Teitelbaum arrived to join the protests, he and a colleague were thrown in jail. And they spent a Friday night in custody, singing Adon Olam to the tune of “We Shall Overcome.” And that in and of itself is a profound statement of faith and hope. But what’s wonderful is that out of respect many of their fellow protestors began wearing what they called “freedom caps” - (laughter) - yarmulkes - as they marched. And the day after they were released from prison, Rabbi Teitelbaum watched Dr. King lead a prayer meeting before crossing the Edmund Pettus Bridge. And Dr. King said, “We are

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like the children of Israel, marching from slavery to freedom.” That’s what happens when we’re true to our values. It’s not just good for us, but it brings the community together. (Applause.) Tikkun Olam - it brings the community together and it helps repair the world. It bridges differences that once looked unbridgeable. It creates a future for our children that once seemed unattainable. This congregation - Jewish American life is a testimony to the capacity to make our values live. But it requires courage. It requires strength. It requires that we speak the truth not just when it’s easy, but when it’s hard. So may we always remember that our shared heritage makes us stronger, that our roots are intertwined. May we always choose faith over nihilism, and courage over despair, and hope over cynicism and fear. As we walk our own leg of a timeless, sacred march, may we always stand together, here at home and around the world. Thank you. God bless you. God bless the United States of America. Thank you. (Applause.)

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HEALTH & ADVICE

Dear Bubby If you would like advice from Bubby send your letters to: Bubby, c/o Country Yossi Family Magazine, 1310 48th Street, Suite 304, Brooklyn, New York 11219 or Fax to (718) 851-2510 or email country@countryyossi.com

WHOSE OPINION COUNTS? Dear Bubby, I was recently set up with a really nice guy and we had a pleasant time on our date. He made me laugh and we had a lot in common. When I came home from the date my parents, who had met him when he came to pick me up, immediately expressed that they weren’t in the least bit impressed with what they saw. Granted he isn’t very good looking; sort of stocky and short and not at all the look I generally go for. But I found that on the date there was something sweet about his look that I sort of liked. My parents are also concerned that he’s not a professional but rather has an average job. I know they want the best for me as all parents do, but honestly, a professional was never on MY list of musts. Despite my desire to go out again and see where things can go I found that I couldn’t even admit to my parents how I felt. Knowing that they don’t think highly of him has sort of turned me off and I told the shadchan “no” for a second date. She was surprised and said that the boy thought we had a great date and would’ve liked to go out again. This happened a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been worried ever since that I made a mistake, so I told my parents that I was reconsidering. They laughed it off and told me that I’m only 25 and not “that desperate,” as they put it. Now I can’t even imagine giving him a fair chance with their negative opinion of him paramount in my mind. I guess I’m just confused. In situations like this do I follow my own heart and trust in my instincts and feelings, or is the opinion of others really important? Sincerely, Dating Doubts

Dearest Dating Doubts, A connection between two people is not something tangible. It can’t always be explained and shouldn’t have to be defended. When there is chemistry or an attraction it is very personal; what one person likes another may not. This is why we all have different tastes and different preferences. If each of us liked the exact same thing, no one would ever get married; we’d all be looking for clones of one specific person. When it comes to a person’s physical appearance there is only one opinion that should matter and that is yours. All too often we judge people on our initial reaction - and that is unfair. Getting to know someone can alter our initial perception drastically, both for the positive and negative. You spent time with this guy and somewhere along the way you began to see in him something you liked. Your parents were not on this date with you and didn’t get to know him at all past their brief encounter and so they are simply judging a book by its cover. If he is intelligent, funny, witty, caring, etc. they will never know as they have closed the door on him completely. An attraction is way more than what we see at first glance. When looking for a lifelong partner only a fool would allow anyone else’s opinion to trump their own. Having said that, there are instances in which the opinions of others should be considered. When it comes to a person’s reputation or character, others’ opinions must be considered. To ignore potential red flags would be careless and irre-

sponsible. Your parents’ concern about his lack of a professional career may have some merit. Obviously they want the absolute best for you and are ultimately trying to protect you. However, today many highly successful individuals are not professionals; rather they are savvy, business-minded, capable, and very able to support their families. This is a decision that you have to make, one that you have to live with. The fact that you are still thinking about this guy and having regrets is very telling. There is nothing worse than a missed opportunity, and I suggest that you give him another date to see where things can possibly go. That is, if he’s still willing to. You should sit down with your parents and explain to them that you are in no way intending to disrespect them or minimize their opinion. Help them understand that you are following your heart and that because there was something special you saw in this boy you would like to give him a fair chance. Also respectfully request that in the future they withhold their opinion until after you’ve shared yours. Perhaps they can allow for you to first tell how your date went and what you’re feeling before they disclose their impressions. Let them know that it’s because their opinions are so important to you that you worry it may confuse you or inhibit you from making open-minded decisions. May you be zocheh to find your basherte and to know when you do! Love, Bubby

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HEALTH & ADVICE

h S e

Rabbi Bentzion Shafier

Real love Takes WoRk!

few months ago, we presented the first of 10 mistakes that very smart couples make. Today, we bring you the second most common marital blunder.

MISTAKE #2: They forget that infatuation is effortless and that real love takes work. It’s not what Hashem wanted. Imagine you meet an old friend. You haven’t seen him in years, and you barely recognize him because he’s huge. When you were kids, he was a toothpick, but now he’s a hundred pounds overweight, chain smokes, and can barely move. You say to him, “Shmeil. You look terrible!” “I know. I know,” he responds, “But what can I do? I love to eat. I hate exercise. And I’m so busy that I don’t get more than three hours’ sleep a night.” “But Shmeil,” you say. “What about your health?” “My health?” he says incredulously. “My health? It’s lousy! I get sick all the time. I can barely walk up a flight of steps. And my energy level is almost nothing. But what can I do? It’s the will of Hashem that I should suffer. It’s what Hashem wants, and I accept it.” Ironically, he is correct. It is the will of Hashem because nothing can occur that isn’t the will of Hashem. Yet

that doesn’t mean Hashem wanted him to suffer. There are some issues that Hashem puts into man’s control. One is the ability to wreck his health. If a person doesn’t take care of himself, his health will decline, and he’ll pay the price. But that doesn’t mean that’s what Hashem wanted for him. Hashem allowed him to choose his lifestyle, and his condition is the consequence of those choices. In a similar vein, sometimes, when people find themselves in a lousy marriage they blame Hashem. “I guess this is what Hashem wants for me. I must have been born to suffer.” What they fail to take into account is that just like good physical health depends on proper choices, so too does a successful marriage. To stay healthy, you have to eat properly, exercise, and keep your stress levels under control. To have a good marriage you have to do the work needed. If you don’t, your marriage will suffer. Sadly, many couples find themselves in a relationship that has stalled out, and they can’t figure out why. It all started out so well. They were so infatuated. He looked at her, she looked at him, and there was magic in the air. And now they find themselves wondering, “What happened to the passion? What happened to the fun? What happened to the love?” Many times the answer becomes clear if you ask them one question: In the past year, how much time did you

spend together as a couple? Together as a couple doesn’t mean running errands, or doing chores, or going to see your in-laws. Together as a couple means spending time enjoying each other’s company. Without an agenda. Without talking about the kids, or finances, or any of the other thousands of issues that arise. Without all the busy work, including answering the phone, using the blackberry, texting, or looking at your email. In fact, a simple way to gauge where your marriage is holding (or where it is headed) is to do a time study. Take an average week and ask yourself how much time you spend together talking, sharing, and connecting as a couple? When your spouse calls, do you take the call, or are you just too busy? Do you run to share news with your spouse? When you come home at night, do you put everything else aside to speak to your life’s partner? And when was the last time the two of you went out - alone? For a relationship to remain healthy, a couple should go out on a date at least once a week. But that means every week. Not once a month or once a year. It means getting a regular babysitter and dedicating time to your relationship. And if you say, “We’re way too busy for that,” it may be true - but your marriage is going to suffer. The reality is that we are all very busy. In the course of history, there has

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never been a busier generation. Most of us are working long, hard hours, juggling many commitments, and there are countless demands on our time. And too often, a couple is just too busy to work on their relationship, and things start to unravel. They spend less and less time together, and they start to drift apart. And what began as a match made in heaven ends up as two roommates, sharing a roof but little else. Oh yes, they share things. They share bills, and chores, and kids, but they are no longer bonded. They live parallel lives, but what once connected them becomes weaker and weaker until they have become like two ships that pass in the night. And they find, a few years and a few kids later, that they almost don’t recognize each other. Then begins the bickering and squabbles. Over little things and over big things. With each not even knowing where they went wrong. What went wrong was that the most critical part of their marriage dissolved. For a marriage to be successful there must be a climate of love. If there is love and acceptance in the marriage, then everything is OK. “He is a good guy. Oh, he has his shortcomings and things that need improvement, but he’s a good guy, so it’s OK.” If there isn’t a climate of love in the marriage, then forget it. “Everything he does is lousy. And even the one thing that he does half right, he always forgets to do.” But love takes work. Infatuation is easy. Effortless. It just happens. Love, however, takes dedication and focus, and it requires constant renewal, attention, and time. And this is the 2nd Really Dumb Mistake that Very Smart Couples Make: they forget that love is the glue of a marriage. And real love takes work, commitment, time and dedication and needs constant renewal. The Marriage Seminar, a 12-part comprehensive guide to a successful marriage is now available at the Shmuz.com. You can download it, listen online, or access it on the Shmuz APP - for iPhone and Android. CDs of the Marriage Seminar can be obtained by calling the Shmuz office at 866-613TORAH (8672).

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HEALTH & ADVICE

THE 8 THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN YOU FINALLY STOP DRINKING DIET SODA BY JORDAN DAVIDSON

Taste buds are more sensitive. It’s not your imagination: Without your usual diet soda chaser, you may find that food has more flavor. It has subtlety. It’s more enjoyable. That’s because the artificial sweeteners in your diet soda overwhelmed your taste buds with an onslaught of sweetness. Aspartame ranks 200 times sweeter than table sugar. Splenda? 600 times.

daily diet soda increases your chance of becoming obese in the next decade by 65%, and a study published in Diabetes Care that found drinking diet soft drinks daily was associated with an increase in metabolic syndrome - obesity, high blood-pressure, high triglycerides - which leads to heart disease and diabetes. Bones strengthen. Putting down the soda can may be the best way to improve your bone strength and reduce your risk of fractures. One 2014 study found that each daily soda increased the chance of hip fracture by 14% for postmenopausal women. And another found that older women who drank cola had lower bone mineral density in their hips. The jury is still out on why soda has this effect, but the science pretty clearly suggests that a soda habit weakens your bones.

ou’ve decided to give up diet soda - good idea! Maybe you weren’t hitting your weight-loss goals or couldn’t stomach that long list of ingredients anymore. Or perhaps you heard one too many times that it’s just not good for you. Whatever the reason, eliminating diet soda from your diet will improve your health from head to toe. Research on diet soda is still in its infancy, but there’s enough out there to identify what you can look forward to when you put down the can and cool down with an unsweetened iced tea instead.

Migraines disappear & focus sharpens. It turns out the headaches you expected from a diet soda withdrawal didn’t materialize. And now that you’ve quit the stuff, you probably find yourself thinking clearly for the first time in a while. That’s because the chemicals that make up the artificial sweetener aspartame may have altered brain chemicals, nerve signals, and the brain’s reward system, which leads to headaches, anxiety and insomnia, according to a review in the European Journal of Clinical Nutrition. And a 2013 animal study found that rats that drank diet soda had damaged cells and nerve endings in the cerebellum - the part of the brain responsible for motor skills.

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In fact, brain scans show that diet soda alters sweet receptors in the brain and prolongs sugar cravings rather than satisfies them. “We often see patients change snack choices when they give up diet soda,” says Heather Bainbridge, RD, from Columbia University Medical Center Weight Control Center. “Rather than needing sugary treats or something really salty like pretzels and chips, they reach for an apple and a piece of cheese. And, when they try diet soda again, they find it intolerably sweet.” The scale finally goes the right way. While you may have started drinking diet soda to facilitate weight loss, quitting it may actually do the trick. A recent 9-year study found older adults who drank diet soda continued to pack on belly fat. The study piggybacks on research that found each

Your attitude towards food changes. Since diet sodas have no calories, people drinking them often feel it’s okay to indulge elsewhere, finds Bainbridge. Often she sees her diet sodadrinking patients make poor food choices, like a burger and fries, a piece of cake, or potato chips, because they think they can afford those extra calories. Plus, soda often accompanies unhealthy foods. “Sometimes those poor choices are built up habits,” she says. “You’re conditioned to have soda with chips, fries, or something sweet. When you eliminate the soft drink, you also break the junk food habit.” You handle booze better. It’s a fact: Diet soda gets you drunk faster. When you mix it with alcohol, your stomach empties out faster than if you used regular soda, causing a drastic increase in blood alcohol concentrations, according to an Australian study in the American Journal of Medicine. And when you add caffeine, look out. Another study in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research found that bar patrons who mixed drinks with diet colas were intoxicated much more easily and frequently. Your best bet for a mixer? Club soda, which is naturally sugarand calorie-free.

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Fat storage and diabetes risk decreases. Our hormones may explain the great paradox of why people gain weight when they switch to diet soda. A study in Diabetes Care found that drinking two-thirds of a diet soda before eating primed the pancreas to release a lot of the fat-storing hormone insulin. When the pancreas is overworked from creating insulin to control blood-sugar levels, diabetes rears its ugly head. And a recent study in Japan found that middleaged men who drank 1 or more diet sodas daily were much more likely to develop type 2 diabetes over a 7-year period. Kidney function improves. Now that your body no longer has to make sense of the unpronounceable ingredients in diet soda, your kidneys can get back to clearing toxins, stabilizing blood pressure, and absorbing minerals. One study looked at 11 years of data and found that women who drank 2 or more servings of diet soda doubled their chances of declining kidney function.

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Riding the Kaf Zchut By Dov Shurin

am starting my eleventh week in the hospital as I write this article! Please keep me in your tefilos for a refuah shlaima Dov Ben Malka. I’m still waiting to hear that the antibiotics I’m taking have successfully neutralized the infection. It was supposed to span six weeks, but the doctors determined that it failed to kill the germ, and now they’ve added a second antibiotic. They are very happy with my blood tests b’H and they now say that I need just two more weeks of medication. Allow me now to share my crazy hospital experience with you, and I hope it will enlighten you to the goal of catching and riding on the kaf zchut to bring merit. As I mentioned: At first I needed to take antibiotics for six weeks, so after three weeks the Shaare Tzedek doctors said I had to leave the hospital for a hospice. They recommended a place called Hod Adumim, in Maale Adumim. It was the week of hod (Lag B’Omer week) so I agreed, even though I was warned that this place, Hod Adumim, was horrible! Everything there was broken! The nurses, Arab men and women, were incompetent and the patients around me were all on their way to the graveyard. They didn’t even care about keeping sterilization rules when administering my medication, as they do at Shaare Tzedek! When lying in my broken hospice bed, I was in agony with pains in my back. I laid there thinking about the sins I did to cause this sickness. I realized that when I recently said to Hashem, “Enough music! I have 200

unrecorded songs as a Yerusha to my children, now I want to write a book!” This was an example of ungratefulness, ‘kafu tovah!’ Now I understood that for me, a man given a koach in music, to say to Hashem, “Take Your gift back from me” was a huge sin. I counted other possible sins, like throwing a really rotten man out my door on Purim. True, he was bad, but on Purim the rule is - KAF ZCHUT - “Kol haposhit yad nosnim lo,” whoever puts his hand out, you must overlook and give to him! But soon I discovered that my lying in that hospice bed in Hod (hidden beauty) Adumim would actually be the KAF ZCHUT that might save me! It was in this exact broken bed that a Ger Tzedek named Sar Shalom Baruch died this past December 31. He too had been sent to Hod Adumim from Shaarei Tzedek, in an unconscious state. After six unconscious weeks, he was niftar. I then understood that my coming to Hod Adumim was for my own kaf zchus - a defense against my current punishment. Because, just after landing in America on January first, and suddenly hearing that Sar Shalom had just died, I did a great mitzva. Sar Sholom was a Ger Tzedek through Chabad. He came from the American Christian Bible Belt and he ended up learning Kabalah and teaching Chassidus until his world caved in. His family fell apart and he ended up begging in the shuk from his wheelchair! When he died he was a meis mitzva, with no one caring where he’d be buried, except me! I wanted him to have a kovodige grave!

So I began telephoning Chabad in Israel for an hour. Luckily an important man remembered him before his great fall, and the man melted. I succeeded in buying him a grave on the Mount of Olives, in the Chabad section, for a tenth of the 57,000shekel price, and I paid for it! Surely THIS MITZVA would merit me a refuah shlaima! After two weeks I suddenly had excessive temperature on Friday, Erev Shabbos Shavuos. They told me, “We are sending you back to Shaarei Tzedek. Wow! I knew immediately that this was a miracle. By the time my ambulance arrived at the hospital, I had NO FEVER AT ALL! I was brought into a room with a Sefardi Tzadik in the next bed. On his lap there was a Sefer, the title being “Kaf Zchus.” “Where did you get that Sefer?” I asked, explaining that I had just found a kaf zchus for myself to get a refuah shlaima. He told me that he made the Sefer, published in 1993, and it has sold thousands. He would love if someone would translate it into English. Suddenly the rabbi of the hospital came in and there were 20 books waiting for him. They decided to have a shiur every day before Mincha, from that Sefer. That night, as I couldn’t sleep because of the pain, a male Arab nurse stood over me, raised his eyes upward and prayed, “Oh Elohim please send Dov a refuah shlaima!” I couldn’t believe it! Even if he was just trying to win my favor, this was beautiful. I asked him his name. “Magdi.” “What does it mean?” I asked. He Continued on Page 103

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CONTROVERSY

TODAY’S TOPIC: How to Make a Wedding Without Money Flatbusher: I can never understand how people commit themselves to making a wedding when they don’t have the money to do it. BH, Klal Yisroel is generous and helps in these causes, but would it not make more sense to put off wedding plans until either the parents or the couple themselves earn the money to pay for it? This is more common in Israel than here, but I am hearing it a lot more in New York. Why is this type of behavior tolerated or accepted? DaasYochid: Because being married is better than being single. Joseph: Getting married is as natural as eating and is an obligation as well. Getting married earlier is almost always better than getting married later. And pushing off marriage because someone is poor is never a good reason. Otherwise the next thing to be argued is that poor people shouldn’t get married unless they’re no longer poor. Moderator So how long should I wait for that kind of money to appear if my budget doesn’t indicate it ever will? Flatbusher: My question is what are they doing to pay their way, other than going around collecting tzedakah? The obligation to pay for things is on the individual, not on the community, especially if that person makes no effort other than to go around collecting. It is relatively common among chasidim to schedule a wedding several months after the engagement. Maybe the chasan and kallah should find jobs and help pay for their event. From Long Island: There are two separate issues here. Making a wedding/getting married. When you find the right person you do not put off getting married. However, making a wedding is a choice. I remember, in my generation, 40 years ago, several of my friends got married without a wedding - with a rav, family and a minyan. Then her friends and family made “extra special” sheva brachos for the couple. I know it is hard, but just ignore social pressures.

Flatbusher: Then make a really small wedding. But that is just the beginning. If they can’t afford the wedding, how will the couple support themselves? Do you not believe a person should be responsible for his own expenses?

Akuperman: Is the complaint about getting married (as opposed to being single) or about making a wedding. If everyone waited until they were fully able to get married, humanity would probably have become extinct a long time ago (which is probably why we are designed to have a biological urge to get married at an age when most people are unlikely to be financially secure). It’s always been this way. Among many goyim they put off getting married until they are ready, and then are too old to start a family. A wedding isn’t all that expensive. There is no halacha about needing a fancy hall, fancy meal, photographer or band. A kesubah is inexpensive. By most opinions, if the wedding ring is too expensive it might be a shailoh (since expensive would involve easy-to-fake gems). You should have ten adult males present, but that’s a chumrah. The seudah requires rolls to wash on.

A mamin: Flatbusher: You can choose where you want to give tzedaka and do chesed. No one is forcing you to pay for their wedding. If there is one thing I can’t stand it’s people who are approached for tzedaka, don’t want to give, and give their unsolicited advice instead! Don’t worry, the couple will get married without your contribution! We are a people of chesed. The amount of tzedaka and chesed the Jewish nation gives is incomparable! My wish for you is that you should always be on the giving end… and never have to understand or feel what it’s like to need.

Joseph: It’s okay to admit to yourself that you’re cheap and don’t want to give tzedaka. Someone else will grab the opportunity to give.

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Poster: Going around collecting is an effort! Ironpenguin: From LI: I agree that as soon as you find the right one, you should get married. But I think the topic is really pertinent. Society, our Frum society, dictates how we spend money. When people get married, most will absolutely refuse to have minimal weddings and to cut down on expenses. No one wants to feel weird and not the norm when they get married and the slightest deviation from the norm is painful. Ex. not having a sushi station, getting a gold bangle instead of a diamond bracelet… This is what’s unreasonable. As a wonderful young man once told me, all you need to get married is a minyan. You can even splurge for Chinese. If you ignore the societal one-upping that we have fallen into, weddings could be affordable and enjoyable by all. Unfortunately, we can’t do that. It’s too hard to be different and feel like the neb. This we learned from infanthood. I don’t know anyone who had to collect for their own wedding or someone who got married based on donations, but were the donations needed for a fancy wedding hall, pearl jewelry and a gold watch? Or was the money needed for rent, a refrigerator, pots, and the gemach rental for the gown? To clarify though, it’s not just the kids’ fault. Anyone who turns their nose up at the jewelry the neighbor’s kallah got, or sneered how “The Goldsteins just had fruit and cake by the shmorg,” is contributing to the problem. If you have the money, then by all means go all out. But when everyone feels that they need to get married off like the rich people, you run into this problem. If we stop looking over our shoulders at what our neighbors are spending and spend what we can afford, there will be much less of a problem of people spending money they don’t have. Of course, that is quite obvious, and yet when will it happen? Francorachel3 I think the situation in Israel is horrendous, where parents must buy an apartment for the newlyweds, and if you’re unable to promise that, you can barely get redt shidduchim for your child! Akuperman: Francorachel3: There is no halachic or legal requirement that parents must buy the newlyweds an apartment, or anything for that matter. If they have no money, the parents must make a gift of money to pay for the ring (or whatever) since the halacha is that the chasan has to own the ring in order to give it to the kallah. People who think they are too fancy to be poor will eventually come to their senses. They should do teshuvah and return to the traditional derech of the Bnei Torah, who focused on middos and building families - not showing off material wealth. Lesschumras: By all means get married. However, I don’t agree that the community has to pay for a mega wedding. When I was married 44 years ago, an average wedding had 200+ guests; a large wedding had 300. Parents didn’t go deep into debt. If a couple and their parents can’t afford to make a large wedding, then don’t! I’ve attended two weddings recently that were made in a shul and the dinner was in the Kiddush/shalosh seudos room. They were very nice, laibedik and did not bankrupt the parents.

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Syag Lchochma: I have been asked to give money that I don’t really have to people who want to pay for a wedding/dira that I myself will probably never be able to give to my own kids. I have NO objections to giving tzedaka to whoever asks, but I am just stating my opinion of the concept. When I got married we found anonymous donations in envelopes in our mailbox several times. I am very indebted to those who did that. If someone has it to give, then great. I don’t think I am capable of asking.

Newbee: Don’t take it out on the couple. Rabbonim should refuse to be mesader kiddushin at very expensive weddings, and bans should be placed on expensive weddings. I have been to weddings where they had personal cigar rollers, I have been to weddings where everything was so fancy that the couple then could not afford to invite their own extended family members who wanted to come from out of town. They paid for all these expensive things over their own family members it’s disgusting.

bigkhuna Akuperman: I do not know what you mean by a biological need to get married. Maybe girls have such a desire. Also, a diamond wedding ring wedding does not make it in Jewish law. It is the plain gold ring where the girl can look at it and immediately know its value that fulfills Kedushin. Using a ring with fake stones is not acceptable to fulfill marriage. We have a family story where a couple got engaged and my grandparents made the wedding seuda. My grandfather said he will get a couple of turkeys, schect them and make a meal. That is the way it was in America 70-80 years ago.

Golfer: Newbee, it’s not really up to us to decide that a wedding’s arrangements are disgusting. What is it they say? - “Al ta’am v’reiach…”, or if you prefer, “different strokes…” Personally I dislike cigars intensely and I would have no idea what to do with a personal cigar roller, unless he also does dishes or windows. But what can I say? I happen to know for a fact that some people enjoy cigars. And some others do not at all enjoy their “extended family members.” As for wedding takanos, we’ve all been there, done that, read about it, heard about it. The system does work beautifully in some Chassidish communities where there is unwavering loyalty to the Rebbe, and his wishes trump societal pressure and personal desires. Other groups, other places, there’s a whole long list of reasons why the takanos idea just never took hold. If you want to help marry off a chassan and kallah, by all means. And if you’re happier spending your tzedaka funds on other important causes, likewise. And if you need to learn more about how exactly to allocate your maaser money - well, you already know what I’ll suggest - speak to your Rav.

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Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

1. Inner Flame - 8th Day - Aderet 2. Miracles - Pearlman and Neuhaus - Aderet 3. Bishvili Nivra Haolam - Boruch Sholom Blesofsky - Aderet

1. Project Relax 3 - B. Levine & S. Leiner - Yochi Briskman 2. Machshovos - Moti Ilowitz - Aderet 3. Inner Flame - 8th Day - Aderet

1. Project Relax 3 - B. Levine & S. Leiner - Yochi Briskman 2. Ut Ut - Miami Boys Choir - Yerachmiel Begun 3. Nostalgia - Moishe Mendlowitz - Tyberg and Rubin

SUMMER 2015 1. Machshovos - Moti Ilowitz - Aderet 2. Oros - Yisroel Adler - Aderet 3. Yiddish Nachas - Yossi Green - Nigun

IMPORTANT NOTE These ratings are supplied by the 7 major Jewish music outlets listed here, based on their actual sales over the last thirty days in the Greater New York area. The list does not reflect total sales of any CD. It does not include sales in other stores, cities or countries (Israel!). The list is designed to be an indication of whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s currently popular in New York. Although every effort has been made to ensure fairness and accuracy, this list is published for entertainment purposes only and Country Yossi Family Magazine is not responsible for any inaccuracies or misrepresentations. 92

1. Inner Flame - 8th Day - Aderet 2. Bishvili Nivra Haolam - Boruch Sholom Blesofsky - Aderet 3. Od Yavo Hayom - Choni Grunblatt - MRM

1. Inner Flame - 8th Day - Aderet 1. Project Relax 3 - B. Levine & S. Leiner - Yochi Briskman 3. Ohad vol. 5 - Yossi Green

1. Project Relax 3 - B. Levine & S. Leiner - Yochi Briskman 2. Inner Flame - 8th Day - Aderet 3. Yiddish Nachas - Yossi Green - Nigun

1. Wonders of Hashem: Under the Sea - Aderet 2. Bechatzros Kodsheinu - Aderet 3. Uncle Moishy Vol. 14 - Nigun

1. Uncle Moishy Vol. 14 - Nigun 2. Aldecot - Rachel's Place 3. Bechatzros Kodsheinu - Aderet

1. Aldecot - Rachel's Place 2. Sisters 4: The Challenge - Toby Tessler - Nigun 3. Pollyanna - Regal Productions

SUMMER 2015 1. Aldecot - Rachel's Place 2. A Blessing in Disguise - Einhorn & Klein - Teck Prdct. 3. Uncle Moishy Vol. 14 - Nigun

IMPORTANT NOTE 1. Twins Offline - Aderet 2. Sisters 4: The Challenge - Toby Tessler - Nigun 3. Uncle Moishy Vol. 14 - Nigun

1. Sisters 4: The Challenge - Toby Tessler - Nigun 2. Uncle Moishy Vol. 14 - Nigun 3. Aldecot - Rachel's Place

1. Uncle Moishy Vol. 14 - Nigun 2. Sisters 4: The Challenge - Toby Tessler - Nigun 3. Pollyanna - Regal Productions

These ratings are supplied by the 7 major Jewish music outlets listed here, based on their actual sales over the last thirty days in the Greater New York area. The list does not reflect total sales of any DVD. It does not include sales in other stores, cities or countries (Israel!). The list is designed to be an indication of whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s currently popular in New York. Although every effort has been made to ensure fairness and accuracy, this list is published for entertainment purposes only and Country Yossi Family Magazine is not responsible for any inaccuracies or misrepresentations. 93

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H U M O R

The GanTze Mishpuche

f you’re part of a large family then you’ve probably already realized that there are only a handful of ways to get everyone to come together in one place at the same time. The simplest way for this to happen is when someone wins the lottery. But aside from a multi-milliondollar payout or a stockpile of pastrami knishes and rib steak, getting the family together is not an easy task. Most parents will use some sort of excuse to get their family to come over to their home for a visit. Parents will use any bogus story, from a swarm of killer bees in their bedroom, to an impending gas main explosion in the basement. Anything and everything is fair game when it comes to parents trying to get their children and grandchildren to come visit. Oddly enough, even with all the offers for opportunities to do repairs in their home the parents always act surprised when their children aren’t running over in one breath wearing their coveralls with their toolboxes in hand. These parents can’t understand why their child wouldn’t be tempted or lured in by an old frozen halupchke. Now, a fresh pot of chulent with some good kishke may be a whole different story. The funny thing about all this is that once the summer hits everything changes. All the rules go straight out the window. As soon as school is out and the children are running around the home like wild Indians on caffeine, all bets are off. Once the briefcases are packed away and the bikes and bigwheels come out, Bubby and Zeidy’s home is the new amusement park. The parents prepare each child with a duffel bag full of clothing, load them up with snacks, and off they go to

the grandparents. Early in the morning there’s a knock on the door and the sound of burning rubber as the parents drive off and leave their little angels standing at the door to be taken in by Zeidy and Bubby. The parents then mysteriously become unreachable by phone, email, fax or pager for the next two months. Most grandparents won’t even bother to fight it. It just ends up being much easier to capitulate and give in to every whim. Keep the kids nice and quiet and just get through the summer. That is the main goal. Survival is of the essence. At Zeidy and Bubby’s home the schedule usually ends up being as follows. Grab the kids by the collar and take them out to eat all three meals each day. After each meal the toy store is the next destination. After the toy store comes the amusement park, then the ice cream shop and then back home to jump on the beds. All in a day at the grandparent camp. This whole scenario is doubly true and relevant if the grandparents have a bungalow in the mountains. If that’s the case they can expect all the einiklech to arrive all at once at their bungalow on the first day of the season and stay all the way through Labor Day or President’s Day, whichever is more convenient. It is of course expected that the extra bedrooms be kept open and available all through the season for any kids who would like to crash for a week or two at a time. And of course the fridge should always be well stocked as well. After all, you can’t just provide a bed and clean linen; food is part of the contract. The truth is, some people don’t take all this family visiting as well as others. To some people spending time

with their family is as much fun as having a root canal, an endoscopy and a colonoscopy - all at the same time and with no anesthetic. Not everybody can handle being with their entire family even for a short amount of time. Spending any significant time with one’s family takes an enormous amount of strength, stamina and perseverance. It takes a lot of wit, will and whimsy to be able to withstand the trials and tribulations of such an engagement. Not every individual can handle this without going completely - or at least partially - insane. This is not always due to the fault of the individual. Many times it’s the pure chaos of the family that makes this endeavor of the family visit the feared event that it is. Each member of the family arrives in their own way, at their own time, and does things in their own way at their own pace - bringing along with them their own brand of mishigas and their own portion of the collective chaos. The whole situation almost doesn’t seem fair at all. During the years when people should be able to start slowing down and have some quiet time to themselves, they end up getting these special einikel care packages dropped at their door. Yet interestingly enough, with all the kvetching and complaining you will have to wait many-a-moon to meet a Bubby or Zeidy that will say no to spending some quality time together with their grandchildren. Chaptzem is a heimishe blogger that authors the Chaptzem Blog, the most popular heimishe website. The Chaptzem Blog has been quoted many times in the mainstream media and is viewed by thousands daily. www.chaptzem.blogspot.com

Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

SUMMER 2015

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Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010

SUMMER 2015

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H U M O R MATH PROBLEM

100% DAILY VALUE OF LAUGHS

I like to use real-life situations when I teach math to my second grade class. While my 5One day, for example, I month-old son Shloasked a student, “Chaya, if mo was eating CheeI gave you two rabbits rios one morning, my and then two more 5-year-old daughter rabbits and then two suddenly promore rabbits, how claimed, “Soon many would you Shlomo will be have?” short and fat!” Chaya replied, “Oh, no! Not “Seven.” my son!” I said. Chaya is usually “Why do you say good at math, so I was surthat?” prised. “Listen closely, Chaya,” I “I can read already,” said, and I repeated the scenario. she answered, showing me the Again Chaya thought that cereal box. “It says right she would end up with seven here: ‘Low Fat.’” rabbits. C.N. “O.K.,” I said, taking out Boro Park a handful of peanuts. “Let’s try it a different way. If I gave I Spy you two of these peanuts, plus two more peanuts, plus two more peanuts, how many Many years ago, peanuts would you have?” right after I graduated “Six,” she answered. college, I applied for a “Right!” I told her. “Now job at the Central IntelAs Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton had think of that with the rabbits. ligence Agency. Togethalways professed to be concerned about genIf I gave you two rabbits, then er with several other apder roles in Middle-Eastern countries. Several two more rabbits, then two plicants, I was given a years before the first Gulf War she visited Iraq more rabbits, how many sealed envelope and and noted, to her dismay, that women cuswould you have?” told to take it to the tomarily walked a few feet behind their hus“Seven,” Chaya insisted. fourth floor. bands. “Why seven?” I asked, As soon as I left When she returned to Iraq after Saddam exasperated. the room, though, cuHussein’s downfall, she found the situation “Because I already have riosity got the better of radically different. Men were walking several one rabbit at home!” me. I stepped into an yards behind their wives! Heartened by the Y.Y. empty hallway and sight, she approached an Iraqi woman and Crown Heights carefully opened the exclaimed, “This is marvelous! Can you tell packet. me and the free world just what it was that enInside a message LIGHTEN UP! abled women here to achieve this total reverread: “You’re our kind sal of roles?” of person. Report to the I was standing in line one The woman did not lift her gaze from the fifth floor.” day at the post office for a reground as she replied: “Land mines.” T.O. ally long time (what else is Flatbush new?). I had nothing to do, so stamp.” I began listening in on a conversation Send your true anecdotes, embarrassing moments, bright sayThe “zaidy” looked at him like he between a clerk and an elderly ings, real life experiences, or any interesting incident relating to was nuts. “And that should make it heimishe-looking fellow who remindJewish life in America to: COUNTRY YOSSI MAGAZINE, 1310 48th Street, Brooklyn, New York 11219. All printed submissions lighter?” he asked. ed me of my zaidy. will receive free tapes or another valuable prize. Winners should N.O. “This package is too heavy,” the bring legal I.D. PRIZES WILL NOT BE MAILED Lakewood clerk was saying. “You’ll need another e-mail: country@countryyossi.com

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

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H U M O R

some are pushing carriages - some are that up for spinach? Even at weddings hat’s it - I refuse to go to passing out… I’ve noticed they stopped serving kishany more dinners. Every Actually, I did try walking for a ka or potatoes rolled in cornflake year during sfira time while. My neighbor would ring my crumbs as a side dish and instead startevery school and organizabell at 10:00 AM sharp and we would ed serving green beans with slivered tion under the sun makes a go walking until 11:00. Rain or shine, almonds, stewed zucchini, or an array dinner. At least with the organizations hail or snow, she rang my bell. I used of mixed vegetables - FEH!! you have a choice of whether or not to peek through my you want to attend. But window and if I saw it the schools - you have ANOTHER KAYL A CL ASSIC was her, I pretended I to shell out $350 wasn’t home. But she whether you attend or caught on and started to not. Why so much call on the phone before money? How much she came over. If I still does a chicken cost? didn’t answer the door What do they stuff it she’d make a scene and with? Diamonds? I scream “I know you’re make chicken for Shabin there Kayla - come bos and it cost me on out and let’s go!” $1.29 a pound - the Reluctantly, I’d open whole chicken cost me the door and join her. $3.00. The problem is First of all I started they don’t know where shvitzing like you never to shop. They should saw. Then I got a cramp buy chicken by the on my left side and CASE. thought I was having an The day of the dinappendix attack, and ner my husband and I had to rest. I found I fast so that we can eat couldn’t walk and talk our money’s worth at at the same time bethe smorgasboard. I’m cause my mouth would the first one to admit get dry from the air and the affairs are lavish my tongue would stick and the food delicious. to the roof of my mouth. I immediateSo, how do I get iron into my As a matter of fact my husband and I ly headed for the nearest store to buy a body? I came up with the perfect soluare the first to arrive so that we can drink. By the time I got home I was extion. check out the dishes and then plan our hausted and starving and so I ate a secEvery day I go the pizza shop and course of attack. Then after we are ond breakfast. order a spinach calzone. Of course that completely stuffed there is still a fiveAfter three weeks of this routine I doesn’t fill me up so I order a side dish course dinner to follow. Who needs so decided that walking was not for me of pizza, french fries, and some falafel much food? To top it off, when the but eating a second breakfast definiteballies. Then early in the day I whip up evening ends at 11:30 I’m up the rest ly was. some liver blintzes. Every night I eat of the night with terrible heartburn and Thus began the battle of the bulge. four of them with mushroom sauce as finish off a bottle of mylanta! For this So now as summer quickly approachmy “forshpice.” I have to pay $350!! es, I promised myself that instead of Unfortunately, not only am I still Now I don’t know about you, but sitting on my lounge chair eating ice anemic, but now I’m also 40 pounds liver and spinach are not exactly what cream while all the women are out heavier. So, I decide (for the 300th come to my mind when I think of food walking, I will get up and join them. I time) that not only am I going to start - especially not after six weeks of dinwill put on the official walking unia diet (right after Shavuos) but I’m alners! form - denim skirt, tee shirt, snood or so going to start walking. My menu at home usually contichel, although I’ve noticed the ChaIt seems that the “in” thing to do sists of meat or chicken with two sidishe women wear model coats and now is walk. No matter where or when starches for a side dish, sometimes turbans - but it makes no difference. I’m driving I always see people walkeven three, depending on whether or We all walk together toward the same ing. Ocean Parkway seems to be the not I’m eating Shabbos leftovers. I goal - getting thin! most popular place. Some are walking mean if I could eat leftover kishka, Have a great summer! with headphones - some without kugel, and farfel, why would I pass

K ay l a Kuchle f fe l WALK, DON’T RUN

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Dove Shurin… Continued from Page 84 told me it means a ‘good person’ and said he was getting married soon. I looked at his shining face and instantly composed a beautiful song for his wedding titled “Ain kimo Magdi” (there’s nobody like Magdi). All the nurses and doctors started getting jealous. “Why you make song only Magdi? Make me too.” By the next day everyone in the orthopedic section was dancing and singing the hit song. Everyone was laughing, saying “Ain kimo Magdi, ain ain…” I knew then that my sin had been forgiven because of my side of merit, my KAF ZCHUS! And when the big professor falsely heard that I wasn’t taking my antibiotics all the time or at the right time, he came and lied to me. “The infection is traveling up your spine. It’s too late. Soon you’ll be paralyzed and you’ll be dead!” I started screaming and crying, “You’re lying! My blood test was good! I’m calling the police on you. How dare you play with me!” He answered guiltily, “Well, at least now I know you’ll take your antibiotics on time.” And the Tzadik in the next bed, holding up the Sefer “Kaf Zchut,” said, “his kavana was good and for your sake.” I smiled and answered, “Thank You Hashem!” And to my roommate I simply said, “You’re right. Your book, KAF ZCHUT, can I grab it and hold it and ride it right to Gan Eden?” A great summer to all. dovshurin@yahoo.com

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ALPHABETICAL ADVERTISER DIRECTORY A THRU Z MOTOR VEHICLE SERVICES ......(718) 686-1405 ..................................3

KOBY’S TRANSPOTOURS INC.....................(800) 872-5629 ................................59

A&V PRIME EXTERMINATOR........................(347) 768-4626 ................................59

KOLLEL CHIBAS YERUSHALAYIM...............(718) 633-7112 ..................................7

AD ART PRESS ..............................................(718) 438-7200 ................................60

KRM KOLLEL SUPERMARKET.....................(718) 736-7701....Outside Back Cover

ALLSTATE INSURANCE ................................(718) 859-7900 ................................12

LANDAU’S SUPERMARKET..........................(845) 436-1267 ................................82

ALL-STATE MOTOR VEHICLES ....................(718) 436-5956 ..............................102

LAYETTE 4 LESS............................................(917) 710-2021 ................................68

ALWAYS ON TIME CAR SERVICE ................(212) 882-1250 ................................26

LEITMAN WATCH REPAIR.............................(718) 744-7711 ................................30

ARI RENT A CAR............................................(718) 513-3838 ................................74

MATERNICHIC MATERNITY ..........................(718) 258-6193 ................................79

BONNIE’S PLACE...........................................(914) 434-0600 ................................35

MEAL MART OF AVE M .................................(718) 998-0800 ................................58

BORO PARK AUTO BODY.............................(718) 435-5556 ..............................103

MEIR KESSLER,RPA-C ..................................(718) 252-9066 ................................11

BORO RUG AND CARPET.............................(718) 853-3600 ................................43

MOFIT ..............................................................(347) 439-7760 ................................69

CAFE CHOCOLAT ..........................................(845) 434-7641 ................................31

MORAH RIVKY PLAY-GROUP .......................(718) 926-9318 ..............................103

CHESED CENTER ..........................................(347) 837-8256 ................................81

MR. WHEAT.....................................................(347) 663-1100 ................................75

CHINA GLATT .................................................(718) 438-2576 ................................36

NEW CENTURY HOME CARE .......................(718) 998-2100 ................................71

CHURCHILL FURNITURE ..............................(718) 417-5067 ................................28

NSR PRODUCTS ............................................(855) 677-9149 ................................72

COBY’S CORNER...........................................(845) 434-1088 ................................29 COUNTRY YOSSI............................................(718) 851-2010 ................................94 COUTURE OFF THE RACK ...........................(347) 404-7737 ................................15 DELUXE PASSPORT EXPRESS....................(718) 387-5441 ................................14 DIET FANTASY ...............................................(855) 995-3438 ................................39 DJYITZY ..........................................................(347) 598-6780 ................................67 DO-ALL TRAVEL ............................................(718) 972-6000 ..................................1 DR STEVEN DAVIDOWITZ.............................(718) 376-1606 ................................77 DR. MELINDA KELLER ..................................(718) 854-9292 ................................41 DREAMSCAPE REALTY ................................(718) 871-2250 ................................49 EURO HOUSE TILE AND MARBLE...............(718) 339-9469 ................................83 EUROPEAN CLOSET & CABINET ................(800) 640-2567 ................................49 FASTPORT PASSPORT .................................(877) 910-7277 ................................60 FIT ME .............................................................(718) 375-6666 ................................67 FOCUS CAMERA............................................(718) 437-8800 ................................23 GANEINU.........................................................(718) 377-1770 ................................68 GILBINS QUALITY NAME TAGS ...................(718) 625-8564 ................................62 GLATT MART ..................................................(718) 338-4040 ................................16 GOLDSTEIN PRESS.......................................(718) 252-5685 ................................79

OFF THE WALL WINDOW DECOR................(866) 633-8439 ................................65 OZER NEUMAN OPTICIANS..........................(718) 435-1253 ................................91 PAYNE’S WATER SPORTS ............................(845) 583-1000 ................................55 PEDULLA CERAMIC TILES ...........................(718) 377-7746 ..................................4 POWERHOUSE...............................................(347) 432-4141 ................................47 PREMIERE EVENTS.......................................(718) 637-3009 ......Inside Front Cover QUALITY CARPET..........................................(718) 941-4200 ................................85 RABBI MEIR BAAL HANESS.........................(718) 243-2495 ..................................9 RABBI MOSHE MEIR WEISS.........................(718) 983-7095 ................................57 RENAH APPLIANCE REPAIR ........................(718) 694-0900 ................................41 ROYAL SHOES ...............................................(845) 213-5561 ................................27 SAM JACOB MAGIC/JUGGLING...................(917) 685-3423 ................................69 SHAKLEE ........................................................(718) 851-9478 ................................59 SLEEPTIGHT BEDDING.................................(718) 438-3933 ................................98 SMILING HERBS.............................................(347) 546-2792 ..........................24, 25 STRETTINER SIMCHA HALL.........................(718) 258-9685 ................................81 SUPREME HELP.............................................(718) 704-0699 ................................70 SURGICAL SOCK SHOP II.............................(718) 436-7880 ................................38

GREATER WINDOW AND DOOR ..................(718) 972-2626 ......Inside Back Cover

TABLE PADS...................................................(917) 776-7371 ................................40

HAIR DESIGN ACADEMY ..............................(800) 944-4966 ................................40

TALKING WIGS...............................................(718) 717-8777 ................................34

HATS PLUS .....................................................(718) 377-5050 ................................51

THREE STAR STUDIO....................................(718) 376-1922 ................................73

HI-TECH 2000 .................................................(718) 851-7300 ..................................8

TRADITIONS EATERY....................................(718) 376-3354 ..................................6

IMAGINE THAT ...............................................(973) 966-8000 ................................63

TRAFFIC VIOLATIONS ...................................(917) 988-5800 ................................70

ISAAC IPHONE REPAIR.................................(718) 677-4343 ..............................103

VALERO ..........................................................(845) 783-3726 ................................45

J DRUGS .........................................................(718) 258-6686 ..................................5

W.W.& SONS...................................................(718) 633-4540 ..............................100

JAMIE BEAUTY SUPPLY CORP. ...................(718) 258-6968 ..................................2

WEINREB BROS.............................................(347) 309-2567 ................................22

JCC HALL .......................................................(718) 407-1832 ................................97

WILLIAMSBURG SEWING & VAC .................(718) 384-0851 ................................18

JEFF REZNIK..................................................(718) 934-8800 ................................54

WOK & GRILL.................................................(718) 336-4566 ................................13

JERUSALEM II PIZZA ....................................(718) 338-8156 ................................88

YAD L’ACHIM ..................................................(866) 923-5224 ................................32

JN STORM WINDOWS AND DOOR...............(347) 581-6238 ................................61

YAGDIL SUPERMARKET ...............................(845) 434-3663 ..........................20, 21

JUDY BALDINGER MD ..................................(845) 425-8686 ................................64

YITZCHAK WEISSMAN ..................................(347) 522-3272 ................................10

KAUFMAN’S DESIGN JEWELRY ..................(718) 871-3575 ................................19

YOSSI’S MOVING CENTER ...........................(917) 435-5445 ................................81

KING’S COUNTY AUTO BODY ......................(718) 339-9500 ................................90

YOUR TOP PRIORITY ....................................(718) 853-1576 ................................11

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Starting July 5th, Catch the Country in the Country Radio Show, Sunday Evenings, 8 - 10 PM on Thunder 102.1 FM. For Magazine or Radio Advertising Call: (718) 851-2010