1. Focus on what you can control. You can’t control what your ex says about you. High-conflict personalities (HCP’s) love drama: they will blame you for everything and outright lie, telling anyone who’ll listen that you’re bad and/or crazy in an effort to “prove” they’re the victim. To save your sanity, focus instead on what you can control - which is only and ever yourself - and do not defend or engage. Doing so will prolong an “attack/defend cycle” that only serves them. Remember, it can only be a “cycle” if you participate. 2. Electronic warfare. In high conflict divorce, a never-ending stream of hostile and abusive emails and text messages is the norm. Electronic correspondence is beloved because it allows HCP’s to get under your skin 24/7. HCP’s have no genuine interest in using emails or texts to deliver information; rather,
they want a quick and easy way to keep you on the defensive. As above: Do not respond or engage. Document the texts and emails and take them to your lawyer. If necessary, take them to the police and file criminal harassment charges. If they’ve crossed the line into threats or stalking, file a temporary restraining order. 3. Document, document, document. The last thing you want to do is document evidence of abuse but if there’s any hope of making it stop or holding your ex accountable, you must. Capture everything, both sides of conversations, including messages that seem innocuous. Context is critical in proving coercive or threatening patterns of behaviour. You won’t have the mental capacity for “data manage(continued on page 33) Community \\ 31
