FROM CONFLICT TO CONNECTION — HEALING THROUGH COMMUNICATION
SESSIONOVERVIEW&OBJECTIVES
TALKITOUT
SESSION 3
KEEPING THE FIRE HOT — REKINDLING SEXUAL & EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
SESSIONOVERVIEW&OBJECTIVES
EXPLORINGINTIMACYTOGETHER—WORKSHEETPACK
WARM-UP:FINISH-THE-SENTENCEPROMPTS
YES/NO/MAYBELISTS(AFFECTION&SEXUALACTIVITIES)
BOUNDARIES&CONSENTCHECKLIST
COMFORT–CURIOSITY–CONCERNREFLECTION
INTIMACYCOMMUNICATIONPROMPTS
AFTERCARE&REPAIRPLAN
TALKITOUT
SPEAKER BIOS
DR. NICKOLAS SPEARS JR.
DR. KRISTIE NORWOOD
KIMBERLY THOMAS, LPC, AASECT CST
SPONSORS
AMOAH FAMILY DENTAL
SANDRA HARRISON
SESSION 1
FUEL FOR THE FLAME: REIGNITING CONNECTION AND COMMITMENT
SPEAKERS: COACHES ERIC AND ELLASIN ALLEN
As seasoned Marriage Coaches and ministry leaders, Eric and Ellasin Allen open the conference with a powerful, practical, and spirit-led message to inspire couples to reignite the spark in their relationship. This session will re-center each couple’s focus on their commitment, communication, and spiritual foundation.
INTERACTIVE ACTIVITY
How Can Two Walk Together Unless They Agree
SESSION OBJECTIVES
Help couples reflect on the ‘why’ behind their union.
Identify signs of emotional disconnection and practical ways to restore connection.
Equip couples with habits and spiritual practices that fuel marital intimacy.
Introduce simple tools to align marriage and life rhythms.
TALK IT OUT
Discuss if you feel there is any emotional disconnection
SESSION
FUEL FORTHEFLAME
It's easyfor even strong marriagesto drift offcourse. itiscritical asa couple thatyou areable to re-center yourrelationshiparoundthreecriticalpillars: commitment, communication,andspiritual foundation. Reflect on thepromises thatfiirst brought you together, exploretoolstoenhancehowyou communicatewithone another, and reconnect3/lth thespiritual valuesthat give your marriage depth and resilience.Whether you've beenmarried'Jor decadesorjustafewyears,implementi , practic insightsand biblicalencouragement 111 hel you build alove that lasts.
FUEL FOR THE FLAME
WHENTHE FLAME BECINSTOFLICKER
THE ORICINALSPARK
• Every marriagehasa "why"
• What wasthe spark that started thefire
• Sparks won't keep the fireburning
EMOTIONAL DISCONNECTION
• Conversation diminishes
• Attention is placed elsewhere
• Affection fades
• Irritabilitygrows
FUELING THE FLAME
PRACTICAL FUEL SOURCES
DAILY CHECK-INS
"How'syour day?", "Are we good?" (oxygen}
CREATEAMARRITALRHYTHM
Datenights, devotionals, walkstogether (wood}
PRAYER TOGETHER
Strengthensyour spiritualfire together
INTENTIONALAFFECTION
Small touches,affirmations, wordsof gratitude (stoking the fire}
REALIGN YOUR RHYTHM
SUSTAINING THE FIRE
A marital rhythm is asustainablepatternor habit ofintentionalactionsand choicesthatpartners consistentlyengagein tostrengthen their connectionand supporteach other's well-being over time.
STOKE
Intentional routines foster a deeper bond and preventrelationships frombeing left tochance.
Manages Conflict
THE
Establishingspecific times for difficult conversations (like a"staffmeeting"}helps to addressproblems withoutlettingthemdominate the relationship.
CreatesStability
FIRE
Likerhythms in music, these patternsprovide a predictableframeworkforthe marriage, allowing forhealthy adaptationthrough differentlifestages.
MARRIAGE CONNECTION ASSESSMENT
IGNITE THE SPARK, REKINDLE THE FLAME
INSTRUCTION
Each spouse should answer honestly. Circle or check one number per statement:
=
PART 1: EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
I feel emotionally close to my spouse.
We share our feelings, not just daily logistics.
I can be vulnerable with my spouse without fear of judgment.
My spouse notices and responds when I’m upset or discouraged.
PART 2: SPIRITUAL ALIGNMENT
We pray or read Scripture together regularly.
We agree on the role of faith in our marriage and family.
I feel spiritually supported by my spouse.
We seek God’s direction together when making major decisions.
PART 3: COMMUNICATION & AFFECTION
We communicate openly and honestly, even when it’s difficult.
We listen to each other without interrupting.
We show physical affection daily (hugs, kisses, touches).
We affirm and encourage each other with words of appreciation.
PART 4: RHYTHMS & SHARED LIFE
We make intentional time for one another (dates, quality time, shared hobbies).
We are united in how we handle finances, parenting, and schedules.
We resolve conflicts respectfully and fairly.
We check in with each other regularly about our emotional and spiritual health.
PART 5: COMMITMENT & VISION
I trust my spouse’s commitment to our marriage.
We share common dreams and goals for the future.
Even in difficult seasons, I feel confident we will stay together.
Our marriage feels like a partnership where we walk in agreement (Amos 3:3).
SCORING
Maximum Score = 100 (20 questions × 5 points)
Add up both spouses’ scores and compare.
CATEGORIES:
80–100 : Flame Burning Bright
Strong connection and alignment. Keep fueling the fire!
60–79 : Flickering Flame
Some areas need attention. Add rhythms and habits to strengthen weak spots.
40–59 : Smoke Rising
Disconnection is present. Address issues now to prevent burnout.
Below 40 : Flame in Danger
Urgent need for realignment, intentional change, and possibly outside support.
REFLECTION&ACTIONSTEPS
After scoring, each spouse should write:
1.One area your flame is strong:
2.One area it is flickering:
3.One action step (fuel) you will take this week:
BREAK OUT SESSION
SESSION PART 1
FIRE EXTENGUISHERS
Everyrelationshipis shaped not only bywhat couplessayand dobutalsobytheemotional patterns theymaynotevennotice. Unseen dynamics -suchas unspokenexpectations, repeated reactions, orunresolvedfeelings-canquietlycreatedistance overtime.
Whenleftunaddressed,thesepatternscan extinguishtheflamesof connection, evenwhile sharingthe samehomeandresponsibilities. T, e goodnewsisthatoncetheyarerecognize.9,couples can takeintentionalstepstoreplaceu 11'6althy patternswithhealthyones.
SESSION
2
(PART 1)
FIRE EXTENGUISHERS: UNDERSTANDING THE PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND DISCONNECTED RELATIONSHIPS
SPEAKERS (BREAKOUTS):
DR KRISTIE NORWOOD AND
DR NICOLAS SPEARS
BREAKOUT
–The Psychology of Disconnection: What’s Really Going On?
Dr Nicolas Spears (men)
Dr Kristie Norwood (women)
This session dives into the unseen mental and emotional patterns that cause couples to drift apart. Attendees will gain insights into how emotional needs, past wounds, and mental health can disrupt connection and how to foster empathy and attunement in the relationship.
Observeyourexperienceasifwatchingamovie. Let yourthoughts, feelings, and sensationscomeandgo as they are. Letgoofanyjudgment-it isokay tofeelhowever you arefeeling. Youmaytellyourself, 'Thisishowit is rightnow."
Whatwordsaregoingthroughyourmind? What emotionsareyoufeeling, andwhere arethey comingfrom? Howarethesefeelingsexperiencedinyour body? Sensethe most vulnerable partofyourselfandreflectonwhatitneeds,suchasacceptance, forgiveness,love,orbelonging.
Be kind toward yourexperience. Giveyourselfacomfortingmessage, such as"I love you," "youareokay," oranythingelseyouneed. Thinkofafriend,familymember,pet, or spiritualfigure,and imaginetheirloveflowingtoyou. Letinhealingandcompassion untilyoufeelcalm andcentered.
FROM CONFLICT TO CONNECTION: HEALING THROUGH COMMUNICATION
SPEAKERS:
DR KRISTIE NORWOOD AND
DR NICOLAS SPEARS
Men and women comes back together to explore how communication is shaped by stress, trauma, and personality. Couples will be equipped with tools to move from toxic conflict patterns to restorative communication strategies that build trust and safety.
SESSION OBJECTIVES
Understand how emotional triggers affect communication. Learn how to identify and break harmful conflict cycles.
Practice healthy tools for conflict resolution and repair.
TALK IT OUT
“In our communication, do I feel more heard or more corrected? Share one recent moment where you felt either truly listened to or quickly dismissed. Then talk about how you can create more moments of feeling genuinely heard.”
SESSION PART2
FROMCONFLICTTO COMMUNICATION
Communicationis the heartbeatof every m.arriage, butitdoesn'thappeninavacuum.Thewaywe listen, respond, andexpressourselvesisoften shapedbydeeperinfluences-ourstresslevels,past experiencesoftrauma, andevenour unique personalitytraits.Whenthese factorsgo unrecognized, tlheycancreate misunderstanding or distance betweenspouses.
KEEPING THE FIRE HOT: REKINDLING SEXUAL AND EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
SPEAKER: CERTIFIED SEX THERAPIST
This session offers couples a safe and affirming space to explore the connection between emotional and sexual intimacy. With warmth and wisdom, the therapist will provide guidance on how to restore passion, heal from past wounds, and embrace God-honoring sexual connection.
SESSION OBJECTIVES
Normalize healthy conversations around sexual intimacy.
Address emotional and spiritual barriers to physical connection.
Equip couples with tools to rekindle physical passion in any life season.
Promote a faith-informed, shame-free view of sexual wholeness.
TALK IT OUT
“Without blaming or criticizing, share one way your sexual desires or needs feel unmet, and then one small action your spouse could take to help you feel more connected and fulfilled.”
EXPLORING INTIMACY TOGETHER
A guide for couples to enhance communication and connection while exploring their deepest desires
SPEAKER: KIMBERLY THOMAS, LPC, CST
WORKSHEET 1: LET’S TALK ABOUT IT
WARM-UP PROMPTS
“What makes you feel most connected during intimacy?”
“What does a satisfying sexual experience look like for you?”
“What’s something small I do that turns you on?”
FINISH THE SENTENCE
Each partner completes:
“I feel most desired when…”
“Something I’ve always wanted to try is…”
“I feel closest to you when…”
REFLECTION BOX
What surprised you about your partner’s answers? Write 1–2 things below.
WORKSHEET 2: WHAT TURNS US ON
YES, NO , MAYBE (USE CHECKBOXES)
USING LUBRICANT SENSUALMASSAGE AMBIANCE
PLAYING GAMES
DESIRE DISCOVERY
Write 2 things that excite you, and 1 thing that’s a turn-off:
Turn On:
Turn Off:
BOUNDARIES
What are your hard “no’s”?
What are your soft boundaries (i.e.,“maybe with trust”)?
SAFE COMMUNICATION
�� My safe word is: ________________________
�� I feel safest when my partner: ___________________
�� I’d love to try _______________, but only if ________________
SENSUALDESIREBRAINSTORM
Pickadesireandmapitouttogether:
What’sthemoodorsetting?
What boundaries need to be in place?
How will you debrief after?
Eric L Allen, is the senior pastor of Living Water Worship Center, a certified marriage coach and successful author of “When The Uniform Comes Off.” He is a retired naval officer with 27 years of honorable service and seeks to give back by mentoring, coaching and ministering to military families and their marriages.
Ellasin D. Allen, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and successful business owner of Journey Psychotherapy LLC in Suffolk, Va. With a passion for inspiring and mentoring women to walk in their authentic selves, she has collaborated with others to produce a book entitled, “Can These Dry Bones Live”, a 30-day prayer book to repair broken marriages.
With the idea of the marriage union coming under severe attack in this modern area, it is imperative every marriage is equipped to sustain the winds of change in our society. Therefore, Eric and Ellasin have created the “We Still Do” Marriage Enrichment, a program that provides workshops, seminars, master classes and wise counsel to couples and individuals with a focus on healing, becoming whole, and developing healthy, prosperous relationships based on principals in the Christian faith.
Eric & Ellasin have been married for over 27 years and are the loving parents of Chalanna, Darius and Ayshia.
r. Nickolas Spears Jr
Dr. Nickolas Spears Jr. is the Executive Pastor of Grace and Peace Center in Henrico, VA—a unique ministry that integrates Sunday worship, mental health therapy, and physical wellness under one roof. Alongside his wife, Dr. Jennifer Spears, he leads a missiondriven church focused on holistic healing and transformation through Jesus Christ.
A Licensed Professional Counselor and former professor at Hampton University, Dr. Spears specializes in couples therapy, co-parenting, Black men’s mental health, and Christian counseling. He holds two Master’s degrees—from New York University and the New School of Biblical Theology—and a Ph.D. in Counselor Education from Virginia Commonwealth University.
With over a decade of clinical and pastoral experience, Dr. Spears is passionate about empowering underserved communities and training future counselors. He and Dr. Jennifer Spears have been married for 12 years and are proud parents of five children.
Dr. Kristie Norwood is a licensed Clinical Psychologist who currently serves as the Director of the Student Counseling Center and Psychology Professor at Hampton University. Dr Norwood. earned her undergraduate degree in Psychology from James Madison University and completed both her Master’s degree in Community Counseling and her Doctoral degree in Counseling Psychology from the University of Memphis.
As the Counseling Center Director, she has effectively enhanced clinical and outreach services for students including doubling the size of her staff, coordinating Mental Health First Aid and Safe Talk training and hosting the U.S. Surgeon General’s “We are Made to Connect Tour.” One of her most impactful moments has included the partnership with Taraji P. Henson’s, Boris L. Henson Foundation and Kate Spade New York to open the SheCare Wellness Pods this past fall at Hampton University. Prior to joining Hampton University, Dr. Kristie worked as the Assistant Chief of Psychology at the Hampton Veterans Affairs Medical Center. During that time, she served as the coordinator of the Post traumatic Stress Disorder clinical team, coordinated efforts for the opening of the Women’s Mental Health Clinic, and helped to establish the first Diversity Discussion groups.
Called to be a servant leader, Dr. Kristie is also the Founder of non-profit ReMIND U Wellness and Outreach where she focuses on decreasing the stigma of mental health in the BIPOC Community. As part of ReMIND U, Dr. Kristie provides clinical care and launched the Exhale Summit, a 3-day nurturing space where women can engage, uplift and encourage each other while focusing on mental and emotional healing and Self-Care practices.
Dr. Kristie Norwood, is the proud recipient of the 2024 Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award from President Joseph R. Biden, Jr. This distinguished honor, presented under the auspices of Points of Light and the School of the Great Commission Education Foundation, recognized Dr. Norwood’s extraordinary commitment to service, including over 5,000 hours of volunteer work benefiting the United States of America.
Dr. Kristie remains an active member of her local community, including her involvement with Mount Lebanon Baptist Church and Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. both of which are an extension of her personal and professional value of diversity and wellness. Dr. Kristie is married to her life partner, Lester and the pair have two amazing children. In her personal and professional life, she is guided by the idea that “we may not be responsible for being down… but with culturally responsive healing practices and safe communities…we can get up.”
Kimberly Thomas, LPC, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist.
Kimberly is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in sex therapy practicing in the state of Virginia and Maryland. She has a postgraduate certificate from the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment and is an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. Kimberly is the owner of Transformation Space Therapeutic Services where she focuses on helping individuals and those who are partnered navigate the impact of anxiety, depression and sexual dysfunctions. Her goal is to help her clients achieve a full pleasure centered sex life.
MAKING REALTY DREAMS A REALITY!
SPONSOR: SANDRA HARRISON
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