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CITY LIFE
EDUCATION
Chicagoans
The agnostic atheist Kelly Baron, 27
“I’m excited by all the things I’m going to die not knowing,” Baron says. o DANIELLE A. SCRUGGS
MY MOTHER JOINED Scientology when she was 15 or 16. She was a really innocent young woman who was not part of the 1960s drugs-and-alcohol culture. I think part of her felt alienated because of that, and that attracted her to Scientology; it was a way to feel included. When she was 29 or 30, she met my dad, who is very, very much a questioner and an atheist. She introduced him to a couple of Scientologists, and they labeled him an SP—a suppressive person, basically an enemy—and they told my mom, “You should not interact with this guy,” and she was like, “OK, peace, see you later,” and she left Scientology. Since then, Scientologists have come to our house. They call my dad. They’ve called me. I think they’ve sent my mom four pieces
of mail every single day I’ve been alive. I’m surprised environmental agencies don’t get on their ass about how much paper they’re wasting, let alone what they’re doing to people’s psyches. Anyway, I grew up in a godless household. Once, when I was probably four, my cousin, who’s nine years older, took me in her arms and showed me a picture. She said, “This is a man named Jesus, and he lives way up in the sky. He sees everything we do, and he’s here to protect us, and he loves us no matter what.” I worshipped my cousin, so I was like, “Whoa!” When my dad came to pick me up, I couldn’t wait to tell him this new thing I learned. His whole face changed. He was like, “OK, who told you that?,” and I pointed at my cousin and said, “She did.” Her
face got beet red, and she said, “I did not say that!” My dad knew she was lying. He just shook his head and said to her, “I don’t want you telling her this stuff.” If someone asked me now what I believed, I’d say that I believe in allowing yourself to feel bewildered. I like to say that I’m an agnostic atheist, because I believe that humans don’t know shit from shit in the grand scheme of things. This could be a giant alien video game that we’re in right now. I really, truly believe that there’s a lot of mysterious stuff that goes on in the world that humans don’t know. And I’m excited by that. I’m excited by all the things I’m going to die not knowing. But I also am pretty sure that there isn’t a guy in the sky dictating things. Rilke is one of my favorite poets, and he wrote these poems to his idea of God, saying, “You are the deep innerness of all things, the last word that can never be spoken.” That’s something I believe in—one giant mystery that sometimes, if you’re present, you just fucking feel. I have a pretty strong feeling that not a whole lot happens after we die. I got into a conversation about it recently, and this guy was like, “Here’s what I think will happen: I’m going to die and then go to this place and then I will return as this, and I will remember these things about my life, but not these things.” He had a whole plan all mapped out. And his wife said, “But is that really comforting to you? Sometimes the idea of just lying down one day and closing my eyes is very comforting to me.” I’d never heard anyone say that, but it was genuine. She was like, “I don’t know that I want to live in an infinite loop as a sentient being. I’m tired.” —AS TOLD TO ANNE FORD
Public (education) enemy number one By DEANNA ISAACS
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etsy DeVos, president-elect Donald Trump’s nominee for secretary of the Department of Education, might not be the worst of the megabucks donors and right-wing crusaders in Mr. Trump’s prospective cabinet. There’s Scott Pruitt, the EPA head who’s sued the EPA. Rick Perry, the energy secretary who wanted to dump the Department of Energy. Andrew Puzder, the labor secretary and fast-food mogul who opposed a $10 minimum wage. And Rex Tillerson, the secretary of state who heads the world’s biggest oil company and is Russia’s decorated BFF. That’s just to mention a few. But the DeVos appointment, like all the others, is causing alarm. Chicago Teachers Union president Karen Lewis told me DeVos is “a nightmare.” University of Illinois College of Education professor Pauline Lipman, in an interview last week, said she’ll be “a really significant threat.” And American Federation of Teachers president Randi Weingarten issued a statement claiming that Trump has selected “the most ideological, anti-public education nominee” in the Department of Education’s history. “Betsy DeVos is everything Donald Trump said is wrong in America—an ultra-wealthy heiress who uses her money to game the system and push a special-interest agenda,” Weingarten wrote. By nominating her, “Trump makes it clear that his education policy will focus on privatizing, defunding, and destroying public education in America.” DeVos, as you’ve no doubt gathered by now, is not a friend of teachers’ unions. Nor of what she calls “government schools”—traditional public neighborhood schools—though she has no personal experience with them. She’s never been a teacher or a school J
¥ Keep up to date on the go at chicagoreader.com/agenda.
SURE THINGS THURSDAY 5
FRIDAY 6
SATURDAY 7
SUNDAY 8
MONDAY 9
TUESDAY 10
WEDNESDAY 11
ò Bowie Ball This year’s ball celebrates what would have been the Starman’s 70th birthday, with performances by Lucky Stiff, Discord Addams, Queerella, and Kat Sass; music from DJs Heaven Malone and Mae West; glam makeovers; and Bowieoke at midnight. 10 PM-4 AM, Berlin, 954 W. Belmont, bowieball. com, $5.
Th e Inte r v iew Show Mark Bazer hosts WGN radio’s Justin Kaufmann and Too Hot to Handel’s Rodrick Dixon at this viewing party of season two of The Interview Show on WTTW. Ticket sales benefit ProPublica. 6:30 PM, Hideout, 1354 W. Wabansia, hideoutchicago.com, $15.
» Yo u’re Bei ng Ri diculous This version of the storytelling show features performers—including Lily Be, Isaac Gomez, and Julia Weiss—sharing family-friendly tales as part of Steppenwolf Theatre’s LookOut series. 1/71/21: Sat 8 PM, Steppenwolf Theatre, 1700 Theatre, 1700 N. Halsted, 312-335-1650, steppenwolf.org, $20.
Arguments & Grievances This debate series enlists some of the city’s funniest comedians to argue about heated issues such as “Beavis vs. Butthead,” “Luke Cage vs. Nic Cage,” and “football vs. futbol.” 8 PM, North Bar, 1637 W. North, 773-123-5678, liveatnorthbar. com, $5.
& Mo nday D i nner Series Bang Bang Pie hosts a family-style dinner at Hopewell complete with beer pairings and a tour of the brewery. 7 PM, Hopewell Brewing Company, 2760 N. Milwaukee, bangbangpie. com, $50.
ò MCA Live: 2017, a Ref l ection Joshua Abrams and Natural Information Society perform a musical interpretation of the past year followed by a discussion on the Obama administration’s final days with historian Paul Durica. 6 PM, Museum of Contemporary Art, 220 E. Chicago, mcachicago.org. F
& Soup & Brea d The community meal project returns to serve delicious food and raise money for Chicago food pantries and other hunger-relief organizations. Through 3/29: Wed 5:30-8 PM, Hideout, 1354 W. Wabansia, hideoutchicago.com, pay what you can.
JANUARY 5, 2017 - CHICAGO READER 7