BLAQUE/OUT MAGAZINE February 2024

M A G A Z I N E

FEBRUARY 2024 ISSUE#040

N E X T

G E N E R A T

M E N o f

T R A N S I T I O N

Brittan’s Baby

CELEBRATING THE 4YR COVERVERSARY OF NGMT

NATIONAL BLACK HIV/AIDS AWARENESS DAY FEB 7 CREATING CHANGE

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW

WITH POSE’S JASON A. RODRIGUEZ

Wrap-Up of the 2024 Creating Change Conference In New Orleans, Louisiana

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TAMARA S. LEIGH, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

CONTENTS BLAQUE/OUT MAGAZINE IS A MONTHLY DIGITAL PUBLICATION CENTERED FIRMLY IN BLACK & BROWN QUEER QULTURE. BLAQUE/OUT FEATURES WRITERS, ARTISTS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, CREATIVES AND INFLUENCERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD. WE ARE WORDS. WE ARE ART. WE ARE FASHION. WE ARE CULTURE. WE ARE MUSIC. WE ARE PROTEST. WE ARE WHERE BLAQUE QUEER CULTURE LIVES. FIND US ON FACEBOOK, IG, TIKTOK. TO SUBSCRIBE TO BLAQUE MAGAZINE, VISIT: HTTPS://ISSUU.COM/STORE/PUBLISHERS/BLAQUEOUTMAG/ SUBSCRIBE

FOR ADVERTISING, EMAIL ADVERTISING@BLAQUEOUTMAG.COM FOR SUBMISSIONS, EMAIL TAMARALEIGH@BLAQUEOUTMAG.COM

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WWW.ISSUU.COM/BLAQUEOUTMAG WWW.BLAQUEOUT.COM

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JASON A. RODRIGUEZ OF POSE

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QUEER REVOLUTIONARIES JAVANNAH DAVIS

THE OLD MAN'S CORNER

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E.L. WINSTON

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WANDERLUST: WINTER SHENANIGANS

CREATING CHANGE IN THE CRESCENT CITY

COVER PHOTOGRAPHER: CARYN DAVIS

WHOSOEVER LIFTS RONI WINSTON

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NEXT GENERATION MEN OF TRANSITION COVER STORY COPY EDITOR: RONI WINSTON ADVERTISING ACCOUNT MANAGER: DOREEN SCANLAN

FEBRUARY 2024 | ISSUE# 040

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BlaqueOUT columnists & contributors Javannah J. Davis (she/her) resides in Rochester, NY where she has worked in healthcare for 19 years, is a self-published author, Founder/President of W.A.V.E Women Inc & CEO/Owner of Linjé Enterprises LLC. Javannah is passionate about healing, self-love, self actualization & helping others to live the best of their lives in a healthy way.

E.L. Winston of Fayetteville, NC (He,Him, His) Trans Community Advocate, CoFounder of Lambda Gamma Omega Nu Fraternity. Just your everyday introspective old man and 1 half of Team Winston

Roni Winston aka The Mrs. aka Pastor Roni (She/Her/Hers) Fayettevlle, NC. Minister, educator, entrepreneur, couples' coach, writer, mom, and grandma. Half . of Team Winston.

Immani Love, (she/her) A Lesbian Erotic Poet, Author, Ordained Minister, Freelance Writer, Real Estate Agent, and overall witty, seductress with the voice of a Siren. An educated Vixen in sunny St. Pete, Florida.

Lade Breez (He/Her/Them) is an award winning 3x published author, publisher, philanthropist, humanitarian, motivational speaker, life coach, event host, youth tutor, artist developer & spoken word artist. Owner & founder of Express Me Poetry Business Services & Events, & Educated Blessyns LLC, improving this world one stage at a time.

ExpressMePoetry.com

Mel Howard (he/him) Resides in Newport News, Virginia where he worked in finance industry for over 5years, is a columnists for BlaqueOUT Magazine and Founder/President of THRIVING TRANSMEN OF COLOR. Mel is passionate about community, self acceptance and forgiveness.

Tina Marie Jones (she/her/hers) Founder of Uncover, LLC, mother of 4, activist, motivator, and columnist.

Courtney L (she/her) designer, developer, business owner, who loves to travel. When she is not doing that she loves to write poetry, a bit of a nerd, spend time with family and friends and help people learn technology. She lives in Los Angeles, with her dog.

Angelique Davis (she/her), Pastry chef turned teacher.

I who enjoys empowering the youth of inner city communities.

Ashanti S. Taylor-Alexander (she/her) is a life educated poet who believes in riding each wave of this world to the fullest. She is passionate about writing poems people can truly feel. Have a subject throw it at her and she'll make a master piece!

In January, Blaque/OUT Magazine was Invited to cover the people, sights, sounds and moments of the National LGBTQ Taskforce “Creating Change” Conference In New Orleans. In It’s 36 years, Creating Change has grown from a group of 300

and the organizers. It was such a profound experience, we simply need more time to process all we saw and all we

a word.

to a convening of 3500! Over the next few months, we’ll share the stories, Interviews and reflections from us, the attendees

learned so we will start In February with a quick glance and amazing Interview with Jason Rodriguez and build Into deeper reflections and more pictures, Interviews and videos to bring you right to New Orleans with us! HOWEVER, one of the

most profound moments and once-in-a-lifetime experiences that I had In my time at Creating Change, just so happened to be shared with our Cover subject, Brittan Hardgers. Pictured here , we both got the opportunity to meet, hug, talk to and laugh with the living legend, Miss Major Griffin-Gracy.

This month and with this cover we also celebrate the Coverversary of Next Generation Men of Transition. In my first

year of being Editor of, The Empty Closet, the longest continuously published LGBTQ publication In the nation at that time, and as the 1st ever Black Editor, I was able to highlight a newly formed organization built for and by Black men of

transition, Brittan created the vision of NGMT around the things he could not find through the early days of his own transition.

On one of the first days many of the Inaugural members had sat face to face, they gathered In freezing cold Upstate New

York temperatures for a photoshoot. Those pictures appeared In and on the February 2000 Cover of the EC. Four years later, both old and original members once again met In Rochester, NY to celebrate the brotherhood that Is Next Generation with a second freezing cold photoshoot and the cover you see here today. Congratulations!

-Tamara Sanaa Leigh Editor-In-Chief One of the greatest experiences of Creating Change 2024, was being in the presence of the legendary, Iconic Miss Majors. I originally thought just seeing her smile, then maybe I thought it was just being able to ask her a question in front of a room of people. But what will live with me forever is the hug, the kiss she gave me on my cheek and her advice on how important it is for Trans Masculine identifying people to protect Black Trans Women at all costs. The smile that came across her face as she spoke of the safety and security that she has found in her own partner who identifies as Trans Masc, reminds me that there is more work to be done in and for our community. I personally feel that I have been assigned the task of unifying BIPOC Trans Masc folks to center and protect the most marginalized in our community, which would be our Black Trans Aunties, Mother’s, Daughters, Sisters, Partners & most of all our elders.

My generation is one of the first to have been blessed with the opportunity to uplift the existence of the women who have continued to lead this movement; In order for Black Trans Masc folks to lead, we must first learn how to follow the folks that have been In the forefront for generations.

-B. Nick

Next Generation Men of Transition

CELEBRATES THE BLACK QUEER & TRANS IMPACT ON

BLACK HISTORY

ALABAMA

THE PASS TO PRESENT THE PAST

COLMAN DOMINGO Brandy “Lade Breez” Elam

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it" — a well-worn quote by George Santayana (The Life of Reason,1905) is what comes to mind as we stand at this crossroads in the consciousness of America. From afar, I have cried watching my nation, sore with prejudice, slowly heal itself. I hurt along with America; my phantom pains only alleviated by work I do every day — art.”

- Colman Domingo (2015)

As we plunge headfirst into 2024, these words ring louder as the nomination for the first openly gay black man for an Oscar in a leading role as an openly gay black man hits airwaves. Colman Domingo gave an historic performance as Bayard Rustin, an openly gay activist who was written out of history due to his sexuality in the early 60s regardless of his efforts and philanthropic work.

PHOTOGRAPHY COURTESY OF COLMAN DOMINGO’S INSTAGRAM

In the early 1940s, Bayard Rustin was an activist and leader in social movements, gay rights, socialism, and non-violence. He worked side by side with Martin Luther King Jr. and many others during the Civil Rights Movement planning, executing, and propelling the movement forward.

Mr. Rustin’s instrumental hand played several roles of success between the 1940s and 1980s from helping to organize The Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) in 1957 to spearheading and serving as principal organizer for the March on Washington in 1963 to becoming the head of the American Federation Of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations (AFL-CIO) amongst many other vital roles he secured throughout his lifetime and work history as a humanitarian against social injustices for all.

For Colman Domingo, the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, native’s career started in the early 1990s.

The Temple University alum has over 60 characters and counting under his very well accessorized belt. With an extensive history in writing screenplays, Colman is the creator of “A Boy and His Soul,” “Up Jumped Springtime,” “Wild with Happy” and “The Brothers.” He has featured on and off Broadway in his plays and others like, “Lights Out, Nat King Cole,” “The Scottsboro Boys” and“Summer, The Donna Summer Musical.” In addition to the stage, he is not a stranger to primetime television. Colman has had numerous recurring roles on television throughout his career, with his most recent roles in “Fear of the Walking Dead” (2015-2023), and “Euphoria” from 2019 to the present; to his previous roles in shows like “The Big Gay Sketch Show”. Domingo has not left a rock in Hollywood unturned.

In between his writings, Domingo has featured in numerous supporting roles alongside a starstudded cast throughout his career.

Just to mention a few, I mean box office hits such as, Wally Cartwright in “True Crime” in 1999 alongside Clint Eastwood and Isaiah Washington; Private Harold Green in “Lincoln” in 2012 alongside Sally Fields and David Oyelowo; Lawson

Bowman in “42” alongside the late Chadwick Boseman and Harrison Ford; Freddie Fallows in “The Butler'' alongside Forest Whitaker and Oprah Winfrey both in 2013; Ralph Abernathy in “Selma” in 2014 alongside David Oyelowo and Carmen Ejogo; Hark Turner in “The Birth Of A Nation” in 2016; Joseph Rivers in “If Beale Street Could Talk” in 2018; Cutler in “Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom” in 2020 alongside the incomparable Viola Davis and the late Chadwick Boseman; Pastor West in “Without Remorse” alongside Micheal B Jordan and Lauren London in 2021; to his recent full year in 2023 with five major roles in the box office, Transformers (Unicron voice), Rudy Gillian, Teenage Kraken (Arthur Gillian voice), Sing Sing (John “Divine G” Whitfield), the critically acclaimed remake of “Mister” Albert Johnson in the newly released “The Color Purple” and his now Oscar nominated leading role in “Rustin” as Bayard Rustin. This is the condensed version of his career, with Mr. Domingo preparing for the role of Joe Jackson in the upcoming Micheal Jackson biography set to release in April 2025.

But why now for Colman? After thirty-three years in the making, Colman Domingo is more than just the roles he portrays. Having an extensive career in writing, acting, directing, roles on stage, on screen and behind the scenes, his resume supersedes the loudly quoted “Black Gay Actor.” Unfortunately for the community we serve, it becomes a vice to label instead of appreciating what is offered up on stage or screen, or as for the late Mr. Rustin, on the front lines of injustice and inequality.

Colman Domingo’s depiction of Rustin not only allowed viewers to see Mr. Rustin beyond his sexuality, he also in my opinion put into perspective how the LGBTQIA+ members in the Black communities have suffered shame and unwillingly forced into closets regardless of the sacrifices. For decades, our hands have been hidden, disregarding any of the work and betterments that have been put into the progression while creating opportunities; in closing the overly marginalized gaps and struggles within the disparities we face socially, structurally, and economically.

Domingo’s Oscar nomination only joins the awards and a multitude of nominations he has already obtained as such an extraordinary and prolific actor and writer. His mesmerizing energy and love for the stage and screen in the characters he portrays shines brighter than his smile and humble nature. Domingo deserves more than to be watered down to what he does behind closed doors with his husband, Raúl Domingo, as his headline. Domingo’s awards history and work ethic is more prevalent.

Award winning filmmaker, Ava DuVernay stated in a post on her IG page dedicated to Colman, “He is everything he seems to be. Charismatic. kind.

Caring. Beyond his immense talent, incredible sense of humor and being the best dressed man in Hollywood, he has the sweetest heart. He has a giant capacity to love because his mother showed him every day and is the life of the party. What a time to celebrate him.”

It is Colman Domingo’s love of art, his talent in bringing his authenticity and respect for the roles he plays to life, that brought him here to this place of celebration. So, as we celebrate this man in his moment of glory, let us allow his true titles the right of passage. Let us give him titles becoming an Oscar nominee. He is a writer, a playwright, a director, and a leading actor nominated for his exceptional performance as Bayard Rustin. Colman’s representation and talents showed why he deserves to be on the ticket. Displaying to the world what we as a community can do past and present, gives him a pass without labels to be proud of his accolades now and to come. I am glad he is the representation Of Black, Gay and Proud to be. A Gentleman.

I will leave this quote of Colman Domingo here, “At some point, I'm just of the mind that no art is perfect, and it shouldn't be perfect. I think it's beautiful in its imperfection. You could tweak something forever, but you have to let it go and trust it.”

He is Art.

NEW YORK

The Black TransMan Experience 3 Things I never read about.

Tee Douglas

In preparation for my transition from Female to Male, I thought I had prepared myself for everything. The pros and cons. The advantages and the health risks. The one “health risk” I wasn’t prepared for was being a Black man in America.

This was a risk and disadvantage no one ever had a conversation with me about before I became a Black man, but something that I now know subconsciously prolonged my decision to become a Black man. This wasn't something I was able to research, but ultimately something I had to experience. In my experiences so far this is what I've learned.

1. There is no privilege in passing for the Black Transman.

When it comes to transitioning, most individuals transition into a position of safety or privilege with passing. For our non melanated brothers in transition, it's often both.

When it comes to the Black Trans man, it's usually neither.

As we transition from Black “women'' to Black men, we may gain some safety in certain situations but as a whole we lose our safety by being seen as a threat and a target in America.

The more binary passing we look the more threatening to the privileged society we become. Simple interactions like “regular” traffic stops become life or death situations because of how we are now perceived. Instead of having officers walking up to our cars asking for our license and registration, we now have officers coming up to our cars with their guns already unholstered. The reason given is “for their safety and mine”. When we both know it's the fear and prejudice of the Black man in America that you now “fit the description of”.

1. You will experience Fear from others, for just existing.

I read an article once where a Black professor at the University of Houston was interviewed, and in the interview this professor spoke about what he called the “fearful gaze”.

Which is nothing more than the fearful look people get when they see a Black Man. Back then reading the article I couldn't fully understand the feeling he was trying to describe but later experiencing that feeling on a daily basis I now know too well how that fearful gaze looks and feels.

The stereotype that Black men are dangerous has been a false narrative that's been embedded into American society since colonial times, when in reality most Americans just suffer from Melanophobia when it comes to Black Men. So again as we become more masculine and more binary, we start to see more “fearful gazes” in the eyes of the world around us. You see it when you walk past someone on an empty street or when you get into an elevator with a woman. You have to always remember “Black Transman, you are now feared”.

1. There is no boyhood for the Black Transman. I realized this when I realized how much I didn't know about being a Black Man in America. While most of our cis brothers have their time from adolescence to teenage years and from the teens to adulthood to figure out manhood, we don't get that option. We go from womanhood or masculine studhood straight into being a man. A lot of us never get an inbetween stage to learn what other men have decades to learn. The reality is that society doesn't give us a grace period either. You have to learn to be a man by the time you look like one because that is what is expected of you.

With all these risks and disadvantages society has layered on my life, I still would never choose another road. The journey that I've experienced as a Black man of Trans experience thus far has shaped my life in so many ways. Knowing and understanding the burden that society places on us when we transition has allowed me to make better decisions when faced with adverse situations. It has allowed me to combat these stereotypes, by showing myself authentically. More importantly, it has given me the knowledge to allow me to decide what type of man I want to be.

“I know what the world expects me to be, but I will never let the world dictate what type of Black Man I become.”

NEW YORK

Infinite Love

By Tee Douglas

If I could rewind time, and manifest in my mind I would search back in time, and find her.

If I could Teleport by thinking She’d be who I am always seeking, Close my eyes and I will end up Beside her.

If I could travel to the future, 20, 30 years or more, When I’m grey with wrinkles and My body’s old and sore I’ll be euphoric, for an eternity or more With Her.

NEW YORK

LIVING IN THE LIGHT PRETTY

Javannah Jasmeen Jjasmeend20 wavewomeninc www.wavewomeninc.com

HURTS

It’s always important to point out the things that prevent others from moving forward in their lives, being their best selves, and causing harm where there doesn’t have to be, especially if such a thing is contributed by an already suppressed, marginalized, and disparaged community. The root cause of this can, in most cases, be traced back to privilege. Privilege in any form can be dangerous if it continues to go unchecked. So, allow me to introduce you to one of those privileges, Pretty Privilege.

For as long as I can remember, and I’m sure many Transgender Women have had the same experience, prior to transitioning I was always told that I was too feminine. Everything I did was “like a girl”. No matter what it was from the way I walked, the way I talked, the way I sat, and even how I ate. In the Cis-Heteronormative world I acted too much like a woman and not enough like a man. Fast forward a few years later, I found the courage to validate myself and live my truth as the woman that I’ve always been. I also chose to open myself socially in the LGBTQ+ community and meet others like me. To my shock and disappointment, I came faceto-face with a few in the community that began to tell me that I wasn’t feminine enough.

I was almost immediately questioned, by both medical professionals and friends, as to when I would be getting surgeries to look for feminine, and what I might do to remove the masculine features brought on by Testosterone. I have heard from several women of Trans experience, specifically Black and Brown Women of Trans experience, who have been through questioning from other Trans Women such as, “Are you going to have FFS(Facial Feminization surgery)?”

“Are you getting your body done?” “You don’t think you need a softer look?” “You don’t think your hair needs to be longer?” The type of questions that can trigger an already dysphoric person.

It can also be very harmful to a person’s self-worth and self-esteem.

It’s a fact in society that “Pretty Privilege” exists, whether it be blatant or hiding under the surface. It’s almost like a membership club, but the only ones really paying the price are those individuals that are dismissed, or treated as outsiders because they don’t fit an inflated criteria, or someone's idea of what a woman or a man should look like. OH YES, Men of Trans experience go through the same thing. Sadly, and not surprising, it’s the Black and Brown men of Trans experience that carry the brunt of stereotyping in their sector of the community.

NEW YORK

LIVING IN THE LIGHT

Javannah Jasmeen Jjasmeend20 wavewomeninc www.wavewomeninc.com

They are expected to conform to an idealistic perception of what a Man should look like, act like, and hold firm to that standard or be seen as less of a man. Masculinity and femininity is subjective to the person, and should not be objectified by anyone outside of that individual and how they choose to identify or express the characteristics of their confirmed gender. No one should be made to feel that it’s necessary for them to adopt a stereotypical binary model of what a woman or a man should look, act, or be just to live their lives authentically. Besides, for some, going through that first phase of their transition where we all are just trying to figure out who we are, builds strength, character, and the resilience needed through this difficult journey.

Then, there’s the issue of cost. It’s expensive being Trans! Insurance coverage for genderaffirming care has come a long way, but it has much longer to go still; and that’s if you are able to afford insurance at all. Oftentimes people can only do as much as their pockets will allow.

The employment rate in the Transgender community being as poor as it is, a vast number of folks can’t afford their hormone medication, let alone a surgery for anything. Not to mention having to make the choice to pay a copay, get that surgery, or buy food, and try to keep a roof over your head if so fortunate. My first act of my womanhood was to take control of my finances. This I knew was needed if I was going to move forward with anything.

We must also recognize that being “Pretty” or “Passable” in our society equates to safety for many of us. It can also mean opportunities being presented, connections being made, better employment, and certain choices being afforded that are otherwise denied to those that don’t fit the fictitious blueprint of what they should look like. I came to terms with my looks a long time ago. I chose to go through the necessary procedure to pull me out of the darkness and alienation of Gender Dysphoria based on how comfortable I was with who looked back at me in the mirror.

Most of us have the preoccupation to rush our transition, and race through our journey to get to a place where we are seen as every other woman, or every other man. When in fact, everyone shouldn’t strive to be or look like every other woman, or every other man. In any transition, there should be a customization to fit the individual, their needs, and how they choose to take space in their own existence. By doing this, we must celebrate our Trans/GNC differences, meet people where they are in their transition (lives), affirm them, and recognize the need for more inclusion.

CALIFORNIA

Courtney LaPrince “There will be a bit more domestic travels and mini road trips and I’m also hoping to get a Portugal trip out before winter. With the Beyoncé concert right around the corner in LA, maybe a party bus to Vegas for my birthday, then heading to New Orleans for a visit. Followed by Negril, Jamaica, for my cousin’s milestone birthday and then Vegas again for the Usher concert. Where will I fit in Portugal? Well, you have to keep reading to find out!”

The fall was amazing with the many travels that I have done including those that I reminded you of above! Let’s get started!

SEPTEMBER - BEY SEASON The Beyonce concert was amazing! I went with my cousin and some friends on Friday night in Los Angeles. The opening show had a plethora of artists, including Lil Wayne, Two Chainz, and Coi Leray. Unfortunately, Sofi Stadium had a lot of audio issues so some of the performers did not continue. I must admit I was there for Lil Wayne‘s performance. Again unfortunately, he only performed for a second and got off the stage. The joys of audio issues during a massive concert, make it make sense. The concert was about three hours and again, other than the fact of the audio issues, it was the fact that the air-conditioning did not work either so hot and audio issues, great concert though.

OCTOBER – VEGAS BOTTLE BIRTHDAY/USHER The year of 30-fine. 2023 was a very interesting year for me, especially turning 35. I traveled more in the fall than I did the entirety of the year, however, everything worked out great. I must admit that I was determined to go see Usher’s residency in Vegas. Just so happened they had a show on my actual birthday, the 18th. I decided to make a week of it.

Went to Vegas on that Tuesday and didn’t leave until the following Monday. I bought my Residency tickets last minute when I arrived at the venue and asked if I could be moved to the floor since it was my actual birthday! They said not an issue and moved me to sit right in front of Summer Walker and Chad Johnson. AAA MMAA ZIINGG! When Usher came down to do his serenading walk, he was like right there! Now, if you know anything about me, I am a huge Usher fan. It feels like childhood, it's nostalgic, so being able to see his Residency because it ended was the highlight of my 2023, not to negate Beyonce’s concert and you know my 35th birthday. Some friends of mine ended up joining me that weekend, we went to the strip club and ate a lot of food. One of my friends got her nose pierced and we went to a couple of different nightclubs and I got beyond tipsy. Don’t remember everything! It was a great 35th birthday weekend.

NOVEMBER - NEW ORLEANS/MOM VISITING/NEGRIL, JAMAICA Crawfish, beignets, and gumbo, that’s what it felt like being in New Orleans for the few days that I was there at the beginning of November. I had a great time. This was my first time being in New Orleans. which is surprising because I love to travel and I had wanted to go to New Orleans for years, especially for the Essence Festival. It just never occurred. I guess the timing was off or whatever the case may be, however, it finally happened and New Orleans did not disappoint. What I did the most was eat, to be honest, and all of the food was great.

There were aspects of which beignets to get and which ones not to get, so the journey of the best beignet was on. We went on a couple of tours, and one of the tours stopped us at Morning Call. It was for a ghost tour and we tried that beignet. It was just OK in my opinion.

Went to the French market and got beignets from both Cafe Du Monde and Loretta’s. In my opinion, Loretta’s had the best beignet. You can fight me on this, it’s cool. I went with four of my friends and one of my friends had a friend who lives there. She took us around and showed us everything that New Orleans had to offer, took us up and down Bourbon Street, had a couple of hand grenades, and just drove us around New Orleans as well as a strip club and sex store. It was a very interesting night. We didn’t get to bed a few of those nights until 5 or 6 am. I would go back to New Orleans and explore even more as well as eat more food. The best chicken sandwich that I have had yet is from Kingfish in New Orleans. That chicken sandwich gave me my life. If you ever find yourself in New Orleans, check out Kingfish and their chicken sandwich.

Another highlight for me in November was my mom coming to visit. She hadn’t been to Los Angeles before and had me take her around like a tour guide. Honestly, it wasn't my favorite, but at the same time, I got to see LA with some new eyes. She was here for nearly a week and she had a lot of fun and met some of my friends. We did a few tours including the Celebrity Homes tour, saw the Hocus Pocus house which was her favorite, went to Santa Monica Pier, and went through the La Brea Tar Pits. She was also obsessed with my dog and Rodeo Drive lol. Made me take a ton of pictures so she could say she was in LA lol. It was a fun fun fun time seeing her right after coming back from New Orleans.

Of course, the last trip of the month was my cousin's 40th birthday in Negril, Jamaica.

Honestly, I think that’s gonna be my last time in Jamaica for some years if possible. I’ve been there three times in the past five years and I’ve gotten to see Montego and Ocho Rios and of course Negril. Now I’m ready to explore other places in the Caribbean. There were about 16 of us celebrating her birthday. We did a couple of excursions that included Rick’s Cafe and horseback riding/ATV. A couple of people did cliff diving which is the staple if you haven't been to Negril. We also took a cooking class/presentation, where we learned how to make ackee and saltfish. It was such a tranquil experience and hot at the same time for it to be at the end of November. The resort Azul Beach was just okay….the food wasn’t good and it was too quiet! it felt like we were yelling the entire time although we were speaking in normal tones. Not a party place with a big group and I wouldn’t recommend it. The thing I don’t like about a lot of resorts is that they don’t give you a lot of their culture's food which meant we went on a search for oxtails lol. It wasn’t bad, just sweeter than the oxtails that I normally eat.

Overall, it was a fun trip, I think that I will steer clear of Jamaica for a while and check out other Caribbean spots.

DECEMBER - CHILLED VIBES No traveling for December just chilled vibes and hangouts. Enjoyed the Christmas season and a toast to the New Year!

There’s one last thing that I forgot: remember Portugal?? Well, the plan based on my flight ticket is to be there in the middle to end of March. As well as, maybe Mexico at the beginning of April for my niece’s birthday! Maybe another trip to the Bay for a friend’s birthday. I’d say we’re starting the year off right!

If you find yourself traveling to Portugal during the time that I will be there, feel free to hit me up and we can explore!!

FLORIDA

ONE NIGHT ONLY LIVING THE SINGLE LIFE SO LET'S PARTY UNTIL WE CAN'T ANYMORE UNDER MANY INFLUENCES BREAKING ALL THE RULES BECAUSE WHAT ARE RULES EVEN FOR I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITH WHO I WANT NEVER HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT PROBLEMS TURN ALL THE WAY UP! LET'S FUCK UP SOME COMMAS DAMN THEY FINE I THINK I'LL TAKE THEM HOME TONIGHT I KNOW I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BUT FUCK WHAT'S RIGHT PAINS INSIDE, I'M DROWNING AND NEED THIS FIX TO FUCK MY PAINS AWAY IS MY TONIGHT'S WISH I CAN'T EVEN LIE THAT FELT AMAZING BODY TO BODY CHEST TO CHEST MY HEARTS BEEN RACING 6 MONTHS LATER I WISH I NEVER ANSWERED MY PHONE BECAUSE I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG BY THE SERIOUSNESS OF YOUR TONE I MAY HAVE WHAT! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING RIGHT NOW I'VE SLEPT WITH MANY AFTER YOU AND NOW I MAY HAVE SPREAD THIS AROUND TOWN ONE NIGHT OF NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD JUST TRYING TO BE FREE HAS TURNED INTO A LIFETIME OF MEDICINE FOR ME ALL I WANTED WAS TO TAKE THE PAINS AWAY AND MY ACTIONS HAVE CAUSED POSSIBLE PAINS FOR OTHERS IN MANY WAY I WISH I COULD DO THE NIGHT ALL OVER BECAUSE THIS TIME I PROBABLY WOULD STAY SOBER. MANY THINGS TO GOOGLE TRYING TO LEARN THE ENDS AND OUT BUT SO MANY QUESTIONS AS MY HEART DROPS WHO DO I CALL FIRST HOW WOULD THEY SEE ME WOULD THEY THINK I'M DYING? WOULD THEY EVEN BELIEVE ME? I KNOW I LAUGH A LOT BUT THIS ISN'T A JOKE SOMETHING SO SERIOUS THAT AFFECTS A LOT OF FOLKS THEY SAY OVER 39 MILLION PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD HAVE AIDS OR HIV WELL I GUESS NOW TO THIS NUMBER YOU CAN ADD ME POV: J. JONES

ASHANTI TAYLOR-ALEXANDER

IS V A D YN R A C BY Y PH A R G O T O PH

NEXT GENERATION MEN OF TRANSITION

4 YR COVER ANNIVERSARY

ZENITH IMHERE (HE/HIM), 33 “I AM” BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT? MEETING OTHER BROTHERS TO SHOW OUR VISIBILITY

WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU? I WILL BE WHAT I AM REGARDLESS OF WHAT OTHERS FEEL THINK OR SEE.

ALEXANDER (HE/HIM), 35 “THE ULTIMATE VALUE OF LIFE DEPENDS UPON AWARENESS AND THE POWER OF CONTEMPLATION RATHER THAN UPON MERE SURVIVAL.”

EJ (HE/HIM), 22 “LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOU , NOBODY ELSE CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE.”

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT? BEING PART OF THE MOST GENUINE AND LOVING GROUP OF TRANSMEN. WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU? LIVING MY EVERYDAY LIFE AS THE MAN I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS .

ADRIAN DANIEL JIMENEZ(HE/HIM), 23 “MY EXPERIENCES AS A WOMAN HAVE SHAPED THE MAN I AM TODAY AND THE MAN ILL BE TOMORROW”

HOW YOU DID YOU FIND YOUR WAY TO NGMT?

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT?

RECOMMENDED TO ME AS A COMMUNITY SUPPORT WHILE PREPARING FOR TOP SURGERY

HAVING AN UNBREAKABLE BOND WITH AMAZING GENTLEMAN

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT?

WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU?

COMMUNITY AND BROTHERHOOD. GETTING TO SEE OLDER TRANSMEN SUCCEEDING AND ENJOYING LIFE.

TO LIVE MY LIFE FREELY AS I SIT FIT. TO STEP INTO THE LIGHT AND OUT OF THE SHADOWS. TO BE FREE OF SOCIETIES STATISTICS.

WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU?

SDG PROGRESS REPORT 2020

IT MEANS THAT I NEED TO LOVE AND NUTURE MYSELF BECAUSE THERE WILL BE A TIME WHEN ONE ELSE WILL.

ASHAD (HE/HIM), 31

RICKY (HE/HIM), 24

“LIVE, LOVE LAUGH”

“LIFE ISN’T ABOUT FINDING YOURSELF. LIFE IS ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF.”

HOW YOU DID YOU FIND YOUR WAY TO NGMT?

HOW YOU DID YOU FIND YOUR WAY TO NGMT?

BRITTAN CAME TO ME AND ASK ME TO JOIN THE MOVEMENT HE CREATED. AND OF COURSE I SAID YES. I WOULD LOVE TO BE APART.

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT? BEING PART OF A BROTHER HOOD. NEVER FEELING ALONE.

WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU? BEING ME AND NOT CARING WHAT ANYONE HAS TO SAY OR FEEL. CHOOSING MYSELF TO BE FREE AND COMFORTABLE.

I HAD LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF MY CAR AND NEEDED A LOCKSMITH TO COME AND UNLOCK IT AND AFTER SEARCHING FOR A WHILE I CAME ACROSS ZENITH’S BUSINESS GAVE HIM A CALL AND WHEN HE SHOWED UP AND FINISHED THE JOB HE APPROACHED ME VERY NERVOUSLY ABOUT BEING TRANS I WAS JUST STARTING MY TRANSITION SO IT WAS EASY TO TELL BUT HE MENTIONED NGMT A GROUP THAT WAS JUST STARTED TO HELP BE A SUPPORT SYSTEM FOR THOSE WHO NEEDED IT AND WE SWAPPED INFORMATION SO HE COULD SEND ME MORE INFORMATION AND I’VE BEEN APART OF IT EVER SINCE.

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT? THE LOVE, SUPPORT AND BROTHER HOOD. I HAVE BROTHERS THAT ARE JUST LIKE ME THAT I CAN RELATE TO AND I KNOW UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING I’VE FOUGHT FOR TO BE WHERE I AM TODAY. WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU? IN THE ABSENCE OF SURVIVAL COMES OUR DEATH AND SO, WHEN WE SURVIVE, IT IS NOT THE DREADED ANCHOR AROUND OUR NECKS. IT IS NOT SOME AWFUL CURSE AND SENTENCE. SURVIVAL IS THE SIMPLE ACT OF CHOOSING TO GET UP AGAIN AND TAKING THE NEXT STEP AND BREATHING. I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE SO THAT OTHERS CAN SEE THEY CAN CHOOSE THEMSELVES TO SURVIVE SO THAT WE CAN ALL SURVIVE TOGETHER THAT WE CAN ALL MAKE IT.

ALEXANDER-JOSEPH SILVA (HE/HIM), 21 “EVERYONE HAS A PERSONAL BATTLE AND THIS ONE IS YOURS”

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT?

THE TRANS BROTHERHOOD. THERE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT GOING THROUGH THE SAME PROCESS PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, OR OTHERWISE AND I'LL ALWAYS APPRECIATE NGMT FOR THAT. HAVING A GROUP OF BROTHERS I KNOW I CAN GO TO FOR RANDOM QUESTIONS WHETHER TRANSITION RELATED OR NOT IS AMAZING. WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU? IT MEANS I CHOSE TO LIVE. FOR ME, IT WASN'T A PERSONAL CHOICE TO START MY MEDICAL TRANSITION 4 YEARS AFTER KNOWING ABOUT BEING TRANS. FOR 4 YEARS , I WASN'T ALLOWED TO START DUE TO MY FAMILY BEING TRANSPHOBIC (SPECIFICALLY MY MOTHER). SO WHILE I WAS WAITING I WAS FIGHTING MYSELF EVERYDAY TO STAY ALIVE UNTIL COLLEGE. I TOLD MYSELF AS SOON AS I GET TO COLLEGE I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT AND MAKE THE CHOICES I NEED TO SURVIVE. I DID EXACTLY THAT. I MADE IT TO 18, BECAME AN ADULT, CHANGED MY NAME, STARTED TESTOSTERONE, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY BECAME THE MAN I HAD WAITED YEARS TO BECOME. I CHOSE TO SURVIVE IS A REMINDER THAT NONE OF THAT WAS EASY BUT I CHOSE ME AND MY FUTURE ABOVE ALL ELSE.

MALACHI ZION HUDSON (HE/HIM), 26 “SINK OR SWIM BUT YOU BETTER NOT DROWN.”

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT? THE BIGGEST AND BEST PART OF BEING APART OF NGMT IS THE BROTHERHOOD THAT IT HAS BRUNG

WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU?

DG P R OI CHOOSE G R E STO S BER ME E PUNAPOLOGETICALLY ORT 2020 ITSMEANS THAT REGARDLESS OF THE CURRENT STATE OF THE WORLD. THE WORLD WILL CATCH UP AND ADJUST TO YOU NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND

CORI ETHAN (HE/HIM), 22 PHILIPPIANS 4:13 “ I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST, WHICH STRENGTHENS ME”

HOW YOU DID YOU FIND YOUR WAY TO NGMT? SHOUT OUT TO TAMMY AND NGMT’ 18 FOR HOSTING MY GRADUATION PARADE BACK IN 2020, DURING COVID.

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT? THE BIGGEST THING I GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF THIS GROUP IS, BEING ABLE TO BE ME UNAPOLOGETICALLY. I LOVE COMING INTO THIS ATMOSPHERE, KNOWING I’M NOT ALONE. I’M VERY THANKFUL FOR ALL OF THE MEMORIES I’VE CREATED WITH EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. THE FEELING I GET HERE, I CAN’T GET ANYWHERE ELSE. I DON’T HAVE TO OVERLY EXPLAIN WHY I AM THE WAY I AM TO MY BROTHERS. THE BEST PART OF NGMT’18 IS ALWAYS BRINGING SOMEBODY HOME. NGMT’18 IS A SACRED PLACE WHERE I OR OTHER TRANSGENDER MASCULINE BROTHERS COME TOGETHER AND BOND. TALK THINGS OUT, SHOUT IT OUT, HUG IT OUT. AT THE END OF THE DAY, WE’RE ALWAYS HERE FOR ONE ANOTHER. REGARDLESS OF ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ONE OF US, OR I, WILL BE THERE FOR YOU.

TYRONE WOOLSEY (HE/HIM), 34 “JUST BE.”

HOW YOU DID YOU FIND YOUR WAY TO NGMT? THROUGH A HAIRCUT

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT? BROTHERHOOD, POWER IN MY VOICE, CONFIDENCE IN MY STAND

WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU? IT MEANS THAT I DON'T LIVE BY SOCIETIES IDEAS OF WHAT MAKES A MAN A MAN AND A WOMAN A WOMAN CAUSE REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY THINK THEY KNOW THEY NEVER KNEW ME.

WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU? “I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE” MEANS MORE THAN JUST WHAT IT SAYS. IT MEANS THAT WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, I’M THANKING GOD FOR LETTING ME WAKE ONCE MORE. IT MEANS I’M PUTTING 110% INTO ME AND NOBODY ELSE. IT MEANS I’M NO LONGER PLEASING YOU. IT MEANS IT DOESN’T MATTER THE NAME I WAS GIVEN, THIS IS THE NAME YOU WILL CALL ME. IT MEANS I ENJOY SMILING ON THE INSIDE JUST AS MUCH AS ON THE OUTSIDE. THAT MEANS I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE.

VALENTINO ROSE (HE/HIM), 29 “DON’T LET YOUR DARKNESS EFFECT YOUR LIGHT!”

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT?

TEE DOUGLAS (HE/HIM) “I CAN DO ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO.”

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT? BROTHERHOOD & SUPPORT

WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU? IT MEANS MY TRANSITION WAS A VITAL PART OF MY SURVIVAL, MY HAPPINESS AND MY EXISTENCE.

I GET TO KNOW OTHER BROTHERS AND SISTERS THAT UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH AS FAR AS MY TRANSITION

WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU? I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEANS THAT YOU ARE TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR OWN BODY AND OWN MIND. BEFORE I TRANSITIONED I WAS LOST IN MY OWN BODY, I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY OWN BODY BUT WHEN I STARTED MY TRANSITION, I FELT FREE AND FELT THAT THIS IS WHO I AM

LANDON JONES (THEY/THEM), 36

BRAYLEN JACK (HE/THEM), 21

“ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME”

"NEVER WATER YOURSELF DOWN FOR PEOPLE WHO CLAIM YOU ARE TOO HARD TO DIGEST. SIMPLY LET THEM CHOKE."

HOW YOU DID YOU FIND YOUR WAY TO NGMT?

HOW YOU DID YOU FIND YOUR WAY TO NGMT?

BY GRACE AND STRENGTH

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT? BEING ABLE TO SHARE KNOWLEDGE AND RELATE TO CERTAIN ASPECTS OF OUR OWN UNIQUE TRANSITIONS.

WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE” MEAN TO YOU? IT MEANS THAT NO MATTER HOW HARD I WANT TO SAVE THE WORLD I HAVE TO SAVE ME FIRST

/NGMT @nextgenmenoftransition

@b.nick ngmt18.com To Sign-Up for NGMT Mtgs In-Person or Via ZOOM:

bit.ly/NGMTMeeting

ABOUT A YEAR AGO, I WAS A T.A. FOR A WGS COURSE AROUND QUEER STUDIES. FOR ONE OF OUR CLASSES, WE HAD A SPECIAL GUEST (DR. COLT) WHO SPOKE ABOUT HIS CAREER AS A DOCTOR AND HOW HIS TRANS EXPERIENCE PLAYS A ROLE IN THAT. AFTERWARD, I COULD TALK TO HIM AND LEARN HOW HE WORKS TO SUPPORT THE TRANS COMMUNITY. THROUGH HIS HELP, I WAS ABLE TO CONNECT WITH THE FOUNDER AND SEE WHAT NGMT IS ALL ABOUT.

BIGGEST/BEST THING YOU GET OUT OF BEING A PART OF NGMT? AFTER LEARNING ABOUT NGMT, I WAS EXCITED TO KNOW THAT A COMMUNITY LIKE IT EXISTED, ESPECIALLY ONE THAT BRINGS VISIBILITY TO BLACK AND BROWN TRANS PEOPLE. WHEN I FIRST STARTED MY TRANSITION, I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BE ALONE SINCE I NEVER SAW MUCH REPRESENTATION OF TRANSMASCULINE PEOPLE OF COLOR. KNOWING THAT NGMT IS A SPACE THAT WORKS TO ADVOCATE FOR THOSE WHOSE VOICES CAN BE IGNORED MAKES ME FEEL SUPPORTED AND NOT ALONE. WHAT DOES "I CHOOSE ME TO SURVIVE MEAN TO YOU? THIS WORLD CONTINUES TO FIND WAYS TO MAKE YOU CONFORM TO ITS STANDARDS. THROUGH THE BINARY LABELS CREATED BY SOCIETY, YOU ARE FORCED INTO NORMS THAT FEEL WRONG BUT ARE VIEWED AS MORE ACCEPTABLE THAN BEING TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE. BY CHOOSING ME TO SURVIVE, I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MY AUTHENTIC SELF WILL NOT BE TO OTHER'S TASTE BUT IT DOES NOT MAKE ME WRONG OR LESS HUMAN THAN ANYONE ELSE. IT MEANS THAT I WILL NOT STIFLE MY SPIRIT OR ALTER MYSELF ANYMORE TO BE MORE PALATABLE FOR OTHERS BECAUSE I AM THE ONE WHO WILL COME HOME TO MYSELF AT THE END OF THE DAY, AND I DESERVE TO FINISH IT WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE.

M A G A Z I N E E M P T Y

C L O S E T

from: Brittan HardgersFounder of #NGMT18

202

M A G A Z I N E C L O S E T E M P T Y

2024 M A G A Z I N E B L A Q U E O U T

It’s been four years since the original Next Generation Men of Transition Empowerment Photoshoot. As I think back to the beginning of it all, I knew I wasn’t alone in this world. I had a vision to create a supportive community of Trans-Masculine identifying brothers and siblings across the nation. In just four years we have done that and so much more. “I Chose Me to Survive” is where it all began. When I thought about what it would truly take to choose myself in a world, where I hadn’t truly seen anyone with my shared lived experiences in community, on the ground doing the work right here in Rochester, NY. Our home is in New York, but our reach has touched beyond the state most of us call home.

There is so much power when you realize the strength it takes to step outside of your comfort zone and choose the inner you, you’ve been creating internally for so long. I know that most people will say ‘we come into this world alone, and we will leave alone’. I know longer wanted to walk this journey alone. Understanding I would leave this world alone.

Our bond has changed my life forever, we started off with 7 of us growing, learning, falling, picking each other up, and supporting each other in ways I don’t think any of us could have ever imagined. Love of self, has allowed me to understand exactly what was built, what has become history and the change we continue to display in our community.

On January 13 ,2024 the day of the shoot my sister ‘Shine’ came out to support in the blistering cold. As we were taking pictures, she demanded I stop, turn around and look at what I have created with the presence and assistance of each one of the folks pictured here and so many more. I turned around to see my family, the ones I call when shit is hard, right, wrong and indifferent. The work has never been selfish for me. Little did I understand in the beginning, I needed them more than they ever needed me. To watch the narrative of BIPOC Men change due to our existence, is beyond resilience. To build unity, trust, and long lasting relationships in order for the next generation to adjust the blueprint.

ALL I CAN SAY IS “LOOK HOW FAR WE CAME, THROUGH THE FIRE, I STOOD KNOWING WE WOULD REIGN. FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY WHEN ALL THIS WAS A DREAM. THROUGH THESE MAYBACH CURTAINS I SEE HOW LIFE HAS CHANGED.”-MAYBACH CURTAINS

Writer: Javannah J. Davis Javannah Jasmeen Jjasmeend20

REVOLUTIONARIES BRIAN MICHAEL SMITH Born: January 29, 1983 Brian Michael Smith grew up in the Midwest City of Ann Arbor, Michigan with his mother and brother. Though assigned female at birth, Brian says that he always identified as male for the duration of his childhood. At an early age, he developed an affinity for acting. He started out practicing his acting skills in local church plays as a child, but when he started high school and college he found himself being more involved in sports. Those formative years in high school and college were when Brian was tying to figure out his identity. He still loved to act, but was being placed in feminine roles that were challenging to say the least.

So he took a different route and started to explore the behind the scenes stuff instead.

In 2008, Brian decided to make the big move to New York City, where he would continue to pursue his acting career by trying out for a series of background roles.

Brian was blown away to discover that movies were being made in the streets and immediately knew that he made the right move. Brian took small parts here and there during his time living in the NYC, but it was in 2011 when he was teaching filmmaking to aspiring youth and seeing how hard they were working to pursue their dreams, and he wasn’t doing the same that he was inspired. He knew it was time to get serious about what he really wanted to do, which was act!

Brian knew he needed to have the real experiences to perfect his craft. So he trained and trained hard.

Brian had already gone through a lot of experiences during his transition in his personal life, and he wanted the same thing in his work as an artist. He needed to stop taking the roles that made him comfortable and start taking roles that pushed him and allowed that part of himself that was incomplete to find comfort to be the best version of himself as, not only an actor, but as a person.

Writer: Javannah J. Davis Javannah Jasmeen Jjasmeend20

REVOLUTIONARIES BRIAN MICHAEL SMITH Born: January 29, 1983 In 2017, Smith got his big break in Ava DuVernay’s Queen Sugar.

He played the role of a Transgender police officer which allowed him to project some of his own life experiences in his character.

This was also the year that Brian publicly came out as Transgender.

Smith felt that he wanted to take his opportunity and visibility to advocate for more respectable Transgender representation in TV and film. This was important to him especially because he knew it would be encouraging for the Trans youth who were watching him.

Brian was featured in Sam Feder’s Netflix documentary, Disclosure: Trans Lives on Screen in 2020. He was also named to People Magazine’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ list in both 2021 and 2022.

Smith also does a lot of advocacy work alongside the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and GLAAD to fight for safety, and help bring about change against stereotyping and biases in the LGBTQ+ community. Smith recognizes that he has had the privilege of choice when it came to being Transgender, which is something a lot of our Trans and Non-Binary siblings have. There are those who have to disclose who they are every time they walk out of their front door, and have to survive in the world in a different way. The fight for all to walk with their heads held high is always the priority.

Brian Michael Smith and his wife Denisse Perez at the 34th Annual GLAAD Awards.

THE DMV

LET’S TALK STANDARDS

:3

A SERIES ON THE STATE OF EDUCATION FROM AN EDUCATOR

Oh man, do I have a whirlwind for you this month! Being an educator in this day and age within the school system is hard and you know what makes it even harder? The fact that we are not allowed to have our own opinions.

I’m not talking about grading policies or curriculum rigor like I have before.

I am talking about rights violations of the Right to Freedom of Speech guaranteed in the First Amendment.

I could have sworn we all learned about the Amendments and how America is “free” but, boy oh boy are we mistaken.

ANGELIQUE DAVIS

It is not uncommon knowledge of the Hamas attack and how this war has been playing out for the past 10 years. Even those of us who are not in the slightest political know somewhat of what is going on. We are impacted by it on a daily with Starbucks being boycotted to McDonald’s releasing a statement about their position. Understandably, kids have questions not just our kids who are directly impacted by the war with families back in those areas, but our kids whose only impression of the war is the propaganda that is released in the media. Last week, a colleague of mine was reprimanded for the simple fact of trying to create a cohesive environment for kids to talk, an environment for kids to spark conversation and have healthy opinionated debate on their views.

This is something we should be advocating for in schools, making sure that everyone’s opinions are heard and respected. Instead of encouraging and facilitating this

movement and this extremely teachable lesson, my colleague’s posters were ripped down and he was shunned by administration. It’s safe to say that I feel this is discrimination based on religion, that’s my opinion and I’m entitled to it. This teacher is the sponsor for the Arab Student Union at my school and I can wholeheartedly say that if this was a white teacher I don’t believe the same measures would have been taken.

Now, people can say the documentary that was shown wasn’t school approved and that is fine. This could be a teachable moment. Allow that teacher and those kids (the ones who recommended the screening of the documentary and the conversation to be had mind you) to have their voices heard. It’s safe to say that the white, Jewish parent who came in causing the commotion about it was handled with more care and with more regard than I feel it would have been handled if the tables were turned and that parent was one from a student within the Arab Student Union.

Understanding the needs and social/emotional impact of issues is key to a well driven connected community. Unfortunately, being a part of a community that is forever minimalized no matter how much we go through and grow through, we should be some of the first ones to show grace to those around us. If not us, then who? Let’s be the ones to set the standards of how people should treat others no matter who they are, where they come from, or what they have going on.

NORTH CAROLINA

THE OLD MAN'S CORNER E.L. WINSTON

If you don’t fully understand why you do a thing or react in a certain way, it makes it harder to work on changing it. There are only 6 years difference from my birth and the end of Jim Crow…let that sink in for a minute. I have relatives who are living that know what it was like to not be able to vote or sit where they wanted in a restaurant or a bus. So how do we start to heal?

“PAIN” Let me start by saying Happy Black History Month!!! I hope that you are paying homage to our ancestors and those who paved the way for you to be able to even read this article. I've been dealing with some physical injuries that have been causing me some almost unbearable pain and this has made me think about some things dealing with our ancestors and how the pain they endured caused physical trauma to be passed down through our DNA. According to The Body Keeps The Score, trauma rewires the brain to put people in a constant state of stress or numbness, leading to a host of physical problems.

As we look to pay homage to our ancestors this month, I think we also need to have conversations on how we are moving forward in healing what has been passed down to us. What’s the game plan because unless you’ve been living under a rock you know that there is a war that is going on and the cards are already stacked against us. If we don’t start dealing with the past, we most certainly will continue to suffer in the future.

First things first, acknowledge the pain and trauma. You can’t heal from things you don't acknowledge. Next, there are still freedom fighters living and breathing amongst us. We need to tap into our past before it’s removed from our access. Don't be confused, they’re trying to erase our history, trying to water down our experiences. They’re trying to teach our children that these things didn't happen.

This is unacceptable. We can not allow this to happen. Next, we need to combat what our children are learning in school. The great Malcolm X once said, “Only a fool would let his enemy teach his children!” I think that we have been fools long enough.

We can not leave the passing of our history left to others. How will our children know they come from greatness if the only narrative they see of us is a problem. We educate ourselves and share that with our children. We gain some coping skills and communication tools. Black people don’t go to quacks, so we invest in good therapy and quality life coaches. We need all the tools we can get. (con.t)

We’re already behind the eight ball and really running out of time but the same thing I said about who should be teaching our children rings true for who we should be talking to about our mental health and growth. I truly believe that to help us heal it must be with professionals who look like us, have experienced the things we’re speaking of and can guide us to heal the damage. It makes a difference what we speak into ourselves and each other.

I am not an aggressive Black man. I am a Black man who is firm in his convictions and healing.

There is a slanted world view of me when I speak up and out about the injustices of this world against my people, but I am not uneducated or unintelligent and given the chance I articulate without raising my voice or my fist. On the other hand, I’m also a Black man charged with the protection of my family and people and will defend those as passionately as I feel I must for there is the blood of people in the soil of this nation.

So this month, do an old man a favor and pay homage to our people. Do it by healing yourself. If you haven’t started to do it, today is as good as any because for us to survive we are all going to have to do it together!!! We Are All We Got!

NATIONAL BLACK

HIV/AIDS AWARENESS DAY F E B R U A R Y

7

THIS ISSUE FOR CASUAL CONVERSATIONS, I SIT DOWN WITH AUTHOR/EDUCATOR/MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE — MARK TUGGLE. JOIN THE CONVERSATION AS WE TALK ABOUT HIS BOOK AND WEBSITE — CULTURAL SILENCE WOUNDED SOULS — AS WELL AS HIS JOURNEY OF LIVING WITH HIV FOR 29 YEARS AS A SAME GENDER LOVING (SGL), BLACK MAN.

Casual CONVERSATIONS WITH DAVID MAURICE

NEW YORK

T Cells Tell the Truth M A R K

T U G G L E

It was a mystical Monday morning In the middle of the month of May When I entered my doctor’s office.

He closed the door, looked me dead in the eyes & Told me I only had 57 t-cells.

57 t-cells. 57 t-cells. 57 t-cells.

I wanted to scream.

I started to cry.

I held back my tears.

I still don’t know why.

As he continued talking I continued drifting My mind became a Prisoner to memory.

I began to remember the pain Pain is a memory I began to remember the pain Pain is a memory..... I remembered the grief.

The loss

It was a waste of love

Demonized & pathologized

As my father

From Harlem to Haiti & Baltimore to Brazil

The rage

It was escape from love

By anti-Black folks in the media

In the physical world forsakes me

Each one, teach one requires more than a pill

The fear

It was no place to love

Ostracized & terrorized

My father

A holistic approach can restore us to sanity

The confusion

It was unsafe to love

By anti-gay folks in the hood

In the spiritual world lifts me up. . .

Cultural affirmation offers value to our humanity.

The shame

A man

The guilt

If you are a man.

Six months to live

The news had me devastated

Nourishing our temple with organic & vegetarian

Three weeks to live

Death seemed a moment away

food

The despair The brokenness

But this is my man

One day at a time

Yet I was determined to persevere

Fosters balance & harmony & lightens one’s mood

The depression

Okay? My man!

He is still God’s child.

My faith in God became clear.

Employing regular exercise, prayer & meditation

The sadness

My man, okay? My man!

Courageous

Daily prayers for His will

The progression

Shifts

depression

&

loneliness

into

peace

The terror

A Black man

Fragile

Prepared me for the unknown

The denial

A beautiful Black man

Talented

Despite my terrifying reality

Language is inadequate to raise your viral load

Hostile

With Him I was never alone.

A warm & loving hug can reach a wounded soul

The demise of God’s child. A good Black man

&

transformation.

A decent Black man

Brilliant

The image of a man

A proud Black man

Caring

57 t-cells is not a death sentence

The truth will piss you off before it sets you free

A man I loved

A generous Black man

Saw him staring

I didn’t do anything wrong

A man I loved

A complex Black man

Out the window

My spirit evoked Bob Marley

It takes courage to express human vulnerability

A man I loved.

A troubled Black man

Searching &

Singing sweet redemption songs.

Treating folks with kindness is a model for

Searching for But my father &

Emaciated

Our neighbors &

Bed-ridden

sensitivity You see, I, too

Cleaning our dirty laundry & exposing the real dirt

A Black man

Know why the caged bird sings

Taking off the mask & sharing where it really hurts.

A frightened Black man

To co-create with God

Co-dependent

A mysterious Black man

Is such a beautiful thing.

Image driven

A selfish Black man

This society & Your religion said

God’s will for us includes living with dignity.

It was wrong to love

Chained to an IV

It was not right to love

Messed up TV

It was not Black to love

My South Side Chicago neighborhood Was accountable when I was a child

Max Robinson, Willi Smith,

The elders were genuinely invested

He abandoned his son

Arthur Ashe & Eazy-E

In making this little boy smile.

Lousy food

His son was only four

Were brilliant & successful pioneers

It was white to love

Bitter mood

He created a void

Who gifted us by planting seeds.

It was a shame to love

Insensitive physicians

He closed the door

It was a sin to love

Miserable conditions

It was ungodly to love

Multiple injections

It was unmanly to love

Although I resisted their efforts To guide and direct me right

But how did the face of AIDS

Today I pray for humility

He lost his innocence

suddenly switch

I want others to see the light.

Opportunistic infections

He forgot his common sense

From a gay, white male to a down-

It was dangerous to love

Leary & weary of my

He never learned how to trust

low myth?

Critical thinking can help us survive

It was disgusting to love

Genocidal theories.

He was trapped by greed & lust

People are scared of contracting

This global pandemic destroying our lives

It was illegal to love

Try AZT raise the dosage

Longing for male affection

the virus

Self-love & respect for Black people is key

It was immoral to love

Try DDI raise the dosage

Chasing his male erection

Audre Lorde told us to stop being

We must unite now to save our community!

Try placebo drugs raise the dosage

Escaping all his demons

silent.

Need SSD can you lift five pounds?

With a crack-cocaine obsession.

Copyright © 2023 by Mark Tuggle

THE HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN AND SHOWTIME® ARE EXCITED TO PRESENT THE FOURTH YEAR OF "QUEER TO STAY: AN LGBTQ+ BUSINESS PRESERVATION INITIATIVE", AN EFFORT THAT SUPPORTS, UPLIFTS AND PRESERVES SMALL BUSINESSES THAT SERVE THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY, PARTICULARLY MULTIPLY-MARGINALIZED QUEER PEOPLE.

NORTH CAROLINA

LOVE LIVES IN US...

The Winstons Winston and the Mrs. (E. L. and Roni)

Love lives in us…the Winstons and we want to share a little bit of it with you. When you get in a car, you have a driver and sometimes some passengers. We like to give our passengers various roles like your navigator who helps you watch the road and your snack giver who hands out road snacks when it's time. It could be that the baby is just your entertainment along the way. No matter what, road trips are a lot more fun when we’re all engaged with one another instead of being caught up in our own devices (literally and figuratively). Good relationships work the same way.

Sometimes you need someone to be the driver and the other person to take on another role. You need each person to pay more attention to their role instead of outside distractions.

The Mrs. Winston and I are very traditional in our relationship. Winston is the head of our family and I trust him to carry that out effectively. When some people hear that, they assume I am some voiceless, obedient, little woman in the corner. If you know me, then you know that is the furthest thing from the truth and Winston wouldn’t be into that AT ALL anyway. Winston as the head simply means that he is the one to trust with the vision and I am more the detail maker. I have lots of opinions and I share them often. Our roles do not make us. We make them, but having them keeps us from power struggles. Would you want the passenger to grab the wheel unless the driver was incapacitated?

The significance of our dynamic is that someone is always driving. Someone is always keeping an extra eye out on the road and ultimately, each role ensures that we get where we’re going. We are always engaged. We avoid getting caught up in our own stuff because that could mean getting lost or losing control of our vehicle.

We give our strengths their due place and ensure that we arrive on time, at the correct destination, and together.

Winston The beauty of knowing who is leading is that there is no power struggle but in being the leader you have to know when you're supposed to let someone else lead. My wife has got to be the smartest and most fearless woman I've ever met. I truly have a hitter on my team. So her opinion on things matters. If I was stuck on, “I'm the leader, you listen to me”, I'd be a sorry leader and a fool. My family would crash and burn and chaos would ruin what we were trying to build. The Mrs. wouldn't trust my leadership, if I wasn't able to see the real big picture.

We are a team and everyone is invested in our goals which sometimes means the driver and the passenger change seats to get the job done. Trust is everything in this thing called love and life. You have to believe that the person you picked to travel this life with has faith and trust in you as you do in them. Ultimately, we move in the ebb and flow of our strengths and weaknesses. We navigate life accordingly and it continues to strengthen our love and faith in each other as we continue to share the love that lives in us.

Thoughts to Leave You We were in New York recently and we had an Uber driver who must have gotten his license from the American Speedway Driving School. His driving had us clutching our seatbelts and focusing our breathing. The incredible thing is… when it was time to take another Uber, we did just that. We trusted our next driver and they didn’t disappoint.

Trust your new driver.

Don’t punish your new passenger just because the last one was rude. As we are navigating to our next destination, remember to be engaged and purposeful. Find the love that lives in you and journey together!

CALIFORNIA

SNACK, SIP & POUR

A Candlemaking Experience

P

aint & Sip, Smoke & Sip, Trap & Paint, rage rooms, bowling, and more are some activities you can have with a date, friends, family, colleagues, and more.

What if you like the sip part and want to do

something else like, learn how to make a candle? Well, welcome to Snack, Sip & Pour Candle Experience, a K.LiddelCandleline Experience hosted and run by Kendric Sims, the Owner.

On Dec 29th, a friend and I decided to venture to this experience in Downtown LA at 7 pm to learn how to make candles and have a drink or two. I’m a huge fan of Paint & Sips and have taken several dates or gone with friends. Besides a nice glass of wine, I’m also an artist and don’t get to paint as much as I did while in school.

K

The days of painting all day every day are not current in my life anymore so when I’m able to have time to do just that, I take advantage. I must admit since attending Snack, Sip & Pour,

this is an experience that I will be adding to the date list!

My friend Chris and I met in the lobby of the North Tower building on Flower Street and waited to be greeted by Kendric.

While waiting in the lobby, we met a couple who learned about the experience through Eventbrite. The couple decided to purchase a ticket because they wanted to learn tips and tricks for the best way to make candles. At about 7:15, Kendric came down to meet us and take us up to the space that was set up in the bar area. When we arrived at the space we were greeted by the smooth sounds of Lofi-house with four workstations that had two glasses, one for wine and one for water to clear our palette, and snacks for our enjoyment.

and would be trimmed once the candle had been set and completed.

With the 8oz tins ready for pouring, Kendric took each one of the scents that we picked, mixed them, or poured it into the paper cup via a feeling (no measuring cups for him) and then poured the hot wax in it. We were then instructed to stir the wax for about a minute and 10 seconds to help it set. After a minute of stirring that ended up being more like 2 minutes as we were talking with him. We left the candle alone and let it cure for about 45 minutes.

During the candle set, we were able to ask him some questions regarding his experience and passion for candle-making: How did you get started with Snack, Sip & Pour?

I used to work in the service industry for 22 years before I started this business. The original thought was to have a home decor line but I opted for a candle line as this was the easiest, cheapest, and quickest thing I could get out there while processing everything else. It ended up just branching off and I created this experience. At the time, it was the end of COVID, and I ended up doing this and it was a hit, it just shot off.

Throughout the time of doing this, I have perfected how I want Behind the workstations, were several bottles of wine that you can choose from during the experience as well as several bottles of fragrances to choose from (up to two) for your candles. The station also included aprons that we were able to use if needed and snacks of grapes, cheese, crackers, a sort of charcuterie board sans the salami. Kendric was setting up the trays for us to work on our candles, which included the wick, 8oz tin, paper bag, paper cup for stirring, stirrer, and label to write the name of our candle when finished. It was truly an amazing eye-catching view into how he sets up the space for enjoyment. It showed the pride that he takes in his work.

After having a couple of glasses of wine including a secret mixed wine that Kendric poured for us, we ate our snacks and got started with the candlemaking experience. We were instructed to pick the scents that we wanted for our candles. We could choose one or two scents that we felt would go together. Chris picked two ocean-based scents, the couple each picked one scent apiece and I picked Sunset Heat and Mango for this tropical-like smell.

Once we picked our scents, Kendric came back with the wax to combine our scents, colors, and the candles.

We took the 8 oz tins on the tray and stuck the wick in the middle of it with just the adhesive attached to the bottom. The wick was about 6 inches long

everything to go. Now, I have been offered different opportunities to continue down this path.

What kind of opportunities have you been offered?

I just recently wrote a course for LA Parks & Recreation where I will instruct a candle-making class that starts on January 6th. With this opportunity, I will be going to different parks and instructing them on the course. I will also release my official candle line and will also be releasing the body candle wax and scrubs on Feb 14th.

How is this experience different from your candle-making course?

For one, you do not have a syllabus, it is not based on rules. It’s based on what you want to happen. This is a place just to relax, have some wine, and meet new people. There’s been all kinds of people in here and I have been blessed to be in the position that I’m in.

Tell us a little bit more about K.LiddelCandleline.

There are three different parts to the K.LiddleCandleline business. One is Snack, Sip & Pour, then there’s Tranquil Essence which is a wax melt and massage candle and these products go on your body. I turned it over into organic soaps, body creams, etc. and that’s going to be released on Feb 14th.. A few of the things that are part of K.LiddleCandleline that’s coming out Candle Making Extravaganza in 2024. I am very excited for the main line K.LiddelCandeline because I have tried to put it out twice and it just wasn’t, it didn’t fit and I was “nah, let me stop, let me think, let me get my creative going”. From there, we created some products that no one had ever seen before.

Things are moving along now and we are happy to be of service to our communities.

What is your goal with your business?

Well, this is my first business and I have a couple more that I’m starting.

One, I’m a year into and the others we’re getting rolling. One is real estate, that was supposed to be my whole…that’s my goal. And so with having a candle line, home decor line, all that in the same vicinity of where I want to be and kind of backbone off each other. I’m looking forward to hosting candle parties and open houses at the

HTTPS://KLIDDELCANDLELINE.COM/ SNACK-SIP-POUR 515 FLOWER ST FLOOR 18 SUITE 1852, LOS ANGELES, CA 90071 K.LIDDELCANDLELINE@GMAIL.COM

same time.

Which waxes are the most expensive?

There are all kinds of waxes and it depends on your budget. Most people use the paraffin wax and then go up from there. So the list would be Paraffin, Palm, Coconut, Soy, Apricot, and Beeswax. The fragrances are also expensive depending on where you get them.

You have the fragrance oils and some people use essential oils but you have to be on top of your game, if you don’t there’s a possibility of a fire getting started.

Do you think the candle-making business is affordable?

Yes, you can do this as a hobby and/or have it be more affordable. There are not a lot of chandeliers in candle making out there that know what they are doing. They stay on the border, they will only do their line and that’s all that they will make. As for me, I design candles, I go all the way out. If you give me a theme, I’m doing it and figuring it out. It depends on what you want to do with this business. I also think it is about timing, so depending on what you want to do and how far you want to go is up to you.

If you’re in the LA area visiting and have some time, you should definitely check out the Snack, Sip, and Pour Candle Making experience, especially on February 23rd, and every other fourth Friday. It is LGBTQIA+ night. Also, be on the lookout for Tranquil Essence by K.LiddelCandleline which will be released on Valentine’s Day. Get something for that special someone.

Interview By: Courtney La Prince

ALABAMA

THE WIFE’S WOES Have you ever been the mother who worried alone in her home that was demoted to a house Or in hospital rooms while waiting to hear the news after the doctor said it would be soon Then As soon as he walks away she paces the hospital floors constantly checking the door to see if maybe this time he will come through And for hours on end she tries to figure out the best route to pursue Countlessly she has long silent cries in the shower to wash away every lie he told her that she believed in, put faith in Believing that a smaller extension of him would make him willing to be the father he claimed he wanted to be Finding out that even the planned planning can have unannounced traumas presented all on its own In every failed attempt and ruined relationships all because your mistake decided to crown the joker who was good at disguising himself as a king The realization is, He never really wanted a stable home He was too busy operating like a cellphone out of its service network so he continuously roamed Avoided choosing to connect to the provided Ethernet Never cutting off his WiFi but Searching for any other signal to connect to So comparing him to a dog who has the loyal qualities of the royal guard would be an insult to any breed He was a parasite Who attached to my uterus and planted a seed to constantly remind me He wasn’t shit to begin with Women don’t plan to be single mothers and baby had no idea what world he was coming into But dude you knew That Regardless of the tragedy you put her through, for those kids she would remain obedient to her High given duty to parent to the best of her abilities Faced with Drawing energy from nonexistent super powers given to the Queen mother at birth Yet she still doesn’t stop It’s not that she must, it’s that she will, be willing to go the mile at every turn for her kids Being done with Assessing her worth by the soul who she gave entry into her innerG The constant remnants of the mistake made but her Heart never wavered the dampened response of accusations But never the resolution that was sought after Did you think for once it’s not that she’s angry But tired Did you think about her at all?

But the coward proudly stands next to the seed of another man in confidence Yet Never in place for the flourishing seed left abandoned to only be nurtured by the wind of mommy being out of breath in absence of the creation he made have you ever been that mother Who’s had to face questions that dug deep into your failed attempt at a happy ever after And the aftermath of your child’s anger When he didn’t believe in love ever again The shuffled shifts to become distant strangers with your closest of kin A child fed to the wolves with mommy cleaning his wounds The soul of his bloodline cut at the neck

B R A N D Y “ L A D E E L A M

B R E E Z ”

And all mom is left with are regrets of poor choices made Debt/ stress and struggle For your loyalty to Cleave to another But she was your wife Have you?

Have you ever been that mother

NORTH CAROLINA

BOOK BANGERz B O O K

R E V I E W S

B Y

E L

W I N S T O N

The Sun Does Shine by Anthony Ray Hinton, I believe, may have changed my life!! That's a tall order, I know, but let's start at the beginning. The memoir is about Anthony Ray Hinton, a man who spent 30 years on death row in Alabama for a crime he didn't commit.

Usually these memoirs are all about injustice and how the person endures these cruel and unimaginable things. And it partly is that but more than that, this book tells the story of a man whose faith and resilience kept him pushing those 30 years. He also helped others to heal, and to see past color and race.

I can say that I was truly inspired by Hinton’s unwavering faith. Could you imagine being charged and convicted for crimes you could prove you didn’t do and still they convict you? It definitely makes you rethink your stance on the death penalty and our justice system as a whole.

Hinton’s story begins in 1985, but it could have easily been today. His story didn’t stop at the injustice of the system; it was also the story of a mother’s love and a ride-or-die friend. Anthony’s best friend, Lester, had been there from childhood and it was incredibly refreshing to see a friendship between two Black men that was so pure and supportive.

It's a testament to the reality that Black men can not only get along but that they can support each other through the hardest times imaginable.

This book will have you mad and in tears all at the same time. You'll find yourself anxious with every appeal letter right along with Anthony Ray Hinton. By the end, you also get to really see and think about what's next after 30 years of wrongful incarceration. How does one deal with 30 years of incarceration that included death hanging over their head?

How do you heal those scars? Hinton makes you consider how many people are on death row, right now, who don’t belong there.

Capital punishment is still legal in 27 states and Anthony Ray Hinton has dedicated the remainder of his life to speaking out against the death penalty. His book has even been adapted into a memoir for middle school children. According to the Alabama Department of Corrections, from 1983 until the 19th of January 2024, the state of Alabama has put 72 people to death and as of June 2018, there were 175 inmates sitting on death row. Alabama has the 4th highest number of death row inmates in the US according to deathpentaly.org.

The types of things we struggle to process in our current lives without the unknown of a state assigned death date hanging over us are the very things that Anthony Ray Hinton is able to teach us. He shows us that one man can walk through heartbreak and be a beacon of light for others. This is another great read. Do an old man a favor, pick up a copy of The Sun Does Shine by Anthony Ray Hinton and be inspired!

book therapy

W I T H W I N S T O N & T H E B O O K B A N G E R Z B O O K C L U B

JOIN US FOR CONVERSATION ABOUT OUR BOOK OF THE MONTH ON THE 15TH OF EVERY MONTH ON FB LIVE @BLAQUEOUTMAG

February 15th 7pm HAVE ANY QUESTIONS FOR WINSTON ABOUT THE BOOK? EMAIL: WOLFDOMMY@GMAIL.COM

May she be free May she be guided by heart and spirit Loving those who love her Burning bridges She no longer wishes To cross again She be brave Be foolish To believe that she isn't scared Rather do it afraid than insecure Do it wild and free never waiting for apologies She don't need nan one She be forgiven Sought out the healing Without explanation She been builder Created life out of ashes Art out of shattered pieces She be the song The melody The beat The instrumental The solo She understands the highlight Of living in the limelight Been fighting for her whole life Just to be seen Just to be considered To be mentioned To be desired All the things she could have provided for herself Just looking for a lover Worth matching spark and flame to Worth giving claim to Worth sharing last names, too She be undefined Never boxed in Be damned to be rewritten This be her story As ugly as it be It's full of life lesson And passion The fruit of forgiveness And the patience of healing The meaning behind Turning pain into purpose She been rejected Left unprotected And yet She is Bold, brave and beautiful Made who she wanted to be Black, Queer and Free

GOLDEN COINS

NEW YORK

ODE TO THE BLACK QUEER GIRL

CREATING CHANGE

IN THE CRESCENT NATIONAL LGBTQ TASKFORCE

CITY

Written by: TAMARA LEIGH

In January, Blaque/OUT Magazine was honored to be invited to the National LGBTQ Task Force, Creating Change Conference in New Orleans. It was such a rich, impactful and somewhat overwhelming experience that honestly, it’s going to take us a while to unpack, both in our own minds and for our readers. So to do it justice, we will feature a little bit at a time over the next few months from incredible interviews to pictures and reflections from our team.

Creating Change is in its 36th year and has grown from a group of 300 to a collective of nearly 3,000 attendees.

Every year conferences take place in every field all over the country but CC boasts stats that can’t be claimed by most of them. Of the attendees, nearly a third identify as Trans or GNC (gender non-conforming) and over half as people of color. During the extended weekend, participants are invited to learn about strategies to preserve LGBTQ+ rights, network with folks doing similar or completely different work for their communities and participate in sessions and seminars to hopefully help them do what they do better. The attendees are literally from all over the country and are made up of funders, direct-care workers, politicians, activists and CEOs.

Our first installment will feature my interview with POSE’s Jason Rodriguez and an overview of random thoughts and musings that we collected during our week at the Conference. There was SO much to take in from Plenary panels, individual sessions and star-studded performances that we are starting with the notes we captured in our phones because those were the things that caught our attention in real time. A little random but very real and there is something to be said for the moments that catch your eye… or ear.

So embark with us on our journey through the Crescent City, a town already bubbling with Queer culture, jazz in the air and magic on the menus.

“Ya’ll is all”- I don’t know, we heard it and it was cutewrite it down. Can’t go wrong with ya’ll as a pronoun.

“Glittery Gumbo”- another cute one someone said. It may have been referring to the cuisine but we are pretty sure it was referring to the audience as a whole and the eclectic mix of LGBTQ+ audience members.

“I is illness, WE is wellness”. I would be lying if I said I didn’t end up with eyes full of tears almost every day of the conference. I am a crier but the emotion wasn’t due to any profound statement or sentiment most of the time. It wasn’t even in seeing acts of kindness or inclusiveness that I witnessed. It was the simple being with so, so many LGBTQ+ people in one space. This work gets extremely lonely. It is hard everyday.

Whether you work independently or as a collective, many of the battles feel like they are yours alone. It almost always feels like David and Goliath. Many days feel like you are surviving on caffeine, shots (take that as you will) and tenacity alone. Many days it feels like the battles are impossible but you keep fighting anyway. I got emotional AT LEAST once a day just being amongst so many people who were also showing up to fight. I got emotional seeing Queer people dressed in business suits or birkenstocks or booty shorts or silver skirts and walking confidently through a hotel on their way to a session. I got emotional remembering that there are ALOT of us. I got emotional every time they did a land acknowledgement or the ASL interpreters gave pointers to the crowd or we had to wait to find out what a Spanish speaker had said because presenters were encouraged to speak first in their own languages and for a change, the rest of us could wait to hear the translation. “I” is illness and “we” is wellness. I was struck by the palpable act of “we”.

The Executive Director of The National LGBTQ Taskforce, Kierra Johnson, made a point of repeatedly discussing the concept of “being in disagreement while staying in community.” In an election year, with what may be the fate of the entire Queer community looming in the balance, it is an extra interesting proposition to consider. How often do the divisions

within the community keep us from achieving as a community? I’m sure it’s something most marginalized groups have considered and grappled with. One of the plenaries during the convention focused on Democracy and Fascism. A panel of brilliant minds with what seemed to be very differing perspectives discussed the potential impending doom that lies just over the horizon as Democracy continues to be threatened. An Indigenous panelist pointed out the disservices Democracy has done to their people and the way that white supremacy and racism has harmed us all. I often discuss on panels and in consulting sessions that there is a misconception that the Queer community is all rainbows and YMCA renditions when in fact it is simply a microcosm of larger society. I have personally experienced more racism at the hands of white Queer folks than I have anywhere else. It’s hard to convince a marginalized group that they have more privilege than another marginalized group. A second panelist argued later in the plenary that for the greater good, it’s time to band together and fight the fascist regime that is threatening to overtake us and live to fight another day, possibly literally. But it’s a question that continues to linger with me. Do we, for the time being, turn a blind-eye to the rampant racism, transmisia and misogyny ever present within Queerness to join arms against our shared enemy? I don’t have an answer for that. Another quote I recorded from Johnson was, “our fates are intertwined whether I like you or not. I can’t get to freedom without you.” Food for thought.

Mariah Moore of the Transgender Law Center, a native of New Orleans, spoke eloquently and shared similar sentiments about us needing to be in alignment and that, “everyone should live here free and borders should not exist.”

Human Rights Activist and Advocate, Li Anne Estrella Sanchez gave the most beautiful statement in Spanish that concluded with, “they can tie my hands and feet but never my heart or my spirit of resilience.” Periodt.

Kierra Johnson seems like someone that would be an absolute ki to have lunch with. Seeing how much she enjoyed saying “fuck that, fuck this, fuck it” while sitting in admiration of Miss Majors and also in the midst of very serious discussions managed to channel us all in those moments.

There were pleas for funders to end heavy reporting requirements that keep us tied up in offices instead of out in the world doing the work.

A reminder that “reparations mean repair”. Ashe’ A request for the Human Rights Campaign to review their Corporate Equality Index by Union workers. Is it really telling the story? The Union issue was another interesting one. At one point, Starbucks workers spoke to the crowd about their struggle and invited participants to visit their

table to get T-Shirts and goodies in a tabling area upstairs. The spirit of acceptance that met each presenter felt strained and tense in that moment. They were here and they were Queer so they were “on our side” but it was no secret that much of the audience was in the midst of boycotting Starbucks and heavily in support of a ceasefire and a free Palestine. It was softened only slightly by a story they told of Palestinian protesters who came to stand with Starbucks employees on a picket line. Later in the conference, in what wasn’t entirely clear was an invited interruption or an impromptu one. The Executive Director of the Muslim Alliance for Sexual and Gender Diversity, and also a Palestinian, joined by supporters with hand painted banners and Palestinian flags took to the stage and talked about the atrocities taking place in Gaza and of the funeral of a Palestinian from New Orleans happening at that very moment. They reminded us of the thousands and thousands of murders happening every day and that a call for ceasefire just simply isn’t enough, Queer and Trans Palestians, along with a hundred of the family members of one of the people on the stage were being and had been murdered. The simple act of resistance and solidarity in that moment, somehow restored balance to the room and the panel about Democracy continued.

It wasn’t the only moment that felt strange. There were times that folks called out inequities and racism and a lack of support of staff, understanding from funders and recognition of Trans folk and noted that many people guilty of those offenses were also sitting in these rooms. And I’m sure it happened many more times than I was present for. So how does one fix that?

When the people who make-up these very flawed systems are the people who most need to hear the message but ALSO are the people causing the problems and sitting in these rooms masquerading as accomplices- what is the solution? We face these battles everyday. Many of us are fighting the worldmany of us are fighting the system within which we exist.

In the same vein, I sat with a colleague of mine in the only Caucus meeting I was able to attend. It was for the State of Florida and of great interest to me because of the political and legislative challenges facing the state and also because it is where I currently reside. Although the panelists were passionate and clearly very engaged in the work, the session felt clunky and didn’t hold the organizer mentality I was hoping to encounter. While facing such devastating reversals of rights and increasing danger to our Trans sibs, I was hoping to walk into a rallying call and strategy session I suppose, not a panel discussion. We know the problems, we live there, how are we going to fight?

I loved the tidbits of Louisiana Queer history that we got to hear about. I was glad to see the community stories and leaders that made it onto the program. I loved that they set up walking tours and opportunities to sightsee and visit the French Quarter which was within walking distance. One morning, I needed a break and some air, so I walked to Congo Square, somewhere I had never visited in my previous trips to the city. I walked alone the half mile or so it took to get there to gather my thoughts in the chilly air. I walked to the center of the simple gated park and stood before a sign that explained that it had been a spot where enslaved folks came to find little pieces of joy. They danced and socialized there; they found little pockets of freedom in that space. I stood quietly and knelt down to touch the ground upon which my ancestors once stood. There is soul and souls in New Orleans and I know in one of these lives I lived, I’d crossed this path before. On the way back, I happened upon a protest, which I joined. There are apparently developers seeking to overtake much of the Gulf Coast causing culture to be lost and people are getting sick. I stood as silent support, a body amidst the crowd. There is solidarity in protest, no matter what they tell you… the first Pride was a riot.

And it was led by Black and Brown Trans folk.

“There are more Black folks down South than anywhere. Geographically there are more Queer folks in the South than anywhere else in the country.” I neglected to record who said it. I believe it was AshLee Woodward Henderson of the Highlander Research and Design Center who just had me transfixed with their brilliance and candor every time they spoke. I don’t think it was a fact I knew before, I don’t know how, but it was striking to me for so many, what I think are, obvious reasons.

I made a note to make sure I mentioned “The Original Pinettes Brass Band”. Per their website, The Pinettes are “the ONLY female Brass Band in the Universe, was formed by Mr. Jefferey Herbert in 1991. Each member born and raised in New Orleans, Louisiana, attended St. Mary's Academy High School, the historically black all-girl Catholic school (HBHS). Beginning with 16 or more members, the Original Pinettes ended up with not only St. Mary's females but other female musicians around the city.” They were so talented and brought so much joy to the room after several long sessions and unfortunately didn’t have the audience they should have coming directly after Big Freedia. Even I had to run from the room on 1% to try to get prepared for the next thing. But they were some of those bits of amazing New Orleans bright spots that made the conference so special.

The extras: to my recollection, there was a wellness room that had meditations and massages, a game room that had video games you could pop in and play (I almost beat my baby daddy at Mortal Kombat- I think he was cheating), sensory rooms when you needed a break from the so much (because it truly was a lot to take in), there were opportunities to get out and enjoy the city, there were meet-ups at local bars and restaurants to get you some air and a new environment, there was a Ball, a Masquerade, and a Variety/Talent Show. There were so many things going on beyond sessions and classes, plenaries and caucus meetings. I’ve never witnessed a conference that managed to somehow pack in SO much. They say everything is bigger in Vegas, the home of next year's conference so I can’t even imagine it getting bigger than it already is.

I GOT HUGS AND KISSES FROM MISS MAJOR GRIFFIN-GRACY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, she took my hand, she called me over to sit closer to her, she set her hand on my leg as I awkwardly and embarrassingly gushed over her and I cried in the hallway after we left. She is gracious with her time and her encouragement beyond words. The quote I have always lived by is, “it's more important how you sit with the broken than how you walk with the great.” But that day I sat with an icon and I am forever changed.

The last thing I wanted to mention in this first installment was a tiny bookstore called the Community Book Center that we found packed into a corner of the hall where orgs and vendors tabled. One of the things I personally enjoyed most was flipping through the pages of the Black-Owned local bookstore’s selection to choose books to take home

with me. And my $75 overweight baggage fee told the tale. The owners talked with us as we flipped through Baldwin, hooks, Garvey, Queer children’s books and further collections that narrated the resistance. They are "more than a bookstore". Community Book Center is a literary, cultural and social hub on historic Bayou Road in New Orleans. For forty (40) years CBC has been the oldest Black owned bookstore in the New Orleans area.

PLEASE visit when you are in town or shop them at bookshop.org/shop/readcbc in their quest to keep giants like Amazon from eating the entire industry. Even that is an act of resistance!

So there you have it, my first installment of random musings from a week too big to fit in one issue. I hope you were at least kind of able to follow along.

Come with us on this journey, as we bring you interviews from National LGBTQ Taskforce ED, Kierra Johnson and conference host, the incomparable, Raquel Willis. ...... And in the meantime.. Enjoy this AMAZING interview with Jason A. Rodriguez.

JASON A. RODRIGUEZ WATCH ON YOUTUBE MEETING JASON IN PERSON YOU APPRECIATE JUST HOW GOOD OF AN ACTOR HE IS BECAUSE LEMAR WAS, AS JASON DESCRIBES HIM, “A SHADY ASS BUTCH QUEEN” AND JASON IS ANYTHING BUT. THE SECOND YOU MEET HIM, HE ENVELOPES YOU IN WARMTH AND HAS A GLOW THAT YOU CAN SEE FROM THE PAGES. I FELT LIKE I KNEW HIM FOREVER AND YOU WILL TOO.

JASON A.

INTERVIEW W/TAMARA LEIGH

RODRIGUEZ

FLORIDA Immani Love

what the heck is that?” He laughed and answered, “I was born on February 29, in a Leap Year, so my birthday is every 4 years. I’m a leapling, and I’m technically 3 yrs old.” For a “smart girl” I had never felt more “dumb” than at that moment.

I had never heard of a “leap year”, and had definitely never met someone born on February 29th, so I was intrigued. Henry went on to tell me In 1984, when I was about 13 yrs old, I lived and

that his family celebrates his birthday every 4

attended middle school in Atlanta, GA. I was a

years, but for school and other legal things his

pretty well rounded child; I was smart, ranked

birthday is considered February 28th. I felt sorry for

highly on state exams, played tennis for the

this poor kid who only gets celebrated every 4

school’s team, sang in the school chorus, and was

years while other children get an annual party and

somewhat popular with the other students. I was

gifts. I apologized to him for how much it must

one of the people that was designated to show

really suck to get shortchanged out of gifts every

new students around the school by administration

year and how mad he must have been to not be

and I took this position of honor with grace. Prior to

celebrated like “normal” kids. He shared with me

meeting the new student, I always tried to get a

that he considered himself lucky, he said he felt like

little background information so that I could

he was a member of an elite club. He liked the idea

possibly find something in common to chat about.

that while others around him would one day turn

We had a new student, let’s call him “Henry”

40 yrs old he would technically only be 10 yrs old

because I can’t remember his real name (and I

and by that standard he would never grow old. He

happen to like that name) and the only information

said that when people around him would be

I had about him was that he had moved to Atlanta

approaching retirement at 64 yrs old, he would be

from D.C. and he was 3 yrs old. Now, of course, I

celebrating his “Sweet 16” birthday! I marveled at

immediately thought this was a typo and the “1”

the beauty of his plan for aging gracefully. We

was left off of his true age of “13” because there

spoke at length about Leap Year, Leaplings and the

was no way a 3 yr old was in middle school! When I

various traditions surrounding them. Henry was

greeted Henry at the front office, I introduced

well versed on the topic. He said it helped him to

myself to the young man who looked about my

understand how unique he was and to give him

age and confidently held his backpack over one

the confidence to match his personality to his

shoulder. He stood a few inches taller than me and

distinctive birthright. He told me that in some

had the build of an athlete. We smiled at one

traditions, on Leap Day, women were allowed to

another and exchanged pleasantries and I joked

propose to men. He said that he hoped his future

with him that he was probably the tallest and

wife proposed to him on his birthday to make it

smartest 3 yr old I had ever met, to which he

even more special. He said in some countries if the

replied, “I get that a lot.” He said, “I’m a leapling.” to

woman proposed and the man said no for

which I responded in the politest way I could, “Um,

whatever reason, he would then have to buy her 12

Immani Love pairs of gloves, supposedly to hide the fact that she was not engaged for a year. There’s even a festival in Texas every Leap Year for those that share his birthday. We laughed at some of the traditions

around

his

atypical

birthday

and

became great friends before I moved away a couple years later. ,

This year is a Leap Year, so

each time February 29th rolls around I think of the first time I met a 3 yr old middle schooler. He was the tallest, smartest, 3 yr old I had ever met. He taught me that life is all about how you choose to embrace things you have no control over. One can choose to celebrate their uniqueness or wallow in what they could have had if they were like everyone else. Henry chose to embrace the beauty of aging gracefully with a youthful outlook on the world. I hope wherever he is in the world that his wife proposed to him on his 6th birthday, that he didn’t have to buy 12 pairs of gloves, and that somewhere he’s out there preparing to celebrate his 13th birthday in Texas with other Leaplings!

Please wear purple

FLORIDA

If you spoke every language under the sun, you still could not find enough words to encapsulate the impact of the life of Dana Randolph, better known as Desiree DeMornay.

A legend within the Drag community, Desiree was a mother, sister, auntie, grandmother and mentor to numerous Transgender, Lesbian, Gay, Bi and Gender NonConforming community members.

The New Orleans native was known not just for her thunderous dance moves on the stage, but for her kindness, generosity, and her ability to see the best in everyone. Desiree dedicated her life to the wellness and betterment of our rainbow community. The accomplished legend served as a House Mother to so many Drag entertainers, it would not be possible to name all of them.

Literally, opening her door to individuals whose biological families did not accept them, Desiree provided kind words, care, mutual aid, and community at a moment’s notice. A professional through and through, the multi-title holder saw potential in Drag entertainers of various styles, of all races and backgrounds, gender identities and sexual orientations. Desiree was single-handedly responsible for launching several Drag careers.

At the time of her passing, Desiree was residing in Phoenix, Arizona, however, she had an extensive history in Tampa, Florida, as well as headlining in shows all across the country. Holding over 30 pageant titles, Desiree was first crowned as Miss Fallout 1992, but took several titles throughout her extraordinary career, according to Our Community Roots, she held titles such as Miss Shining Star US of A (1994), Miss Illinois America (1996), Miss Missouri Continental Plus (1999), Queen of Pride St Louis (2003), Miss Lakeland (2008), Miss Sunshine State Black Universe (2007) and Miss Black Universe (2019) which are only a few of her career accomplishments. Her extensive career spanned across a number of gay bars where she notably packed the house, bringing life, hope and energy to gay, Transgender, and allied audiences across the country.

Some notable venues where she graced the stage include Valentine’s Showbar, Hamburger Mary’s Tampa where she served as a show director, including directing talent nights and launching a platform for numerous new entertainers to make their start.

The Baton Lounge (as show director), Axis Nightclub, Club Chambers, The Parliament House, Stacy’s at Melrose, Karamba Phoenix, and countless other venues held place for her talent.

Across social media, numerous Drag entertainers, Transgender and gay community members mourn this indescribable loss. In her memory, they recall the lessons she taught them when no one else would give them a chance. Community members recall her as legendary, as kind, as supportive. She was known for her loyalty, her class, her grace, her dignity, her sense of humor, her sense of pride, but most fondly, her sense of family.

For those who were lucky enough to know Desiree, despite her legendary status, she treated all of her family like they were legends. Never once standing above anyone, even with the highest crown upon her head, she stood side-by-side with her community, igniting passion, motivation, and dreaming of a world where all of us can be who we know we are, love who we know we love, and express our art however we so desire to express it. Although her legendary heart has finally stopped beating, her legacy will never die. Desiree DeMornay exists in each of us when we find our voice, when we dance, when we love one another, when we take care of one another, and when we show up for one another. Find the legend within your own heart in honor of Desiree and speak love into our community.

- Angel D'Angelo

Source: Desiree DeMornay – Our Community Roots

NORTH CAROLINA

Whosoever Lifts...

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- Pastor Roni

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PORTRAITS

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A QUICK READ FOR THE GWORLS Tarot done specifically for you if you were born in :

FEBRUARY

Looking for a little more guidance on what life might bring you this month? Tarot cards, read by an intuitive reader, can provide us that guidance. While your personal reading may vary slightly, the readings here are directed for all of those born in the same month for the current month.

This month try a different approach. Find néw inspiration that builds you up and allow that to guide you towards the thoughts that create the action . Instead of thinking your way into the next step, trust that your intuition will get you there. There is no need to take it all on by yourself though either . Try delegating some responsibility to others. This allows you to speak to and utilize everyone’s strengths and no one has to become overwhelmed.

MARCH That business idea that you have been tossing around in your head for some time is itching to become a reality. Time to have some serious conversations with people that you want to work with on it. You really should try to solidify a business plan by the end of the month . Then with a little bit of faith, start moving forward. You may have to adjust some things in order to account for things that won’t go as planned but you won’t know what those are until you try. You may receive unexpected help from a surprise source.

APRIL You may be asked to step up on your job. It looks like there is going to be an announcement made and they are going to be asking people that are interested to become involved in some new development. It comes with more responsibility and you may be dealing directly with people in high places. You will impress them and they will return with offers for future projects.

MAY Plan on working long and hard this month. It will pay off if you do. Stand firm in what you expect in return for that hard work. You may end up impressing some people that are not easily impressed. So show ‘em what you got.

JUNE Some last minute changes may have to be implemented before you can begin work on your next project. There may need to be some renegotiating in order to get everything lined up properly. Be careful to not compromise on things that are important to you but be willing to adjust things like budget and timelines. Some of these changes are occurring to encourage you to step up and take charge. It may be a little uncomfortable for you but if you trust the process it will all work out..

JULY The focus this month for you is relationships. You may find yourself wondering who your true friends are. There is a situation that comes up mid month that stresses you out and you could really use a friend to listen. There are some people that will step up but others can’t be bothered because it isn’t convenient for them . True friends? I don’t think so. Leave them in the dust and move on to bigger and better things with the ones that were there for you.

AUGUST Don’t put all your career plans in one basket. It is time to expand your sources of income. This may include looking at that business that you started that never got off the ground. Either give it a facelift or let it go. There is no shame in walking away from a once good idea . If you had that idea you will have another. That entrepreneur in you won’t stay quiet for long. Maybe next time you develop the idea with someone else that shares your passion. In the meantime make sure you have money coming from a couple different sources.

SEPTEMBER A good idea runs into a lot of road blocks this month. This may not be the right time to try and start something new. Be patient, there is a beneficial conversation you are going to have closer to March that is going to add a new perspective. This conversation is with someone much younger that very innocently is going to offer a solution. You may initially want to discount what they say as coming from someone with no experience but if you rethink it you may find that they were on to something. Find a way to apply what they suggested and you may be surprised.

Give credit where credit is due.

OCTOBER There are career opportunities to explore this month. Two very compassionate, business-like individuals that you meet this month may turn out to be very good connections for you. Not only are they doing well for themselves but know others who are too. This is a great month for networking with these individuals. They may have the solution to challenges you have been facing . Make sure you share your dreams and ambitions with them because they might just be the ones that can bring them to fruition.

NOVEMBER

Keep your negotiating skills front and center. There are a number of deals that may come your way this month but I also see them trying to get away with cutting you short. Don’t get so anxious about grabbing the deal if it’s not all that it can be. Make sure you are aware of your value. Don’t be afraid to ask for more than what they are offering. Also keep in mind things like benefits add up to more value as well. If you need health insurance, ask for it. If you need paid time off, ask for it. Create the package that works for you. Also be willing to walk away from the table if they don’t agree.

DECEMBER This should be a very happy month for you. Following your passion not only allows you to enjoy life but it helps you to expand. Put those creative ideas into action. You never know what can come of them unless you try. It is also time to reap rewards for your efforts so don’t be afraid to invest in yourself so you can grow. The scales are definitely tipping in your favor.

JANUARY Daydreaming should be on your agenda this month. Not so much the distracting kind but the dare to dream kind. Start thinking about areas of your life you want to expand upon. Visualize where you see your life going. Remember those childhood dreams. You don’t have to bury them just because they haven’t happened yet. You are smarter and more experienced now . Time to revisit them.

For a more specific reading to your specific circumstance Doreen Scanlan, Intuitive Text 585-615-8494 for a personalized reading to set an appointment.

NEW YORK

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