KEFAYA POSITIVE THINKING! By Ayesha Osman
Lately, looking through magazines, checking Facebook or turning on daytime TV, I'm bombarded by positive thinking. Every where I turn I see people assuming positivity. Whether by posting affirmative, uplifting quotes, magazines advertising the easiest 10 ways to regain your happiness, or 5 steps to a stress free life…I believe that our minds are subconsciously attacked with happy thoughts and forced to feel a sort of contentment for the status quo… so when you're having one of those days, you kind of feel guilty for feeling bad about spilling coffee on your shirt, having that extra slice of cake, not getting that promotion, not exercising regularly… the list goes on, because you 'have to be grateful' and 'look on the bright side'!! How many times have you heard people tell you, "Don't lose hope.", or "there's always a silver lining," or any of those redundancies? Hearing it when you're at your lowest point, you 118
would assume, should give you this elusive sense of hope. However, what ends up happening is that you either, look your comforter in the eye and think to yourself, "what an idiot,” or, for a split second, your mind pauses and you think maybe there is whatever it is people talk about…hope. The first usually overcomes the second. There are some instances in life when you're put to the toughest tests. These tests may not necessarily confront your biggest fears, but your dreams; things you actually coveted. When your 'dreams' come true their consequences may not be as flowery as you envisioned… and here is where the magic words appear; "have faith", “you never know," and the worst of all, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". There is so much about our daily lives that's frustrating and disappointing, and as adults we are expected to behave in a certain way in order to: a) survive and b) not slap people right and left, in other words, cohabit in a civilized manner in order to be accepted within the norms of daily life.
I'm not opposed to positive thinking and the glass-half full and all, but sometimes you need to wallow in self pity in order to push yourself back into reality. Sometimes it's better to give yourself that time to say, "I hate my life right now” even as you love your kids, your job or whatever it is that makes you happy, but constantly keeping a happy, positive, optimistic demeanor is hard and downright hypocritical. I come from a country where the traffic alone can cause bouts of extreme depression. I have learned to accept the road-rage-inflictedmaniac, as well as the idiot who has been stuck in traffic for two hours but can still laugh and smile…I have been both and I am proud to embrace my realistic outlook on life. There was a time when I believed that if someone came to me complaining of a hard day, that I should respond with the following, consecutively; an encouraging anecdote, a pat on the back and an “it's okay we've all been there,”
and end it with the mother-of-allpositive gibberish, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But now, I take a different approach; I make coffee and tell them that they should whine all they want, that life sucks and that sometimes we really cannot control the needy spouse, obsessive compulsive boss, or backstabbing colleague. Sometimes we are entitled to complain about the little things in life; not getting those curly fries you were craving all day, having a bad hair day, or putting on 2, or maybe 10 kilos in a frighteningly short time. We are entitled to our hissy fits…they keep us sane when life really throws us a curve ball. Faced with life's unexpected challenges, sometimes what you truly need is to wallow in self pity, have a few bad days and then force yourself to count your blessings… because as long as we're living, life will constantly test our strength and weakness. When inspirational quotes aren't enough, I believe admitting that the situation is down right unbearable, accepting it, complaining about it and then moving on, is healthy. Accepting that there are losses in life, bigger and more humbling than not getting what you wanted, is a big part of growing up and surviving life. I have this friend, a few years older than me, and although she smiles all the time, you can tell that she's not high on the happiness drug. I remember distinctly going to her one day with a "problem" and she very calmly telling me that I needed a thicker Teflon layer. It's one of those things that I always go back to, my Teflon layer. I am grateful for all the blessings I have in my life, the obvious ones and the ones unknown to me, but I have also learned that I am entitled to wallow in self pity every now and then, to feel disappointed at life and just wish I had a rewind button. My Teflon layer is getting thicker, not just with cupcakes, (although that helps), but with primarily knowing I have a great family, the most supportive friends and the right to hope for more.