AWOL Issue 447

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FOR THE EXPAT IN ALL OF US! ISSUE 447 29th September 2017

ABSENT WITH OUT LEAVE IN THE LAND OF SMILES

FREE

EVERY FRIDAY SINCE 2008

the original and best!

GET RACING FROM ONLY 400 BAHT! OPEN EVERYDAY 10.30AM - 7PM

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www.gokarthuahin.com info@gokarthuahin.com

Victor’s

open 24/7

Wide range of rooms in the heart of Hua Hin a/c, lcd tv, dvd player, fridge, free premium wifi, cable TV victorguesthouse@gmail.com 032 511564 60 Naresdamri Road, Hua Hin

P A N AMA BAR

Good Times Every Night A DJ To Save Your Life

a new start?

twenty year tourism plan announced for province

•A •group comprising the government of the province and tourism organisations has announced the first prachuap kiri khan

ever strategic tourism plan for the area, intended to cover the next twenty years. Udomsuk Nimcean, president of the Tourism Association of Prachuap Khiri Khan, said the group has completed the framework for the province’s strategic tourism plan for 1-4 years, 10 years, and 20 years. “The entire province is ready to move to another level. This is the first time the association has drafted a proactive tourism development plan, focusing more on the high-end segment,” he said. Official figures show that the province has 500 registered hotels with 3,000-4,000 rooms, as well as hundreds of non-registered hotels and accommodations, with the vast majority in the Hua Hin area. These figures also show up to 7 million provincial visitors in 2016, with up to 45% staying in Hua Hin. Of the total visitors, 65% were domestic travellers, while the rest were foreigners, mostly from Sweden, Germany, Australia, Russia and China. The average length of stay for tourists is 3-7 days per trip, but free independent tourists stay longer -- 2-3 weeks per trip. While there is always some doubts about the reliability of the tourism statistics, the overall concept of having a coordinated plan to promote tourism in this area is a welcome one, although so far there is only a general overview, and nothing has been announced as regards the specifics of how and where the promotion will be done, nor how it will be paid for. There also appears to be an official blind spot regarding the numbers of empty retail units that have appeared in the last few months that belie the optimism and figures being touted. What seems blindingly obvious to the majority of expats and foreigners is that far fewer western tourists are coming, due to a combination of a too strong baht, a military government and more attractive alternatives nearby, such as Vietnam.


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Affordable Health Insurance from 50 baht per day with thai-health.com Contact andreas@thai-health.com

local listings

accommodation Tel.

Property Tel.

sports & leisure Tel.

Restaurants/Food Tel.

All Nations Guesthouse Victor Guesthouse

081 587 0938

Go Kart Hua Hin

032 512 747 032 511 564 032 547 199

Bars & Pubs Tel.

Bobby’s Bar Double D Father Teds Lucky Shot Panama Bar Thip’s Bar Wooden House

Services & other Tel.

Asian Secure Legal Services Hua Hin Siam Consulting thai-health.com

086 504 6405 084 881 8396 032 512 075

087 155 7737 080 652 0531 032 514 448 086 178 1550

Hot Property Lucky Real Estate

081 587 0938 082 298 0500

Anna’s Pies British Breakfast Foods Dizzy Dolphin Hua Hin Ham & Bacon Passport Cafe The Palm Bistro

098 897 2492 087 155 7737 091 407 6854 032 513 144 093 139 9655 032 828 144

090 962 6758 091 449 4551

Tel. 091 407 6854 Free appetisers & Happy Hour prices during ALL live EPL matches Happy Hour all drinks 3 - 8.30 pm Food available from 3 - 10 pm. Try our extensive Thai & Western menu

Located in Samorphrong Turn right before the 7-11 & we are 200 m up on the right 19 Damnernkasem Road, Hua Hin Ph: 032 514448 Opposite the Police station

Live Music 7 nights a week Open for Breakfast from 9am Live sport on HD screens Chang, Guinness, Tiger, Carlsberg, San Mig Light, Magners & Kilkenny on Draught

HAPPY HOURS MON - FRI 9AM - 6PM don't miss in september LADIES NIGHT EVERY THURSDAY Buy 1 Get One Free on Cocktails LADS NIGHT EVERY FRIDAY Enjoy Happy Hour prices on our entire draught selection

For more information on Events and Special offers Call 032 514448

More than 12 years in Hua Hin

BOBBY’’S BAR

Find us on Soi 102

087 155 7737 or 089 985 7473

New Sunday Menu

Sunday Roast, with Chicken, Pork or Lamb. Plus Yorkshire Pudding, Roast & Mash Potatoes, Cabbage, Carrots, Parsley and Gravy. Includes Dessert of Apple or Blueberry Pie, or Fried Bananas with Ice Cream All Free when you spend 250Bt or more on Beers, Wine Or Cocktails

Home of Bobby’s British Breakfast Foods

UK Sausages, Ham, Bacon, Pies, Teas etc.


Affordable Health Insurance from 50 baht per day with thai-health.com Contact andreas@thai-health.com

AWOL WITH..

Yuzhu

Photos coutesy of Haribo

Join our Sunday Lunch Club and start earning your free Roast Dinner

Opening times Tuesday till Saturday 10.30 till 14.30, 17.30 till 21.00 Sunday 13.00 till 17.00 Tel. 032 828 144 Web: thepalmbistro.com thepalmbistro@gmail.com Located at Orchid Palm Homes 4 1043 Road, Tabtai, Hua Hin

090 962 6758

Thip’s Bar

Your Friendly Local In Samorphrong

Open every day from 1pm - late

Happy Hour until 8pm (small beers 50 baht, large beers 70 baht)

DHouble D H !2-8 Soi 6, Borfai, Hua Hin Tel. 080 652 0531

appy

our

pm

Buy 2 Get 1 Free on all small domestic beers Large domestic beers 70 bt Wine 55 bt San Mig / Heineken 65 bt Sangsom + mixer 40 bt

LIVE SPORTS TV

Pool Table Open 2pm - Late

Located off the canal road; at the Soi 6 traffic lights go across the bridge over the canal & turn immediately right. We are about 600 m further on the right, 100 m past the temple, directly behind the small brown Buddha house.

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weather & tides World weather (28-9-17)

Local Forecast AND TIDES

Rain (mm) Conditions Temp. °C Tides CITY Weather High H L 1st 2nd 3rd 4th °C SA 8 Cloudy; a shower 32 25 03:43 1.4m 09:17 2.4m 14:09 1.7m 15:27 2.5m Amsterdam Partly sunny 19 SU 9 Cloudy; a t-storm 31 25 03:29 1.4m 07:28 2.4m 13:42 1.7m 16:07 2.5m Ankara Scattered clouds 23 MO 4 Cloudy; a t-storm 32 25 03:25 1.4m 06:23 2.4m 14:10 1.6m 16:39 2.6m Athens Partly sunny 23 TU 7 Cloudy; a t-storm 30 24 03:27 1.4m 06:01 2.4m 14:41 1.6m 17:09 2.6m Auckland Partly cloudy 13 WE 8 Cloudy; a t-storm 31 24 03:33 1.4m 06:00 2.5m 15:13 1.5m 17:37 2.6m Beijing Clear 16 TH 5 Cloudy; a t-storm 30 25 03:41 1.4m 06:09 2.5m 15:47 1.5m 18:03 2.5m Berlin Broken clouds 19 FR 2 Cloudy; a shower 31 25 03:48 1.4m 06:24 2.6m 16:23 1.4m 18:27 2.5m Buenos Aires Scattered clouds 16 Cairo Sunny 31 Chicago Passing clouds 17 thailand weather (28-9-17) Copenhagen Broken clouds 15 Dubai Clear 33 Place Temp Hum Conditions Place Temp Hum Conditions Dublin Broken clouds 16 Nakhon Sawan 27 °C 76% T-storms Aranyaprathet 27 °C 88% Light Rain Helsinki Passing clouds 13 Nan 27 °C 100% N/A Ban A To 24 °C 97% Ho Chi Minh City Partly cloudy 33 Nang Rong 25 °C 100% Mostly Cldy Ban Baen Chado 24 °C 100% T-storm Hong Kong Passing clouds 31 Narathiwat 26 °C 83% Mostly Cldy Ban Bang Bamru 24 °C 100% T-storm Islamabad Haze 31 Nong Khai 26 °C 89% T-storm Ban Bang Duan 24 °C 100% T-storm Istanbul Broken clouds 22 Pattani 26 °C 83% Mostly Cldy Ban Bua Chum 26 °C 94% T-storms Jakarta Passing clouds 29 29 °C 79% Scattered Clds Ban Fai Na 28 °C 79% Scattered Clds Pattaya Jerusalem Passing clouds 27 Phayao 26 °C 100% Partly Cldy Ban Hua Tho 24 °C 100% T-storm Johannesburg Scattered clouds 22 27 °C 78% Overcast Ban Ko Thung 28 °C 83% Scattered Clds Phetchabun Karachi Passing clouds 28 29 °C 74% Scattered Clds Ban Krathing Lai 26 °C 91% Scattered Clds Phetchaburi Kuala Lumpur Light rain 27 Phitsanulok 28 °C 79% Partly Cldy Ban Na Si Nuan 26 °C 89% Partly Cldy London Partly sunny 20 Phrae 27 °C 89% Partly Cldy Ban Nong Pladuk 27 °C 94% Mostly Cldy Madrid Passing clouds 29 Phuket 28 °C 79% Scattered Clds Ban Samphan 25 °C 90% Partly Cldy Manila Haze 29 Prachin Buri 28 °C 82% Scattered Clds Bangkok 27 °C 74% Mostly Cldy Mexico City Broken clouds 16 Prach. Khirikhan 32 °C 60% Overcast Chaiyaphum 27 °C 80% Partly Cldy Moscow Overcast 9 27 °C 84% Partly Cldy Chanthaburi 27 °C 94% Scattered Clds Ranong Mumbai Passing clouds 30 29 °C 79% Scattered Clds Chawang 27 °C 84% Scattered Clds Rayong New Delhi Sunny 34 Roi Et 26 °C 89% Partly Cldy Chiang Mai 28 °C 70% Partly Cldy New York Sunny 21 Samui 28 °C 84% Partly Cldy Chiang Rai 26 °C 100% Partly Cldy Oslo Cool 14 Sattahip 27 °C 80% Scattered Clds Chok Chai 23 °C 96% T-storms Paris Mostly cloudy 18 24 °C 100% Mostly Cldy Chumphon 28 °C 70% Scattered Clds Satun Perth Clear 9 24 °C 100% Mostly Cldy Kam Paeng Phet 32 °C 65% Scattered Clds Songkhla Phnom-Penh Partly cloudy 31 Sukhothai 31 °C 72% Scattered Clds Kamalasai 26 °C 89% Partly Cldy Rio De Janeiro Passing clouds 30 24 °C 100% T-storm Kanchanaburi 32 °C 60% Scattered Clds Suphan Buri Riyadh Sunny 37 Surat Thani 25 °C 100% Partly Cldy Khanom 28 °C 84% Partly Cldy Rome Passing clouds 27 Surin 25 °C 100% Mostly Cldy Khlong Yai 27 °C 92% Mist San Francisco Passing clouds 15 Tak 31 °C 64% Scattered Clds Ko Lanta 26 °C 89% Partly Cldy Seoul Clear 13 Takua Pa 24 °C 10% Scattered Clds Ko Samui 28 °C 84% Partly Cldy Shanghai Passing clouds 22 Tha Tum 25 °C 50% Mostly Cldy Ko Sichang 24 °C 93% Rain Singapore Passing clouds 29 Tha Wang Pha 27 °C 94% Partly Cldy Krabi 26 °C 89% Partly Cldy Stockholm Partly sunny 14 Thoen 27 °C 89% Partly Cldy Lampang 27 °C 89% Partly Cldy Sydney Clear 17 Thong Pha Phum 28 °C 76% Scattered Clds Lamphun 24 °C 96% Partly Cldy Taibei/Taipei Thundershowers 28 Thung Chang 27 °C 94% Partly Cldy Loei 33 °C 63% Partly Cldy Tokyo Cool 16 Trang 26 °C 89% Partly Cldy Lop Buri 24 °C 100% T-storm Vancouver Clear 11 Trat 27 °C 94% Scattered Clds Mae Hong Son 28 °C 74% Mostly Cldy Vientiane Light rain 33 Mae Sariang 28 °C 80% Scattered Clds Ubon Ratchathani 27 °C 89% Light Rain Yangon Passing clouds 25 Udon Thani 26 °C 89% T-storm Mae Sot 31 °C 62% Mostly Cldy Zurich Mild 20 Umphang 27 °C 78% Mist Mukdahan 30 °C 66% Clear Nakhon Phanom 27 °C 94% Mostly Cldy Nak. Ratchasima 34 °C 51% Overcast

Uttaradit Wichian Buri

27 °C 100% N/A 26 °C 94% Overcast


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PRICE PER YEAR

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4400 THB (+7% VAT)

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210 x 93 x 450

6600 THB (+7% VAT)

C

290 x 130 x 450 10,900 THB (+7% VAT)

D

440 x 205 x 450 14,900 THB (+7% VAT) Key Deposit: 2000 THB

For more information please contact us:

Tel. 086-3547352 (TH), 086-5046405 (EN/FR) Email asiansecure01@gmail.com


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sudoku Each week we have an easy and a hard Sudoku puzzle. Just fill in the empty squares so that each horizontal and vertical line, and each section, has all the numbers 1 to 9.

Puzzle 1 (Easy)

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Last issue’s solutions Puzzle 1

Puzzle 2 (Hard)

Puzzle 2

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ALL NATIONS

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puzzles codeword

Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26. Can you crack the code and solve the crossword? Every letter of the alphabet is used at least once. Two or three letters are already in place to get you started. Use the 1-26 small grid to keep track.

Last Issue’s Solution

Apologies for the repeated puzzle in last week’s issue.

A N

B O

C P

D Q

E R

F S

G H T U

I J K V W X

L Y

M Z

crossword Across 1 Brazen (9) 8 Male pig (4) 9 Find(ing) (9) 10 Pack to capacity (4) 13 Absolutely straight — sound (5) 15 Supposition (6) 16 Calm (6) 17 Very hot (6) 19 Deer’s horn (6) 20 Stratagem — part of card play (5) 21 Dislike intensely (4) 24 Jingoist (9) 25 Test (4) 26 In the interim (9)

The solution to last week’s puzzle is on page 19.

Down 2 Greeting — precipitation (4) 3 Small rodents (4) 4 Animated (6) 5 Small crustacean (6) 6 In the proper manner (9) 7 Kind of camel (9) 11 Appeal to arrest an escaping offender! (4,5) 12 Unceasing (9) 13 Put (writing) before the public (5) 14 Brief moment (of hesitation?) (5) 18 Lubricant (6) 19 Keen insight (6) 22 Short distance (4) 23 Borehole (4)

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area 555 Got some great jokes? Send them to us on submissions@awolonline.net

••

silence in court (thanks to Terry) These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? you that morning? WITNESS: Take a guess. WITNESS: He said , ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________________________________________ WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant ____________________________________________ to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? ______________________________________ WITNESS: No , I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a memory at all? fight. WITNESS: Yes. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... something you forgot? _________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been body? involved in voodoo? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. WITNESS: We do.. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: You do? ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Yes , voodoo. Are you qualified to ask that question? ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn’t it true that when a person dies WITNESS: ______________________________________ in his sleep , he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? And last: WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is WITNESS: No. he? ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. WITNESS: No. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? August 8th? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? nevertheless? WITNESS: Getting laid. WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and ____________________________________________ practicing law.


to hull and back Restaurant & Bakery in Samorphrong

OPEN 11am - 9pm every day (Closed Tuesdays) Delicious Home Cooked Western & Thai Food daily specials - check our blackboard Breakfasts - Fresh Bread Baked Daily Free Wi-Fi - Easy Parking Contact us on 093 139 9655 or food@passportcafehuahin.com

Menu on passportcafehuahin.com and Facebook page Passport-Cafe Directions: From Hua Hin go north on the Klong (Canal) Road through the traffic lights and turn left at the blue bridge with the water tower next to it, then immediately right before the 7-11. Follow this road for approximately 1.5 km and you will find us on the right opposite Tropical Hill.

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opening up While Pattayas finest continue in their attempts to control the ladies of the night (morning, lunch time, afternoon and all points inbetween), they might want to take note of how similar measures are back firing in Hull. Yes it goes on here as well, and for many years has been concentrated in the docks area, where business from the fishing industry once boomed. With the decline of fishing times became a bit harder for the ladies, but the area had become well known by then and they managed to carry on by maintaining a high profile. But by 2014 the Council, along with local residents and businesses, had had enough of the high profile, and Hull became the first city to implement orders contained in a 1972 Local Authority Act to crack down, creating a prostitution free zone in the area. Along with tough new measures against offenders, the Council agreed to work with other agencies to provide support for vulnerable women who had been affected by their work, and presumably even more affected by the crack down on it. In reality the new policy of ‘naming and shaming’ offenders, compounded by forcing them into less safe areas, put the women at much greater risk. Now some former sex workers have joined together to form a collective called An Untold Story, and have written a book with the same name. One of the group says that the police used to be quite nice when dealing with them. ‘They were quite supportive, asking us if we were OK, if we had any dodgy punters... they’re here to punish now, and not to support.’ The surprising thing in a way is that a senior police officer, who has called for local people affected by sex workers to report incidents, is also a woman. Could it be that it has taken the rise of women into the senior ranks of the police for such a tough stance to be implemented? If so there are probably no prizes for guessing why - but as far as the new collective is concerned there is no justification for the ‘naming and shaming’, which includes the publication of offenders photos and personal information, and little sign of the promised support. Meanwhile, in response to official guidance, the country’s first Sex Working Managed Area was set up in Leeds last year. A Government report recommended a change in the law to decriminalise soliciting, and the Association of Chief Police Officers issued guidance on the need to ensure the safety and protection of sex workers. Then earlier this year clampdowns on prostitution in the form of raids, arrests and prosecutions

spread to other cities across England. Ever wonder whether our powers that be talk to each other? Last Friday evening though the bridges of Hull did talk. Well - kind of. The river Hull which divides the city has a navigable length of 20 miles, and along that length there are 13 movable bridges, which is apparently a world record. At 20.17 hours on the night in question all 13 bridges were opened at the same time, accompanied by a live performance of music composed to represent the sound of them opening. Thankfully the bridges were only opened for one minute, and not during a rush hour, although some Friday night revellers might not agree. The idea of the potential chaos was to make people aware of the need for the city to be bound together. You couldn’t make it up.

On This Day

Happy Birthday to Jerry Lee Lewis, who turns 82 today September 29th. Hopefully I’m not the only person surprised to hear that he is still around!

advertise here for just 360 baht per week (when booked for 13 issues)

Contact AWOL now on 081 649 8361

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your stars Banchang Utapao VFW Post 12146

Become A Member Of The Number One Vfw Post In Thailand & The Pacific Areas

www.banchangvfwpost12146.org Contact: Dan Morgan (Membership Chairman) danwmorgan@gmail.com or Larry Williams (VFW Service Officer) quam1willi@yahoo.com

Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19

arms.

This week will teach you that there are certain things that really can’t be faked, such as love, respect, and the human

Taurus Apr 21 – May 21

Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22

The Parandrus, an antlered, Pluto rising in your sign indicates hairy, cloven-hoofed beast the trouble in your romantic life, size of an ox and notable for which is problematic because, its ill temper and foul breath, well. for astronomical reasons, was thought to be mythical Pluto’s going to be rising in your sign for the until people got a load of you. next 87 years.

Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18

You’ll be bitten by a vampire Gemini May 22 – June 21 Libra Sep 23 – Oct 23 and become one of the Your sudden desire for You have evidently failed to Immortal Sanguinary stability will lead to you learn the lessons of history, Children Of The Night just retrofitting yourself with as you begin next week when the whole fad is about StabiliTrak, a rather dated by attempting to find the to blow over. skid-control system that brakes your feet Northwest Passage, unite individually to improve control. Britain and Ireland, and get your family to stop exchanging Christmas gifts. Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20 Your future has yet to Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 22 be determined due to You’ll be taken aback by the Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 21 a malevolent online news that your life story Only one major thing will community’s massive denialhas been changed from a happen to you this week. After of-service attack on the lightweight romantic comedy that, however, it won’t really relevant zodiacal elements. to a lengthy and detailed police procedural. be possible for anything to ever happen to you again.

ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 20

Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22

Your romantic life will hit a The so-called Tenth Crusade Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21 rough patch this week when will end almost as soon as You’ll begin to suspect that your lover, having grown it begins next week when your spouse has taken other bored of your relationship, armies of religious warriors sexual partners shortly after trades you to the Saskatchwan have no trouble whatsoever conquering and they open a conversation Rough Riders. subjugating you. with you by saying “I’ve been thinking about taking other sexual partners.”


english corner

••

A section for all you budding etymologists where each week the origin of a word or phrase is investigated. This week it is.... Tempest in a teapot /storm in a teacup A small or unimportant event that is over-reacted to, as if it were of considerably more consequence. Readers from England who get irate that ‘a tempest in a teapot’ is a mangling of their perfectly good phrase ‘a storm in a teacup’ and that this US interloper only exists because of the neat alliteration of tempest and teapot need to calm down; the tempest version is the earlier form and it isn’t American in origin. In fact, neither the teacup nor the teapot were the first location of the said storm. As we will see, the phrase is really ‘bad weather in a domestic receptacle of your choice’. The expression probably derives from the writing of Cicero, in De Legibus, circa 52BC. The translation of his “Excitabat fluctus in simpulo” is often given as “He was stirring up billows in a ladle”. Other cultures have versions of the phrase in their own languages. The translation of the Netherlands version is ‘a storm in a glass of water’, and the Hungarian ‘a tempest in a potty’. The first user of the expression in English made no mention of tea-making, although he wasn’t far away. The Duke of Ormond’s letters to the Earl of Arlington, 1678, include this: “Our skirmish ... is but a storm in a cream bowl.”

Also, before the ‘teacup/teapot’ versions were well-established, another nobleman came up with a version that didn’t involve the tea-table at all. The Gentleman’s Magazine, 1830, records: “Each campaign, compared with those of Europe, has been only, in Lord Thurlow’s phrase, a storm in a wash-hand basin.” ‘Tempest in a teapot’ is the version that is used most often in the USA but which nevertheless appears to have a Scottish rather than an American origin. Blackwood’s Edinburgh Magazine, 1825, included this: What is the ‘tempest raging o’er the realms of ice’? A tempest in a teapot! Finally, we come to the ‘storm in a teacup’ version of the phrase that we English might imagine is the ‘proper’ original version. This appears to be neither original nor English as it is later than the versions above, and the first mention that I can find of it also hails from north of the border. The Scottish novelist Catherine Sinclair wrote a novel of fashionable society life, Modern Accomplishments, or the march of intellect, in 1838: “As for your father’s good-humoured jests being ever taken up as a serious affair, it really is like raising a storm in a teacup.”

Is there an English phrase or saying that you would like to know more about? Email it to us on submissions@awolonline.net

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e ivrts L o p S

Small Beers

Singha, Singha Light, Chang 50 Leo 60 Heineken, San Mig 70

C30 R o EE f b fe t R E e

F

Big Beers

Leo, Chang 80 Heineken 90

wooden house

F

IL

L

SPORTS PUB

open 8 am to midnight

Located in Samortan Village off Canal Road - turn for Taweeporn Tel. 091 449 4551 Condotel and follow road for 350 m - look for orange awning

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classifieds Business

all nations guesthouse, bar & restaurant for sale. 14 rooms (10 ensuite with aircon, balcony, TV, fridge and safe). Town centre location, over 20 years established, 5 years remaining of lease with next 2 years rent fixed at 65,000 baht, following 3 years fixed at 70,000 baht. Price now reduced again to 1.5 million baht includes everything - furniture, fixtures, fittings, stock, and if required a Thai company. Price is negotiable and recently reduced from 2.5m baht. Don’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity! Serious enquiries call us now on 081 817 3000. small guesthouse, restaurant, bar for sale. 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms (2 with balcony), 4 levels, private large lounge upstairs. 2 large eating/drinking areas, 2 main kitchens. Parking front and rear. Good location near condos and hotels. Rent paid up to December, rolling lease. 650,000 baht includes all equipment, appliances and furniture, internet 50 MB and 2 TVs with cable and box. For more details contact 09307 46204 (English) or email howard_coates56@yahoo.co.uk

Thriving local restaurant and premises for

sale. Two storey townhouse on a corner plot comprising a small restaurant with two kitchen areas and toilet on the ground floor, and 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms on the upper floor, located in a busy residential area with several large estates in walking distance. Reluctantly selling this excellent property and business to invest elsewhere. Price 5.2 m baht. Please call 093 139 9655.

Property Law Criminal & Civil Law Family Law Company Registration Visa & Notary Services

Contact: rita@legalserviceshuahin.com facebook.com/legalserviceshuahin Located at Makro Food services General - sports

Golf Society looking for new members. LVGS play Monday & Friday at Lake View. Membership is mixed sex and mixed handicap. Enjoyment is paramount. Regular away trips and social events. Mail: hhlvgs@ gmail.com auto

motorbike/car rent Motorbikes 250 a day, 1400 a week, 4500 a month, Cars from 900 a day, 4000 a week, 12,000 a month. Please call David on 092 927 7207 or email davidhodgins@ymail.com for more information Property for sale

Advertise your property here for just 300 baht for 12 weeks! Employment

advertise for staff here.

Property wanted

Property partner wanted

SERVICES

driving in thailand? International driving licence valid 5 years 1800 bt. Call 089 530 8771 (Eng)

Do You Want a 100% fulfilling Life? Everyone has certain aspects of their lives which they want to change. Life can get tough and overwhelming but that doesn’t mean you have to live an unsatisfactory life. Let me help you live the life of your dreams. Email rjnuis@expat-nomad-life-coaching.com or call 099-1630 747 personals

place any sort of personal ad here; looking for love, trying to make

contact with someone or even coded messages!

General

to take a share (or long term rental) in a new 4th floor 1 bed condo unit completing soon at The Pine in Khao Takiab; any arrangement considered but 50% ownership preferred. Call 082 892 1266

property for Rent

the breeze condo for rent or sale available immediately. 2 bed, 2

bath, ground floor, 90sqm. 30k per month negotiable for longer lets or 5.5m sale. Call 082 892 1266

Wanted

place your WANTED ad here! announcements

make your personal or business announcement here; Weddings, Birthdays, Funerals, Obituaries, Barmitzvahs, Parties, anything!

single fold up bed with mattress, as new. Now reduced to 2300 baht o.n.o. Call 032 523604

Placing a classified with AWOL

All ads run for a minimum of thirteen weeks/issues. Maximum 25 words for any Single ad; longer ads possible by purchasing/using more ads. Prices: Single ad - 300 baht; Subscriptions: Basic (12 ads) - 1200 baht; Extra (36 ads) - 2700 baht; Extra Plus (72 ads) - 3600 baht. Featured (boxed) ads cost an additional 2 single ads Option 1: register or log in at www.awolonline.net/classifieds and place your advert there; Option 2: email to classifieds@awolonline.net; Option 3: Facebook users can join our Group ‘AWOL Classifieds’ and place ads there for free; Option 4: write the details clearly in BLOCK capitals on paper and mail or drop it in to our office (address on page 2) . No adverts published (except Facebook) without prior payment. Deadline for inclusion in that week’s issue is Tuesday 6pm. Please notify us on classifieds@awolonline.net or by calling 081 649 8361 if you want an ad removed before it’s due date. No refunds given for removed ads. Payment: Cash at our office; Bank transfer/deposit (online or ATM/ADM) - A/C no. 489-0-04184-2 (KTB Bank), or credit/debit cards via Paypal, or Paypal transfer; Paypal email info@awolonline.net


awol bazaar This box for 10 weeks just 800 baht

Got a Happy Hour? Tell everyone here!

Post your notice about anything here!

This box for 26 weeks just 1300 baht

advertise in this space from only 160 baht per week

(based on a 6 month run)

contact us on 081 649 8361

Contact: Tel.: 082 298 0500 E-mail: luckyrealestatehuahin@gmail.com Website: luckyhuahin.com

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS If you want to drink, that’s your business, if you want to stop, we can help.

Call to speak to an AA member:

Peo (Swedish) - 086 012 0856 Henrik - 095-950-7550 Loren - 081-007-6856 Terry aatha - 091-883-7757 iland.org www. Meetings every day in Hua Hin

AWOL BAZAAR PRICES Blocks of 4 boxes like this from only 40 baht per box/week Blocks of 8 boxes from only 35 baht per box/week Contact us on 081 649 8361 for more details

LAND FOR SALE

17 Rai in the Kui Buri area, near National Park and Yang Chum reservoir 499,000 baht per rai or 7 million for all (offers considered) Full Chanote Call 081 614 8728 for more details

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS

A non-profit fellowship of men and women for whom drugs have become a major problem

Meetings now in Hua Hin on Sundays at 10.30am, Tuesdays at 12 noon and Thursdays at 6pm Contact Add 086 014 7585 Emmanuel K. 090 438 387 Mark 084 314 1928

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money & information overseas calls information

Useful Numbers

REVERSE CHARGE CALLS The list below is the free number to connect to an operator of that country to request the reverse charge call. ARGENTINA 001-999-54-1000/ 2000 AUSTRALIA 001-999-61-1000/2000 AUSTRIA 001-800-28787421 BAHRAIN 001-999-973-1000 BRUNEI 001-999-673-1000 CANADA 001-999-15-1000/2000 DENMARK 001-999-45-1000 FRANCE 001-999-33-1000 GERMANY 001-999-49-1000 HAWAII 001-800-865-8424 HONG KONG 001-999-852-1086 INDONESIA 001-999-62-1000/2000 ISRAEL 001-999-972-1000/ 2000 ITALY 001-999-39-1000 JAPAN 001-999-811-0051 KOREA 001-999-82-1000/ 2000/ 2001 MACAU 001-999-853-1000 MALAYSIA 001-999-60-1000/4000/ 4001 MALTA 001-999-356-1000 MEXICO 001-999-52-1000 NEPAL 001-800-977-1-9999 NETHERLANDS 001-999-31-1035 NEW ZEALAND 001-999-64-1066 PHILIPPINES 001-999-63-1000/ 3000/ 6000 PORTUGAL 001-999-351-1000 RUSSIA 001-999-7-1000 SINGAPORE 001-999-65-0000/ 2008 SOUTH AFRICA 001-999-27-1000 SPAIN 001-999-34-1066 TAIWAN 001-999-886-1000 U.A.E. 001-999-971-1000 U.K. 001-999-44-1066 U.S.A. 001-999-1-1111/ 2001/ 2002 Thanks to the staff at CAT in Hua Hin for providing the above numbers. FREE and cheap CALLS If your mobile phone or device and that of the person you are calling supports it, you can use a number of apps to make free calls anywhere, with the best known being Skype and Viber. The mobile phone operators offer special numbers to prefix an international number to get cheap rate international calls. More information call True 1331 AIS 1175 DTAC 1678

Police 191 Crime 195 Fire 199 Traffic Control Centre 197 Highway Police 1193 Tourist Police 1699 Tourist Service Centre 1155 Missing Persons 02 282 1815 Police Station 032 511 027 Tourist Police 032 516 219 Cha-Am Police 032 471 321 Bangkok Hospital 1719 Hua Hin Hospital 032 511 743 San Paulo Hospital 032 532 576 to 585 Red Cross 032 512 567 Municipality 032 532433 Tessabahn 032 511 047 Immigration 032 520 617 Bus Terminal (non air-con) 032 511 230 (air-con) 032 511654, 512543 Railway Station 032 511 073 Tourist Information 032 513 885 Electricity Office 032 512 215 Electricity Call Centre 1129 Water Office 032 511 677 TOT 032 519 000/001 TOT Call Centre 1100 TT&T 032 532 018 3BB 032-900020-1 086-0127273 3BB Call Centre 1530 CAT 032 511 350 Alcoholics Anonymous 0870 620 098 Narcotics Anonymous 084 314 1928

exchange rates (27-9-17)

Currency Baht Algerian Dinar 0.295 Argentine Peso 1.9 Australian Dollar 26.2 Bitcoin 130003 Brazilian Real 10.5 British Pound 44.7 Bulgarian Lev 20.1 Canadian Dollar 26.9 Chilean Peso 0.0524 Chinese Yuan 5.01 Croatian Kuna 5.24 Czech Koruna 1.51 Danish Krone 5.27 Egyptian Pound 1.89 Ethereum 9564 Euro 39.2 Hong Kong Dollar 4.26 Hungarian Forint 0.126 Iceland Krona 0.309 Indian Rupee 0.508 Indonesian Rupiah 0.0025 Iranian Rial 0.001 Israeli New Shekel 9.44 Japanese Yen 0.296 Korean Won 0.0292 Malaysian Ringgit 7.9 Mexican Peso 1.85 New Zealand Dollar 24 Nigerian Naira 0.0942 Norwegian Krone 4.21 Pakistan Rupee 0.316 Philippine Peso 0.653 Polish Zloty 9.16 Qatari Rial 8.98 Romanian Leu 8.54 Russian Ruble 0.576 Saudi Riyal 8.87 Serbian Dinar 0.331 Singapore Dollar 24.5 South African Rand 2.49 Local Consular Sri Lanka Rupee 0.217 Representatives Swedish Krona 4.09 Swiss Franc 34.3 CANADIAN Taiwan Dollar 1.1 Rick Pomerleau 087 153 3817 or e-mail Turkish Lira 9.4 rickpomerleau@hotmail.com UAE Dirham 9.06 FINNISH US Dollar 33.3 Mr. Sipi Siljamaeki 087-911 8119 or e-mail: Ukraine Hryvnia 1.26 suthiporn.siljamaki@gmail.com AMERICAN Mr. Christopher Byrd 081-173 4469 or e-mail: AWOL makes no warranties, express or implied, chrs@tourdeasia.org regarding these rates and shall not be liable for any losses or damages incurred in connection with them.


balloon chasers

••

Parties, special deals, regular events, celebrations and more; to get it in AWOL email submissions@awolonline. net or post it on our Balloon Chasers Facebook group. recently added and coming soon

siam handlebar, Phetkasem Road (opp. airport); Ladies Night every

Saturday; from 8 to 11pm first drink free, 50% thereafter (wine, small beer, Spy, soft drinks, mixers, ice only) father teds, Damnoernkasem Road.

Hour every day from 5 - 7pm BOGOF. British style the palm bistro, soi 88. Join their Sunday Roasts: Sunday Lunch Club and start earning a Andreanna’s, Khao Takiab free Sunday Roast (see ad p3)

siam handlebar, Phetkasem Road Bobby’s Bar, Soi 102 (opp. airport); Breakfast now available Father Teds, Damnoernkasem Road seven days a week from 9.30am to 12 Hua Hin Miss You, Soi 80 ian’s restaurant, khao takiab (099 noon. 497 3040) toon’s bar and restaurant, soi 6, Jungle Juice, Soi Selekam borfai. Premier League Happy Hour Mucky Duck, Bonkai (Soi 88) during matches get 3 for 2 on all small domestic beers. Now open every day Nany’s Cafe, Soi 88 from 3pm serving a wide range of Thai Nit’s Kitchen, Soi 94 and Western food until 9pm, and great Orchid Restaurant 94, Soi 94 prices all day every day on drinks until Palm Bistro, Soi 88 (032 828144) Seajays Resort, off Pala-U Road. 083 late

Ladies night every Thursday - Buy 1 get one free on cocktails; Every Friday is Lads night - get happy hour prices on all Uncle Bryn’s (2km past Palm Hills north along klong road. Turn left draught beers (see ad p2) and 200m on left.); Large beers at great Regular offers prices. Open daily 7am-late. 085 405 6976 (T) 080 197 2072(E) Bobby’s Bar, Soi 102.; The 99 baht breakfast is Back! FREE Sunday Roast pub quizzes - spend 250 baht and get a free Sunday Roast (see ad p2). Available from 2 to king bar, Soi Binthabaht. Quiz second 8pm. All You Can Eat Chicken Wings Monday of every month (next one and Kebabs every Friday from 5pm to Monday 9th October 2017 at 7.30 pm) . Free entry, food and prizes - hosted by 7pm when spend 200 bt. double d, Soi 6. Happy Hour every day Hawk - all welcome. from 2 - 8pm; Buy 2 get 1 free on all Sunset Boulevard, Khao Takiab. small domestic beers, Samsong + mixer Third Tuesday of the month 7.30pm 40 baht, Wine 55 baht, San Miguel and 10pm. All video home compiled quiz Heineken 65 baht, large domestic beers with 8 rounds including audio visual rounds. Teams of up to 6. Free half 70 baht. el murphy’s, soi selekam. Murfs time food and free entry but minimum Happy Times from 7am to 7pm Pints bar bill 200 Baht per person. Bookings of: Guinness 189 bt, Old Speckled Hen essential as there is limited space 084 210 bt, Magners and Stowfor cider 180 376 9438 or go to our Facebook page. bt. All day Chang and Leo Large 90 bt, Next quiz on 19th September. tk roadhouse, Khao Takiab. First small 49 bt. Tuesday of every month ‘The Best Quiz father teds, Damnoernkasem Road. Live music, special food and drink In Town’! 8 rounds, beer questions, free offers, draught Guinness, something food. happening every night! See add on p2 for details.

311 1787 Sunset

Boulevard,

Khao

Bookings only 084 376 9438

Takiab.

Ye Olde Buffalo Tavern, Chomsin Rd Zab Wer, Soi 112.

johnnie walker, soi selekam/ poolsuk road. Happy Hour every day

from 9am to 8pm.

nany’s cafe, soi 88. Friday special - Fish, chips and mushy peas 139 bt, Atlantic cod fillet chips and mushy peas 220 bt. Also Leo draft now available small(half) 55 bt, large(pint) 75 bt passport cafe, Samorphrong. Now open for Breakfasts, Freshly baked bread, Daily Specials and more (see ad p9) PIT’S CAFE, Dusitland 8, Soi 94. Every Saturday from 2-6pm, All You Can Drink draught Leo; Ladies 300 baht, Men 400 baht red piano, soi kanjanomai. Happy

TRADITIONAL HOME MADE COOKING - THAI AND ENGLISH TOP OF SOI 94 OPEN DAILY 8AM TO LATE ALL DAY BREAKFASTS TRADITIONAL SUNDAY ROAST - Lamb, Pork, Beef, Chicken Peas, Cauliflower, Broccoli, Carrots, Cabbage, Mash, Roast Potatoes, Yorkshire Pudding, Stuffing one free glass of wine with your sunday lunch! Pies, Beef Stew, Bangers & Mash, Fish & Chips & more! TAKEAWAY CALL 081 820 2309

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events with surf 102.5fm events

Ongoing

Rescue Paws is a non-profit organization based in Hua Hin dedicated to helping and improving the lives of Thailand’s stray animal population. Find out more on their website rescuepawsasia.org or Facebook page RescuePawsThailand Trash Hero Hua Hin now every Sunday at 3pm a beach area gets cleaned. See their eponymous Facebook page for weekly details HUA HIN HOBBY COOKING CLUB If cooking is your hobby you can join an international group of hobby cooks in Hua Hin. Tel. Robert 0983 562290 Dusit Thani Hua Hin Soccer Academy: exercise and professional football coaching for kids. Hua Hin Hash house Harriers every Saturday around the area. (see p14) Cicada Market and Performing Arts Fair. The Upcoming Venue@Suansri. Fri/Sat evenings from Inform awol or Surf fm of your sunset to 12 pm, Sundays from 4pm; charitable or non commercial event and Dining, shopping, art, performances, and we will announce it here films in a beautiful park-like setting. A great place to spend an evening Welcome to our collaborative section with Hua Hin’s only local radio station playing Western music 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, the one and only Surf 102.5 FM! Every day Surf features local events and activities that visitors and locals might be interested in enjoying, and you will find these below. If you know of an event, activity or regular happening that is not listed here or in our Balloon Chasers section, please get in touch by email to either AWOL (submissions@awolonline.net or Surf 102.5 FM (surf102.5fm@gmail.com) or via either of the respective Facebook pages; AWOLexpat or Surf102.5. Get on the air! Go along any Friday morning to the Siam Bakery at the Marriott to have a chat or just watch the guys do the Breakfast Show between 7 and 10 am.

surf 102.5 fm schedule • The Marriott Breakfast Show with Steve Johnston Mon. to Fri. 7:00 - 10:00 • Asia Pop 40 with Dom Lau Sat. 09:00 - 12:00, Sun. 15:00 - 18:00 Tue. 21:00 - 24:00 • “Something On The Radio” with James Ross Sun., Tues., Thu. 20:00-22:00 • LA Spinz with Peter Reynolds Mon., Wed.19:30 Fri. 20:15 • Q Burn Rocks On with Peter Antony Fri. 22:00 Sun. 00:00 • The Mellow Show with Gary Zeipe Sun. 22:00 - 00:00 • Soft Surf Mon -Thurs, Sat. 22:00 - 01:00 • BBC News headlines every hour • BBC News Sat., Sun. 07:00 - 08:00, Every day 19:00- 19:30

An Unmissable Opportunity

FOR SALE

ALL NATIONS GUESTHOUSE, BAR & RESTAURANT Now Only 1.5 million baht!!!

(originally reduced to 1.75m from 2.5m) • 14 rooms • 10 rooms with a/c, ensuite, balcony, tv, fridge, safe • Bar/Restaurant • Satellite TV • Kitchen • Pool Table/Dart Board

town centre location established over 20 years featured in lonely planet rent of 65k fixed until 2019 Price includes all stock, fixtures & fittings and thai company if required

selling to concentrate on other business interests

Serious enquiries only please call 081 817 3000


weird news

••

uk Grandmother forced to deny that her home is a brothel A grandmother so sick of men waking her up in the middle of the night, after mistaking her home for a brothel, has been forced to put a note on her door telling them to go away. Her message reads: ‘This is a private address not a massage parlour!!!!!’ and was taped to the front door of her house in the Rock Ferry area of Birkenhead. The woman behind the note says she constantly has calls at her home in the early hours by men looking for sex. She asked not to be named, but said her grandchildren often come over to stay and that having callers like this was very upsetting. She believes there is a brothel very close to where she lives, and that the late-night visitors are getting confused. Merseyside Police say they are aware of the address in question, due to previous reports about the property, and have now issued a fresh appeal to anyone who has information about it to get in touch.

••

russia Nazi gun uncovered on new statue for Russian AK-47 inventor Mikhail Kalashnikov A new monument dedicated to the Russian inventor of the AK47 assault rifle has been altered after it was found to carry the image of a gun used by Nazis during the Second World War. Just three days after the statue of Mikhail Kalashnikov was unveiled in Moscow, arms experts discovered that instead of showing an AK-47, a drawing on its base depicted a Sturmgewehr (StG 44) rifle. Sculptor Salavat Shcherbakov said he did not know how the mistake was made, adding that he did not have “any saboteurs in my team who might have chosen a wrong sketch on purpose”. He told Russian state media: “I didn’t do that either. There may have been a mistake, but we still need to find out if it is or it is not.” A spokesperson for the Russian Military and Historical Society said the drawing had to be removed otherwise “a lot would need to be explained”. Mikhail Kalashnikov became a national hero after the AK-47 entered service in 1949 and became a standard weapon for Soviet forces. It also became one of the world’s most widely used assault rifles, with an estimated 100 million made across the globe.

General Kalashnikov, who insisted the rifle was “a weapon of defence... not a weapon for offence”, died in December 2013. During the unveiling of the statue on Tuesday, Russian culture minister Vladimir Medinsky praised the inventor and said the AK-47 was a “cultural brand for Russia”. He had added: “Mikhail Kalashnikov is in a way the craftsman of the 20th century. “He’s the implementation of the best characteristics of a Russian man. “He was incredibly talented, simple, honest and all these traits helped him design this line of weapons used to protect our motherland.”

••

sri lanka Man caught with kilo of gold hidden in rectum at Sri Lanka airport A man has been arrested by Sri Lankan customs authorities after being spotted attempting to smuggle, with “difficulty”, close to a kilo of gold hidden in his rectum. The 45-year-old India-bound passenger was seen behaving “suspiciously” in the departure lounge of Colombo airport, spokesman Sunil Jayaratne said. “He was called for a thorough screening after customs officers noticed him walking with difficulty and appearing to be in pain,” Mr Jayaratne said. A close examination revealed the man was hiding 904 grams of gold wrapped in black plastic sheets, including seven yellow “biscuits” and six chains, he said. The haul was worth more than £22,000. Mr Jayaratne said the contraband was seized and the man fined 100,000 rupees - just over £1,000. The suspect was described as a courier for an organised smuggling ring.

Contacting AWOL Telephone:

081 649 8361 (Eng) or 081 614 8728 (Thai) Office:

Website:

www.awolonline.net Facebook:

136/229 Emerald Hill, Soi 6, Borfai, Hua Hin, 77110, AWOLexpat Prachuap Kiri Khan Twitter: Email:

info@awolonline.net

awolhuahin

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LOCAL SPORTS hua hin city F.C

Hua Hin City F. C. is the local professional team formed in 2011, playing their matches at the Takiab Stadium in Khao Takiab. FIXTURES The season is over. New season details and other news will be announced here when available thai League 4 Western Region table

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Team Suphanburi B Muangkan United BTU United Assumption United Ratchaburi Mitr Phol B IPE Samut Sakhon United Hua Hin City Look Isan Nonthaburi Pathum Thani United

P 27 27 27 27 27 27 27 27 27 27

GD PTS 36 64 19 56 20 51 22 48 3 39 -1 38 -5 29 -19 27 -18 26 -57 4

SUPPORT AWOL AND OUR LOCAL SPORTS BY SPONSORING THESE PAGES. Call 081 649 8361 hua hin world cup 2017

This year’s competition is provisonally booked for the weekend of 9th and 10th December, but full details are yet to be announced. The organisers want to raise awareness and get people involved either as players or support as soon as possible so to find out more and be kept in the loop, please email huahinworldcup@gmail.com. Last year’s Facebook page (Red Mountain Hua Hin World Cup 2016) is currently the only other place to get information, but a new page will be set up soon for this year’s competition. There is always a charity element to the competiton, with last year Jungle Aid being the beneficiaries, but this has not been announced yet for this year. There are also sponsorship opportunities, so please contact the organisers on the email address above if you are interested in this as well. Last year’s winners were Thailand, following up their win the previous year, with Sweden and Finland the other winners since the tournament started in 2013.

hash house harriers

A drinking Club with a running & walking Problem! LEFT onto Route 1049 (HHH sign) and The Cha-Am and Hua Hin Hash House Wc2sE4pcqiS2 N 12.581203, E drive a further 800 m to run site (HHH Harrier Clubs meet alternate Saturdays GPS Coordinates: sign) near bridge. for around an hour’s. run/walk in the 99.871800 (N 12 34.872, E 99 52.308) surrounding countryside followed by Any queries then please call Swindlers a social gathering. lf you would like to DIRECTIONS to RUN SITE come along then visit our website www. From Hua Hin & Cha-Am via Phet Pissed on 087 370 2994 or Rubber Duck on 095 959 6114 h2h3-cah3.weebly.com or Facebook at Kasem Road www.facebook.com/H2H3CAH3 for full Google Map Link: https://goo.gl/maps/ Hash Tax: Male Drinkers ฿200, Female Drinkers ฿150, Teetotalers ฿100, kids details and directions. Please note that dhtadV5Q1312 people attending and participating do so Make you way on Phet Kasem Road to the ฿50, under 8’s Free). Your effort to bring Pala –U Road traffic light junction (Soi the CORRECT change would be very entirely at their own risk. NEXT RUN Saturday 30th 70). Turn Right from the North and Left much appreciated. september 2017, meet @ 4pm for from the South and drive 450 m crossing a 4:30 pm start. (NOTE NEW START the railway and turn RIGHT onto route TIME) 3218 and continue for 9.9 km and turn Hua Hin Hash House Harriers (H2H3) RIGHT (HHH sign). Drive a further 800 Run #369 m to run site (HHH sign) near bridge. Hares: Swindlers Pissed & Rubber Duck From Cha-Am via the bypass Route 37 Hash Snacks: Hungover Google Map Link: https://goo.gl/maps/ Tax Collector: Tinks xUWnJse7oEx LOCATION: NORTH SIDE OF THE Head South on the bypass and exit left PALA-U ROAD (ROUTE 3218) ON at the Pala-U Road exit and head east ROUTE 1049 – NEAR BRIDGE towards Hua Hin. After merging with Google Map Link: https://goo.gl/maps/ the Pala-u Road drive 0.5 km and turn


local golf Butterfly Rock Golf society

RESULTS 25th September 2017 Lake View AB Stableford 17 entered 1st Abe Gurman 33 pts (18) 2nd Simon Seymour 33 pts (10) 3rd Terry Hofgartner 32 pts (24) 4th Geoff G Batt-Rawden 31 pts (05) 20th September 2017 Majestic Creek A & B Stableford, NTP and Twos Club 26 entered 1st Andrew Reid 37 pts (13) 2nd Dave MacDougall 36 pts (18) 3rd David Gibson 36 pts (15) 4th Tony Martin 35 pts (10) Fixtures 2nd October 2017 Lake View Medal 4th October 2017 Palm Hills Stableford ronnie’s roll up

Held every Friday at Palm Hills. Please contact Ronnie on 0811 942 556 if you are interested in joining in, and thanks to Ronnie for the results. 22nd september 2017 14 players Front 9 - Abe Gurman (19) 18 points Back 9 - Mark Pikard (23) 18 points Overall - Abe Gurman (19) 34 points

Hua Hin Golf Society

saensuk Golf Society

Results Results 26th September 2017 25th September 2017 Black Mountain Stableford Ladies 12 Springfield Royal Country Club Splinter entered Cell Stableford 12 entered 1st Tum Ringnalda 35 pts (16) 1st Marten Norregaard 37 pts (06) 2nd Neung Chueanil 32 pts (06) 2nd Roy Sweetland 34 pts (06) 3rd Bow Pongyart 32 pts (20) 3rd Kjell Karlsson 32 pts (20) 4th Oon Heath 31 pts (14) 4th Alan Rawson 32 pts (13) 26th September 2017 Black Mountain Stableford 26 entered 1st Tim Vermeersch 41 pts (19) 2nd Kieron Bose 39 pts (08) 3rd Neil Henderson 37 pts (08) 4th Mats Jogin 37 pts (11) 22nd September 2017 Banyan Stableford 27 entered 1st Maarten Feijen 36 pts (05) 2nd Franz Heigl 35 pts (17) 3rd Robert Bird 35 pts (15) 4th Tim Vermeersch 34 pts (19) 22nd September 2017 Banyan Stableford Ladies 9 entered 1st Pailin Humphrey 34 pts (09) 2nd Anna Sjogren 34 pts (13) 3rd Wan Khongjam 32 pts (26) 4th Ampika Sangwichai 32 pts (17) fixtures 3rd October 2017 Banyan Masters 6th October 2017 Palm Hills Stableford

22nd September 2017 Springfield B & A Splinter Cell Stableford 10 entered 1st Lars Hultqvist 37 pts (16) 2nd Victor Visot 36 pts (17) 3rd Roy Sweetland 36 pts (06) 4th Marten Norregaard 35 pts (06) 20th September 2017 Black Mountain Resort Individual Stableford 47 entered 1st Mark Johnson 40 pts (03) 2nd Jean Pierre Gougry 39 pts (24) 3rd Michael Wicke 39 pts (13) 4th James Lithiby 38 pts (00) fixtures Monday/Friday Springfield Splinter Cell Stableford 4th October 2017 Banyan

cha am golf club

Contact: secretary@chaamgolfclub.com FIXTURES No fixtures currently listed. HUA HIN DARTS LEAGUE

results week 6 26th september 2017 Blue Lagoon 3 - 6 Johnnie Walker Black Johnnie Walker Red v No Game Pinky Bar 2 - 7 El Toro Loco League Table Team JW Black El Toro Loco JW Red Pinky Bar Blue Lagoon

P W D 5 4 0 4 3 0 4 2 0 5 1 0 4 1 0

L 1 1 2 4 3

+/- Pts 3 8 8 6 0 4 -5 2 -6 2

fixtures week 7 3rd october 2017 No Game v Blue Lagoon El Toro Loco v Johnnie Walker Red Johnnie Walker Black v Pinky Bar

lake view members club

Results 21st September 2017 Course AC 1st Mick Court (17) 32pts 2nd Norman Young (17) 32pts 3rd Steve O’Brien (14) 32pts 4th Doug East (13) 30pts 25th September 2017 Course AB 1st Bill Evans (13) 37pts 2nd Peter Tucker (12) 35pts 3rd Don Banker (20) 35pts 4th Toby Olsson (12) 35pts FIXTURES Lake View every Monday, Wednesday, Friday

Crossword Solution

Here is last week’s Crossword solution.

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pool leagues hua hin khao takiab super Pool League

thursday friendly Pool League

results week 21 21st september 2017 Arilds Bar v Tap House Bar n/a Bobby’s Birds v High Five n/a Home v Fin Bar n/a Hut Bar v Star Bar n/a Mucky Duck v N & G Bar n/a Pits Cafe v Lanla Bar n/a Sweetheart Bar v Le Kiss Bar n/a The Dream v Muan Bar n/a Tiki Bar v Drink & Shelter n/a

Fixtures week 1 5th october Big Kahuna v Bar 80 Saloon Coopers Beer Lounge v Sabai Bar Hua Hin Bar v Patty’s Family Jaew Bar v Nalee Bar MasterCues Bar v Silver Fox Mausi Bar v Mr Dan’s 88 Mint Bar v The Connection Cafe Silver Fox Wolverines v Squealing Pig

Fixtures Week 23 5th october 2017 Arilds Bar v Le Kiss Bar Bobby’s Birds v N & G Bar Home v High Five Hut Bar v Fin Bar Lanla Bar v Tore’s Bar Mucky Duck v Tiki Bar Pits Cafe v Muan Bar Sweetheart Bar v Drink & Shelter The Dream v Tap House Bar

Team Bar 80 Saloon Big Kahuna Coopers Hua Hin Bar Jaew Bar MasterCues Bar Mausi Bar Mint Bar Mr Dan’s 88 Nalee Bar Pattys Family Sabai Bar S. F. Wolverines Silver Fox Squealing Pig The Connection

League tablE

League Table Team Tap House Bar Muan Bar Tiki Bar N & G Bar Mucky Duck Drink & Shelter Pits Cafe Home Lanla Bar Arilds Bar Fin Bar Bobby’s Birds Le Kiss Bar Star Bar The Dream High Five Sweetheart Bar Tore’s Bar Hut Bar Hut Bar

P 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 15

W 17 14 13 15 15 13 11 10 9 11 8 7 5 6 5 5 3 3 1 1

L 1 4 5 3 3 5 7 8 9 7 10 11 13 12 13 13 15 15 17 14

+/132 104 94 88 80 76 60 58 6 2 0 -34 -48 -66 -82 -90 -106 -122 -152 -133

Pts 255 241 236 233 229 227 219 218 192 190 189 172 165 156 148 144 136 128 113 91

P W D L 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

+/0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

Pts 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

LUCKY SHOT BAR

Hua Hin’s only pool bar with FOUR 9’ tables Ask about our drinks specials and other special offers Contact Andy on 086 178 1550 Email: aknabe@gmx.net 27/3 Poolsuk Road, Hua Hin Hua Hin Pool Billiard League

results week 10 22nd september 2017 Lucky Shot A 2 - 6 Big Kahuna Muan Bar 3 - 5 Pits Pirates Pits Rangers 5 - 3 Lucky Shot B fixtures The season is over. Congratulations to Pits Rangers on winning the league, and an undefeated season. Details of any new season will be printed here when available. League tablE Team Pits Rangers Pits Pirates Big Kahuna Lucky Shot B Lucky Shot A Muan Bar

P 10 10 10 10 10 10

W 8 5 3 2 3 0

D 2 3 5 4 1 3

L 0 2 2 4 6 7

+/28 8 8 -6 -10 -28

Pts 18 13 11 8 7 3

friday team League

Fixtures The season is over. Details of a new season will appear here when available. League tablE Team Sabai Bar Home Bar Mucky Duck Bobbys Bar Ba Na Na Bar Home Bar 2 Nalee Bar Bikini Bar

P 14 13 14 13 14 13 13 14

W 12 10 7 5 4 5 4 1

D 2 0 3 1 3 2 0 1

L 0 3 4 7 7 6 9 12

+/106 80 10 6 -24 -26 -62 -90

Pts 227 202 179 165 162 149 131 129


pool leagues HUA HIN social POOL LEAGUE

results Week 15 27th september 2017 Bentho Bar 5 - 14 Tiger Bar Booz Bar 8 - 11 All Nations GH Jungle Juice Leopards 6 - 13 JW Black JW Red v Pink Panther n/a King Bar v Jungle Juice Cheetas n/a Limelight 8 - 11 N & G Fixtures Week 16 4th october 2017 All Nations GH v Jungle Juice Leopards Bentho Bar v Booz Bar Jungle Juice Cheetas v JW Red JW Black v King Bar Pink Panther v Limelight Tiger Bar v N & G League Table Team N&G Bentho Bar King Bar JW Black Limelight Jungle Juice Cheetas Tiger Bar Pink Panther All Nations GH Jungle Juice L’pards JW Red Booz Bar

P 15 15 12 14 13 11 15 13 14 15 13 14

W 12 10 9 9 9 9 6 6 4 4 3 1

L 3 5 3 5 4 2 9 7 10 11 10 13

+/- Pts 69 24 21 20 40 18 38 18 33 18 29 18 -11 12 -31 12 -26 8 -63 8 -25 6 -74 2

tuesday POOL LEAGUE soi 94

hua hin soi 80 tuesday Pool League

results week 15 26th september 2017 Connections Cafe 7 - 11 Tores Bar Home Bar 2 9 - 9 Tiki Bar Mausi Bar 8 - 10 Nalee Bar Na Na Bar 5 - 13 Arilds Sports Bar Tree Bar 9 - 9 Home Bar

results Week 11 26th september 2017 Bar 80 Saloon 7 - 11 Fin Bar 1 Eagle Bar 11 - 7 Mint Bar Exotic Bar 13 - 5 Hut Bar Fin Bar 2 10 - 8 Hua Hin Bar ‘S’ Hua Hin Bar ‘K’ 12 - 6 Mona Bar

FIXTURES week 16 3rd october 2017 Arilds Sports Bar v Tree Bar Connections Cafe v Na Na Bar Coopers Bar v Home Bar 2 Tiki Bar v Mausi Bar Tores Bar v Nalee Bar

Fixtures Week 12 3rd october 2017 Bar 80 Saloon v Hua Hin Bar ‘K’ Fin Bar 1 v Eagle Bar Hua Hin Bar ‘S’ v Mona Bar Hut Bar v Fin Bar 2 Mint Bar v Exotic Bar League Table

League tablE Team Coopers Bar Home Bar 2 Tiki Bar Home Bar Tores Bar Arilds Sports Bar Connections Cafe Na Na Bar Tree Bar Nalee Bar Mausi Bar

P 13 14 13 14 14 14 14 14 14 13 13

W 12 11 11 7 5 5 4 3 2 2 0

D 0 2 1 4 4 3 3 1 3 2 3

L 1 1 1 3 5 6 7 10 9 9 10

+/94 70 80 42 -10 -20 -6 -38 -68 -70 -74

Pts 36 35 34 25 19 18 15 10 9 8 3

Kom Hom have withdrawn from the league and all their results removed

Fixtures Week 8 4th october 2017 Aonzy Bar v Sabai Bar BRGC@Bar80 v Jaew Bar Breeze Bar v Coopers Reds Coopers Blues v Squealing Pig Home Bar One v Tores Bar Tree Bar v Home Bar Two

P 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11

W 8 7 6 5 5 5 5 4 2 1

D 1 3 1 1 1 1 1 2 2 1

L 2 1 4 5 5 5 5 5 7 9

+/- Pts 24 25 32 24 -6 19 16 16 14 16 8 16 2 16 10 14 -28 8 -72 4

hua hin wednesday Pool League

results Week 4 27th september 2017 Pit’s Cafe 1 15 - 4 Baan Sanook Infinity 11 - 8 Lucky Shot 2 Lucky Shot 1 12 - 7 Pit’s Cafe 2 Arild 2 - 17 Big Kahuna

NWPL New Wednesday POOL LEAGUE

results Week 7 27th september 2017 Coopers Reds 10 - 12 Aonzy Bar Home Bar Two 9 - 13 BRGC@Bar80 Jaew Bar 15 - 7 Breeze Bar Sabai Bar 17 - 5 Coopers Blues Squealing Pig 8 - 14 Home Bar One Tores Bar 9 - 13 Tree Bar

Team Exotic Bar Fin Bar 2 Fin Bar 1 Hua Hin Bar ‘K’ Bar 80 Saloon Mona Bar Eagle Bar Mint Bar Hut Bar Hua Hin Bar ‘S’

League Table League Table Team Sabai Bar BRGC@Bar80 Home Bar Two Tree Bar Coopers Reds Aonzy Bar Jaew Bar Squealing Pig Coopers Blues Home Bar One Breeze Bar Tores Bar

P W d 7 7 0 7 6 0 7 6 0 7 4 0 7 2 3 7 3 0 7 3 2 7 2 0 7 1 3 7 1 1 7 1 1 7 0 2

L 0 1 1 3 2 4 2 5 3 5 5 5

+/- Pts 38 21 44 18 26 18 20 12 2 9 -12 9 12 6 -12 6 -20 6 -18 4 -54 4 -26 2

Team Pit’s Cafe 1 Lucky Shot 2 Lucky Shot 1 Pit’s Cafe 2 Infinity Baan Sanook Big Kahuna Arild

P W L +/- Pts 4 3 1 30 6 4 3 1 24 6 4 3 1 8 6 4 2 2 0 4 4 2 2 -6 4 4 2 2 -18 4 4 1 3 4 2 4 0 4 -42 0

FIXTURES Week 5 4th october 2017 Pit’s Cafe 2 v Pit’s Cafe 1 Lucky Shot 1 v Lucky Shot 2 Big Kahuna v Baan Sanook Please note: Some points deductions Infinity v Arild have been made to two teams

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pool leagues hua hin star Pool League

102 & 88 saturday POOL LEAGUE

results cup 24th september 2017

results Week 8 23rd september 2017 Banana Bar v Mucky Duck Big Kahuna v El Toro Loco Bobby’s Bar v Silver Fox Master Ques v Bobby’s Babes

results Week 5 22nd september 2017

FIXTURES Week 9 30th september 2017 Banana Bar v Mucky Duck Big Kahuna v El Toro Loco Bobby’s Bar v Silver Fox Master Ques v Bobby’s Babes

FIXTURES Week 7 6th october 2017

Brian 7 - 3 Tim Dang 7 - 3 Mick Hampi 7 - 1 Bernard Lieven 4 - 7 Kwan

Axel 6 - 7 Paul Korn 7 - 6 Derrick Thong 7 - 4 Golf Gent v Julius n/a

Fixtures week 7 1st october 2017 division 2 division 1 Derrick v Peter Paul v Lieven Brian v Kwan Thong v Tong Brian v Andy Dang v Job Hampi v Prj Pek v Korn

League Tables division 1

Darren v Jay Shawn v Michel Bernard v Tim Mick v Steve Axel v Tina Thong v Gent Julius v Den Wad v Golf

P +/- Pts Player

Hampi Korn Brian Pek Peter Kwan Thong Lieven Dang Job Andy Tong Derrick Paul Brian Prj

6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6

24 7 5 10 9 4 4 0 -2 -3 -3 0 -9 -18 -20 -8

12 10 10 8 8 6 6 6 6 6 6 4 4 2 2 0

Darren Thong Gent Julius Den Shawn Mick Golf Tim Bernard Wad Axel Jay Michel Steve Tina

P +/- Pts 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6

15 12 10 6 7 7 5 1 1 -3 -4 -8 -10 -12 -12 -15

Exotic Bar v The Connection n/a Fin Bar v Jungle Juice n/a TK Roadhouse v Sweetheart Bar n/a Take 5 Sports Bar v High Five n/a

Exotic Bar v High Five Fin Bar v Muan Bar Sweetheart Bar v The Connection TK Roadhouse v Jungle Juice

League tablE

League tablE

division 2

Player

Hua Hin Khao Takiab Cool POOL LEAGUE

10 10 10 10 8 8 8 8 6 4 4 2 2 2 2 2

Team Master Ques El Toro Loco Mucky Duck Bobby’s Bar Big Kahuna Silver Fox Bobby’s Babes Banana Bar

P W D L 7 5 1 1 7 5 1 1 7 5 0 2 7 3 1 3 7 2 1 4 7 1 2 4 7 1 2 4 7 2 0 5

+/40 14 8 4 -4 -12 -20 -30

Pts 11 11 10 7 5 4 4 4

FIXTURES Week 5 4th october 2017 Bobby’s Beauties v Muan Bar Mucky Duck v Bobby’s Bangers Silver Fox v Master Cues Sunset Boulevard v High Five Bar Take 5 v T.K. Roadhouse

P W D L +/- Pts 4 2 0 2 4 48 3 3 0 0 23 46 4 2 0 2 -4 44 3 3 0 0 13 41 3 2 0 1 9 39 4 0 0 4 -20 36 3 2 0 1 -1 34 3 0 0 3 -9 30 3 1 0 2 -15 27

leagues not currently running

Details of new seasons will be printed here when available. Organisers please contact AWOL with any information. hua hin/khao takiab ladies Pool League

Friends of Hua Hin Wednesday Pool League

results Week 4 27th september 2017 Bobby’s Bangers v Silver Fox n/a Master Cues 14 - 6 Bobby’s Beauties Muan Bar v High Five Bar n/a Mucky Duck 15 - 5 Take 5 T.K. Roadhouse 14 - 6 Sunset Boulevard

Team Fin Bar TK Roadhouse Take 5 Jungle Juice The Connection Sweetheart Bar Muan Bar High Five Exotic Bar

League tablE Team Master Cues T.K. Roadhouse Bobby’s Bangers Silver Fox Mucky Duck Muan Bar Bobby’s B’ties Sunset B’vard Take 5 High Five Bar

P W D L +/- Pts 4 4 0 0 42 8 4 3 0 1 8 6 3 2 1 0 14 5 3 2 0 1 6 4 4 1 2 1 2 4 3 1 1 1 4 3 4 1 0 3 -10 2 4 0 2 2 -10 2 4 1 0 3 -32 2 3 0 0 3 -24 0

Disclaimer All articles are published in good faith and based on information available to us at publication. Some articles are satire or ‘spoof ’ stories intended as humour. No responsibility is accepted other than that stipulated by law. Although the information in this publication has been obtained from sources believed to be reliable, AWOL cannot guarantee accuracy in all cases. Any opinions expressed are those of the contributor and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher. All materials copyright. All rights reserved and no part of this publication may be reproduced in part or in full without the previous written consent of the publisher. Neither can any part be stored in a retrieval situation, nor transmitted by electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or any other means. AWOL is printed by Petchpoom Printing, and we can be contacted on info@awolonline.net or 081 614 8728. Please send any other communications to Mrs Chukamol James, Managing Director, AWOL Co. Ltd., 136/229 Emerald Hill, Soi 6, Mooban Borfai, Hua Hin, Prachuap Kiri Khan, 7110, THAILAND.


Affordable Health Insurance from 50 baht per day with thai-health.com Contact andreas@thai-health.com fixtures

english premier league table

(all times Thailand)

saturday 30th september 2017 PREMIER LEAGUE Huddersfield Town v Tottenham H. 18:30 AFC Bournemouth v Leicester City 15:00 Manchester United v Crystal Palace 15:00 Stoke City v Southampton 15:00 West Bromwich Albion v Watford 15:00 West Ham United v Swansea City 15:00 Chelsea v Manchester City 23:30 CHAMPIONSHIP Queens Park Rangers v Fulham 01:45 Aston Villa v Bolton Wanderers 15:00 Burton Albion v Wolves 15:00 Cardiff City v Derby County 15:00 Hull City v Birmingham City 15:00 Ipswich Town v Bristol City 15:00 Middlesbrough v Brentford 15:00 Millwall v Barnsley 15:00 Nottingham Forest v Sheffield Utd 15:00 Preston North End v Sunderland 15:00 Reading v Norwich City 23:30 SCOTTISH PREMIERSHIP Hamilton Academical v Rangers 01:45 Aberdeen v St Johnstone 15:00 Celtic v Hibernian 15:00 Dundee v Hearts 15:00 Kilmarnock v Ross County 15:00 Motherwell v Partick Thistle 15:00 sunday 1st october 2017 PREMIER LEAGUE Arsenal v Brighton 18:00 Everton v Burnley 20:15 Newcastle United v Liverpool 22:30 CHAMPIONSHIP Sheffield Wednesday v Leeds Utd 18:15 thursday 5th october 2017 WORLD CUP EUROPEAN QUALIFYING GROUP C Azerbaijan v Czech Republic 23:00 GROUP E Armenia v Poland 23:00 friday 6th october 2017 WORLD CUP QUALIFYING EUROPEAN GROUP C Northern Ireland v Germany 01:45 San Marino v Norway 01:45 GROUP E Montenegro v Denmark 01:45 Romania v Kazakhstan 01:45

football

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Team Man City Man Utd Chelsea Tottenham Liverpool Watford Arsenal Huddersfield Burnley Newcastle Southampton West Brom Brighton Everton Swansea Stoke Leicester West Ham Bournemouth Crystal Palace

P 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6

GD PTS 19 16 15 16 7 13 5 11 1 11 -1 11 1 10 2 9 1 9 1 9 -1 8 -2 8 -2 7 -7 7 -4 5 -5 5 -3 4 -7 4 -7 3 -13 0

fantasy premier league - awol challenge

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Team Pony & Trap Carthorses Are Go Colonial RentMyThaiVilla AC Clacton Mr. Cha Aming Wanderlust United Frankies 11 Lost Cafe FC ROCA Dannyxcollinz HH Jambos JR Brutd S.C Atletico Pathetico AWOL Wanderers Hua hin jambos The Dada Donkeys Pink Panther AFC Portsmoth city Shortimeagain

GW 79 77 66 70 57 76 49 70 96 84 58 55 66 38 64 51 33 63 48 46

TOT 362 345 344 340 339 335 333 331 329 329 311 310 301 275 273 272 269 253 251 228

GROUP F England v Slovenia 01:45 Malta v Lithuania 01:45 Scotland v Slovakia 01:45 Featured Game

saturday 30th september 2017 PREMIER LEAGUE Chelsea v Manchester City 23:30 A massive game that the reigning champions will not want to lose, as it would open up a six point gap between the two sides. This early in the season that could prove difficult to overcome. The two charismatic managers may pull a few tactical or selection surprises to catch the other out, but these are pretty evenly matched sides on paper, but City have the edge in terms of their squad, and the subs they can call upon to change a game. However we think this will be a draw, probably with a few goals in it as well, and some high quality football.

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put to the sword Jose Mourinho attempts to shift focus to HIS package

••

uK The Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, has asked fans to focus on his allegedly large wang, in an attempt to protect star player, Romelu Lukaku. Jose Mourinho employed the strategy following an outcry from anti-racism groups, after the famously cock-obsessed fans of Man Utd started chanting stereotypical things about a black man’s todger. “I’d compare it to the length and width of a tube of tennis balls,” confirmed Mourinho. “I can see why our fans wish to discuss genitals – especially if you’re in possession of a set as frankly magnificent as mine. “But we shouldn’t be chanting it about a black person, as that enforces a stereotype. So I’m happy to take the bullet here. “I’d like to offer ‘the special one, he’s got a massive dong’ as an opening line. Technically it doesn’t rhyme at all, but it’s good enough for football. So crack on.”

Left: Jose Mourinho tries to take the pressure off his players by indicating what he believes Antonio Conte and Pep Guardiola have to work with

Man United fan, Simon Williams, from Surrey, said, “I mean…does he? “If anything, he seems the kind of person that’s compensating for a lack of thwack in the truncheon department. “I mean I should know, I drive a BMW Z4 for a reason.” Meanwhile some older football fans are wondering what all the fuss is about, having lived through song scandals

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before, such as ‘Georgie Best, Superstar, wears frilly knickers and a Playtex bra’ and the iconic leader of the pack as regards genitalia songs, Chuck Berry’s ‘My Ding A Ling’, which managed to throw in not-so-subtle references to paedophilia for good measure. Perhaps the Red Devils fans need to raise their game a little?

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