AWOL Issue 442

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FOR THE EXPAT IN ALL OF US! ISSUE 442 25th August 2017

ABSENT WITH OUT LEAVE IN THE LAND OF SMILES

FREE

EVERY FRIDAY SINCE 2008

the original and best!

GET RACING FROM ONLY 400 BAHT! OPEN EVERYDAY 10.30AM - 7PM

Call 032 547 199 (Office) or 081 817 3000 (Mobile) Located on Soi 2, Phetchkasem Road opposite Hua Hin Airport

www.gokarthuahin.com info@gokarthuahin.com

Victor’s

open 24/7

Wide range of rooms in the heart of Hua Hin a/c, lcd tv, dvd player, fridge, free premium wifi, cable TV victorguesthouse@gmail.com 032 511564 60 Naresdamri Road, Hua Hin

P A N AMA BAR

Good Times Every Night A DJ To Save Your Life

box clever

the jellyfish are out there; something needs to be done

•Reports • this week of tourists who were stung by jellyfish in Pranburi have served as a timely reminder thailand

to everyone that jellyfish are a real and present danger to those people who enjoy swimming or even paddling in the sea along this coastline. The threat is somewhat seasonal, but this time of year is known to be worse than others, and all kinds of jellyfish have been seen in the waters of the area, including the deadly box jellyfish. It is advisable to either avoid swimming in the sea, or if you must, to wear sswimuits and/or clothing that covers most of your body, as the stings are not only potentially deadly, painful and unpleasant, but can also leave some nasty scarring. Parents should actively discourage their children from swimming in the sea at this time of year. The incident last weekend occurred along a six kilometer stretch of beach between Pak Nam Pran and Khao Kalok, which is approximately 15 kilometres south of Hua Hin, with eight foreign tourists requiring medical treatment at Pranburi hospital. In this case, rescue workers said the Chrysaora jellyfish were found in the sea and washed up on the beach. Warning signs were to be erected in that area, but it does seem that, year on year, the problem with jellyfish in the seas around Hua Hin is getting worse. Given that both the authorities and businesses are keen to attract more and more people to visit the area, it is perhaps time to consider measures to prevent the jellyfish coming into areas where people like to swim, as well as more warning signs and information to ensure that those going to other more secluded beaches know about the possible risk. The beach and sea is one of the attractions for people visiting this region, so it is time, for once, for those in charge to try and think ahead.


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Affordable Health Insurance from 50 baht per day with thai-health.com Contact andreas@thai-health.com

local listings 081 587 0938

accommodation Tel.

Property Tel.

sports & leisure Tel.

Restaurants/Food Tel.

All Nations Guesthouse Victor Guesthouse Go Kart Hua Hin

032 512 747 032 511 564 032 547 199

Bars & Pubs Tel. Services & other Tel.

Legal Services Hua Hin Siam Car Rentals Siam Consulting thai-health.com

084 881 8396 099 390 6067 032 512 075

Bobby’s Bar Double D Father Teds Lucky Shot Panama Bar Thip’s Bar

087 155 7737 080 652 0531 032 514 448 086 178 1550

Hot Property Lucky Real Estate

081 587 0938 082 298 0500

Anna’s Pies British Breakfast Foods Dizzy Dolphin Hua Hin Ham & Bacon Passport Cafe The Palm Bistro Toon’s Bar & Restaurant

098 897 2492 087 155 7737 091 407 6854 032 513 144 093 139 9655 032 828 144 086 524 1132

090 962 6758

Tel. 091 407 6854 Free appetisers & Happy Hour prices during ALL live EPL matches Happy Hour all drinks 3 - 8.30 pm Food available from 3 - 10 pm. Try our extensive Thai & Western menu

Located in Samorphrong Turn right before the 7-11 & we are 200 m up on the right 19 Damnernkasem Road, Hua Hin Ph: 032 514448 Opposite the Police station

Live Music 7 nights a week Open for Breakfast from 9am Live sport on HD screens Chang, Guinness, Tiger, Carlsberg, San Mig Light, Magners & Kilkenny on Draught HAPPY HOURS MON - FRI 9AM - 6PM

don't miss in august Live Premier League Football LADS NIGHT EVERY FRIDAY Enjoy Happy hour prices on our entire draught selection book your seats now for the billion dollar fight!

McGregor v Mayweather August 26th Showing on both floors Call 032 514448

More than 12 years in Hua Hin

BOBBY’’S BAR

Find us on Soi 102

087 155 7737 or 089 985 7473

New Sunday Menu

Sunday Roast, with Chicken, Pork or Lamb. Plus Yorkshire Pudding, Roast & Mash Potatoes, Cabbage, Carrots, Parsley and Gravy. Includes Dessert of Apple or Blueberry Pie, or Fried Bananas with Ice Cream All Free when you spend 250Bt or more on Beers, Wine Or Cocktails

Home of Bobby’s British Breakfast Foods

UK Sausages, Ham, Bacon, Pies, Teas etc.


Affordable Health Insurance from 50 baht per day with thai-health.com Contact andreas@thai-health.com

AWOL WITH..

Yunitra Photos coutesy of Haribo

Join our Sunday Lunch Club and start earning your free Roast Dinner

Opening times Tuesday till Saturday 10.30 till 14.30, 17.30 till 21.00 Sunday 13.00 till 17.00 Tel. 032 828 144 Web: thepalmbistro.com thepalmbistro@gmail.com Located at Orchid Palm Homes 4 1043 Road, Tabtai, Hua Hin

090 962 6758

Thip’s Bar

Your Friendly Local In Samorphrong

Open every day from 1pm - late

Happy Hour until 8pm (small beers 45 baht, large beers 65 baht)

DHouble D H !2-8 Soi 6, Borfai, Hua Hin Tel. 080 652 0531

appy

our

pm

Buy 2 Get 1 Free on all small domestic beers Wine 55 bt San Mig / Heineken 65 bt Sangsom + mixer 40 bt Large domestic beers 70 bt

LIVE SPORTS TV

Pool Table Open 2pm - Late

Located off the canal road; at the Soi 6 traffic lights go across the bridge over the canal & turn immediately right. We are about 600 m further on the right, 100 m past the temple, directly behind the small brown Buddha house.

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weather & tides World weather (24-8-17)

Local Forecast AND TIDES

Rain (mm) Conditions Temp. °C Tides CITY Weather High H L 1st 2nd 3rd 4th °C SA 4 Overcast; a t-storm 30 26 05:17 1.4m 07:47 2.4m 17:08 1.5m 19:12 2.4m Amsterdam Passing clouds 18 SU 2 Cloudy; a t-storm 30 26 05:13 1.4m 08:07 2.4m 17:36 1.5m 19:05 2.3m Ankara Sunny 14 MO 2 Cloudy; a t-storm 30 26 05:11 1.4m 08:31 2.4m 18:03 1.5m 18:43 2.3m Athens Clear 22 TU 2 Thunderstorm 31 23 05:09 1.3m 09:00 2.4m 17:54 1.6m 18:28 1.6m Auckland Refreshingly cool 16 WE 5 Some rain; a t-storm 33 25 05:05 1.3m 09:39 2.4m 16:05 2.3m 18:44 2.3m Beijing Scattered clouds 30 TH 0 A thick cloud cover 32 25 04:55 1.3m 15:45 2.4m - Berlin Fog 11 FR 0 Sun; high clouds 33 26 04:40 1.3m 16:09 2.5m - Buenos Aires Clear 17 Cairo Sunny 25 Chicago Passing clouds 20 thailand weather (24-8-17) Copenhagen Clear 10 Dubai Sunny 32 Place Temp Hum Conditions Place Temp Hum Conditions Dublin Passing clouds 13 Aranyaprathet 26 °C 89% Scattered Clds Nakhon Sawan 30 °C 70% Overcast Helsinki Partly sunny 10 Nan 26 °C 83% Overcast Ban A To 26 °C 90% Ho Chi Minh City Thunderstorm 29 Nang Rong 30 °C 63% Overcast Ban Baen Chado 32 °C 66% Partly Cldy Hong Kong Scattered clouds 32 Narathiwat 30 °C 84% Partly Cldy Ban Bang Bamru 32 °C 66% Partly Cldy Islamabad Broken clouds 24 Nong Khai 30 °C 74% Mostly Cldy Ban Bang Duan 32 °C 66% Partly Cldy Istanbul Clear 18 Pattani 29 °C 74% Mostly Cldy Ban Bua Chum 30 °C 64% Overcast Jakarta Scattered clouds 32 31 °C 62% Partly Cldy Ban Fai Na 30 °C 74% Scattered Clds Pattaya Jerusalem Passing clouds 25 Phayao 24 °C 100% Light Rain Ban Hua Tho 32 °C 66% Partly Cldy Johannesburg Clear 8 Phetchabun 28 °C 78% Overcast Ban Ko Thung 30 °C 55% Overcast Karachi Broken clouds 29 Phetchaburi 33 °C 59% Scattered Clds Ban Krathing Lai 31 °C 62% Partly Cldy Kuala Lumpur Broken clouds 30 Phitsanulok 28 °C 79% Partly Cldy Ban Na Si Nuan 30 °C 66% Mostly Cldy London Clear 13 Phrae 26 °C 89% Overcast Ban Nong Pladuk 26 °C 89% Overcast Madrid Clear 20 Phuket 30 °C 74% Scattered Clds Ban Samphan 32 °C 59% Mostly Cldy Manila Overcast 27 Prachin Buri 30 °C 71% Mist Bangkok 31 °C 58% Partly Cldy Mexico City Partly cloudy 18 Prach. Khirikhan 30 °C 58% Scattered Clds Chaiyaphum 29 °C 65% Partly Cldy Moscow Overcast 15 Ranong 25 °C 100% Mostly Cldy Chanthaburi 30 °C 70% Mist Mumbai Scattered clouds 29 31 °C 62% Partly Cldy Chawang 31 °C 60% Scattered Clds Rayong New Delhi Fog 28 Roi Et 29 °C 66% Partly Cldy Chiang Mai 29 °C 66% Light Rain New York Clear 23 Samui 33 °C 59% Partly Cldy Chiang Rai 24 °C 100% Light Rain Oslo Cool 12 Sattahip 31 °C 70% Partly Cldy Chok Chai 34 °C 65% Overcast Paris Partly cloudy 14 Satun 32 °C 63% Scattered Clds Chumphon 30 °C 58% Mist Perth Sunny 19 Songkhla 32 °C 70% Scattered Clds Kam Paeng Phet 29 °C 75% Overcast Phnom-Penh Thunderstorm 30 Sukhothai 28 °C 79% Scattered Clds Kamalasai 30 °C 66% Mostly Cldy Rio De Janeiro Passing clouds 20 32 °C 66% Partly Cldy Kanchanaburi 30 °C 64% Scattered Clds Suphan Buri Riyadh Sunny 30 Surat Thani 31 °C 70% Partly Cldy Khanom 33 °C 59% Partly Cldy Rome Clear 19 30 °C 65% Mist Khlong Yai 30 °C 79% Scattered Clds Surin San Francisco Passing clouds 16 Tak 28 °C 74% Overcast Ko Lanta 32 °C 66% Partly Cldy Seoul Rain 27 Takua Pa 32 °C 86% Scattered Clds Ko Samui 33 °C 59% Partly Cldy Shanghai Sunny 35 Tha Tum 29 °C 75% Scattered Clds Ko Sichang 31 °C 66% Partly Cldy Singapore Broken clouds 31 26 °C 83% Overcast Krabi 30 °C 65% Scattered Clds Tha Wang Pha Stockholm Quite cool 6 Thoen 28 °C 79% Scattered Clds Lampang 31 °C 62% Mostly Cldy Sydney Partly sunny 15 Thong Pha Phum 28 °C 73% Mist Lamphun 29 °C 71% Overcast Taibei/Taipei Partly sunny 35 26 °C 83% Overcast Loei 28 °C 79% Scattered Clds Thung Chang Tokyo Sunny 31 Trang 32 °C 66% Partly Cldy Lop Buri 32 °C 66% Partly Cldy Vancouver Broken clouds 19 Trat 30 °C 79% Scattered Clds Mae Hong Son 27 °C 78% Light Rain Vientiane Overcast 30 Ubon Ratchathani 30 °C 74% Mostly Cldy Mae Sariang 25 °C 92% Mist Yangon Scattered clouds 30 Udon Thani 30 °C 74% Mostly Cldy Mae Sot 28 °C 74% Overcast Zurich Mild 18 Umphang 28 °C 74% Overcast Mukdahan 29 °C 70% Overcast Nakhon Phanom 26 °C 84% Light Rain Nak. Ratchasima 31 °C 54% Partly Cldy

Uttaradit Wichian Buri

29 °C 69% Partly Cldy 30 °C 60% Scattered Clds


english corner

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A section for all you budding etymologists where each week the origin of a word or phrase is investigated. This week it is....Middle of the road Something unadventurous or inoffensive; opting to go neither one way or the other. This phrase conjures up similar images to that of ‘sitting on the fence’, that is, portraying something that is not sure enough of itself to go one way or the other. It seems a rather odd choice of words to describe something that is bland and safe - surely the middle of the road is the last place to expect safety. The figurative use of the phrase began in America towards the end of the 19th century. It was used to describe the policies of political parties who attempted to avoid alienating any particular set of voters by saying very little of substance which might annoy them (nothing changes). The term was especially aimed at The Populist Party (or People’s) Party. There are early references in print to ‘middle of the road’ which aren’t specifically political in nature but they are considerably outnumbered by those which are; for example, this piece from the November 1891 issue of the Californian magazine Overland Monthly:

bland and undemanding popular music. This is also of US origin and is known there since the 1950s; for example, this piece from the Ohio paper The Lima News, December 1956: “He [Randy Wood - head of Dot Records] put out some records of local musicians—not country music or downright jazz but what he called “middle of the road music.” By the 1970s this term was well-enough established to spawn its own, if slightly inaccurate, acronym - MOR..

Is there an English phrase or saying that you would like to know more about? Email it to us on submissions@awolonline.net

“He wanted the people with him. He kept in the middle of the road, and he kept his party there; and he walked in the light and in safety.” Middle of the road is now often used these days to describe

your stars Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19

Taurus Apr 21 – May 21

Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22

Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18

Gemini May 22 – June 21

Libra Sep 23 – Oct 23

You’ll realize that you hallucinated that everyone was wearing business casual all weekend, which explains why Halloween was so awkward last year.

Romance will once again pass you by when the love of your life decides to go with a person who makes better mixtapes.

Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20

You’ll finally realize a dream You’ll continue to get away with you’ve had since childhood your horrendous crimes against when a huge scary monster humanity without suffering comes out from under your consequences, although they bed and eats you all up. will eventually get you for the tax evasion.

The reason for your recent You won’t be absolutely crises of conscience becomes certain you like the changes clear this week when you in yourself, especially as you’ll realize the angel from your appeal to a whole new group right shoulder and the devil of people, after they make a 12” dance remix from your left have been sleeping together or you. for a year now.

You will get a reasonably Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 21 good deal on a necessary Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 22 There’s nothing wrong with household item, which is being a belt-and-suspendersNext week won’t be the frankly more than an asshole type, but you should probably best you’ve ever had, but like you deserves. reconsider being a leatherit will advance medical understanding of genital shorts-and-no-shirt type as well. ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 20 implosion by leaps and bounds. After taxes, overhead, and Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21 legal fees, that million-dollar Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22 The FDA will realize their idea you’ve been working on mistake too late to prevent A good friend will be a pillar for years will wind up costing your death after they of strength and selflessly you several thousand dollars. accidentally name you as part support you in a harrowing crisis. Show your appreciation by sending them a note that says “Thanks for your support.”

of a complete breakfast.

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sudoku

www.siamcarrentals.com 099 390 6067

Each week we have an easy and a hard Sudoku puzzle. Just fill in the empty squares so that each horizontal and vertical line, and each section, has all the numbers 1 to 9.

Siam Car Rentals

Puzzle 1 (Easy)

with full self drive rental insurance

from just 559 baht a day Credit card required for all rentals

Ask us about our 36 month Personal Contract Plans

Last issue’s solutions Puzzle 1

Puzzle 2 (Hard)

Puzzle 2

EXPAT INSURANCE SOLUTIONS ‘12 YEARS IN TOWN’

Health (up to 80), Car, Motorbike, House, Commercial. Full medical cover for expats worldwide Travel insurance specialist (including as required for Schenghen visas) 250/129 soi 94 opp. Smile Hotel - before railway 085 962 2232 or 032 512075 franckracinesiamconsulting@gmail.com www.siam-consulting.asia www.asiaexpatinsurance.com

ALL NATIONS

hua hin

guesthouse and bar 12 rooms from 350 baht a night free wifi for guests 032 512747

allnationshuahin@ gmail.com Drop your AWOL Classifieds in here


advertise your business here for less than 100 baht per week (13 issue run)

puzzles codeword

Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26. Can you crack the code and solve the crossword? Every letter of the alphabet is used at least once. Two or three letters are already in place to get you started. Use the 1-26 small grid to keep track.

Last Issue’s Solution

A N

B O

C P

D Q

E R

F S

G H T U

I J K V W X

L Y

M Z

crossword Across 1 Person asking the questions (10) 7 Belief (7) 8 Lock of hair (5) 10 Satisfy completely (4) 11 North American songbird (once seen over Dover?) (8) 13 Jaffa’s country (6) 15 (Of clothing) barely adequate (6) 17 (Make a) steep downward plunge (8) 18 Elder of the twin sons of Isaac and Rebecca (4) 21 Relative proportion (5) 22 Spotted cat (7) 23 Staring with astonishment (6-4)

The solution to last week’s puzzle is on page 15

Down 1 Bed covering (5) 2 Wading bird (4) 3 Circulate at a party (6) 4 (Of events) one thing after another (8) 5 Newspaper issue (7) 6 Mess (for Rover to eat?) (4,6) 9 Old-fashioned — conservative (5-5) 12 Recklessly (8) 14 Rice dish (7) 16 Slender and elegant (6) 19 Broken piece (of pottery, glass etc) (5) 20 Horse (worth £25?) (4)

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area 555 Got some great jokes? Send them to us on submissions@awolonline.net

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new purchase I’ve just bought a JVC LCD 4K 3D UHD TV.

top ‘o the morning to ya The rest of the alphabet was out of stock. A few Irish jokes courtesy of our friend Denis ‘I’d like some nails,’ Michael requested of the travelling tinker. mad ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man. Yet another madman has crashed his vehicle and killed people, with the total death toll as yet unknown. So far, the authorities ‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Michael. have not revealed which terrorist organisation the commander of the John S McCain belongs to. O’Gara was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery. After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and give us a twirl announced, ‘Not guilty.’ I always wondered what the greetings would be like if Bruce Forsyth and Yoda ever met? ‘That’s grand,’ shouted O’Gara, ‘Does that mean I get to keep the money?’ Like the late Jimmy Hill before him, Bruce Forsyth will also be laid to rest in a family plot on Easter Island. Reilly is walking through a graveyard when he comes across a headstone with the inscription “Here lies a politician and an RIP Bruce Forsyth. honest man.” Reunited with all the BBC greats we’ve lost, like Terry Wogan and Jimmy Sav.... I mean, Ronnie Barker. ‘Faith now,’ exclaims Reilly, ‘I wonder how they got the two of some edinburgh fringe jokes them in one grave. I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point? feminist Alexei Sayle I saw someone on the train wearing a T-shirt that read, “This is what a feminist looks like.” Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!’ Alasdair Beckett-King And right enough, he had a flat chest and facial hair.

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An Unmissable Opportunity

FOR SALE

ALL NATIONS GUESTHOUSE, BAR & RESTAURANT 1.75 million baht (Negotiable) (reduced from 2.5m)

• 14 rooms • 10 rooms with a/c, ensuite, balcony, tv, fridge, safe • Bar/Restaurant • Satellite TV • Kitchen • Pool Table/Dart Board

town centre location established over 20 years featured in lonely planet rent of 65k fixed until 2019 Price includes all stock, fixtures & fittings and thai company if required

selling to concentrate on other business interests

Serious enquiries only please call 081 817 3000


to hull and back Restaurant & Bakery in Samorphrong

OPEN 11am - 9pm every day (Closed Tuesdays) Delicious Home Cooked Western & Thai Food daily specials - check our blackboard Breakfasts - Fresh Bread Baked Daily Please note that we will be closed Free Wi-Fi - Easy Parking for a family vacation from Contact us on 093 139 9655 or food@passportcafehuahin.com

Sunday 3rd September to Tuesday 12th September

Menu on passportcafehuahin.com and Facebook page Passport-Cafe Directions: From Hua Hin go north on the Klong (Canal) Road through the traffic lights and turn left at the blue bridge with the water tower next to it, then immediately right before the 7-11. Follow this road for approximately 1.5 km and you will find us on the right opposite Tropical Hill.

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island life This week we leave Hua Hin and Hull for a while, to take a look at life on Easter Island through the eyes of a woman who was born there 90 years ago. Her name is Reina. She has lived on that remote volcanic Pacific rim island all her life and seen a lot of changes, not all for the good, in the place she knows by its’ real name, Rapa Nui. Easter Island had been considered too remote for most countries to bother with, but eventually, fearing that it might be colonised by France, Britain stepped in and gave the go ahead for Chile to annex it, which in 1888 it did. Then in about 1895 Chile leased 90 per cent of Rapa Nui territory to the Williamson- Balfour company, the Chilean based subsidiary of Balfour Williamson and Co, a shipping company based in Liverpool. The lease was for 50 years, allowing Williamson-Balfour to turn their 90 per cent of the island into a sheep farm, and during those years the islanders were largely confined to a small, fenced off corner of the land, where they lived in slave like conditions until the 1960’s. It was there, in 1927, that Reina was born to a local mother and Scottish father. Her father had already spent several years in Chile, where he probably worked for Williamson-Balfour before moving to Easter Island. He stayed there long enough to produce three children, daughter Reina and two sons, but when Reina was five years old her father moved to another part of the island to dip sheep, before returning to Chile. She was sent to live with a great aunt and uncle, and didn’t see her father again until the 1960’s. Part of Easter Island culture was that raising children was a community activity, and for the next 9 years Reina was passed on to other households. By the age of 10 she still had little schooling, having to spend time gathering food or clearing rocks for whichever family she was with. There was never enough to eat. Families were given a sheep now and then by Williamson-Balfour, who also provided them with flour but little else. Of those childhood years Reina says ‘that was a time of bad living. We used to go hungry all the time’. There had also been an epidemic of illness which, with no doctor on the island, killed many people including her uncle. When she was 14 years old Reina was ‘married’ to another islander. ‘That was criminal’ she says. ‘(In the past) you were obliged to marry, some as young as eleven...I didn’t even know what it meant. Since legally we weren’t allowed to marry because we were minors we were simply sent off to live together’.

During the years which followed Reina had eleven children, concerning herself with raising and educating them so that they didn’t have to go through what she had. There was no help from her husband, who beat her and put one of their sons to work at the age of seven. She did think about leaving, but had nowhere else to go. Williamson-Balfour and their sheep still occupied most of the island, not giving up their lease until synthetics had begun to reduce the demand for wool after the war, so she sold chickens, butter and cheese to support her children. When the the land was finally returned to the islanders it was in very poor condition. Fields had been burned to encourage the renewal of grazing pasture for the sheep, and in turn the sheep had provided fertilizer. Easter Island had already suffered de forestation in the 1600’s, when trees had been used in part to provide a way of moving the iconic stone heads - or Moai - into place. In fact when the trees ran out the carving of Moai ceased, so fires had to be made using corn cobs and cow dung. Reina is at pains to point out that the local men were lazy womanisers who drank all the time, but things have improved in more recent years. One of her sons owns a hotel. The statues are now protected, tourism has been encouraged and there are more trees, along with a familiar sounding dual pricing policy for visitors to the Moai. Chile now helps Rapa Nui financially, and rightly so. But it has taken some very strong women like Reina to think about the future of the island and its’ children, and to some extent that battle still goes on, as islanders try to ensure the continued teaching of their native language for future generations. Increased tourism and movement of the local people to Chile for work has also led to more island women marrying foreign men. One of those women was raised by Reina in addition to her own brood of eleven, because she had been born the youngest of another large family, and considered too small and weak at birth for her own mother to cope with. That girl also moved to Chile for work, where she met and married her own farang tourist - my brother.

On This Day

Our date in history is about another volcanic Pacific rim island. Krakatoa, where on August 26th 1883 the volcano eruption brought unprecedented disruption. The resulting 120 foot high tidal wave killed 36,000 people on nearby islands, and the volcano blasted 5 cubic miles of earth up to a height of 50 miles.

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So you want to advertise in AWOL? Check out these example prices: (all per week based on a 13 week run, paid in advance)

• Sixth page • Quarter page • Half page • Full page

400 baht 450 baht 700 baht (this size) 1200 baht

Longer and shorter runs are available Find out about all our prices in our Media Guide, available on our website, email sales@awolonline.net, or call 081 649 8361

“Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does.”

Wink with AWOL 081 649 8361


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classifieds Business

all nations guesthouse, bar & restaurant for sale. 14 rooms (10 ensuite with aircon, balcony, TV, fridge and safe). Town centre location, over 20 years established, 5 years remaining of lease with next 2 years rent fixed at 65,000 baht, following 3 years fixed at 70,000 baht. Price of 1.75 million baht includes everything - furniture, fixtures, fittings, stock, and if required a Thai company. Price is negotiable and recently reduced from 2.5m baht. Don’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity! Serious enquiries call us now on 081 817 3000. small guesthouse, restaurant, bar for sale. 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms (2 with balcony), 4 levels, private large lounge upstairs. 2 large eating/drinking areas, 2 main kitchens. Parking front and rear. Good location near condos and hotels. Rent paid up to December, rolling lease. 650,000 baht includes all equipment, appliances and furniture, internet 50 MB and 2 TVs with cable and box. For more details contact 09307 46204 (English) or email howard_coates56@yahoo.co.uk

Thriving local restaurant and premises for

sale. Two storey townhouse on a corner plot comprising a small restaurant with two kitchen areas and toilet on the ground floor, and 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms on the upper floor, located in a busy residential area with several large estates in walking distance. Reluctantly selling this excellent property and business to invest elsewhere. Price 5.2 m baht. Please call 093 139 9655.

Employment

advertise for staff here.

Contact: rita@legalserviceshuahin.com facebook.com/legalserviceshuahin Located at Makro Food services General - sports

Golf clubs or

memberships for sale? Looking for others to participate in a sport? Post your ad here for just 300 baht for 13 issues. Contact classifieds@awolonline.net or call 081 649 8361.

auto

motorbike/car rent Motorbikes 250 a day, 1400 a week, 4500 a month, Cars from 900 a day, 4000 a week, 12,000 a month. Please call David on 092 927 7207 or email davidhodgins@ymail.com for more information nearly new mg3 for sale. 2016 hatchback C 1.5. 4 year warranty. 14,500 k’s. As new, trendy yellow body and black trim/roof, Thb 415,000 ONO. Phone 0614386005 / 0968833172 / email nirvanadua2015l@gmail.com Property for sale

SERVICES

driving in thailand? International driving licence valid 5 years 1800 bt. Call 089 530 8771 (Eng)

Do You Want a 100% fulfilling Life? Everyone has certain aspects of their lives which they want to change. Life can get tough and overwhelming but that doesn’t mean you have to live an unsatisfactory life. Let me help you live the life of your dreams. Email rjnuis@expat-nomad-life-coaching.com or call 099-1630 747 personals

place any sort of personal ad here; looking for love, trying to make contact with someone or even coded messages! General

single fold up bed with mattress, as new. 3000 baht o.n.o. Call 032

523604

Property Law Criminal & Civil Law Family Law Company Registration Visa & Notary Services

Advertise your property here for just 300 baht for 12 weeks! Property wanted

Property partner wanted

to take a share (or long term rental) in a new 4th floor 1 bed condo unit completing soon at The Pine in Khao Takiab; any arrangement considered but 50% ownership preferred. Call 082 892 1266

property for Rent

the breeze condo for rent or sale available immediately. 2 bed, 2

bath, ground floor, 90sqm. 30k per month negotiable for longer lets or 5.5m sale. Call 082 892 1266

Wanted

place your WANTED ad here! announcements

make your personal or business announcement here; Weddings, Birthdays, Funerals, Obituaries, Barmitzvahs, Parties, anything!

Placing a classified with AWOL

All ads run for a minimum of thirteen weeks/issues. Maximum 25 words for any Single ad; longer ads possible by purchasing/using more ads. Prices: Single ad - 300 baht; Subscriptions: Basic (12 ads) - 1200 baht; Extra (36 ads) - 2700 baht; Extra Plus (72 ads) - 3600 baht. Featured (boxed) ads cost an additional 2 single ads Option 1: register or log in at www.awolonline.net/classifieds and place your advert there; Option 2: email to classifieds@awolonline.net; Option 3: Facebook users can join our Group ‘AWOL Classifieds’ and place ads there for free; Option 4: write the details clearly in BLOCK capitals on paper and mail or drop it in to our office (address on page 2) . No adverts published (except Facebook) without prior payment. Deadline for inclusion in that week’s issue is Tuesday 6pm. Please notify us on classifieds@awolonline.net or by calling 081 649 8361 if you want an ad removed before it’s due date. No refunds given for removed ads. Payment: Cash at our office; Bank transfer/deposit (online or ATM/ADM) - A/C no. 489-0-04184-2 (KTB Bank), or credit/debit cards via Paypal, or Paypal transfer; Paypal email info@awolonline.net


awol bazaar Two Bed Sea Craze Condo

2 bed, one bath 65 sq m 3rd flr apartment just 3 mins walk to the beach.

Facilities on site include: Large pool & children’s pool. Fitness room. Private parking (underground). 24 hr security. Children’s play room. Fitted with modern kitchen appliances, balcony furniture, Sat TV, Wifi. Flat screen TV’s in living and both bedrooms. Dining table and chairs. Bedrooms have wood flooring and air-con. Balcony overlooking pool with table and chairs. Price was 4.8m now 3.75m baht Please email chris.b@btinternet.com or phone 090 996 4731 to arrange viewing

advertise in this space from only 160 baht per week

(based on a 6 month run)

contact us on 081 649 8361

Contact: Tel.: 082 298 0500 E-mail: luckyrealestatehuahin@gmail.com Website: luckyhuahin.com

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS If you want to drink, that’s your business, if you want to stop, we can help.

Call to speak to an AA member:

Peo (Swedish) - 086 012 0856 Henrik - 095-950-7550 Loren - 081-007-6856 Terry aatha - 091-883-7757 iland.org www. Meetings every day in Hua Hin

AWOL BAZAAR PRICES Blocks of 4 boxes like this from only 40 baht per box/week Blocks of 8 boxes from only 35 baht per box/week Contact us on 081 649 8361 for more details

LAND FOR SALE

17 Rai in the Kui Buri area, near National Park and Yang Chum reservoir 499,000 baht per rai (offers considered) Full Chanote Call 081 614 8728 for more details

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS

A non-profit fellowship of men and women for whom drugs have become a major problem

Meetings now in Hua Hin on Sundays at 10.30am, Tuesdays at 12 noon and Thursdays at 6pm Contact Add 086 014 7585 Emmanuel K. 090 438 387 Mark 084 314 1928

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money & information overseas calls information

Useful Numbers

REVERSE CHARGE CALLS The list below is the free number to connect to an operator of that country to request the reverse charge call. ARGENTINA 001-999-54-1000/ 2000 AUSTRALIA 001-999-61-1000/2000 AUSTRIA 001-800-28787421 BAHRAIN 001-999-973-1000 BRUNEI 001-999-673-1000 CANADA 001-999-15-1000/2000 DENMARK 001-999-45-1000 FRANCE 001-999-33-1000 GERMANY 001-999-49-1000 HAWAII 001-800-865-8424 HONG KONG 001-999-852-1086 INDONESIA 001-999-62-1000/2000 ISRAEL 001-999-972-1000/ 2000 ITALY 001-999-39-1000 JAPAN 001-999-811-0051 KOREA 001-999-82-1000/ 2000/ 2001 MACAU 001-999-853-1000 MALAYSIA 001-999-60-1000/4000/ 4001 MALTA 001-999-356-1000 MEXICO 001-999-52-1000 NEPAL 001-800-977-1-9999 NETHERLANDS 001-999-31-1035 NEW ZEALAND 001-999-64-1066 PHILIPPINES 001-999-63-1000/ 3000/ 6000 PORTUGAL 001-999-351-1000 RUSSIA 001-999-7-1000 SINGAPORE 001-999-65-0000/ 2008 SOUTH AFRICA 001-999-27-1000 SPAIN 001-999-34-1066 TAIWAN 001-999-886-1000 U.A.E. 001-999-971-1000 U.K. 001-999-44-1066 U.S.A. 001-999-1-1111/ 2001/ 2002 Thanks to the staff at CAT in Hua Hin for providing the above numbers. FREE and cheap CALLS If your mobile phone or device and that of the person you are calling supports it, you can use a number of apps to make free calls anywhere, with the best known being Skype and Viber. The mobile phone operators offer special numbers to prefix an international number to get cheap rate international calls. More information call True 1331 AIS 1175 DTAC 1678

Police 191 Crime 195 Fire 199 Traffic Control Centre 197 Highway Police 1193 Tourist Police 1699 Tourist Service Centre 1155 Missing Persons 02 282 1815 Police Station 032 511 027 Tourist Police 032 516 219 Cha-Am Police 032 471 321 Bangkok Hospital 1719 Hua Hin Hospital 032 511 743 San Paulo Hospital 032 532 576 to 585 Red Cross 032 512 567 Municipality 032 532433 Tessabahn 032 511 047 Immigration 032 520 617 Bus Terminal (non air-con) 032 511 230 (air-con) 032 511654, 512543 Railway Station 032 511 073 Tourist Information 032 513 885 Electricity Office 032 512 215 Electricity Call Centre 1129 Water Office 032 511 677 TOT 032 519 000/001 TOT Call Centre 1100 TT&T 032 532 018 3BB 032-900020-1 086-0127273 3BB Call Centre 1530 CAT 032 511 350 Alcoholics Anonymous 0870 620 098 Narcotics Anonymous 084 314 1928

exchange rates (23-8-17)

Currency Baht Algerian Dinar 0.302 Argentine Peso 1.93 Australian Dollar 26.2 Bitcoin 137399 Brazilian Real 10.5 British Pound 42.6 Bulgarian Lev 20 Canadian Dollar 26.4 Chilean Peso 0.0519 Chinese Yuan 4.99 Croatian Kuna 5.31 Czech Koruna 1.5 Danish Krone 5.25 Egyptian Pound 1.88 Ethereum 10468 Euro 39.1 Hong Kong Dollar 4.25 Hungarian Forint 0.129 Iceland Krona 0.314 Indian Rupee 0.519 Indonesian Rupiah 0.0025 Iranian Rial 0.001 Israeli New Shekel 9.19 Japanese Yen 0.303 Korean Won 0.0294 Malaysian Ringgit 7.77 Mexican Peso 1.88 New Zealand Dollar 24.1 Nigerian Naira 0.0911 Norwegian Krone 4.2 Pakistan Rupee 0.316 Philippine Peso 0.65 Polish Zloty 9.14 Qatari Rial 9.09 Romanian Leu 8.54 Russian Ruble 0.563 Saudi Riyal 8.86 Serbian Dinar 0.33 Singapore Dollar 24.4 South African Rand 2.52 Local Consular Sri Lanka Rupee 0.217 Representatives Swedish Krona 4.1 Swiss Franc 34.3 CANADIAN Taiwan Dollar 1.1 Rick Pomerleau 087 153 3817 or e-mail Turkish Lira 9.5 rickpomerleau@hotmail.com UAE Dirham 9.05 FINNISH US Dollar 33.2 Mr. Sipi Siljamaeki 087-911 8119 or e-mail: Ukraine Hryvnia 1.31 suthiporn.siljamaki@gmail.com AMERICAN Mr. Christopher Byrd 081-173 4469 or e-mail: AWOL makes no warranties, express or implied, chrs@tourdeasia.org regarding these rates and shall not be liable for any losses or damages incurred in connection with them.


balloon chasers

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small domestic beers, Samsong + mixer 40 baht, Wine 55 baht, San Miguel and Heineken 65 baht, large domestic beers 70 baht. el murphy’s, soi selekam. Murfs Happy Times from 7am to 7pm Pints recently added of: Guinness 189 bt, Old Speckled Hen and coming soon 210 bt, Magners and Stowfor cider 180 Amari Hua Hin, Takiab Road Nongkae; bt. All day Chang and Leo Large 90 bt, Thursday 7th September, 6.30 - 9.00 pm small 49 bt. Parties, special deals, regular events, celebrations and more; to get it in AWOL email submissions@awolonline. net or post it on our Balloon Chasers facebook group.

BCCT Multi-Chambers Western Seaboard father teds, Damnoernkasem Road. Business Dinner with Speaker: John Christie, Live music, special food and drink CEO, Ek-Chai Distribution System Co., Ltd offers, draught Guinness, something

(Tesco Lotus) on the Tesco Lotus story in expanding their footprint across Thailand, and how they engage with local partners. THB 900 including interbuffet & soft drinks. Beer, wine, gin and tonic at THB 100 net per glass. (see ad p11) the palm bistro, soi 88. August is Pie Month - try their delicious selection of homemade pies.

siam handlebar, Phetkasem Road (opp. airport); Breakfast now available

seven days a week from 9.30am to 12 noon. father teds, Damnoernkasem Road.

Every Friday in August is Lads Night get Happy Hour prices on all draught beers (see ad p2)

johnnie walker, soi selekam/ poolsuk road. Happy Hour every

day from 9am to 8pm (see ad on p9 for details). Regular offers

happening every night! See add on p2 for details.

la maison bleu, Phetkasem road. Every Saturday from 7 to 10pm Live music by Susan and Larry. nany’s cafe, soi 88. Friday special - Fish,

chips and mushy peas 139 bt, Atlantic cod fillet chips and mushy peas 220 bt. Also Leo draft now available small(half) 55 bt, large(pint) 75 bt passport cafe, Samorphrong. Now open for Breakfasts, Freshly baked bread, Daily Specials and more (see ad p9) PIT’S CAFE, Dusitland 8, Soi 94. Every Saturday from 2-6pm, All You Can Drink draught Leo; Ladies 300 baht, Men 400 baht red piano, soi kanjanomai. Happy Hour every day from 5 - 7pm BOGOF. the palm bistro, soi 88. Join their Sunday Lunch Club and start earning a free Sunday Roast (see ad p3)

pub quizzes king bar, Soi Binthabaht. Quiz second Monday of every month (next one Monday 11th September 2017 at 7.30 pm) . Free entry, food and prizes hosted by Hawk - all welcome. Sunset

Boulevard,

Khao

British style Sunday Roasts: Andreanna’s, Khao Takiab Bobby’s Bar, Soi 102 Father Teds, Damnoernkasem Road Hua Hin Miss You, Soi 80 Jungle Juice, Soi Selekam Mucky Duck, Bonkai (Soi 88) Nany’s Cafe, Soi 88 Nit’s Kitchen, Soi 94 Orchid Restaurant 94, Soi 94 Palm Bistro, Soi 88 (032 828144) Seajays Resort, off Pala-U Road. 083

311 1787

toon’s bar and restaurant, soi 6, Bobby’s Bar, Soi 102.; The 99 baht borfai. Now open every day from 3pm Sunset Boulevard, Khao Bookings only 084 376 9438

breakfast is Back! FREE Sunday Roast - spend 250 baht and get a free Sunday Roast (see ad p2). Available from 2 to 8pm. All You Can Eat Chicken Wings and Kebabs every Friday from 5pm to 7pm when spend 200 bt. double d, Soi 6. Happy Hour every day from 2 - 8pm; Buy 2 get 1 free on all

Takiab.

Third Tuesday of the month 7.30pm 10pm. All video home compiled quiz with 8 rounds including audio visual rounds. Teams of up to 6. Free half time food and free entry but minimum bar bill 200 Baht per person. Bookings essential as there is limited space 084 376 9438 or go to our Facebook page. Please note: Next quiz on 22nd August (one week late) tk roadhouse, Khao Takiab. First Tuesday of every month ‘The Best Quiz In Town’! 8 rounds, beer questions, free food.

Takiab.

serving a wide range of Thai and Western Ye Olde Buffalo Tavern, Chomsin Rd food until 9pm, and great prices all day Zab Wer, Soi 112. every day on drinks until late Uncle Bryn’s (2km past Palm Hills north along klong road. Turn left

and 200m on left.); Large Chang 55 baht, large Leo 58 baht. Open daily 7am-late. 085 405 6976 (T) 080 197 2072(E)

It costs nothing, zilch, zero to promote your special offer, party, regular event or other promotion in Balloon Chasers! Just email submissions@awolonline.net or post it on our Facebook group

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events with surf 102.5fm events

Ongoing

Rescue Paws is a non-profit organization based in Hua Hin dedicated to helping and improving the lives of Thailand’s stray animal population. Find out more on their website rescuepawsasia.org or Facebook page RescuePawsThailand Trash Hero Hua Hin now every Sunday at 3pm a beach area gets cleaned. See their eponymous Facebook page for weekly details HUA HIN HOBBY COOKING CLUB If cooking is your hobby you can join an international group of hobby cooks in Hua Hin. Tel. Robert 0983 562290 Dusit Thani Hua Hin Soccer Academy: exercise and professional football coaching for kids. Hua Hin Hash house Harriers every Saturday around the area. (see p14) Cicada Market and Performing Arts Fair. The Upcoming Venue@Suansri. Fri/Sat evenings from Inform awol or Surf fm of your sunset to 12 pm, Sundays from 4pm; charitable or non commercial event and Dining, shopping, art, performances, and we will announce it here films in a beautiful park-like setting. A great place to spend an evening Welcome to our collaborative section with Hua Hin’s only local radio station playing Western music 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, the one and only Surf 102.5 FM! Every day Surf features local events and activities that visitors and locals might be interested in enjoying, and you will find these below. If you know of an event, activity or regular happening that is not listed here or in our Balloon Chasers section, please get in touch by email to either AWOL (submissions@awolonline.net or Surf 102.5 FM (surf102.5fm@gmail.com) or via either of the respective Facebook pages; AWOLexpat or Surf102.5. Get on the air! Go along any Friday morning to the Siam Bakery at the Marriott to have a chat or just watch the guys do the Breakfast Show between 7 and 10 am.

surf 102.5 fm schedule • The Marriott Breakfast Show with Steve Johnston Mon. to Fri. 7:00 - 10:00 • Asia Pop 40 with Dom Lau Sat. 09:00 - 12:00, Sun. 15:00 - 18:00 Tue. 21:00 - 24:00 • “Something On The Radio” with James Ross Sun., Tues., Thu. 20:00-22:00 • LA Spinz with Peter Reynolds Mon., Wed.19:30 Fri. 20:15 • Q Burn Rocks On with Peter Antony Fri. 22:00 Sun. 00:00 • The Mellow Show with Gary Zeipe Sun. 22:00 - 00:00 • Soft Surf Mon -Thurs, Sat. 22:00 - 01:00 • BBC News headlines every hour • BBC News Sat., Sun. 07:00 - 08:00, Every day 19:00- 19:30

Get notified when the latest awol is online by subscribing to our weekly email Go to awolonline.net or email info@awolonline.net

Chill Chill Massage Poolsuk Road (between Dechanuchit & Chomsin Roads)

Call 080 018 3996 Open every day from early ‘til late Oil or Thai Massage Foot Massage 300 baht/1 hr. 250 baht/1 hr.


weird news

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germany 5,000 orange ecstasy pills shaped like Donald Trump have been seized by police A batch of drugs fashioned to resemble US President and general laughing-stock Donald Trump have been seized by German police. Roughly 5,000 orange ecstasy tablets, which feature Trump’s distinctive hairstyle and have his name on the back, were confiscated in the city of Osnabruck. A 51-year-old Austrian man and his 17-year-old son were arrested during the seizure after their vehicle was searched by the police. Police believe the class-A drugs would have been sold online using the slogan: ‘Trump makes partying great again.’ The drugs were worth roughly €40,000 (£37,000), and were seized along with a large quantity of cash that was found in the vehicle. It is thought the ‘Trump pills’ originated in the Netherlands.

••

Uk Home that used to be a public toilet on the market for £330,000 A semi-detached house that used to be a public toilet has gone on the market for £330,000 – nothing to those flush with cash. The one-bed home was converted in 2016 and is said to ‘boast’ an open-plan kitchen, living area, and cloakroom. It has under-floor heating, a contemporary glass staircase leading to a double bedroom with an en-suite shower room, and a courtyard enclosed by a brick wall. It is presumed its toilet facilities are also pretty special. The public convenience had been set for demolition but a residents’ campaign put a stop to that and instead the site was converted into two apartments. The house in Ewell Village, Surrey, has been listed on the Rightmove property website for £330,000 by Mark Anthony Estate Agents. According to GetSurrey the property had been sold just last year for £285,000 suggesting strong growth in the housing market given the 16% jump. Uk The block, called Bourneview, backs onto a green open space Suspect with drugs up his backside didn’t go to toilet for nine that includes the Grade II listed Bourne Hall. The toilets had been auctioned by Epsom and Ewell Borough days A man has been jailed for drugs offences after he avoided Council in 2012 for £68,000. evacuating his narcotics for nine days. Uk Mounkadir Mustapha, 25, from Coulsdon, Surrey, was kept under round-the-clock observation by police waiting for him Man jailed for taking theory tests for other drivers A man has been jailed after sitting theory tests for prospective to pass his stash. Eventually he was charged with intent to supply with a class A drivers ‘who could not read English signs’. Swallaxadin Bashir, 39, had charged people £500 to complete drug. He has now been jailed for three years and five months after their exams and had already been locked up twice for the same pleading guilty to supplying heroin, crack cocaine and cannabis. offence. His latest crimes were committed last year when he Police said that he was spotted in Bournemouth on April 12 was out on licence. Bashir was caught when two DVSA test with another man and people suspected that he was dealing centres became suspicious and sent his details to the DVSA investigator Paul Chinery. drugs. A day earlier an off-duty police officer who had previously The father-of-one would arrive for tests with his customers’ searched him saw him approach a teenager for a suspected provisional licenses, before forging their signatures and drug deal near McDonald’s. answering a series of security questions. They arrested him after finding a sock containing 10 wraps of Bashir, from Coventry, admitted to two charges of fraud by cannabis in his boxer shorts. During a search they discovered false representation at Warwick Crown Court, and was jailed another package had been ‘secreted in Mustapha’s bottom’. for 18 months. Police also found messages on his phone relating to drug Kevin Saunders, defending, admitted his client was proficient at dealing, leading to his conviction. what he had did. He added: ‘He’s a one-trick pony. He required money for accommodation for him and his son, and this was all he knew. He needs to learn new skills.’

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So you want to advertise in AWOL? This space now available (Quarter page) for just 450 baht per week (13 issue run) Find out about all our prices in our Media Guide, available on our website (awolonline.net), email sales@awolonline.net, or call 081 649 8361

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LOCAL SPORTS hua hin city F.C

Hua Hin City F. C. is the local professional team formed in 2011, playing their matches at the Takiab Stadium in Khao Takiab. results sunday 20th august 2017 Nonthaburi 0 - 4 Hua Hin City

match report Nonthaburi FC 0 – 4 Hua Hin City FC We were coming into this game riding high on the back of 2 consecutive victories, but the team news was not good. 3 stalwarts of the rejuvenated side would not be starting due to illness. Ali G, Ratchapark and Amos (who did make a 2nd half appearance) were all unwell. However, such is the quality of the Hua Hin squad these days, replacements would just slot into the side, and we would hardly notice the join. Coach Sebastien has the entire squad playing as a well drilled unit. Nonthaburi would probably be looking at the team sheet, and think they were in for an easy day FIXTURES at the office. sunday 27th august 2017 Natchapon looked to be attracting extra attention from the goalkeeping coach just Hua Hin City v IPE Samut Sakhon 17:30 before the start, and we were worried that he’d picked up an injury during warm up. However, he started, and despite picking up 2 early injuries, went on to keep his 3rd thai League 4 clean sheet of the season. Western Region table From the start, Hua Hin took command, and enjoyed the early chances, although Team P GD PTS Natchapon was called upon to make a very important save early on. The first half was 1 Suphanburi B 24 33 58 fairly even, with Hua Hin being slightly on top. 2 Muangkan United 24 17 50 I don’t know what happened at half time, but Hua Hin came out in the second half, 3 Assumption United 24 15 42 and had pushed the game up a few notches. It was nice to see Dorian on for an entire 4 BTU United 24 12 42 match, and some of his cheeky flick-ons were splitting the opposition’s defence in 5 Ratchaburi Mitr Phol B 24 0 33 half. 6 Hua Hin City 24 1 29 Wuttichai opened the scoring, followed quickly by a lovely header by Katchatip. 7 IPE Samut Sakhon United 24 -6 29 Nonthaburi tried their best to get back into the game, but left themselves open to the counter attack, which Arnon gratefully capitalised on, grabbing a brace to make him 8 Look Isan 24 -8 27 the clubs leading goal scorer. 9 Nonthaburi 24 -11 26 Arnon’s 2nd goal was courtesy of Poranarong, who could have just as easily have 10 Pathum Thani United 24 -53 1 taken the shot himself, but generously laid the ball off. A very satisfying result, which shows how far we have come in a short time. Nonthaburi had beaten us twice already this season, but the tide has truly turned. Hua Hin are playing some great football.

hash house harriers

A drinking Club with a running & walking Problem! and payment enclosed on an envelope The Cha-Am and Hua Hin Hash House DIRECTIONS TO RUN SITE: Harrier Clubs meet alternate Saturdays From bypass: Go to road 1001 aka and drop it into the Tax Collection box for around an hour’s. run/walk in the ‘Springfield Road located between the 10 in the car park. Envelopes and pens are surrounding countryside followed by & 11 km markers on bypass. Turn west available at the tax table for hashers who a social gathering. lf you would like to at traffic signal and then immediately desire to stand in a queue. come along then visit our website www. turn right onto Hopkapong Road, #3203. h2h3-cah3.weebly.com or Facebook at When you get to the 8 km marker be BEER: BYO beverage of choice. The hash www.facebook.com/H2H3CAH3 for full prepared to turn left at HHH sign. Then provides circle beer, soft drinks & water. details and directions. Please note that go a few hundred meters to the car park ON AFTER: There will be an onsite bonfire with BBQ facilities and gas lights people attending and participating do so on the topside of the dam. From Petchkasem: Turn left onto so bring your own food. entirely at their own risk. NEXT RUN Saturday 26th august Hupkapong road, # 3203 immediately 2017, meet @ 4:30 for a 5 pm start. after crossing the flyover. Go past the 7 Hua Hin House Harriers CAH3 Run km marker and turn right at HHH sign. #317 Go a few hundred meters to car park on Hares: Ahmedashed & Aom the topside of the dam. Location: Hupkapong Reservoir Any queries then please call Rubber Google Map Link: https://goo.gl/maps/ Duck on 095 959 6114 NHJ5knkbh8t GPS Coordinates: N 12.276550 E HASH TAX: 50 Baht. First time visitors 99.906517 (N 12 45.873 E 99 54.391) & virgins run free. Hashers under 8 run free. Please clearly print name(s)


local golf Butterfly Rock Golf society

Hua Hin Golf Society

Results 22nd August 2017 RESULTS 21st August 2017 Lake View A + B Stableford 23 entered Lake View AB Stableford 14 entered 1st Phillipe Hattabe 38 pts (18) 1st Doug Miller 41 pts (11) 2nd Stefan Foerg 36 pts (06) 2nd Mark Simpson 34 pts (15) 3rd Fred Ward 35 pts (17) 3rd Wij Wijesena 31 pts (12) 4th Greg Hill 33 pts (16) 4th Geoff G Batt-Rawden 31 pts 22nd August 2017 (05) Lake View A + B Ladies Stableford 11 16th August 2017 entered Springfield AB Stableford, NTP and 1st Nitha Dittkuhn 37 pts (12) Twos 33 entered 2nd Pailin Humphrey 37 pts (09) 1st Wij Wijesena 39 pts (12) 3rd Fai Brathe 36 pts (21) 2nd Patrick Morrissey 38 pts (16) 4th Bow Pongyart 34 pts (19) 3rd John Oxley 38 pts (12) 18th August 2017 4th Nigel Guest 38 pts (12) Palm Hills Stableford 24 entered 1st Kieron Bose 39 pts (08) Fixtures 28th August 2017 Lake View A & B 2nd Ben Amelsvoort 37 pts (19) 3rd Robert Laminit 36 pts (06) Stableford 30th August 2017 Black Mountain 4th Greg Hill 36 pts (16) Stableford fixtures ronnie’s roll up 29th August 2017 Royal Hua Hin Held every Friday at Palm Hills. Please Stableford contact Ronnie on 0811 942 556 if you 1st September 2017 Black Mountain are interested in joining in, and thanks to Stableford & Eclectic Ronnie for the results. lake view 18th august 2017 members club 12 players Front 9 - Ronnie Thorley (20) 20 points Results 18th August 2017 Back 9 - Chris Wilson (22) 19 points Course BC Overall - Chris Wilson (22) 38 points 1st Doug Miller (11) 34pts 2nd David Butler (9) 34pts 3rd Bill Evans (13) 32pts HUA HIN DARTS LEAGUE 4th Gary Ross (19) 32pts results 21st August 2017 week 1 22nd august 2017 Course AB No Game - Johnnie Walker Red 1st Roy Johnson (9) 34pts El Toro Loco 6 - 3 Pinky Bar Johnnie Walker Black 6 - 3 Blue Lagoon 2nd Mick Cour (17) 33pts 3rd Rick Lunstrum (17) 33pts 4th Peter Trim (17) 32pts League Table Team El Toro Loco J. Walker Black J. Walker Red Blue Lagoon Pinky Bar

P W D 1 1 0 1 1 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 1 0 0

L 0 0 0 1 1

+/- Pts 3 2 3 2 0 0 -3 0 -3 0

fixtures week 2 29th august 2017 No Game - Blue Lagoon Johnnie Walker Red v El Toro Loco Pinky Bar v Johnnie Walker Black

FIXTURES Lake View every Monday, Wednesday, Friday cha am golf club

Contact: secretary@chaamgolfclub.com FIXTURES No fixtures currently listed.

saensuk Golf Society

Results 21st August 2017 Springfield C & A Splinter Cell Stableford 5 entered 1st Marten Norregaard 38 pts (07) 2nd Roy Sweetland 32 pts (05) 3rd David Lowe 30 pts (07) 4th Sven-Otto Grahn 27 pts (19) 18th August 2017 Springfield Royal Country Club Splinter Cell Stableford 4 entered 1st Sven-Otto Grahn 39 pts (20) 2nd Nadtaya Nieuwenhuizen 34 pts (09) 3rd Paul Badenoch-Jones 33 pts (08) 4th Roy Sweetland 26 pts (05) 16th August 2017 Lake View B & C Stableford Cup - Round 4 29 entered 1st Victor Visot 38 pts (21) 2nd Tim Dearden 37 pts (18) 3rd Marten Norregaard 36 pts (07) 4th Phillipe Tamin 32 pts (21) fixtures Monday/Friday Springfield Splinter Cell Stableford 6th September 2017 Majestic Creek

Crossword Solution

Here is last week’s Crossword solution.

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pool leagues hua hin khao takiab super Pool League

results week 23 17th august 2017 Bar 80 Saloon 11 - 9 Jaew Bar Connections Cafe 13 - 7 Mint Bar Hua Hin Bar 9 - 11 Mausi Bar Komhom Bar 15 - 5 Fame Silver Fox 15 - 5 Nalee Bar Squealing Pig 7 - 13 Big Kahuna The Clansmen 10 - 10 MasterCues Bar

results week 16 17th august 2017 Arilds Bar 6 - 15 Pits Cafe Bobby’s Birds 7 - 14 Muan Bar Drink & Shelter 12 - 9 Fin Bar High Five v Le Kiss Bar n/a Home 9 - 12 Lanla Bar Hut Bar v Ba Na Na Bar n/a Infinity Bar 9 - 12 Tap House Bar Sweetheart Bar 12 - 9 Tore’s Bar The Dream 6 - 15 Mucky Duck Tiki Bar 16 - 5 Star Bar

Fixtures week 25 31st august 2017 Bar 80 Saloon v Big Kahuna Connections Cafe v Silver Fox Fame v Nalee Bar Hua Hin Bar v The Clansmen Komhom Bar v Mint Bar Mausi Bar) v MasterCues Bar Squealing Pig v Jaew Bar

Fixtures Week 18 31st august 2017 Ba Na Na Bar v The Dream Fin Bar v Infinity Bar Lanla Bar v Arilds Bar Le Kiss Bar v Drink & Shelter Muan Bar v Sweetheart Bar Mucky Duck v High Five Pits Cafe v Hut Bar Star Bar v Bobby’s Birds Tap House Bar v Tiki Bar Tore’s Bar v Home P 16 16 16 16 16 15 16 16 16 16 16 16 15 16 16 16 15 14 16 15

W 14 12 13 13 12 11 8 9 9 11 9 6 5 5 4 3 5 5 2 1

L 2 4 3 3 4 4 8 7 7 5 7 10 10 11 12 13 10 9 14 14

+/108 88 72 70 68 83 52 46 26 16 4 -16 -33 -64 -78 -84 -67 -48 -110 -133

Pts 222 212 204 203 202 199 194 191 181 176 170 160 141 136 129 126 124 123 113 91

Team The Clansmen MasterCues Bar Komhom Bar Big Kahuna Bar 80 Saloon Mausi Bar Silver Fox Hua Hin Bar Connections Mint Bar Squealing Pig Nalee Bar Jaew Bar Fame

P 23 22 22 22 23 23 23 23 21 22 22 21 22 21

W 20 16 13 14 10 9 11 7 7 7 7 6 3 4

D 3 5 4 4 4 5 2 3 3 2 3 2 1 1

L 0 1 5 4 9 9 10 13 11 13 12 13 18 16

+/196 164 68 50 8 -6 -14 -26 -2 -34 -40 -92 -142 -130

LUCKY SHOT BAR

Hua Hin’s only pool bar with FOUR 9’ tables Ask about our drinks specials and other special offers Contact Andy on 086 178 1550 Email: aknabe@gmx.net 27/3 Poolsuk Road, Hua Hin Hua Hin Pool Billiard League

results week 5 18th august 2017 Big Kahuna 6 - 2 Lucky Shot A Lucky Shot B 3 - 5 Pits Rangers Pits Pirates 6 - 2 Muan Bar

League tablE

League Table Team Tap House Bar Muan Bar Infinity Bar Mucky Duck Drink & Shelter Tiki Bar Home Pits Cafe Fin Bar Arilds Bar Lanla Bar Bobby’s Birds Le Kiss Bar Star Bar The Dream Sweetheart Bar High Five Ba Na Na Bar Tore’s Bar Hut Bar

thursday friendly Pool League

Pts 371 339 284 277 258 250 247 234 226 219 217 178 156 154

fixtures week 6 25th august 2017 Lucky Shot B v Lucky Shot A Muan Bar v Big Kahuna Pits Rangers v Pits Pirates week 7 1st september 2017 Big Kahuna v Pits Rangers Lucky Shot A v Muan Bar Pits Pirates v Lucky Shot B League tablE Team Pits Rangers Big Kahuna Pits Pirates Lucky Shot B Lucky Shot A Muan Bar

P W D L 4 3 1 0 5 1 4 0 4 2 1 1 5 1 2 2 4 1 0 3 4 0 2 2

+/8 4 6 -6 -6 -6

Pts 7 6 5 4 2 2

P W D L 9 8 1 0 9 7 0 2 9 4 0 5 9 4 2 3 9 3 2 4 8 3 1 4 8 3 0 5 9 0 0 9

+/66 58 10 0 -12 -20 -34 -68

Pts 147 143 119 114 108 92 85 80

friday team League

results week 10 18th august 2017 Home Bar 2 16 - 8 Bikini Bar Mucky Duck 10 - 14 Bobbys Bar Nalee Bar 8 - 16 Home Bar Sabai Bar 12 - 12 Ba Na Na Bar Fixtures week 12 1st september 2017 Home Bar 2 v Ba Na Na Bar Mucky Duck v Home Bar Nalee Bar v Bobbys Bar Sabai Bar v Bikini Bar

League tablE Team Sabai Bar Home Bar Bobbys Bar Mucky Duck Ba Na Na Bar Home Bar 2 Nalee Bar Bikini Bar


pool leagues HUA HIN social POOL LEAGUE

tuesday POOL LEAGUE soi 94

hua hin soi 80 tuesday Pool League

results Week 11 23rd august 2017 J. Juice Cheetas v All Nations GH n/a JW Red 12 - 7 King Bar Limelight 15 - 4 Jungle Juice Leopards N & G 13 - 6 Booz Bar Pink Panther 6 - 13 Bentho Bar Tiger Bar 8 - 11 JW Black

results week 10 22nd august 2017 Arilds Sports Bar 4 - 14 Tiki Bar Connections Cafe 13 - 5 Nalee Bar Home Bar 6 - 12 Coopers Bar Na Na Bar 11 - 7 Mausi Bar Tores Bar 7 - 11 Komhom Restaurant Tree Bar 8 - 10 Home Bar 2

Fixtures No fixtures next week

FIXTURES week 11 29th august 2017 Coopers Bar v Arilds Sports Bar Home Bar 2 v Komhom Restaurant Mausi Bar v Tree Bar Nalee Bar v Na Na Bar Tiki Bar v Connections Cafe Tores Bar v Home Bar

League Table Team N&G King Bar Jungle Juice Cheetas Bentho Bar Limelight JW Black Pink Panther Jungle Juice L’pards JW Red All Nations GH Tiger Bar Booz Bar

P 11 10 8 11 8 9 10 11 10 9 11 10

W 8 8 7 7 6 5 4 4 3 3 3 1

L 3 2 1 4 2 4 6 7 7 6 8 9

+/- Pts 45 16 42 16 24 14 23 14 18 12 15 10 -26 8 -43 8 -12 6 -13 6 -23 6 -50 2

P 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10

W 9 9 8 6 6 4 3 3 3 1 0 0

D 0 0 1 1 1 2 3 2 1 1 2 2

L 1 1 1 3 3 4 4 5 6 8 8 8

+/82 66 56 36 18 12 -22 -24 -22 -62 -64 -76

Fixtures Week 7 29th august 2017 Exotic Bar v Eagle Bar Fin Bar 2 v Bar 80 Saloon Hua Hin Bar ‘S’ v Hua Hin Bar ‘K’ Hut Bar v Fin Bar 1 Mint Bar v Mona Bar League Table

League tablE Team Tiki Bar Coopers Bar Home Bar 2 Home Bar Komhom Connections Cafe Tores Bar Arilds Sports Bar Na Na Bar Tree Bar Mausi Bar Nalee Bar

results Week 6 22nd august 2017 Bar 80 Saloon 12 - 6 Exotic Bar Fin Bar 1 10 - 8 Hua Hin Bar ‘S’ Hua Hin Bar ‘K’ 8 - 10 Fin Bar 2 Mint Bar 13 - 5 Hut Bar Mona Bar 11 - 7 Eagle Bar

Pts 27 27 25 19 19 14 12 11 10 4 2 2

Team Fin Bar 2 Exotic Bar Eagle Bar Mint Bar Fin Bar 1 Bar 80 Saloon Mona Bar Hut Bar Hua Hin Bar ‘K’ Hua Hin Bar ‘S’

P W D L 6 4 2 0 6 4 1 1 6 4 0 2 6 3 1 2 6 3 1 2 6 3 0 3 6 3 0 3 6 1 2 3 6 1 1 4 6 0 0 6

+/- Pts 22 14 8 13 8 12 20 10 -4 10 2 9 2 9 2 5 -6 4 -54 0

Disclaimer NWPL New Wednesday POOL LEAGUE

results Week 2 23rd august 2017 Coopers Blues 11 - 11 Breeze Bar Home Bar One 5 - 17 BRGC@Bar80 Sabai Bar 15 - 7 Coopers Reds Squealing Pig 13 - 9 Jaew Bar Tores Bar 8 - 14 Home Bar Two Tree Bar 17 - 5 Aonzy Bar Fixtures Week 3 30th august 2017 BRGC@Bar80 v Coopers Blues Breeze Bar v Aonzy Bar Coopers Reds v Squealing Pig Home Bar Two v Home Bar One Jaew Bar v Tores Bar Sabai Bar v Tree Bar

League Table Team BRGC@Bar80 Sabai Bar Home Bar Two Breeze Bar Coopers Blues Tree Bar Coopers Reds Squealing Pig Jaew Bar Aonzy Bar Home Bar One Tores Bar

P W d 2 2 0 2 2 0 2 2 0 2 1 1 2 1 1 2 1 0 2 1 0 2 1 0 2 0 0 2 0 0 2 0 0 2 0 0

L 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 1 2 2 2 2

+/- Pts 20 6 14 6 12 6 2 4 2 4 4 3 0 3 -2 3 -10 0 -14 0 -14 0 -14 0

All articles are published in good faith and based on information available to us at publication. Some articles are satire or ‘spoof ’ stories intended as humour. No responsibility is accepted other than that stipulated by law. Although the information in this publication has been obtained from sources believed to be reliable, AWOL cannot guarantee accuracy in all cases. Any opinions expressed are those of the contributor and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher. All materials copyright. All rights reserved and no part of this publication may be reproduced in part or in full without the previous written consent of the publisher. Neither can any part be stored in a retrieval situation, nor transmitted by electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or any other means. AWOL is printed by Petchpoom Printing, and we can be contacted on info@awolonline.net or 081 614 8728. Please send any other communications to Mrs Chukamol James, Managing Director, AWOL Co. Ltd., 136/229 Emerald Hill, Soi 6, Mooban Borfai, Hua Hin, Prachuap Kiri Khan, 7110, THAILAND.

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pool leagues

102 & 88 saturday POOL LEAGUE

hua hin star Pool League

results week 3 20th August 2017 division 2 division 1 Hampi 7 - 4 Andy Paul 7 - 5 Derrick Brian 3 - 7 Tong Job 5 - 7 Brian Dang 7 - 4 Prj Kwan 3 - 7 Peter Korn 7 - 4 Lieven Pek 7 - 3 Thong

Bernard 5- 4 Jay Tina 5 - 3 Michel Darren 5 - 1 Steve Mick 5 - 1 Axel Julius 5 - 4 Gent Wad 2 - 5 Shawn Den 4 - 5 Golf Tim 2 - 5 Thong

Hampi v Andy Paul v Derrick Brian v Tong Job v Brian Dang v Prj Kwan v Peter Korn v Lieven Pek v Thong

Bernard v Jay Tina v Michel Darren v Steve Mick v Axel Julius v Gent Wad v Shawn Den v Golf Tim v Thong

results Week 3 19th august 2017 Bobby’s Babes v Master Ques El Toro Loco v Big Kahuna Mucky Duck v Banana Bar Silver Fox v Bobby’s Bar

P +/- Pts Player

Andy Hampi Lieven Brian Korn Thong Kwan Dang Peter Job Derrick Prj Pek Tong Brian Paul

2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2

6 6 6 3 3 4 3 2 0 -1 -4 -2 -5 -5 -8 -8

4 4 4 4 4 2 2 2 2 2 2 0 0 0 0 0

Darren Shawn Tim Gent Axel Steve Wad Den Julius Thong Mick Golf Bernard Jay Michel Tina

P +/- Pts 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2

FIXTURES Week 2 25th august 2017

No fixtures have been posted beyond week 1please contact the organiser

League tablE

League tablE

division 2

Player

results Week 1 18th august 2017 Fin Bar 13 - 10 Exotic Bar High Five 9 - 14 The Connection Muan Bar 12 - 11 Sweetheart Bar Take 5 Sports Bar 9 - 14 TK Roadhouse No game - Jungle Juice

FIXTURES Week 4 26th august 2017 Bobby’s Babes v Master Ques El Toro Loco v Big Kahuna Mucky Duck v Banana Bar Silver Fox v Bobby’s Bar

Fixtures week 4 27th August 2017 division 2 division 1

League Tables division 1

Hua Hin Khao Takiab Cool POOL LEAGUE

6 6 6 4 2 1 1 0 0 0 -2 -2 -4 -6 -6 -6

4 4 4 4 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 0 0 0 0

Team Master Ques El Toro Loco Bobby’s Babes Mucky Duck Bobby’s Bar Banana Bar Big Kahuna Silver Fox

P W D L 2 2 0 0 2 2 0 0 2 1 0 1 2 1 0 1 2 1 0 1 2 1 0 1 2 0 0 2 2 0 0 2

+/14 12 2 0 -2 -8 -4 -14

Pts 4 4 2 2 2 2 0 0

Team TK Roadhouse The Connection Fin Bar Muan Bar Sweetheart Bar Exotic Bar High Five Take 5 Jungle Juice

P W D L 1 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 1 0 0 0 0

+/- Pts 5 14 5 14 3 13 1 12 -1 11 -3 10 -5 9 -5 9 0 0

leagues not currently running

Details of new seasons will be printed here when available. Organisers please contact AWOL with any information. hua hin wednesday Pool League Friends of Hua Hin Wednesday Pool League hua hin/khao takiab ladies Pool League

Contacting AWOL Telephone:

081 649 8361 (Eng) or 081 614 8728 (Thai) Office:

Website:

www.awolonline.net Facebook:

136/229 Emerald Hill, Soi 6, Borfai, Hua Hin, 77110, AWOLexpat Prachuap Kiri Khan Twitter: Email:

info@awolonline.net

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english premier league table

(all times Thailand)

Saturday 26th August 2017 Premier League Bournemouth v Manchester City 18:30 Crystal Palace v Swansea City 21:00 Huddersfield T v Southampton 21:00 Newcastle United v West Ham Utd 21:00 Watford v Brighton 21:00 Manchester Utd v Leicester City 23:30 Championship Bristol City v Aston Villa 01:45 Hull City v Bolton Wanderers 01:45 Barnsley v Sunderland 21:00 Birmingham City v Reading 21:00 Brentford v Wolves 21:00 Burton Albion v Sheffield Weds 21:00 Cardiff City v QPR 21:00 Ipswich Town v Fulham 21:00 Middlesbrough v Preston N. End 21:00 Millwall v Norwich City 21:00 Sheffield United v Derby County 21:00 Nottingham Forest v Leeds United 23:30 Scottish Premiership Celtic v St Johnstone 21:00 Kilmarnock v Hamilton Acad. 21:00 Motherwell v Hearts 21:00 Partick Thistle v Aberdeen 21:00 Sunday 27th August 2017 Premier League Chelsea v Everton 19:30 West Brom. v Stoke City 19:30 Liverpool v Arsenal 22:00 Tottenham Hotspur v Burnley 22:00 Scottish Premiership Dundee v Hibernian 18:30 Ross County v Rangers 21:00 friday 31ST AUGUST 2017 world cup european qualifying GROUP A Bulgaria v Sweden 01:45 France v Netherlands 01:45 Luxembourg v Belarus 01:45 GROUP B Hungary v Latvia 01:45 Portugal v Faroe Islands 01:45 Switzerland v Andorra 01:45 GROUP H Belgium v Gibraltar 01:45 Cyprus v Bosnia-Herzegovina 01:45 Greece v Estonia 01:45

football

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Team Man Utd Huddersfield West Brom Watford Man City Liverpool Southampton Everton Leicester Tottenham Arsenal Chelsea Burnley Stoke Swansea Bournemouth Newcastle Brighton Crystal Palace West Ham

P 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2

GD 8 4 2 2 2 1 1 1 1 1 0 0 0 0 -4 -3 -3 -4 -4 -5

PTS 6 6 6 4 4 4 4 4 3 3 3 3 3 3 1 0 0 0 0 0

fantasy premier league - awol challenge

1 2 3 4 4= 6 7 8 9 9= 9= 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 18= 20

Team Wanderlust United Pony & Trap HH Jambos Frankies 11 AC Clacton The Dada Donkeys Atletico Pathetico Colonial Dannyxcollinz Carthorses Are Go JR Brutd S.C Mr. Cha Aming RentMyThaiVilla FC ROCA Lost Cafe Pink Panther AFC AWOL Wanderers Portsmoth city Hua hin jambos Shortimeagain

GW 64 54 54 65 44 58 43 41 36 37 53 46 39 48 31 36 30 36 51 27

TOT 140 135 134 127 127 121 119 116 109 109 109 107 104 97 92 80 79 75 75 58

Featured Game

Saturday 26th August 2017 Premier League Manchester Utd v Leicester City 23:30 Leicester will surely be a tougher test for a United side that has started the season in red hot form and successive 4 - 0 wins, albeit against teams that are struggling for various reasons. Their opponents here, though, have started pretty well themselves, only losing narrowly to Arsenal in their first game, while recording a solid win last week. They have the pace and guile to test a United defence that has not really been put under pressure yet, and we think will score; however the midfield and attack that Mourinho has at his disposal will mean that the home side will score more, and we see this as another victory for the Red Devils.

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a pinch of salt

Cafe condiments confirmed as best way to explain offside rule

••

uk With just two games gone in the new Premier League season, most fans have concluded that everything is already decided, with no one now capable of catching Manchester United, and have turned their attention to one of the games greatest ever mysteries - how to explain the offside rule to someone who knows nothing about football. And (Arsenal fans look away now) a new study conducted by the Institute of Studies has concluded that it is best explained using the condiments in a greasy spoon type cafe. The condiments – usually salt, pepper, squeezy plastic tomato and a bowl of sugar – beat off competition from the contents of a workplace desk and one of those huge iPads they use on Match of the Day. Football scientist Helen Archer said: “For example, Sergio Aguero is the salt and Phil Jagielka is the vinegar and Leighton Baines is the sugar.

Above: Everything you need to explain why Lacazette’s goal for Arsenal against Stoke was disallowed for offside; you can clearly see the salt is in front of the pepper.

“David Silva is the squeezy plastic tomato with ketchup in it, or maybe salsa would be more fitting, but actually no, greasy spoons don’t have salsa. “So, David Silva-tomato wants to play the ball, which is a balled up receipt for the breakfast you’ve ordered, to Sergio Aguero-salt. “The squeezy tomato can’t pass the receipt to the salt if the salt is in front of the vinegar and the sugar and there are no more condiments beyond them, unless the receipt is passed from behind this spilt coffee, which we’ll use as the half way line. Simple as that.” Onlooker Stephen Malley said: “What if the salt is in front of the spilt coffee but not interfering with play?”

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