THE KOSHER OYSTER MAGAZINE
TH E P ERF E C T J E W I N ME By Chavi Lazarus
As a child I was that girl who wore stockings in summer, was covered from the Collar bone to below the knees in rain, hail or absolute shine as a child. I was even that kid that wore a swimming skirt and a rashie to Bondi Beach! I was that girl that would go to a school birthday party and couldn't eat the food because it wasn't kosher or I had my own special food pack. I may have gone to a Jewish school but it was rather the school for Jewish children rather than practicing Jews! I was definetely the imperfect Jew for the school ethos because I was a little too religious, tznuits and kosher which was not the norm. Even though I was the imperfect Jew everybody still loved me for who I was and this made me so proud to be religious and I thought I was being the Perfect Jew! As I grew up I was not trying to be a rebel but rather just discovering the outside world. I started wanting to stop wearing stockings (which is a religious modesty custom). When I told people they replied saying "you will loose your job if you stop wearing stockings" and "you will never get a shidduch if you do that". I replied saying "if the guy wants me to wear stockings he is not the guy for me"! I always take everything to heart and started questioning if maybe I should stay super religious and not question it for myself. And I did exactly that...I got a job in religious school wearing stockings everyday, davened lots (even on the train) and enjoyed life in the perfect religious bubble which my community wanted me in! I may have been doing this but I was not happy who I was and it was time for a personal change :) Out of the blue, I was asked if it would go on a Jewish six week tour of Israel for people who had just finished school as a carer for someone with special needs. For me this was so exciting....I could finally go to Israel on a non-religious program and see Israel in a whole new light! On the other hand this opportunity was crazy.... how was I going to be the perfect Jew which included keeping Shabbat perfectly, and eating only kosher food and praying everyday! I braved it and was sure it
would be fine!!! Once I got on the program there was no time to daven everyday (unless I davened on the tour bus which I would look crazy doing), Shabbat was like a Sunday, I got a bucket of water poured on me in Meir Sharim while pushing a wheelchair, hashem was not mentioned once and my clothes were taken to the dry cleaner on Kibbuts so I had to wear my left over clothes in my bag which was leggings....and I hadn’t worn leggings since I was three due to religious reasons so this was a disaster! On the other hand, the program was also amazing...I got to have tea with Arabs often, eat amazing food and make life- long friends! This Israel program made me really start questioning my faith and made me start to wonder who the perfect Jew is! I thought I was the perfect Jew practicing all the mitzvot daily and then I met these amazing people on the program who may not be practicing mitzvot daily but mostly seemed to also be amazing people so who was the imperfect Jew? From my experience as a child, going on this trip and lots of other experiences along my journey in life I have questioned who is gd, what does he really want from us and how to I become the perfect Jew. I also decided it was time to be the Jew I wanted to be....I still keep allot of mitzvot but I always question it and just do what I think is good...aka the stockings are off, the leggings are on, the siddur is getting dusty on my shelf and Shabbat and the Jewish community I would never give up! I have decided there is no imperfect Jew and rather I can only try be the perfect me and try my best to be a proud Jew in Australia that people are proud to be around. I feel that I may not be the Jew my community wanted to be, I may not be the Jew my friends perceived me to be, I may rather be the imperfect Jew but I am the Jew I thrive and want to be! May you be the Jew you perceive to be the perfect Jew this new year that everybody loves and respects. Chag Sameach,
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