Change

Natalie Gunn

Change is an inevitable concept. Change occurs to us and to those around us and happens so often that it is hard to keep up to. From a young age we are expected to thrive off change, or at the very least we are expected to be able to deal with it. However, there are so many situations where we have tried to stop change from happening. An example that comes to mind is when a baby is born, we try to ensure that their routine is not changed because we all know that if a 15 minute shluf is added or removed from the their schedule, a disastrous night will occur for all involved.

This makes me wonder why we are all expected to cope with change so easily and also made me ponder the ways in which we can make it easier. As we all go through change, and these types of adaptations are fundamental to ensure that we grow and develop.

Physical changes generally tend to get the most attention and tend to be dealt with the best, as there appears to be reason and logic. We tend to prepare for these types of things from a young age. For example, as we grow taller, we buy new clothes. However, situational and emotional changes tend to need a little bit of explanations on the best way to deal with them.

Over a year ago, I made the decision to change my lifestyle and step onto the path to become an observant Jew and follow my religious identity. While this decision was not taken lightly, it involved many months of trying to break my usual habits. Ever since this decision, I have had numerous people asking me why and how to change. Did you change to because you wanted to perfect yourself? While I don’t claim to be an expert at all, I hope to share some skills with you all to help you make positive changes in your lives. I will use the example from my own life to best illustrate the way that I did it. So here are the dos and don’ts of change.

Ensure that the decision is coming from within. Take a step back and think, ‘am I doing this for me?’, ‘do I want to do this?’. The reason that this is so important is because we need to change for the right reason and can’t just change as quickly as a fashion trend. We need to be that durable black puffer jacket that surpasses the trend, without a reason behind why we are doing something. It is very difficult/if not impossible to maintain! For example, if you want to go to the gym, learn the mishnei and you aren’t doing it to better yourself then there is no point. You shouldn’t be doing something to compete with your friends. Focus on yourself and stay in your lane. For me in becoming religious, I thought about the fact that I was granted this opportunity and why not do something for Hashem, to show him that I care. While I am not at all trying to say that more is better, I am just trying to explore that for me personally the fact that I had the option and opportunity to do more was a key factor in my growth.

So now that you know the reason behind why you are doing something, how do we implement it in a way that it won’t be a phase? I don’t like to think of personal growth t as a sprint but rather as a marathon. The folktale story about the tortoise and the hare is the best example that there is which shows that ‘slow and steady does win the race’. When making the change I spoke with my Rebbeinsin and she told me the importance of taking each thing bit by bit. What did this mean? Reading books, finding a chevrutah to learn the 39 melachot. For me the first change I made was not being on my phone and as soon as that became normal, I went on to “take away the next thing”. I don’t really like saying take away because I feel like it detracts from the experience. I really was gaining more. Taking away my phone made me notice how important communication is, and how a phone sometimes acts as a barrier and hinders this connection. In order to find your passion, be willing to start off small, and then as it becomes easier you can gradually add more.

If you make a mistake that is okay, we are all known to stuff up, and it is even harder when an action is not a habit yet. So, the important thing here is to be kind on yourself ‏ָּ֥תְבַהָֽאְו ‏ָ֖ךֲעֵֽרְל ‏,ָךוֹ֑מָּכ ‘“Love your neighbour as yourself.” You might be wondering what relevance this has to my previous comment. I think this is such an important principle because if we can’t love ourselves than how are we supposed to love someone else. Remember those reasons of why you chose to make change and realise that you are not a bad person if you make a mistake or stuff up that it is okay. If you are trying to eat healthier, let Shabbat be the day where you loosen up on yourself, and if you eat that piece of chocolate cake on a Monday morning then that is okay too. As long as you are trying your best than that is more than anyone else can ask, you need to love yourself for this amazing effort that you are doing.

Don’t wait for someone else’s validation, because those that care for you and love you are going to stick around to help you make this change. For me personally, I was worried about the way this would affect my relationships with family and friends. I wanted to keep the peace, but I also wanted to do this for myself.

And I am really lucky how this turned out. For me, my friends have been amazing and have moved plans to ensure that I can come or have been understanding and accepting when I have said no to things. My family has been amazing, literally the “small things” that they have done for me have made me so much happier. From making sure that the urn is on and ensuring that I never have to walk home alone. Those that love you will be happy to accommodate for you. Just make sure that you are helping them and are not using them. Remember gratitude is key.

Don’t judge yourself or anyone else! We are all on our own personal journeys and it is important that you are not judging someone else for what they are doing because you wouldn’t want it done to you! Just as a I hope you wouldn’t beat yourself up for making a mistake, don’t point out a mistake that you may feel someone else is making.

From this journey, I learned that change is natural and important it does not detract from the person who you were before. While I don’t believe that this change has made me perfect in a religious or personal sense. I do believe that this will help me achieve my purpose of living life to the fullest and has helped me to become a better person. With that I wish you all a Shannah Tova Umetukah, a happy and sweet new year, and I hope that the change that you make will add a level of meaning to your life.