My Thoughts and Feelings

My Thoughts and Feelings Written by Jazzelee Williams

A Maker’s World

Contents Just Be patient With Me.................................3 No sense of direction......................................4 Love vs Lust......................................................5 Signs of a lost soul...........................................6 Yearning to bee loved......................................7 Right State of Mind.........................................8 Malfunctioning................................................9 Tainted Love...................................................10 My Destiny......................................................11 A cry out for guidance...................................12 A Definite Maybe...........................................13 Give Yourself Entirely To Me........................14 Thank You.......................................................15 To Get Back With You...................................16 Thank You.......................................................17 To Get Back With You...................................18 Young Nation..................................................19

Just Be patient With Me Baby I thank you for being patient with me and taking the time out to try and break through to me I know I can be difficult sometimes, but if I’m too much of a challenge and your feeling burnt out With your energy I know it will be unfair on you to continue.

I know we don’t need each other, but I can’t help but want you, I can’t help but love you.

I think we both have fears of being stripped naked, fearing being rejected for who we really are.

This is a situationship and I really want to work at it to fix it and make us be better.

I’m sorry about last night for the things I was saying in the station going home.

I want you to know that I was paying attention to what you had said, I guess I just got emotional and defensive.

I have this burning desire to love you the right way fully, and to know assuredly that I have you fully.

I don’t want to run away from you or cause you to run away from me….I just can’t keep running away.

I respect you for keeping it 100, please don’t take it personal for me not keeping it 100 with you.

Please also believe I really want to be real with you.

I hope that you can understand me, be patient with me, love me, need me and if you already do I hope you will continue.

I love you.

No sense of direction Mixed emotions overwhelming my heart and my brain Felt like I almost reached the point of turning insane All because of pressure to the head stress and build-up of resentment Why is it so hard for me to reach the level of contentment?

My burning desire, how do I elevate myself higher to that place I would call home I guess I must leave my comfort zone.

Then again how would I find my way if I don’t have a sense of direction?

I call on you Lord for you are my friend and I am in a time of need Can you hear my cry? Do I have your full attention?

Lest I forget to mention my heart being at war For being confused about a rekindled flame from back in the day Should I go or should I stay?

This love is a challenge that I am struggling to face.

Love vs Lust Complex simplicity is what he said to me This battle un-called for and in its whole entirety Just meaningless and coming across as a game I am the one to blame because of my own insecurities Stuck in this illusion or façade of assurance Surely this love is meant to be?

If you know without me saying I just don’t want you to hurt me, oh how simply complex And this should not be If we truly love each other, why can’t love set us free?

Don’t grow tired of me, but if you want to give up I’ll understand Don’t want you to be second guessing whether or not I’m worth it I must be crazy for envisioning you wearing that wedding band Crazy in love or foolish I don’t know I hope that we can overcome this level and breakdown the barrier Deep down I don’t want us to go our separate ways when you’ve just arisen from my past And currently reside in my head and my heart I had known this from the start but lust turned me blind What a big disrespect for allowing our souls to reconnect

Signs of aa lost soul Slowly drifting in the wrong direction Caring much less than I did before Feels like there’s no hope and no easy way out of this place My mind is working in overload Very soon I may go insane Can you blame me for the way that I feel?

How did I manage to put this on my shoulders?

A burden I should not have to carry I’m growing tired, my body is weary Can you see the signs on my face?

Yearning to bee loved I’m love sick and in the same position I have avoided to be in for a long time I’m losing out on sleep; I don’t eat as I’ve lost my appetite I can’t get you off my mind, I’m becoming frustrated and I don’t know what to do with myself It’s driving me crazy and this is all because of you I think we need a resolution because the distance is killing me inside Please understand why I am venting these feelings that I can no longer hide Why should I give you the pleasure of knowing exactly what you’re doing to me I’m so afraid that I can be loving you and you just end up hurting me Tell me you love me, squeeze me and hold me tight Let me be in your arms for forever and not just for one night It seems like I be asking for too much, wanting what I know I cannot have I want to give myself to you and have you wholly and just half I don’t want to wait in vain for your love I’m in agony and it’s causing me pain I will tell you over and over again But at that cost, I’m going insane

Right State of Mind I am on an emotional journey Spiritually inclined To find peace with my inner self And be in the right state of mind Goodships and hardships may Come to pass Obstacles big or small surely Will never last I am spiritually inclined And must be in the right state of mind Self-discovery and assured satisfaction To know my worth and who I AM Empowerment from positive forces Should be receptable to receive, dependant On no man Am spiritually inclined to maintain the right state of mind

Malfunctioning No surprise to find my heart being guarded by these steel walls After you successfully got me open like breaking the codes of a Firewall I’m now feeling vulnerable The fear of being defenceless is causing me to seek a safety net I’m hiding within the arms of others trying to numb the pain Of the past I’m struggling not to self- destruct but this is self-destructive A battle between my mind and my heart I’m shutting down and becoming unresponsive Signs of erratic behaviour It’s clear I am not myself If only I could find my saviour I need saving, what’s at risk is my health This shit ain’t healthy This page is being filled with words My thoughts and feelings are being poured out It’s been a long time coming But I’m ready to let it all out What was I thinking to let you back in How is this meant to be?

A repeat episode once more I have already seen you walking through and shutting that door My eyes are burning with these tears falling Still have mascara on from last night I’ve been painting my face to cover up this picture That is rare, over it people will fight I just can’t deal with this emotion Can you picture me in this state?

I’m an emotional wreck, how could I let this be done to me?

I’m all exposed and out here in the open I feel like I’m losing control So automatically, unintentionally and subsequently my reaction Is to turn cold…

Tainted Love You know this shit aint fair on me Got me thinking on the if, buts and maybe’s You be proving that you’re not in the position to show me But you are on my brain constantly I think I should run away and find a new love I don’t need this shit, I have had enough Coz I ain’t getting no love And this is not where I want to be All that shit you were talking about partnership and companionship These are not the qualities you are searching for in me If they were, I would be by your side and you won’t be burying in self-pity You’ve left me so fucking confused and with no choice but to push you away Your heart and soul has left me, oh this is so difficult I cannot stay in this state I just want to be happy but I realise I cannot be this way with you as your misery is not Appealing to my company

My Destiny Lord fill the void that is inside my soul Give me what I need to make me whole I come to you with a sincere heart and willing mind Guide me on this search for what I am destined to find Have mercy on me and show your unfailing love Spirit rain down on me with the goodness from above I’m torn between two worlds and it’s a constant battle in my mind Help me conquer it and get the victory, bring me closer to what I need to find I’m starting to see things in a different light The world may be filled with darkness but my future is bright Because I am God’s child and shine in his light

A cry out for guidance There’s this question I seem to ask myself constantly It circulates in my mind non-stop I keep trying to brush it off but I feel it’s trying to get a hold on me I’ve figured out that he may know my weakness and is probably trying to use it to destroy me But I know whom I serve and if God is for me, who can be against me I know I’m currently facing an obstacle that is shaping the course of my life I also know that there are many more to come but I will not allow it to cause me any strife Wherever I go I know my God is there Waiting to pick me up when I fall And show me the right way How do I win this victory over the battle I’m facing I have faith and remain strong I just want it all to end So that I can move on and live life the way I should I realise it’s not easy It’s in the last days we’re living in so nothing is going to be easy Instead it’ll all come to an end I feel a strong urge to be doing something And I can’t figure out what it could be Lord I ask that you help me Who or what does it involve What must I do Reveal to me the instructions, for no one knows it but you I aint gonna lie I’m slightly hurt by what she’d done I’m tryna grasp the real reason why I thought I could commute with her on a level But she’s on a level lower than me If I am to help her what must it be that I should do Reveal it to me Jesus give me wisdom and knowledge So I am able to know what I should do Another chapter in my life, you know it has many pages It has taken many turns and I’vee seen a few changes But still I feel like I’m at a crossroads, I don’t know which way to turn You know I try to keep my cool but my heart it yearns I ask again could you help me understand what I should do Which path is best to take to go down that avenue Reveal to me it’s true colours, am I close to seeing light at the end of the tunnel

A Definite Maybe A definite maybe, you entice my curiosity Sending me above and beyond the clouds You keep me coming back for more I cannot contain this burning desire I am addicted to your love You take me higher and higher A definite maybe, your my class A drug I’m wet, warm and ready for you to fill me with your Love and shooting stars, send my adrenaline running But never do it in a rush A definite maybe, baby I could never get enough Constantly the object of my dreams I yearn for you to fulfil my very needs You take me to places I ain’t ever seen A definite maybe, you make me weak to my knees I want you to explore every inch of my body Like an astronaut on an unknown planet You’ll never know what you may discover A definite maybe, you’ll see it’s like no other Just let your love rain down As sweat beads dripping down my female form Overwhelm me with your milky way A definite maybe, you’ve captivated me and left me with nothing else to say

Give Yourself Entirely To Me I’m in a state of confusion My mind is working in overload Going back to something that’s inconclusive And now I’ve got these feelings I can’t control This theme park is my battlefield I am stuck on this merry-go-round I’m starting to feel dizzy going around in circles Fighting to escape but until then I am bound Such intense ferocity and animosity Like a caged beast yearning to be freed How can I make you see my burning desire?

Baby you have what I need Don’t leave me wanting and waiting Just give yourself entirely to me I promise you will find yourself willing to explore And go deep like the explorers of the seven seas

Thank You Thank you Jesus for changing my life You made me brand new Thank you for mending my heart While I spiritually grew Because there were times in my life When I felt that the bad things wouldn’t Fade away But since you came into my life I know I won’t be led astray So I say thank you for making me Lord Jesus To be who I am I was lost into the darkness but now I am found Because you came to set me free I was blind but now I see Even though I went through stages where people Brought me down You whispered softly in my ear, “Don’t worry child As I have something good for you if you call to me.”

I put on my happy face and then I smiled I know that someday I will be up there with him I will sing him a joyful song Because I know that when he’s by my side Nothing can go wrong

To Get Back With You I’ve fallen down broken by my fall All of this time I never gave you my all I guess it’s my fault, tell me what I should do Please give me a chance to get back with you My light is low, I know I need to glow Choosing all the wrong things won’t help me grow I am not strong minded, I really don’t know what to do Please God, please I need to get back with you Things are weighing me down And at times I wonder if you’re still around I remind myself that the feelings won‘t last long I need to get closer to you Lord help me grow strong No one else can love and comfort me the way you do You’ve enlightened me and taught me things Now all I need is you I’m feeling weak, feeling you again will make me strong Lord I love you and you kept loving me for so long You continued to bless me, what have I done for you So many times I failed you, acted like I never cared Feeling like a fool now Lord I admit I am scared I always knew you loved me, let me get back with you.

Young Nation Who you become is determined by life experiences That we all need to go through It is from those experiences that we learn whether it be mistakes we made Or from observation of others All these things help shape us into the types of people we are in the society of Our Nation As a Young Nation we are hit the hardest with finance struggles, broken relationships, Social circles torn apart and in constant turmoil And in the current state of the whole world we feel hopeless, how are we to survive and continue To live and birth nations in a self-destructing world Why are we in this position this state? Because of greed‌selfishness Inconsiderate people, lost within the system Controlled by the satanic government Can healing the world, creating peace and harmony really be accomplished?

Lives are now becoming monitored under the watchful third eye Why are we placed here on this earth? Is a question so frequently asked What were we sent here to do?

If a change can be made, who is it to pave the way?

The Young Nation are the strongest and the most feared They are the ones who possess great power of which the devil is after WE ARE THE YOUNG NATION, stand firm and stay strong GOD Will see us through