Our Politics head-tohead is back for one final issue!
Davidsonian
For a Better Davidson.
April 23, 2025
STELLA
MACKLER
‘26 (SHE/HER) SENIOR EDITORIAL ADVISOR
BORGs have been officially banned under the College alcohol policy, per a recent announcement from the Student Activities Office. BORGs, a common accessory during this upcoming weekend’s Spring Frolics, are a mixed drink made in a plastic gallon jug that typically contains water, flavored drink mix and alcohol. The ban is the latest development in what some students perceive as an ongoing shift in the administration’s attitudes toward alcohol on campus.
Director of Student Rights and Responsibilities Mak Tompkins was hired in 2022 with the mandate to revise the Student Handbook, which contains the alcohol policy, as it had stayed largely the same since the 1970s.
“The old version of the handbook (pre-2024), as it was explained to me upon hiring, had not been thoroughly revised since roughly the 1970s and thus was inaccessible to students. Most people did not interact with it or read it at all, and when they did, they were left with more questions than answers because it was written mostly in legal jargon and did not reflect the current generation of college students,” Tompkins said over email. “Clarity and modernization became two important themes of the student handbook project.”
New language in the 2024-2025 Code, which includes “no alcohol may be provided from common containers or in large quantities including but not limited to: borgs…” was added to modernize the code, according to Tompkins.
BORG stands for black out rage gallon. They are homemade and it can be easy to lose track of how much alcohol is poured into a jug. When students share drinks or take sips from others that they didn’t make, it can be impossible to know how much alcohol you
TWyatt Gessner ‘28 comments on the death of the lounge.
Courtney Lassiter ‘27 describes her cinematic journey to Berlin.
E. Aster Bunnymund sits down with the Easter Bunny.
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Anything but a BORG: New alcohol policy reflects broader change in administrative attitudes toward drinking on campus
are consuming. For these reasons, banning BORGs may seem like a no-brainer from an administrative viewpoint. However, some students feel as though the administration’s focus is misplaced.
“I think there’s this element of policing that feels a bit like posturing, like it feels like they’re doing it because they can and because the name [sounds] bad,” Isabelle Polgar ‘25 said. “If I heard that people were drinking blackout rage gallons, I too would want to ban it. However, the reality of BORGs is very different [from] the name of it. I think that people are going to drink no matter what, and banning it just feels like a waste of time and resources.”
Over the course of her four years at Davidson, Polgar described what she’s seen as the implementation of a stricter attitude surrounding drinking on campus.
“Drinking culture has been a lot more institutionalized and policed,” Polgar said. “I’m thinking about wristbands and swiping your CatCard [at parties] and needing an ID just to get a cup at Nummit, but also the imposition of trying to get alcohol banned from the Passover Seder. It’s like this assumption of inherent irresponsibility when it comes to drinking.”
The mention of banning alcohol at the Passover Seder was in reference to the Jewish Student Union’s annual Community Seder on April 12. Per Jewish tradition, four cups of wine are served at the seder. Prior to this year’s seder it was unclear if wine would be allowed at all, however the issue was ultimately resolved and participants were allowed one cup, pre-poured by members of the Chaplains’ Office. Polgar, the former president of the Jewish Student Union, saw this as further evidence of tightening restrictions on alcohol and is not alone in this view.
“My friends and I were talking about how the drinking rules and expectations from the administration and from Campo [campus
police] have changed since our freshman year,” Piper Suffolk ‘25 said. “That’s not just the BORGs, but also with not being able to bring your own cups to parties on the court and all of that. I think generally, a lot of the energy around drinking has made it kind of the opposite of what I think drew a lot of people to the party scene at Davidson in the first place, where I think drinking felt very accessible in a way that made it a lot safer.”
Polgar and Suffolk’s position that the administration’s attitude toward drinking has shifted during their time as students is not totally misplaced. The April 17 email announced the policy change in reference to an “ongoing commitment to reducing highrisk drinking and creating safer campus environments.”
When asked about what else this commitment entails, Tompkins referred to additional PCC, Student Life and Student Health and WellBeing policies.
“The College has an obligation and federal responsibility to ensure our campus community is engaging in safe and legal alcohol use,” Tompkins said. “As for Davidson’s ongoing commitment to this, I’ll offer that it can be seen in the Risk Management Trainings and practices in Student Activities such as: providing food at PCC parties, wristbanding, scanning IDs, etc.”
The ban is campus-wide and applies to all oncampus events, but it is especially topical due to the popularity of BORGs during Frolics.
The email announcing the ban was sent with the subject line: “The Countdown to Spring Frolics is On.” Frolics is planned by the Union Board, alongside the Student Activities Office. While not involved in alcohol policy or procedure, Union Board President Davis Varnado ‘25 was aware of the ban before it was announced.
“It’s promoting this sort of blackout culture, which we don’t really want to have on campus,” Varnado said. “Union Board’s goal
and Student Activities’s goal as a whole is to make student programming safe and inclusive to all students. I think this, in their mind, was definitely one way to help eliminate some risk and make things more welcoming to all students.”
While acknowledging efforts to create a safe environment for all students, Polgar emphasized that the administration should not lose sight of existing strengths.
“I feel like the Student Activities Office already does a lot, like handing out food and water bottles on the day of [Frolics],” Polgar said. “I also think that it’s [Davidson is] already pretty safe in comparison to a lot of other colleges and universities I visited,” Polgar said. “We shouldn’t discount our progress.”
Student Government Association approves major cuts to student organizations
AIDAN MARKS ‘27 (HE/HIM) POLITICS EDITOR
he Student Government Association (SGA) on Tuesday approved a $1.152 million Student Activities budget allocation request recommended by the Activities Tax Council (ATC). The budget, a 13% cut from fiscal year 2024 (FY2024), is an attempt to course correct after three years of over-allocations that have drained the ATC’s Reserve Fund.
The Reserve is designed to be used for major one-time investments. It grew significantly from 2020-2022 amid COVID-19 restrictions because student-run organizations were limited in their ability to host in-person events. As a result, unused funds went to the Reserve. “Once that fiscal year closes, any money that is still in organizations’ accounts is returned to the ATC,” ATC Chair Trixie MacNeill ‘25 said.
The ATC amassed a Reserve of over $1 million as a result, according to ATC Vice Chair Alex Chudzik ‘26. Chudzik explained that former Director of Alvarez College Union and Student Activities Mike Goode’s logic was to “allocate more
than we’re actually receiving in revenue every year, knowing that we might dig into that.”
The Reserve Fund was also used to support a $250,000 investment in the OLAS-PASA house as a “broader investment to support Student Activities on campus,” MacNeill said.
The ATC is funded by the Student Activities fee, which is included in tuition. The fee was reduced in FY2022 by the SGA under Goode’s recommendation. “It had been set at 1% since 1993 and it decreased [to 0.97%],” MacNeill said. “So then last year, we continued with that same philosophy under Mike Goode, to over-allocate and assume that organizations will return unused funds.”
The ATC collected $580 per student from the Student Activities fee in FY2024 and will collect $615 per student in FY2025 following a 6.89% tuition increase.
Critically, student organizations have returned less money as a percent of total allocations over the past few years. The combination of rising year-over-year allocations and reduced returns means the ATC has been tapping into its reserves.
BORGs have been banned by the administration, causing reflection on overall alcohol policies. Photo from Frolics 2024.
The Activities Tax Council (ATC) is overseen by the Student Activities office. Photo from Campbell Walker ‘25.
News
Low Reserve Fund prompts action from ATC, SGA
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Though reducing the Reserve was in line with Goode’s policy, ATC members were not informed of how much money had been coming out of the Reserve or how much money was left.
“Mike Goode had informed us that we were running a huge Reserve, although that Reserve was not accurately tracked,” Chudzik said.
The ATC will not know how much money remains in the Reserve until this summer, when Director of Alvarez College Union and Student Activities Emily Eisenstadt and Student Activities Staff Assistant Cheryl Garrett have access to final expense reports and revenue information.
“Assuming a conservative amount that organizations will return, it is expected that the Reserve will sit at approximately $150,000,” MacNeill said. “This is a dramatic decline from post-COVID highs due to this process of overallocation from 2022-2025.”
Chudzik emphasized that ATC’s current policy is unsustainable. “If we continue with that type of allocation, which we did last year, the Reserve will soon not exist. We will also soon have to make dramatic, drastic changes in future years.”
Accordingly, the ATC recommended a $1.152 million allocation for FY2025—which runs from orientation to spring Reading and Reflection Day—a 13% decrease from FY2024. MacNeill and Chudzik noted that the cuts may feel larger because organizations requested $1.5 million in FY2025, a 20% increase from FY2024—and a 25% over-allocation of available funds. Still, the ATC’s recommendation surpassed its $1.1 million target allocation by 4.67%.
Accurate data on unused funds and the status of the Reserve allows ATC to confidently determine how much money can be allocated during mid-year requests. The ATC’s goal is to return to pre-COVID policy and maintain a $150,000 Reserve. “That philosophy was to allocate approximately the funds that the ATC has,” MacNeill said.
After deliberating for 13 hours across three days, the ATC— composed of nine students and overseen by Eisenstadt and Assistant Professor of the Practice in Music and Faculty Adviser Renata Berlin—presented their final recommendation during the SGA’s April 15 general body meeting. SGA then debated the package on April 22. It passed with 15 votes in favor and three votes against.
All funding for Student Activities is distributed by the ATC, which formulates budget recommendations that must be passed by a ⅔ majority in the SGA Senate. “The ATC conducts its business independently, but all decisions to allocate funds are subject to Senate approval,” MacNeill said.
Student organizations will be notified of their FY2025 budgets during the first week of May.
Sustainability organizations commemorate Earth Month
MADELINE RICHARD ‘26 (SHE/HER) LAYOUT EDITOR
Over the past few weeks, the Davidson community has come together for Earth Month. Organizations like the Sustainability Office, the studentrun Davidson Sustainability Collective (TSC) and Patterson Court Council (PCC) have hosted events to appreciate nature, forge community and educate students about sustainability practices.
Though Earth Month is celebrated in April, TSC Co-President Abby True ‘25 emphasized that sustainability matters year-round.
“We need more than even reform at this point to stop climate change from doing all the damage it’s going to do, and I think it’s important that people work towards that collectively,” True said.
While True believes environmental awareness and action are essential, she recognizes that the scale of the problem can feel intimidating for some students.
“Davidson is not the most pernicious example of college campuses, but I still think our generation is pretty apathetic when it comes to [climate change],” True stated. “It’s hard not to feel like there’s nothing we can do. I think there’s a lot of rhetoric online and in general [saying things like,] ‘Why would I stop using plastic or stop eating meat [...] when it’s corporations and nations that are doing all of the violence?’” True hopes to change this attitude and spark productive dialogue surrounding sustainability through her work with TSC.
“The Sustainability Collective is the place that I feel [we are most able] to really push for [...] mindset re-shifting,” True said. “Some sort of consciousness raising [...] [is] my biggest goal and priority at this point, just to keep [climate change] in the conversation.”
As Sustainability Coordinator for Student Programs Cameron Clark ‘15 pointed out, Earth Month is an excellent time for the Davidson community to start having these discussions and learning more about sustainability.
“We’re working on this stuff all year round,” Clark said. “[But for] people that don’t live this day in day out for their work, it’s an opportunity to be more mindful of [sustainability] and have some conversations that we don’t have year-round.”
Many groups around campus planned Earth Month events, including a Davidson Outdoors day hike, a plant hanger-making event sponsored by Fits for Change and a “Lunch and Learn” with Cherokee Nation member Clint Carroll. Director of Sustainability Yancey Fouché emphasized
that the common goal of these events is to inspire the Davidson community to learn about sustainability in a way that suits them.
“Our hope is to throw a lot out there that we hope is appealing and interesting to different people and helps them see their way to connect [to sustainability] wherever they are,” Fouché explained.
Several Earth Month events focused on building community and making sustainability practices more accessible.
“One of [the Sustainability Office’s] team members led a ‘Think Global, Eat Local’ event,” Clark said. “They went with a few students to the farmer’s market [and the campus farm], got some food from there and [...] cooked up a meal using local produce [...] It’s not going to solve every problem that we face, but it’s [...] a small positive way to get people’s foot in the door, welcome them into this work and make it a little more approachable than all the scary doom and gloom stuff that sort of comes to mind first and foremost for a lot of people.”
Likewise, TSC and the Phi Delta Gamma fraternity (FIJI) hosted “Power People Picnic” on April 11, an event where students could reflect on sustainability in a relaxed setting. Featuring catered barbecue and live
jazz from the Davidson Jazz Ensemble, the event served as a way for students to come together on a Friday afternoon.
“It was a very calm way for people to talk about sustainability and reconnect and think about Earth Month,” TSC CoPresident Trixie MacNeill ‘25 described.
MacNeill is also glad that many Earth Month activities have inspired students to spend time in nature.
“I think it’s super important for people to see the value of conserving natural spaces.
One of the events that was most exciting to me was forest bathing,” MacNeill said.
According to National Geographic, forest bathing is a Japanese practice where individuals immerse themselves in nature.
“I think it’s awesome to see that we really care about conserving areas and preserving natural spaces [...] Even beyond sustainability, I would just hope that this is fostering a continued appreciation of being in nature.”
Although April is almost over, PCC Sustainability Chair Zach Mordan ‘27 emphasized that some important Earth Month events are still to come.
“The biggest Earth Month event, in my opinion [...] is Frolics,” Mordan said. “The
Patterson Court Council, in collaboration with Union Board, is crafting a web of waste management and energy and resource management guidelines for Frolics which will be distributed to presidents, house chairs, kitchen chairs, sustainability chairs and the risk managers at Frolics, as well as the volunteers from Union Board who run Frolics.” These resources will serve as a guide map with information on where to recycle and how to practice good recycling habits. They will also provide recommendations as to how to reduce waste on Patterson Court and prioritize “keeping the court green,” as Mordan put it. Mordan hopes that learning about sustainability through Frolics, other Earth Month events and PCC sustainability initiatives will push students to practice green living.
“On the micro level, the everyday life of a student can be greatly influenced and altered by what they see in their community on a day-to-day basis,” he said. “A one-off event like Frolics [...] is a prime opportunity for Patterson Court, Union Board and the student body to come together as a sort of nexus of green thinking and sustainability.”
FIJI’s sustainable set-up promotes recycling and composting. Photo by Zach Mordan ‘27.
3 Politics
Nearly 100 days into President Donald Trump’s second term, The Davidsonian asked Davidson College Democrats President Kailliou Macon-Goudeau ‘25 and Davidson College Republicans President Stephen Walker ‘26 to share their thoughts on the 47th presidency.
Davidson Democrats Davidson Republicans
Q: What is your assessment of President Donald Trump’s first three months in office?
Macon-Goudeau: Donald Trump’s first three months have been a completely predictable disaster. While my expectations were low, wrecking the economy and the Constitution in the first 90 days was an exceedingly rare fail, even by Republican standards. And the worst part is that it’s all his own doing. No pandemic, no complete crash from the previous administration—just straight failure. I mean, trying to find what Trump has done well is like trying to find emojis on a Ouija board. A dying fish couldn’t flop this hard.
Q: In which policy area(s) do you think Trump has been the least successful?
Macon-Goudeau: Where has Trump done poorly? Where do I even begin?
Donald created a trade war after isolating our allies and empowering our enemies. He has switched on both his strategy and messaging more times than he’s been divorced. He has invested as much in domestic manufacturing as my deceased grandfather. He plans on doing a massive tax cut to the rich which will further increase inflation. He has attacked core government function, and his administration has leaked and shared critical information on a semiregular basis. He is calling on sending “homegrowns” to a U.S. sponsored
torture dungeon in El Salvador. He has somehow the richest and most corrupt cabinet in almost all human history. I mean, I have more left thumbs than this man has competent coworkers. I wouldn’t let this administration watch my pet rock, but somehow, they all get access to our nation’s finances and secrets.
Q: What would you say to Republicans who have been highly supportive of Trump’s presidency thus far?
Macon-Goudeau: I know you are invested in Trump. I know we have disagreements on what should happen in this country. But what Donald Trump is doing serves the only person he has tried to serve: himself. His executive actions are getting struck down one after the other. Legal deportation rates haven’t changed that much. Universities are ideologically opposed to conservatism more now than ever before. Other nations are uniting against us. Donald Trump has no interest in genuine conservative values or making this country great. He is doing a ruthless power grab that won’t help anyone. If we defeat this fascist threat now, we can go back to having the important conversations about how to make this country better. But we can’t do that with this man in office. This needs to stop.
Lifestyle
Q: One of my best friends from home is visiting for Frolics. I’m super excited to see her and for Frolics itself, but I’m a little nervous about introducing my home best friend to my new friends here. What if they don’t get along? Any advice?
Dear Reader,
First of all, I’m so glad that you’re excited for Frolics! I’m sure it will be a blast. That being said, introducing important people from different parts of your life can feel a bit overwhelming and like two worlds are colliding. Just take a deep breath. You’re not alone in this, and the good news is... this situation is super common! Here’s how to make the meetup smooth, low-stress and fun. Before the visit even starts, prep both sides a little. Share some stories with each group about the other—highlight the things they might have in common, or mention inside jokes (without making anyone feel left out). When your home friend hears about your hilarious roommate or what everyone is wearing for Shrolics, it won’t feel like she’s walking into a room full of strangers. Likewise, your college friends will feel more familiar with her if they’ve heard your stories about the time you two got lost on a road trip or how they’re both obsessed with the same show. It’s also important to keep your expectations light. Sometimes, we put pressure on moments to be perfect. You could be imagining your home and college friends instantly bonding, laughing together and becoming best friends. That might happen—but it’s also okay if they don’t click in that
Q: What is your assessment of President Donald Trump’s first three months in office?
Walker: The Trump plan that has taken shape in these first few months seems to be to use a wide array of tactics to implement reforms and important points on his agenda as quickly as possible. President Trump made many promises during the campaign and is exhausting every option to ensure he makes good on those promises. Negotiating ends to multiple major global conflicts, curbing illegal immigration and DEI practices at home and restoring democratic accountability to federal bureaucracy will take time. Dishonest pundits will try and pull you in different directions with their hasty conclusions, but we ultimately will have to wait and see whether he can get enough congressional support and appellate court wins to make his reforms stick. What we can say at this point is, unlike the political establishment, he is at least working toward making good on the promises that got him elected.
Q: In which policy area(s) do you think Trump has been the most successful?
Walker: I think historian and classicist Victor Davis Hanson’s assessment of what results make this young administration unique hits the nail on the head: “In general, no Republican president of the past 50 years sought to radically reduce the size of government and balance the budget. None closed the border and began deportations. None avoided optional ground wars
magical way. Your friends don’t need to become lifelong friends with each other; they just need to get along well enough for the weekend. Let go of any idea that it has to be a “love at first hangout” situation.
The good news is that you don’t have to worry about planning your own activities. Frolics is the perfect time for your friends to meet! Music, food, games and a lively atmosphere create the ideal backdrop for people to bond without forced small talk or extra awkwardness and pressure. One common challenge is feeling like you have to divide your attention equally at all times. Instead of bouncing back and forth between friends, try bringing them into the same conversations. Be the bridge. Help them find common ground, but also allow yourself to relax and enjoy the moment. If you’re having fun, your friends will pick up on that energy.
Just remember, you’re the common denominator here, and that’s no small thing. These people love you for a reason. Even if their personalities are different or they come from different worlds, chances are they’ll be open to getting to know each other simply because you matter to them.
So go enjoy Frolics. Introduce your worlds. Laugh off any awkward moments and know that it’s all part of the adventure. Most of all, give yourself some credit—it’s pretty special to have amazing people in your life who you care enough about to bring together.
Wishing you the best of luck, Annabel Groseclose ‘27
while solely hitting aggressors from the air. None led a cultural counterrevolution to reverse the left’s long march through our institutions.”
President Trump is doing all these things and much more. As with all presidencies, there will be errors, political infighting and unexpected crises to grapple with. But the policy initiatives this administration is fighting to prioritize suggest they have a chance to attain historic success. Their early efforts make the “Trump has done more in three months than Biden did in four years” line feel quite appropriate.
Q: What would you say to Democrats who have been highly critical of Trump’s presidency thus far?
Walker: Dissenting voices are important, but the current alarmist anti-Trump rhetoric is both heavily infected with bias and harshly received by those who disagree, alienating them from ever considering your perspective. You cannot market your opinions as irrefutable facts and personally attack anyone who disagrees to ensure you go through life never having to interact with anyone on the other side of a dispute. The intellectual intolerance of the left creates another reason for your “closeted-Republican” peers on campus to support the president and makes higher education one of the most divisive collective entities in the nation. In an era of extreme polarization, that is really saying something.
The death of the lounge Perspectives
The housing selection process two weeks ago was nothing short of an absolute mess. A litany of issues left students angry and confused, but not surprised. At this point, it feels like almost everyone has had a negative experience with the Residence Life Office (RLO) at Davidson, whether it be difficulties returning from abroad, work orders not being fulfilled or any of a million other things. These problems are well documented, but amidst the chaos, one important victim of the Davidson housing crisis has gone unnoticed. At every college in the country, lounges and common rooms are mainstays of campus life. They’re a type of space referred to by sociologists as a third place—an area separate from one’s home and work that allows them to relax and socialize. They’re characterized as being open, non-judgemental spaces and conducive to conversation. Studies show that aside from building community, these places offer numerous academic and social benefits. Lounges in particular are a way for students to meet other students, host events, study or just relax away from one’s dorm and classes. But why are they disappearing from Davidson?
The short answer is stubbornness and greed. Davidson’s enrollment has outpaced its housing capacity, meaning lounges have
been converted to living spaces in order to meet demand. Building new dorms would take years and also require layers of approval from local government, but there are still other solutions not being taken. This year, despite the crunch for space, RLO has allegedly turned down a large quantity of off-campus housing applications. It’s understandable to want to build camaraderie by keeping people on campus, but forcing students into subpar dorms while removing their main forum for community building doesn’t do any good. The main benefit for the College keeping people on campus is charging them for housing. Of course, don’t forget that this whole issue started with Davidson trying to squeeze in as many students as possible, even if it diluted the student experience. Imagine how much extra tuition they gained from that. Perhaps the worst part of the lounge conversions is the timing. This issue is boiling over right as another major third place on campus, the E.H. Little Library, is set to undergo renovations for two years. The first floor of the library (commonly referred to by students as “First Libs”) in particular isn’t just a study space; it’s a massive social commune where students of all years can chat with each other around the clock. The Lilly Family Gallery can certainly try, but there simply isn’t a space that can replicate the social environment of First Libs.
With lounges and the library unavailable, students may suddenly find themselves pressed for free spaces on campus. The only consistent option left would be the Alvarez College Union, which will undoubtedly be packed due to less study space. Chambers lawn is weather-dependent, Baker Sports Complex is usually occupied by teams and most places off campus would be inaccessible to someone without a car. Nummit is an intriguing option, but it’s too small (and as Sören Potthoff ‘27 noted in The Davidsonian’s March 19 issue, it can be a scary place for non-regulars). PCC houses are an option, but because of their exclusivity, they only function as social communes within their membership. Not to mention, the administration’s distaste for PCC organizations has been made clear through moves like requiring the unlimited meal plan for all four years at Davidson.. For a school that talks so much about community, Davidson’s approach is odd at best. It’s not as though they don’t understand the importance of lounges: the first-year dorms, where common rooms can be a crucial space for students to start socializing when they first get to college, still have most lounges unconverted. Yet this care goes out the window for every subsequent class. RLO has let the housing crisis get so out of hand recently that even Chidsey Hall, which was
A pro-choice view on YAF’s “Exposing Planned Parenthood”
First-year Phoebe would be shocked to discover that I, a spirited member of Davidson College’s Planned Parenthood Generation Action (PPGA) chapter, who has a strong passion for reproductive health and justice, have recently found myself attending anti-abortion events held by the College’s Young America’s Foundation chapter.
While I do not agree with the beliefs supported by Davidson’s Young Americans for Freedom (YAF), I have come to learn that constructive conversation between people with differing beliefs is the best way to promote mutual understanding. Because of this realization, I initially attended a YAF event this past January where they hosted Erin Getz, a senior director at March for Life, an anti-choice organization that hosts marches across the country with the goal of “protecting the unborn” and ending abortion. At this event, Getz discussed her transformation from pro-choice to anti-choice. She was open to having a conversation and answering questions from all audience members. While we have significantly different beliefs and this event did not sway my pro-choice stance, I appreciated the opportunity to engage in open dialogue and learn more about a different ideology.
However, I did not have the same experience at YAF’s “Exposing Planned Parenthood” event on April 9, whose event poster included blood splatter clip art and a sign saying “My Body, My Choice, My Rules” crossed out in red. After my experience at the January YAF event, I wanted to attend to see what evidence and experience the speaker, ex-Planned Parenthood employee Abby Johnson, had to support her vendetta against the organization she used to work for. Her campus visit sparked controversy, uniting PPGA and other student organizations.They showed their support for Planned Parenthood with chalk drawings around campus of supportive messages about reproductive health care and justice. Johnson started her talk by immediately attacking the chalk drawings, sarcastically vocalizing “that’s cute.” She then
recounted many detailed, graphic experiences as a Planned Parenthood patient and employee, but first prefaced that it was hard to remember the details after many years. While sharing her stories, which have been proven false in publications like the Texas Monthly , she criticized Planned Parenthood for their treatment of women. She called Planned Parenthood “anti-women” and talked about the racism involved in some of their abortion procedures.
While listening to Johnson talk from her high horse about Planned Parenthood being anti-women and racist, I couldn’t help but notice her hypocrisy. Her account on X is full of posts featuring homophobic and transphobic comments such as, “There are no trans women. There are men who pretend to be women and demand we all play pretend along with them” (@AbbyJohnson 3/25/25) and “God created marriage and He created it to be between one man and one woman” (@ AbbyJohnson 4/3/25).
Meanwhile, in a speech given at the 2020 Republican National Convention, she claimed that it would be “smart” for police to racially profile her adopted, biracial son. I cannot fathom how a woman who claims to be anti-Planned Parenthood, because she believes they are anti-women, can then go on to say such hateful things about other marginalized communities.
Her blatant disrespect was also apparent during the Q&A section. I asked if she would be willing to include a comprehensive summary of Planned Parenthood’s services, as she failed to mention any of the other essential services that Planned Parenthood offers. In response, she stated that the amount of abortions that each Planned Parenthood clinic provides is increasing. While this is technically correct, she failed to attribute this increase to a rise in telehealth abortions with an abortion pill, as well as abortion becoming illegal in certain states, forcing people to travel to certain clinics and therefore increasing those clinics’ abortion numbers. In her answer, she conveniently excluded that abortion only counts for 4% of Planned Parenthood’s services.
Johnson also claimed that Planned Parenthood gives
built in 2012 with lounges on every floor, now only has lounges available on the fourth and fifth floors. There’s no point forcing people to stay on campus for the sake of building connections when there’s nowhere in residence halls to build these connections. Combined with the aforementioned pending renovations to the library and the administration’s antagonistic attitude toward PCC organizations, it’s not unreasonable to see campus social life taking a hit. The solution to these issues? Space. A community is a natural thing, evolving and shaping itself on its own. The more administrators try to micromanage the campus community, the more they prevent it from blossoming. The College can coursecorrect when needed, but for the most part their only role should be giving students room to grow. Whether it be lounges or any other social apparatus, the best way to help the Davidson community thrive is to give it the space to do so.
Wyatt Gessner ‘28 is an undecided major from Raleigh, NC and can be reached for comment at wygessner@davidson.edu.
contraceptives to women who the organization thinks will use them incorrectly so that they will return needing an abortion. She implied that women who visit Planned Parenthood do not have the knowledge or education to properly take contraceptives. Ironically, during her lecture, she repeatedly condemned Planned Parenthood employees for constantly commenting on how “stupid” their patients were while showing the audience she views the patients the same way. However, what I found the most disconcerting about Johnson’s talk was not the blatant misinformation or the need for a fact checker, but her disinterest in open dialogue and clear double standards. I attended the event to hear her perspective but left with a terrible taste in my mouth, wondering how someone who claims to be fighting for and protecting others can be so cruel and condescending to the people right in front of them.
Phoebe Olszowka ‘25 is a biology major from Chicago, IL and can be reached for comment at pholszowka@davidson. edu.
Sports
Pickleball Club dinks its way to nationals, looks to the future
COLIN DECKER ‘27 (HE/HIM)
Ben Peake ‘25 discovered his love of pickleball in high school. In Oct. of 2022, his sophomore year, he co-founded the Davidson College Pickleball Club so that he could bring his love of the game to his new community.
“As an avid player, I wanted pickleball to have a presence on Davidson’s campus so I could have a place to play,” Peake said. In the club’s early stages, it took time to receive proper support from the College. After conversations with campus recreation officials, leaders were allowed to host practices on the basketball courts in the Baker Sports Complex, and its members used wooden paddles.
“[It was] not ideal,” Peake stated. “Luckily, we were able to secure a GAMMA Sports sponsorship, giving us some new nets and quality paddles. After some time and [acknowledgment of] the interest, campus recreation officials finally allowed us to use the indoor tennis courts. Once that happened, we were able to quickly build up a solid base of students.”
Thomas Lane ‘26 was one of the first students to come to the initial meetings. Unlike Peake, Lane was completely unfamiliar with the sport before joining the club. That unfamiliarity quickly turned to obsession.
“Prior to the first day of club [practice], I had no idea what pickleball was. I was immediately hooked and started playing all the time. The following summer I really got into it, playing almost every night for a few hours,” Lane said.
As his love for pickleball grew, he became more involved, filling in for club leadership who were studying abroad for the fall 2023 semester. Lane formerly served as co-president with Peake but will lead alongside Emily Brestle ‘27 going forward.
What appealed to Brestle most when she joined the club was the possibility to travel “all over the East Coast.”
“It was an opportunity to play in high-level competitions in a sport I love,” Brestle said. “I was compelled to accept a leadership position to help expand and strengthen the club’s national presence and continue to grow the sport of pickleball.”
The collegiate interest in pickleball has exploded on seemingly every campus, not just Davidson.
“Over the past two years, pickleball has rapidly grown, with hundreds of colleges forming clubs and competing at regional and national tournaments,” Lane said. “With this rapid growth, it’s been exciting to help Davidson’s club grow too. No semester has looked the same.”
The club has been fortunate to form partnerships with Gearbox, who provides the top four players with paddles, and Head, a renowned organization in the tennis world, who does the same with oncourt shoes.
Last spring, the team was only able to attend one national tournament. This year, the team has already competed in four. In the New Jersey Super Regional, the team finished 9th out of 30 teams in a field that included large institutions like the University of Pittsburgh and George Mason University. In their most recent trip to nationals,
they lost in the first round to the 2024 national champions Utah Tech University.
For the new club leadership, this experience is only the beginning.
“I am hoping the club continues to become more competitive on the national [stage],” Brestle said.
really exciting to see people who are coming twice a week or every week and forming a fun pickleball community.”
As Peake prepares to leave his club behind, he can take time to appreciate all it has accomplished.
“The club is exactly what I envisioned: a space for people to meet others they haven’t met yet, have a good time and compete in tournaments,” he said. “I’m more than happy to leave it in the capable hands of Thomas and Emily, who have already been doing fantastic work now and will do so next year. I’m also grateful to Charlotte [Juge ‘27], Thad [Wilkin ‘28], Rajeev [Krishnamurthy ‘28] and Cavan [Klein ‘27] for taking on other leadership roles and making the club the best it can be. It’s one of the activities I’ll miss most when I leave campus next month. But I feel a
Men’s and women’s tennis gear up for conference championships
JACKSON STRELO ‘26 (HE/HIM) SPORTS WRITER
As their spring seasons come to a close, the men’s and women’s tennis teams can reflect on their accomplishments with pride. With Atlantic 10 (A-10) championships quickly approaching, the teams look to capitalize on their momentum.
The women’s squad finished with a 12-7 overall record (.632), posting above .500 records both home and away. Commenting on the team’s success, captain Daniela Porges ‘25 emphasized their close-knit atmosphere as a driving factor. “We’re all really close on the team, and this season has had a really great energy.” She also attributed the team’s success to the intensity of their training. “Our coaches have been pushing us really hard in practice, so that’s really paid off and shown on the court,” Porges said.
Synergy and effort were extremely important to the team’s performance. Kavya Patel ‘25, Porges’s doubles partner and fellow captain, spoke to this. “I feel like the team has been very ‘all in’ this year. [...] We really, really want to win, and we want to do it for each other,” she said. “We’ve supported one another through the process, and I think that’s been the biggest contributing factor.”
In spite of their shared commitment, the team struggled in conference play. Davidson suffered recent losses to the University of Richmond and University of Massachusetts Amherst to wrap up a 1-5 conference record. Their lone victory was a 7-0 sweep against George Washington University. Many of their wins came against non-conference opponents, including a perfect 7-0
performance against Lees-McRae College on Senior Day. Along with their role as captains, Patel and Porges fueled the team’s success on the court, posting a winning doubles record of 7-5. Patel twice received Under Armour A-10 Player of the Week honors in February for her strong singles performances and finished with a scorching 11-2 overall singles record this season. In addition to Patel’s smashing performances, success
Standings Update
came in part from the team’s newer members, with successful doubles sets by Savanna Kollock ‘26 / Bryson Langford ‘27 and Charlotte Calderwood ‘27 / Ellie Hammond ‘28 posting records of 8-4 and 5-3, respectively.
As a freshman, Hammond posted a strong singles record of 104. Langford also played well in singles, finishing with a 10-6 record. Considering the impressive performances from their
Women’s Lacrosse Standings
supporting cast, Patel believes the ‘Cats have given themselves
With the A-10 Men’s Tennis Championship coming up on April 23-26, and a recent packed weekend of matches, the men’s team was unavailable for comment. After a hard-fought season, Davidson sits at 11-10 overall with a strong 8-3 home record. They enter the postseason as the No. 5 overall seed. Although conference play has been shaky, splitting A-10 matchups with a 2-2 record, they began the season 4-1 overall and have complimented that start with plenty of statement victories.
Gregorio Hidalgo ‘28 has been a standout performer, recently earning his second A-10 Rookie of the Week honor. Hidalgo posted an impressive 13-3 singles record, including a perfect 5-0 mark at the No. 3 position. He has established a formidable doubles partnership with Nico Pinzon ‘25, posting a team-best 10-5 record in doubles.
Alongside the Hidalgo / Pinzon duo, Uddayvir Singh ‘25 and Juan Camilo Pérez Góngora ‘25 boasted a 9-4 doubles record. Davide Procacci ‘28 also added an 8-6 singles record, in addition to earning A-10 Rookie of the Week honors in February. Amidst struggles in A-10 play, Davidson managed a pair of 6-1 victories over the University of North Carolina Greensboro on March 22 and The Citadel on April 13. They enter the postseason following a 1-4 loss to Richmond in their season finale on April 19. As they prepare for the Men’s Tennis Championship, a blend ng talent will compete fiercely
Daniela Porges ‘25 and Kavya Patel ‘25 celebrate after winning a doubles match. Photo from Davidson Athletics.
Davidson College Pickleball Club poses for a photo at nationals. Photo from Davidson College Pickleball Club Instagram.
Arts and Entertainment 6
Courtney Lassiter ’27 discusses her debut short film
JOSIE SWAIN ‘27 (SHE/HER) ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT CO-EDITOR
This is an interview with Courtney Lassiter ‘27 about her experience creating her short film “diese alten punks” (These Old Punks). The film covers the punk scene in Berlin, Germany in the 80s and how the political divisions of the period shaped it. Lassiter will be showing a finalized version of the film at the Verna Miller Case Symposium on May 8.
Q: What was the film about? What topics did you tackle?
Lassiter: I got a Dean Rusk grant to go to Berlin last summer, and my proposal was to film a documentary about the punk movement in the 1970s and 80s in Berlin, which I think was probably one of the most important places for punk because of the political division between East and West Berlin. It’s super interesting with the fact that there were basically two separate movements growing up under similar values in completely different systems, one in Communist East Berlin and one in [capitalistic] West Berlin but also under occupation by the West. So, yeah, I interviewed 11 old punks.
Q: What inspired you to make this film?
Lassiter: I started taking German at Davidson for my language credit, and I got really interested in the idea of taking my knowledge of the German language into my career. I started thinking about the fact that I might want to live in Berlin when I’m older. I read a book called [Burning Down the Haus: Punk Rock, Revolution, and the Fall of the Berlin Wall] by Tim Mohr, which was about the punk movement in Berlin, and it got me so interested. I actually started looking at what documentaries there were covering the subject, and there weren’t many which were about what I thought was really particularly interesting, the divide between East and West.
Q: How did you get in contact with all these old punk guys?
Lassiter: I was cold emailing for a very long time from the beginning of the project, which was in about September of 2023, so almost right when I got to Davidson. I reached out to a couple punk magazines, some archives, a couple museums, asking them to put me in contact with any possible person who might be interested in the subject matter. And slowly, I think
After over a year of teasing fans, Lana Del Rey has officially gone country. On Friday, April 11, Del Rey released “Henry, Come On”, the assumed lead single for her upcoming album “The Right Person Will Stay.” At different times referred to as country, Americana and Southern Gothic, the new album will be showing a different side of the singer who usually writes songs romanticizing the glittering lights of Los Angeles or New York.
“Henry, Come On” starts with plucks on an acoustic guitar, setting up the mellow and tragic feeling of the ballad. Evoking the attitude of a worn-out lover, Del Rey sings, “I mean Henry, come on / Do you think I’d really choose it? / All this off and on / Henry, come on.”
As the pre-chorus begins, Del Rey emphasizes
about four or five responded (only two or three ended up being in the final film) and the rest were just connections I made when I got to Berlin from those people. So it kind of all spanned out and I was in Berlin only for a month, but right at the end of it, I felt like I was getting so many connections and so many opportunities that if I had stayed a month longer, I probably would have gotten to know everyone. But honestly, I think that it was great that I could keep my film to a smaller [number] of people, because it already has so much personality and so much life just from the people who agreed to participate.
Q: What was the process of making the film? What was it like using film as a medium?
Lassiter: My favorite part of the process was the fact that it was so mobile and so hands-on [...] I really find myself drawn more so to forms of art and creativity that are really ingrained with just living and daily life. So in Berlin, I got to live my daily life, which was going to cafes, going to some random house to interview them, and then going home and uploading all that footage onto my computer and looking through it. I really got into that groove, and it was just so enriching. Actually, I have this record [“Flesh for Fantasy” by Billy Idol] on my wall that one of our participants gave me, and funnily enough, he’s one of the biggest record collectors in Europe. I think he had 40,000 [records] [...] so I met all sorts of really interesting people. The main thing that I had to do then with my creativity was to edit it and to give a sense of what this time was like [...] because I could sit here and tell you about the whole thing for five hours, but like, nobody’s gonna listen to that. So it has to be engaging and interesting and cut down to 20 minutes and that’s really where I got to be creative with it.
Q: What was your favorite part or moment of the process?
Lassiter: Well, the story about the guy giving me the record was really interesting. There were a couple mishaps, like one time I was going to interview a woman and she gave me the address, but no city, and I went to the address [...] in a city next to Berlin, Potsdam. By the time I got there—which was an hour away—I realized that there were two addresses, and [her address] was actually only 8 minutes from my house. That one was not super fun. There were a couple [other] really interesting moments. One of the guys I interviewed for my film, Mark Reeder, toured with New Order in the 80s, and he put on the only Joy Division show that ever happened in Berlin. So it was really interesting to get to meet all of these people and just feel so connected to a movement that I wasn’t even alive for.
Q: What was your goal for the film? What do you hope people take away?
Lassiter: So one of my biggest goals for the film was being able to (1) accurately depict the subculture and get more people to know about it, but (2) to get people to understand the political angle of it. There are definitely some political statements that I made throughout the film, because as a filmmaker, when you’re creating, you’re creating from your own lens. So I think that the divide between East and West and the political lens that punks were taking back in the 1980s to the movement is something that younger people these days can be inspired by. It’s also a really great thing to have for my portfolio and to have experience making, because filmmaking, especially editing in [Adobe] Premiere Pro, was such a technical skill that I really needed to learn, especially if I want to have a career in this sort of business. So this entire film kind of reaffirmed my love for Germany and German culture, and made me really consider it as a place I might want to spend my life post grad.
Q: What was it like showing a film you had made to your peers?
Lassiter: I had my test screening last week on Tuesday, and
the country-aspect of her song: “Last call,
‘Hey, y’all,’ hang his hat up on the wall / Tell him that his cowgirl is gone, go on and giddy up.” Her voice rises and floats as she creates the male character, a sad cowboy who finally pushed his girl to the breaking point.
that was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life. Setting it up, especially with filmmaking, [is] kind of different from the rest of my art in that even the most labor-intensive, traditional art piece I work on will take somewhere around 20 hours at the most. Meanwhile, this film had literally taken more than a year in the making and so much emotional energy so leading up to showing the film I was absolutely horrified, but the moment that I pressed play, I just really felt so much love from the room, and the understanding that although I’ve seen this film hundreds of times, my peers haven’t, and they’re looking at it with this fresh lens.
Q: What was it like being in Berlin doing research? Did being there impact your research and perspective while making the piece?
Lassiter: There’s an artist [..] who made this statement that the city is her studio, and I really resonate with that. Being in a city that was full of creative energy and had a bustling vibe definitely contributed to my creativity and my will to go out there and capture this. Even though I went in not really knowing many people, I came out with so many friends, not only of my age, but people like sixty-plus years old, who are just these old punks [...] it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life to be able to get to know a city, because with Berlin being as big as it is, it almost feels alive in and of itself.
Q: If other students wanted to do something similar, what advice would you have for them?
Lassiter: [My] major advice I would give is to take advantage of Davidson’s funding, especially while you’re here as an undergrad. There are so many other schools that don’t give undergrads access to this level of funding, and especially funding for the arts. I would also advise people to push the boundaries a little bit. You may feel like something is unrealistic or out of your comfort zone, but at the end of the day, you would never really know until you did it. I could have gone to Berlin and come back [realizing] that maybe this film was too big for me to tackle, but instead I went [...] not knowing how to use a camera, not knowing how I was going to edit it, not knowing where this film would end up, and I came out, almost a year later, with a nearly completed film which I’m getting ready to submit to film festivals and [the film] is screening at my [college], and I think that’s awesome.
Josie Swain ‘27 is an English major from Atlanta, GA and can be reached for comment at joswain@davidson.edu.
Del Rey then turns the tables, using her soprano voice to emphasize her own propensity for choosing the wrong people to love, laying the fault on herself. She sings,
“And it’s not because of you / That I turned out so dangerous / Yesterday, I heard God say / ‘It’s in your blood’.” Del Rey’s voice is calm, accepting of the inevitable.
Del Rey combines the mundane with the fantastical in her chorus: “Yesterday, I heard God say / ‘You were born to be the one / To hold the hand of the man / Who flies too close to the sun’.” Comparing her lover to the legend of Icarus, Del Rey again emphasizes the problematic nature of their relationship. She follows this with a mundane statement, singing “I’ll still be nice to your mom / It’s not her fault you’re leaving.” Del Rey portrays the relationship as both legendary and completely ordinary.
The bridge to the outro of “Henry, Come On” ends the song with a twist of irony, referencing the emotional instability of country artists.
“All these country singers / And their lonely
rides to Houston / Doesn’t really make for the best / You know, settle-down type,” Del Rey laments. The listeners are left wondering whether Del Rey is still talking about her man or herself and her new country persona. Or, perhaps, both.
During an Instagram Live, Del Rey described the single as having “a Glen Campbell feeling on the top and a little bit of Disney and sticks on the bottom.” Del Rey manages to emulate Glen Campbell in more ways than one—like Glen Campbell, Del Rey has now become a country and pop crossover musician.
On its first full day of release, “Henry, Come On” reached No. 16 on the Spotify’s Top Songs Global chart and No. 10 on the U.S. Spotify chart. These stats make Del Rey’s country single her second largest debut on the streaming service, cementing the early success of her pivot to country.
Clara Ottati ‘27 is an English and history major from Chicago, IL and can be reached for comment at clottati@davidson.edu.
CLARA OTTATI ‘27
Featured above is a screen grab from Lassiter’s film displaying the title of the project over a photo of German punks in the 1980s. Photo from Courtney Lassiter ‘27.
Lana Del Rey poses for the cover of “Henry, Come On.” Photo from Lana Del Rey’s Instagram.
Courtney Lassiter ‘27 snaps a photo of Berlin on her June 2024 trip. Photo from Lassiter’s Instagram.
Living Davidson
Tell us how your April Break went and we’ll predict the end of your semester!
Wow, the end of the semester is wrapping up quickly. Tell us how your long weekend went and we’ll predict what lies ahead of you. Will the rest of your semester be smooth sailing that transitions into a peaceful summer? Or will Satan crank up the turbulence to infinity? Take our quiz to find out *blushing-smiley emoji*.
How many assignments did you need to do going into April Break?
A - 1,489.
B - Eh, a few here and there but nothing that couldn’t be saved for Monday night.
C - What are assignments?
How much work did you end up completing?
A - I somehow completed nothing. I spent all day every day grinding and didn’t even make a dent in the work I needed to do.
B - I looked at my assignments and then chose not to do them.
C - Nada, rien, nichts.
Mostly A’s:
You’re screwed. These last four weeks are going to be harder than anything you’ve ever experienced at Davidson so far. I can see your future now: final exams, essays and group projects for every single one of your classes, endless piles of homework, all nighters until the end of the semester and Celsius headquarters will issue a statement forcing you to stop drinking their products. You’ll think you participated in the Midnight Streak, but in reality you just hallucinated from your sleep deprivation.
What are your finals looking like?
A - Not good. I’m so stressed. I will take up until the last second to submit my work. I will be in the library every second of every day. I’m currently drinking this water bottle so I can use it as a restroom later just to maximize my productivity.
B - They’ll be like any other finals, but at least I won’t have to go to the exam center.
C - Pfff, I’m just gonna take the L and it’ll probably still be enough to pass.
Mostly B’s: You’re floating along. You’ve got a stable head on your shoulders and can feel confident and relaxed that life will take you where you need to be so long as you keep chugging along.
Did you skip town?
A - If “town” is my dorm room and “skipping” means camping out in Base Libs, then yes.
B - I spent one of the days at Lampus and visited local relatives for a brief getaway. C - I left early and came back late! Plus, I’ve already got my summer vacation planned.
How’s summer employment or, for seniors, post-grad employment looking for you?
A - I have an excel spreadsheet of every single job I’ve applied to, every single LinkedIn note I’ve sent and every single coffee chat I’ve ever been on. And I still have no prospects.
B - I’ve got a summer job lined up for me, but I’m working on getting an internship for the next school year.
C - My dad knows a guy that can get me a high-level position with the Swedish government, so I’m covered.
Mostly C’s: Who are you? Where are you? Why are you here? And how do I obtain your mindset? And your drug dealer?
Time Reported Description/Location
3/25/25, 11:30 hrs
Crime Log SGA Updates
Drug Offenses: Possession of a Controlled Substance (X4) / Drug Offenses: Possession of Drug Paraphernalia Belk, Inactive
1) Scan the link below to check out some notable Spring Convocation awards for Davidson students!
2) Sick of your Daylist? Check out our new podcast episode, featuring Host Colin Decker ‘27 and former Men’s Basketball Coach Bob McKillop!
Yowl The
Irreverent student journalism since 2004. Castigat Ridendo Mores.
yowl.com/outofideas
Ghost of SPE clearly haunting Turner with new infestation of mice.
Page Hazing Horcrux
Papal conclave no longer expected to make appearance at Frolics due to borg ban.
Page Conclave Reboot
April 23, 2025
People who leave their stuff to reserve a spot but don’t return for over an hour to be executed.
Page Empty Study Room
KYLE picked for Frolics because his movie about being lame is relatable
Reports leaked from the Union Board indicate that KYLE was picked not for his musical achievements, but for his similarities to the experience of the average Davidson student (despite being 31 years old). This mainly stems from his leading role in the painful Netflix film “The After Party.” The film, which notably has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, is considered by many in our office to be representative of the experience of a Davidson student. It consists of KYLE’s character, who is repeatedly made out to be a huge nerd, attempting to get into a party and getting turned away repeatedly (on account of him being a huge dork). Throughout the night he is accompanied by his friend Jeff, whose main characteristics are that he grew up with too much money and that he also struggles to read social cues. These characters are frankly indistinguishable from the average
TDavidson student on a night out.
The main crux of the plot begins when KYLE’s character gets way too high in public and starts getting scared before eventually greening out. Union Board cited this as a major inspiration for signing KYLE to perform, as he reminded them “of that one friend you recognize doing this every time you see them on a weekend.” When asked if we could have signed any of the rappers that portrayed cooler characters in the film (Wiz Khalifa!), we got laughed at and were told that this kind of question is why “they thought you could relate to the premise of this loser character” before they shut the door in our face. KYLE’s character tries to both freestyle and seduce a girl several times in the movie, also to limited success. The Concert Committee chairs told us that this was representative of the median Davidson student and that the film was an “average weekend night for a guy like you.”
Interview with the Easter Bunny
his past weekend was Easter, and you unfortunately may have noticed that your Easter baskets were a little lighter this year. This is sadly because of the terrible economic turmoil the United States is experiencing and tariffs on the egg trade from Easter Island. The Yowl sent our emissary, E. Aster Bunnymund, to Easter Island to conduct an interview with the titular bunny. Here is the transcript: Bunnymund: Thank you for meeting with me, your esteemed bounciness. What challenges have you faced this year that have made it so much more difficult to distribute eggs?
Easter Bunny: It’s a combined pressure from the tariffs and failed jelly bean harvests this year. Jelly beans account for some of our largest sales over the holiday, but the rains haven’t come yet this year. My ovaries run fallow. It wasn't always like this. My eggs are all dried out and I haven’t been popping them out like I used to be. It's just a difficult time.
Bunnymund: What are you wearing this fine evening?
Easter Bunny: Topshop fluffy faux fur midlength coat, Alaska Gear VBX bunny boots and Bergdorf Goodman Prada crystal-embellished satin headband all underneath a realistic rabbit-bunny adult fursuit custom from fursuitcustom.com. That's a plug. Please check them out. They do fantastic work.
Bunnymund: Are you single?
Easter Bunny: I’m in several exclusive relationships. I prefer to keep my personal life private.
Bunnymund: Thoughts on transitioning from the Easter Bunny to a Playboy Bunny?
Easter Bunny: How much white powder will there be?
Bunnymund: Thoughts on transitioning in general?
Easter Bunny: Pro. Unless it’s to a man. I hate men.
Bunnymund: What would you like to see in GTA VI?
Easter Bunny: Fight clubs, pet stores and Easter mods. Oh, and GTA Online better be out on release.
Editors' Note: Unfortunately, the rest of this interview could not be completed, as E. Aster Bunnymund passed out due to sleep deprivation and had to be shipped in a large egg back to our headquarters in Union.
WRITERS
Tired Editors
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“What does CSDI mean?”
- White Man
The Not Back from Break Issue
Games Club retreat puts entire cost of Cookout run on official P-Card.
Page ATC Audit
Union Board runs out of budget to sign SuperDuperKyle, forced to sign KYLE.
Page Bad Rebrand
Convocation Awards
• White Guilt Award: This award goes to an outstanding white Africana Studies major who feels very guilty about all the bad stuff white people have done.
• Cried in the Most Academic Buildings Award: This award goes to the student who has suffered through the most all-nighters, the most failed exams, the most ruthless breakups and the most freshman-year friendships lost.
• Accidentally Joined Five Clubs While Trying to Get Free Pizza Award: This award is pretty selfexplanatory.
• The Oops! Science Award: This award goes to the student who, upon falling asleep in the lab accidentally, created a chemical explosion that resulted in a cure for every cancer. We know your labmates are jealous of you.
• Most Caffeinated Award: This award goes to the student who spent the most time in Nummit. For shame.
L• Most Likely to Be in a Hitand-Run Involving a Scooter Award: This award is given to the student-athlete who asserts their dominance on campus by recklessly whizzing around campus like the soon-to-be nonner they are.
• No One Knows What I Study Award: Given to the student who has to explain what anthropology is every week.
• Local Cryptid Award: This award goes to the groundhog that lives next to Qdoba.
• How Are You Phi Beta Kappa? Award: This award goes to the student who skips all their classes, is never seen doing their homework and only appears on campus once in a blue moon but still holds a 4.0 GPA.
• Silent 500 Award: The student who lives in Irwin, Akers or Knox.
• Moved So Slowly to Class They Reversed Time Award: This award goes to the student who is always walking in front of me and defies the laws of physics by walking impossibly slow, so slow in fact a dead squirrel passed them up the hill.
Application for a new job
ast Monday, the humane, caring and loving leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Francis, passed away. He was a champion for progressive ideals and the modernization of the Church. He will be deeply missed. With the papal conclave and the College of Cardinals soon forming, this The Yowl writer would like to throw his hat in the ring.
I am the perfect candidate to be the next recipient of the papal seat. I dislike JD Vance as much as the last pope, I would look great in the popemobile and run a diocese in rural North Carolina. I imagine that Vatican City life is a lot like Davidson life. It contains roughly the same surface area as the small nation. Though I have not watched “Conclave,” I plan to do so since I love Stanley Tucci.
If I am allowed to become the pope, I will enact several reforms that will change the Church for the better. The Swiss Guards will no longer wear those bright, flashy outfits. If I am to have bodyguards, they must blend in. The Vatican will also no longer allow tours. If I am going to be living in there, I don’t want groups of gawking tourists watching me in my bathrobe.
My major change will be the return of indulgences to pay for my planned Vatican City-themed park called the Holy Water Resort. These indulgences will also pay for the return of the Crusades, this time against Protestant nations. If I’m going to rule all Catholics, I’m going to expand my domain and make Martin Luther roll in his grave.
If you hire me as the new pope, I will work hard! I promise.
REQUEST OF THE WEEK
People who usually get single-use cups from Nummit to post about Earth Day on their Instagram stories.
Note: The Yowl is a satirical supplement to The Davidsonian Hence, nothing in it should be taken as truth.