The Davidsonian 3.22.2023

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Loss of genderinclusive housing frustrates students and poses challenges

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March 22, 2023

Avo Reid ‘26 relives his experienve of reading Ulysses in 24-hours

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The Davidson baseball team prepares for the A-10 conference

Volume 121 Issue 16

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The Yowl points out Davidson’s quirks and how we differ from other universities

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Understanding Davidson Academics in a World with ChatGPT The first article (left) was written by Abigail Brissett ‘26 and Sofia Cimablla ‘26, and the second (right) by ChatGPT.

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All quotes that were developed by ChatGPT are false and are not direct quotes from the students and professors who were named.

he skills Davidson students pursue throughout their liberal arts education may soon be replaced by artificial intelligence. With the release of ChatGPT 4, the conversation about artificial intelligence’s growing role in education has intensified.

The newest model of the highly sophisticated chatbot has enhanced features which expands its capabilities significantly; one change is that the system can now generate responses from both written and visual prompts. ChatGPT can write poetry, pass the Medical Licensing Exam, and might have even written this article.

Chair and Professor of Digital Studies Dr. Mark Sample provided context about how artificial intelligence and tools like ChatGPT are most directly impacting education right now.

“There are AI systems that do text generation like ChatGPT,” Dr.Sample said.

“They do image generation, like Midjourney or DALLE. There’s predictive algorithms.

So AI is just this huge field. When it comes specifically to education, I think the text generation is probably the most relevant right now.”

Dr. Sample also discussed the limitations of reliance on AI. “AI is always going to replicate what is already in the system,” Dr. Sample explained.

“That’s how AI is trained – by giving it huge chunks of existing text or existing images.

So what the con is, is that anytime you want something unique or breaking out of the existing paradigms, AI can’t do that. It just replicates whatever’s in the original system and if there’s biases in the data, it’s going to come up in whatever AI generates [...] it really isn’t a source of originality and creativity.”

Although ChatGPT and similar programs will continue to evolve and advance, Associate Professor of Art John Corso-Esquivel who utilizes AI as a teaching tool, believes that its success will dwindle since the program lacks humanity. He said that technology will continue to advance to “unimaginable measures”, yet it will never be able to have “these innate human senses.”

Dr. Sample also warned against the false attribution of human intuition, creativity, and motivations to AI.

“There is no human in there, it is just a statistical model. I think humans, evolutionarily speaking, tend to anthropomorphize things [...] the number one thing that I would say is, it’s important to dispel that it is not sentient, and that there are no human factors at work there. The AI has no experience of the world. It just has this huge data set that you gave it.”

Associate Professor of Art John CorsoEsquivel highlighted that AI lacks morality.

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s the world becomes increasingly digitized, so do the tools that we use to learn and educate ourselves.

In recent years, artificial intelligence has played a crucial role in this shift, with many institutions incorporating it into their curricula to enhance student learning. One example of this is Davidson College, where Chat GPT, a large language model trained

by OpenAI, has been making waves in the liberal arts experience.

A Davidson class taught outside of Wall Academic Center. Photo by Christopher Record “It can tell us what’s moral based on what it has been fed to believe is immoral, but it can’t really produce morality. I just don’t see it being able to answer these core unsolvable questions of what makes a human human.

[For example] What is post-humanity? How do we treat each other better?”

The world still needs readers to engage with information. Many in the field of academia suggest there will still be value and merit in discussing and working to answer these fundamental questions, possibly even more so with the continuation of chatbots.

Another way humans are deeply important to this process is through their own recognition biases.

“AI relies on human beings to learn,” Wren

According to Mark Sample, a professor of Digital Studies at Davidson, Chat GPT has become an integral part of the college’s curriculum, allowing students to engage with a wide range of subjects in a unique and innovative way. “The possibilities for using Chat GPT in the liberal arts are almost limitless,” says Sample. “It allows us to explore complex topics and concepts that might have been difficult to access in the past.”

One area where Chat GPT has made a significant impact is in the field of art. John Corso Esquivel, an Associate Professor of Art at Davidson, explains that Chat GPT has allowed students to interact with art in a more immersive and engaging way. “We use Chat

GPT to create interactive art experiences that allow students to engage with artworks on a deeper level,” says Esquivel. “It’s a gamechanger in terms of how we teach art and how students learn.”

The question of morality and human biases within artificial intelligence is an important and complex issue that continues to challenge the field of AI. As AI systems become increasingly sophisticated and integrated into various aspects of our lives, it is essential to consider how ethical principles and human biases may impact their development and use.

In Dr. Sample’s view, one of the biggest challenges facing AI developers is the risk of perpetuating existing human biases in their systems. He notes that AI algorithms are only as unbiased as the data they are trained on, and if that data contains biases, those biases will be reflected in the AI’s output.

Furthermore, Dr. Sample highlights the importance of designing AI systems that prioritize ethical principles such as transparency, accountability, and fairness. He emphasizes the need for ongoing dialogue and collaboration between AI developers, ethicists, and other stakeholders to ensure that these principles are upheld throughout the development and use of AI. In conclusion, the question of morality and human biases within artificial intelligence is a complex issue that requires careful consideration and ongoing attention. As Dr. Sample notes, it is essential to prioritize ethical principles and work to mitigate the impact of human biases in AI systems to ensure that they serve the common good and benefit society as a whole.

Annabelle Ross ‘24, the Head of Davidson’s Honor Council, notes that Chat GPT has also had an impact on academic integrity. “One of the biggest concerns with AI in education is the potential for cheating,” says Ross. “But we’ve found that Chat GPT has actually helped to promote academic integrity by encouraging students to think critically and engage with the material more deeply.”

Wren Marks ‘23, an Art History major at Davidson, has experienced this firsthand.

“When I first heard about Chat GPT, I was skeptical,” says Healy. “But once I started

The 2023-24 School Year Will Go On without Gender Inclusive Housing STELLA MACKLER (SHE/HER) EDITOR-IN-CHIEF EMILY HAZIM ‘26 (SHE/HER) STAFF WRITER

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ender inclusive housing allows students of all genders to live together, meeting the needs of students who may not feel comfortable in traditional campus housing.

Gender inclusive housing at Davidson has been provided through the Sustainability Cooperative and a Gender Inclusive Housing

(GIH) community wherein one floor of a specific dormitory is dedicated to students who wish to live amongst individuals of all genders. The GIH community has been located in the basement of Sentelle Hall for the 2022-2023 school year. However, due to low applications, neither the Coop nor GIH will be offered as housing for the 2023-2024 school year.

Prior to this announcement, there were already plans to move the Sustainability Cooperative from its current location in a private house at 439 North Main Street to Knox Dormitory. However, in an email sent to the student body by Director of Residence Life (RLO) Dean Walter Snipes, he shared

that the program would no longer be available.

“The idea behind gender inclusive housing is that we know there are codes and barriers that impact students’ sense of belonging within our residence halls,” Snipes said. “It offers us a unique way to acknowledge that sense of belonging and still meet current expectations.”

Anaya Patel ‘25 (any pronouns) has lived in the Sustainability Cooperative for the 20222023 school year and stressed the importance of GIH. “Gender inclusive housing is necessary to ensure queer and trans students on campus feel safe and seen by the administration,” Patel said. “Additionally, gender inclusive housing allows queer and trans students to seek refuge

and safety on what can feel like an isolating campus. At the end of the day, it’s important to come back to a space where you know your identity will be not only valued but radically nourished.”

According to Snipes, the availability of GIH is based on student applications to live in GIH communities.

“When I first got here in 2015, we covered all of second Duke, so that’s about 40 some students who all wanted to be in gender inclusive housing and that number has decreased ever since,” Snipes said.

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News

The New Frontier in Liberal Arts Education

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The title above was written by the ChatGPT AI program

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Marks ‘23 said. “It needs human beings to tell it what is acceptable communication or what is prohibited for communication so even though we use technology, the imprint of humanity is always going to be there.”

This concept has played out in numerous AI systems where human biases have been implanted into artificial intelligence, furthering prejudices and creating discriminatory technology. For example, AI often produces over sexualized images of Asian women, due to the high frequency of the fetishization of Asian women on the internet, according to the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Dr. Sample connected to the issue of academic integrity.

“Some people will make the argument that ChatGPT is a calculator 20 years ago, and will eventually almost be required to use in your classes,” Dr. Sample said. “I think the difference is that calculators actually give you factual, like indisputable, factual information and ChatGPT doesn’t – it’s just wrong. And it might improve, but I think it’ll always there always be this domain of human activity and human knowledge that it just is out of date on or just messes up on.”

Annabelle Ross ‘24, president of the Honor Council, provided insight into how AI and ChatGPT will impact the honor code at Davidson.

“We defer all of our decisions and how we process requests and cases from the individual professors,” Ross said. “Professors through their syllabi make specific rules about whether you are allowed to collaborate with students on this project or this test, and so it differs by department or by teacher or by class. We haven’t had any conversations about Chat GPT because different professors use it in different ways.”

ChatGPT and its role in higher education is ever evolving.

“There are so many pros and cons, but one thing that we have to recognize is that it’s not going away,” said Dr. Sample.

using it, I realized how much it could enhance my learning experience. It’s not about getting the right answer; it’s about engaging with the material in a more meaningful way.”

One of the ways that Chat GPT has been used in the classroom is through chatbots.

These interactive programs can simulate conversations with students, helping them to learn and engage with course material in a more natural and intuitive way. According to Sample, chatbots have become a valuable tool for educators looking to create personalized learning experiences. “Chatbots allow us to tailor our teaching to each student’s individual needs,” says Sample. “It’s a way to scale education and make it more accessible to everyone.”

But with the benefits of AI in education come challenges as well. One of the biggest concerns is the potential for bias and ethical concerns. As Sample explains, “AI is only as unbiased as the data it is trained on. If the data is biased, then the AI will be biased as well.”

Ross echoes this sentiment, noting that ethical considerations are crucial when incorporating AI into education. “We need to ensure that AI is being used ethically and responsibly,” says Ross. “We need to be transparent about how it’s being used and what data it’s collecting.”

Despite these challenges, Chat GPT is poised to become an increasingly important part of the liberal arts experience. As Esquivel notes, “The liberal arts are all about exploring the human experience, and AI is just another tool that we can use to do that. It’s not a replacement for human interaction and critical thinking; it’s a supplement to it.”

In many ways, Chat GPT represents a new frontier in education, one that promises to transform the way we teach and learn.

As Sample puts it, “The possibilities are endless. It’s an exciting time to be involved in education.

“Students in class” was the command given to DALLE. Photo made by DALLE

“College students on laptops” was the command given to DALLE. Photo made by DALLE

The Commands Given to ChatGPT to Create the Article Above

“Please write an 800 word jounralistic article that discusses the advancement of ChatGPT and how Artifical Intelligence will change education, specifically liberal arts education at Davidson College. Please quote Chair & Professor of Digital Studies Dr. Sample, Asociate Professor of Art John Corso-Esquivel, student Annabelle Ross and student Wren Marks.”

Limited Thematic Housing Options for Next Year

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Snipes described RLO’s process of working with students to determine what GIH looks like on campus.

“We’ve had focus groups, and we’ve heard students say, ‘Oh, that’s a great idea, but I don’t want to live there. But you should have it, but I don’t want to live there. And when we ask, ‘Why don’t you want to live there?’ [students say] ‘I don’t want people to know, or I don’t feel comfortable,’” Snipes said.

The GIH program will be offered again for the 2024-2025 school year and will come to fruition upon receiving sufficient applications.

The Sustainability Cooperative will also be offered again for the 2024-2025 school year in Knox Dormitory, however current members do not agree with the decision to change locations.

“The Coop is a space that is radically inclusive due to its separation from campus (a campus that can feel incredibly isolating for marginalized students), emphasis on community-building, and freedom and comfortability in a space that is ‘yours,’” current members of the Coop wrote in a statement regarding future housing.

Patel emphasized the community fostered by the house on 439 North Main Street.

“The Susty Coop, while not an explicitly queer space, has historically acted as a space for queer and trans students to escape to,” Patel said. “Currently, the Coop is majority queer/trans students, and I personally have found a lot of belonging with my peers.”

Vee Mellberg ‘25 (they/she) is non-binary and lived in the Coop for the 2022-2023 school year.

“Without [GIH] housing, these students are forced to choose one side or the other when the whole point of our identity is that we do not fit into those two boxes,” Mellberg said.

“It can be incredibly invalidating to be forced to pick, and it reinforces that Davidson doesn’t care about who we are as people, we’re just numbers that they get to use to up their diversity statistics.”

Mellberg added that the loss of GIH on campus may impact student wellbeing.

“Next year, I imagine that students like myself will not feel wanted or supported

by Davidson’s policies,” they said. “It is not a new feeling for us but it is incredibly disheartening. I don’t think Davidson staff and administration fully understands the extent to

Commonual dining table at the Sustainability Cooperative Photo from Anaya Patel ‘25 which this will effect student’s mental health in a very real way.

Although the Sustainability Cooperative nor GIH will be offered as housing options next school year, Snipes stressed that accommodations could still be made for students seeking GIH.

“Students still can come to us saying, ‘Hey, here’s how my identity impacts housing,’ we’re going to work with them,” Snipes said. “Because at the end of the day, we want students to feel like, ‘when I go to my room, I can be me,’ because it’s a very intimate place.”

Features

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Collapse of Silicon Valley Bank Signals Trouble for Banking Industry

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BILAL RAZZAK ‘25 (HE/HIM) POLITICS EDITOR

he Bank of the United States, now referred to as the First Bank of the United States, opened for business in Philadelphia in 1719. Since then, banks have become an integral part of everyday life in the United States. Today, there are over four-thousand banks in the country, and they control more than twenty-three trillion dollars in assets. Over the last week and a half, however, the banking industry in the country has become unstable marked by the collapse of Silicon Valley Bank (SVB).

SVB was the 16th largest bank in the U.S and one of the most influential financial institutions in the world; in December 2022, its assets exceeded two-hundred billion dollars. While SVB was an extremely versatile bank, offering their services to all types of clientele, they specialized in servicing startups and venture-backed firms. According to the company’s website, over forty percent of venture-backed technology and health firms were clients of SVB in some manner. With such powerful backing and reserves, Silicon Valley Bank’s collapse seemed implausible, even in the days leading up to its termination by federal regulators.

From 2019 through 2022, SVB experienced significant growth. Because of this, they had an excess of dollars, some of which they held in excess cash flow. For most of it, however, the bank invested in other long-term debts. Typically, these investments have lower returns, but also have a lower-margin for risk. Recently, The Federal Reserve decided to increase interest rates in order to curb national inflation. This meant that SVB’s bonds became riskier investments. Since investors could now buy bonds with higher interest rates, the bank’s assets devalued. Coupled with this loss in value, some of Silicon Valley Bank’s customers hit financial troubles; they started to withdraw large sums altogether from the bank. To make these withdrawals, the bank had to sell many of its devalued bonds and assets. This resulted in an almost two billion dollar loss for the bank, marking the beginning of the end for the forty year old financial giant.

SVB was a large bank and they did not manage the average citizen’s funds. However, their collapse still signaled potential doom for the banking industry. The bank’s collapse would signal to investors in other industries to pull their money from other banks. Once larger companies started to take out their money, so too might the average citizen, and potentially

The Silicon Valley Bank, which collapsed due to a loss in value of its investments and withdrawal of large sums by some customers. Courtesy of NPR, Photo by Rebecca Noble/AFP via Getty Images. cause widespread panic—the reason for most bank failures.

To combat this, the Federal Reserve and Treasury Department announced that they would reimburse those who lost money in SVB’s collapse. Some economists have compared the move to a bailouts.

In terms of proximity to Davidson, bank insolvencies hit close to home. Charlotte is considered the second-biggest banking center in the United States. It is home to the headquarters of more than twenty banks and twenty five credit unions. The

city’s economic operation relies on the banking industry. For example, Bank of America has its headquarters in Charlotte, where many Davidson alums matriculate after graduation. A collapse would have potentially affected many of our school’s alums working in Charlotte’s biggest industry. This so-called bailout was extremely important in making sure that the Queen City is able to operate correctly.

Crime Log

Time Reported

Description/Location

02/27/23 20:14 hrs - Traffic Offense: Hit & Run Wall, Further Investigation 02/27/23 22:10 hrs 02/26/23 17:00 hrs - Larceny Offenses: Misdemeanor Larceny 02/26/23 22:00 hrs Union, Inactive

Injury to Property Offense;

02/28/23 06:10 hrs - Stalking (Misdemeanor) 02/28/23 13:00 hrs Chidsey, Further Investigation

03/13/23 14:35 hrs - Stalking Offenses: Misdemeanor Stalking 03/13/23 14:41 hrs Tomlinson, Further Investigation 03/18/23 02:20 hrs

Alcohol Offense: Consume Under 21 Chidsey, Further Investigation

03/19/23 02:00 hrs

Alcohol Offense: Consume Under 21 Belk, Inactive

FIRST MEETING BACK MARCH 14TH After a brief hiatus, SGA returned with a new cabinet, including members who have never served on the committee before. To start the meeting, all members reintroduced themselves to the cabinet, mentioning their main priorities now that they are in office. Next, those who had not previously sworn their oath took it. Afterwards, they introduced a new committee format. Previously in SGA, commitee’s were already established. Moving forward, however, these committees will be disbanded. All new committees must apply for spots through Wildcat Sync. The Committee Proposal Form allows senators to propose new commitees to the leadership of SGA. After they are approved, they must create a plan to outline the different responsibilities of the commitee. They must also find a group of senators willing to work with. After they create this plan, it must be presented to all members of SGA, and then it will be voted on. SGA hopes that commitees will become more efficient by employing this process; they will also have a better outline on their goals and how to achieve them. Previous responsibilities which have been delegated to different committees will be handled by the general body. These tasks include the following: Finals Feast, Club Charter, and Summer Storage. Review Board elections will be held next week.

Perspectives

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Why Reading Ulysses for 24 Hours Matters

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AVO REID ‘26 (HE/HIM)

n 1992, twelve Davidson students conducted the first 24-hour reading of Ulysses, James Joyce’s notoriously dense and sometimes inexpressibly boring tome about a guy walking around Dublin while waiting for his wife to cheat on him. The book is infamous for remaining unfinished.

Despite its censorship and serial publication, Joyce responded to razing reviews and accusations of obscenity (for which the book was put on trial by the New York Society for the Suppression of Vice, which was somehow real) by stating it was obvious his critics hasn’t finished his book. And so, on June 16th, all over the world, folks choose to eat the elephant in one bite and read the entirety of Ulysses in 24 hours, straight through, experiencing Leopold Bloom’s 24-hour odyssey in real time, on the day the novel is supposed to have taken place. Davidson transposes the date to mid-February.

That first reading drew 42 guest readers and two television crews from Charlotte, there to cover the obvious child abuse occurring at their neighborly liberal arts college, exceeded the 24-hour target by twelve hours, and sent one person to the hospital.

The reading has been conducted intermittently in the years since, with varying degrees of participation and enthusiasm from both students and guests. This year, three students from Dr. Zoran Kuzmanovich’s class on James Joyce participated. From 5:32 on a Friday afternoon to 8:45 on a Saturday night I sat, laid,

splayed and curled up in Phi Hall and read Ulysses out loud, alternating every page. We finished in 27 hours and 23 minutes. After I tell people about it, in response to questions about my weekend or why I look like I’ve been embalmed, I’m usually asked why I would want to

for Bloom. This sounded dodgy to me at first. I didn’t account for the sleep deprivation. Episode 10, which we reached around one in the morning, features different snapshots of characters across Dublin with little to no notice that the viewpoint is moving from one charac-

“Around five in the morning you’re floating in and out of wakefulness; submerged in that kind of half-sleep where your dreams start in vivid 4k the moment your eyes flutter shut. ” do something like that to myself. I’m not entirely sure I know, but having done it, I take some cracks at its redeeming qualities.

First: I can, if circumstances necessitate, make the argument that I should be exempted from doing homework for my English class for the next three weeks.

At the outset of the class it was specified that we should expect to do about 10 hours of homework per week. I have more or less completed that requirement three times over.

Second: the supposed appeal of the 24-hour reading is experiencing the book in real time; to be so pulled into the work the day passes much like it does

ter to another. Bleary-eyed, lingeringly hungry and hoarse from reading aloud, the switches seemed totally natural, consistent with dream logic. Around five in the morning you’re floating in and out of wakefulness; submerged in that kind of half-sleep where your dreams start in vivid 4k the moment your eyes flutter shut. The book happens right in front of you. At around 11 on Saturday morning, we reached Circe, the longest episode which accounts for around a quarter of the novel. It is structured like a play, and we reached it delirious and impressionable. It starts off usual enough, Bloom talking to his friends, you start to get tired again and zone out. Then it be-

comes the actualization of his hallucinations—character appear out of nowhere; his hallucinations bully him, flirt with him, flirt with him, and say some of the most obscene things I have ever read in my life. Is it exactly the kind of thing to read when you have not slept in 24 hours.

In the end it did feel like we had lived a day with this guy. The last episode is an uninterrupted stream-of-consciousness monologue from the perspective of Bloom’s wife. Exhausted and hallucinatory, we were rapt.

Avo Reid ‘22 (he/him) is a Linguisitcs major from McLean, Virginia. He usually sleeps eight hours a night. He can be reached at avreid@davidson.edu.

From the Archives: New Energy Crisis?

STEPHEN KALIN ‘09 Stephen Kalin ‘09 double majored in Political Science and International Studies at Davidson. He currently serves as a foreign correspondent for The Wall Street Journal. He is based in the Middle East, and principally covers Saudi Arabia and the Persian Gulf. In 2022, Kalin moved in Ukraine to report on the Russian invasion. He previously worked for Reuters News, reporting from the front lines of the war in Iraq and of the Syrian civil war.

The piece below was written in his first year at Davidson.

The lack of any feasible energy program from the Bush administration demonstrates an unsettling lack of effort in the White House and a lack of concern among the American public . America’s security and

leans, three facts of American life have become painfully obvious.

First, we as a people are dangerously reliant on oil. Second, something needs to be done in order to check rising domestic gasoline consumption. And third, the current administration and Congress are not determined to take action to resolve this national crisis. Before last week’s hurricane, gasoline prices had been steadily rising throughout the summer. The storm’s destruction of America’s largest energy hub has served simply to accelerate a situation that was bound to unfold at some point. With a reduction in the supply of gasoline, prices have skyrocketed to almost $4 a gallon in some areas of the country.

The reasonable response would be to reduce consumption as during the energy crisis of the 1970s. But the Bush administration, in its unflagging support of big business, has flooded the market with supplies from the nation’s stash of crude oil and lowered environmental standards for gasoline refineries.

The president has thus foregone an opportunity to improve both his domestic and international standing by refusing to responsibly control America’s dependence on oil.

foreign and domestic policy are compromised by a reliance on petroleum that strains the economy, squanders taxpayers’ money and places American stability at the whim as other nations.

Moreover, the air pollution generated by combustion puts humans and the rest of the environment in considerable danger. Energy consumption and harmful emissions have increased dramatically in recent years as people have begun to drive less efficient automobiles, requiring greater government spending to repair damage done to the environment. The time has surely come to recognize our nation’s vulnerability and demand a change.

As the leaders of our nation, President Bush and members of Congress ought to muster the political courage to impose emission limitations on automobile makers and offer incentives for the implementation of fuelefficient technology. Higher taxes on gasoline would also encourage individuals to limit their consumption.

Furthermore, the President should call on America’s youth to explore the field of science in hopes of finding a renewable energy source.

Effective change cannot come exclusively from the top. Americans have a civic duty

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to be aware of their personal gasoline consumption and reduce it through the use of public transportation, carpools, bicycles and other environmentally-friendly means.

Oversized vehicles in particular drain the

“As Davidson students, we are in a unique position to improve our country’s condition... and demand that our government follow n light of the recent hurricane in New Or- suit.”

country’s resources and pollute the air that we all breathe. The American culture of excess, exemplified by the abundance of McMansions and SUVs, has encouraged many people in

recent years to disregard the effects of their actions on others.

The notions of sacrifice and caution that sustained the nation through the Great Depression and the energy crisis of the 1970s seem to have disappeared.

Finally, as Davidson students, we are in a unique position to improve our country’s condition. In addition to reducing our own gasoline consumption, we must encourage others to do the same and demand that our government follow suit. America’s youth has the intellectual capacity and political influence to alter the current course of the nation through awareness campaigns, activism and perhaps most efficiently at the polls.

We must use this power wisely.

Sports

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Davidson Men’s Baseball Gears up For A-10 Play

CAMERON KRAKOWIAK ‘24 (HE/HIM) SPORTS EDITOR

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avidson’s baseball team had a rough seven game stretch spanning the school’s spring break. After beating Queen’s University 16-6 on February 28th, the ‘Cats had a rough series at Coastal Carolina dropping three straight. After beating High Point 10-7 they faced Bryant and former Davidson Third Baseman John Hosmer ‘22. Hosmer hit two home runs against his former team and led Bryant to sweeping the ‘Cats. The ‘Cats ended spring break dropping six out of seven during the time frame.

However, the ‘Cats turned it around when the lights shined the brightest in Kannapolis where they faced Western Carolina at Atrium Health Ballpark. The ‘Cats held on to win 6-5.

The ‘Cats kept their momentum going into

the weekend when they won two out of three games against Marist.

The ‘Cats season has been marred by injuries this season, gold glove catcher Michael Carico ‘24 went down against. Coastal Carolina along with Ryan Kutz ‘23 and Isaac Fix ‘25 both being out since February. However, the lineup has kept up production. Ryan Wilson ‘24 has carried his impressive 2022 season into 2023. Wilson has a team leading eight home runs on the year and averages 7.88 atbats per home run. The offense has been aided by freshman Michael O’Shaughnessy ‘26 and Jack Cotrone ‘25 who have been on a tear since being put in the regular day lineup. O’Shaughnessy has a batting average of .400 and Cotrone is not far behind him with a .361 batting average along with seven home runs.

The team faces Tennessee Tech and N.C A&T before starting A-10 play versus Fordham on April 1st.

Baseball team photo at Atrium Health Ballpark after their 6-5 win against Western Carolina.

Photo by Chris Finch

Davidson Men’s and Women’s A-10 Tournament Photos

Grant Huffman ‘24 drives in the paint vs. VCU (top left), Sam Mennenga ‘24 (top middle) and Desmond Watson ‘25 (top left) holding ball, Issy Morgan ‘25 pumping her fist (bottom left), Elle Sutphin ‘24 goes for a block (bottom middle) Rosie Deegan ‘23 shoots (bottom left) Photos by Mitchell Leff (A-10)

A-10 Mens Baseball Standings (non-conference)

Standings Update

Team

W

L

Strk W-Pct

Saint Louis George Mason Richmond Davidson VCU Saint Joseph’s Fordham UMass Rhode Island GW Dayton Saint Bonaventure

12 9 10 9 9 7 6 3 4 5 3 2

4 5 10 10 10 8 13 7 11 16 12 9

W1

W1 W3 W2 W2 W1 L2 W1 L1 W2 L3 L2

.75 .64 .500 .47 .47 .466 .31 .3 .266 .24 .2 .18

A-10 Women’s Lacrosse Standings Team

W

L

Strk GB

UMass Davidson St. Joseph’s Richmond St. Bonaventure George Mason George Washington VCU Duquesne La Salle

2 2 2 1 1 1 1 0 0 0

0 0 0 1 1 1 1 2 2 2

W2 W2 W2 W1 L1 W1 L1 L2 L2 L2

1 1 1 1 2 2 2

Arts and Culture

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C. Shaw and Nancy K. Smith Artist Series Presents: An Evening with Rhiannon Giddens

NEVE RAUSCHER ‘26 (SHE/HER) AND ELAIYA EEN ‘26 (SHE/HER)

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n February 26, 2023, Rhiannon Giddens performed in the Duke Family Performance Hall and brought an energy to the stage that all in attendance were lucky to witness. Davidson brought her in as a part of the C. Shaw and Nance K. Smith Artist Series. Giddens, a founding member of the old-time country and blues band the Carolina Chocolate Drops, has won two Grammys, a Macarthur Fellowship, and a BBC Radio 2 Folk award for her mastery of bluegrass music. A native of Greensboro, North Carolina, Giddens grew up surrounded by folk music.

She graduated from the North Carolina School of Science and Mathematics and is a Class of 2000 alumna of the Oberlin Conservatory at Oberlin College, where she studied opera. She became an original member of the Carolina Chocolate Drops in 2013 after meeting her future bandmates through time spent at festivals and competitions in the bluegrass circuit. She

Giddens on the fiddle. Photo by Davidson. contributed her vocal and instrumental talent to countless albums, ranging from Talitha MacKenzie’s Indian Voices to a revival album of unpublished Bob Dylan lyrics, to which she

contributed alongside Elvis Costello, MarcuMumford, Taylor Goldsmith, and Jim James.

Giddens’s reputation precedes her, but seeing her perform live is a profound experience in itself.

President Doug Hicks opened the performance by announcing the many awards to her name and presented her with an honorary degree from Davidson College, which she graciously accepted. Referencing the amazing places her profound love for the fiddle has taken her, she said, “I always say, ‘there’s more than one way to pet a cat.’”

Giddens began her performance by sharing her roots in protest music with raw vocals unaccompanied by other instruments. Her voice took hold of the audience, drawing everyone into what would shape up to be a captivating show. Later in the show, she brought out two of her good friends, Justin Robinson and Laurelyn Dossett, who performed a wide range of music alongside Giddens. Throughout the show, Giddens transitioned gracefully between instruments: the fiddle and two banjos (one banjo a more traditional style and the other more modern). Between more upbeat and sadder songs, Giddens, Robinson, and Dossett shared anecdotes from their time playing together at various festivals. They shared a common respect for their mentor, Joe Thompson, who was an American old time fiddle player and one of the last musicians to carry on the black string band tradition.

It didn’t take long before Giddens’s shoes came off. With her bare feet on the rug and her hair tied back in pigtails, Giddens evoked feelings of home and comfort during her performance, and creating this relaxed, fun atmosphere strengthened her relationship with the audience. At the same time, Giddens prides herself on not always playing it safe or discussing “comfortable” topics. Madeline Dierauf ‘25, a Davidson student and nationally ranked fiddle player remarked, “I thoroughly

Justin Robinson, Rhiannon Giddens, and Laurelyn Dossett. Photo by Davidson enjoyed the way she conducted herself casually and naturally onstage while also being incredibly knowledgeable and serious about the historical and cultural work she does.”

Her incredible knowledge and solemnity surrounding her work prior to and throughout the Black Lives Matter Movement is incredibly noteworthy. Between pieces, Giddens spoke about the impacts of being a musician in a genre that had its roots in slavery in the U.S. The oral traditions and the four-string banjo originated in Africa and came to the Appalachian region with the enslaved people brought over.

At the time of the Black Lives Matter protests following George Floyd’s murder, Giddens was quarantined in Iceland, trapped out of the country. She felt stir crazy; she wanted to be in the thick of the action in the U.S. Speaking to the audience, she recalled feeling powerless, especially when she was describing the extreme racial injustices still present in the U.S. to her children. She didn’t know what to do, so she turned to music. Giddens released her 9th album They’re Calling Me Home in 2021. In a collaboration with Fransesco Turrisi, Giddens shared the collection of songs wrestling with homesickness and grappling with past injustices that persist into the present day.

In a striking performance of a song off of her 2017 album, Freedom Highway, Giddens let the lyrics wash over the audience: “You can take my body, you can take my bones, you can take my blood, but not my soul.” Giddens noted that the song was inspired by learning about the common and normalized practice of tearing young children away from their families at the slave markets and selling them separately. Her work and influence for racial justice in not only the bluegrass and folk music genre, but has taken hold of the U.S. as a whole.

At her core, Giddens is a performer. She ended what was already an incredible performance with an encore of “Cornbread and Butterbeans,” a fast paced, nostalgic, and crowd-pleasing song by the Carolina Chocolate Drops. As Giddens, Robinson, and Dos-

Giddens presented with honorary Davidson degree before concert.. Photo by Davidson sett took their final bows, the audience in the sold-out Duke Family Performance Hall rose in a standing ovation.

Neve Rauscher ‘26 (she/her) is an undecided major from Salt Lake City, Utah. Neve can be reached for comment at nerauscher@ davidson.edu.

Student Artist Profile: Pice asks “What’s Good??”

VINCENT SCAUZZO ‘24 (HE/HIM) STAFF WRITER

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n 2016, Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize in Literature. His poetic song lyrics filled the souls of Americans and find themselves intertwined in the fabric of our colorful culture today. His records became household staples, many of them reaching “Platinum” status. He is the only musician to ever achieve this combination of awards. Patrick Kielb, a Junior at Davidson, told me he’s going to be the next person to win a Nobel Prize—this time for physics—and a Platinum Plaque. I think he’s got a pretty good shot.

At one point during our conversation, deep in the analysis of his production methods and composition process, he noticed a spider, no bigger than a pencil eraser, crawling up his cargo pants. He jumped up from the bench and started swatting down on his legs,trying to brush himself free of what must’ve surely been some quarter inch-long, eight-legged form of the devil.

It is with this same vim that Patrick—you should really call him “Pice”—pursues his passions in music composition and physics.

When he’s not toiling away deep in the bowels of Dana, he’s writing music, rap lyrics and accompanying beats to be specific. In his homemade, $500 studio at his friend’s apartment off campus, Pice produces the night away, letting his creativity fly and his technical skills multiply.

Music entered Pice’s life in the fourth grade when he joined the school band. However, it wasn’t until he arrived at Davidson that he began doing his own composing. What began as a nonsensical experiment on GarageBand

quickly turned into something more serious for Pice, who became curious about how far he could take this music career.

After graduating from GarageBand to Logic Pro, Pice started to write his own lyrics and mix them with his beats. The formulaic methods of beat production mimicked those processes in physics he was used to. However, writing lyrics was a whole new area of knowledge. “Writing a new song,” he tells me, “is like turning on a fan in a stale room.” If an effortless simile like that is anything to go by,

Screenshot from Pice’s music video. Photo

by Patrick Kielb. he’s sure to produce some profound poetry in his lifetime.

Over the summer of 2021, Pice took his music to the next level when he purchased a bare-bones basic setup and started pouring over tutorials. He tried to explain this procedure to me, bless his heart, but my menial brain did not have capacity to comprehend the complex process of turning imaginary sound into a digital track. Typically, professionals go to school to learn how to use all this equipment and software properly, but in true Pice fashion, our trailblazing virtuoso took on the beast solo.

On March 2, 2022, our good friend released his first song, “What’s Good??” For Pice, it was the answer to the questions his peers would ask him about his time writing and producing. The drive and love for his work comes through in the lyrics and melody. The piece makes a strong first impression; this artist means business. A couple months later, Pice released an EP, including s flagship piece, “Call Me Pice!!” This self-indulging, light-hearted song brings out the artist’s natural jubilant, enthusiastic disposition through the up-beat music and lyrics about the life of dreams. Best of all, there’s no explicit content, so you can show it to your mother when you tell her you go to college with an aspiring professional rapper.

With one EP out, Pice, in an effort to produce records more quickly, started to look for beat producers instead of making his own.

Not only would this allow him to put more time into lyric writing, which he believes to be more personal and creative, and he could also turn his attention to another new media: video.

He recorded his first project, a lively version of “Call Me Pice!!” last summer in Chicago with his friend Kris Athey as director.

The video set out, he told me, to simply make him look cool, a goal most of us would share if we had the opportunity to put our face on the internet accompanied by a personal theme song. Complete with a Mercedes convertible and the glitzy Chicago riviera, this video’s motifs of uber-luxury, flash, and unapologetic rags-to-riches fame match those of most rappers from the top 40 chart.

For the second video, made for his song “Unstoppable,” Pice and his director, Branner D’Amato, wanted to include all the different

Screenshot from Pice’s music video. Photo

by Patrick Kielb people and places they encountered on their trip. You’ll see local Athenians dancing along with Pice on the sidewalks and behind counters at souvlaki restaurants. They even managed to film on top of the Acropolis. I imagine Athena was confused by this new form of worship, although she would likely approve of the duo’s courage to film on such a precarious location.

For Pice, the sky is the limit. Since our conversation, he has dropped two new songs and a music video, and he expects to continue to release material with regularity in the future.

If we examine the rate at which he has developed his craft in the last couple of years, then we can hold nothing but excitement for Pice and the creative, unique music he will make in the future.

Vincent Scauzzo ‘24 (he/him) is a Classical Languages major and Applied Physics minor.

He can be reached for comment at viscauzzo@davidson.edu Be sure to check out Pice’s new music on Spotify and SoundCloud, and his videos on his YouTube Channel.

Living Davidson

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Crossword FORENSIC ADVICE Crosswords by Victor Fleming ‘73

Across

1. Do a Vail trail 4. Underneath 9. Seoul soldiers 13. 2,000 pounds 14. Champagne-and-orange juice cocktail 15. Volcano near Italy’s toe 16. Roth ___ (nest egg option) 17. Long times 18. Palm reader, maybe 19. Start of a quotation by a writer named 12-Down/58-Across 21. Alfalfa’s love in “The Little Rascals” 22. Doctor Zhivago’s love in “Dr Zhivago” 23. Part 2 of the quotation 27. Fifth word of the Gettysburg Address 29. Leaves out 30. O’Brien of late-night TV 32.Verona white wine 33. Asian sauce source 36. Pop fly’s path 37. Part 3 of the quotation 39. “... ___ he drove out of sight” 40. Buzzer in a hive 41. Urban vehicles 42. Peter and Paul, but not Mary 44. “___ to you, Mrs. Robinson” (Simon and Garfunkel song lyric) 45. Diplomat’s workplace (abbr.)

46. Part 4 of the quotation 51. Triple-decker cookie 54. Move like a helicopter 55. End of the quotation 57. City in Oklahoma 58. E.J. who won the 1953 Pulitzer for a story that freed a man wrongly convicted of murder 61. Period of history 62. Auberjonois of “Boston Legal” or Russo of “Tin Cup” 63. Think creatively 64. ___-zag 65. Kept a watch on 66. Considers 67. Davidson-to-Albemarle dir.

Down

1. Not moving 2. County of 9-Across 3. Dazed, as through hypnosis 4. Two-legged rifle mount 5. Engage in histrionics 6. Rapper Tone ___ 7. ___Kosh B’Gosh 8. “What ___ I saying?”

9. Cuts again, as logs 10. Cheri formerly of “SNL” 11. Prepared to propose, maybe 12. Associate Dean of Students Buchanan 14. “All the President’s ___” 20. Sweeping story 21. Peace policy 24. Unmannerly 25. Bring together 26. Pioneering DVR 28. Out of control 30. Urban vehicle 31. Unrefined metal 32. Makes more exciting, with “up” 33. Refreshingly named vodka cocktail 34. Associate Dean of Admission & Financial Aid Patrick 35. What a nod may mean 38. Divide with a comb 43. Polluted air 44. Listened 46. “This is ___ I came in” 47. Sue Bee product 48. Like sheep 49. Letter-shaped structural piece 50. Separates into piles 52. “To ___ human ...”

53. Orange variety 56. “___ Como Va” (1971 Santana hit) 58. ___-term exams 59. “___ on a Grecian Urn” 60. Little piggy’s cry

PARENT TRAP 2 KEY & , 7 ( 6 3 8 0 $ $ 0 ( 1 $ 1 $ 7 + $ 9 ( $ 5 $ & ( $ % ( 7 0 2 7 + ( 5 / 2 ' ( $ / 6 , 1 7 2 1 ( 2 ) , ' $ ) $ 5 1 2 / 2 1 ( * ( 9 $ / 2 & . 8 3 5 $ 5 ( 5 $ 5 5 ( 6 7 6 7 $ . 2 5 ( $ 1 2 0 $ 6 * / $ 6 6 7 5 $ 0 3 6 + $ 0 0 ( 5 8 6 1 6 $ 7 6 0 < 1 $ 1 2 * 6 ( 5 $ 5 8 % 5 , & 7 ( $ 0 2 0 0 < 7 5 $ & .

9 $ 0 3 $ 5 ( $ 5 ( 7 , ( $ 6 , $ 3 ( 1 7 $ ' ( $ ' ' ( $ 5

THE EGG: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET PHIL GREENWOOD (HE/HIM) ‘26

WITH DAVID SOWINSKI (HE/THEY) ‘25 & ANAYA PATEL (ANY PRONOUNS) ‘25 Since the North Carolina legislative season began in January, we have entered a period of uncertainty regarding LGBTQ+ rights in our community. According to the American Civil Liberties Union, there is a record of 426 anti-LGBTQ+ bills in the U.S., including 2 in North Carolina.

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f passed, North Carolina’s House Bill 43 would criminalize gender affirming surgery, making it unlawful for medical professionals to “facilitate the minor’s desire to present or appear in a manner that is inconsistent with the minor’s sex.” This includes hormone replacement therapy, mastectomies, and sterilization — vital healthcare services. HB 43 is currently sitting in the House but has yet to be passed.

Senate Bill 49, North Carolina’s version of “Don’t Say Gay or Trans” legislation, would ban discussion of gender identity or sexual orientation for students in grades K-4. Additionally, SB49 requires schools to alert parents if their child changes their name or pronouns, essentially outing students regardless of their wishes. While North Carolina Republicans argue that SB 49 is less about the

LGBTQ+ community and more regarding parental rights, the bill effectively prevents the history and affirmation of queer and trans folks to be passed down. On February 7th, SB49 passed the Senate with a 29-18 vote and is currently sitting in the House after it passed its first reading.

North Carolina is not alone in the crusade against LGBTQ+ identities. Use of desired pronouns is under attack in Kentucky’s Senate Bill 150; Texas’ House Bill 122 criminalizes gender affirming healthcare; and gender identity inconsistent with sex is labeled a disorder in South Carolina’s Senate Bill 274, which encourages mental health treatment over gender affirming care.

In the face of legislative attacks, it is important to voice opposition to state lawmakers and advocate education on LGBTQ+ issues. Support for these bills stems from hate and ignorance, so efforts to dispel notions of ‘gender identity disorder’ and protect the identities of young queer and trans people are essential. Find our North Carolina legislators’ information at NCLeg.gov.

N

o two coffee mugs are alike at The Egg. Some are adorned with the names and slogans of local businesses, some rep Davidson athletics, and others are a simple pastel color decorated with some kind of joke about the importance of coffee in adult life. The Egg is an honest establishment, what you see is precisely what you get. It is your classic, two-eggs, any style, local, friendly neighborhood dinner, through and through. The Pancakes are significant, the coffee is hot and bottomless, and experienced waitresses know customers’ names, orders, and favorite mugs. I have eaten at The Egg on five different occasions, I’ve waited to be seated every time I’ve gone, and it is so worth it. I have never dropped more than

13 bucks on my breakfast, which usually includes two eggs over medium, crispy bacon, sourdough toast, and some of the best home fries I’ve had. I’d also highly recommend the chocolate chip short stack, which my childish friend, Jack Seale usually opts for. I intend to keep walking over to The Egg pretty regularly for these next six and a half semesters at Davidson, and I have a feeling it’s the kind of place I’ll miss once I’m gone, but I bet it’ll be around for a while. That’s about it for this one gang, I wanted to keep this review in the same spirit as the restaurant it is about, honest, casual, and wholesome…like an egg. There’s no place more deserving of this critic’s first-ever 10/10.

The

Yowl

Irreverent student journalism since 2004. Castigat Ridendo Mores. yowl.com/yowlgetspolitical

inside

Breaking News: Marriage Pact Paired Your Boyfriend With His Ex Page 99% Match

March 22, 2023

Obituary for Everyone Who’s Been Cancelled on Campus Page Too Long to Put in One Newspaper

Mild Weather Inconvenience Torpedoes Davidson Social Scene Page Light Drizzle

Things that are Seen as Normal on Davidson’s Campus but Would be Seen Strange Anywhere •

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The number of times Valerie by Amy Winehouse is played, referenced, or covered by a student band, radio show, or an acapella group A coffee shop with a 92 sanitation rating and sub-par quality of food and coffee getting incredible amounts of business Instead of customers harassing the baristas at a coffee house, baristas with god complexes far above what they should be borderline harassing the customers Students holding significant protest againt the school, trying to save such coffee shop The amount of women who have not worn a bra since 2017.

One athlete defining the sports scene, the basketball team, and the school as a whole Bells that ring at 11:14, 4:19, 3:04 PM The mugs in commons that hold about seven (7) tablespoons of liquid The ratio of queer relationships to straight The average age of the knitting/ crocheting club being twenty (20) A large booger-looking statue Sacrificing all work to play a radio show for zero (0) people, save for one bot in Great Britain $400 for the price of $375. The Wildcat Special! (Does not include non-food items) The local CVS making most of their pharmacy profits off of inhalers and steroids for lung issues (see: allergies, bronchitis, smoking before each class) Elaborate party invites coming into your

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Graduation Gift Giving Guide

ith seven weeks until graduation (cue existential crisis for all the old folks reading this), it’s time to start planning what you’re going to get that special senior, as if college debt, burnout, and a random sheet of paper isn’t enough already. We’ve cooked up a list of ideas to help get the perfect gift, all you have to do is choose the category that best fits your role.

The Doting Parent: A photo of yourself.

Pull at your graduate’s heartstrings by gifting them a framed photo of yourself from your (much) younger days. This gift makes a wonderful keepsake and is also reminiscent of the constant surveillance culture present in the world. Whenever they glance back at the photo of you, they will be reminded of your love—and the fact that you are in everything they do and that any disgrace brought on themselves is also disgrace to you and the whole family. Plus, you get to remember how hot you were.

Your Professor/Adviser: Give your favorite professor something they will really cherish. They love when their students go off and do great things, so how about a framed email of your job acceptance to some Charlotte office that does something business-ey. They’ll love the picture, and once you give it to them, you can ask them to write your obituary because nothing will change in your life till death.

The

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school sanction Outlook account First-year writing 101 essays posted as “light reading” in bathroom stalls Work studys. Why is it normalized to get to a two hour shift late, only to sit there and pretend to do your own homework for 2 hours?

The average frequency of seeing your past hookups being at least one interaction per day per hookup The idea of a weekend of fun being hanging out in the courtyard of a dilapidated apartment building All your classmates with knowing every single person you’ve ever kissed Constantly passing Greek people smoking cigarettes on your way to class first thing in the morning Computer algorithm making all important choices for you (college courses, social clubs you are admitted into, where you live) Your friends insisting on a running “quote book” of taking everything you say out of context An A10 men’s basketball team having more managers than players Over half the campus being down horrendous enough to promise to marry a stranger The games club having a budget larger than the average American income Frats fighting through anonymous online posts The top security threat for campus police being middle schoolers on bikes

Yowl

WRITERS Cooking This Is Real Never Again Chec Editing Team Clear Puzzle IDK

Your Significant Other: Uh…get them something that really shows off how you feel about them. You’re in two camps, “we’re going to love each other forever and forever, I hear wedding bells” camp. Or “how the fuck do I end this shit before beach week” camp.” Both of these camps end in heartbreak, so you might as well give them something they can destroy like a vase, or perhaps a flimsy picture of yourself.

The We Recognize Each Other’s Faces But Still Only Make Small Talk Friend. DIY a piece of art for the graduate. Nothing says congratulations from the bottom of your heart like yet another piece of paper unable to adequately capture the blood, sweat, tears, and tuition needed in order to graduate from college. This gift comes straight from the heart, like the awkward face you make when you see each other in the hallway, but also keeps them at a distance, just like your relationship.

Your Friends: Just give them a gift from the heart that says what you really believe, and what you appreciate about them. Personally I’d write “thanks for gossiping about me less than other people.” Even writing those words brings a tear to my eye. Now that’s a Davidson friend.

It’s ok you’ll eventually forget about giving people gifts cause you drank too much.

The Risky Business Issue

How Many Turkey Earthquake Infographics Do I Need to Repost to Still Appear a Decent Person When I Post my Spring Break Slideshow Page “Activist”

Joe Biden’s Granddaughter Does Keg Stand at Davidson Party Page Putting the Party in Democratic Party

Social Interactions: A “Teen Magazine” Style Quiz

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ark! You are kind of an adult now and must interact with the outside world with ease and likeability...shit. Not to fret! This quiz on social interactions is sure to help you more objectively understand how and why you feel the way you feel toward social situations: Situation 1: An ‘F’ Party (gross) Option A: Go to the one bathroom for 10 minutes. Create a very long line of drunk girls waiting to pee with the fear of getting an STD from sitting on a frat toilet seat. Leave as soon as you re-enter the dance floor and feel pride over your 10 minutes spent in hell.

Option B: Go up to the hottest guy dancing (so probably an average guy with a shaggy hair cut) and try to seduce him solely with your eyes and hips but look absolutely ridiculous and have people post on yik yak about how bad you look when dancing.

Option C: Go to different apartments because “this one seems more lit,” and find that they all are the same.

Situation 2: A Meet and Greet (Academic or otherwise) Option A: Hyper-focus on one person that will listen to you talk about every single detail of your very niche thesis paper!

Option B: Sit next to the Professor and laugh as he passive aggressively talks to the kid he obviously dislikes.

Option C: Try to find someone else that looks nervous or is standing alone. Strike up a conversation with them about something you already know you have in common. Say something like “hate these types of events ha ha,” and then they’ll say “where is the bathroom.”

Situation 3: A Date!!!! (<3) Option A: Come up with an excuse not to go (A Davidson favorite: “I have too much homework.”) and then ghost them ‘til the Second Coming (definitely won’t be you).

Option B: Use everything you learned in How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Make sure you say their name at the end of every single sentence and only let them talk about themselves, never speak about yourself at all. Also make sure to smile the entire time.

Option C: Go to nummit, and get your date live tweeted by every single person in the room. If you want to lock them down, just go to nummit, then everyone knows.

If you answered mostly A’s, congrats you go to Davidson. We all suck. If you answered mostly Bs, congrats you go to Davidson. We’re all socially awkward. If you answered all Cs, congrats you go to Davidson. You’re reading a Davidson newspaper.

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An Open Apology to My Professor

am sorry. I truly am. Well, actually, I just feel kind of bad. Not once have I been on time to your 9:40 class this semester, and I apologize. Every day when that door makes the loud clicking sound as I open it at 9:43 while you are doing your pre lecture chit chat I can see the disappointment and annoyance in your eyes. I mean, if you didn’t shut the door at 9:40 I could just walk in without making much noise, but you’ve kind of done this one to yourself. However, the awkward silence as I walk to my seat makes me feel bad every time.

Why am I always late? Why can’t I just make it 3 minutes earlier? I don’t have an explanation. I simply just can’t. I tell myself every day I want to be on time, but then when I wake up, I do not have the strength to get myself out of bed. The just-woken-up version of me has no free will, no bodily autonomy. I cannot get out of bed until there is simply 7 minutes until class starts. Maybe it’s my lack of sleep. And I will admit, yes, I could try to go to bed earlier. I’m not even going to pretend that I am doing homework that

ACROSS 1. Same Assholes Everywhere 2. _____ to open door 3. Base Libs vibes 4. Goddess of Victory 5. That bull has no balls!

late. I’m probably watching porn gifs on Twitter or stalking my ex’s Instagram until 2 am.

I could sleep in and skip your class.

But I make myself get up and go, even though I always consider turning around when the clock hits 9:40 and I’m still passing the freshman dorms. But I push forward, and I force myself to go to your class, knowing I’m going to be that annoying late person. Sometimes I do actually get up before 9:30 am, but then I feel like I have so much time that I end up being late as well. I just can’t win. And I know that I’m an adult and I should be able to wake up in time for classes because how will I ever keep a job if I can’t be on time to a 9:40 class? Well, actually, I don’t think I’m going to get a job because I am graduating with a liberal arts degree where I couldn’t get a good GPA despite participation being 25% of all my grades.

I would also like to apologize to the professor of my 8:15 am class, but I’ve never met her because I’ve never actually woken up before the class ended.

DOWN 1. The brothers prefer Sig Ep 2. He isn’t, they _____ 3. A misty campus in the early morn…

4. Jokes on you!

5. One who sees a little further

Note: The Yowl is a satirical supplement to The Davidsonian.

Hence, nothing in it should be taken as truth.