LIVINGSTON MEMORIAL VISITING NURSE ASSOCIATION
VISITORS
“home is where the heart is” SUMMER 2018
lmvna.org • (805) 642-0239
GRIEF IS COMPLICATED, BUT IT’S WORSE FOR TEENS In any school classroom, at this moment, there is likely one or more students in the midst of grieving. The death may be from illness, accident, violence or even suicide. Just when they should be enjoying a first date or getting a driver’s permit, they’re experiencing devastating loss. One of our students was willing to share her story: Two years ago, Sarah's focus was on school, friends and softball. A good student and athlete, she looked forward to high school. All that changed in an instant on New Year’s Eve in 2016. Her father had difficulty walking and didn’t feel well. The doctors, unable to find a cause, wrote off his symptoms as a virus. Unfortunately, the symptoms persisted and he was finally diagnosed with a rare form of Multiple Sclerosis. Her mother’s focus turned to her father’s care at the hospital and Sarah was left in charge of her younger siblings. Her father’s symptoms advanced quickly and he was moved to a hospital in Los Angeles. Sarah’s responsibility for her siblings increased. School, sports and social activities were pushed aside. At just 15 years old, she didn’t have any time to think of herself.
SHOCK, GRIEF AND INCOMPREHENSIBLE LOSS
Three exhausting months later, on March 27th, her father was declared brain dead. She and her mother had to make the heartbreaking decision to end life support. Sarah says she’ll never forget what it felt like to watch her father die. She never wants anyone to experience that. Ever. After his passing, Sarah continued to worry about her siblings. She wasn’t able to feel her grief. She was certain she didn’t want pity or things handed to her. Her emotions spiraled into depression and anxiety. She made bad relationship choices. Finally, her health suffered and she was misdiagnosed with Leukemia. Shortly before starting treatment, she was re-diagnosed with a simple virus, not Leukemia. Sarah said she had to grow up fast and be more mature. She had to miss a lot of the experiences her classmates were able to enjoy. She regrets that her dad didn’t get a chance to see her make the Varsity softball team her Freshman year. Through her grief group experiences over the last 2 ½ years, she’s learned to “let people be there” for her. She’s able to “put her emotions out there” and make better relationship choices. Her family is healing. Her mother remarried and they recently welcomed a new baby brother to their family.
HELP THEM OPEN UP
As any parent knows, getting a teen to open up about anything is just about impossible. Getting them to talk about grief is doubly difficult. Teens often hide their true feelings; acting as though nothing has happened. They just don’t have the words to explain the emotions—and the heartache—they feel. TEEN GRIEF continues on page 4