Hopefully we have all the spooky stuff out of the way for the rest of the year, now that Halloween is over, and we head into November. There are some noteworthy things going on this month, such as November 2nd and the end of Daylight Savings Time. We get to gain an extra hour of sleep, earlier sunrises, and earlier sunsets, but I have never understood why we do it anyway. The older I get, the more it pisses with my life rhythms, so I’m not a fan. Maybe most of Arizona and Hawaii have it right and choose to do not do it. Anyway, I am not going to get it changed, so just providing a reminder to all to “Fall Back” on November 2nd.
meaning of Veterans Day is to honor and thank all those who have served in the U.S. Armed Forces, living and deceased, for their patriotism, courage, and willingness to serve the country. Originating from Armistice Day to mark the end of World War I, the holiday was expanded in 1954 to recognize the sacrifices and service of all who have worn a military uniform, not just those who died in combat. Many people that we know and love have signed on the dotted line to fight for our freedom, and for that, we are truly thankful. Support our Veterans not only on Veteran’s Day, but every day.
Another noteworthy day in November is Tuesday the 4th. That is election day. Now it is an “off” year for elections, meaning nothing large scale federally, but this is where the local elections take the spotlight. This is where the local power can be changed or affirmed, and your voice DOES matter in small town Iowa, up to the largest cities. Many local and regional elections and items of interest can be swayed by just a few votes, so make your voice heard. On another related and unfunded note, Alyson DeMoss is a dear friend of mine and stands fast for motorcycle rights for ABATE of Iowa and the Iowa Motorcycle Dealers Association at our state Capital, is running for Pleasant Hill City Council. I know some friends there, so take the time to check her out and check her box on election day.
November 27th is Thanksgiving Day, the one day a year that we are told to be thankful for what we have, what we do, who we have in our corner and all of that. Not trying to minimize the gravity of the holiday, so yes, we are thankful for everyone on our list. We are thankful for our loyal advertisers in Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa; they keep us going year after year. We are thankful for our readers; they keep the advertisers happy by reading the magazine and make us happy by partaking in our world. So please, on Thanksgiving Day, be thankful for anything you can be thankful for, but also be thankful the other 364 days of the year. Do not make it one day, make it a yearlong goal to be thankful for something every single day.
The last and most important day to remember in the month of November is the 11th, Veteran’s Day. The true
mbeerr’’s Is Isssuue Co C v veer we h haave e Auro b
Sadly, as we roll into November, the days to ride are extremely limited, and the hours of those days we can ride in decent temperatures and conditions are even more limited. When you can, make it happen and make it safe. As we are looking into 2026, please get events to us for the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Events List. We try to keep the most comprehensive list around, but need your help. As you organize your events, or see events posted or slated, please email them to me at vernon@ thunderroadsiowa.com. We will need the date, the name of the event, and the starting location town. Please email them to me so they do not get lost. FB messages and texts are great, but it is easy to lose things on those platforms, so please utilize the email address to get stuff to me. Thanks in advance!
Vernon Schwarte vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Proud Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa
Proud Owner Thunder Guns and Thunder Guns West IMDA Board Member COC Liaison
Quote of the Month: “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” John Fitzgerald Kennedy
For this November’s Issue Cover, we have Aurora sitting upon Mark Fountain’s 1974 X-90. The “Shortster” as it is known as is a 90 CC two-stroke mini-motorcycle with a four-speed transmission, full suspension, and 10-inch wheels. Weighing in at 126 lbs, it is a sexy little beast, and Mark is the proud 2nd owner of the bike almost as old as he is! Sexier than the X-90 is Aurora modeling with Mark’s bike. She is a free-spirited artist that loves nature and being mother to her best friend. We thank both Aurora and Mark for making some great cover art for all of you to enjoy! More of Mark Fountain’s work can be found on his website https://www.fountainphoto.net/
I’ve had the fun of experimenting with some different rides lately – all of the 3-wheeled variety, which I had not done since our kids were teenagers and we would roar around our rural property on a couple of old dirt bikes and a Honda 200X 3-wheeler. So, while I wasn’t unfamiliar with the differences a 3-wheeled ride brings, it had been a year or twenty since I had actually done it. I rode our buddy Al’s Dyna that he had triked with a Frankenstein kit, Mark’s Road King with the sidecar on it, and my sis-in-law Lynn’s Tri-Glide. They were all a ton of fun, each with its own slightly different ride experience. For instance, the Dyna trike was very nimble and easy to maneuver, the side-rig was super stable and loved the curves, and the Tri-Glide was cushy on my aging bones.
One time Lynn and I had been out on the Tri-Glide without Mark, and when we returned, I got it all snugged into its spot in her garage, got my junk out of the cargo area, and started to walk away. “Wait!” she said, and reached over to grab something. “You have to plug this into the bike!” It was a trickle charger and I was the one who had unplugged it, but hadn’t really thought about plugging it back in because it was summer. I dutifully did as I was told, but since I’m the kind of person who needs to know “why,” I tucked my question away to ask Mark about later. I wasn’t sure if Lynn was right or not because we’ve never had to plug any of our bikes into the trickle charge unless it was winter.
That night, I caught Mark on the porch sipping his coffee and remembered my question. “Oh,” he said, “it’s because of all the security stuff running on the newer bikes. It will drain the battery on some of them faster than you are used to if they’re not ridden quite often. They really need to be plugged in every night.” Huh. Normally, at our house “What happens in the garage stays in the garage,” so I guess it was my time to learn something new! (Sorry, Lynn!) Apparently, the security system can suck more than its fair share of the juice, leaving the battery struggling to keep other important electrical components running. (Think you need a headlight? Not on the menu tonight. It’s not even going to start. But your bike is secure!)
Of course, that new bit of info got me thinking. The media is constantly talking about how vital social connection is for our mental health: connection to family; connection to friends, co-workers, and classmates; connection to the outdoors; connection to our community. But unless I go to “religious” media sites, I rarely hear talk about the importance of connection to God and how that connection is the one that puts all the rest in their proper order. Charlie Kirk of Turning Point USA was an exception to that norm. He went to college campuses and invited students to ask questions. Invited them to disagree with him, voice their doubts, and bring up the “why’s.” He typically answered them with facts, but in recent years, he also spent more time answering a bigger need than historical information. He began telling them how important it is to connect to Jesus Christ, because without that connection, there will never be enough juice to keep the other components of your life in good running condition. “God, family, and country, in that order,” Charlie said. Charlie may not have gotten
everything right – he was human, after all –but he hit the nail on the head with that one. Matthew 22, verses 37-39, report that Jesus put it this way: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
What do you do when you love someone? You spend time with them. You learn what they like or dislike in order to better please them. You make future plans with them and for them. You show them respect. But part of this love also depends on what role you hold in the relationship. If you are in the mentor role, you carefully lay out the difference between how we manage feelings versus how we manage facts. And if you are in the mentee role, you work at learning how to follow with an attitude of honor and trust.
Who are we told to love – to connect with - first? God. He is always the mentor in our relationship. Like the trickle charger, we need to be plugged in to him every day. And after that, we are able to truly love – to connect withothers. Get the connection order right and you’ll be running strong every day.
Blessings – Karla
Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories
Dirty Biker Design 61 W Washington Street Winterset, Iowa 50273 www.DirtyBikerDesign.com 515-444-9050
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@ thunderroadsiowa.com
not so USELESS RAMBLINGS not so USELESS RAMBLINGS
Eminent Domain
For the past few years, as I’ve rolled over many miles of this state, I have seen a lot of opposition to Eminent Domain. Whether it was fancy printed signs in yards or homemade painted signs along highways, to the 53foot semi-trailers painted with 4-foot-high letters parked along field fences. There seems to be quite a few people concerned with the topic. Myself, I hadn’t really given it much thought until this summer while I was out bouncing from county to county visiting the Freedom Rocks. I can’t say that I found evidence of the opposition in every county, but I did find it in a lot of them that would be affected by the proposed carbon capture pipeline.
Eminent domain, the government’s power to take private property for public use with just compensation, is a deeply controversial practice, especially when it is used to support projects like carbon capture pipelines in Iowa. For many landowners and citizens, the idea of being forced to give up their property to private companies or for projects with uncertain benefits raises serious ethical and practical concerns. Coupled with growing skepticism about the carbon capture industry’s legitimacy and effectiveness, the use of eminent domain in this context seems particularly troubling. The phrase “just compensation” makes me wonder who gets to define “just.” Is that fair market value, or some other arbitrary number made up by a bureaucratic bean counter?
and livelihood, losing land involuntarily is not just a financial loss but an emotional and cultural blow. Eminent domain in these cases can feel like government overreach rather than a legitimate public necessity.
Carbon capture technology is promoted as a way to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by capturing carbon dioxide from factories and storing it underground. While environmental protection is important, there is significant skepticism about whether carbon capture is a viable or effective industry.
Critics point out several concerns.
Unproven technology: Carbon capture and storage is still largely experimental and expensive. The longterm environmental benefits remain uncertain, and there are questions about whether the technology can scale up effectively.
Private Profit Motives: Many carbon capture projects are driven by private corporations seeking to profit from government incentives and subsidies rather than purely public environmental interests. This raises questions about whether the public truly benefits or if private companies are merely leveraging government power for private gain.
At its core, eminent domain involves a trade-off. The government can take private land if it benefits the public, but landowners must receive just compensation in return. Yet, what counts as “public benefit” is often stretched far beyond its original meaning. While roads, schools, and utilities are traditional public uses, new interpretations have allowed governments to seize land for private developments or infrastructure that mainly benefits private companies.
This broadening of eminent domain powers undermines property rights, which many see as fundamental to personal freedom and economic security. For Iowa landowners, whose property is often tied to family heritage
Environmental Risks: Pipelines carrying captured carbon dioxide pose risks of leaks or ruptures, which could have serious environmental and safety consequences. For rural landowners living near these pipelines, these risks are real and immediate, while the benefits are uncertain and diffuse.
When eminent domain is used to acquire land for carbon capture pipelines, it places an unfair burden on individual landowners. They may be forced to accept pipeline routes that disrupt their farms, reduce property values, and expose them to environmental risks. Even if compensation is offered, it often does not fully account for these personal and long-term impacts.
Moreover, many landowners feel pressured into agreements or face costly legal battles to defend their rights. Some legal battles have led to financial ruin where
the landowners had no choice but to eventually sell. This creates an imbalance of power between large corporations backed by government authority and individual property owners.
Given the doubts about carbon capture’s legitimacy and the serious issues with eminent domain, it is reasonable to call for a reevaluation of these practices. Instead of forcing landowners to give up their property, alternative approaches should be pursued:
Voluntary Agreements: Pipeline developers should negotiate fairly and transparently with landowners and respect the right to refuse access without resorting to eminent domain.
Thorough Environmental Review: Projects should undergo rigorous environmental and public health assessments to ensure risks are minimized and benefits are real.
Investment in Proven Solutions: Greater focus should be placed on renewable energy and energy efficiency technologies that do not require invasive infrastructure and that offer clearer environmental benefits.
The use of eminent domain in Iowa to facilitate carbon capture pipelines raises serious concerns about property rights, fairness, and environmental responsibility. For many, the power of eminent domain feels like an unjust government intrusion into private lives, especially when the projects in question are tied to an industry whose effectiveness and legitimacy remain uncertain.
Landowners deserve respect, fair treatment, and the right to protect their property from seizure for projects that do not clearly serve the public interest. At the same time, we must critically evaluate the carbon capture industry and ensure that environmental policies are grounded in sound science and genuine public benefit, not just corporate profit, or political agendas.
In a democratic society, protecting individuals from unwarranted government takings and demanding accountability from emerging industries is essential. Eminent domain should never be used lightly or as a shortcut to force through projects that raise more questions than answers.
Iowa is America’s heartland. Our rich farmland and the many farmers that work their lands are the very backbone of the state, not to mention a vital part of the solid footing of this great nation. If our family farms are destroyed by private corporate greed, where does that leave us?
I have a very high level of skepticism when it comes to these carbon capture pipelines and storage facilities. I’m not sure I believe that these are a necessary part of
our future. None of the science I have seen leads me to believe that we are at serious risk of catastrophic climate change. This, of course, makes me wonder why there is such a push for these pipelines and storage facilities. I mean, our country has never before been duped by political elites or corporate greed, right? This couldn’t possibly be just another way to route large sums of money around into their bank accounts, could it?
I’m not making any real allegations of corruption, just playing Devil’s Advocate here. Think about the possibility. These projects often involve massive capital investments, government subsidies, tax incentives and/or credits, and private funding. The complexity of financing and multiple stakeholders can create opportunities to obscure the sources and destinations of funds. These financial mechanisms could be exploited to funnel illicit money into legitimate-looking projects, allowing criminals to “clean” their funds under the guise of environmental investment.
These CCS projects can be technically complex and geographically dispersed. The effectiveness is challenging to verify precisely, especially over long periods. This ambiguity might allow operators to claim environmental benefits that don’t exist. If regulatory oversight is weak, it could be easier to hide fraudulent activities, including inflating costs, creating fake projects, or misreporting capture quantities and then using those claims to secure more funding or credits, which could then be channeled improperly.
Setting up multiple entities to manage different parts of CCS projects could facilitate layering, which is a step in money laundering where funds are moved through various accounts and companies to disguise the origins. Again, I’m not pointing fingers or making any claims of knowledge, just some thoughts that have rattled around in my head during the 10,000+ miles I’ve traveled in the wind so far this season. Some days I really wish the voices in my head would take a day off
- David McCoy - david@thunderroadsiowa.com - FaceBook.com/TRMIDave - FaceBook.com/TRMINSU
Aurora sports a sexy out fi t for the second to last month of 2025 with a 1996 HarleyDavidson Softail Springer owned by Joe Nielsen. The clean lines of the bike are enhanced by the curvy lines of Aurora who had a blast with Mark Fountain of Fountain Photography for a shoot for Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa. We thank all of them for taking the time to make our cover and calendar amazing this month. To check out more of Mark’s work, go to https://www.fountainphoto.net/.
Blue Moon Bar & Grill
908 Main St
Hamburg, IA 51640
(712) 382-0323
Mon - Sat: 11 am - 2 am
The wife and I were out for a weekend get-away, finishing up a Freedom Rock ride challenge and ended up in the far southwestern Iowa town of Hamburg. Seriously, this is the last town in the corner before you cross the imaginary lines they call borders. Hamburg may only have just a touch over 850 residents, but it’s hanging on to a pretty great place to grab a bite to eat.
After checking into the Hamburg Inn and unloading our gear, we ventured down the road a couple blocks for sustenance.
The Blue Moon Bar & Grill embodies smalltown Iowa. Outside it has a large deck with multiple tables for those that wish to enjoy outdoor seating while enjoying drinks or meals. Inside is the typical barroom neon signage mixed in with sports and NASCAR related memorabilia. They offer a large dining area with plenty of tables and booths, plus a long bar taking up half of one wall.
After a few minutes she returned with our beverages, but the options were plentiful so the only thing we had decided on was an order of the cheddar cheese curds to start. By the time the cheese curds hit the table, I had decided on the breaded chicken fritter with bacon and cheese with the Brew City fries. Heather opted for a good ol’ fashioned cheese burger and the Moon Fries.
The order of cheese curds had a nice crisp batter and just the proper amount of deep-fried goodness… just a little greasy, the way I like ‘em. The cheese was super melty and even squeaked a bit while chewing… and there were a lot of them. Our dinners arrived before we even had a chance to finish the curds, but that didn’t stop us from emptying that basket. Sorry about not getting a picture before we’d devoured most of them. They were so good!
Heather’s burger was perfectly cooked, just done enough to leave a very slight pink tinge in the middle, but still nice and juicy. Crispy Iceberg lettuce, melted cheese, all stacked on a toasted bun. The Moon Fries are their in-house, hand-cut, skin-on French fries. Those were lightly seasoned, slightly crisp on the outside, but all fluffy, potatoey goodness on the inside. My chicken fritter had perfectly crisp breading wrapped around a thick slab of breast meat. Thick cut bacon, melted cheese, and Iceberg lettuce stacked inside a toasted bun. The Brew City fries are thin cut and beer battered, before being deep fried into awesomeness!
We chose a booth in the corner past the end of the bar to rest our weary bones and were promptly greeted by the server. She presented us with menus, took our drink order, and informed us of the special for the evening - a 16 oz. ribeye dinner with all the fixins. While it sounded really good, neither of us thought we were that hungry, so she left us to peruse the menu choices.
s in M G s t s g
If you find yourself in southwest Iowa, make sure you stop into The Blue Moon Bar & Grill. You’re sure to love the friendly service and great food all in a super casual “Iowa Nice” setting. Make sure you tell them that Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent you.
Sitting in for the Schwarte’s this month, David McCoy.
If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@ thunderroadsiowa.com.
Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... “I’m sleeping with Alan’s wife. Can you hold him in bar for an hour for me?” The friend doesn’t like it but being a buddy, he agrees. Bob starts talking to Alan, asking him all sorts of questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally, Alan gets annoyed and asks him what he’s really up to. Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to the Alan... “My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.” Alan smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob’s shoulder and says... “You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago!”
A deaf couple got married and during the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can’t see each other using sign language). After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the Wife proposes a solution. “Honey.” She signs. “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have Sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don’t want to have Sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.” The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his Wife. “Great idea! Now if you want to have Sex with me, reach over and pull on my Penis one time. And if you don’t want to have Sex, reach over and pull on my Penis fifty times.”
I got chatting with a girl in a bar, “Can I buy you a drink?” I asked. “Have you not got a girlfriend?” she replied, “Guys like you always have girlfriends. “No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago,” I assured her. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, “Go on then, I’ll have a white wine please. A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love. While I was putting my clothes back on, she said, “So, you’re good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?” I said, “My wife found out.”
“Mary,” he whispered to his wife, “do me a favor—rub this fork on your panties before I give it to him. Let’s see if he’s really that good.” She gave him a suspicious look, then smirked and did it. The owner, grinning mischievously, brought the fork straight to the blind man’s table. “Good afternoon, sir! I remembered you this time—your fork is ready.” The blind man took the fork, held it up to his nose, breathed in deeply… then broke into a wide grin. “Well, well, well… I didn’t know Mary worked here.”
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: Marion... Marion...” “Is that you, Bob?” “Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.” “That’s wonderful! What’s it like?” “Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you’d be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to golf course again. Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.” “Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?” “No... I’m a rabbit in Arizona!”
A blind man walked into a cozy little restaurant and sat down at a corner table. The owner, who was also the waiter, handed him a menu. “Sir, I should tell you—I’m blind. I can’t read that. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I’ll smell it and decide what to order.”
The owner raised an eyebrow, puzzled, but decided to play along. He grabbed a greasy fork from the pile of dirty dishes and brought it over. The blind man held the fork to his nose, inhaled deeply, and smiled. “Ah, perfect. I’ll have the meatloaf with mashed potatoes.”
The owner nearly dropped his jaw. How in the world…? Still, he went to the kitchen, told his wife—the cook— what had happened, and shook his head in disbelief. The blind man enjoyed his meal and left. A few days later, he returned. Once again, the owner accidentally handed him a menu. “Sir, it’s me, the blind man. Remember? The fork trick.” “Oh, right! Forgive me.” The owner fetched another dirty fork from the pile. The blind man sniffed it, nodded, and said, “Mmm, macaroni and cheese with broccoli. I’ll take that.” The owner’s eyes widened. Unbelievable! This guy can’t be real. He hurried to the kitchen and told his wife, “I swear, he’s messing with me. Next time, I’ll put him to the test.” The following week, the blind man came back. The moment the owner spotted him walking in, he rushed to the kitchen.
A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking Continental” was the reply. “We got a great rate!” “Continental?” exclaimed the hairdresser. “ That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?” “We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Teste.” “Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.” “We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.” “That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.” A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. “It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of Continental’s brand-new planes, but it was Overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the Teste hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling, and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked,
so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!” “Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.” “Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.” “Oh, really! What’d he say?” He said: “Who fucked up your hair?
puzzled and concerned. “What happened? He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!” The Queensland father takes a long s-l-o-w swig from his XXXX Gold beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly says, “We had him circumcised!”
A Guy with a 25-inch Willy went to a doctor and said, “I can’t live with this Big Willy anymore! It’s too long.” The doctor replied, “I can’t do anything for you, but if you see the Witch Doctor, down in the Bayou, she can help you.” So, he went to the Bayou and saw the Witch Doctor. The Witch Doctor said, “Go into the Swamp and find a Female Frog. “Ask her to Marry You. She’ll say “NO”, and you’ll lose 5 inches off your member immediately”. So, he went to the Swamp and found the Female Frog and asked her, “Will you marry me???” “NO”, she said. And right enough, he lost 5 inches off his member. The guy liked the results, and thought, 20 inches is still just a little too much. So, he asked the Frog again, “Will You Marry Me??” The Frog said, “NO”. And the Guy lost another 5 inches. He thought, Good, 15 inches is great, but 10 inches would just be perfect. So, he asked her again, “Will You Marry Me??” And the Frog said, “How many times do I have to tell you. NO..! NO..! NO...!”
A woman had a dog which was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while they were away on holiday. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart: However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate. Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. Having explained the problem to him, the vet said. “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.” “Do you think that will work?” She asked with suspicion. “It just worked on me.” he replied.
A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call, he starts grinning from ear to ear, then when he disconnects, he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink. The barman starts serving the drinks and the people start to crowd around keen to know what they are celebrating. “Well,” he announces, “My wife’s just produced a typical Queensland baby boy weighing 25 pounds”. Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Queenslander just shrugs, “That’s about average in Queensland. Like I said, my boy is a typical Queensland boy.” Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of “STREWTH” and “BLOODY HELL!” were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Queenslander returns to the same bar. The barman says “You’re the father of that typical Queensland baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren’t you? Everybody’s been having bets about how big he’d be in 2 weeks; we were going to call you. So - how much does he weigh now?” The proud father answers: “17 pounds.” The bartender is
A hunter went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hunters. The game warden ordered to the hunter to show his hunting license, and the hunter pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia. This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentucky hunting license, boy?” The hunter reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee. You got a Tennessee license?” The hunter reached into his wallet and produced a Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck. “This duck’s from Virginia. You got a Virginia hunting license?” Again, the hunter reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hunter, “Just where are you from?” The hunter turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, “You tell me, you’re the expert!”
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts: Dr. Smith advised her. “Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, ‘Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.’” She did this faithfully for several months and it worked. She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said. “Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.”
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and said. “By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith’s?” “Why, yes I am. How did you know?” He leaned closer, winked and whispered......”Hickory dickory dock...”
“Alice Gets VD From Dirty Gurl”
(Twice. Then They Ride to Kansas City Together.)
Part One: Paying Your Dues
Now that I’ve got your attention, I’ll tell you that this is more a story about a group of The Beautiful People riding to the First Annual David Mann Chopperfest in Kansas City than it is about some crusty old man catching a dose of whatever’s going around.
To be clear, though, it is true that Ol’ LS caught a dose of the ‘Very Dirty’ from the Dirty Gurl, got that dose cleared up, then went right back in for another dose! Most Motersickelists will never know the joy of owning and riding a World-Class Rat Bike. This Rider has been blessed with TWO of them; one That I’ve been riding and working on for nearly forty years, the other inherited just a very few short years ago. “Blacky” The Rat Bastard has been a part of my world since I dragged him home in buckets and milk crates back in January, 1986. “Dirty Gurl” came to me when my Good Friend, ‘The Beaver’ unexpectedly passed away in October of 2021. Both of these machines look bad and run surprisingly well. And, just like any other motersickel, these Ratz require regular inspection and maintenance.
about a plan that included a ride from Fremont to Omaha, through Southeast Nebraska, Northeast Kansas, Kansas City, Kansas, and ultimately to the heart Kansas City, Missouri. The ride he was describing was to be on back roads as much as possible, with a minimum of Big City riding. It was also a ride with some of the “Beautiful People” I had first ridden with just a year ago. (See “Alice’s Ride” in TRMI November, 2024.)
I was interested. It was ON!
Shortly after returning from Davenport, Dirty Gurl began displaying the classic signs of needing a new battery. I called Joshua, my Battery Guy at Batteries Plus in Sioux City. He checked my records and indicated that I had purchased a new battery for that bike a little more than two years ago. I asked if he had ‘that’ battery in stock and he confirmed that, in fact, he did have a new one on the shelf. So, I rolled up my sleeves, got down on my knees and pulled the dying battery from the Old Indian. (Both my lifts had machines on them, patiently waiting their turn for my attention.) Knees aching, I got up from the floor with another obvious case of the Very Dirty.
When a Rider does his own inspection, maintenance, and repairs, he or she often needs to get ‘up close and personal’ with their machine. When performing these essential tasks, we are bound to get a little dirt/oil/grease/mud, etc. on our hands and clothes. But when performing these essential tasks on World Class Rat Bikes, a ‘little’ soon becomes a ‘lot.’
So, I caught the first dose back in early July when I replaced the rear tire. I had to have decent rubber on the bike, as we would be riding on the 15th Annual EFMC In-Town Fun Run on July 19th. Kory was coming to town on his beautiful ‘50-something Panhead Chopper, and we didn’t need any trouble with some old bald tire on Dirty Gurl.
While on the Fun Run in Sioux City, Kory and I tossed around the idea of riding to the First Annual David Man Chopperfest in Kansas City. We weighed the pros and cons of the idea, but soon put it on the back burner, as we were both busy making plans for the Chief Blackhawk Antique Motorcycle Club Show and Swap Meet in Davenport, Iowa. Davenport soon came and went, just as it does every year. Shortly after the Chief Black Hawk Meet, Kory was back onto the idea of riding old motersickels to Kansas City in mid-September. He told me
I stuffed the battery into a box, and off to Sioux City I went. Joshua took my money and my old battery and I was on my way! It didn’t take long for me to get the new battery installed, but I didn’t try to start the machine right away. Instead, I hooked up the Battery Tender on the new battery (a ‘Thing’ I always do with a new battery), then took advantage of the ‘cold’ motor to check and make very minor adjustments to the valve tappets. While I was at it, I went over the whole bike, checking everything before the Big Ride to Chopperfest. Loosening the tight things and tightening the loose things.
I did all this work on the Wednesday prior to the Thursday Ride to Fremont, the First Leg of the Big Ride to Kansas City. I was all finished with the ‘maintenance’ work and was anxious to take The Beast out for a shakedown ride that night. I was almost 9:30pm and the sky was lightly precipitating. Sweet Carol had come out to the garage to check in on me. She convinced me to come into the house,
clean my hide, and get some rest. I obliged her sensible request. As I was shutting down the garage for the night, I noticed the ‘red’ light on the Battery Tender, several hours after I had connected it.
Thursday morning came, and I was quite anxious to warm up the motor before taking it out and tuning the old Linkert carbonator. I pushed the bike out of the garage and did all the ‘pre-flight’ rituals for a ‘cold-start’ of the engine: open fuel valve on main gas tank, choke lever all the way to the bottom, slightly crack open the throttle, retard the spark just a bit from full advance, energize starter and ignition coil, then push down on the starter button. I was SO sure everything was ‘right’ that I had on my riding glasses, gloves, and helmet. Hell, I had even taken my Protein Pills!
When I pushed down on the starter button, it came apart and fell right down through the dash plate and onto the headlight. I was NOT amused!
Thank God there were no unwanted electrical ‘connections’ (aka ‘shorts’) in this most frustrating event of the new day.
If you want to ride Old Motersickels, you gots to be willing to pay your dues! So, Thursday was a day of dues-paying. Disconnect the battery. Disconnect ALL the wires to ammeter and all three switches, carefully marking where each wire needs to be, then try to remove the switches from this truly One-Of-A-Kind dash plate. Ignition Switch: No Problem. Headlight/Taillight Switch: No Problem. Starter Button Switch: BIG Problem! After a fair amount of struggling (and just the appropriate amount of swearing), I gave up that fight and removed the dash plate with the broken Starter Button and the 100-year-old John Deere ammeter still in their original positions.
And off to Sioux City I went, searching for a seemingly simple weather-resistant push-button Starter Switch for a Heavily-Modified 1937 Indian Chief. First stop: I-29 to Malloy Electric at the Dakota Dunes Exit on the South Dakota side of the Big Sioux River. After a fair amount of searching, they came up empty-handed. BUT, what they DID have was a suggestion that I should check out Ace Distributing in Sioux City. The nice man at the Malloy Electric Customer Service Counter asked me if I knew where Ace Distributing was in Sioux City. I said, “Yes, I do! It’s on Chambers Street, about two blocks from the EFMC Clubhouse.” His reply was, “You DO know!” We both smiled and it was off to Ace Distributing for me.
When I rolled up on the Ace Distributing parking lot, I had a very good feeling that I wouldn’t leave there without that switch. (I have used Ace as a reliable source for lawn mower and snowblower parts in the past. I only seemed logical that they would have a starter button switch for my 1937 Indian Chief.) I carefully unwrapped the dash plate from the large towel I had wrapped around it. As I am preparing to show the man behind the Parts Counter, he was all grabby and trying to get the dash plate out of my hand. I politely explained to him that he did NOT want to fumble my precious dash plate with its ancient John Deere ammeter. I refused to allow him the opportunity to drop that gem on their concrete floor. When he asked me what it was for, I told him, “A Heavily-Modified 1937 Indian Chief.” His immediate response was, “We don’t have anything like that here.” When I got him calmed down enough to listen to me explain that all I was looking for was the weather-resistant push-button Starter Switch, he took one look at it said, “OH!” Thirty seconds later, he came back to the counter with EXACTLY what I needed! Thirty-five dollars later, I was out the door and, on my way, back home.
It took about 45 minutes to put everything back together and of course the machine fired RIGHT up when I pushed that button! Dues paid! Engine warming up. After the tools were cleaned up and put away, it was time to take that Shakedown Ride. It was perfect. There was nothing to do now but pack the bike and head to Fremont…
Look for “Alice Gets V.D.” Part Two in next month’s TRMI Love and Respect to All, Alice (LS) Landshark
Never PUMP THE BRAKES
Yeah, that was a term when we didn’t have ABS, pump the brakes so you don’t lock up the wheels and cause you to skid. And pumping the brakes on a bike is a TERRIBLE idea all the way around. I think it’s 70/30, 70 front and 30 for the back, whatever. My brakes are tied together, the front and the back work in tandem, making it super safe and a ride that just glides. But enough about brakes, we are not going down the rabbit hole or a tutorial of braking mechanism in total, it’s just a figure of speech.
So, pumping the brakes in real life applications, like on a bike, bad, but it’s a line we use for good reason.
Right now, it’s time to pump the F’N brakes on 2025! Now, I am not a guy that looks back and reflects all that much, I don’t sit and ponder about “the good old days” even if they were just a few months back. I believe a Snoop Dog song line said it best, “Always hustle forward, never back.”
Progression.
Mostly because I don’t have time to sit back and worry about what is behind me and it doesn’t do me any good to get all the crap done that I need done, but it’s also just the most boring of all conversations you can have, the entire “remember when” and it’s a colored history of what is done, but not what is possible. I always, and I mean ALWAYS focus on what is right in front of me and very rarely dream about the good old days.
loved, watching the hype build in them leading towards the Halloween trick or treat fest, the costume planning, the candy route, they were always so conversational about it with me, even at a young age. They had a vision on what the “hayrack” should look like that they and their friends trick or treated in. The night for young kids is one of what, the top 5 days of the year? It sure was in our world and I was there for all of it. I loved pulling the trailer all decorated, packing a cooler, hooking up to the golf cart, and canvassing the hood for goodies. I taught them the process of taxes by taking 30 percent of all their good candy and informed them that this is how the government worked.
“But dad! We did all the work; you get 30% for doing nothing?!”
Yeah, that is how this crap works kiddos.
We are seemingly screaming at light speed towards the end of the year and by abstention, the holiday season and that makes me want to “pump the brakes” just a little bit. Not because I don’t like the holiday season, it’s the opposite for me, I love the holidays. Are they at times a pain in the ass, expensive at times and a ton of pressure to get everything done. But I still find the joy, the love, and the happiness out of them for sure. All across the Midwest of course it means the end of the riding season on average, which is dependent on the weather of course, but for the most part, bikes are parked, tenders are plugged in, and we lay there on a cold winter’s night wondering if our bikes miss us as much as we miss them.
Now, that doesn’t mean there are moments or timelines in my life that I don’t miss, that of course is the normal course of life, but they are sparse for sure. Seeing my kiddos in Halloween costumes always triggers a time I
They do.
It does not however remove my love of the holiday season and as you can likely already surmise, that season in our world kicks off with Halloween and ends sometime after the first of the year. It is just as simple as this concerning how I am feeling, knowing I can’t stop it, I cannot avoid it, and it’s going to be here soon.
I have had a ball this year! I really have enjoyed 2025 so far and it’s hard to believe it is coming to an end already. I have heard and read as you grow older times goes faster and if that is the case, I am at the age where time flies like it is in hyperdrive for sure. I am sure I was just planning a ride, a golf outing, a fishing trip, and day on the lake and now I am thinking, man it’s gonna be cold and crappy anyway we might as well get cold as hell and get some snow so I can play in all my reindeer games. And speaking of the coming winter, consider this.
I was having a random beverage with a feller I don’t know; he is from the Twin Cities and is in the agribusiness world dealing with weather and trying to deal with the world that it is. He has a team that tracks weather trends, as you can imagine, a financial importance and it carries impact one way or another. His weather team, back when I chatted with him this past September, has details that indicate a “normal” winter across much of the Upper Midwest. He also said it’s far from an exact science and if it was spot on, he’d be a lot wealthier than he is, and he said “shit can and will change, but based on what they are seeing so far with various factors, normal snow and cold this winter.”
I laughed and said if we have a normal winter, the populace will lose their collective minds since we haven’t had “normal” or above normal snowfall for over five years. Think about it, we have been getting 20 or so inches, even as low as 13 inches of snow over the winter and while some may think that is a great thing, it has really hurt us in the long run, snow is important in the Midwest, it protects the soil, the grasses and gives the place a blanket of protection not to mention the moisture we get when it all melts away and becomes glorious again. We need a normal winter, whatever that term as become to indicate. When roads are snow packed in the day it means pump the brakes for sure but most all vehicles have ABS like I mentioned, so there is that.
Those little kiddos I loved trick or treating with I now love hanging out with as adults, they are good humans, have great boyfriends, a solid group of friends that my ride or die has welcomed into our world and family and we love doing
cool stuff with them, even if I at times find a photo of them as little ankle biters all dressed for whatever the holiday was at the time. This holiday season we will celebrate one graduating from college, the other “child” will graduate in the spring of 2026, not sure how that is even possible but there are no brakes around that will slow that down, nor would I want to get in the way of that happening. It’s amazing to see the path they are on and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Bring on the holiday season for sure. The time will come and it will be the last ride of 2025 for me and I am always sad to see it end, yet happy that I was able to ride to the amount of miles I did. I don’t long for what could have been.
Except.
If my kiddos wanted daddy to fire up the hayrack for one more “tour” of the neighborhood, I would drop everything and make that happen.
Only now there would be boyfriends and coolers with beverages and I am good with that as well.
Until Next Month.
Enjoy The Journey.
Todd “Crash” Davis
Erin Myers whom we have known for at least a millennium, or two, mentioned to me on one of our trips up to the great white north, that we should check out the Litas. There was a gal running around the swap meet that she said I should meet and that she would have her hook up with me to get me some details. At that swap meet, I never ended up being approached by a “Lita”, but figured the time would be right sometime in the future. I spent some time pondering on the way home about the matter, and then it sort of drifted into never-never land, sort of like my eat right and get exercise plans. What the hell is a Lita? Where are the Litas? Are Litas carnivore, herbivore, quadruped, bipod, or what exactly? What does a Lita do? Well, I had those questions pop through my mind and readily went away. A while down the road, another longtime friend Melita Clemons reached out to me to chat on some things and she mentioned that she was as well a Lita like Erin, and since I had run across a few of these gals that were self-proclaimed “Litas” and figured I would do some digging. Melita put me in contact with Laurie Cook, and then we were off to the races.
LITAS
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A gal named Jessica started the Litas in Salt Lake City in 2015. The name I was told translates to women empowerment, and that is the gist of the group. The Litas mission is to inspire and empower women through community and our shared love of motorcycles; to live a life they love full of freedom and adventure. To show women they can do whatever they set their mind to and show up in the world however they desire. Empowering other women through the sport of motorcycling is a huge deal to the group and it does not matter if they are on the front or the back seat of the motorcycle. Since the group’s inception 11 years ago, there are now Litas in thirty-six countries around the globe, in 344 cities, and they encompass over 29,000 riders.
Laurie Cook hails from the Iowa Twin cities area, and started a group of Litas in Clear Lake in 2024 with their Kick Off Ride. Laurie started riding about 4 years ago and was looking for other women riders and found the Litas out of Utah and in about every state in the union. Laurie was originally a member of the Des Moines collective, and then she started nding other women riders locally and gathering them together and met the requirement of having about twenty riders to form a new collective, and they to the races for a Clear Lake group. Now there are about seventy some members in their group, and supported and supporting other groups in Ames, Des Moines, and Spencer.
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Not everyone shows up for everything, and it is not an MC, but a collective of motorcycle loving women. These gals do what they can for the group and go when they can on rides and fundraising efforts. Some of their rides are co-ed and allow significant others to join in on the fun too! One of Laurie’s big deals is to help keep the sport of motorcycling alive by expanding the riding base, including teaching both her sons as well as other women riders how to ride motorcycles.
As we seem to have an aging motorcycle population that is sadly declining in numbers, anything and anyone that can join in on the fun of riding and help promote the sport is a great addition in my book. If you see any of them out and about, shake a hand, introduce yourself, and enjoy some time on the road! If you want to learn more about the group, go to https://thelitas.co/ and dig around, or send a message via the contact page and they can direct you to who may be in your area.
