This seems to be the time of year that I don’t know if I am coming or going. Trying to balance home stuff, magazine stuff, gun shop stuff, keeping up on shooting skills, hanging out with friends when we can, and even have some time to get out and ride as much as I want. In all reality, the last part of that always seems to be a goal that is un-attainable, but I can at least try. Top that with some motorcycle projects, home projects, helping others with their stuff, there is zero chance of ever having enough time in a day to get everything done. I was recently sitting in my garage chatting it up before a meeting with two of the famed Gilmore brothers, Chopper and Slider. During this discussion, Slider commented about being overly busy and about the minute number of available days he has available the remainder of the riding season. He commented that he needs three more of himself just to get things done, so that he could go ride. Chopper and I joked with him that it would not matter how many of them there were, all four of them would just go ride and still not get everything done. It brought out a great big laugh by all of us, but also sort of struck a nerve with me. Many people, me included, get so busy doing the day-to-day stuff that we forget to do the things we want, with the people we want to do things with. Keep busy, get shit done, but take time this summer to do some stuff that you want. I am sure as hell going to try to take my own advice.
and fun at the same time, so I sure as shit plan on joining in on that. The Freedom Rally in Algona the following weekend is also a definite on the list, and a great way to celebrate freedom. Then back to Avoca on the 5th of July for the 18th Annual Freeman Ride. The weekend of the 11-13th, I am going to try like hell to get away to Elkport for the 12th Annual 39-3 Combat Vets Ride going on that Friday and Saturday, then down to Metro in Cedar Rapids on Sunday the 13th for the Rumble to Recovery Ride. If you have never been, I would highly recommend this at least once. Parking next to the UIHC Children’s hospital and waving to the kids and seeing their excited faces waving back is an amazing experience. There are others that I am going to try to hit, and like I said, get out as much as I can while the weather is good.
Some of the events that I am going to be going to in the next few weeks are Road Rage Bike Works Fun Run out of Avoca on June 28th. Tyler and crew are in the same busy as shit boat as many of us, and they just wanted to have a fun day riding. I get the benefit of being able to ride for work
On the Cover the
Pete Leehey and Jon “Ginger” Jansen are THE Biker Lawyers with an award-winning crew. The dynamic duo is located right here in Iowa and can assist with your legal needs and experienced legal advice.They are not afraid to hop on a call, or hop on their bikes and ride to you to stand up for you when you need them. You can reach them at www.thebikerlawyers.com or 319-294-4424
You can always find the most up to date Thunder Roads Magazine Event List and Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Bike/Supper Ride List in the back few pages of the magazine and posted on Facebook on the first day of the week. We are always trying to find more events going on across the state, so if you see that something is not on our list, email it to vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com. We need the date of the event, the name of the event, and the starting location town at a minimum. For the bike night list, we need the name of the place and the day of the recurring event. We appreciate the help on this, so that we can keep the most comprehensive list possible. Hope to see you out on the road.
Vernon Schwarte
vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Proud Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa
Owner Thunder Guns and Thunder Guns West
IMDA Board Member
MRF Iowa Assistant State Rep
COC Liaison
NCOIR State of Iowa Representative
Quote of the Month: “Let July be July. Let August be August. And let yourself just be even in the uncertainty. You don’t have to fix everything. You don’t have to solve everything. And you can still find peace and grow in the wild of changing things.” — Morgan Harper Nichols
We’re coming up on Independence Day once again and I thought it might be a good time to look at what we’re actually celebrating. If you recall, back in the day, our forefathers here in the American Colonies were tired of having taxes levied on them by people who lived far away and didn’t care about the Colonists’ welfare. (I know that sounds like Washington DC, but in THIS story, it’s the British Empire.) The people in the British government were mainly interested in what they could squeeze out of the Colonies’ seemingly endless supply of natural resources - and their taxation victims. Since this was prior to Big Industry, the Colonists were mostly a bunch of hardworking, self-employed farmers, lawyers, cobblers, teachers, metal workers, shipbuilders, trappers, tailors, innkeepers, blacksmiths, surveyors, wheelwrights, bakers, hostlers, and maybe a few hooligans. (Today, we would call this last group “ABATE”.)
By the early 1770’s, the Colonists’ polite requests for tax reform began to turn to action. The heat ratcheted up from the Boston Tea Party in 1773 to the Battles of Lexington and Concord in April 1775 and the Battle of Bunker Hill in June. These battles were followed by George Washington leading his army across the Delaware River that Christmas to trounce the Hessian soldiers that the Brits had paid to fight against the Colonists.
Finally, on July 4, 1776, the Declaration of Independence was signed in Philadelphia and the war was over.
Oops. Not quite. The Colonists continued to fight. And of the 56 signers of the Declaration, five were later captured by the British and tortured before being executed as traitors. Twelve had their homes ransacked or burned to the ground. Two lost sons in battle and the sons of another were captured by the British. Nine of the signers who fought in the war died from wounds or from the dire lack of provisions and shelter that most of the soldiers labored under. One wealthy signer had all his ships confiscated by the British because he was on the wrong side of the conflict and died penniless. Several other signers had to go into hiding - only to come home to find their families dead or scattered. Some died without ever seeing the end of the war. The rest existed in a state of hyper-vigilance as they continued to meet and plan the next steps in their fight for freedom.
We often think of freedom as being able to decide what feels best for us with no regard for anyone else’s rules or opinions. But that’s clearly not the kind of “freedom” our forefathers had in mind because by the next year - still in the middle of the war – representatives from the 13 Colonies had already adopted the Articles of Confederation. This document was the set of rules and agreements laying out the rights and responsibilities the Colonies had to each other and to their citizens. Our forefathers understood that while the American Colonies needed freedom from rulers who did not care about their wellbeing, they still needed both shared governance amongst themselves and mutual support from each other.
On September 13, 1783, the War for Independence was finally won. The British government conceded its right to rule the Colonies and signed the Treaty of Paris. But, that’s not the day chosen to celebrate.
We chose the 4th of July, the day that these men stepped forward to sign the Declaration of Independence, already having endured over a year of battles and hardship, not knowing what the future would hold for them or for their families but committing themselves publicly and irrevocably to the battle for freedom. We celebrate their willingness to sacrifice in the face of great danger.
How does any of this relate to us right now? Well, like the signers, we are in the middle of a war and our choice to step forward or not will affect those around us. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that “We are not fighting against flesh-andblood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world . . .” But unlike the signers, all too often we are unaware that there’s a war going on and we have no idea what’s at stake. The first battle is ultimately also the last battle: “Will I admit that my own ways are sinful and allow Jesus Christ to become the ruler of my life?”
The day we first answer “yes” to that question is a day to be celebrated - and like the signing of the Declaration of Independence, the battles will continue. But the outcome for our own lives and for those around us will be forever changed.
Celebrating freedom in Christ - Karla
Mark & Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories
Dirty Biker Design
61 W Washington Street Winterset, Iowa 50273 www.DirtyBikerDesign.com 515-444-9050
Jesse “The Body” Ventura began his wrestling career during his time in college after leaving the U.S. Navy in 1975. Aside from these achievements, Ventura has been an actor in several movies, he is an author, has created a documentary series on conspiracy theories, he was elected mayor of Brooklyn Park, MN and served from 1991 until 1995, but many people know him as governor of Minnesota from 1999 until 2003. What many don’t know, I was one of them, is that he joined the Mongols Motorcycle Club in California around 1973 and ended up as the Sargeant-At-Arms of his chapter.
As you can imagine, when a 1% MC member was elected as the governor of Minnesota, it severely upset the political parties; they didn’t like their status quo being challenged. When the “the olde guard”, meaning the deeply entrenched career politicians that only care about leeching your tax dollars for their personal gain, figured out that Americans would much rather vote for local men, they were pissed.
Candidates that were the local “good old boy” type, masculine Americans that knew how to get things done, popular men, some of them that ran motorcycle clubs and have lots of friends, started running for office and it completely upset the proverbial apple cart.
It has been suggested that the Feds reacted by attempting to shut down the Mongols motorcycle club. A decadelong battle was waged against them. The US government jumped to California’s Ninth Circuit (it’s always the Nutty Ninth!) in an attempt to seize the Mongol Nation trademarked logo, making it illegal for the MC to wear their patch, and also hoping to completely dissolve the club.
misguided interpretation of the law, and one judge rejected the US government’s attempt to seize the trademark citing the club’s First Amendment rights of free speech and association, and would also constitute an excessive fine prohibited by the Eighth Amendment. However, there seem to be several pieces online that suggest that this battle is ongoing. The Feds are like a rabid dog with a bone; they just won’t quit.
The career politicians and those who hold the puppet strings absolutely despise anything that hinders the status quo. They want to be in complete control of who your candidates are. They want to be the only ones that will decide who can run against who and what office they are allowed to run for. They do not want anyone they cannot control.
Take a good long look at the people that have been in our government offices for the past two decades. I use this time frame because I really didn’t pay much attention to politics until that time. But look at the current governor of Minnesota. Is that really the best and brightest candidate that Minnesota residents could come up with or was he carefully selected by those who control the status quo? What about Ilhan Omar, the US Representative for Minnesota’s 5th Congressional district, who seems to do everything in her power to subvert the will of American citizens over the coddling of her Somalia brethren residing in Minnesota.
George H.W., Slick Willy, George W., Berry O., and then the dementia patient have all been part of the status quo. Along comes Donny T and everyone loses their minds. Interesting how every one of them hung out with, did deals with, and praised The Don until he decided to run against them. All of a sudden he is public enemy number one that will shred the Constitution, dismantle the US, and give it all away to Communist Russia in an attempt to help Vlad restart the U.S.S.R!!!
Thankfully there are some federal judges out there that actually follow the law as it is written, rather than their own
I remember the first election I actually took part in. I voted
for Ross Perot, an American businessman who wanted to run the US like a business. Sound familiar? He was completely demonized by the political parties, but I still liked what the man had to say. He didn’t fit the status quo, so he was completely rejected by the establishment.
The late George Carlin said it best during one of his performances. He said, “The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They’ve long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets, and they own all the big media companies so they control just about all the news and information you get to hear. They got you by the balls.
reasons involved here. President Donald Trump, surprisingly, survived his first term, but the deep state cabal has spent every waking moment since then attempting to destroy him, his family, his friends, and anyone that dared to agree with him. And now there have been multiple attempts to end his existence. It seems that anyone that dares to go against the status quo ends up with a bullseye on their forehead.
Maybe it’s time for a nationwide call to action. Maybe it’s time to stop allowing the loud mouthed, do nothing, yes men, without an ounce of masculinity to get their worthless asses into these positions of power. We need real red blooded Americans to upset the status quo and start running for public offices. Every one of them from school boards, city council, mayors, governors, congress… ALL of them.
“They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying to get what they want. Well, we know what they want; they want more for themselves and less for everybody else. But I’ll tell you what they don’t want. They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don’t want wellinformed, well-educated people of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that; that doesn’t help them. It is against their interests.
“They don’t want people that are smart enough to sit around the kitchen table and figure out how badly they’re getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fucking years ago. They don’t want that. You know what they want? They want obedient workers. People who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork, and just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs, lower pay, longer hours, reduced benefits, the end of overtime, and the vanishing pension that disappears the moment you try to collect it.” Carlin sums this all up with the statement, “It’s a big club and you ain’t in it. You and I are not in the big club.”
There have been a few very public showings of what they are willing to do to protect their status quo. President Abraham Lincoln abolished slavery and he was taken out in a theater. President John F. Kennedy wanted to end the Federal Reserve and he was taken out during a parade. President Ronald Reagan was almost taken out. The “story” is that the shooter thought the act would impress actress Jodie Foster and make her fall in love with him, but I believe there were other
Maybe it’s time for men with the drive of Jesse Ventura and others like him to get back to upsetting the status quo en masse. Could you imagine how absolutely insane it would make the deep state to have the people of this nation back a candidate that was an active member of a 1% motorcycle club?
Obviously that person would be scrutinized upside down and inside out and they would be treated exactly like our current president has been for the better part of the last decade. But just imagine how this would not just upset the apple cart; it would lay it to waste like the cart had been made from C4.
- David McCoy - david@thunderroadsiowa.com - FaceBook.com/TRMIDave - FaceBook.com/TRMINSUR
Fire Box on Main
813 12th Street, Belle Plaine, IA
(319) 550-7797
fireboxonmain@gmail.com
Open: Wednesday, Friday, Saturday 11:30 AM7:00 PM
Vernon and I were headed to Cedar Rapids for some magazine business and winding our way from home across miles and miles of Highway when we found ourselves on the hungry side of things. Wanting to seek out a mom-and-pop style place for supper rather than hitting the city full of more chain restaurants than not, we decided to roll through Belle Plaine and scrounge us up some barbeque.
We cruised down Main street and pull up in front of Fire Box on Main. We were greeted out front by a friendly gentleman (who would later introduce himself as Todd) who opened the door for us and invited us inside. Once we crossed the threshold, we were again warmly greeted and invited to choose our table. Our server, Julia, quickly brought menus and took our drink orders. She returned promptly with two ice cold beers and bottles of water. We were told it was rib Saturday and given a bit to review the menu.
There are three main meats always on the menu in addition to any specials. Brisket, pulled pork, and sausage. You can choose one, two, or three meats as a plate with two sides and Texas toast. Or you can opt for a sandwich with your choice of meat and one side.
Classic BBQ side options are baked beans, mac ‘n cheese, coleslaw, potato salad. There are also dinner salads, pasta salad, cottage cheese, baked potatoes, and chili available. If you somehow manage to save room for dessert, you can choose from apple crisp and cinnamon rolls.
We ordered and then chatted with Julia while Todd slaved away in the kitchen. We learned that Todd and Julia grew up in Coralville, but had spent many years in Texas, where he was a chef and she an accountant. They returned to Iowa to be near their kids and grandkids and found a perfect place to open a restaurant where they could share some delicious Texas style barbeque in the heart of Iowa.
Our plates arrived, and confirmed what we already knew. Once again, our eyes were bigger than our stomachs, but we were determined to give it one hell of a try. I ordered the 2-meat plate with sausage and pulled pork. The sausage was perfectly smoked and juicy and the pulled pork was tender and delicious. I loved that the meats came with sauce on the side rather than swimming on my plate. Fire Box on Main offers four different sauce options, all of which were delicious: Honey, Honey Mustard, Regular, and Chipotle. All of the sauces complimented my meat choices, but the Chipotle was my favorite, as I am a fan of all things spicy. For my sides I got baked beans, which were tender and just a little on the sweet side in a thick tomato-based sauce and mac ‘n cheese that was a delicious offering of creamy, cheesy goodness that perfectly complimented my plate. The Texas toast was perfect for mopping up my sauce and small bits that I didn’t want to leave behind. Vernon ordered the rib special and added on some brisket so we could try ALL the meats! The brisket was tender and smoky goodness, but those ribs…. are you kidding me?? Meat Perfection! I found myself stealing ribs from Vernon, even though I couldn’t finish my own plate. Vernon’s sides were potato salad, which consisted of tender red skinned potatoes and onions in a flavorful, creamy dressing and summer salad, which was tender rotini pasta and fresh veggies coated in a light dressing similar in flavor to coleslaw dressing.
Vernon and I did our best to eat the large amount of food we ordered, but despite our best efforts, we decided we better not consume everything. The portions are generous, the food is delicious, and the hospitality is top notch. Hell, Julia even helped us look for a hotel and offered me a ride when Vernon tried to ditch me while I was in the bathroom!
Next time you are in the Belle Plaine area, make sure you look up Todd and Julia at Fire Box on Main. The riding is good, the food is better…and make sure you tell ‘em Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent ya!
Melanie
If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@ thunderroadsiowa. com.
Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. On the way back to bed, he passed his parents’ room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his dad, “Hey Dad, what are you doing?” The dad answered, “Playing Cards”. Little Johnny asked, “Who’s your partner?” The dad answered, “Your mom”. Little Johnny then passed by his older sister’s room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, “Hey Sis, what are you doing?” The sister answered, “Playing Cards.” Little Johnny asked, “Who’s your partner?” She answered, “My boyfriend, Paul.” A little later, the dad got up and went to the bathroom. As he passed Little Johnny’s room, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his son, “Hey son, what are you doing?” Little Johnny answered, “Playing Cards.” The Dad asked, “Really? Who’s your partner?” Little Johnny answered, “You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand!
excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference, 18 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
n the h t o n ery y next t nking g y.’ . as s a only
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!’ That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, ‘I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.’ She said, ‘Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?’ John said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.’ ‘Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!’ Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, ‘John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.’ She said, ‘Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.
A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & told her to mash up some green persimmons & rub them on her nipples and all over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up & you won’t be able to talk properly for a while. The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday.”
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: Certainly not! There’s no proof of it. Boss: Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle’s funeral, he came here looking for you.
My Dear Wife, you will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don’t be upset, I shall be home before midnight. When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table: My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an
John: Dad, there’s a girl I like. She’s beautiful. I want to go out with her. Dad: Who? John: The girl across our street, Nina. Dad: Oh no, you can’t. Don’t tell Mom but she’s your sister. John was furious, but a week has passed and he fell in love again. John: Dad, I think I’m in love. She’s prettier. Dad: who? John: She lives beside our house, name’s Ana. Dad: Oh son, I pity you but you can’t date her. She’s your sister as well. I’m sorry but it happened more than once. John was furious. He decided to talk to his mother. John: Mom, I hate dad! I can’t date the 5 ladies I fell in love with just because they’re dad’s daughters to different women. Mom: Oh, don’t mind what your father said. You can date whoever you want, he’s not your father.
Started a new job as a delivery man today. When I got to my first address there was a sticky note on the door saying, “Dear Mr. delivery man, we’re out, please hide in garage.” That was eight hours ago and still nobody’s found me.
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: “Hello” WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?” MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.” WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.” MAN: “How much?” WOMAN: “$90,000.” MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the
options.” WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.” MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty thousand if it’s what you really want.” WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!” MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.” The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. He turns and asks, “Anyone know who’s phone this is?”
A married couple was in a terrible accident in which the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So, the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man’s new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby face! One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?” My darling,” she replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”
the money I have. The only request is that I play topless as I have found that this provides me the most luck at winning.” The two men agree and watch anxiously as the woman unbuttons her blouse, removes it, and then removes her bra. She puts the money down on the table and rolls the dice. As the dice stop, she starts jumping up and down and screaming, “I WON, I WON, I WON!” She gathers her winnings puts the chips in her bag, pulls on her shirt and walks out. The two men at the table look at each other, one asks the other, “So what did she roll?” The other man says, “I thought you were watching?”
Paul was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, “Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… and a shovel.” Paul asked, “And what do I do with these, doc?” The doctor replied, “Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever saw.’, you hit her with the shovel.”
Two men were shipwrecked on an island. They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone. The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders. The chief walks to the men and says,” What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?” The first man thinks for a second and replies, “I choose Boogaloo”. The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant “boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo”. The chief takes the man, bends him over and has his way with him. The second man is horrified at what he has just witnessed and then the chief walks up to him and asks, “You must choose, Death or Boogaloo?”
The man thinks he would rather die than have boogaloo, so he replies, “I choose death.” The tribe roars in ecstasy and the chief yells, “Death by boogaloo!!!”
Little 6-year-old John Smith’s parents wanted to make love but had to get John away for at least one hour to do so. So, they told him to go to the balcony and report all activities of their neighbors for the next hour. Being the innocent, dutiful son he was raised to be, he did as he was told. His parents amused themselves, and then came the formality of the report at 12 PM. John said, “For the past hour, the Wilsons were watching TV, Mr. Cole was playing the piano, the Johnsons were playing carrom together and the Donalds were having sex.” His parents were shocked! They asked him “How do you know that?” He said, “Their son was out on the balcony too.”
Johnny’s girlfriend was in labor with their first child. She was shouting out, “Get this out of me? Give me the drugs.” She looked at him and said, “You did this to me you asshole!” He casually replied, “If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your butt, but you said, ‘it’ll be too painful!’.”
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, “Jeez, I’d really like to dance with that girl.” The other man replies, “Well go ahead and ask her, don’t be a chicken.” So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, “Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?” Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, “I’m sorry. Right now, I’m concentrating on matrimony and I’d rather sit than dance.” So, the man humbly returns to his friend. “So, what did she say?” asks the friend. The drunk responded, “She said she’s constipated on macaroni and would rather shit in her pants.”
A hot looking blonde walks into a casino and wanders up to one of the craps tables. She looks at the two table handlers and says “I want to bet $25,000 dollars. It’s all
What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Bobby received his plate, he started eating straight away. “Bobby, wait until we’ve said our prayer,” his mother reminded him.
“I don’t have to.” – the little boy replied. “Of course you do.” – his mother insisted. “We say a prayer before eating at our house.” “That’s at our house,” Bobby explained, “but this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook.”
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. “Do you think she’d marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” he asked a friend. “Your chances are better,” said the friend, “if you tell her you’re 90.”
CORN CORNchips chips
The Kawasaki KZ1000C Police motorcycle was used in the “CHiPS” television series from 1977 to 1983. Kawasaki was highly successful in North America’s fast-growing motorcycle market of the 1960s and beyond. By the mid1970s, Kawasaki made a move into the police sector, in direct competition with Harley-Davidson, which had a virtual lock on the market for many decades. Kawasaki started with a simple shop-installed police equipment package for the 900cc Z1, followed up by a factory-built police version in 1976, then in 1977 came the KZ900 Police Special. The definitive Kawasaki motorcycle for law
enforcement came in 1978, the KZ1000C Police, which was built through 1981. These models came equipped with clear windshields, saddle boxes, pursuit lights, and folding floorboards rather than footpegs, the single-rider Police model also featured a supportive spring-cushioned saddle incorporating a lower backrest and special tires, plus provision for radio communications equipment and specific wiring for electronic sirens. Another interesting C-Series feature was a solenoid-equipped speedometer mechanism that trapped the indicator needle against the glass when the pursuit lights were activated, marking a lawbreaker’s speed. Performance, even with the added Police equipment, was strong and could reach speeds up to 130 mph, thanks to Kawasaki’s advanced and large-displacement DOHC 4-stroke engines. The success of these motorcycles in the demanding law enforcement market was exemplary, leading to the 1982-2005 KZ1000P Police model, commonly known as the “KZP.” And thanks to their use in the popular TV show “CHiPs”, Kawasaki Police bikes, particularly the KZ1000 Police model, continue to remain popular today.
‘Cause real love ain’t just on two wheels, It’s yelling “TAKE YOUR PHONE!” We might be tamed, slightly trained, But we’re still wild deep inside, And when she says, “You can go ride now” That’s when heaven opens wide. Unknown Author
And Lord help me if I’m proud. She color-codes the garage now, Labels on the parts I hide, She said “you can wrench and cuss all day, Just do it neatly inside!” Cause my wife won’t let me,
Cause my wife won’t let me, I can’t live messy and loud, No boots on the couch, no oil in the sink,
With a squirrel that never feared. She buys me razors by the bulk And creams with aloe vera, She said “you’re not a mountain man, You’re just my sweet mascara wearer.”
Cause my wife won’t let me, I can’t grow out my beard, Says I look like I lost a fi ght
Cause my wife won’t let me, I can’t ride off at dawn, She said “your back ain’t built for that,” And the trash ain’t out ‘til it’s gone. She don’t care if the weather’s perfect, Or if the chrome’s beggin’ to shine, She said “you better shine them dishes fi rst Before you cross that yellow line.”
CAUSE MY WIFE WON’T LET ME
But my wife don’t stop me loving, This ride, this life, this road, She may not like the open pipes, But she still lightens my load. She keeps me clean, keeps me straight, And saves me from myself, Even if my leather vest now hangs On a Costco storage shelf. So here’s to every biker bro Who rides, but not alone
Whose tattoos sag in twos. She said “I know your club days, But those were your young and dumb, Now your club is lawn chairs, cookouts, And bedtime before 1.”
Cause my wife won’t let me, I can’t fl irt like I used to do, Not even with old biker gals
I can’t ride shirtless in July, Said “that chest hair’s not a vest, babe, It’s just a sunburn cryin’ why.” I tried to tell her I was free, That bikers roam the earth, She said “then roam your ass to Target, And pick up pads and dish soap fi rst.”
I am not stopping,
don’t believe that is happening.
I’ve been lucky — I know that. I don’t know if it was just dumb luck, or maybe because my dad was a rider. Maybe he was influenced by his older brothers, all of whom had motorcycles. I heard plenty of stories about how his three older brothers (all military guys) served; one a Marine in Korea, one in the Army also in Korea, and another in the Air Force. They had some badass exploits back in the 1950s when my dad would have been really young.
I don’t know if riding motorcycles is genetic or if it’s something that just reaches out and touches us individually. As I celebrate my 50th year with two wheels between my legs, I’ve recapped this story many times. Throughout all the different adventures I’ve had, one thing I truly appreciate about riding, in my limited capacity, is the respect for those who blazed the trails before me. There’s always been someone who stepped up and offered advice or help along the way.
What I love most about motorcycling is the chance to blaze a new trail. The opportunity to go somewhere, to forget everything, to free my mind. Twist the throttle, go have a good time… sometimes just by myself. I need that mental clarity, and I’ve talked about that time and time again.
This year, though, I’m at a crossroads. I have some time to do something, but no idea what that is, where I want to go, or who I want to go with.
Lately, it feels like I’m the one who has to plan all the trips, and honestly, I kinda like that. I like being in charge of where we go. That might sound conceited, but I don’t want to go to some lame-ass town just because someone else wants to. I want to go for my own reasons. I don’t mind being the guy everyone relies on to plan whether it’s a three- or four-day motorcycle trip or just a Saturday afternoon ride.
With great pork tenderloins comes great responsibility… or something like that, is what my buddy Vern once said over a cold beer in the middle of Iowa. I can’t remember the exact quote, but it was something about how traveling out of your way for a cold beer and a good sandwich is always worth it. That’s logic you can take to the bank.
I’ve planned a lot of trips and adventures over the years, but I’m obviously not done. I hope I have many more years to get out and ride with friends, family, or whomever. But lately, I just don’t know where I want to go. I have no desire to go to South Dakota this year. No interest in Missouri, Minnesota, or even Cambodia. I’m just not sure what I want to do, and I don’t know why that is.
Some of the rides I’ve done multiple times. More than enough times, honestly. I’m looking for the next road, the next adventure, the next stretch.
I still find a lot of satisfaction in planning. Sometimes you just point the handlebars and chase the horizon, and I’m fine with that. But I’ve done that enough. I want something different. Something new. I don’t even know what that is yet.
I love sitting around with friends, kicking around ideas, and looking up cool roads. Some of the best rides are found by accident, by a twist of fate. Sometimes you need a plan to avoid garbage road construction or to make the trip safer, and that’s not a bad thing. But the spark…that fire to circle dates on the calendar, prep the bike, and knock it out of the park…it feels like it’s missing.
It’s like I’ve hit a creative riding wall, and it doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s not that I’ve lost my love of riding… oh hell no! Even if I’m just riding to work the next morning, I get excited. I plan ahead what I’m going to wear. Full disclosure: I get up and dress in the dark, Like waaaay early, because I’m not about to wake my wife and hear her say, “WTF are you wearing?!” Most times, she doesn’t even know I took the bike until she leaves for work herself.
Maybe you’re thinking this Crash guy is part Ninja, but no, I just know better than to wake the house when my dumb ass has to be at work before most people are even out of bed.
I love those early morning rides to the radio station. I love riding to appointments during the day. It feels like bonus riding.
It’s the random Saturday rides that don’t fire me up anymore. They’ve become stale. When I do go, I’m thinking about all the other shit I should be doing. And when you have more than two bikes going, it feels like a pain in the ass.
For decades, if someone asked, “Hey, got any cool ideas for a ride?” I could crank out a path, a plan, a list, off the top of my head. It was just second nature.
Maybe what I need is an intense adventure with a completely new goal, a few extended days on the bike. I’m still passionate about it, just in a different way. I never thought that would happen, but here we are.
Recently, someone tried to throw shade, telling me, “You just don’t ride for real anymore,” like it was some badge of honor I was supposed to feel ashamed of giving up. This, coming from someone who trailers their bike if the trip is more than three hours. Needless to say, I didn’t put much stock into it.
I’m not worried about proving how I ride. I’m not interested in what a “real rider” looks like. I’ve been around long enough to know that riding isn’t about showing off. It’s about the moments you collect, the peace you find on the road, the stories you gather along the way.
I’m too damn old to care about impressing anybody. Embrace what moves you. If a bike moves you, have fun. Ride your ride, find your road, and if the thrill hits you — chase it like hell.
Until Next Month.
Enjoy The Journey. Todd “Crash” Davis
Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Iowa Bike Nights and Dinner Rides
This list is what we have found and what has been submitted. Before heading to any event, please check weather and make sure the event is not cancelled. Not responsible for misprints and typos. If you have any other events to list, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Tuesday
Johnny’s Pub Lake Park (Mid May-Sep)
Friday
Cruze N’ to Corydon Bike Night (3rd Fri May-Aug)
Bondurant Bike Night (4th Fri Jun-Aug)
Wet Spot Runnells (Every Fri)
American Legion Post 232 Polk City (2nd Fri MaySep)
Wednesday
Back Forty Bike Night at the Barn Des Moines (2nd Wed May, Jun, Jul, Sep)
Benolas Baxter
Cruise Night Britt (3rd Wed Jul-Sep)
Whiskey Throttle Bar & Grill Cherokee Supper Rides Harley-Davidson of Carroll (Sep 10th)
Dinner Rides Zylstra HD Ames
Thursday
Bikes on the Hundred Block Council Bluffs (3rd Thurs)
Roar Into Harlan (3rd Thurs)
Metro HD Cedar Rapids (2nd Thurs May-Aug, 3rd Thurs Sep)
The Station Slater (May 29th then 3rd Fri Jun-Oct)
