Well, we got past the dumbass time change and lived through it once again. The older I get the more it seems to piss with my system trying to acclimate to the “normal” timeframe. It is only an hour, but the effects seem to go on for weeks. It will probably never change, so unless I want to move to Arizona or Hawaii, I just must deal with it twice a year and hope my friends do not get tired of me bitching about it.
Also, after the time change, elections, Veteran’s Day, ABATE of Iowa Steam, Thanksgiving and a plethora or other things during the month, I am ready to slide into the remaining one month of the year. Hard to believe that 2025 is almost over and 2026 is on the horizon already. It has been a crazy busy year, and has gone by superfast. It is odd how that seems to be the case as I am longer in the tooth. Time flies is a legitimate phrase for sure, and it continues to pass exponentially more rapidly. It was just New Years Day it seems like, and now we are looking right at the next one coming up. Take the time that you want to do the things that you want to do. Do not waste time doing shit you do not want to, or hanging out with people that do not enhance your life. Make the best of your rapidly diminishing time on this earth with people that you enjoy and doing things in life that you want to do. Life is too short to NOT do that!
I was invited to speak in a break-out session in November at ABATE of Iowa Steam. Barb contacted me months ago asking me to do this, and I thought about it a while and finally agreed. She let me pick the topic so I chatted with a group of folks on the general topic entitled “The Future of Motorcycling”. In this presentation, I had three distinct different talking points that can impact the future of our motorcycle riding world, but only got one of the three covered on that day. I was immensely happy with the group and the amazing interaction and ideas that flowed around
the room. I chatted to the group as I have many times on these pages about the lack of engagement in our youth with our beloved lifestyle of riding motorcycles. Many of the attendees will now hopefully have some ideas of places to plant seeds of interest to attain the goal of inspiring our youth to get on a motorcycle. My other two topics I did not even touch on as the engagement was amazing on the topic of getting more youth to get on two wheels. Not complaining at all, as Barb already asked if I would present again next year. Hell, why not? I already have my presentation written! See you at STEAM next year in Des Moines.
We would not be able to keep doing this thing every month if it was not for our loyal readers and especially the advertisers in the magazine. We have seen some great improvements in the biker world and beyond in 2025 with businesses that want to advertise to the biker world via TRMI. We appreciate all the past support from our partners in the industry and look forward to forging more long-term relationships. If you are a reader, thank you! If you are an advertiser, we are truly grateful. If you own or run a business or know of one that would or should have their ads on our pages, email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com or give me a call at 712-249-5630. You can also check out the staff page on the inside front cover and reach out to any staff member and they can get you hooked up. Thanks to everyone for being a part of our world since 2010 and for 16 volumes of our beloved Iowa motorcycle magazine. Next month, on to Volume 17, and hopefully many more after that!
All of us here at Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa and Thunder Guns West would like to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I hope that you get to spend all the time you care to with the ones that you love, and make some special holiday memories. However you celebrate the commemoration of the birth of Jesus, we wish you good tidings and happiness! Enjoy the season, enjoy the people around you, and make the most of the blessed holiday. MC2U!
Our cover for this Christmas month features Santa’s naughty little helper Jessica! She’s sitting pretty on a beautiful Sporty chopper owned and built by Joe Fortune, and you can see more of Jessica on our centerfold this month, and in Natanic’s Pin-ups calendar at Natanic.com
If you ride, do so safely. If you put it away for the season, check on it regularly.
Vernon Schwarte vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Proud Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa
Proud Owner Thunder Guns and Thunder Guns West
IMDA Board Member COC Liaison
Quote of the Month: “What we learn through failure becomes a precious part of us, strengthening us in everything we do. So let the tough things make you tougher.” Soichiro Honda
It was a dark and stormy night… Well, actually there is a full moon and it is pretty dry but like Snoopy, I couldn’t resist opening at least one article or story with that line. It’s probably all downhill from here.
We recently returned from CMA’s Changing of the Colors rally in Hatfield, Arkansas, which by the way was pretty awesome. This year we were privileged to host the first international rally there in 10 years. Over 3,500 CMA members and ministry partners representing 30 countries were in attendance. It was a great time to reconnect with old friends, meet new reps and recharge that spiritual battery. At the international rallies it’s always pretty cool to speak with representatives from all over the world and hear their challenges, some similar to ours and others so very different. I remember 15 years back when we were able to sit and have lunch with a CMA head from the UK. His observation was that we were about 5 years behind them in the degenerating slide into what we now call wokeness, the rising influence of Islam, and the complete erosion of our God-given rights. His warning seems prophetic now as we’ve seen the demonstrators pillaging and burning cities, criminals and terrorists set free but homeschoolers, PTA moms, and conservative Christians persecuted and prosecuted for their faith. Marxist-Socialist, anti-American Islamists who won’t take an oath of allegiance have been elected to offices and openly oppose a free and democratic republic. I am glad to see many of the battle lines and abuses being pushed back this last year but will it continue and last? I guess the takeaway may be that in spite of all the horrible things we have endured the last decade, things could be worse and we are still pretty blessed in many ways.
Unfortunately, without wholesale repentance and revival, we are just putting band aids on this terminal disease our country has been infected with. The good news is that Jesus is the antidote and cure but that cure has to be taken and won’t be forced on us. Scripture tells us that while we were yet sinners Jesus died for us all. The kicker is that you have to accept and acknowledge him as the only son of God, that he died and paid the price for our sins, and that he is the Savior and the ONLY WAY to God. He draws us and all will have to make that decision at some point in their lives. I heard a quote saying, “Ultimately the only reason someone doesn’t find Christ is the same reason a criminal doesn’t find the police. They are running away.”
The recent assassination of Charlie Kirk sure underscored all this. He tried to reach and educate the college-age liberal left with a message of God’s love, grace, forgiveness, and, yes, consequences. The responses ranged from heart-felt acceptance to apoplectic, demonic hatred. The media and religious left were complicit in twisting, radicalizing, fomenting violence and portraying his message as being something straight out of Mein Kampf. Charlie knew that he was in a potentially dangerous situation every time he appeared. He constantly received death threats and also knew that he could pay the ultimate price for speaking the truth. Charlie always advocated that life’s order of priorities should be, first God, then family, then country. Elon Musk was asked, why was Charlie killed? His response was that
Charlie was showing people the light and he was killed by the dark. History will continue to repeat itself. The book of Ecclesiastes states, “What has been done will be again, what has been done will be done again: there is nothing new under the sun.” These attacks are nothing new, they are just repackaged, rebranded ideologies meant to sow discord and chaos to the detriment of a Judeo-Christian society. As always, follow the money/power to see who is benefitting.
So, it is a dark and stormy night for our world today but there is hope and promise in Jesus, the one true king, conqueror, and savior. Charlie would continually say, “It’s all about Jesus.” Lord, help us to be more like Charlie.
Blessings, Mark
Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories
Dirty Biker Design
61 W Washington Street Winterset, Iowa 50273 www.DirtyBikerDesign.com 515-444-9050
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@ thunderroadsiowa.com
not so USELESS RAMBLINGS not so USELESS RAMBLINGS
Werewolves & Witches
Halloween has long passed us by, but the spooky season has reminded me of a game I learned of recently.
This game allegedly comes from a Russian sociology student in 1986. He invented a game he called Werewolf, or Mafioso in Russian. Game play consists of giving out cards to a room full of people where only two cards are labeled “werewolf” and everyone else receives a card that says “villager.” One person is the moderator and that moderator will call out, “Nighttime.” During nighttime, everyone has a blindfold to put on, but the two werewolves don’t actually put theirs on. This obviously allows the two werewolves to know who each other is and then they get to decide who to eliminate out of the game. When the moderator calls “daytime,” the villagers remove their blindfolds and discuss who they believe the werewolf is while the two werewolves attempt to manipulate the villagers into believing one of their own is a werewolf. The premise of the game is to eliminate both werewolves before all the villagers are gone. Most of the time, the villagers lose because they can’t communicate with informed knowledge. They have no clue who the werewolves are, so most of the time they end up eliminating their own villagers.
During my childhood, there was a game that was played in school classrooms called Button Button, Who’s Got The Button. We all sat in a circle facing each other, our hands behind our backs. The teacher put a button in the hand of a child and then he/ she would pass it to the person on either side of them. The child could “act” like they passed it to the child on the left, but then “act” like they passed it to the child on the right. Every time the button was passed to
one child, they were supposed to pass it along all around the circle. The fake passing would continue going on while the real passing was happening. It was up to all the other people in the circle to attempt to follow where they thought the button was until the teacher called out, “Stop” and then call on someone to guess where the button actually was. Obviously, the goal of the game was to make it so that no one actually knew the true location of the button, except for the child that actually held it.
There have been many variations of the game; all slightly different, but both of the aforementioned games have the same premise… deception and manipulation.
If we look back throughout humanity’s history, we seem to have quite the relationship with deception and manipulation. Arguably one of our oldest and most persistent problems.
From ancient times, deception and manipulation have been fundamental tools in politics, warfare, and religion. The Art of War by Sun Tzu or The Prince by Machiavelli openly frame deception as a strategic necessity.
Propaganda existed long before the modern era; emperors, pharaohs, and popes all shaped narratives to justify power. Even mythologies feature tricksters. Loki, Hermes, & Coyote were all symbols of both creative intelligence and moral ambiguity, suggesting our deep awareness of deceit’s dual nature.
Deception is often tied to self-preservation and social adaptation. Humans created and recreated complex communication systems and lying became a side effect of that sophistication. Studies in evolutionary psychology show that being able to mislead others (and detect deception) offered a survival advantage.
In modern societies, that same skill set scales destructively, especially when amplified through technology, media, and institutions. We have advertising and marketing constantly blurring the lines between persuasion and manipulation. Politicians and the mainstream media use selective framing and misinformation to control public perception. And with the relatively recent creation of social media, we have algorithms that exploit psychological vulnerabilities, such as outrage, tribalism, validation loops, that are creating echo chambers that shape behavior without people realizing it.
What’s unsettling is that not all deception is malicious. Some forms, for instance a “white lie” that is meant for strategic diplomacy or artistic fiction can serve social harmony or creative insight. But unchecked manipulation erodes trust, and trust is the cornerstone of any civilization. When people can’t agree on what’s true, society fragments and then power consolidates in the hands of those who can best control narratives.
The Salem Witch Trials in colonial Massachusetts
from February 1692 to May 1693 are a classic example of manipulation and deception. Over two hundred people were accused of witchcraft, resulting in nineteen executions.
The town was already fractured by land disputes, rival factions, and religious extremism. There had been wars with Indigenous tribes. Fears of the Devil’s presence created a climate of anxiety and blame, while religious leaders preached spiritual warfare, convincing many that Satan himself was actively working through their neighbors. All of this fear made the people of Salem extremely vulnerable to manipulation.
The orchestrators of the manipulation always have a reason, an ulterior motive. Certain families used the trials to settle old scores, accusing their rivals whose land or influence they wanted. Reverend Samuel Parris benefitted from the panic as it reinforced his moral authority and silenced his critics… for a while. Modern scholars believe that many of the accusers fabricated fits, visions, and “spectral evidence” that aided in the prosecution of the alleged witch.
The parallels between the Salem Witch Trials and today’s modern political climate are striking and sobering. While the two are centuries apart, the underlying human dynamics remain the same, fear, tribalism, manipulation, and moral panic. They are almost identical. The tools have evolved, but psychology hasn’t changed much at all.
In Salem, fear of the Devil and damnation was used to justify extreme measures. The threat was unseen but believed to be everywhere; witches hiding in plain sight, corrupting the faithful.
In modern politics, the “enemy” has changed form; it’s no longer witches, but ideologies, parties, conspiracies, or shadowy elites. Fear mongering drives much of the political narrative with catch phrases like “They’re coming for your rights.,” “They’re destroying democracy.” or “They’re brainwashing your children.”
In Salem, the Spectral evidence was accepted as proof of guilt. How can you prove invisible spirits? The
accusation was the evidence. Today, social media and partisan media echo chambers have recreated the same environment. Rumors, selectively edited clips, and AIgenerated information can destroy reputations in mere hours. These online witch hunts thrive on emotion, not verification.
Certain individuals exploited the witch panic to gain influence, settle old grudges, or seize property. Today we have political figures, pundits, and influencers stoking the division for personal or electoral gain. They exploit the outrage, amplify the fear, and encourage blind loyalty because the polarization pays off in votes, clicks, and donations… all of which ultimately equals power. Each side paints the other as an existential threat, and that constant state of alarm erodes rational thought, just as it did in 1692, and it makes us all that much easier to manipulate. A person that is fearful is controllable. History shows us that the Salem Witch Trials were not about witches at all, they were about people’s fear of losing control and their willingness to destroy others to feel safe. Today our “witches” are ideological opponents and the “spectral evidence” is whatever goes viral first.
Until we learn to value truth over tribe, empathy over fear, and skepticism over outrage, we risk repeating 1692. Which prompts me to leave you with the following two quotes…
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” - George Santayana (1905)
“History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.”Karl Marx (1852)
Santayana argued that ignorance of history leads societies to make the same mistakes over and over again. It’s less about inevitability and more a warning. If we fail to learn, we will relive.
Marx was describing how human events and revolutions often echo earlier ones, but in diminished or distorted form. The first time is catastrophic (a tragedy); the second is absurd (a farce).
Once again, we are repeating history. Salem was a tragedy; today is a farce.
- David McCoy - david@thunderroadsiowa.com - FaceBook.com/TRMIDave - FaceBook.com/TRMINSU
at Natanic.com
With the holiday season upon us, it’s the perfect time to showcase Santa’s best naughty little helper! Jessica may look all sw eet and innocent, but good Lord she’s gotta wild side that Santa just adores, Ha, Ha! All joking aside, Jessica is the sweetest person you’ll ever meet, and is a widely acclaimed model from the Qu ad Cities area, who travels the country regularly in her modeling profession, giving her plenty of experience to be considered for this month’s cover girl. Not to mention she had to freeze thr ough a cold November breeze for this photo-shoot, so don’t mind the goose-bumps! She’s posing on a beautiful 1996 Sporty chopper owned and built by Joe Fortune, who’s work has also been widely s een in the biker world over the last couple decades. Joe’s acquisition of this started with a conversation in Conesville about an old Ironhead chopper, but once he got ahold of it, he tore it down f or a fresh build with a 1996 donor Evo, and added his personal touch to every detail on it. There are far too many things to mention about Joe’s bike in the space we have allotted here, unfortunatel y, but if you like what you see with Jessica, then you’ll love seeing her in Natanic’s Pin-ups new biker babe calendar! The 2026 calendars are “Buy 1 Get 1 Free” through-out the month of December, but th is deal is strictly for online orders
AK’s Chrome Kitchen
1323 Hwy 169
Algona, IA 50511
Phone: (515) 295-9174
Monday – Sunday 7:00 AM - 2:00 PM
On our way out of town after spending a rather wet and stormy night at the Freedom Rally this summer, we made a B-Line for a dry place to sit and some delicious breakfast. Just a few miles from the rally grounds we pulled in to AK’s Chrome Kitchen to fill our bellies. Brad and Stacey were along for the Rally, and of course did not want to miss out on vittles. We
steaks, and soups. AK’s Chrome Kitchen also offers catering services for any occasion.
We arrived for breakfast, so we checked out the menu while sipping some hot bean water and tried to make our selections. (I should note, they offer a wide range of specialty coffee drinks as a part of their latte bar as well.) Brad ordered the Two of a Kind plate, and it was delicious. Two slices of fresh baked bread, dipped in house-made batter and cooked to perfection, then sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar and paired with two over easy eggs on the side to round out his meal. Stacey ordered the American breakfast. Her plate was filled with crispy hashbrowns, a large seasoned breakfast sausage patty, two slices of crisp buttery toast, and two perfectly cooked over easy eggs. Vernon went with the Chicken Fried Steak and Eggs breakfast. The chicken fried steak was a large, tender, lightly breaded beef steak cooked to golden perfection, topped with creamy pepper gravy, and teamed up with two over medium eggs, crispy shredded hashbrowns, and wheat toast. After much deliberation, I ordered the half biscuits and gravy which was one fluffy home-made biscuit cut in half and smothered in rich, creamy sausage gravy. I also added two scrambled eggs
walked in and were immediately shown to a table and the waitress took our drink orders while we settled in.
AK’s Chrome Kitchen, is just off the major four-way intersection of 169 and 18 in Algona and has been family owned and operated since they opened their doors as Chrome Country Inn in 1938. AK’s provides excellent customer service and a meal you won’t forget. Starting with breakfast offerings at 7 am that include the likes of fluffy pancakes, eggs Benedict, savory breakfast meats, or even freshly baked pastries to start your day. If you arrive around lunch time, the menu expands to include gourmet sandwiches and wraps, fresh delicious salads, juicy burgers,
Melanie Schwarte
to my order and they were the perfect fluffy addition to my meal. It was so delicious, I could have easily eaten the full order of two biscuits. So, when you go to AK’s make sure you get the full order…. don’t make the same mistake I did!
AK’s Chrome Kitchen truly has something for everyone. Friendly staff and delicious food make a visit to AK’s a must on your list. You won’t be disappointed. Make sure to tell them that Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent you!
If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@thunderroadsiowa.com.
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3-year-old grandson. It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long, easy, boy.” Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, “It’s okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.” At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William.” Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.” “Thanks,” said the grandfather, “but I’m William… that little bastard’s name is Kevin.”
A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl, “Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl replied, in a loud voice, “NO, I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!” All the people in the library started staring at the man, who was deeply embarrassed and moved to another table. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the man’s table and said with a laugh, “I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I bet you felt embarrassed, right?” The man responded in a loud voice, “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? .... I`M NOT PAYING YOU THAT MUCH!” All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The man whispered to her: “I study law, and I know how to screw people.”
A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, mum, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “OK, guess which one I’m going to marry.” She immediately replies, “The one in the middle.” “That’s amazing, mum. You’re right. How did you know?” His mum replies, “I don’t like her.”
Paddy & Murphy worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Paddy said, “Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties.” The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classified as unskilled labor, so she gave him seventy-five pounds a week employment pay. Murphy was asked his occupation. “Diesel fitter” he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Murphy one hundred and fifty pounds a week. When Paddy found out, he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, “Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor.” “What skill?” yelled Paddy. “I sew the elastic on the panties, Murphy puts them over his head and says, ‘yah, diesel fitter.’”
A woman was in labor. Just as the midwife was about to
begin the delivery, the baby stuck its head out and asked the midwife, “ Are you my daddy?” The midwife was astounded and could only say, “No I’m not.” At this, the baby disappeared back inside. The midwife called the nurse. The nurse came in and once again, the baby stuck its head out and asked, Are YOU my daddy?” “NO. I am not!” Once again back in he went. At this point hearing all this commotion, the father came in. Once again, the little head appeared. “Are YOU my daddy?” “Yes I am.” The baby pushed a little until it was half out, beckoned the father to come up close. When the father was really up close, the baby reached out and stuck his finger in his father’s eye, and shouted “hurts doesn’t it?!”
A 65-year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up?” God said, “No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.” Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “God, you said I had another 33 years to live? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the Ambulance?” God replied, “I didn’t recognize you!!!!!”
A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. ‘My darring,’ he whispers, ‘I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?’ he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her. A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, ‘I want to try something I have hear about from odda girls... Numbaa 69.’ More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her…’You want ... Garlic Chicken wif flide lice??’
A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, “This is your Captain. We’re on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto.” He forgets to switch off the intercom, and the whole plane can hear his conversation with his co-pilot. The copilot says to the pilot, “Well,
skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?” “Well,” says the skipper, “first I’m gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap . . . then I’m gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner ...then I’m gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and put it to her big time all night long!” Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisles, trying to get a look at the new stewardess. Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She’s so embarrassed that she tries to run to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and falls on her face. The old lady leans over and says: “No need to hurry, dear. He’s gonna take a shit first.”
A doctor can’t find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads: “GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.” A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic. Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.” Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth.” Lawyer: “Ugh. this is kerosene.” Doctor: “Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.” The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money. Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.” Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.” Lawyer (annoyed): “This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.” Doctor: “Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20.” The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100. Lawyer: “My eyesight has become very weak I can’t see at all.” Doctor: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100.” Lawyer (staring at the note): “But this is $20, not $100!” Doctor: “Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20”
from 8am to 4pm, why don’t you want me here until 10am? I’m not looking for any special treatment.” “What you have to understand is that this is a council job,” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. There’s no point in you coming in for that.
A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans, but was told by the cashier: “I’m sorry, but we can’t sell this to you without proof you have a cat. Too many seniors are buying cat food to eat. Management wants proof that you are buying this for your cat.” So, the lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat food. The next day, she comes in and tries to buy two cans of dog food and was again told she couldn’t buy them without proof. So, the lady went home, brought in her dog and was sold the dog food. One day later, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid and asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said: “No, you might have a snake in there.” The lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So, the cashier put her finger into the box, quickly pulled it out and screamed: “That smells like shit.” The lady replied: “It is... I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper please.”
Only certain professionals can get away saying these... Doctor: Please take off your clothes Dentist: Now open wide and hold still Veterinarian: How’s your pretty pussy Gardener: Want me to fertilize your bush Lawyer: Let’s go over section 69 Banker: If you withdraw too early you lose interest Chef: Do you like it hot and spicy Police: You don’t need protection Army personnel: Load... Aim... Fire...!
Swimming instructor: Go deeper
Gym trainer: Push harder
Interior Decorator: Once it’s done, you will love it
Telephone Guy: Would you like it on the table or against the wall
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos and wearing strange clothing, entered the E.R. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read… ’Keep off the grass.’ Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing which said…’Sorry, had to mow the lawn.’
A bloke goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies: “yes, caffeine.” “Have you ever worked for the public service before?” “Yes, I was in the army,” he says, “I was in Iraq for two tours.” The interviewer says: “That will give you five extra points toward employment.” Then he asks: “Are you disabled in any way?” The guy says: “Yes, a mine exploded near me when I was there and I lost both of my testicles.” The interviewer grimaces and then says: “OK, you’ve got enough points for me to take you on right away. Our normal hours are from 8am to 4pm but you can start tomorrow at 10am, and carry on starting at 10am every day.” The bloke is puzzled and asks: “If the work hours are
The Madam opened the brothel door in New York City and was greeted by a well-dressed, handsome man in his late 40s. “May I help you, sir?” she asked. “I want to see Rosie,” he replied. She said, “Rosie is our most expensive lady. Perhaps you’d like to see someone else?” “No,” he said. “I must see Rosie.” Rosie appeared and told him, “I charge $10,000 a visit.” Without hesitation, the man handed her the cash. They went upstairs. An hour later, he left. The next night, he came back. Rosie was stunned - no one ever returned a second night at that price. Still, he paid and went upstairs with her. On the third night, he came again. Everyone was in shock. Again, he paid $10,000 and went upstairs. Afterwards, Rosie asked, “No one’s ever done this. Where are you from?” He replied, “Brooklyn.” She said, “No way! I have family in Brooklyn!” “I know,” he said. “Your sister passed away. I’m her lawyer. She asked me to deliver your $30,000 inheritance.”
“Alice Gets VD From Dirty Gurl”
Part Two: The Ride to Kansas City
Dirty and I were ready to hit the road!
was perfect. Partly cloudy. Cool. Dry. Calm. Moderate Thursday afternoon traffic. I was all great. I had filled Dirty Gurl’s tanks with gas from one of many jugs I keep in my garage. 91-Octane Ethanol-Free fuel with an ounce of SeaFoam mixed in with each gallon of fuel.
Old Flathead motors LOVE good fuel almost as much as they LOVE typical Midwestern September weather! That bike cruised flawlessly.
...it was time to take that Shakedown Ride. It was perfect. There was nothing to do now but pack the bike and head to Fremont…
That ride to Fremont was one of the best twohour rides I can remember. The late-summer air
First stop: Casey’s Superstore in North Sioux City to top up some High-Octane, No-Alcohol Fuel. (The Good Stuff.) I pulled out of there a few minutes before 3:00pm Thursday afternoon, September 18th, 2025. We were (FINALLY!) on our way! Destination for the day: Kory and Ashley’s place, Fremont, Nebraska. My preferred route from my home to theirs is I-29 south to the Veteran’s Memorial Bridge from Sioux City, IA to So. Sioux City, NE, then take US Highway 77 southbound to Fremont.
I had carefully packed (overpacked, actually) a large waterproof bag and the saddlebags with just about anything I could imagine needing on the short weekend trip. Being a Third-Tier Participant on this Ride left me quite a bit more ‘in the dark’ than I prefer to be. I knew almost nothing in the way of the details of this trip. Kory (a Second-Tier Participant) knew only a bit more about the details that did I. My orders were to pack heavy enough to be ready to sleep on the floor or on the ground, depending… Tarp, air mattress, cot, fart-sack, blanket, and a very compact three-legged stool for parking my tired and crippled old ass if need be. Of course I had a change of socks, skivvies, shirt, toiletries, vitamins and meds, etc.
Second Stop: Andy’s in Oakland, NE. (They’ve got the Good Stuff there, too.) I turned off the engine after pulling up to the pump, but did not even get out of the seat. Swiped card. Pumped fuel. Grabbed receipt. Checked the oil. Fired up and back on the road. I stopped one time to check my pack after hitting a rather
substantial bump in the road on a bridge just north of Winslow, where US 77 crosses the El Khorn River, I think… Everything looked okay, so off to Fremont we went!
It’s always a good feeling when I roll up into the alley behind K&A’s garage. Not at all
to my surprise, Kory was back there, pulling wrenches on his Panhead chopper. After we got caught up a bit, he cleared a spot inside for the Dirty One, shut down the garage and we went to the house and retired for the evening. Food and Thursday Night Football were on tap, although I fell asleep in their recliner before the end of the game. (I think the Bills won.)
Friday morning was easy enough. We checked over the machines and just as we were ready crank up them engines, we both heard the unmistakable sound of an H-D Twin. Sure enough, less than a minute later, Joe Dirtster arrived in the alley.
Kory did the introductions and we all admired each other’s bikes before leaving Fremont. Joe’s ride was pretty amazing. He had heavily modified the suspension (front and rear), tires, fenders, fuel tank, etc. of his 1200 Sportster to make it a truly unique dual-purpose Bike. He even had some fine-looking vinyl stickers made up for his fuel tank. (The tank was off some sort of exotic off-road machine, the maker’s name of which I am unable to recall.) The stickers were done up in the familiar ‘Sportster’ script font, but the name had been changed from ‘Sportster’ to ‘Dirtster.’ Joe did a great job on this bike and it was a blast to watch him carve up the roads all day.
was straddling a late-model Sportster with a slammedlow swingarm frame, a long narrow glide front end and a clean, simple peanut tank. A sanitary Ride. As we were all doing our introductions, Terry roared up on his earlySeventies Honda CB750 Survivor Chopper. A rigid frame, long skinny front end, and a weld-on rigid rear frame section. That bike, and Terry as well, looked like they just timetraveled from the cover of a 1973 “Chopper” magazine. This guy had it going on! Vintage in every way, including the Burt Reynolds haircut and mustache. Coarse weave black corduroy pants. Black Beatle Boots. Black sheepskin vest, and an especially cool black Seventies biker cap. You know? Like the ones you’d see in the back pages of an early “Easyriders” magazine?
There were some Righteous Piles and Filthy Animals in that bunch...
Kory had told me that we would be making a rendezvous with Travis at the Crooked Hook (Flying J) in Gretna, NE. I was looking forward to seeing him again, and sure as can be, Travis was there waiting for us when we pulled up to the pumps. Although I couldn’t recall his name when I wrote “Alice’s Ride” (TRMI November, 2024), Travis was one of the Original Beautiful People. I’ve enjoyed the pleasure of his company over the past year or so.
Trav’s sled is a late-model Sportster done up in a rigid frame and a long-ass springer front end. Chrome and multicolored flip-flop paint was tastefully selected and applied. A modern-day Chopper, for sure.
So, now there were Four of us.
Next rendezvous point: Nebraska City, where we were to meet Collin (another Original member of the Beautiful People), Jace, and Terry. We, the Four of us, arrived at destination a few minutes before our new riding companions. Collin and Jace were first to show. Collin was riding an old rigid Panhead Chopper with a long springer front end. This bike was no-nonsense in every aspect. Built to ride and ride hard! Not particularly aesthetically appealing to my taste as it was a solid Road Machine. Jace
After all the introductions and the obligatory topping up of the fuel tanks, we were on the road again. Kory had led us from Fremont to Nebraska City. Now, it was Collin’s turn to be the Leader of the Pack. The Pack of Seven. It was quite evident to me that I didn’t get the memo regarding what to pack and what not to pack on my motersickel. Everyone else was packed like it was an all-nighter with a turnaround in the morning. My bike looked as if I were moving to a new home. Regardless of all that, were about to embark on the most pleasant and enjoyable leg of the entire journey.
To be clear, Kory took Joe, Travis and I on some sweet Nebraska back roads from Gretna to Nebraska City. We were a tight Pack of Four. Although we had never all ridden together, we played very well together from Gretna to Nebraska City. Although US 75 was our primary route, we took some awesome side roads along the way.
Collin’s choice of back roads in extreme Southeast Nebraska and Northeast Kansas were pretty damn sweet, too. He led us down US 75 until it was time to turn east and head into Falls City. From there, we took some very cool route that led us to White Cloud, Kansas. Again, some of these fellas were familiar with each other’s riding style, but I was not. Regardless, we rolled smoothly and in a reasonably tight formation. When we got to White Cloud, we all rode up an ‘unimproved’ rutted trail to a scenic overlook where all the Beautiful People posed for a great photo opportunity. (Still rocking an ancient six-volt phlip-fone for a camera makes for sketchy images sometimes used in this magazine.) Coming
down the hill and into town, it looked to be barely inhabited. From White Cloud, we rode to Atchison, Leavenworth and Kansas City, KS.
As we were about to head into Kansas City, KS, Collin pulled us all to the side of the road and informed us the importance of sticking together in a tight formation, running stoplights when necessary and never losing direct line of sight with each other. He didn’t need to explain ‘why’ and no one bothered to ask.
I really didn’t notice the exact moment when we crossed into Kansas City, Missouri, but when we rolled into the ‘Stockyards District’ and I saw about 200 motorcycles lined up on two sides of the street, I was pretty sure we weren’t in Kansas anymore…
Look for “Alice Gets V.D.” Part Three in next month’s TRMI
Thanks to Bill Wilson and the H.P. Thank a Veteran every time you speak with one.
Love and Respect to Vernon, Melanie, and all you Faithful TRMI Readers.
Alice (LS) Landshark
Ride or Die in Hibernation Season
By Captain Crash (Crash Davis)
There’s a moment every year — every rider in Iowa knows it. You don’t need a calendar app, a weather alert, or the local meteorologist standing in front of a green screen like he’s narrating the end of the world. Nope. The truth hits you more directly than any forecast ever could, because it hits you the second you open the garage door and that December wind slaps you across the face like you just smart-mouthed your grandma.
That’s when it happens. The season changes. Not officially, not according to any celestial chart — but according to your bones. I have loads of artificial parts, scar tissue, tears, used up joints, I can “feel” every damn weather event. IT’S AWESOME.
It is no longer riding season.
It is remembering riding season. It is dreaming of riding season. It is Ride or Die… But Not Today.
Now, if you’ve been at this lifestyle long enough, you learn to adapt. Because riding in the Midwest means mastering the art of seasonal heartbreak. It means looking at your bike with the same expression a retriever gives you when you pick up a tennis ball but don’t throw it. It means pacing in the garage like a man who forgot why he walked in there. It means lingering next to the bike longer than necessary, like you’re about to give a farewell speech in a Revolutionary War movie.
We all pretend we’re tough.
“We ride year-round.”
“We don’t let weather stop us.”
“We are warriors of the asphalt.”
“F&K the English”
Meanwhile, the first thirty-degree morning shows up and the same guy who swore he’d ride until his eyebrows froze is suddenly making hot cocoa and researching winter gloves on the couch under a blanket. Or whiskey.
Look — there are winter diehards among us. You know who you are. Heated gear plugged in, looking like you’re wearing a battery-powered space suit. I respect those riders deeply. I admire them from afar. I salute them. I do not join them. I am a man who knows when to say, “Nope. Not today.” And look, black ice, snow squalls, hard pass. I have nothing to prove.
This time of year, the miles stop — but the bond doesn’t.
And that brings me to the idea of ride-or-die partners.
If you have one, you know. If you don’t, you’ll understand someday.
A ride-or-die is not just a passenger, not just a buddy, not just someone who shows up when the weather is perfect and the
destination is fun. A ride-or-die is the person who has been there: It’s my bride that has dealt with my bull for 25 years and has done it with a smile, a great attitude and is always down for an adventure.
When the ride went one hundred miles past the gas station. When the dinner stop turned into “whatever snacks they have at this Casey’s.”
When the sky turned black way too fast.
When the road map didn’t map anything useful at all.
When the GPS thought “scenic” meant “gravel, hills, and prayer.”
A ride-or-die stays.
They put up with you. You put up with them.
You share the silence just as easily as the chaos.
And winter is where that relationship shows itself.
Because winter is not riding season — Winter is dreaming season.
This is when real riders start planning.
Not casually.
Not lightly.
But with the seriousness of a man applying for a mortgage.
You start talking routes:
“We should go northeast this year.”
“We never did get to those river road curves.”
“What about the driftless region again?”
“You know we still haven’t done that cheeseballs and tenderloin loop.”
You start plotting destinations: Museums. State parks. Hidden taverns. That weird roadside attraction you swear someone made up until you Googled it and yep: it’s real, and somehow proud of it.
You start imagining next summer like it’s going to be the greatest riding season of your life.
Because the mind is free while the bike is parked.
And then — the online shopping begins.
Oh yes. Don’t lie. I see you.
It starts innocent: “I should look at new gloves.”
Then suddenly you’re pricing:
Exhaust systems.
Seats “designed by NASA for tailbone support.”
Chrome accessories that add zero performance but every ounce of joy.
Windshields in 14 sizes because apparently, you’re Goldilocks. Highway pegs that pivot, rotate, and probably file your taxes.
And then the sentence appears.
The sentence every spouse recognizes.
The sentence that starts wars and dreams all at once:
“Now… I’m not saying we’re getting another bike…”
Which, in our language, translates to:
“…but I have already named it.”
See, winter isn’t just the season of patience —it’s the season of anticipation.
And anticipation is half of loving motorcycles. Because riding isn’t just about being on the bike. It’s about what the bike represents.
Freedom.Escape. Breathing room. A reminder that the world is big and your problems are small under open sky. Even when the wheels stop rolling, the identity doesn’t go anywhere.
Once a rider — always a rider. Season doesn’t matter.
Temperature doesn’t matter.
matter.
We’re still riders when we’re:
Scraping ice off windshields.
Cursing the wind like it personally insulted us.
Saying “spring will be here soon” like it’s a prayer and a threat. Standing in the garage touching the tank for exactly three seconds longer than normal.
Riding is a part of who we are. Not just what we do.
So, this winter, don’t mourn the miles, dream them. Map the rides. Plan the stops. Tell old stories. Miss the people you lost along the way. Be grateful for the ones who are still beside you. Just hope the text chain between friends never becomes public.
Because when that first warm day comes — and it always comes — the world opens up again. The bike wakes up. The heart opens up. The road calls. And you and your ride-or-die will look at each other like you’ve been waiting your whole life for just that moment.
Kickstand up. Clutch out.
World on pause.
See you in the spring.
Or a really warm winter day when the roads are clean.
Calendar doesn’t
An Iron What?
Since 2007 when I got my first ever new and modern late model motorcycle, I have had the opportunity to do several Iron Butt types of rides. I call it an IB type of ride due to never having done the official registration or jumped through the hoops and do not care to get another sticker, patch, or a paper to hang on my wall. To hit the 1,000-mile mark on a motorcycle in less than 24 hours is not monumental, but considerable. More than one discussion and much inspiration was gotten from Breeze at Butterfields Motorcycle parts. That shop has been an uber long time advertiser with the magazine and I consider Breeze a great friend and motorcycle industry cohort. That cat has forgotten more about long distance riding than I will ever know, and I look up to him for that among other reasons. He has given me pointers, ideas, and lists of things NOT to do while trying to hit 1,000 miles plus in a single day. His help has been instrumental in learning to plan and execute the 20 long rides that I have racked up in the last 18 years. Thanks Breeze!
I completed the first long distance ride in 2007 on a HarleyDavidson Nightrain Softail and ended up in Park City, Utah short of 19 hours from when we started. From the first one I completed though, it has always been a test of myself and my machine against the road, and all that I needed at the end of the ride was the pride of knowing that I could do it. I have continually tried to improve my time, doing things smarter, safer, and keep them interesting, there are always things you cannot plan for. This stuff, just like speedbumps in life just need to be dealt with and you move along. I plan to keep doing them every year until I can no longer, then will probably just step down the miles off the 1,000-mile mark and go from there. I usually try to complete at least one a year, generally somewhere around my date of birth anniversary in later September. I have missed a couple of years due to being busy at that timeframe, or weather got the best of me, but I have also done more than one in a riding season. Hell, I did two in less than one week a handful of years ago, one on a Sunday to San Antonio, and another one coming home on Friday night.
you would think to get some petrol, and sometime you run into some detours for a plethora of reasons. It all tank mixes in the end though, and if you hit your goal, all is good!
I headed south on 191 from Portsmouth and headed toward the big road. To hit the miles in as little time as possible, it works easiest to run interstate highways. I got down to 880 for a very short jaunt, then over to I-80 and headed toward Lincoln. After going through Lincoln, I diverted south Highway 77 to Highway 2 and then headed back east toward Nebraska City. I probably won’t ever do that route around the west side of Lincoln again, as it had far too many lights, and too many cars, even at the crack of dark thirty in the morning. At NEC, then I hopped onto I-29 and blasted south toward the north side of KC where I then transitioned to I-35 northbound. I stayed on this slab for quite a spell, going all the way to Albert Lea, Minnesota before embarking on my westward route to Sioux Falls. I did the 229 loop around Sioux Falls and ended up once again on I-29, heading south toward home-ish. My miles were not adding up the way I had planned, so I went to the Loveland area of I-29 and went east on 880 toward 191 and headed back north toward home. As I was pulling up to the four way stop sign at the south edge of town, I was about 995 miles, so took a short run a couple of miles north and turned around and came back home.
I opened the garage door and pulled in and had ended at exactly the 1,000-mile mark at 6:09 pm. The departure and arrival times accounted for thirteen hours and 45 minutes later when my trip meter, and my odometer registered the 1,000-mile mark parked safely in my garage. I had beaten my own personal record to hit the miles, and was loving every minute of it! Throughout the day I was going between 165 and 185 miles between fuel stops. I would splash gas, take a leak, and get back on the bike. I never took a meal break, but had a couple of protein bars, some beef jerky, and some Twizzlers all packed in the tour pack for the journey. I started with a couple of cups of coffee, and then switched to water for most of the day. I usually drank a bottle of water per gas tank. When I got fuel in South Dakota, I was getting a little tired, so I grabbed a Mountain Dew and kept hammering out the miles.
This year on September 27th, a fine brisk 52-degree Saturday morning, I took off from my place at 4:24 am geared up and ready to tackle the day. I planned my trip in Google maps for the general path that I wanted to take, but there are always some minor differences in the miles on the app and the miles traveled. Hell, even the trip meter can be a handful of percentage points off either way, so that can throw it off too. One of the reasons the route can show shorter or longer would be taking exits off big roads to get fuel for instance. Sometimes you need to travel farther off the beaten path than
My fuel stops are as short as possible. With five or six stops throughout the day, if they are each five minutes long, you are adding a half hour to your ride time. If you dink around for 30 minutes per stop, you are adding hours to your day. The faster you can get done, the better off you are in my opinion. Is this for everyone? Hell no, but I sure as hell enjoy challenging myself and plan to do so for years to come!
If you ever are interested in hearing more about these rides, I would be happy to chat with you! Take care, and ride safe!
Vernon
Nov
Dec
Jan 16-18 43rd Annual Rod & Custom Show East Moline, IL
Jan 24-25 Midwest Cycle & Motorsports Show & Swap Meet South Sioux City, NE
Jan 31 Zero Run & Chili Feed Big Barn HD Des Moines
Jan 31-Feb 1 Colorado Motorcycle Expo Denver
Feb 12 ABATE of Iowa Lobby Day Des Moines
Feb 20-22 40th Annual ABATE D2 Lincoln Bike Show Lincoln, NE
Feb 21-22 57th Annual O’Reilly Auto Parts Rod and Custom Show Monticello
Mar 8 Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet Cedar Rapids
Mar 20-22 Omaha Chapter AMCA National Swap Meet Fremont NE
Mar
May
May 2 15th Annual Sleeping Angels Fun Run Boone
Jul 2-4 ABATE of Iowa Freedom Rally Algona
Aug 15 The Rust Run Antique Motorcycle Poker Run Atlanta, NE
