May is often considered the official start of the riding season. I know, I know, many like me have already been putting a few miles on for a while already by the 1st of May, but in general this is the start of the “official” season. The Governor of Iowa for numerous years has proclaimed May as Motorcycle Awareness Month. The Feds via NHSTA and Motorcycle Safety Foundation designate May as Motorcycle Safety Awareness Month also. The AMA as well acknowledges the month of May as Motorcycle Safety Awareness Month. Many other states and localities also promote May as being Motorcycle Awareness or Motorcycle Safety Awareness Month. Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa also proclaims May as “Get the hell out and ride your bike month”, with an emphasis on safe riding and returning home to ride another day. With all these notices, you would think the public would just put down their phones, cheeseburgers, hairbrushes, and whatever else is distracting them while driving and pay attention more as to not kill us. Sadly, that does not seem to be happening, but we as riders also have a vested interest in riding and doing so safely. If you want to have fun on your bike and make it home alive, there are things that can be done to make sure that happens. Make sure you are properly licensed and educated to ride. A strangely high percentage of accidents on two and three wheels are from people without the proper endorsement on their drivers license, or no license at all. This should be remedied if possible if it is you, and if it is someone you ride with, encourage them to fix that post haste. If you have not done so, take a rider education course, or repeat one. There are tons available all over the state and here is one place to look: https://iowadot.gov/mvd/motorcycle/ motorcycle-rider-education. Many motorcycle crashes are single vehicle incidents, with a high percentage of those involving alcohol, which some could be alleviated of riders making smarter decisions. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies in the safety factor or riding. This year let’s try to make better choices and return home to ride again. Safe travels everyone!
someone of the younger generation interested in motorcycles at all, take them under your wing and show them the ropes! Encourage them to partake of the thoughts and feelings of two wheeled freedom, and get them interested in any and all types of motorcycles that they may be interested in. Quite simply, our future, and the future of our lifestyle may depend on it!
Before parting ways for the month, remember to try and darken the door of places you see on these pages. We thank them for their loyal support of Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa and greatly appreciate their support, as we could not do this without them. Check out their places of business, and let them know TRMI sent ya!
Until next month, ride with purpose, ride with vigor, ride safely!
Vernon vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Proud Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Owner Thunder Guns and Thunder Guns West IMDA Board Member
MRF Iowa Assistant State Rep COC Liaison
NCOIR State of Iowa Representative
Quote of the Month: “America without her soldiers would be like God without His angels.” Claudia Pemberton.
I do know that we have had a widespread change of events in the last decade or more. I know that things never seem to stay the same, that they either get better and flourish, or they stagnate and contract or end all together. The biker life and all that it has to offer is much older now than it ever has been. Gray hair and gray beards are an overwhelmingly common trend. The younger generations don’t seem to be too interested in the lifestyle that we live, and that is truly saddening. I try all the time to get younger people excited about the sport, the life, the way of being, but it seems to fall on deaf ears many times. I know there are a few that are absolutely digging the life, but they are in the minority in the biker world for sure. I beg every one of you to try and spark some interest with younger people, because it may end up being the difference between long standing events staying alive or dying off. When you see
On the Cover the
We were up at the Chopper Show in Mason City and wanted to try to capture some images of awesome choppers and some gorgeous ladies. Angel was gracious enough to make an awesome bike look even better, and we thank her for being a real sport that day. It was a long day and exhausting, but we got what we needed on Saturday night and early Sunday morning. At the close of the show, the awards were being handed out, and low and behold, one of the bikes we had shot was owned by Dick “Slider” Gilmore. By a unanimous vote of D7 reps, industry reps, and other lifelong motorcycle peeps, the winner of the 2025 Charlie “Chopper” Gilmore Best Chopper Award was in fact Slider’s 1960 Harley-Davidson FLH Chopper named “The Dragon Tamer”. Every part of this bike has been engraved, polished, chromed, painted, customized, or fabricated. It is a blast from the past example of work that forged the custom motorcycle world we have today. We cannot wait until the next chopper show to see more works of art!
Well, several weeks back it was finally sort of warm and sort of dry and I was off work - all at the same time - so I got to go on my first ride of the year. The shake-down cruise, as Mark calls it. He had been out riding a couple times already but I needed to run some older gas out of my tank and make sure it was firing on all cylinders after sitting so much of last year. I didn’t want to have a repeat of the issues we had with my old Honda a year or two ago when it had sat for too long.
The Honda has become my “fallback bike” (as in, someday when I get too old to hold the Heritage up, I’ll still have the lighter-weight Honda to fall back on), so right now it spends a fair amount of time parked in the back of the garage. Mark generally takes it for a few rides each year to get the fluids running through and keep things from seizing up, but this time, he wasn’t getting the cooperation he normally gets. As he headed down the street, instead of a smooth idle, he got lots of noise (yes, from a Honda!) accompanied by some chugging and jerking like the choke was on.
The bike ended up getting a trip to our friend Cody’s garage where it was diagnosed with gunked up carburetors. Because it had sat for too long without any fresh gas flow, the jets were clogged, the bowls were full of sediment and the new gas was prevented from getting through to the engine where it could actually do its job. We were thankful that Cody knows his stuff and had the time and tools to take care of the problem. He soaked and cleaned all the pertinent parts and it wasn’t long before Mark got the call that the bike was running like a champ again and ready to be picked up.
Humans are a lot like bikes in this regard. Whatever we’re full of will either be running pure and be pumped on through or we’ll be down to the chunky sediment that will only be pushed through in violent spurts with a lot of wearying effort. And if we’ve stuffed it all down, like my Honda Shadow, we will become too clogged up to function at all.
For us, the equivalent of sediment might be that we’ve let the cares of life distract us or let the pleasures this world offers draw us away from what’s important. Or maybe we believed in the teachings of the Bible when we were younger but someone we respected in the church failed us and now we are deeply angry and we’ve lumped Jesus into the “Never trust again” category along with the rest.
In John 7:38-39, Jesus offers this solution: “Anyone who believes in me may come and drink... Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.” As we soak ourselves in the love of Jesus and the truth of the Bible, our old, crusted gunk gradually comes loose and is flushed out of our hearts. We can experience peace in Christ while in the middle of miserable circumstances. We can turn from living only to please ourselves and learn that God brings contentment when we serve others. We can exchange anger and deep wounds for joy and gratitude to the God who gave his Son to rescue us. We can become able to function as God intended us to and be a help to others who don’t know the way to freedom.
Ultimately, it’s up to you. You can let your life continue to backfire and break down, or you can go to Jesus. Only He can free you up and get you firing on all cylinders.
Blessings, Karla
Mark & Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories
Dirty Biker Design
61 W Washington Street Winterset, Iowa 50273 www.DirtyBikerDesign.com 515-444-9050
Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724
Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com
Legal
Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers 800.800.5678 Hupy.com
TheBikerLawyers.com The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Photo and Art
Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com
Shops & Fabricators
Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768
Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 307 E 5th StreetWashington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278
Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954
F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com
Mean Machine Cycles Elkhart, Iowa 50073
Custom & Full-Service HD Repair Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat by appt only 515-367-7336
I’m sure I’m about to piss someone off here, but that’s ok… I’m here for a good time, not a long time. It’s my time and I’ll do with it as I please. Just remember, you chose to read this. Your opinion is just as valuable as mine… it and a bus token will get you across town.
ONE: Would someone please explain to me what the thought process (or lack thereof) is behind vandalizing someone’s car that you don’t even know? I mean, I understand some people just like to cause damage and they don’t care who it hurts, but this latest streak of vandalism is targeting Teslas.
Now, I understand that people THINK this is some sort of protest against Elon Musk because he is the majority shareholder and current CEO of Tesla, but damaging random Teslas on the street isn’t hurting Musk or the Tesla company at all. The random cars are already bought and paid for. Tesla has already received their money from the sale of the car.
So, you damage a car and that causes the owner of said car to make an insurance claim. This, in turn, will cause insurance rates to go up across the board. Some insurance companies may end up refusing to insure a Tesla or just charge much higher rates to do so. Again, this doesn’t hurt Elon Musk or the Tesla company in any way. If anything, it might make the company money when people or insurance companies have to purchase replacement parts and panels, or even an entire replacement vehicle.
Attacking dealerships by smashing windows, arson, and firing indiscriminately through the glass is plain idiocy. Planting “devices” at the dealerships is terrorism. And I suppose that destroying the random charging stations is kind of dumb as well, as other EV’s can use them, not just the Teslas. So, once again, you’re hurting a lot more people than just random Tesla owners.
Seriously, this is just plain dumb. Anyone causing the damage is dumb. Anyone supporting the damage is dumb. You’re all acting like a bunch of spoiled toddlers that were told you couldn’t have a cookie before dinner and now you’re throwing a tantrum.
Wasn’t it less than two full years ago, everyone loved Elon for making a product that was supposed to save the world from the dastardly awful climate change and now the same people are causing all the damage. Why? This doesn’t make any sense. If you don’t like Elon, for whatever reason, just don’t buy a Tesla. Don’t use a Tesla branded charger on your EV.
You know that most sane people don’t set out to destroy something they don’t like, we just don’t participate in
anything to do with that person, place, or thing. I don’t particularly like Dick’s Sporting Goods, so I don’t go there or spend money there. I would never advocate for the entire company to be destroyed. That’s just insanity.
What I find the most amusing is that most of the people that bought a Tesla tend to lean towards the leftist viewpoints and it’s the lunatic leftist liberals that are now destroying those vehicles. Many of the vehicle owners are really confused and simply astonished about the level of depravity that they are now rethinking their political views and moving away from what they used to believe. They are appalled by what their party has become. Good job, lunatics! You’re losing your support. This isn’t a boycott, it’s a felony… idiots!
TWO: Our current Health and Human Services (HHS) Secretary is Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. He is currently 71 years old and is ripped! I was really surprised to see just how fit he is. At 52, I am a mess and really questioning my life choices. This man can do pull ups on repeat while I’m having a “fatattack” after 3 of them! Kennedy cares about his health and physical fitness and he’s concerned about the rest of Americans.
Kennedy has a long history of politics, law, and environmental concerns. He seems to have spent his entire career attempting to Make America Healthy Again (MAHA) and has worked tirelessly to clean up all the messes that have been made that continue to make the world unhealthy… like our pharmaceuticals and what passes for food these days.
Kennedy believes that there is a prevalence of chronic disease and a mass-poisoning of Americans by the food that we have available. In fact, poor diet is responsible for as many as half a million deaths per year in this country. Kennedy believes that healthy food shouldn’t be a partisan issue and has promised to remove ultra-processed foods from school meal, crack down on food dyes which are known to trigger ADHD and possibly cancer, and he’s working to regulate SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) so that less “junk food” is able to be purchased with the benefits.
I can’t say that I agree with everything I’ve heard and read from RFK Jr., but I am of the opinion that our food has become severely over-processed, overly chemical infused, and the vast majority of things we buy at the store, even the “healthy choices” are nothing more than complete shit. And just why is the FDA, and other agencies, policing our home gardens and chicken stock? That’s a topic for another time, but a relevant thought here.
I’m also going to have to agree with Kennedy on SNAP benefits. It’s a NUTRITION program so that low- or noincome people can have the ability to feed themselves and their families; those taxpayer funded benefits shouldn’t be used to purchase cases of soda or bags of candy. Those things should be considered “luxury” items that you get
to purchase with your own hard-earned cash when you can afford to do so. SNAP should be used to purchase real food with good nutritional value, like the Women and Infant Children (WIC) program that allows you to get free everyday groceries like fresh fruits & vegetables, baby food, formula, milk, eggs, beans, cheese, etc. This program doesn’t allow you to purchase high sugar drinks and junk food that are major causes of obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular disease, so why should SNAP allow it? If you want to make yourself fat, cancer prone, and ruin your heart, why should the American taxpayer fund that endeavor? Get a job, make your own money, and kill yourself slowly with your own money, not mine!
Let’s also not forget that the vast majority of those benefiting from SNAP and WIC are also using the taxpayer funded Medicaid program for free, or almost free, medical needs. Taxpayers are funding these people poisoning themselves with garbage “food” and then funding their medical needs after the self-inflicted diseases from their poor choices.
Filling your pantry with very low nutritional value items that make your body require more of the same crap just to survive, makes a family run out of food before the next round of benefits come in. Then we have people complaining that they don’t get enough free money to keep their family fed. Well, maybe if you weren’t buying cases of soda, bags of chips, and candy bars with the benefits, you’d have more of the real food that keeps you alive. Consider that the next time you whip out that taxpayer funded EBT card. (NOTE: please understand I am highlighting extreme cases and I do not believe that this is the norm.
THREE: Government bureaucratic bullshit has been creeping further and further into our lives. The more we ignore it and just sit back and let it happen, the more we lose. Being complacent has gotten us to the point that I now almost 100 percent agree that the Internal Revenue Service must be completely abolished.
Did you know that the IRS now wants to know if you traded anything with another person? If you trade a service for a service, with no money exchanged, the IRS wants to know what it was and how much each service was worth so that you can be taxed accordingly. They even have a form that you can download and fill out to report the barter of goods and or services.
Let’s say you’re a welder by trade and a young person that you know has started a simple construction business as his first entrepreneurial endeavor. One day he stops by your shop to see if you can weld a broken part on your well used dump truck. You agree and spend several hours making sure the repair is done properly so that your young friend can keep his business going. Now, rather than billing this young fellow, you suggest that you’d be happy if he’d be willing to use said dump truck to bring you a load of road rock for your driveway. He happily agrees.
Our country used to thrive on the barter system. A farmer would trade crops for tractor repairs. A ranch hand would trade his roping, herding, and branding skills for room and board. But in today’s world, the over-inflated, underregulated government bureaucrats have decided that you need to assign value to those trades and pay taxes on them.
Everything that our ancestors used to do to survive has been turned into a privilege that you must purchase with a tax; hunting license, fishing license, building permit, demolition permit, permit to carry a firearm, property tax, sales tax, death tax, inheritance tax, income tax, sales tax, payroll tax. I don’t know if I could actually come up with anything in life that isn’t taxed in some way, whether directly or indirectly. It’s a sad state of affairs that needs to change. If that means the abolition of the IRS, I’m voting yes.
- David McCoy - david@thunderroadsiowa.com - FaceBook.com/TRMIDave - FaceBook.com/TRMINSUR
Emil’s Hideaway
222 Glenbrook Dr SE
Cedar Rapids, IA 52403
(319) 743-3123
Hours: Monday-Saturday 4:00 PM - 9:00 PM
Vernon and I were in Cedar Rapids for the Parts Girl Swap Meet and wanted to check out some new places to get our grub on. I’m not gonna lie, the name above is spot on…. and then some. We drove right on by Emil’s Hideaway, turned around and backtracked, only to nearly miss it again. It is well hidden, set back from the main drag, but was worth the effort when we found it. We had eyeballed some food pics on their Facebook page that looked delicious and decided we would stop by and try their supper offerings for ourselves.
first was a house made honey mustard with just a hint of spice behind the sweet honey and the second was a classic melted cheese sauce. Both were delicious on the chewy pretzel bites.
We were quickly greeted when we stepped inside and taken to our seats. It was early evening and the place was rapidly filling up with hungry patrons in search of sustenance. We ordered waters while we took a look at the drink menu and considered an appetizer. We ordered pretzel bites and a couple of margaritas…Vernon chose Raspberry and I opted for Blackberry.
In very short order our waitress returned with our ice-cold margaritas. The were light and refreshing with just the perfect amount of sweetness from the fruit. After a few sips, our waitress was back with a plate of piping hot pretzel bites, perfectly salted and paired up with two dipping sauces. The
While we were sipping and munching on the appetizer we had placed our orders, and we had no sooner set aside the appetizer dish, than our waitress returned with our entrees. We soon discovered that the portions were more than generous, and we probably didn’t need to order the quantity of food we originally thought we needed. Regardless, we dove right in. Vernon ordered the Hawkeye with French fries. The fries were incredibly crispy potato goodness of the seasoned variety, and the perfect partner for the Hawkeye. The Hawkeye consists of juicy, thin sliced lean roast beef with sauteed onions, mushrooms, and peppers topped with smokey bacon and cheddar cheese piled high on toasted sourdough bread with creamy 1000 Island dressing. This is definitely on the “would eat again” list. I was in a bit of a spicy mood, so I had ordered the Italian beef sandwich and added a premium side of homemade mac and cheese. The Italian beef was a chewy, toasted white hoagie with juicy thin sliced Italian seasoned roast beef, melted Apple Jack cheese, and spicy giardiniera peppers piled high. The sandwich comes with a side of au jus for dipping. This sandwich was delicious! But if you don’t like SPICY… be sure to order it with the peppers on the side! The mac and cheese was incredibly creamy and flavorful, with notes of several different cheeses and a welcome addition to my spicy sandwich. We chose to go the sandwich route on our visit to Emil’s, but they also offer pizza and pasta options that looked amazing. If barbeque is more your jam, well they have that too. There is something for everyone at Emil’s Hideaway, so when ya find it, make sure to tell them Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent you!
Melanie
If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@thunderroadsiowa.com.
A man goes to a restaurant and is seated by an extremely hot waitress. When she asks him for his or-der, he replies, “I’ll have a quickie.” The waitress storms off angry. After she regains composure, she comes back and asks him once again what he will have. He replies, “All I want is a quickie.” She can’t control herself this time, so she slaps him. A man sitting near him leans over and whispers, “Sir, I think it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”
A washed-up actor hasn’t gotten a job in years. He has lost his ability to remember lines. But after looking for work for a very long time, he finally gets the lead role in a Broadway musical. When he arrives at the theater, the director tells him, “You have the most important part, but you only have one line. You walk onto the stage with a rose; bring it close to your nose with your thumb, index, and middle fingers; and sniff it deeply. Then you will say, ‘Oh, the smell of my lover.’” When it comes time for him to say his line, he walks onto the stage and says, “Oh, the smell of my lover.” With this, the crowd begins to laugh hysterically and the director explodes with anger. The actor runs off stage and asks, “Did I forget my lines?” The director replies, “No! You forgot the flower.”
A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn’t tell his wife that he had spoken about sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center, and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said, “Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he’s only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off.”
get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears – hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. He turns to her, they kiss, and then they rip each other’s clothes off and make love. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how was it?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
A young couple took their 3-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small mickey. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him bagels with cream cheese. That should solve the problem.” The next morning, when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm bagels and cream cheese in the middle of the table. “Gee, mom,” the boy exclaimed. “For me?” “Just take two,” his mother replied. “The rest are for your father.”
One day, a horse and a chicken were playing, and the horse slipped and fell into a giant sinkhole. Try as she might, the chicken couldn’t pull the horse out of the sinkhole, and she thought her friend was a goner. Then, the horse had an idea! “Chicken, I think the farmer left his keys in his truck. Go tie a piece of rope to the trailer hitch and throw me the other end. I’ll hold it in my teeth, and you can pull me out with the truck!” The chicken did as she was told, and successfully pulled the horse out of the sinkhole. Life went on. A few weeks later, they were playing in the same area, and this time, the chicken was the one to slip and fall into the giant sinkhole. The horse ran to get the farmer’s truck, but the farmer had taken it into town, so no dice. The horse raced back to the sinkhole, determined to spend whatever time the chicken had left with his friend. When he got there, the chicken was just about submerged. The chicken screamed, “Horse, get me out of here!” “I can’t, Chicken, the farmer took the truck into town, I don’t have anything to pull you out with!” “Well, I was thinking about that. What you can do is stand over the sinkhole, I can grab onto your cock, and you can pull me out!” “Well… I guess that could work.” So, the horse stood over the sinkhole, the chicken grabbed hold of his swinger, and the horse picked the chicken right up out of the sinkhole! The moral of the story is: If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a sweet car to pick up chicks.
A man walks into his office cubicle on a Monday morning. He checks his emails and sees one from his neighbor. It reads, “Do you have any naked photos of your wife?” Outraged, the man replies, “NO, I DO NOT!” Shortly after, he receives a second email from his neighbor. Expecting an apology, he opens the email. It reads, “Want to buy some?”
A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant, goes to the bartender, and asks, “How much for a beer?” The bartender replies “$1.” The customer is completely amazed, orders a beer, then asks the bartender, “Well, then how much for a NY sirloin, with a side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for dessert?” The Bartender replies, “$5.” The guy, still amazed, then orders everything, and after he is done eating his meal, he says, “Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place.” The bartender then says, “Oh well, he’s upstairs in his office with my wife.” The guy looks all confused, then asks, “What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?”
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They
The bartender then says, “The same thing I’m doing to his business.”
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: “Paint… my… house.”
These two guys are carpooling home from work one day. The driver looks around, and suddenly, he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. “Look,” he shouts “What are those dogs doing? Are they fighting?”
The passenger replies, “They’re having sex. Don’t tell me that you have never had sex doggy style before?” The
driver embarrassingly admits that he never has, so the passenger says, “You have to try it! Here’s what you do. Tonight, when you get home, fix your wife a margarita and then suggest that you want to try it.” The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give that a shot. The next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the passenger asks, “Well, how did it go?”
A dad told his son, “Stop masturbating! If you do it too much, you will go blind!” The son replied, “Dad, I’m over here.”
To which the driver replies. “It was great. But it took me 6 margaritas just to get her on the front lawn.”
Three women are talking about their sex lives. One says, “I call my husband ‘The Dentist’ because nobody can drill like he does.” The next says, “I call my husband ‘The Miner’ because he has an incredible shaft.” The third sighs and says, “I call mine ‘The Postman.’” “Why the ‘Postman’?” one of them asks. “Because he always delivers late, and half the time, it’s in the wrong box!”
A middle-aged man was talking to his elderly father. “I wanted to thank you, Dad, I remember when I was younger and first dating girls, you gave me a piece of advice. You said ‘good companion, good in bed, good mother – pick two.’” The father looked kindly at his son and nodded. “Well, I feel like I have a good life. My wife is kind to me and a lovely mother to our three kids.” The father nodded back to his son with a knowing look and replied. “That’s great, son, but when I said ‘pick two,’ I meant pick the second one.”
A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?” She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.” “If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “What do you use it for?” “We use it when we make love,” she said. The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually, people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But I know that most people do use it for sex. Can you tell me exactly HOW you use it?” The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”
A bush ranger is roaming the outback on his horse and sees a snake in his path. Rather than kill the snake, as most people would, he got a stick and carefully moved it out of the way. When it was set down, the snake looked at him and said, “Thank you, stranger, most people would not be so kind. I am a wizard cursed to live as a snake, and for sparing my life, I grant you three wishes.” The bush ranger pondered for a moment before coming to a decision. “I wish for a face like Brad Pitt, a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and to be hung like this here horse I’m riding.” The snake said, “Go home and look in the mirror, your wishes shall be granted.” The bush ranger thanked the snake and set off home, excited to see the results. Sure enough, when he looked in the mirror, he saw a face like Brad Pitt and a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Excited, he stripped bare. “Oh no, I took out the mare.”
A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walked in. After a while, they get to talking, and at about 10:30 pm, the second guy says, “Oh well, I better get home. My wife doesn’t like me to stay out late.” The first guy replies, “I’ll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs, then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes, and there will be no complaints in the morning.” The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try. When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulls back the covers, and proceeds to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp, so he decided to wash his face. As he walked into the bathroom, his wife sat on the toilet. Seeing her, he screamed, “What the hell are you doing in here?!” “Quiet!” she exclaimed. “You’ll wake my mother.”
The Dean at an exclusive girls’ school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. “We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,” she said, “Ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?” A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, “Excuse me, but how do you make it last a whole hour?”
What does a robot do after a one-night stand? He nuts and bolts.
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. “If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?” he asked. “Yes!” said his adventurous girlfriend. As he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. “Go and get help!” he cried. “But I can’t. I’m naked and my clothes are gone!” “Take my shoe”, he said, “And cover yourself.” Holding the shoe over herself the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, “Please help me! My boyfriend’s stuck!” The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, “There’s nothing I can do… he’s in too far.”
An old woman buys herself some bright red, crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her hus-band. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new pant-ies. “Hey, old timer,” she says, “Come and get some of this!” The old man says, “Hell no, woman. It ate a hole in your drawers!”
46th Annual Omaha Chapter Antique Motorcycle Club of America Motorcycle Show and Swap Meet (The Meet That Almost Wasn’t)
Brought to you by our Proud Sponsor, Lucas Electrics
(Because a Gentleman doesn’t motor about after Dark.)
This year’s event was billed as the “46th Annual Antique Motorcycle Show and Swap Meet.”
To be clear, I have been going to motorcycle swap meets since 1980. In that first year, I was mostly a “LookieLou” and really didn’t yet know much about building or customizing a motorcycle. In June of 1981, I dragged my first Basket Case motorcycle home and immediately went under the tutelage of Craig “Ole” Olson in Sioux Falls, SD.
Ole taught me more about Motorcycle Fundamentals in the next 12 months than I’ve learned about Motorcycle Fundamentals in all the years since then, combined. The man literally changed my life. One of the most important lessons I learned from him was the value of Spare Parts. Not the dollars and cents value, but the physical value of having a hoard of obsolete bits and pieces, large and small, at your disposal. For example: If you happen to need a countershaft gear for a Harley “45” on a Sunday afternoon, where are you going to begin to look for one? Well, you’d best have one in your Obsolete Spare Parts Inventory, that’s where! And where does one go to find these Obsolete Spare Parts needed in order to build this Inventory? Well, back in that day, we went to Motersickel Swap Meets. Lots and lots of motersickel swap meets. Bear in mind Al Gore hadn’t invented the InterWebs yet and the aftermarket catalog parts availability was somewhere between very thin and anorexic.
swap meets back then than today, too. No InterWebs meant no eVilBay. My mind was somewhat ‘clouded’ back in those days, but I usually had just enough functioning brain cells to remember to bring a pen and a pocket-size notepad. And CA$H. U.S. Currency. Cash is King. (That means TWO things!) Always was. Always will be. The pen and notepad were for taking names and numbers. We actually called people on our rotary-dial, six-volt, kick-start, land-line telephones back then. “Ole” stressed the importance of networking, although we didn’t call it that back in the day. He encouraged me to join the Antique Motorcycle Club of America, and late in 1981, I did just that. In 1982, I joined the Omaha Chapter as well as the Viking Chapter that year.
Ole taught me how to read and interpret the H-D Spare Parts Manual. He even loaned me a copy until I could secure one of my own. We weren’t as much interested in what was ‘correct’ for our motersickels as we were interested in getting them up and running and keeping them up and running. Damn, we had fun!
Of course, when you’re hitting every Motersickel Swap Meet within 250 miles, you begin to see and meet new people with similar interests. There were a LOT more
To the best of my recollection, the First Omaha Chapter Meet I attended was at the Late and Great Howard Wagner’s Four T and Spring Repair shop in Carter Lake, Iowa. I believe that meet to have been in February of 1982. There were a dozen or more cool old bikes on display and a near-equal number of Vendors plying their wares. (Howard ALWAYS had a table with ‘correct’ fabric-covered wire and terminals at these meets!) Back in those days, we would often have an outdoor meet in May as well as the Indoor Winter Meet. These outdoor meets were held at the Plymouth County Fairgrounds in LeMars, Iowa and were ‘hosted’ by LeMars’ Favorite Son (Not ‘that’ kind of ‘Son!’), the Late and Great Richard Schultz. At first, they were simply ‘Chapter Meets’ and not sanctioned by The AMCA National MucketyMucks. Before long, however, the LeMars Meet became a National Event. As the years went by, the Winter Indoor Meet relocated to the Underwood Municipal Building Association (UMBA) in beautiful downtown Underwood, Iowa. I do not recall if the ‘Underdog’ meet was ever an AMCA National Event. We had several meets in the UMBA Hall, but had to find a new home (Kennard, NE etc.) when it burned to the ground. The Chapter eventually landed in the Main Arena at Christensen Field in Fremont, Nebraska a number of years ago.
The Christensen Field venue is a lovely facility with but a few drawbacks. The major drawback has less to do with the facility itself than it does with when our Meet falls on the AMCA Calendar of Events. Historically, our Winter Indoor Meet has been a late-February event from the beginning (1980 or 1981?) until the 2024 event, regardless of location. The 2024 and 2025 Meets have been in late-March in lieu of late-February. Most of us are aware that Mother Nature can be absolutely beautiful or absolutely brutal in either of these months. This year, she was both.
To the best of my memory, Omaha Chapter has never canceled a Meet, indoors nor outdoors. We’ve had blizzards, rainstorms, and even a tornado at LeMars one year! We didn’t even cancel our Winter Indoor National for the Election Infection (COVID) in 2020!
2025 was different.
Theisman’s femur. (If you don’t remember Joe Theisman’s horrific injury, think of trying to bend an uncooked spaghetti noodle.) We were able to talk with the motel where we had a room booked a little bit Wednesday evening, but when they lost power, we lost our connection with them. We ended up canceling our room through the third-party reservation agent.
On March 19th, there was a horrible last-day-of-winter blizzard in Eastern Nebraska that set the entire community of Fremont on its Proverbial Posterior Appendage. (In the vernacular of the Laymen, the blizzard knocked the community of Fremont on its ASS!!!) Power lines became encased in ice from the freezing rain that preceded the snow and wind. The ice-coated lines put undue stress on the utility poles and when the wind came up (79mph blast in nearby Uehling, NE) the lines and poles snapped like Joe
New Omaha Chapter President, Scott Larson and I were on the phone a LOT in the 48 hours preceding Setup and Vendor Move-in Day. He was determined to have the Event with or without electrical energy and put all his eggs in one basket, that basket being Omaha Public Power District. (OPPD is the electrical energy provider for a lot of the Greater Metropolitan Omaha Area.) I learned later that OPPD doesn’t serve Fremont, as The City of Fremont has its own Municipal Electrical Plant and Service. I gave Scott my unconditional support in whatever decision he and the Chapter Board of Directors made in regard to having or canceling the meet. Had I been aware that Scott had not actually had his boots on the snow in Fremont, I may have been less than enthusiastic about giving my unconditional support... BUT, as is the case in any group, small (Omaha Chapter AMCA) or large (The Federal Government of the United States), we have to trust the decisions our elected officials make on our behalf.
The Decision to hold the event without electricity proved to be an acceptable decision to the majority of involved and affected people. Had the outside temperature been even five degrees lower and/or the outside wind velocity been even five mph higher, that meet could have been as disastrous as everything within miles of the place! Leaders make Decisions. Not all their Decisions are always the best possible, but regardless, Decisions must be made. When Scott asked me about canceling the Even Banquet scheduled for that Saturday evening, I encouraged him to cancel it. As it turns out, that was the correct decision to have been made.
I had a small trailer loaded with swap meet inventory and had pre-paid for my vendor spaces, so I took a Leap of Faith by heading to Fremont Friday morning, not really knowing what to expect. Thanks to some great friends, Kory and Vintage Rust Stanley, I was able to back up my trailer directly to my vendor spaces. All of the overhead doors in the building were open to let in some daylight and to let out the precious little heat that had been stored in the concrete floor and the concrete block walls. Trade was slow, but enthusiasm was high. As is usually the case, whenever swap meet vendors and buyers get together, a good time is had by all. The 2025 Omaha Chapter AMCA Winter Indoor National in Fremont, Nebraska was no exception. President Scott and his Board of Directors pulled a rabbit out of their collective hat. You-all got away with it! Congratulations, and I hope I’m never faced with the Decisions you had to make on VERY short notice.
I didn’t see Ole at this year’s meet, but I did see a bunch of my good old friends from Sioux Falls vending and
buying. These fellas helped to shape the formative years as a motorcyclist nearly fifty years ago. We were all younger then but we’re doing our best to stay Young at Heart by continuing to do what we love.
I packed up my stuff, loaded my trailer and pulled out of the Venue at 4:00pm Saturday afternoon. As I began to head north, there were a lot of Questions stomping around in my Skull and Emotions racing through my Heart. Were the ‘right’ Decisions made in regard to this show? How will these Decisions be viewed by the National AMCA? How will Vendors and Buyers look at this show in the future? The only decision that I personally made was absolutely the ‘right’ decision. That was the decision to NOT fire up Dirty Gurl and ride her the 90 miles back to Fremont early Sunday morning in hopes of securing the Highly Coveted “Ridden Longest Distance” award. I rolled out of bed that morning a few minutes before 5:00am. The temperature was 50 degrees and the wind was calm. I figured that would make for a nice ride in a couple hours. WRONG! When I checked again at 7:00am, the temp was 40 degrees, and the wind was HOWLING! And there was rain. Lots of ice-cold, wind-driven rain. I decided that another trophy or plaque on the shelf or on the wall was less important to me than staying home with my Ladies, Carol, Maggie and Nita.
Ride safe. Thank God.
Be kind to all.
Alice
It May Be Worse Than Celibacy.
Riding season is rocking my brothers and sisters, we have made it out of the darkness that sucks out our soul. The winter of our disconnect, and yea I said it right Disconnect.
Whenever I am disconnected from my bike(s) I always feel a pit of something that is missing and it’s been that way for about as long as I can recall (which isn’t as much recalling as I used to do) blame it on my seemingly quickening advancement of age, or the fact that I have been dealt a great deal of head trauma over the course of my lifetime. I mean there are times when legitimately, a helmet should have come into play and slowed down some of the damage.
I am only half joking about this… sadly. I have been hearing and reading about guys that have CTE and what they are dealing with, and it does make me question how many blows to the brains is too many over a lifetime and exactly how many I have actually absorbed over these 6 decades. But ya can’t undo it, so you just keep hammering on…enjoying a warm summer day on the bike, a plate of wings, a cold beer, or watching my wife get out of the shower. I mean, there are a lot of things I still really enjoy…Those first warm spring days of riding I really f’n enjoy as well!
tasks pile up in my emails, on my desk, client demands, staff needs, suppliers, shippers, bosses, bankers. Pick a lane of problems, because we all face them in life, it happens, but how we deal with the end result defines us and getting out and riding defines me.
50 years of therapy. 50, damn years. My sister believes I am off a year and it’s actually 51 and she likely is correct, she usually is. But if I am off a year, and she is correct, then I am pretty sure I am still right. 1) I am the older, much prettier sibling C) She can kick my ass and I will deny it under oath. 14) It is all rather subjective and while a personal milestone I do know there was a stretch of about a year I didn’t have a bike to ride in there somewhere.
It was the worse year of my life. It’s like having a very sexy, sexual partner that will always be there to please you, pleasure you in ways that you just cannot describe. The kind of pleasure that gives you so much happiness you feel guilty, almost embarrassed on how much “riding” you are getting in. But like a bang-bang partner, you come to expect that it will always be there, you may even start to take it for granted just assuming you will always be, um, well riding when you want to spread your legs and mount it.
Yea, I am still talking about riding your dirty pirate hooker! Ha, maybe I am not…but I like the way you think. Call me a dirty biker all you want and I will wear that badge like an earned patch with pride and protect It for all I am worth.
I made it out in March, maybe the first part of April and that was fine. Hell, those rides more than rubbed out the burning pit of despair that was eating away at my soul when I was disconnected from my bike. Those February days are always the worse days it seems, and I have such a disdain for the month I refuse to let the mere THOUGHT of that month bring down the happiness that comes when there are some random mornings it’s warm enough for me to ride to work! Let alone get out and rock on a weekend when time away from my jobs and companies permit me to get out and just putt up and down some miles. I love stealing a Thursday late afternoon away. We figure out a town we wanna hit and via a text chain either early in the week or even a day off, and BOOM we are hitting the road and chasing the horizon. That stuff legit makes me smile and get through whatever
But, like a great partner, one day it can all be gone. Boom, you ain’t riding anything suddenly and it’s a shock to the system, you go through withdrawls, you are sure it’s only temporary and it’s gonna be just fine. Hell, even your friends are understanding and offer support to scratch that itch, even offering something for you to ride (Okay, we are talking about BIKES now… BIKES just to be clear). We are not exactly a family magazine, but this isn’t the Penthouse Forum either. I am sure I can crank out some dirty fantasy like that if you want, but the Leader of All Leaders here at Thunder Roads Iowa, an award-winning publication that continues to deliver incredible biker content to our readers and results to the amazing advertisers that show up every month, likely don’t wanna read that here. I mean, if you DO want that, reach out, I can write a little something up for you, but like certain acts in WinnaVegas, it will cost you extra.
I had that streak of constant riding and it started at a very young age and continues until I started my radio career, which is hard to believe hits 38 years this June 30th. I know the first response by many is to feel old, but not me…I love how long I have been doing this stuff. It means I have found passions and paths that I love. I didn’t say I was GOOD at any of it, just that I love it, and in a different light it could just mean that I have no real other usable skills.
I was around 20 or so, still riding my 1977 Honda 750 and making crap money. I didn’t know any better, I was young, dumb and full of…well, words on the radio. I was in an apartment that should have been condemned, with no garage and no tools and suddenly my bike won’t charge anymore. Stator was smoked and I had no way of fixing it, so I did what any good kid would do. I got it hauled to my old man’s farm, and since he was going to be on the road for a project, it was good timing. Perfect, you might say, because he wouldn’t need his bike, so I brought that back with me. I did love his CB360T Honda, it just ran so good and was quick as shit for a bike back in the day.
Then Dad came home off the road that fall and told me before snow hits, that bike had best be home or it was my ass. Actually, he didn’t even need to tell me that last part, I already knew.
The next year, no money, no bike, and it was the longest, dumbest year of my life. Sure, I got to play on some dirt bikes, stuff like that, but I didn’t have access to a bike of MINE that I could just go out, spread ‘em and hop on and twist the throttle. I craved it. I missed it so much and the more I looked into fixing my old bike, the more I learned it was becoming a lost cause. The dollars I was going to have to put into it wasn’t worth the money that I didn’t have at the time. I was needing tires, the stator as I mentioned, the brakes were getting bad, it needed new cables, a seat... and on and on and on.
It was a painful choice to make, but it really was the only one I could make.
Then, my next option came up out of the clear blue sky on a cold winter night, in a bar around closing time.
Until Next Month.
Enjoy The Journey. Todd “Crash” Davis
Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa Iowa Bike Nights and Dinner Rides
This list is what we have found and what has been submitted. Before heading to any event, please check weather and make sure the event is not cancelled. Not responsible for misprints and typos. If you have any other events to list, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Tuesday
Johnny’s Pub Lake Park (Mid May-Sep)
Wednesday
Back Forty Bike Night at the Barn Des Moines (2nd Wed May, Jun, Jul, Sep)
Benolas Baxter
Cruise Night Britt (3rd Wed Jul-Sep)
Pete & Shorty’s Clarksville
The Honkytonk Clarksville
Whiskey Throttle Bar & Grill Cherokee
Supper Rides Harley-Davidson of Carroll (May 14th, Sep 10th)
Dinner Rides Zylstra HD Ames
Thursday
Friday
Cruze N’ to Corydon Bike Night (3rd Fri May-Aug)
Bondurant Bike Night (4th Fri Jun-Aug)
Thunder Nites Newton (2nd Fri Jun-Aug)
Wet Spot Runnells (Every Fri)
American Legion Post 232 Polk City (2nd Fri MaySep)
The Station Slater (May 29th then 3rd Fri Jun-Oct)
