You meet some of the best people on two wheels. There are multiple variations of this, and the wording of it has been changed many times over the years but holds true. A phrase from an ad, sign on a shop wall, meme on social media, whatever it may be, it is honestly the truth. Many people in the biker world are some of the most stand-up folks that you will ever meet. I have not seen anywhere else in society the over-thetop generosity of bikers when someone is in need. The cover and calendar this month are a prime example of some of the best people I know in the motorcycle world, The Sleeping Angels Foundation, who host their biggest event of the year the first weekend in May, now going on 14 years. May 3rd is the date this year, and there are starting locations for the run with multiple routes in a handful of different towns.
You can check out the latest information on Facebook when you search for their page, Sleeping Angels Fun Run.
How I got tied in with these folks was when the late Kirk Kempter came to the Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa booth at the Capital City swap meet. Kirk was good friends with Joey Droste and worked with him on the railroad. Kirk was wanting to do something for his buddy and his wife Shelby who lost their little girl Maggie hours after she was born. Maggie had Edwards Syndrome, and Kirk wanted to help the Droste’s and other parents in times of need after the loss of a child. He started to reach out to people he knew and worked with and asked about getting some ads in the magazine to help promote a fun run that he wanted to do. He brought a hand drawn image with that he wanted to show me, and I ended up getting a scan of it and put it in my archives. That is the image on the cover this month, in memory of Kirk who passed in 2012, and now to show what can be done when caring people band together for a great cause.
On the calendar page this month is Tyler, Kirks boy who has been a supporter and rider for all of the Fun Runs. His late father is part of an amazing legacy and helped get a
run going that evolved into an awesome organization that has raised and donated to many families in need after a loss. Tyler is continuing with the caring and generous spirt of his dad simply by being a part of this every year. I hope that we get a chance to shake his hand at this years Fun Run and chew the fat a bit.
As we are really gearing up for riding season now that April is upon us, if you have not yet, get those tires checked out, make sure the brakes are good to go, check over the fluids, and make sure the battery is fully charged, because it is about time to ride! Spring rains will get the crap washed off of the roadways, but we also need to watch for potholes, debris, animals, and farm equipment. Be safe on the roads as you start heading out for the riding season’s early events and rides.
I would like to offer a heartfelt thank you to our advertisers in the magazine. We could not do this without you and we greatly appreciate the support. If you are out and about and cross paths with some of these businesses, stop in and check out their places and tell them Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent ya. Hell, for that matter, go ahead and just plan a trip to hit up a few of the places in the magazine, guessing you will have fun riding to those places and meet some great people, because like I said, the best people are two wheeled people!
Be safe, Vernon Schwarte vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Proud Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa
Owner Thunder Guns and Thunder Guns West
IMDA Board Member
MRF Iowa Assistant State Rep
COC Liaison
NCOIR State of Iowa Representative
Quote of the Month: “Life is short, buy the motorcycle, have a ride, live your dreams” Unknown
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that”. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
This last month or so has really been a trip. It looks as though we are seeing beginnings of the light of transparency exposing the vermin that hide in the dark corners of government and our society. While light is great, it must be directed or aimed properly to be of benefit and my hope is that the deep state won’t be able to thwart any good we could see come from this.
Have you ever had a headlight that was still lit but a bit cockeyed? I noticed last season that my wife’s Heritage headlight looked strange. Karla always rides behind me so I can keep an eye on her as well as be her governor. Anyone that has ridden with her knows, left to her own devices she would quickly be in trouble: she loves to go fast and would be a rolling ticket magnet. Anyway, on one ride I noticed her headlight was lit but didn’t seem quite right. I didn’t think much more about it until dusk when it was noticeably dimmer. Upon inspection back at the garage her bulb was functioning but had somehow vibrated out of the connection enough that the reflector wasn’t working correctly. You could see light but it wasn’t helping much on the road. Likewise, our country, while we still had some semblance of light, over the years has become cockeyed and dysfunctional. Unfortunately, when left to its own devices our political system lends itself to self - i.e. greed -and becomes nothing more than a struggle to gain, secure, and exercise more power. Even though we still have some light, we desperately need a refocusing to see correctly and hopefully avoid many of this life’s problems. The book of John says, “And this is the judgement: the light has come into the world, but people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light lest his works should be exposed.” It’s no wonder so many organizations, departments, and sectors of bureaucracy are in a head-over-heels panicked scramble to hide, shred, distract and derail the light of transparency.
The light helps us to not just see the potential pitfalls on the road surface but also all the nasties that would jump out of the ditches and wreak havoc with our well-being. The faster we go, the more light we need and I think most would agree we are hurtling through space and time at unprecedented warp speed. With all the tech, AI, travel, instant communication, and knowledge at our fingertips we have big challenges and the accompanying issues. It’s strange how knowledge increases but wisdom doesn’t. When the Biblical foundations are rejected or lost, wisdom and common sense disappear.
It has been really awesome to see the revival sweeping the college campuses of late, though you wouldn’t know it from listening to the regular media. It reminds me of the scripture in the book of Acts that tells us to “ Repent and turn to God, so that our sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord and that he may send the Messiah who has been appointed for you: Jesus”. We could sure use that promised time of refreshing and the deliverance from darkness.
Jesus is the true light of the world and the aiming point we must have to get to the destination God intended for us. Any other gods or beliefs are counterfeit, false substitutes
and will ultimately lead to destruction. John 8:12 tells us, “When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life”.
It’s a good time of year and it was great to see many friends at recent meetings and swap meets. Seeing all the excitement for the coming ride season reminds me of the years we have gone to Sturgis early. All the people are streaming in, the vendors are finishing set up, the mood is great and the expectancy for shining times is high. Kind of like getting ready for a birth. So, let’s enjoy this coming ride season, make the most of the times together and make sure you are following the light.
Blessings, Mark
Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Biker Accessories
Dirty Biker Design 61 W Washington Street Winterset, Iowa 50273 www.DirtyBikerDesign.com 515-444-9050
Dealers
Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street
Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351 www.baxtercycle.com
Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444 www.bigbarnhd.net
Indian Motorcycle of Mason City
Mason City Powersports
12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181
Masoncitypowersportsinc.com
Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496
www.metro-motorsports.com
Route 65 Harley-Davidson
1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160 www.route65hd.net
Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue
Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400 fullthrottleia.com
Harley-Davidson of Carroll 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610
www.carrollcycle.com
Heartland Harley-Davidson 117 S Roosevelt Ave Burlington, IA 52601 319-754-1100 www.heartlandhd.com
Coffee Cup Cafe 616 4th Street Sully, Iowa 50251 641-594-3765
Coffee Cup Café on Facebook
Desperados 105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087
Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings
Flaming Office 201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255
Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-9015
Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332 319-436-7100
Find Us On Facebook!
Shootout Saloon 3571 310th St Dexter
1 Mile West of Bonnie & Clyde Shootout 712-249-0041
Storm Lake Honda 3040 Expansion Blvd Storm Lake, Iowa 50588 StormLakeHonda.com 712-732-2460
Entertainment
Book Em Dano’s
33 S Main Street Denison, Iowa 51442 712-263-9818 Mon-Sat 4-2
Dancers Nightly 5-1:30
Food and Drink (Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)
Ambro’s Roadhouse 917 Guthrie St De Soto, Iowa 50069 515-468-2236 Great Food! Ambro’s Roadhouse on Facebook
Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600
www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com
Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7 Flaming Office on Facebook & Google
Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321
Closed Mon-Tues, 4-Midnite Wed-Thur-Fri, 10-Midnight Sat, 11-Midnight Sunday
Iowa Legendary Rye 707 N Main Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 Iowalegendaryrye.com
Just 1 More 515-570-4206 641-757-0159 309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128
McCanns Tap NE 14th & 54th Des Moines, Iowa 50313
Bike Parking M-F 2:00-2 S-S 11:00-Close
Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2258
Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar!
Northside Rec 511 Main Street Coon Rapids, Iowa 50058 (712) 999-2337
Find us on Facebook
Secluded Bar in the Woods
Sidetracked 206 West Union Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-8534
Stumpy’s Bar & Grill
423 Main Street Duncombe, Iowa 50532 515-543-4222
Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook
The Blue Goose – Richter Bar 307 Audubon Street Adair, Iowa 50002 641-745-7528
The Blue Goose – Richter Bar Facebook!
The Exchange 171 S Elm Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-343-2609
Lang’s Pizza, Cold Beer, Sports
The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St Ankeny, Ia 50023 515-964-9484
yankeeclipperbar.com
Vic’s Main Tap
304 Broadway Audubon, Iowa 50025 712-563-2122
Opens M-F 2-Close, Sat 9-Close, Sun 2-Close
Western Iowa Ice
514 East Street Shelby, Iowa 51570 402-681-6521
Ice Delivered to Your Location
Wilson’s Tap and Recreation 1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395
Guns and Ammo
Thunder Guns
201 4th Ave Portsmouth, Iowa 51565
712-249-5630
Find us on Facebook
Thunder Guns West 1101 Chatburn Ave STE 103 Harlan, Iowa 51537
712-235-2632
Find us on Facebook
Insurance & Financial
State Farm
Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724
Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com
Legal
Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers
800.800.5678 Hupy.com
TheBikerLawyers.com The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452
Photo and Art
Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com
Shops & Fabricators
Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768
Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 307 E 5th StreetWashington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278
Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954
F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com
Mean Machine Cycles Elkhart, Iowa 50073
Custom & Full-Service HD Repair Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat by appt only 515-367-7336
The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com
Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 Woodbine, Iowa 51579 712-647-2818
Open Tues-Fri 9-6, Sat 8-12
Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2220
Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111
Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook
Thunder Road Cycles 4106 Rockingham Rd Davenport, Iowa 52802 563-323-3172
Thunder Road Cycles on Facebook
Trailers
Lacaeyse Trailer Sales 4192 HWY 146 Grinnell Trailers & Truck Accessories 641-990-2674 www.lacaeysetrailers.com
Archies Diner
723 W 7th Street
Sioux City, Iowa
Saturday and Sunday 9 AM 2 PM
For this month for the popular Will Ride to Eat page, I wanted to write about a place that I found in Sioux City. I was up there for the Midwest Motorcycle Show and Swap Meet and wanted to find a cool place to grab some breakfast before the show on Sunday morning. I searched around and came across this place. It was not much of a trip from the motel, and there were some interesting Facebook posts on the place, low prices, and great reviews, so I thought I would try it out. One of the reviews I saw said that it can be slow due to only the owner working front and back of house. I was in no hurry, so thought I would check it out. Sounded way better than a chain restaurant or a gas station gut bomb.
When I arrived, the parking was all streetside, which was just fine for this little diner. It happened to be a 1940s era Kullman dining car, with very limited seating. The long narrow counter seating only had 14 stools, and only 3 tables at the one end of the car with 4 seats at each table. Not much for capacity. Walking into this place it was reminiscent of days gone by. I arrived a couple of minutes after opening, and walked in with a handful of other people that were not all there together. A gal in the kitchen waved through the open window area to the kitchen and said good morning. I grabbed a seat toward the far end of the counter and sat there for a few minutes patiently waiting and looking around. After a few more minutes, a gentleman came in and sat a couple of seats down from me. After a few more minutes, he got up and went behind the counter and grabbed the coffee pot and a couple of cups, and asked if I wanted any. He got both of us cups and filled them up and topped off another patron and then took his seat. A few minutes later a gal came out
with menus and took both of our orders and went back to the kitchen after some short banter back and forth with the locals. I ordered the biscuits and gravy and added a side of bacon, which was only $7.50 and $3.00 respectively.
The wait was a little bit longer, but nothing outlandish, and like I said, I was in no hurry. While waiting on food, and having other patrons get up to refill coffee and water for people, I sat chatting with my counter neighbor, who was from Lawton. He said he comes here every weekend at least once and doesn’t mind the drive in for the food and atmosphere of the place. He noted that the owner is the only person working, and it is sort of a community type of place that if someone needs some coffee, you can go get it and refill your cup, but be sure to check with others. Pretty interesting concept in today’s world of me, me, me. When about 9 or 10 more people came in, the gal came out to take another order at a different table, and she politely noted to the newcomers that it would be a while, and that she would be with them when she could if they didn’t mind the wait.
My food arrived hot and delicious and ready to be devoured. With the B&G came crispy hashbrowns, two eggs, and coffee. There were a couple options here, but that is what felt good that day. I added bacon and was glad I did! Plenty of slices and it was some of the best bacon I have ever had. I don’t know where they source it, but it was crispy, smoky, and delicious. The over medium eggs were cooked perfectly, and the biscuits and gravy filled me up for the last day of the show.
Although I thoroughly enjoyed my visit, some things to note if you stop by. This is not a fast-food place, or for people that have to make 900 substitutions on your orders. This is an honest woman working hard by herself to make a living, serving good wholesome food. They ONLY TAKE CASH, so plan accordingly. She asked that people not post on social media, as that only draws in crowds that she simply cannot handle. If you want to go by yourself or with another person, game on, that is cool, but I would suggest not being in hurry, and being a part of the community of Archie’s Diner. Normally I would end this with tell them we sent ya, but don’t do that. I want to go back and don’t want to irritate the owner since she seems to be such a nice gal.
Sitting in for Mama Thunder this month, Vernon
If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@ thunderroadsiowa.com.
One day on a bus, every passenger was female but the driver. There was a student, a waitress, a flight attendant, a slut and a nun. Then a guy boarded the bus and declared a hold up. So, everybody gave their money, jewelry and other pricey belongings. But the guy wasn’t content, so he said “I will rape each one of you” so everybody got more nervous and afraid, the students and other ladies started crying. So, the Hooker stood up and told the guy “Just rape me, since that is the nature of my job, I don’t care how many times you want to do it, just let them go.” But the Nun slapped the hooker in the face and said “Will you shut up? didn’t you hear what he said”? He said EVERYBODY!”
rests his head at her feet. The ringmaster’s jaw is on the floor. He says, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, “Can you top that?” The tough old golfer replies, “No problem, just get that lion out of there.”
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.
There’s this butcher and one day as he turned to go home a dog stopped him and there was a note in his mouth. The note read “Can I have a steak and three sausage links please?” The butcher took the note and gathered the things. When he turned back around, he was surprised to see a twenty-dollar bill in the dog’s mouth. The dog grabbed the meat in a bag and padded off. The astounded butcher closed up shop and followed the amazing dog. The pair soon came to a bus stop. The dog looked at the schedule and sat down on the bench. The first bus came and the dog got up and trotted over to the front of the bus, looked at the number and sat back down. Another bus came and again the dog looked at the bus number and saw it was the right one. He got on, the butcher closely following. The bus rumbled on and the dog jumped up walked to the front of the bus, leaped up and grabbed the leaver to stop the bus. As the dog got out with the butcher in tow, he set down the meat at the beginning of a walkway and ran all the way up and banged his head against the door of a nice house. The dog did it again and hopped up on a fence to peer in the window. The canine knocked on the window with his head and jumped back to the end of the walkway, grabbed the meat and walked up to the door. The door opened and a man walked out and started to yell at the dog. The butcher ran up to stop him. The butcher said” what are you doing? This dog is amazing,” “What are you talking about, This is the second time he’s forgot his key!”
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. can of coffee, And a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was Intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct, but how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”
The chicken and the egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed. The egg mutters “Well I guess that answers that riddle”.
A man was being interviewed for a job. “Were you in the service?” asked the interviewer. “Yes, I was a Marine,” responded the applicant. “Did you see any active duty?” “I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability.” “May I ask what happened?” “Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles.” “You’re hired. You can start Monday at 10 am.” The somewhat surprised applicant asked, “When does everyone else start? I don’t want any preferential treatment because of my disability.” “Everyone else starts at 7 o’clock, but I should be honest with you,” explained the interviewer. “Nothing gets done before 10 o’clock because we just sit and scratch our balls trying to decide what to do first.”
A ringmaster runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties. The ringmaster tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment -- chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?” The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, then sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then
A woman is in an accident while she’s pregnant. While in a coma she has twins (a boy & a girl). When she woke up, she asked the doctor where her baby was. The doctor said she had twins but her brother named them. She replied, “My brother is an idiot I wonder what names he gave them. Anyway, what did he name the girl?” “Denise”, replied the doctor. That’s not so bad. “What about the boy”, she finally asked. “Denephew”
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, “Mom, I have something to tell you: I’m gay.” His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she’d heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, “You’re gay -- doesn’t that mean you put other
men’s penises in your mouth?” The guy said nervously, “Uh, yeah, Mom, that’s right.” His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, “Don’t you EVER complain about my cooking again!”
A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So, he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. He secured it tightly, super glued it shut, and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to..to.. Cut it off, are you?” The husband said, with a horrible gleam of revenge in his eye, “Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire!”
What do you call a Spanish chick with no legs? Cuntswaylow.
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I would like to live a long life. What should I do?” “I think that is a wise decision,” the doctor replies. “Let’s see, do you smoke?”
“Oh. Half a pack a day.” “Starting NOW, no more smoking.” The man agrees. The doctor then asks, “Do you drink?” “Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while.”
“Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions.”
The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, “How do you eat?” “Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff.” “Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese.” The man is now really worried. “Doc, is all this really necessary?” “Do you want to live long?” “Yes.” “Well then, it’s absolutely necessary. And don’t even think of breaking the diet.”
The teacher asked Jimmy, “Why did you bring your cat to school today, Jimmy?” Jimmy replied crying, “Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, ‘I am going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!’
“My teenage daughter came home in a rage. ‘I’ve just done sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!’ I put down my paper: ‘Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.’
Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ‘How do you really feel? I mean, you’re 92 years old, how do you honestly feel?’ ‘Honestly, I feel like a newborn baby. I’ve got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself.’
“A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, “You aren’t so good in bed either!” then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he’d better make amends and called home. “What took you so long to answer?” he asked. “I was in bed,” she replied. “What were you doing in bed this late?” “Getting a second opinion.”
The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, “Do you have sex?” “Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!” he adds hurriedly. “As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None.” The man is appalled. “Doc... Are you sure I’m going to live longer this way?” The doctor replies “I have no idea, but however long you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!”
What does a homeless woman use for a vibrator?
Two flies in a bottle.
Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke, He asks the other guy if he has a lighter, He replies “Yes I do!” and hands the other a 10-inch-long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks “Where did you get this?” The guy replies “Oh I have a personal genie.” The first man asks “Can I make a wish?” Sure says the other man “Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing” “Ok I will” says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says ” I want a Million Bucks ” The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly overhead And the guy says to the other ” Your genie really sucks at hearing doesn’t he?” The other man replies, “I know, do you really think I asked for a 10-inch BIC?”
A guy called into work and says, “Hey, boss! What’s the difference between work and your daughter?” “I’m not coming into work this morning!”
Bartender: What’s the matter buddy? Man: It’s the worst thing ever. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend. Bartender: Oh man that really sucks! What did you do? Man: I told her to pack her stuff and get the hell out! Bartender: What about your best friend? Man: I looked him straight in the eyes and said, “BAD DOG!”
Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” said Little Johnny. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks. “Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.” Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: “Are you going to tell him, or should I?”
What’s the hardest part of rollerblading? Telling your parents that you are gay.
Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. “Every time we make love, I get splinters.” So, Pinocchio went back to his maker, Geppetto the Carpenter, for advice. “Sandpaper,” said the carpenter, “That’s what you need.” So, Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. “How are you getting along with the girls now?” “Who needs girls?” replied Pinocchio.
“Alice Rides Again!” This Time, It’s To the...Midwest Cycle & Motorsports Motorcycle Show and Swap Meet
Introduction:
Once again, It’s “Alice,” here to tell you about another motersickel event held in Nebraska, written by a South Dakota Boy, for a magazine “About Iowa, For Iowa, From Iowa.” (What could possibly go wrong?)
The Day Before The Ride to the Event:
Since I had some precious cargo to deliver to our man Vernon, and he had some for me, I opted to drive my old pickup and meet him at the venue on Friday, set-up day. I rolled up on the Marriott Events Center in South Sioux City a little before noon, found Vernon, handed off The Goods, then settled in for an afternoon of hanging out with friends old and new. One of the first things I noticed, even on setup day, was how laid-back the atmosphere was in this place. Zero tension. No drama, and coincidentally, no visible evidence of the Po-Po. (Coincidence? Maybe...) One of the other things I noticed was two very young men setting up to sell their own wares in their own vendor spaces. Aaron and Matthew (17-year-old twin brothers from Iowa) had their own spaces, directly adjacent to Mom and Dad’s spaces. Aaron relieved me of some of my cash and sent me home with a sweet Honda 90 Owner’s Manual and a couple ‘non-motorcycle-related’ items as well. (What can I say? I happen to like metal military ammo cans and old wooden ammunition boxes.)
I wandered around throughout the afternoon on Friday, checking out some of the sweet machines that were being rolled in for the show, as well as a few bikes for sale. It didn’t take me very long to notice the presence of at least four ‘Diamond’ clubs as well as numerous other motorcycle ‘Groups.’ By the end of the afternoon, Vernon and I had tallied up nearly two dozen various Clubs and other Groups. No posturing. No attitudes. Nothing but a whole lot of people sharing the same space and the same interest in motorcycles as well as the same interest in other people.
This gathering was quite a bit different than a show to which Blacky and I were invited back in February of 1989. That show was on the Queen Mary in Long Beach Harbor, California. The show in Long Beach was pretty laid back and happy, until it wasn’t. On that Fateful Saturday Morning, several hundred motorcyclists rolled into the event site, and SHTF a few minutes later. As I understand it, one person was killed, another blinded for life. Shortly after, the whole damn peninsula was crawling with Law Enforcement! I’ve never seen so many different flavors of cops in my life, before or since that fateful day. I believe I saw and noted no fewer than SEVEN different badges, jackets, or whatever identification these cops were wearing. SEVEN that I could see and identify. God only knows how many plainclothes dicks were on the scene as well.
It doesn’t have to be ‘that’ way. Not in California. Not in Iowa. Not in South Dakota. Not in Nebraska.
NOWHERE. We, as Motorcyclists, have enough people who are against us already that we damn sure can’t afford to be against each other, especially at a well-produced event where John Q. Public is invited to attend. We’re all Grownups and we should all be able to play nice together, at least in environments where citizens are present.
There were no metal detectors at the gates into the Midwest Swap Meet and Motorcycle Show. There is no need for that crap if everyone is willing to put aside their differences for a couple days, let down their hair, and just enjoy the show. It is my understanding that was not the case for ‘this’ show in recent years when it was held in various Central Iowa locations. (I’m guessing there are metal detectors at the Shows in Denver, L.A., Chicago and similar locations these days.)
I had prior commitments throughout the weekend, so I didn’t stay much past 4:00pm Friday afternoon, but in the time I was there, I never saw any uniformed Law Enforcement nor anyone who looked to be a cop in plain clothes. Just a large room full of Motorcycle Enthusiasts, all checking out the bikes, the parts, and the other Motorcycle Enthusiasts.
The Ride to the Event:
It’s been a strange winter so far. Here it was, late-January, and virtually zero snow cover on the ground. I’d been watching the weather forecast for the past couple weeks, trying to guess if I’d be able to ride Dirty Gurl to the first day of Tator’s Bike Show and Swap Meet, or if it would make more sense to make the trip in a pickup truck. As the date drew near, I had convinced myself that I was going to ride. I mean, how tough is it to pound out fifteen miles in 32-degree weather with a lovely little tailwind? Piece of cake, right? So, it was to be. I had prepped the bike Thursday for the short ride on Saturday. I took the back road for the first four or five miles before deciding to get onto the Southbound Eye-Two-Niner. I figured that if it was going to be miserable out there on the Interstate, I’d stay on the back road and ride through NSC SD and through Riverside on the Boulevard, and get on the 29 at Exit 151. As it turned out, 32 degrees with a tailwind was not at all unpleasant. I rolled the throttle up to that 65 - 70 miles per hour and moved right along with the rest of the traffic. Got off the Indy at Hamilton Boulevard Exit and was soon crossing the Veterans Memorial Bridge and into Nebraska. Just couple minutes later, I was at the overhead door, waiting for anyone to open it for me. I got more chilled standing in the wind outside that door for ten minutes that I did on the ride down there!
The Event:
After a few dry runs at gaining access to the big door by knocking politely, I was finally able to get Vernon on the phone. He opened it up just enough for Dirty and me to get in and then dropped it just as fast. We positioned the bike in such a way that Vernon, Mark Fountain, and any Random Pilgrim walking past could take as many pictures as they
please. It was good to be inside the building. I placed a small drop cloth under the Beast, should it decide to drip any of its precious bodily fluids. Respect for the Floor. Once the bike was ‘set’ for the day, I waddled around the corner to Vernon’s TRMI vendor spot. I peeled off the outer layers of my riding gear and made a pile of it along the back wall, out of everyone’s way. Now, I was free to roam the rooms, check out the bikes, the parts, and the fine folk hanging in the aisles and in the vendor booths.
I had my eye on an old Honda CT90 one of the Twins had for sale. I’d spotted it Friday and ‘primed the pump’ by paying Aaron ‘all the money’ for the empty ammunition containers and the Riders Manual he had on his table. By making this very nominal $acrifice, I had hoped to ‘open the door’ for some pleasant negotiations later on, should I find the little pit bike to be irresistible. As I passed their booth, I casually mentioned to the young man that I was still interested and would be back to run some ideas past him after I’d covered all the table in hopes of finding some old motersickel parts for my old Indian Motocycle Projects. Shortly after walking away from the Honda, I met Pack, a 16-year-old from South Dakota, who was sharing a couple spots with his Dad, but each clearly had their own inventories. Young Pack told me that he had been eying the little Honda and was hoping to buy it that day. I encouraged him to let me help him make the best deal, as I had already checked out all of Aaron’s Honda 90 stuff and didn’t really need another motersickel, even a small one, in my garage. As I was talking to young Pack, I noticed an old Indian part on his dad’s table. Then another. And another. Soon I had a small pile and was trying to make an offer to his dad, Brian. As we were making the deal, we had to talk Old Indian Motocycles. It was only a couple minutes after the cash and parts changed hands, we were on our way to TRMI booth to drop the parts on top of my riding gear and Czech out Dirty Gurl. Two minutes later, Pack came by to tell his dad and I that he had bought the Trail 90. The moment
made me proud. Proud that Brian had raised a 16-year-old man who had the skills and confidence to ‘pull the trigger’ on a Deal with zero help from Dad or the Strange Old Man with the Old Indian Motocycle.
All of the chatter about the Twins and Pack gave me Hope. Great Hope that there is a Future Generation of Old Motersickel Enthusiasts coming up behind us. These two ‘kids’ (who were both young enough to have been my grandchildren) hammered out a deal that was good for both Seller and Buyer. The deal they made was better than any deal I could have made.
The Personal Character of the Twins and Young Pack speaks volumes for the Personal Character of their parents. I realized this quickly and am proud to say that I took the time to reflect that sentiment to their parents before I headed North, as my day at the show was soon to be history.
The Ride Home From the Event:
After bidding farewell to as many friends as I could find, I packed my new-found Indian parts in the saddlebags and bundled up for the ride North. As soon as that overhead door opened, I quickly learned that the temperature had dropped a few degrees and the wind had cranked up quite a few knots. As the big door went down, I fired up the bike and prepared for the bucky and chilly ride ahead of me. I didn’t even get Off Property before I was wishing I’d have taken the old pickup to the show, but I remembered that Being Cool has its price. And Cool it was! Crossing the Big Bridge was a bit sketchy. Stiff crosswind and careless drivers. Cops with lights flashing on the Iowa side. They had some poor soul pulled over just a few feet from the bridge. I was glad it wasn’t me. Got onto the I-29 Northbound at Hamilton Boulevard and would have liked to froze to death! ‘Cold is cold’ on a motorcycle. We all know this to be true. Cold with a 35-mph headwind and no fairing or windshield in 25-degree temperature brings a ‘different kind’ of cold. I was happy to get off the Interstate at Exit 151 and ride through Riverside on the Boulevard. Crossed the Military Road Bridge into NSC and on to the 105 and homeward bound. I’ve certainly been colder and been colder for much longer, but that ride home made me realize that I am not as young as I once was. Thank God that Aaron, Matthew and Pack will one day be riding Old Motersickels and telling these tales...
Alice
Wait, I can’t be that old.
What is the line we always say? The line that seems to universally fit the biker world. Hell, it’s blasted on several platforms and at times can be a bit of a clique but when it’s boiled down to the very essence of why we ride holds true. Sure, many have attempted to co-op the line, trying to be cool. Hikers for instance have been known to use it, but while hiking is fine, it’s more fun hiking with a gun in your hand, seeking wild game. Not the same.
“It’s the Journey, Not the destination.”
Great motto, great goal and something we should really embrace in many aspects of life because in and of itself, life is a journey to enjoy because the final destination is us becoming worm food.
When you go for a ride, sometimes things don’t go as planned and that is, well, sadly, a part of the journey right. You can go down a road that turns out to be shitty, you can go out of your way to find a small-town bar you read about on the SpaceBooks that has cold beer, a great pork tenderloin and is biker friendly, only to find out they are closed for a family reunion, or a water line is broken. Oh, hell sometimes that result can happen on the same day. Ask me how I know. Well, thank you for asking.
now I am hungry for the smell of a smoker, a cold beer, and a pile of smoked animals.
DAMMIT. THAT IS GOOD STUFF. My brother-in-law, Wingnut, stood across the smoker from me…both silent, fisting beef into our mouth, a small tear of happiness mixed with sadness. We both enjoyed that moment and yet we both knew, without saying, we could never match this.
Now, the first time we rode down, we had something like 15 or so bikes taking the great Loess Hills scenery in on the way to the event. It was on the way back (remember when I mentioned going out of your way to find a small-town bar and it was closed)? Yep, twice on the way home. Funeral for one town, water line for the other.
Guess what we did? Laughed. Someone (likely my ride or die wife) said, “It’s the journey not the destination “and we throttled on to the next town, well and then the next town, until we found a town that had an open sign lit.
My journey on two wheels turns 50 this year. Fifty F’n years of this. It’s not a passion to me, it’s more than that, it’s really a natural extension of what has defined me, been who I am, so ingrained in my life it’s almost something that is just natural.
Shenandoah in Southwestern Iowa has a fantastic BBQ competition and while it’s only a few years old, they have gained a great reputation in the bbq community based on how well it’s run and organized and the town does a fantastic job promoting and executing the event. I have been a very smart part of it both as guest on stage but also one of my companies sponsored some of the smoked meat categories.
Sorry, I need to pause for a moment now that I have mentioned smoked meats. Legit. Without question, you wake me up in the middle of the night and demand I answer one question and that question is “Where was the best brisket you’ve ever had in your life” and with zero hesitation I will say ‘BBQ comp, Shenandoah from Dirt Crue BBQ. Let’s me just say this, I have played with fire and meats all of my adult life, I decided I should never make brisket anymore because after having this team’s entry…that’s it. I cannot top it, hell I can’t MATCH it and
1975. I was 6 years old and we moved to a different farm, to a home my dad built on the same sprawling farm that my grandparents lived on. The long-term goal was to help them in their waning years and keep that farmstead rolling, at that point having been approaching 100 years. As a young boy, it had everything you could want. Big ass barns to play in, tractors everywhere, a huge grove of trees, a stream that ran nearby and a monster, long 50-yard area to play all the sports ball you could dream of. Heck, one barn had an incredible hard wood floor in the hay loft, dad put up a couple of lights, mounted a hoop, and we could play basketball all the time. Grandpa even had a gun range and freaking made bullets for target shooting!
While growing up on that farm molded me, what defined me and set me on my path happened on Easter Sunday, March 30th, 1975.
The “Easter Bunny” brought me a minibike!!!!
6 and half, dad drops the tailgate and pulls out a damn
minibike.
Red, black seat, 8-inch tires, with the wide minibike style, White Briggs power plant and if memory serves it was some weird 4.5 hp (later years I put. 6.5 or something on it) but it was glorious.
It didn’t have brakes, who cares. It was my older cousin Jakes bike, he upgraded to a Yamaha 80, a bike I ended up with for a couple of summers. Hand me down, sure, but in hindsight It was the greatest gift I have ever received, still to this day.
I was hooked, that was goddamn Evil Knievel between my legs. I rode the SHIT out of that bike. That huge grove of trees became my off-road adventure and it was a part of my life for many years.
The research I was able to find was it was likely a Red Fox, manufactured in Fremont NE. I did years later, after I moved on to other bikes, figure out how to fix the front brake at least, mostly so my little brother could ride, but from 6 until 9 years old that was my primary means of transportation whenever I could ride!
I outgrew that mini machine, moving on to a Yamaha 80, then really the defining bike of youth, my 1968 Honda 90, that machine gives me so many memories, then started riding my old man’s Honda 360 CBT, such a cool bike in the day, really quick. We look back and giggle about the power plants and how small but there were so many weird tariffs and other rules, very few bikes other than Harleys that had big motors. My dad, a Harley guy, walked away from them in the 70’s because they were just pure ass then. AMF, history has not been kind the Motor Company and there is no amount of spin to change what shitty bikes they were.
I was not quite 17 when I took off on a Friday afternoon on that 360, likely there was a girl involved since that is the dumb shit boys at that age are consumed by, (then? Shit I am still consumed by seeing my wife nekkid!) I took off, thinking dad was not coming home until the weekend from a job, but I seem to recall something broke down and he came home early. this was way before text so I had no clue he made plans with his buddies to jump on their bikes and do manly man shit that Friday night. HAD I KNOWN I would not have left on his bike and used my Honda. Because who wants that beating!
Kidding, I didn’t get beat over it, but I was met with a really pissed, slightly drunk dad sitting by a bonfire with a couple buddies, all had their bikes parked in our long driveway and the dudes seemed to think it was pretty damn funny that I did what I did…and seen their friend, my dad so pissed.
I was prepared to die. Right there. Yup, murder, death, kill, it was all over for me, but what was said next was a moment that still burns in my mind.
You have money dumbass, and our own bike, you wanna ride a big boy bike to chase a chick and get your finger wet, buy your own FN big boy bike.
(Yes, I was chasing a girl, well, same girl that loved riding with me, Didn’t matter if it was out moped, hey in the early 80’s, those were cool, like my Honda, but she really loved my dad’s bike because it was faster plus I think there was an element of danger since it was his bike).
Not much after that I bought a 750, a huge bike for that era, and way faster than Dads.
50 years of riding. So many memories and some life changing paths riding has taken me on, this summer I will bring these to the place they belong…
The Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa.
Enjoy The Journey. Todd “Crash” Davis
The Book of Motorcycles, Trail Bikes, & Scooters
Mar 21-23 Omaha Chapter AMCA National Swap Meet Fremont NE
Mar 22 Open House & Chili/Soup Cook-Off Bak Sioux City
Mar 29-30 35th Annual Donnie Smith Show and Swap Saint Paul, MN
Mar 30 Ready, Set, Ride Event Route 65 HD Indianola Apr
4-5 Heartland Steam Bettendorf
Apr 5-6 Chopper Show at D7 Expo Mason City
Apr 5-6 38th Annual North Iowa Motorcycle EXPO Mason City
Apr 6 Parts Girl Promotions Swap Meet Rock Island, IL
Apr 19 BACA Pancake Breakfast Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Apr 19 Bike Blessing Route 65 HD Indianola
Apr 19 Blessing of the Bikes/Spring Open House HD of Carroll
Apr 19 Chosen Few MC Swap Meet & Open House Cedar Rapids
Apr 26 620 Spring SxS Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Apr 26 Bike Blessing Big Barn HD Des Moines
May 2-3 Vintage Torque Fest Dubuque
May 3 14th Annual Sleeping Angels Fun Run Boone
May 3 19th Annual Chrome Diva Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
May 3-19 Annual Chrome Divas Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
May 4 7th Annual 1st Baptist Church Blessing of the Bikes Muscatine
May 4 41st Annual Spring Auto/Cycle Parts Swap Meet Monticello
May 9-10 NCC MX Season Opener Waterloo
Jul 5 18th Annual Freeman Ride Avoca
Jul 8 Delaware CO MX Manchester
Jul 11-12 12th Annual Combat Vets 39-3 Benefit Ride/Cruise Elkport
Jul 13 Rumble to Recovery Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Jul 17 Allamakee CO MX Waukon
Jul 19 12th Annual Ride 4 Time With Friends of Mine Poker Run Baxter
Jul 19 Open Roads Open House Route 65 HD Indianola
Jul 26 39-1 CVMA Patriot Poker Run & Bike Night Polk City
Jul 26 Solidarity Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Aug 9 Little Timmy’s Ride for Babies Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Aug 13-14 Baxter Cycle Flat Track Slide School Marne
Aug 15-16 NCC MX Iowa Moto Series Points Waterloo
Aug 16 Lip Smacking BBQ Open House Route 65 HD Indianola
Aug 16-17 Baxter Cycle Open House & Motorcycle Auction Marne
Aug 16-17 Royal Enfield Demo Tour Baxter Cycle Marne
Aug 17 Support Our Veterans Ride LuVerne
Aug 23 Kyle’s Mile 11 Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Aug 28-31 Redneck Revival Conesville
Sep 10-14 Lake of the Ozarks Bikefest Osage Beach, MO
Sep 13 National Fall Open House Route 65 HD Indianola
Sep 13 Defiant Souls MC Old School Motorcycle Rodeo Muscatine
Sep 14 620 Golf Tournament Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Sep 19-20 Rumble In the Sand Conesville
May 10 The Rust Run Antique Motorcycle Poker Run Atlanta, NE
May 10 2nd Annual Ride for The St Florian Children’s Miracle Burn Camp Cedar Rapids
May 16-17 Rust Revival Conesville
May 17 Spring Open House Route 65 HD Indianola
May 20 Bikers Inside the Beltway Washington DC
May 23-25 Bagger Racing League Hastings, NE
May 22-25 Redneck Revival Conesville
May 24 12th Annual CVMA 39-2 Annual Patriot Ride Poker Run Walford
Jun 7 Two Wheel Detail Open House Grimes
Jun 14 Sons of God MC Old School Chopper & Antique Motorcycle Show Iowa Falls
Jun 19-22 Summer Hummer ABATE of WI Greenwood, WI
Jun 20-21 NCC MX Waterloo
Jun 21 Summer Open House Route 65 HD Indianola
Jun 21 Teufelhund’s Support Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids
Jun 21 Hell on Wheels Fundraiser Party Fort Madison
Jun 21-22 Rumble In the Sand Conesville
Jul 3-5 ABATE of Iowa Freedom Rally Algona
Jul 3-5 Iowa Hog Drags and Nostalgia Reunion Humboldt
Sep 19-20 NCC MX Clash at the Carnival Waterloo
Sep 20 BBQ Open House Route 65 HD Indianola
Sep 20 Chosen Few MC End of Summer Bash Cedar Rapids
Sep 25-28 41st Annual MRF Meeting of the Minds Shreveport, LA
Nov 11 Veterans Day Pancake Breakfast Metro HD Cedar Rapids
