Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa October 2021 by Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa

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Although it may be easier to just hop online and buy many things, if you can get it locally, please try to do so. I don’t know of any small business owners that take trips into space for shits and giggles from the proﬁts of their customers. It is also easy to go to many of the “one stop shop” type of stores for the convenience factor, but those same stores have put many small businesses out on the curb. It seems that large corporate America is eating up all of the competition, and seemingly running the show for the direction of the economy. Every place that advertises with Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa is all part of the smaller end of business. These people represent families, represent charity donations, represent sponsorships for little league, represent hard working Americans that deserve your business. We thank our advertisers for their support, and hope we can keep that trend going, and we ask that you try to darken the door of these types of small businesses whenever possible. Shop small, shop local, shop to make a diﬀerence in the very world that we live in every day.

With the month of October arriving, ving vi ving ng,, th the he ma m main in in part of the riding season is essentially ntiially ally al y done for many people. Crash talks allkkss tthis his hi month in his article in this issuee oon n the topic of leaf runs, which forr a variety of reasons is way too cool ool ol to pass up. I know that we try to get out and about when we can just to enjoy the sights and friends before the leaves all drop and blow around. Other than leaf runs, there are a few in the minority of riders that keep things ngs ng rolling on two or three wheels iinto ntoo nt October and beyond. I never really e llly ea put mine away for the winter, as I enjoy taking a nice winter time ride whenever I can. Although a winter ride is grossly more limited than any other time of the year, with decent roads without calcium and temperatures above stupid cold being few and far between. Take the time to enjoy two wheels while you can. Who the hell knows what tomorrow may bring, and you don’t want to lose out on the last bit of riding this year that you can get in on. The past year and a half has been a bit of a surreal nightmare to say the least. Just when I thought the bullshit could not get any deeper, another batch of shit comes rolling down the hill. Financially it has been a struggle for many people and businesses, and Iowans are no exception to that fact. Although we are lucky with not as many restrictions and plain ass stupidity by the way of governmental edicts, some businesses were shuttered with the virus shut downs and limitations, and now many, many months later, still dealing with the side eﬀects. Many things now are running in short supply. Many common items cannot be had readily, and if they are, are way higher priced than before. Everything seems to cost more now a days, and it is making a huge hit on people and their bottom lines. Our country’s economy needs small businesses, mom and pop type of places, and independent retailers as well as the families of people that own and work at those places all depend on their success.

On the Cover

This month we have a hair-raising look at Dave Lash’s original chopper from the 1960’s, which houses a 1950 Pan motor sitting in an early 40’s Knucklehead frame. The background offers a spooky view for this year’s October issue, with Iowa’s first, and one of the county’s oldest, crematoriums in the background. The Davenport Crematorium is a familiar sight in Fairmount Cemetery on Davenport’s west end, and is still in operation to this day. Thanks to Nate Ullrich for this eerie cover shot. www.Natanic.com

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I was fortunate enough to get a different bagger this year. The old one has plenty of life yet, but moved on down the road to someone else that can love it for the next 100,000 miles. The new bike has a different tire size than my old bike. Due to the nature of the world today, those new size tires are not readily available. I also ran into issues with availability of clutch and brake parts to upgrade my handlebars. When talking to different shops, there are also issues with engine parts and gaskets and such in the motorcycle world, as well as other aspects of transportation. What it all comes down to I guess would be that if you are going to be needing upgrade or maintenance items for anything you use, plan ahead and secure the resources way ahead of time. Don’t wait until your tires are bald, until you hit metal on brake pads, or until things fall apart before you order replacement parts. Everything is in short order, and many places don’t have the stock on hand that they used to keep, and ordering is way more delayed than ever. Plan ahead and use your head. Keep your powder dry. Vernon Quote of the Month: “A good deal of tyranny goes by the name of protection.” Crystal Eastman

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One of the things I really appreciate about the biking community is their unwavering support of the military vets. Like most of you, we have attended a number of Vet Tributes, have multiple family members in the military, and know many of those who have served our country in Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan. We often hear “Freedom isn’t free” being used to remind us of the sacrifices these vets have made on the behalf of others. This phrase is especially poignant right now with the deaths of our 13 service members in Afghanistan so fresh in our minds. We’ve marveled at the compassion that was evident in the photos: one of a group rescuing toddlers who were passed to them over the razor wire; another of a service woman cradling a sleeping baby in a quiet corner; and yet another of a serviceman jubilantly pounding the back of his interpreter who made it safely through the Taliban gauntlet. But the servicemen who died aren’t the only ones involved. Think of the families and friends they left behind, of the traumatic memories that surely grip those who survived the explosions, of the bitter disillusionment felt by the command crews on the ground who had the right to expect better planning than this. They’re all paying a heavy price for the purchase of freedom for the Americans and Afghanis who were airlifted out. I can only imagine that the Afghanis who had formerly experienced life under the Taliban’s rule are incredibly grateful to be free. They truly understand the repression their country is now facing and how miserable and difficult their lives would become if they had been left behind – and that is only if they were not killed. What do you suppose those servicemen would think if the Afghanis they helped escape to a free country continued to live as though they were under the Taliban? If they continued to force their women to wear head-to-toe coverings and didn’t allow their daughters to go to school? If they refused to take their child to a doctor to be x-rayed to see if the child has a broken bone? If they demanded to live under Sharia law? I think the servicemen would think that they had paid the price for a freedom that was not only misunderstood and unappreciated but possibly even scorned. That kind of response would be like spitting in the face to the parents and spouses and children the servicemen had left behind. In a sobering parallel, the Bible says that we humans have a history of responding to God’s offer of freedom from the penalty of sin in exactly that way. Our situations are like this:

I think the most difficult aspect of asking for God to save us and free us is first being willing to recognize that we are slaves to sin. We’re all adults and live in a free country, so of course we prefer to self-identify as being free. But that does not line up with what the Bible says. Now we’re back to our original dilemma: Freedom from the penalty of sin isn’t free, but it has been purchased for us, at a great cost. Won’t you accept God’s gift and learn how to live in freedom? Blessings – Karla Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org 6 - TRMI OCTOBER 2021

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Heartland Harley-Davidson The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments 117 S Roosevelt Ave throughout Iowa that sponsor the Burlington, IA 52601 magazine. You can pick up your 319-754-1100 copy here every month. Let them www.heartlandhd.com know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to Indian Motorcycle of Des Moines advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa 1500 E Army Post Road Biker Friendly Business Listing and Des Moines, Iowa 50315 become a part of the network, 515-256-9062 please email Indianmotorcycleofdesmoines.com vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

Biker Accessories Crispy’s Biker Apparel Cedar Rapids, Iowa Find Us On Facebook

Leather & Hawgs 121 1st Street Soldier, Iowa leather@wiatel.net (712) 884-2701 www.leatherandhawgs.com

Dealers Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351 www.baxtercycle.com Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444 www.bigbarnhd.net Carroll Cycle Center 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610 www.carrollcycle.com

Indian Motorcycle of Mason City Mason City Powersports 12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181 Masoncitypowersportsinc.com Loess Hills Harley-Davidson 57408 190th Street Pacific Junction IA 51561 712-800-3500 loesshillshd.com Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496 www.metro-motorsports.com Route 65 Harley-Davidson 1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160 www.route65hd.net Storm Lake Honda 3040 Expansion Blvd Storm Lake, Iowa 50588 StormLakeHonda.com 712-732-2460 Zylstra Harley-Davidson 1930 E 13th Street Ames, Iowa 50010 515-232-6223 zylstrahd.com

Entertainment Book Em Dano’s 33 S Main Street Denison, Iowa 51442 712-263-9818 Mon-Sat 4-2 Dancers Nightly 5-1:30 National Motorcycle Museum 102 Chamber Drive Anamosa, Iowa 52205 319-462-3925 Nationalmcmuseum.org Okoboji Classic Cars Museum and Restoration Shop 810 Jeppeson Road West Okoboji, Iowa 51351 712-332-8029

Food and Drink

(Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)

American Legion Post 111 1101 W 4th Street S Newton 641-792-3353 Open to the Public 7 Days a Week Newtonamericanlegion111.org Amigo’s 280 North 1st Street Fort Dodge, Iowa 50501 515-576-0142 Amigos Bar & Restaurant on FB Bea’s Place 108 N Main St Baxter 641-227-2080 Check Us Out on Facebook Food, Live Music, Bike Nights Bloodline Irish Pub 214 Public Square Greenfield, Iowa 50849 Bloodline Irish Pub on Facebook

Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400

Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600 www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com Desperados 105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087 Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings Firehouse Bar 1211 5th Street Downtown Sioux City, IA 712-224-1020 Open Daily at 12:00 Flaming Office 201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255 Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7 Flaming Office on Facebook & Google Goozman’s Westside Bar & Grill 1019 7th St Harlan, Iowa 712-755-2259 Goozman’s Westside on Facebook Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321 Tues-Sat 10-2, Sun 12-12 Iowa Legendary Rye 707 N Main Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 Iowalegendaryrye.com J.R. Willie’s Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095 Open Daily Mon-Sun 11AM Home of the Willie Whopper Just 1 More 515-570-4206 641-757-0159 309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128

fullthrottleia.com or edwardsrvs.com

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KC’s Tavern 120 N Main Street Bridgewater, Iowa 50837 Mon-Fri 4:30-Close, Sat-Sun 2-Close Find Us on FB 641-369-5010 Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2258 Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar! Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa 712-884-2230 www.midwaytavernsoldier.com Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-2165 Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-9015 Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332 319-436-7100 Find Us On Facebook!

Sidetracked 206 West Union Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-8534 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill 423 Main Street Duncombe, Iowa 50532 515-543-4222 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook Sugar’s Diner & Lounge 2725 E Kanesville Blvd Council Bluffs, Iowa 712-322-3600 Check us out on Facebook The Exchange 171 S Elm Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-343-2609 Lang’s Pizza, Cold Beer, Sports The Full Nelson 205 West 2nd Street Halbur, Iowa 51444 712-658-2425 The Full Nelson on Facebook The Garage 621 K45 Whiting, Iowa 51063 (712)420-5895 Facebook The Garage

Pines Steakhouse Oinkers Lounge & Grill

1500 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-243-3606 M-F 11AM-, S-S 4PMRiverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557 515-359-9998 Email:riversidetap@gmail.com Sandbar 103 North Noyes Street Mondamin, Iowa 51557 712-646-2300 Facebook Sandbar Mondamin

The Place2B! 116 N. Federal Ave Mason City, IA 50401 M-F 3p-2a S-S 2p-2a Find Us On Facebook The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St Ankeny, Ia 50023 515-964-9484 yankeeclipperbar.com

Twisted Corn Tavern 1405 Walnut Street Dallas Center, Iowa 50063 515-992-3868 Twisted Corn Tavern on Facebook

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State Farm Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent NMLS# 1679997 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724 Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com

VFW Post 9662 Bar and Grill 1309 NE 66th Ave Des Moines 515 - 289 - 9914 and Facebook Vic’s Main Tap 304 Broadway Audubon, Iowa 50025 712-563-2122 Opens M-F 2-Close, Sat 9-Close, Sun 12-Close

Legal

Whiskey Barrel Pub and Eatery 112 E Jefferson Street Prairie City, Iowa 50228 515-630-9639 Whiskey Barrel Pub and Eatery on FB Wilson’s Tap and Recreation 1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395

Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers 800.800.5678 Hupy.com TheBikerLawyers.com The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452

Photo and Art

Guns and Ammo Halls Cast Stone 25211 Monarch Trail Bloomfield, Iowa 52537 641-777-8027 www.hallscaststone.com

JLM Shooters Supply 6931 Douglas Avenue Urbandale, Iowa 50322 jlmshooterssupply@gmail.com 515-331-1577

Hobbies & Collectibles Treasure Island Diecast/Facebook Hot Wheels, M2, Matchbox, Jada Ertl, Lightning, Harley, Maisto Buy-Sell-Trade 641-521-8036 rayaustinhd@gmail.com

Insurance & Financial O’Malley Wealth Mgmt. 5623 NW 86th Street Suite 400 Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-490-0930

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Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com

Shops & Fabricators Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768 Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 714 East 7th Street Washington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278

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Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954 F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com Mean Machine Cycle Parts Elkhart, Iowa 50073 Stereos, Bars, LED Lights, Air Ride Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat 9-12 515-367-7336 Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 Woodbine, Iowa 51579 712-647-2818 Open Tues-Sat Noon-6PM

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Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2220 Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111 Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook Steffens Cycle and Detailing 1311 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-250-8493 steffenscycle@gmail.com

Tires

SHOP EQUIPMENT

Sandbothe Firestone 1106 Main Street Griswold, Iowa 51535 712-778-2223 Sandbothe Firestone on Facebook

Shop Tools Outlet Powersport / Auto Lift Supplier Marshalltown, IA 50158 888-288-6657 www.shoptoolsoutlet.com

Trailers

To buy ad space for your business or service in our directory, give us call at 712-249-5630 or email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

Lacaeyse Trailer Sales 4192 HWY 146 Grinnell Trailers & Truck Accessories 641-990-2674 www.lacaeysetrailers.com

Thunder Road Cycles 4106 Rockingham Rd Davenport, Iowa 52802 563-323-3172 Thunder Road Cycles on Facebook

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Honor our Veterans, Revisit our Past, Look to our Future...

1. Freedom Rock® Tour Admire the art of Ray “Bubba” Sorensen on the Freedom Rock® Tour. Sorensen started this project in Adair County, where he painted the ﬁrst rock to commemorate Veterans. Now, Bubba is working toward the goal of painting a freedom rock in every Iowa county. He has completed 71 so far.

2. Sullivan Brothers Iowa Veterans Museum Visit the Sullivan Brothers Iowa Veteran’s Museum, located in the Grout Museum District of Waterloo. Every visitor receives a dog tag when they arrive that tells the story of a speciﬁc soldier when scanned at kiosks around the museum. In addition, the museum holds photos, ﬂags and other war items from the Civil War to present day. An electronic “Wall of Honor” lists the names of every Iowa soldier who has died serving the country. There is free admission on Veterans Day.

3. Keokuk National Cemetery Remember the unknown soldiers at Iowa’s only National Cemetery in Keokuk. This 2.75 acre cemetery, once part of a traditional cemetery, was donated to the U.S. government in 1866. After the Civil War, the area became ﬁnal resting ground to 627 veterans. Since the Civil War, several more service men and women have been buried at the cemetery. An Unknown Soldier Monument was erected in 1912 to commemorate the 48 unknown soldiers buried on the grounds. Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

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4. Camp Algona POW Museum Many are surprised to learn Iowa was home to a World War II Prisoner of War Camp. Algona’s POW camp held nearly 10,000 German prisoners from 1944 to 1946. Visit Camp Algona to see what life was like behind the barbed wire of a POW camp and how small town Iowa was transformed by the war.

5. Mississippi Valley Veterans Memorial

Nearly 2,000 veterans are remembered at one of Iowa’s newest memorials, the Mississippi Valley Veterans Memorial in Burlington. This memorial was dedicated on Independence Day in 2015 as a tribute to the service men and women in the Mississippi Valley area. Local artist Roy Dixon hand carved the artistic features and murals on the front side of the memorial. 6. Iowa Gold Star

Military Museum Photo Courtesy Iowa Gold Star Military Museum Facebook The heroism of Iowa citizens from all wars is celebrated at the Iowa Gold Star Museum at Camp Dodge in Johnston. This museum has several exhibits and artifacts from wars past to present that demonstrate the patriotism of Iowa veterans and active military members. Bricks are available for purchase to honor an Iowa veteran and can be engraved and added to the memorial wall outside the museum. 14 - TRMI OCTOBER 2021

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Alicia Burnett Cedar Rapids 2020 Honda Shadow Phantom

Joni Robey Council Bluffs 2016 Streetglide Special

Phyllis Hanson Irwin 1200 Sportster Custom Trike 16 - TRMI OCTOBER 2021

We want you on our pages! If you are an Iowa Girl of Thunder, send us a quality image, your name, year and model of bike, and where you are from to: vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

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jack cheese, sliced avocado, and fresh Pico De Galo. On the side was a generous portion of crinkle fries, perfectly cooked to be crisp on the outside and ﬂuﬀy on the inside.

LD’s Bar and Grill Highway 92 Ainsworth, Iowa 1-319-201-8841 Monday-Thursday 11 am - 9 pm Friday 11 am - 10 pm Saturday 9 am – 10 pm Sunday 9 am – 9 pm While spending some time in the southern part of our great state with two of our favorite people, Ashley and Ian, we decided that our bellies were empty, and LD’s Bar and Grill in Ainsworth was just the place to ﬁll ‘em up. We walked in and were immediately greeted by waitstaﬀ and taken to our table. We ordered our drinks while perusing the menu, and before you know it, ice cold soda and beers were delivered. Ian ordered up an LD’s Blossom to get things started. When the appetizer arrived, it smelled amazing in all it’s crispy fried onion glory. The spicy sauce that was served alongside the blossom was the perfect

Vernon chose the….brace yourselves…….TENDERLOIN. I know, I know…it is hard to believe he went with the tenderloin. This Iowa pork tenderloin arrived in a crispy breading and was nearly the size of a dinner plate. The loin came with pickles, lettuce, tomato, and onion on the side of the fresh bun. In all honesty, two buns may not have even been enough to hold this tenderloin. Vernon chose to upgrade his side to cheese balls. The cheese balls were perfectly gooey, lightly breaded nuggets of deliciousness. I decided to opt for something that was not fried and landed on the hot beef. This dinner option comes with mashed potatoes and gravy and can be ordered as a full or a half serving. Having never eaten at LD’s, I chose a full order just in case the portions were small…epic failure. The portion of roast beef that arrived atop the fresh slices of bread was anything but small… the creamy mashed potatoes were the perfect partner to the mounds of slow roasted beef and covered in brown gravy there was no way to be disappointed in my meal. Whether you are looking for some standard bar food options, fresh salads, burgers, sandwiches, catfish, or juicy steaks, you can find it at LD’s. In an unassuming building on Highway 92, we found friendly waitstaff, ice cold drinks, and delicious food that was well worth the stop. Next time you are in the Ainsworth area go ahead and swing by LD’s and tell them Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent you!

accompaniment. We all made our decisions on the main course and patiently awaited our meals while ﬁnishing oﬀ the blossom. As plates began arriving, we were all pleased with our choices. Ashley and Ian both ordered the California burger. This burger arrived in all its juicy splendor, perched on a perfectly toasted bun, topped with pepper 20 - TRMI OCTOBER 2021

Melanie J Schwarte If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@thunderroadsiowa.com

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Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were friends. One day, Boudreaux saw Thibodeaux driving a brand new Ford. He said, “Thibodeaux, where’d you get that new truck? You don’t have no job.” Thibodeaux said, “You know Mrs. Patty? She’s been sweet on me for quite some time. Today, she took me out into the woods in this here truck. She got out the truck, took off all her clothes, and said, ‘Thibodeaux, take what you want.’ So I took the truck.” Boudreaux said, “Well dats good for you Thibodeaux, because her clothes would never fit you.”

attendant then asked thee M Mormon ormo or mon mo n if he would like a drink. Hee replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.” The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, d, “Me, too, I didn’t know we What’s the difference between a genealogist and a had a choice.” gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. I tried phone sex once. Bu Butt the holes were too small. On top of a hill area, there are three Dracula’s bragging about their powers to each other. The first one, points at When NASA was preparing arin ar ingg fo in forr a large house in the village underneath them, and quickly the Apollo project, some me o off th the he flies towards it. In about five minutes, he’s back with a hint training of the astronauts ron onau au uts of blood dripping from his lip. Proudly, he says that all took place on a Navajo the humans living in that house died from his attack. The reservation. One day, second Dracula laughs as he’s pointing to a small village a Navajo elder and his area. After that, the second Dracula jumps and flies in son were herding sheep a quicker manner than the first one, in not more than a and came across the sp sspace acce ace minute, he’s already back with his mouth covered in blood. crew. The old man, who spoke spo poke ke He says that all the people in the village that he pointed at only Navajo, asked a question uest ue s io st ion n died from his quick and brutal attack. The first Dracula felt that his son translated. ““What What Wh at beaten, while the third one didn’t say anything, but he gave are these guys in the big b suits one cold stare to a direction with small city lights at the end doing?” A member of the crew said of it. Without any word, he flashed into that direction, and they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old in more of a shock, he’s back in around five seconds of time man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to with face all covered in blood. Both previous Dracula’s are the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional surprised, and asked him if had he slaughtered the people opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After in that small city. The third Dracula shouts, “Did you two the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to see that electrical pole in front of us?” they replied, “Of translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the course we did, why?” still shouting, the third Dracula says, tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened “Goddammit, I didn’t!” and laughed, but refused to translate the elder’s message. Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills translator. His translation of the old man’s message was: out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he “Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and land.” shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, A man has been driving around a parking lot for 10 and explains to her what has happened. She replies, “Well minutes looking for a spot to park. He pleads to God, “If get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you you please find me a parking stall right now, I promise to can get disability!” go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!” A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one to the entrance. “Never mind. Found one!” who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts. Why did the snowman suddenly smile? He could see the snow blower coming. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The A man is walking through his local mall and notices a other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan. Years Mexican book store. He decides to go in because he has later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that through the store and finally asks the clerk, “Do you she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. He responds, have the book on Donald Trump’s foreign policies with “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.” Mexico?” The clerk replies, “F*ck you, get out, stay out!” In World War I there was trench warfare, and neither the The man replies, “Yeah, that’s the one!” A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from Americans nor the Germans could get the upper hand. London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink They were reaching a stalemate. One day, an American orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which came up with a plan that would win them the war. This was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight private explained his plan to his trench mates, and they 26 - TRMI OCTOBER 2021

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figured, “Why not? It’s not like we have any better ideas.” The next day, an American soldier called out, “Hans!?” A German popped up and shouted back, “Ja?!” Boom, the German was shot dead. The next day the Americans shouted again, “Hans?!” “Ja?!” Shot dead. This process continued over the next couple of days. The Germans were losing large numbers, and were now finally catching on. The Germans had an emergency meeting. They thought they could come back from the heavy losses using the same tactics as the Americans. Thus, a German asked, “What is a popular American name?” “John!” replied another. The next day, the Germans decided to execute their plan. A German shouted, “John!?” An American called back, “Is that you Hans?!” “Ja!” And that is how the Americans won WWI. The world’s leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop. He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.” “Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?” “That would be wonderful,” says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones. He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I’m terribly sorry, but I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don’t recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?” The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track. Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, “No, this just can’t be right! I’ve been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don’t recognize any of these sounds.” The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track. The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage. “This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!” The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over. “What seems to be the problem, sir?” “This is an outrage! I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!” The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly. “I’m terribly sorry, sir. It appears we’ve been playing you the bee side.” A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house’s doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. “Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?” she asked. The boy replied, “Under my buckin’ hat.”

just telling me now?” He said, “Because I couldn’t stop laughing.” A husband and wife have four boys. The odd part of it is that the older three have red hair, light skin, and are tall, while the youngest son has black hair, dark eyes, and is short. The father eventually takes ill and is lying on his deathbed when he turns to his wife and says, “Honey, before I die, be completely honest with me. Is our youngest son my child?” The wife replies, “I swear on everything that’s holy that he is your son.” With that, the husband passes away. The wife then mutters, “Thank God he didn’t ask about the other three.” Three people get arrested and are taken into holding for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, “What’s your name?” She says, “Yo.” The officer asks, “What are you in for?” She responds with, “Blowing bubbles.” The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second girl, “What’s your name?” She responds with, “Yo Yo.” The officer asks, “What are you in for?” She responds with, “Blowing bubbles.” The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He talks to the guy and says, “Let me guess, your name is Yo Yo Yo.” The guy replies with, “No, it’s Bubbles.” A representative for a condom company is on her way to a convention. While rushing through the airport, she drops the briefcase carrying her samples of condoms all over the floor. As she is stuffing all the condoms back into her briefcase, she notices tourists giving her crazy looks. “It’s ok, she says, “I am doing a huge convention.” A traveling salesman asked a farmer to spend the night. The farmer agreed, but told him he would have to sleep in the barn. The farmer, being a nice guy and knowing how horny traveling salesmen get told the man, “Look son, see that wall? It’s got three holes in it. You can screw the first two but don’t mess around with that third hole. Got it?” The salesman thanked him and bedded down on a pile of hay. About midnight he got real horny and decided to take a poke at the first hole. It was good but not really satisfying so he took a poke at the second hole. It was even better but he still wasn’t satisfied so he thought about the third hole and reasoned to himself, “If that first hole was pretty good and the second hole was even better, I’ll bet that third hole will really do the trick!” The next morning the farmer noticed the salesman was still sleeping so he went about his chores and late in the afternoon he finally saw the salesman wake up. “Damn, son! You been sleeping a long time! What happened?” “Well,” the salesman replied. “I should have listened to you. I got horny last night and tried that first hole and it was pretty fair but not really satisfying so I tried the second hole. It was good but didn’t do the job so I took on that third hole. Say, what’s behind them holes anyway?” “Son, that first hole is my sheep, Dolly. The second hole is my mare, Sally, and that third hole is my milking machine and that thing don’t quit till it gets a quart!”

Two girls and a boy are playing doctors and nurses behind I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the the shed one day. The little boy suddenly drops his pants internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn’t and shows them his penis. One girl screams and runs away, know either. the other rolls her eyes and proudly scoffs, “Pfft, that’s nothing. My daddy’s got two of those.” “What?!” says the A man tells his wife, “Honey, your mom fell down the boy, “Two?!” “Yeah two,” replies the girl, “One for going stairs 15 minutes ago.” The wife yells at him, “Why are you pee pee and another for cleaning the nanny’s teeth.” Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

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October does a couple of things for deer. One, the John Deere enters the fields to begin the season of harvest, that pushes the critters out of their home base that they have been chilling in all spring and summer, minding their own business. Then, here comes Mr. Deere, or Mr. Case, Allis, New Holland, pick a manufacturer and I would plug a specific brand of farm equipment in all of my articles and my radio show if they would just sponsor me. I mean… While you can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish no I am a farm kid. I love me some tractors and combines matter how hard REO Speedwagon tried, still at the end of and I will pimp just about anything for money. Sell out? every summer we hope for a great fall with warm weather, I prefer the term “capitalist”. But the other, more natural copious amounts of sunshine, and the golden austere of effect of October is the dwindling amount of sunshine, the Mother Nature’s Autumn palate that would make Bob natural cycle of life kicks in and let’s just say what it is, Ross hornier than a prom night virgin. It’s time for what is deer are entering their horny stage. It causes bucks to fight simply some of the best riding of the calendar year across with bucks, does to start leaving the Hawkeye state and midwesttheir teasing pheromones all ern states in general, Fall Leaf over the place in a come-hither Runs! manner to the buck and let’s face it, the deer just get horny. I mean, think about how gloLook at what happens to us rious a fall bike ride in the people when we get horny, home of the tall corn state can we do dumb shit. We all have be! Big ass grasshoppers and made terrible choices when the thick, yellow, juicy bugs that needs start to throb, deer are shouldn’t still be around, stainno different. And the chase is ing your leather coat, smearing on, which is all fine and dandy. your riding glasses, leaving I love the rut, I have no need their marks on your windshield, for the rut or more previously fenders, side mirrors and so the pre rut happening out on much more…just glorious. Way our state funded highways and better after it freezes of course, byways, and when things get but until then, oh the joys of out of hand when things are full, plump, fall bugs. But bugs a bit randy, accidents can and are a small creature to consider do take place. All of which because October riding brings will really screw up a perfectly about a double blast of Deer(e). good Leaf Run as we embrace See what I did there… the last few decent riding days of the year. If the John Deere slow rolling over the hill, taking up most of Let me clear something up the road while you are zipping as we are having a good time over the hill at the posted speed together. I may make a passing limit of, it’s um, 70 something joke about farm equipment, isn’t it? It will catch your atbut it’s all just for fun. I never. tention at a high rate of speed And I mean NEVER complain about farmers and farmers and let’s hope the group you’re cruising with is paying doing farmer things. They feed the damn world. This is the attention and nobody ends up stacked on top of each other. world’s supermarket of food and without them, we’d all be Things like that tend to put a damper on great end of the screwed. Farmers get it broken off in the ass enough withyear rides. Yea, down bikes are bad no matter how you out some biker bitching about riding down a road during slice it. Now, one of the things those green John Deere do their (biker’s) free time. They (farmers) are up against it is tend to move the brown deer around. Who doesn’t love all the damn time, give them space, give them respect, and jamming down a great black top on a warm autumn day, if you can, buy them a damn beer. Those roads you are enthe tunes are on point, plenty of smiles all around as you joying, they are not for you or me. They were created with make your way to the next stop at a small town you know one goal in mind, the delivery and transportation of goods has that one great bar you love to patronize, the one with and services from town to town and farm to town. That is the amazing Philly, cheeseballs, and they cook their wings why they are there, the fact we get to ride them kicks ass. just right. You can almost taste them as you count down The fact we get to ride them to a great small town with the miles and smiles to the next stop, then, out of nowhere, burgers that slap, wings, mushrooms, steaks, pizza, and so the wonderful, majestic Whitetail Deer decides to make much more is even a better reason to smile as we chase the an appearance and manifest its presence in a way that is sun on a leaf run. not only breathtaking but pants staining at the same time. For the record, I’m a big fan of the whitetail deer. From Quick sidebar, damn near every biker in Eastern Iowa my deer stand or in my freezer, even better on my table. knows what a leaf run is and they are brilliant to be a part Venison is delectable and nutritious but they have no busi- of, for “westerners” it means simply, riding around on cool ness playing frogger with us while we are on a bike. They roads looking that the technicolor of amazement that the should follow the damn rule and cross only when it’s safe. 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Time for me to Fly!

trees give us this time of the year. Plus, it sounds fancy. More side bars. Pack warm clothes, when that sun goes down, the chill can bite quickly! I like bars. If you stumble into a small town this fall and they have an autumn celebration going on, for pumpkins, apples, or whatever, dive in and embrace it. You will be welcomed with open arms. Support a local community that has been taking it in the throat because of that 2020 shit, and you will likely make some new memories. Have I mentioned bars? Bring a good camera. Yea, our fancy phones do a good job, whatever, I think they are ﬁne, but that said, get some damn photos! Take the picture at a cool overlook, pose by the goofy sign in a small town, have that group photo, share the fun on social media. For a couple of reasons, it shows that bikers are great damn people, that we are front line tourists that pump money into a small local economy, and when the snow is piling up to our collective nerts, you can look back on the great times that were had when we were able to twist a throttle and make some laughs. Watch the deer, Wave at the Deere, enjoy the fall, and most importantly, get out and make a memory and if you get a chance, set up a leaf run of your own and embrace one of the few things we can still do in life. Todd “Crash” Davis Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

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2021 23-26 Sep 25

44th Annual Iowa BMW Motorcycle Rally Elkader 8th Annual End of Summer Poker Run and Party CFMC Clubhouse Cedar Rapids Sep 25 2nd Annual Suicide Awareness Run Decatur, NE Sep 26 Rumble to Recovery Metro HD Cedar Rapids Oct 2 Twisted Silence MC 1st Annual Scum Run Cedar Falls Oct 2 Breast and Ovarian Cancer Awareness Benefit Mac ‘N’ Cheese Cook-Off Metro HD Cedar Rapids Oct 7-10 Swap Meet/Flea Market Autumn Conesville Oct 8-9 Iron Invasion Davenport Oct 9 9th Annual Gentleman Campaign Benefit Motorcycle Ride Cedar Rapids Oct 9 Fall Open House Loess Hills HD Pacific Junction Oct 15-17 Cash in the Corn Drags & Halloweenie Party Conesville Oct 29-30 Halloween Spooktacular Big Barn HD Des Moines Nov 11-13 Veteran’s Day Event Big Barn HD Des Moines 2022 Jan 8 Feb 25-27 Feb 26-27 Mar 11-13 Apr 1-3 Aug 5-14

Final Rewind - The Last Retro Rewind Dubuque Indoor Car & Motorcycle Show World of Wheels Milwaukee 52nd Rod & Custom Bike/Car Show Monticello World of Wheels Chicago World of Wheels Omaha Black Hills Motorcycle Rally

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