alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware.” The guy is stunned. “Let’s row over to my place,” she says “and I’ll give you a tour.” So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, Its not much, but I call it home. Please sit down.” “Would you like a drink?” “No! No thank you,” the man blurts out, still dazed. “I can’t take another drop of coconut juice.” “Oh, it’s not coconut juice,” winks the woman. “I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?” Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, “I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There’s a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.” No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. “This woman is amazing,” he muses. “What’s next?” When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned. She smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her. “Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride?” She stares into his eyes. He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You mean...” he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, “You’ve built a Motorcycle?”
A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn’t the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insists, “it’s just ice cream.” Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer and conversin’ with the barkeep. Another comes in and sits beside him. He says, “How you do” and hears the lilt and says “You be Irish?” “ Yes I am.” The first man yells, “Barkeep, give us another round and one for my friend here he’s from the mother country as well.” The second man asks, “So where in the old country ye from?” “Dublin.” responds the first. “Dublin you say, so am I!” And the second man hollers, “Barkeep, bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey for me and my friend here.” Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin and the second man responds with the street and the first man says, “Well I’ll be - so am I!” He yells to the barkeep for another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for them both. The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeep answers it. The owner of the pub asks the barkeep how business is. The barkeep responds, “Not too bad. The O’Malley twins are here getting drunk again.” A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
I saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My neighbor said ““Aren’t you going to help?” I said “No, six should be enough.”
What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.
The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. I said, “Well, I’m pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet.”
A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumped against the windshield. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don’t worry, dear. That was just an insect.” “Wow,” the boy replies. “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!” A man goes to a $10 prostitute and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, she laughs and says, “What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?” Owls always look like they just saw a penis for the first time. Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook
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TRMI MARCH 2019 - 35