Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa August 2023

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I consider myself fortunate to be able to work with motorcycles and guns on a daily basis, so don’t really feel like I need any time off to refresh like in former years working in other professions. I don’t take a lot of time to do stuff I want to do, because I am already living the life that I want. The past couple of years though with the many things going on from virus bullshit, business growing pains, selling a house, buying a different house, moving, and now working on getting a garage built and finished up so that we can use it, it was time for me to take a little break. We slated a time in late June to take off after a COC meeting, and the weird part was, I didn’t even plan a damn thing about getting away and out of time for about four and a half days. That amount of time is not much time to get away at all, but about all that we could get away with things going on. Whenever I have taken trips in the past, I generally have stuff squared away to make sure we don’t run out of gas, get into towns too late to grab vittles, or have no place to stay when done riding for a day, but this was a different type of deal. Neither one of us had a clue even what direction we were going to head, only that I wanted to get out of Iowa for a couple days and see some sights. I told Melanie that she could look at Midwest radar while I was in my meeting, and come up with a general direction to head, and we would go from there.

Melanie did some digging on things that I said I always wanted to do or see, and she got a rough trip planned out, and we took off and had a blast. We ended up going to a place that has been on my bucket list for quite a number of years. We even took an extra day after approval from the other boss Justin at the gun shop. It was only a five and a half day trip, but it was much needed and quite

O n t h e C o v e r On the Cover

Bikers are known to be avid dog lovers, so in celebration of National Dog Day on Aug. 26th, this month’s cover features of photo of a 10-week old Rottweiler puppy named Minnie, who’s sitting proudly on a de-rake chopper frame!

awesome. Maybe in another issue we will tell you about it a little bit more.

The main point I guess that I was trying to make is that life is short, the riding season is shorter. Take the time to get out and ride and see the things that you want to do while you still can. MAKE the time to do so, because no one will do it for you. Go and ride to the river, then ride across the state to see the other one. Take the time for a last trip to the museum in Anamosa. Ride out to hug a redwood tree. Whatever the hell you want to do, try to make it happen and do it. After years of “not having time” to get away, I made the effort to make it happen and damned glad I did. We are actually already planning for a trip next year to see some other parts of this great nation on two wheels. The 2023 riding season is not gone, there is plenty of time to hop on and ride some more this year, and make some memories with the friends and family closest to you. Please do so before life puts you in the ditch.

Enjoy the last few months of this riding season. Get out to your favorite spots. Don’t forget to darken the door of the sponsors in the magazine, and be sure to tell them Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent ya! Thanks for reading, thanks to all of our sponsors, and thanks for being a part of our world. We could not do this every month without you! Ride safe!

Vernon Schwarte

vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

Editor/Owner Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa

Owner Thunder Gun and Thunder Guns West IMDA Board Member

MRF Assistant State Rep COC Liaison

NCOIR State of Iowa Representative

Quote of the Month: “Live every day as if it were going to be your last; for one day you’re sure to be right.” Harry Morant

It was about this time last year that Mark and our buddy, Al, got my bike all changed around to make it more comfy for me. Believe it or not, the stock Heritage seat was actually quite cushy, but it was SO cushy that I didn’t feel like I had enough of my feet on the ground to be able to push myself in or out of weird parking places. And the handlebars needed to be moved juuuust a pinch more toward me than the risers allowed.

So those two long-suffering guys spent an afternoon changing out my risers and installing my new scoot-me-forward-and-drop-me-down Mustang seat (which we kind of had to get anyway because of the hard bags I had purchased, but that’s another story that still makes Mark’s eye twitch, so maybe we won’t go into that here). I thanked them profusely and was tickled that I was ready to roll. I had several weeks before our Sturgis trip to get used to the new setup, so all was right with the world - until my bike’s electrical system decided to go on strike. (If you’ve ever had a bike’s electrical system start acting up, you know you might be in frustration-mode for a while. It might be this component or it might be that one – or, it might be neither!)

Mark and I took my bike down to visit Charlie, another long-suffering male friend of mine. (Why are they all longsuffering, I wonder . . . ) I sat around Charlie’s shop petting his shop dog while they talked guy stuff – battery life, staters, starters, and I don’t know what all – and they finally decided to just begin with the least expensive replacement and work their way up. After a couple of failed experiments, with our Sturgis D-Day date looming they opted to simply replace about everything electrical they could get to. And it worked!

Off to Sturgis we went. We saw lots of bikes while we were there, but you know what they all had in common? They had electrical juice. Didn’t matter if they were rat bikes, brand-new Harleys, or metric bikes. They may have been dinged up, had a custom paint job, or been so loaded down with camping equipment that you couldn’t tell what the paint job looked like. The bikes may have had clean chrome spokes, (another sensitive area of my bike saga that we don’t talk about), mag wheels, or solid Fat Boy wheels. No matter what brand the bikes were or what they looked like, they all had live electrical systems or they would not have made it there.

That brings to mind a comment I heard recently. Our friend, Chris, was talking about people who are counting on “being good enough” or on “doing enough good things to balance out the bad” to get them into heaven. His response to that was: “It’s not about how good you are or how bad you are; it’s about how dead you are.” What he was referring to was that when the first man, Adam, chose to sin and was then counted as being spiritually dead, he chose that “dead” state for every human who was born from that time forward. Being “born dead in sin” is like being a baby who is born with a genetic disease such as hemophilia or cystic fibrosis. The new baby has no say-so in the matter. And what’s more, the parents can dress the child in cute clothes, send the child to the best schools, or make sure

the child has every advantage in sports or music instruction, but those actions don’t make any change to the child’s genetic disease.

We are that child. Thanks to Adam, no matter how many good deeds we do, no matter how many church services we attend, none of those actions make any change to our genetic disease called “spiritually dead”.

But there is hope in Christ Jesus. Romans 5:1218 gives this account, condensed by me for brevity’s sake. (Look it up on your phone if you want to read the whole thing!) “For the sin of this one man, Adam, brought death to many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of forgiveness to many through this other man, Jesus Christ. . . For Adam’s sin led to condemnation, but God’s free gift leads to our being made right with God, even though we are guilty of many sins.”

Just like my dead bike couldn’t resurrect itself, we all need to receive spiritual life from an outside source –Jesus Christ. What are you putting your hope in? Or are you trying to avoid thinking about it by staying busy? Departure Day will come to us all, my friends. Don’t get caught with a dead battery.

Blessings – Karla

Mark & Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org

The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments throughout Iowa that sponsor the magazine. You can pick up your copy here every month. Let them know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa Biker Friendly Business Listing and become a part of the network, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

Biker Accessories

Crispy’s Biker Apparel

Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Find Us On Facebook

Dirty Biker Design

122 S. John Wayne Drive Winterset, Iowa 50273

www.DirtyBikerDesign.com

515-444-9050

Dealers

Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street

Marne, Iowa 51552

712-781-2351

www.baxtercycle.com

Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313

515-265-4444

www.bigbarnhd.net

Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501

712-366-8400

fullthrottleia.com

Harley-Davidson of Carroll 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610

www.carrollcycle.com

Harley-Davidson of Mason City

706 South Federal Avenue

Mason City, IA 50401 641-423-6007

Harleyofmasoncity.com

Heartland Harley-Davidson

117 S Roosevelt Ave Burlington, IA 52601 319-754-1100

www.heartlandhd.com

Indian Motorcycle of Mason City

Mason City Powersports

12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181

Masoncitypowersportsinc.com

Metro Harley-Davidson

2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496

www.metro-motorsports.com

Route 65 Harley-Davidson

1300 S Jefferson Way

Indianola, Iowa 50125

515.962.2160

www.route65hd.net

Storm Lake Honda

3040 Expansion Blvd

Storm Lake, Iowa 50588

StormLakeHonda.com

712-732-2460

Entertainment

Book Em Dano’s

33 S Main Street

Denison, Iowa 51442

712-263-9818 Mon-Sat 4-2

Dancers Nightly 5-1:30

East of Omaha

524 Main Street Griswold, IA 51535

Follow Us on Facebook

May-Sep Bike Nights!

Okoboji Classic Cars

Museum and Restoration Shop

810 Jeppeson Road

West Okoboji, Iowa 51351 712-332-8029

Food and Drink (Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)

Ambro’s Roadhouse

917 Guthrie St De Soto, Iowa 50069 515-468-2236

Great Food!

Ambro’s Roadhouse on Facebook

American Legion Post 111 1101 W 4th Street S Newton 641-792-3353

Open to the Public 7 Days a Week Newtonamericanlegion111.org

Barrel Smoke BBQ & Catering

109 N Main Street

Templeton, Iowa 51463

Tues – Sat Open at 4 PM

Barrel Smoke BBQ on Facebook

Bud’s Bar & Grill 114 Oak St Morehead, IA 712-886-5359

GOOD FOOD

7 Days a Week 11-Close

Bloodline Irish Pub 214 Public Square Greenfield, Iowa 50849

Bloodline Irish Pub on Facebook

Catfish Charlie’s

On the Mississippi River

1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600

www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com

Chili Dawg’s Foods of Fire

1940 Blair Ridge Road Blair, NE 68008

www.chilidawgs.com

Retail/Online Spice and Seasoning Store

Desperados

105 E 5th Street Atlantic

712-243-7087

Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings

Firehouse Bar 1211 5th Street Downtown Sioux City, IA 712-224-1020

Open Daily at 12:00

Flaming Office

201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255

Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7

Flaming Office on Facebook & Google

Goozman’s Westside Bar & Grill 1019 7th St Harlan, Iowa 712-755-2259

Goozman’s Westside on Facebook

Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street

Haverhill, Iowa 50120

641-475-3321

Closed Mon-Tues, 4-Midnite Wed-Thur-Fri, 10-Midnight Sat, 11-Midnight Sunday

Iowa Legendary Rye 707 N Main Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 Iowalegendaryrye.com

Jake’s Station 107 West HWY 59 Hancock, Iowa 51536 712-741-BEER

Like Our Page Jakes Station on Facebook

J.R. Willie’s

Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095

Open Daily Mon-Sun 11AM

Home of the Willie Whopper

Johnie’s Tap 112 NE 2nd Street Stuart, Iowa 50250

515-523-1146

Find Us on Facebook

Just 1 More

515-570-4206

641-757-0159

309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128

Level B – Bar & Grill

805 6th Street

Manning, Iowa 51455

712-655-9200

Level B on Facebook

McCanns Tap NE 14th & 54th

Des Moines, Iowa 50313

Bike Parking

M-F 2:00-2 S-S 11:00-Close

Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537

712-755-2258

Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar!

Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa

712-884-2230

www.midwaytavernsoldier.com

Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801

641-782-2165

Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555

712-642-9015

Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332

319-436-7100

Find Us On Facebook!

Riverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557

515-359-9998

Email:riversidetap@gmail.com

Shootout Saloon

3571 310th St Dexter

1 Mile West of Bonnie & Clyde Shootout

712-249-0041

Secluded Bar in the Woods

Sidetracked

206 West Union Street

Creston, Iowa 50801

641-782-8534

Stumpy’s Bar & Grill

423 Main Street Duncombe, Iowa 50532 515-543-4222

Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook

The Dog House 402 Main Street Colo, Iowa 50056-7720

Open 1st and 3rd Saturdays 641-485-8425

The Exchange 171 S Elm Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-343-2609

Lang’s Pizza, Cold Beer, Sports

The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St

Ankeny, Ia 50023

515-964-9484 yankeeclipperbar.com

VFW Post 9662 Bar and Grill

1309 NE 66th Ave Des Moines

515 - 289 - 9914 and Facebook

Vic’s Main Tap

304 Broadway

Audubon, Iowa 50025

712-563-2122

Opens M-F 2-Close, Sat 9-Close, Sun 2-Close

Wilson’s Tap and Recreation

1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395

Guns and Ammo

Thunder Guns West 1101 Chatburn Ave STE 103 Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-235-2632

Find us on Facebook

Hobbies & Collectibles

Treasure Island Diecast/Facebook

Hot Wheels, M2, Matchbox, Jada

Ertl, Lightning, Harley, Maisto Buy-Sell-Trade

641-521-8036 rayaustinhd@gmail.com

www.treasureislanddiecast.com

Insurance & Financial

O’Malley Wealth Mgmt. 5623 NW 86th Street Suite 400 Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-490-0930

State Farm

Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724

Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com

Legal

Hupy and Abraham sc, pc

Lawyers for Bikers

800.800.5678

Hupy.com

TheBikerLawyers.com

The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452

Photo and Art

Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715

www.natanic.com

Shops & Fabricators

BS & Bikes 300 E 17th St S Suite 700 Newton, IA 50208 641-521-8448

Find us on Facebook

Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768

Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair

S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 307 E 5th StreetWashington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278

Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954

F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave

Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651

www.fandjracing.com

Mean Machine Cycles

Elkhart, Iowa 50073

Custom & Full-Service HD Repair Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat by appt only 515-367-7336

Shops & Fabricators CONT

Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 Woodbine, Iowa 51579

712-647-2818

Open Tues-Fri 9-6, Sat 8-12

Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2220

Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111

Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook

Steffens Cycle and Detailing 1311 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-250-8493

steffenscycle@gmail.com

Thunder Road Cycles 4106 Rockingham Rd Davenport, Iowa 52802 563-323-3172

Thunder Road Cycles on Facebook

Tires

Sandbothe Firestone 1106 Main Street Griswold, Iowa 51535 712-778-2223

Sandbothe Firestone on Facebook

Trailers

Lacaeyse Trailer Sales 4192 HWY 146 Grinnell

Trailers & Truck Accessories 641-990-2674

www.lacaeysetrailers.com

ON THE Calendar by Natanic

Natanic

With today’s advances in digital photography, most people with a nice camera have had little or no experience with using film, let alone working in a darkroom. Many of the “ filters” in software and various apps used in the click of a button these days, were done manually in the darkroom years ago. But aside from that, shooting transparency/slide film (which is tricky, in comparison to negative film) offered such a rich contrast to the image, which I feel still can’t be replicated by any digital SLR these days. Then if a person was lucky enough to experiment with medium format like 6x4.5 cm or 6x7 cm film, the quality is simply unrivaled. Well unless you went to larger, and much more expensive, format above that! This month’s calendar is with a model from Cedar Rapids at the time, with a Flathead from Waterloo, on a hot July day 22 years ago. I shot this with a Mamiya 6x7cm format camera, using Kodak Ektachrome film, and with this set-up every time I took a photo cost me about a dollar, so I had to be very selective with each press of the shutter button! Unfortunately, the scanning process to digital has lost some of the contrast, but shooting this format on transparency film gives so much more to the depth of field affect, which is still evident. Now I’m not dissing digital, it’s still a great thing, but for any aspiring photographers that haven’t experimented with film, I suggest giving it a try. But be patient, because you’re going to make mistakes, likely ruin some film, and spend some money, but it will give you a different appreciation to photography as an artistic medium. Nate Ullrich www.Natanic.com

not so USELESS RAMBLINGS not so USELESS RAMBLINGS Executive What?

There have been more than 13,700 Executive Orders since Washington took office in 1789. Every president has issued at least one during their administration. I’m sure we’ve all heard the phrase, “changes made by executive order” but we rarely ever really know what the document says, why it says it, or how it’s going to actually happen. Sadly, a vast majority of these EO’s are replete with controversy.

What exactly is an executive order? An executive order is a signed, written, and published directive from the President of the United States that manages operations of the federal government, but is different from a proclamation or an administrative order. Executive orders are not legislation and require no approval from Congress, and Congress cannot just overturn an EO. Only a sitting president can overturn an existing EO by writing a new one that cancels out the original. The only thing Congress can do is attempt to pass legislation that would remove funding for whatever the EO is supposed to accomplish.

John F. Kennedy (democrat) signed several executive orders on February 16, 1962 which would allegedly give certain dictatorial powers to appointed bureaucrats in the event a “National Emergency” should be declared by the President — whichever president is sitting in office at the designated time. At the president’s discretion “in any time of increased international tension or economic or financial crisis” the E.O.’s could theoretically be enacted. If enacted, they would give authority to the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) to control: communications, energy, food, fuel, farms, transportation, highways, railroads, inland waterways and seaports, health, education and welfare, drafts citizens into work forces under government supervision; relocation of populations, designates areas to be abandoned as ‘unsafe’; relocates communities, and controls all public storage facilities.

EO 10995 - Allows the government to seize and control the communication media.

EO 10997 - Allows the government to take over all electrical power, gas, petroleum, fuels, and minerals.

EO 10998 - Allows the government to seize all means of transportation including personal cars, trucks, or vehicles of any kind and total control over all highway, seaports, and waterways.

EO 10999 - Allows the government to take over all food resources and farms.

EO 11000 - Allows the government to mobilize civilians into work brigades under government supervision.

EO 11001 - Allows the government to take over all health, education, and welfare functions.

EO 11002 - Designates the Postmaster General to operate a national registration of all persons.

E0 11003 - Allows the government to take over all airports and aircraft, including commercial aircraft.

EO 11004 - Allows the Housing and Finance Authority to relocate communities, build new housing with public funds, designate areas to be abandoned, and establish new locations for populations.

EO 11005 - Allows the government to take over railroads, inland waterways, and public storage facilities.

On June 3rd, 1994, William J. Clinton (D) signed executive order 12919 that encompasses all the EO’s signed by JFK in 1962, thus putting everything into one neat little package for easy enactment when the time comes to put them into play.

EO 11049 - John F. Kennedy (D)- Sept. 14, 1962

Assigns emergency preparedness functions to federal departments and agencies consolidating 21 operative Executive Orders issued over a 15-year period

EO 11051 - John F. Kennedy (D) - Sept. 27, 1962

Specifies the responsibility of the Office of Emergency Planning and gives authorization to put all Executive Orders into effect in times of increased international tensions and economic or financial crisis

EO 11310 - Lyndon B. Johnson (D) - Oct. 11, 1966

Grants authority to the Department of Justice to enforce the plans set out in Executive Orders, to institute industrial support to establish judicial and legislative liaison, to control all aliens, to operate penal and correctional institutions, and to advise and assist the President.

EO 11921 - Gerald R. Ford (R) - June 11, 1976

Allows the Federal Emergency Preparedness Agency to develop plans to establish control over the mechanisms of production and distribution of energy sources, wages, salaries, credit, and the flow of money in the US financial institution in any undefined national emergency. It also provides that when a state of emergency is declared by the President, Congress cannot review the action for 6 months.

The Federal Emergency Management Agency has broad powers in every aspect of the nation. General Frank Salzedo, chief of FEMA’s Civil Security Division, stated in a 1983 conference that he saw “FEMA’s role as a new frontier in the protection of individual and governmental leaders from assassination, and of civil and military installations from sabotage and/or attack, as well as prevention of dissident groups from gaining access to US opinion, or a global audience in terms of crisis.”

FEMA’s powers were consolidated by President Carter to incorporate the National Security Act of 1947 that allows for the strategic relocation of industries, services, government, and other essential economic activities, and to rationalize the requirement for manpower, resources, and

production facilities

The 1950 Defense Production Act gives the President sweeping powers over all aspects of the economy.

The Act of August 29, 1916 authorizes the Secretary of the Army, in time of war, to take possession of any transportation system for transporting troops, material, or any other purpose related to the emergency. The International Emergency Economic Powers Act enables the President to seize the property of a foreign country or national. These powers were transferred to FEMA in a sweeping consolidation in 1979.

Now that all of that is laid out on the table, take a look at our current situation. We are funding a massive war in the Ukraine against Russia. China is on the verge of launching an assault on Taiwan and are really pissed off at the US for attempting to stop them, so much so that they are building a new military base in Cuba.

It’s only a matter of time before the United States becomes a serious target. But you have to wonder if the war will be brought upon us by a foreign country or if we will have a repeat of the Civil War. This time it won’t be the North and the South, it will be the left and the right.

Either way, when a war begins on our soil, all the aforementioned executive orders and the various acts can, and most likely will, be enacted. That is the day that these global elitist douchebags are waiting for. That is the day that the land of the free ceases to exist. That is the day we

become just another 3rd world dictatorship.

I will leave you with the following quote…

“There is no criminal or legal penalty for failure to obey an Executive Order.” - Mr. Bill Leary, National Security Council.

David McCoy - david@ thunderroadsiowa.com - facebook.com/ TRMIDave - facebook.com/ TRMINSUR

Mondo’s Restaurant

309 Fremont St, Shenandoah, IA 51601 (712) 246-1325

Monday – Thursday 7AM-9PM

Friday – Saturday 7AM-9:30PM

Sunday 8AM-8PM

On our way back from a much needed vacation in Maggie Valley, North Carolina we found ourselves hungry after a long day on the bike and decided to stop by a local diner called Mondo’s. When we went inside around 2:30 in the afternoon there were a couple of tables with customers happily munching on their orders, and one waitress/ hostess/ cook taking care of everyone.

Despite being the only employee, she was quick to refill drinks, and take orders.

We ordered tall glasses of ice cold water and some iced tea to quench our thirst while we checked out the menu. Mondo’s serves breakfast all day, so that was a tempting option, but we decided to save breakfast for another visit. We noticed immediately that prices for menu items were very low, and that is always a welcome change. There is a large salad bar in the dining area as well. The walls are decorated with images that honor the American farmer, as well as what appears to be some local residents.

Our one man (woman) band of wait staff returned to take our orders after a quick check on the other diners. Vernon ordered the tenderloin with a side of hash browns, and I opted for a Mondo burger with cheese and French fries. She scurried off to the back to get our meals started. We sat and sipped our drinks and enjoyed the air conditioning which

was a stark contrast to the July air outside. In hardly no time at all, she returned with piping hot plates of deliciousness for us to devour.

Vernon’s tenderloin was a moderately thin pounded slice of loin, breaded in a cornmeal and cracker type breading, fried to golden delicious perfection. Piled on a toasted bun with fresh sliced onion and pickle, the sandwich was divine. The side of hash browns Vernon ordered were perfectly seasoned, crisp on the outside, tender potato goodness on the inside. My burger arrived cooked just as I like it, very little pink inside, and a slightly salty char on the outside. My burger also came with melted American cheese, fresh sliced onion, and crisp pickle chips atop a toasted bun. My side of French fries was slightly on the thick cut side of fry world, with a crispy golden outside and fluffy potato inside. Burger and fries at their best.

We enjoyed our stop at Mondo’s, and will be swinging by again to try out the breakfast menu. Next time you are in the Shenandoah area, be sure to stop at Mondo’s and be sure to tell them that Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent you!

See you on the road!

Melanie Schwarte

If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@thunderroadsiowa.com

The town drunkard gets berated by his wife for drinking with the money she gave him to get chicken. With his ego hurt he promptly gets drunk again, steals a live hen from a nearby farm and tries to scramble back home before getting caught. In a bid to not get caught, he sneaks into a shabby cinema hall after somehow calming the hen down enough to stick it down his pants. It was an adult film and there weren’t many takers, so he finds a seat in the back, where it was the darkest, next to two prostitutes and promptly falls asleep. In the heat of the theatre the hen starts getting fidgety and the drunk half asleep opens the zipper of his pants to let it get some air so that it doesn’t interrupt his drunken slumber. At this point the first prostitute whispers to the other one “Hey this man next to me has his member out”. The second prostitute responds “yeah of course he does, it’s an adult movie, why do you think we’re here?”. Now the slightly alarmed first lady responds “his cock is not like other ones.” The more seasoned second Lady responds “come on lass, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all” The first one responds with incredulity “NO, you haven’t. This one is special. This one is eating my damn popcorn” ...

Bob went to a clinic for a checkup. The nurse asked him to remove his clothing and put on a gown to be checked by the doctor. “In front of you?” He asks, shy. Th e nurse says: “Well no, but I’ve seen the human body before. The man said, “Not one like mine. You’d die laughing at my body.” “Of course, I won’t laugh,” said the Nurse to the patient, “I’m a professional. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.” “Okay then,” said the patient, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing a huge male body with the smallest adult male organ the Nurse had ever seen in her life. In length and width, it was almost identical to a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the Nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man’s private part, she composed herself as well as she could. “I am so sorry,” she said, “I don’t know what came over me. On my honor as a Nurse and a lady, I promise that it won’t happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem? “It’s swollen,” Bob replied.

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults. One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The two young men, sympathetic to a creature in need, approached the crocodile and released it from the trap. Once freed, the crocodile transformed into a wispy, glowing fairy! “Thank you, young men,” said the fairy, “Your hearts are truly selfless, and I will grant each of you one wish. What are your names?” “This is my friend Set, and you can call me ‘Ep’”, said Amenhotep. “Very well, Ep,” said the fairy “What is the desire of your heart?” “I wish I was the strongest man in the world!” Amenhotep wished. “Very well”, said the fairy, “but you must always use your strength to help others.” Smoke gathered around Amenhotep, and when the smoke cleared Ep was 7 foot six and rippling with muscles. The fairy turned to Set “And what is your wish, Set?” Set responded “I never

want to be poor again! I wish for money!” “Very well,” said the fairy. Smoke gathered in front of the two of them, and when the smoke cleared a small elf remained, bowing to the two boys. “Greetings, sirs! My name is Elmon, and I am here to serve!” “Elmon is an expert in all things money,” said the fairy, “He will help you make wise decisions and turn any business profitable, but will only help you so long as he is only asked to do good for your fellow man.” Amenhotep and Set were inseparable. True to his word, Amenhotep used his great strength to build many houses for people in need. Set helped, as well, but his comparatively small size next to the now-massive Amenhotep earned him the nickname “Imp”. With Elmon’s financial savvy, the two started a non-profit dedicated to building houses for the less fortunate, and Elmon kept all their paperwork in perfect order. Years passed, and the two lived very fulfilling lives helping the homeless. Amenhotep met a girl while building houses and the two got married and had a beautiful baby boy, Josep. Ep and Set’s business expanded globally. 15 years passed and Amenhotep grew kinder and more generous, giving to people in need at any of the places he went to build houses. Set built a campus in Cairo for the headquarters of their business and directed global efforts. Over the years, Set lost touch with the people he was helping and became more focused on business expansion and the money of the business. As all fathers do, Amenhotep wanted his son to eventually take over the business and help the next generation of needful people find purpose in their lives. He sent Josep to the HQ in Cairo to learn the business from Set. Once there, Josep was surprised to find that much of the financial success was due in large part to the financial savvy of Elmon, the elf. Josep spent months at HQ learning how to run the business. While there, Set decided that it was time to expand the company into a more profitable venture. Instead of building houses for the needy, he drafted up a plan to buy up land around urban areas and construct rental properties at expensive prices while preventing construction of new, affordable housing. He sent Josep with the proposal to Elmon to determine the financial logistics. Upon reading the proposal and its ill-nature’s effect on Set’s fellow man, Elmon keeled over and died, instantly. Josep was shocked and ran to alert Set right away, who wailed in dismay at the loss of his financial mastermind. In a rage, he accused Josep of killing Elmon and sent the teenager to jail. Amenhotep, hearing of the distress, caught the first flight back to Cairo to find himself neck-deep in a legal battle between him and his old friend. Without the financial and legal savvy of Elmon, Set’s case was a mess. Amenhotep, distraught, tried to reason with his childhood friend. “Come, Imp, release my boy and call off the lawsuit. Let’s use our energy to help those in need and not further what we both know is a fruitless path.” Set refused, furiously gathering circumstantial evidence to bring to the court to frame Josep for Elmon’s murder. The case was brought before the court, but Set’s

claims were weak and unsupported. The judge, thoroughly disgusted with the lack of evidence from the prosecution, dismissed the case outright. Obviously, Ep’s teen didn’t kill Imp’s elf.

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. “I’ll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?” His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night, whether you’re here or not.”

The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late. Mr. Clark asked, “John, why are you late?” He replied, “I was on Cherry Hill.” Then he sat down. Ten minutes later Nathan walked in late and Mr. Clark repeated, “Why are you late?” Nathan answered, “I was on top of Cherry Hill.” Five minutes later Kevin walked in late and Mr. Clark said to him, “Kevin, where have you been?” Kevin replied, “I was on Cherry Hill.” Ten minutes later a girl walked in the classroom and Mr. Clark asked, “Hi there, what’s your name?” The girl replied, “Cherry Hill.”

A guy and girl had sex poem competition. Guy: “Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can’t put yours in mine.” Girl: “Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won’t know the depth of mine.”

A woman is having a hard time getting her tomatoes to ripen so she goes to her neighbor with her problem. The neighbor says, “All you have to do is go out at midnight and dance around in the garden naked for a few minutes, and the tomatoes will become so embarrassed, they will blush bright red.” The woman goes out at midnight and dances around her garden naked for a few minutes. The next morning, the neighbor comes over to the woman’s house and asks the woman if her tomatoes have turned red. The woman says “No, they’re still green, but I noticed the cucumbers grew four inches!”

Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.

Rachel asks. It is a moment for which her parents have carefully prepared. They take her into the living room, get out several other books, and explain all they think she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sit back and smile contentedly. “Does that answer your question?” the mom asks. “Not really,” the little girl says. “Judy said she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from.”

Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving? A: “Thanks for coming!”

A kid walks up to his mom and asks, “Mom, can I go bungee jumping?” The mom says “No, you were born from broken rubber and I don’t want you to go out the same way!”

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

I had sex with a Chinese woman last night. It was great, but an hour later I was STILL horny!

You know you’re getting old when your wife says, “Honey, lets run upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “I can’t do both.”

Two guys are standing in line to enter heaven. One turned around and asked the other how he died. “I froze to death. How about you?” “I had a heart attack.” “How did that happen?” “Well, I suspected my wife was cheating on me. So after work I went straight home. I ran upstairs to find my wife sleeping by herself. Then I ran back downstairs and looked in all the hiding spots. When I was running back up the stairs, I had a heart attack.” “That’s ironic.” “Why?” “If you would’ve looked in the fridge, we’d both be alive.”

Why can’t you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?” asked the one. “Well, not exactly.” His friend replied, “She’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.” “Oh, I see, kinky, huh?” “Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead.”

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

“Daddy, where did I come from?” seven-year-old

Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says, “Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the dick in the air.” The other says, “Sorry, I just burped.”

Have a Great August!

Wait, an expansion of Freedom?

Look, it’s not a secret; I generally cast a jaundice eye in the direction of just about anything anymore. I really don’t trust most things and it sucks. I know there are good people. Hell, most of my friends I have near one hundred percent blind trust in. I don’t question their moral fiber their intent, their character at all. Do we sometimes get pissed at each other? Of course, friendships are like marriages, you can love someone totally and completely yet want to shake the ever living hell out of them one minute but you still love them and no matter what have their back as your ride or die. In fact, I have noticed the only time I really don’t get along with any of my inner circle friends or my wife for that matter is when they are wrong about stuff. It’s weird that I know people that get stuff wrong and it angers me. Thankfully, I don’t have that issue and I tend to be as clean and pure as the new winter snow.

Oh yea, that four letter word that is likely the worst word readers of this award winning magazine can ever utter or hear. Snow.

The boss of Bosses, the bearded one, the Big Dog, the guy that would sign my paycheck should they ever decide to pay me gave me one hard fast rule when I started with this publication, shit, almost a decade ago, you can say what you want, write what you want, form whatever opinion you want, hell you don’t have to write about riding, you can write about what ever in the hell you want but there is one thing you simply cannot say, one word you cannot use.

It wasn’t the “F” word, wasn’t any of the following dirty words, “poop, boob, tits, fart, Biden, metrics, vegan, PETA, cats, boneless wings, or the phrase “build back better”. None of it, he just said don’t ever write about snow, we are

a biker mag, we talk about riding, loving to ride, dreaming of riding, planning to ride and riding to ride, snow ain’t got no business behind that part of our business.

I mean, I think he said that, I wasn’t really listening, all of our meetings take place in bars/ diners while he orders the pork tenderloin and I get easily distracted by the talking picture box, cute waitresses, music on the jukebox, the tractor that just drove by, weather forecasts, pig tails, pony tails, cheeses balls…but other than that I usually pay attention to what he tells me and he did say he hates snow.

But this year, come snow or iced over roads I am going to join my riding brothers in a moment of solidarity, you see as of January 1st, 2024, Nebraska joins the ranks of intelligent, pro riding states and shedding themselves of that stupid helmet law! Welcome to getting a tiny bit of freedom restored to our friends from the west! No longer do we need to completely avoid your state while riding to other cooler states that didn’t have lid laws.

If the weather is even close to being somewhat decent Jan 1, I am riding across the river sans lid just to say hello to my Husker friends and tell them welcome to the party kids! Now, don’t hold me to this, several factors may come into play. Like that white filmy shit all over the roads, ice patches at all, snow, below 40 degrees, the level of hangover I am suffering from the night before, getting my bike to start when it’s that cold. You see there are several things to consider, but know this, if and when it’s nice, I will ride in that state with the same freedom we have in Iowa. Well, almost. They are some stupid shit tied into it, like a rider’s education course blah blah blah. I am not too worried, I have legit been on two wheels powered by an internal combustion engine since the Easter Bunny brought me that Red Fox mini bike when I was 6 1/2 years old. Well, that and I took an ABATE riding class years ago that I did for an article. I can’t recall if it was for this magazine or not, I have cranked out a lot of words, most of them lame, but

cranked never the less over the last 15 years or so since I returned to column stuff. Back then, it was like the mob, just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in. Allow me to make this point, I don’t care if wearing a lid is what you do or not, I support that all the way. Like most freedoms, you do you and as long as YOUR freedom doesn’t limit MY freedom, knock yourself out.

Iowa was at the forefront of same sex marriage, and I supported then and now because you know why, IT’S UP TO THE PERSON it has zero influence on my life or my marriage in anyway shape or form, and if you think it does yours, you could not be more myopic or moronic. It doesn’t. Same with weed, sports gambling, the list goes on and on. Include helmets in that tidbit as well. If we just all join in one thing it should be this. Live your goddamn life and stop worrying what I or anyone else does. If it has zero direct effect on my personal life, or my family, why should I intervene? Or why should YOU?

Now Nebraska is going to be helmet free. For those that ride to Sturgis and for years had ridden around Nebraska for that reason this is huge. Because 90% of South Dakota sucks and that is even considering it’s the good Dakota. After fueling in Sioux Falls, there is nothing but Wall Drug Billboards and an off shoot to the Corn Palace. Ever been to the Corn Palace, wow is that lame as hell! Who thought that was a good idea. Heading west, it gets hotter, dryer, more barren, then finally Chamberlain. Oh, Al’s Oasis and a neat river. Then, nothing until the Badlands. Well except for wind, Wall Drug and more heat and wind before finally the glimmer of the Black Hills.

Now, Central Nebraska is no treat, but the sand hills, Valentine and the Niobrara River Valley at least it’s something. It’s not much, but something and a bit more of a direct route than I-90. Look, I grew up running up and down that interstate, don’t take offense to my commentary because deep in your soul you know I am right. That said, South Dakota’s governor is way better than anything in Nebraska and there is a decent chance you may run into her actually riding in her state. She’s cool that way.

I wonder if she knows a good place for my boss to get a pork tenderloin and has stuff, I might like…

Todd “Crash” Davis

Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa

Iowa Bike Nights and Dinner Rides

Tuesday

Mom’s Maxwell (2nd & 4th Tuesday)

Wednesday

Back Forty Bike Night at the Barn Des Moines (2nd Wed May-Sep)

Bea’s Place Baxter

Cruise Night Britt (3rd Wed Jul-Sep)

Pete & Shorty’s Clarksville

Supper Rides Harley-Davidson of Carroll (7-19, 8-16,9-13)

Dinner Rides Zylstra HD Ames

Thursday

Edwards Bikes on the Hundred Block Council Bluffs (3rd Thursday)

Roar Into Harlan (3rd Thursdays)

Stumpy’s Bar & Grill Duncombe

Metro HD Cedar Rapids (2nd Thursday May-Sep)

East of Omaha Bike Night Griswold (1st Thurs MaySep)

VFW Post 9662 Des Moines (Every Thurs Apr-Oct)

Screamin’ Eagle Waterloo (Jun-Aug)

Chommy’s Bar/Grill Eldon (3rd Thursday)

Thunder N2 Atlantic Bike Night Atlantic (2nd Thurs Jun-Oct)

Tip Top Lounge Ames (start Jun 1)

McGrath Powersports Cedar Rapids (Last Thurs May-Aug)

Maggie’s Rumble Room (1st and 3rd Thurs)

Friday

Bondurant Bike Night at the Rails (4th Friday

Apr-Sep)

American Legion Post 232 Polk City (2nd Friday

May-Sep)

Thunder Nites Newton (2nd Friday Jun-Aug)

Off Point Pub Davenport (Every Friday)

Burt’s Dog House Boxholm (Every Other Friday)

Renegade Night Chariton (1st Friday Jun-Aug)

Mean Machine Grub Run Elkhart (1st Fri-May - Sep)

Saturday

Dirty Biker Design Winterset (Jul 15, Aug 12, Sep 9)

I-29 Dragway with LHHD Pacific Junction (Aug 26, Oct 14)

Happening’s Bar Steamboat Rock (3rd Sat May-Sep)

Kilroy’s Redfield (2nd Sat May-Sep)

Carlisle Bike Night (3rd Saturday)

Ambro’s Roadhouse DeSoto (1st Sat – Oct)

Sunday

Just 1 More Jamaica (Starting in May)

Tavern 36 Mitchellville (Last Sunday)

This list is what we have found and what has been submitted. Before heading to any event, please check weather and make sure the event is not cancelled. Not responsible for misprints and typos. If you have any other events to list, please email vernon@ thunderroadsiowa.com

Thunder Roads

2023

Jul 22 6th Annual Cruizin for Cure Cystic Fibrosis Benefit

Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids

Jul 22 Solid Ones MC Annual Car Wash Des Moines

Jul 22

Goozman’s Westside Annual Fun Run Harlan

Jul 22 1st Annual Freedom Ride Quasqueton

Jul 22 1st Annual Cornfield Chaos HBJMC Poker Run

Jul 22

Jul 28-30

Council Bluffs

Roughnecks MC 5th Annual Memorial Run

Council Bluffs

CMA Heartland Rally by the Christian

Motorcyclists Association Oskaloosa

Jul 29 5th Annual Bike & Car Show Big Barn HD

Des Moines

Jul 29 Solidarity Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids

Jul 29 Christmas in July Scavenger Hunt Walford

Jul 29 5th Annual Pine Lake Festival Motorcycle Show

Eldora

Jul 29 39-1 CVMA Patriot Poker Run Polk City

Jul 29 2nd Annual Keith Titus Memorial Ride Elma

Jul 29 4th Annual NW Iowa ALR Hot Dog Social LeMars

Jul 30 Logan Rustan Ride for Autism Bevington

Aug 4-13 Black Hills Motorcycle Rally South Dakota

Aug 12 LT Ride for Babies Metro HD Cedar Rapids

Aug 12 AtlanticFest Bike Show Atlantic

Aug 13 5th Annual Cancer Sucks Car, Truck, and Bike

Show Council Bluffs

Aug 13 5th Annual Benefit the Vets Worthington

Aug 18 1st Ever Corydon Old Settlers Bike Night Corydon

Aug 18-20 19th Annual BTW Trike In Kellogg

Aug 19 BBQ Open House RT 65 HD Indianola

Aug 19 2nd Annual Support Our Veterans Ride Livermore

Aug 19-20 Baxter Cycle 4th Annual 40th Annual

Open House Marne

Aug 20 D18 Quad Picnic Blakesburg

Aug 26 2nd Annual Support our Veterans Ride Livermore Legion

Aug 26 Kyle’s Mile 9 Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids

Aug 26 7th Annual Shayla Bee Fund Black Tie Black

Leather Affair West Okoboji

Aug 26 8th Annual Randy Hagle’s Sidetracked Memorial Ride Creston

Aug 26 3rd Annual Craig’s Ride and Drive Amvets Riders

Hudson

Aug 26 Road Trip in Memory of Harley McDonald

Just One More Jamaica

Aug 31-Sep 2 52nd Annual Motorcycle Swap Meet Davenport

Aug 31-Sep 3 Redneck Revival Conesville

Sep 1-4 Midway Tavern’s 25th Annual Soldier Valley Poker Run, BBQ/Dance/Concert Soldier

Sep 3 Biker Bash 2023 Lake Park

Sep 6-9 National Motorcycle Museum Auction Anamosa

Sep 9 D4 Bike Show Runnells

Sep 10 Motorcycle Hill Climb Anamosa

Sep 10 1st Annual Car & Bike Show Amvets Riders

Cedar Falls

Sep 16 BBQ Open House RT 65 HD Indianola

Sep 16 Fall Hog Roast Zylstra HD Ames

Sep 16 Mean Machine “Smalltown Throwdown” Burnout Contest & Stereo Battle Elkhart

Sep 17 17th Annual World-Famous Butterfield’s M-C Parts Hot Dog Daze Omaha, NE

Sep 17 Concours de’ Cornfield Earlham

Sep 23 22 Veteran Suicide Awareness Association Poker Run Pacific Junction

Sep 23 D18 Toys for Tots Ride Burlington

Sep 23 Bike Night & BBQ Cook Off Stuart

Oct 1 Toy Run HD of Carroll

Oct 15 39th Annual Fall Auto & Motorcycle Swap Meet Monticello

Oct 28 Screamin Saturday Chili Cookoff and Halloween

Event Zylstra HD Ames

Nov 4 Pancakes for Patriots Zylstra HD Ames

Nov 4 Solid Ones MC Clubhouse Day of The Dead Party

Carlisle

Nov 10-12 Iowa Steam Waterloo

Dec 9 Brrrrunch Party and Santa Stop Zylstra HD Ames

Dec 9 Holiday Open House Big Barn HD Des Moines