Page 1

P. 10


VOL 40/05 12.04.2013


c of f e e i s s u e 2 0 13

hook it to my

veins wake up to best new cafes bikini barista tryouts java cocktails & more

allison kerek

NEWS cops, Media and bad math. P. 27 headout TOUR THE MAYOR’S HOME. P. 45 STAGE XMAS SHOW DECISION TREE.


WALTERS CULTURAL ARTS CENTER 527 E. Main Street – Downtown Hillsboro – OR 97123 503-615-3485

Classic standards and holiday favorites with one of Portland’s most talked about female jazz singers. $20 ADVANCE / $25 DAY OF SHOW Call for tickets or purchase online at COMING SOON: Oregon Mandolin Orchestra 12/20; Patrick Ball and Legends of the Celtic Harp 1/31; 2014 FREE Matinee Series – La Boheme 1/25

Visit us online at and follow us on facebook!


Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

Jesus is Good?

B O G DA N / C C 3 . 0 . I L L U S T R AT I O N : H AW K K R A L L


CAPTION: goes herespeed goes freak. here goes CRANK SHAFT: PHOTO This is the face of a former Pagehere 24.
















STAFF Editor-in-Chief Mark Zusman EDITORIAL Managing Editor for News Brent Walth Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Aaron Mesh Copy Chief Rob Fernas Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, Jessica Pedrosa Stage & Screen Editor Rebecca Jacobson Music Editor Matthew Singer Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Books Penelope Bass Dance Aaron Spencer Theater Rebecca Jacobson Visual Arts Richard Speer Editorial Interns Ramona DeNies, Ravleen Kaur, Alex Tomchak Scott

CONTRIBUTORS Emilee Booher, Ruth Brown, Nathan Carson, Rachel Graham Cody, Pete Cottell, Jordan Green, Jay Horton, AP Kryza, Nina Lary, Mitch Lillie, John Locanthi, Enid Spitz, Grace Stainback, Mark Stock, Michael C. Zusman PRODUCTION Production Manager Ben Kubany Art Director Kathleen Marie Graphic Designers Mitch Lillie, Amy Martin, Xel Moore, Dylan Serkin Production Interns Jerek Hollender, Kayla Nguyen ADVERTISING Director of Advertising Scott Wagner Display Account Executives Maria Boyer, Ginger Craft, Michael Donhowe, Kevin Friedman, Janet Norman, Kyle Owens, Sharri Miller Regan, Andrew Shenker Classifieds Account Executive Matt Plambeck Advertising Assistant Ashley Grether Marketing & Events Manager Carrie Henderson Give!Guide Director Nick Johnson

Our mission: Provide Portlanders with an independent and irreverent understanding of how their worlds work so they can make a difference. Though Willamette Week is free, please take just one copy. Anyone removing papers in bulk from our distribution points will be prosecuted, as they say, to the full extent of the law. Willamette Week is published weekly by City of Roses Newspaper Company 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Main line phone: (503) 243-2122 fax: (503) 243-1115 Classifieds phone: (503) 223-1500 fax: (503) 223-0388

DISTRIBUTION Circulation Director Mark Kirchmeier WWEEK.COM Web Production Brian Panganiban Web Editor Matthew Korfhage MUSICFESTNW Executive Director Trevor Solomon Associate Director Matt Manza OPERATIONS Accounting Manager Chris Petryszak Credit & Collections Shawn Wolf Office Manager/Receptionist Sam Cusumano A/P Clerk Andrea Iannone Manager of Information Systems Brian Panganiban Associate Publisher Jane Smith Publisher Richard H. Meeker

Willamette Week welcomes freelance submissions. Send material to either News Editor or Arts Editor. Manuscripts will be returned if you include a self-addressed, stamped envelope. To be considered for calendar listings, notice of events must be received in writing by noon Wednesday, two weeks before publication. Send to Calendar Editor. Photographs should be clearly labeled and will be returned if accompanied by a selfaddressed, stamped envelope. Questions concerning circulation or subscription inquiries should be directed to Mark Kirchmeier at Willamette Week. Postmaster: Send all address changes to Willamette Week, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Subscription rates: One year $100, six months $50. Back issues $5 for walk-ins, $8 for mailed requests when available. Willamette Week is mailed at third-class rates. A.A.N. Association of ALTERNATIVE NEWSWEEKLIES This newspaper is published on recycled newsprint using soy-based ink.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



“He’s since sweated his way into a construction job with benefits.” How many Americans living here legally and paying taxes can say this? [“Greed Card,” WW, Nov. 27, 2013.] The scumbags ripping off these people deserve to be in jail, no doubt. But the victims— all living here illegally, most with Oregon Trail cards leeching off U.S. taxpayer money—should be deported immediately. Maybe WW can do the next sob story about how many illegal residents are abusing the system and stealing from U.S. taxpayers. That is just as much fraud as anything else. —“American”


“Two Oregonians found the perfect crime: falsely promising vulnerable immigrants documents. Why are they not in prison?” The exact same reason American companies willingly hire undocumented workers: because they can and because they know they can get away with it and because they know that even (on rare occasion) when they get busted, they know they won’t go to jail anyway. Besides, the heat isn’t on illegal employers and scammers who rip off gullible immigrants, now is it? —“Damos Abadon”


C H R I S T M A S ORNAMENTS All ages, bring family and friends

Weekends Through December 24th 10am - 6pm $40 PER ORNAMENT, BLOW 10 GET THE 11th FREE


Advance payment and registration required 1979 NW Vaughn Street, North of Lovejoy (NOLO) - 503-228-0575 Portland’s Hot Spot!

Mr. Don Gavitte, you hold one of the most important roles in our society—educating our children—but you have made so many statements here that reveal your true nature that I’m not sure where to start, but I’ll try anyway [“Hotseat,” WW, Nov. 27, 2013].

A few weeks ago, an unusually disturbing specimen shared part of my morning commute on the MAX Green Line. It made me wonder how often the cars are wiped down and what chemicals are used, because this guy left a residue. —Workin’ for a Livin’ As I consider how best to answer your question, I’m struck by how fine the line is between “using humor to reinforce community grooming standards” and “making fun of the homeless.” I don’t mean to be too hard on you, Workin’, and I don’t expect you to immediately adopt a Christ-like, love-thy-filthy-neighbor attitude where you run out and start licking every weeping sore you can find. But I gotta tell you, the MAX is merely one item on a long, long list of things you’re better off not knowing where they’ve been. Think about it: Do you really want to know 4

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

“I can be more subversive. I fill out the form and say I’m doing one thing but do something else in the classroom.” You admit to falsifying educational records simply because you don’t agree with the policy or methodology? I’d like your thoughts on this. “There are easier ways to make a living.” No, sorry, there are no “easy” ways to make a living. They are all hard. Please don’t minimize the rest of us by making your profession out to be more difficult than what us non-teachers do. “I never remember seeing School Board members in schools I’ve worked at. They make pronouncements, and you think, ‘Whatever.’ Every once in a while they have our lives in their hands. Then we pay attention.” In the same paragraph you complain about School Board members not being engaged, yet you admit not bothering to pay attention to them until your “lives are in their hands.” I wonder how often (if ever) you attend board meetings. “Plato believed only an elite few could govern because the rest are self-absorbed idiots. We are proving this to Plato.” So, since you’re running for office to govern, do you consider yourself one of the elite few or one of the idiots? Bottom line, Mr. Gavitte, it looks like you are already well on your way to being the quintessential Oregon politician. —“nathanp2112” LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification. Letters must be 250 or fewer words. Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Fax: (503) 243-1115. Email:

what happened on that hotel mattress? What do you suppose all the mouths that Denny’s fork was in before yours looked like? I wonder how many people think it’s fun to put money in their butts for a while before they spend it? Sure, many of these things are appropriately sanitized—that fork, for example, is perfectly safe to use. It’s also true that a human turd that’s been run through a blender with a mild bleach solution is perfectly safe to drink. I still say not thinking about it is the way to go. Since you must know: Each night, the MAX car is swept, mopped and spot-cleaned, but only once every 60 days does it get the treatment you’re probably hoping for, where the floors are steamed and the entire car is sprayed down with industrial cleaner. On any given day, you’ve got a 1-in-60 chance of not sitting in dried vomit. Meh; have another drink and forget about it. QUESTIONS? Send them to

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013


POLITICS: OHSU’s push to get $200M from taxpayers. CITY HALL: Hales bumbles a big hiring decision. PUBLIC SAFETY: Cops—and the media—flunk basic math. COVER STORY: Get your buzz on: our annual coffee issue.

7 8 10 12





Portland is getting an ELF for Christmas. That’s the name of a bike-car hybrid built by Durham, N.C.-based company Organic Transit, which announced Dec. 2 it will open its third manufacturing facility in Portland. The ovoid metal ELF, which retails starting at $4,995, is powered by an electric motor, solar panels and foot pedals. The Huffington Post says the three-wheel vehicle looks like “the closest thing yet to Fred Flintstone’s footmobile.” broke the news of the company’s plans. Organic Transit opened a factory in San Jose, Calif., in September. The ELF’s inventor, Rob Cotter, tells WW the Portland facility might employ 20 to 30 people. Mayor Charlie Hales and City Commissioner Steve Novick are chasing new taxes and fees to fund the cash-strapped Portland Bureau of Transportation. People who have seen the proposals say they include a city gas tax and a street-maintenance fee— ideas floated in 2012 by then-Mayor Sam Adams. City Auditor LaVonne Griffin-Valade scolded the City Council this year for approving PBOT’s $341 million annual budget that fails to set aside enough money for basic road upkeep. Novick tells WW that voters will back new taxes or fees if they know they are for sidewalks and other safety-related projects. “I think,” Novick says, “it’s a case we can make.” Feeling giddy over the Portland Trail Blazers’ scorching 15-3 start? You have good reason, says WW basketball columTHE nist Mike Acker, who notes the last time the Blazers opened this hot was back in 1999, when they finished one victory shy of the NBA Finals. Another reason for confidence? The addition of center Robin Lopez, who is providing inside help for All-Star forward LaMarcus Aldridge. “[Lopez] being physical and trying to control the paint,” Aldridge tells WW. “That’s what every team needs.” Read more of Acker’s “From the Elbow” column at


Give!Guide update: Giving Tuesday has pushed WW’s 2013 G!G over the $520,000 mark, three days ahead of when it reached that mark last year. That puts G!G’s fundraising 9 percent ahead of 2012, when we raised $1.97 million for local nonprofits. G!G aims to increase charitable giving from people under 36, and donations by younger Portlanders have increased over last year. To see G!G’s 2013 video—featuring City Commissioner Nick Fish, New Seasons Market CEO Wendy Collie, stellar chef Naomi Pomeroy and G!G executive director and local heartthrob Nick Johnson—go to vimeo. com/78569763. Read more Murmurs and daily scuttlebutt. 6

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013





Two months ago, Nike Chairman Phil Knight dangled a tantalizing offer before Oregon Health & Science University: the promise of $1 billion—cash—to finance expansion of the cancer institute that already bears his name. Knight would contribute half the money, but OHSU would have to raise the other $500 million in the next two years. Most people assumed OHSU would raise the match as it always has, through private donations, something the university has already shown it can do well. But the medical university is also known for its political clout and intends to use its influence in Salem to make Oregon taxpayers—not just wealthy donors—shell out to match Knight’s donation. As first reported by, OHSU

will ask lawmakers in February to cough up $200 million toward matching Knight’s gift—money that the state would otherwise spend on schools, senior citizens and lowincome Oregonians. OHSU officials sketched out the plan for legislative leaders in closed-door meetings last month. They want the state to borrow $200 million, give the money to the university, and have taxpayers pay off the debt through the general fund. “To raise money of that magnitude, we had to put everything on the table and not rule anything out,” says OHSU spokesman Tim Kringen. The university has artfully placed in front of lawmakers a difficult choice: support spending $200 million or cross Knight and OHSU—and risk appearing as if they oppose curing cancer. WW spoke to several lawmakers who had misgivings about the proposal but declined to criticize it publicly. Two lawmakers were willing to speak up, however. Rep. Carolyn Tomei (D -Milwaukie), chairwoman of the House Human Services Committee, says she’s “uncomfortable”

that OHSU’s proposal may crowd out other priorities. “There are a lot of needs in this state and we can’t meet all of them,” Tomei says. “OHSU can get donations from other wealthy people across the country.” Rep. Ben Unger (D-Hillsboro), a strong advocate for school funding, is also skeptical. “It seems like a big chunk of money when we are billions below where we need to be on K-12 and are underfunding community colleges and higher ed,” Unger says. Two of Salem’s budget watchdogs say lawmakers should summon the courage to just say no. “I thought Phil Knight was making a philanthropic challenge,” says Chuck Sheketoff of the Oregon Center for Public Policy. “The state of Oregon is not a philanthropic organization.” Jody Wiser of Tax Fairness Oregon says sending $200 million to OHSU for Knight’s priorities raids the general fund, even as Oregon has one of the shortest school years in the nation and the fourth-lowest high-school graduation rate, and ranks No. 2 among the states for percentage of residents receiving food stamps. “I just don’t see taking money away from the basic services of the state,” Wiser says. In 2008, Knight and his wife, Penny, gave OHSU $100 million to establish the Knight Cancer Institute. On Sept. 20, Knight said he wants the director of the Knight institute, Dr. Brian Druker, “to keep the miracles coming.” Knight said he and his wife would give an additional $500 million “if it is matched by pledges within

two years in a fundraising campaign.” OHSU has a complicated relationship with the state. In 1995, lawmakers shifted OHSU’s legal status from a public university like Portland State University or the University of Oregon to a public corporation. Then-Gov. John Kitzhaber championed the move, saying that granting the university a higher degree of independence would allow OHSU to prosper while saving the general fund money. He was right. In 1995, OHSU got 12 percent of its $500 million annual operating budget from the Legislature. Today, its budget is four times larger and the university gets less than 2 percent of its funding from Salem. Employment at OHSU has more than doubled to 14,000, and research award dollars have quadrupled. That success makes some observers wonder why OHSU is coming to Salem on bended knee. “They wanted to be independent,” Wiser says. “Now go be independent.” OHSU’s Kringen says the university is merely doing what it’s done before—come to the Legislature for help meeting its capital needs. In 2001, the Legislature approved $200 million in bonding for OHSU construction and, later in the decade, $110 million for the Collaborative Life Sciences Building, which OHSU shares with other state universities. But the state’s borrowing capacity is limited, and there are lots of ideas already competing to dip into it: Kitzhaber, for example, wants to borrow $450 million for CONT. on page 8 Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



the Columbia River Crossing project, and Treasurer Ted Wheeler wants to borrow another $500 million to fund college scholarships. Wheeler convinced lawmakers to send his proposal to the ballot in 2014, and the OHSU plan could be in direct conflict with his measure. He declined to answer WW’s questions about OHSU’s request. “The treasurer has some questions but has not seen the proposal yet, so it would be premature to comment,” says Wheeler spokesman James Sinks. Meanwhile, public schools have been shut out. The Oregon School Boards Association asked lawmakers during the regular 2013 session to allow local school districts to use up to $200 million of the state’s borrowing authority for building maintenance and seismic upgrades—work that would make children safer and create jobs all over the state, not just in Portland. “OHSU’s plan sounds wonderful,” says Jim Green, deputy executive director of the OSBA, “but we’ve got well over $1 billion of work that needs to be done in districts all over the state.” Earlier this year, however, lawmakers let the OSBA’s bonding bill die in committee. OHSU already has a political edge. Senate President Peter Courtney (D-Salem), himself a cancer survivor, has endorsed the university’s proposal. It doesn’t hurt that two of OHSU’s more influential players—chief of staff Connie Seeley and state government relations director Brian Shipley—are former aides to Courtney. In a Nov. 21 statement, Courtney expressed strong interest in the idea. “The Knight Institute would be able to attract the leading researchers in the world to Oregon,” the statement read. “Their research would have the potential to save millions of lives.” Kitzhaber is taking more of a wait-andsee approach. “The governor supports the concept of state participation in the match challenge, but would like to see that the benefits reach across the state,” says his spokeswoman, Amy Wojcicki. Sheketoff says the university should focus on private donors instead. “Phil Knight challenged OHSU to raise the money,” he says. “He didn’t challenge them to become better lobbyists.”


Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013






Mayor Charlie Hales was hoping to make a big splash in the Superfund cleanup of the Portland Harbor. In October, Hales announced he had lured state Sen. Jackie Dingfelder (D-Portland) to become his new environmental and planning adviser. By hiring Dingfelder, who chaired the Senate Environment and Natural Resources Committee, Hales could show he was serious about his green agenda. That includes the 11-mile stretch of Portland Harbor designated as a federal Superfund site. The city is one of the biggest suspected polluters of the harbor’s sediments. It turns out there’s a big problem with his plan. Dingfelder’s husband, Tom Gainer, works for the Oregon Department of Environmental Quality, one of the agencies trying to oversee and enforce the cleanup by the river’s polluters, including the city. To make matters more complex, Dingfelder’s husband is project manager of the DEQ’s in-water sediment cleanup. He’s assigned to monitor the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency’s removal of contaminated sediment from the harbor. According to city documents, Dingfelder’s husband is supposed to comment on proposals for cleanup from polluters, including the city. That creates a potential conflict of interest for Dingfelder if she is directly involved in the city’s role in helping clean up the harbor.

CLEANUP HITTER: Jackie Dingfelder says she will assist Mayor Charlie Hales on environmental issues, including the city’s comprehensive plan, brownfields and levees. “It’s a pretty full plate,” she says. “I’m not going to be bored.”

Dingfelder tells WW that Hales knew about the conflict when he interviewed her for the job. “I made it very clear,” Dingfelder says. “I’m not going to work on Superfund, because my husband’s a project manager. There’s lots of other environmental issues I can be working on.” Dingfelder later clarified that she told Hales she would advise him on the Superfund cleanup, but she would not be the lead staff person. But that hasn’t stopped Hales from continuing to promote Dingfelder as a leader in the Superfund cleanup. He told business leaders as recently as Nov. 14 she would play a principal role. Hales said the same thing in a Nov. 4 interview with WW. “Superfund, first of all,” Hales replied when asked what work Dingfelder would do in his office. When Dingfelder started work in the mayor’s office, she sought a legal opinion from the city attorney about whether her work on the Superfund project would violate city policy, which tells officials to avoid the “appearance of impropriety,” or state ethics laws, which prohibit using public office for personal gain. “While it is possible that DEQ may take some action that will benefit or provide some detriment to the City,” City Attorney James Van Dyke wrote Dingfelder on Nov. 21, “we are not aware of any facts that show that any actions taken by

your husband would provide you with a financial benefit or detriment.” The confusion Hales has caused by hiring Dingfelder and defining her role in the cleanup echoes other problems he’s created for himself as mayor. As WW has reported (“Goofus and Gallant Go to City Hall,” WW, Nov. 6, 2013), he reversed course on funding for projects ranging from new sidewalks to fighting sex trafficking. He stood by his police liaison even after the aide sexually harassed a county commissioner in public. Hales had no aide assigned to deal with homelessness until after he had police sweep campers from sidewalks. On environmental issues, Hales floated the idea of a “carbon tax” but dropped it when it didn’t poll well. WW reported a similar conflict of interest earlier this year: U.S. Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-Ore.) is married to Margaret Kirkpatrick, chief counsel for NW Natural Gas, one of the companies on the hook for cleaning up the harbor. Blumenauer has repeatedly promoted NW Natural’s position in the debate over the harbor’s cleanup. Hales says his hiring of Dingfelder should not create any confusion about who in his office is in charge of the harbor cleanup. “On the topic of leadership: I’m the lead on Superfund,” Hales tells WW. “I made that clear from day one.”

Downtown: Burnside & SW 11th Ave Hawthorne District: SE 37th Ave north of Hawthorne #iFoundThisAtBX

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013





rdenies@wweek .com

On Sept. 30, Police Chief Mike Reese stood before TV cameras and journalists to release troubling new fi ndings about how often people commit suicide in Portland. It didn’t take reporters long to zero in on the Police Bureau’s most shocking claim: Portland’s suicide rate had shot up to nearly three times the national average. “The number of people committing suicide in our area is appalling,” Reese said. “ Por tla nd’s Suicide Rate Three Times National Average, Portland Police Say,” WW reported on its website. Similar accounts ran in The Oregonian, The Portland Mercury, The (Vancouver) Columbian and the Portland Tribune. The story also aired on Oregon Public Broadcasting, Fox 12, KATU-TV and KGW-TV. But the way the bureau had calculated its numbers was wrong, resulting in a report that greatly exaggerated an already serious problem. To its credit, The Oregonian quoted a state public health expert in the next day’s edition who questioned the Police Bureau’s math. The Mercury, OPB and KGW, among others, later ran corrections. But many news outlets, including WW, let the misinformation stand. Suicide rates, like other statistics, are almost always reported on a yearly basis. But the Police Bureau tallied up 27 months of suicides in Portland, from April 2011 to June 2013, and compared those figures—34.4 suicides per 100,000 residents—to annual numbers across the U.S. When adjusting the bureau statistics, the city’s annual suicide rate is actually closer to 15.3 per 100,000 residents during that period. The latest available national rate is 12.4 per 100,000—but that’s for 2010, making a direct comparison flawed. Lisa Millet, manager of the Injury and Violence Prevention section of the Oregon Public Health Division, says the Police Bureau tried to compare “two incomparable numbers.” 10

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

Millet—who was the fi rst to publicly call out the bureau’s mistake—says it’s not even clear how Portland police defined suicides in their report. “Talking about the issue is a great step forward,” Millet says. The Police Bureau recently formed a Behavioral Health Unit in response to the U.S. Department of Justice’s findings that the bureau had displayed a pattern of using excessive force against the mentally ill. Police officials have defended their agency by arguing it has been overwhelmed by the number of people with mental illness, and the new unit’s September report on suicide seemed to support that argument. Police spokesman Sgt. Pete Simpson tells WW the report was intended to draw attention to suicide in Portland. “There’s no intent to manipulate the information,” Simpson says. “It’s us saying, ‘Here are the numbers, now get help.’” Frank Silva, the bureau crime analyst who wrote the report, says it was difficult to find national suicide statistics for a period comparable to the numbers he had for Portland. “The media’s predominant takeaway was that suicide in Portland is higher than the national average,” Silva tells WW in an email. “This is accurate. Unfortunately, we made an oversight in the rate comparison.” Scott Maier, an associate professor at the University of Oregon School of Journalism and Communication, says his research shows statistics frequently trip up reporters. “Journalists tend to be very skeptical of reports from government sources,” Maier says. “But the exception to that is numbers. Reporters tend to see them as absolute. And they may not have the confidence to question the math.” WW’s post on its website drew the attention of Heather Hays, a pharmacist at Legacy Good Samaritan Medical Center, who says she’s trying to form a suicide prevention nonprofit. “It makes Portland look like a wildly suicidal city, rather than just slightly above average,” she says. WW has updated its post—belatedly. Simpson told WW on Nov. 21 the bureau stood by its report. But a few days later, the bureau deleted the inaccurate comparisons included in the report. “The bureau decided to edit the report,” Silva tells WW, “to provide more consistency and less confusion.”

Join the Oregon Humane Society , Lexi Dog, and the Pacific NW Wine Club for WAGGY ®

Where: Lexi Dog/OHS Westside Adoption Center 6100 SW Macadam Ave. Portland, OR


When: December 11th 6–8pm

Dogs welcome. Oregon Humane Society dogs available for adoption.

©2013 Blitz-Weinhard Brewing Co., Milwaukee, WI * Golden, CO

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



VEINS We write to you bleary-eyed and shaky. In recent weeks, we imbibed countless cups of caffeinated brew—at cafes early in the morning, at the office all day, and in espresso martinis late at night (page 19). We’ve discovered ourselves, awake at 2 am, watching old episodes of Doctor Who with blood vessels pulsing angrily behind our eyes. It was worth it. In the years since Stumptown Coffee rode by on a skateboard and stole the trophy from Seattle second-wavers Peet’s, Starbucks and Seattle’s Best, Portland has become the best (and certainly the most dedicated) coffee city in the country. Third-wave micro-roasteries have multiplied into nano-roasteries that make small-batch, single-source roasts with beans bought from a singlemom farmer in Guatemala through a direct-trade consortium (see page 21). Your grandma does pourover at home through a spiral cone—at least until she learns on page 17 how she can cold-brew a week’s worth and store it in her thermos—and your neighbor roasts beans in his basement. There’s a lot to take in. But after weeks of jittery research, we’re sharing with you our favorite new cafes from the past year (page 13). Maybe it’s the beans they roast, maybe it’s the care they take preparing your cup, or maybe it’s the more ineffable qualities that define a good cafe: the feeling that a place could be your home if it didn’t close at 6 pm. But we’re not snobs about it. We also sent an intrepid reporter to apply for a job at a bikini barista drive-thru in the far western suburbs—you can see how it panned out on page 23. We offer advice on how to act at different types of Portland cafes, from post-Occupy samizdat press to post-yoga quiche factory (page 20). So go forth, drink good coffee, and please: Learn from our mistakes. Stop at the 12th cup.


Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013




CONT. photos by jerek hollender


Cathedral Coffee 7530 N Willamette Blvd. 6:30 am-7 pm daily. A vibrant oasis in the subdued residential stretches of St. Johns, Cathedral Coffee is a trendy outlier in “all the way out there” North Portland. It has all the staples of Portland hipness: reclaimed barn doors, a community library, handmade mugs. The spacious cafe is also literally splashed with color by Canadian graffiti artist David Brunning, aka The Kid Belo, a childhood friend of owner Austen Tanner. The cafe is, in fact, a collaboration by Tanner, a former garbage truck driver, and his artsy friends. His buddy Cameron VanLom, for example, procured discarded tree stumps from Lake Oswego and made rolling, whitewashed coffee tables out of them. The coffee, naturally, is from North Portland micro-roasters Tanager and Intent, and the whole building was remodeled from a cubicle-lined real estate office. The cafe is ambitious, too: When it opened in September, it stayed open until 10 pm in hopes University of Portland students would make a late-night spot out of it—something Portland could use more of. That didn’t take, and though the place is now buzzing on weekends, at closing time it feels kind of lonely. Hip, but lonely. AARON SPENCER.

catheDral coffee

Din Din 920 NE Glisan St., 971-544-1350, 7:30 am-5:30 pm Monday-Friday; brunch 10 am-3 pm Sunday. Plenty of Portland coffee shops try to make you feel as if you’re in a friend’s living room. Din Din transports you, quite literally, into the kitchen. By day, this supper club—which recently got its own brick-and-mortar home within smelling distance of Franz Bakery—is a cafe, with chef Courtney Sproule prepping lentils du Puy salad in an exposed corner kitchen that takes up a good quarter of the space’s real estate. In consonance with the surroundings, the coffee is made from the bright, light roasts of Sterling, and you can pair your cappuccino with a dense slab of creme fraiche coffeecake served, at least in late fall, with dried figs soaked in sherry. But the primary reason


to return to Din Din is for its ever-morphing décor—on a recent visit, gauzy fabric strips in shades of lilac and ivory hung from the slatted wood ceiling and delicate fernlike plants dotted the long communal tables—and the sense that, like a houseguest who doesn’t overstay her welcome, your presence is always appreciated. REBECCA JACOBSON.

Either/Or 8235 SE 13th Ave., No. 2, 235-3474, 7 am-3:30 pm Monday-Friday, 8 am-4 pm SaturdaySunday. Either/Or is a lot like Sellwood itself: small, comforting and a little out of the way. Owners Natasha Miks and contributing WW photographer Ro Tam don’t live in the neighborhood but couldn’t resist when they saw the former Lovecup space up for sale. (What were they doing in Sellwood? Antiquing, of course.) The style is modern deco with splashes of vintage: a record player in the corner, an old Westinghouse fridge behind the counter, a nook area complete with sofa lifted straight from your grandparents’ living room. Heart Roasters is the staple coffee, but it’s served alongside a rotating guest roaster—swapping among locals such as Sterling, Coava and Roseline—which can be combined as a pairing in the seriously on-point espresso flight, presented on a wood tray for maximum quaintness. Chocolaty coffees get chocolate; if they think an espresso tastes like lychee, they might serve it up with a lychee. Why not? With only three tables augmenting the thrift-store couch, it’s not the kind of place you’ll feel comfortable taking up space in for hours at a time, but for a break between shopping for vintage lamps, it’s a pleasant stopover. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the shop takes its name from the Elliott Smith album, which he recorded in Portland. He preferred to hang in dingy dive bars, but even Mr. Misery would find himself catching the warm fuzzies here. MATTHEW SINGER.

Heart Roasters-West End 537 SW 12th Ave., 7 am-5 pm MondayFriday, 8 am-5 pm Saturday-Sunday. This is actually Heart Roasters’ second excursion into the coffee-dense West End, following a little-remem-

bered outpost inside West End Bikes in 2011. This time the storefront is wholly its own, though the cafe (next door to Grüner) is still hidden from the street, this time by tinted glass. The menu is a carbon copy of the one at Heart’s roastery across the river, the locale itself less so. The many workstations of the eastside locale’s enveloping coffee bar and the front-and-center Probat roaster are absent, replaced by a nook whose tight geometries and clean lines showcase the Scandinavian roots of coowner and roaster Wille Yli-Luoma. But one thing has not changed. Heart boasts some of the most carefully tended light-roast beans in town, which produce probably Portland’s best drip coffee when served black: sweetly citric, never tipping over into sour. At few cafes in town is one so viscerally reminded that coffee seeds come from berries. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Kenilworth Coffeehouse 3713 SE Gladstone St., 954-3490. 7 am-3 pm Monday and Wednesday-Friday, 8 am-3 pm Saturday-Sunday. The only problem with having an old-fashioned black record disc spinning in your coffee shop is that someone needs to flip it every 20 minutes. It seems worth the cost of a momentarily unmanned espresso machine at Kenilworth Coffeehouse, where an old green record player that looks like something out of a Peanuts strip plays Van Morrison’s debut LP on a Sunday morning. Kenilworth, which took over this largish, red-and-white checkerboard-tiled space from Neapolitan Chocolate and Co. on New Year’s Day this year, is a curatorial venture, neither roasting its own beans nor making any of the treats on offer at the counter. Coffee comes from Courier—there’s drip from a Bunn and the classic lineup of espresso drinks stuck into the grooves of a black felt letterboard—and baked goods come from some of the town’s best providers, including Lauretta Jean’s pies, Henry Higgins’ boiled bagels, Woodland Bakery’s cinnamon rolls, and Delicious Doughnuts. Also on the counter, we found a furry white protea plant every customer stopped to pet. In the back there’s an upright piano I hope to someday see played by a regular in Chaco Mary Janes—perhaps sometime when the barista is too busy pulling shots to reset the needle. MARTIN CIZMAR.

cont. on page 15 Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

photos by jerek hollender



artists to “creatives,” this craft-forward corner coffee spot—architecturally a compact version of Grand Avenue’s more southerly Coava, complete with those same hyphen-holed chairs—is poised as the before-and-afterwork spot for the ’hood’s future developers of websites and condos. Ristretto’s Couch Street location hosts a wine selection that manages to outpace its nonetheless admirable variety of blends and single-source coffees, but for now everyone still orders coffee. Cups come in the usual Italian variations as well as in single servings made with the city’s only Steampunk siphon machine, French press, Chemex pourover (market price, just like swordfish) and cold brew. The well-groomed baristas are nothing if not attuned to presentation; they spent their off moments on a recent visit debating what to put on Ristretto’s Instagram. It’s all perfectly charming, if a bit overdetermined. Pro tip for those who like relaxing with a java-enabled New Yorker or New York Times on Sundays: The neighborhood’s mostly nonresidential, leaving the place agreeably spacious on weekends. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Rose City Coffee 6720 SE 16th Ave., 236-8234, 7:30 am-5 pm Monday-Friday, 9 am-2 pm Saturday. EITHER/OR

Nossa Familia

Portland Roasting Co.

811 NW 13th Ave., 7 am-4 pm MondayFriday, 8 am-5 pm Saturday-Sunday.

340 SE 7th Ave., 236-7378. 7 am-5 pm Monday-Friday.

Nossa Familia is Portuguese for “our family,” which sounds like a Mafia euphemism but is, in this case, very literal: The Dias family is a generations-deep Brazilian farming enterprise that branched out as a local microroastery in 2006 after a scion of the sixth generation, Augusto Carvalho Dias, decided he’d maybe go to school at the University of Portland for a short-lived career as an engineer. The newly minted cafe, across the street from the Pacific Northwest College of Art, is a bare-bones espresso bar serving up roasts from the family business, with a view onto the busy warehouse and coffee-roasting operation over the shoulder of your barista. Order the espresso without the distraction of milk or water and you’ll be rewarded with a complex little cup, especially if the Ernesto’s roast is one of your two options of the day. The joint’s not much of a hangout, but it’s a nice stopover for a toe-curler in the morning—the Pearl District office worker’s equivalent of a dockworker’s Jäger belt before a swing shift. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Though not the best-known roaster in its namesake city, Portland Roasting has designs on national fame, perhaps best displayed when it cut a deal to provide beans backstage at the Oscars this year. The roaster’s slick new eastside cupping room is a monument to those ambitions, though nonetheless located across from a warehouse storing refrigeration equipment. Follow the sandwichboard signs into a small cafe with a window looking onto conference rooms filled with shiny silver equipment and designer office chairs. Everything is made of heavy wood—all the way up to the ceiling, which looks like an upside-down deck. A small selection of pastries comes from Pearl Bakery. Espresso shots are served in tiny ceramic mugs with child-sized finger holes and a short glass of sparkling water. I favored the brightly acidic Sorano blend, a worthy ambassador for Portland coffee. MARTIN CIZMAR.

Stumptown Annex 100 SE Salmon St., 10 am-4 pm Monday-Saturday.

Olé Latte 1003 SW Alder St., 971-221-6318. 7 am-5 pm MondayFriday, 8 am-4 pm Saturday-Sunday. Todd Edwards’ coffee cart serves up five varieties of Ristretto in pourover, espresso or cold brew, but it’s less a brew-geek station than a place for hot cups and warm feelings, right down to the Suspended Coffees blackboard outside the cart that allows patrons to donate a menu item to those who might not have money to buy it themselves—whether a simple joe or one of the selection of Bakeshop goods delivered daily to the cart. On a recent rainy Monday, the blackboard was absent, a casualty of sopping wet and bitter winds. “Everybody who came by today noticed it was gone,” said the on-staff barista. “It’s kind of great to see that happen.” Local kombuchas, chais and tea blends round out the beverages; a f lower arrangement and a lantern filled with display muffins round out the streetside décor. You’re half surprised your own mother isn’t serving the coffee. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

An elderly woman wants to pass on her coffee business but has no next of kin to inherit the company. Two upstart micro-roasters operating out of a carport in North Portland get in touch with her and offer to move into the creaky old converted house she’s been in for decades, fix it up and turn it into something new. It sounds like the plot to an ABC Family Original Movie, but that’s the story of Rose City Coffee Co. Earlier this year, owners Steven Morrison and Joe Provencher became the adopted sons of Schondecken, one of Portland’s oldest micro-roasters, taking over both the 90-year-old Westmoreland home that’s housed the business since the late ’80s and its Corvallis-built air roaster. A very small percentage of the world’s coffee beans are air roasted, but the technique lends Rose City’s product a uniquely smooth, almost buttery quality. As for the fixing-up part, Morrison and Provencher recently ran a successful Kickstarter campaign, raising $16,000 to fund a renovation of the squeaky-floored home-cum-storefront, scheduled to open in January. MATTHEW SINGER.

PORTland ROasTIng cO.

Ristretto Roasters—Couch 555 NE Couch St., 284-6767, 6:30 am-8 pm Monday-Saturday, 7 am-6 pm Sunday. This newest Ristretto is modern Portland’s version of the erstwhile invading Starbucks of the ’90s: a dog whistle for the creative class. In six years, Southeast Grand Avenue went from degenerate artist slum to nighttime overflow valve for sloppy Old Town. But as the newly rebranded Produce Row finalizes its transition from

The former Stumptown Annex location—next to the Belmont Street cafe—never made much sense. Why have two separate operations right next to each other? With its limited seating and emphasis on coffee brewed by the cup, it was always more of a Stumptown showcase than a cafe. Now, in its new location at Stumptown’s Central Eastside headquarters, the Annex rightly doubles as Stumptown’s front lobby. The space is larger but familiar. Jars of coffee beans available for purchase line the wall behind the barista. Next to them, various pieces of brewing equipment, also for sale, is displayed on chairless hardwood floors. On the opposite wall is a museum of founder Duane Sorenson’s vintage coffee equipment—grinders and espresso machines, as well as wooden bicycles Sorenson saw coffee farmers using in Africa. All 22 of Stumptown’s bean varieties are available, and the barista will brew your coffee methodically with fancy Chemex and Melitta coffeemakers (also for sale). The best draw remains the free tastings at 3 pm Monday through Saturday. But it’s no place to linger, at least after the barista is done with you: There’s no seating, and it closes at 4 pm anyway. AARON SPENCER. Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013


Antoinette Estate Jewelry

2328 NW Westover Road




Ernest Hemingway

Nine West

Nicole Miller

Ray Ban


Optical Brokers

Mention this ad for a 10% discount. Designer Frames • Near Wholesale Prices 134 NW 21st Ave. 503-295-6488


Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



GADGET INSPECTOR By m at t h e w ko r f h age

i l l u s t r at i o n s b y a l l i s o n k e r e k

We are lazy people here at the office of Willamette Week, and we are tightwads. We’re way too skint for a $4,000 coffeemaker even if, as we’re informed, the purchase of one would prop up an equally lazy economy. But we like a nice homebrewed cup of coffee nonetheless, and are convinced that much simpler gadgets (all between $20 and $160) do as well as or better than the

crazy machines, with the addition of a little elbow grease. So we conducted a test of the various low-tech coffee devices currently on the market, using tools either made locally or available at nearby Kobos Coffee, which is celebrating its 40th anniversary as a microroaster. Our goals? Low effort, good cup. Accordingly, we used what you’ll probably use, which is whatever beans were sitting around—in this case medium-ground Stumptown Guatemala Finca El Injerto. Here are the results:

The Bare-Bones Pourover

Chemex flask and filter, $38.95 at Kobos Coffee. The process: Science! The once-futuristicseeming Erlenmeyer flask is now a downright classic among the coffee set, like shaving with a straight razor after sharpening it on a whetting stone. Overall time for a cuppa is about three minutes of constant attention, from pre-wetting the filter to pre-wetting the coffee to embarking on a two-minute circular pour of water from a swan-necked kettle (not included). It’s an oddly satisfying, if somewhat cumbersome ritual.

The result: It’s a nice cup of coffee, bringing out sweet, caramelly notes in a roast that can easily tip to pungently bitter. The drawbacks: The opening on the Chemex is broad, which means you need thick filters that might impart a paper taste unless you wet them first. And there’s a learning curve. A bit of trial and error is necessary before you dial in a passable pourover because patience, my friend, must be learned. The benefits: You get a head start on becoming totally Zen, man.

The Pourover System

The result: Somewhere between paper pourover and French press. The drawbacks: Gotta clean the cone filter. Know what it’s like to clean a pasta strainer? It’s like that. The benefits: Ecolog y—you ain’t wastin’ paper. Plus, Able is Portland-founded, made by a defector from Coava Coffee who has since defected to California.

Travel French Press

The drawbacks: As with all French presses, the bottom of your cup will be muddy with particulates. Also, there’s cleanup. Also, French press gives you high cholesterol. Look it up on the Internet! The benefits: This local, crowd-sourced version of a press pot setup can affix itself to the top of any Mason jar, making it kick-ass for camping.


brewing techniques, leading to a characteristic sharpness. The drawbacks: In terms of method? None. It’s easier even than a crappy drip-coffee machine, and easier than throwing the flying discs that Aerobie usually makes. The benefits: It’s a beautiful home approximation of espresso without the need of anything fancier than hot water.

Able, $160 at The process: A deeply domesticated version of Chemex—pourover for cactus owners and people who wear scar ves indoors—with a pleasantly Pier 1 shape. It’s a cute, modular matching set, with a convenient coffeepot bottom that’ll house 32 ounces and a reusable metallic “Kone” filter that obviates the need for icky paper.

Bucket Portland Press, $119 at Mr. Green Beans. The process: This is one of the easiest around. You dump in the coffee, you dump in the hot water, you wait about four minutes, then you come back and slowly press the lid down and pour off the liquid. The result: Unfiltered, immersion-brewed coffee. Tastes like the beans taste.

Aerobie Aeropress, $25.95 at Kobos Coffee. The process: Super-easy. Scoop in the coffee, pour in hot water and plunge the tube. It’s like a caffeine syringe. When you’ve squeezed out the coffee, you pop out a hockey puck of used grounds, and you’re on your way. The result: Aeropress is terrifically intense in flavor but not always as complex as slower

The Siphon

Bodum Pebo, $80 at Kobos Coffee. The process: The dual-bulbed siphon looks fearsome, as if a wrong move would burn off your eyebrows or create mustard gas. But it’s a pussycat. The coffee goes on the top, the water on the bottom. Then you boil it on a burner. When all the water siphons up to the top bulb through the power of Satanic witchcraft, you take it off the burner and let the coffee wander back down into the pot. Easy peasy.

The result: Similar to a French press with no coffee grounds. The drawbacks: No matter how scientific it all looks, you lack control over brewing times unless you’ve got the temperature seriously dialed in on your burner. You have to wait until the coffee boils, and if it comes up slowly, you might get some bitter brew. The benefits: It is, by far, the coolest-looking brewing technique. When done right, it also produces some of the best results.

The Two Favorites:

The Cold Brew

Toddy, $39.50 at Kobos Coffee. The process: Low tech. Dump the coffee and water in the tub. Put the tub in the fridge and wait 12 hours. Then, pull out the stopper on the bottom and filter the cool coffee into a carafe—which might take up to a half-hour—either as readyto-go cold coffee or just-add-water coffee concentrate. The result: My goodness, it’s refreshing. Smooth, sweet and lovely, with less of the stomach-upsetting acid of hot brews. The drawbacks: I mean, waiting 12 hours for some coffee is a lot. The benefits: On the bright side, if you brew a carafe of concentrate, it might be a week’s worth of coffee. Just add hot or cold water, and bam! Coffee. Plus the brewing is effort-free and requires no supervision.

Immersion Drip

Bonavita Immersion Dripper with Melitta filter, $39.99. The process: As with a similar device made by Clever Coffee (available at Case Study Coffee), the Bonavita lets you keep your coffee sitting in a paper-filtered cone without the long pouring process. Just a two-minute timer, and when it’s done flip a dial and let the coffee trickle into your cup. The result: A lovely brew over which you have total control. You can set your clock to different times, and adjust the flow rate of the water from the filtered cone until you find your perfect cup. The drawbacks: It’s a single-serve brewing technique. The benefits: Oh, it’s a nice cup. It’s a really nice cup. Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013






Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



AM/PM COFFEE CRUNK Coffee quaffs are the brown-foamed stepchildren of cocktail culture, far too often gauche creations of chocolate sprinkle and swiftly cooling syrup. But whether to wake up at brunch or kick-start a night, there are a few that light our fire—sometimes quite literally.

AM Bridge Club

Clyde Common, $8. A beguiling blend of bitter, spicy and sweet. Bar manager Jeffrey Morgenthaler mixes coffee, Canadian Club whiskey and brown sugar, with black walnut liqueur and allspice dram adding herbal, almost Christmassy notes of anise and pepper. It would nearly numb your esophagus were it not for the generous pillow of thickened cream, a cooling layer that helps it all go down easy. REBECCA JACOBSON.

The Sam Henry

TASTE THE VOLCANO: Hale Pele’s fiery Krakatoa, after it goes dormant.

PM Sapphire Hotel, $8. The coffee purist disdains the tepid milks and creamers of Starbucks Americana, but at the Sapphire Hotel— which touts its past as a den of iniquity but now is more a den of real-estate equity—creamy richness flushes cheeks in a snifter of rum and sharp coffee liquor, topped with a half-inch froth of egg white and ginger whipped cream. The bite from the ginger is more of a nibble, the bitterness of coffee the dark pull of memory on soft foam that might as well be air—that is, if air were fat and sugar. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Huber’s, $10. Maybe the f lashiest coffee cocktail in town, though not necessarily for what’s in it but how it’s presented. Huber’s—the oldest of Portland’s old-school bars, established in 1879—treats its signature Spanish coffee like an onion volcano at Benihana. The drink is flamed tableside, with the vested server shooting an arching stream of Kahlua over his head and into the glass. The Bacardi cuts straight through the whipped cream and dusting of nutmeg, which, given that the place looks like a Mad Men set, makes sense. Order two at once, even when rolling solo: The spectacle is even more impressive when the dude is forced to double-fist it. MATTHEW SINGER.

The Resurrection


My Father’s Place, $4. Some drinks are invented. But Sam Henry earned his. The drummer for punk bands the Wipers, Napalm Beach and Don’t is reliable in both rhythm and drink. And so the enshrinement of the Sam Henry, his regular neighborhood drink of coffee, Bailey’s and vodka. Which is to say: coffee, alcoholic coffee and alcohol. It’s symmetry, you see. WW freelancer Jay Horton has his own eponymous $3 drink at MFP, the Jay Horton, composed of well whiskey, drip coffee and an absolute embarrassment of whipped cream. Horton says the key to the drink is allowing the coffee to burn on a hot plate for hours before serving. MFP happily obliges. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Sweet Surrender

Espresso and Grappa

Vault Martini Bar, $8. The Pearl District’s Vault lives up to it’s name. Tucked mere feet beneath the street, it’s a place for lovers who want to be plushly entombed and forgotten. The flavor of coffee in its Resurrection, an espresso-drenched cousin of the much-maligned fl avored martini, is so dense and dark one expects to be pulling grit from one’s teeth, a feeling enhanced by the whole beans floating in the glass. But the simple drink of vodka, espresso and creme de cacao doesn’t cloy, it fortifies. It’s like a vodka Red Bull for people who dance slowly. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Din Din, $9. When I ordered this, I apparently was the first to do so, because cafe owner and chef Courtney Sproule was called over to explain that the pairing of grappa and bean roast (served in separate cups) had not yet been finely tuned with Sterling Coffee Roasters. She then expounded on her love for the specific moscato grappa she served, whose grapes were only ever grown to become grappa. Even if not yet fine-tuned, the grappa chaser was already a lovely alcoholic answer to the figs and cheeses often paired with espresso, a perfumed bloom that filled the mouth and turned all coffee bitterness to soil for late and lovely flowers. I look forward to the finished version. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Spanish Coffee

Hale Pele, $12. The Krakatoa won’t go out. It’s like those trick birthday candles: No matter how hard you blow on this towering glass of aged Jamaican rums, cinnamon, grapefruit and cold-pressed coffee at the Hale Pele tiki bar on Northeast Broadway, the yellow blaze won’t turn to white smoke. This is dangerous, because it’s not an easy drink to ignore. Not particularly sweet, nor tart, nor java-y, this foamtopped elixir of cocoa-colored booze is restrained in every aspect except the glowing topper, an eternal flame fashioned from orange and lime peels. Luckily, there is a straw. And with only four strawfuls of liquid, I finally dimmed the flame before singeing my eyebrows. Letting it sit unsipped was simply not an option. MARTIN CIZMAR.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013





pcottell@wweek .com

i L L u s T r aT E d by a L L i s O n K E r E K

THE CUPPING LAB How you know you’re there: You walk into a rehabbed warehouse and are greeted by a guy with an apron, a beard, a Don Draper haircut and a coffee setup that looks like a meth lab. How to be: Try not to get flustered when asking for “a regular cup of coffee” sends you headfirst into a conversation about “tasting notes” and “extraction times.” Ideally, it should take you longer to order

HIGH-VOLUME THIRD WAVE the coffee than it does to drink it. W hat to order: Check out the bean origins and listen to the descriptions. Nod knowingly, then decide at random. Cream and sugar? Yeah, they might have it in the back somewhere behind the mop sink. That’s the white stuff they have at truck stops, right? Not unlike: Coava, Sterling, Heart.

AGIT-PROP How you know you’re there: There’s a pit bull outside with a Crass flag pinned to its service-animal harness, tied up next to U-locked fixies. The board has vegan potluck fliers that look like they were printed in the Reagan era. How to be: Don’t wear leather or a North Face jacket. And never mind the girl with the Prius, the septum piercing and the China-made MacBook Pro covered in “Food Not Bombs” stickers. It’s all 20

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

How you know you’re there: Kind of like the cupping lab, but the pastry case has muffins, the music is louder, there’s a line out the door, and the person at the register is mostly a bouncer fielding customers’ asinine questions. How to be: Study the menu in line so you don’t waste everyone’s time while the counter attendant tries to read your mind. If you look like a tourist, he’ll write

“mouthbreather” on your ticket and you’ll get a large caramel latte, whether you like it or not. What to order: You can usually get a cappuccino with hearts drawn in the froth, but looking confused and asking for “coffee” will yield fantastic results: Most of these places French press their drip coffee. Not unlike: Stumptown, Albina Press, Barista.

QUICHECROISSANTHALFCAFFLAT TE good, you fascist. W hat to order: Coffee is for boring suburbanites who need synthetics to get their empty hearts pumping while they drive an SUV to their office-park McJob. But cups served to randoms keep the lights on—even when served from pots last cleaned before Jello Biafra ran for mayor. Stick with the tea and kombucha. Not unlike: The Red and Black Cafe, Backspace.

How you know you’re there: Young moms in yoga pants are simultaneously making phone calls, wrangling their kids and ordering decaf soy lattes with extra dry foam and exactly 2.75 pumps of vanilla syrup. How to be: Morale is generally low among employees, so gestures as simple as selfbussing, leaving animals outside and not making five modifications to your drink can go a long way.

What to order: What you see is what you (can) get. If you don’t hear a blender, your salty caramel frappuccino is not gonna happen. If there’s a greasy spot where the breakfast sandwiches used to be, guess what you’re not having today: a breakfast sandwich. If you ask for a cup of coffee and pay cash, it’s a highlight of your barista’s workday. Not unlike: Woodlawn Coffee and Pastry, Vivace.



A BRIEF COFFEE GLOSSARY FOR THE GUILT-MINDED If you prefer coffee without the exploitive economic impact of, say, the cocaine trade, you might look at those reassuring labels on your coffee bag. Here’s what they mean: Fair trade: This is a broad term that is sometimes applied liberally to mean “playing nice.” But Fairtrade—note the elision of the space—is actually a brand name. It’s a proprietary certification mark bestowed by a lovingly patrician foundation in Great Britain, attesting that you’re not giving coffee farmers a raw deal and you’re not doing anything awful like hiring children and sending them out into the hot Colombian sun. It guarantees minimum coffee prices, and its Fairtrade Premium program offers insurance against crop disease. Most third-wavers use it, and even Starbucks tries to market it (though only 8% of its coffee is so certified.) Free trade: This is coffee sold without interference of government tariffs and pork bellies and such—the idea being that the playing field is thereby leveled to the farmer’s benefit. Some argue this leaves certain producers vulnerable to market fluctuations, but they’re silly. Free trade is always good. If you question this, you’re a communist. Ava Roasteria in the Beav uses it, as does the Salvation Army (no kiddin’!) for its in-house roasts.

THE DIVE How you know you’re there: Behold the grungy couches crowded with friendly cross-dressers, strung-out college kids, homeless-looking individuals waiting for their pre-paid phone to charge and a first-date couple nervously playing Scrabble. How to be: Beyond watching porn on your laptop without headphones, anything goes. Just be kind to the tortured soul behind the counter.

What to order: Be considerate of the logjam of orders for sandwiches, smoothies and all manner of strange food items with quirky names the barista may be up against. Drip coffee is usually safe, but an Americano will suffice if you’re worried that the same pot has been sitting there since the shift changed at noon. Not unlike: Anna Bannanas, Southeast Grind, Coffee Time.

Direct trade: It cuts out the presumably exploitive middle man. So it helps ensure fair deals for the farmers because they can negotiate prices directly with the marketplace, and it cuts out a profit drain in the middle besides. Win-win, right? (Only if the end buyer isn’t an exploitive market manipulator, but OK. We’re all reasonable people.) Direct-trade roasters tend to pay premium prices for higher-grade coffee when bidding—as opposed to fair trade, which doesn’t require this—so direct trade is seen as a step toward better-quality coffee and higher farmer income. Stumptown and Portland Roasting are the two local biggies here. Bird Friendly: Sometimes called “shade-grown,” because that’s what it is. Bestowed by the Smithsonian Migratory Bird Center, the certification means nobody got rid of all the trees to plant the coffee, so the birds can all hang out and have kids and sing songs and shit on the beans. Locally, K&F Coffee loves those birds in a certified way. Rainforest Alliance-approved: It means a foundation in New York says the coffee isn’t screwing up the rainforest and the people in it. The tree standards are less stringent than the “Bird Friendly” designation, but they include protections against child labor and protections of waterways. But note: If the bag doesn’t say 100 percent Rainforest Alliance-approved, up to 70 percent of the coffee might be grown by children in deserts cleared of trees, with pesticides, and still get the designation. So caveat emptor, guilty American. The Knockout blend at Boyd’s is 40 percent RAA. We don’t think the other 60 percent is grown by children.

IMITAZIONE EUROPÉEN How you know you’re there: The words PANINI and ESPRESSO are written in giant gold letters on the window, approximating authentic rustic Italiano. Everything is shiny, even the gelato saucers. A pseudo-Euro guy with a soul patch and a man purse tells his date about the layover he spent in Milan. How to be: As insufferable as humanly possible. Scoff at the barista when he asks if you’d like room for cream. Hoard the shaker of raw

sugar from the shared condiment counter at your table. Always send your first drink back, then tell the barista the second is “perfecto” even though they prepared it the same way. What to order: The Americano. This is the only option for a jet-setting connoisseur of the world’s most popular beverage. Make sure to leave scattered dishes and trash as you leave to catch a very important phone call. Not unlike: Caffe Umbria, Via Delizia.

Organic: This means so many things. In part, it means that big synthetic pesticides or chemicals aren’t used. But it also might mean all sorts of ecosystem preservation such as soil conservation and general animal friendliness, lack of genetically modified plants, soil-preserving crop-switching, you name it. It also means the farmers have the money and wherewithal to fill out the egregiously complicated forms required to gain certification. Lots of hippie brew in Portland, from Dogfeather’s to St. Johns to Cellar Door. Harvested by Women: Women’s empowerment is included in the fair-trade movement (and is part of the Fairtrade standards), but Equal Exchange foundation’s “Grown by Women” mark takes it further by insisting that women who often do much of the work on small farms also have control of finances. Boyd’s is the first American company to gain this certification, with its Cafe Libre blend. Family trade: This is sort of made up. But it’s the designation favored by Nossa Familia because it owns the Brazilian farms that make the coffee used for its roasters. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



SUPER-HOT COFFEE A Fearless Reporter Auditions as a bikini barista. By D E B O R A H K E N N E Dy

2 4 3 -2 1 2 2

There are many reasons a woman might respond to a Craigslist want ad for bikini baristas. Maybe sa id woma n a lways wanted to learn a useful trade. Or perhaps she had longed for years to indulge her exhibitionist side but never found the right venue in which to do so. Or—bear with me—it could be that at the time she came across the ad, our job hunter was 36 years old, unemployed, broke and living with her mother. In other words, what did she have to lose? Some pubic hair, for starters. On the morning of my interview with Dream Girl Espresso, I woke early, not because I was nervous but because I had to do something I hadn’t done in months—shave my bikini line. After weeks of neglect, the results were what you might imagine: red, itchy bumps everywhere. Still, nothing could deter me. Having come across the Dream Girl Espresso want ad during my daily job search, I had decided to join the ranks of muckraker feminist journalists such as Gloria Steinem (see “A Bunny’s Tale”) and Nellie Bly (I suffer from delusions of grandeur) and tell the story of bikini baristaing. From the inside. Per the want ad’s directions, I had sent off a bikini selfie and a truncated work history to the Dream Girl Espresso inbox. Two hours later, I got an email from Leah, part-owner of the kiosk, asking when I was available for an interview. We settled on a Wednesday at 9 am. “Text if you’re going to be late,” she said. Sandwiched between a defunct gentlemen’s club and a Mexican restaurant, the Dream Girl Espresso coffee kiosk in Hillsboro is hard to miss: A large, hot-pink sign advertising the best coffee in town points the way. I was 10 minutes early and passed the time watching four dudes–three in Ford F-150s–get their espresso on. Once out of my car, I spotted her, the Dream Girl of the Day, dressed to support our troops, behind sliding glass. The bottom half of her tanned body was poured into butt-revealing camouflage boy shorts. On top, she wore a red-lace bralette and a camo conductor hat. The pièce de résistance? A bandolier of fake bullets between her breasts. “Are you my 9 o’clock?” she asked me. “You’re Leah?” “Door’s open.” Inside, the kiosk was cozy and bright. I couldn’t take my eyes off Leah. She was

the hottest small-business owner I’d ever seen. “Are those real?” I asked her, pointing toward the bullets but subconsciously meaning her breasts. They were perfect. Megan Fox in This Is 40 perfect. I wanted to pull a Leslie Mann and touch them and cry. Leah cocked an eyebrow. “Oh my God. Can you imagine?” I had thought it would just be me and Leah talking, but soon a man in sunglasses walked in, introduced himself as Jeff, and took over. He had pockmarked skin, a lisp and a salesman’s swagger. He asked me to review my work history, and again I fudged a little, telling him I’d mostly worked as a teacher, some college, some high school, but that I was having a hard time finding a job in my field. “Ooh,” Leah said, wiping a countertop clean. “Hot for teacher.” “So why do you want this job?” Jeff asked. I started to sweat. “I love coffee?” He smirked. “Everyone loves coffee. But here? Here you have to be hot. Are you hot?” “Oh, I don’t know,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. Then I started yammering about how, while I was clearly older than the other Dream Girls in his employ, I was a wonderful conversationalist and could maybe pass for the hot librarian type. I think I even mentioned that I had a Master’s degree, which everyone who has one knows is a sure sign of desperation. “But are you hot?” he asked. He motioned for me to undress, which I did, hurriedly, nearly falling over when my jean leg got stuck on my foot. Meanwhile, Leah poured a latte for a bald man on a motorcycle.

“Starbucks and Dutch Brothers got nothing on us,” he said—but quality shots were only part of the equation. He gave me a for-instance. First time through, a man orders a plain cup of joe. He’s shy. He’s intimidated by the on-duty Dream Girl, so it’s time for her to work her magic and talk him into coming by later on for a latte or mocha. Girls should give each man at least 10 minutes, Jeff said. It doesn’t matter how long the line is. The idea is to take the time, ask him about his job, his family. Make him feel special. But not too special. “Never flash the customers,” Jeff said. “I don’t care how much they tip. We’re not a strip club. We’re a classy business that sells a good cup of bikini coffee.” He pointed out that Leah wore pasties underneath

“EvEryonE lovEs coffEE. But hErE? hErE you havE to BE hot. arE you hot?” —JEff Jeff gave my pale body the once-over. “Now walk around, get used to it.” I took a few steps toward Leah and then sort of backed my way into the corner where they kept the drink recipes. It was like starring in the world’s saddest swimsuit competition. “You’re hot,” he said. My hotness established, Jeff acquainted me with the key to successful bikinicoffee sales. It’s all about the upsell. He could teach anyone to make good coffee—

her top. “You have to cover your junk,” he added, finally taking off the shades and giving my crotch a cursory glance. I followed his gaze south and wished I hadn’t. The bumps had gone from slightly irritated to flaming red. I excused myself and pulled on my pants. Jeff’s eyes were a disconcerting gold color. “Think you’re going to sell bikini coffee in your jeans?” “I’m cold.” “You can’t be cold and sell bikini coffee.”

The more he said “bikini coffee” the more I visualized little cups of coffee dressed in string bikinis, frolicking on a beach far away from TV Highway. Putting on my pants seemed to put an end to the interview. Joe left, suggesting Leah and I get better acquainted, and while I finished getting dressed I compiled a mental list of questions. Maybe Leah and I could share a sister moment, really delve into whether or not she felt empowered by her job or exploited or neither. Was it just a way to feel pretty and make a living? All the same, did she worry about the message her business might be sending to young women about why and how they should be valued? Could this era of the sexy selfie shared so often with friends and even strangers be creating a generation of women who only felt visible when on display? And what was the future of feminism anyway? “We’ll call you,” Leah said, offering me a thin, cold hand. They never called. Apparently I wasn’t hot enough. Not Dream Girl material anyway. So my bikini is back in the drawer, resting against my red-lace bustier and matching panties, which will never see the light of kiosk. My razor is safely stowed away. And I’m back to cruising the Craigslist want ads every day, looking for the perfect job. There’s that ad again: “Bikini Baristas Wanted.” Good luck, ladies. And Godspeed. Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013





willie@wweek .com

Since I was very young, I’ve had a hard time focusing. My brain is like a bumblebee, clumsily flitting from place to place, picking up pollen here and there. Since the day I hit puberty, I’d estimate at least 83 percent of my public-school hours were spent daydreaming about sprawling fantasy worlds, drawing comic-book characters, or trying to will back my adolescent sex drive. In creative endeavors, these traits have served me well. In regard to the rest of my life, not so much. So sometime in the mid-aughts, a friend turned me on to Adderall XR, a prescription stimulant that helped him work consistently throughout the day. He offered me one as a trial (I now realize this was not technically legal), and the next day I worked harder and more diligently than I ever had. At 2 am, I was still combing my spam inbox “just in case I missed something.” I felt focused in a way I never had. The other thing was I felt good. Better than I had in a while. I was cheerier and liked talking to people more. I visited my doctor, citing ADHD as my primary symptom. He hustled me through a diagnostic test that resembled patty-cake, which I apparently passed. He gave me a prescription anyway, and I set out to explore the world with new eyes and energy. In 2007, Shire’s patent on Adderall XR expired, and it was free to go by its generic name: amphetamines. My doctors warned me of the side effects of long-term use, but males in their 20s aren’t renowned for listening skills. Around the fifth year of taking Adderall, I began to notice some downsides to my daily use of legal speed. By the end of the day, my back and neck were invariably tight, and I was prone to irritability as the effects faded in the late afternoon. Concerned, I took Adderall less often, which paradoxically meant the drug didn’t work as effectively. Soon I was taking Adderall only when I had work to do, and the effects were even harsher. Even worse, I felt like my work—which requires a lot of creative thinking—was suffering. All I wanted to do on Adderall was fill spreadsheets and smoke cigarettes. “Why don’t you try weed?” a friend asked me a little over a year ago. 24

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

My biggest issue with cannabis was I never knew what I was getting. My brain might explode in imaginative bliss with one batch of bud, but the next would have me glued to my sofa and blowing off any commitments for a night in. That, of course, is weed’s macro-scale reputation: an ambition-killing couch drug of the contentedly underemployed. For me, and for everyone else who loosely understands cannabis genetics, it’s the opposite. When I toke now, it’s usually for a rush of energy, a creative perspective that seems limitless, and the sense that I’m present and content in almost everything I do.

WHEN I TOKE NOW, IT’S USUALLY FOR A RUSH OF ENERGY, A CREATIVE PERSPECTIVE THAT SEEMS LIMITLESS. Partly, that’s because I now know what to toke. There are two primary varietals of cannabis: indica and sativa. Indica strains tend to be sedative and body-centric. (“Couch-lock” in common pothead parlance.) A light hit on a sativa-forward strain like Sour Diesel will have me locked into a project for hours at a time. The brief buzz of Trainwreck is perfect for washing dishes. At night, a bowl of indica-dominant Blackberry Kush might help me relax, process my thoughts about the day, and bump the flavor up on this cheddar-and-pickle sandwich I’m about to mow down. By bedtime, I’m typically tired enough to nod off within a half-hour. (You can find local sources for all at Unlike legalized crank, which can cause seizures, insomnia and aggression—and is handed out like candy to unruly middle-schoolers—a cannabis prescription still stirs up anxious titters and jokes about Taco Bell. Meanwhile, my back still hurts, but now it’s because I’ve been sitting here too long doing the kind of work I love. I’m a productive pothead. And if my back is still hurting later tonight, I’m not worried. I’ve got a strain for that, too. WILLIE WEED: Wm. Willard Greene writes a column about marijuana for Willamette Week—oh, not necessarily every week, but when there’s a worthy topic.




Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013


FOOD: Rodney Muirhead’s second rodeo. MUSIC: A December to Dismember. THEATER: Christmas-show decision tree. MOVIES: Dirty, dirty Casey Affleck.

31 33 45 49


December 6th, 7th, & 8th from 10am -4pm 1605 NW Everett Street, Portland, 97210


GOSSIP DRIVING CADILLACS IN ITS DREAMS. COLD FUSION: Stumptown’s cold-brewed coffee is now available on a nitro tap—the kind used to pour a proper pint of Guinness—at the Southwest 3rd Avenue location. This newfangled caffeine-delivery method produces a sweet cuppa that’s smoothly effervescent with a frothy head. It looks like beer and tastes like, well, coldbrewed coffee. This is part of a renewed emphasis on cold brew from Stumptown. In addition to its ubiquitous stubbies, Stumptown will also be starting a single-source cold-brew coffee program and serving up seasonal coldbrewed concoctions from growlers, which during winter is basically a coffee version of chai. AVIGNON BEARD: The World Beard and Moustache Championships are set for Portland in September 2014. But lo, the World Beard and Moustache Association in Germany, which helps coordinate worldwide beard events, says the Portland competition is unsanctioned. Phil Olsen, owner of Beard Team USA, is staging the Portland competition. He took out a U.S. trademark on the name “World Beard and Moustache Championships” in 2011 and wrote a cease-and-desist letter to stop the 2017 WBMA championships in Austin, Texas. According to beard-growing competitor Brian Snoderly, some beard growers will boycott the Portland competition. Check wweek. com for details.

BARACK’S BOOKS: Portlander Cheryl Strayed’s memoir Wild may pop up on a very famous nightstand sometime soon: Barack Obama’s. The president stopped by an independent bookstore in Washington, D.C., for Small Business Saturday—a thumbing of the nose to Black Friday—and left with a heavy shopping bag. Among the books he bought, according to the Los Angeles STRAYED Times, were Strayed’s memoir about hiking part of the Pacific Crest Trail, as well as works by Willa Cather, E.L. Doctorow, Carson McCullers and Khaled Hosseini. CLICKY-CLICKY: At, we’ve got a full list of the businesses that have applied to grow or sell pot just over the bridge in Clark County, Wash. We’ve also got a review of the Cat Power show at the Hawthorne Theatre and an analysis of the Blazers’ early season success. 26

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013


S-K AT PJ: Sleater-Kinney (briefly) reunited at Pearl Jam’s Nov. 29 show at the Moda Center. All three members of the band—Corin Tucker, Carrie “Portlandia” Brownstein and Janet Weiss—joined Eddie Vedder and company onstage for the final song of Pearl Jam’s set, a seven-minute cover of Neil Young’s “Rockin’ in the Free World” that’s long been a staple of the band’s set. Brownstein did her patented mini-windmill, Weiss played drums, and Tucker sang a verse before taking up the tambourine.



What to do this Week in arts & culture


WEDNESDAY DEC. 4 holiday ale fest [beer] A quarter past noon, the Grinch paused then put his hand to his ear. And, through the streets of Portland, a sound he did hear. It started in low, then it started to grow. WOOOOOOOO! beer FeSTIVAL! WOOOOO! Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW Sixth Ave., WednesdaySunday, Dec. 4-8. $30. 21+. ChURCh of MiseRy [MUSIC] The Tokyo-based band was a pioneer of the doom- and stoner-metal subgenres in the ’90s. blending the heaviest parts of early black Sabbath with psychedelic rock, the band blasts intense live shows through a looming wall of the industry’s loudest amps. Most of its songs are about mass murderers, natch. Rotture, 315 SE 3rd Ave., 2345683. 9 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.


th e

MaYor house’s !

ON DEC. 6, MAYOR CHARLIE HALES OPENS HIS EASTMORELAND HOME TO THE PUBLIC. HERE’S WHAT WE’LL BE LOOKING FOR INSIDE HIS “GRACIOUSLY DECORATED” ABODE. Choo-choo room. Scale model of Portland showing planned streetcars on every major street. The locomotives have been modified to move at the real-life pace of one inch per minute. Conductor’s cap. For use in choo-choo room. Dusty set of turntables. While former Mayor Sam Adams gains ever more fame as Portland’s best DJ of ritzy benefit galas, Charlie “DJ Sad Eyez” Hales project remains crated. Sam Adams voodoo doll. “It’s all your fault!” [stab] “You spent all our money!” [stab] “Everyone liked you because you bought them things!” [stab] Sepia-toned photo of the old Hales homestead in Stevenson, Wash. Charlie lived there from 2004 to 2009, avoiding some of Oregon’s higher income tax. The Gorge is so pretty this time of year.

A velvet bag containing a small collection of trinkets confiscated from homeless camps. Golden shovel. Used for twice-a-week groundbreaking ceremonies at swanky no-parking condo complexes. Framed picture of self as Chucky from Child’s Play. Bulletin board borrowed from police station displaying photos and dossiers of every resident at the intersection of Southeast 127th Avenue and Mill Court, the mascots for Hales’ decision-making. Golden scissors. Used at ribbon-cutting ceremonies for completed municipal projects. So far unused. Collection of sailor’s knots carefully tied and retied while sailing up and down the West Coast on his sailboat. —Martin Cizmar.

Go: The 35th annual duniway Holiday Home Tour is Friday, dec. 6. day session 10 am-3 pm, night session 6-9 pm. Tickets $25 at

Rob delaney [COMedy] Comedy Central has proclaimed him the funniest man on Twitter (“donuts are gay bagels”), but delaney is pretty funny live, too, with plenty of pathos to go with the outlandish bits. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. 7:30 pm. $25. blUe CRanes, dylan Ryan sand, the KandinsKy effeCt [MUSIC] Sand, the latest project from adventurous drummer and composer dylan ryan and featuring John Zorn sideman Tim young and Xiu Xiu’s devin Hoff, is the highlight of a forward-facing jazz bill, bringing together acts that are keeping the genre fresh by embracing contemporary rock and electronica. Goodfoot Lounge, 2845 SE Stark St., 239-9292. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

FRIDAY DEC. 6 noises off [THeATer] Third rail rep produces provocative and sometimes polarizing plays, but its acting company is one of the city’s best and deserves a wider audience. That elevates this production of Michael Frayn’s phenomenally funny play from pandering to a wise marketing ploy. Not only should the backstage comedy— about a regional british production of a terrible sex farce—be hilarious, but it will hopefully introduce new audiences to Third rail. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 235-1101. 7:30 pm. $23-$46.

SATURDAY DEC. 7 aniMated ChRistMas 2 [MOVIeS] because you won’t be able to watch TV this month without thinking “God, the Christmas shit I used to watch as a kid was so much better than this,” the Hollywood Theatre presents a collection of rare 16 mm and VHS cartoons that will prove your childhood taste was crappier than you remember. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. 2:30 pm. $8. Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013


Sellwood Antique Collective

A unique collection of portland's finest antique dealers. 8027 SE 13th Ave, Portland, OR 97202 (503) 736-1399


Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

Portland U-Brew & Pub 15% off Beer & Wine Supplies on 12/7 with this ad! Home brew & wine making supplies Great House brewed beers on tap 6237 SE Milwaukie Ave 503 943 2727

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



Karaoke 9pm nightly Hydro Pong Saturday night

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: See page 3 for submission instructions.

I get HAPPY 4-6pm Tues-Fri $3 menu

Tuesdstaryy: Fun Indu Night!

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 4 Holiday Ale Fest

Dragon Lounge

Chinese-American Restaurant

2610 SE 82nd at Division 503-774-1135 Ho Ti

Read our story:

A quarter past noon, the Grinch paused and put his hand to his ear. And through the streets of Portland, a sound he did hear. It started in low, then it started to grow. WOOOOOOOO! BEER! WOOOOO! Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave., 11 am-10 pm WednesdaySaturday, 11 am-5 pm Sunday, Dec. 4-8. $30. 21+.

SATURDAY, DEC. 7 Champagne and Caviar

Woodstock Wine & Deli rings in its anniversaries the old-fashioned way: by treating its customers like a beautiful 23-year-old ballet dancer it’s attempting to seduce. Specifi cally, with a pair of 9-liter Salmanazars of old-country Champagne plus caviar and oysters. Who could resist their charms, even as they approach a hoary 28 years of age? Also on off er: a tasting of local wines and microbrews and barbecue-smoked pig sliders. Woodstock Wine & Deli, 4030 SE Woodstock Ave., 7772208. 2-6 pm. $15, includes tasting glass. 21+.

SUNDAY, DEC. 8 Cookbook Social

We’ll admit it, we love these things. All the chefs come out of the kitchen to hawk their recipes, from Andy Ricker to John Gorham to the host, Vitaly Paley. The snacks are free, the event is free, there’s cocktails available from Brandon Wise. And heck, if you’re totally into it, featured author Anya Von Bremzen (Mastering the Art of Soviet Cooking) will be sitting in for a four-course Russian-themed dinner at Imperial starting at 5 pm for $65 (reservations at 228-7222). Otherwise, just walk out at 3 pm, drunk with food in your mouth and money still in your pocket. Hotel Lucia, 400 SW Broadway, 225-1717. 1-3 pm. Free.

TUESDAY, DEC. 10 Portland Food Adventures

Chef Kat LeSueur of French spot Cocotte serves up a six-course meal with cocktail and wine pairings and desserts and such, plus talks about her favorite places in town—in this case, Canteen, Expatriate and the Cardinal Club— with gift certifi cates for each. Cocotte, 2930 NE Killingsworth St., 227-2669. 6:30 pm. $125.

A Seat at the Table

Experience Lebanese cuisine at its best Bring this ad in for $10 off with a purchase of two entrees

Belly dancing Friday and Saturday evenings 223 SW STARK STREET PORTLAND, OR 503-274-0010 ALAMIRPORTLAND.COM 30

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

*certificate has no cash value nor can be exchanged. Not valid with any other offer, promotion or discount.

So it’s a charity auction for Project Lemonade—sort of a school shopping spree for foster youth. But it’s also a four-course meal of genteelly Southern fare from chef Sarah Schaefer as well as a big congratulatory round for the successful businesswomen in town from Green Zebra founder Lisa Sedlar (who might coincidentally be promoting the new opening of her stores) and Laika production company president Lourri Hammack, who’ll be letting y’all know just how they got so successful. Irving Street Kitchen, 701 NW 13th Ave., 343-9440. 5:309:30 pm. $75.



CROWNING THE BEST EVERYDAY IMPERIAL STOUT FROM THE GROCERY-STORE COOLER. Big, black monsters have invaded local bottle shops. If you’ve got a kingly budget and schedule, early December is the best time to buy limited-edition barrel-aged imperial stouts. But let’s say you’re a working schlub who just got off work on a chilly Wednesday night. You want something dark, malty and imperial-grade but you don’t want to drop $15 or make a special stop at Beer Mongers. You want something strong—at least 9 percent ABV—that’s also inexpensive, no more than $9 for a 22-ounce bottle, and readily available at Fred Meyer. What do you grab? Five WW tasters put four West Coast imperial stouts through a blind taste test, ranking them on a 100-point scale. The results? The best comes from our own backyard. MARTIN CIZMAR.

Gigantic Most Premium Russian Imperial Stout

Portland, $7.99, 10 percent ABV 84.2 points Southeast Portland-based Gigantic is best known for its IPA, which was the bestselling local beer at Belmont Station last year. This imperial stout is as thick as Ovaltine and as black as a cloudy, moonless night under Oregon pines, with a milky sweetness that leaves a little gap under the door for nutty and herbal flavors to float in. Tasting notes: “Like hazelnut hot cocoa—big and a little crunchy.” “Whoa, flowers and nuts—tastes like Christmas.”

Great Divide Yeti Russian Imperial Stout

Denver, $8.19, 9.5 percent ABV 76.2 points The Yeti is best known to beer geeks as the base for a cornucopia of speciality versions: Cocoa Yeti, Belize Cocoa Aged Yeti, Oatmeal Yeti, Oatmeal Raisin Yeti, White Ash Oak Aged Yeti. We found the original version desperately craves air and warmth. Pulled cool from the fridge, our snifters rumbled alive as the night wore on. Tasting notes: “Big chocolate. Sweet, well-rounded and just a hint of fire in the back.” “The most fascinating flavor of the five. An unidentifiable note— campfire? rum raisin?—leaves me pursing my lips for another sip.”

Lagunitas Imperial Stout

Petaluma, Calif., $3.79, 9.9 percent ABV 70.4 points This Northern California brewery’s simple imperial has smoke and fire. The booze is a little loud in this simple and inexpensive imperial, but you can do much worse with a $4 bomber. Tasting notes: “Definitely a little hot and too bitter—there’s something like spoiled milk in there.” “Burnt toast and a little thin. Quaffable, though.” “Chocolatey, but more like an M&M than a slab of fudge.”

No-Li Wrecking Ball Imperial Stout

Spokane, Wash., $5.99, 9.5 percent ABV 65.2 points Spokane’s No-Li—called North Lights before the threat of litigation forced a name change—just started distributing in Portland. This brew didn’t impress our tasters, but we’re very fond of the brewery’s spicy Winter Warmer. Tasting notes: “Bittersweet coffee, like a cup of Turkish brew with a tablespoon of sugar.” “Very dry finish—almost like eating overly salty food.”



Lavish Buffets of Indian Cuisine Exotic Dishes of Lamb, Chicken, Goat Gluten-Free, Vegetarian, Vegan Options


HOT ROD: (Clockwise from foreground) Queso fundido with roasted green chilies, jicama salad and the Zanahorita cocktail at Rodney Muirhead’s new Tex-Mex bar.


Corn tortillas, from Southeast Portland’s Three Sisters Nixtamal, accompany the stew, allowing dainty dipping, hearty heaping, self-indulgent slurping and whatever other chow-down tactics one might employ to finish every last bite. There is also chicken tortilla soup ($8), a prosaic tonic in other venues that owes a huge debt here BY M IC H A E L C . Z US M AN 243-2122 to its nuanced smoked chili and tomato base. The portion isn’t enormous, but the broth, Grub-wise, Texas is best known for two things. First, with ample chunks of shredded chicken, white there’s barbecue, which the Lone Star State does cheese and fettuccine-wide strips of crispy better than anyone. Second, there’s that vaguely tortilla, makes it mouth-filling and memorable. Molten queso fundido is offered with the classic defined cuisine de gringo known as “Tex-Mex.” Rodney Muirhead conquered the first. The chorizo ($5.50), roasted green chilies ($5.50) or Texas-raised chef started making ’cue in a cart in a Portland-centric variation with chanterelle before opening a brick version of Podnah’s Pit, mushrooms ($6.50). A few salads, one based which claimed a buckle as WW’s Restaurant of on nopales, the other a more tropical take with the Year in 2011. Now, with La Taq, a restaurant- jicama, pineapple, peanuts, lime and arbol bar opened in the cramped space next door to his chile (each $7), offer your vegetarian and vegan friends a reason to come along for the ride. A flagship eatery, he tries the second. When I heard Muirhead planned to open a slate that includes nachos, tacos, tamales and Tex-Mex restaurant, two questions came to mind. enchiladas—with Muirhead’s tried-and-true smoked brisket an element or How was Portland’s undisputed barbecue king going to succeed Best deal: Happy hour is 10 pm to option in all categories—rounds out the menu. where so many others—most close and offers discounted food and drinks that change nightly. The dexterous bar-side stylings recently Bunk Sandwich king I’ll pass: Not for leisurely or dateof Kevin Ludwig, of the late and Tommy Habetz’s Trigger—have night dining. lamented Beaker & Flask, showstumbled? And what the hell is case tequila in twists on classic Tex-Mex, anyway? It’s basically whatever the cook says it is. I say cocktails. Thinking Sazerac? Order a Claymation this only somewhat tongue-in-cheek after reading ($9), combining mezcal, tequila, grapefruit liqueur, a Texas-size article on the topic by Houston-based Herbsaint and Peychaud’s bitters. Or consider the culinary historian Robb Walsh. What is authenti- Zanahorita ($9), La Taq’s take on a carrot margacally Tex-Mex varies by time, place and opinion. rita punched up with cumin and orange liqueur. Except at the Yankee Doodle fringe—chips and The house margarita ($8) hews closer to historical salsa, flour tortillas and bright orange liquid Tex-Mex libation. In the less-than-grand Portland tradition, cheese—Tex-Mex is an evolutionary amalgam of the food of interior Mexico adapted and modified high comfort is not a highlight at La Taq. Backto suit the palates and pantries of those living less gray-metal stools along the L-shaped bar north of the border. Shortly after La Taq opened, counter are set cheek-to-jowl, and the same Muirhead told me his food was really Mex-Tex not butt bruisers surround three high-top tables. Lucky winners may snag one of three wooden Tex-Mex. The ambiguity was thus complete. On to the more important issue: There is every booths, each with a lone star light fixture winking reason to believe La Taq will flourish because its from the wall above. There are a few other small not-too-spicy, not-too-bland border fusion cui- design touches—including an outdoor corral for the distant sunny season—but you are unlikely sine is simple, reasonably priced and delicious. Highlights among the mostly familiar gringo- to notice them amid all the satisfied sipping and oriented offerings are a pair of warm, wet, supping and unruly food geeks arguing endlessly winter fillers. The pork ribs in chili verde ($9) over authenticity. are the highest and best use of cartilaginous rib EAT: La Taq, 1625 NE Killingsworth St. No tips. They are first braised until yielding, then phone, no website, no reservations. Open 5 immersed in a piquant green chili-infused broth. pm-midnight daily.


win tiCkEts to thE Doug fiR


Parkrose since 2009 8303 NE Sandy Blvd 503-257-5059 Vancouver since 2001 6300 NE 117th Ave 360-891-5857

Go to

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013


dec. 4-10 PROFILE

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.


Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and socalled convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines. Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 4 David Bromberg

[FOLKIN’ BLUES] David Bromberg’s career opens with a synthesis of everything that made the ’60s remarkable. A multi-instrumentalist as much an interpreter of American music as anything else, Bromberg spent time learning from legendary blues singer-guitarist the Rev. Gary Davis. So there’s some pretty heavy insight that comes along with his repurposing of American roots music. Taking a break from the pressures of recording in the early 1990s, Bromberg recently resurfaced, issuing a handful of discs that, again, find him re-examining this country’s music heritage. It’s just as likely that the singer’ll launch into a blues standard as something with a bit of country flair. Bromberg can still just barely sing, but if you’ve heard The Anthology of American Folk Music, that talent only seems necessary on occasion. DAVE CANTOR. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694. 7 pm. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.


[MORRICONE POP] Call the music of Escondido “desert sex” if you want. Don’t worry, Nashville’s Jessica Maros and Tyler James take it as a compliment. Their debut LP, The Ghost of Escondido, tumbles with washedout guitar, stammering backbeats and sputtering trumpet straight out of the Fistful of Dollars soundtrack, but James’ chugging electric guitar and Maros’ coolheaded vocal inflections push it beyond a Leone lookalike toward something almost Nancy Sinatra-esque. BRANDON WIDDER. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 8949708. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

Vampire Weekend, Holiday Friends [REVAMPED VAMPIRES] “Morning’s come, you watch the red sun rise/The early day still flickers in your eyes/ You better spare your face the raising/ Because no one’s going to spare the time for you.” So begins “Obvious Bicycle,” the improbably sober opening track of Modern Vampires of the City, the latest album from Vampire Weekend. It heralds the return of a subdued, evolved band. Ever since forming at Columbia University in 2006, the New York quartet has divided audiences with its fusion of appropriated African musical elements, precious baroque pop and a cultivated prep-school aesthetic, even as the group’s infectious songwriting won it legions of fans. Modern Vampires, out earlier this month, is perhaps Vampire Weekend’s strongest effort yet, progressing away from the discomforting aspects of the band’s music and toward a humbler, more genuine persona. JONATHAN FROCHTZWAJG. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. Sold out. All ages.

Arctic Monkeys

[PRIMATE SCREAM] It’s tough to make a rock album that sounds as good over a car stereo as any rap album. Arctic Monkeys aimed for that on their initialed new effort, and they succeeded. The band’s biggest—if not best— record, AM finds the Sheffield-bred foursome pairing newly phattened bass lines with extra-splintery licks. Queen of the Stone Age Josh Homme appears on one song toward the end of the record (“Knee Socks), but his bloodshot eyes show through in the desert-rock guitar howl of “R U Mine?” Fresh from playing English arenas, Arctic Monkeys bring the thunder to a venue far too small to accommodate it. Expect the windows to rattle a bit. MARTIN CIZMAR. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 224-2038. 8 pm. Sold out.

Church of Misery, Saviours, Wizard Rifle

[JAPANESE MURDER DOOM] Church of Misery is as anomalous as it is talented: The band was an early pioneer of doom and stoner metal in the ’90s, and most songs are about mass murderers. Oh, and the group is from Tokyo. Blending the heaviest parts of early Black Sabbath with psychedelic rock ’n’ roll, the band blasts intense live shows through a looming wall of the industry’s loudest amps. Church of Misery was also one of the last acts to put out records on the legendary Man’s Ruin Records, so if you’ve ever considered yourself a fan of the stoner-doom genre, you’re missing a serious hole in your education by skipping this show. CAT JONES. Rotture, 315 SE 3rd Ave., 234-5683. 9 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

THURSDAY, DEC. 5 Ed Kowalczyk, Callaghan

[ALT-LIFER] Emerging bloodied but unbowed from a brutal split—his former mates in ’90s world-beaters Live responded to the vocalist’s plans for a band hiatus with a raft of lawsuits—Ed Kowalczyk has lost none of the daft grandiosity that spun platinum from Throwing Copper back when over-the-top humorlessness ruled the airwaves. Enlisting Rachael Yamagata and Peter Buck to deepen the textures of that old modern rock on sophomore solo effort The Flood and the Mercy, Kowalczyk summons all the elemental bombast the title suggests for another round of widescreen choruses showcasing a vocal prowess (and lyrical dopiness) still remarkable after all these years. When lightning crashes, trust him to grab the nearest mic stand. JAY HORTON. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694. 8 pm. $25 advance, $30 day of show. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

Cate Le Bon, Kevin Morby

[COUNTRIFIED VELVET] Lou Reed is dead and the pain lingers still. Somehow, though, Kevin Morby is the perfect coping mechanism, a folk rocker to the fullest, but very much in custody of Reed’s poetic delivery and keen observational skills as a lyricist. Morby, known for his work with Woods and the Babies, has produced a stellar solo debut in Harlem River. The record has a steam-locomotive quality to it, steady and stylishly antiquated. A folk-rock fundamentalist, Morby channels early, coal-fired Springsteen here. Welsh-born Cate Le Bon, who duets once with Morby on his new record, headlines with her fuzzy and brooding indie pop. MARK STOCK. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

Pure Bathing Culture, Them Hills

[LUCID DREAM POP] All there is to know about Pure Bathing Culture is contained in “Pendulum,” the track that opens the duo’s debut full-length. A heartthrob drum-machine pattern introduces Daniel Hindman’s glistening, heavily chorused guitar, with singerkeyboardist Sarah Versprille’s synth hums and New Age-y lyrics (something about pentacles and fortune tellers and blue wood) passing through it like sunlight through swaying blinds, leading to a swooning, cloud-bursting chorus. It’s one of the best Portland singles of the year, and every song that follows on Moon Tides is a variant of it, with slight tints in mood. It can get repetitious, but it’s like peering at the ocean at sunset: Do you really

CONT. on page 34

FLOWER CHILDREN: (From left) The Dismemberment Plan’s Jason Caddell, Travis Morrison, Eric Axelson and Joe Easley.




It only takes a few minutes for Travis Morrison to start messing with me. “When you finish a record, there’s this period where some of the songs quickly join the party,” he says, describing the process of adding new material to the set list for his reunited indie-rock band, the Dismemberment Plan. “But some of the songs take a little while, y’know, [and] hang out in the kitchen. Some songs RSVP to your Facebook post and then never show up. Fuck those songs.” Give Morrison a platform to talk (or 40 minutes on record) and you’re bound to hear him expound on everything from driving in D.C. to his favorite bodega in New York City. He’s playful and quickwitted, like your town’s favorite standup comedian after a triple espresso shot. But after numerous diversions, he’s also honest about why he “retired” from music for a few years before getting the Dismemberment Plan back together for a tour and a few jam sessions that ultimately turned into Uncanney Valley, the band’s first album in 12 years. “It’s easy to think music is terrible when you’re not interested,” laughs Morrison over the phone from Brooklyn, where he moved five years ago after living somewhere between Williamsburg, Va., and College Park, Md., for 35 years. “After I took a break from music, I immediately started going to shows a lot more. It was an interesting psychological thing going on there. I saw myself more engaged with art as a fan and as a civilian.” After a decade in the scene, Morrison and the rest of the Dismemberment Plan—guitarist Jason Caddell, bassist Eric Axelson and drummer Joe Easley—needed to detach and enjoy being normal dudes. Morrison got a job at the Huffington Post, began singing in a church choir and tried to distance himself from his first solo record, Travistan, which received an infamous 0.0 rating from Pitchfork. Easley works for NASA, and Caddell and Axelson continued to play and record music. The band formed in Washington, D.C., in the early ’90s, but it mostly toiled in regional obscurity,

playing shows to “kids dressed in weird costumes even when it wasn’t Halloween” until breaking through with 1999’s Emergency & I. In a sea of polite, erudite indie-rock bands, the D-Plan offered an alternative. Its songs were kinetic, spastic and angular, full of colorful keyboards, awkward comeons and sexual frustration. It absorbed the sound of all the great D.C. hardcore outfits—Fugazi, Bad Brains, the Nation of Ulysses—and tossed it in a blender along with Morrison’s love of modern R&B and hip-hop. You could say the Dismemberment Plan predicted both the dance-punk movement of the early aughts and the way that we listen to music today, when it’s not unusual to go to a dance party and hear “Party in the U.S.A.” immediately after a Joy Division track. Emergency & I is a perfect document of what life is like for so many of us in our 20s: bored with work, anxious about growing up and looking for love in all the wrong places. It’s a showcase for Morrison’s indelible wordplay, and his talk-sing delivery hits its peak on the nervy “Gyroscope” and heartbreaking “The City.” But it’s also driven by the band’s secret weapon: its rhythm section. Axelson and Easley’s playing is both incredibly dense and in the pocket, and the band’s focus on groove injected some much-needed swing into a relatively stale indie-rock scene. Despite the long absence, the Dismemberment Plan lost none of its quirkiness to middle age. In fact, Uncanney Valley is looser and, well, goofier than anything the band did during its original run. Morrison opens the record’s first song, the chiming, sleigh bell-led “No One’s Saying Nothing,” singing, “You hit the spacebar enough and cocaine comes out/ I really like this computer!” The whole thing is full of weird asides and jokes, and though nothing hits quite as hard as the band’s peak, tracks like “Let’s Just Go to the Dogs Tonight” and “Invisible”—which details the anxieties of moving to New York, hoping for a job in Midtown and settling for a spot on the 7 express train—come close. When asked how the tour has been going, Morrison is quickly back on his game. “It’s not like all of a sudden old women or metalheads are coming to our shows,” he says. “Hopefully, one day I’ll be able to name my autobiography The Golden Girls and Metalheads.” SEE IT: The Dismemberment Plan plays Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., with Telekinesis, on Sunday, Dec. 8. 7:30 pm. $25 advance, $28 day of show. All ages. Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



ever want the view to change? MATTHEW SINGER. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8:30 pm. $10. 21+.

FRIDAY, DEC. 6 The Black Crowes

[CLASSIC ROCK] The rootsy hippiedom of the Black Crowes is an American institution. Still anchored by brothers Chris and Rich Robinson, the band’s catalog stretches back more than two decades, casually shuffling between early Zeppelin crunch and the ragged stoner boogie of the Dead. The band’s jammy live sets are never a greatest-hits collection—hearing “Hard to Handle” is doubtful—but there are always bootleg-worthy rock-’n’-roll gems amid the feathered hats and ace touring guitarist Jackie Greene’s blazing solos. BRANDON WIDDER. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 8:30 pm. $46.50-$68.50. All ages.

Young the Giant

[POPULAR SCIENCE] I hate to make Young the Giant the poster band for everything I hate about life, but fuck: Just one listen to the band’s selftitled 2011 album makes me want to quit writing about music forever. Easily palatable to a fault, wiped of anything that could come off as offensive or original or, hell, interesting, it’s bland rock music for boring people to have bad sex to. Young the Giant is only “indie” or “alternative” to record-label executives who are trying to market a stale hipness to ex-jocks who couldn’t make it halfway through the last Broken Bells record. Seriously! But popular is popular. Yep, I’m an asshole, but at least I have good taste. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. Sold out. All ages.

with the soft rock Stevie-isms of her 2010 debut—and winning fame across the pond after a “Go Your Own Way” cover soundtracked Twinings tea adverts—Lissie seemed poised to build a career around ’70s-styled husky balladry. Few fans of her recorded material, anyway, would have predicted the wholesale embrace of arena-trembling belters swaggering through her justreleased follow-up, Back to Forever, a collection of riff-charged anthems that finds the Californian singersongwriter’s muse solidly enmeshed in mid-’80s AOR. But, even when focusing upon a pop-country shimmer, her live performances always hinted at an inner rawk goddess uncomfortably restrained. JAY HORTON. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 284-8686. 9 pm. $18 advance, $20 day of show. All ages.

SATURDAY, DEC. 7 Mrs. Magician, Summer Cannibals

[SAD SURF] The last few years have seen an undeniable resurgence of surf rock in the indie scene. There’s a nostalgic warmth in the easy, catchy beach sounds of early ’60s American rock ’n’ roll, and San Diego’s Mrs. Magician is not immune. But there’s a not-so-sunny element that separates the trio from the rest of the hot-rod rock revivalists. While its catchy riffs are straight out of Bikini Beach, the lyrics are gutting, witty and self-deprecating. ASHLEY JOCZ. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 894-9708. 8 pm. $8. 21+.

Fitz and the Tantrums, the Features

[RADIO REVIVAL] Fitz and the Tantrums have come a long way from their opening slot on Flogging Molly’s 2009 tour. The Los Angeles soul troupe has developed into an alternative radio mainstay, particularly with this year’s More Than Just a Dream. Although the band has shied away from its original soul sound, Fitz live is a high-energy affair, with a cast of outstanding backup singers accompanying him and the Tantrums. GEOFF NUDELMAN. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. $25. All ages.

Drunken Prayer, Root Jack, Denim Wedding

[ECLECTIC OVERLOAD] When I interviewed Morgan Geer, who records under the name Drunken Prayer, a few years ago, he told me a story about meeting Tom Waits and hitting him up for career advice. Geer had recently dragged himself out of a creative rut, but was unclear of what to do next. Waits’ answer? “Well, everything. Don’t put a fence around that property.” House of Morgan, the parttime Portlander’s third Drunken Prayer album, certainly isn’t fenced in by much of anything. Recorded using a Tascam cassette machine and a Radio Shack mic (does Radio Shack still exist?), the record, on which Geer plays just about everything, moves from back-porch blues to rollicking cow punk to tears-inthe-sand border country to no-fi gospel hymns to a swaying, man-

CONT. on page 36

PREVIEW CONT. on page 34

Lee Ranaldo and the Dust

[LEE’S TRIP] Now that it looks like Sonic Youth has really broken up, it’s easier to peg guitarist Lee Ranaldo: He’s the classic-rock one. Ranaldo’s second solo album since the split, Last Night on Earth, recorded with his backing band the Dust, hits a familiar note. It’s filled with the same elastic solos and poetic wordplay as his jams on the last few SY records. That’s not a bad thing. Ranaldo has a gift for writing long songs that drift more than they jam, and Last Night on Earth’s dusky feeling evokes the languid Crazy Horse material more than, say, Wilco. Plus, with Steve Shelley on drums, this might be one of the last chances we have to see half of Sonic Youth onstage together. *Cries into keyboard*. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

The Head and the Heart, Wild Feathers, Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls

[INDIE FOLK POP] The Head and the Heart’s self-titled debut album was a cheerful, jaunty burst of colorful folk pop that launched the six-piece Seattle group to indie fame. While the group’s sophomore release, Let’s Be Still, maintains some of those lively roots, it’s definitely an album that takes after its name, with a sound that’s a little slower, a little more melancholy, but no less sincere. Punctuated by a few exciting moments—the little snarl singer-violinist Charity Rose Thielen adds to her vocals on “Summertime,” the straight-up country slide guitar that makes its way onto the standout “Cruel”— Let’s Be Still meanders slowly but determinedly along, bringing with it the expected alternating vocals, lively piano, floating violin solos and banjo that made the group famous in the first place. KAITIE TODD. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 224-2038. 7 pm. Sold out. 21+.

Lissie, Kopecky Family Band

[HOT NICKS] Stirring critical acclaim


Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

Lorde [PROTO-GOTH] The latest enfant terrible climbing the charts and roiling the blogs, Lorde recorded her debut album, Pure Heroine, at the tender age of 16 and became the youngest artist to top the Billboard Hot 100 (nine weeks and counting) in a quarter-century. The former Ella Yelich-O’Connor is a teen pop star by any measure, even if her actual music intends something rather more incisive. Her hit single “Royals” may have splattered global consciousness through mushrooming Spotify shares, but the darkly infectious speak-along—trappings of success, above narcotized beats, are cheekily name-checked and discarded—also soundtracked the victory speech of the next NYC mayor. First signed four years ago, which should more than explain her steeped levels of craft and ennui, Lorde inevitably forced Lana Del Rey comparisons with her cultivated sultriness, underplayed electro-goth aesthetic and shrouded origins overseen by major-label minders. Now, the first stirrings of a backlash have already begun to attack Lorde’s altogether innocuous statements regarding her less artful drive-time contemporaries. Peppering her handful of live performances with covers of Kanye and the Replacements, the New Zealand native clearly hopes to transcend the expectations placed upon one so young. But the charms of her songwriting come less from a daunting restraint than the lyrical odes to suburban disaffection so precisely capturing a pouty adolescence, however articulate her muse. JAY HORTON. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 5 pm Wednesday, Dec. 4. Sold out.








Trower pays homage to his early influences, and demonstrates his guitar mastery on new material too.

In January 2012, Thomas Lauderdale and trusty audio engineer Dave Friedlander flew to Los Angeles to visit Thomas’s new friend, Phyllis Diller. It became the soundtrack for the many tributes to her when she passed away six months later. Thus began the 18-month odyssey to record Get Happy.

Dirty Word offers a fresh and varied take on funk, blues, gospel, second-line, R&B and rock ‘n ‘ roll. The album features special guest appearances by Art Neville, Trombone Shorty, Rebirth Brass Band, Skerik, Ani DiFranco and Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers).

Til Your River Runs Dry, Eric Burdon’s most personal al album to date, features original tracks written by Burdon, with a blues-rooted feel that has made him one of the most enduring artists spawned by the British Invasion of the 1960s.





Sallie Ford & The Sound Outside vigorously mines a sweet spot between modern and vintage. Sallie’s voice has elicited comparisons to classic Jazz and Blues icons, yet it is stoked with the fire of youth and rebellion, too, an instrument capable of conveying raw emotion and nuanced artistry in the same breath.

Paracosm takes the dreamlike, otherworldly atmospheres of Ernest Greene’s music beyond the nocturnal, computer/synth-based sounds of their acclaimed debut, Within and Without.



The Messenger features Marr on vocals and guitar, and represents our first chance to capture his musical vision exactly as he. Best known for his work alongside Morrissey as the creative force behind The Smiths, Marr has continued his career as an official member or touring guitarist for a diverse array of acclaimed bands since.


Typhoon’s first release on Roll Call Records is the follow-up to the acclaimed EP A New Kind of House, received stunning reviews from Bob Boilen/NPR to Rolling Stone to Paste, appearances on Letterman, Bonnaroo, Lollapalooza, and more. White Lighter looks to be the band’s launching pad as Alt-Folk’s new darling.


Guitar and folk music legend Richard Thompson has a brand new studio album, Electric, produced by Buddy Miller. Thompson, named one of Rolling Stone Magazine’s “20 Greatest Guitarists,” brings a record full of gifted songwriting and virtuosic guitar playing. Electric was made at Buddy Miller’s home studio in Nashville. The record features Alison Krauss on the song “The Snow Leopard.”

Nate “Rocket” Wonder and Chuck Lightning of Wondaland Productions and Monae crafted a new strain of jamming music for The Electric Lady they called “ish.” In the hip hop community, “ish” is a euphemism for the profane four-letter word for excrement, but as Monae explains, they set out, like proverbial alchemists, to turn lesser substances into gold.



On August 27, 1972, the Grateful Dead traveled to Veneta, Ore. and reunited with the Merry Pranksters to throw a benefit concert for the Kesey family’s Springfield Creamery. The show, which was recorded and filmed but never released, has since become the most-requested live show in Grateful Dead history.

A striking mix of blues, gospel, roots and R&B, Get Up! features ten vivid musical character studies, skillfully rendered in cinematic detail, all written or co-written by Harper.

Legendary Grammy-nominated singer and songwriter Guy Clark presents his first full-length album in nearly four years, My Favorite Picture of You via Dualtone Music Group. In his 71st year, Guy Clark continues a legacy of peerless folk-inspired country songs with album standouts “Cornmeal Waltz,” “El Coyote” and the title track “My Favorite Picture of You.”

STEVE EARL THE LOW HIGHWAY ON SALE $13.99 The Low Highway features his live band and was coproduced by Earle and Ray Kennedy (whose production partnership known as the “Twangtrust” was behind Lucinda Williams’ Car Wheels On A Gravel Road). The Low Highway is very much Steve Earle’s road record, and one that has seen many miles.


Bradley and writer/producer/multi-instrumentalist Thomas “TNT” Brenneck returned to Dunham studios and have recorded the most exciting Daptone release to date. Victim of Love proves to be a genre-bending masterpiece, picking up where the early 70s Temptations left off and edging boldly forward into psychedelic soul exploration.

Radiation City quickly blossomed into a family, finding itself with a second couple and another multi instrumentalist besides. The band’s expanding soundscape of new romanticism has drawn accolades from NPR, Time, and KEXP to name a few.


American Kid is her first album of mainly new material since the acclaimed Children Running Through in 2007. In between then and now, she made the Grammy Award-winning Downtown Church in 2010 and became a member of Band of Joy alongside Robert Plant.


Bang Bang Boom Boom begins in the bottom of a brown bottle, with Hart inhabiting the brave but broken majesty of Billie Holiday. “Baddest Blues’’completely lives up to its title, sounding like the blackest part of night. The title track then bursts out suggesting more completely the yin and yang of this still-emerging star’s vocal sweep.

Offer good through 12/31/13 Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



dolin-garnished sea-chanty kind of thing. It’s an ecstatically unfiltered brain dump, and while it isn’t totally coherent, there’s a certain thrill to getting smacked with that many disparate ideas all at once. Waits would approve, if nothing else. MATTHEW SINGER. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 226-6630. 9 pm. $7. 21+.



The Long Winters

[MODERN TRAD POP] The Long Winters’ singer-songwriter John Roderick made a splash in the early ’00s with the excellent Americanainflected pop effort When I Pretend to Fall, a record that applied the airtight assembly of ’60s pop hits with the jangly delivery most altrock groups of the ’90s pilfered from R.E.M. Besides an LP in 2006, Roderick spent the latter half of the decade resting on his proverbial laurels, which brings us to the requisite decade-old anniversary tour of his 2003 effort. Roderick has a golden ear for energetic arrangements built from traditional components, and this is as good an opportunity as any to find him revisiting the peak of his career up to this point. PETE COTTELL. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave. 9 pm. $14. 21+.

El Ten Eleven, Slow Magic

[INSTRUMENTAL POSTPROG] Refusing to be pegged as math rock, L.A. “power duo” El Ten Eleven applies a maximalist approach to a minimal setup of drums and a dude with a floor full of loop pedals. Hooks and textural flourishes alike are piled atop each other to create dense soundscapes that have more in common with ’90s groups like Pele and Tortoise than noodly modern contemporaries. It’s also adverse to the tag “post-rock,” naturally, so we’ll just say El Ten Eleven is the musical equivalent of stylish wallpaper: fashionable and interesting, yet easy to relegate to your periphery. GEOFFREY NUDELMAN. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 284-8686. 9 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. All ages.

SUNDAY, DEC. 8 The Lone Bellow

[COUNTRY SOUL] Few horsebackriding accidents end as fruitfully as the one that impacted the Lone Bellow’s Zach Williams. The ordeal surrounding his wife’s temporary paralysis became the impetus for the Brooklyn trio’s self-titled debut, a countrified tapestry of Southern roots rock and hushed-harmony gospel shuddering with equal parts lament and desire. The outfit finds home in galloping, distortion-pinched optimism of its harder numbers, but its teary-eyed ballads, like “Two Sides of Lonely,” make the Lumineers’ “Ho Hey” seem paltry in comparison. BRANDON WIDDER. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694. 8 pm. $13 advance, $15 day of show. All ages.

Ural Thomas and the Pain, Y La Bamba

[PORTLAND SOUL] Ural Thomas is proof that, at one time, the whitest city in America not only had soul but bred it, too. Starting out in the late 1950s singing doo-wop on Portland street corners, Thomas cut a series of hot-shit R&B 45s on his own label in the ’60s, showcasing his roughed-up, been-throughsome-stuff voice. He appeared at the Apollo Theater in Harlem dozens of times, opening for the likes of Stevie Wonder and Otis Redding, and seemed poised for a national breakthrough. Then, as often happens, things derailed. By the mid-’70s he had moved back to his old North Portland neighborhood, where he’s lived ever since. But Thomas isn’t content just being an artifact. He’s got a new band, the Pain, and its powerful, energetic coming-out party at Doug Fir

CONT. on page 38 36

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

DYLAN MAGIEREK BADMAN RECORDING CO. Dylan Magierek wanted out of the independent record business. By 2004, he was five years into running his label, Badman Recording Co., in San Francisco. He’d had some successes—a few records from Red House Painters’ Mark Kozelek, an EP from the newly buzzing My Morning Jacket—but the pressure of managing the expectations of young bands was getting to him. So he gave real estate a try. “I tried that for a year, and that wasn’t my atmosphere at all,” Magierek says. “Just dealing with people who work in that industry—oh my God, they’re like robots or something. The most insincere people I’ve ever met.” A year later, Magierek moved to Portland and continued Badman’s lucky streak, putting out breakthrough albums by STRFKR, Lovers and the Builders and the Butchers. Now, the label he started in his Haight-Ashbury apartment is celebrating its 15th anniversary with the 2½-hour retrospective compilation Make Some Quiet. WW spoke to Magierek about cutting his teeth sneaking kids into Weezer shows, adjusting to changes in the music industry and how running a label is actually a bit like real estate. How running a small label is like buying a new house—every year.

WW: What made you gravitate toward starting a label? Dylan Magierek: I was working at Tower Records. I didn’t know anything about distribution, the difference between record labels, which promoted the records to radio or retail. I got really fascinated by it, just from reps coming in. So I applied for a job [at Universal Distribution] and barely got it, for $18,000 a year, back in ’92 or so. I’d go in with posters and promo CDs and try to get albums on listening stations and the in-store play pile. I loved it. I had in-stores with Weezer for their first tour. People were writing “pseudo Pavement” on their posters in the venues. I tore them down so they wouldn’t see them. Their next time through, I helped them sneak some underage people over the fence at the venue they were playing. It was great to be involved with bands like that. As the industry has changed, how hard has it been to adjust? That part of it is this constant brain battle. The one thing that’s really working—that bands can control the most—is touring. I’m still seeing that touring makes the most difference overall, because that can stimulate all this word of mouth. That street buzz, like we got for STRFKR, is hard to come by. But when you get it, it takes off on its own, and then you just try to keep supporting it. Do you always try to work with a band you’re 100 percent behind? Sometimes you don’t know if you’re 100 percent. There are a few instances where I’ve felt totally dedicated and there are other bands where you get into the negotiation stage with their lawyers and you start saying to yourself, “I don’t know, man—maybe I should get out.” It’s the same feeling people have when they’re buying a house. All the paperwork starts coming in and the inspections, and you start going, “Oh my gosh, this is $300,000, $400,000. What am I doing? I’ll go back to renting.” But you just roll with it, and you end up saying, “I’m glad I have this house.” MATTHEW SINGER. HEAR IT: Make Some Quiet: 15 Years of Badman is out Tuesday, Dec. 10. Read the extended Q&A at

think it’s just trivia? think again.



Thirsty Lion (Portland ) — 7:00 PM Hawthorne Hideaway (Portland) — 8:00 PM Rose & Thistle (Portland) — 8:00 PM (Starts Jan 6)

Thursdays @ 8pm Redwing Bar & Grill 4012 30th St • North Park Tuesday

The Dugout (Hillsboro ) — 7:00 PM Biddy McGraw's (Portland ) — 7:00 PM Cheerful Tortoise (Portland ) — 9:00 PM Shanahan's (Vancouver) — 7:00 PM Laurelwood Public House (SE) — 8:00 PM (Starts461 Jan27)Park Blvd - University Heights

Mondays @ 9pm Bourbon Street Bar & Grill


Saturdays @ 8pm Kelly’s Pub

Cheerful Bullpen (Portland ) - 8:30 PM Concordia Ale House (Portland ) - 8:00 PM Space Room (Portland ) - 7:00 PM Tonic Lounge (Portland — 7:00 • OldPMTown Diego )Ave 2222 San Buffalo Gap (Portland) — 7:30PM (Starts Jan 8)

Thursday m @ 8p ys (Portland da Tues 21st Avenue Bar & Grill ) - 7:00 PM st 14th Belmont Inn (Portland ) - 7:00 PM ) (starts Augu

South Park Abbey

1946 Fern Street • South Park @geekswhodrink

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013




last month confirmed that while Thomas is a vital link to Portland’s past, he’s living in the present, and gazing toward the future. MATTHEW SINGER. Rontoms, 600 E Burnside St., 236-4536. 9 pm. Free. 21+.

folk act Ezza Rose shares the bill. MARK STOCK. Secret Society Ballroom, 116 NE Russell St. 8 pm. $10. 21+.

Jennie Wayne, Ezza Rose


[FLICKERIN’ FOLK] Portland singer-songwriter Jennie Wayne doesn’t let much get between you and her voice. And when you have Patti Page’s silky inflection and a touch of twang and brass in your pipes, why would you? Wayne’s sparse but arresting folk is refreshing in a revival movement guilty of frequent posturing and overzealousness. Her debut solo record, The Great Remembering, features minimal instrumentation behind Wayne’s trusty acoustic guitar and warm-as-whiskey vocals. Fellow memorable voice and flapper-

MONDAY, DEC. 9 [DRAMATIC POP ROCK] Whether it’s a pop song about two bodies melting together in the ash of Pompeii or a beefed-up cover of Corona’s “Rhythm of the Night,” London’s Bastille adds a flare of drama to its pop songs that has helped shoot the four-piece onto the charts worldwide. That knack for theatrics often makes the sometimes simple or clichéd lyrics and song structures more interesting, as anthems build upon choir singers, booming drums and Dan

CONT. on page 40


GENDERS GET LOST (SELF-RELEASE) [CLOUDY GUITAR POP] On its previous EPs, the spirit of Portland’s Genders lived on the border of Oregon and California, its ’90s-gazing guitar pop drifting from sunshine to shadow. For debut full-length Get Lost, the band formerly known as threefourths of Youth has retreated further northward, and now exists between seasons—specifically, that precise moment when the chill of fall turns to the slog of winter. Announcing itself with a gust of distortion and clinking wind chimes on the stunning, expansive opener “Something to Get You By,” the quartet sounds like it’s deliberately conjuring the first storm of the year. A sense of low-key melancholy pervades Get Lost even in its sprightlier moments: the needling faux Afro-pop of “Golden State” and the plucky “Sugarcoat” are grayed by the longing for a change of scenery. At least a quarter of the running time is dedicated to flurries of braided minor-key guitars that hit like wind-whipped drizzle. (No wonder recent tourmate Built to Spill has taken such a liking to them.) None of this is to say that Get Lost is a drag, though. In fact, the album’s overcast vibe only serves to accentuate the warmth of Maggie Morris’ voice. Cocooned within her and Stephen Leisy’s expressive guitar interplay, it makes a walk in the rain seem awfully inviting. MATTHEW SINGER. SEE IT: Genders plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with the We Shared Milk and the Ghost Ease, on Sunday, Dec. 8. 9 pm. $5. 21+.

FANNO CREEK MONUMENTS (SOHITEK) [INDIE FOLK POP] If you think you’ll learn all there is to know about the musicians of Fanno Creek by listening to the first few minutes of their debut album, Monuments, you’re wrong. Though it still borders on the simple, early Beatles sound found on their previous EPs, the trio’s first full-length is a folk-inspired shape-shifter, led in large part by the dual vocals of Quinn Mulligan and Evan Hailstone, whose harmonies act as the group’s symbiotic center. “On My Way,” the album’s second track, is a soaring, Fleet Foxes-style epic that builds on floating harmonies, driving kick drum and perfectly timed handclaps. The album’s catchiest track, “How Long,” moves into ’60s pop territory, complete with fuzzy electric guitar, falsetto “oohs” and a prominent bassline. The slower “Body, Brain” shows a sweet doo-wop influence, while “Green Stones” builds quietly on a soft, distorted riff. Trumpet, strings and a smidge of synth also weave their way in and out of the album, showing that while Fanno Creek holds onto its simple, folky roots and relies mostly on its vocals to carry the music, the group is starting to grow into its own. KAITIE TODD.


Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

SEE IT: Fanno Creek plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with Sama Dams and Hands In, on Wednesday, Dec. 4. 9 pm. $5 advance, $7 day of show. 21+.

• The Region’s Largest Cymbal Vault • Drum Sets from $299. Cymbals from $25 • Congas, Djembes & Kids’ Drums • Oregon’s ONLY Five-Star Drum Shop

503-288-6950 3904 NE Martin Luther King Blvd.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 5 8pm. 21 & Over


FRIDAY, DECEMBER 6 9pm. 21 & Over


$6.00 at the door.



$10.00 at the door.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 8 3pm. All Ages

Zine Workshop Free!

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 8 6pm. 21 & Over

Grand Style orchestra Free!

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 8 8pm. All Ages

Portland Poetry Slam MONDAY, DECEMBER 9

(doors open at 8pm). All Ages

take Warning Presents


$10.00 advance tix from ticketfly. $12.00 at the door.

Falafel House: 3 to Late–Night All Ages Shows: Every Sunday 8–11pm Free Pinball Feeding Frenzy: Saturday @ 3pm WITHIN SPITTING DISTANCE OF THE PEARL

1033 NW 16TH AVE. (971) 229-1455 OPEN: 3–2:30AM EVERY DAY

HAPPY HOUR: MON–FRI NOON–7PM PoP-A-Shot • PinbAll • Skee-bAll Air hockey • Free Wi-Fi

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013




Smith’s raspy wail or a floating synth that weaves its way through soft, crooning piano ballads. While the approach isn’t entirely new, one thing seems clear: Bastille knows how to make an entrance, and it doesn’t plan on leaving anytime soon. KAITIE TODD. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. Sold out. All ages.

High on Fire, Kvelertak, Windhand

[SHIRTLESS-MAN DOOM] This is show No. 3 in Portland for High on Fire this year, and every time the band comes around it seems to get not only better but also exponentially heavier. After the release of its last album, De Vermis Mysteriis, the group kicked its usual thrashy, doomy, punch-you-in-the-face stoner metal up a notch and threw in some serious, heavily layered prog elements. First establishing himself at the helm of early stonerrock titan Sleep, Matt Pike, High on Fire’s infamous, shirtless frontman, is perhaps one of the most beloved in the entire genre. Joining HOF are rising doomsters Windhand and the mighty Kvelertak, whom my friend once described as “Weezer as a Viking metal band.” CAT JONES. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th Ave., 2337100. 7:30 pm. $18 advance, $20 day of show. All ages.

Rhett Miller

[POP MEETS AMERICANA] Rhett Miller, frontman of beloved altcountry guitar band the Old 97’s, continues to cut his own path through a solo career that’s stretched for more than 10 years now. His most recent release, 2012’s The Dreamer, marks the second release on his own label, Maximum Sunshine Records, and the first he’s self-produced. The track list is full of songs laced with slide guitar and intricate acoustic chords, showcasing his Americana leanings more than his previous solo releases. Miller’s an affable performer known for connecting with his audience and embodying the sincerity and spirit of his own lyrics. For those wanting to hear his whole catalog—from his dreamy first solo single, “Come Around,” back in 2002 up to the present— and maybe a dash of the Old 97’s, trust he’s probably already anticipated such a desire and is ready to fulfill it. NILINA MASONCAMPBELL. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 8 pm. $15.

TUESDAY, DEC. 10 Phoenix

[VICTORY LAP] I’m still a bit mystified as to why power-pop band Phoenix’s new record, Bankrupt!, was met with a sort of critical “meh” this spring. Though it lacks a world-beating single like “1901” or “Lisztomania,” the band’s approach—take the sugar-rush melodies and incessant tempos of Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix and pile on layer after layer of highgloss synths—has made it one of the pre-eminent stadium bands around. Shit, at this point Phoenix is basically French royalty. When’s the last time you got to see a band that headlined Coachella slay the Crystal Ballroom twice in one year? MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. Sold out. All ages.

CLASSICAL, JAZZ & WORLD Blue Cranes, Dylan Ryan Sand, Kandinsky Effect

[PROG JAZZ] “I had the idea to write songs for a band that had elements of Black Sabbath, the Cure, Jaco-era Joni Mitchell and free jazz,” explains Dylan Ryan. That, along with a dose


Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

of Bill Frisell, pretty much sums up the sound of Sand, the latest project from the drummer-composer best known for his sextet, Herculaneum. The new L.A.-based trio also includes guitarist Tim Young (who’s worked with John Zorn, David Sylvian, Reggie Watts and Beck) and bassist Devin Hoff, a member of Nels Cline Singers and Xiu Xiu. Add Portland’s own indie jazzernauts Blue Cranes and the N.Y.C. and Paris jazz power trio Kandinsky Effect, and it adds up to a groovy evening of forwardfacing jazz that smartly embraces contemporary rock and electronica. BRETT CAMPBELL. Goodfoot Lounge, 2845 SE Stark St., 2399292. 9 pm Thursday, Dec. 5. $10. 21+.

Adam Hurst, Jason Okamoto

[SPANISH GUITAR MEETS GYPSY CELLO] Cellist Adam Hurst, often seen performing solo with a portable amp at public spaces, could no doubt have continued for years winning listeners and CD sales. His haunting, heavily reverbed solo cello performances improvise on Middle Eastern modes to conjure a burnished, moody atmosphere that melts fans’ hearts while sometimes venturing perilously near New Age territory. To his credit, though, Hurst continues to explore new frontiers, teaming with other musicians and adding percussion and even organ. His latest new direction incorporates not just Spanish guitarist Jason Okamoto’s flamenco feel but also livelier rhythms and odd-meter originals derived from Turkish and other global influences. BRETT CAMPBELL. The Old Church, 1422 SW 11th Ave., 222-2031. 7:30 pm Thursday, Dec. 5. $15 advance, $18 day of show. All ages.

PSU Music Forward

[BENEFIT] Some of Portland’s favorite musicians, including pianist Darrell Grant, opera diva Angela Niederloh, guitarist Bryan Johanson, and the Florestan Trio, teach at Portland State University. And PSU students—like those in its chamber choir, which won the grand prize in a major international competition in Italy last summer— regularly excel in concert as well as in classrooms, immeasurably enriching the city’s music scene. Like other Oregon college students, they need financial aid to pay sky-high tuition, thanks to the state’s deplorable failure to invest in higher education. In this benefit for PSU music scholarships, the aforementioned faculty musicians and many others, plus student jazz combos, a taiko ensemble, orchestra, chamber music, choral and opera performers, demonstrate the vast range and quality of the school’s many musical offerings. BRETT CAMPBELL. Portland State University, Lincoln Hall, Room 121, 1620 SW Park. 3 and 7:30 pm Saturday, Dec. 7. $25-$50.

Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 4: Oregon Symphony, Elina Vahala

[FATE’S ACCOMPLICE] Poor Pyotr Tchaikovsky was too Western for the Russians, too poetic for the rest of Europe and too conflicted with himself. But time has been kind to his legacy. His Symphony No. 4 was the first from his later period, a dramatic and personal work with violent, crashing motives and an ambitiously lopsided structure—the first movement is roughly the length of the other three combined. Classical enthusiasts may know fate is a strong theme here, with an emphasis on hopelessness. Rock fans will recognize the snippet Pink Floyd ran through an AM radio filter at the start of “Wish You Were Here.” Also in the program are Prokofiev’s “The Love for Three Oranges” and a rendition of Magnus Lindberg’s Violin Concerto, featuring Elina Vahala. NATHAN CARSON. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 8 pm Monday, Dec. 9. $27-$71. All ages.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013





ON SALE $249.99 CD


Ghost of the Mountain is a powerful, multi-hued sophomore release, and a sunshine record documenting bleak times. You’ll want to sing along to it; your heart will break when you realize what you’re singing about.

The collection contains 35 studio titles (including the first-ever North American release of 1973’s Dylan album on CD), six live albums, the 2-CD Side Tracks, and a hardcover book featuring extensive new album-by-album liner notes penned by Clinton Heylin and a new introduction written by Bill Flanagan.

This limited edition deluxe package is a 2-disc set that contains the original studio album on one disc and a second disc that contains rarities and b-sides. The elegant box packaging also contains an official Awolnation jacket patch as well as a limited edition Awolnation surf wax comb / bottle opener.




In 2012, a resurrection no one thought possible took place when legendary band, The Stone Roses reformed after 16 years. With unprecedented access to previously unseen archive footage, Made of Stone is a revealing journey through the life of one of the most revered and influential bands in British music history.

Kids Like You and Me documents the Black Lips’ tour through one of the most exciting regions in the world, including three groundbreaking stops in Egypt. Get on the bus with the Black Lips and their good friends, Lebanese indie rockers Lazzy Lung. See the people of the Middle East the way they really are. You’ll never look at the Middle East the same way.

The ultimate concert took place on Memorial Day Weekend 1983. Curated by Steve Wozniak (Apple computers), the 3 days of new wave, heavy metal and rock are legendary. Features performances from U2, the Clash, Judas Priest, Stevie Nicks, Scorpions, INXS, Men at Work, Stray Cats, Triumph, Missing Persons and more.




On Covered, Sagal is joined by The Forest Rangers, the house band of Sons of Anarchy, led by the show’s music supervisor and musical director Bob Thiele. Thiele, along with noted songwriter Tonio K, also composed the one original composition on Covered, titled “Follow the River.” Sagal adds, “Some of the songs reflect on my younger life, and some from music I listen to now...have personal meaning and reason for me to want to sing them.”


Anyone who likes Christmas soundtracks with plenty of heart and humor, and a sprinkle of understated charm, will enjoy Quality Street for the newly minted classic that it is. You might say it’s the kind of record that gives vulgar, tawdry commercialism a good name.


Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

JAKE MILLER US AGAINST THEM ON SALE $13.99 CD In 2011, Jake’s career took off after winning Samsung and T-Mobile’s national “Kick it with the Band” competition, which was designed to highlight the best music talent on the verge of stardom across the country. Since then, he has opened for the likes of Snoop Dogg, Cee Lo Green, Jason Derulo and Mac Miller while focusing on his EP The Road Less Traveled. Now Jake is ready to take it to the next level with his first full length album, Us Against Them.

Lovers fuse intimacy and empowerment into a modern atmosphere of honesty, new feminist humor, and rhythmic complexity. Their new album, A Friend In The World, is once arresting, tender and romantic. It’s a rich engagement of acoustic and electronic extroversion and introspection—an uplifting ride into uncharted territories of the heart and mind.

NAOMI HOOLEY AND ROB STROUP SUNDAY, 12/8 @ 5 PM Naomi Hooley (Moody Little Sister) and Rob Stroup (Baseboard Heaters, The Imprints) return from an extended fall tour just in time to bring their fresh, Americana pop-rock. Don’t miss these two for a special December 8th weekend show as they make Music Millennium one of the first stops on their Winter Wonderland Concert Tour.


[DEC. 4-10] Starday Tavern

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Editor: Mitch Lillie. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at or (if you book a specific venue) enter your events at dbmonkey. com/wweek. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email:


For more listings, check out

6517 SE Foster Rd. Jim Wallace and Ed Neumann

The Analog

720 SE Hawthorne Sir Mix A Lot, Bad Habitat, Amerikan Overdose, Blacksleep, Carmine

Tiger Bar

FRi. dec. 6 3000 NE Alberta St. White Album Christmas: Wanderlust Circus, the Nowhere Band

Alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. The Sentiments, the Get Ahead (theater); Grandhorse, Billygoat (lounge)

Arlene Schnitzer concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway The Black Crowes

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Simple Tricks & Nonsense, Damn Glad To Meet You, Felsen

crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. Young the Giant


350 W Burnside St. The White Buffalo, Battleme, Michael Dean Damron

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Lee Ranaldo and the Dust

Kells Brewpub

210 NW 21st Ave. Sami Rouisi

303 SW 12th Ave. There Is No Mountain

Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. David Bromberg

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St. Lulo Reinhardt

Alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Unwed Mothers, Naomi Hooley, Danielia Cotton, Johnny Marnell

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Lew Jones, Missi and Mr Baker, American DaDa, Laryssa Birdseye

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Escondido

crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. Vampire Weekend, Holiday Friends (7 pm); Lorde (5 pm)

east end

203 SE Grand Ave. Jail Weddings, Mattress, DJ HR Goth’n’Stuff


1001 SE Morrison St. Mackintosh Braun, Phone Call, the Visitors


112 SW 2nd Ave. Danny O’Hanlon

2025 N Kilpatrick St. The Darlin Brothers


2958 NE Glisan St. Ryan Sollee, Sarah Jo, Will West & the Friendly Strangers

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Sam Wegman

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Fanno Creek, Sama Dams, Hands In

Revival drum Shop

1465 NE Prescott St. Lisa Schonberg, Lori Goldston, Roro, Ti Femme

Roseland Theater 8 NW 6th Ave. Arctic Monkeys


315 SE 3rd Ave. Church of Misery, Saviours, Wizard Rifle

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Company, DC Fallout, Dark Country

The Old church

1422 SW 11th Ave. Heartstrings Duo

Vie de Boheme

1530 SE 7th Ave. Max Ribner, Josh Rivera Band, Endi Clark (Philippines fundraiser)

THuRS. dec. 5 Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Ed Kowalczyk

Alberta Rose Theatre

3000 NE Alberta St. White Album Christmas: Wanderlust Circus, the Nowhere Band

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Muffaluffagus, Danny Christ

crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. Grouplove, MS MR


350 W Burnside St. Dookie Jam: Tony Ozier & Doo Doo Funk

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Cate Le Bon, Kevin Morby (9 pm); Andrea Gibson, Shenandoah Davis (6 pm)

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Happy Beggars, Family Night, Hesh Hard, Chris Crenshaw, Ax Finger, Dead Folk, The Royal Sloots, Raines To Ruin, Here From Apathy, scumbucket


1001 SE Morrison St. Pure Bathing Culture, Them Hills


112 SW 2nd Ave. Danny O’Hanlon

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Pink Slip, the I’s, Labryse

Kenton club

2025 N Kilpatrick St. The Ex-Girlfriends Club

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. The Yes-And Band, Osprey Sisters, El Yankee Gaucho, Munson Hill

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Vaden Todd Lewis (of Toadies), Sean Croghan

Music Millennium

3158 E Burnside St. Lovers

Newmark Theatre

1111 SW Broadway Holiday Connections: Portland Gay Men’s Chorus

Secret Society Ballroom

116 NE Russell St. The Soultans, Planet Booty, Unsafe Dartz

Sky club at Ankeny’s Well

50 SW 3rd Ave. Soundscape Thursdays: Julius Major, Final Frequency, Ryan Frakes, PIA!!


1033 NW 16th Ave. Cunning Wolves, Black Wedding, Mangled Bohemians, ChildChildren

The Know

The Old church

Alberta Rose Theatre

Kenton club

720 SE Hawthorne Godenied, Nemesis, Grim Ritual, Parietal, Battle Axe Massacre

Tonic Lounge

836 N Russell St. Annie Corbett, Natalie Greenfield

Wed. dec. 4

The Analog

2026 NE Alberta St. Modern Marriage, Blind Lovejoy, Needles & Pizza

White eagle Saloon

Al’s den at the crystal Hotel

13 NW 6th Ave. Dreizehn, Jahai, Othrys, Separation Of Sanity

317 NW Broadway Karaoke From Hell 3100 NE Sandy Blvd. M.D.C., Dirty Kid Discount, Barbarian Riot Squad

iN STiTcHeS: cate Le Bon plays doug Fir Lounge on Thursday, dec. 5.

Star Theater

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Ghosties, Moon Honey, Bearcubbin, Judson Claiborne

Kenton club

2025 N Kilpatrick St. Erotic City

McMenamins edgefield 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale Mark Alan, Dickens Carolers

Mississippi Pizza 3552 N Mississippi Ave. Pura Vida Band, Jenny Sizzler

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Pierced Arrows, Audios Amigos, Divers

Newmark Theatre

1111 SW Broadway Holiday Connections: Portland Gay Men’s Chorus

Roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave. The Head and the Heart, Wild Feathers, Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls

Secret Society Ballroom

116 NE Russell St. KZME Live: The Weather Machine, the Breaking, Screens (9 pm); Dominic Castillo (6 pm)


1033 NW 16th Ave. Lazzaro, Lord Ellis, Holy Grove

1422 SW 11th Ave. Sing to Feed: Redwood Son, Naomi LaViolette

Tonic Lounge 3100 NE Sandy Blvd. Faithless Saints, Wetsock, Absent Minds, Secnd Best

White eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Garcia Birthday Band

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. Lissie, Kopecky Family Band

SAT. dec. 7 Alberta Rose Theatre

3000 NE Alberta St. White Album Christmas: Wanderlust Circus, the Nowhere Band

Alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 7th Annual Sagittarius Gala: Garcia Birthday Band, Dark Matter Transfer, yak attack

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. TheGoodSons, Stumblebum, Machine, Leonhardt


320 SE 2nd Ave. Rum Rebellion, Hammered Grunts, Whiskey Dickers, Skoi, Fire At Will

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Mrs. Magician, Summer Cannibals

Secret Society Ballroom

Kaul Auditorium at Reed college


Keller Auditorium

116 NE Russell St. Mother Bunch, Brownish Black, the Inciters (9 pm); Libertine Belles (6 pm) 1033 NW 16th Ave. Wehrmacht, Toe Tag, World Of Lies, RKC, Spawn

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave. The Long Winters

The Analog

720 SE Hawthorne DJ Manoj, Treyzilla, Dyslexic, Sleep “the Chicharones,” Max Graves Himself, Melting Pot, Sporeganic, Cloud City Circus

The Blue Monk

3341 SE Belmont St. Ed Forman, Mister Tang, the Autonomics, Psychomagic, Foxy Lemon

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Sons of Huns, the Ax, Fellwoods

The Old church

1422 SW 11th Ave. Sing to Feed: Redwood Son, Naomi LaViolette

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd. Ghost Highway Recordings, Lovesores, No Tomorrow Boys, The Suicide Notes, The Pynnacles, DJ HWY 7

Townshend’s Tea

3531 SE Division St. Mike Todd, Kendall Station, Wndfrm, Ethernet

White eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Kivett Bednar, Clawfoot Slumber, MoonShine

White Owl Social club 1305 SE 8th Ave. Gaytheist, Sandrider

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. El Ten Eleven, Slow Magic

crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. Fitz and the Tantrums, the Features


350 W Burnside St. Drunken Prayer, Root Jack, Denim Wedding

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Basia Bulat, Alameda

east end

203 SE Grand Ave. Warble Records Showcase: Jan Jeanette, Coronation, Sustentacula, Daniel Rafn, DJ Daniel Hill

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. American Bastard, State of Balance, Labansky, Bleeding Cowboy, Blown

SuN. dec. 8 Al’s den at the crystal Hotel 303 SW 12th Ave. Tyler Stenson

Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. The Lone Bellow

Alberta Rose Theatre

3000 NE Alberta St. White Album Christmas: Wanderlust Circus, the Nowhere Band

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Galatea, Die Like Gentlemen, Cast Down


Kells Brewpub

320 SE 2nd Ave. Grizzly, For Those Alive, Nothing Like You, Of Fact and Fiction, Death Star Radius, Roman Sattelites

Kelly’s Olympian


210 NW 21st Ave. Sami Rouisi 426 SW Washington St. Towering Trees, Hearts and Tigers, the Protons, the Muriel Stanton Band

Langano Lounge

1435 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Jeffrey Perez

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. The Brothers Comatose, Renegade String Band (9 pm); Johnny & Jason (3 pm)

Newmark Theatre

1111 SW Broadway Holiday Connections: Portland Gay Men’s Chorus

350 W Burnside St. Eddie Spaghetti

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Violet Isle, Historian, Animal Eyes

duff’s Garage

1635 SE 7th Ave. Frank Golwasser, Chris Carlson, Vyasa Dodson, Rienhardt Melz, Steve Kerin, Jim Wallace, John Mazzocco, Chris Mercer, Joe McCarthy, Bradley Ulrich (T Bone Walker tribute)

3203 SE Woodstock Blvd. Britten and the British: Music For the Holiday Season 222 SW Clay St. Portland’s Singing Christmas Tree

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. The Phoenix Variety Revue

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Genders, the We Shared Milk, the Ghost Ease

Music Millennium

3158 E Burnside St. Naomi Hooley


600 E Burnside St. Ural Thomas and the Pain, Y La Bamba

Roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave. Gary Allan, David Nail, The Henningsens, Weston Burt


1033 NW 16th Ave. Grand Style Orchestra

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Mean Jeans, Audacity, Royal Noble

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd. Fruit Juice, Psychomagic, Cut Cut Paste


232 SW Ankeny St. The Dandelyons, American Cream, Tender Age

White eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Aoife O’Donovan, Patrick Park

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. The Dismemberment Plan, Telekinesis

MON. dec. 9 Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St. Cooper and the Jam

Arlene Schnitzer concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 4: Oregon Symphony, Elina Vahala

crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. Bastille


350 W Burnside St. Karaoke From Hell

doug Fir Lounge 830 E Burnside St. People Get Ready

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

1503 SE Cesar E. Chavez Blvd. I-Taweh & the Reggae Lions, Nambo Robinson, Shocks Of Sheba Sound

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. High on Fire, Kvelertak, Windhand

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Eye Candy VJs

Lola’s Room at the crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. The Bloodtypes, Dottie Attie

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Rhett Miller

CONT. on page 44 Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013


MUSIC CALENDAR 1033 NW 16th Ave. The Flatliners, Living With Lions, Sundowner, Lee Corey Oswald



DEC. 4-10

TUES. DEC. 10 Alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Masta Ace, Sleep, Speaker Minds, Serge Severe, Bad Habitat, DJ Doc Rock, Gums & Antitune, London Victory Club, Bottom Shelf Band, Zoolay, Freas, Kings Records

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall 1037 SW Broadway A PLU Christmas

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. The Heartford Defiant, Foreign Talks

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. Phoenix

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. The Gundersen Family, Le Wrens

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Smile Empty Soul, ACIDIC, First Decree, ThE RoDeO cLoWnS, In the Aether


1001 SE Morrison St. Kelli Schaefer, Novosti, Tre Burt and A Big Gust Of Wind

Langano Lounge

1435 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Parallels

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. My Jerusalem, Spirit Lake

The Analog

720 SE Hawthorne S.Y.N.T.

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Blanco, Egg Plant

BEAR NECESSITIES: Just down the road from Hawks PDX sex club and My Father’s Place, Oso Market + Bar (726 SE Grand Ave., 232-6400, joins Enso, Clay Pigeon and Sauvage wine bars at the frontier of gentrification in Portland’s Central Eastside Industrial District. But unlike those locally focused wine haunts, former House Spirits distiller Colin Howard takes his bottle bar on a discriminating tour of old Europe, with wine served in the generous stemware favored by home tipplers who down half a bottle with dinner. A well-selected beer case includes the Commons’ black-currant Biere Royale and VanderGhinste oud bruin. The bar’s train-car space is brightly lit, neutral-toned and by-the-numbers upmarket Portland—right down to the ubiquitous interior light-bulby “OSO” sign. Its market shelves are packed with three brands of local salumi, high-end vermouths and raw milk cheese. The sound system, inexplicably, played KC and the Sunshine Band, and a recent weekend crowd was an interesting mix of early adopters: a blonde clubgoer who slurred that the bartender should tell her about “all the free tastings,” a couple hugging while dressed in identical black puffy North Face jackets, and a suave-looking Indian man in zip-up fleece holding court over a table of well-to-do women in their 50s. Which is to say: It looked a lot like Northwest 23rd Avenue, but with much better taste in drinks. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. The Lovecraft

East End

The Whiskey Bar

Ground Kontrol

421 SE Grand Ave. Brickbat Mansion 31 NW 1st Ave. Dieselboy, Way Way

WED. DEC. 4 Andrea’s Cha Cha Club 832 SE Grand Ave. Salsa: DJ Alberton

Bossanova Ballroom 722 E Burnside St. Wednesday Swing

CC Slaughters

219 NW Davis St. Trick with DJ Robb

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. TRONix: Bryan Zentz

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Dirtbag: DJ Bruce LaBruiser

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Vortex: DJ Kenny, John and Skip

FRI. DEC. 6 CC Slaughters

639 SE Morrison St. DJ Boom

The Firkin Tavern

Gold Dust Meridian

1937 SE 11th Ave. Eye Candy VJs

3267 SE Hawthorne Blvd. DJ Gregarious

The Lovecraft

Goodfoot Lounge

421 SE Grand Ave. Event Horizon: DJ Straylight, DJ Backlash

THURS. DEC. 5 Berbati’s

231 SW Ankeny St. Studyhall: DJ Suga Shane

Black Book

20 NW 3rd Ave. Modern(ist), DJ Troubled Youth, Ryan Biornstad

CC Slaughters

219 NW Davis St. Hip Hop Heaven with DJ Detroit Diezel


220 SW Ankeny St. Bounce: Tourmaline, Valen

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

639 SE Morrison St. DJ Barrett

219 NW Davis St. Fetish Friday with DJ Jakob Jay

Star Bar


Star Bar

2845 SE Stark St. DJ Magneto

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. DJ Epor


1001 SE Morrison St. Fresh: Penguin Prison (DJ set)

Lola’s Room at the Crystal Ballroom 1332 W Burnside St. 80s Video Dance Attack


315 SE 3rd Ave. Shutup&Dance

Star Bar

639 SE Morrison St. Uncontrollable Urge: DJ Paultimore

203 SE Grand Ave. DJ Angela Vincent 511 NW Couch St. DJ Etbonz

Star Theater

SAT. DEC. 7 Berbati’s

231 SW Ankeny St. DJ Mellow Cee

CC Slaughters

219 NW Davis St. Revolution with DJ Robb

Fez Ballroom

316 SW 11th Ave. DJ Dik

13 NW 6th Ave. UNMATA

The Analog

720 SE Hawthorne Sunday Fundaze

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. DJ Ol’ Sippy


Gold Dust Meridian


Goodfoot Lounge

CC Slaughters


East End

3267 SE Hawthorne Blvd. The Clap Trap: DJ Gregarious 2845 SE Stark St. DJ Anjali and the Incredible Kid 220 SW Ankeny St. Gemo, Jupiter Williams

231 SW Ankeny St. DJ Henry Dark 219 NW Davis St. Maniac Monday with DJ Robb 203 SE Grand Ave. DJ Streptococcus


1001 SE Morrison St. Booty Bassment: Dimitri Dickinson, Maxx Bass, Nathan Detroit

Lola’s Room at the Crystal Ballroom

TUES. DEC. 10 Berbati’s

231 SW Ankeny St. Soundstation Tuesdays: DJ Instigatah, Snackmaster DJ

1332 W Burnside St. All Decades Video Dance Attack

Bossanova Ballroom

The Conga Club

Eagle Portland

4923 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Suite 102 Tropical Saturday Salsa

SUN. DEC. 8 Berbati’s

231 SW Ankeny St. DJ Linkus EDM

722 E Burnside St. Tango Tuesday

835 N Lombard St. DMTV with DJ Danimal


6605 SE Powell Blvd. DJ Easy Finger

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Departures: DJ Waisted, DJ Anais Ninja


DEC. 4–10

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.


Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead.


Editor: REBECCA JACOBSON. Theater: REBECCA JACOBSON ( Dance: AARON SPENCER ( TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to:


Portland Playhouse presents its first family-friendly production, a musical adaptation of the classic Dickens novella. Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott St., 488-5822. 7:30 pm Wednesdays-Fridays, 2 and 7:30 pm Saturdays and 2 and 5 pm Sundays. Additional performances Dec. 23-24. Through Dec. 29. $17-$38.

Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead

Portland Actors Conservatory stages Bert V. Royal’s play, which imagines the Peanuts characters as teenage potheads and pyromaniacs. Portland Actors Conservatory, 1436 SW Montgomery St., 274-1717. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Dec. 22. $10-$25.

The Lion in Winter

Northwest Classical Theatre presents its only non-Shakespeare show of the season, James Goldman’s play about King Henry and Eleanor of Aquitaine. Rather than setting it in 1183, director Elizabeth Huffman updates the action to today, but it’s still about a bunch of royals vying for the English throne. Shoebox Theater, 2110 SE 10th Ave., 971-244-3740. 7:30 pm ThursdaysSaturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Jan. 5. $20.

The Lover

Imago Theatre provides an alternative to all the holiday dreck with a production of Harold Pinter’s one-act about a husband and wife who seem faithful to each other but possibly aren’t. Or are they? It’s one of Harold Pinter’s lesser-known plays, but with Imago founder Jerry Mouawad in the director’s chair and Jeffrey Gilpin and the ultra-dynamic Anne Sorce onstage, it’s sure to provide a good dose of spice, comedy and nerve. Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., 231-3959. 8 pm Thursdays and Saturdays and 9 pm Fridays through Dec. 21. $10-$20 sliding scale.

Noises Off

Third Rail Repertory Theatre produces provocative and sometimes downright polarizing plays, and its acting company is one of the city’s best. Those performers deserve a wider audience, which elevates this winter’s production of Michael Frayn’s phenomenally funny play from pandering to a wise marketing ploy. Not only should the backstage comedy—about a regional British production of a terrible sex farce—be hilarious, but it will hopefully introduce new audiences to Third Rail. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 235-1101. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Jan. 11. $20-$43.

The Peppermint Bear Show: Seasoned Greetings

It’s another round of kid-friendly breakfast theater at Lakewood, with this year’s story involving a twoheaded dragon hungry for Santa’s elves. Lakewood Center for the Arts, 368 S State St., Lake Oswego, 6353901. 9 and 11 am Saturdays through Dec. 21. $12.

Peter Pan

Peter Pan and Wendy fly back to Northwest Children’s Theater for the holidays. NW Neighborhood Cultural Center, 1819 NW Everett St., 222-4480. Many showtimes through Jan. 5. See for schedule. $13-$22.

A World War II Radio Christmas

For the third year, Oregon Children’s Theatre’s Young Professionals



Company presents a production about a live radio show, complete with comedic sketches and foley sound effects. Oregon Children’s Theatre Young Professionals Studio Theatre, 1939 NE Sandy Blvd., 228-9571. 7 pm Fridays, 2 and 5 pm Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Dec. 15. $10-$15.

r j a c o bs o n @ w w e e k. c


Are you bringing small children?

NEW REVIEWS Plaid Tidings

In this schmaltzy sequel to Forever Plaid, presented by Broadway Rose, the story follows a similar arc but the songs are dialed-in for Christmas. In the beginning of that first musical, the Plaids—a meat-and-potatoes guy group from the ‘50s—are killed in a bus crash on their way to perform on The Ed Sullivan Show, but they return from the afterlife to croon together. For Plaid Tidings, they’re back as “guardians of harmony for all eternity” with mostly white-bread holiday mash-ups and peppy dance moves. Those who don’t require their Christmas traditionals sung to completion—or who don’t care much for context—will appreciate stars Matthew Brown, Robert Head, Sean Powell and Jeremy Sloan, who are such a polished quartet it seems they could have been rehearsing since the ‘50s. Their vocals are clean, without a hint of grit, and their choreography is spot-on. Dialogue can turn confusing and the comedic interruptions occasionally irritate, but Brown, as mischievous bandmate Smudge, holds these bits together with his self-deprecating charm and impeccable timing. Standouts include holiday jewels “Let It Snow” and “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas,” which are thankfully not bogged down with excess dialogue. JENNA GILROY. Broadway Rose New Stage Theatre, 12850 SW Grant Ave., Tigard, 6205262. 7:30 pm Wednesdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays through Dec. 22. $30-$40.

Rudolph: On Stage

Fun fact: When the 1964 stop-motion TV special Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer first aired, Santa never swung by the Island of Misfit Toys. Viewers were apparently so aghast at his heartlessness that the studio produced a new scene, with Santa rescuing the toys for delivery to deserving children. I’m not sure how those viewers would respond to the updates Bad Reputation Productions has made in its live-stage adaptation of the holiday classic, but I doubt distress would be one such reaction. Adapted by Shelley McLendon and directed by John Breen, Rudolph: On Stage pays loving homage to the longest-running Christmas TV special in history, tugging on deep-seated nostalgia without devolving into schmaltziness— or, crucially, trying for edginess with misguided scatalogical humor. Instead, we get Jed Arkley as a wide-eyed, clumsy Rudolph and McLendon as his gal pal Clarice, prancing delicately about the stage (when McLendon later plays Charlie-in-the-Box, her physicality and comic timing are equally spoton). Tony Marcellino portrays both the skinny jeans-clad Santa and misfit elf/ aspiring dentist Hermey, constantly flicking his head to shake his blond Bieber bangs out of the way. Things can be rough around the edges, and the production could stand to lose some of its meta-commentary, but that’s forgotten during giddy songand-dance routines that perfectly ape the jerkiness of stop-motion animation—and big ups to the lady elves for their “Single Ladies” choreography. And we’d be remiss to ignore Portland Mercury editor and veteran community theater actor William S. Humphrey, who slathers his face with white makeup and dons an elaborate



Do you want to sing along?

Do you want to wallow in your seasonal depression? Yes



Love problems? No

Do you believe in angels who form boy bands?


Work problems?

The Back Door Theater, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd.,

Do you like reindeer?



PLAID TIDINGS Broadway Rose New Stage, 12850 SW Grant Ave., Tigard,


Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., No



Are you trying to teach lessons of generosity, sympathy for the poor and goodwill for all mankind?

CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh St., badreputationprods. com

Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St.,




Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St.,

How excited are you about the holiday?

EXTREMELY. A CHRISTMAS CAROL Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott St.,


IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE Brunish Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway,

Meh. IT’S A (SOMEWHAT) WONDERFUL LIFE The Venetian Theatre, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro,

CONT. on page 46 Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013


Dec. 4–10

costume (that, the program notes, he built himself) as Sam the Snowman. All twinkly eye and swishy walk—the bottom snowball sways slowly sideto-side as he shuffles around—he presides over the yuletide proceedings in a fatherly and only occasionally creepy manner. REBECCA JACOBSON. CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh St. 7:30 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 21. $20-$24.

The Twelve Dates of Christmas

We’ve all been there: single during the holidays and stuck at the annual eggnog party, being set up by Aunt Kathy in a “prayer chain” to find the perfect partner. This is where Salt and Sage’s one-woman production of Ginna Hoben’s The Twelve Dates of Christmas begins, after Mary (Melanie Moseley) discovers her fiance is cheating on her and ends up suddenly alone. Over the course of the following year, Mary introduces us to her string of dates, including the douchey Doctor John, the stalker-ish Psycho Joe and the saintly Edward the Great. Although occasional lines and pauses sound more rehearsed than conversational, Moseley moves with engaging energy throughout. She jumps back and forth between characters with fluid and nearly unbreakable ease, most notably and comically between Mary and Tiny Tim when behind-the-scenes at a Christmas play. Unsurprisingly, it’s a bit easy to lose interest somewhere amid all the dates. The number of failed relationships grows tiring. But the lesson—though not hard to guess—arrives at a well-timed, refreshing moment. KAITIE TODD. The Back Door Theater, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 3 pm Sundays through Dec. 22. $10-$12.

Xmas Unplugged

All Deanna (Foss Curtis) and James (Chris Murray) want is a nice Christmas gift for their son, and to keep up their holiday spirits by eating the cookies supposedly destined for Santa. But then Santa (Steve Coker) actually arrives, and, seeing no cookies, tries to leave. So Deanna and James piledrive and waterboard him until he dies. That battle comprises the majority of Matt Pelfrey’s The Reason for the Season, one half of Artists Rep’s R-rated Xmas Unplugged. We’re warned to leave the kids at home, and for good reason: F-bombs explode like chestnuts in the fire. Yet children are perhaps the only ones who would enjoy such a campy and drawn-out fight scene. In Anthony Nielson’s The Night Before Christmas, the plot is much tighter. A limey lowlife (Murray) catches an alleged elf sneaking around in a warehouse, so he ties him up and calls a very cynical friend (Coker). “I’m just an employee of an international gift distribution company!” the elf protests, and the two friends, joined by “scrubber” (read: prostitute) Cherry, start to believe him. When Cherry (Luisa Sermol) wistfully explains she only started turning tricks to give her son a better life, she excuses her own outburst: “Well, boo fuckin’ hoo.” It’s a far more ideological critique of Christmas than the first short play, and with such comments coming from smarmy mouths like Cherry’s, the result is darkly amusing. Like all good holiday plays, Xmas Unplugged ends happily—twice. You just might have to strangle Santa to get there. MITCH LILLIE. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7:30 pm Wednesdays-Sundays and 2 pm Sundays through Dec. 29. $25-$55.

ALSO PLAYING American Fiesta

Triangle Productions presents a one-man show starring Gary Wayne Cash as a crazed collector of colorful dinnerware who’s also grappling with his parents’ objections to his upcoming same-sex marriage. Sanctuary at Sandy Plaza, 1785 NE Sandy Blvd., 2395919. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Dec. 22. $15-$35.

Inspecting Carol

Lakewood Theatre Company rolls out the tinsel with this backstage comedy


about a haphazard production of A Christmas Carol. Lakewood Center for the Arts, 368 S State St., Lake Oswego, 635-3901. 7:30 pm ThursdaysSaturdays, 2 pm some Sundays and 7 pm some Sundays through Dec. 8. $32.

It’s a (Somewhat) Wonderful Life

Frank Capra’s classic movie is often performed as a 1940s radio play, but Bag & Baggage artistic director Scott Palmer attempts to skewer it further by doing away with the schmaltziness and amping up the liquor-drenched slapstick. The Venetian Theatre, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro, 693-3953. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Dec. 22. Extra performance 7:30 pm Monday, Dec. 23. $18-$32.

It’s a Wonderful Life

After premiering this musical adaptation last year, Stumptown Stages brings it back for a second round. Brunish Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 pm ThursdaysSaturdays and 2 pm SaturdaysSundays through Dec. 22. $25-$40.

Ruckus in the Lobby

Traveling Lantern Theatre Company, a touring troupe that presents interactive children’s theater, brings Saturdaymorning performances of A Christmas Carol to the Artists Rep lobby. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 10:30 am Saturdays through Dec. 28. $5.

The Santaland Diaries

Portland Center Stage again presents the one-man stage adaptation of David Sedaris’ exploits as a Macy’s elf. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Sundays, 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays and noon Thursdays through Dec. 29. $45-$60.

Twist Your Dickens

Twist Your Dickens comes to Portland Center Stage with a sparkling pedigree. Its writers, Peter Gwinn and Bobby Mort, won Emmys for their work on The Colbert Report. Director Matt Hovde and a few cast members hail from Chicago’s improv behemoth the Second City. Portlanders with strong comedic records round out the cast. But from the first gag to the last, this spoof of A Christmas Carol serves up nothing but coal. Jokes are alternately lazy (foulmouthed nuns), pandering (Obamacare), insulting (“Police Navidad”) and tonedeaf (JFK’s assassination). The overlong show is structured loosely like that Victorian story, with Scrooge (Craig Cackowski) meeting various ghosts as he learns lessons of generosity and goodwill. Along the way, he encounters everyone from George Bailey (John San Nicolas does an impeccable job with Jimmy Stewart’s nervous, nasal voice), to a Girl Scout who says she took a shit in his box of Thin Mints, to the entire Peanuts gang, who turn A Charlie Brown Christmas into a profanity-laced pageant with Linus evangelizing about the rapture. When the performers are allowed to improvise, things improve marginally—on opening night, Cackowski and San Nicolas riffed on an audience member who’d once locked his brother in a sewing-machine case. But all told, it’s a stiff and unfunny cash grab with an aftertaste worse than that of spoiled eggnog. REBECCA JACOBSON. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 4453700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Sundays, 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays and noon Thursdays through Dec. 22. $39-$67.

The Visit

For its first project, new company Broken Toy Piano Theatre does something experimental with Friedrich Dürrenmatt’s 1956 tragicomedy, which explores themes of greed, vengeance and justice. Milepost 5, 850 NE 81st Ave., 729-3223. 7 pm ThursdaysSundays through Dec. 15. $12-$15.

COMEDY Administration

Improv comedy from the five-member troupe, with a guest appearance by improv duo Balrog. Ethos/IFCC, 5340 N Interstate Ave. 7:30 pm Thursday, Dec. 5. $10-$12.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

Artsy Fartsy

Comics show off both their visual art and comedic chops with this night of standup timed to coincide with Southeast Portland’s First Friday Art Walk. Andie Main hosts a slate of local comics, with Sean Jordan headlining. Bare Bones Cafe, 2908 SE Belmont St., 719-7128. 8 pm Friday, Dec. 6. $5.

Blank Slate

The improv maestros return to the Brody stage. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 7:30 pm Thursday, Dec. 5. $8.

(“Doughnuts are gay bagels”), but Delaney is pretty funny live, too, with plenty of pathos alongside the outlandish bits. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. 7:30 pm Thursday, Dec. 25. $25.

Sketch Comedy Show

Sketch-comedy troupe the 3rd Floor presents an evening of (what else?) sketch comedy with potential subject matter ranging from Art Garfunkel to bad dates to Bigfoot. Miracle Theatre, 525 SE Stark St., 908-1141. 8 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 21. $14-$17.

The Strolling Dead

Because the zombie-apocalypse craze just won’t fade, here’s a fully improvised serial comedy about a small group of people doing their best to survive after the walking dead have taken over. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 9:30 pm Saturdays through Dec. 7. $10.

A Very Special Action/ Adventure Holiday Thing

The lively folks at Action/Adventure present another yuletide-themed variety show, with standup from cer-

Fly-Ass Jokes

Jen Allen hosts five comics at this twice-monthly standup showcase, one of the more consistent comedy nights in town. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 9:30 pm Friday, Dec. 6. $8.



Flying Fruitcake

Curious Comedy isn’t kidding with the “flying” thing: In addition to original sketch comedy, improv and musical spoofs, this holiday revue also features aerial displays. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 4779477. 8 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 21. $12-$15.

Funnier Than You

Richie Stratton hosts a new monthly standup series, with five local comedians competing for cash prizes. Sky Club at Ankeny’s Well, 50 SW 3rd Ave., 223-1375. 9:30 pm every first Friday. Free. 21+.

Funny Over Everything

After too long of an absence, the great Funny Over Everything comedy showcase returns with another impressive lineup. The headliner is L.A.-based comic Emily Heller, who killed it at Bridgetown last April with whip-smart jokes about feminism and composting. The reliably funny Amy Miller, Bri Pruett and Nick Walker are slated to open, with Shane Torres and Sean Jordan playing host. You won’t laugh as hard on any other Monday this month. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. 8:30 pm Monday, Dec. 9. $10.

Golden Girls Live Christmas Special

’Tis the season for men to don fluffy wigs and oversized glasses to play the four Miami gals for this live stage adaptation of two holiday episodes of the TV show. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 841-6734. 7:30 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 28. $15-18.

A John Waters Christmas

The Sultan of Sleaze hits the Aladdin stage for a night of outrageous stories all told at a breakneck pace. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 2349694. 8 pm Friday, Dec. 6. Sold out.

Judah Friedlander

Though perhaps best-known for playing the trucker hat-wearing Frank Rossitano on 30 Rock, Friedlander has a boisterous brand of standup comedy and some of the best crowd work in the biz. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 8 pm Thursday and 7:30 and 10 pm FridaySaturday, Dec. 5-7. $20-$27.

Late Night Action With Alex Falcone

Comedian Alex Falcone, supported by sidekick Bri Pruett, hosts a live talk show with musical performances, sketch comedy and interviews with interesting Portlanders. Action/ Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton St. 10:30 pm Saturdays, Nov. 9 and Dec. 7. $10-$15.

A Nightmare on Elf Street

Second City alum Caitlin Kunkel directs a night of festive sketch comedy, featuring run-ins with Santa in the gym locker room, Christmas demons and hibernating co-workers. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 7:30 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 21. $10-$15.

Rob Delaney

Comedy Central has proclaimed him the funniest man on Twitter

usa! usa!: Mizu Desierto (left) and dancers.

AMERICAN ME (MIZU DESIERTO) When you think of butoh—if you think of anything at all—it’s probably bald guys in G-strings and white body paint staggering around like mimes on acid. That generalization bothers Mizu Desierto. The 40-year-old is Portland’s foremost butoh practitioner, and she says the form is so much more. Her newest piece, American ME, indeed opens with some artsy nudity, but as a whole it eschews abstract writhing and grimacing for flashy Americana. Butoh is at its core a “rebellious art,” says Desierto, who studied in Japan with one of the form’s founders, Kazuo Ohno. For Desierto, a defiant message is more central to butoh than style, and in the case of this performance, that message is a big finger to the ruling American ethos. Consumerism, nationalism and religious fanaticism are all bluntly and fantastically lampooned in this mix of dance and theater, which also features vintage commercials playing on a stack of old TVs in the corner. “Butoh is an art form that I feel at its best has a very transformative aspect to it,” Desierto says. “The goal of the butoh performer is to look into the darker aspects of oneself or one’s culture and reveal that and maybe transform a little bit of it.” American ME not only critiques America’s shortcomings but also our notions of personal identity. Dancer Stephanie Lanckton, who grew up in the Midwest and has a sister in the Army, says that during rehearsals she began to question whether her choice to be a low-paid artist was an American one. “I don’t know what it means to be an American,” she says. Desierto says she finds such ideas of identity a little absurd, which she pushes in the show with relentless literalism. At one point, she gussies herself up as a well-to-do housewife and badgers Lanckton, who’s playing a maid, to “trickle down!” In a town where dance audiences are often left scratching their heads, that kind of spoon-feeding may be the most rebellious aspect of the show. But the absurdity also creates a sense of levity, especially as the performers turn the jokes on themselves. In a climactic scene, performers scream over each other about why they are better than the rest. “I’m the director of this show!” Desierto declares. Such exaggerated spouts of egotism help make America a pioneering and individualistic force, and Desierto says they’re necessary in a transformative butoh piece. “We don’t want to just spit up all of our garbage all over people for an hour,” she says. “We want there to be some of America’s beautiful side.” AARON SPENCER.

Stars and stripes and spoon-fed absurdity.

see it: American ME is at the Headwaters Theatre, 55 NE Farragut St., 404-2350. 8 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 14, plus 6 pm Saturday, Dec. 14. $12-$20.



DEC. 4–10

FUNNY OVER EVERYTHING: Emily Heller. tified funny person Bri Pruett, piano tunes from David Saffert, ukulele picking from Lucia Fasano and plenty of sketch comedy and sing-alongs. Action/Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton St. 8 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 14. $10-$15.

DANCE Arcane Collective

Morleigh Steinberg and her Irish contemporary dance company Arcane Collective perform their hallmark work, Cold Dream Colour, a dance representation of the paintings of Louis le Brocquy. The Irish artist who made ghostly portraits of famous writers like Oscar Wilde and Samuel Beckett died last year at 95. Steinberg, butoh performer Oguri and choreographer Liz Roche created a 75-minute homage in this slowmotion dreamscape set to a musical score by U2 guitarist the Edge and Paul Chavez of Feltlike. The result is much like Steinberg imagines Le Brocquy’s paintings: spirits reaching beyond the canvas into another dimension. BodyVox Dance Center, 1201 NW 17th Ave., 229-0627. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday, Dec. 5-7. $25.


This all-male burlesque revue features the best of Portland boylesque, as well as other guys in G-strings. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave. 10 pm Thursday, Dec. 5. $10-$15. 21+.


Guess who’s back from New Orleans? Charlotte Treuse pays a visit and pulls a stocking or two. Also, Fannie Fuller, Angelique DeVil and Johnny Nuriel perform in this recurring burlesque variety show. The Lovecraft, 421 SE Grand Ave., 971-270-7760. 9:30 pm Tuesday, Dec. 10. $8. 21+.

First Friday Irish Ceili Mor

No dance experience is necessary for this monthly lesson in Irish dance. Since it’s Christmas, you’re encouraged to bring items to donate to Tualatin School House Pantry (but no more Jameson, please). Winona Grange No. 271, 8340 SW Seneca St., Tualatin, 691-2078. 7:30 pm Friday, Dec. 6. $8-$10.

Northwest Classical Ballet

Oregon Ballet Theatre too rich for your blood? Head to Vantucky, where artistic director Maricar Drilon off ers a slimmer production of The Nutcracker, with less crowding than the Keller lobby. Fort Vancouver High School, 5700 E. 18th St., Vancouver, Wash. 7:30 pm Friday-Saturday, Dec. 6-7; 3:30 pm Saturday, Dec. 7; 2 pm Sunday, Dec. 8. $15.

Northwest Dance Project

The contemporary dance studio off North Mississippi Avenue was playing Cher’s “Half-Breed ” on loop last week, a selection by

dancer Franco Nieto for the company’s annual holiday show In Good Company. Five dancers, including Nieto, Andrea Parson, Samantha Campbell, Lindsey Matheis and Patrick Kilbane, have choreographed new pieces set to Top 40 hits from 40 years ago—that’s 1973. It’s a reprieve from holiday-themed merriment that includes tracks by Elton John, Stevie Wonder, Sonny and Cher, Paul Simon and the O’Jays. Northwest Dance Project Studio & Performance Center, 833 N Shaver St., 421-7434. 7:30 pm Friday-Saturday, Dec. 6-7 and Wednesday-Saturday, Dec. 11-14; 4 pm Sundays, Dec. 8 and 15. $32$45.


In the second evening-length work for the year-old troupe, Tempos focuses more on acrobatics than theater. The 11-member group is a mix of acrobats, dancers, actors and musicians, and while June’s performance of Skeleton Woman was more of a narrative venture, this weekend ’s Morae is more abstract. It’s a collection of stunts backed by a jazzy original score by the troupe’s drum and bass players. Artistic director Norman Kraig Mead says “morae” is Latin for “pause,” as in the calm before the storm, and the piece is supposed to play with fast and slow pacing. Google Translate, though, says it means “delay,” so let’s hope that doesn’t happen. Headwaters Theatre, 55 NE Farragut St., No. 9, 289-3499. 7 pm Sunday-Tuesday, Dec. 8-10. $15-$20.


The belly dance fusion troupe shakes and bends it again in Portland. Don’t expect lots of beads and fi nger cymbals, though. This troupe is inclined toward black lights and electronic rock, and dancers mix in modern dance, hip-hop and hula for good measure. For the traditionalists, Unmata is joined by a long lineup of Portland belly dancers and Middle Eastern musicians, all presentedby From the Hip, a Portland-based quarterly belly d ance journal. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave. 6:30 pm Sunday, Dec. 8. $25-$30. 21+.

Wanderlust Circus

Noah Mickens is being treated like a real, bona fi de artist these days. A profi le in Oregon Arts Watch? Kudos! But seriously, the Portlandiest of ringmasters is bringing back his White Album Christmas for a sixth year. You know the drill: Circus acts perform in front of the Nowhere Band, which plays the entire goddamn Beatles’ White Album. Multiple venues. Various times and locations. Check for more information. Prices vary.



For more Performance listings, visit Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013




dec. 4–10

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By RICHARD SPEER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit show information—including opening and closing dates, gallery address and phone number—at least two weeks in advance to: Visual Arts, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email:

Deborah Luster: Tooth for an Eye: A Chorography of Violence in Orleans Parish

Photographer Deborah Luster is originally from Bend, but now she lives and works in New Orleans, a city with one of the highest homicide rates in the nation. For her latest show, she photographed homes where murders happened, using an antique 8x10 view camera. The resulting images are round (the technical term is “tondo”), and looking at them is eerily reminiscent of looking through the scope of a rifle. These are elegant, haunting images. Through Dec. 29. Blue Sky Gallery, 122 NW 8th Ave., 225-0210.

dec. 4–10

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By PENELOPE BASS. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: Fax: 243-1115.

SUNDAY, DEC. 8 Jen Coleman and Evan Kennedy

Celebrating the release of her first full-length collection of poems, local poet Jen Coleman reads from her new book, Psalms for Dogs and Sorcerers. Joining her is San Francisco-based poet Evan Kennedy (Terra Firmament, Shoo-Ins to Ruin). Independent Publishing Resource Center, 1001 SE Division St., Suite 2, 827-0249. 7:30 pm. Free.

Group show

night warehouses swan island by AlAin letourneAu

Alain LeTourneau: Swan Island Industrial Park

Between Portland and St. Johns, Swan Island occupies a kind of noman’s land, an industrial zone largely segregated from the general public. In 15 photographs in stark blackand-white, Alain LeTourneau has captured the area’s eerily impersonal avenues of capitalist production. Nighttime photos of the empty parking lots and vast warehouses are especially creepy. It’s a portrait of the factory as haunted house. Through Dec. 8 by appointment only. Beam Projects, 5232 N Williams Ave., 231-6548.

Ann Hamilton: a reading

Sometimes too much of a good thing is just too much. Ann Hamilton slathers the front and back galleries of Liz Leach’s expansive spread with a veritable mess of wall pieces, sculpture, text-based objects and digital videos. It’s all part of a pathologically heterogeneous, thoroughly all-over-the-place show. With the addition of (count ’em) four rotating projectors casting images of tall ships on the back gallery’s wall, the show is redundant Sturm und Drang without meaningful cohesion. The most satisfying piece is the simplest: a hollowed-out book with an intricately cut thimble inside. Its meaning is obscure but poetic, far removed from the overbearing grandiloquence of the rest of the show. Through Jan. 11. Elizabeth Leach Gallery, 417 NW 9th Ave., 224-0521.

Anne Appleby: Woods

Among the highlights of the Portland Art Museum’s Contemporary Northwest Art Awards are the coolly minimalist paintings of Anne Appleby. At first, these works appear to be monochromatic color fields. But on closer examination, they betray subtle layering and variations in hue. Appleby lives in Montana. The show at PDX is her first solo exhibition in Portland. It will be interesting to see whether her work in the gallery is as quietly compelling as her work currently up at the museum. Through Dec. 28. PDX Contemporary Art, 925 NW Flanders St., 222-0063.

Bling Boutique

Art dealer and chronic self-reinventor Mark Woolley has used up at least five of his nine lives. His erstwhile Pearl District gallery gave way to a space under the Wonder Ballroom, then another next to Augen Gallery’s downtown digs— and finally, following a brief semiretirement, his current space inside Pioneer Place. This guy never sits still. With Bling, he gives himself a


big, fat, diamond 20th-anniversary ring, celebrating two decades as a gallerist. For this group show, artists will contribute pieces across a spectrum of media, all themed on the conceit of glitz and bling. Through Jan. 25. Mark Woolley Gallery @ Pioneer, 700 SW 5th Ave., third floor, Pioneer Place Mall, 998-4152.

Bobby McManus: Out-sider No More

This show is a study in inspired absurdism. The imagery—a skeleton writing a letter; a rat looking up at the viewer, its hand resting on a candlestick—defies sense. The pen-and-ink drawing called Beach Reservation depicts a shark wearing a chef’s hat, serving a meal to a man and woman on a beach. The connections of this work to the sexually transgressive mission of Cock Gallery may be specious, but these pieces can’t help but bring a smile to viewers. Through Dec. 15. Cock Gallery, 625 NW Everett St., No. 106, 552-8686.

Brigitte Dortmund

For many years a staple of the Mark Woolley Gallery, Brigitte Dortmund recently joined Pulliam Fine Art. Her thickly slathered oil paintings typically take the term “impasto” to new heights of luxuriance, and she’s known for a color palette that could best be described as bubblegum. But in a new suite of works, paintings such as Music Style Product exhibit a more restrained approach, both compositionally and chromatically. It’s as if this go-for-broke maximalist artist is using her debut show at a new gallery to take stock of her trademark style and make some changes. If preliminary images from the show are any indication, she’s on the right track. Through Dec. 21. Pulliam Fine Art, 1927 NW Kearney St., 706-8201.

Contemporary Northwest Art Awards

Expansive, thoughtful and dramatically installed, the biannual Contemporary Northwest Art Awards didn’t disappoint this year. Curator Bonnie Laing-Malcolmson has created a spectacular survey of artwork across a diverse field of practices, filling—but not overfilling— a generous exhibition space with work by artists from Oregon (Karl Burkheimer), Washington (Isaac Layman, Nicholas Nyland and the single-monikered artist known as Trimpin), Montana (Anne Appleby) and Wyoming (Abbie Miller). As heterogeneous as these artists’ works are, somehow Laing-Malcolmson makes them cohere spatially and thematically. Through Jan. 12. Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Ave., 226-0973.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

Most galleries schedule group shows in the summertime, when art collectors tend to be on vacation. But Laura Russo Gallery saved its group exhibition for December, perhaps hoping to capitalize on the holiday spirit to put gallerygoers in a giftgiving frame of mind. And that shouldn’t be too difficult, with new and existing paintings, drawings and sculptures by artists such as Rae Mahaffey, Francis Celentano, Betty Merken, Tom Cramer, Jack Portland and Samantha Wall. I mean, come on, who wants luggage or a toaster for Christmas, Hanukkah or solstice when you can have a kick-ass piece of art? Dec. 5-21. Laura Russo Gallery, 805 NW 21st Ave., 226-2754.

Jim Golden: Collections

A collection of keys—hundreds of them. Dozens of obsolete cameras. Collections of scissors, musical instruments, rifles, plastic Santa Claus figurines, cassette tapes and cassingles…there is nothing, apparently, Americans won’t collect. Photographer Jim Golden catalogs our obsession with collecting in his dramatic tableaux, lining up objects in vast rows, then climbing up a ladder and shooting them from an extreme high angle. The finished images look as if an airplane were looking down at landscapes of assembled junk. This extreme point of view imparts a sense of objectivity to what is otherwise a neurotically subjective hobby. The photos are even stronger for being created the old-fashioned way. Dec. 6-Jan. 31. Pushdot, 2505 SE 11th Ave., Suite 104, 224-5925.

Jock Bradley: Time Sands Still

They have the same first name: Jock Sturges and Jock Bradley. Sturges may be famous (and in some circles infamous) as the photographic chronicler of the nude body, but Bradley has made a name for himself by photographically chronicling the landscape in ways that evoke the nude body. His black-and-white images of sand dunes in New Mexico and Colorado capture the sands’ peaks and troughs with an astute sense of shadow play that underlines their formal and thematic ties with the human body. Dunes and bodies are mutable; they rise and fall by the caprices of weather and time. Through Dec. 31. Gallery 903, 903 NW Davis St., 248-0903.

Rick Bartow: Bird Wings

Although Rick Bartow’s small paintings of birds seem arbitrary and remedial, most of them sported red dots (meaning “SOLD”) on the show’s opening night. Much more satisfying than these elementary studies were his larger works in acrylic on canvas. In the haunting piece Bear Mother, Bartow combines lilac, orange and periwinkle in a kachina-like figure that occupies the liminal boundary between matter and spirit. Bartow has a gift for naive, neo-expressionist figuration that transcends distinctions between “fine art” sophistication and Basquiat-esque simplicity. Through Dec. 13. Froelick Gallery, 714 NW Davis St., 222-1142.

For more Visual Arts listings, visit

Andrea Hollander and Don Colburn


Author Amy Tan returns to the storytelling territory of her acclaimed debut novel, The Joy Luck Club, with a new sprawling epic, The Valley of Amazement. Covering more than 40 years across two continents, the book follows the fall of China’s last imperial dynasty and the rise of the Republic, along with the lives of foreigners settling in the region and courtesans in working houses. Tan retains her knack for perfectly marrying the epic with the intimate. Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd., Beaverton, 228-4651. 7 pm. Free.

THURSDAY, DEC. 5 Matthew Dickman and Ashley Toliver

Here in Portland we have no shortage of craft beer, expensive comfort food and astoundingly creative people. Local purveyors of fine poetry Matthew Dickman and Ashley Toliver showcase their wares at an intimate reading, with Toliver sharing her most recent work and Dickman reading from his new book, Wish You Were Here. Daedalus Books, 2074 NW Flanders St., 274-7742. 7 pm. Free.

Late Night Library

Because everyone wants to know what really happens at the library at night, literary organization Late Night Library hosts another multigenre event celebrating a love for book culture. Performers include writers Sarah Gerkensmeyer (What You Are Now Enjoying) and Claudia Zuluaga (Fort Starlight) with comedian Jon Washington and musician Timmy Straw. Literary Arts Center, 925 SW Washington St., 227-2583. 7 pm. Free.

FRIDAY, DEC. 6 Michael McCloskey

Whether we’re striving to create the greenest building or simply find a more sustainable way to drink beer, Oregon has long been on the forefront of the environmental movement. Michael McCloskey, former director of the Sierra Club, shares some of those achievements with a reading from his new book, Conserving Oregon’s Environment: Breakthroughs That Made History, which traces the green movement from the 1880s through today. Mazamas Mountaineering Center, 527 SE 43rd Ave., 227-2345. 7 pm. Free.

Short, cold days and long, dark nights call for a little creative escape. Sharing the transportive effect of poetry, local poets Andrea Hollander and Don Colburn each read from their new collections, Landscape With Female Figure and Tomorrow Too, respectively. Powell’s on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 228-4651. 4 pm. Free.

MONDAY, DEC. 9 Back Fence PDX

Celebrating five and a half years onstage, Back Fence PDX presents the Half and Half Show. Four storytellers step up to the mic to tell true stories based on the theme “Great Expectations,” while four others spin the Russian roulette-theme wheel and come up with a true story on the spot. Stepping up to the mic is former mayoral candidate Jefferson Smith, Moth storyteller Jessica Lee Williamson, Funemployment Radio host Greg Nibler, architect Tim Ganey, performer and producer Shelley McLendon and actor and teacher Nicholas Kessler. Creamy and delicious. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 8 pm. $5. 21+.

Bobby Joe Ebola

Dan Abbott and Corbett Redford, together known as satiric folk rockers Bobby Jo Ebola, share their musical know-how and twisted sense of humor with The Bobby Joe Ebola Songbook. The book offers easy-to-learn chords and tips for wannabe rock stars and includes Meal Deal With the Devil!!, a read-along storybook and CD. Joining the shenanigans is Horrible Comics illustrator Jason Chandler. Powell’s on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

Poetry Reading

Reading from a choice selection of their work, Portland poets Rogers Truax (offering both rants and reflections) and Michael Berton (Man! You Script the Mic) take the stage and lay it down like pros. Three Friends Coffeehouse, 201 SE 12th Ave., 236-6411. 7 pm. Free.

TUESDAY, DEC. 10 Student Anthology Reading

As part of the Literary Arts’ Writers in the Schools program, 22 local writers taught semester-long creative writing courses in 44 public high-school classes. Students wrote poems, plays, fiction and comics, and the results were published in the newest WITS anthology, Where Summit Meets Sky. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

dec. 4-10

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Editor: REBECCA JACOBSON. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: Fax: 243-1115.

12 Years a Slave

A Twelve Years a Slave was part of

a literary tide. When the memoir was published in 1853, Uncle Tom’s Cabin and Frederick Douglass’ autobiography were bestsellers, helping to fuel the abolitionist movement. But Solomon Northup’s story was different. Born a free man, he led a comfortable life as a carpenter and violinist with his wife and children in upstate New York in 1841, when he was kidnapped and sold into slavery. Northup managed to regain his freedom 12 years later and soon published Twelve Years a Slave, which became a bestseller of its own. But at some point, Northup disappeared and his book fell out of print. Now, it’s little-known outside the halls of academia. All of which makes British director Steve McQueen’s 12 Years a Slave an even more staggering revelation. The film is agonizing but not lurid, compassionate but not melodramatic, patient but still thrilling. But most impressive is that 12 Years a Slave does not feel like an ethical or educational obligation. While its instructive value is undeniable, this is also a rousing portrait, a morally complicated tale and a masterful work of art. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Hollywood Theatre, Fox Tower, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sandy.

20 Feet From Stardom

A- Morgan Neville’s 20 Feet From

Stardom turns the spotlight on career backup singers. Most are resigned to their roles in the musical ecosystem, content to have sacrificed their own aspirations for the sake of elevating the art itself. Whether that’s noble or a con, Neville never judges. He just lets them sing. And, in a more perfect universe, that would be enough. MATTHEW SINGER. Living Room Theaters.

All Is Lost

B We all know Robert Redford too

well. We know that, after nearly 50 years on the big screen, Redford the man is not an investigative journalist, a gadabout sidekick or a dark-horse power hitter. He is, however, a mildly eccentric and reclusive celebrity, one who might very well undertake a solo sailing trip around the world. As the only actor in All Is Lost, he does just that. Then, wood cracks and water rushes in. A shipping container has punched a hole in the hull, destroying the GPS and radio. He does his best to patch the hole, but it’s Redford vs. the world from here on out. This is one man, alone, facing death. Redford is playing himself, and he’s not playing around. PG-13. MITCH LILLIE. Fox Tower.

The Best Man Holiday

Nearly 15 years later, a sequel to 1999’s The Best Man finds most of the cast— including Taye Digs, Sanaa Lathan and Nia Long—reunited for Christmas. R. Eastport, Fox Tower.

Bettie Page Reveals All

B- Mark Mori’s amateurishly con-

structed Valentine to Bettie Page covers the life of America’s favorite pinup model from its destitute beginnings to its under-the-radar end, charting the remarkable successes as well as the painful lows. Page may have exuded effortless contentment and charm in her photographs, but her life was marked by dark episodes. Molested by her father and briefly placed in an orphanage during childhood, she had a string of unhappy marriages as an adult. Mental illness also dogged her: After forcing her husband and son at knifepoint to look at an image of Jesus, she spent time on the psych ward. Though we never glimpse the older Page, who died at age 85 in 2008, Mori recorded extensive audio interviews, so the Queen of Curves narrates events in her throaty Southern drawl. Remarkably, she’s as matter-of-fact when describing her

love for the camera as when recounting her gang rape in New York City. But Mori is ultimately consumed by his fondness for Page. He spends too much time allowing fashion models to blather vaguely about Page’s allure and not enough excavating lesserknown aspects of her biography, such as that she graduated second in her high-school class or that she suddenly embraced born-again Christianity later in life. Bettie Page Reveals All would have done well to show a little less—we see so many semi- and fully nude photos of Page that we eventually grow numb to her beautiful face and perfect proportions—and reveal a little more. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Cinema 21.

Black Nativity

C- Earnest, hopelessly confused and ultimately condescending, Black Nativity is little more than a gussied-up Lifetime holiday movie with a few A-list stars. Based on Langston Hughes’ holiday play of the same name, it centers on angsty teenager Langston (one of many unsubtle monikers), who’s shipped off to his grandparents’ Harlem Brownstone after he and his mom are evicted from their Baltimore apartment. It’s the first time Langston has met this dignified couple, played by a detached Forest Whitaker and Angela Bassett, who’ve long been estranged from their daughter. There are some near-chuckles on the route to personal redemption and domestic reconciliation. But for the most part, director Kasi Lemmons is doggedly sincere, even fashioning a homeless, pregnant couple as a modern-day Mary and Joseph. Incongruous musical numbers pepper the film: In one hallucinatory scene, Langston stumbles through an Old World version of Times Square filled with camels and ads for iStones. Mary J. Blige sports wings and a silver Afro. Nas raps by the manger. It’s almost weird enough to be interesting, but the patronizing tone sabotages any chance it had. PG. REBECCA JACOBSON. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Pioneer Place.

Blue Jasmine

B Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine cannot

reconcile its broad comedy and pathos into coherence, but all the more impressive, then, that Sally Hawkins’ and Cate Blanchett’s twinned performances still manage to pick up most of the pieces. PG-13. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater.

The Book Thief

C Markus Zusak’s bestselling novel The

Book Thief follows Leisel, an illiterate daughter of communists who is sent to live with caretakers in a German village during World War II. Her sympathetic adoptive father teaches her to read and initiates her into the vivid and polemic world of words, which becomes the central theme of the book. Unfortunately, Brian Percival’s film adaptation, starring Sophie Nélisse as Leisel and Geoffrey Rush as her father, gets bogged down by too many subplots that are never fully fleshed out. And then there’s the fact that a bemused, chortling Grim Reaper— yes, Grim Reaper—narrates the film, reminding viewers that they “are all going to die one day” in the same tender manner that a parent might tell their children that Santa Claus isn’t real. Indeed, the garish theme of death is too stark a contrast to the warm, fuzzy glimpses of childhood and innocence. PG-13. GRACE STAINBACK. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Oak Grove, Fox Tower, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sandy.

Captain Phillips

A- You probably already know the

story behind the new Tom Hanks movie, Captain Phillips, because you heard it first from the helmet-haired hagiographers of cable news. Back in 2009, four Somali pirates boarded a

freighter and kidnapped its captain, Richard Phillips (played in the movie by Hanks). They kept him for five days on a lifeboat, demanding a ransom of $10 million, then got their brains blown out of their skulls by Navy SEALs. In outline form, the politics of the plot are problematic for a film: It is the heroic triumph of superior, mostly white American forces against amateurish, violent African criminals. But Paul Greengrass’ film is no Black Hawk Down. Whenever the Navy SEALs emerge, they are seen in blank silhouette, accompanied by the ominous music of alien assault. Though shot with an eerie, disciplined neutrality, this is perhaps the most compassionate piece of filmmaking I’ve seen this year. PG-13. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Eastport, Fox Tower, Movies on TV.

The Counselor

D+ The Counselor, directed by Ridley Scott and written by Cormac McCarthy (it’s the author’s first original screenplay), is an unmitigated mess. It’s a cautionary tale about drug trafficking and reckless romance, set on the U.S.Mexico border, but it’s so full of fauxpoetic mumbo-jumbo and so choppily assembled that the result is just frustrating and dumb. The titular character, played by Michael Fassbender, is an unnamed lawyer who has gotten himself into a mess involving a martini-guzzling client (Javier Bardem, his hair looking like he stuck his finger in an electric socket) and a cowboy hatwearing middleman (Brad Pitt). As it becomes obvious things will unravel for Fassbender, Pitt turns to him: “Counselor, I don’t know what you should do, but it’s out of your hands,” he says. The film, likewise, spirals out of Scott’s hands, lurching between disconnected vignettes and gruesome acts of violence. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Academy Theater, Edgefield, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst Theater, St. Johns, Valley.

Dallas Buyers Club

A The first time Matthew

McConaughey appears onscreen in Dallas Buyers Club, the reflex is to gasp. That carved-from-amber beach bod has been whittled down to a toothpick. It’s a transformation mirroring that of McConaughey’s career over the past year: The rom-com lothario has withered away, and in his place arrives a performer at his peak, in a role that better damn well win him an Oscar, as an AIDS activist the movies have never seen before: a shit-kicking, homophobic redneck. That redneck actually existed, too. In 1985, Ron Woodroof, a Dallas electrician, bull rider and pussy-chasing, coke-snorting degenerate, became one of the rare straight men in the early years of the AIDS epidemic to contract HIV. Frustrated by the grinding inertia of Big Pharma, Woodroof went to Mexico, where, with a cocktail of natural supplements and nonFDA-approved meds, he was nursed back to health. Figuring there was a great racket in AIDS drugs that actually worked, he returned to Texas and opened a “buyers club.” Operating out of a fleabag motel, he skirted federal regulations by selling “memberships” at a rate of $400 per month and doling out the banned substances for “free.” Woodroof may have been an asshole, but he was an asshole whose instinct for self-preservation eventually helped extend the lives of millions of better people. And, in the face of a plague, that’s worth more than one jerk’s enlightenment. R. MATTHEW SINGER. Clackamas, Fox Tower.

Delivery Man

C- There’s a simple reason improv factors so heavily in many big-screen comedies: After only a few takes, the existing material can start to feel stale for everyone involved. Imagine, then, the lifelessness that plagues Delivery Man, which is writer-director Ken Scott’s scene-for-scene, line-for-line remake of his 2011 French-Canadian film, Starbuck. Transferred to New York and translated into English, this remains the story of David Wozniak (Vince Vaughn), a meat delivery driver who seems to be bad luck incarnate. A sperm bank severely mismanaged his deposits in the ’90s, resulting in him siring over 500 children. Upon discov-

ering this, he does what any decent guy would do: stalk his unknown offspring and play fairy godfather. Apparently uncomfortable watching his leading man squirm, Scott forgoes a redemption story in favor of one hinging on unearned absolution. All told, a new release has rarely felt so stillborn. PG-13. CURTIS WOLOSCHUK. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Forest, Oak Grove, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sandy.

Despicable Me 2

C This sequel to 2010’s blockbuster adds Kristen Wiig as high-spirited love interest and expands the animated repertoire to encompass 3-D thrills, but the story itself, which shoehorns Gru into the service of a global super-spy league for the flimsiest of reasons, arrives packed with exposition and shorn of coherency. PG. JAY HORTON. Academy Theater, Edgefield, Kennedy

School, Laurelhurst Theater, Mt. Hood, St. Johns.

Don Jon

A- “Condoms are just terrible,” whines

Jon (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), a Guido beefcake who likes porn better than real sex. “But you gotta wear one because, unlike porn, real pussy will kill you.” Or rather, real pussy—with all its trappings of commitment—will kill your bachelor lifestyle. Jon doesn’t have time for that. He is so immersed in Internet porn that it’s hard to tell whether his attitudes about sex and love are the product or the cause of his obsession. Gordon-Levitt brings just enough depth to the character to turn a schlocky premise into an honest and approachable exploration of how porn—and really, any other addictive simulation of reality—can cheat us out of the richness of actual experiences.

CONT. on page 50



BLuE-COLLaR BROTHERS: Christian Bale (left) and Casey affleck.

OUT OF THE FURNACE From the outset, shades of Michael Cimino’s Vietnam drama The Deer Hunter permeate Scott Cooper’s Out of the Furnace: images of Pennsylvania steel mills, a PTSD-addled young soldier forced into a world of underground violence, and, well, actual deer hunting. The Deer Hunter is a war film where the war is in the background. Out of the Furnace, meanwhile, is a thriller where the action simmers in the background. But as Cimino did in 1978, Cooper also portrays the terrible aftermath of violence and horror from the perspective of those who’ve perpetrated it. Out of the Furnace centers on two blue-collar brothers: the elder Russell (Christian Bale), an everyman who is involved in a horrific tragedy that lands him in prison; and Rodney (Casey Affleck), an Iraq War vet struggling to acclimate to civilian life who turns to bare-knuckle boxing in an attempt to make ends meet. Were the film to focus solely on the brothers, it would be a solid, if slightly dull, meditation on returning to a mundane existence after a life of extremes. Cooper’s ambitions go beyond that, and it’s not long before Rodney crosses paths with Harlan DeGroat (Woody Harrelson), a lollipop-chomping, heroin-addicted hillbilly who runs a criminal empire amid the dilapidated trailers of the New Jersey mountains. In the lead-up to the inevitable showdown, Out of the Furnace teeters dangerously close to misery porn, with Bale’s wounded hero encountering loss and guilt around every corner. But Bale carries his character across these morose chasms, crafting a portrait of a man whose strength keeps his shoulders level. Cooper, whose freshman film, Crazy Heart, coaxed a career-best performance out of Jeff Bridges, handles the expansion from quiet character study to mosaic thriller with panache, and he pulls stellar performances from a dream cast. Harrelson seethes malice as the redneck villain. Willem Dafoe sleazes it up as a well-intentioned crook, while Sam Shepard and Forest Whitaker represent righteousness as an elder uncle and a conflicted police chief, respectively. These performances, along with the naturalistic and subdued direction, elevate the film above a cut-and-dry tale of retribution. By focusing on the anguish of characters forced to drastic measures, Cooper spins a sophisticated tale that never resorts to melodrama. AP KRYZA. From Crazy Heart to a crazy Woody Harrelson.

B+ SEE IT: Out of the Furnace is rated R. It opens Friday at Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Fox Tower, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



dec. 4-10


Bell’s skillful performance redeem the uneven pacing and bumpy storytelling. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Living Room Theaters.

Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

B+ As this narrative begins, Johnny

Knoxville’s newly widowed, 86-yearold Irving Zisman is driving his grandson across the country to be dropped with his deadbeat dad. The farther they travel across America, the further Knoxville and talented child actor Jackson Nicoll press their man-onthe-street badinage toward creepiness. Nicoll’s unilateral decision to be adopted by friendly strangers probably wrings the most laughs, but Knoxville’s addled ferocity attains more intriguing dimensions. R. JAY HORTON. Eastport, Clackamas, Movies on TV.

Last Vegas

R. EMILY JENSEN. Academy Theater, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst Theatre, Living Room Theaters, Valley Theater.


B+ In the year 2154, we’re told, the

rich don’t care about the poor. Neill Blomkamp’s sophomore film, Elysium, is essentially a political metaphor gone fiercely rogue in the physical world. The rich live in a utopian space station in the sky. Below, on Earth, the abandoned residents of Los Angeles languish in a dreamily intricate slum that has fallen into apocalyptic steampunk, a world of shit and piss and dirt. Blomkamp’s cinematic vision may be stunning, but Elysium’s plot and characters are pure Hollywood camp. But goddamn if it isn’t good, solid, hardworking Hollywood camp. R. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Laurelhurst Theater, Valley.

Ender’s Game

B- There’s no denying that Orson Scott Card’s political and anti-gay views are worse than cockeyed. Still, Gavin Hood’s adaptation of Card’s 1985 sci-fi novel deserves notice: It makes clear how salient and eerily prescient the author used to be, back before he was equating Obama with Hitler. In this speculative future, Earth is at war with an alien insectoid race, and children have become the military’s best shot at victory. Hood keeps a firm handle on the film’s somber tone, ensuring we’re never once at ease with the sadistic environment. PG-13. CURTIS WOLOSCHUK. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Fox Tower, Movies on TV.

Enough Said

A- Nicole Holofcener’s Enough Said gives you a huge sitcom-caliber calamity: Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ new best friend (Catherine Keener) turns out to be the embittered ex-wife of her new lover (James Gandolfini). It’s a portrait of middle-aged romance that feels genuine in its baby steps and lurches, the hesitations of people out of practice. In his final role, Gandolfini shows a tenderness and good-natured humor that imbues the film with an extra layer of pathos: that we will not know him this way again. One of his last lines in the film is “I’ve missed you.” Well, I’ll miss him, too. PG-13. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Laurelhurst Theater.

Free Birds

B While we wouldn’t quite call Free Birds a good idea, there are so many children’s pics waiting to collide at the Christmas line of scrimmage that any cartoon set during November (even a mismatched pair of turkeys traveling through time to steer the first Thanksgiving away from poultry) seems, well, smart business. Helmed by Horton Hears a Who! vet Jimmy Hayward and voiced by an enviable troupe of A-listers, the resulting feature arrives with sweeping inoffensiveness and large personalities. Woody Harrelson’s grizzled self-satire as a Turkey Liberation Front radical might actually comfort both sides of the vegan divide. For a production


so strictly manufactured, there’s an addled comedic sensibility given blessedly free range. PG. JAY HORTON. Eastport, Clackamas.


B Widely hailed as a return to the classic animated features of yore, Frozen arrives as an uncomplicated triumph of traditionalism, for better or worse. A musical-theater retelling of classic Hans Christian Andersen tale The Snow Queen, hidebound Disney preservationists were worried the decidedly modern title foretold the goofy revisionism of 2010’s Rapunzel fan-fic Tangled. But there’s a far easier explanation for the name change: Once again, it’s all about the princesses. Kristen Bell’s Anna takes center stage as a rambunctious royal eagerly awaiting the social possibilities accompanying her older sister’s imminent coronation. Orphaned at a young age, Anna thrills at the prospect of first love. Widescreen 3-D visuals sculpt an endlessly inventive setting of ice palaces and snowcapped peaks, the original songs written by veterans of Avenue Q and The Book of Mormon soar and tickle as needed, and snowman sidekick Olaf giddily beats back the encroaching melodrama. It’s the sort of Disney film even Disney barely makes anymore, as majestic and problematic as a sudden snowfall. PG. JAY HORTON. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Moreland, Oak Grove, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sandy, St. Johns.


A- With Gravity, Alfonso Cuarón takes

on the most primal fear possible, that of being lost in an abyss of nothingness. The film features only two actors, Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. Their simple space-station repair mission turns into a nightmare as debris from a destroyed satellite tears their shuttle to shreds and they’re left hopelessly adrift with a dwindling supply of oxygen. It is perhaps the most stressful experience to be had in a movie theater this year, and as such it’s nearly perfect. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place.

The Great Beauty

A The Great Beauty begins with a

cannonball, followed closely by a heart attack, and concludes with a 104-yearold toothless nun crawling on her knees up the steps of a church. Paolo Sorrentino’s luxuriously sprawling film is both enchanted and repulsed by the decadence it depicts, a tension that makes for one of the richest cinematic experiences of the year. At the center is Jep Gambardella (a wondrous Toni Servillo), a 65-year-old hedonist who wrote an acclaimed novel as a young man and now spends his days (and nights) living large in Rome. Toward the beginning of the film, he learns that his first love has died, which jolts him down a path of grief, nostalgia and, because he’s at times a pompous cad, pride. That journey is a sensuous feast, scored by haunting choral music

Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013

and techno mariachi, and marked by appearances by washed-up socialites, a blue-haired dwarf, vanishing giraffes and dreadful performance artists, including a woman who runs naked and blindfolded into a stone wall. The loosely connected vignettes can meander, but taken together they compose a fascinating portrait of Berlusconi’s Italy, one that is too consumed by orgiastic terrace parties and neverending conga lines to realize how stagnant it’s become. REBECCA JACOBSON. Living Room Theaters.


After Spring Breakers, the thought of James Franco as a meth kingpin doesn’t seem so far-fetched, even if he’s starring opposite Jason Statham and dealing with a screenplay adapted by Sylvester Stallone. Not screened for Portland critics. R. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Fox Tower, Movies on TV, Sandy.

Lee Daniels’ The Butler

D It isn’t hard to see why Lee Daniels wanted to tell this story, which is based (very) loosely on truth. It’s kind of irresistible: A black White House butler, Cecil Gaines (Forest Whitaker), serves closely with every U.S. president during the civil rights era and lives to be invited back to the White House by Barack Obama. The film’s full title is Lee Daniels’ The Butler, and the

Like Father, Like Son

A [ONE NIGHT ONLY] If Like Father,

Like Son were simply a film about two families who discover their 6-yearold boys had been switched at birth, it would solidly fill out its two-hour runtime, especially in hands as capable as director Hirokazu Koreeda’s. But add in melancholic, grayscale cinematography and true-to-life characters, and it’s easy to see why Like Father, Like Son took the Jury Prize at Cannes last May. One father, Yuta (Lily Franky), owns a small electronics shop in a rural town, but goofs off in the ball pit at the mall with his kids as much as possible. The other father, Ryota, works for a “large firm,” taking only a few hours off on weekends to see and sputter a couple words at his wife and son, who stay cooped up in their high-rent high-rise. As a cold father warming up to his family, he experiences the greatest change, and as such takes center stage as the couples choose to switch their children back. Ryota is played by Masaharu Fukuyama, a singer who has acted only in TV dramas until this point, and his performance is flawless, as in one scene when he chokes on long-overdue tears. The story tends to keep the wives in the shadows, but for a film about fatherhood, Like Father, Like Son is of a lineage all its own. MITCH LILLIE. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 7 pm Friday, Dec. 6.


C Alexander Payne has built his brilliant career on examinations of pathetic characters—and I mean that


like father, like son

C- John Turtletaub’s film thrusts four 60-something besties (Michael Douglas, Robert De Niro, Morgan Freeman and Kevin Kline) into Sin City for a bachelor party/last hurrah in hopes hilarity will ensue. If that premise sounds familiar, so are the ensuing shenanigans: fanny packs, bikini contests, Viagra jokes, unearned nostalgia and shopworn musings on aging. Though intermittently funny and not entirely without their charms, Turteltaub’s half-hearted attempts to create a new Rat Pack mostly fall flat. PG-13. MICHAEL NORDINE. Movies on TV, Sandy.

subject of the movie doesn’t matter, because Lee Daniels has decided that Lee Daniels is going to make you cry, and he’s going to hit you over the head until you do. PG-13. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Academy Theater, Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

B While other young-adult novel

adaptations preoccupy themselves with knockoff magic and chaste vampires, The Hunger Games series instead caters to the “adult” part of the equation. Taking what initially seemed like a watered-down version of Battle Royale, it has created a sprawling and very grown-up world for young audiences. With Catching Fire, director Francis Lawrence further expands this post-apocalyptic universe where children are forced to slay one another in an annual gladiatorial event. This film finds heroine Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) and her milquetoast cochamp Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) on a “victory tour” through a country where the rich bathe in luxury while the poor undergo flogging and execution in what resembles WWII-era Russia. As with the first film, Catching Fire goes slightly flat once the actual Hunger Games commence. But in the lead-up to the most violent episode of Survivor imaginable, the director crafts a dense dystopia full of political allegory, media satire and other elements that most YA films consider their core audiences too dumb to handle. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Bagdad, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, CineMagic, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Roseway, Sandy, St. Johns.

In a World...

B+ Lake Bell is on a crusade against

“sexy baby voice.” For those unfamiliar with this obnoxious tic, imagine if Betty Boop incorporated some of Ke$ha’s vocal fry—that low, guttural vibration—and ended every sentence as if it were a question. That’s Bell’s pet peeve, and she lampoons it to pitch-perfect effect in In a World…, which she wrote, directed, produced and stars in. But as funny as that sendup is, it’s still far from the best thing in the film, which takes us into the idiosyncratic and competitive realm of voice-over artists. The movie is overstuffed, but its unassuming tone, its generosity of spirit, and

BELGIAN BLUEGRASS: The Broken Circle Breakdown is a very American romance. It is also a very European tragedy. For Flemish couple Didier and Elise, the dream of America is that you can pick up, move on and become new anytime you want. From her stars-andstripes bikini and naive proliferation of tattoos to his punk-rock homesteading—he raises livestock and welds metal—their version of Ghent, Belgium, might as well be Chapel Hill, N.C. It is a means of escape, a New World dream of freedom that isn’t theirs. It isn’t anyone’s, really, but it lives for them in the mournful notes of the old-time bluegrass they sing together. Felix Van Groeningen’s film obligingly moves according to the sweetness and sadness found in the songs of Bill Monroe, washing back and forth in time between the couple’s first tentative stabs at love and the eventual heartbreak of watching their daughter suffer from cancer. Their flailing efforts to cope show the history-free American dream to be a cruel farce, but the film’s nonlinear structure helps it resist simple sentimentality, with ecstasy and sorrow mashed up as in a hill-country harmony. And despite ham-fisted forays into Bush-era politics, what remains when the movie fades is that same music: the hard loss, the longing for the infinite, and the transcendent love for the finite that together form a life. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. A-

SEE IT: The Broken Circle Breakdown opens Friday at Fox Tower.

dec. 4-10


D There’s something immediately dispiriting about the very thought of Spike Lee—once one of American cinema’s most original voices—reduced to helming an unnecessary remake. With Oldboy, Lee shifts Park Chanwook’s dizzying vengeance film from South Korea to New Orleans, but the story marches to beats almost identical to those of the original. Joe Doucett, an ad man who could drink Roger Sterling under the table, suddenly and mysteriously winds up trapped in a hotel room that might as well be a prison cell. Taunted by televised updates about his ex-wife and daughter, Joe (Josh Brolin, stoic even by his stone-faced standards) decides that instead of rotting away, he’ll bulk up and plot payback against his jailers. While Park conjured a decidedly odd, darkly comic milieu in which his Grand Guignol could unfold with the eeriness and grace of a lucid dream, this calculated exercise is tripped up by an oppressive atmosphere and overly self-conscious set pieces. There’s little perverse pleasure to be found in a revenge tale that’s told without a trace of passion. R. CURTIS WOLOSCHUK. Clackamas.


C- The hardest part about watching Philomena, a film based on the true story of an Irish woman’s search for the son she gave up for adoption 50 years previous, is accepting the amazing Judi Dench as a bumbling simpleton in the title role. “We don’t have Mexicans in England—we have Indians,” she excitedly explains to the Mexican-American cooks. If you can get over Dench as Grandma Goof—a role she plays as best she can—then Philomena stands on its own two feet. One of those feet is the enthralling story. Philomena and Martin Sixsmith (Steve Coogan), a political journalist who’s taken on his first human-interest story, uncover secrets both cloistered in the nunnery where Philomena’s child was born and spread across America, where her son was taken as a child. Unfortunately, the other foot is the waiter-my-soup humor that Fawlty Towers made irrelevant four decades ago. After suggesting that Martin not print her real name in the story, Philomena asks, “What about Anne… Anne Boleyn? It’s a lovely name!” After the film ends, it’s Philomena’s story that sticks. Director Stephen Frears and company should be given credit only for staying out of the real Philomena’s way. PG-13. MITCH LILLIE. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Fox Tower.

The Punk Singer

A Kathleen Hanna’s life story is

stuffed with enough incident and drama to fill a week’s worth of featurelength documentaries. She survived a strange and sometimes abusive upbringing, turned to feminist art and music as a means of self-expres-

sion, and fomented what she deemed “Revolution Grrl Style Now” through her bands Bikini Kill and Le Tigre. And for the past eight years, Hanna has dealt with the effects of Lyme disease. Narrowing all of it down to a 90-minute documentary was no mean feat. Yet director Sini Anderson turns this epic life journey into a film that is as empowered, energetic and fierce as its subject. Anderson doesn’t define Hanna by the struggles of the past and present but by the impact she has had and continues to have on women of all ages. Seeing Hanna at her most fragile moments is heartbreaking, but that only serves to amp up the excitement of seeing her back in control. ROBERT HAM. Hollywood Theatre.


literally, not pejoratively. In the blackand-white Nebraska, a combination Valentine and fuck-you to his home state, he continues this project, but to dishearteningly flat results. You can predict the emotional arc based on the premise alone: David (Will Forte) decides to accompany his near-senile father, Woody (Bruce Dern), with whom he has a fractious relationship, on a road trip from Montana to Nebraska to claim the million-dollar magazine sweepstakes prize Woody believes he’s won. Payne’s typically trenchant observations on humanity’s soft underbelly feel broad, perhaps due to his non-involvement in the script, a first. Instead, the film rests on lazy humor (get your overweight, mouth-breathing Midwesterners here!), forced provocations (crotchflashing at a cemetery!) and ingratiating moments of father-son bonding (David and Woody recover lost dentures near the train tracks!). After unsparing takedowns of self-delusion in Citizen Ruth and Election, more forgiving assessments in About Schmidt and Sideways and the line-walking of The Descendants, it’s disappointing to see Payne succumb to sentimentality untempered by insight or depth. R. KRISTI MITSUDA. Living Room Theaters.


Spinning Plates

B- The documentary Spinning Plates,

the feature debut for director Joseph Levy, looks at three U.S. restaurants and the people who run them: La Cocina de Gabby, a struggling new restaurant run by Mexican immigrants in Tucson, Ariz.; Breitbach’s Country Dining, where the same family has been deep-frying hearty heartland grub in the tiny Iowa town of Balltown since 1891; and Chicago’s molecular gastronomy mecca Alinea, which is widely regarded as one of the best restaurants in the country, if not the world. The film attempts to weave consistent narratives between the three disparate chefs and their eateries, but the strands never quite tie together. Despite their different backgrounds, it’s not so hard to find similarities between the young and optimistic Martinez family spooning masa and beef stew into corn husks, and the down-home Breitbachs baking dozens of plump raspberry pies for their $13.95 Mother’s Day buffet. Meanwhile, over at Alinea, chef Grant Achatz is filling pillows (literally, pillows) with the aroma of pine needles and building a sculpture of forks inspired by a Joan Miró painting. The trio of stories hits occasional harmony: There’s no doubt everyone involved shares an unshakable passion for the food they create, and all three are dogged and optimistic in the face of adversity. But more often than not, the film unintentionally displays the cavernous gulf between the top 1 percent of restaurants and what the rest of America eats. It’s clear Levy was going for a spectrum of experiences here, but it’s one made of yellow, brown and neon green. Or for a more local analogy, imagine trying to compare Tienda Santa Cruz, Rheinlander and Castagna—and then imagine Castagna was triple the price and had three Michelin stars and a chef who appeared on Oprah. RUTH BROWN. Living Room Theaters.

Thor: The Dark World

C Thor is Marvel’s most unidentifiable character, but his first solo cinematic outing worked because of how hilariously batshit it was. 2011’s Thor was part goofball sci-fi epic, part fishout-of-water comedy set in smalltown New Mexico, anchored by Chris Hemsworth’s charmingly boyish performance. Thor: The Dark World is the God of Thunder’s first post-Avengers romp, and it reverses the formula, transporting Thor’s scientist girlfriend (Natalie Portman) to his psychedelic space kingdom. It shows us a world of rainbow roads, elves with bazookas and giant rock monsters… only to make us long to be back in New Mexico. There’s some nonsense about dark elves and a forced teaming up with Thor’s a-hole brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston, great as always), but director Alan Taylor sucks all the fun out of the picture, creating a cornball drama that plays a lot like one of his episodes of Game of Thrones, minus the incest but with spaceships. PG13. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Indoor Twin, Oak Grove, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sandy.

Twice Born

Penélope Cruz plays an Italian woman who takes her teenage son to Sarajevo, where she’d years ago had an affair with a dashing American photographer. Revelations ensue. R. Living Room Theaters.

let’s toss the ball around: tommy Wiseau plays catch.


Tommy Wiseau is not a monster. Sure, he resembles Phil Hartman’s Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer and speaks in the kind of scattershot English that Frankenstein’s monster croaked out. But a monster he is not. He’s just a terrible actor and a worse writer who, 10 years ago, crafted The Room, the story of a love triangle between one scheming woman and two best friends—one a handsome jock, the other a banker who looks like a 45-year-old roadie, speaks in an unplaceable accent and favors suits even Hammer would consider too loose. So how does The Room live among midnight-movie classics like Plan 9 From Outer Space, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Troll 2 and Pink Flamingos? We’ll have the chance to ask the singular Wiseau that very question when he hits Cinema 21 on Friday and Saturday for The Room’s 10-year anniversary— though it’s almost certain even he doesn’t know the answer. From its subSkinemax opening sex scene to Wiseau’s final monologue of sputtered consonants, The Room is so bad that Wiseau has been declared the Ed Wood of romantic dramas, a title that insults Wood’s legacy. After all, Plan 9 at least featured a fading star in Bela Lugosi and some hackneyed yet inventive special effects that paved the way for everything from Night of the Lepus to Sharknado. The Room, conversely, exists in a creative vacuum. People go to The Room not to worship an outsider artist but to laugh at the incompetence of a man who thought he was making something special. But here’s the thing: The Room is no worse than most ultra-indie movies. Ninety-nine percent of them are twice as self-serious as The Room, equally incompetent and nowhere near as hilarious. If the directors of those films were to endure such ridicule, they’d crumble. Wiseau, though, has harnessed that mean-spirited rubbernecking into cult status. He’s translated most filmmakers’ nightmares into a dream…or at least into free hotel rooms whenever he wants to show up at a screening. He plays village idiot to people who wouldn’t have the balls even to attempt their dream projects, standing proudly in front of his creation as it’s eviscerated.

No, Wiseau isn’t a midnight-movie monster. He’s a goddamn saint in a baggy suit. Cinema 21. 10:45 pm Friday-Saturday, Dec. 6-7. Also showinG: Whether you—like most cinephiles—melt at the very mention of Christopher Marker or—like me—wince at the pretentiousness, a meticulous restoration of the 1963 “direct cinema” (read: boring) documentary Le Joli Mai by the film’s original cinematographer is cause for excitement…even if you’re (read: I’m) rolling your (read: my) eyes. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 7 pm Thursday, Dec. 5. Every time Tim Burton and Johnny Depp team up to take a big, steaming crap on something like Alice in Wonderland, take a deep breath and remember that their first collaboration was the beautiful, heartbreaking and hilarious Edward Scissorhands. Then wonder what the fuck happened. Hollywood Theatre. Dec. 6-9, 11-12. In Planes, Trains & Automobiles, Steve Martin plays an insufferable, self-important dickhead. John Candy plays a lovable idiot. They’re stuck together for the holidays. I can’t think of a more apt analogy for most Christmas dinners. Laurelhurst Theater. Dec. 6-12. The Cascade AIDS Project takes over the Clinton with a series of eye-opening documentaries such as United in Anger and Miss HIV. But, in an effort not to be depressing, it caps things off with a sing-along to Rent, a feel-good musical about…oh, wait. Clinton Street Theater. Dec. 6-8. Before she got (in this writer’s opinion) befuddling praise for Lost in Translation and stumbled in Marie Antoinette, Sofia Coppola made her best film, an adaptation of Jeffrey Eugenides’ The Virgin Suicides. 5th Avenue Cinema. Dec. 6-8. Because you won’t be able to watch TV this month without thinking, “God, the Christmas shit I watched as a kid was so much better than this,” Animated christmas 2 is back with a collection of rare 16 mm and VHS cartoons that will prove your childhood taste was crappier than you remember. Hollywood Theatre. 2:30 pm Saturday, Dec. 7. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s contribution to Christmas cinema, Jingle All the Way, teaches the valuable lesson that, no matter what obstacles or Sinbads you face, you should go to any extreme to get your stupid kid some stupid toy. Hecklevision, do your damage. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Saturday, Dec. 7. Hollywood Theatre programmer Dan Halsted seems to be in a pissing contest of one-upmanship with himself in order to make each entry in the Kung Fu Theater series weirder. Kid With the Golden Arms continues that tradition with metal-limbed melees set in what is described as an “18th-century disco” and looks like it was shot from Timothy Leary’s POV. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Tuesday, Dec. 10. Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013



DEC. 6-12


ENDER’S GAME Fri-SatSun 03:50, 09:30 ABOUT TIME Fri-Sat-Sun 12:00, 06:30 ALL IS LOST FriSat-Sun 12:30, 06:50 12 YEARS A SLAVE Fri-SatSun 12:20, 03:20, 06:20, 09:20 CAPTAIN PHILLIPS Fri-Sat-Sun 12:15, 03:15, 06:15, 09:15

NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium 1219 SW Park Ave., 503221-1156 LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON Fri 07:00 A STORY OF YONOSUKE Sat 07:00 SAPPORO SHORTS PROGRAM Sun 04:15 JAPAN IN A DAY Sun 07:00

BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN: The Virgin Suicides plays at 5th Avenue Cinema on Dec. 6-8.

Edgefield Powerstation Theater

Regal Lloyd Center 10 & IMAX


1510 NE Multnomah St., 800326-3264 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE -- THE IMAX EXPERIENCE Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 12:00, 03:25, 07:00, 10:25 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 01:00, 03:55, 05:05, 08:45, 09:35 OUT OF THE FURNACE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 12:55, 04:15, 07:10, 10:10 FROZEN Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue 06:40, 09:30 FROZEN 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 12:45, 03:50 THOR: THE DARK WORLD Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 12:35, 03:30, 06:55 THOR: THE DARK WORLD 3D Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 09:50 THE BOOK THIEF Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 12:20, 03:35, 06:45, 10:05 GRAVITY 3D Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 02:35, 04:55, 07:30, 09:55 GRAVITY Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 12:15 12 YEARS A SLAVE FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 12:05, 03:10, 06:25, 09:40 LEE DANIELS’ THE BUTLER FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 12:30, 06:30 DELIVERY MAN Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 01:10, 03:45, 07:20, 10:00 NOëL COWARD’S PRIVATE LIVES Wed 07:00

Bagdad Theater and Pub

3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:45, 03:15, 07:00, 10:45

Clinton Street Theater


Laurelhurst Theatre & Pub

2735 E Burnside St., 503-232-5511 KILL YOUR DARLINGS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:30 ELYSIUM Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 07:10 PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:40 ENOUGH SAID Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 07:30 DON JON Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 07:00, 09:10 THE COUNSELOR Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:00 BLUE JASMINE Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:45 DESPICABLE ME 2 Sat-Sun


Willamette Week DECEMBER 4, 2013


Moreland Theatre

6712 SE Milwaukie Ave., 503236-5257 FROZEN Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 05:30, 08:00

St. Johns Cinemas

8704 N Lombard St., 503-286-1768 FROZEN Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 05:30, 07:55 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:30, 05:00, 08:25

CineMagic Theatre

2021 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-231-7919 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 05:30, 08:30

Century 16 Eastport Plaza

4040 SE 82nd Ave., 800-326-3264-952 GRAVITY Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 02:45, 10:05 GRAVITY 3D Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 12:05, 05:10, 07:40 CAPTAIN PHILLIPS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:55, 10:05 THE BEST MAN HOLIDAY Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 01:40, 04:35, 07:30, 10:30 OUT OF THE FURNACE Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 01:55, 04:45, 07:40, 10:30 JACKASS PRESENTS: BAD GRANDPA Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:15, 02:40, 05:05, 07:35, 10:00 ENDER’S GAME Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:55, 04:40, 07:25, 10:20 FREE BIRDS Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 01:45, 04:15 THOR: THE DARK WORLD Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:40, 07:30 THOR: THE DARK WORLD 3D FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:35, 10:25 THE BOOK THIEF Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 12:20, 03:40, 07:00, 10:10 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:00, 01:10, 02:20, 03:30, 04:40, 05:50, 07:00, 08:10, 09:20, 10:30 DELIVERY MAN Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 02:00, 04:45, 07:20, 09:55 BLACK NATIVITY Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:10, 02:35, 05:05, 07:50, 10:25 HOMEFRONT FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:05, 04:50, 07:35, 10:20 FROZEN Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 01:50, 04:40, 07:30, 10:15 FROZEN 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:25, 03:15, 06:05, 08:55

2126 SW Halsey St., 503-249-7474-2 DESPICABLE ME 2 Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:00 THE COUNSELOR Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:00

Kennedy School Theater

5736 NE 33rd Ave., 503-249-7474-4 DESPICABLE ME 2 Fri-SatSun-Mon-Wed 05:30 DON JON Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Wed 07:45 THE COUNSELOR Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Wed 02:30, 09:40

The OMNIMAX Theatre at OMSI

1945 SE Water Ave., 503-797-4640 MYSTERIES OF THE UNSEEN WORLD Fri-SatSun-Tue-Wed 11:00, 03:00 JERUSALEM Fri-Sat-SunTue-Wed 01:00, 04:00 GREAT WHITE SHARK Fri-Sat-Sun-Tue-Wed 02:00, 05:00 THE POLAR EXPRESS Fri-Sat-Sun 06:00 MAN OF STEEL FriSat 08:00

5th Avenue Cinema

510 SW Hall St., 503-7253551 THE VIRGIN SUICIDES FriSat-Sun 03:00

Hollywood Theatre


Regal Fox Tower Stadium 10

846 SW Park Ave., 800-326-3264 OUT OF THE FURNACE FriSat-Sun 11:40, 02:15, 04:50, 07:30, 10:10 THE BROKEN CIRCLE BREAKDOWN FriSat-Sun 11:50, 01:50, 04:20, 07:10, 09:50 PHILOMENA Fri-Sat-Sun 11:45, 02:10, 04:40, 07:20, 09:45 THE BOOK THIEF Fri-Sat-Sun 12:40, 03:40, 06:40, 09:40 HOMEFRONT Fri-Sat-Sun 11:30, 02:30, 05:00, 07:40, 10:10 DALLAS BUYERS CLUB Fri-Sat-Sun 11:30, 02:00, 04:30, 07:00, 10:00 THE BEST MAN HOLIDAY Fri-Sat-Sun 03:30, 09:10

Regal Pioneer Place Stadium 6

340 SW Morrison St., 800-326-3264 BLACK NATIVITY Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:00, 04:05, 10:15 FROZEN Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:00, 07:00 FROZEN 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:45, 09:45 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:30, 01:15, 03:45, 04:45, 07:15, 08:15, 10:00 THOR: THE DARK WORLD FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:30, 07:30 THOR: THE DARK WORLD 3D Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:30, 10:30 GRAVITY Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:40 GRAVITY 3D Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 04:10, 06:45, 10:40

St. Johns Theater

8203 N Ivanhoe St., 503-249-7474-6 DESPICABLE ME 2 Fri-SatSun-Tue-Wed 06:30 THE COUNSELOR Fri-Sat-SunTue-Wed 01:00, 09:00

Acad emy Theater

7818 SE Stark St., 503-252-0500 THE COUNSELOR FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 05:00, 09:35 KILL YOUR DARLINGS Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 02:10, 09:15 CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2 Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 02:30, 04:40 BLUE JASMINE Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 07:10 LEE DANIELS’ THE BUTLER Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:25 DESPICABLE ME 2 Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:45, 07:30 DON JON Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:50, 09:00

Living Room Theaters

341 SW 10th Ave., 971-222-2010 20 FEET FROM STARDOM Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:55 DON JON Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:20, 09:50 IN A WORLD... Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:20 NEBRASKA FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:45, 12:10, 02:00, 04:30, 05:00, 06:30, 07:00, 07:30, 09:00, 09:30 SPINNING PLATES Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:55, 02:10, 05:20, 07:40, 09:45 THE GREAT BEAUTY FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:40, 03:40, 06:40, 09:30 TWICE BORN FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:00, 02:40, 04:15, 07:10, 09:40














DECEMBER 4, 2013












503-445-2757 •






6905 SW 35th Ave. Portland, Oregon 97219 503-244-0753

TREE SERVICE NE Steve Greenberg Tree Service 1925 NE 61st Ave. Portland, Oregon 97213 503-774-4103


Inner Sound

1416 SE Morrison Street Portland, Oregon 97214 503-238-1955

Totally Relaxing Massage

Featuring Swedish, deep tissue and sports techniques by a male therapist. Conveniently located, affordable, and preferring male clientele at this time. #5968 By appointment Tim 503.575.0356


Be Supported

Bodyhair grooming M4M. Discrete quality service. 503-841-0385 by appointment.

Positive approaches to help you achieve your purpose and goals.


Improvisation Classes

Now enrolling. Beginners Welcome! Brody Theater 503-224-2227

“Atomic Auto New School Technology, Old School Service” mention you saw this ad in WW and receive 10% off for your 1st visit!







Oregon Medical Marijuana Patient Resource Center

Jennifer Rose MA, CYT 971-251-0237




*971-255-1456* 1310 SE 7TH AVE

FULL $ 89 (503)





7353 SE 92nd Ave Mon-Fri 9-5, Sat 10-2

Custom Sizes » Made To Order Financing Available

Open 7 Days

CELL PHONE REPAIR N Revived Cellular & Technology



7816 N. Interstate Ave. Portland, Oregon 97217 503-286-1527



503-227-6557 Haulers with a Conscience





OMMP Resource Center Providing Safe Access to Medicine Valid MMJ Card Holders Only No Membership Dues or Door Fees








“Simply the Best Meds”

All unwanted items removed (residential/commercial) One item to complete clear outs

Free Estimates • Same Day Service • Licensed/Insured • Locally Owned by Women We Care

We Recycle

FOR FREE ADS in 'Musicians Wanted,' 'Musicians Available' & 'Instruments for Sale' go to and submit ads online. Ads taken over the phone in these categories cost $5.

Theory Performance. All ages. Tutoring. Portland


2510 NE Sandy Blvd Portland, Or 97232 503-969-3134

Adventurous, Financially Secure, Travel, Sports, LOVE, Laughter, Stay-Home-Mom-yearns for 1st baby. Expenses paid 1-888-664-2648 *Vanessa and Chad*



Coaching Meditation Introspection

Devoted, nurturing, loving gay couple looking to adopt first baby into a family offering education, fun, travel, laughter, and unconditional love and support. Call, TEXT, or email anytime about Kyle & Adrian; 971-238-9651 or or visit



AUTOS WANTED CASH FOR CARS: Any Car/Truck. Running or Not! Top Dollar Paid. We Come To You! Call For Instant Offer: 1-888-420-3808 (AAN CAN)




We Donate



Buying, selling, instruments of every shape and size. Open 11am-7pm every day. 4701 SE Division & 1834 NE Alberta.



We Reuse

MUSIC LESSONS GUITAR LESSONS Personalized instruction for over 15yrs. Adults & children. Beginner through advanced. 503-546-3137

Indian Music Classes with Josh Feinberg

Specializing in sitar, but serving all instruments and levels! 917-776-2801


Learn Piano All styles, levels


Residential, Commercial and Rentals. Complete yard care, 20 years. 503-515-9803. Licensed and Insured.

With 2 time Grammy winner Peter Boe. 503-274-8727.


Steve Greenberg Tree Service

Pruning and removals, stump grinding. 24-hour emergency service. Licensed/ Insured. CCB#67024. Free estimates. 503-284-2077

ww presents

I M A D E T HIS Please check back next week. Willamette Week Classifieds DECEMBER 4, 2013




503-445-2757 • © 2013 Rob Brezsny

Week of December 5

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Sometimes I think too fast and too much. My logic gets sterile. My ideas become jagged and tangled. When this happens, I head off to Turtle Back Hill for a hike through the saltwater marsh. The trail loops around on itself, and I arrive back where I started in about 15 minutes. Sometimes I keep walking, circumambulating four or five times. Going in circles like this seems to help me knit together my fragmented thoughts. Often, by the time I’m finished, my mind feels unified. I recommend you find your own version of this ritual, Aries. From what I can tell, you need to get rounder and softer.


TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In the mid-19th century, French art was dominated by the government-sponsored Salon, whose conservative policies thwarted upcoming new trends like Impressionism. One antiauthoritarian painter who rebelled was Camille Pissarro. “What is the best way to further the evolution of French art?” he was asked. “Burn down the Louvre,” he replied. The Louvre, as you may know, was and still is a major art museum in Paris. Judging from your current astrological omens, I surmise that you might want to make a symbolic statement equivalent to Pissarro’s. It’s time for you to graduate from traditions that no longer feed you so you can freely seek out new teachers and influences. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Lead us not into temptation, and deliver us from evil,” is a request that Christians make of God when they say the Lord’s Prayer. If we define “temptation” as an attraction to things that feel good even though they’re bad for you, this part of the prayer is perfectly reasonable. But what if “temptation” is given a different interpretation? What if it means an attraction to something that feels pleasurable and will ultimately be healthy for you even though it initially causes disruptions? I suggest you consider experimenting with this alternative definition, Gemini. For now, whatever leads you into temptation could possibly deliver you from evil.

Real hook ups, real fast.



503.416.7098 Local Numbers: 1.800.926.6000 Ahora en Español 18+


Week Classifieds DECEMBER 4, 2013


CANCER (June 21-July 22): “You get tragedy where the tree, instead of bending, breaks,” said the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein. But you don’t have to worry about that outcome, Cancerian. The storm might howl and surge, but it will ultimately pass. And although your tree may bend pretty far, it will not break. Two weeks from now, you won’t be mourning your losses, but rather celebrating your flexibility and resilience. Congratulations in advance! LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): It’s a perfect time to start reclaiming some of the superpowers you had when you were a child. What’s that you say? You didn’t have any superpowers? That’s not true. Before you entered adolescence, you could see things and know things and feel things that were off-limits, even unknown, to most adults. You possessed a capacity to love the world with wild purity. Your innocence allowed you to be in close touch with the intelligence of animals and the spirits of the ancestors. Nature was so vividly alive to you that you could hear its songs. Smells were more intense. The dreams you had at night were exciting and consoling. Your ability to read people’s real energy -- and not be fooled by their social masks -- was strong. Remember? VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Not all darkness is bad. You know that. Sometimes you need to escape from the bright lights. It can be restorative to sit quietly in the pitch blackness and drink in the mystery of the Great Unknown. The same is true for silence and stillness and aloneness. Now and then you’ve got to retreat into their protective sanctuary. Dreaming big empty thoughts in the tranquil depths can heal you and recharge you. The magic moment has arrived for this kind of rejuvenation, Virgo. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In the movie Clueless, the character played by Alicia Silverstone describes someone as a “full-on Monet.” What she means is that the person in question is like a painting by the French Impressionist artist Claude Monet. “From far away, it’s OK,” says Silverstone. “But up close, it’s a big old mess.” You may still be at the far-away point in your

evaluation of a certain situation in your own life, Libra. It appears interesting, even attractive, from a distance. When you draw nearer, though, you may find problems. That doesn’t necessarily mean you should abandon it altogether. Maybe you can fix the mess so it’s as engaging up-close as it is from far away. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Your power animal for the coming months is the Bateleur eagle of Africa. In the course of searching for its meals, it covers about 250 square miles every day. It thinks big. It has a spacious scope. I hope you get inspired by its example, Scorpio. In 2014, I’d love to see you enlarge the territory where you go hunting for what you want. Fate will respond favorably if you expand your ideas about how to gather the best allies and resources. As for this week, I suggest you get very specific as you identify the goals you will pursue in the coming months by exploring farther and wider. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The standard dictionary says that “righteous” is a word that means virtuous and highly moral. The slang dictionary says that “righteous” describes someone or something that’s absolutely genuine and wonderful. Urbandictionary. com suggests that “righteous” refers to the ultimate version of any type of experience, especially “sins of pleasure” like lust and greed. According to my analysis, the coming week will be jampacked with righteousness for you. Which of the three definitions will predominate? It’s possible you will embody and attract all three types. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In the dreams you’re having at night, Capricorn, I bet you’re traveling through remote landscapes in all kinds of weather. Maybe you’re recreating the voyage of the Polynesian sailors who crossed hundreds of miles of Pacific Ocean to find Hawaii 1,500 years ago. Or maybe you’re hiking through the Darkhad Valley, where the Mongolian steppe meets Siberia’s vast forests. It’s possible you’re visiting places where your ancestors lived or you’re migrating to the first human settlement on Mars in the 22nd century. What do dreams like this mean? I think you’re trying to blow your own mind. Your deep self and your higher wisdom are conspiring to flood you with new ways of seeing reality. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It wouldn’t be too extreme for you to kiss the ground that has been walked on by people you care about deeply. And it wouldn’t be too crazy to give your special allies the best gifts ever, or compose love letters to them, or demonstrate in dramatic fashion how amazed you are by the beautiful truths about who they really are. This is a unique moment in your cycle, Aquarius -- a time when it is crucial for you to express gratitude, devotion, and even reverence for those who have helped you see what it means to be fully alive. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In a letter to F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway described his vision of paradise. It would have a trout stream that no one but him was permitted to fish in. He’d own two houses, one for his wife and children and one for his nine beautiful mistresses. There’d be a church where he could regularly confess his sins, and he’d have great seats at an arena where bull fights took place. From my perspective, this is a pretty vulgar version of paradise, but who am I to judge? I suggest you draw inspiration from Hemingway as you come up with your own earthy, gritty, funky fantasy of paradise. It’s an excellent time for you to get down to earth about your high ideals and dreamy hopes.

Homework Everyone fudges the truth and hides the whole story now and then. What are your top three deceptions? Confess at

check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes & Daily Text Message Horoscopes

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at

1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700



503-445-2757 •

JONESIN’ by Matt Jones


Magazine Racket–we’ve got some issues.

Bonjourno, I am Marcello, the Italian prince of the cattery! If you are looking for a handsome man with Italian charm, then I am the guy for you. at 5 years old I am a laid back, sweet talking boy who gets along with everyone – animals, people, aliens, you name and I will be friends with it! I spend most of the day lounging around dreaming of a new home made out of parmigiano-reggiano. Aaahh, mama mia! That would be the good life! Are you ready to bring me home for the holidays? Visit me at the Pixie Project cattery where I currently live. I am fixed, vaccinated and microchipped. My adoption fee is $100.

503-542-3432 • 510 NE MLK Blvd •


Develop budgets for multiple non-profit corps; oversee external audit/990 prep process & monthly financial statement prep. Ensure compliance with government & private funding requirements & GAAP principles. 5-7 years CPA or equivalent complex financial experience required. Supervise four staff including billing. See for more details, qualifications and application.

49 Olive ___ (Popeye’s lady) 50 “Blueberries for ___” (kiddie lit classic) 53 Magazine that draws readers to it 52 times a year? 58 Earth tremor 59 ___-Seltzer 60 Cold War org. 61 1983 comedy with the line “Kenny, don’t paint your sister!” 62 Factual 63 “Let’s Get ___” 64 Not all there 65 Programming language designed by Larry Wall 66 Book-lined retreats Down 1 Bring into one 2 Drink with marshmallows 3 Cable movie channel that used to have an exclamation point 4 Body shop concern 5 Enlists 6 Chick of jazz 7 Boo-boo 8 “Lights out” music 9 Ed who voiced Carl in “Up” 10 Not the best bedmate 11 “The Mod Squad” role 12 “Behold!” to Caesar 13 King: Sp. 21 Invisible 22 Herb in poultry rubs 26 “Idiocracy” actor 27 Video game segment

28 Tandoor, for one 30 ___ Bizkit 31 Baby horse 32 ___ for “victory” 33 Cheers at a bullfight 34 Cave in 35 Movie holder 36 Uma, in “The Truth About Cats and Dogs” 37 180 degrees from SSW 42 Arena section 43 Feature of subscription-only websites 48 Gin game 49 Liam’s “Schindler’s List” role 50 Footwear for a frozen lake 51 “Good Eats” host Brown 52 City on the Rhone 53 Prefix with nautical 54 Long ride? 55 “Deadwood” lawman Wyatt 56 “Gold” getter in a 1997 film 57 City west of Tulsa 58 T-shirt size lineup, for short last week’s answers

Across 1 La Jolla campus, briefly 5 Glasgow citizen 9 Better qualified 14 A or E, or an IOU for that matter 15 “American Gothic” setting 16 Divide the pie 17 “___ do better than that!” 18 Handlebar feature 19 1980’s White House name 20 Magazine that summarizes the contents of some cookies? 23 “Upstairs at Eric’s” duo 24 Electronic surveillance gp. 25 Noah’s project 26 Pelican State sch. 27 Captain Kirk’s journal 29 Job in “The Santaland Diaries” 32 Magazine that stops you from dancing to a Madonna hit? 38 First words of “Baby Got Back” 39 Plumb of “The Brady Bunch” 40 “What now?!” 41 Magazine that shouldn’t try to fit into an elevator? 44 Do some quilting 45 “Licensed to ___” (Beastie Boys album) 46 “Solve for x” subj. 47 Blind rage

©2013 Jonesin’ Crosswords ( For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JONZ652.


EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES Stars Cabaret in TUALATINHiring (Tualatin-TigardLake Oswego)

Stars Cabaret in TUALATIN is now accepting applications for Servers, Bartenders, Hostess, Valet. Part and Full-time positions available. Experience preferred but not required. Earn top pay + tips in a fast-paced and positive environment. Stars Cabaret is also conducting ENTERTAINERS auditions and schedule additions Mon-Sun 11am-10pm. ENTERTAINERS: Training provided to those new to the business. Located @ 17937 SW McEwan Rd. in Tualatin...across from “24 Hours Fitness” Please apply at location.


RENTALS ROOMMATE SERVICES ALL AREAS - ROOMMATES.COM. Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: (AAN CAN)


Sunday December 8th 1-3PM 3129 SE 71st Street, Portland Price Just Reduced to $375,000 Rare South Tabor 3BR, 2B Remodeled Bungalow With additional large buildable flag lot RMLS#13380750 Call Pete Pavenick 503.332.0129 Broker-Reality Trust 503.227.1098 School Bus Drivers

Requirements •At least 21 years of age •Valid driver’s license & good driving record Enjoy •Competitive starting wage •Employee paid medical & dental plan •Training Provided Contact us today! First Student Ph 503-982-1427 Equal Opportunity Employer


•Director of Programs •SRTF Administrator/ Program Manager •Clinical Supervisor See for more details, qualifications and application

HIGH TECH/ENGINEERING Electrician/Instrument Technician

The Electrician/Instrument Technician perform general power electrician work as well as instrument technician work including installing, maintaining, repairing, modifying, and developing specifications for precision/process control instrumentation systems, and user interfaces, and to monitor, analyze, control and meter processes, and HVAC and SCADA systems. This position will be working on the operation and maintenance of the 19 City interactive and decorative fountains. View full announcement by visiting

Willamette Week Classifieds DECEMBER 4, 2013





Do you want to be debt free? Call Now: 503-808-9032 FREE Consultation. Payment Plans. Scott Hutchinson, Attorney


$BUYING JUNK CARS$ $100-$2000 no title required ,free removal call Jeff 503-501-0711


9966 SW Arctic Drive, Beaverton 9220 SE Stark Street, Portland American Agriculture • PDX 503-256-2400 BVT 503-641-3500


Bankruptcy Attorney

It’s not too late to eliminate debt, protect assets, start over. Experienced, compassionate, top-quality service. Christopher Kane, 503-380-7822

$Cash for Junk Vehicles$

Ask for Steve. 503-936-5923 Licensed/Bonded/Insured


• Over 30 Holiday Designs in Stock • Portland's only full line kite store

Paying up to $30/box. Help those who can’t afford insurance. Free pickup in SW WA and Portland Metro. Call 360-693-0185

Community Law Project Sliding-Scale Nonprofit Attorneys Bankruptcy - Tenants Small Business - More (503)208-4079

20% Off Any Smoking Apparatus With This Ad!

Enjoy the Benefits of Massage

Massage openings in the Mt. Tabor area. Call Jerry for info. 503-757-7295. LMT6111.

BUY LOCAL, BUY AMERICAN, BUY MARY JANES Glass Pipes, Vaporizers, Incense & Candles

7219 NE Hwy. 99, Suite 109 Vancouver, WA 98665

Eskrima Classes

Personal weapon & street defense or 503-740-2666

Fun & Easy Online Family Shopping For ALL Ages!

Guitar Lessons

Personalized instruction for over 15yrs. 503-546-3137

(360) 735-5913 212 N.E. 164th #19 Vancouver, WA 98684

(360) 514-8494

6913 E. Fourth Plain Vancouver, WA 98661

Premier Medicine OMMP cardholders safe access center 2312 NW Kearney -

North West Hydroponic R&R

We Buy, Sell, & Trade New & Used Hydroponic Equipment. 503-747-3624

Medical Marijuana

card Services clinic

8312 E. Mill Plain Blvd Vancouver, WA 98664

(360) 213-1011

1156 Commerce Ave Longview Wa 98632

1825 E Street

Washougal, WA 98671

(360) 695-7773 (360) 577-4204 Not valid with any other offer

Health Awareness Group

Seeking female models, 18+ for BDSM/Spanking website. Attractive/Fit Bodies. $500+. 503-449-5341 Leave Msg.

1425 NW 23rd Portland, OR 97210 (503) 841-5751

(360) 844-5779

Oregon Wage Claim Attorneys

Helping Oregon employees collect wages! Free consultation! Schuck Law (503) 974-6142 (360) 566-9243

Qigong Classes

Cultivate health and energy or 503-740-2666

WHERE SINGLES MEET Browse & Reply FREE! 503-299-9911 Use FREE Code 2557, 18+


Dekum Street Doorway A Linnton Feed & Seed Garden Store

503-384-Weed (9333) 4911 NE Sandy Blvd, Portland • open 7 days

• Gardening tools • Chicken feed • Soil & Mulch • Plant starts • and more!

Historic Woodlawn Triangle at NE 8th & Deekum


New Downtown Location! 1501 SW Broadway

4119 SE Hawthorne, Portland ph: 503-235-PIPE (7473)

Oregon Medical Marijuana Patient Resource Center *971-255-1456* 1310 SE 7TH AVE

Open 7 Days

40 05 willamette week, december 4, 2013  
40 05 willamette week, december 4, 2013