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It’s 2014, Where Can I find your App?
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
OUR ST A FF keith romack publisher
4 Book Review Lisa romack Sales Director
Kara
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4 Humor 8 news and stuff
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Robert Christiansen Column Writer
12 ask the wino 12 whats on tap
diane serbentas photographer
13 la la love letters 13 horoscope
ted phillips photographer
14 june road trip 17 tales from the chris
Joliet Dave Contributing writer
18 live music corner 21 puzzles
Front page photo taken at Zante Lounge Orland Park The name What’s Up Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine -2014 We encourage our readers to write their stories, send photos, and make comments. All submissions sent to us by phone, email, fax, or handwritten become the property of What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine.
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BOOK REVIEW
The Hard Thing About Hard Things: Building a Business When There Are No Easy Answers, by Ben Horowitz Starting a business? Want to be a CEO? Learn about the “hard things”. Ben Horowitz talks about a time all entrepreneurs experience, that moment when things are going so badly that people shake their heads and ask why they don't just quit. They usually don't have an easy answer or any answer at all. Horowitz, author of “The Hard Thing About Hard Things: Building A Business When There Are No Easy Answers”, urges entrepreneurs on to the struggle. There is always a way, he says, if you go to war and embrace the struggle. Struggle is a homegrown term for the grandson of communists and the son for a former communist turned conservative thinker, David Horowitz. Karl Marx wrote that life is a struggle, and Horowitz adds, so is business. Horowitz started out by co-founding the pioneering LoudCloud company and supervised its evolution into a software firm, Opsware. It's the in-between part that shaped Horowitz' idea of embracing the struggle. LoudCloud went from being the hottest dot com property going to being a pariah after the dot com bubble burst. That moment was war and Horowitz like other CEOs he describes had to turn his company on a dime and reimagine it. Horowitz discusses other wartime CEOs, such as Steve Jobs, who returned to his company in 1997 when the business was on the teetering on bankruptcy. In war, CEOs don't need management professors and books. They need to focus their vision on recovery and use their business insight to find new paths through the struggle. This book is in no way a "pat on the back for me" to me. Instead it is an honest discussion of how the author and others screwed up and how they got out of it.
“The Hard Thing About Hard Things: Building a Business When There Are No Easy Answers” by Ben Horowitz, Available in Kindle, hardcover, and audio.
Man Unable to Control Himself is Reprimanded
A man goes to a sex addiction support group and is told by the group leader he must go without any sexual contact for two weeks, two weeks later he returns to the group and the leader asks him how it went.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation. Brian Tracy, business consultant
“'Well' says the man 'the first week was fine but I really struggled on the second and when my wife bent over the freezer to get something I couldn't control myself and ended up shagging her there and then'. 'We don’t want that sort of behavior here' says the leader. The man replies 'no, they didn’t like it very much in 7-11 either!'
Headstone Contest Winner
Here are the Five Rules for men to follow for a happy life that Russell J Larsen had inscribed on his headstone in Logan, Utah.
Rule #1: It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job. Rule #2: It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh. Rule #3: It’s important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn’t lie to you. Rule #4: It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you. Rule #5: It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.
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An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic." The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that." "There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays." The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven." "Thank you, Father. That is a great load off my mind. I do have one more question." "And what is that?" asked the priest. "Should I tell her the war is over?'' A little old lady asks her doctor if there are any Viagra pills for her elderly husband. "Yes," the doc says, "there are three different strengths: 20% , which lifts it up a little bit; 50%, which makes it stand up half way; and 100%, which makes it touch the ceiling." "Oh", says the woman, “I’ll take the 20% pill please." The doc shrugs his shoulders and says, "the 20% pill won't do much for you sex life, love." To which the old woman replies, "no, but it'll stop him from pissing in his slippers!" FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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News & Stuff 140th Flag Day - June 14, 2014 The first official Flag Day was proclaimed in 1916. The day commemorates the adoption of the flag in 1777. The idea had been around a long time before President Woodrow Wilson made it official. As early as 1861, a number of people and organizations worked to put the day on the national calendar. Displaying the flag on Flag Day is today considered an act of patriotism and hope.
Cool Money Gifts Hot off the presses, the U.S. Department of Treasury offers uncut sheets of bills in denominations of $1 to $50 (including $2 bills). They even offer acrylic frames for the sheets. You can also buy lucky money. These bills were issued in 2009 and their serial numbers begin with at least three 7s in a row.
A Trend: Americans Are Krazy About Kale Kale, a super food, has it all and it's getting the royal treatment. The leafy vegetable is flavorful, low carb and low calorie.
Google Map Has River Views! Google Maps has launched a new "river view" of 286 miles of the Colorado River, including stunning 360 degree views of the Grand Canyon in Arizona, as seen from aboard a raft. This is the first time Google Maps has used its street view technology on a major whitewater river in the United States. The American Rivers staff joined Google on an eight-day rafting trip to take photos of the river last August.
Kale is a cruciferous vegetable, a leafy relative of broccoli and Brussels sprouts. It's one of the few rich sources of vitamin K, which is good for your bones. The more delicate varieties like Red Russian and dino kale can be eaten raw or chopped into salads. Curly kale is crunchier and chewier and is best when marinated for 30 minutes in dressing before going into the salad. Make your own kale chips. Wash and dry the leaves then remove any thick stems and tear the leaves into large pieces (they'll shrink). Toss with olive oil and sprinkle with (if desired) salt, garlic powder and/or pepper. Spread them on a baking sheet and then bake in a 375 degree oven until crispy, 10 to 15 minutes. Kale is also great in your blended smoothie drinks. Take a handful of Kale, put it on the bottom of your favorite smoothie maker, and add frozen or fresh fruit, a ½ cup of Almond Milk and a spoon of your favorite protein powder. It’s a great way to start your day.
Cortana: Microsoft's Answer To Siri With A Know-It-All Twist
Live without pretending, Love without depending, Listen without defending, Speak without offending. Aubrey Drake Graham (Drake), Canadian recording artist, songwriter
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Cortana is designed to anticipate what you want. She has a quirky personality, but lets you choose what you need help with and will focus solely on that. She's included in the launch of Windows 8.1 as a beta feature and in updates to some older Windows Phones this summer. She has access to your emails, address book, location, calendar and Web searches. That helps her predict your needs. It's a little scary, but you'll be glad when she reminds you to leave early for a meeting because traffic is heavy. WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
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What’s On Tap
by Ashlee Schultz
Steve was a small-boned line cook in his mid-forties, weighted by love for his dogs and disdain for everything else. He was shy, but we bonded over the year I worked with him. He saw me exhausted and hung over often. He never judged, but would occasionally call when I overslept and gently nudge, “Are you coming to work?”
When I arrived I’d bang on the windows, and the pregnant women chatting outside the yoga studio next door would stare, even when I’d shoot hate rays into the backs of their heads. The owner of that bar never gave me a key, so I was reduced to waiting on the sidewalk until Steve stopped shaving carrots or chopping meat and let me in. “Good morning!” he’d greet me, always chipper. He was a positive presence except when the night staff left him with too much to do. I’d arrive parched and wearing the same makeup from the night before and Steve would assume his duty to inform me of the night staff’s shortcomings. “Those guys really don’t understand how much I do,” he’d say, shaking his head as I hung my purse on the hook near the ice bin. “If it was anyone else in here, forget about it. They’d quit the first day. But not me, I’m no quitter. I just take it. But you wait Ashlee, one day they’ll be sorry.” I quietly believed Steve was plotting the deaths of the entire kitchen staff, perhaps by planting an explosive in the basement walk-in cooler or by installing a torch on the hood of the grill that would ignite and instantly incinerate anyone who flipped on the burner. He was also cheap. As health code mandated, the back of house was forced to wear hats, which the owner occasionally gave them upon receiving promo items. One summer day, Steve got a pink one boasting a popular brewery. “Can I have that?” I asked, expectantly. “I’ll bring you a fedora if you give that to me.” “It’s my wife’s birthday gift,” he said, tucking it into his backpack. “What else did you get her?” “Nothing. She’ll be happy with this. I’ll tell her it’s because she likes to lie outside. She’ll say, ‘Oh, thank you, honey.’” Steve and I also bonded over our love for horrible jokes. “What to pigs put on their cuts?” I asked, and Steve ignored me until he was done laying pepper jack cheese on a well-done burger. “You have to dress the bun like it’s a little doll,” he explained. “Oinkment!” He would erupt in laughter like he was seeing a comedian along an audience of 5,000. “Oinkment. That’s cute.” He smiled a broad grin and then paused briefly before lifting up his shirt. The sight of his scrawny bare chest surprised and repulsed me. “Why did the tomato blush?” he asked, still holding his shirt up. “Because he saw the salad dressing.”
Follow me on Twitter: @ashleeschultz
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ASK THE WINO... Wino: Butch Cassidy Likes: Michael Jackson and break dancing Dislikes: Toupees, bushy eyebrows and chest hair on the ladies.
Freddie the Laborer asks: I drink quite and bit and it really pisses off my wife so I thought I might try to cut down. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit or break an old habit. Do you think there is any truth to that? Wino: Freddie, I don’t know about any of that mumbo jumbo psyco babble. I do know I once got busy with a hooker over on the Southside and caught the crabs and it took me about 21 days to pull all them critters out of my curlies. Melinda the Pastry Chef asks: I have put on a few pounds this year and I really want to lose the weight. There are so many fad diets out there that I don’t know which one to choose. Have you got any ideas on how I can get on the right track? Wino: Come on down to the dive bar I hang out at. They got dollar PBR’s and a stripper pole – start swinging on that bad boy for a while and you’ll lose the weight in no time. It aint no thang I like em big round and juicy.
Sheldon the Accountant asks: I’ve been working in an office as an accountant for years and feel like I need to do something more hands on. I love animals and was thinking of volunteering at the local animal shelter, any thoughts? Wino: I once had this job called a Chicken Sexer. My job entailed determining the sex of newly hatched chicks by squeezing the poop out of the chicken and taking a peek for a small bump inside the chicken’s ass. If the bump was present it's a boy if it's not it's a girl. Just say the word and I’d be happy to call up my buddy and put in a good word for ya! WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
La La’s Love Letters Dear La La, Okay so here it goes. I have become really close friends with a girl I work with. She is funny, charismatic and just intoxicating to be around. We stopped for cocktails the other evening and when she dropped me off at my house she reached over and kissed me goodnight. I was so shocked I just froze. I’ve never even considered By Lauren Strec being with a woman but I have to admit I feel a strange attraction to her. After having one bad relationship after another with men I’m wondering if this isn’t worth exploring. Is it even possible at 30 years old that I could end up in a relationship with a woman or is this just a crazy phase I’m going through out of curiosity? Curious Georgetta Dear Gerogetta, Your feelings are real. You have a connection with another human being. It doesn’t matter if this is a “curious phase,” or if you just now received the memo that you are bi-sexual or a lesbian. Quit hemming and hawing, and see what develops. You’re going to spend a lot more time IN the ground, than you are walking ON it, so do what feels good and right. Don’t worry about your age or gender, and certainly don’t concern yourself with what others think. BUT! Do communicate your perspective, and let her know ASAP if you discover that you only like penis; don’t mess with her emotions just because you had to find yourself.
Dear La La, My husband was depressed and he just continued shutting me out. He recently went for counseling and with therapy and medication he is finally beginning to return to the man I fell in love with. Unfortunately during the last year while we were struggling with these issues I met a man who treated me like a goddess. I care about him but the truth is I love my husband and I am terrified if I tell him about the affair he will either relapse or worse yet throw away our marriage. I'm stuck and scared. What to do? Confused Carrie Dear Carrie, You’re not stuck, but you do have a bed to make. In fact, this whole situation is no longer about you. People cheat when there is a void, and you essentially lost your husband for a period of time. I get that. It WAS a big deal. Well, playtime is now over, and now you must do everything in your power to lift up your husband and your relationship. If you truly love your husband and your marriage, your sidepiece has to be completely removed from your life. Aside from what others may believe is right, I see absolutely no point in telling your husband of your affair. It will do nothing constructive for him or your relationship; the main thing it will do is give YOU relief of the infidelity. If you can’t live with the burden, then consult his counselor and have him or her advise when/how to present the circumstance. Lauren Strec is a media host, blogger, and beer-drinker. Check out her website, LaurenStrec.com for videos, blogs, and social media links.
JUNE HOROSCOPE ARIES: A disappointing past project doesn't mean your next one won't be a fantastic success. Learn from it. Analyze where you went wrong. Then try again.
LIBRA: Uncertainty about the future may leave you with no sense of direction. The situation will improve, but slowly. Your decisions will be beneficial to all, so make them.
TAURUS: In order to be aware of a big opportunity coming your way, you might have to put other matters into the back of your mind. Speak less, listen more and watch.
SCORPIO: Right now, you're tuned in to the thoughts and feelings of co-worker and partners. You seem to know what those around you think and want so make use of it.
GEMINI: In matters of the heart, proceed cautiously. What works in your personal life goes double in your work life.
SAGITTARIUS: Your imagination travels around some wild corners. Know you don't need to indulge every dream and idea but this is the time to plan one of those dreams and indulge.
CANCER: When there's a choice, it's better to leave a little to the imagination. No one can predict the future, so take on the task you're offered and you'll do well. LEO: Your inquisitive nature searches far and wide for the best ideas. You do love change and pursue it with enthusiasm. The ability to get support from co-workers helps. VIRGO: When an avoided task is brought to your attention, realize that you are the one to do it, so get started. Don't hide your smarts. Intelligence is sexy. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
CAPRICORN: This is a good day to plan ahead, because you can see a change in a situation you previously thought was set in stone, but situations rarely are. AQUARIUS: Conversation flows so easily when you're around that special crowd of yours. But now is the time to make time for new people. You could find a friend or a new love. PISCES: Be flexible in making plans with others. Your way really isn't always the best way, so keep that in mind. Do your best to avoid conflicts that could lead to a dead end.
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JUNE ROAD TRIP
The Gettysburg Festival: A Summer Favorite It has been 155 years since the Battle of Gettysburg. Most Americans have forgotten why this battle is remembered, except for President Abraham Lincoln’s 247-word speech. The speech was criticized at the time but went on to become one of the most celebrated in American history: The Gettysburg Address. The battle at Gettysburg, one of the largest of the Civil War, was considered the deadliest, but also the one that almost won the war for the South. Today, the borough of Gettysburg (a self-governing township) Pennsylvania has fewer than 8,000 citizens and its main business is tourism. Its 7th annual Gettysburg Festival takes place from June 11 to June 15 this year.
There Strong and Expensive and Will Do The Trick Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow." Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110." "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."
More people can be great leaders than they think they can, but they need a purpose greater than themselves. William J. Clinton, 42nd president of the United States.
Officials say the festival is jam-packed with events over a wider area and will last longer each day. The festival attracts about 23,000 visitors from 30 states. This year’s event will have 50 live performances on seven stages, including military, brass, regiment and blues bands, choruses, and live theater. The art shows feature works of local artists who are on site each day at locations in the Battlefield to interact with fest-goers while creating a new work. Spectators vote for their favorite artist and the winner is announced at the People’s Choice Award ceremony. The Festival offers the first Annual Youth Art Show and Sale, specifically designed for the budding artists. At the Student Art Barn Show, a Quick Draw Competition challenges participants to create a work in two hours. At the 17th annual History Meets the Arts show, attendees can meet 40 artists, artisans and sculptors of works limited to 18th century. Attendees always enjoy dining on the culinary art creations offered by chefs from the area’s finest restaurants. Not to be forgotten are those whose interests sway toward the annual motorcycle show. It features seven classes of motorcycles and great live music. Visitors coming long distances will also enjoy the lush state parks and forests surrounding the area. They offer even more natural artistic beauty. A great summer motorcycle or other vehicle road trip approximately 700 miles from Chicago.
For more information on the 7th annual Gettysburg Fest visit http://gettysburgfestival.org. The festival runs from June 11 to June 15.
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Grace Durbins
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Only two votes are counted per person and voting polls close on June 20th. *The Pub Crawl will begin at the employee of the months bar and the limo bus will accommodate 24 passengers. Gratuity not included and must be paid prior to service.
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TA L E S F R O M T H E C H R I S
Veils Of Sunshine By Rob Christiansen
I worked for a company that employed a self-styled executive assistant, a confident incandescent hourglass who generated a positive vibe on the q.t. She flowed about the office, smiling, giving off a hundred watts if you caught her eye. Never officially awarded Best Dressed, she could dress to live in addition to kill, equally suiting me.
A friend bent down to discard trash and hit the back of her head under a table. I drove her to the ER. She had a headache and mild concussion. The doctor advised her to “rest her brain until symptoms improved.” Aren’t we all resting our brains until symptoms improve? She stands in a veil of sunshine outside my bathroom and talks to me while I urinate. The bathroom door is open. She hits my left arm for emphasis. I always remind her not to do that.
She had a framed photo on her desk. The three people in the photo smiled whimsically while casually avoiding the camera. She was in the photo. I found it intimidating, as my heart always silently beat toward her. Because it would be months until she invited me to go downstairs for coffee, I didn’t realize the photo was her shield.
She said she was waiting for a train when a Socialist Doomsday cult tried to poison her with sarin gas. The train’s fumes saved her because sarin gas is odorless but the train chemicals were foul-smelling and she fled the station’s catacombs.
It was, by now, three years old. The guy in the photo wasn’t actually her “husband” or father of the boy; he was her ex-boyfriend, and he occasionally harassed her, mostly by phone. He forgot she had three cop brothers. I didn’t solicit the harassment updates or recaps she provided me at the company picnic and softball game, Christmas party or on the concrete bench along Wacker Drive where we frequently lunched. She found my irritation over the ka-BONK noise that the cars made driving over a proximate steel plate on Wacker amusing. She valued her family, including her son, of whom she had custody, a Corona & lime soul mate sister, brothers, and an independent grandmother who still walked back and forth to the store pulling a grocery cart her own height. We shared Busia’s birthday in a Polish restaurant and spent holidays at one sibling or another’s house. “SecreKerry” was the straw(berry blonde) who stirred the drink. She wasn’t brash, or “out there,” at the office. I once held an umbrella that the wind suddenly destroyed—on Wacker Drive— while we walked to Union Station after work. She called it a “cheap-ass drink umbrella.” We were platonic because sometimes I sprayed her. I need a “shield” joke to get out of this. We were platonic because, eventually, at best we’d only kiss. I couldn’t spray her then. I made voice memos on my phone. When down, my words fray like weak piss rather than spiral like a football thrown by Drew Bledsoe. When high, I spit at you. I know because Drew Bledsoe said so. I don’t know what Drew Bledsoe looks like. Every time I see him he has a helmet on. He wears it to avoid my spit…. Surely, I would be diagnosed if ever I were referred to a psychologist from a psychiatrist, or vice versa. Offhand I don’t know the sequence. I edited my memos like mad, and furthermore omitted all the nonsense.
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I shook my head and said, “You’re crazy.” She hit my arm, but she would have done that anyway. The radio on the sink was playing “I Missed Again” by Phil Collins…. I’m not crazy. I’m just lazy. I don’t know what a week ago from the 3rd was until I check a calendar. I involuntarily spit when someone grants me face time. They wipe their mouth without flinching, displaying nonchalance I lack. I’m a writer, not a talker. I’m not a writer on my 1040 form, nor do I declare that I’m a talker. I don’t spit when I write unless I’m writing about a baseball player. I spit to become one with him, but I go into the bathroom to do it. I speak for reticent writers, some of whom may also be writers in residence. Since we don’t discuss our projects, we are a study in still life in bars, where street artists and caricaturists congregate to draw us. We’re sometimes depicted playing cards and our faces are replaced with those of dogs. Déjà vu to me is when I’m writing something that I feel I’ve written before. I have a disorder that subsequently is neutralized in the same sitting. I eat a lot of cupcakes with white, red and yellow frosting, but then I eat a bunch of lettuce and get my color back. My fictional character, “Theman,” rhymes with lemon. You know he’s a bitter S.O.B. and not a bit player like you know how to ride a bicycle or to get out of the water before your skin turns to rubber and Goodyear wants you, not to join its ranks, but as raw material. I’m a good fit for Goodyear. I spin my wheels. I’m already too-tired. An old photo makes you look younger. A new photo makes you look older. “Please listen to the entire message as our menu options have changed” sounds like a waiter describing specials. Every girl on the Clark Street bus after 7 p.m. Saturday is a lunatic. “Is this seat taken?” is countered with, “No, but that seat over there isn’t taken either.” SecreKerry’s secret, an old photo on her desk, kept male coworkers honest. All she wanted was a friend without benefits. She stands outside my bathroom and kibitzes with me and goodnaturedly hits my arm while I stand there trying to urinate into the middle of the bowl. She’s O.K. She’s preparing for a PowerPoint presentation. 773.213.4597
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LIVE MUSIC
FREEDOM FEST 2014 They say there are two seasons in Chicago, winter and construction. However there is a third many people fail to mention and that is festival season. Every year when the weather begins to turn warm, local municipalities and service organizations host their annual summer festivals. Chicago and virtually every surrounding community are hosting at least one summer festival this year. The new kid on the block however is being held at the Kendall County Fairgrounds (10826 Illinois 71 in Yorkville) on July 4th & 5th and looks to be one of the more unique music based gatherings this season. A presentation of J&D Productions, Freedom Fest 2014 is a celebration honoring veterans and the men and women currently serving in active duty with our armed forces. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to the Kendall County “Salute to Veterans” Concord Place Project. The CPP is a dedicated floor of the Concord Place Retirement and Assisted Living Facility in Northlake to be used exclusively for older homeless veterans. The endeavor is a collaborative effort between The Salute to Veterans organization, The Walter and Connie Payton Foundation and Concord Place. The veterans’ wing started with two dayrooms and thirtyfive suites with hopes to expand in the future. Bev Anderson, director of marketing with Concord Place, advises that among the requirements to qualify, veterans must be fifty-five years or older and have no dependency on drugs or alcohol. Veterans interested in the program should contact her at 708-409-2799. In addition to honoring our heroes, the entertainment side of the festival has become a one-stop shop for many of the local bands that you’ve heard or read about in these pages and other publications, while avoiding the “same old same old” bands that haunt every festival each year and ad nauseam. CHASING AMY Tribute bands Kashmir (Led Zeppelin tribute), Facelift (Alice in Chains tribute) and TNT Chicago (AC/DC tribute) will be sharing the stage with Veilside, Chasing Amy, Kirk Kamminga & Cold Creek Road, Friction, Nick Bell Band, Blindspt, Highway Band, Teeze, High Alert and Right Meow. In addition, the Saturday show features Jordan Rager, who was a member of “Team Blake Shelton” on season 2 of NBC’s “The Voice” and Skinny Molly, a band featuring former members of Lynyrd Skynyrd and Blackfoot. Headlining Saturday evening will be Monsters of Southern Rock with members of Lynyrd Skynyrd, Molly Hatchet and Blackfoot performing all the hits from each band. Besides the exceptional performance schedule, a variety of food, beverage and merchandise vendors will also be on site. Camping facilities are available at no additional costs; all you need is your own camping gear. If camping isn’t your thing, discounted lodging is available for ticket holders at several area hotels including Timber Creek Inn and Suites in Sandwich, Hampton Inn in Yorkville and the Super 8 in Yorkville. Tickets are available now online at the rate of $25 for daily admission or $40 for a weekend pass. At the gate the rate is $35 daily admission or $50 for a weekend pass. There is a $5 parking fee with 100% of the proceeds going to the Concord Place Project. When you consider the array of talent and a pretty fun weekend even $50 is relatively inexpensive considering the cost of seeing one or two bands at area concert venues and arenas. Tickets may be purchased online at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/670095. For more information on Freedom Fest 2014 please visit http://freedomfest2014.wix.com/yorkville or their Facebook page at https:// www.facebook.com/FreedomFest2014Yorkville.
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The Lighter Side
Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”?
Rice Preference The young woman really thought she'd been very patient through a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage. One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Chinese restaurant. As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, "So . . . how do you like your rice? Boiled? Steamed? Or fried?" She looked over her menu at him and replied clearly, "Thrown."
Talking Clock While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, one wag led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "Watch", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "F'gosh sakes, you idiot, it's 2 a.m. in the morning!"
Too Much Sugar A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." she said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
Looking Glass 1. What weekly radio program has been hosted by Ira Glass since 1995? a- Car Talk, b-This American Life, c- All Things Considered, d- A Prairie Home Companion 2. What broken crystal animal is offered to Jim by Laura at the end of the Tennessee Williams play The Glass Menagerie? a-Unicorn, b-Swan, c-Deer, d-Alligator. 3. What architect designed the glass pyramid in the courtyard of the Louvre Museum in Paris? a-William Burgess, b-I.M. Pei, c- Eliel Saarinen, d- Benjamin Latrobe. 4. What New Wave band had a #1 hit with the song Heart of Glass in 1979? a-The Happenings, b-The Dolls, c-Blondie, d-Wang Chung. 5. Father Time carries an hourglass in one hand, and what object in the other hand? a-Football, b-Flute, c-Beaker, d-Scythe. 6. What actress is accused of being a Soviet spy in the comedy film The Glass-Bottom Boat? a-Doris Day, b-Eleanor Powell, c-Judy Garland, d-Brigitte Bardot. 7. Which of the dwarves in Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs wore glasses? a-Happy, b-Bashful, c-Doc, d-Grumpy. 8. What was the last name of the police detective played by Ron Glass on Barney Miller? a-Meyers, b-O’Hara, c-Harris, d-Riley. 9. Who recorded the 1974 top 10 song Long Tall Glasses (I Can Dance)? a-John Denver, b-Engelbert Humperdinck, c-Carl Douglas, d-Leo Sayer. 10. Selenium is used in glassmaking to create glass of what color? a-Red, b- Yellow, c-Violet, d-Green.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
Apples The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
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6-a, Doris Day 7-c, Doc 8-c, Harris 9-d, Leo Sayer 10-a, Red
Astronomers were excited at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "Uh oh."
1-b, “This American Life” 2-a, Unicorn 3-b, I.M. Pei 4-c, Blondie 5-d, Scythe
Answers
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Little Frank’s Pizzeria OR NF E P O CH LUN
Monday: Tuesday: Wednesday: Thursday: Friday: Saturday:
6355 W. 79th St Burbank
(708) 598-8660
Order By Fax: (708) 598-2158
Fast Delivery or Pick-Up Hours: Sun thru Thurs 11am - Mid Friday & Saturday 11am - 1:30am THE BEST PIZZA JUDGED BY THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE
Sunday:
THURSDAY $1.50 DOMESTIC BOTTLES
RIB TIP DINNER BUY ONE GET ONE $11
Sunday
$10 Domestic Buckets Spaghetti Dinner Every Wednesday
Dinner Serving 2 people $8 served with Garlic Bread and Salad
15
$
$1 Busch, Busch Light & Old Style $1.50 All Pints EVERYDAY $2 Bacardi Mixers $3 UV Bombs $1.50 All Domestic Bottles $2.50 Import Bottles $3 Smirnoff Mixers featuring Bloody Marys + $1.50 All Pints $10 Domestic Buckets, $4 Smirnoff Bloody Marys + .75 Cent Schnapps
ALL DAY EVERYDAY “15 LARGE PIZZA
1 Topping with Pitcher of Beer or Pop
open mic jam night every friday Kitchen Hours
Sun - Thur 11am - Midnight Fri & Sat 11am - 1:30am
2 10%
TACO $ TUESDAY
Senior Citizen Discount
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