Whats Up Xtra Chicago September 2014

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MAGAZINE

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*Cubs Game Day excluded

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SEPTEMBER SPECIALS Sunday

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Tuesday $4 Blue Moon $5 Glasses of Wine Wednesday $4 Pints of Guinness, Harp, Bass and Magners $5 Call Cocktails & $3 Malort Shots Thursday $3 Domestic Bottles $4 Well Cocktails

Check out the Craft Beer Cooler... Featuring Allagash White and Lagunitas

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Friday

$5 Stella Pints & $5 Red Bull Bombs

Saturday

$5 Glasses of Rosé $15 Buckets of Domesic Bottles

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Whats Up tra AUGUST 2014

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tra Whats Up tra TABLE OF OUR ST A FF CONTENTS

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MAGAZINE

CHICAGO

keith romack publisher

6 out n about photos

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FLASH BACK PHOTOS ASK LA LA DRINK SPECIALS ASK THE WINO

FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

Where are you going tonight? 773.213.4597

Melinda

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8 news AND STUFF

Sluggers 3540 N Clark 1 WHATS UP XTRA

Lisa romack Sales Director

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READ THE MAGAZINE ONLINE

11 Book review

go to facebook What’s Up Xtra Magazine

12 ask the wino

TO ADVERTISE CALL 773.213.4597

12 whats on tap

14 are you smarter than chester 15 puzzles 16 tales from the chris 18 trivia open mic karaoke 19 LA LA LOVE LETTERS

Front page photo taken at Kelly’s Pub by Alex H The name What’s Up Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine -2014 We encourage our readers to write their stories, send photos, and make comments. All submissions sent to us by phone, email, fax, or handwritten become the property of What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine.

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20 featured bartenders

Robert Christiansen Column Writer ashlee schultz contributing writer Suzi Lichner Contributing jokester lauren strec contributing writer alex habib PHOTOGRAPHER

21 BARTENDER OF THE MONTH CHECK OUT

Whats UP Xtra Magazine CHICAGO / SOUTHWEST EDITIONS

GO TO FACEBOOK TO SEE & TAG YOUR PHOTOS

We are always on the lookout for dynamic writers, photographers and sales staff to contribute to our publication If you are interested in joining our team or interested in advertising opportunities contact us at 773-213-4597 or email: whatsupxtra@yahoo.com WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM


SPECIALS FOR BEARS GAMES $10 DOMESTIC BUCKETS $3 FIREBALLS FREE HALF TIME BUFFET WITH A DRINK PURCHASE

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The Four Treys

Roscoe Village’s Friendliest Bar D A I L Y

EVERYDAY SPECIALS:

DOG FRIENDLY TAVERN

$2.50 Pabst Blue Ribbon

$4 Jameson shots $3.50 16oz OOld-style cans Since 1884 monday: $4 revolution products & $3 jameson shots Tavern tuesday & thursday: “chalk board specials” wednesday: $15 Domestic buckets OPEN SATURDAY Friday: $5.50 bombs & $3.50 Well Drinks MIC Saturday: $8 Bud Lite Pitchers TUESDAY Sunday: $5 Bloody Mary pints - watch the bears WE SPONSOR ALL SPORTS S P E C I A L S

TEAMS CALL 773-348-1148 OR CJFLOOD@COMCAST.NET

COMFY SEAT TAVERN

Local Neighborhood Menus for ordering food. 3333 N. DAMEN

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SEPTEMBER HOROSCOPE ARIES: In spite of present circumstances, toward the end of the year you will come out with flying colors. You will get the good support of authorities during this period. TAURUS: There will soon be action and new adventures in your life. Your confidence level will be boosted up and you will be able to live up to your ideals. GEMINI: Realize that what you want to do may be far different from current plans. Your plans might be ahead of their time. Try to seed a current plan with your ideas. CANCER: You are working hard and reaching your limits. Some hindrances are likely when it comes to relationships with authorities. You will handle them with ease and deft. LEO: Your presence is inspiring to others. Keep this in mind as you cooperate with co-workers. It's not always easy to have that positive attitude they look forward to. VIRGO: Do the groundwork properly and leave the rest to the future. Realize that you'll have to know all the technicalities before you venture into that new territory.

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LIBRA: Your long term plans and ideas are taking shape, but your values could be put to test as the year closes. Stay in touch with those around you, the near and dear ones. SCORPIO: In general, peace and tranquility will prevail in your life for rest of 2014. As your status improves, more of the comforts you yearn for will be available to you. SAGITTARIUS: Now, you can look forward to the recognition you think has been eluding you. Pay attention to the finer points and teamwork will do well for you. CAPRICORN: When you feel a little sluggish in the a.m., in spite of coffee, avoid being a victim to it. You know that when you get started and interested, the fatigue will pass. AQUARIUS: You are in a position to understand your partner in a much better way. And yes, the magic of love will hold its sway over your emotional personality. PISCES: The rest of the year blesses you with energy, vitality, and vigor. You'll manage your emotions, mental state and relationships with ease. Avoid junk food. 773.213.4597

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News & Stuff Catherine 'Cat' Conti The First Female Big 12 Official

8 Simple Settings Every Facebook User Should Know

Some officials in the Big 12 are making a big deal out of her selection, but as for "Cat" Conti it will be just "another step in the progression, another rung on the ladder".

1.) Don’t allow followers. If someone sends you a friend request, even if you don’t accept it, they will be subscribed to your public posts. The best recommendation is to keep your default audience setting as small as possible, “friends only” and then selectively change it to be a bigger audience for appropriate posts. Path: Upper right pull-down menu/Settings/Followers/Who Can Follow Me/Friends

Her ultimate goal is to become a National Football League official. Her first Big 12 game will be a kick-off between Kansas vs. Southeast Missouri State on September 6. Conti started officiating in 2000, working high school games in California, and has worked her way up to games in the Mountain West and Football Championship Series level in the Southland Conference. She will be full time this year. "I'll try to watch my language during the game. I believe in the old-fashioned way, so I'll try not to use as many bad words. It's great that a woman is put in a position where she can be on equal footing with the men. So more power to her," was the reaction of Kansas City coach Charlie Weis.

Correcting Credit Reports Gets a Little Easier

The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau has been urging the major credit reporting companies, Equifax, Experian and TransUnion, to make correcting errors on credit reports easier. As a result, the three companies have changed their complaint systems to let people dispute mistakes on their credit reports in greater detail. Previously, gripes and supporting paperwork you sent to the Big Three were assigned a code that reduced your argument to one of a handful of assertions, such as "Not his/hers." Under the new system, when you provide documents, the agencies have to state your full case to the creditor. The creditor then has to fix any errors with all three agencies. It's no small job. The credit companies receive millions of complaints about errors according to Money magazine. Consumers will have a better chance of getting their credit reports fixed with this new system

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Here are eight simple settings and behaviors to keep yourselves, your families, and your colleagues safe on the world’s largest social network. These are the simplest things you can do and should do!

2.) Logout. Facebook can track your web activity if you stay logged on. If Facebook can do something to learn more about its users, it’s a pretty safe bet it will. Log out after every use. Path: Upper right pull-down menu/Logout 3.) Review past posts on timeline and limit the audience. Especially if you’ve been on Facebook since prior to when the network introduced its Timeline feature, it’s a good idea to review posts going back a while and to press the magic button that suppresses old posts. Path: Upper right pull-down menu/Privacy/Who can see my stuff? /Limit the audience/Click “Limit Old Posts” 4.) Manage active sessions and use login notifications. If you access Facebook from several locations, there’s a good chance some are still active which could potentially give someone access your profile. Path: Upper right pull-down menu/Settings/Security/Where you’re logged in/Login Notifications 5.) Remove unwanted apps. Check periodically to see that there aren’t some rogue apps installed on your Facebook profile that could be causing problems, or at least not contributing anything good. Click the little X to remove them. Path: Upper right pull-down menu/Settings/Apps/Click X next to app you want to delete 6.) Review tags people post of you and manage tag notifications. Switch on the feature to review all tags of you and then check your activity log often to carefully manage what you allow to be on your timeline. Path: Upper right pull-down menu/Settings/Timeline & Tagging/who can add things/Review posts friends tag you in and Timeline & Tagging/How can I manage tags people add/Review tags people add to 7.) Remove your Facebook profile from public search engines. In search engine like Google and Bing, when someone searches your name, your Facebook Profile is usually one of the top results. Path: Upper right pull-down menu/Settings/Privacy/Who can look me up? /Third item 8.) Turn off instant personalization. This is one of those experience enhancing features Facebook touts. There are a dozen or so companies with which Facebook shares your data so your web experience can be more personalized. The translation is that those dozen or so companies are getting your data. Path: Upper right pull-down menu/Settings/Apps/Instant personalization/ Uncheck the box WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM


Monday:

New Daily Food Specials

Tuesday: Wednesday: booze & schmooze

Full Service Kitchen Open Everyday & Outdoor seating in our cafe til 10:30pm Augie’s 20th Anniversary Party Saturday Sept. 27 3pm - 3am

1721 W. Wrightwood 773.296.0018

Thursday: Friday: Saturday: Sunday:

Southwest Cajun Pepperjack Burger with Seasoned Fries - $8 Cobb Salad with Chicken, Egg and Blue Cheese Crumbles - $7.50 Meatball Sandwich with Marinara, Mozzarella & Side - $7.50 Roast Turkey, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy & Cranberry Sauce - $7.50 Grilled Chicken with Angel Hair Pasta Garlic and Olive Oil - $7.50 Fried Chicken with Fries or Tots - $7.50 Chicken Parmesan on French Bread with Fries or Tots - $7.50

Augie’s Annual Golf Outing Benefitting Make-A-Wish Monday September 8th @ White Pines in Bensenville - $140 Per Golfer

Call Augie’s for more information @ 773-296-0018

NCAA FOOTBALL & NFL DIRECT TV PACKAGES ON 13 HD TV’s including 2 in the floor.

Another Day At The Office

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes. St. Clement of Alexandra, well-known theologian of the second century. Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment. Oprah Winfrey, actress, producer, and philanthropist

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. “What in bag?” asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.' The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, “Good trade.”

Grandma’s Remedies Grandma was asked, what do you suggest for curing ailments? Grandma said, “For better digestion I drink beer, in the case of appetite loss I drink white wine, in the case of low blood pressure I drink red wine, in the case of high blood pressure I drink scotch, and when I have a cold I drink schnapps.” “When do you drink water?” “I’ve never been that sick!” FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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BOOK REVIEW

“How the World Sees You: Discover Your Highest Value Through the Science of Fascination,” by Author Sally Hogshead You know how you see the world? Now it’s time to discover how the world sees you! Readers who have found this Five-Star book on Amazon are giving rave reviews, some saying it's one of the most riveting and different books they've ever seen. "How the World Sees You: Discover Your Highest Value Through the Science of Fascination," is written by Sally Hogshead. Over the course of her advertising career, she won hundreds of awards for creativity, copywriting, branding, and was one of the best advertising copywriters from the start of her career at about age 20. She often appears in national media, including NBC's "Today Show", and in the "New York Times". She was recently inducted into the Speaker Hall of Fame, the industry's highest award for professional excellence. Her advertising work hangs in the Smithsonian Museum of American History. On the back cover of this book, Hogshead tells some of the points she emphasizes in her work with Fortune 500 companies: * The world is not changed by people who sort of care. * Don't try to learn how to be fascinating, unlearn how to be boring. * Instead of focusing on strengths, focus on differences. * Every time you communicate, you are either adding value or taking up space. * To become successful, become more of who you are. * If you don't know your own value, don't expect anyone else to. * The greatest value you can add is to become more of yourself. She asks the famous question: "You already know how you see the world, but do you how the world sees you?" Visit howtofacisnate.com for free team resources. "How the World Sees You: Discover Your Highest Value Through the Science of Fascination," by Sally Hogshead, Harper Business, $29.99 in book stores, comes in seven formats and editions.

Dying Mans Confession A husband lies dying as his wife is by his bedside. He speaks to her in a weakened voice, "There is something I must confess". "Shhhh", she replied, "there is nothing to confess dear". She holds his hand and caresses his head. "Everything is all right", she whispers. "No!" the husband cried out, “I must die in peace. I had sex with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your best friend's mother! I am so sorry." "I know my love", she whispered, "That's why I poisoned you. Now close your eyes". FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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What’s On Tap We’ve moved into the last month of summer. We’re all striving to squeeze in a few more warm weather activities; like barbeques, street festivals and boating on the lake. We’re squeezing into our bathing suits one last time, because let’s be real; those who say “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” have never eaten nachos, or pizza, or anything by Ashlee Schultz from a food truck while you’re drunk. I know the end of summer is one of those things that’s felt, not talked about, like love or the night you drunkenly ate from said food truck. But don’t shoot the messenger. At least we have Halloween and Pumking to look forward to. (Southern Tier, can I get a free t-shirt?) Some friends and I were invited to a park barbeque on the grassy knoll between Belmont Harbor and the lake for the Air and Water Show. Classy as always, I poured vodka into my can of Arnold Palmer and sipped away beneath the shade of a leafy tree. I had stopped at a yard sale earlier in the day and picked up two books for less than a dollar: Charles Bukowski’s “Women” and Lenore Zion’s “My Dead Pets Are Interesting.” Obviously, the latter was the more obvious choice to read first, although I didn’t think through the context of bringing such a book to a social gathering. A clean-cut, 30-something year old man approached me, smiling. “What are you reading, cutie?” “My Dead Pets Are Interesting,” I responded, matter-of-factly. My potential new friend’s smile slowly dissipated as my response set in, and he nodded as he backed away. I decided to make a game of it. My next victim was an elderly woman who was either feeling sorry that I was sitting alone, or uncomfortable by it. “Hi, honey,” she offered. “What book have you there?” “My Dead Pets Are Interesting,” I offered again, a deranged smile creeping across my face. “Well, that’s…very nice,” she said. “Why don’t you come join the party over here? Be social?” “That’s okay,” I responded, marking the page in my book with a finger. “I don’t like people.” “Mm-hmm,” she replied, looking me over curiously. “Well, most people probably don’t like you either. You be well with your dead pets, then.” Outwitted by an elderly socialite, she rejoined her group of minions. I thought I caught a glimpse of her pointing in my direction a time or two during my stay beneath the tree, but I can’t be sure. Still, being creepy keeps life interesting. Follow me on Twitter: @ashleeschultz

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ASK THE WINO... Wino: Shepard Jones Likes: Ketchup and onion farts Dislikes: Taking a dump in a gas station bathroom

Caryn the Barista asks: I am a 22 years old and my grandpa is 82. I love him very much, but every time I have him over to my apartment he stares at my room-mate’s breasts and makes inappropriate comments. This embarrasses me. Is my grandpa a creepy, dirty old man? Wino: Ya know Caryn, Grandpa isn’t getting’ any younger and with that “magic pill” out on the market these days it’s a lot easier for we old guys to keep a little extra “wind on the flagpole”. Maybe your girlfriend is a dirty birdie too and needs a little spankin! Do Pops a favor and get your roomie a little liquored up and let the old fart have some fun with her. Brad the Dog Walker asks: I have been dating a girl named Blair since I was seventeen years old. She made me realize that I was not only into girls, but that I also had an interest in guys. I couldn’t ever figure out why I wanted to date a guy because I felt like I couldn’t ever do the passionate things with them like I could with girls. What if I am gay and I’m just suppressing my true feelings? How do I really know which sex I am meant to be with? Am I just curious? Do I need a shrink? Wino: Brad I don’t know what the hell you need but after reading all your crazy bullshit all I know is I need a stiff one. Next question... And no Brad I’m not referring to your stiff one ya nutty little peckerhead! Shelby the Flight Attendant asks: I have been flying professionally for years and will never understand how people have the audacity to get on a plane surrounded by people they have never met and just pass gas uncontrollably. Have they no self respect? Wino: Passing gas is a natural, normal and completely uncontrollable bodily function. Do you know about Safety and Door Knob? It must be a Bronx thing. It is very popular among the preteen boys and hookers. When you fart, you must loudly say “SAFETY!” If you do not shout that when you fart, then anyone around you has the right to shout “DOORKNOB!” and start punching you as much as they want. The only way to make them stop is to touch a doorknob. The worst thing you can do is fart inside a tent (or maybe an airplane). You will be black and blue from the punches. I automatically say Safety every time I fart. WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM


The Newlyweds

“Where Friends & Fun Come First”

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"

$12 Domestic Buckets Sat & Sun

Since 73’

Babe’s Bar Sam “Babe” Belpedio

The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"

WEDNESDAY & SATURDAY

1 Becks =

Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"

$2 PBR PINTS EVERY DAY

The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened.

$4 Stella’s Everyday

"Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. The wife replies, "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."

CATCH ALL FOOTBALL ACTION HERE

"Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.

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"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

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Every day:

Miller Lite Bottles $2 Well Drinks $3.50 and House Shots $2

Mondays:

Jameson Shots $3 and Coors Light Pints $1.75

Tuesdays:

Okocim Pints $3 Heineken and Heineken Light Bottles $3

BAR & GRILL

Wednesday:

Facebook: The Heights Bar and Grill

Great Food - Kitchen Open 11am to 1am

The Best est Tacos in Town (Beef, Chicken, Fish and Pork) $1.99 Each

6436 W Montrose Ave Harwood Heights FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

All Domestic Bottles $2 and All Bombs $4

Thursday:

Ladies Night: $2 You Call Its

Friday:

Vodka Lemonade $3 - Amstel Light Bottle

Saturday:

Fire Ball Shots $3 - Corona Bottles $3 Long Island Ice Teas $5

Sunday:

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All Domestic Bottles $2 - Shots $3

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The Lighter Side Bad Golfer Jim was 26 over par by the eighth hole, had landed a fleet of golf balls in the water, and dug a trench trying to get out of the rough. When his caddy coughed during a 12-inch putt, Jim exploded. "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!" he screamed. "I doubt it," replied the caddy. "That would be too much of a coincidence."

Just Interested In One Thing A daddy teased his little daughter by suggesting she liked a certain boy in her kindergarten class. The little girl was quite indignant. "No, daddy, I don't like him!" she stated. "He's only interested in one thing." Shocked, the daddy cautiously asked what that one thing might be. "Power Rangers, of course," said the kindergartner.

The Hearing Aid A man was telling a friend, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's perfect." "Really, what kind is it?" the friend asked. "Twelve thirty."

Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”? White All Over 1. Which child received a whole box of Turkish Delights from the White Witch in "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe"? a-Lucy, b-Peter, c-Edmund, d-Susan. 2. What TV series featured a chemistry teacher named Walter White? a-Mr. Peepers,? b-Breaking Bad, c-Our Miss Brooks,? dMalcolm in the Middle. 3. What city is the setting for Erik Larsons historical book The Devil in the White City? a-Detroit, b-Vatican City, c-Chicago, d-Baltimore. 4. What city is located at the confluence of the White Nile and the Blue Nile? a-Alexandria, b-Cairo, c-Thebes, d-Khartoum. 5. The Chicago White Sox lost the 1919 World Series in what became known as the Black Sox Scandal. Which team won that Series? a-Brooklyn Dodgers, b-Cleveland Indians, c-Cincinnati Reds, d-New York Yankees. 6. What track on the Beatles White Album, ran over 8 minutes long, is the longest song recorded by the group? a-Revolution 9 b-While My Guitar Gently Weeps, c-Helter Skelter, d-Dear Prudence.? 7. Which NBA team retired the #10 jersey of point guard Jo Jo White? a-Chicago Bulls, b-Milwaukee Bucks, c-Philadelphia 76ers, d-Boston Celtics. 8. White Blood Cells and Elephant were successful albums from what rock duo? a-The Black Keys, b-Hall and Oates, cCapital Cities, d-The White Stripes. 9. What musical instrument is Jaleel White shown playing during the opening credits of the TV sitcom Family Matters? a-Electric organ, b-Harmonica, c-Accordion, d-Banjo.

Bad Tooth A man and his wife entered the dentist's office. "I want a tooth pulled," the woman said. "We are in a big hurry, so let us not fool around with gas or Novocain or any of that stuff."

10. What comic strip crimefighter was assisted by the sidekick Ebony White? a-The Spirit, b-The Phantom, c-The Rocketeer, d-Green Lantern.

"You are a brave woman," remarked the dentist. "Which tooth is it?" "Show him your bad tooth, honey," she said to her husband.

Adopted Twins

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6-a, Revolution 9 7-d, Boston Celtics 8-d, The White Stripes 9-c, Accordion 10-a, The Spirit

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Answers

1-c, Edmund 2-b, Breaking Bad 3-c, Chicago 4-d, Khartoum 5-c, Cincinnati Reds

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

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SHIP SHORE SHOWS STATEROOM STEWARD TOUR VOYAGE WAVES

There are known knowns, things we know we know. There are known unknowns, things we know we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know we don't know. Donald Rumsfeld, politician

The Bus Ride A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

ever seen!''

The bus driver says to her, ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've

The woman, very upset, walks to the rear of the bus and sits down. She says to a man sitting next to her, ''The bus driver just insulted me!'' The man looking concerned replies, ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'' FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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TA L E S F R O M T H E C H R I S

The Long Hall By Rob Christiansen

I saunter down the hall, cool, casual and nervous. I gaze about as though eminent masters’ works adorn the bare duck egg blue walls. After passing the men’s room door I wander into a desert that ends in her eyes, if she’s actually not a mirage.

The up-close, "cable access television studio" scene through the panoramic glass doors depicting her sitting behind the biggest desk in the building both confronts and confounds me, but there’s no turning back. I’m in no-man’s land. From her vantage point she sees every male who approaches— and enters—the men’s room. Thankfully, it's not an activity she catalogues, like the heat in winter, a/c in summer and the security staff all year. It’s just that the floor plan lends itself to the possibility she could also monitor the men’s room.

My self-awareness pushed me away from her and I swore I would never go to the bathroom, just so she couldn't see me walk there. She knew my vitals and probably guessed as to what I found vital despite the fact we’ve never spoken. A few short months after Valentine’s Day I went to go see her. It was my defiant reaction to just having watched a mandatory, company-wide, "sexual harassment in the workplace" video and taking a quiz. What I do definitely is not sexual harassment. And I passed the quiz. “I never have to use the men’s room,” I said. “I only walk down the hall to see you.” The bathroom humor vulture stood like a statue high in the potted corn plant, or adjacent to the oasis, which may have been her water cooler. You can't see it from the hall. “Who’s your favorite Cub?” I asked.

A paranoid guy might think so. Not that I dwell on using the men’s room several times a day on what I fear is a predictable schedule she has come to memorize despite herself.

She said, “I like Brian Schlitter.”

Sometimes she wears black-framed reading glasses and appears smarter than I already think she is. She reads me like a book, for which she doesn’t have to wear glasses. She isn’t wearing them now.

“I ‘go’ first-thing in the morning," I continued, "pitching southward off the elevator instead of to the usual north and covertly enter the men’s room through its opposing, south, door. Then I exit through that door, requiring that I wind all the way back around and pass the entire bank of six elevators, three aside, in approaching my employer’s office. When you see me the assumption is I’ve just gotten off an elevator.”

I wave debonairly at her and she pantomimes her approval for me to enter her office while buzzing me in. It’s a mirage that she appears as a receptionist. She manages the building and perhaps doubles as receptionist since no one else appears in my line of sight. She’s a palm tree on my otherwise deserted island but instead of coconuts she wears earrings. She seems approachable. It must be the receptionist in her, unless I’m seeing things. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” I said, and she simply agreed it was Valentine's Day. However, I already had noticed a complete lack of flowers on her desk. The danger for bathroom humor loomed like a vulture perched in a tall, gallant corn plant rising from a pot above the carpet. It preyed in my head and dared me to trip up despite myself. “I’m glad we both agree it’s Valentine’s Day,” I said and departed gracelessly. Yet, smartly I had denied the vulture a bathroom joke. It surely would have picked me apart. Life went on. I kept using the men’s room. Samantha got to know me like a day nurse knows her rounds. Times, charts, graphs, smiley faces doodled up the corners when nothing was going on.

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“I’ve been on a bathroom schedule based on your breaks, Samantha, and I don’t drink water or coffee anymore," I said.

“You’re a pisser,” she said, laughing. I’m returning from the men’s room. It’s my secret although word always leaks. As I swipe my keycard outside the office glass doors I cast a glance down the hall. There she sits like a golf course manager, except she’s not marking my tee times and she marks down my pee times instead. I nod elegantly with understated swag toward her. She nods back, her glasses on. She’s wearing a headset and appears to be talking to a third party over a phone but I know she’s focusing on me. She holds a pen. She will write down “3:30-3:32” when I disappear from her line of sight. Sometimes I think she’s a mirage with green eyes, red hair and occasionally a headset and glasses. I wonder what would happen if I ever went in to see her. I wonder what our conversation would be like.

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Trivia Every Monday

The Beetle 2532 W Chicago Ave, Chicago Buffalo Wild Wings 7020 Carpenter Rd, Chicago Kirkwood Bar & Grill 2934 N Sheffield Ave, Chicago

Every Tuesday

The Reservoir 844 W Montrose Ave, Chicago Schubas Tavern 3159 N Southport Ave, Chicago Sheffield's 3258 N Sheffield Ave, Chicago The Garage Bar & Sandwiches 6154 N Milwaukee Ave, Chicago

Every Wednesday Fizz Bar & Grill 3220 N Lincoln Ave, Chicago

Four Farthings (8:00pm)

2060 N Cleveland Ave, Chicago

Karaoke Every Tuesday Bonsai Bar & Lounge 3503 N Halsted St, Chicago

Every Thursday Carol’s Pub (9:00pm-4:00am) 4659 N Clark, Chicago

Four Farthings (9:30pm) 2060 N Cleveland Ave, Chicago

Every Friday

MCM Pub & Eatery (8:00pm) 3906 N Cicero Ave, Chicago Peek Inn (9:00pm) 2825 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago

Every Saturday

Four Farthings (10:30pm) 2060 N Cleveland Ave, Chicago Four Treys (10:00pm) 3333 N Damen, Chicago MCM Pub & Eatery (8:00pm) 3906 N Cicero Ave, Chicago

Every Thursday Fizz Bar & Grill 3220 N Lincoln Ave, Chicago Rockit Burger Bar 3700 N Clark St, Chicago

Open Mic Every Tuesday Four Treys (10:00pm) 3333N Damen, Chicago

Pressure Billiards & Cafe 6318 N Clark St, Chicago

Every Thursday

Red Line Tap 7006 N Glenwood Ave, Chicago

Every Sunday

Kitchen Sink 1107 W Berwyn Ave, Chicago

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Dueling Pianos Every Thursday, Friday & Saturday Sluggers(9:00pm) 3540 N Clark, Chicago

Call 773-213.4597 to list your Trivia, Karaoke, Open Mic, and Dueling Piano Nights WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM


CLUB BELMONT 7844 W. Belmont

Big John’s

LANDMARK PUB

5135 N. Oriole Harwood Heights 708.867.6533

773.589.2808

The Booze is Cheap & The Entertainment is Free!!! Sick and Wrong!!!

BIKES, BABES & BOOZE

La La’s Love Letters Dear La La, So I have been dating this guy for almost a year and overall we have a pretty good time together. But, every time we have a disagreement he starts dredging up past arguments instead of sticking to the subject at hand. I am a fairly drama free person and this type of behavior coming from a guy is starting By Lauren Strec to freak me out a little bit. Is this a problem that can be solved or am I just missing the writing on the wall? Bridget Dear Bridget, If he keeps bringing up past arguments, then he is still holding a grudge, or hasn’t received any closure from those previous situations. Sit down any address those occurrences, and straight-out ask what he wants from you. If there isn’t anything to resolve, and he keeps giving you a run-around, he might be one of those people who constantly make themselves a victim. If that’s the case, you have to decide if you like this guy enough to work with him on that, or get the hell out because that is not something that is cured overnight. Dear La La, Let me begin by saying I am not the insecure type at all! I was well aware that when my boyfriend and I started dating that he and his ex-girlfriend before me were still friends, although I am really starting to question her intentions. I trust him and FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

truthfully I really think he is clueless about the situation, but from one woman to another I’m no dummy. Phone calls almost daily and at any hour? Constantly commenting on his facebook posts? Randomly showing up where ever we are? I really do adore him but I’m not sure I can handle much more of this. Any ideas on how I approach the situation with looking like I’m the crazy bitch? Crazy Jane Dear Jane, The only crazy bitch in this scenario is the ex-girlfriend, and she needs to get bounced from your personal time. As far as approaching your boyfriend about this topic, it’s all about delivery. If you go into a conversation whining or demanding, then you will sound like a spaz. But if you lay out the same things that you just told me, in a constructive manner, then you can make some progress. You both are a team, so the ex’s actions affect you both. Explain that you’re NOT asking him to eliminate HER. It’s the late calls and surprise visits that need to cease. Don’t take her calls, don’t tell her where you two are going, and don’t “check in” on Facebook. If she still weasels her way in, he should inform her that you two want some private time. If she still can’t get it through her head that she’s intruding, then it’s confrontation time, and he may need to cut her loose, if he wants to keep you. Lauren Strec is a media host, blogger, and beer-drinker. Check out her website, LaurenStrec.com for videos, blogs, and social media links. 773.213.4597

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Who’s Your Favorite Bartender?

WIN MOS TV S TO PART OTES Y 24 FR FOR IEN U DS P

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Any bartender is eligible: Go to facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine. ‘Like’ the page and ’Like’ or Comment on the bartenders photo or comment on a bartender you’d like to support or TEXT ONLY (NO PHONE CALLS FOR VOTES) @ 773.213.4597. The winner who receives the most votes via text & facebook will receive a 4 hour limo bus from LIMOSALIVE.NET for 24 of their friends. Rules on Page 21

Ashley Marie

Waterhouse

3407 N. Paulina

‘LIKE’ us on 20 WHATS UP XTRA

Jimmi

Lincoln Tap Room

3010 N Lincoln

WHAT’S UP XTRA MAGAZINE then VOTE

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AUGUST BARTENDER OF THE MONTH x

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SEAN COMMONWEALTH 2000 W ROSCOE

Rules: All service employees are eligible to win. The service employee who receives the most votes in the month wins. You can submit your vote by texting (773) 213.4597 or go to facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine “like” our page and vote by hitting “like” on the bartender’s photo .

Only two votes are counted per person one via text and one via facebook. Voting polls close on September 20th. *The Pub Crawl will begin at the employee of the months bar and the limo bus will accommodate 24 passengers. Gratuity not included and must be paid prior to service.

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TRAVEL

North or South? Two Perfect Adult Getaways With summer nearing end and the anticipation of the holiday season just around the corner, an inexpensive getaway that won’t break the bank might be a perfect end to a perfect summer. You don’t have to travel too far North or South to feel a world away from the everyday madness of your city or suburban lifestyle. Something as simple as a few days of sleeping in with nature as our alarm clock, a workout that involves a trek up the side of a waterfall with an uncertain incline, a beverage and nap poolside, a book fireside or dance party poolside before bed can give us just the clarity and rejuvenation we need to recharge our batteries for the busy months ahead. Just minutes from Starved Rock State Park in Utica IL, Kishauwau Country Cabins offer rental luxury cabins with fully equipped kitchens, whirlpool tubs, covered porches, personal outdoor fire-pits and indoor woodstoves or gas fireplaces. Local shopping and dining are available just minutes away and close by you'll find four state parks; Starved Rock State Park, Matthiessen State Park, Buffalo Rock State Park, and Illini State Park all offering a multitude of recreational opportunities. Bicycling, hiking, horseback riding, golfing and cross-country skiing are just a few of the many fun-filled activities available or simply enjoy the 1/2 mile hiking trail leading to the Vermilion River right on the property. The owners are accommodating and attentive to your many needs. Plan your visit to Kishauwau Country Cabins if you seek the solitude that can only be found in nature. A 1½ hour drive southwest of Chicago (convenient to Interstates 80 and 39); Kishauwau Country Cabins is ideal for a weekend getaway or a longer vacation. For more information go to www.kishauwau.com or call 1-815-442-8453.

Utica Illinois

Do you enjoy the Wisconsin Dells experience but ever imagined what it would be like to enjoy the area without water parks, chasing kids and feeding deer? Well you are in luck, because I found just that spot! The Journey of the Edge-O-Dells started in the 1950’s as a Root Beer Stand and Go-Kart track. The bar was locally known for having the best burgers in the county. In 2001, Tim and Sunny Roberts purchased the bar and Go-Kart track and over the years, the bar grew from 25×25’ to the 5000 square foot oasis it is today. Currently the grounds consist of 65 campsites, 13 new rental cabins, a 2000 square foot pool, tiki bar, hot tub, volleyball and horseshoes. Edge O’ Dells is a place where groups of adults can get together and enjoy each other’s company without the kids! Rock bands late at night, pool parties for adults with volleyball & basketball, DJ, outdoor volley ball courts, horseshoes…you get the picture! From the Chicago area take interstate 90/94 to Exit # 85 Hwy 12/16. Turn left onto Hwy 12/16 W and travel ½ mile. Edge O’ Dells is located on the left side of the road. For more information go to www.edgeodells.com or call (608) 2534275. A more serene getaway or camping with a “kick”, whichever spot you opt for is sure to bring serenity and memories to cherish for years to come! By: Lisa Hanrahan Romack

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Wisconsin Dells

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HALF WAY TO ST. PATRICK’S DAY PARTY SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 20TH

KIERAN MURPHY TRINITY IRISH DANCERS PIPES & DRUMS OF THE EMERALD SOCIETY

RED REBEL COUNTY

Norwood Park Fall Fest Saturday Sept 20th & Sunday Sept. 21st At Norwood Park Train Station

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Kelly’s Pub

81

949 W. WEBSTER

773- 281- 0656

Years of Serving Beers

FOOD SPECIALS DAILY

VISIT US AT KELLYSPUB.COM FOR UPCOMING EVENTS

Sunday: Monday: Tuesday: Wednesday:

$15 Miller Lite Buckets & $3 Lagunitas Drafts $1 Coors Drafts $2 Bud & Bud Light Bottles

Thursday:

$8 Coors Light Pitchers + $5 3 Olive Vodka Bombs $4 Goose Island Green Line Drafts $12 Coors Buckets

Friday: Saturday:

$2 Off All Drafts

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