What's Up Xtra Magazine Southwest April 2014 by Lisa Romack

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HAPPY EASTER Sunday April 20

TABLE OF CONTENTS

OUR ST A FF keith romack publisher

8 news and stuff 10 OUT AND ABOUT PHOTOS

Lisa romack Sales Director

12 ASK THE WINO 13 HOROSCOPE x

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Robert Christiansen Column Writer

diane serbentas photographer

22 are you smarter than chester 24 la las love letters

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25 Sudoku and crossword puzzle Check us out online - Read the magazine, Photos & More... www.whatsupxtra.com

Front page photo taken at Demma’s The name What’s Up Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine -2014 We encourage our readers to write their stories, send photos, and make comments. All submissions sent to us by phone, email, fax, or handwritten become the property of What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine.

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Joliet Dave Contributing writer lauren strec contributing writer

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Catch All Blackhawk Action Here!!! Game day Blackhawk Jersey $4 U Call Its CHICAGO 4201 W. 55TH ST Joe Likes It On The Porch Joe’s wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch. His wife, with hurt feelings, said, “What’s the matter, Joe? Don’t you like my singing?”

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Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to try just one more time. Thomas A. Edison

Joe replied, “Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I’m not beating you.”

A Mood Ring is Not Always A Good Idea My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood, it turns green. When I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his fat forehead. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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News & Stuff E-Cig Regulation Changes Gun Confiscation At Airport People of any age can buy them, and they come in hundreds of flavors from fruity and sweet to your favorite tobacco. An e-cigarette is a cartridge filled with a nicotine solution. It has a battery to power a coil that heats the solution into vapor. The tip glows blue instead of red. The nicotine is the same as found in cigarettes and nicotine patches. Some public health concerns: *Encourages former smokers to switch to e-cigarettes even though there's no long-term research about health risks. According to Bloomberg BusinessWeek, there could be an increase in the number of Americans who smoke. * For some, it will be a gateway product. It will encourage them and young smokers to develop the nicotine habit, which would lead back to regular cigarettes. * Teenagers can buy them and start smoking right away. With regular cigarettes, they would get dizzy, cough and have to learn how to inhale. At the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the rise of e-cigarettes is being prominently discussed. * While not inhaling nicotine smoke reduces the risk of lung cancer, e-cigarettes bring other problems. Nicotine is a vasoconstrictor that narrows blood vessels and drives up blood pressure. If inhaled several times a day, it's hard to imagine the long-term health effects. Further, no one knows what inhaling those "generally recognized as safe" glycerin and propylene glycol additives, will do to the lungs over time. Under former mayor Michael Bloomberg, New York expanded the ban on smoking in public places to include e-cigarettes. In Chicago, Mayor Rahm Emanuel did the same thing. In Brazil, e-cigarettes have been banned outright.

How to think like Navy SEALS

Because of their intense training, Navy SEALs are not only tough but they're experts at setting goals. Retired SEAL Commander Mark Divine, co-author of The Way of the Seal: Think Like an Elite Warrior, gives this advice in USA WEEKEND. 1) Focus on one major thing, deﬁne it well, then focus until you make it happen. Ask yourself, "Does my schedule get me closer to my goal?" 2) See your success. Imagine your goal in the most concrete terms: what it looks and feels like and what you need to achieve it. 3) Set wayside goals. On your path to the prize, set and achieve smaller wayside goals mark your way forward. These give you momentum.

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Checkpoints On The Rise

Be warned. Even if you are a licensed gun owner, your weapon will be confiscated if you are carrying it or have it in your carryon. The Transportation Security Administration found 1,828 guns on travelers preparing to board planes in 2013, a 20 percent increase from 2012. To bring a gun on a trip, it must be unloaded, in a secure container, and stored in checked baggage. About 84 percent of the confiscated weapons were loaded, and one in three had a bullet in the chamber, a TSA study shows. The weapons most frequently confiscated were .38-caliber and 9 mm handguns. Jeffrey Price, who follows aviation security as a professor at Metropolitan State University in Denver, says travelers have become more relaxed as the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 recede into history. But the expansion of risk-based screening such as Pre-check, which focuses on less-frequent travelers, also might be responsible for officers finding more contraband.

Some Buses Can Spout Warnings To Pedestrians Everyone knows those people. You can't sit at a table with them and chat because, when it is your turn to talk, their head is in their smartphone. Distracted interaction of all sorts is insulting, but distracted walking has become downright dangerous. People have fallen off piers, fallen into fountains, walked into oncoming traffic. According to CBS News, on city streets, in suburban parking lots and in shopping centers, there are usually people strolling while talking on a phone, or a person texting with his People have fallen head down, listening to music, or playoff piers, fallen into ing a video game. The problem isn't as fountains... widely discussed as distracted driving, but the danger is real. An Ohio State University study shows that thousands of people are treated in emergency rooms each year, and the number is growing. Distracted walking has become such a problem that cities are taking steps to stop it. In Portland, Ore., the TriMet transit agency is installing flashing lights on its buses or having them issue audio warnings -- "Bus is turning!" -- as officials search for the most effective way to wake up pedestrians. In Rexburg, Idaho, there's a $50 fine for texting while in a crosswalk. One Nevada state lawmaker says, "Texting is like a drug. People are addicted." WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM

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Come out and celebrate Jessica’s Birthday. You won’t want to miss this one.

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How To Get Out of A Ticket or Not An Illinois State trooper pulled a car over on I-90 about 2 miles west of the O’Hare Airport. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a juggler and was on his way to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some ﬂares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 ﬂares, lit them and handed them to him. While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy traveling from Indiana got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

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The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test."

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Sex and How Often? A noted sex therapist realized that people often lied about the frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone has had sex.

A New Life Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again. Og Mandino, author and consultant

To prove his theory, he ﬁlled an auditorium with people, and went down the line, asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person's smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately until he came to the last man in line, an elderly gentleman, who was grinning from ear to ear. "Twice a day," the therapist guessed. But the therapist was surprised when the man says no. "Once a day, then?" Again the answer is no. "Twice a week?" "No." "Twice a month?" "No." The man ﬁnally said yes when the doctor got to "once a year." The therapist is angry that his theory isn't working, and asks the elderly gentleman, "What the heck are you so happy about?" The gent answered, "Tonight's the night!" FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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Everything Seems To Be Fine An elderly married couple scheduled their medical examination on the same day so that they could answer any questions the doctor might have concerning their partner. After the husband's exam, the doctor then said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concern that you would like to ask me?" "In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I'm usually cold and chilly." The doctor said that he would examine the wife, and then report back to the man. After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?" "Oh that crazy old nut", she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!"

Champions aren't made in gyms but from something they have deep inside them: a desire, a dream, a vision. Muhammad Ali, champion boxer

ASK THE WINO... About Spring Love

WINO: Doug Simmons Drink of Choice: Two Fingers of Cognac Like’s: hips, lips and ﬁngertips Dislike’s: cobweb booty and spider nipples

Rachel, a hair stylist asks: My parents are very strict about whom I can marry. Do you have any advice on where I can ﬁnd a nice Jewish boy that won’t freak out my Orthodox parents? WINO: “Don’t be so closed-minded, baby. We’re all the same color when the lights are out. I’m in between ladies right now, how about you and I feel it out, I’d like to part your “Red Sea” with my “meat Moses”, and my ladies parents generally dig me. Mindy, a personal trainer asks: I feel like my boyfriend doesn’t take me seriously, because he knew I was awkward in high school. Why does he think it’s okay to constantly belittle me? WINO: The hell if I know! Back in the day, there was this girl on my block that had a bad case of the crotch spiders. They used to call her “Dirty Diaper Denise” ‘cuz of the way she walked. Anyhow if your Man isn’t doing it for you I’ll play slap and tickle with you. Becky, a retail clerk asks: I’ve been overweight my whole life, but my husband wants me to lose a ton of weight so I can wear his mother’s dress for our wedding next month. What should I do!?! WINO: “Not a damn thing! I’ll take a crack at ‘dat crack, right now! The bigger the waistband, the deeper the quicksand, baby. Goddamn!, I gotta run take care of business, cops around here don’t like my taking care of business out in the open.”

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Revelations from the new Match.com survey For its Singles in America 2013 survey, more than 5,000 single men and women ages 21 to 71 took part in Match.com's survey. Here are some of the things they said: * 92 percent of single men said they would feel comfortable about it if a woman asks them out. * The big three criteria by which singles judge a date are grammar, conﬁdence and teeth. * "Treats me with respect," is the most important quality in a partner for both men and women. * 92 percent of singles drink on the ﬁrst date.

Husband and Wife Have Serious Needs A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufﬁcient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

* Straight singles under age 40 believe the man should always pay.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”

* 72 percent of women think it's OK to casually date more than one person at the same time vs. 60 percent of men.

The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I ﬁsh.”

* 74 percent of singles would date someone of a different ethnicity. * 89 percent of singles believe you can stay married to the same person forever. * Most gay men and lesbians want to get married. Thank you Match.com for the survey.

APRIL HOROSCOPE ARIES: You'll ﬁnd that your sensitive side leaves you open to many possibilities. It helps target your goals and work toward them. Don't plunge in. First create a plan.

LIBRA: You may need to smile even though you don't feel like it. The smile can perk up your winning attitude, make you look good, and generate cooperation.

TAURUS: While you are an excellent manager of money, you will occasionally splurge to get something you want. It's OK, just don’t go overboard. You'll still pay the bills and save a little.

SCORPIO: Right now, you're strong enough to create whatever you think you can. Don't let any petty behavior by others rob you of your momentum.

GEMINI: One reason you're a hard worker: you love those little (and not so little) luxuries. You value the quality of your work, but it's also a means to an end. CANCER: In conversations with fellow workers, watch for facial cues that can indicate whether they want to hear more or whether you've already said enough or too much. LEO: Your stability is an important asset. It means you are also dependable and thorough. Being grounded will help you achieve what you want, so don't change now. VIRGO: Sometimes you find it difficult to get going, but not this month. You're invigorated, and a sense of time restriction just pushes you on to finish the race. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

SAGITTARIUS: Have patience with yourself. Knowing you're not as good at something as you want to be brings the opportunity to excel. CAPRICORN: Feeling at loose ends? Use mood repair to your advantage. Skip the negative thoughts and picture yourself feeling great after you knock away a roadblock. AQUARIUS: Motivating others is part of your work even if it isn't in your job description. Don't give up if they just don't seem to get it. They'll catch on before long. PISCES: Anticipation of a long-anticipated victory at work has you feeling ﬁdgety. Try distractions like sports or taking your loved one to dinner. Good things are brewing for your future. 773.213.4597

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Any bartender is eligible: Go to facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine. ‘Like’ the page and ’Like’ or Comment on the bartenders photo or comment on a bartender you’d like to support or TEXT ONLY (NO PHONE CALLS FOR VOTES) @ 773.213.4597. The winner who receives the most votes via text & facebook will receive a 4 hour limo bus from LIMOSALIVE.NET for 24 of their friends. Rules on Page 21

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JESSICA Marty’s Place

2357 Plainﬁeld Rd Crest Hill Rules: All service employees are eligible to win. The service employee who receives the most votes in the month wins. You can submit your vote by texting (773) 213.4597 or go to facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine “like” our page and vote by hitting “like” on the bartender’s photo .

Only two votes are counted per person and voting polls close on April 20th. *The Pub Crawl will begin at the employee of the months bar and the limo bus will accommodate 24 passengers. Gratuity not included and must be paid prior to service.

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Coming Soon and Available Coca-Cola In A K-Cup From Your Kitchen Coca-Cola has signed a 10-year agreement to sell its drinks through an at-home beverage system developed by Green Mountain Coffee roaster, maker of Keurig single-serve coffee makers. Coke's drinks will be available in K-cup pods around the world through the KeurigCold system. Coke brands include Sprite, Fanta, Minute Maid and Powerade.

Create Your Own Custom-Fit Sneakers Rather than having to break in a new pair of sneakers, you can get the right ﬁt immediately using the Foot Balance Quick Fit ($45 at footbalance.com or at retailers). The insoles will feel like custom orthotics but for a fraction of the price. Preheat your oven to 175 degrees, add the insoles and heat for a few minutes. Then slip them into shoes you already own and take a quick lap around the house so they can mold to each foot's' unique shape.

Take A Photo From Your Shirt The Narrative Clip ($279) snaps onto your shirt and could be the answer to the irritating situation of phones in front of people's faces at parties. The wearable camera silently takes photos and stores them until they are uploaded to a phone or computer. It takes a photo every 30 seconds. They are arranged in a contact sheet on your phone and software highlights the most interest shots, or it gives you a sped-up video of your day.

All Mixed Up

The Mint Julep The Mint Julep has been promoted cocktail at the Kentucky Derby since 1938. Each year almost 120,000 juleps are served at Churchill Downs over the two-day period of the Kentucky Oaks and the Kentucky Derby, virtually all of them in specially made Kentucky Derby collectible glasses. The Early Times Mint Julep Cocktail has been the designated "ofﬁcial mint julep of the Kentucky Derby," although the Early Times sold within the United States is a Kentucky whiskey, not a bourbon. Choose your favorite bourbon at a bar near you and enjoy the Derby Saturday May 3rd.

Ingredients

Crushed ice is best shaved ice works as well. 3 oz. of Bourbon whiskey 4 to 6 sprigs mint leaves Sugar, to taste

Preparation

Put mint, sugar, and a small amount of bourbon into the bottom of a mixing glass. Gently muddle the mint and sugar, then let stand for a bit to allow the muddled leaves to release their ﬂavor. Strain and pour into a julep cup (or similar glass), rotating to coat the sides. Fill with ice, and then add the rest of the bourbon whiskey. Garnish with a lightly slapped small mint sprig.

Instant Hotel Check - In No-wait check-in systems It's what travelers have always dreamed of: walking by the checkin desk line and going straight to their rooms. It's possible because the hotel has sent them a message on their smartphones that gives them a virtual key. Guests at Starwood Hotels and Resorts Worldwide can just tap or twist their phones near the room door and it will unlock, using Bluetooth technology. Only a few hotels are set up for it now, but many others have similar plans. Hotel operators have been searching for ways to eliminate the bottlenecks that can form at a hotel's front desk. "Everybody has to check in, but we are all doing it the same way we were 100 years ago," says Christopher Nassetta, CEO of Hilton Worldwide Holdings. It's something the chain is addressing. Marriott International has a process called mobile check-in at 350 of its hotels, with another 150 getting the service this summer. Loyalty program members can check in via their phone, and then go to a separate desk to pick up a key. At The Starwood hotels, executives say some guests prefer the personal touch at check in and the hotels have no plan to remove front desks.

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Registration 8:30 am Sullivan’s, 4660 W. 147th St, Midlothian $5.00 Breakfast 8-9AM

Raffles * Door Prizes * FREE Bike Show * Run Pins to First 700 Bikers * Live Music and Food at the post-run party

Walk-Ins and Non-Run Participants are invited to the Post-Run party at Sullivan’s, 4660 W. 147th Street, Midlothian starting at 1:30 pm $15 entry fee donated to Park Lawn * Food, Live Music and More! Post run party is open to all 2 wheels and 4 wheels – RAIN OR SHINE!!

Park Lawn’s mission is to provide services that promote independence, choice and access to community living for individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities. 708-425-6867 * Park Lawn * 10833 S. LaPorte * Oak Lawn, IL 60453 www.parklawn.com * facebook.com/parklawncharity FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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The Lighter Side Barber Shop The guys at the barber shop asked me what actress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with. I told them the one who knows how to ﬁx elevators. Politician's Sandwich On a political tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop had named a sandwich after him. He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.

Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”? Short Stack

1. Standing 5’4” tall, who was the shortest U.S. President? a-Thomas Jefferson, b-Franklin D. Roosevelt, c-Martin Van Buren, d-James Madison. 2. What American writer wrote short stories narrated by an alter ego named Nick Adams? a-Ernest Hemingway, b-Edgar Rice Burroughs, c-William Faulkner, d-J.D. Salinger. 3. What is the medical term for shortsightedness? a-Presbyopia, b-Hyperopia, c-Myopia, d-Ambylopia.

"Mostly baloney," said the owner Four-Letter Surgery Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. He said he was OK but he didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used while working on him. "What did he say," asked the nurse.

4. Which planet has the shortest year? a-Mercury, b-Venus, c-Earth, d-Jupiter. 5. Which of these was NOT the title of a Wallace and Gromit animated short? a-"The Wrong Trousers,” b-"Fractured Friendship,” c-"A Close Shave,” d-"A Grand Day Out."

"OOPS!"

6. In what sport might you be penalized with a “short corner”? a-Rugby, b- Field hockey, c-Soccer, d-Cricket.

Marriage Math

7. Which of Shakespeare’s plays is the shortest? a-“Coriolanus,” b-“Two Gentlemen of Verona,” c-“A Comedy of Errors,” d-“Twelfth Night.”

I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number? First Seminar The students were attending their ﬁrst seminar on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the leader, "Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student.

8. "A Short History of Nearly Everything" is a scientiﬁc work by what bestselling travel author? a-Donald Hamilton, b-Bill Bryson, c-Paul Theroux, d-Donovan Webster. 9. What band had a hit in the 1950s with “Short Shorts”? a-The Royal Teens, b-The Four Seasons, c-The Knickerbockers, d-The Champs. 10. What was the nickname of Indiana Jones's young companion in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom"? a-Short Round, b-Short Stuff, c-Shortcake, d-Short Circuit.

"And the opposite of depression, Ms. Smith?" "Elation." "And you, sir, what is the opposite of woe?" Bubba: "That would be giddy up." Housekeeper? The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it."

"Texas A & M."

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6-c, Field hockey 7-c, A Comedy of Errors 8-b, Bill Bryson 9-a, The Royal Teens 10-a, Short Round

"What does it say on your shirt?"

Answers

1-d, James Madison 2-a, Ernest Hemingway 3-c, Myopia 4-a, Mercury 5-b, Fractured Friendship

Laundry A housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. He shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

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SPORTS SHORTS The Garland of Kentucky Races Protective Pitchers Caps Two colors, two ﬂowers, two races at Churchill Downs

Pitchers will have the chance to wear new custom-ﬁtted caps with special protective plates this spring.

On May 2 and 3, the 140th Kentucky Derby and 140th Longines Kentucky Oaks horse races take place at Churchill Downs. Both are the oldest continuously-run sporting events in history. The races always held at the same venue.

Not all pitchers are happy with the new cap, but it is one attempt to protect them from line drives to the head. One such blast sent pitcher Brandon McCarthy of the Arizona Diamondbacks to emergency brain surgery in 2012.

The winning Derby horse is draped with a garland of 400 red roses sewn onto a green satin backing. The Oaks winner is draped with a garland of pink stargazer lilies. Both are official colors and flowers known by horse aficionados are synonymous with the races. The rose garland contains a special circlet of roses surrounded by ferns, with one rose pointed upward to signify the struggle and heart required to win the Derby. The Derby jockey gets a huge bouquet of 60 longstemmed roses tied in 10 yards of ribbon. For the fifth time, attendees of the Kentucky Oaks will THINK PINK and integrate the color into their attire to honor the Oaks involvement with the local breast cancer initiative, Horses and Hope. A Survivors Parade will circle the Churchill Downs field and feature those selected through an online nomination process. The Kentucky Oaks is the foremost stakes race for three-year-old fillies and one of the most popular horse races. Both will get record-breaking TV and radio coverage during the week.

IsoBLOX, the manufacturer, says the caps are 7 ounces heavier than regular caps and about 1 inch wider. They are available now for use on a voluntary basis. The caps create a crumple zone for the ball. Testing shows it absorbed impact up to 90 mph in the front and 85 mph on the side. MLB wanted caps that could handle at least an 85-mph impact, so these caps exceed the specs, according to USA Today. MLB says pitchers' headgear will be evolutionary from the youth leagues up rather than a sudden change at the major league level. One isoBLOX exec commented that the new hats will look different until they don't anymore because everyone will be used to seeing them. He also noted that nobody wanted helmets in hockey either and nobody wanted face masks in football. The Toronto Blue Jays' pitcher, J.A. Happ, who was sidelined with a skull fracture for months after a line drive hit, he says that if the new cap is functional and comfortable, he's deﬁnitely for it. Tampa Bay Rays' Alex Cobb, who suffered a concussion, thinks the headgear should be required.

BOOK REVIEW

The Success Equation: Untangling Skill and Luck in Business, Sports, and Investing by author Michael J Mauboussin Skill or Luck: Can you see the difference? Young people just starting out in life may not be able to see what older people know for sure: It isn't just skill that gets you ahead. It is also opportunity meeting knowledge, awareness and circumstances out of your control. That would be luck. Take Michael J Mauboussin, for example. He claims he got his first job from a trash can. (No spoilers here; you'll have to read the book.) The trash can, however, provided him with a bit of opportunity coupled with preparation. That trash can gave him a great start. Today, Mauboussin is an investment strategist who has been on the faculty of the Columbia Graduate School of Business since 1993. In his book The Success Equation: Untangling Skill and Luck, Mauboussin defines the limits of skill and the quality of luck. His book is a favorite of Wall Street experts who daily try to forecast what financial tools will grow. The book is packed with vignettes illustrating what factor luck has played in great success stories. But he goes one step further,

discussing how luck can be understood in terms of sports, investing and business. You won't ﬁnd just soft stories, however. Before you know it, the author has slipped in a discussion of statistics and how they inﬂuence outcome. You might never want to read a book on statistics, but you might be surprised at the end of this book to discover you have, in fact, learned something about statistics. You'll like this book if you want to maximize your chances to capitalize on luck in your profession. The Success Equation: Untangling Skill and Luck in Business, Sports, and Investing, Michael J Mauboussin.

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La La’s Love Letters By Lauren Strec

Dear LaLa, I’m interested in pursuing a business venture that my wife does not support. Do you have any suggestions on how I should go about getting support from my wife? Donnie Trumpus

Dear Don, Thinking off the top of my head, two reasons as to why your wife may not support you is because she cannot relate to your passion, or because there is some sort of risk involved. With the latter, it will take more than coaxing to get someone on board. Losing money, sacrificing luxuries, or delaying life plans are some things at stake, and you’re going to have to lay out the pros and cons and ask her, as your wife, to stick by your side with it all. But first, paint a picture as to how much this endeavor means to you. Enlighten her by explaining how this job sparks a fire inside of you. She needs to see how happy this makes you, in order for her to want have your back. As long as you’re not trying to open a brothel, the two of you should ride this adventure together. Dear LaLa, I was watching a movie Mel Gibsons What Woman Want. And thought to myself it would be great to have that power. Especially, as the wife was screaming from the other room to take out the garbage. Surely, that’s not all she wants is for me to take out the garbage, if that was the case she could order a monkey via the internet. Anyways, could I really zap myself with a blow dryer in the bath tub or could you help me avoid the pain and give me a little insight as to what do women really want? Mel

TRUE FACTS – Believe It or Not 1. If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds just like Pac-Man. 2. You just put your finger in your ear. 3. Maine is the closest U.S. state to Africa. 4. Russia has a larger surface area than Pluto. 5. Saudi Arabia imports camels from Australia. 6. Hippo milk is pink. 7. The toy Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. 8. Woody from Toy Story has a full name too — it’s Woody Pride. 9. And while we’re at it, Mr. Clean’s full name is Veritably Clean. 10. Oh, and Cookie Monster’s real name is Sid. 11. Carrots were originally purple. 12. The heart of a blue whale is so big; a human can swim through the arteries. 13. France was still executing people with a guillotine when the first Star Wars film came out. 14. The last time the Chicago Cubs won the baseball World Series, the Ottoman Empire still existed. 15. And lollipops had not yet been invented. 16. And women did not have the right to vote in the United States. 17. Turtles can breathe out of their butts. 18. One more fact about the Cubs: The last time they won the World Series, Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii, and New Mexico were not yet states. 19. But the good news is: Honey never spoils. You can eat 32,000-year-old honey. 20. There are more stars in space than there are grains of sand on every beach on Earth. 21. And there’s enough water in Lake Superior to cover all of North and South America in one foot of water.

Dear Mel, Women want the same thing that men want! Gay, straight, bi… if someone is looking for a relationship, they want a person who will support them, love them, make them feel at ease, to share experiences, and just have a damn good time. In essence, if you ﬁnd a woman that truly interests you, just pay attention. You don’t have to by a psych major to discover what she wants and doesn’t want. And if you are stuck in a bind, JUST ASK her.

Lauren is a spokesmodel for tv, radio, live events, blogging and social media. Connect at Facebook. com/LaurenStrec for tidbits, news and fun photos

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live music corner

Musicians gather to “Break The Silence” of Autism By: Joliet Dave

Musicians often get a bad rap. Egotistical, self-centered and demanding. Often this is the case but most times it is not. Case in point is Chicago based band Veilside. For the sixth year in a row, the band is hosting “Breaking The Silence, A Benefit For Autism Awareness” to be held April 27th 2014 at Durty Nellie’s, located at 180 N Smith Street in Palatine. The event begins at 12 Noon and continues until 8PM, admission at the door is $10 with VIP main floor seating at $75 and balcony tables at $100. This is an all-ages show with children under 12 admitted free. 100% of the proceeds from this years’ event will go to the New Horizon Center, an organization dedicated to children and adults with developmental disabilities and autism. Founded in 1967 and located at 6737 W. Forest Preserve Avenue in Chicago, New Horizons’ mission is to provide education and training to children and adults with severe disabilities and autism. Founded by Veilside drummer Ron Thomas along with his wife Jean, “Breaking The Silence” came about after years of the Thomas’ struggling with their own childs’ diagnosis of autism. What at first started as simply a small affair to raise awareness, “Breaking The Silence” has grown to be one of the most talked-about annual fundraisers in the Midwest. Bands, venues, sound and lighting companies as well as photographers, security personnel and other volunteers line-up to take part in this magnanimous event. While many people may be familiar with the term “Autism”, few really know what it means. For those that don’t know, Autism and Autism Spectrum Disorder are general terms to describe complex groups of brain disorders. In varying degrees, these disorders can be characterized by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and non-verbal communication and repetitive behavior. Symptoms are detected most often in children between 2-3 years of age. According to autismspeaks.org, estimates are that 1 in every 54 boys and 1 in 252 girls are diagnosed with autism in the United States. With non-profit organizations like New Horizon Center treating those afflicted, events like “Breaking The Silence” is taking the word to the streets. Along with sponsors ranging from “Eli’s Cheesecake” and “United Airlines” to “Morbid Stix” and “Rockstyles by Ellyse” among others, the event this year is shaping up to be the biggest yet. Last year the benefit raised $13,250 with the goal this year to top $15,000. With the array of talent scheduled and the outpouring of support, this will hopefully be achieved. Besides “Veilside”, other bands scheduled to appear are “Convoy”, “Rockstar Rodeo” and “Friction”, along with members of “7th Heaven”. In addition to the entertainment, there will also be a variety of food items available and the ever-popular raffle, which every year features a bevy of outstanding prizes donated by generous sponsors. This event is not only a great opportunity to catch some of those bands you’ve always wanted to see in one sitting, but will also assist a great cause with 100% of the proceeds staying right here in the area. For more information please go to the Facebook page for “Breaking The Silence” at https://www.facebook.com/Autismbenefit#. You can also catch “Veilside” at H.O.M.E Bar in Arlington Heights on April 4th and Rockstar Rodeo April 5th at Gipper’s II in Coal City and April 18th at Durbin’s in Plainfield.

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TA L E S F R O M T H E C H R I S

That Darn Cat! By Rob Christiansen

Dennis used to have two cats he had kept upon desperate request of their owners, husband & wife, boarders in his humble abode from wherein he had had to evict. One cat had long gray hair and the other cat short orange hair. Gray cat shed, but Dennis always thought he swept or vacuumed up after it. He, alone, cared for the cats for three years until Mr. & Mrs. were back on their feet and happily reclaimed them. Cat-less, Dennis vacationed in Florida and stayed with his parents at their place in Vero Beach. Later on, they all traveled to Naples because his sister and her family were vacationing there. Two days before the trip, Dennis and his parents lunched at Houlihan’s in beautiful downtown Vero Beach. Their server introduced herself as Lodi, the name on her uniform tag. “Before we get started, would anyone like a glass of water?” she asked. “It’s a hot day and you should keep your fluids up.” Everyone accepted water. On a subsequent visit to their table she said “Lodi” was her last name, and that her first name was Jane. She elaborated from there. By now her guests had had water standing before them for several minutes but hadn’t sipped much of it. Jane lived with two female roommates, who also work in the food & beverage industry, in an apartment a few blocks from the ocean. Her bedroom was small and lacked a closet. She had a dresser with photos tucked in the broad mirror. The mirror bore a message Jane had drawn in blue lipstick that stated, “You may be upset if you fail, but you will be doomed if you don’t try.” “Beverly Sills, the opera singer,” she said. Dennis didn’t expect to be in Jane’s apartment or in her room. He was supposed to be running errands with his parents. He had lent them support with his presence in a doctor’s office Monday when they received shingles shots. Dennis didn’t have a car for his own use until he rented one at Avis, after Jane had invited him over. Well, she hadn’t invited him over. Not on her first pass. “Do you want to see ‘Bye Bye Birdie’ tonight?” she had asked him at the restaurant, after he had humorously volunteered to impregnate her…. It’s a long story. Dennis picked her up in a hot new rent-acar and drove to the theater. Now, after the musical, he was in Jane’s room because it was her sanctuary. The rest of the place made her feel less at home and reminded her that she didn’t have her own place. “I wish I may, I wish I might, have a shower rack with just a bar of soap, a bottle of shampoo and an exfoliating sponge,” she partially sang. “And conditioner,” she said. Her room, though, was far from tidy…. She had books strewn on the dresser and floor. Looking for Mr. Right, Who Moved My Cheese?, Brigit Jones’s Diary, Lauren Bacall’s By Myself, College Algebra, To Kill A Mockingbird,

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Complete Idiot’s Guide to Being a Model, The Millionaire Mind, The Purpose-Driven Life. There was a collection of poems by Shakespeare, four inches thick and broken into three lengthwise pieces. She hung her clothes on a high pole running wall to wall. It was all summer stock she had pushed to sides of the dresser, framing it, so that the mirror wasn’t blocked and you could read the message. A pink feather boa was wrapped around the middle of the pole and a long-armed blue monkey dangled from the pole. “I saw a guy in a bar wearing the monkey around his neck,” she said. “He told me he had a monkey on his back. I laughed and told him I wanted the monkey. He said I could have it if I let him buy me a drink.” “He didn’t start low and offer you a glass of water ﬁrst?” Dennis asked. Jane laughed. “I thought his offer was too low,” she said, “so I lifted my blouse and showed him my obliques. I do sit-ups, Dennis.” “I have to move,” she said over box wine on the dresser. Neither the monkey nor her books nor her feather boa could keep her here. Dennis entertained the idea of being Lodi’s way out while riding her like a Jetski for a half hour. But above her bed—just a box spring and a mattress—a picture titled “Baie des Anges” by the artist Raoul Dufy couldn’t possibly be left behind. Upon Dennis’s invitation, Jane requested time off and traveled to Naples with him and his parents. Dennis drove the Honda Odyssey. Jane quit her job and ﬂew back to Chicago with Dennis. She was a native Floridian. “I’ve had enough good weather to last a lifetime, Dennis,” she said. “I want to wear layers of clothes that weigh more than me. It would be good exercise.” Immediately, the furnace broke down, and Dennis called a company to send someone to inspect it. It was ice cold in Chicago in January, so there was no time to wait lest the girl from Florida froze. The technician discovered gray tufts of cat hair clogging the Carrier furnace, which was only eight years old, but beyond repair now. Dennis bought a new Carrier furnace costing $6,000 with installation. Jane Lodi has medium-length dark hair and doesn’t shed, unlike the gray cat, and blue eyes that glimpse “Baie des Anges” on the living room wall. She throws spaghetti against the kitchen wall. “Is this something you saw at Houlihan’s?” Dennis asked prior to her debut pitch. “It’s done if it sticks,” she said, rearing back to throw. “It’s al dente if it doesn’t.” One day, Jane took a test that wasn’t pasta-based or based on any book she had ever read. Her result was positive.

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