March 2016
$2.00
BUY IT! SELL IT! TRADE IT! FIND IT! • • • • •
In This Issue • CuriousCover Pictures - They are back! • Easter Kid’s Colouring win a Ukelele • Tips on Toes, Energy, Finance and More • The Event List - Win Concert Tickets • Reader Survey - Let me know shassup
Come out to the show!
WA A T T O , E R T N E C Y E | 6 1 MARCH 19-20, 20 www.AdventureOttawa.ca )/. )), ! , O #-" "/(. ,# ' ! 4#( -T O ') *))& 2"# #.),- O %# S- ! ' - O 0 (./, .,A0 & O (!& ,-
0.25¢ the cost ospaper this paper to local banks orwww.valleyvendor.biz charities 0.25¢ ofofthe cost of this goes togoes local food banksfood or charities To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
MARCH 2016 • 1
Notes from the Editor
Happy St. Pat's & Happy Easter Too. Frozen February eh - sorta off and on cold. Makes for staying closer to home with the wood stove in the yellow zone to keep it all just warm nuff.. Ya been "green stickered" yet? Down our way in Whitewater - they just don't pick it up and put little greeny "ya didn't do it right, got the wrong bag" ya know eh taking the "C" out of "C"ustomer, keeping the "T" in "T"axpayer and providing less service for more money. The lads from MacKinnon's set up a treatment system to soften and deodorize the water and then the water line froze up so had em back to add a heat line and all is good. Got a little teary the other night for my siblings. I know I know what's that crotchety heartless old bugger rambling on about. They're gone but not forgotten. Had a little "family time" delivering Christmas gifts to the niece's boys then a joint luncheon next day adding Marina's 2 grandchildren and followed that up with an evening at Casino Lac Lemay dodging Chinese New Year dragons and a night at the Keg for a "still the best" steak around. Thanks to those that sent in the survey letting me know your preferences and what you'd like to see in paper. I regret having to say farewell to Marcie on delivery as full time work prevails. All the best. I doubt that I'll find anyone with such enthusiasm, patience with the "old lad" eh BUT you can apply if ya like. Ready to make in three days 80% of what others work M-F, 9-5, 4-5 weeks a month to make. Thanks to everyone that wants a current SHIT LIST in the paper - your wish is my command - list of invoice numbers now to tease you and names 'n numbers to follow. Well it snowed pretty good today (Feb 24) and the ZR- has just started tinseling on roof and windows and it looks like next week when I do the delivery I'll be slippin and slidin from Whitney to Maniwaki so will throw the Hemi into 4X4.
Til Apr - keep er upright, between the ditches and REMEMBER - Be Good To Your Mom! 2 •MARCH 2016
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4 bdrm, 2 bath, newly updated, wheel chair accessible, dbl garage, workshop, storage on 1.5 acre lot. Make this one yours this summer.
COUNTRY HOME, #975205, $330,000
Over 3,000 sq ft of living space in this lovely 4bdrm stone bungalow, on 2+ acres. Country yet easy access to hwy for commute.
TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE, #974226, $129,900
BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY, #975233, $63,900
NEW PRICE COMMERCIAL #986561, $775,000
HOME AND BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY, # 980288, $69,000
BUNGALOW ON ROUND LAKE, #978278, $379,000
Approx. 1,0876 sq ft concrete block bldg for your new venture. Great location on hwy 60 corridor between Ottawa and Algonquin Pk.
ROUND LAKE HOME, #979293, $220,000
3 bdrm home, full basement, with almost 400 ft frontage on this popular lake, half hr south of Pembroke. With a little TLC, this is the best buy on this popular lake!
Great location for this 11 unit motel, plus 2 bdrm cottage for groups or family. All updated, new portable air conditioners, Wi-Fi, TV, fridge, coffee. Owners willing to hold mortgage for qualified Buyer.
BUILDING LOT, #922587, $17,500 Half acre lot at outskirts of Killaloe, easy access to hwy 60 for commuters.
2 bungalows, 4+ acres, needing some TLC. Live in one, rent the other for income, or sever and sell one.
High traffic location for this former grocery, gas bar and mobile home on an acre fenced lot. Owner will pay for environmental assessment.
BONNECHERE RIVER HOME, # 941357, $279,900
ROUND LAKE HOME, #980579, $89,900
3 bdrm bungalow, full basement, Storey and half home on quarter acre enclosed sunroom, 100 ft sandy lot, full basement, single garage, paved beachfront. Boat into Golden Lake drive. Forty mins to Pembroke, great from your front door. for first time owner or retiree.
Homelife Donnelly Realty Inc, Brokerage • Independently Owned and Operated 2062 Tramore Road (Branch Office), Golden Lake, ON K0J 1X0 To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
MARCH 2016 • 3
4 •MARCH 2016
www.valleyvendor.biz
Sunday, March 6th, 2016 at 2:00 p.m.
Cobden Agricultural Hall - 43 Astrolabe Road, Cobden Gaven with Mike Ryan, Louis Schryer, Fea t ur ing: Gail Garry Patrois plus Step Dancers $15.00/person advance tickets show only $20.00/person at the door show only Roast Pork Supper following show (advance tickets only) $13.00/person Advance tickets available until Friday, March 4th, 2016 at Rooney’s Gas Station 74 Main Street in Cobden For more information call 613-646-2481
Sponsored by the Cobden Agricultural Society
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - ‘Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light ‘em, you can smoke ‘em.’
LIKE TO DRIVE?
Tour the Valley & Pontiac once a month over 3 days and get paid $250+ a day to do it.
Deliver the Valley Vendor
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Looking for (2) skilled Landscape Tradesmen and (1) Certified Carpenter. We are located in Metcalfe, Ontario. Approximate start date mid-April. Please call for more details (613)-822-6560 x 22, fax resume to (613) 821-3101 or email: admin@abloomlandscape.com A man boarded a plane with six kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, “Are all of those kids yours?” He replied, “No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints. To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
FREE CLASSIFIEDS ARE BACK My readers without computers need your ads.
SELL IT IN PRINT
Live on the INTERNET & Die on the WORLD WIDE WEB. Used to get the paper all around but now in the LIQUOR STORE it isn’t found! If you can’t get your VV locally just tell your favourite store to simply call me! MARCH 2016 • 5
No Longer
FREE
Valley
Vendor
Pick Up Your COPY HERE Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. ‘Quick!’ he said. ‘Send an ambulance, my wife is goin’ to have a baby!’ ‘Tell me, is this her first baby?’ the intern asked. ‘No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin’.
M&R FEEDS for all your deicing products. From ice melters, pail and bucket deicers, water trough deicers, pet bowls etc. Drop in to look at our selection at one of our three locations. Pembroke (613)732-2843 Micksburg (613)735-3689 Shawville (819)647-2814
FREE CLASSIFIEDS
Yes they are back BUY SELL WANTED personal (not commercial or business) so send them in and get your stuff sold or ask readers if they have what you want wasting away in their garage. See page 20 for the adform.
Safe from terrorists
I took down my Rebel flag (which you can’t buy on ebay any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off the front door. I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch. I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN buy on ebay) and ran it up the flag pole ... Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I’ve NEVER felt safer and I’m saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me. Plus, I bought burkas for my family when we shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way and security can’t pat us down. Hot Damn -- Safe at last – Thanks to Obama and Trudeau ! 6 •MARCH 2016
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Events List 2016 Bluegrass
April 1 & 2, 2016
Ad in this Issue
t
Check Ou
Ma April 29 -
y1
SHOWCASE 2016 It’s coming April 29, 30 and May 1st
MORE TO COME ITS EARLY YET EH JUNE
Bikes In The Bay Campbell’s Bay NOB’s Show & Shine Ladysmith Quyon Jam
JULY
River Valley Bluegrass SABSTOCK Valley Bluegrass Renfrew Palmer Rapids
AUGUST
River Valley Bluegrass II Calabogie Blues & Rib Fest Havelock Jamboree Advertise your Event in the Valley Vendor. Get on this list if you are not. Full page advertising at great reduction. Book yours now. Not see someone here that should be. Then tell em to call us for maximum Ottawa Valley exposure.
We love sponsoring your event for reduced advertising costs and free tickets eh.
READERS WIN TICKETS Yep you can win a ticket to an Event this year. Just fill out the form below and mail er in to me. 1071 Sutherland Rd RR#2, Pembroke, ON K8A 6W3
PRINT YOUR NAME EH ____________________________________________
Print Your Town Name
____________________________________________
What is your phone number _____ - _____ - ________
E-mail if you have one ____________________________________________
Last 3 Digits of your drivers license for identification
as the tickets will be at the event gate for you to pick up ____-____-____
Which Event do you want, pick only one.
(those with dates only - have free tickets) ____________________________________________
Contact Doug Stoneman at doug@showcaseinpetawawa.ca or phone 613-635-3569.
Bluegrass
May 26-29, 2016 Bluegrass Jamboree
June 17-19, 2016 Bluegrass
July 21-24, 2016 To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
MARCH 2016 • 7
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.’’ 40¢ Wings on the Bar Side after 8 pm
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo ..... Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!’
8 •MARCH 2016
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613-432-7036
290 Veterans Memorial Boulevard, Renfrew
www.jimnew.com jim@jimnew.com
Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA) after cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia) and continued his search for a good paying Canadian JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (Made in Malaysia), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can’t find a good paying job in CANADA...
PREOWNED VEHICLES Serving Renfrew & Area for over 20 yrs
2011 Chev Cruze 4 Cyl, 5 Spd, Very Sharp
$5995.00
2003 Chev Suburban 2500, 4x4, Fully Loaded
$6995
2002 GMC Yukon
2005 Ford F150
4x4, Black
King Ranch, 4x4, 4dr 191 kms $8495
$4995
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a ‘Thanks for flying our airline.’ He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
MARCH 2016 • 9
VALLEYVENDOR.BIZ THAT’S ALL THERE IS
$150
Per Mo nth
t
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Ma April 29 -
Rent fo r
“Your Total Transportation Company”
INVENTORY REDUCTION SALE
y1
SHOWCASE 2016 It’s coming April 29, 30 and May 1st
Contact Doug Stoneman at doug@showcaseinpetawawa.ca or phone 613-635-3569.
Used 20 Foot 14 gauge steel containers wood floor / 1360 Cubic Feet / 5290 Lbs tare weight
All Containers are wind & water tight Container Condition, Colour and Grade will be reflected by the price.
Telephone: (613) 735-6881 Toll Free: 1-800-663-6615 www.wemovetheworld.com Free Delivery within Renfrew County
‘O’Ryan,’ asked the druggist, ‘did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife’s appearance?’ ‘It did surely,’ replied O’Ryan, ‘but it keeps fallin’ off!’
ies d a L e h t One for
10 •MARCH 2016 www.valleyvendor.biz
My Home Baking
PISTON BROKE MOTORCYCLES INK. (Close out sale) 1984 VIRAGO
just plain good.
$3000 1959 BSA Dispatch - 650
Cookies, muffins, squares, brownies, Christmas Fruit Cakes, butter tarts, sweet breads, scones, apple crisp, pies, cakes, Spanish bar cake, cheese cake, dinner rolls, and turtles. Reasonable prices, Please allow three days advance notice. Coordinated delivery. Requests welcome. Mrs. Miller can be reached @ mailto:millerd@gozoom.ca or 613 432 9896 Renfrew area
Only $10.95
FREE CLASSIFIEDS
$4000 obo Liquidating all bikes due to health issues 613-638-3256 Meath Hill Will take TRIKE in trade to keep riding
Yes they are back BUY SELL WANTED personal (not commercial or business) so send them in and get your stuff sold or ask readers if they have what you want wasting away in their garage. See page 20 for the adform. TRAVEL INSURANCE Are you Traveling? Emergency Medical Insurance Single or Annual Multi-Trip Plans. Guaranteed Enrollment Excellent Pre-Existing Condition Coverage. Call Bob Dickson (613) 256-1625 Email bdickson@magma.ca Protect your Money
NOBS
Interested in joining up with the NOBs, just show up at the next breakfast meeting last Sun of each month. 10:00 am (winter) 09:30 am (summer) and sign up then. ——————————— Check here often or use the web & FB www.oldbastards.ca ——————————— Or just get a hold of Stu smacfarlane@bellnet.ca or 819-713-3460
M&R Feeds for all your pooland spa needs. Large selection of pools, chemicals and supplies. Pembroke (613)732-2843 Micksburg (613)735-3689 Shawville (819)647-2814
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
WANTED - Old Traps looking for old or unused traps. Anything from mouse traps to bear traps. Will pay cash and pick up. 613-332-0275 Bancroft Wood cook stove made by Guelph Stove Co., warming closet, very god condition $500.00 obo. 613-646-2230 Cobden SHOWCASE 2016 It ís coming April 29, 30 and May 1st. Contact Doug Stoneman at doug@showcaseinpetawawa.ca or phone 613-635-3569.
FIREWOOD FOR SALE Dry or green delivered. Call J.P. Allard 819-689-2430 Chapeau QC
LIKE TO DRIVE?
Tour the Valley & Pontiac once a month over 3 days and get paid $250+ a day to do it.
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Wanted - Horse Machinery hayloader, manure spreader, grain binder, seed drills,hammer mill, buggy, sleigh. 613371-0167 613-256-1563 Carp
PLACE YOUR AD Advertising Deadline for our Next Issue
Mar 28th Submission Details on Page 20 MARCH 2016 • 11
Hello out there from Country Haven Retirement Home, situated in the beautiful, winter wonderland of Beachburg! Despite the blizzard like weather we received a lot of in the month of February, we still managed to have an enjoyable time! Spring is right around the corner though, and we cannot wait for it to arrive! Midway through the month, we enjoyed a lovely Valentine’s Day Party. These special occasions are always so much fun here at Country Haven, because everyone gets into the spirit of things, and gets dressed up for the day! Our Hobby Room was full of red, white and pink, which always adds a fun touch to our party! We were happy to have the Beachburg Connection as the entertainment for our Valentine’s Day Party, and these guys never disappoint! There was a lot of singing, hand clapping and toe tapping going on, and even some dancing! We also enjoyed a delicious treat from Tim Hortons at the party; we had their seasonal, red velvet cookies with cream cheese
filling! Yum! It was a great party, and a great way to celebrate Valentine’s Day with our Country Haven Family! March is shaping up to be a good month for us here as well. Naturally, we are planning a fantastic St. Patrick’s Day Party, which honestly is one of the best parties of the year! The Irish know how to party, and on March 17th, we will all have a bit of Irish in us!
also fortunate to have a Roman Catholic Mass on the first Friday of each month, as well as a Roman Catholic Communion midway through each month. Our thanks goes out to all of the Ministers, Priests and volunteers who so greatly enhance
our spiritual lives here at Country Haven. From our Home to yours, we wish you a great month of March! Until next time...happy trails!
March also brings us the Easter Season this year, and we have several very special services planned to commemorate this. We are blessed to have a Pastoral Care Committee, as well as a very faithful and supportive Whitewater Ministerial here at Country Haven. As a result, we will be joining together in our chapel for a Palm Sunday Service, a Way of the Cross Service on Good Friday, and an Easter Service closer to the end of the month. We are
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, ‘Not guilty.’ ‘That’s grand!’ shouted Reilly. ‘Does that mean I can keep the money?’
Mon-Tue-Wed 10-5 • Thu-Fri- 11-7 • Sat 9-Noon
12 •MARCH 2016 www.valleyvendor.biz
AGES 5-13 Hey Kids... 5 to 13 years old, it’s time to sharpen your crayons and show us your best colouring! The Valley Vendor, Mill Music and Giant Tiger Pembroke are giving you a chance to: WIN a ‘Beaver Creek Ulina Soprano Ukulele" with gigbag. One $25.00 Gift Card and Two $10.00 Gift Cards courtesy of Giant Tiger Pembroke.
SPONSORS
• •
RENFREW
PEMBROKE
My Name is: My Mom/Dad/Guardian is: My Address is: My Telephone Number is: To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
I am _____years old
Mail your entry to
Valley Vendor
1071 Sutherland Road, RR#2 Pembroke, ON K8A 6W3 Entries must be received by
March 23, 2016 MARCH 2016 • 13
Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A. A bachelor.
TIP TOP TOES
Hello, it’s Audrey the foot care nurse....
Brampton Chapter
Hope everyone is having a wonderful 2016. I have been a little distracted lately and have not been at the keyboard, sorry no excuse. So, is everyone drinking enough water and moisturizing their tender tootsies?? The dry heat of furnaces trying to keep us warm during this long, cold, cold winter takes a toll on our skin!! Remember what I have told you, moisturized skin is strong skin. The best way to moisturize is from the inside out! 8-10 glasses of water a day is the best way to stay hydrated. Unless, of course you are on a restricted fluid diet, then please, ensure you are choosing your fluids carefully! Tea and coffee don’t count. Your body depends on water for survival. Did you know that water makes up more than half of your body weight? Every cell, tissue and organ in your body needs water to function correctly. For example, your body uses water to maintain its temperature, remove waste and lubricate joints. Water is essential for good health. Also it is important to moisturize skin topically. If you can’t reach your own feet, try the buddy system and rub some lotion on someone else’s feet whist they rub some on yours!! This could lead to snuggling, a great way to stay warm. Finally, if you can’t moisturize your own feet you can always find a foot care nurse like ME do it for you! Stay warm and stay well!
Professional foot care in-home or at the Clinic
Audrey Waito-Prince, RPN by appointment
Cell:
613-401-1867
270 Argyle Street, Renfrew, ON E-mail: audrey@tiptoptoes.ca Website: tiptoptoes.ca Like Us On Facebook
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, ‘Is that you I hear spittin’ in the vase on the mantle piece?’ ‘No,’ said himself, ‘but I’m gettin’ closer all the time.’ 14 •MARCH 2016 www.valleyvendor.biz
The
SHITList
Liste de MERDE The following is a list of individuals that owe me money, some that have been printed before and will be again.
============= NV-100108 - $240 Melanie Bramburger ------------------------INV-100353 - $350 INV-100354 - $300 INV-100366 - $120 Visual Concepts Doug King --------------------------INV-100578 - $600 Kyle Bancroft White Lake Lumber -------------------------INV-100947 $440 Rodeo Pontiac and they owe BAD Toilet Rentalsover $3K eh Beth Mansfield Coulonge -------------------------Innocent Sins $270 Chantelle Lewis Pembroke -------------------------INV-100954 $1000 SOF Army Surplus Marc Menard Luskville Quebec ---------------------------
============ INV-101028 $240 Allagra Bra Clinic Alan Riding Welland Ontario -----------------------INV-101049 $720 Jack’s Smokes & Coffee Sarazin - Meness Pikwakanagan Golden lake -----------------------INV-101042 - $370 Warm N Cozy Insulation Joel Schroeder Pembroke -----------------------INV-101056 $414 Via Capitole Realty Mark James Ryan Aylmer Quebec -----------------------INV-101104 $600 Cunningham’s Tracey McArthur Mills ------------------------
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
=====================
============ INV-101266 $2,150 The Grape Room Wellmasters Amerispec Ralph Banks ============ INV-101306 $432 Ryno Motors Almonte/CP Ryan =============
------------------------Don’t pay your bill, ignore it,or indicate that you never will pay! I don’t have a problem with your decision eh! ----------------------------------
$8246
Pay your bill - eh!
Money I'll never see eh!
--------------------------INV-101324 $216 RC INV-101341 $320 MR INV-101438 $270 OS INV-101654 $520 RF INV-101658 $250 AZ INV-101659 $1124 JW INV-101661 $612 VC INV-101668 $1104 OO INV-101669 $252 CA ----------------------------
HOW TO GET ON THE VV SHITLIST
HOW TO GET OFF
$4668
---------------------------MARCH 2016 • 15
MAKWA BINGO
Mondays and Wednesdays
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said ‘nothing’.The reason I said ‘nothing’ instead of saying ‘just thinking’ is because she then would have asked ‘about what?’ At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the bag?Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the bag, but how could they “know”? Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.Getting kicked in the bag is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn’t really “know”, here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.”On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the bag.” I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap in that hammock.
469 Kokomis Inamo, Golden Lake Pikwakanagan. Doors open at 5:00 pm. Warm-ups at 6:45 pm. Monday’s Jackpot $1,500 in designated number. Wednesday’s Jackpot $500 to GO! **Nevada & Progressive Balls**
613-625-2597
SMOKING AND NON-SMOKING SECTION
COMMUNITY
CALLING ALL CARD PLAYERS! Come out and join the fun EVERY Tuesday Night. 4 Hand Euchre. Elders Lodge (28 Chigibig Inamo) starting at 7:00 pm. $3.00/Person Includes light lunch and a 50/50. Donations of food for lunch is appreciated. Elders Lodge is located behind Our Lady of Nativity Church in Pikwàkanagàn, Golden Lake.
VALLEYVENDOR.BIZ THAT’S ALL THERE IS
16 •MARCH 2016 www.valleyvendor.biz
K-IN WAL IVER D R O U THR
Valley
Vendor New Contest!
Pick Up Your COPY HERE
WIN FREE Smokes
M&R Feeds for all your fencing needs. Chain link, vinyl, wrought iron, wood etc. Installation also available. Pembroke (613) 732-2843 Micksburg (613) 735-3689 Shawville (819) 647-2814 Adult Companion: A well established companion servicing Pembroke, Petawawa, Renfrew, Arnprior & Renfrew County areas/Quebec & Areas. I am mature, energetic, sexy lady who likes the company of mature, respectful gentlemen only. call only 613-635-1726 for info!!
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
The Perfect Answer “I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” screamed the wife. “I’m really disappointed.” “You can hardly blame me,” he answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.” “Well that’s your fault,” she replied.“You never told me you were willing to pay for it
FREE CLASSIFIEDS ARE BACK My readers without computers need your ads.
SELL IT IN PRINT Live on the INTERNET & Die on the WORLD WIDE WEB. Used to pickup the paper everywhere but now in Perth no one cares!! If you can’t get your VV locally just tell your favourite store to simply call me!
MARCH 2016 • 17
The good old days Comments made in the year 1955!
It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet. I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $10.00. If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store. When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost more than 20 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.
If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit; 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.
No one can afford to be sick anymore. At $15.00 a day in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood.
Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government. I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They're even making electric typewriters now.
It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.
If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it.
18 •MARCH 2016 www.valleyvendor.biz
This is why I don’t have a husband!
A police officer called the station on his radio. “I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped“. ”Have you arrested the woman?” “Not yet,. The floor’s still wet.” A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator, which she did. The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen. He proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. She was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, “Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?” Not one hand went up. So she took them home and ate them herself.
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
MARCH 2016 • 19
Free AGAIN ‘PERSONAL ONLY’ CLASSIFIED AD FORM Personal Ads are now FREE AGAIN - 30 words with or without a picture (Personal ads are for sale ads that are not meant to make you a profit through re-sale. All items must be priced) Household items, a car, a boat, a gun, some furniture – personal non-business stuff. NO emails! This is a print paper eh!
FREE personal ads will only be accepted on this form from the previous month’s paper. Thanks For Using This Form As It Was Designed. It Keeps The Word Count Correct. 1.
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Thanks For Using This Form As It Was Designed. It Keeps The Word Count Correct.
Commercial Advertisers May Call/Email The Office Directly - Or Use The Website Ad Form Send cash - if cheque add $2 banking fees. Make cheques out to RAY PAPPIN NOT Valley Vendor. Mail commercial ad and payment to: Valley Vendor 1071 Sutherland Rd. RR#2 Pembroke ON K8A 6W3 ATTENTION PLEASE: You may still email ads and pictures to printmyad@valleyvendor.biz and then e-pay Payments are still accepted by cash, cheque, email transfer and Direct Deposit to BMO 2390 3224-728 Ads arriving after deadline will appear in the following issue.
DEADLINE for the APRIL ISSUE: March 28th 20 •MARCH 2016 www.valleyvendor.biz
To place your ad look over at Page 20, eh! DEADLINE for the APRIL ISSUE: MARCH 28TH
Your ad and $$$ to reach us by then
PAST DEADLINE ADS WILL BE PRINTED IN THE FOLLOWING ISSUE (Be sure to mail your ad and/or payment to reach the office before deadline)
Delivery Of The April Paper April 4 - 7
Contact The Office For All Advertising Until I Get Sales Staff For Advertising Rates Check The Website If You Can Internet Or See The Ad Rate Page In This Paper For Sizes And Rates Office hours are M-F 9–5 for any DISPLAY AD info if needed. We do not take classified ads over the phone. Email of ad text and pictures is an easy way to go and guarantees your ad gets in the paper.
Tel: 613-638-3256 Cell: 613-401-3256 Fax: 1-866-638-3256 printmyad@valleyvendor.biz FILL OUT FORM on Page 20 and mail it to 1071 Sutherland Rd. RR#2 Pembroke ON K8A 6W3
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
MARCH 2016 • 21
Our NEW furnaces offer fuel efficiencies from 88.6% to 95.8% A Conforto furnace from MacEwen can help you save up to 40% on your heating oil consumption and reduce your greenhouse gas (ghg) emissions by up to 3,000 lbs. per year.
• European design helps • • •
maintain more even temperatures Easy-to-use electronic control High-efficiency blower (qualifies for $250 OPA rebate) Energy Star certified
As little a s $ .95 per month †
62
As low as $ .95 per month †
41
Also ask about our peace-of-mind oil storage solution.
Our guaranteed rust-proof fibreglass tank comes with a 30-year warranty that your insurance company will love. †
Certain conditions apply.
LOCAL People Serving You!
www.macewen.ca
MacEwan Petroleum Inc.
680 River Road, Pembroke, Ontario 613-735-0597 22 •MARCH 2016 www.valleyvendor.biz
Think Warm Thoughts… Plan Ahead for Spring & Summer! Although we were fortunate enough to have winter delayed for four months, it appears as though we must finally face the cold. Freezing temperatures make us want to hibernate until spring but Glenergy suggests that you use some of this time to plan for when the warmer weather arrives. Do you own a trailer? An RV? A cottage? Are you
a camper? Do you enjoy spending your weekends on the water? There are multiple ways Glenergy can equip you for all of your summer activities. Whether you’re interested in a small gadget or a larger syste for your cottage, we have what you need. Cold beer, lights, TV, water supply, device charging – we can do any or all of
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
it for you. Glenergy carries efficient DC solar refrigerators and freezers that are perfect for running from a solar system . As well as keeping your beverages cold, Glenergy can ensure that you never miss an episode of your favourite series as we now carry DC televisions! We have small solar kits for lighting and device charging. 12 V fans and water pumps
top out our offerings of DC devices. Of course, we have a very broad range of pure sine wave inverters so that you can run your regular AC devices. On a smaller scale, we have a large array of products to charge your devices. Glenergy carries solar cell phone chargers in several popular models ranging from $25 to $325. So, this year consider incorporating solar products into your busy summer! Should you have any questions do not hesitate to call us or stop in at 2669 Petawawa Blvd. Check out our webstore at Glenergy.ca. Thanks for reading our article, be sure to like us on Facebook and visit our website at glenergy.ca!
MARCH 2016 • 23
2003 Chevy Silverado 4X4
$3500 - AS IS WHERE IS $4000 saftied - brand new battery Plated and Back On The Road High km ~327,000 lots left body hard, 4X4 good, Goodyear Wrangler off road tires, Z-Bench on tailgate), towing pkg with brake controller, high cap, box liner). May be seen at Meath Hill (Muskrat River) bridge. Am only a rifle shot away call to hear it run no plates bring cash! Call Ray at 613-638- 3256
Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple? Answer - So the English can understand them.
Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn’t kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
24 •MARCH 2016 www.valleyvendor.biz
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well. ‘What’ s the matter?’ he asks. ‘I have a case of anal glaucoma,’ she says in a weak voice. ‘What the hell is anal glaucoma?’ ‘I can’t see my ass coming into work today.’
A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word “fascinate” in it. A little girl says, “Walt Disney World is fascinating.” The teacher says, “No, I said, ‘fascinate.’” Another little girl says, “There’s so much fascination when it comes to sea life.” The teacher again says, “No, the word is fascinate.” Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only “fasten 8.” To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
MARCH 2016 • 25
26 •MARCH 2016 www.valleyvendor.biz
BRIAN’$ CORNER
“B Lender”…Short term solution for Long Term benefit Sometimes, through no fault of our own, our Credit score goes downhill. This could be a result of job layoff, health issues, unusually high expenses that cause you to get behind and or miss payments on loans or Credit cards. If you go to your bank and ask for a consolidation loan or a refinance of your house
mortgage, you are declined because of your low Credit score and derogatory payment history. One solution could be to take out a second mortgage on a short term basis with a B Lender. This is a Lending Institution that will give a mortgage behind the Bank’s first mortgage position. Because this is a higher risk, the interest rate will be much higher, but in most cases still less than you are paying on your Credit cards or on some personal loans. Normally this would be a 2 year term with an extended amortization, so your overall payments would decrease significantly and help your monthly cash flow. During that two year term you can work at rehabilitating your Credit Score then re-approach a Bank with an improved Score and history and request a refinance
then at the lower Bank interest rate. SOLUTION #2…..The other solution always available if you have a lot of equity in your home is to go with a “Reverse Mortgage”. In this case if your Credit record is not good this is not an issue as the Reverse
Mortgage is based on your age, the value of your property and real estate values in your area. It is important to note you have to be 55 years or older to apply for a Reverse Mortgage. Questions? Comments? Contact me at: brian.coventry@premieremortgage.ca
Brian can be reached at his office (819) 689-2539 or Cellv(613) 312-9167 by fax (819) 689-2539 or E-mail: brian.coventry@premieremortgage.ca or Website: www.choosepremiere.com
VALLEYVENDOR.BIZ THAT’S ALL THERE IS FOR SALE
AMISH-MADE Airtight WOOD COOKSTOVES and HEATERS for sale. Affordable pricing ranging from $1600.00 and up. You can cook, bake, heat your home, have hot running water, etc. Contact Ervin 613-332-2129 ervin.webers@gmail.com www.weberswoodstoves.com
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
Cordonnier
PLACE YOUR AD Advertising Deadline for our Next Issue
Mar 28th Submission Details on Page 20
Renaissance Shoe Maker
François Rollin, Prop. 530 Rue Baume-Coulonge, QC J0X 1V0 • Leather • Fur • Harness Stitching Available
Tel: 819-683-2496
Tues. - Fri. 9:00 am -5:00 pm Sat. 9:00 am until 1 pm Depots at Local Cleaners: Renfrew, Shawville, Campbell's Bay
NEW Depot in Pembroke at VOGUE CLEANERS 274 Pembroke Street West
MARCH 2016 • 27
EVENTS Eganville Royal Canadian Legion Branch 353 57 Veterans Way, P.O. Box 196 Eganville, Ontario K0J 1T0
613-628-2802 rcl@hotmail.com
CORDONNIER RENNAISANCE SHOEMAKER
530 Rue Baume Coulonge Tues - Fri 9-5 Sat until 1 pm. Come and have your shoes repaired and tell your friends. Shoe Repair service is now offered at Vogue cleaners @ 274 Pembroke street W. in Pembroke. You can also use your Renfrew Cleaners and Pontiac Cleaners depots. Francois Rollin prop. 819 6832496 Army Surplus for sale: Gor-Tex jackets, winter parkas, blue and green come in various sizes. Sleeping bags and air mattress. Prices vary. Call 613-735-0757. Pembroke.
FREE CLASSIFIEDS ARE BACK My readers without computers need your ads.
SELL IT IN PRINT Live on the INTERNET & Die on the WORLD WIDE WEB.
Used to pickup the paper everywhere but NO more FRILLS - can’t get it there! If you can’t get your VV locally just tell your favourite store to simply call me!
March 12
KetchaStar Daycare Centre St. Pat's Dance Fundraiser Live Music, Door Prizes, Light Lunch 8 pm - Midnight $10.00/person
March 13
Ways & Means St. Patrick's Day Dance Music by The Nelson Towns Band 2 pm - 6 pm $7.00/person Light Lunch Included Donations of sandwiches/squares gratefully accepted
March 18
Training & Learning Centre Dessert Auction Featuring Preston Cull, Auctioneer Viewing & Registration 6 pm - 7 pm Auction 7 pm Live entertainment, light snacks, silent auction, raffle table, door prizes, 50/50
Thursday Night Suppers & Jam Sessions and Bingo continue.
Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up ‘til two o’clock in the morning. I can’t break her of it. Keenan: What on earth is she doin’ at that time? Finnegin: Waitin’ for me to come home .
“We make water Great!!”
FREE CLASSIFIEDS ARE BACK My readers without computers need your ads.
SELL IT IN PRINT Live on the INTERNET & Die on the WORLD WIDE WEB. Used to pickup the paper all the time now can’t find it anytime! If you can’t get your VV locally just tell your favourite store to simply call me!
LICENSED IN QC
Let Us Solve Your Water Problem!!” 613-732-2375
28 •MARCH 2016 www.valleyvendor.biz
WHERE TO FIND THE VALLEY VENDOR
The New Distribution List I A Work In Progress While Trying To Find Places To Sell The Paper ONTARIO
A Place To Stand A Place To Grow PEMBROKE Lennartz Saars on Hwy 41 Bee Line Wreckers M&R Feeds Pembroke Esso Howards Pawn (downtown) Bud Ease (beside BOM) Brewer's Edge New Star Chinese Perkins Suny's Variety Blok Pools PETAWAWA Pronto Petawawa Pizza Valley Guns CHALK RIVER Mr Gas - Halfway Gas Bar DEEP RIVER The Swap Shop Deep River Esso STONECLIFFE Yates General Store BEACHBURG Beachwest IDA FORESTER'S FALLS ANNIES GAS G&S Farm Supply CHENAUX ESSO (J&R) COBDEN Shay-De-Lane Flower Shop DOUGLAS Douglas Grocery RENFREW Dahl's Gourley's Convenience Sandy's Deli Bell service O'Briens Variety Step n' Back Diner
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
QUEBEC
La Belle Province Eh!
ARNPRIOR Mr. Gas by the mall
WILNO Wilno Esso & Restaurant
ON/QC BORDER Dubeau's Grocery
PAKENHAM 5 Span Feed N' Seed
BARRY's BAY Johnson's ESSO Herron's Feed Barry’s Bay Shell
CHAPEAU Conroys Grocery Lepines Garage
ALMONTE (no one wants to sell it eh) CARLETON PLACE Baitcasters
MADAWASKA Madawaska Grocery
DUNROBIN Dunrobin Grocery
WHITNEY Charbonneau's Grocery
KANATA (no one wants to sell it eh) STITTSVILLE (no one wants to sell it eh) RICHMOND (no one wants to sell it eh) KEMPTVILLE MacEwens at the roundabout The Moose on the south side MERRICKVILLE (no one wants to sell it eh) SMITH FALLS Queen St Convenience Mr Gas - North Mr Gas - South EGANVILLE Sears BMR Miller Freshmart Legion GOLDEN LAKE (no one wants to sell it eh) but.....on the reserve PIKWAKANAGAN Pikwakanagan Fuels Golden Lake Smokes
CHICHESTER Chichester Grocery WALTHAM (no one wants to sell it eh) FORT COLOUNGE Cordonnier Shoemaker CAMPBELL'S BAY Klukes BRYSON Ultramar Express SHAWVILLE (no one wants to sell it eh) QUYON (no one wants to sell it eh) LUSKVILLE Depanneur - ACE BRENNAN's HILL Marche Supreme LOW Chase Et Peche KAZABAUA (no one wants to sell it eh) GRACEFIELD Location Gracefield MANIWAKI Freshmart - Derek KZ Gas Brandon OTTER LAKE Picanoc Store
KILLALOE Freshmart Freshmart Convenience Village Pharmacy
MARCH 2016 • 29
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30 •MARCH 2016 www.valleyvendor.biz
BINGO CARD DISTRIBUTORS Chapeau Conroys’s Grocery, D.C. Iles aux Allumettes Magasin Dubeau Waltham Waltham Groceries Mansfield Métro Beland, Econo Plus Dépanneur Beau-soir, Méga Dollar Campbell’s Bay Boni Choix, Kluke’s Corner Patties This and That Otter Lake Centre de l’artisanat Beauchamp Service Picanoc Corner Store Shawville Valu-Mart, Palais du Poulet Langford Groceries Giant Tiger, JJ’s Groceries Norway Bay Henderson Groceries Quyon Dépanneur Marcotte Luskville DépanneurPontiac Dépanneur Générale Bryson Vétéran Ultramar Marché Bryson Ile-du-Grand-Calumet Dépanneur Bérard Fort-Coulonge Variété Romain Marché Bowers Petit Marché de la Principale Lac-Des-Loups Dépanneur Beausoleil
Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: ‘We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US Airways.’ plaints.
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
MARCH 2016 • 31
PEMBROKE AUTO SALES
2004 Toyota Avalon XLS Full Jam, ie Heated Leather, Moon Roof, Mint Condition Only 122 km STK#1738 $7,900
2009 Ford Escape XLT 4x4, 4 Clyl, Auto, Air, CD, Keyless Only134 km STK#1682
$8,900
1997 Honda Accord EX 4Cyl, Auto, Loaded, B.C. Car, No Rust
STK#1724
$2,900
2009 Mazda 5 GS
Mini Mini Van,4 Cyl, Auto, Air, CD, Keyless, 6 Passanger Only 110 km STK#1696 $7,900
2011 Hyundai Accent
2 Dr, 4 Clyl, Auto, Air, CD, Keyless 150 km STK#1735
$5,900
2012 Kia Optima EX
T-GDI, Rare Turbo Model, 270 plus HP, Fully Loaded Only 92 km STK#1750 $16,900
If you need a good car, van, SUV or truck? Come and see Stan at Pembroke Auto Sales We Specialize In Low km Autos 2005 Honda Civic DXG Local One Owner, 4 Cyl, Auto, Air, CD, Keyless Only 130 km STK#1672 $4,900
2004 Buick LeSabre Ltd
3800 V6, Fully Equipped, Heated Leather, H.U.D., Only110 km You’ll Never Find One Nicer! STK#1719 $7,900
Telephone: 613-735-7217
All vehicles are Cleaned, Reconditioned & Safetied Average Price Range is
$4,000 to $10,000
Quality Pre-Owned Vehicles
All + HST & Lic.
32 •MARCH 2016 www.valleyvendor.biz