L IL E T S RE F
TO G UJ RA O TU URS IT
MARCH 2015
BUY IT! SELL IT! TRADE IT! FIND IT!
HEATING • AIR CONDITIONING
AIR ZONE H VAC S E RV I C E S
Quality you can trust...Guaranteed! IN PEMBROKE CALL:
613-735-4770
WWW.AIRZONEHVAC.CA
IN OTTAWA CALL:
613-592-5770
• 24 HOUR EMERGENC Y SERVICE OTTAWA-GATINEAU
Get ready for spring! Come to the show! www.AdventureOttawa.com
MARCH 21-22, 2015 Saturday 10-6, Sunday 10-5
EY Centre, 4899 Uplands Dr. Ottawa (near airport)
The ONLY Classified Paper Serving the OTTAWA VALLEY & the PONTIAC
COMMERCIAL
COMMERCIAL
ADULT ENTERTAINMENT: I am a well established independant entertainer servicing Pembroke, Petawawa, Renfrew, Arnprior and all renfrew county areas / Chapeau, Shawville and areas. I am a mature lady entertainer only,, give me a call and indulge yourself in my safe and respectful entertainment. SERIOUS CALLS ONLY( 613)-6351726,,no emails or blocked and unknown callers!!!
“False Eyelash Extensions” semi-permanent and nonpermanent. Want fuller and longer lashers? Try Ardell naturally glamorous faux eyelash extensions. Extensions can last a month, call Pearl Hair Studio to book appointment 613-558-4222 Pakenham.
2 • March 2015
COMMERCIAL
COMMERCIAL
Video. Have your treasured memories digitally converted from VHS (VCR), Beta, VHSC and Hi-8 camcorder cassette tapes to DVD disc. Also looking for old Nintendo NES consoles. Will also resurface scratched or damaged discs. 613-756-7892 or 613-635-6096 Barry’s Bay
FIREWOOD FOR SALE Dry or green delivered Call J.P. Allard 819689-2430 Chapeau QC Wanted Horse machinery - hayloader, manure spreader, grain binder, seed drills,hammer mill, buggy, sleigh. 613-3710167 613-256-1563 Carp
VALLEYVENDOR.BIZ THAT’S ALL THERE IS
www.valleyvendor.biz
WHERE TO FIND THE VALLEY VENDOR
This list is subject to occasional minor changes - If you want to be added to the list and distribute the paper to your community please call the office. Priority will be given to advertising outlets. NO WINTER DELIVERY to Bancroft Dacre Denbigh Griffith Madawaska Whitney ONTARIO Almonte Esso/Almonte Grocery Almonte Home Furniture Naismith Sports Pub Independent Arnprior Crevier @ Calabogoe T/O Antrim Truck Stop No Frills - in store Esso Peebles Lotto in Mall LCBO Giant Tiger Balderson Ema Lee’s Fashions Balderson Cheese
LCBO Legion Quick Stop Gas Bar Canadian Tire Canadian Tire Gas Bar Deep River Convenience - BOX Laurentian Dairy Bar - BOX Petro Can Gas Bar Home Hardware Ryan’s Campsite Denbigh 41 Stop/LCBO Berndt’s Garage Douglas Bromley’s Farm Supply Douglas Grocery Douglas Hotel
Bancroft Mountenay Store Birds Creek Feed Fairway Mini Market Foodland York River Meats Flippin Burgers No Frills - downtown IDA Pharmacy LCBO Legion Chamber of Commerce Internet Cafe Big “B” Variety Store Box Downtown
Dunrobin Dunrobin Grocery Nichols Grocery/Ultramar
Barry’s Bay Afelskie’s Doris Murray’s Realty Box (outside Vito’s ) LCBO Valumart (BOX) Metro (BOX) Paulubeski’s Johnson’s Gas Bar Sherwood Service
Foresters Falls Annie’s Gas G&S Farm Equipment
Beachburg Simple Things Smokies BB Bakery & Deli Beach West Pharmacy LCBO Calabogie Home Hardware LCBO Polly’s Shanty Charbonneau’s Calabogie Peaks Highland Golf Calabogie Race Track Calabogie Marine (seasonal) Munford’s Carleton Place MacEwen’s Hwy 29 Mac’s - by Maytag IDA Pharmacy Price Chopper Independent Grocer Giant Tiger Baitcasters Carp Faiths Foodliner Rob’s Shell Chalk River Raby’s Gas Bar DJ’s Convenience Legion Mr Gas - Halfway
Eganville Foodland BMR Miller LCBO McDonald Fuels Freshmart Dixie Lee Legion Sears Big Mo’s Shell/Restaurant O’Grady’s
Golden Lake MacEwen’s Gas Kokomish Cafe Pikwàkanagàn Band Office Golden Lake Smoke Shop Algonquin Smoke Shop Jack’s Smokes & Coffee R&T`s Griffith Griffith Bldg Supply Pine Valley Restaurant General Store Jeeve’s Kanata Canadian Tire – Terry Fox Hazledean Mall – Independent Quizno’s Signature Centre Kemptville LCBO Quickie / Petrocan Shoppers - West Drummond on 43 MacEwan Killaloe Dan’s Restaurant IDA Pharmacy Freshmart Wayne’s Repair Kinburn Darvish General Store Madawaska All Star Variety Madawaska Country Store Merrickville LCBO Drummond Gas Bar
Chenaux J & R’s
Pakenham 5 Span Feed N’ Seed
Cobden Mr. Gas Shell Variety Outlet Legion Coldwell Banker (BOX) Freshmart LCBO Schauer’s Gibson’s Garage Redmond’s Barber
Pembroke Mullen’s Esso M&R Feeds Food Basics (RACK) Finnigans OK Tire Shoppers Drug Mart Herbal Magic Moncion East Mac’s by Algonquin College LCBO (400 refreshed often) Legion Stinson’s MacKay Howard’s Pawn (BOX) Giant Tiger Steve’s Variety Brewers Edge Irving BIG STOP (BOX) Bruham’s Food Mart Brum’s Dairy Bar Perkins Moncion - West
Dacre Mill Valley Deacon Sands Chinese Restaurant Deep River Fleury’s Grocery - BOX Giant Tiger Digital Copy Xpress
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
West End Mall (BOX) Zellers by lotto Kingburger True Centre Hamilton’s at B-Line Lennertz Covenience Bee Line Wreckers Saars Store & Greco Pizza Perth Mac’s (Gore/Craig St) Perth Flea Market Legion Mr. Gas Wilson St. Giant Tiger Jamieson House Bar LCBO Petawawa Robinson’s Service Bowers Esso LCBO (150 refreshed often) Moncions Howards Pawn Mac’s Pronto Ocean’s Best Seafood Rexall Mall (BOX) Point Rd Plaza (BOX) Legion Canex Grocery Canex Clothes/Furniture Dundonald Hall Renfrew Dahl’s Irving Station Mill Music 2 Mac’s by Mill Music Gourley’s (out 132) LCBO Air Force Wing Legion Wheatless Wonders (BOX) Bell Mobility Mac East End O’Brien’s Variety Sandy’s Deli No Frills - (BOX 450) No Frills Gas Bar Canadian Tire Gas Bar CJHR Valley Heritage Radio Richmond MacEwens C-Store Value Mart Mac’s Drummonds Gas Home Hardware Building Centre
QUEBEC Aylmer - Marche Gravelle Brennan’s Hill - Depanneur Campbell’s Bay Kluke’s Patti’s This & That Boni-Choix Grocery Legion Chapeau Épicerie Dubeau’s River Club DC’s Demers Centre Conroy’s Grocery Lepines Chelsea Chelsea Freshmart Chichester Chichester General Store The Beagle & Variety Farm Point SAQ IGA Fort Coulonge CHIP FM Radio Station Petite Marche de la Principale Cordonnier Rennaissance Gracefield Loc Gracefield Milano’s Metro Ricks Bar Dep Ultra Mar Boisvenue Dep ultra Shell Villeneuve Kazabazua Irwin’s Ladysmith Ladysmith Hotel MacEwen’s Depanneur Low QC Marche Manitou
Round Lake Centre Food Market Doris Murray Tramore Rd.
Luskville - sur la Rte 148 Depanneur du Pontiac Depanneur Levesque Depanneur Poirer
Smiths Falls Mr. Gas/Hwy 15 Players Bar & Grill Independent Grocer Food Basics Mac’s on Abbott City Hall Garden Foods
Mansfield Magasin General Depanneur Proprio SAQ Metro Beland Mega Dollar Store
Stittsville Irving Carp Rd MacEwen’s Carp Rd. Home Hardware Ritchie Feed & Seed Petro Can Hazeldean Rd Mac’s Main St Pub Independent Grocer LCBO Mr. Gas (BOX) Wakefield Wakefield Express Chamberlain’s Depanneur Bon Heure Salon Select Westmeath Kenny’s Whitney Freshmart Twin-E Sherry’s Pizza Mad Musher (seasonal) Opeongo Outfitters (seasonal) Wilno RED CANOE Wilno Tavern Esso Gas Bar Winchester LCBO Andy’s Foodland Drug Store Mike Dean’s Super Food Store
Maniwaki QC Hawk’s Trading Post Native Express KZ Fresh Mart Kitigan Zibi Band Office Otter Lake QC Depanneur Coin Piconoc P’tit Bar Portage.du Fort Lakeside Hotel Thompson’s Corner Store The Royal Restaurant Quyon Marcotte’s Shawville Valumart JJ’s Esso SAQ M&R Feeds Bar Atkinson Langford Grocery Murray’s Sports Wakefield Wakefield Express Chamberlain’s Depanneur Bon Heure Waltham Depanneur
FEBRUARY 2015 • 3
COMMERCIAL
COMMERCIAL
SHOWCASE
Army Surplus for sale: Gor-Tex jackets, winter parkas, blue and green come in various sizes. Sleeping bags and air mattress. Prices vary. Call 613-735-0757. Pembroke.
Hay For Sale - 4’x4’ rounds Ti m o t h y / A l f a l f a / C l o v e r mix. 2013 crop $18 a bale while qty’s last. New 2014 crop stored inside no rain $25. Call 613639-9619 Pembroke area
Love to shop? SH0WCASE 2015 in Petawawa - stay for a few hours or spend all three days - more than 160 Exhibitors. Lot’s for every member of the family.
YOUR INVESTMENT • OUR PRIORITY
Our Projects Have A 95% On-Time Completion Rate Plus Free Consultation PROPERTY MANAGEMENT SERVICES • Rental Property Management & Repair • General Contracting • Project Management • Winter driveway maintenance • On call Emergency Services
4 • March 2015
HANDY MAN SERVICES • Plumbing • Minor electrical • Tile and laminate flooring • Painting • General repairs
CONTACT • call 613-735-1646 • call or text 613-602-0181
• champlainnorth@gmail.com
www.valleyvendor.biz
RESCHEDULED
Enjoy the Tribute of
Legendary Merle Haggard thru songs by his son Marty Haggard
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Appearing at
R.C.A.F. 433 Wing, 164 Argyle St., S. Renfrew, ON
Apr. 11, 2015 Show 7:00 pm Doors Open 6:00 pm Tickets (General Admission): $30 in advance TICKET LOCATIONS
Renfrew: The Wing 613.432.4485, Mill Music 613.432.4381 Valley Heritage Radio 613.633.6308 Pembroke: Moncion Grocers Pembroke MArket 613~735~4136 Pakenham: Scheel Furniture & Appliance Store Arnprior: Peebles Lottery Centre Arnprior Mall Eganville: Village Discount & Variety Almonte: Naismith Sports Pub Credit Card, Mail Orders phone Gary Warner 905.355.2106 get your event sponsored in the Valley Vendor - always great discounts for Valley & Pontiac Community Events. Call Ray to get maximum exposure for your rally, fair, jam, swap meet, etc. - 613-638-3256 ray.pappin@valleyvendor.biz To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 5
SHOWCASE
k-in wal edriv or u r th
WANTED Wanted - Old traps - looking for old or unused traps. Anything from mouse traps to bear traps. Will pay cash and pick up. 613-332-0275 Bancroft
A huge 3-day shopper’s paradise, all in one location. Did you say great products, excellent services and lots of fun? It’s SHOWCASE 2015. It’s April 17, 18, 19 at the Petawawa Civic Centre. doug@ showcaseinpetawawa. ca or www. showcaseinpetawawa.ca.
WANTED
Wanted - Furnished small cottage or cabin monthly, fishable shoreline in Ottawa or close, by two non-smoking seniors, no pets no parties fishing is important something cheaper better than something Wanted - early Winchester fancy 613-831-0743 Kanata. and Colt firearms, ammo and related items. Please Wanted Retired need call after 5 - Thanks. 613- project want older Japanese 283-5481 Smiths Falls motorcylces may be taking up space in your yard or Wanted - Looking for 1981-86 outbuilding will remove them for GM or Chev 4 x 4 Pickup with you some value compensation double headlight system possible call Tim 613-757-0635 for parts only, need no run Round Lake Centre (Killaloe). “look in the barn please” will pay cash call Denis 819- mistake wrong phone 433647-2259 Portage du Fort. 0607 should be 432-2725 WANTED - Dump wagon for Wanted - A YAMAHA BRAVO earth, stone, wood up to 5 ton. snowmobile for parts. Will Backhoe or Hyhoe, tired or buy complete machine tracked for hobby farm consider whether it runs or not. any size at good price 613WILL PICK UP. 613-256-1541 432-2725 Murray Renfrew
6 • March 2015
VALLEYVENDOR.BIZ THAT’S ALL THERE IS
www.valleyvendor.biz
COMMERCIAL
COMMERCIAL
Welding Lessons made fast and easy. Learn arc/ mig welding, cutting techniques, theory, and safety. Weekend classes available basic or hands on experience. Small classes (3-5 people) beginners welcomed. Certificate of Achievement, also ornamental iron available, senior’s discount, reasonable prices, work guaranteed. Bob’s Welding & Fabrication 613.432.7932 Renfrew
Cottage for Rent - Golden Lake Ontario, two bedrroom sleeps six, good swimming, hot cold running water, indorr bathroom, full kitchen, BBQ, row boat included, beautiful location, pet friendly, $650.00 weekly 613-735-5630 Pembroke
TRAVEL INSURANCE Are you Travelling? Emergency Medical Insurance Single or Annual Multi-Tip Plans. Guaranteed Enrollment Excellent Pre-Existing Condition Coverage. Call Bob Dickson (613) 256-1625 Email bdickson@magma. ca Protect your Money
WANTED
Wanted - I buy old old old toy trains Lionel and American flyer preferred for parts operating or restoration 613-687-0696 Petawawa
Auction Sale - For Mrs. Marion Kruger, Mr. John Mullen, & Mr. & Mrs. Rynen Sat. Mar. 14/15 @ 9:30am To be held at the Cobden Ag Hall Maytag appli, high end & handcrafted furn, & much more! A good quality sale! Visit www.revelstewart. com for further listing & details & tune to 98.7FM on Thursdays from 12-1pm for the Barnyard Breakdown. RT Stewart (819) 647-1959 revelstewart@gmail.com To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 7
8 • March 2015
www.valleyvendor.biz
FOR SALE
FOR SALE
1996 GMC Sonoma regular cab 2 wheel drive 4 cylinder standard trans. Runs and drive good well maintained 300,000 k. Some body work required $1,200 o.b.o. Call Barry 613-687-5134 Petawawa.
Quilters cottons yardage, fat quarters, African, thirties, teapot prints, kits, collections, Amish black wide backings mudcloth flannels 25% of retail see anytime call to arrange 613-687-6469 Petawawa.
40¢ FOR SALE
FOR SALE
Place Classified Ads at www.valleyvendor.biz
FOR SALE
2 antique upholstered chairs 600.00, TV cabinet fits 50” TV 75.00, antique loveseat 75.00, antique upholstered chair 60.00, all in good condition 613-717-4088 Pembroke
2009 Harley Davidson Flhtcu black 59,985 kms twin cam 96/1584 CC 6 speed cruise control 2010 Chev Cobalt LT 2.2 4 original owner newer cyl, auto, air, pw, 2 door, 119 rubber dealer maintained km, saftied $8500 obo 613AM FM CD C.B. radio ABS 432-5754 Renfrew brakes 6 gallon tank asking $17,500or B.O. transferable COMMERCIAL warranty June 2016, 613Barry’s Bay. Potatoes 50 lb and 10 lb 756-2716 bags available, we are open Monday to Saturday, closed for Sunday. Thank you. We have Red and White potatoes, take your pick. Please call Lorin and Ruth Martin 613-587-4756 279 Lacroix Bay Road, Westmeath.
FOR SALE M&R FEEDS for all your deicing products. From ice melters, pail and bucket deicers, water trough deicers, pet bowls etc. Drop in to look at our selection at one of our three locations. M&R FEEDS Pembroke (613)732-2843 Micksburg (613)735-3689 Shawville (819)647-2814
VALLEYVENDOR.BIZ THAT’S ALL THERE IS To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 9
NOBS
WELCOME BELLIERY
JUST FOR FUN I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off! When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation! The biggest lie I tell myself is ... “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
interested in joining up with the NOB’s just show up at the next breakfast meeting last Sun of each month. 10:00 a.m. (winter) 09:30 a.m. (summer) and sign up then ------------------------------Feb 22 - Eganville Legion Mar 29 - QC TBA Apr 26 - Horton CC May 31 - Ladysmith Jun 28 - Almonte Civitan Jul 26 - Fort Coulonge August 30 - Petawawa CC Sept 27 - QC TBA Oct 25 - Arnprior Legion Nov 29- QC TBA (dates tenative only) Check here often or use the web & FB www.oldbastards.ca ----------------------------Or just get a hold of Stu smacfarlane@bellnet.ca or 819-712-3889
Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap! I don’t have gray hair, I have “wisdom highlights”. I’m just very wise...
SHOWCASE
Welcome Belliery to the Valley Vendor Sales Staff Get you business listed in the best read and still free paper around. Call Belliery
An Exhibitors dream. Thousands of visitors, outstanding venue, comprehensive advertising, excellent entertainment and a professional, welcoming environment. Want lots of visibility? Looking to meet potential clients? SHOWCASE 2015 is your answer.
WEB/GRAPHIC COMMUNICATIONS www.bakodesign.ca
Providing affordable, professionally designed: • Websites • Flyers • Brochures • Business cards bako@bakodesign.ca 613-741-6993 10 • March 2015
www.valleyvendor.biz
Notes from the Editor
Publisher - Ray Pappin
Happy St. Pat’s - Should be warmin up soon ya think?
Well how was your February? Chilly eh!! The river been froze over the longest I ever seen it in 15 years.
Tom came by so I invited him in. My gals were down for Valentine’s, went to the Greely bike swap meet, the Bike show and then the Boat show. Gettin used to being 60 eh - pension indexed, CPP early. Never placed a lot of onus on $$ but it’s nice to have it deposited monthly eh!!
New Sales gal started up in Feb - out there visiting 20+ clients a day. See their ads in this issue. Got a business just ring the Bell eh! Drop by our booth at Petawawa Showcase and say Hi to Belliery and enter to win an ad or some beer or wine from the Brewers Edge Pembroke.
Please remember to print or write neatly so it can be read and understood. If we can’t read it - we can’t print it eh. Pay particular attention to numbers. If you scribble when writing try printing instead. One wrong number can be a lot of grief for the person that is on the other end of the line and you might miss a good bargain too. Get er done Son and happy shopping and selling. Till next issue keep er upright, between the ditches and be good to your Mom. To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 11
SHOWCASE
JUST FOR FUN
Business Owner? Have a great product or service to offer. Want to talk to to thousands of people? Then SHOWCASE 2015 is where you want to Exhibit.
Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound! Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway? Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
12 • March 2015
www.valleyvendor.biz
Chantelle Cartman Broker 613-433-2795
1770 Mill St. Eganville nicely renovated 3 bdr 1 bath home with attached carport. Double covered decks. Nice patio.$129,500 Call Teri Leech
46 Laurraine Cres. Building lot .40 of an acre. Lot is one road back, but has deeded access to the lake providing a fantastic sandy beach, boat docks, etc $37,000 Call Joanne McCallion
858B Hyland Creek Rd. 5 acres with 540 ft of frontage on Water.2 bdr 1 bath with metal roof. Close to Madawaska River and Crown Land $149,900 Call Teri Leech
111 Bonnechere St, Eganville BUILDING WITH TURNKEY HAIR SALON, ALL FURNISHINGS INCLUDED, AS WELL AS UPRIGHT TANNING BED, LAUNDRY FACILITIES, ADJUSTABLE WAXING CHAIR. 2 BEDROOM 2ND FLOOR APT. $119,900 call Teri Leech
Teri Leech Sales Rep. 613-433-6994
Lloyd Levesque Sales Rep. 613-433-6224
895 Lea St. Pembroke 3 bdr 3 bath home . Many upgrades with full finished rec room. $179,000 Call Joanne McCallion
256 Grist Mill Rd. Near Eganville 27 acres with detached garage. Great for hobbiest with work shop or animalls.$225,900 Call Chantelle Cartman
Orville Faught Sales Rep. 613-401-5844
Joanne McCallion Sales Rep 613-570-1341
9 Crawford St, Cobden. Two storey brick homein town. 3 bdr 2 bath home. Fenced yard with corner lot. $179,000 Call Chantelle Cartman
73 Plaunt St, Renfrew in town Commercial building with 5 tenants rented. $265,000 Call Chantelle Cartman
SHOWCASE SHOWCASE 2015! Think jewellery, fragrances, pottery, home décor, fine foods, hot tubs, cell phones, esthetics, gazebos, driver training and more, and more. Phone 635-3569 or e-mail doug@ showcaseinpetawawa. ca. EXHIBITOR enquiries still welcome.
Reduced
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
Reduced
March 2015 • 13
JUST FOR FUN
FOR SALE
There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank ‘Yoo-hoo!’ she shouts, ‘How can I get to the other side?’ The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, ‘You ARE on the other side.’
AMISH-MADE Airtight WOOD COOKSTOVES and HEATERS for sale. Affordable pricing ranging from $1600.00 and up You can cook, bake, heat your home, have hot running water, etc. Contact Ervin 613-332-2129 ervin.webers@gmail.com www.weberswoodstoves.com
14 • March 2015
FOR SALE
FOR SALE
1969 283 Engine needs rebuild $400.00; 4 speed GM tranny (Trans AM) $300.00; Other GM parts available Hurst 4 speed shifter $100.00; Standup tile saw brand new $125.00; 340 Polaris motor runs perfect $150.00 Denis 819-6472259 Portage du Fort.
Nilus Leclerc table loom $100.00; 10” table saw with stand $50.00; Fibreglass flat box cover for Ford 85-96 long box $250.00; “Old Country Roses” 6 place settings, teapot, platter and more $150.00 Mary Ann 819647-2259 Portage du Fort.
VALLEYVENDOR.BIZ - THAT’S ALL THERE IS
www.valleyvendor.biz
Our new home in Ontario, Canada August 12 Moved into our new home in Ontario , Canada . It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is truly God’s Country. October 14 Ontario is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colours. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so graceful – certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise. November 11 Deer season opens this week. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Ontario . I hope it snows soon. I love it here! December 2 It snowed last night. I woke to the most wonderful sight: Everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony – I love it here! December 12 More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland – I love it here! December 19 More snow – couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I’m exhausted from all the shoveling. And that snowplow! December 21 More of that white shit coming down – I’ve got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow driver waits To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
around the corner until I’m done shoveling the driveway. Asshole. December 25 White Christmas? More freakin’ snow. If I ever get my hands on the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I’ll castrate him. And why don’t they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap? December 28 It hasn’t stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when the SOB “Snowplow Harry” comes by. Can’t go anywhere. Cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is? January 1 Happy New Year? The way it’s coming down it won’t melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the shithead actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I’d broken 6 already this season. January 4 Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some food and a goddamn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the bastard. It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me. January 27 Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old piece of shit into fireplace wood when I had the chance. March 23 Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up heap of rusted cow shit. May 10 Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida . I can’t imagine why anyone in their freakin’ mind would ever want to live in the Godforsaken province of Ontario .
Dno’t eevn tihnk aobut unsig splel cehk !!!!!!!! fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it. “First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII — and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we’ve realized it’s a brochure.” Helpdesk: Double click on “My Computer” User: I can’t see your computer. Helpdesk: No, double click on “My Computer” on your computer. User: Huh? Helpdesk: There is an icon on your computer labeled “My Computer”. Double click on it. User: What’s your computer doing on mine? Spring is sprung, The grass is riz I wonder where The birdies is.
March 2015 • 15
SHOWCASE In Business. Trying to expand!! Looking to SHOWCASE your products and services to thousands of people? SHOWCASE 2015 is your answer. April 17, 18, 19 Business enquiries welcome. Join 160+ other Exhibitors. Email doug@ showcaseinpetawawa.ca or phone 613-732-9662. Check www.showcaseinpetawawa. ca for information.
16 • March 2015
COMMUNITY
CALLING ALL CARD PLAYERS! Come out and join the fun EVERY Tuesday Night! 4 Hand Euchre Elders Lodge (28 Chigibig Inamo) starting at 7:00 pm. $3.00/Person Includes light lunch and a 50/50 Donations of food for lunch is appreciated. Elders Lodge is located behind Our Lady of Nativity Church in Pikwàkanagàn, Golden Lake
www.valleyvendor.biz
JUST FOR FUN The Death of a famous Minnesotan The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday in Minneapolis of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not regarded as a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and served as a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 min. If you smiled while reading this, please rise to the occasion and pass it on to someone having a crumby day and kneading a lift. To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 17
MAKWA BINGO
Monday Night Bingo 469 Kokomis Inamo Golden Lake Pikwakanagan Doors open at 5:00 pm Warm-ups at 6:45 pm Monday’s Jackpot $1500 in designated number **Nevada & Progressive Balls ** 613-625-2597 SMOKING AND NON-SMOKING SECTION
SHOWCASE SHOWCASE 2015. Our 17th year!! Exhibitor enquiries welcome. 613-635-3569, doug@ showcaseinpetawawa. ca or www. showcaseinpetawawa.ca
18 • March 2015
www.valleyvendor.biz
PISTON BROKE MOTORCYCLES INK. 1984 VIRAGO
Should I Consider Small Claims Court Matter to Resolve My Issue? If you answer yes to any of the following questions you should consider calling a paralegal to settle your matter in Small Claims Court. Is the amount owing $25,000 or under? Do people owe you money? Do you know someone has your stolen property and has possession of it or property has not been returned to you? Did you do a renovation or home improvement as a contractor and not been paid? Did you receive poor renovations or poor quality services? Bought a product and the product was not truthfully represented? Lent money out and were never paid back?
Where you kind hearted and sold an item to be paid over time and they have not paid in full? Have you realized that an agreement or contract has not been fulfilled? Can your business afford to hold on to outstanding accounts receivables? Are any of your accounts receivables past the collection time limit? Do you owe money and have to deal with a credit card company or large bank lender to negotiate terms of payments. Have you won at the Landlord and Tenant Board and not able to collect from the tenant or landlord? A paralegal will do the following to complete the procedures of Small Claims
Court: • Help you with the decision of whether the matter is worth pursuing • Preparation and Filing Statement of Claims • Preparation and Filing of Defense and Defendants Claims • Mediation Between Parties • Negotiation of Out of Court Settlements • Representation at PreTrial and Trials There are timelines to follow and guidelines with the courts. A paralegal will keep you in line with what is required. If you need help please do not hesitate to call. Written by Jolan Horvath, Paralegal Member of the Law Society of Upper Canada
too light for me 1959 BSA Dispatch - 650
everyone’s dream --------------------------------HAVE A NICE HARLEY? TRADE - TAKE EM BOTH ------------------------------Have an old BRITISH bike wasting away give us a call anytime and we may come and get er. Not too much rice please more BRITISH. LOOK IN YOUR BARN!! 613-638-3256 Meath Hill
Place Classified Ads at www.valleyvendor.biz
FOR SALE mistake on p17 Feb issue 613-732-5776 should be 3776. Garden tiller $50.00; Pool table $50.00; Ping-Pong table $35.00; Lawn mower, gas $75.00; Typewriters one electric, one manual, each $25.00; Antique sewing machine $100.00; Two wooden desks $50.00 each 613-732-3776 Pembroke. 2011 Volkswagen Jetta TDI comfort line, white, DSG, 50 mpg, all service up to date, includes 4 Pirelli snow tires, 94,000 km $16,500.00 call 613-602-2915 Cobden. To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 19
NEW AD FORM FOR 2015 – READY FOR THE NEW YEAR! Personal ads are now $10 for 30 words with or without a picture (Personal ads are for sale or wanted ads that are not meant to make you a profit through re-sale. All items must be priced) Household items, a car, a boat, a gun, some furniture – personal non-business stuff. NO emails! This is a print paper eh!
Commercial ads are now $30 for 30 words with or without a picture (Commercial ads are for sale or wanted ads that are meant to make you a profit through re-sale. Items need not be priced) Commercial items, farm/heavy equipment, wood, crafts, realty, land, rentals, livestock & pets. Emails and Website OK.
Personal Ad
With Pic
Commercial Ad
With Pic
Please check one of the boxes above to indicate your selection and enter the text below. There are 30 numbered lines below - ONE LINE - for each word. Print ONE word neatly on each line. THANKS FOR USING THE FORM AS IT WAS DESIGNED KEEPS THE WORD COUNT CORRECT
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Make cheque out to Ray Pappin NOT Valley Vendor. Send cash please – if cheque or M.O. add $2 banking fees. Mail ad and payment to: Valley Vendor 1071 Sutherland Rd. RR#2 Pembroke ON K8A 6W3 ATTENTION PLEASE: you may still email ads and pictures to printmyad@valleyvendor.biz and then pay. Payments are still accepted by cash, cheque, email transfer and Direct Deposit to BMO 2390 3224-728 Ads arriving after deadline will appear in the following issue.
Deadline for our APRIL issue is: March 23rd 20
www.valleyvendor.biz
Well folks for the curious here’s the crew. Ray (with all hats) publishing, editing, sales. Belliery - new gal on Sales. Dana (got a new tee) on graphics, Garry (no hat yet) on local delivery, Joanne (note the borrowed hat) on typing and Geoff and Kaitlyn (with new shirts) on delivery. Eleven years and I still run into people that never seen the VV before. But its good to know that there’s 20,0000 copies every month out there being read by faithful readers every month. Mutually supported by the best two community radio stations in the Valley and the Pontiac (CHIP FM 101.7 and VHR 98.7)
To place your ad look over at Page 20 eh! DEADLINE FOR THE APRIL ISSUE: Mar 23rd Your ad and $$$ to reach us by then PAST DEADLINE ADS WILL BE PRINTED IN THE FOLLOWING ISSUE (Be sure to mail your ad and/or payment to reach the office before deadline) DELIVERY OF THE APRIL PAPER: March 31 to April 3 CONTACT BELLIERY FOR DISPLAY AD SALES ONLY - NO CLASSIFIEDS Belliery Res: 613.685.0102 Cell: 613.717.1073 belliery@valleyvendor.biz
Office hours are M-F 9-5. We do not take classified ads over the phone. Email of ad text, pictures and payment is the best way to go and guarantees your ad gets in the paper Tel: 613.638.3256 Cell: 613.401.3256 Fax: 1-866.638.3256 printmyad@valleyvendor.biz FILL OUT FORM on Page 20 and mail it in with $$ 1071 Sutherland Rd. RR#2 Pembroke ON K8A 6W3 Your ad and $$$ to reach us by then PAST DEADLINE ADS WILL BE PRINTED IN THE FOLLOWING ISSUE (Be sure to mail your ad and payment to reach the office before deadline) To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 21
SHOWCASE Interested in meeting thousands of potential clients. Then contact us about SHOWCASE 2015, April 17, 18, 19. Email doug@ showcaseinpetawawa. ca or phone 613-6353569 for information.
22 • March 2015
JUST FOR FUN Harley Davidson, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, “How much money do you make a week?” A little surprised, the young
man looked at him and replied, “I make $400 a week. Why?” The CEO then hands the guy $1,600 in cash and screams, “Here’s four weeks’ pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!” Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that @#$%^& slacker did here?” From across the room came a voice: “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”
www.valleyvendor.biz
SHOWCASE It’s time to think about a SHOWCASE isn’t it? SHOWCASE 2015 coming April 17, 18, 19 at the Petawawa Civic Centre. Join us. doug@ showcaseinpetawawa.ca or www.showcaseinpetawawa. ca for information.
FOR SALE
FOR SALE
M&R Feeds for all your pool and spa needs. Large selection of pools, chemicals and supplies. M&R FEEDS Pembroke (613)732-2843 Micksburg (613)735-3689 Shawville (819)647-2814
2001 Mallard Model 27K by Fleetwood, sleeps six, 4 new 6 ply tires, tip out dinette, air conditioning, clean unit, asking $8,900 O.B.O. 613-628-3174 or text 613-639-1237 Eganville.
Celebrate your next
birtHday or Event with
RY-J’s will bring the fun, adventure and challenge to any birthday or event .....anywhere with a 24 ft Portable Rock Climbing Wall, over 12 Inflatables to choose from, Top Shot Hockey and more!
call for info:
(613) 504-1595 climbingadventures.ca To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 23
JUST FOR FUN A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention . She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was
quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his ‘private part’ hanging out. ‘I thought I told you to call your mom!’ she said. ‘I did,’ he said, ‘And she Bingo card distributors told me that if I could stick Chapeau it out till noon, she’d come Conroys’s Grocery, D.C. and pick me up from Iles aux Allumettes school. Magasin Dubeau Waltham Waltham Groceries Mansfield Métro Beland, Econo Plus Dépanneur Beau-soir, Méga Dollar Campbell’s Bay Boni Choix, Kluke’s Corner Patties This and That Otter Lake Centre de l’artisanat Beauchamp Service Picanoc Corner Store Shawville Valu-Mart, Palais du Poulet Langford Groceries Giant Tiger, JJ’s Groceries Norway Bay Henderson Groceries Quyon Dépanneur Marcotte Luskville DépanneurPontiac Dépanneur Générale Bryson Vétéran Ultramar Marché Bryson Ile-du-Grand-Calumet Dépanneur Bérard Fort-Coulonge Variété Romain Marché Bowers Petit Marché de la Principale
24 • FEBRUARY 2015
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COMMERCIAL SHOEMAKER - Renaissance Shoe Repair is open Tues - Fri 9-5 and Sat until 1 pm. Come and have your shoes repaired and tell your friends. The depot in Pembroke will return in the near future!! Keep on reading thw Valley Vendor for the exact date. 819-6832496 Francois Rollin prop.
COMMUNITY
FOR SALE
Heavy commercial dump trailer 12ft X 8 1/2ft, 14,000 GVRW, wireless remote, tarp, scissor hoist. 16ft livestock trailer. See us at Osceola. Walsh Sales 613-646-7729 613-732-0625
BINGO
SHOWCASE The Climbing Wall, Bounce Activities, Little Rays, and the Princesses and Spiderman. All Free. Yes, Free. That means “no charge”. SHOWCASE 2015. April 17, 18, 19. www. showcaseinpetawawa.ca.
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
Sunday nights , Parish Hall , Fort-Coulonge , Qc , 7 to 9 pm , Progressive jackpot up to $4000.00 10 regular games , Last game $1000.00 Nevadas , Canteen , Sunday nights Parish Hall , Fort-Coulonge , Qc Come one , come all ,Bring your friends $$$$$$$$$$$
March 2015 • 25
FOR SALE
Fender Stratocaster 1990, Classic Floyd Rose Model, American made. Excellent Condition. 3 Tone Sunburst, Rosewood fingerboard. Rare limited production instrument. Fender hardshell case included. Dave 613-628-9617 Eganville
JUST FOR FUN SHOW ‘EM YOUR CROSS Two Irish nuns were parked near the tavern in Douglas when a bunch of rowdy Renfrew drunks pull up alongside of them. “Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!” shouts one of the drunks. The Mother Superior turns to Sister Margaret, “I don’t think they know who we are. Show them your cross.” So Sister Mary Margaret rolls down her window and shouts, “Screw off ye little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer shamrocks off!” Sister Mary Margaret looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, “Was that cross enough?!” Suffering from cabin’ fever? Cure it with a visit to SHOWCASE 2015. Oh, Yeah, it’s free!!
26 • March 2015
www.valleyvendor.biz
JUST FOR FUN
SHOWCASE See a great array of women’s products at SHOWCASE 2015. Check our website for our terrific exhibitors. www. showcaseinpetawawa.ca
For those of you dealing with contractors. Some times blondes have the correct idea. Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, but this week I got a call from the contractor, complaining his work had been completed a year ago and I had yet to pay for them. Boy oh boy, did we go around and around! Just because I’m a blonde does not mean I’m automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year namely, that in one year, the windows would pay for themselves. There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up. I have not heard anything back. Guess I won that stupid argument.
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 27
FOR SALE
FOR SALE
1996 Cadillac Concours 4 door in very good condition no rust must sell as is B.O. cash only runs good what you see is what you get call Graham 613283-0865 Smiths Falls.
M&R Feeds for all your fencing needs. Chain link, vinyl, wrought iron, wood etc. Installation also available. M&R FEEDS Pembroke (613)732-2843 Micksburg (613)735-3689 Shawville (819)647-2814
28 • March 2015
www.valleyvendor.biz
JUST FOR FUN
JUST FOR FUN
JUST FOR FUN
IN REPLY TO ALL THE RECENT E-MAILS ABOUT MY DOG... PLEASE BE ADVISED, I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM. YES, HE BIT SIX PEOPLE WEARING MCGUINTY T-SHIRTS, FOUR PEOPLE WEARING WYNN T-SHIRTS, TWO CAR DRIVERS WITH RAP MUSIC BLARING FROM THEIR VEHI-
CLES, NINE TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR ASS CRACKS, THREE FLAG BURNERS, AND A PAKISTANI TAXI DRIVER. FOR THE LAST TIME. . .THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE ! NO, I DO NOT APPROVE OF HIS SMOKING, BUT HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE “BAD TASTE” OUT OF HIS MOUTH.
Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Ottawa Senators Once upon a time long, long, ago there was a season when neither the Leafs nor the Senators made the post season playoffs. It seemed so unusual, that the management of both teams got together and decided that there should be some sort of competition between the two teams because of their great rivalry. So, they decided on a week-long ice fishing competition. The team that catches the most fish at the end of the week wins. So on a cold Northern Ontario lake they began their contest. The first day after 8 hours of fishing the Senators had caught 100 fish and the Leafs had 0. At the end of the 2nd day the Senators had caught 200 fish and the Leafs 0. That evening the Leafs coach got his team together and said, “I suspect some kind of cheating is taking place”. So the next morning he dressed one of his players in Senator colours and sent him over to their camp to act as a spy. At the end of the day he came back to report to the coach. The coach asked “Well, how about it, are they cheating?” “They sure are,” the player reported, “They’re cutting holes in the ice”.
Bu No rn W t M oo on d, ey !
High Efficiency Outdoor Furnaces G Series
MF Series
• EPA Phase 2 • Indoors and outdoors • 50% less wood! • Warranty
• 409 Staineless Steel • Rocker grates • Ash pan • Forced air blower
Highway 511 Heating Solutions
14406 Hwy. 7, RR#6, Perth ON K7H 3C8 Phone: (613) 264-0874 www.heatmasterss.com To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 29
2 Newfoundlanders walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, ‘Dat’s dem.’ The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. ‘Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,’ says Gerry.. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry’s truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, ‘Dis looks like a grand place..’ He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, ‘Feck dat. Dis budgie jumping is too feck’n dangerous for me!’ THERE’S MORE. ... Moment’s later; Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He’s been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.. ‘Hi, Paddy, watch dis,’ Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, ‘And I’m never trying dat parrotshooting either!’
Perils of a Catholic Upbringing As I walked down the busy sidewalk with my wife, late for Mass, my eyes fell upon one of those unfortunate ragged vagabonds that are found in every city these days. Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them. Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished me to “care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked”, I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person. Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying her treasured worldly possessions in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person’s condition. Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out, “ R e a c h out....reach out and touch this person!” So I did.
IT IS NOT OVER YET.... Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears. He’s also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head. ‘Feck dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting.... And now Sean and his feck’n hengliding!’ 30 • FEBRUARY 2015
I won’t be at Mass this week. www.valleyvendor.biz
TIP TOP TOES
Hello, it’s Audrey the foot care nurse. Hope everyone is having a wonderful 2015. I have been a little distracted lately and have not been at the keyboard, sorry no excuse. So, is everyone drinking enough water and moisturizing their tender tootsies?? The dry heat of furnaces trying to keep us warm during this long, cold, cold winter takes a toll on our skin!! Remember what I have told you, moisturized skin is strong skin. The best way to moisturize is from the inside out! 8-10 glasses of water a day is the best way to stay hydrated. Unless, of course you are on a restricted fluid diet, then please, ensure you are choosing your fluids carefully! Tea and coffee don’t count. Your body depends on water for survival. Did you know that water makes up more than half of your body weight? Every cell, tissue and organ in your body needs water to function correctly. For example, your body uses water to maintain its temperature, remove waste and lubricate joints. Water is essential for good health. Also it is important to moisturize skin topically. If you can’t reach your own feet, try the buddy system and rub some lotion on someone else’s feet whist they rub some on yours!! This could lead to snuggling, a great way to stay warm. Finally, if you can’t moisturize your own feet you can always find a foot care nurse like ME do it for you! Stay warm and stay well!
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 31
32 • March 2015
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WHY OUR HEALTH CARE COSTS ARE SO HIGH!!! Bubba had shingles. Those of us who spend much time in a doctor’s office should appreciate this! Doesn’t it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here’s what happened to Bubba: Bubba walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: ‘Shingles.’ So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, ‘Shingles.’ So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room. A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, ‘Shingles..’ So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, ‘Shingles.’ The doctor asked, ‘Where?’ Bubba said, ‘Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload ‘em??’ In Quebec , the silent H - For example Hot Dog is pronounced Ot Dog and Hudson Hardware is pronounced Udson Ardware. They also insert an ‘H’ where there is none, by saying Hany (instead Of Any) and Hall (instead of All). This explanation is for non-Canadian readers. (Ewe usual Valley readers jus enjoy eh.) One day in a French Immersion Class for 1st graders, the teacher was asking her class to describe the use of Ozonol. (personalee I don tink dat is a word dat a furst grader should be 2 famille wit eh) Little Mary got up and explained that she had fallen while roller skating and scratched her knee. She went home and her Mother cleaned the cut and put a bandage with Ozonol on her knee and it was all better. (Where’s Little Billy when ya need him?) The teacher was so proud and then asked other children if they had any explanation of the word. Little Pierre raised his hand and started to explain. ‘Well Teacher, da udder nite, me an my fodder are watching da Montreal and Tampa Ockey Game. An den my mudder start to do da vaccum. Den, my fodder, yell at my mudder, ai, ai, ai, ai, Tabarnack Louise, put dat dam ting haway now or I’ll stick it up your hass .....Ose an all’. C’est Vrai eh! To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
A young boy had just received his driver’s permit and asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he’d make a deal with his son. ‘You bring your grades up from a C to a B Average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we’ll talk about the car. The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, ‘Son, I’ve been real proud. You brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m real disappointed you didn’t get your hair cut. The young man paused a mome nt then said, ‘You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there’s even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair.’ To this his father replied, ‘Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere
Winter Exercise program...
Take one Wheatabix. Take an Aero chocolate bar. Crumble the Aero over the Wheatabix. Voila! AEROBIX !
During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners to fifth graders asked her students the following question: “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?” Michael said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” “That’s good, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?” I would say: “Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you’ll get to meet after dinner.” BEWARE OF THAT UNDERWEAR DUST!!!!!! - One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, ‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in ‘Slim Fast’. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!’ His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. ‘What the heck is this?’ he said to himself as a little ‘dust’ cloud appeared when he shook them out. He hollered into the bathroom, ‘Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?’ She replied with a snicker, ìIt’s not talcum powder, it’s ‘Miracle Grow!!!íî Some guys just never learn, do not piss off the little woman. MOMS IN GROUP THERAPY A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.” He turned to the second Mom, Ann: “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.” He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: “Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.” At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, “Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let’s pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner. FEBRUARY 2015 • 33
Solar system components
Arnprior Lions Club Valley Heritage Radio Bingo Every Thursday night at 7pm. $1,500.00 in Prizes 3 Games Nightly Cards $6 per set of 6 Game 1 (1 Line or 4 Corners) - $200.00 Game 2 (2 Lines) - $300.00 Game 3 (Full Card) $1,000.00 Every Week! Cards available at: Almonte Esso on Hwy 29, Sis’n Bro Smart Buys Arnprior Giant Tiger, Royal Canadian Legion, Videoflicks in the Arnprior Mall, Peebles Lottery, Arnprior Mall Beachburg Beachburg Bakery & Deli Braeside Robbins Confectionary Calabogie Charbonneau Grocery Chenaux J.R.’s Country Store Clayton Clayton General Store Cobden Rooney’s & Dan’s Pizza, Sears Store Dunrobin Dunrobin Meat Grocery, Eganville Village Discount & Variety Fitzroy Harbour The Harbour Store Golden Lake Golden Lake Variety Hwy 132 Gourley’s Variety Pakenham Nicholson’s Store Pembroke Bruhams, Moncion’s Grocery East & West, L&A Lottery at Giant Tiger Renfrew O’Brien Variety, Giant Tiger, Dahl’s, The Wing, Go To Go Lottery Booth in Wal-Mart, Bonnechere Manor, Colleen’s Variety, Raglan St. South White Lake White Lake Restaurant
Bingo Phone-in Numbers: 613-432-9873 Toll-Free: 1-888-532-9870 License No: M743105
34 • FEBRUARY 2015
To ensure your energy needs are met, it is important for the components of a system to work together. A brief introductions to system components are provided below. Loads At the beginning of the system design process, it is necessary to examine the various items that will require energy from the future system and to determine their total consumption. Understanding your energy consumption will be essential in designing a system of an appropriate size. Loads may include anything from lights and stereos to water pumps and microwave ovens. When exploring each of your loads, consider does it require AC or DC power? And, what is the total consumption of the item? For each load, multiply the watts consumed by the hours run per week (watt hours per week ). Find the total weekly energy required from the system by determining the sum of all of the weekly consumptions for the individual loads. Power Source (i.e. Solar Photovoltaic Panels, Wind Turbines, Fuel Generators, Etc.) The mix of power sources that is ideal for you will depend upon your needs, but also upon the resources available to you. Knowledge of the amount and intensity of wind and sunshine at your location will allow you determine the appropriate type and capacity of your ideal power source. At Glenergy, we generally design so that the daily production calculated is about 1.5 times the estimated daily consumption. In residential systems, we definitely recommend including a fuelfired generator to provide power when the batteries are
depleted from an extended period without renewable energy availability. Energy Storage (Batteries) Most alternative energy systems require batteries to store energy. For the most part, lead acid deep cycle batteries provide the best price/performance among the batteries available on the market today. These batteries come in a number of varieties including: flooded, sealed, gel or Absorbed Glass Mat (AGM). Size really does matter! Batteries are the heart of the system so it is important to make sure that they are big enough. A “rule of thumb” is to provide rated capacity equal to a week’s consumption. In order to keep batteries in top condition, we design systems such that the batteries will not need to be brought below 50% of their capacity. Power conversion and distribution systems In the alternative energy world, it is often necessary to convert direct current (DC) from batteries into alternating current (AC) to run appliances. The tool used to achieve this conversion is called an inverter. While some appliances require the very high quality AC power provided by sine wave
inverters, many devices can function very well with less expensive square wave or modified sine-wave inverters. Less expensive inverters tend also to be less efficient and generally do not offer additional features such as automatic generator starting, load transfer or battery charging. In some cases, it is possible to meet energy needs without an inverter by switching smaller loads to DC. A 12V DC system, particularly for lighting, can help you to avoid the relative inefficiency or expense of an inverter. Charge controllers Charge controllers are used to manage the charging of batteries and, sometimes, the discharge of batteries by the loads. Charge controllers vary widely in effectiveness, options and price. Some models can manage both wind and solar charging. At Glenergy, we carry a number of different charge controllers to suit the diverse needs of our customers.
SHOWCASE Since 1999 your one-stop Spring shopping centre. SHOWCASE 2015. Our 25th SHOWCASE event. www.valleyvendor.biz
LEGION EVENTS
SHOWCASE No Bored family members at SHOWCASE 2015. Something for everyone and we do mean every member of the family regardless of age. And it’ FREE. Really, Honest, no kidding, it’s FREE. www. showcaseinpetawawa.ca
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 35
Events List 2015 BLUEGRASS
SABSTOCK #7
PALMER RAPIDS
AND DON’T FORGET JOHN
July 23,24,25 & 26 2015
NEEDED AT EVERY EVENT CALL BETH BEFORE ITS TOO LATE WATCH FOR MORE ADVERTISERS AS THE MONTHS PROGRESS. STILL WAITING TO HEAR BACK. LOOK FOR MORE IN MARCH EH Campbell’s Bay - Bikes in the Bay Northern Old Bastards Show & Shine Galop Canal Bluegrass Petawawa Civic Centre Days Ribfest Calabogie Country Music Festival Quyon Jam River Valley Bluegrass Valley Bluegrass Festival Wilderness Tours Log Jam Palmer Rapids Twin Music Festival Beachburg Fair Arnprior Fair Beachburg RAM Rodeo Calabogie Blues & Ribfest Havelock Country Music Jamboree South Grenville Bluegrass Kitchissippi Music Festival Kinburn Swampfest Renfrew Fair Marmora Country Jamboree Neat In The Woods Festival Oktoberfest Ladysmith CCBMA Bluegrass Awards and more to come!!
May 28-31 2015
Your Host! Multi-Award Winning Hard Ryde from Prince Edward County! County Road 44 - Notre Dame de Grass. Concession 23 - The Griddle Pickers. Rescue Junction - Maple Hill - SweetGrass. Rhyme N Reason - Our MC! Bill MacDonald. More info at: www.quintebluegrass.com or call Melissa at 613-392-2412 or 519-496-0397. Save on ADVANCE tickets til April 1, 2015. FULL PAGE ADVERTISING IN MAY VV BlueGrassers WIN TICKETS Just send in $10 with the form below. All proceeds to QUINTE’S ISLE BLUEGRASS. Show your Valley Vendor readers support. NAME: _____________________ Phone:_____________________ email ______________________ $10 cash enclosed: ____ (check it) Winners will be notified a tickets at the gate. To reach the VV office by May 1st. Valley Vendor - QUINTE BLUEGRASS 1071 Sutherland Rd. RR#2 Pembroke ON K8A 6W3 FIFTH ANNUAL
July 3,4,5 2015
GUNZ N’ FN’ ROSEZ GUNZ N’ FN’ ROSEZ, CRUED, DESTROYER, KIM MITCHELL - SAT. Read the Vendor each month for current info or check the website often www.sabstock.com FULL PAGE ADVERTSING NOW TIL JULY SAB STOCKERS WIN TICKETS Just send in $10 with the form below. All proceeds to SAB as Valley Vendor readers support.
NAME: _____________________ Phone:_____________________ NAME: _____________________ email ______________________ Phone:_____________________ email ______________________ $10 cash enclosed: ______ $10 cash enclosed: ______ (check it) (check it) To reach the VV office by To reach the VV office by June15th. Valley Vendor July 1st. Valley Vendor SABSTOCK PALMER RAPIDS 1071 Sutherland Rd. RR#2 1071 Sutherland Rd. RR#2 Pembroke ON K8A 6W3 Pembroke ON K8A 6W3 VALLEY BLUEGRASS RANCH LAKE MOTORSPORTS
August 7th, 8th, & 9th, 2015
June 18-21, 2015
5th Annual Galop Canal Bluegrass Festival will be held on June 18-21, 2015. Confirmed bands to perfom are: Hard Ryde, Georgian Blue, County Road 5, Noisy Locomotive, Canucky Bluegrass Boys, Monroe Sisters, Grassy Fiddle Time, The Schotts, Maple Hill, County Road 44, Barrel Boys and many more TBA. VV BlueGrassers WIN TICKETS Just send in $10 with the form below. All proceeds to GALOP CANAL BLUEGRASS. Show your Valley Vendor readers support. NAME: _____________________ Phone:_____________________ email ______________________ $10 cash enclosed: ____ (check it) Winners will be notified a tickets at the gate. To reach the VV office by June 1st. Valley Vendor - GALOP CANAL BLUEGRASS 1071 Sutherland Rd. RR#2 Pembroke ON K8A 6W3 36 • March 2015
ADVERTISING MAY JUN JULY PALMERS WIN SINGLE TICKETS Just send in $10 with the form below. All proceeds will go to the Palmer Team as Valley Vendor reader support.
JULY 9, 10, 11, 12 2015
ADVERTISING JUN JUL VV BLUEGRASSERS WIN 2 PAIR TICKETS Just send in $10 with the form below. All proceeds will go to the JOHNSTONS’ as Valley Vendor reader support.
Bonus - Sep. 5 & 6 2015
ADVERTISING JUN JULY AUG SEP RANCH LAKE - WIN SINGLE TICKETS Just send in $10 with the form below. All proceeds will go to the Ranch as Valley Vendor reader support.
NAME: _____________________ NAME: _____________________ Phone:_____________________ Phone:_____________________ email ______________________ email ______________________ $10 cash enclosed: ______ $10 cash enclosed: ______ (check it) (check it) To reach the VV office by To reach the VV office by June15th. July15th. Valley Vendor Valley Vendor -VALLEY BLUERANCH LAKE GRASS 1071 Sutherland Rd. 1071 Sutherland Rd. RR#2 RR#2 Pembroke ON K8A 6W3 Pembroke ON K8A 6W3 www.valleyvendor.biz
BRIAN’$ CORNER
Handling Unexpected Events? An unexpected event like an accident or an illness doesn’t have to be financially devastating. If you are experiencing income loss due to an unforeseen event or are looking to protect your family financially, your Mortgage Agent can help. There are a wide number of Insurance products available to protect you. Now is the time to talk. You can receive help by a) Reviewing your mortgage plan and new budget b) Minimize the impact on your cash flow c) Find out if mortgage insurance is applicable d) Tap into your home equity e) Review your options with an insurance
provider. Are you dealing with Mortgage payment difficulties? For most Canadians our home is our most important investment, but owning a home comes with a great deal of responsibility. When unforeseen circumstances impact your ability to meet your mortgage payments, it’s important to take quick action and contact your Mortgage Agent who can help you find a solution to your financial difficulties. Questions? Comments? Email me at: brian.coventry@ premieremortgage.ca
VALLEYVENDOR.BIZ THAT’S ALL THERE IS
SHOWCASE More than 160 businesses and services are represented at SHOWCASE 2015. Fantastic information about new products and services. Admission is free. A family event with something for everyone. www. showcaseinpetawawa.ca.
613-638-3256
Specializing in Custom, Designer & Traditional Roofing Systems for Flat & Sloped Roofing Applications.
Cedar – Slate – Clay – Concrete – Asphalt – Steel – Copper – Rubber – Mod Bit – PVC/TPO Soffit, Fascia, Siding & Eavestrough. To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 37
COUNTRY HAVEN RETIREMENT HOME Greetings and felicitations from Country Haven Retirement Home, located in the pristine village of Beachburg! Like many of you I’m sure, we have been tolerating the bitter, cold weather we’ve been having, and are counting down the days until spring- we are very much looking forward to the warmer weather it will bring! Despite the frigid temperatures, we did have an enjoyable month of February here at Country Haven. The highlight of the month was our Valentine’s Day Party, which is always a lovely time! Our Home was decorated for the occasion, with red and pink hearts and cupids galore! We ourselves also got dressed up for the party, and boy did we look great! With everyone wearing their best red, pink and white duds, the festive atmosphere, the
great entertainment, and the yummy treats, it was impossible not to have a good time! Thanks to The Beachburg Connection for coming in to entertain; we always love it when you are here! March is shaping up to be a great month here as well! We have been invited to the Bonnechere Manor for a Senior Talent Showcase they are hosting on March the fifth! We are looking forward to this event with great anticipation, and we are thankful for the invitation! It is going to be so nice for us to get out, and spend time with our friends from the other area Homes, as we enjoy the wonderful talent that the seniors of the Valley have to offer! Also on the agenda for the month of March, is a visit from The Red Hot Mamas! These feisty ladies are so talented, and so much fun, and we always enjoy it when they come to entertain us! And what
would the month of March be without a smashing St. Patrick’s Day Party? We are not about to find out, because plans are most definitely underway for a terrific St. Patty’s Day Party, which just so happens to be one of our favourite celebrations of the year! We plan to do it up right again this year, with lively entertainment, and green everything! From our Home to yours, we hope that you all have a happy month of March! Spring really is right around the corner! Until next time...happy trails!
May good luck be with you wherever you go, and your blessings outnumber the Shamrocks that grow
Owner/Operator: Remi Lair
OPEN: Monday to Friday 8am–5pm
phone 613-629-5777 cell 613-585-0600
remlil@hotmail.com 110 Townline, Pembroke
(old Steve’s Transmission)
38 • March 2015
www.valleyvendor.biz
VALLEYVENDOR.BIZ - THAT’S ALL THERE IS SHOWCASE
JUST FOR FUN
JUST FOR FUN
160 terrific and interesting EXHIBITORS, “Little Ray’s”, A CLIMBING WALL, BOUNCE ACTIVITIES, a PRINCESS and SPIDERMAN. All at SHOWCASE 2015. Don’t miss it. April 17, 18, 19. Petawawa Civic Centre. doug@ showcaseinpetawawa. ca. or www. showcaseinpetawawa.ca.
Late Night Phone Call To The Vet A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbors’ male dog while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate. Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy
voice. Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.” “Do you think that will work?” she asked. “It just worked for me,” he replied.
JUST FOR FUN Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!” Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”
To place your ad in this paper, see page 20
March 2015 • 39