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FEBRUARY 28, 2013 | VOLUME xCIV| ISSUE xLII hoMe oF the garBage Pile KiDDos sinCe 1918

iCe? WHo needs it!

the UBC pool is home to an elite squad of hockey players who compete without ice, pads — or oxygen



KissiNG A LoT oF PeoPLe


The peewee hockey coach who tripped an opposing player at Thunderbird Arena has been given 15 days in jail P3

Advice columnist Bryce Warnes cautions against turning sexual exploits into ‘achievement badges’ P11

University reaches a deal on wages, benefits with campus child care workers P3





our CaMpus




eARLY MUsiC eNseMBLes 12–1 P.M. @ Barnett hall

Come here for early classical music, courtesy of the UBC School of Music. Bring your friends and enjoy the soothing melodies. Free.



ARTs LAsT LeCTURe wiTH MiCHAËLLe JeAN 8 P.M. @ Chan Centre

The Arts Undergraduate Society presents Michaëlle Jean, former governor general of Canada and current UnESCO special envoy for Haiti. Arts Last Lecture is always one of the most thought-provoking talks of the year, so buy tickets early. $13.



MeN’s BAsKeTBALL FiNAL FoUR 6 P.M. @ War MeMorial gYM

Come support your Thunderbirds basketball team as they take on either UVic or Winnipeg. This is one sports game you won’t want to miss. $2 for students, free with Blue Crew pass.

Prof’s passion for river research



About the typewriter: we used a Smith-Corona Sterling Automatic 12 for this week’s cover shoot. The SA12 features a powered carriage (which, upon hitting return, fires across the body at frightening speed. From the Typed On Paper typewriter blog: “[Smith-Corona] put all these design elements together and used the latest technology in the original typewriter design (typebars) before finally having to move on to daisywheels and word processors. It is the last gasp of breath for a design which lasted for so long.”

video content Make sure to check out our interactive interview with Toope, airing now at http://ow.ly/i6M83.



Senior Lifestyle Writer Justin Fleming jfleming@ubyssey.ca

Coordinating Editor Jonny Wakefield coordinating@ubyssey.ca Features Editor Arno Rosenfeld Managing Editor, Print features@ubyssey.ca Jeff Aschkinasi printeditor@ubyssey.ca Video Editor David Marino Managing Editor, Web video@ubyssey.ca Andrew Bates Copy Editor webeditor@ubyssey.ca Karina Palmitesta News Editors copy@ubyssey.ca Will McDonald + Art Director Laura Rodgers Kai Jacobson news@ubyssey.ca art@ubyssey.ca Senior News Writer Graphics Assistant Ming Wong mwong@ubyssey.ca Indiana Joel ijoel@ubyssey.ca Culture Editor Anna Zoria Layout Artist culture@ubyssey.ca Collyn Chan cchan@ubyssey.ca Senior Culture Writer Rhys Edwards Videographer redwards@ubyssey.ca Lu Zhang lzhang@ubyssey.ca Sports + Rec Editor Webmaster CJ Pentland Riley Tomasek sports@ubyssey.ca webmaster@ubyssey.ca

staff Bryce Warnes, Josh Curran, Peter Wojnar, Anthony Poon, Veronika Bondarenko, Yara Van Kessel, Catherine guan, ginny Monaco, Matt Meuse, Hogan Wong, Rory gattens, Brandon Chow, Joseph Ssettuba. Tyler McRobbie, Sarah Bigam, Stephanie xu, natalya Kautz, Colin Chia, Kim Pringle

FEBRUARY 28, 2013 | VOLUME xCIV| ISSUE xLII business


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LegaL The Ubyssey is the official student newspaper of the University of British Columbia. It is published every Monday and Thursday by The Ubyssey Publications Society. We are an autonomous, democratically run student organization, and all students are encouraged to participate. Editorials are chosen and written by the Ubyssey staff. They are the expressed opinion of the staff, and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Ubyssey Publications Society or the University of British Columbia. All editorial content appearing in The Ubyssey is the property of The Ubyssey Publications Society. Stories, opinions, photographs and artwork contained

herein cannot be reproduced without the expressed, written permission of The Ubyssey Publications Society. The Ubyssey is a founding member of Canadian University Press (CUP) and adheres to CUP’s guiding principles. Letters to the editor must be under 300 words. Please include your phone number, student number and signature (not for publication) as well as your year and faculty with all submissions. ID will be checked when submissions are dropped off at the editorial office of The Ubyssey; otherwise verification will be done by phone. The Ubyssey reserves the right to edit submissions for length and clari-

ty. All letters must be received by 12 noon the day before intended publication. Letters received after this point will be published in the following issue unless there is an urgent time restriction or other matter deemed relevant by the Ubyssey staff. It is agreed by all persons placing display or classified advertising that if the Ubyssey Publications Society fails to publish an advertisement or if an error in the ad occurs the liability of the UPS will not be greater than the price paid for the ad. The UPS shall not be responsible for slight changes or typographical errors that do not lessen the value or the impact of the ad.

arno Rosenfeld Features Editor

Matthew Evenden started his job at UBC three days after completing his thesis defence at York University in Toronto. For the geography professor and Vancouver native, his UBC post was a return to his roots in more ways than one. “All of my research was on British Columbia at that point,” Evenden explained. Since his second year at the university, Evenden has been one of the only professors in the department to teach or co-teach first-year human geography courses. “When a lecture goes well at the first-year level, it’s really quite an energizing experience for me,” Evenden said. While he said he is able to teach more in-depth material in upper-level classes, it can be easy to lose sight of the big picture. “At the first-year level, you’re dealing with such big issues that you have a pretty wide horizon in the lectures.” The son of a university professor, Evenden said he knew from the time he graduated high school that he wanted to teach. But teaching has at times gotten in the way of his research, which focuses on water issues, especially rivers. Evenden said since his research often involves travel, he is forced to research over the summer and focus on teaching during the winter terms. In addition to visiting archives, Evenden also tries to visit the actual locations of the rivers and bodies of water he researches. “I’m sure this is also true for a biographer writing about someone’s life: when you visit a place, you just a get a different sense of your subject,” Evenden said. “I’m trying to make sense of how places have changed over time.” For Evenden, teaching is not always an obstacle to research. For a book he wrote on the Bow River in Alberta, Evenden teamed up with another professor to lead a one-off course. The two led a group of students through the Rocky Mountains

and across the plains of Alberta, exploring irrigation projects and other issues. Through his work on rivers, Evenden said he’s become more aware of the environmental issues surrounding water. “I feel very passionate about rivers and about how people treat rivers — and concerned about it,” he said. “I’ve come to know about the environmental issues through the lens of rivers.” Evenden decided to focus on Canadian rivers in graduate school after becoming interested in the research being done on rivers and water politics in the United States. He is currently finishing a book about hydroelectric power in Canada during the 1940s, a project that saw him travel to Finland to present at a conference on the environmental impact of World War II. Evenden is working on another project about the history of Vancouver’s water supply, and the changing understanding of what purity means when it comes to water. “What has been viewed as clean water has changed over time,” Evenden said. He mentioned the uproar that occurred during World War II, when federal authorities decided to start putting chlorine into Vancouver’s water supply. Evenden said UBC has more of a connection to local water supplies than many realize. Decades ago, a scale model of the Fraser River was dug into the ground near the Botanical Gardens for professors to gain a better understanding of the river essential to the region. “More generally, all the water we drink on campus is coming from the surrounding water sheds,” Evenden said. “In some ways, we’re the end of the pipe.” In addition to his teaching and work on rivers and water, Evenden is also chair of the Canadian studies program at UBC. The program’s McLean lecture series begins in March, featuring Graeme Wynn, the professor Evenden travelled with in Alberta, on the issue of sustainability and environment. U


EDITORS WILL Mcdonald + laura rodgers

university funding >>


Labour >>

Child care workers reach a deal

The B.C. Liberals say their plan to centralize university services will make up for their budget cuts, but others aren’t so sure.


B.C. Liberals say plan makes up for post-secondary budget cuts

Laura Rodgers News Editor

Budget cuts for universities and colleges in B.C. are less this year than expected, but the Liberals plan to cut even deeper in the years after. Their rationale for the cuts is that schools can save a lot of money by centralizing services and contracts. The Liberals are cutting $5 million from post-secondary operating budgets this year, then $20 million the year after and $25 million more the year after that — easing back from the previous plan of a $20 million cut this year and $30 million the next. Unions have been wary of the centralization plan from the start, fearing it could lead to job losses. As it stands, the province promises plans won’t impact any existing collective agreements with workers.

NEWS BRIEF Fifteen-day jail sentence for youth hockey coach who tripped player A youth hockey coach has received a 15-day jail sentence for tripping two players on campus last summer. Martin Tremblay, who coached the UBC Hornets youth hockey team, will serve the sentence on weekends, along with 12 months of probation. He pled guilty to assault for tripping two players, aged 10 and 13, on the other team during the handshakes after a championship game. One of the players suffered a broken wrist, while the other was uninjured. At Tremblay’s sentencing, Judge Patrick Chen said Tremblay’s case required a harsher sentence than prosecution was seeking – 30 days house arrest. “It is necessary, in my view, to express that society will not accept the abuse of children by adults,” Chen said in Tremblay’s sentencing hearing. “The tripping of the boys was akin to a cowardly sucker punch on an unsuspecting victim.” UBC has said that the team has no real ties to the university other than it played on campus. Kavie Toor, UBC associate director, facilities and business development, said only teams that have UBC players or are coached by members of the UBC community will be eligible to use UBC in their name. “The guidelines have always been in place.… We’re just going to be enforcing it more stringently than we had with this team,” said Toor. U

And the NDP thinks the project is a good idea too, but they’ve considered giving universities and colleges the money it saves so they can spend it on other things. “We’ll do this in a way that will not affect the learning experience, and we still make a significant investment in students [every year],” said B.C. Liberal advanced education minister John Yap. The plans include obtaining cheaper contracts for everything from computers to credit-card processing, by having all B.C. post-secondary schools go in on the same deal. The Liberals say savings will definitely free up enough cash that the cuts won’t affect students, but the NDP disagrees. “The rationale the government has put forward ... is they’re going to realize some cost savings in terms of administrative shared ser-

vices, and this will have no impact on students,” said NDP education critic Michelle Mungall. “But to anticipate this will have no impact on students would be unrealistic.” Schools across the province oppose any cuts to their operating funds, and have been scrambling to find ways to balance their dwindling yearly budgets. “B.C. universities have been challenged to balance budgets and invest in the future while facing static operating budgets and capped domestic tuition,” said Pierre Ouillet, UBC VP Finance. Ouillet said UBC has been working with other schools as part of the project to drive shared costs down, but detailed business cases still need to be made before any savings can come into effect. The province identified a long list of places where schools might

be able to save money by sharing costs. There are plans to possibly combine contracts for things like vending machines, printing, food services, shipping and IT. Some of the possible savings, according to a report issued by consulting firm Deloitte, are due to staff reductions. But according to Yap, “We don’t expect that [staff cuts] to be a potential result.” Mungall said that if the NDP is voted into office this May, they will definitely work along the same lines to reduce administrative costs, but they still haven’t decided whether or not to follow the Liberals’ plan to continue budget cuts to post-secondary funding. “Any government’s going to have to deal with the revenue stream and make decisions based on that revenue stream,” she said. U

parks >>

Wreck Beach regulars push for boat ban

Laura Rodgers News Editor

Denizens of the bustling, bohemian, clothing-optional beach that edges UBC campus feel summertime swimmers are threatened by boaters and jetskiers too close to shore. The Metro Vancouver Board has approved a push for more police patrols in the area, but some say this isn’t enough and they won’t stop until boats near the beach are completely banned. Judy Williams, chair of the Wreck Beach Preservation Society, is pushing to have the boaters gone. “Last summer was the absolute worst,” she said. “These guys start coming in, on jet skis, ignoring the buoys, drinking and being real jerks.” In the summer, the beach has long attracted a unique community of relaxed, often-nude nature lovers. But, according to Williams, it’s started to attract a growing number of young men on small boats and personal watercraft — men whose “macho” attitudes, Williams feels, are an affront to the beach’s usual mood, and whose antics may pose a danger to swimmers. The society first approached Transport Canada to issue a ban on motorized boats in the foreshore area of Pacific Spirit Regional Park in 2002, and a marked swim area

kaitlyn tissington PHOTO/THE UBYSSEY

The Wreck Beach Preservation Society says swimmers at the popular clothing-optional beach are in danger from boaters coming too close to the shore.

edging the beach was established. But the society says boaters have been behaving dangerously within the marked swim area since it was created. Transport Canada has proposed two different designated areas, one for swimmers and one for boats. The society balked at this, because they think any accommodation for boaters will only bring more of them into the beach area. The plan for this summer is to put up more signs that advise boaters to slow down within the swim area. Metro Vancouver is pushing the RCMP to do more patrols of the area during the busy summer months, but they’re refusing to give any extra money to pay for them. They say they’ll continue to work with the society to find a safe solution for the area, but they aren’t willing to join the push for a Transport Canada boat ban. “The Wreck Beach Society asked Metro Van to do what they can to

make sure there is no access lane, and no docking facility, on the foreshore for motorized vessels and especially for jet skis,” said Maria Harris, Metro Vancouver director of Electoral Area A, the unincorporated area which includes Wreck Beach. “I hope they’ll find something to make it less attractive for jet skis to bother coming to that area,” Harris continued. Although Metro Vancouver won’t be paying for any increased police patrols into the area, Harris said there are a number of other ways they could be funded, including taking the cost out of the provincial rural tax. But for Williams and other Wreck Beach regulars, a simple request for more policing won’t be enough to solve the problem. “It’s a good first step,” said Williams. “We are going to continue pushing for a full ban.... Swimmers and boaters don’t mix, period.” U

Kai Jacobson photo/THE UBYSSEY

One of UBC’s childcare facilities in the University Services Building on West Mall.

Will McDonald News Editor

Unionized campus child care workers have reached a new tentative agreement with the university after three days of mediation in response to a strike notice. Neither the union nor UBC will release the terms of the deal, but UBC has said it is similar to deals reached with other unions on campus this year. It is effective from May 2012 to April 2014. The union originally asked for wage increases from the university to bring their average wages up to at least $20 per hour. Workers currently make between $11.81 and $21.19 per hour, depending on education and experience. Most other unions on campus to settle a deal this year received modest percentage raises of 2 per cent for one year and 2 per cent the next. The workers, represented by a bargaining unit within the B.C. Government and Service Employee Union (BGCEU) local 303, first served strike notice to UBC on Feb. 21 after voting 94 per cent in favour of job action last December. On the same day, the university applied for mediation in an attempt to avoid a strike. The bargaining unit represents around 160 childcare employees. The workers had planned rotating pickets at five daycare centres on campus on March 1, a move that could have affected over 100 children. But strikes were stalled when UBC immediately called for mediation, and the new agreement now ensures no strikes will happen. Mediation was first only scheduled for this Monday, but it continued until a deal was reached on Wednesday afternoon. During mediation, BCGEU local 303 chair Andrea Duncan said to The Ubyssey that mandates from the provincial government prevented UBC from offering what she feels is a fair wage for early childhood educators. “We’re really hoping that the government will allow UBC to break outside of that mandate and pay these individuals what they deserve,” said Duncan. Although Schmidt has not released the terms of the deal, he said it fell within provincial mandates. Schmidt said he was satisfied that a deal could be reached at the bargaining table without job action. U <em>


4 | News |


AMS EXECs: THE REPORT CARD For the first time this year, executives of UBC’s AMS student society were held accountable where it mattered: their pay cheques. Last year’s council gave execs a $7,500 raise, taking total exec pay from $25,000 to $32,500. But of that $32,500, $5,000 is contingent on whether or not the executives meet a set of defined goals over their terms. The president and four VPs each set their own goals, but those goals had to be approved by an independent committee of AMS councillors. Then that committee decides at the end of the year whether or not the execs have met their goals, and gives AMS Council a recommendation on whether to withhold any of the money. It’s an interesting idea, but does it work in practice? Now that their terms have ended, we’ve broken down this year’s exec goals and how well they’ve been achieved.



Communications Strategic Plan


Parson put together a plan to streamline AMS internal communications, and he thinks it was a success. He said it’s “probably one of the most impressive things, I think, that happened this year.”

Wong had a lot of goals for equity-related projects this year: making new policies for clubs, establishing new equity-related training and working together with the UBC equity office. She said she got a new, more specific harassment and discrimination policy for AMS clubs and staff. And she’s been consulting with the UBC equity department, but they are restructuring their department right now and she didn’t make as much progress there as she had hoped.

Matt Parson

Research Grant Parson wanted to fund research related to UBC, post-secondary education and the student experience. He planned to put $15,000 of the AMS’s money into this project, and then he wound up getting over a $100,000 from UBC for the venture. The project is still in its early stages, and no grants have been awarded to students yet. So long as another AMS exec picks up the ball on this one after Parson, it should become a reality.

Beer Hall Speaker Series Parson collaborated with the UBC Terry Project to bring a series of low-key yet intellectual talks on subjects like oil pipelines, artificial intelligence and the U.S. presidential election to the Gallery Lounge. It didn’t wind up being called “Presidential Beer Hall,” and Parson said he did about a third of the work bringing it to fruition, but it definitely did happen.

Special General Meeting Parson promised he’d get 1,000 UBC students together, the minimum number for an AMS special general meeting, so he could make changes to the society’s bylaws. The meeting never happened, but changes to the bylaws did happen in a referendum along with AMS elections.

Caroline Wong KYLE WARWICK

Club resources Her goal was to give clubs more professional development training, and she said she worked with the Centre for Student Involvement and Careers to create club-focused workshops run by UBC staff.

New initiatives for AMS art Wong looked at new ways to bring in money for the AMS’s art side, like possibly loaning out works for its permanent collection. She said she’s made that permanent art collection viewable online and involved various clubs and groups in shows at the SUB art gallery.

New SUB Her goals basically amounted to keeping the new SUB project on track. She said some new committees have formed and the project is currently within budget.

Shinerama She made it a goal for this one-day cystic fibrosis research fundraiser in September 2012 to raise $35,000; it pulled in $40,000.

Council “Onboarding” procedures

Whistler Lodge

Parson promised he’d make up some training and information materials for newly elected AMS councillors. He didn’t do that, but he said the goal morphed into putting together a handbook for all AMS employees.

Wong promised to “develop a longterm solution” for the lodge. She said she’s done consultations with clubs, a survey and an in-person lodge forum. There’s no plan yet for what will happen with the building going forward, though.

—Laura Rodgers


—Laura Rodgers

Government lobbying Warwick was required to “implement an effective cross-campus campaign on student financial aid issues, including student loan interest rates, core funding levels and needs-based grants.” He said he achieved this goal, and had 1,500 students to sign pledge cards supporting increased post-secondary funding by the provincial government.

Get OnBoard This year his office started Get OnBoard, a B.C.-wide campaign lobbying for increased transit funding in the Lower Mainland. Although his AVP Tanner Bokor led the project, Warwick is still able to take credit for this one.

Renew the U-Pass As predicted, the U-Pass program passed in this year’s referendum with a 96.4 per cent approval rate from the student population, slightly higher than his PAR goal of 90 per cent. Although the U-Pass price will increase to $35 a month in May 2013, it was still “renewed at an affordable price,” considering the cost of an adult two-zone monthly pass is $124.

Meet with government officials According to his September 2012 Executive meeting, Warwick met with a slew of local politicians, including B.C. premier Christy Clark, Surrey mayor Dianne Watts and Electoral Area A rep Maria Harris. He said he couldn’t determine if any tangible results came out of these meetings, but the meetings did happen. —Ming Wong

Kiran Mahal

Tristan Miller

Midterm teaching evaluations

Budget consultation process

Her first goal was to give students a chance to evaluate their professors partway through the term, which in turn gives profs the chance to tweak their courses before the term ends. Mahal started a pilot project with a small number of courses.

His first goal was to have a “robust” consultation process for the yearly AMS budget. Miller said he considers this goal a success. Instead of creating this year’s budget by himself, he asked constituencies to create their own budgets, then worked with them to create the final version.

Exam database The creation of an exam database is not near completion, but Mahal was only required to submit a proposal and commission a technical compability study.

Early exam date release Mahal said she completed her goal of developing a proposal to advocate for the earlier release of exam dates.

Mental Health Network One of her two mental health-focused PAR goals is to restructure the UBC Mental Health Network. She feels she successfully shifted the group to become more of an advocacy-based organization.

Revising course syllabi The other mental health-focused goal was to present a proposal to create an insert to be included in all course syllabi that provides mental health and wellness information for students. The proposal is being looked at by UBC’s Mental Health Steering Committee before going to Senate.

UBC-wide survey Along with former AVP Academic Sean Cregten, Mahal administered a UBC-wide survey asking over 2,600 students questions about the student experience. With these results, AMS will be able to back their lobbying efforts with quantifiable data. —Ming Wong

Three-year financial plan Miller has created a long-term plan to change the AMS’s financial structure. He wants the AMS to rely less on business revenue and invest more money. He also did work on a new plan for student fees, but he wasn’t able to bring it to referendum.

Fix the financial commission Miller set his goal for this as “correct Finance Commission deficiencies to improve service.” He created a new position, the funds and grants commissioner, who also serves as financial aid administrator. He also created PowerPoint presentations to help train new people.

Whistler Lodge Miller promised to come to a resolution on the Whistler Lodge. While the AMS conducted numerous surveys to get student opinion on the lodge, they didn’t come to a concrete resolution on whether to buy or sell. Miller said the AMS has drafted maintenance and upgrade plans. But the fate of the lodge is far from resolved.

Funding for student art Miller completely dropped the ball on this one. He said no progress was made on this goal, because other things arose during his term and some projects took a lot more time than he expected. —Will McDonald




No ice, no problem Water sports >>

At the bottom of the swimming pool, another brand of hockey finds a following Charlotte tilstra Contributor

Hockey in Canada has a cult following, and its fans spent the past few months of 2012 pining for bloody fights and top-corner goals during the dreaded lockout. But there was another type of hockey being played right under the surface of the UBC aquatic centre pool. Underwater hockey is just like ice hockey, except it’s played at the bottom of a pool filled with water. And instead of toothless brutes covered in protective padding, it’s men and women with pearly whites in skin-tight bathing suits. Which version would you rather get into? Underwater hockey is a relatively new sport. It was created in 1954 in the United Kingdom by Alan Blake in order to keep the members of his swim club from abandoning swimming during the frigid winter months. He needed a sport that could be played in a pool; his idea, a game called “Octopush,” began to spread. Its name eventually changed to underwater hockey, and in 1962 it was brought to Vancouver. Now universities across Canada have formed underwater hockey clubs, and there are world championships held every two years. The basic rules of the sport are simple. “Hold your breath, get to the bottom and hit the puck,” said Jordan Fryers, a UBC student who is training for Team Canada. Underwater hockey teams are typically co-ed. Players are equipped with a snorkel, mask, fins, a curved stick that’s a little bigger than a ruler, a swim cap or helmet and gloves to protect their hands. Using their sticks, teams must maneuver a puck into the

something like watching a group of dolphins surfacing for air; each player dives into the depths of the pool, only to resurface when they run out of breath and then dive back down when they’ve caught it. However, none of the real action can be seen from above the water, and spectators have a hard time following the game from the sidelines. This is why in some cases, particularly the world championships, multiple underwater cameras capture the action and stream it live on the Internet. At the end of August, Fryers will travel to Eger, Hungary with Team Canada to compete in the 2013 World Championships and play against teams from Argentina, Australia, Germany, Portugal, Serbia, South Africa and the U.S.

Hold your breath, get to the bottom and hit the puck. Jordan Fryers UBC student training, for Team Canada underwater hockey


Behind the masks and snorkels are athletes who play the sport known as underwater hockey.

opponent’s goal, but unlike hockey, there’s the added complication of not being able to breathe while playing. Plus, since it is a non-contact sport, any holding, obstructing, de-masking, de-finning or injuring other players results in a foul. The best underwater hockey

players are strong swimmers who can hold their breath for long periods of time, but the game is ultimately a team sport that requires cooperation. In order to score a goal, teams must strategize on when and which players visit the surface to breathe. Six players from each team

are in play at once, and up to four other players are substituted on the fly for when players need to breathe. The games are usually composed of two 15-minute periods, and the goalposts are usually 50 metres apart. The depth of the pool can vary. Watching from the surface is

He’s competed in the past as part of Team Canada, and said how he’s lucky because it’s given him the chance to travel around the world to places like South Africa, England and Australia to compete and meet people. The UBC underwater hockey club practices at the UBC Aquatic Centre on Tuesday nights from 7–8:30 p.m. and Sunday mornings from 9–10:30 a.m. Drop-in for UBC students is free for the first couple times, and membership is only $6. Perhaps it’s time to snorkel up and play a new kind of hockey in water that isn’t frozen. U

pLayoffs >>

Looking ahead at ’Birds in the playoffs C.J. Pentland Sports + Rec Editor

A trio of UBC Thunderbird teams refused to lose last weekend in Canada West playoff action. Women’s volleyball, women’s hockey and men’s basketball will all continue their seasons this weekend, and all still have the chance to come home with a national championship. Here’s a preview of what lies ahead for each team.

women’s volleyBall <strong>


Regular season record: 21-1 Playoff record: 2-0 </strong>


After receiving a bye to last weekend’s Canada West Final Four, the T-Birds swept Mount Royal in the semi-finals and then took down Trinity Western in the finals to capture their fourth Canada West championship in five years. The win also guaranteed them the first seed at the CIS nationals, which take place this weekend at the University of Sherbrooke in Quebec. The ’Birds kick off the tournament and their quest for their

sixth straight national championship on Thursday, when they take on the eighth-seeded University of Laval. First serve on Thursday is at 2 p.m. PST. The semi-final is on Friday and the final on Saturday.

women’s hoCkey <strong>


Regular season record: 17-7-4 Playoff record: 4-1 </strong>


They lost the first game of their Canada West semi-final matchup with Regina last weekend, but the T-Birds stormed back in the next two, taking game two 3-2 in triple overtime and blowing out Regina 7-1 in the third and decisive game. The series victory not only moved UBC on to the Canada West finals, but also gave them a berth in CIS nationals for the first time in team history. The ’Birds will take on the University of Calgary Dinos this weekend in Calgary in the conference finals. UBC was 1-2-1 against Calgary during the regular season, but they took their last meeting on the road by a score of 2-1. The ’Birds have also

won 12 of their last 14 games. Some T-Birds were also recognized for their regular season success. Leading the way was first-year head coach Graham Thomas, who was named Canada West coach of the year after leading UBC to 20 more victories than last year. Also in her first year with UBC, goalie Danielle Dube was named a Canada West first-team all-star after compiling 1.67 goals against average, a .943 save percentage and 11 wins. Christi Capozzi and Tatiana Rafter were named second-team all-stars. Capozzi was solid on defence all season, racking up a +7 plus/minus rating and chipping in 13 points. Rafter was the Thunderbirds’ leading scorer during the regular season, tallying 23 points in 28 games, and scored the overtime winner in game two of the playoff series to keep UBC’s season alive. Game one of the Canada West final is Friday night in Calgary at 6 p.m. PST. Game two is Saturday at 6 p.m.; game three, if necessary, is at 3 p.m. on Sunday. The nationals start the following weekend at the University of Toronto.

men’s BasketBall <strong>


Regular season record: 18-4 Playoff record: 2-1 </strong>

BiRD DRoPPiNGs T-Bird award winners



The ’Birds had a scare last weekend as they were pushed to the brink by Alberta, but they came out flying in the decisive game three, getting out to an early lead and winning 96-67. The win advances them to the Canada West Final Four, which will be hosted by the T-Birds. UBC will take on the University of the Fraser Valley Cascades in Friday night’s semi-final. The ’Birds were 1-1 against UFV during the regular season. A win would give them a berth in next weekend’s CIS nationals in Ottawa and advance them to Saturday’s final, while a loss would see them play in the bronze medal game. A loss would not officially dash their hopes of reaching nationals, as there is an at-large berth that is awarded nationally. Two losses on the weekend, however, would most likely end their season. Tip-off for Friday’s semi-final contest is at 7 p.m. at War Memorial Gym. The bronze medal matchup is at 6 p.m. on Saturday, with the gold medal game following at 8 p.m. U

Women’s volleyball Cis and Canada West MVP: shanice Marcelle Cis and Canada West Firstteam all-stars: shanice Marcelle and lisa Barclay Cis and Canada West second-team all-star: Brina Derksen-Bergen Women’s basketball Canada West MVP and Firstteam all-star: Kris Young Canada West nominee for tracy Macleod award: Zana Williams Men’s volleyball Canada West second-team all-star: Milan nikic

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Welcome to the literary supplement Each year, we hold a creative writing contest to showcase the literary talents of UBC students. We had many fantastic submissions this time around; thank you to everyone who entered. On the next pages, find our judges’ picks for first, second and third place in flash fiction and poetry. They are wideranging in theme, style and subject—lava seeps from under a bedroom door, brief romances wax and wane, cedar saplings sprout inside a human body. We invite you to treat this supplement like any good book: sit back and sink in. —Karina Palmitesta Guest editor


1 st place: flash fiction >>

My Half-Sister’s Wedding By Ellie Sawatzky


ur dad doesn’t walk her down the aisle — in fact, he wasn’t invited. But her stepdad does the job, and he’s a very nice man. I’ve never met him before today, but I like him. He runs a boarding house for dogs, and he tells me stories about his favourite guests. He talks to me like I’m not the daughter of a man who once slept with his wife and made her pregnant — a long time ago, mind you, before she was his wife, but still. He tells me about a wolfdog with yellow eyes — a marvelous creature, sleek and fast. She was up every day with the dawn, like a rooster, howling to the sun instead of the moon. “Best wake-up call I’ve ever had,” he says, and his eyes wander over to the dance floor, to the bride with her dress hitched up to her knees. A proud smile splits his broad, rough face. He says, “Christ, she looks pretty!” It’s early summer, and the sun starts to set around The bride has already nine-thirty. It’s been grey and windy all day, with of sunlight escaping every so often from the had a bit too much to beams clouds. By sunset, the clouds have blown to wisps drink. Days later, when and the bride and groom go down to the river to have their picture taken on the bridge, the coloured she looks at that sky behind them. The bride has already had a bit too much to drink. Days later, when she looks at that picture, she’ll laugh she’ll laugh because her hair is in her face because her hair is in picture, and her groom is holding her upright. Her eyes are her face and her groom closed because she’s smiling so big. At the end of the night I lean into the limousine is holding her upright. to say my goodbyes and final congratulations. The bride kisses my cheek and her breath smells pink and sweet, like champagne. The white bumper disappears down the dark road, and slowly, as if roused from a beautiful reverie, the sequined and flowered guests trail out to the parking lot. They slump into their cars, and they go. The following afternoon, when our dad asks me over the phone if she looked happy, I say, “Yes, yes she did.” He says, “What about the weather? Was it okay? Did it rain?” I tell him about the perfect sunset, the turquoise streaks like vapour trails, the quintessential fade from orange to pink. Our dad has always appreciated a good sunset. My intention is not to make him feel like he missed out, but to give him something to hold onto. That last moment of daylight can feel like it goes on forever. We don’t talk about what happens next — the drop into darkness, and quiet. Ellie Sawatzky was raised in the woods of Northwestern Ontario, where she learned the values of bear psychology and the joys of lake swimming. She moved to Vancouver in 2009, and will graduate from UBC this spring with a BFA in creative writing. Her poetry and creative nonfiction has appeared previously in Fugue Magazine, and her first play will be staged in April in the Brave New Play Rites Festival. When she’s not busy writing, you will most likely find her in her kitchen baking bread, in East Van singing with a folk-rock cover choir, or wandering the streets with a borrowed dog.

2 nd place: flash fiction >>

Save the Whales By Russell Hirsch


hat morning, Father said he was going to Mr. Wong’s to talk business. Father’s grey hair was slicked to one side. It was actually a helmet. Sometimes he took it off and where his brain ought to be, there was a machine like a paper shredder that he would feed newspapers at breakfast. “I will return tonight,” he said. “Will Mother look after me?” “Your mother is sick. Leave her alone. And don’t answer the door.” While Father was at Mr. Wong’s, someone came to the door. They knocked and called, “Hello! Is anyone there?” I was not to answer the door, so I opened the window beside it. Outside stood a young woman. “Hello,” she said. “Will you save the whales?” “The whales?” “They’re dying. Are your parents home?” “Father is at Mr. Wong’s. Mother is sick.” “Well, give them this.” She passed a brochure through the window. “And here —” She gave me a foil, whale-shaped balloon tied to a ribbon. “Remember,” she said. “All life is connected. Hold onto that and don’t let go.” I sat on the floor all day and held the ribbon. The whale bobbed above me and shared its

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Wisdom From Under The Sea. I asked when Mother would get better. It did not reply. Father returned late. I told him about the dying whales. He scolded me for answering the door. Then he opened the window, snatched away my balloon and shoved it out. “Farewell,” said the whale. At first, it looked like “Farewell!” someone was lying Father lifted his helmet and devoured the broHe made a face like he disliked the taste. “Go under the covers, but chure. to bed. Now.” then the bed was While I brushed my teeth, Father went into my room. Inside, I heard Mother cry out like empty and all I saw was parents’ she was hurt. I went to the hallway. Water gushed a foil whale balloon from under their door and over my feet. I was scared went to bed. Angry yelling woke me and I got up. floating up and up and and There was lava pouring from under my parents’ door up. now. I cried out in fright. Father opened the door. Behind him, in the room, I saw a tropical jungle beach, with waves crashing and bats swooping about. “Your mother is still sick. Do not think on it. Go to bed. Now.” The next morning, the floor was clear of water and lava and nothing came from under my parents’ door. Father ate the economics section for breakfast. “Good,” he said, digesting. “Good. Now, I’m going to Mr. Wong’s again. Don’t answer the door today.” “How is Mother?” Father had left. When I went to my parents’ door, I peered through the keyhole and could see the beach from the night before. But when I opened the door, it was just my parents’ room after all. At first, it looked like someone was lying under the covers, but then the bed was empty and all I saw was a foil whale balloon floating up and up and up. I realized there was no roof. Russell Hirsch is originally from Edmonton, Alberta, and currently in his fourth and final year of the BFA creative writing program at UBC. His stage play “The Last Laugh” will be performed at the Brave New Play Rites student theatre festival in April and his feature film script Resonance is slated for production this fall. To learn more about Russell, check out www.resonancethefilm.com.

3 rd place: flash fiction >>

Photosynthesis By Kyla Jamieson


met a woman who told me her secrets. She was sitting on a swing at Kits Beach in the middle of January without a jacket on — bright sun, biting winds and her bare arms. I asked if she wasn’t cold and she said, A little, and asked if she could pet Ranger, my Airedale. Sure, I said, but your hands will — Smell, I know. My family had one when I was a kid, she said, already flailing her arms, dodging Ranger left, right, high, low, then laughing and catching him in a hug when he tried to jump up on her. He likes you, I said. I like you, I thought. Down, boy, I said. I told her I was in the seventh grade the last time I tried to flirt with a girl on a playground. Did you like you better when you were a kid and didn’t need a dog to help you talk to girls? she asked. I realized she was older than I’d thought at first. Did you like you told her I liked a lot of things better then. Ranger better when you were ranI off to relieve himself and I hoped it wasn’t anyI’d have to pick up. a kid and didn’t need a thing Push me, she said. dog to help you talk to Isn’t it a little cold for swinging? I asked. It’s a little cold for everything, don’t you think? girls? she asked. Higher, higher! Her back was warm on my hands I realized she was older and shook when she laughed. The air smelled of — when I asked if she’d noticed this, she than I’d thought at first. cedar laughed harder. What am I missing? You ask a lot of questions, she said. Then she told me that she was full of soil and a forest of cedar saplings grew inside her. A small forest, she said. She kept her arms bare to feed sun from skin to blood to boughs. She didn’t need to breathe like we do because the cedars are always sighing oxygen inside of her; she could inhale all your exhales and breathe oxygen back into you. Could you hold your breath forever? I asked her. Not forever, but a long time. If you meet her you might see only a woman with blue eyes and laugh lines and bitten-down fingernails and not enough layers on for the weather, but hers are hands that can reach down her esophagus and pull up a cedar, root system intact. I asked if she’d ever given one of her cedars away and she said she gave the first one to her father. He planted it on a cliff overlooking the Seymour River. The day a mudslide uprooted and buried it, a police officer knocked on their front door and asked her mother to sit down. After that I stopped asking questions, found a bag dispenser and picked up Ranger’s shit. All you have to do is ask, and people will tell you. You’ll wonder if maybe their whole lives, they were just waiting for the questions to begin. Kyla Jamieson is a BFA creative writing student who once dreamed of growing cedar saplings in her Brooklyn apartment and gifting them to her dearest friends. This is her third short story since returning from a six-year fiction-writing hiatus.

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1 st place: poetry >>

Summer Work By Ellie Sawatzky

The morning of your last day — all sweat and hay, a grey ring of sun at the edge of sky, the blind, blue-eyed collie at my heel, earwigs in the bottom of the wheelbarrow. Dust when your car pulls up. I catch your eye across the yard, the tilt of your shoulders, hitching up work pants on skinny hips. Caught, for one unsteady moment, like a tree pressed forward in a windstorm, then back and on your way, hammer swinging from your hand. From the barn, the white goat begins to bellow. Minutes run like mice along the moss-soaked eaves, blood and tissue in webs across the straw, and the white goat with gasping sides tries to stand. A tangled mess of birth, the first I’ve seen. It leaves me dry, empty, tasting my teeth. You take my hand, pull me sideways into the abandoned ice cream stand in the woods. We tack a rag to the service window, eat the afternoon in hungry spoonfuls, and when there’s nothing left we lie in silence, twigs cracking, raccoons in the roof. We’ll go back to wherever we were before summer work, rocky beaches, red sand and mosquitoes, the charcoal smudge of a heron against the sky. We’ll go back there, wash our clothes, cut the tangles from our hair, watch the sun fade from skin over time. In the almost-dark you pack your car. I watch from the barn and when the trunk slams shut I feel the thud inside my chest. You catch my eye across the yard, and even the goats turn their heads. 2 nd place: poetry >>

Undiscovered By Michael Prior

A walker in the early morning claims to have heard the hum of a wet finger drawn around the lip of a glass. The fieldnotes are precarious, they balance on the page like acrobats.

3 rd place: poetry >>


Two more days of this and you’ll call it quits. Whoever said perseverance is beauty made plain never understood our work. There is a swallow dancing across the suburb’s low roofs.

By Kirstin Doggart

There is a starling nesting in your hands when you fall asleep. Binoculars were made to mar want with possession; the two most obvious things make the most desirable emulsions —

What I liked most about you was the alcohol in me; foggy, forget-all-else fumes. Not stumbling-through-the-snow drunk but close.

consider an egg dissolving under a whisk. I understand why the swallow refused stillness. The walker was puzzled. You would not allow yourself to be heard again. Michael Prior is a fourth-year English literature major. He works in a bookstore part-time and writes whenever he gets the chance. His poems have appeared or are forthcoming in Contemporary Verse 2, The Antigonish Review, Qwerty, Branch Magazine and ditch.

What I liked most about you were the books you promised to lend, knowing just what I desired to get me there. Sword and sorcery escapism, eight months later, still on my shelf. What I liked most about you was that you never seemed to care how much we talked or in this case didn’t between those monthly midnight visits despite being in the same bar every week. What I liked most about you was how your political chatter, aggressive and jarring, altogether not like mine, fell to the floor with your stupid shirt and stayed there till I left. Kirstin Doggart is a creative writing major at UBC, focusing on poetry, fiction, nonfiction and screenwriting. She dwells in Marpole, the little-known neighbourhood of Vancouver, with her better half and her dying plants. She has been published before in Inside Passages, Spill Magazine, Perspectives Magazine and The Ubyssey.

The judges Nancy Lee is a short story writer and novelist currently teaching in UBC’s department of creative writing. Her first book of short stories, Dead Girls (McClelland & Stewart, 2002), was a finalist for the Ethel Wilson Fiction Prize and the Danuta Glee Literary Award.

Leah Horlick is a writer, poet and spoken word artist from Saskatoon, SK. Her best work has earned her a 2008 Short Grain Award and a place among the top 15 poets in the Canadian Independent Poetry Slam 2012. Her writing has appeared or is forthcoming in So To Speak, Canadian Dimension, GRAIN, Poetry is Dead, Plenitude, and On Nights Like This: An Anthology of Comics by Survivors. Leah’s first collection of poetry, Riot Lung (Thistledown Press) has been nominated for a Lambda Literary Award and shortlisted for a Saskatchewan Book Award. An MFA student in creative writing at UBC, Leah is the poetry editor for PRISM international.

Anna Ling Kaye writes fiction, creative nonfiction and translation. Her fiction has been published in Canada and Hong Kong, and her journalism in publications such as the International Herald Tribune and the Tyee. Her translations have been set to music by contemporary composers. Anna is founder and director of Hapa-palooza Festival, president of the Asian Canadian Writer’s Workshop Society and fiction editor at PRISM international magazine.




social media >>

I saw it through the Vine

New video-based social platform offers students a fresh way to procrastinate

Rhys Edwards Senior Culture Writer

For a brief moment, you’re watching a copse of trees sway gently in the wind while a distant sun sets. Seconds later, however, you find yourself in the kitchen of a Burger King restaurant, watching a jovial employee attempt to slice tomatoes mid-air with a cleaver. Then, you’re whisked off to the depths of a library to observe an anonymous student struggling with their homework. This seemingly random array of places, people and things continues to parade past your retinas. You don’t know why, but you can’t stop watching. These slices of life are called “Vines,” and they’re sweeping the world of social media. Released this past January, Vine is a free app that allows users to record six-secondlong videos with their smartphones and embed them within tweets. The videos play on a loop, but unlike .gif files, they come with sound and don’t need to be formatted, so users can instantly share them on Flickr and Facebook. Shortly after Vine’s release, aggregator sites such as Vinepeek, Just Vined and Vine Roulette were developed to allow browsers access to thousands of clips. The brevity of Vines has allowed Twitter users to express themselves with greater depth and efficiency. Whereas a fiveword update and an Instagram snapshot was once the gold standard for keeping followers posted, Vines enable followers to actually watch these events in something approximating real-time — the phrase “You should have been there” may soon become redundant. The app also allows users to edit footage to fit within the requisite time limit, meaning that key moments can be compressed into a brief clip. As you might imagine, the emergence of Vine has had a variety of repercussions, some more predictable than others. Within days of its launch, a deluge of pornography flooded the main Vine Labs website, and one less-than-kosher clip was accidentally selected as a weekly “Editor’s

sitting in bars and, of course, cats. That said, many others have taken advantage of the Vine format to create whimsical, clever and downright artful clips. Some users have exploited the app’s editing abilities to create short stop-motion films. The predominant example in this genre is “how-to” cooking videos — though perhaps even more common and less informative are the videos of snacks and meals gradually diminishing in size as a user eats them. Other Vine users make simple magic shows using camera tricks or tell stories with Lego figurines.

Given their ease of access and wide potential, Vines represent the next logical step in the development of social media. Celebrities have jumped on board, too. James Urbaniak, who voices the titular Dr. Venture in The Venture Bros. , has used Vine to create unique, self-contained dramatic and comedic narratives, as well as parodies of popular television shows. Meanwhile, Gillian Jacobs, who plays Britta in NBC’s Community , makes absurd movies about her collection of ceramic animals. Given their ease of access and wide potential, Vines represent the next logical step in the development of social media, but their long-term effect on how we communicate and relate to each other is hard to weigh. Arguably, Vines cheapen our experiences by reducing them to quick soundbytes and disposable anecdotes. But they also grant us unprecedented access to moments that bring joy and comfort to thousands of people across the world. In their immediacy, Vines have the potential to draw us closer together and broaden our experiences. But, in doing so, they lessen the effort required to make meaning of these experiences. U </em>



stephanie xu photo/THE UBYSSEY

Vine is the new app that’s taken social media by storm.

Pick.” The complaints of incensed parents forced Vine Labs to implement new content control policies and change the app’s minimum age requirement from 12 to 17 years old. Less scandalous, but no less expected, is

the mediocrity of many Vines themselves. As with Twitter, many users abuse the app to generate an utterly banal record of their every waking moment: an unfortunately large portion of uploaded Vines comprise footage of trips to the bathroom, friends

food >>

Poutine is one hot mess we’d love to get into WHAT AM I EATING? by Poutine Tyler

Remember, the key to enjoying poutine is moderation: it’s a slippery slope towards stomach cramps, meat sweats and high blood pressure. For an authentic option close to UBC, try Zako’s Deli at 500 West Broadway. The small is large, and the large is painful, but this familystyle diner offers an experience that can’t be recreated by mass-produced fast-food poutine. In March, the 2013 Festival de la Poutine de Vancouver — the third annual festival, running for one day only — features the best of French-Canadian culture in music, entertainment and food.

A perfect plate to fall face down into at the end of Term 2.

Try pushing your boundaries at the experimental poutine bar, which is open from noon until late and features a bevy of unexpected toppings. But remember, the key to enjoying poutine is moderation: it’s a slippery slope towards stomach cramps, meat sweats and high blood pressure. No wonder they call it a hot mess. U

Vancouver, you a hot mess Coming home from a messy night? Some downtown poutine joints to help you get your grease on:

stephanie xu photo/THE UBYSSEY

La Belle Patate 1215 Davie Street Smokes Poutinerie 942 Granville Dunn’s Famous 827 Seymour Street


It’s no secret that the idea of “Canadian cuisine” is elusive. As a nation, we’re known for our diversity of cultures, and as a result, our palette is a palimpsest of tastes from all over the world. But ask someone for a real, authentic Canadian meal and they might draw a blank. We’re a relatively new country, so our own recipe book is still forming. Despite this, Canada has managed to contribute a few dishes of importance to the modern epicurean zeitgeist. One in particular is enjoying a recent wave of popularity, both at home and abroad. It’s been adopted on the menus of several fast-food chains and gourmet restaurants. On March 9, an entire festival will be held in Vancouver in its honour. It’s one of Canada’s unhealthiest, squeakiest, most delicious exports: poutine. The origins of poutine are somewhat unclear. It is credited to somewhere in rural Québec, but that’s the closest approximation on the record. To this day, many rural townships squabble over who is the rightful inventor of poutine. However, it is generally accepted that poutine came into existence sometime between the 1950s and 1960s. What

can be agreed on, at the very least, is that poutine is much more than the sum of its parts: crispy fries, hot gravy and fresh cheese curds. Today, poutine is now almost as ubiquitous as the French fry itself. It has been added to the menus of McDonald’s, A&W, KFC and Burger King. But don’t expect the authentic taste from fast-food chains like these. Poutine is at its best in its natural setting: greasyspoon diners (or casse-croûtes, as they’re called in Québec). After all, the word “poutine” is French slang for “hot mess.”




Save me from myself: ban electronics in class PERSPECTIVES by Jane Lytvynenko


What’s a nudist to do?

Jet skis have no PlaCe at idylliC wreCk BeaCh The Wreck Beach Preservation Society wants to control jet skis and pleasure craft around the beach. But the enforcement falls under the jurisdiction of the RCMP, which puts them in a strange situation. We think banning powered watercraft within a certain distance of the beach makes sense. People ripping around on jet skis make it almost impossible to enjoy a swim or quiet afternoon on the shore — not to mention that the water itself can be dangerous to navigate for inexperienced seafarers. But it seems counterintuitive for nude beachgoers to ask for a larger RCMP presence to enforce the ban. The situation is a Catch 22. The Wreck Beach Preservation Society wants police to enforce a ban to preserve the character of the beach, but the RCMP’s very presence threatens its less than law-abiding atmosphere.

ams to outgoing exeCs: niCe JoB! here, have $25,000! This is the first full year that AMS executives got a much higher pay cheque: $32,500 for the year, up from $25,000. It’s also the first year they were required to set and meet specific goals in order to get $5,000 of the extra money. Setting aside the debate on whether the pay raise is justified, or whether the fear of withheld pay is an effective motivator, let’s focus on a more fundamental point. If you’re grading someone, you need to have a clear idea of the criteria. And you need to make sure the person you’re grading can’t exert unfair power over the process. The AMS executives each write their own goals, but they have to be approved and judged by an independent committee of AMS councillors. So, in theory, there’s a check and balance on this thing. But when The Ubyssey tried to find the authoritative list of goals that was approved for each AMS executive, we found out that list didn’t exist. And the committee <em>


that was supposed to approve the goals? They haven’t submitted any minutes for the past year. They couldn’t furnish us with a clear rubric they would use to approve or deny that $25,000 they’re giving out; the closest thing they had was a vague PowerPoint presentation. And anything they said to us had to be approved by the AMS president — you know, one of those people whose pay is being determined. So nobody can decide how, specifically, the AMS executives are getting marked for their year and paid accordingly. The president still has power over things he shouldn’t, including whether the committee that gets to decide how much he gets paid can talk to the media. The entire way this money is being doled out is vague, unclear and disorganized. If we were grading them on how well this process went in its first year, they’d get an F.

queBeC student Protestors don’t aCtually Care aBout aCCessiBility Once more, Quebec students are in the streets, trying to prevent any rise in tuition fees. The latest proposal from Pauline Marois’s Parti Québécois, swept in on the wave of student unrest last fall, is to raise around $288 million over six years through increased tuition. That works out to a $40–80 hike per student. This would more or less put Quebec’s tuition policy in line with B.C.’s: annual, predictable tuition increases designed to keep up with inflation. But still, this $288 million is nowhere close to the amount of money Quebec universities say they actually need. The new proposal pleases no one. Universities are unhappy because rising costs, coupled with no new tuition money, have left them badly underfunded. Students demand a tuition freeze. So should Quebec maintain its low tuition fees? We don’t think so. Student groups like the Fédération étudiante collégiale du Québec (FECQ) hang their hats on the belief that a tuition hike will prevent low income and otherwise disadvantaged groups from attaining higher education. This is a fantasy. Even with Que-


bec’s current fees (the lowest in the country), the province has the “second-lowest university participation rate in Canada,” according to Bill Morrison. Low tuition does not equal accessibility. Because universities are so hard up for cash, they are unable to offer the same kind of financial assistance as their better-funded counterparts in other provinces. A cheap university education is one of the Quebec government’s greatest gifts to wealthy families, Bob Rae once argued, and we agree. If the students in the streets really wanted to make university more accessible, they’d support modest increases in tuition under the condition that a significant chunk of the new money be directed to student aid. But that approach doesn’t make for catchy chants and righteous indignation. So bang your pots and pans, Quebec students. You’re running out of sympathy.

will uBC take the lead on Child Care? Child care is in a weird spot at UBC. It’s certainly a service that fits into the image UBC is striving for, what with its pay equity move for female faculty. But, as in the rest of Canada, there’s a dearth of spots available. Anecdotes of people going on wait lists for child care when their babies are conceived are saddeningly common. In Canada, child care is a complete policy vaccuum. It needs support, but UBC is hamstrung by the usual worries of money and budget, plus a reluctance from the provincial government to budge too far in public sector bargaining. Those have been overcome before, but this dispute looks like it could be a bit harder to resolve because the parties seem to be coming to the table with proposals miles apart. Unlike last fall’s labour disputes, garbage won’t overflow and cafés won’t close. The general population won’t necessarily notice if there’s a strike, so there isn’t the same kind of pressure. But the parents who desperately need child care are going to feel the pinch more than ever. So here’s hoping for a swift deal through mediation that reorganizes UBC’s child care system so it’s not filled to bursting. U

OTTAWA (CUP) — I am weak. Instead of doing work, I go on Twitter. When it’s time to buckle down, I have to turn on an app that shuts down all of my social media. I can’t resist the vortex of information on the Internet, whether I’m in class, on the bus or at home. I read the news when I walk my dog and browse Foursquare when I come to a new place. And I’m not the only one. University of Ottawa professors have the ability to ban electronics in the classroom and I’m all for this policy. One glance around a crowded lecture hall will show that most people are web surfing. Why listen to a professor drone on when half a dozen of your friends are dying to tell you about the latest gossip? Students against the ban might argue that we’re all grown-ups who assume responsibility for our own actions, but that’s not realistic. At the end of the day, we know we’ll go on Facebook and Twitter or browse cat memes. The reason we’re mad about laptops being banned from classrooms is that we wouldn’t be able to stay plugged in: we’d be forced to learn really boring theory from a guy whose name most of us can’t even remember. Not fun.

Personally, I’ve seen improvements in my grades when I put my laptop away. I dusted off my pen and paper and started bringing it to the classroom, which made me more engaged and involved. The profs can actually see my face this way, instead of trying to make eye contact with the cat sticker on my computer lid. It’s so nice when teachers know what their students look like. Whenever I give a presentation and see people texting, I get nervous and irritated: Was my hard-researched material too boring? Am I boring? Will they pay attention if I start tap dancing? Our poor professors have to put up with technologically induced ADD in every class. It’s disrespectful and unnecessary. The professors won’t ever top the hilarity of the latest Lazy College Senior meme, but that’s no reason not to pay attention to them. That’s why I support technology bans in the classroom: they are eye-opening and annoying, and they work. It’s good to know I can survive three hours without my dear laptop, and it’s nice to work on my calligraphy skills too. Above all, I want to learn, even if that means parting with my MacBook for a while. —Lytvynenko is the Canadian University Press Ottawa bureau chief.

Peer review not above petty squabbles PERSPECTIVES by Shane Belbin

ST. JOHN’S (CUP) — At some point in your university career, you’re bound to hear about the importance of peer-reviewed articles. You’ll know that they are what you’re supposed to be citing instead of Wikipedia because they have to go through such a rigorous review and selection process. And it’s true — something you find in a journal is a better source than someone’s rambling blog. However, the selection process is not as perfect as many think. Identifying the problems and proposing solutions has been the focus of research by Memorial University sociology professor Anton Oleinik, who has identified a major shortcoming in the much-lauded peer review process. Although the reviewing of articles for journals is generally conducted in a double-blind fashion — where the reviewer doesn’t know whose work they are reading, and the reviewed doesn’t know who has supplied the comments — it is the in-between step that Oleinik feels makes the process highly subjective. Once submitted to a journal, the editor or co-editor of a publication submits the article to external reviewers, but these people are generally the editor’s personal choice. The editor has full know-

ledge of the person submitting to the journal, and this has been seen to impact the submitter’s chances of publication. With personal biases relating to the author’s academic position and institutional affiliation at play, Oleinik feels there is a great deal of subjectivity to this stage, which manifests itself in the publication patterns of journals. Citing a study from 1987 on the journal American Sociological Review , it was found that new Ph.D.s were more likely to be published than those with established backgrounds, and that assistant professors were more likely to publish than full professors, associate professors and graduate students. After recognizing the problem, Oleinik proposed that a more reasonable system would be one paralleling the jury process of the judicial system, where there is a well-defined process for selection, not one person’s choice. Oleinik also took issue with the appeal process of many journals, where the only option for appeal is to contact the person who originally rejected it. In a comparison that many students can relate to, Oleinik stated that it’s like taking a failed paper back to the professor who marked it, hoping they will change their mind. <em>


—Belbin is the science editor at The Muse at Memorial University.

everyone’s got one StoP BY a UBYSSeY oPInIonS MeetInG, tUeSDaYS anD FRIDaYS at 4 P.M. Got CLaSS? SenD an eMaIL to oPInIonS@UBYSSeY.Ca FoR MoRe InFo




The Kinsey Scale meets Pit Night <em>

Hi Doc-

Last week at Pit night, my group of friends drank a little too much and soon enough we all made out. The thing I was surprised by [was] some of my guy friends are actually bisexual and made out. I am a very open-minded person, and I truly would like to have some sort of bisexual experience before I graduate this spring. Any ideas how I can bridge the awkward gap to fulfil my wish of trying it with a girl? Thanks, 1 on the Kinsey scale


Hey 1,



45- Word used to precede a woman’s maiden name 46- Brewer’s need 47- Towel word 48- german Mister 49- night before 51- From ___ Z 53- Facing outward 58- Old-womanish 62- ___ Camera 63- ___ old cowhand... 64- Divulge 65- Slippery ___ eel 66- Prehistoric sepulchral tomb 67- Sontag composition 68- Capone’s nemesis 69- French summers 70- Mouthlike opening

1- Conflict 6- Reddish-brown gem 10- Actress Sofer 14- Total 15- Peter Fonda role 16- Hgt. 17- Pilgrim John 18- Mozart’s “___ fan tutte” 19- Plumlike fruit 20- Unable to see 21- Augment 23- Stumblebum 25- Bearded beast 26- ___ well... 29- Shower 32- Jackie’s predecessor 37- Classical beginning 38- Class struggle? down 39- Tropical fruit 40- In spite of 43- Beginnings 1- PinchyBook crustacean Animal Mazes by KrazyDad, 24 44- Yard tunneler 2- Soothe


Need the answer? http://krazydad.com/mazes/answers

What’s the rush? You say you want to hook up with a female before you graduate; is it because university is a time for “experimentation”? If so, you may want to examine your motives. Maybe you see yourself 10 years down the road playing some sort

3- The King ___ 4- Shorthand pros 5- Accord maker 6- Of like kind 7- Drug-yielding plant 8- Yield 9- Condescend 10- Take five 11- Vogue rival 12- Light gas 13- Hail, to Caesar 22- Merciful 24- Worries 26- Harass 27- Sierra ___ 28- ___ luck! Maze #1 30- Tree used to make baseball bats

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of grown-up Truth or Dare and freaking out a bunch of squares by admitting you once went to bed with a woman. If you’re more interested in having had sex with a gal than actually having it, completing the act may be an uncomfortable experience. And even if the lucky lady in question was a random hook-up, you’d effectively be using her for the sake of obtaining a figurative Achievement Badge. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, though. Here’s my advice: use the Internet. There are plenty of sources besides Craigslist for a casual encounter. I wouldn’t recommend trying it with a friend, or anyone you plan to see again; sex can make things awkward between friends and acquaintances both, especially if one or both of you is trying a type of sex you’ve never had before. I wish you luck, 1. And as always, play safe. ••• <em>

Yo Dr. B,

Signed, Brah </em>

Dear Brah, Did it occur to you that I was born with tentacles instead of arms? Tentacles which, due to their pliability and constant slipperiness (thanks to the shoulder-mounted Misting Unit that bathes my entire body at 30-second intervals with lukewarm saline solution), are unable to hold any weight greater than five pounds above the ground for a sustained period? Did you think, even for a second, that I might be a cephalopod? In the future, please try to be more sensitive. <em>

Don’t know what you should do? Dr.* Bryce does! Ask online at ubyssey.ca/advice/ and have your personal problems solved in the paper. All submissions are entirely anonymous. *Editor’s note: Bryce is not a doctor.

Do you even lift? 31- “Who’s there?” response 33- not to mention 34- Lobster state 35- Type of sanctum 36- ____ beaver 38- Stifled laugh 39- Light wood 41- Bentley of “American Beauty” 42- Rocky hilltop 47- Recluse 48- not disposed to cheat 50- Communication medium 52- Stories 53- Leisure 54- December day, briefly 55- Makes brown 56- Freelancer’s encl.

57- Tolkien tree creatures 59- Wishing won’t make ___ 60- Rich soil 61- “Orinoco Flow” singer 62- Author Fleming


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