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MUET 15 FEBRUARY 2017
STUDENT ESSAY AND TEACHER ANALYSIS
WINNING ENTRY RM75
Essay title: Fake news circulating on social media can result in social unrest. Discuss in not less than 350 words.
Essay by QUAH CHUN MENG, 19 Kolej Tingkatan Enam Sri Istana, Klang, Selangor
Feedback by MAWAR MUSTAFA
INTRODUCTION During the recent American presidential campaign, the Pope endorsed Mr Donald Trump; Mrs Hillary Clinton sold weapons of mass destruction to terror group Islamic State the Islamic State terror group in Iraq and Syria, and a Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) agent involved in her e-mail leaks case was found dead in an apparent murder-suicide.
Good introduction! Effective use of shocking statements as an attentiongetter. Well-done!
The problem with these stories? They are all fake. Yet, they were among the most popular stories according to Facebook shares, outperforming those of fact-checked, mainstream news. Fake news, which too is also an issue in Malaysia, may lead to grave implications including social unrest, cybersecurity crime, as well as disruption of governance.
BODY The most prevalent effect of fake news is undoubtedly the turmoil it inflicts upon the people. One only needs to see the plethora of false “urgent” announcements that spread like wildfire through social media especially WhatsApp: power failures, water rationings, price hikes of petrol or toll, etc. These alarm and prompt many unsuspecting and worried citizens to rush to fill up their vehicle’s vehicles’ petrol tanks even though it is half-filled or more, and stock up on water supply as if all the water on Earth will would vaporise the following day. Food businesses operators, in their haste, would race to purchase more plastic plates and cutleries cutlery to avert impending water cuts. The panicking act of one small group, coupled with the ease of sharing in on social media, is infectious. Many others witnessing the chaos or receiving such announcements will instinctively jump on the bandwagon, while few to none would think twice and or refuse to follow due to skepticism scepticism. Slowly but surely, all the “what if’s and “just in case”s what if’s will soon break such rationality. At the end of the day, most people, if not all, will be left red-faced and infuriated, thinking what a fool they have been made out of after coming to know realising that the announcements were all but true. Thus, unwanted chaos and panic among the society occurs one too many times on account of the proliferation of social media. Apart from that, the acquisition of fake news may lead to cybersecurity risks. False news headlines are all over the Internet, be it in on one’s Facebook news feed or peripheral recommended items on most websites, and thus becoming inevitable online. At the expense of many innocent net surfers, these news are embellished with attention-grabbing titles headlines: “PM offers Malaysian citizenship to Bangladeshi PM” and “Trump offering one-way tickets to Mexico and Africa for those who wants to leave America”. And not mention Not to mention how professional the web pages of fake news sites, like Buzzfeed and Huzlers, look, which make it all too easy to fool the unsuspecting. In some cases, in order to dig deeper from into the headline, one is required to click on it to proceed to a different website which may conceal malware and expose one’s device to ransomware. Some of these sites need require users to provide personal details such as e-mail and password linking to their social media account such e-mail and password before granting them access to the news. This may be a phishing scam and with the stolen info, cybercriminals may hack and even blackmail users. In short, cybercriminals usually make easy prey of online users through a tempting bait of fake news.
Overall feedback: Good paragraphing. The points and elaboration provide good support for the topic but the writer needs to make sure that there is a direct link to the issue at hand. This will make it easier for readers to follow his line of thought. However, the essay is rather long, so some of the examples can be omitted. Language-wise, the writer has a penchant for long sentences. This is fine but more care needs to be taken to ensure minimal grammatical errors in the sentences.
“Mawar Mustafa contributed this analysis in her personal capacity. The views and comments expressed therein do not represent the views and comments of Star Media Group Berhad (“STAR”). STAR makes no representations as to the accuracy, correctness, completeness, suitability and/or validity of any information contained in this analysis and readers are strongly encouraged to seek appropriate advice before relying on any information provided herein.”
On a more serious note, false news too disrupts governance, mainly by defamation. The government may have constructed a brilliant plan or project for the betterment of the society, only to have it fall flat due to false rumours and news that taint the image of the government and the appeal of the project itself. For instance, the Pahang executive councillor in charge of tourism was fuming mad after after fake still pictures of a snapped cable car incident in Genting Highlands and old videos of Cameron Highlands flash floods went viral on Facebook recently. And such fake news came at a time when the Pahang state government has lined up hundreds of tourism events to mark “Visit Pahang Year” this year, where it hopes to to welcome five million tourists! Upon hearing of such horrifying incidents, even the most adventurous and bold of tourists would have a tinge of qualm in think twice about stepping foot in Pahang, while the rest would have probably stay away. In order to clear the air of misconception, the government have to expend time has to clarify and convince the public that everything is fine, which only eats into its time dealing with more important matters. Hence, when more fake news is spread, they can potentially do more harm to the government’s plans. CONCLUSION In a nutshell, fake news, if not dealt with strictly, can spread like a bushfire and soon engulf the entire forest and its vicinity in flames. Society will be in chaos and panic; many will fall prey to cyber crimes like phishing and ransomware. The government too is will not be spared from the wrath spread of fake news, as it will disrupt its plans and programmes for the betterment of the nation will be disrupted. Therefore, it is high time, as a civilised citizens, to educate ourselves on how to distinguishing between real news and fake ones or risk being entangled in the never-ending net of deceit.
Letting the cat out of the bag! You’re directly telling your readers that there’s something wrong with the stories. I would recommend that you ease them into the topic, as follows: “Do these headlines sound funny/suspicious/weird to you? If so, then, you’re right!” You can then go on from there. The focus of the essay should be on social unrest, so put the other two (cyber crime and disruption of governance) under social unrest. Also, state your stand on the issue clearly. For example: “Fake news, which is now becoming a serious issue in Malaysia, can lead to grave implications such as an increase in cyber crime and a disruption to the process of governance. For these reasons, I fully agree that the circulation of fake news on social media can result in social unrest.” Construct a better topic sentence; one that includes a restatement of the issue at hand. For example: “The most prevalent effect of the spread of fake news on social media which can result in social unrest is undoubtedly the turmoil it inflicts upon people.”
The word “unwanted” is not suitable as it’s hard to imagine anyone who wants chaos. Not the proliferation of social media; rather, the proliferation of fake news on social media. Strong points and good elaboration in this paragraph, but link it back directly to how the proliferation of these messages causes social unrest. For example: “What started out as a simple act of forwarding an unverified message might, in the end, result in chaos and panic among people, which would inevitably lead to social unrest.” It is not just acquisition, but more about the spread of fake news. Again, try to incorporate some parts of the question statement into your topic sentence. For example: “Apart from that, the spread of fake news on social media can lead to increased cybersecurity risks. This can eventually result in social unrest when false news headlines appear all over the Internet, luring users to questionable websites.”
Good, relevant points with good elaboration and examples in the paragraph but you’ve got to link them directly to how it will result in social unrest. For example: “Fake news of freak accidents purportedly occurring at popular tourist destinations, such as that of a snapped cable car incident in Genting Highlands, can influence thousands of people to stay away from these places. This, in turn, might provoke disgruntled vacationers to find someone to blame for the incident. Thus, social unrest ensues when these incidences ignite heated discussions over social media.
Good conclusion. There is a direct link to the central issue. Good use of prediction to end the essay, effectively putting emphasis on the dangers of fake news.