College Tribune | October 14th 2008
Regulars News
16
THE
RANDOM
REVIEW
Pop Tarts – a great friend to many a student, especially those living away from home for the first time and have trouble using any cooking appliace apart from the toaster. Whether you’re looking for a tasty breakfast, a quick snack, or an unhealthy dinner, Pop Tarts are the answer to all your troubles and is available in two tasty flavours, chocotastic and strawberry sensation, in all good supermarkets. Pop Tarts are a handy meal, because they’re tasty, quick to make, fill your tummy, and not much cleaning up is required afterwards, and on a nutritional scale, they’re healthier than a Big Mac with extra grease. However, like all things that are good, there is a downside... Studies have proven that Pop Tarts are one of the most dangerous types of food ever to
78%
POP TARTS
have been manufactured. Emergency Rooms nationwide have confirmed that many burn victims are submitted after they’ve been scorched by red hot pop tarts. The pastries themselves are hot enough once out of the toaster and can cause discomfort, but the tasty jam and chocolate fillings will scorch any unsuspecting victim like lava, fresh from the volcano, causing excruciating pain and in severe cases utter agony. A Pop Tart burn will cause any victim to have a certain distaste for the break-
fast treat, until the time comes that their scarring is healed and then they will always return to the steaming snacks after the short healing period, if not slightly more cautiously. Ultimately Pop Tarts are great, but Kelloggs would be wise to add a warning stating extreme levels of hotness on the box, in clear sight, for those people stupid enough to burn themselves on the filling.
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO... PINKY AND THE BRAIN Pinky and the Brain first attempted to take over the world back in 1993, with very little success. For six years, Brain and Pinky resided in a cage at Acme labs, where they were used for laboratory testing. In 1998, after Acme labs burned to the ground, the devious duo suddenly found themselves on the streets, but not used to being homeless, the mice found a home for themselves in a local pet shop, where they lived for several months, until accidentally sold to a little girl named Elmyra, while hiding in a turtle. Their time with Elmyra was short
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lived as it was difficult for Brain to devise plans of world takeover with Elmyra on the scene, so the two made a run for it, stowed away on an airplane, and arrived in Dublin, in late 1999. The two have been in Ireland for nine years, but in all their time here have only seen the UCD Science building as the bag they stowed away in on that fateful flight, belonged to none other than a UCD lecturer. Brain and Pinky continue to attempt taking over the world, but with little success. They spend the majority of their time being ignored by Science students, who are too busy to pay any attention to them, and admired by the occasional Arts student lucky enough to cross their paths.