Feature Articles

Fergus McRowfess: Boat-Master General

Alibi: Was Misha late to rowing? Often, but aren’t you supposed to be asking me where I was on the night of his disappearance? It just sounds like you’re trying to gather evidence against me at this point. Anyway, if you need to know we were having a vigorous midnight outing all the way along to Grantches wait, wait, wait. Weren’t you the one that removed our Chaplain’s Squash table request?

Detective’s Notes: After barely escaping the boathouse with my life, I learnt that the rowers are a very dedicated, perhaps zealous group, willing to defend the club from anyone wishing to bring it into disrepute. It seems Misha may have got on their wrong side. I tried to return to do some postreconnaissance, but ran away in fear after hearing them talk about affixing handles to ‘blades’.

Bogdan Sr: Travisty Yugoslav Correspondent

Alibi: E buraz, rekao sam ti da ne mogu svake dve nedelje da ti donosim cigare... A, Miša nestao? Ne, ne znam ništa o tome. Tad sam ti bio u Bokoj na moru. Ako ga nađeš, nemoj mu reći da si me video.

Detective’s Notes: I liked his hair, he seems really nice. I honestly don’t know what to do with this information or how I even transcribed this. However, I now have an ancient sleeve of Morava cigarettes.

Al Murray: The Pub Landlord

Alibi: Right, what was I doing that night? So I was performing in this posh restaurant called Trinity. To be honest mate, I don’t actually know why you’re interviewing me considering you were also at the event the whole time, you get me? Nah, so, anyway, it was a great show, going very well and then this ginger goblin paraded in asking if I knew a Misha. Well, sorry to say lad, but av got no clue who is he even. Are you gunna pay me for wasting my time during the show?

Detective’s Notes: After great amounts of thought, I do admit that correlation is not always causation. Just because I heard there was a ‘Pub Landlord’ in a place called ‘Trinity’ does not mean that he was in fact, Head of Catering, Ian Reinhardt. Despite clearly interrogating the wrong suspect, I had a great time at his stand-up, 10/10 would recommend.

Sorry Al, but you did go to Oxford, so you enter the suspect lineup.

Ambrosio Winters: Chaplain

Alibi: Oh I was in the Chapel as always, providing great counsel. In fact, I had seen Misha earlier that night around 10pm. What did we talk about? Well, a bit of everything really: God, repentance, what a tithe is and why he should pay it to my personal bank account, just a bit of everything really. He is such a lovely man and I hope that your investigation will eventually prove fruitful. I’d hate for anything bad to happen to him. Could I interest you in some wine and communion wafers?

Detective’s Notes: Mozart’s Lacrimosa was ringing incessantly around the halls of the chapel when I found Ambrosio polishing Newton’s statue. I’m unsure if he wanted to sound guilty or was completely oblivious, but either way I must admit the man has an uncanny resemblance to John Wick. I’m not one to make assumptions but there was definitely something amiss.

The wine was decent but I couldn't get behind the wafers.

Closing Statements:

Writing now as I am to you in 2022, It is clear that after almost 50 years of tireless investigation, I still have no idea who did it. So, it is ultimately up to you, the brightest Travisty readers of Trinity, to submit your theories on who the culprit really was. The most inventive displays of detective work will find a reward and personal thank you from myself, The One and Only, Jean-Rugman III