The Parrot The Gulf Coast's Favorite Source For Entertainment • September 2011
Wake up! Time to Celebrate The Charlotte Harbor Parrot Head Club’s 4th Birthday! Come Join The Fun!
The Parrot
Inside: Local Guides • Lots of Great Jokes • Live Music • Events
www.cigflorida.com
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September 2011
The Parrot
The Charlotte Harbor Parrot Head Club’s Birthday Celebration!
SCHEDULE OF EVENTS Friday, September 2nd
9:00 AM golf at Kingsway Country Club 12:00 to 3:00 sign-in at the Holiday Inn Express (HIE) along with a meet and greet poolside. John Friday playing 1:00 to 3:30 4:30 Trolleys will begin their runs to Portofino’s. 4:00 – 7:00 Sign-in continues at Portofino’s 6:00 PM till prizes gone, “Wheel of 4Tune” game 5:00-7:30 Music by Gary & Kerri 8:00-11:00 The Sunny Jim Band
Saturday, September 3th
10-11:30 Table Decorating at the Cultural Center of Charlotte County 11 AM - Breakfast of Champions Drink Contest, 11:00-3:00 shopping at HIE lobby, crafts, club store 11:00 PHool PHarty Begins - music by Capt. Josh at 12:00 Noon 11:30-1:30 Lunch served 12:00 PHool games begin! 3:00 PHool party ends - please feel free to pitch in & clean up! 3:00-4:00 Chance # 2 to decorate tables at CCCC 4:30 Trolleys will begin their runs to the Cultural Center 5:00 Doors open at the Cultural Center Chinese/Silent Auctions begin. Music by John Reno Welcoming remarks by Tracy Lehn (PHounder/Pres of CHPHC) 6:30 “Charlotte Harbor Way Buffet” Dinner Dancing to Jack Mosley and the band till 11:00 PM
Sunday, September 4th
11:00Door Decorating & other contest winners announced 12:00 Trolley begins to the Nav-A-Gator 1:00-5:00 CHPHC’s TropRock Songwriters Spectacular at Nav-A-Gator
EST. 20
Monday, 07September 5th
12-?? Just another Day in Paradise look for CHPHC banner! BYOE Join us at the North end of Englewood Beach for a relaxing day of sun & phun
Not Much Time To Register! Only A Few Seats Left! Reserve Now At CHPHC.com The Parrot
September 2011
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Incoming Mail
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Dear Parrot, Your mobile website is great; I have started to use it regularly to find out what’s going on and where. I have the Parrot button on the first page on my phone so it’s quick and easy! Thank you! I hope we see you all out some time! I have been wanting to meet Beaker! Julia D. North Port Hi All, Major kudos go to the August issue!! My favorite so far! (and I have been a loyal reader for quite some time now) I loved the cover! John Patti is one of our favorite musicians, and I thoroughly enjoyed his interview. And I must say I did
not know he played drums or spoke Italian. It was all very interesting. Thank you, Darla T. Hey Peeps! I don’t know how you do it, but the music video you had on the band page, it’s incredible!!!!! Where do you get this from???!!! After the issue with the tag on the cover I finally gave in and upgraded to the I-phone. Now I am finding these codes everywhere! I love how you have made the tag so much fun to use. Sue H. Punta Gorda
Meet Southwest Florida's Premier Wedding & Event Professionals
inside Publisher Kristen Randolph Kristen@swflparrot.com Editor Trey Click Trey@galvestonparrot.com Art Director Jamie Tobar Jamie@swflparrot.com Sales Manager Kevin Capron Kevin.C@swflparrot.com Mark Rizzo Mark@swflparrot.com Photographers Kristen Randolph The Sneaky Photographer Featured Writer Mayor Gonzo Mays Honorary Mayor, Key West Mayor@GonzoIsland.com Contributing Writers Charlotte Lanier John Wright Jennifer Huber John Blundell Hawiian Bryan Distribution Mark Rizzo
Incoming Message Board Key West Honorary Mayor Gonzo Mays Buffett News Twisted Humor Charlotte Harbor Parrot Head Bartender Of The Month Solo Travel Girl Cooking With Chef Bob Out & About Live Music Schedule Featured Band Twisted Times Punta Gorda Chamber Of Commerce Puzzle Page Phone Tap OTB Events Parrot Scopes Hawaiian Bryan’s Happy Hour
4 5 6 10 12 14 16 17 18 20 22 24 24 26 28 31 32 34 35
Letitia Rizzo Some Photos courtesy of:
Brides-To-Be: Pre-Register TODAY to attend! www.weddingsofcharlotte.com or email: charlottebridal@earthlink.net
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Freelance Submissions: We welcome freelance writers, illustrators and cartoonists to submit material, but please include sufficient return postage if you want your material returned to you. Distribution: Business owners who would like to be added to our distribution list may call (941)323-4110. Our distribution continues to expand in the Port Charlotte area and Southwest Florida. Advertising: Classified ads must be mailed to us at the address shown below or dropped by our office by appointment. A form is located in the Classified section of this issue. Additional forms are available at our office. For a complete display advertising Media Kit, please call our office or write to us at the address below. The SWFL Parrot, 3280-55 Tamiami Trail Suite 165 Port Charlotte, FL 33952 ©Copyright 2011 by The SWFL Parrot. All rights reserved. Reprint rights must be granted by the publisher. Write us or request reprint permission by email. The Parrot is published monthly and distributed free to our many thousands of loyal DEADLINE: 15th - 5:00PM DISPLAY ADVERTISING Publisher@SWFLparrot.com Advertising Kevin.C@SWFLParrot.com or 941-380-1047
September 2011
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Message Board Message to our readers.....
www.lowkeytiki.com
Hello Parrot Peeps! Here at the The Parrot Magazine we would like to wish The Charlotte Harbor Parrot Head Club Happy Birthday! We are very pround to be founding members and the official media sponsor! Here is to many more! The mag is available online and on smart phones. tablets and slates! www.swflparrot.com As Always Thank you for your continued support! The Parrot Staff
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September 2011
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Bat Boy Found In Keys! Get the free mobile app for your phone
By Key West Honorary Mayor Gonzo Mays “Elvis Sighted Fishing Off Shore In The Florida Keys! Alien Body Snatchers Reject Paris Hilton! Blabbermouth Parrot Testifies At Divorce Trail! Bigfoot Tracks Indicate Salsa Lessons! Redneck Vampire Attacks Trailer Park!” Be amazed and amaze your friends with amazing stories for only $1.20 per issue when you subscribe today to the most reliable newspaper on earth – the Weekly World News! I realize you’re probably sick and tired of hearing about that penny but ever since I found the penny the strangest things have been happening. To quickly recap the week: first my head came close to being used as a chew toy for a snarling, vicious and extremely pissed-off pit bull (see story: Meeting The Friendly Family’s Hell Dog) and a day or so later I was helping my daughter tack-up an eighteen-hands high rodeo steed when the beast went berserk, trapping us in a no-escape stall while trying to kick the living daylights out of us. It was a traumatic week alright and the mental wounds were still fresh when the tides of fortune shifted again. However, this next trial was a welcomed relief. I received the excellent news that I was to sit in the coveted oversized Edith Ann Adirondack Chair as the featured July /Aug. interview in America’s #1 travel magazine – the Key West Travel Host! During the Q and A session the editors asked if I would share my most secret wish. My first inclination was to sidestep the question by answering with something boringly clever
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like, “if I told you it wouldn’t be a secret now would it?” But between you and me, I’ve always wanted to meet the Bat Child who was found seventeen years ago in a cave some seven
Gonzo Electricpick Chair Chat
http:/ /swflparrot.com
architect of the universe would be listening in on my interview and that I was in line for having a wish granted. You can’t imagine my surprise when a few days later I
miles underground. Scientist say his giant eyes see in the dark and his ears hear better than radar. Well, yes of course I believe it. I read it in the Weekly World News!!! At least once in our lives we’ve
up a copy of the local paper and read that the Bat Boy was being held in Key West at the Red Barn Theater and was being forced to perform in a
all heard that we should be careful of what we wish for because it just might come true. Well I’m here to testify to the accuracy of that statement. I had no idea that the grand
musical. They don’t call this place Key Weird for nothing! No time to spare, I needed provisions: infrared goggles, scoop net, cigar, two Pirate’s Choice Rum Mojitos – one for
September 2011
each hand and a cameraman to document to the world that Bat Boy does exist. On a mission to snag the infamous impish creature I put the pedal to the metal! A little known tabloid factoid: Way back when the tabloid, the National Enquirer made the executive decision to go color they didn’t want to get rid of the old black n’ white presses that brought them mucho fame and fortune. So instead of mothballing the machinery it was decided to start a new low budget black n’ white tabloid and there the Weekly World News was born. A fine line between genius and insanity the result was the best and/or worst of yellow journalism. It was nearing bat:30 and the sun was swiftly sinking into the sea but before I could get to the Bat Boy I had other business to tend to first. I had promised Jimmy Buffett’s archivist, Cindy Thompson, that I would drop by with a couple of fifths of Pirate’s Choice Rum. She was anxious and already standing on the corner of Fleming and Duval waiting to connect with the poontang cruiser’s great rum pass off. I then made my way up and over to Whitehead Street. I was just on the other side of Hemingway’s House when I discovered I had no cash for pay parking. In record time I was able to beg off a primo parking space in the shade of a gumbo limbo from the sympathetic parking attendant. Shirt, shorts, shoes, shamelessly I took it all off Gonzo Continued on page 7.
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Gonzo Continued From Page 6
and changed right there in the parking lot. I grabbed my recycled lobster-net turned bat-net and pace-walked to the corner of Angela and Duval to a place called Mango’s to catch The Buzzz Babes live television show where I was scheduled to make an appearance. Funny, but when they asked me to explain my props and antsy behavior the skeptical hosts practically ripped the microphone from my hand. I was more than happy to be free to go about my merry bat hunting business. Bustin’ a gut to get out of the swank joint I ran into the island’s police chief who was there in the audience. I dropped the bat gear and gave him a quick shoulder massage in hopes of earning a few future brownie points, all the while sending a subliminal message that he not answer a call pertaining to me between the hours of 7:00 and 9:00pm, just in case my plans went askew. With my bat-net swung over my shoulder I zigzagged back down Duval which, by this time, was up to its yeng-yang (Southern slang for up to your ass) in cruise ship passengers. However the crowded street allowed me time to think and devise a plan. I concluded that capturing the illusive Bat Boy wasn’t going to be as easy as I had first thought and the more I walked, the more I convinced myself that this was a two-man operation. I needed to employ a fool foil. As usual when Cujo could finally be of some value to the world he was off on one of his self-imposed mental institution vacations so I called on my onagain off-again t.v. producer, Fernando Barta, who I could tell was dying to pal around but questioning the sanity of it all (such a nice guy that Fernando is but so easily suckered by the cute girl with a six-pack of Old
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Milwaukee beer routine). Locating the exact whereabouts of the Bat Boy seemed suspiciously easy, just a straight shot or two down Duval, behind the Woman’s Club, in a shady courtyard with overhanging trees. There were people meandering about and I have to admit it was pretty gutsy of Fernando to use himself as a lure yet troubling to watch a grown man squawk like a chicken in distress. He assured me that “Bats like chicken blood!” I had a feeling this wasn’t the first time he had done this sort of thing. From where I believed the Bat Boy to be hiding, I stood motionless around the corner like a big game hunter on a Zimbabwe Safari – and with my back pressed against the wall I held the bat-net steady and high overhead. I was as nervous as a six-toed cat at a pool party and feared being bitten by the befangled one when the door suddenly flew open! There I was eye-to-eye with the once mythical Bat Child who was now a full grown Bat Boy!!! With every ounce of my being I let out a rebel yell that could be heard ‘round the island and with my trusty bat-net I snared the only living half-bat half-boy creature known to man. And for all you naysayers, I’ve got the t-shirt and the photos to prove it! If you’re not bat phobic, have cat-like reflexes and can see in the dark, you too can catch a glimpse of the Bat Boy at the Red Barn – but be quick about it before he ends up a trophy on the wall of some big game hunter. Remember to tune in for more Mayor Gonzo adventures – same bat time, same bat place, same batty magazine. For any paranormal activities, global conspiracies, mutant freaks or terrestrial sightings contact Mayor Gonzo Mays at www. GonzoIsland.com.
www.seakeywestexpress.com
September 2011
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OCTAGON
Wildlife Sanctuary Some of our residents over the years Welcome to Octagon Wildlife Sanctuary where our Octagon Wildlife have been cousins to mission is to provide a Sanctuary Video native Floridians such as black bears, panthers, healthy recovery and bobcats, and various bird living environment for and reptile species. Other abandoned and residents, whose relatives abused exotic wildlife. come from distant lands, Since the mid 1970's, can be found on endanOctagon has been gered, threatened, or rescuing and rehabilivulnerable species lists. tating exotic wildlife. Those species With continued support from our volunteers, the community, and who reside with donations from visitors like you, us today are the we look forward to continuing on Amur Leopard (Russian Far with our mission. Families, East/Northern seniors, individuals - pack a picnic lunch and spend the day China), the Serval (Africa), at Octagon. We are Directions the Brown Bear wheelchair accessible (Europe/Asia/North and have beverages America), the Asian available for purchase. (Himalayan) Black Bear, There are multiple the Bengal Tiger (Southern areas to sit, eat, relax, Asia), and the Ocelot or (US/Central &South cool Americas) just to name a off few. at the misting None of our animals have been taken stations. Please check from the wild!!! They ALL have come the weather from abused, injured, or unwanted situations. Many are 17 to 20 year before you generations of being born, raised and come and sold in captivity to be someone's "pet" dress appropriately! and or "business".
Our Beloved Residents
Download Your Free Mobile App for your phone: swflparrot.com
(239) 543-1130 41660 Horseshoe Road Punta Gorda, FL 33982
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www.raggedasssaloon.com
Twisted Humor A “Drunk” Taster Applied In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director was in urgent need of looking for a replacement. A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, “It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.””That’s correct”, said the boss. Another glass. “It’s red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels.” “Correct.” A third glass. ‘’It’s champagne, high grade and exclusive’’ calmly said the drunk. The director was astonished.
September 2011
He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. “It’s a blond, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll name the father!” A Newfoundland farmer named Angus had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company’s hot-shot solicitor was questioning Angus.‘Didn’t you say to the RCMP at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’ asked the solicitor. Angus responded: ‘Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I’d just loaded my fav’rit cow, Bessie, into da... ‘
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Weds. Ladies Night
Live Entertainment Every Wed. – Sunday DJ Mon & Tues. nights
www.msrascalsloonybin.com Twisted Humor Continued From Page 8 ‘I didn’t ask for any details’, the solicitor interrupted. ‘Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?’ Angus said, ‘Well, I’d just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin’ down da road.... ‘The solicitor interrupted again and said,’Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. ‘By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Angus’ answer and said to the solicitor: ‘I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie’. Angus thanked the Judge and proceeded. ‘Well as I was saying, I had just loaded
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Bessie, my fav’rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin’ her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin’ and groanin’. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans. Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ too, so he went over to her.. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, www.jdsbistroandgrille.com and said, ‘How are you feelin’?’ ‘Now wot da ---would you say?’
September 2011
MOBILE WEBSITE
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Twisted Humor
BuffettNews.com has
partnered with Margaritaville
Online (THQ) and will be provid-
ing weekly updates about MVO development and major announcements leading up to the official release in October 2011. Margaritaville Online shares a sneak peak at one of the in-game maps, Isla Margarita. Yes, you will be able to explore this whole island! Every Monday the Margaritaville Online Facebook Page will be providing the community with updates surrounding development. Most of the time it will consist of a screenshot, video, or developer blog update. The excitement starts now!
Knee Deep reaches #1 on Billboard’s Country Chart country single for Jimmy
Buffett, who’s featured on the track and tops the charts for the first
time since his 2003 collaboration with Alan Jackson, ‘It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere.’ Knee Deep also comes in at #19 on Billboards Hot 100 Chart.
Knee Deep Contest – win the
message in the bottle From the Zac Brown Band website: Remember that night you got locked out of your beach house and had to sleep under the boardwalk? Or that time you underestimated the amount of space you had to do a flip off the diving board and ended up doing an epic belly-flop that landed you in the ER? Remember when your 4th of July fireworks caught your neighbors house on fire? Maybe you don’t remember anything after a tequila-fueled night of debauchery… Well, you’re in luck! Inspired by the crazy summer mis-adventure from their latest music video for “Knee Deep,” Zac Brown Band wants to hear your funniest summer mishap story. Grand Prize is the message in a bottle used in the Knee Deep video signed by both Zac Brown and Jimmy Buffett! Winner will also receive a Knee Deep T-Shirt and Kingsford Grill Pack.
Get the free mobile app for your phone
KWWS VZIOSDUURW FRP
Video of NEW Margaritaville FB Game
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Sunburn treatment A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with seconddegree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours. The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, ‘What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor’? ‘It won’t do anything for his condition, but it’ll keep the sheets off his legs. Earl and Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News newspaper in Starkville , Mississippi , and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night.” Earl and Leroy replied, “Well, then just give us our money back.” The farmer said, “Cain’t do that. I went and spent it already.”They said, “OK then, just bring us the dead mule.” The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?” Leroy said, “We gonna raffle him off.” The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!” Earl said, “We shor can! Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!” A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Earl and Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked “What’d you fellers
September 2011
ever do with that dead mule?” They said,”We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.” Leroy said,”Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer $2 apiece and made a profit of $998.” The farmer said,”Gol dern, didn’t anyone complain?” Earl said, “Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back.” Earl and Leroy now work for the gub’ment. They’re overseein’ the Stimulus Program. I dialed a number and got the following recording: “I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes.” What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, And Panic is when both are pregnant. A young boy asks his Dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential?” Dad says, “You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential.” A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles While taking a bath. “Mom” he asked, “are these my brains?” “Not yet,” she replied. Italian Pregnancy An 18 year old Italian girl tells
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Twisted Humor her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ‘Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!’ The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: ‘Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem’. ‘I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account..If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’ At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him: “Youa gonna try again.”
the front door. ‘Hurry,’ she said, ‘stand in the corner.’ She rubbed baby oil all over him, Then dusted him with talcum powder. ‘Don’t move until I tell you,’ She said. ‘Pretend you’re a statue.’ ‘What’s this?’ the husband inquired As he entered the room. ‘Oh it’s a statue,’ she replied. ‘The Smiths bought one and I liked it So I got one for us, too.’ No more was said, Not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, Went to the kitchen and returned With a sandwich and a beer. ‘Here,’ he said to the statue, ‘have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths And nobody offered me a damned thing.’
SEPT. SHOWS
Sunday-
13
GREG MORTON
SEPT 7th - 10th Al Holland
20 Jerry Farber
My wife and I had words, But I didn’t get to use mine.
Mutzie
Jimmy Mazz Viva Las Vegas
Greg Hall
SEPT 21st - 24th
27
The irony of life is that, by the time You’re old enough to know your way around, You’re not going anywhere.
Drive By Shooting
Mark Evans
SEPT 14th - 17th
Grandma Lee
SEPT 27th - 30th “Elvis Tribute” et the free mobile app for your phone
Tim Wilkins The Comedy Zone starts at 8PM
A woman was in bed with her lover When she heard her husband opening
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Troy Nichols
Best of Soul & Motown Tribute
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
SEPT 1st - 3rd
9191
September 2011
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www.chphc.com
Charlotte Harbor Parrot Head Club
Written by Charlotte Lanier aka Charlie Rose Hey Charlotte Harbor Parrotheads, what tiiiiiime is it? It’s time to sign up for Meeting of the Minds… assuming it is not already SOLD OUT by the time this goes to press. Go to www. phip.com to see. Official dates are November 3rd-6th. You must be a member in good standing of a Parrothead club to register, and trust me, they check. If you have never been to Key West during MOTM you are missing one helluva great time!! Live music everywhere! All you favorites and new ones to be found! And, on Friday night on the Casa lawn they hold the Margarita MAFIA’s annual Trop Rock Music Awards. This is the grammy’s of our own little genre of music. Most all of our local musicians are up for an award or four, the threetime-winning Nav-a-Gator is up for it’s fourth shot at the Live Music Venue and three of the five House Concert Venues belong to CHPHC members: Tami Tower’s house with the waterfront view (yours truly has not yet had the pleasure), Mark & Sharon Leverett with The Yard and Terry & Marianne Higgins with the Higgins Mostly Bar & Grill. If you are a member of the Margarita MAFIA be sure to vote before Sept. 30th. And my boy Jack Mosley is up for Songwriter of the Year (hint, hint, wink, wink). Good Luck to all in the running! OK, on to actual club stuff. August’s meeting
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was a little damp but we persevered. Jimi Pappas kept the tunes flowing, we had five new members, Regina Sedar won $142 in the 50/50 raffle and Gail Phillips, Crazy Bob & Carolyn McBride, and Bret Engle won the “Love Charlotte Harbor” contest. Yours truly had some help from Dee & Mike Porter at the Membership Table so I got to “get out from behind the table” for a while. Thanks a bunch!
and had Caribbean Chillers playing for the group. The Visani comedy show on August 2nd was a success as well, raising $360. Very cool. Our fabulous 4 Birthday Party is over Labor Day th
Be sure to check the weekly e-mails for specifics. On a more solemn note, on this 10th anniversary of 9/11 I just wanted to say: ”United We Stand”, “Freedom Isn’t Free” and “Never Forget”. Ok, that’s it for now. Our website is www.chphc.com. If you want to join this crazy club you can print out an app and mail it or join us at the next meeting, the second Tuesday of the month at the Coral Rock Tiki Bar (NE corner of Kings Hwy & US41). Some folks start getting there around 5:30, and the “official stuff” starts
The casino trip Linda Harrison help organize was a grand success. 50 parrotheads took the bus over to the Seminole Casino in Immokalee and help raise $750, and I’m sure everyone had a great time. If yours truly recalls correctly the casino offered $$ for gambling, a free margarita
Get the free mobile app for your phone
Casino Trip Video http:/ / gettag.mobi
weekend and if you are just now reading about it for the first time you have missed a wonderful weekend. Read all about it in October’s issue. Our next meeting will be Sept. 13th with music by Latitude and monthly donations will be school supplies. October will bring us Paul Roush, a new transplant to the area, and donations will be non-perishable or canned foods and laundry products.
September 2011
around 6:00. Hope to see you there. And remember, “Wrinkles only go where the smiles have been”. Photos by our Second Parrot
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Come by Boat or Car to.... Ed G. Correctly Identified Beakers Location! Beaker was at Starboard Yacht Brokerage in Punta Gorda
Al’s Tiki Bar
1 2-4- CIALS E K SP E N I DR LIV MENT IN RTA E T EN
GR
EA
TF & OOD FU N!
GARY & KERRI Sept. 11 2-5 PM
3448 Marinatown Ln. North Fort Myers alstikibar.com
20’ Lake & Bay Boca Grande 2008 $38,900
,
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38’ Carver Santeago $65,000
WEBSITE
27’ Glasstron GS 2004 $28,500
www.Starboardyachtinc.com
September 2011
42’ Sabre 42 Centerboard 1887 $135,000
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Bartender of the Month
Beth Sweet
Nicky Secorski
How long have you been bartending? 20 years
How long have you been bartending? 7 years
What do you like about working here? Working here is FUN! No STRESS! There is a great group of locals.
What do you do in your spare time? I like to golf, and explore the area; I have only been here for 2 years.
What kind of music do you listen to? I like almost everything! Donna the Buffalo and I love blue grass.
What kind of music do you listen to? I’m a big fan of classic rock and some new weird stuff.
Low Key Tiki Featured Drink of the Month Low Key Tiki Red
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3135 Stringfellow Rd. St. James City, Florida (239) 282-8454 www.lowkeytiki.com September 2011
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Is your business running at
Twisted Humor Actual Comments Made By Charlotte Country Officers 1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.” 2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.” 3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.” 4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” 5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.” 6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?” 7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?” 8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.” 9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.
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Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?” 10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.” 11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.” 12. “In God We Trust; all others we run through NCIC.” 13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?” 14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.” 15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know who can post your bail.” 16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.” Three nuns were attending a rays baseball game. Three men were sitting directly behind them. Because their habits were partially blocking the view, the men decided to badger the nuns, hoping they’d get annoyed enough to move to another area.In a very loud voice, the first guy said, “i think i’m going to move to utah . There are only 100 nuns living there.”Then the second guy spoke up and said loudly,”i want to move to montana . There are only 5o nuns living there.”The third guy yelled, “i want to go to idaho . There are only 25 nuns living there.” The mother superior turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet and calm voice said, “why don’t you go to hell...There aren’t any nuns there.”
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Going to Rehab in Punta Gorda Drinking beer can save a critter. That’s if that beer, or any other beverage, is in an aluminum can. We all use them and rather than sticking aluminum cans out to the curb to be recycled, consider bringing them to Peace River Wildlife Center so the nonprofit facility can convert them to cash. I’ve visited the animal rehabilitation center before and recently had the opportunity to learn how it operates.. It’s quite incredible how much the facility accomplishes, especially since it is fully funded through donations. Located in Ponce de Leon Park in Punta Gorda, the Center provides tender care to injured and orphaned native wildlife, whether it a bird, reptile or even a deer (sorry, no venomous snakes permitted). The Center’s mission is to return rehabilitated animals back to their natural habitat but if animals are not able to return to the wild, they will be given a permanent home at the facility.
During my visit, I viewed some abandoned and injured wildlife recuperating including a snugly opossum named Peter Pan (because he refuses to grow up)
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and a small gopher tortoise that met the teeth of a dog and was now healing nicely. I also noticed a funny thing. Native, non-injured birds also
like hanging out there. Perhaps they enjoy the company of other birds but I suspect it’s the guarantee of a meal or two. Speaking of meals, I saw one of the volunteers cutting up lunch. Apparently, one of the resident vultures is quite picky about her food and her rats need to be properly skinned and chopped up to a specific size. No bigger. No smaller. Just right. This vulture despises rat feet but her neighbor gobbles them up. Who knew vultures were so finicky?
Admission is free into the Peace River Wildlife Center and donations are accepted since the facility relies on donations to fund ALL operations. The facility is open seven days a week (closed for Christmas) and tours are offered twice daily. And don’t forget your aluminum cans! (3400 Ponce de Leon Parkway, Punta Gorda, www.
peaceriverwildlifecenter.com) Planking. (Almost) Everyone’s Doing It I finally planked for the first
Birds at Peace River Wildlife are very entertaining. Visit around 2:30 for the afternoon pelican feeding frenzy, try chatting up Spirit the Raven, play peekaboo with the owls and pay attention to how the birds on the inside interact with those coming for a visit.
September 2011
Jennifer A. Huber time last month. Can you kids tell me if that’s the correct terminology? If you don’t know what planking is, it’s the act of lying flat on an unusual surface (i.e.: trash can) with your arms by your side so you look like a, well, a wooden “plank.” My friend Zelda Mae drove down from Sarasota one night for a belated birthday celebration at Punta Gorda’s Opus restaurant. I was on a mission to prove to her that indeed, Charlotte County has it going on compared to Sarasota’s nightlife. For some reason, I thought it’d be a great idea to “plank” in Laishley Park and so I did. Zelda Mae opted for a vertical plank. I realize posting photos online is part of the planking game, however, the next day it didn’t seem like the great idea it was the night before. So tell me, are you a planker? If so, drop me a line and tell me where you’ve done it. Reach me at jennifer@ solotravelgirl.com.
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September 2011
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John & Margo Get the free mobile app for your phone
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Best Pirate Crew at Waterside Grille For more Pics Click Tag
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Debra Mosley Running for Honary Mayor Of Pioneer Days Page 18
Godsmack, with lead singer Sully Erna at the helm, performed during the 2011 Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival in Tampa, recently.
September 2011
Photo by Tami Garcia
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Carol and the family at Visani’s Comedy Club
Low Key Tiki Bar, Here’s to good friends! Cheers! For more Low Key Tiki Pics Click Tag
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Poker Run, Lobster Dinner winners at Flounder’s
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Rocky Horror Picture Show night at JD’s Bistro The Parrot
September 2011
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John Friday – Nav-A-Gator ~ 12pm Cindy Walsh – Nav-A-Gator ~ 1-6pm John Frinzi – Nav-A-Gator ~ 1pm
September Thursday 1st Beans & Seeds – Pineapples ~ 7-10pm Acoustic Pete – SKOB ~ 7-11pm Jack Mosley – Lock N Key ~ 7-10pm Friday 2nd Slick Willy – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30am Beans & Seeds – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pm Live Entertainment – JD’s Bistro Swamp Donkie – SKOB ~ 2-6pm Rising Tide – SKOB ~ 8-Mid Sunny Jim – Portofinos CHPHC ~ 8am-4pm Gary & Kerri – Portofinos CHPHC Party! John Friday – CHPHC Birthday Bash! ~ 12pm Saturday 3rd Slick Willy – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30am Cindy & Marshall – Ragged Ass Saloon ~ 2-5pm Live Entertainment – JD’s Bistro
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Reconnections Band – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pm Mark Duprey – Waterside Grill/Gasparilla Marina ~ 6-9pm Dana & Co. – SKOB ~ 2-6pm Mike Tozier – SKOB ~ 8-Mid Jack Mosley – CHPHC Birthday Bash w/band! Sunny Jim – Bentley/Osprey ~ 5-8pm John Friday – Bubba’s Roadhouse ~ 8pm John Reno – CHPHC Birthday Bash Swamp Donkie – Tarpon Pointe/Bradenton ~ 2-5pm Swamp Donkie – Ice House Pub ~ 8-11pm Sunday 4th Sand Fleas – Ragged Ass Saloon ~ 2-5pm Beans & Seeds – Gasparilla Marina Waterside Grill ~ 2-5pm Calypso w/Cort – SKOB ~ 2-6pm Chris Otto – SKOB ~ 7-11pm Sunny Jim – Nav-A-Gator ~ 1-5pm
John Reno – Nav-A-Gator Gary & Kerri – Nav-A-Gator Monday 5th Nexxlevel – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 12:30-4:30pm Beans & Seeds – Englewood Pioneer Days Parade Tony Tyler – SKOB ~ 7-11pm Tuesday 6th Myakka Blue Grass Band – Gasparilla Marina/Waterside Grill Wednesday 7th Joy & the Gang – Flounder’s ~ 6-9pm Kettle of Fish – SKOB ~ 7-11pm Thursday 8th Lonnie Hendrix – Low Key Tiki ~ 6-8pm Beans & Seeds – Zeke’s Bar&Grill ~ 6-9pm Jeff Hughes – Flounders ~ 6-10pm Acoustic Pete – SKOB ~ 7-11pm Gary & Kerri – Lock N Key ~ 7-10pm Friday 9th Tropical Ave. – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30am Beans & Seeds – Saltwater Café ~ 7-11pm Joy & the Gang – Alli-Gators ~ 7-11pm
September 2011
Live Entertainment – JD’s Bistro Fremont John – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pm Swamp Donkie – SKOB ~ 2-6pm Rising Tide – SKOB ~ 8-Mid Swamp Donkie – McCabe’s Irish Pub ~ 7-10pm Saturday 10th Tropical Ave. – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30am Storm Surge – Gatorz ~ 5-9pm Joy & the Gang – Lion’s Den @ Kings Gate ~ 6-8pm Live Entertainment – JD’s Bistro Paul Cottrell – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pm Kenny Rose – Waterside Grill/ Gasparilla Marina ~ 6-9pm The Ventura’s – SKOB ~ 2-6pm
Mike Tozier – SKOB ~ 8-Mid Jack Mosley – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 7-11pm John Friday – Nav-A-Gator ~ 2pm Gary & Kerri – Bert’s Bar ~ 2-6pm Swamp Donkie – Tarpon Pointe/Bradenton ~ 2-5pm Swamp Donkie – Ice House Pub ~ 8-11pm Sunday 11th Cindy & the Sun Dogs Ragged Ass Saloon ~ 2-5pm Gary & Kerri – Al’s Tiki Bar ~ 2-5pm Fremont John – Waterside Grill/Gasparilla Marina ~ 2-5pm Calypso w/Cort – SKOB ~
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2-6pm Chris Otto – SKOB ~ 7-11pm Monday 12th Tony Tyler – SKOB ~ 7-11pm Tuesday 13th Soul & Motown Tribute – Visani’s ~ 7:30pm Myakka Blue Grass Band – Gasparilla Marina/Waterside Grill Latitude – Coral Rock/CHPHC ~ 6-9pm Wednesday 14th Joy & the Gang – Flounder’s ~ 6-10pm Kettle of Fish – SKOB ~ 7-11pm
Village ~ 5-9pm Paul Cottrell – Waterside Grill/ Gasparilla Marina ~ 6-9pm Tropical Ave. – White Elephant ~ 7-11pm Dana & Co. – SKOB ~ 2-6pm Mike Tozier – SKOB ~ 8-Mid Jack Mosley – TBPHC Birthday Bash! Latitude – Nav-A-Gator ~ 2-5pm Gary & Kerri – Farlow’s on the Water ~ 6:30-10:30pm Swamp Donkie – Tarpon Pointe/Bradenton ~ 2-5pm Swamp Donkie – McCabe’s Irish Pub ~ 7-10pm Sunday 18th Marty Stokes – Ragged Ass Saloon ~ 2-5pm Kenny Rose – Waterside Grill/ Gasparilla Marina ~ 2-5pm Jeff Hughes – Zeke’s/Royal Palm ~ 3-6pm Calypso w/Cort – SKOB ~ 2-6pm Chris Otto – SKOB ~ 7-11pm Gary & Kerri – Bert’s Bar ~ th Thursday 15 2-6pm Jeff Hughes – Flounders ~ Monday 19th 6-10pm Tony Tyler – SKOB ~ 7-11pm Acoustic Pete – SKOB ~ Tuesday 20th 7-11pm Jimmy Mazz Viva Las Vegas Swamp Donkie – Nav-A-Gator – Visani’s ~ 7:30pm ~ 6-9pm Myakka Blue Grass Band – th Friday 16 Gasparilla Marina/Waterside Grill Live Entertainment – JD’s John Reno – Honoluana Bistro Magen & Mike – Fishermen’s Island Grill ~ 6-9pm Wednesday 21st Village ~ 5-9pm Tropical Ave. – Joe Cracker ~ Joy & the Gang – Flounder’s ~ 6-10pm 8-Mid Kettle of Fish – SKOB ~ Swamp Donkie – SKOB ~ 7-11pm 2-6pm Thursday 22nd Rising Tide – SKOB ~ 8-Mid Jack Mosley – Nav-A-Gator ~ Gary & Kerri – Low Key Tiki ~ 6-8pm 7-10pm Jeff Hughes – Flounders ~ Gary & Kerri – Dean’s North 6-10pm of the Border ~ 7-11pm Acoustic Pete – SKOB ~ Saturday 17th Burnt Out Band – Ragged Ass 7-11pm Saloon ~ 2-5pm Friday 23rd Beans & Seeds – Casey Key Nexxlevel – Harpoon Harry’s Fish House ~ 4:30-8:30pm ~ 9-12:30am Live Entertainment – JD’s Beans & Seeds – Saltwater Bistro Café ~ 7-11pm Michael Hirst – Fishermen’s Live Entertainment – JD’s www.nav-a-gator.com
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Bistro Tropical Ave. – Slip-Not ~ 8-Mid Swamp Donkie – SKOB ~ 2-6pm Rising Tide – SKOB ~ 8-Mid Jack Mosley – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 7-11pm Gary & Kerri – Dean’s South of the Border ~ 8-Mid Swamp Donkie – McCabe’s Irish Pub ~ 7-10pm Saturday 24th Nexxlevel – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30am Mike Imbasciani – Low Key Tiki ~ 4-7pm Beans & Seeds – Gasparilla Marina Waterside Grill ~ 6-9pm Live Entertainment – JD’s Bistro The Doo-Wop Crew – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pm Tropical Ave. – White Elephant ~ 7-11pm Dana & Co. – SKOB ~ 2-6pm Mike Tozier – SKOB ~ 8-Mid Gary & Kerri – Nav-A-Gator ~ 6-9pm Swamp Donkie – Tarpon Pointe/Bradenton ~ 2-5pm Swamp Donkie – Ice House Pub ~ 8-11pm Sunday 25th Beans & Seeds – Zeke’s Bar & Grill ~ 3-6pm Fremont John – Waterside Grill/Gasparilla Marina ~ 2-5pm Calypso w/Cort – SKOB ~ 2-6pm Chris Otto – SKOB ~ 7-11pm
September 2011
John Frinzi – Nav-A-Gator ~ 2pm Gary & Kerri – Bert’s Bar ~ 2-6pm Monday 26th Tony Tyler – SKOB ~ 7-11pm Tuesday 27th Elvis Tribute Show – Visani’s ~ 7:30pm Myakka Blue Grass Band – Gasparilla Marina/Waterside Grill John Reno – Honoluana Island Grill ~ 6-9pm Wednesday 28th Joy & the Gang – Flounder’s ~ 6-10pm Kettle of Fish – SKOB ~ 7-11pm Thursday 29th Jeff Hughes – Flounders ~ 6-10pm Acoustic Pete – SKOB ~ 7-11pm Gary & Kerri – Dean’s North of the Border ~ 7-11pm Friday 30th Live Entertainment – JD’s Bistro Fremont John – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pm Tropical Ave. – Joe Cracker ~ 8-Mid Swamp Donkie – SKOB ~ 2-6pm Rising Tide – SKOB ~ 8-Mid Jack Mosley – Royal Palm Marina ~ 7-11pm Gary & Kerri – Farlow’s on the Water ~ 6:30-10:30pm * Times and dates are subject to change.
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Featured Artist
Gary &Kerri (TPM) This month we are here with Gary and Kerri. Hi guys! We have wanted to feature the two of you for a while! I am so glad we are finally able to get together! (TPM) Let’s start at the beginning, Kerri, when did you realize you had that voice? (G&K) I realized that I wanted to sing when I was 4 years old. (TPM) Have either of your performed separately? Or have you always been a duo? (G&K) Gary: I have made a living playing my guitar since I was 17 years old. The last seven years have been with Kerri and for years before that I traveled the world with various artists as a Lead Guitar player as well as the music director. Kerri: I have been singing professionally on and off for 22 years, the last seven with Gary consistently. (TPM) How did you get your start? (G&K) Gary: I was working as a manager of a large conglomerate grocery store chain and decided one day, “the hell with this” and went home, picked up my guitar and never looked back. That led me to GIT(Guitar Institute of Technology) in Las Angeles, California. There I signed with Jimmy Collins and had a hit on the radio as well as C M T in 1992. From there I worked with a number of groups traveling the globe and living life
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All Or Nothing.....
which led me to play at Farm Aid. 4 years of the Las Vegas musician life lead to playing guitar with The Platters who brought me to SWF in 2000 and shortly thereafter , I wrote and released “911” for the NYPD & NYFD while working for Jim Morris who showed me the trop rock world .He brought in Kerri for some vocal tracks and she has been rockin my world ever since. My strat and mesa boogie turned into a Taylor acoustic. Kerri: I started singing in church festivals and for local Christian network television programming in Clearwater, FL. Then I got my first audition for a local dance band where former members such as “Ginger Fish” (from the band Marylin Manson) got started. Unfortunately for me I was fired after only eight months and had to take some time
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off. Then I played in a string of bands along the way. Until I met Gary. Oh Yeah, and I got to sing with Rod Stewart in 1997. (TPM) What would you say has been your biggest success in your music career? (G&K) Gary: Anytime I don’t break a string and am accepted by any audience is success enough to keep pickin, the best is yet to come. Kerri, and our sons are my muse, and God is the provider. Kerri: The most success I have ever had playing music is with
September 2011
Gary. We have the entire package together, we have an entire life together. That is success to me. (TPM) What do you like most about working together? (G&K) Gary: We are all or nothing, together all the time. Kerri: We get to call all of our own shots Musically. (TPM) Where do you want to take your music career? (G&K) There are no limits when it comes to music. (TPM) Kerri, what is something Gary would not want us to know? Answer: I thought that Gary was a little shy when I first met him. (I know you are all laughing). Then one night while we were hanging out with friends after a Jim Morris show that we had all performed in, Gary asked me “Miss Kerri Mam, do you know how to two step” ? I knew he was from Texas and me from NJ and grew up in Florida I did not know how to two step. I told him “ no but I bet you are gonna teach me”, he did. The rest is history. Oh yeah and he loves cinnamon pop tarts and sardines. (TPM) Sardines ewwww, I did not know that! But seriously, you are both so talented and very fortunate to have one another, I love your story! That’s it guys! Thank you so much!! See you out & about soon! By: Kristen Randolph
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Monday-Happy Hour Al Day! Lobster Feast! Whole Maine Lobster just $16.99! Served with homeade Swiss bread, Corn on the Cob and Red Skin Potato Tuesday- STEAM POT PARTY!! x $16.99; for two Petite $12.99,Regular $18.99 $26.99! What's in a Steam Pot? Oysters, Mussels, Shrimp, Snow Crab Cluster, Corn on The Cob, Red Skin Potato. Wednesday- CRAB SPECIALS! Snow Crab 1 Lb. $14.99, 1 1/2 Lb. $ 16.99, with Prime Rib just $26.99! Ladies’ Night 6:00 PM-One Free UV Martini for every Lady! Live Music! Thursday- 12 oz. Prime Rib $16.99 - with Beer Shrimp $19.99 Friday- TGIF PARTY!! Six Fresh Fish, Live Music starting at 7 PM Great food & Drink Specials!! Saturday- Live Music! Starting at7:30 PM Put Your Dancing shoes on!! Get ready to ROCK & ROLL!! Sunday-Sunday Brunch 11:30 am-2:30 p.m. Live Music & FREE Mimosa! All day Gourmet Pizza are ONE DOLLAR OFF on any Pizzas and TWO DOLLARS OFF on any whole Pizzas!
Photographs Courtesy Saltwater Cafe
Amazingly even with this the prices still allow everyone to enjoy Chef Rolfs cuisine. There are daily lunch specials including a choice of 5 express lunches for only $5.99. Monday is lobster day, with live Main lobster for $16.99. Tuesday has the steam pot special for only $12.99. Wednesday is crab day with a pound of snow crab for $14.99. On Thursday locals enjoy a whole pound of prime rib for only $16.99. One of the new additions to the menu is a sirloin and shrimp combo for $16.99 or a entire 3 course meal for 2 people including a bottle of wine is only $39.99. It is truly amazing. With all this it is no wonder the Saltwater Cafe is thriving.
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1071 Tamiami Trail N, Nokomis FL
941-488-3775
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September 2011
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___________________________ Policy analysts at a leading Florida think tank close to the Democratic Party leadership are furiously working on draft legislation to add genealogists to the Sunshine State’s burgeoning list of licensed professions which already includes ballroom dance instructors, hair braiders, and interior designers. “We lead the nation on this front” boasted a source close to the Party leadership, “and adding genealogists will be yet another first for Florida”. The Parrot can (in yet another world exclusive) reveal that a Florida State Board of Genealogists (FLOSBOG) is proposed; its job will be to devise entry standards, develop educational criteria, set fee levels, and monitor and police the profession. Members of the public dissatisfied with their family trees will be allowed to apply to a Dead Persons’ Review Tribunal and unlicensed practitioners will be prosecuted to the full extent of the new law. I. Root, founder and life President of the Florida Cartel of Genealogists (FLOCOG) commented exclusively to The Parrot: “We welcome this attempt to bring order to the chaotic world of genealogical research. The idea that untrained amateurs should be allowed to read public records and come to sensible science based conclusions is surely totally old fashioned and outdated”. The Cartel (aka FLOCOG) is pushing for a minimum
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_ _ _____ _________________
Twisted Times WORLD EXCLUSIVE
FLORIDA TO REGISTER GENEALOGISTS – “HEIR HUNTERS” TO BE LICENSED
By John Blundell
_______________________________________________________ entry level of a two year degree, a two year unpaid apprenticeship with one of its members and a guild exam. Locally Venice State University (VSU) is developing a Professional Genealogy Management (ProGenMan) program.
with old folk, thousands of whom pop their clogs every day, many of them intestate. The result is dozens, hundreds, of these amateur genealogists, so called “heir hunters” but really naked gold diggers, chasing all over the place to find the However The Parrot’s rightful beneficiaries and lead investigative reporter thus claiming their 10% Woodie Bernstein has finder’s fees. It’s chaos uncovered evidence that all out there. We need some current 2,500 members of order. In future FLOSBOG the genealogy cartel are to will allocate each case be grandfathered in as in of intestature to one of they will be exempt from the licensed FLOCOG these rules which will apply members to avoid wasteful only to new entrants. duplication in the name of mere competition”. The Parrot’s favorite economist, Professor Ron Asked how such a process Bordeaux of Southern might work in practice Root Virginia’s James Mason advanced the notion that University weighed in with the larger, more complex an e-mail letter to our cases involving substantial intrepid editor: fees would obviously have to be given to the more “Economists have long senior and experienced known that occupational members of the cartel licensing such as that such as him and his fellow proposed for Floridacommittee members. based genealogists has nothing to do with quality Contacted by The Parrot, and protecting the public from poor service. Rather it has an awful lot to do with limiting supply and neutering competition thus driving up prices and eventually incomes”. FLOCOG’s I. Root, hot favorite to head up the new FLOSBOG in addition to his current position, however fought back. “The Sunshine State is awash
long time Port Charlotte resident Henry Digg, President of the Florida Society of Family Tree Detectives, moaned “Can’t they leave us alone – all we’re doing is collecting dead relatives!” He predicted an underground black market in genealogical services would emerge with the inevitable attendant Mob involvement as well as an offshore grey market of web based providers. As The Parrot again went to press late, with its entire highly professional and dedicated staff straining every sinew to reveal all, it appeared as though the days of the amateur genealogist hinged on a gubernatorial veto. After penetrating the highest echelons of FLOCOG leadership The Parrot’s Woodie Bernstein concluded: “these folk are focused, energetic, well funded by membership dues and determined. They have a lot to gain by controlling their market while most of us have little to lose. It is a classic case of concentrated benefits and dispersed costs.” “John Blundell’s latest bio-comic book “Female Force - Ayn Rand” is available at Amazon.com and comic book shops for $3.99
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September 2011
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Let me take a moment to thank all of you that have made Bonnie’s Birds such a resounding success over the last year. Moving forward, we are happy to announce a partnership with our dear friend, Rebecca Stockslager, who is coming on board to help with the retail operations. That said, WE ARE MOVING!!!!! Our last day for business in the current location at 2695 Tamiami Tr will be Friday, Sept 16. We will be available by chance or appointment until our GRAND RE-OPENING at The Promenades on Oct 1st and 2nd.
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For other birds ready for adoption visit Bonnie on Facebook: www.facebook.com/pages/Bonnies-Birds/104976619546186
West Tarpon Commons 2695 B Tamiami Trail Port Charlotte, Fl 33952
September 2011
941-979-8295
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“Your”Chamber By John Wright
“Your” Chamber of Commerce in Punta Gorda Upcoming Punta Gorda events to look for on www. puntagordachamber.com supported by the Punta Gorda Chamber of Commerce September 6: Once more, the Goal Post in Port Charlotte has generously agreed to allow the Military Heritage Museum trustees, volunteers and the executive director to serve as bartender and waiters. And we get to keep the tips! So come in from 5:00 p.m. on, enjoy a meal and or a drink or two, and leave a generous tip to benefit the Museum. This works in the inside bar and restaurant only, but it’s too hot outside these days anyway! For more information, call 941-575-9002. September 11: The Punta Gorda Boat Club will be holding an Open House from 1:004:00 PM. This will kick off a 50% Membership Special, as well as, our clubs 60th Anniversary Celebration. For more information contact our membership committee; Shirley 941-235-1598 or Jan 941-7432472 September 11: FREEDOM RIDE TRIBUTE from 1pm -
Drive By Shooting
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6pm in tribute of the many lives lost on 9/11/2001 we are calling out to all bikers, motorists and boaters to display our flag on their bikes, vehicles and boats and ride out to the Nav-AGator. There will be fundraising activities, Barbeque, Games, Live Entertainment and plenty of beverages and FUN! Proceeds will benefit The Wounded Warrior Project (www.woundedwarriorproject. org). For additional information and to register your Club/ Organization contact Robin at The Nav-A-Gator 941-6273474. Let’s all show our support and ride!!
visit Jim’s website at www. authenticmainelobster.com The annual Authentic Maine Lobster Bake is sponsored in part by The Charlotte Sun and Clear Channel Radio. Cost is $60 per person for lobster, $50 for other entree choices, and $10 for bar wristband. Dress is casual, with family-style indoor seating. Tables of eight may be reserved. All proceeds benefit Historical Center programs that keeps the rich history of Charlotte County alive with exhibits and youth programs. For reservations, call (941) 629-PAST (7278) visit http:// charlottecountyfl.com/Historical for more information
event will be headliners ALL THE WAY as we bring Mindi Abair, Peter White and the Rippingtons featuring Russ Freeman to our stage. Added for 2012, a special Jazz Sunday Brunch at the Isles Yacht Club 11am-2pm Feb 19th. Live music provided courtesy of Presley Beane Financial Services. Also a Jim Morris and the Big Bamboo Band Jazz in the Park bash Sunday Feb 19th. Full details and tickets all available online at www. puntagordachamber.com More and more at www. puntagordachamber.com
7th Annual Wine & Jazz Festival September 23: The Charlotte on February 18th 2012. This County Historical Center Society’s 11th annual Authentic Maine Lobster Bake at the Port Charlotte Beach Complex. Cocktails served at 5:30 pm, dinner at 6:30 pm. This unique evening features abundant food cooked to perfection in an authentic outdoor pit, live musical entertainment by Jeff Collins the Golden Hippo, and more, including silent and live auctions with Phil Wilson donating his exceptional auctioneering skills. Because this event has sold out in past years, early reservations are suggested. Seating is limited and dinners will not be sold at the door. Dinner is prepared by “Uncle Jim” from Authentic Live Maine Lobster Bake and includes a one-and-a-quarter pound Maine lobster, steamed Maine clams and mussels, baked potato, hard-boiled egg, corn on the cob, coleslaw, warm rolls, hot drawn butter, and strawberry shortcake. Sirloin steak, chicken breast, or vegetarian stuffed zucchini entrees are also available. To get a sneak preview
September 2011
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Nickname: Charlotte Lanier Media Sponsor Nickname: Bill Akins Nickname: Emil Dameff Nickname: Matt Lehn Office held: Robert Randolph 4 Lazy Days Done The ____ ____ way! 18. Office: Pat Brady 20. Nickname: Ken Cook
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Down Venue for Song Writers Party Office: Jerry York Nickname: Jane Walker Office: Tracy Lehn Nickname: Bob Brandt Nickname: Kristen Randolph Host Hotel BD Party - What night is Jack Mosley playing? 15. Nickname: David Walker 16. Nickname: Jamie Brown 19. Nickname: Virginia Martin
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September 2011
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What does your web site look like from your phone?
Twisted Humor Exercise for people over 50 Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.) After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag. A man walked into a cafe, Went to the bar and ordered a beer. ‘Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent.’ ‘One Cent?’ the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: ‘How much for a nice juicy steak And a bottle of wine?’ ‘A nickel,’ the barman replied. ‘A nickel?’ exclaimed the man. ‘Where’s the guy who owns this place?’ The bartender replied: ‘Upstairs, with my wife.’ The man asked: ‘What’s he doing upstairs With your wife?’ The bartender replied: ‘The same thing I’m doing To his business down here.’ An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They
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were eating lunch and the Irishman said,’Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.’ The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, ‘Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.’ The blonde opened his lunch and said, ‘Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too..’ The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, ‘If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!’ The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, ‘I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.’ Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. The blonde’s wife said, ‘Don’t look at me. He makes his own lunch.’
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September 2011
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PHONE TAP OTB .........Everybody’s doing it! Ms. Shirley Wallows: H e y Gen, now that I’m back in town what do you think about the three of us getting together? I was just looking at the Parrot magazine and I see there is a lot going on! General Ray N. Bowe: Shirl: Great to hear from you. I was hoping that that huzzie, Misty, would have set something up by now, but I hear she had some surgery last week and knowing her, she’ll be sore for weeks! Punta Gorda is busting with new places. There’s Trabue ( formerly known as Tapas One), Opus, Jack’s, Big D’s (not sure we should take Misty there though!), River City Grill, Danny’s (new!!!), Tike Bar (new!!!) … and that’s just in and around one street! You should have joined me on the PG Chamber’s bar trolley tour last month. What a riot! Met great people, in fact I got a date!!!! More to follow. Let’s wait to hear from Misty, make sure she’s about to move and then get a plan together! Miss you!!! Gen. Misty Kuppe: Oh, Gen, you just crack me up with your endearing words. “Huzzie.” Are you jealous about my recent nuptials to Rupert Kuppe? Anyway, dear, I’m back from my surgery feeling fit as a fiddle. Actually, what is a fiddle suppose to feel like? I do hope we can get the whole gang together soon. Are you up for some celebrity stalking with me? Can you believe Michael Uslan will be in town this month? Oh, don’t you pretend not to know who he is, he’s the man behind the Batman movies and he’s going to be in Punta Gorda Sept. 9 - 11 for the Peace
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River Film Festival!
week! General Ray.
That’s right, a slice of Hollywood is coming to our little town! I’m up for attending the reception to meet him, just as long as I know that creepy reporter isn’t around. Ya know, the one with the earlobe fetish. Eck! He just gives me the heebeejeebees!
Ms. Shirley Wallows: Gen! Why didn’t you call us!! I’m sure Misty could have bandaged herself up enough to run OTB with me to see you and Robert! I’d like to get him in one of those Kayaks and well……Never mind…..Ummmm what were we talking about? Oh yeah, have a fabulous birthday!!!! Too bad you are going to miss all the fun here! Smooches!!
Or how about dinner at Cap’n and the Cowboy in Port Charlotte? That Food Network show “Restaurant Impossible” with host Chef Robert Irvine swooped in for a few days this summer and gave that tired eatery a nice, shiny makeover. At least that’s what I’m told. I didn’t make the A (or B or C) list for reservations opening night so now’s the time go! And save the date, the episode will air 10 p.m. on Oct. 26 on Food Network. Sound like a plan? General Ray N. Bowe: Girls, I am so excited. I bumped into Robert Irvine at Opus when he was here. He’s a big man! My friend Patsy couldn’t get over the size of his arms! Let’s make that date! BTW, I am kayaking this weekend in the Hope Floats challenge. Once your surgery allows, we should all of with Vince of O-Sea-D Aquatic Adventures and paddle our little booties off. There are some great back waters to explore around here.
Misty!! I believe it’s “Tini Time” They make the best Dirty Martini over at JD’s Bistro! Say in about 30?? General Ray N. Bowe: I have to tell you, SHIRLEY, Robert is one big solid boy! But then, don’t you have one of your own to play with still?? Which reminds me, how come Mr. Kuppe is never on the scene? I recall Misty texting me to say they met at the Wine & Jazz Festival a couple of years ago and were immediately smitten with each other (even before the you-know-what!. Isn’t it funny that he has never been seen out? I wonder whether there isn’t another story here that we don’t know about. Kuppe – isn’t that Polish or Dutch or
some other place over there? I guess that mystery needs to be continued under the palms one day at the beach when we can get her snookered again! Ms. Shirley Wallows: Gen, sad to say, no I do not have a steady playmate……I wouldn’t mind having a go at that Robert though. Yummy! You know, now that you mention it I have never met Mr. Kuppe. I just thought she was trying to keep me away from him. Hmmmm… yes, I believe once you return it’s you, me, & Misty! I’ll bring the olives!! Have a safe trip and a wonderful birthday!!!! Misty Kuppe: JD’s Bistro for a tini sounds fabulous! Good thing about my surgery, we don’t have to go OTB but UTB, I have some new inflatables! Mr. Kuppe joked he’s never leaving my side when we travel, in case he needs a personal floatation device. I’m quite multi-talented. Without a doubt, Mr. Kuppe does exist and is not a pigment of my imagination, or however that saying goes. Speaking of color, someone has a birthday to celebrate! Misty
I am off for a margarita at the Tiki Bar and then packing for my big Birthday get-away. I hate getting old. Just wish there was surgery for that! Love you guys. See you next
September 2011
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September Events Thursday 1st-3rd, COMEDY EVENT FEATURING GREG MORTON! AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte. For show times visit www.visani. net Thursday 1st, MUSEUM OF ART & CIRCUS MUSEUM PRESENTS ART AFTER 5: COCKTAILS & OBSERVATIONS every Thursday from 5-8pm. Enjoy the Museum of Art permanent collection and special exhibition galleries, cocktails and great conversation on the loggia. Bring the family and explore the Circus Museum’s miniature circus and Wisconsin railroad car. After hours discounted admission are adults are $10, children ages 6-17 are $5, and under 5 are free. For more info go to
Friday 2nd - Monday 5th Charlotte Harbor Parrot Head Club 4 Lazy Days Done The Charlotte Harbor Way, 4th Birthday Celebration. See page 3 for details www.ringling.org Thursday 1st, MUTTINI MINGLE AT FISHERMEN’S VILLAGE from 5:30-8pm. A Pawtastic Yappy Hour for people and their pets. Presented by Salty Paws. For more information visit www.fishville.com Thursday 1st, YOGA MONTH KICK-OFF CLASS AT THE YOGA SANCTUARY in Punta Gorda at 112 Sullivan St. from 6-7pm. This special evening class is open to everyone and by donation only. For more info call 941-505-9642 or visit info@
theyogasanctuary.biz Thursday 1st-30th, “30 DAYS OF DISCOVERY” AT THE MOTE AQUARIUM in Sarasota from 10-5pm during the month of Sept. Get 2 for 1 admission to Mote Aquarium and any other Sarasota and Manatee County attractions, such as: The John and Mable Ringling Museum of Art, South Florida Museum, and G.Wiz using a coupon at Sarasota Convention & Vistors Bureau or at www.sarasotafl.org/promo/ days-of-discovery Saturday 3rd, CHARLOTTE STONE CRABS VS BRADENTON MARAUDERS at the Charlotte Sports Park at 6:30pm. For more information visit us at www. stonecrabsbaseball.com Saturday 3rd, ROCKSTAR ENERGY DRINK UPROAR FESTIVAL at the Ford Amphitheatre at 2:30pm. For more ticket info visit www.fordamp.com or call 1-800-ASK-GARY. Saturday 3rd, FARMER’S MARKET DOWNTOWN IN PUNTA GORDA on Taylor St. and Herald Court by the Historic court House. From 8-1pm. Saturday 3rd, SARASOTA’S FARMERS MARKET EVERY SATURDAY from 7am to Noon. On Lemon Ave. & Main Street. Rain or Shine. Visit www.sara sotadowntown.com for more details. Saturday 3rd, CRUIZIN’ ON DEARBORN from 5-8pm in Englewood. Oldtime Cars-and oldtime tunes. Hundreds of old car enthusiasts and scores of old car brighten Dearborn Street. Music will flood the street and most restaurants and shops are open late! For more info visit our website at www.oldeenglewood. com Saturday 3rd, VENICE FARM ERS MARKET in Centennial Park Downtown from 8am-Noon.
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September 2011
Every Saturday. Local produce, plants, flowers, imported oils, pastries and so much more. Saturday 3rd-5th, ENGLEWOOD PIONEER DAYS in downtown Englewood. A fun weekend for the whole family. Visit www. englewoodpioneerday.com Saturday 3rd & 4th, MIAMI AVE. CRAFT FAIR IN DOWNTOWN VENICE from 9-4pm. Sunday 4th, SIESTA KEY’S FARMER’S MARKET at Davidson’s Plaza at 5124 Ocean Blvd. from 7-1pm. Every Sunday. Featuring fresh produce, seafood, art, etc. For more info visit www. siestakeychamber.com Monday 5th, MEET THE SKY; OBSERVATIONAL ASTRONOMY AT SIESTA KEY BEACH from 8-9pm at the Beach Pavilion. Telescope provided, weather permitting. Learn and observe the moon, planets, constellations and stars in the September night sky. Wednesday 7th-10th, LIVE COMEDY WITH JERRY FARBER/ MARK EVANS AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte. For show times visit www.visani.net Friday 9th, FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE in Centennial Park in downtown Venice at 7pm. Friday 9th, BRAD PAISLEY H20 II TOUR W/BLAKE SHELTON & JERROD NIEMANN at the Ford Amphitheatre in Tampa at 4pm. For ticket info visit www.fordamp. com or call 1-800-ASK-GARY. Friday 9th-11th, DISNEY ON ICE CELEBRATES 100 YEARS OF MAGIC at the St. Pete Times Forum. For more information visit www.sptimesforum.com Saturday 10th, PUNTA GORDA SPEEDWAY – Pro trucks, rookie trucks, dwarf cars, pro 4, fab 4, road warriors, legends, and bandolero. For more information visit www.puntagordaspeedway.com Saturday 10th-11th, SULLIVAN STREET CRAFT FAIR in downtown Punta Gorda from 10-5pm. Saturday 10th, SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE ON DEARBORN in Englewood. From 6-9pm. Shops will open late. Shop, dine, and play on Dearborn Street! Visit www.oldeenglewood.com Saturday 10th, ART OF FIGHTING 13 AT THE GERMAIN
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ARENA at 7:30pm. Doors open at 6pm. Join us for professional mixed martial arts. Amaya Vs. Lawrence Welterweight Title Fight. For more information visit www.germainarena.com Saturday 10th, FARMER’S MARKET DOWNTOWN IN PUNTA GORDA on Taylor St. and Herald Court by the Historic court House. From 8-1pm. Sunday 11th, FREEDOM RIDE TRIBUTE! From 1-6pm. In tribute to the many lives lost on 9/11/2001, we are calling out to all bikers, motorists & boaters to display our flag on their bikes, cars & boats and ride out to the Nav-A-Gator. There will be fundraising activities, bbq, games, music, drinks & fun. Proceeds benefit The Wounded Warrior Project. Sunday 11th, PATRIOT DAY COMMEMORATION AT FISHERMEN’S VILLAGE presented by the Military Heritage Museum at 1pm in the center court. Reception to follow. Call 941-575-9002 for more information. Tuesday 13th, BEST OF SOUL & MOTOWN TRIBUTE AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte. For show times visit www.visani.net Wednesday 14th-17th, LIVE COMEDY WITH MUTZIE/GREG HALL AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte. For show times visit www.visani.net Thursday 15th, GALLERY WALK IN PUNTA GORDA from 5-8pm. The Punta Gorda Downtown Merchants Association brings you art, music, live demonstrations, shopping and food, and a free trolley. What a better way to spend an evening strolling through downtown Punta Gorda. Friday 16th, DAYGLOW AT THE GERMAIN ARENA at 9pm-2am. “World’s Largest Paint Party” This show is age restricted from 17 and up. For more information visit www.germainarena.com Friday 16th, BIRD STREET PLAYERS BAND performing at the Van Wezel Performing Arts Hall in Sarasota at 5pm. Visit www.vanwezel.org for ticket information. Saturday 17th, FARMER’S MARKET DOWNTOWN IN
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PUNTA GORDA on Taylor St. and Herald Court by the Historic court House. From 8-1pm. Saturday 17th & 18th, BIG BOY TOY EXPO AT THE CHARLOTTE HARBOR EVENT CENTER at 10am. The Largest Men’s Show in Southwest Fl. Fun for the whole family. Saturday 17th, YMCA’S 2ND ANNUAL FISHING TOURNAMENT & BLUES CONCERT AT LAISHLEY MARINA in Punta Gorda. Cash Prizes! Kid’s fishing challenge. Call 941-629-0909 for more information. Saturday 17th, PUNTA GORDA SPEEDWAY – open wheel modified 35, pro 4, fab 4, TQ Midgets, SE champ karts, road warriors, and mini stocks. For more info visit us at www.puntagordaspeedway.com Saturday 17th, JOURNEY W/ SPECIAL GUESTS FOREIGNER & NIGHT RANGER performing at the Ford Amphitheatre in Tampa at 7pm. For ticket info visit www.fordamp.com or call 1-800-ASK-GARY. Saturday 17th, COMIC BOOKS GAMING ANIME SHOW AT THE CHARLOTTE HARBOR EVENT CENTER from 10am-10pm. Get a taste of comic/gaming/anime convention in your own backyard. Saturday 17th, POW/MIA RECOGNITION DAY COMMEMORATION at Fishermen’s Village, presented by the Military Heritage Museum at 1pm in the center court. Reception to follow in the museum. For more info call 575-9002 or visit www. FreedomIsntFree.org Sunday 18th, INCUBUS performing at the Ford Amphitheatre in Tampa at 8pm. For ticket information visit www.fordamp.com or call 1-800-ASK-GARY. Monday 19th, WINE TASTING AT JD’S BISTRO in Port Charlotte. “Cheese and Charcuterie” anti-pastas…bread. Mediterranean. Tuesday 20th, JIMMY MAZZ VIVA LAS VEGAS AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte. For tickets and show times visit www.visani.net Wednesday 21st-24th, COMEDY EVENT WITH GRANDMA LEE!! AT VISANI’S COMEDY
THEATER in Port Charlotte. For show times visit www.visani.net Friday 23rd & 24th, VENICE JAZZ FEST in Centennial Park downtown Venice at 7pm. Friday 23rd-25th, FLATSMASTERS CHAMPIONSHIP & CHILI COOKOFF AT LAISHLY PARK in Punta Gorda. Saturday 24th, FARMER’S MARKET DOWNTOWN IN PUNTA GORDA on Taylor St. and Herald Court by the Historic court House. From 8-1pm. Saturday 24th, ANNUAL INSTALLATION & MURDER MYSTERY BANQUET at Heron Creek Golf & Country Club In North Port from 6-9pm. Dinner/ program. Event sponsored by Presto Air, LLC. Saturday 24th, PUNTA GORDA SPEEDWAY – sportsman, pro 4, fab 4, super stock, mini stocks, and cowboy Cadillac. For more information visit us at www.puntagordaspeedway.com Saturday 24th & 25th, THE BIG BOY EXPO AT THE GERMAIN ARENA from 10-5pm. This is a VERY large trade show. For more information visit www.germainarena.com Saturday 24th, 1ST ANNUAL RED FISH CHALLENGE AT LOW KEY TIKI IN PINE ISLAND cash prizes for 1st,2nd,& 3rd places. Proceeds to benefit From Our Hearts. Giveaways, raffles, food, auction and live music At weigh in. For more info contact Captain Jesse Romero @ 239-443-0876 or Low Key Tiki @ 239-282-8454. Saturday 24th, BLINK 182! Performing at the Ford Amphitheatre in Tampa at 7pm. For ticket info visit www.fordamp.com or call 1-800-ASK-GARY. Saturday 24th, LAST DAMN SHOW 13 at the St. Pete Times Forum at 7pm. Features a collection of today’s hottest hip-hop and R&B artists. For more information visit www.sptimesforum. com Saturday 24th, THE GREAT GARAGE SALE AT THE CHARLOTTE SPORTS PARK from 8-1pm. Admission and parking are FREE! Rain or shine. For more info contact the Sports Park at 941-235-5010 or visit www.charlottecountyfl.com for a
September 2011
vendor application. Saturday 24th, BBQ BASH AT GASPARILLA MARINA & WATERSIDE GRILL in Placida. Saturday 24th, WALK TO END ALZHEIMER’S AT FISHERMEN’S VILLAGE pre-walk activities at 9am. Walk step off at 10am. Sign up today! Visit www. alz.org/walk or call 727-578-2558 for more info. Sunday 25th, SOUTHWEST WEDDING & EVENT EXPO AT THE CHARLOTTE HARBOR EVENT CENTER in Punta Gorda from 12-4pm. Meet and interview a wide variety of local wedding professionals to plan your big day! Sunday 25th, CAGED BIRD SHOW AT THE CHARLOTTE COUNTY FAIRGROUNDS in Port Charlotte. For more info call 941-475-3440 or visit www. thecharlottecountyfair.com Tuesday 27th, ELVIS TRIBUTE SHOW W/DWIGHT ICENHOWER AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte at 7:30pm. For tickets visit www. visani.net Wednesday 28th-30th, LIVE COMEDY WITH TIM WILKINS “ONE MAN SHOW” AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte. Visit www. visani.net Wednesday 28th, ALZHEIMER’S SMOKIN’ HOT CHILI COOKOFF FUNDRAISER! At the Clare Bridge Venice at 1200 Avenida Del Circo from 5:307:30pm. $5 Chili (All you can eat!) Join us for a charitable cause for the Alzheimer’s Association.
Friday 30th, JEFF FOXWORTHY, BILL ENGVALL & LARRY THE CABLE GUY: THEM IDIOTS WHIRLED TOUR at the St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa at 8pm. These hilarious comics come together for one special night that is guaranteed to be filled with nonstop laughter. For ticket info visit www.sptimesforum.com Friday 30th, LATIN NIGHT AT JD’S BISTRO in Port Charlotte. Latin music & dancing!! * Times and dates are subject to change.
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Grapefruit Margarita This drink is a combination of a classic margarita with a refreshing citrus update. Leo (July 23 - August 22) Much of your body weight tends to be distributed in a specific place - but that may start shifting and not in a good way! Ha Ha Ha!!. Paper with little stick people doing bad things on it will find its way into your pocket today. Virgo (August 23 September 22) Crying over spilt milk may seem like silly, but perhaps not if you’ve spilt piping hot milk while sitting naked in a bean bag watching Rosie Reruns. Libra (September 23 October 22) Vegetables have always made you think naughty thoughts, so please bear in mind that any visits to market-places could leave you red-faced. Like a beetroot. Are you thinking of a beetroot? Are you being dirty? Cut it out!! Scorpio (October 23 November 21) The differences between you and your peers sets you apart. And by apart, I mean they’re thinking of relocating you so that you’re as far apart as physically possible. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Presenting yourself with home-made cardboard awards is probably not the sanest way to go about giving yourself a morale boost. Capricorn (December 22 January 19) When leaving your house, don’t forget to lock up and give the children a pat on the head. If it’s laughter you’re after then
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draw a moustache on the kids before you wake them up for school. That’s one way to get back at them for all they put you through.
5 shots of fresh squeezed ruby red grapefruit juice 2 shots of tequila 1 shot of Grand Gala Triple Sec
Aquarius ( January 20 February 18) Opportunity is waiting round every corner. Unfortunately you on the couch, enough said…..
Combine all ingredients in shaker, and shake. Pour into a short glass rimmed with raw and regular sugar. Add ice and enjoy!
Pisces ( February 19 - March 20) Seek advice from someone older today in order to avoid making a fool of yourself. That may be difficult for you, you are pretty old! Aries (March 21 - April 19) You WILL have sex this month!! Maybe….well there is a slight possibility…..we are just reading material, there is only so much we can do!!! Good luck, you will need it!! Taurus (April 20 - May 20) The feelings you have had that people are out to get you may not just be in your head. You may be better off taking charge of your own laundry from now on, just sayin…. Gemini ( May 21 - June 21) You deserve praise for your excellent work. You may never find what you’re looking for, but at least you managed to find that picture of the chimp sitting on a toilet reading The Parrot.
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Photo Caption Contest Send us your ideas for a funny caption for this photo and we will print the winner along with the winners name in our next issue. E-mail us at publisher@swflparrot.com or mail entries to The Parrot, 3280-55 Tamiami Trail Suite 165 Port Charlott, Florida 33952
This Month
FULL LIQUOR SERVICE
OPEN 7 a.m. EVERY DAY!
THE GALLEY IS OPEN Now Serving Pizza & Hot Dogs Quality Food, Cheap Prices
All my ex’s live in Texas, so I’m moving back to Florida! Sent in by Don D. of Venice
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September 2011
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1058 N. Tamiami Trail Suite 106 Sarasota
VD-Parrot-9-2011
w w w. Ve n e t i a n D e n t a l . c o m $150 Extraction Present this coupon to redeem the offer. Not valid with any other coupons or specials. Expires 9-30-2011
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FREE Implant/ Denture Consultation Present this coupon to redeem the offer. Not valid with any other coupons or specials. Expires 9-30-2011
September 2011
$99 New Patient Special
Exam, X-Rays, Regular Cleaning D0150, D0210, D1110
In absence of gum disease. Must present this coupon. Uninsured patients only. Not valid with any other offers. Expires 9-30-2011
The Parrot
The Parrot
September 2011
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