Best Arts & Culture review of pierre poilievre’s iCryToo: TheFamilyEditionpoetry collection

Jessie Avenue, staff

L eader of the Conservative Party of Canada Pierre Poilievre has dropped a poetry collection. ICryToo: The Family Edition promises to ingratiate Poilievre to the poet demographic of voters.

Part autobiography and part verse, the collection bites back at jerks who said that Pierre is an “unfeeling Roomba in a human suit.”

The first poem in I Cry Too , “Irresponsible Spending,” is an inventory of all the reasons why “abolishing student loans is a bad idea, the kids will just waste money on chia.” It’s kind of overwrought.

In the second poem, “I rubbed elbows, not hearts,” Poilievre uses limericks to take down critics who say he ever buddied up with white supremacists. The final line reads, “don’t be rude.”

The final poem, “unreasonable opportunity” is one line based on language in the Tor- ies’ policy declaration that Canadians should have “a reasonable opportunity” to have “access to safe and affordable housing.”

The poem goes, “Trudeau has let people have unreasonable opportunities to access safe housing for too long.”

Wow, that is majorly artful.

Poilievre said that half of nondescript brown wrapping paper.

“I was very emotional when I saw the email from Penguin,” Poilievre sputtered robotically in a vertical video posted to his Twitter account.

“Truly, this is a victory for Canadian families around the world.” the poems were inspired by a fateful accident.

His desk exploded last Tuesday, and all of his little diaries flew around the room. A forgotten book of poetry exercises from the Conservative party leader’s grade school days landed gently in his lap.

Shrugging, Poilievre handed the material to what he thought was a family but was actually a Canada Post employee. The volume arrived at Penguin Random House in

Every copy of I Cry Too has been hand-dampened by Poilievre himself to best mimic the effect of his endless stream of tears on literature.

Poilievre, whilst choking a little on a sip of soup, said to me personally that this is “a metaphor for Canadian families.”

Everyone is allowed to read iCryToo except for Marxists and liberal hecklers.