love songs are the government’s ultimate weapon

Sadie Vanford Everington, staff

L ove songs are a pandemic that plague our society. The symptoms are compliance, corruption and fragility. From those in utero to the elderly, absolutely no one is safe from this covert government operation.

Be it through radio, stereo or Spotify, every song we hear is about love in some form. Through this continuous propaganda, our government aims to control our desires, promote our docility and eliminate our democracy.

I’m Sadie Vanford Everington and I’m a freethinker. I implore all citizens to learn from my experience and join the quest to eradicate all love songs.

Love songs are a methodological scam that will corrupt our minds and lead to our species’s demise. They are a reiteration of the American dream, baiting us along until we succumb to our feeble, forlorn deaths.

If you do not believe me, let’s analyze some beloved song lyrics to expose their true meaning. As a sixteen-time divorcee, I believe I am the most qualified person for this task.

Ed Sheeran pompously declares, “I will be loving you ‘til we’re 70.” However, my ex-husband Bobby stopped loving me as soon as I said I am not an Avengers fan. I’m only 39 years old.

Ariana Grande croons, “I’d love to see me from your point of view.” But if I saw myself from my ex-husband Joe’s perspective, I would certainly vomit. Yes, my self-esteem is far from desired but even I

Whitney Houston proclaims, “I’m saving all my love for you.” Yet somehow my ex-boyfriend Timothy could not even save the yam fries for me.

Foreigner exclaims, “I wanna know what love is.” foolish, false and fantastical. They are analogous to advertising that would be conducted for a product, such as a face cream that supposedly builds up collagen on your face. Alas, love is unrealistic and unattainable, and no face cream can ever bring your youthful face back. do not stoop that low. Rick Astley claims, “never gonna give you up.” Meanwhile, my ex-fiance Randy gave me up at the first sign of wrinkling.

I am taking a stand against the government’s agenda.

Here is my message to citizens like me. We must hold both our elected officials and our musicians accountable. Whether intentionally or accidentally, they are enabling harmful propaganda that serves to divide us and reduce our power.

Okay, then let me tell you what love is.

Love is a poisonous dream that is promoted via love songs. From the examples above, we can conclude that the claims in love songs are ivorybuffalo@themanitoban.com

We must ensure that future generations are equipped to handle the sheer brutality of the world. They cannot do that if they follow in our footsteps and become sheep manipulated by the government. I call upon us to join forces and put an end to love songs once and for all.