‘Honk honk honk’: U of M hires Canada geese to assist with security

Rea Porter, staff niversity of Manitoba security services has launched an innovative new program hiring geese to help enforce campus rules and maintain safety.

The university will be deploying geese for both surveillance and crowd control. The geese will be trained to fly over campus and keep watch for any suspicious activity or people around campus.

Seth Curity, head of campus security, said that “so far, there has been a lot of success with the geese.”

“Since we’ve started using them, a lot more students have been walking on the sidewalks and following the rules,” he said.

Although Curity said that the use of geese on campus has been “a success so far,” security services have run into some issues when it comes to training and controlling the geese.

“I was walking on the sidewalk when a goose came out of nowhere and started chasing me,” said Ronan Scurred, a third-year architecture student.

“I got kind of scared,” he said, “but I’m not gonna let it rain on my parade.”

The implementation of security geese has also caused an increase in security-related spending, as the geese have all been equipped with their own security uniform, night vision goggles, bullet- proof vests and other expensive security equipment. Select geese will be outfitted with firearms following the completion of a safety and trees.

Currently the university is debating whether or not the geese should be required to wear masks while they are on campus.

Bernie Sanders disqualified from UMSA presidential race

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“We seemed to have underestimated the total cost for the geese and the materials that they will be using, but we’re confident that it is a good investment for the university,” Curity said.

Students and staff have also expressed concerns about the increased amount of goose droppings and other waste caused by the influx of new geese on campus.

“I was walking to class, and then all of a sudden a huge goose poop landed on the ground beside me,” said Andy Goosen, a seventh-year law student.

“Frankly, it seemed like a case of excessive force and I will be looking further into this.”

To help combat the increased goose waste, the university plans to collect the goose droppings and use them in the Buller Greenhouse and elsewhere around campus to act as fertilizer for all plants

“There’s also the question of whether they should be paid or compensated in some form for their time working,” said Curity. “I don’t think they have any use for money, but we’re in talks to negotiate how many pieces of bread they should receive per hour.”

There has also been talk of forming a Security Geese Union (SGU), but a vote has been delayed until more geese return north this spring.

Sil E. Goose, SGU union organizer, weighed in on the situation.

“Honk honk honk,” he said.

When asked about the excessive force allegations against some security geese, Goose hissed and tried to fly, but his wings got caught in the vest and he waddled away.

Former United States presidential candidate and Senator Bernie Sanders has been disqualified from the University of Manitoba Students’ Association (UMSA) presidential race.

UMSA Chief Returning Officer Sally Murtaugh announced the decision in an email to all students last week in the hours before the election closed.

Murtaugh told the Ivory Buffalo that Sanders was disqualified for breaking a rule against use of copyrighted content in his campaign materials.

“[Sanders’s] campaign poster included quotes that were direct copies from another UMSA candidate,” she said.

Murtaugh confirmed that the quotes in question included Sanders’s commitment to “represent all students,” as well as his promises to “install more microwaves in University Centre” and “get cool bands for Frosh.” ivorybuffalo@themanitoban.com

Murtaugh said Sanders’s student status has also come into question.