July 13th 2023 Summer Edition

Dear Readers,

As a working mom, I hate the summer. There - I said it! Kids have less structure, too much free time, later bedtimes, are always hungry, endless boredom…

Each of my kids is in a different camp (various genders & ages). Day camp hours start later and end earlier than school hours. Drop off is 9, 9:15, and 9:30. Pick up is 3, 3:30, and 4. We end up hanging out on La Brea Blvd for 2 hours a day. And then each camp has a different late night, so back to La Brea for a 3rd time, each night of the week … I envy those who just drop off at the bus stop and wave goodbye!

But this year, I’m trying to change my attitude. I learned that changing your attitude starts with changing your thoughts. I plan to focus on all of the best parts of summer, some of which are the same things I complain about.

Each kid is having the time of their life at camp! Each is in a different place, having different experiences, able to be completely themselves, and getting individual attention without another sibling present. Summer camp is where our kids meet new people, spend time with friends from last summer, identify themselves differently than their schoolmates know her, become close with older counselors, improve sports skills, learn new songs and dances, and scream and cheer until her voice gets hoarse. There’s no homework! And no bedtimes. Most days I have no idea what’s for dinner and it doesn’t matter because it can be eaten as a picnic in the park or in the car going to a night activity. We can stay at the beach until it’s almost dark. We have time to travel or have new adventures right here in LA. We have time to paint and bake things we usually don’t make time for. There’s time for playing outside, doing water sports, splash pads, and staying in the pool until fingers and toes turn into prunes. There are long lazy days at the library when it’s too hot outside, endless icees opened with our teeth, and endless

Shabbos afternoons.

The other night I saw a couple take their youngest child out for dinner alone. Summer allows for younger siblings to get quality time with their parents while older brothers are away at sleep-away camp. Summer creates a carefree atmosphere, where even stressed and working parents can have a more relaxed attitude.

Wishing you all a relaxing summer, Ariela

For the summer months, when things slow down, so will the LA Jewish Home. We will have smaller and shorter issues, which we hope you continue to enjoy. In the fall, we plan to grow and prepare for the Yamim Tovim.

Shabbos Zemanim

Friday, July 14

Parshas Matos-Masei

Candlelighting: 7:47 pm

Havdallah: 8:50 pm

Rabbeinu Tam: 9:17 pm

Friday, July 21

Parshas Devarim

Candlelighting: 7:44 pm

Havdallah: 8:46 pm

Rabbeinu Tam: 9:13 pm

Yoel Halpern

PUBLISHER publisher@thelajewishhome.com

Sara Halpern

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

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Ariela Kauffman

MANAGING EDITOR

editor@thelajewishhome.com

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PUBLIC RELATIONS

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HEAD OF SALES

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GRAPHIC DESIGN

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The LA Jewish Home is an independent biweekly magazine. Opinions expressed by writers are not necessarily the opinions of the publisher or editor. All submissions become the property of The LA Jewish Home and may be edited for publication. Pictures may be modified at our discretion to conform to standards of modesty in dress. The Jewish Home is not responsible for typographical errors, or for the kashrus of any advertised product or business advertised within.

THE LIFE CHANGING-STUTTERING PROGRAM

‘‘Insight into cause has been translated into a method that works. I encourage every stutterer to join the chorus of his clients’ fluent and effusive appreciation’.

Dr. Howard Lebowitz MD

Chief Medical Advisor, Specialty Hospital, Harvard Medical School

Rabbi Shifman’s Bekius Class Siyum

Week 1 Highlights from Camp Moshava Aley

Last month, Rabbi Shifman and his 7th and 8th grade Bekius boys went to Valley Burger Bar for a delicious lunch and celebration. The seudah was held in honor of these students completing Maseches Taanis, 30 double-sided pages of Talmud. The Masmidim Bekius program is a Yeshiva preparatory track introduced by Rabbi Shifman eleven years ago in which the boys complete a different Mesechta each year, in addition to being tested weekly on the materials covered. Rabbi Shifman made the point to his students that even when the boys are away from school on vacation, they should carve out a period of time to study each day and preferably review the Gemorah they have just learned. It is important to note that the

students graduating Emek, having completed our rigorous Bekius program, are highly sought after by the Los Angeles Yeshiva High Schools, for they are usually the premier students in both Torah and general studies. The Masmidim Bekius track prepares our students for high level Talmudic studies and gives them the opportunity to attend the Yeshiva of their choice.

As we reach the end of our first week at Moshava Alevy, it has been a special few days in camp filled with laughter, growth, and wonderful experiences thanks to each of our chanichim! One of the most heartwarming sights has been witnessing camp friends reuniting and new friendships developing. The energy and enthusiasm radiating from our chanichim (campers) and madrichim (counselors) are truly infectious, reminding us of the magic that camp brings into everyone’s lives.

The past week has been jampacked with incredible activities that have kept our campers engaged and smiling from ear to ear. From competitive sports to zip lining and ropes, all the way to yoga, teva (nature), and art, our campers have been challenged physically and creatively in a healthy, safe, and fun environment. The highlight of the week for most campers has been our

beautiful Big Bear Lake program with tubing, jet skiing, and boating! Of course, our opening tochnit (program) found the most creative and exciting way to educate our chanichim on the four holy cities of Israel; Yerushalayim, Teveria, Tzfat, and Chevron as we introduced the nosei (theme) of our summer, Moshevet HaMedina!

At machane, we strive to create an environment full of inspiration and meaning, with peulot and tochniot that help all of our chanichim connect to the Bnei Akiva mission of Am Yisrael, Be’Eretz Yisrael, Al Pi Torat Yisrael. This would not be possible without our amazing tzevet. As we prepare for Shabbat and reflect on the past week, I’d like to thank all of our tzevet for being so committed to achieving this goal for our chanichim, and giving all of their energy to creating a once-in-a-lifetime experience for each of our chanichim!

Harkham-GAON Academy Names Ruth Morris as New Principal

The Harkham-GAON Acade my is a college preparatory day school located in Beverly Hills, serving students grades 6 to 12. “Harkham GAON Academy serves a unique community of families seeking an individualized approach to learning,” said Efrem Harkham, Board President of HGA. “Ms. Morris’ previous work in alternative education while at Culver City Unified, and her work both at The Hebrew Academy over this past year and at Ohr Haemet High School back when she was first embarking on her career in education, make her eminently qualified to take HGA to the next level in Jewish education.”

Before finding her passion as an

educator, Morris was a travel industry executive for twenty years. She worked at companies such as American Express and HIS Travel Service. She became fluent in Japanese during the ten years she spent living and working in Japan. “I do not see my background in business as a separate career. It also prepared me for this position,” says Morris. “The principal of a Jewish Day School must understand and be able to execute all aspects of marketing, operations, and customer service, which reminds me of my days in tourism.”

“Morris is well-equipped to lead our school into its next phase,” says Rabbi Moises Benzaquen, founder of Harkham GAON Academy. “She’s creative, has broad experience in both educational and business leadership, and her enthusiasm is infectious.”

“I am so excited to accept the position of principal of the Harkham GAON Academy! I look forward to working with the faculty, staff, board members, parents, and the community at large to grow our school and expand our programs” exclaims Ruth Morris.

MJ Sports Campers bounce to Jump Skip High

MJ Sports Camp recently embarked on an exhilarating adventure to Jump Sky High, a premier trampoline park that left our campers bouncing with excitement. The day was filled with laughter, adrenaline, and endless opportunities for our young athletes to showcase their skills and embrace the joy of defying gravity.

As our enthusiastic campers arrived at Jump Sky High, their energy levels skyrocketed. With boundless anticipation, they donned their athletic gear and stepped into a world of trampolines that seemed to stretch to the horizon. The park’s dynamic layout offered an array of interconnected jumping surfaces, providing the perfect playground for our sports enthusiasts.

From the moment their feet touched the trampolines, our campers were propelled into a world of airborne adventures. They leaped with grace and agility, executing flips, spins, and gravity-defying stunts that wowed both their peers and the attentive Jump Sky High staff. The park’s freestyle jump areas, dodgeball courts, and foam pits became stages for our campers to showcase their athleticism and teamwork.

The camaraderie among our campers was palpable as they engaged in spirited games of dodgeball, displaying their accuracy, reflexes, and strategic thinking. The foam pits beckoned our brave adventurers, offering a soft landing for their daring leaps and flips. With each jump, they embraced the thrill of pushing their physical limits and gaining newfound confidence.

Attached are photos capturing the exhilaration and pure joy our campers experienced during our visit to Jump Sky High. We are thrilled to share these snapshots of our MJ Sports Camp athletes in action as they reached new heights and soared through the air.

Camp Ashira Has July 4th Trip Day!

Camp Extreme goes to Six Flags Magic Mountain!

Here at Camp Ashira we are off to an amazing start!! Our theme of “the skies the limit” is adorable and our camp song is a huge hit. Some of the fabulous activities we had so far are friendship workshops, ice skating, kayaking at Newport Beach, late nights, and so much more!!! On Tuesday, July 4th, we had the best experience. We climbed

the ropes course at Orange County Ropes Course! Afterward, we had a delicious barbeque supper, played basketball and dodgeball, and were entertained and inspired by Rachel Factor. Our cotton candy treat left us with huge smiles at the end of a very fun-filled day!!! We can’t wait to see what else is in store.

Yavneh Summer Extreme, for boys grades 4-7, includes daily Davening, learning classes, and sports, AND goes on a trip EVERY single day! There is weekly swimming at aquatic centers and baseball at the park. It’s nonstop action!

Last week, Yavneh Summer Extreme took their campers to Six Flags Magic Mountain. It was a hot day, but

that only made the water rides more enticing. Grades 4th - 7th boys enjoyed a full day of thrills. Many campers went on the famous “Revolution”, Six Flags’ first upside-down roller coaster for their first time. Campers proudly wearing their Kipa and Tzitzit hanging low, were seen all across the park beaming with excitement. What a way to kick off the first week of Summer!

Rachel encouraged the girls to find their voice and self-expression through dance, writing their own songs and music. They were thrilled for the meet and greet and many even asked for an autograph.

For more information about Rachel’s program Rachel-Factor.com or A Time for Dance www.atime4dance.com.

Rabbi Nir Yacoby

Parsha Matot: Asking for Love in Unloving Ways

“I’m done with chocolate! That’s it! I’m not going to even get close to it - EVER!” your wife cries in exasperation throwing her hands in the air. You shrug your shoulders.

The Torah in the portion of תוטמ says that you could have annulled her vow, but since you did not, the vow is now in effect. The potential effect could be scary: divorce!

Why? The fire alarm went off, and rather than addressing the fire, you tried changing the fire alarm.

“What alarm?” you’re asking, “She was talking about chocolate.” Consider the intensity, the exasperation, the hands flailing in the air. Your wife was asking for love in an unloving way.

“I understand that something bothers you. I’m here to help. What’s on your mind?” Here’s the formula again: “I understand that something bothers you. I’m here to help. What’s on your mind?” Shalom Bayit.

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Many thanks to my clients for taking the time & energy to write these reviews.

Rabbi Nir and his wife Atrian give regular classes on Shalom Bayit. His popular 3-minute podcast is funny and draws Shalom Bayit ideas from the Torah portion of the week. To register: ShalomInComics@gmail.com

Tomchei LA Hosts Epic Golf And Bike Events

Tomchei LA recently held their annual Golf Classic & Dinner and Moti Kest Legacy Bike Ride on June 25 and 26. The golf event was presold out and located at the ocean course in Rancho Palos Verdes with Manela & Co as title sponsor and AJ Stern as Tournament Chairman, and part of the eventual winning foursome. The golfers on the course took advantage of the various contests, hole giveaways, pictures, million-dollar hole-in-one, golf ball cannon, cigar rolling, and music. The biggest hit was that each of the 18 holes had numerous food options and a variety of high-

end alcohol including scotch, tequila, vodka, beer, and wine. After the tournament was an outdoor ocean view reception with food, sushi, wine tasting, an open bar, fine cigars, DJ Ezzi, 3D video booth, Magic Castle Magician, headshot photos, and a helicopter ball drop. The evening concluded with a sumptuous dinner with Tomahawk steaks and a sunset dessert lounge with games. This year’s bike ride was expanded to a multiday event. Each day of the ride had multiple routes ranging from 30 miles to 100 miles. Day 1 was a scenic ride to Herzog in Oxnard with a large welcome celebration

and luncheon at Tierra Sur. Day 2 was an ocean ride to Rancho Palos Verdes meeting up with the Golf Classic. Each rider got a custom jersey and a medal.

Tomchei LA is excited to build on its past successes with future events that promise to bring new experiences, opportunities, and wonderful memories. As they expand their vital services to the growing needs of the community, they thank all their sponsors and donors for their continued participation and look forward to enhanced collaboration to connect the most vulnerable communities to life-changing programs.

Four Ways To Make Ice Cream without an Ice Cream Machine

Method #1

Two Ingredient Ice Cream

This method is its own recipe! Here are the easy-peasy steps:

1. Simply whip 2 cups of heavy cream, by hand or with an electric mixer, until sti peaks form.

2. Slowly drizzle in a chilled can of sweetened condensed milk.

3. Add your desired flavorings or mix-ins.

4. Remove to an airtight container and freeze. It’s that simple!!

Method #2 Plastic Bag Method

1. Place the ice cream mixture in a quart-size resealable bag, squeezing out as much air as possible and sealing tightly.

2. Place this bag inside another quart bag, again squeezing out as much air as possible and sealing tightly.

3. Put the bags inside a gallon-size resealable bag and fill with about 4 cups crushed ice, then sprinkle with 4 tablespoons coarse salt. The salt lowers the freezing point of the ice and creates an extra-cold environment that absorbs heat, causing the ice cream base to freeze.

4. Squeeze out all the air and seal tightly.

5. Wrap the bag in a towel or put gloves on before shaking vigorously and massaging the bag, making sure the ice is surrounding the ice cream mixture constantly.

6. Shake for 5 to 8 minutes, or until the ice cream is frozen. The more vigorously you shake, the smoother your ice cream will be.

Method #3

Freeze & Stir Method

1. Place the unchurned ice cream recipe mixture in a deep stainless steel baking dish and freeze for 45 minutes.

2. As it begins to freeze near the edges, remove it from the freezer and stir vigorously with a spatula.

3. Return to the freezer.

4. Continue to check the mixture every 30 minutes, stirring vigorously as it’s freezing.

5. If you have a hand-mixer or blender, use one of those.

6. Repeat this process for 2 to 3 hours, or until frozen.

Method #4

Food Processor or Blender Method (best method!)

1. Make any ice cream base according to the recipe directions.

2. Instead of churning in an ice cream maker, pour into a ziptop bag, squeeze out all air, and seal.

3. Freeze, lying flat, until solid.

4. Remove from freezer and break into chunks small enough to fit into the bowl of your food processor or a high-powered blender.

5. Pulse until completely smooth.

6. If adding mix-ins, either fold them in or pulse until desired consistency is reached, then pour into an airtight container.

7. Cover and freeze until ready to serve.

Cheesecake: Add 8 ounces of softened cream cheese to the 2-ingredient method. Use an electric mixer to beat with the condensed milk and vanilla, before folding into the whipped cream as the recipe instructs.

Mint Chip: 1 teaspoon peppermint extract + 1 cup mini chocolate chips + green food coloring

Peanut Butter/ Nutella / Cookie

Butter: 1/2 cup to 1 cup spread

Cinnamon Roll: 3 tablespoons butter, melted + 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

Caramel or Dulce de Leche: 1/2 – 1 cup caramel drizzled over the almost frozen mixture, stir to break up the ribbon a bit. Add a teaspoon of sea salt and/or a few tablespoons of bourbon for a gourmet touch!

Chocolate: 3/4 cup cocoa powder (sifted) + 4 ounces melted cooled chocolate

Rocky Road: 1 cup chocolate syrup + 1 cup mini marshmallows + 1 cup toasted almonds swirled into ice cream

S’mores: 10 graham crackers, crushed

+ 1 Hershey’s bar, chopped + 1/2 cup marshmallow flu

Mocha: 1/2 cup cocoa powder (sifted) + 2 tablespoons instant espresso

powder

Cookies & Cream: 15 Oreo cookies, coarsely chopped (about 1/2 cup)

Blueberry Swirl: 2 cups fresh blueberries + 3 tablespoons sugar + 2 tablespoons lemon juice cooked in a small saucepan over medium-high heat until burst. Chill before swirling into ice cream.

Birthday Cake: Add 1 tablespoon cake batter extract in place of 1 tablespoon of vanilla + ½ cup rainbow sprinkles

Raspberry Cheesecake: Add ½ cup no-bake cheesecake filling then swirl in (don't fully mix in) ½ cup seedless raspberry jam

Cookie Dough: Add 1 cup edible cookie dough chunks

Peanut Butter Cup: Add 1 cup Reese's peanut butter cup chunks

Banana Foster: Mix in 1 mashed banana + 1 teaspoon cinnamon + swirl in ½ cup caramel syrup

Science or Fiction

What is sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia?

BRAIN FREEZE!

No, the Slurpee does not actually travel up to your brain.

Instead, when a cold substance touches the back your throat, it lowers the temperature around the blood vessels close to the back of the throat, including the arteries that supply much of the brain with blood.

When you drink a Slurpee, the blood vessels near the back of your throat first rapidly constrict from the coldness and then dilate when the blood vessels become warmer again. The dilating blood vessels then pull the tissues around the vessels and the brain such as the meninges, triggering the trigeminal nerve (otherwise known as the fifth nerve), which innervates much of your face, including your forehead.

What To Do?

1. Don't drink Slurpees or other cold substances. Duh.

2. Drink or eat cold substances slowly and keep them in the front of your mouth for a while so that they have an opportunity to warm up before they touch the back of your throat. Semi-duh.

3. Drink warm liquids right after the Slurpee. Think of it as a warm water chaser.

4. Push your tongue to the roof of your mouth. The warm tongue can help warm the top of your mouth and back of your throat.

5. Put your thumb on the top of your mouth. This can also warm this area. Be careful to not push your thumb too far back or you'll vomit...which would help eliminate the brain freeze. Also, for goodness' sake, wash your hand before you do this.

6. Add warm substances like whipped cream, chocolate or cake to bu er the cold. Because Slurpees and ice cream just do not have enough calories and sugar.

7. Freeze your body before so that the drink or food is not as cold by comparison. In other words, move to the Arctic or stay in a freezer before you drink a Slurpee.

Rebbe’s Stories

Al Midosav”

Giving in to others

Rabbi Mordechai Dubin

Rabbi Huna and Rabbi Pappah were very close friends. They had been chavrusos in Yeshiva, shared the same Rebbes, and were partners in business. One day Rabbi Pappah heard that Rabbi Huna was not well. He rushed to the hospital and found that his friend Rabbi Huna was very sick. The doctors gave Rabbi Pappah very bad news telling him that Rabbi Huna was very sick and had very little chance of recovering from his illness.

Rabbi Pappah burst into tears. He sat by his friend’s bedside, crying and davening. When he saw that Rabbi Huna’s condition declined and it seemed that the end was near, he rushed out to inform the Chevra Kadisha (the ones who take care of burial after a person passes away) to begin to prepare Rabbi Huna’s burial place. This was difficult work. The ground was hard and rocky, and it took much effort for the men to dig deeply into the ground. The Chevra Kadisha also contacted the volunteers who would prepare Rabbi Huna’s body for burial. Everyone immediately went to work.

When Rabbi Pappah returned to his friend’s room. he was in for a very shocking but pleasant surprise. The doctors were standing around Rabbi Huna’s bed and talking excitedly.

Rabbi Huna’s family was laughing joyfully. Rabbi Pappah looked and saw that Rabbi Huna was sitting up in his bed. The color had returned to his face and he was smiling happily. The doctors were amazed! Two days later Rabbi Huna was released from the hospital with a clean bill of health.

Although Rabbi Pappah was ecstatic about his best friend’s recovery, he was also very embar-

rassed. He had caused the Chevra Kadisha to do all the work unnecessarily. He even mistakenly told people that Rabbi Huna was about to die. When Rabbi Pappah came to Rabbi Huna, he expressed his embarrassment. Rabbi Huna told him that there was no need to feel embarrassed. He said that Rabbi Pappah was correct in believing that he was about to die.

“As a matter of fact,” Rabbi Huna said, “the angels had come to escort me from this world to the next. But as I was about to leave this world, Hashem announced. ‘Stop! Rabbi Huna is Ma’aver al Midosav, he always gives in to others and does not demand that things go his way. Therefore I am giving him additional years in this world.’” Rabbi Pappah was so happy that Rabbi Huna’s special quality saved his life. Rabbi Huna and Rabbi Pappah spent the rest of their years learning Torah together and always trying to be Ma’aver Al Midosov.

This story is found in Rosh Hashana 17a

Questions for Discussion

1. What does it mean to be Ma’aver Al Midosov?

2. Why is this such an important Midda (quality)?

3. Can you think of any situations in your life where this Midda would be very helpful?

4. Where did Rabbi Pappah learn the importance of being Ma’aver Al Midosov?

Rabbi Mordechai Dubin is a Rebbe at Gindi Maimonides Academy. He is the author of three illustrated children’s books, I’ll Never Forget Yerushalayim, I Believe, and I Know 6; and has produced four Musical CD’s for children, I Made This World For you, Let My People Go, Al Shelosha Devarim, and Hashem is Always With Me.

If you want to share a story, recipe, D’var Torah, or something creative with us, we would absolutely love it! Please send them in to editor@thelajewishhome.com and write “Kids Section” in the subject line

“Ma’aver

There is a story told of a young woman who traveled home to be with her aging father for Rosh Hashanah. It had been some time since she had last seen him and therefore was quietly dismayed to witness his physical decline. Even the most basic tasks such as bathing and getting dressed for Yom Tov required great effort and excessive time. The once capable, strong figure that could do almost anything and solve every problem, was now reduced to a frail, old man reliant on others.

Consistent with the theme of Yom Ha’Din, the conversations at the Yom Tov table became reflective as they both reminisced about the years gone by. Although she loved her father dearly, she remembered him being absent much of the time. He left for work early in the morning and returned home from the office well after bedtime. Many family outings and even vacations consisted of her late mother and siblings. Her father made cameos at best.

At the opportune moment, she directly asked her father, “Why? Why

Parshas Matos-Masei Torah Thought

were you never around and always at work?” He responded, “Because I wanted to make a good living for your mother and your siblings. I wanted you to be comfortable— to have everything.”

The true forebears of mistaken priorities are B’nei Gad and B’nei Reuven. The Medresh explicitly indicts them for cherishing their money more than their families. Their preoccupation with their wealth kept them from settling in Eretz Yisroel proper. The allure of verdant grazing land for their immense herds brought them to dissociate from the rest of Israel and live in isolation on the other side of the Yarden. And tragically, their flawed priorities caused them to taste the bitter pill of Golus before the other Shevatim (Medresh Tanchuma Mattos #5).

The story of B’nei Gad and B’nei Reuven, and those who follow in their footsteps, carries another deeper point. It is not just about misplaced values. It is really about legacy. How one wants to be remembered. At the end of Parshas Mattos, as the Torah

describes the settlements of the Eastern Yarden, there is mention of someone named Novach who conquered an area and renamed the new city after himself.

We have no reason to believe that Novach made the city his namesake because he was without children (see Rashi 32:41 on Chavos Yair). Rav Shimon Schwab zt”l explains that Novach simply considered his wealth to be his ultimate legacy- not his children, not his community. The city bore his exact name. It was not “Novach Village”- just Novach. He and his money were inseparable, but in the end, his first love betrayed him. Rashi points out that ultimately, the name did not last.

As the conversation of the young lady with her father reached its crescendo, she asked the inexorable, final question. “Do you have any regrets?” With full appreciation of the moment, he knew an honest answer would be cathartic. “Yes, I do have regrets. I loved you all so much. I guess I also loved the idea of being wealthy. I admit that I was also looking for rec-

ognition. I wanted to be a “somebody.” People in Shul would look up to me. The honest truth is, my priorities were off. And now, there isn’t anything I can do about it.”

This true story has a familiar ring to it. Its moral is universal. No one confesses at the end of life that he regrets having spent too much time with his family. If only he had not given them top priority and instead put in more hours at the office. And in the final analysis, no child values money over the quality time spent on them.

The stakes of distorted priorities are very high. On a personal level, it stunts growth and relationships. Memories that were meant to never materialize. On a national level, it plunges us into exile and prevents our imminent return home.

Rabbi Yonason Rosenberg

Rabbi Yonason Rosenberg has served as Senior Rabbi of Shaarey Zedek Congregation in the Valley since 2007. Prior to that, he was Senior Rabbi for 15 years at his hometown Shul in Columbus, Ohio. He also is the President of the Rabbinical Council of California since 2015.

In Parashat Devarim, we find Moshe delivering his final address to Bnei Yisrael before they enter Eretz Yisrael. As Moshe is entering the final days of his life, he begins to provide rebuke and criticism for the people. Using the lens of this Parasha, we can glean valuable insights into the psychological concept of providing constructive criticism.

Sefer Devarim begins with the passuk: “These are the words that Moshe addressed to Bnei Yisrael before on the other side of the Jordan (Devarim 1:1).” Rashi and the Sifrei Devarim comment that, “These are the words” refers to the rebuke and reproof that Moshe waited to provide to the people until they were all gathered. They further comment that Moshe only alluded to the sins of the people by listing the locations rather than the details. Several passukim later, Rashi adds the reason why Moshe waited until his final days to offer constructive criticism, mainly to provide Bnei Yisrael time to reflect on their actions and not feel ashamed when they saw him.

Moshe masterfully balances truth and sensitivity when providing constructive feedback. He acknowledges the failures of the people, not to shame or discourage them, but to help them grow. Constructive

criticism requires us to choose our words carefully, considering the impact they will have on the recipient. It is essential to convey our concerns with understanding, ensuring our intentions are rooted in genuine care. As author Frank A. Clark wrote, “Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.”

By waiting until his final days to deliver a rebuke, Moshe encourages Bnei Yisrael to reflect on their past mistakes and learn from them. Constructive criticism serves as a catalyst for personal growth and self-improvement. Similarly, when providing constructive feedback, we can empower others to take accountability for their actions and actively seek ways to enhance their abilities and character.

Moshe directs his critique towards the actions and decisions of Bnei Yisrael rather than attacking their character, by only alluding to their sins rather than sharing the details. He separates the behavior from the individual, emphasizing the need for improvement without undermining their self-worth. Constructive criticism should always focus on specific actions or behaviors, avoiding personal attacks that could cause unnecessary pain or defensiveness.

Lastly, Moshe not only highlighted their shortcomings but also provided guidance and solutions for Bnei Yisrael. Throughout Sefer Devarim, Moshe reviews laws and commandments, offering them a clear path toward improvement. Constructive criticism should not be solely about pointing out flaws but should also include suggestions and support. If you don’t have anything important to say, don’t say anything at all. But if you do, make sure it’s constructive.

Moshe provides us with a wonderful roadmap for parents, spouses, and friends alike to follow when offering feedback:

· Reflect on the Mistake: Before providing criticism, take a moment to reflect on the behavior that needs addressing. Consider the impact it had and why it is important to provide feedback. This reflection helps ensure that your criticism comes from a place of genuine concern and a desire to help the person improve.

· Separate the Behavior from the Individual: When offering criticism, focus on the specific behavior or action that needs improvement rather than attacking the person’s character. This approach reduces defensiveness and increases receptiveness to feedback.

· Offer Guidance and Solutions: Alongside pointing out the behavior, communicate what could have been done differently by suggesting alternative approaches or strategies. This helps the person understand how to rectify the situation and gives them a roadmap for future improvement.

As summarized in Mishlei, Proverbs, 9:8-9:9, “Reprove a wise man, and he will love you, instruct a wise man, and he will grow wiser.” Parshat Devarim teaches us the significance of constructive criticism by embracing the principles demonstrated by Moshe. Let us remember that criticism, when employed with care, creates an environment of growth and collaboration. May we strive to walk the path of Moshe by learning to provide feedback that is supportive, actionable, and encourages positive change.

Elan Javanfard, M.A., L.M.F.T. is a Consulting Psychotherapist focused on behavioral health redesign, a Professor of Psychology at Pepperdine University, & a lecturer related to Mindfulness, Evidence Based Practices, and Suicide Prevention. Elan is the author of Psycho-Spiritual Insights: Exploring Parasha & Psychology, a weekly blog. He lives in the Los Angeles Pico Robertson community with his wife and two children and can be reached at Elan.Javanfard@gmail.com.

Elan Javenfard

Midlife Mu ical Musings

Removing our Crutches

Miriam Hendeles

Today I had a harp lesson. I hadn’t had one for a few months, and I was itching to get practicing my music. Well, one sure way I get motivated to practice is when I have a lesson! So, Liesl, my harp teacher came by today and the first thing she did was hide my music notes from me. Yes, that’s right. She knows and I know that I’m totally addicted to my sheet music.

You see, I’m afflicted with what I call “sight-reading attachment.” This basically describes my need to use music to play piano and harp, my two instruments that I play.

Memorizing music is not so easy for me, and playing by ear is a bit tricky. But only because I don’t practice those skills enough. I depend too much on my sheet music which ends up being a crutch. They are an impediment to my really learning the music.

In fact, when I do motivate myself to memorize music, I find that I play the music (after it’s memorized) with more emotion, fluency, and even accuracy. I’m free to play it without worrying about what comes next. The music becomes part of me and flows right out of me through my fingers.

Notes and sheet music are simply instructions for how to play a piece of music. When we can liberate ourselves from the instructions and become one with the music, we create better music.

I remember what the doctor who fixed my broken ankle some years ago told me when I had canes after I was supposed to be walking without them. He told me to “lose the crutches,

lose the canes.” He didn’t want me using them anymore because it was time to go on my own and not depend on them for leaning on.

Do we have crutches in our lives? Do we lean on things or people when we can do things by ourselves? I know I do that. And now, I will go play my new music on the harp - without using my sheet music. I will play by ear, using the instructions that I know well enough to play by heart.

It’s appropriate to seek help when we truly need it. None of us are meant to be in this world alone, doing everything ourselves. But there’s a time and a place for figuring things out on our own. When we use our resources and creativity we end up with more beautiful results than when we depend on others to do things for us.

My goal in the next few weeks will be to try to do things myself without jumping to ask for help. That’s my challenge. How does this resonate with you? How can you make prettier music when playing by ear rather than relying on the notes? (Even if you’re not a musician!)

Miriam Hendeles, M.A., MT-BC is a music therapist for hospice patients and a writer for Binah Magazine and other publications. She’s the author of “Mazel Tov! It’s a Bubby!” and “Best Foot Forward.” One of her passions is advocating for frum women in midlife through a recently launched website of JWOW! or www. jewishwomenofwisdom.org where frum midlife women connect, communicate, and grow through online and virtual interaction.

Oven-Baked Branzino with Chimichurri Sauce

This Branzino recipe is an all-time favorite for us during the 9 days or as a summer dinner. As we approach the 9 days and seek fun, tasty dairy/parve recipes, be sure to add this one to your list. Especially during the peak of summer, sometimes a light lunch or dinner is all that you need.

Recipe Card:

Ingredients

• 1 whole or butterfly Branzino

• 1 lemon, sliced

• 1 bunch of parsley

• 2 tbsp olive oil

• Salt and pepper

For the Chimichurri Sauce:

• 1 cup fresh Italian/flat parsley

• 2 tbsp fresh cilantro

• 1 tbsp fresh oregano

• 1 tbsp fresh thyme

• 3 garlic cloves

• 1/4 small red onion, chopped

• 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar

• 5 tbsp lime juice

• 1 tsp lime/lemon zest

• 8 tbsp olive oil

• 1/2 red chili, chopped

• Salt to taste

Directions

• Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

• To make the chimichurri sauce, place all the ingredients in a food processor and pulse until chopped and combined. Do not puree the mixture. Season to taste and set aside.

• Wash the Branzino inside and out, then pat it dry with kitchen paper. Score the fish across and through the skin 3-4 times on each side.

• Season the fish with salt and pepper. Slice the lemon and place it on a baking pan. Lay the seasoned fish skin side up over the lemons, brush the fish with olive oil, and sprinkle with fresh parsley. Place it in the oven for 10-15 minutes or until cooked through.

• Serve the fish with chimichurri sauce.

Chef Nir Weinblut was born in Tel Aviv, Israel, and at a young age, he moved with his family to the east coast of the United States, where they opened a pizza shop. Nir grew up helping his parents in their restaurant, and he developed a love for cooking and hospitality from an early age. In the mid-80s, Nir moved to Los Angeles to study business and psychology. While supporting himself, he found his way back into the catering world and discovered his passion for high-end catering. Slowly but surely, he began to explore the culinary world and experienced the higher-end side of the industry. As he gained more experience in the catering industry, Nir decided to slowly transition back into the culinary world, this time with a focus on the higher-end side of the industry. During this time, he learned from many talented individuals, including French maîtres d’ and back-of-house staff, all of whom taught him something new and valuable. After gaining extensive experience and training, Nir established La Gondola Restaurant and Catering, which quickly became a front-runner in the kosher world in Los Angeles. Three decades later, the establishment is still going strong and continues to be a leader in the industry. In addition to his success with La Gondola Restaurant and Catering, Chef Nir has also taken his culinary skills to international audiences. He has catered for royals in Dubai and has been a judge on Kosher.com’s Skill’it. As well as being a co-author for a cookbook called “Kosher Soul Food,” which showcases his unique blend of Jewish and African American cuisine.

Chef Nir Weinblut

Did Hunter Biden Get a Pass?

hot topic of discussion is whether or not Hunter Biden, son of President Joe Biden, received favorable treatment by the Department of Justice with respect to how his criminal case was resolved. His deal involves pleading to two misdemeanor tax charges that stem from a failure to pay more than $100,000 in taxes in 2017 and 2018. His felony gun charge will be dismissed upon the completion of a diversion program. Prosecutors are recommending probation, rather than a custodial sentence. The judge will likely go along with that sentencing recommendation.

On its face, the only point that sticks out is the fact that Hunter will be able to earn a dismissal on a felony weapons charge. That is common in state court, but in federal court, it is rare for a defendant to have a count of this nature dismissed. That was bothersome to members of the public who are infuriated by the fact that Trump is facing lengthy criminal law proceedings in 2 different courts, which include over 40 felony counts.

Just when things started to settle down, IRS supervisory agent Gary Shapley informed the House Ways and Means Committee that Delaware US Attorney David Weiss was blocked from pursuing more serious

by Biden-appointed US attorneys Matthew Graves and Martin Estrada. Another witness has substantiated this allegation. House Speaker Kevin McCarthy has promised to initiate impeachment proceedings against U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garland if the IRS whistleblowers’ testimony proves true.

Weiss fired back in a letter sent to House Judiciary Committee Chairman Rep. Jim Jordan, R-Ohio, and stated that the Justice Department did not retaliate against any IRS official “for making protected disclosures to Congress,” and that he believes he could file charges outside his home district if the investigation leads in that direction. There will likely be hearings on this issue to get down to the bottom of it.

If it turns out that Hunter Biden was given preferential treatment by the Department of Justice then it will likely haunt President Biden and the Democratic Party in the 2024 election. When criminal charges were filed against Trump, the popular response by Democratic leaders was, “no one is above the law.” Perhaps someone is.

Lou Shapiro is a criminal defense attorney-certified spe-

Lou Shapiro

The Life Giving Force Of Love

Denise Berger

In summer 2021, the Pretoria Jewish Chronicle ran an article about an elderly man who B”H survived Covid. Dubbed Pretoria’s Miracle Man, Larry Shulam contracted the virus in January. He spent months in the ICU on a ventilator, followed by months of rehab until he was finally able to return home — not fully recovered but thank G-d stable and improving — 6 months later.

When Shulman left the facility, a group of black nurses escorted him out, literally surrounding him with song and dance. He was beloved by the staff, both in the rehab center and at the hospital, for his gentle ways. Despite the stress of being so sick, Larry Shulman was never rude to the medical teams. His family as well stayed focused on the positive, expressing gratitude at every step during the difficult journey. What a kiddush Hashem, particularly in the racial strife of South Africa. For these nurses to be singing and dancing around their white Jewish patient was itself worthy of a news feature.

But this is only part of the story. When Mr. Shulman first fell ill, the family created a Tehillim group on WhatsApp. The format was that someone would post when they said a perek, then the next person would post that they said the following perek, and so on. I was in that chat. I didn’t know him or anyone

in his immediate family. His daughter, who I hadn’t yet met, is married to a friend of a friend of mine in England. People from all over the world were in the group —- there were phone numbers from across the UK, South Africa, Australia, Boston, Los Angeles, Belgium, Israel, Singapore, Argentina, and more. And since practically every time zone on earth was covered, the chain was going 24 hours a day. On Fridays, people typed in advance which section they would say; typically the entire sefer was completed every Shabbos, often more than once.

Mr. Shulman’s release was just before The Nine Days. We’re taught that the Second Beis Hamikdash was destroyed because of wanton hatred, sinas chinam; the antidote is said to be ahavas chinam, or wanton love. I’m convinced that Hashem sending Mr. Shulman home, specifically when we are meant to cultivate love was a direct message to everyone who was praying for him. This type of love helped send Mr. Shulman home, and it’s what will end galus and send all of us home I”YH.

Denise Berger is a freelance writer who grew up in the LA community. Her work has appeared in Table For Five, Shalom Delaware, Detroit Jewish News, and The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles, in addition to literary publications. Denise can be reached at deniseberger2@gmail.com.

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