August 31, 2023

Dear Readers,

Whenever I travel, I like to learn about the Jewish community in that location - how it came to be, who founded it, and from where did they come. These are some of the questions I like to find the answers to: How did Jews, hundreds of years ago, get to that place? Who were its first inhabitants? Who built the shul, the community, the school for the children? Did the community grow or diminish in size? What’s left of the current Jewish community there?

On recent travel to a place with a small Jewish community, I was impressed with the history of the Jewish community there. Though no longer thriving, I noticed that since time immortal Jews have a need to build a full community wherever they went. They live Al Kiddush Hashem. Wherever Jews go, they first build a shul and a mikvah, and then they bring social services with them, improve their communities, cities, states, and beyond. They are a light into the nations.

Throughout the summer, from Shabbos Nachamu until Rosh Hashana, we read seven haftorahs of “consolation” from Sefer Yeshaya, known as the “shiva d’nechamta.” Hashem gives us words of comfort, that although we may be mourning, Hashem promises us to be an eternal nation regardless of how many times our enemies rise against us. While most haftorahs have a connection to the parsha in the same week as which it is read, these seven do not. All of these haftorahs are for the purpose of Hashem comforting Bnei Yisroel.

In this week’s haftorah, it says “And unto your light, nations shall walk” Yeshaya 60:3. This is the 3rd time that the haftorah during the shiva d’nechemta alludes to the Jewish people being “a light unto the nations.” (It is also in Yeshaya 42:6 and 49:6). All of these are said as a nevuah of Yeshaya whose purpose is to comfort and promise to the Jews that they will continue as an everlasting nation and be restored to Eretz Yisroel. It alludes to the rest of the nations acknowledging the Jewish nation as a light, as special and unique. That’s why we must maintain our distinction in the world.

Friends of mine just returned from Portugal and were also very similarly interested in the Jewish history there (I guess we have similar interests and that’s why we

Shabbos Zemanim

are friends!) They learned of the crypto Jews from Portugal and how they kept traditions alive today that they didn’t even know the reason for. Crypto Jews hid their Jewish identity so that they would not be expelled from Portugal over 300 years ago. All the dining tables have drawers built in for every seat at the dining room table, and these tables are passed down for generations. This is because in the past when they were interrupted and spied upon during their Shabbos meal, they would quickly pull all of their Shabbos dishes and food to hide them in the drawers, and they would pretend to play cards. They had the tradition of throwing cards all over the table before every Shabbos meal.

So at the Shabbos table, my friends and I were discussing our recent travels and how the Jews have been flung into every corner of the world when kicked out of their homelands (Israel, Spain, Europe) during different centuries. And yet many of these cities’ Jewish communities are truly dying out. On the one hand, I thought it was somewhat sad that once thriving Jewish communities now have barely enough Orthodox Jews to make a minyan. The generation that maintains the shuls are growing older, with many of their children emigrating to Israel and other places. On the other hand, I realized this is kibbutz galiyut, the gathering of those spread all over the world, as we learn happens prior to Mashiach. Hashem is collecting Jews from all over the world, forcing them to leave their Jewish communities behind that were established hundreds of years ago, and moving to Israel. Hashem is collecting us to bring us Home.

In this week’s issue, Clarisse Schlesinger writes about her trip to Poland, reminding us of the total devastation that occurred in European countries, and recounting the intensity of Torah life that was lost there. You need to see it to understand it and to truly feel it. We also have an article passionately written on the current anti-Semitism still alive and well in Poland. Some things never change, unfortunately, showing us how much we need Mashiach speedily in our days.

Wishing you a comforting Shabbos before the holidays,

Friday September 1

Parshas Ki Tavo

Candlelighting: 7:01 pm

Havdallah: 8:03 pm

Rabbeinu Tam: 8:30 pm

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This is a nice paper! It’s a pleasure to read, and I find it very soothing. Your newspaper brings up very important points but not in a way that the world is ending. It’s very calming to read your paper, and it’s nice to read in shul and the Rabbis won’t yell at you!

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As soon as I walked into shul, a lady greeted me and said she had read and enjoyed my article. This was extra special because I wasn’t at my regular shul ---so she had no idea she would be seeing me, her reading and also her compliment were totally sincere! And then during kiddush the article inspired a whole beautiful conversation about refua shlaima davening and miracles.

Thank you so much for sticking with the column!!!

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I’m Not Your Average Audience

Dear Editor,

I always try to improve my learning and improve myself. I like to keep abreast of what is going on in the world. I read the New York Times and LA Times. I found the article you had on Daf Yomi very inspiring. I am 95 years old, I went to yeshiva as a young boy, but was unfamiliar with a lot of the terms in the article. I am not your average audience. I enjoy all of your articles and was hoping you can make some of them more comprehensible by translating the hebrew words or providing a glossary at the end of the article. I look forward to reading every issue.

Irwin Ames, Woodland Hills

Individualized Advice

At first, I thought I would not agree with what Dear Dini wrote in her advice column, but then I realized that for that person who wrote in, it really seemed to fit her and her concern.

Anonymous

Cartoons are a Winner!

The Shalom Bayit cartoons are so funny, so Torahdig, and so helpful.

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PRESENTS:

VISION INSPIRATION

In conjunction with Dirshu’s International Yom Limud & Tefilla, a comprehensive videocast featuring Gedolei Yisrael addressing Klal Yisrael in its preperation for the Yomim Noraim will air לולא ד”כ / MOTZEI SHABBOS, SEPT. 9TH, 2023 9:30 PM, EDT and will run throughout Sunday and beyond. Presentation in English.

The videocast program will feature inspirational YAMIM NORAIM NIGUNIM

The presentation will be aired on a dedicated audio line: 718-298-4444

A USB of the entire presentation will also be available. To order. call: 888-5-DIRSHU

videocast will be featured on:

Yeshivat Yavneh Kicks Off the 2023-2024 School Year!

help each one grow and flourish this year. Our middle school students were treated to a special welcome back orientation the day before school began, where they were able to reconnect with friends, Rebbeim, Morot, and teachers, while enjoying a delicious BBQ and trying on their brandnew Yavneh swag! We cannot wait to see them rise to the occasion and serve as role models for students of all ages. Looking forward to an incredible school year!

Jewish Public Safety Organizations Among Those Honored at SoRo Event

The Yeshivat Yavneh campus is once again filled with smiling children and exciting ruach, as the new school year begins! After a jampacked week of professional development, our teachers welcomed our precious students back to yeshiva, ready to

A b o u t t r o o p 3 6 0

W e a r e t h e L o s A n g e l e s O r t h o d o x J e w i s h T r o o p o f B o y S c o u t s o f A m e r i c a ( B S A ) S e p a r a t e b o y s a n d g i r l s t r o o p s W e l c o m i n g a g e s 1 1 + f r o m g r a

On Sunday August 13th, The South Robertson Neighborhood Council held a community-wide event as a “Public Safety Appreciation Day.” The event was held at the Robertson Recreational Center, in the heart of the Pico/Robertson area of Los Angeles.

In addition to the Police and Fire Departments, SORO recognized the contributions of several Jewish Public Safety Groups and champions. Shmira Public Safety, Hatzolah of Los Angeles, Magen Am, Pizza Station (The Reiber Family), and Factors Famous Deli (The Markowitz Family) were all recognized for their contributions to the safety and security of the overall community. Along with the municipal departments, each of the Jewish organizations also received an official Certificate of Appreciation, for the work that they do, from Councilwoman Katy Yaroslavsky and Councilwoman Heather Hutt.

The event was open to all families and featured activities, food, and booths as well as a display of emergency vehicles. Shmira Public Safety members provided guests with information on the organizations, and safety and security tips, and supplied residents with free signage for their years. The Orange signs, that can be seen around the community, state that the area is monitored by Shmira. The signs are part of the organization’s efforts to be “proactive” when it

comes to security. In this case, studies show that this type of signage can be a deterrent to would-be criminals. Families that want a free sign for their property can request to have one delivered to them by visiting lashmira.org. Shmira was also looking for additional volunteers to recruit. There are several different roles within their organization, however, they are planning to hold the new member training programs after the chagim for Field members as well as Dispatchers. Volunteer information can also be found on their website, under the “join” tab. Shmira Public Safety is often referred to as “A Community, Protecting the Community.” They focus their efforts on proactive security techniques such as creating an overt presence as a deterrent to crime. One can often see Shmira volunteers in the retail and residential areas, wearing their iconic bright yellow vests. In addition to their community presence, the group often provides assistance at large events, such as the recent Jewish Actors & Writers picket, The visit from R’ Amnon Yitzhak, and many of Elon Gold’s Jewish shows. Shmira is 501c(3) non-profit and operates 1005 on trained volunteers to provide their services.

SoRo, is a local government organization representing the area that includes a majority of the Pico/Robertson Jewish community. Councilwoman Katy Yaroslovsky, who also co-sponsored the event, noted that The City of LA describes [Neighborhood Councils] as “the closest form of government to the people.”

e r i t b a d g e s

C a m p s N a t i o n w i d e

M a i n e v e n t s

E a c h T r o o p h a s b i - m o n t h l y m e e t i n g s

A t t e n d B S A S c o u t C a m p s e v e r y s u m m e r

C a m p i n g a n d h i k e s m u l t i p l e t i m e s a y e a r

Hatzolah of Los Angeles Mobile Command Center

LAPD Mounted Division brought their horses for people to see

Orthodox Boy Scouts: Troops for Boys and Troops for Girls

hike to a waterfall on Chol Hamoed over Pesach. Each year, the Scouts have an annual Scout Shabbat, at a local shul with a Shabbat lunch and learning opportunities. Scouting is a great opportunity for parents and grandparents to get involved and have bonding opportunities, as they can join us on our overnight camping trips and increase our community.

Join us for our annual Open House on Sunday, September 10th, from 4 PM6 PM at a private home in Pico Robertson. To RSVP or learn more, contact scoutmaster@bhtroop360.org

Since 2000, Troop 360, of the Boy Scouts of America (BSA), has served as the premiere Orthodox Los Angeles scouting troop, for Boys ages 11 - 17. Since 2019, we expanded to have a separate Girls troop, (ages 11 -17) where we graduated the first Orthodox Female Eagle Scout in the entire United States! We now have a total of 6 female Orthodox Female Eagle Scouts.

“Be Prepared” is the Boy Scouts motto. Scouting helps youth develop academic skills, self-confidence, ethics, leadership skills, and citizenship skills that influence their adult lives. While various activities and youth groups teach basic skills and promote teamwork, Scouting goes beyond that and encourages youth to achieve a deeper appreciation for service to others in their community. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, Scouting promotes activities that lead to personal responsibility and high self-esteem. As a result, when hard decisions have to be made, peer pressure can be resisted and the right choices can be made.

We have planned an action-packed calendar for 2023 - 2024, that will match last year’s phenomenal programs. Each troop will have multiple overnight camping trips, where the Scouts learn how to put up their own tents, prepare and cook meals, learn fire and wilderness skills, hike, and daven. Over the year, each troop has bi-monthly meetings, where the Scouts learn leadership skills, as they advance in rank in the Scouts, all the way to Eagle Scouts. While we have adult leadership, it is the Scouts themselves who plan their upcoming camping events and hikes and teach the younger Scouts. The scouting year culminates in a week-long Scouts camp, where the Scouts can earn various merit badges. This past summer, in Camp Emerald Bay on Catalina Island, our troop earned merit badges in Archery, Rifle Range, First Aid, Canoeing, and many others.

The Scouts learn about nature and have unique opportunities, as they daven Shacharit by the beach, light Chanukah candles in the middle of the mountains, or

Discover the path to character, leadership, and lifelong friendships with LA Orthodox Boy Scouts!

Magen Am Is Recognized By SoRo Council

On Sunday, August 13th, at the South Robertson Neighborhood Council First Responders Appreciation Day, Magen Am received an honor of recognition from Councilwoman Katy Yaroslavsky of the City of Los Angeles.

Magen Am is a non-profit dedicated to training and empowering members of our Jewish communities, in order to deter and respond to security threats. To learn more about Magen Am’s security work in our community or to support their efforts, please visit MagenAm.com

We would also like to express gratitude to all the first responders who were in attendance and were celebrated during this event, including LAPD, LAFD, Hatzolah, Shmira, and CERT. These public/ private partnerships are vital to keeping our community secure.

The Joy of Camp Simcha Without Borders Continues for Chai Lifeline’s Kids

The magic of Camp Simcha Without Borders (CSWB), Chai Lifeline’s epic summer day camp for children impacted by serious illness, continued as 100 campers and counselors joined together for the end of summer Girls Session. Modeled after Camp Simcha, Chai Lifeline’s world-renowned overnight camp, CSWB extends the magic by providing the “Simcha” experience to the West Coast and several other communities across the country.

Chai Lifeline children from the Jewish communities of greater Los Angeles, Orange County, Las Vegas, and

Phoenix, came together for a week of endless fun. With the support of an amazing counselor team, represented locally by high school students from Bais Yaakov, Valley Torah, Shalhevet, YULA, Machon, and Ohel Chana, campers were treated to non-stop activities, action, music, and swimming. Dozens of West Coast Chai Lifeline girls were gifted the priceless opportunity to just be kids and take a break from the medical challenges they face daily. Imagine a place where a child living with a serious medical issue or suffering from the impact of illness in their home, can escape to doting coun-

selors with one mission: do whatever it takes to put a smile on their face. Fight Illness with Love the Chai Lifeline way.

The impact of CSWB has been immeasurable, extending well beyond the one week of camp. Matched one-to-one with their own counselor, each camper was showered with attention and care! The connections made between campers and counselors were deep and transformative, extending well beyond the week of camp. And the action and fun with counselors dressing up daily, bringing Chai Lifeline Ruach - nonstop! The smiles and laughter were endless: from animal shows to Velcro walls, from a Chopped competition to professional art projects; and the biggest surprise of all was a field trip to DISNEYLAND (thanks to a generous anonymous sponsor)! The week culminated with a fab-

ulous Pink Party, where campers were welcomed into a lavish pink landscape of activities and surprise, ensuring that each Chai Lifeline camper shined like a star. Special thank you to Fran and Jacob Winter for generously hosting the girls’ camp session in their home, as well as to Mindy Lyons, Annie Nagel, Chaya Loffman, and Meshey Ebriani for planning and hosting the magnificent Pink Party Banquet.

Esther, a CSWB mother, says it best: “Thank you to the many individuals from the community who made this camp possible. Your amazing camp has brought boundless joy and beautiful smiles to our girls’ faces. It truly stands out as the highlight of their summer and an experience they eagerly look forward to. It’s more than just an event; it’s a life-enriching journey that brings out the best in them!!!!”

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Parshas Ki Tavo: Vulnerability and Authenticity

Gratitude and empathy are themes highlighted in this week’s Torah portion. The portion begins by describing the practice of Bikkurim –bringing the first fruit to ripen as a gift of gratitude to the Temple, accompanied by a prayer of thanksgiving and joy. But there’s an interesting caveat: The Torah begins by saying “Ki tavo el ha’aretz” –when you come into the land. The obligation did not begin until 14 years after the Jews had entered the Promised Land, until after they had completely settled and divided the land to all. And the commentaries wonder why that is the case. Why not have people start to show their gratitude as soon as they had settled into their own homes and enjoyed its bounty?

The Lubavitcher Rebbe explains that there is a key difference between gratitude and joy. Gratitude is an emotion each person should constantly feel. Personal expressions of thanks were definitely appropriate from the very first moment. In fact, we start every day with Modeh Ani – an immediate expression of thanks and gratitude for being granted another day of life. But the offering of the first fruits was about joy: Vesamachta bechol hatov – rejoice in all the good that the L-rd your G-d

has granted you.

And that’s the key lesson. If we feel for other people, if empathy leads us to truly connect with them, then their well-being affects ours. We cannot be truly joyous just because we’ve got our own little slice of heaven. As long as in some corner of the land there is one of our brethren that hasn’t yet come into their own birthright, our joy should be incomplete. And that would preclude us from being able to truly rejoice in the good until we’ve been able to ensure that everyone else is similarly provided for.

This is true of spiritual bounty no less than material. Education, knowledge of our heritage, access to Jewish life and living; these aren’t things we can take for granted. And we can never be satisfied simply by knowing that we are part of a privileged few; that the particular commu nity we may belong to or identify with has embraced that identity and knowledge. As long as somewhere in the world there is a Jew who doesn’t yet have that access, none of us should be able to rest and re joice without doing something real to rem edy the situation.

Imagine a world where we take this message to heart. Imagine a world where

– while we are always grateful for everything we have – empathy leads us to always recognize that some element of perfect joy is still missing, as long as there’s someone somewhere that hasn’t been able to enjoy the same opportunities. And, of course, where we don’t just embody that feeling, but we take action: Providing, sharing, teaching – spreading whatever light we’ve been able to enjoy to places where it hasn’t yet reached.

Rabbi Dov Wagner

Psychosocial Insights Parashat Ki Tavo: Empowerment through Self-Efficacy

Elan Javanfard

Parshat Ki Tavo spells out the blessings and curses first introduced earlier in Sefer Devarim prior to Bnei Yisrael’s entry into Ertz Yisrael. As the Parasha ends, Moshe Rabeiynu imparts a message of empowerment to the Bnei Yisrael, reminding them of their ability to uphold the covenant and follow the commandments. He instills in them the belief that they possess the necessary skills and strength to overcome challenges by focusing on positive actions. This notion of linkage between actions and outcomes closely resonates with the concept of self-efficacy.

Self-efficacy, as proposed by psychologist Albert Bandura, refers to an individual’s belief in their ability to successfully execute tasks and achieve desired outcomes. This belief profoundly influences one’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, impacting their willing-

ness to take on challenges and persevere in the face of adversity. This belief in self-efficacy plays a significant role in shaping human behavior, motivation, and achievement. People with higher levels of self-efficacy are more likely to set ambitious goals, persevere in the face of obstacles, and recover quickly from setbacks.

Moshe Rabeiynu’s final summons of the nation is clear example of how self-efficacy can be a driving force behind individual and collective success.

In the passukim of Deuteronomy 29:1-8 , Moshe Rabeiynu gathers the people to remind them of their achievements, mistakes, and the miracles they’ve witnessed. He emphasizes their responsibility to uphold the covenant, linking their actions to the outcomes they will experience. The Gemarah in Avodah Zarah 5b says that a student doesn’t fully understand his teach until after forty years.

At this point, we had reached 40 years of studentship under our leader. Seeing how Hashem would begin to expect more from Bnei Yisrael now, Moshe Rabeiynu masterfully instilled self-efficacy into us that can be described as the essence of the spirit of the Jewish Nation – a confidence that flows from our past leading to our future.

The Passuk 29:3 states “ Velo-natan Hashem lachem lev lada’at ve’einayim lir’ot ve’oznayim lishmoa’ ad hayyom hazzeh, - Yet to this day Hashem has not given you a mind to understand or eyes to see or ears to hear.” Rashi elaborates that Hashem had not given metaphorically those senses until this exact moment to understand the loving-kindnesses of Hashem and to follow his path. The Siftei Chakhamim further elucidates Rashi, sharing that the Torah will be the unifying factor that provides us confidence to overcome challenges. As encapsulated by David HaMelech in Psalms 31:25 “chizku veya’ametz levavchem kol-hammeyachalim laHashem - Be strong and of good courage, all you who wait for Hashem.”

Based on the Parasha, here are three tips to increase self-efficacy:

Rabbi Nir Yacoby

Parshat Ki Tavo: She Pushes Your Buttons

All year long we excuse our behavior: I didn’t pray wholeheartedly, but who does? I cut corners, but who doesn’t? I got angry with my wife, but she pushed my buttons!

Listen to a confession in the Torah portion of אובת יכ : “I have removed the holy things from the house, I have given it to the Levites.” Our sages modeled the confession we are familiar with on this: “I sinned. I changed. I wronged.”

Hear the “I’s”? Why is the pronoun “I” repeated so many times? Why do we repeat the confession itself so many times? The answer is that a confession is not so much an admission of guilt as much as it is taking responsibility. It’s me; my

choices; my actions. We repeat this so many times so that the message will sink in: it’s I, no one else. Of course your anger was triggered by someone. Who gets angry for no reason? A lunatic! Yes, your wife pushed your buttons, but you could have done better. Take ownership of your choices and actions for Shalom Bayit!

1. Acknowledging Achievements: Celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Recognize your progress and give yourself credit for your accomplishments. Reflect on the skills and efforts that led to your achievements, reinforcing your belief in your abilities.

2. Learning from Mistakes: View mistakes as opportunities for growth. Instead of dwelling on failures, focus on the lessons they provide. Analyze what went wrong, identify areas for improvement, and use this knowledge to refine your approach next time.

3. Embracing Challenges with Confidence:

Shift your perspective on challenges from threats to opportunities. Remind yourself of past instances where you successfully tackled difficulties. Approach challenges with a positive attitude, believing in your capacity to learn and adapt.

In our lives today, the concept of self-efficacy remains as relevant as ever. When we approach our tasks and goals with a belief in our capabilities, we are more likely to persevere in the face of obstacles. Parshat Ki Tavo encourages us to cultivate self-efficacy by acknowledging our achievements, learning from our mistakes, and embracing challenges with a sense of confidence. Just as the Bnei Yisrael’s self-efficacy was deeply tied to their connection with Hashem, our belief in ourselves can be intertwined with our faith and inner strength.

Elan Javanfard, M.A., L.M.F.T. is a Consulting Psychotherapist focused on behavioral health redesign, a Professor of Psychology at Pepperdine University, & a lecturer related to Mindfulness, Evidence Based Practices, and Suicide Prevention. Elan is the author of Psycho-Spiritual Insights: Exploring Parasha & Psychology, a weekly blog. He lives in the Los Angeles Pico Robertson community with his wife and two children and can be reached at Elan.Javanfard@gmail.com.

AS KLAL YISRAEL MARKS THE HALFWAY POINT OF THE 13TH CYCLE OF DAF HAYOMI...

...and as Klal Yisrael celebrates the milestone of the 100th anniversary of the establishment of the Daf HaYomi, we are honored to present a unique learning and Chazarah opportunity –

THE LAUNCH OF THE AMUD HAYOMI PROGRAM.

BEGINS ןושח שדוח שאר 30 TISHREI 5784 | OCTOBER 15, 2023

Endorsed by Gedolei Yisrael, Amud HaYomi will begin its 1st cycle through Shas with Masechta Brachos, on Sunday, October 15th / 30 Tishrei. This historic initiative will enable deeper comprehension utilizing Dirshu’s proven retention and accountability methods through bechinos and stipends.

FOR MORE INFORMATION OR TO JOIN: 732-987-3948 ext. 105 | info@DirshuNJ.org

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LUACH AND ONLINE SHIUR PLATFORM COMING SOON!

My Journey to Poland

Clarisse Schlesinger

For many years, I have toiled with the concept of going to Poland and ‘visiting’ the concentration camps. As a historian and writer, I believed I needed to ‘see’ the remnants in order to have a complete understanding. When the opportunity presented itself this summer to go on a week with Chana Silver, I signed up barely two weeks before the program was to begin. Chana is a therapist and a seminary teacher, as well as a tour guide having been to Poland about 30 times. Her knowledge of the kevarim of the gedolim of each generation as well as her explanations of the horrors of the Shoah created an extraordinary experience for each woman who participated. We took this journey together; we sang as we walked through the chambers of horror and the fields of devastation. We sang of Hashem, because without the miracles performed by Hakadosh Baruch Hu, there would not have been any survivors as that was the focus of the Nazi Regime. In fact, even as their days were ending, they still tried to accomplish their goal of eradicating any individuals who were Jewish or who helped the Yidden. Our existence and magnificent strength and growth in Torah today is proof that Hashem will never forsake us.

Poland has a unique history, having been a part of various powerful nations for many hundreds of years; craving, yet not having its own independent nation, where its people would be self-determining. When the First World War ended, Poland had defined borders, but as soon as the Nazis invaded, the weakness of the Polish army was evident.

In 1939, Germany and the Soviet Union divided Poland after a short few days of battle. When Germany attacked and successfully took over the eastern half of Poland, it continued to plow eastward in their master plan to conquer the Soviet Union, always with the desire to kill every single Jew encountered.

To what degree did the Poles collaborate with the Nazis in their destruction of the 3,000,000 Yidden who lived in Poland at the outbreak of the war?

Upon visiting these sites, that is a question in one’s mind. Were the Poles victims, were they participants, were they organizers and leaders in the destruction of the Jewish communities?

Not all the Jews who perished in the concentration camps in Poland were from that country. We know that the many camps became the destination of the famous cattle cars filled with Jews from all over Eastern Europe, from the Netherlands, and other areas, from Drancy in France, where 25% of Eastern European Jews who had made it to France were eventually deported to Auschwitz. (French men and women and even elements in the government protected their Jews who were citizens. With the remem-

brance of World War I, there were many French Partisans and even priests and nuns who helped Jews by hiding them in monasteries and finding hiding places in homes with non-Jews.)

Although the Poles, under the Soviets, did begin to memorialize major death centers such as Auschwitz, it was not until the Soviets left in 1989-1990, that the Poles were finally able to pay tribute and memorialize the Yidden.

What are their motives? There is a recent law that could result in a fine or prison term if an individual claims that the Poles were part of the genocide of the Jews. Yes, many Poles were victimized; Poles were murdered if they were caught hiding Jews; Poles were sent to concentration camps to be slave laborers. Still there were other Poles who informed on their neighbors who had helped Jews and some Poles were eager to help, and were happy that Jews were being killed, although the inhuman exterminators at the camps were predominantly German Nazis with some help from Ukrainians who volunteered eagerly to help the Nazis.

There were some Poles who were sympathetic to the plight of Jews. In fact, Poland tops the list in the number of righteous Gentiles at Yad Vashem. The fact is, however, that most Poles were aloof to the persecution of the Jews and many were even happy to see Jews killed. There were even a few pogroms against Jews who attempted to return to their homes after the war. One of the most notable cases took place in the town of Kielce.

On the other hand, more than 2 million non-Jewish Poles lost their lives during the Holocaust. Auschwitz was originally established as a camp for Polish POWs. On our tour, we had a Polish person accompanying us in case we had any language or technical problems. She was a very nice woman and she told us that her grandmother was sent to Auschwitz. She had just been walking on the street and she was grabbed and thrown into a truck because they needed some workers for a project. The difference is that this guide knew, of course, that her grandmother was not designated as a candidate for Birkenau, the death camp portion of Auschwitz and would be allowed to go home when her work assignment was completed.

One must not forget that some 80,000 Jews survived the Holocaust in Poland itself, and few would have made it if not for Poles willing to risk their own lives to help them. Poland was the only Nazi-occupied country where helping Jews was officially a capital offense. Family members of the offenders were also frequently executed. This was usually not the case anywhere else.

My Journey: Cemeteries, burial fields, and shuls

Poland can be described as one huge cemetery. There have been tremendous efforts to set aside areas where it has been ascertained that citizens were murdered. We were quite zoche to visit the kevarim of many luminaries. From the Remah, to the Netziv, to the father of the Brisker Rav, we were able to daven for refuahs for friends and loved ones and for Klal Yisrael at all these holy sites. In a number of Polish towns including Lancut, Lodz, and of course, Lublin and Warsaw, there are memorials, historical connotations, and shuls are maintained as tourist attractions, and occasionally used for davening.

For some reason, many cemeteries have wear and tear of matzeivos but remained intact. Even today there are some burials there yearly. While some tombstones were pulled out and used to pave roads or build walls, the major cemeteries in Poland and gravesites remain intact and are continuously improved. Perhaps the purpose is to attract tourists, especially Jewish ones. Oh, the irony in that.

The first cemetery we visited was the Warsaw Cemetery, a huge area near a Christian Cemetery. There are 250,000 kevarim in the cemetery. With just a few words, each matzeiva no matter how old, summed up the lives of these great individuals and they gave us something new to focus on and how to live our lives. After surviving the war there was talk a number of years later, of the Soviets building a giant road through the middle of it but Bechasdei Hashem they were talked out of it.

The Jews in the Warsaw Ghetto used the cemetery next to the ghetto walls. One thing that was extremely im-

portant were the holes in the ground going down to the sewers. The cemetery was near the ghetto and people would go into the sewers in the ghetto, come out in the cemetery at night and somehow use the time to find some scraps of food for their families. Then they would return to the ghetto, again crawling through the opening.

Of the many kevarim in the Warsaw cemetery, standing out is that of Naftali Zvi Yehuda Berlin, also known as Reb Hirsch Leib Berlin, and commonly known by the acronym Netziv. He was an Orthodox rabbi, Rosh yeshiva of the Volozhin Yeshiva and author of several works of rabbinic literature in Lithuania. Warsaw. His Ohel is next to Rav Chaim m’Brisk who married his granddaughter.

Visiting the remains of the Warsaw Ghetto is complicated. Nothing is left. It was destroyed and although there are multiple areas replete with memorials, they are actually built a number of feet above the remains of the original ghetto. The memorial statues and plaques are beautiful. There is a particular remembrance to those who fought in the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising.

One of the more unusual places in Lublin, was the original Yeshiva Chochmei Lublin, which later relocated to the U.S. Rav Yehuda Meir Shapiro was a prominent Polish Hasidic rabbi and Rosh yeshiva, known for his promotion of the Daf Yomi study program in 1923, and establishing the Chochmei Lublin Yeshiva in 1930. In 1964, Yeshiva Chochmei Lublin of Detroit was reimbursed for the building, receiving $177,042.25. This is particularly noteworthy since at that time, the Soviets were essentially in charge of Polish policies. In 2003, the building was returned to the Jewish community. Its synagogue, the first to be entirely renovated by the Jewish community of Poland since World War II, was reopened on February 11, 2007.

As of October 2013, a four-star hotel named Hotel Ilan was opened in the building. During the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine, the building was converted by the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee into a refugee camp for

roughly 190 Ukrainian Jewish refugees, including an educational center for refugee children. It again functions as a hotel and upon request provides kosher food, a tour of the synagogue on the premises (of the former yeshiva) and a functioning Mikveh.

We visited the area around Tarnow that was the site of Poles who tried to save some Jews. Near Tarnow were the areas just off the roads that house memorials to Jews and Poles who were murdered by the Nazis as they took over and governed the area. There was a blue fence surrounding a space where Jews were murdered and a white fence where the non-Jews, i.e. the Poles were murdered. In that area, there were 7,000 Jews murdered and 3,000 Poles. Throughout our travels, there was an Israeli group just a bit in front of us. At many locations they left flags and where it was known that children were thrown and murdered, they wrote in Hebrew on balloons and left messages. They also left small Israeli flags and regardless of politics, it was very inspiring to see them-proof that the Nazis failed in their task.

Already the grass areas that were de facto cemeteries for thousands who did not have official graves or funerals, remember both Jews and non-Jews. The areas of their demise are encased with fences and plaques.

We also went to a place called Markova. There we entered a former home that has been redesigned as a museum. It was there that the Ulma family hid the Szall and Goldman families. A neighbor-

ing Pole told the Nazis and the Nazis stormed their home and killed everyone. We know that yes, there were families who paid for services, including food and hiding places, but there were those who were totally mesiras nefesh in helping and even those accepting money were still taking a great risk. This is not to make excuses for the millions of Poles who did nothing. When one is faced with death, it would not be easy to risk survival so most Poles and many other Europeans did not.

(Noted exceptions were the Italians in Rhodes and other areas of Greece. The Italians were de facto in charge of that island but they left it alone and all the Jews there did fine until the Italians surrendered. Immediately the Nazis took over and within a few weeks sent most of the Jews to Auschwitz where they perished. This occurred similarly in Salonika and Athens. It was there that Princess Alice, Mother of Prince Philip (father of King Charles 3), saved a Jewish family with great courage. She was later named a righteous Gentile and is buried in the Christian Cemetery in Mount of Olive, Jerusalem.)

To be continued next week: Part 2 next issue: Shabbos in Krakow and the ‘camps’

goes unnoticed until

too

Clarisse Schlesinger is a retired school educator who spends her time with her grandchildren and traveling. She is also involved in multiple book clubs and posts reviews of these literary works on her web site www. clarisse-schlesinger.com.

Rebbe’s Stories

Elazar from the City of Bartosa

Rabbi Mordechai Dubin

There was a man named Elazar from the city of Bartosa. Elazar was known as a great Talmid Chacham but he was especially famous for his tremendous generosity in giving Tzedakah. He gave away so much money for Tzedakah that the charity collectors would hide from him because they were afraid that he would have nothing left for his own family’s needs. Elazar was not concerned. He knew that everything came from Hashem. He never worried about money because he was confident that Hashem would always provide him with the money that he needed to help others and take care of his family.

A few days before the wedding of his daughter, Elazar’s wife sent him to the market with a list of things to buy for the wedding. When he reached the market he noticed that the charity collectors were asking people for money. “What are they collecting for?” he wondered. Elazar quickly went to ask them but they ran away as soon as they saw him. Elazar ran after them and when he finally caught up to them he insisted that they tell him the reason that they were collecting money. They told him that they were collecting for an orphan boy and an orphan girl who were getting married and did not have parents to help them.

When Elazar heard their explanation he told the Charity Collectors, “Helping these orphans is more important than buying things for my daughter’s wedding.” He took out all his money and gave it to the charity collectors. On the way home, he realized that he still had one small coin in his pocket. He stopped at the Wheat Merchant’s counter and bought a small bag of wheat flour. When he arrived home he greeted his daughter who was standing near the door and placed the small bag of wheat flour in the storage room. He left the house and went to the Beis Medrash to learn Torah.

When Elazar’s wife came home she asked her daughter, “What did Aba bring home for your wedding?” The daughter responded that she did not know but she saw her father put

something in the storage room. When Elazar’s wife went to the storage room to check she was not able to open the door. It seemed as though the door was stuck on something. She asked her daughter to help her try to open the door. The two of them pushed with all their might and were only able to open the door slightly. Wheat flour came pouring through the small space. They looked through the window of the storage room and to their amazement they saw that the entire storage room was filled with wheat flour from the ceiling to the floor. Elazar’s daughter ran to the Beis Medrash to tell her father what happened. She said, “Aba, come quickly and see what the One who loves you did for you!” When Elazar arrived home and saw the storage room filled with wheat flour he smiled and said, “Baruch Hashem, we have an abundance of wheat flour to give to the poor!”

(This story is found in Taanis 24a)

Questions for Discussion

1. Why were the charity collectors afraid that Elazar would have nothing left to take care of his own family?

2. Why wasn’t Elazar afraid to give all the money that he had to Tzedakah?

3. Why do you think that Elazar felt it was more important to help the orphans before his own daughter?

4. Why do you think that Elazar bought some wheat when he discovered that he had an extra coin?

5. Why do you think that Elazar’s daughter was so excited when she saw all the wheat flour?

6. What was the first thought that Elazar had when he saw all the wheat in the storage room?

Rabbi Mordechai Dubin is a Rebbe at Gindi Maimonides Academy. He is the author of three illustrated children’s books, I’ll Never Forget Yerushalayim, I Believe, and I Know 6; and has produced four Musical CD’s for children, I Made This World For you, Let My People Go, Al Shelosha Devarim, and Hashem is Always With Me.

If you want to share a story, recipe, D’var Torah, or something creative with us, we would absolutely love it! Please send them in to editor@thelajewishhome.com and write “Kids Section” in the subject line

INSTRUCTIONS:

DID YOU KNOW Opposites Attract! Magnets’ Force of Attraction

Magnets can either attract or repel each other. This is called magnetism. Like electricity and gravity, magnetism is a basic force of nature. Have you ever tried to put two magnets together, but, no matter how hard you push, they won’t make contact? When you flip one of the magnets around, they pull themselves together. Something that we’re taught at a very young age is that magnets stick to metal. Who remembers having alphabet magnets on their fridge? The magnets stick to the door of the fridge because they are attracted to steel. Magnets are also attracted to nickel and cobalt. One simple rule to remember with

magnets is that opposites attract. Every magnet has a north pole and a south pole. Placing two unlike poles together causes them to attract. When you try to place two like poles together (north to north or south to south), they will repel each other.

The magnets are surrounded by an invisible magnetic field that contains stored-up, or potential, energy. When attempting to push two like-sided poles together, the stored-up energy becomes movement, or kinetic energy, and forces them apart. The same principle happens when two unlike poles come together. The attraction is so strong that the magnets are forced together.

Antonyms

DIRECTIONS: Find the opposite of each word and write it in the crossword grid. 6.

Across

1. Sick

4. Asleep

5. True

8. Bottom

10. Leave

11. Teach

12. Worse

14. More

16. Old

19. O 20. Skinny 23. Under

Messy 27. Absent

30. Full 34. Soft 35. Cry 36. Rude 37. Sink

Dry

With your magnet underneath the box, find one of the magnetic items and drag it around on the paper. The item will drag the paint around on the paper!

Allow your students to create patterns, mix colors, and let their imaginations go wild!

Mrs. Sheindy Gross

Lessons I Learned Along the Way

Shidduch Research: Part One

As a dating and relationship coach, I find that I must do a lot of encouraging for many of my clients to feel comfortable researching a prospective shidduch. Yet researching and background checking is an important part of the shidduch process and is in line with responsible and effective dating. The resistance in taking this first step when a shidduch is suggested is always curious to me. Resistance is an indication of strong feelings. What are you afraid to find out? Would you go into a partnership or business deal blindly? Unequivocally no. Yet you would go out at night with a stranger and drive around with them in a car alone and that seems safe? And if not doing research beforehand seems noble and open minded then why not do that in business as well?

The comfort level with this type of research depends on the community you live in and your personal background. Those who are new to the concept of shidduch dating initially feel that background checking is invasive and smacks of lashon harah. While I could see how and why they would feel this way, it behooves them to confront the reality that this is a process that the frum community has been doing for generations. From the simpler families to our great community rabbanim and leaders

throughout the centuries, all have been marrying off their children this way. My suggestion to those who are ambivalent and unsure is to discuss these concerns with a Rav, Rebbetzin or mentor. Find out how to proceed within a framework that can work for you but do not disregard the process.

to shidduchim? The truth is that to answer the question correctly, one should study the halachos of lashon harah regarding shidduchim. By doing so it becomes clear that it is actually imperative and required that one find out about a prospective mate and their family. The key is to stick to the important facts and not get sidetracked by

munity or inner circle. It seems that they would prefer their children get married and deal with a very difficult circumstance, rather than pushing through some awkward conversations. I must admit, I find this fascinating.

I have insisted that parents research prospective mates and their families and received a flat out “no” to my request. I then watched a dating process unfold into engagement and parents tear their hair out with their new mechutanim. I wondered if they were remembering that I had encouraged them to research this family first.

In my mentoring practice, I advise a diverse population of singles. In communities where shidduch dating is not the norm, I have been fascinated by the judgemental resistance these singles get when they want to stick to some framework of shidduch dating AND the success they have when they proceed anyway despite those naysayers. There may well be flaws to our system, but there are many benefits as well.

Why is it indeed not lashon harah to ask personal questions when it comes

esoteric questions that have no bearing on the health and happiness of the future couple. Inquiring about personality, middos, interests, family, mental and physical health, schooling, career prospects and hashakafic goals are all necessary to ensure that the two daters are not wasting their time and do not get dating burn-out. Asking direct questions can make those who have never done it very uncomfortable. It seems weird and inappropriate to them. They may be afraid of the backlash they will get from those in their com-

I have come to understand that in certain communities this is a new concept, hence parents are resistant. The young people I am mentoring have a difficult time obtaining accurate information without the support of the adults in their lives. This has been the impetus for me to write about this topic. It is a necessary and extremely important first step in the shidduch dating process. It is my hope that by raising awareness I can make it a bit easier on my clients.

Editor’s Note: We printed Shidduch Research Part One, but never printed Part Two! We have received requests to publish them both so readers have the two parts in its entirety.

Shidduch Research: Part Two

Often, parents, friends, and well-meaning shadchanim will encourage young people to “just go out for coffee.” They assure them that proper research can be done after they’ve met and decided that the shidduch holds promise. While I am not discounting that for some situations this may be the correct way to go, there is usually no such thing as “just” when it comes to dating. Every time young people agree to meet

each other, if they are healthy, they get their hopes up. Each time those hopes are dashed, some disappointment remains. Eventually, when this happens too many times, dating burnout sets in. Singles become jaded, cynical, and may even start to be resistant to dating. The best cure for this is to be very selective with whom a person is willing to date.

To be assured that we are not being

“too picky” and ruling out good prospects with our research, one should have a short list of four particular character traits they believe they need in a spouse. Only agree to date those who appear to have the qualities and life hashkafos that match those needs. I’m not suggesting rigidity and inflexible thinking. If a shadchan or friend feels strongly that you should consider a shidduch and it doesn’t check off every ideal box, it may be a good idea to give it a try. However, if you’ve done the research correctly and the qualities you value are not there, put the idea on hold for the time being. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured and pushed into it. The timing may not be right.

Within the communities where many hours of research are done before the girl and boy meet, those daters are free to explore the relationship with more confidence. They meet the other person with a clearer understanding of who they are and there is more common ground. By not doing extensive research there is a stronger likelihood that serious “deal breakers” may surface as you date and you will end the relationship. The emotional pain experienced after you have developed a deep connection can be very hard to endure.

The likelihood of wanting to put yourself out again gets harder and harder with each rejection and/or failed relationship. And while it is possible for this scenario to play out when the correct research is done, it is much less likely. The reason is that when research is part of the process, both sides are aware that their honesty and integrity are on the line. Until one commits to marrying someone, the possibility that the other party will seek guidance and possibly ask tougher questions should always be on the table. This provides a framework that is initially less personal and more factual. While many do hide when they shouldn’t, often the information was sitting there in plain sight. We either didn’t want to ask or didn’t really want to know.

With over 30 years in education, Mrs. Sheindy Gross started her career teaching Judaic Studies in Yavneh Hebrew Academy, and then went on to high school leadership in Bnos Devorah and Valley Torah Girls High schools where she served as principal. Her passion for education has now led her to create a new platform called TEHILA, Torah Education with Heart in LA, for women and girls to receive adult education and advisement. In addition to TEHILA, Mrs. Gross provides dating and relationship mentoring for teenagers, singles and women, as well as leadership consulting for educators. Mrs. Gross can be reached at sheindyg@gmail. com or (323) 684-6448.

“The young people I am mentoring have a difficult time obtaining accurate information without the support of the adults in their lives.”

We Need Security More Than Ever

On August 19, 2023, at least five Jewish restaurant businesses were vandalized on Pico Blvd, in the heart of the Jewish community, surrounded by almost a dozen synagogues. Also in the Pico Robertson neighborhood, earlier this year in February, on two different occasions, men were shot in the early hours leaving the synagogue after morning prayers They were surveilled while walking from synagogue to their cars parked a mere block or two away

The rise in recent hate crimes against the Jewish community has only increased safety concerns and the need for security surveillance and services Attending synagogue on Shabbat is fundamental within the Jewish religion Families should feel secure in observing one of the tenets of their religion Unfortunately, many parents are hesitant to send their children to Shabbat services and many women are scared for their husbands to attend weekday synagogue services or walk the streets looking outwardly religious

Working alongside CSS and Shmira, Guarding Wings Security understands the current increasing threats to the Jewish community and the essential need to have a comprehensive security plan in place as threats to the safety and security of Jewish synagogues and other places of business have increased over time. Guardian Wings Security is a private security company that provides security services to clients all over Southern California The company ' s reputation is built on its commitment to excellence, personalized strategies, competitive pricing, and unwavering dedication to upholding the highest standards of professionalism and ethics

Guardian Wings provides a diverse range of services tailored to your security needs, ensuring comprehensive protection These services encompass Armed Security, Unarmed Security, Mobile Patrol, Bodyguard Services, and VIP Transportation With this array of offerings, Guardian Wings ensures that you have access to a customized security solution that addresses your specific requirements What makes this company unique is that they take professionalism to a new level Guardian Wings Security offers a wide range of security services to meet the client's needs All security officers are licensed by the California Bureau of Security and Investigative Services and pass specialized Guardian Wings training

Guardian Wings employs only highly trained and experienced security guards to protect the heart of the community Their security guards are trained to handle a wide range of situations, including crowd control, emergency response, and access control. All plans are customized to meet the specific needs of your congregation To address any concerns you may have, Guardian Wings is offering a two-week trial of services, with a no-contract agreement This means that you can avail of their services without being bound by a longterm commitment Call for your free consultation NOW!

The Power of Memory and Personal Experience

An extract from Rabbi Dunner’s newly published book: “Hearts & Minds II: And Original Look at Jewish Festivals and Significant Jewish Dates”

Jewish life and Jewish identity are inextricably bound up with the Jewish festivals cycle that runs through each calendar year. Every month of the Jewish year is connected to a holiday or a significant commemorative date—such as a fast day. These holidays and commemorative dates are the lifeblood of every Jew—the oxygen that gives being Jewish meaning and significance.

First and foremost is the religious connotation that accompanies each one of them, and the impact these connotations have on how we conduct ourselves on those days. For example, the Yamim Nora’im (usually translated as “Days of Awe”, although my preferred translation is “awesome days”) are intended to put us on a higher spiritual plane, to the extent that the entire preceding month of Ellul has evolved into a kind of Yamim Nora’im bootcamp, with customs and traditions that aim to put us in the right frame of mind for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur even before we get there.

Pesach is a festival of miraculous liberation and national identity, while Shavuot is the festival when we commemorate receiving the Torah from God at Mount Sinai. Sukkot is all about unbridled joy. Chanukah celebrates the unlikely victory of a small band of the faithful against the seemingly insurmountable power of a mighty army, as well as the incredible rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem that followed, while the theme of Purim is miracles that occur even as events seem to unfold via natural means.

We also have days set aside for sadness and reflection—such as the ninth of Av, a fast day when we recall the destruction of two Jerusalem Temples. The ninth of Av also comes with a preliminary bootcamp period—this one is three weeks long and begins with another day of fasting: the seventeenth of Tammuz. The customs and traditions over this three-week period reflect our collective sadness coupled with an overt acknowledgement of the relationship breakdown between God and His chosen nation that resulted in the Temples’ destruction, and consequently, our resolute desire to right the wrongs of Jewish history.

But truthfully, there is far more to these festivals and fast days than just that. While Jewish life, in general terms, is governed by a preset calendar steeped in history and tradition, our personal lives as Jews are infused with an individual flavor that is far more subjective and idiosyn-

cratic—and yet, this individual aspect is no less important, by any means.

The foods, the prayers, the memories, the customs—all these elements of the festivals and the periods of the year when they occur form a powerful backdrop to our own experiences, no less powerful than the festival and fast-day associated laws mandated by the Talmud and Shulḥan Arukh.

My own upbringing brimmed with these atmospheric foundations.

And as a result, each year, as the Jewish festivals approach, or as we anticipate Shiva Asar Be’Tammuz and Tisha B’Av, I find strength and meaning in recalling the foundations laid by the experiences of my youth and early adulthood.

Every Pesach, for example, I recall the Pesach seders with my grandparents— my mother’s parents, survivors of the Holocaust who hid from the Nazis for two and a half years in a tiny room behind a false wall at the home of gentile friends in Rotterdam, Holland. I vividly remember walking with my Dutch grandfather to shul on yomtov—my grandparents always came to London from Holland for Pesach and Sukkot, and occasionally also for Yamim Nora’im.

I remember marveling at my grandfather’s determined expression and at his deliberate pace; he was a rock of faith despite the many challenges he had faced in his life. And even today, many decades later, and long after their passing, I feel my grandparents with me at every Pesach seder, and my grandfather still walks with me to and from shul.

One particular memory stands out more vividly than the others. In 1976, my family moved from Stamford Hill, an area in North London, to Golders Green, in North West London. Each year thereafter, for many years, we returned to Stamford Hill for Yom Kippur, where my grandfather—my father’s father—was the rabbi of a synagogue, and where he led the services for Kol Nidre, Mussaf and Ne’ilah. In 1983, my mother’s father was with us for Yamim Nora’im, and he decided to join us in Stamford Hill for Yom Kippur rather than remain in Golders Green, and throughout Yom Kippur I stood beside him as he prayed.

That year, we reached the Ne’ilah prayer early, and my father’s father—who was leading the services— decided to recite each Avinu Malkeinu out loud for it to then be repeated by the congregation, instead of just the limited selection of nine that are usually read out by the ḥazzan and then repeated.

Avinu Malkeinu is a series of implorations, and their recitation is always highly charged

even under normal conditions, but at the end of Yom Kippur, and with each one being recited aloud in unison, Avinu Malkeinu took on a whole new dimension.

Close to the end of Avinu Malkeinu is a set of four that are all connected to each other. They begin with Avinu malkeinu, aseh lema’an harugim al shem kad’shecha – “Our father, our king, do it for the sake of those who were killed for Your holy name.”

Suddenly, as he recited this first Avinu Malkeinu of the set out loud, my mother’s father began to sob uncontrollably. His whole body was shaking. Both his parents and most of his extended family had been murdered by the Nazis in the Holocaust, and in that moment, in those final minutes of Yom Kippur, their loss was so vivid to him, and so evocative, that he was overwhelmed with emotion, and this usually impassive man broke down and cried like a child.

We continued: Avinu malkeinu, aseh lema’an t’vuchim al yichudecha – “Our father, our king, do it for the sake of those

Rabbi Pini Dunner Rabbi Pini Dunner

7 September 2023 Thursday

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7 : 3 0 p m - B o o k L a u n c h Q & A : B o k L a u c h Q & A : B o o k L a u n c h & A :

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R a b b i D u n n e r w i t h R u t h W a s s e r m a n L a n d e

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who were slaughtered for Your oneness.” And then we all said out loud, in unison, Avinu malkeinu, aseh lema’an ba’ei ba’eish u’bamayim al kiddush sh’mecha – “Our father, our king, do it for the sake of those who were burnt and drowned for the sanctification of your name.” And as the congregation chanted these lines, my grandfather’s emotional epiphany became even more pronounced, his voice broken by racking sobs.

Finally, we reached the fourth Avinu Malkeinu in the set: Avinu malkeinu, nekom nikmat dam avadecha hashafuch – “Our father, our king, avenge the spilt blood of your servants.” For this, the last one in the series, my grandfather straightened up and responded with a full, strong voice – a piercing recitation. It almost seemed as if he was challenging God to give meaning to the death of his parents, whose only “crime” had been that they were Jews in the wrong place at the wrong time—resulting in their gruesome death at Sobibor death camp in May 1943.

Although it was more than 40 years after his parents’ murder, the wound was still fresh and raw, and as painful as ever. And evidently, my grandfather wanted God to know how he felt—truly, it is a moment I will never forget for as long as I live. In fact, I think of it every year on Yom Kippur when I say the words nekom nikmat dam avadecha hashafuch, I think

of my mother’s father, shaking with emotion, alongside me, responding and repeating those words with all his might, not holding back. I also think of his parents, walking into the gas chambers, to be murdered in cold blood. And to top it all off, I think of my father’s father, also a victim of Nazi persecution, who lost his parents in Auschwitz, and who led the prayers that fateful Yom Kippur.

For me, each year, at that particular moment in the service, Yom Kippur is not just a generic day of worship or a holy day in the Jewish calendar. Rather, it is a deeply personal experience that ties into the experiences of my forebears, and my memories of them on Yom Kippur.

In fact, my Yom Kippur experience as a whole is an amalgamation of all the many Yom Kippur experiences I have had throughout my life. It includes the many people I have prayed with and the many places I have prayed at. It includes the tunes I have sung; it includes the highs, and it includes the lows; and it even includes all the different post-Yom Kippur fast-breaking meals I have shared with so many people and in so many settings. And each Yom Kippur I continue to create new experiences that act as the setting and foundation for the years that follow.

It goes without saying that this phenomenon is not just limited to Yom Kippur. Every significant Jewish date is

loaded with memories and past experiences, and all of them feed into the “mother ship,” augmenting its efficacy and enhancing its meaningfulness.

I also remember that one year, on the first night of Sukkot, it just would not stop raining. My father, ever the optimist, refused to give up hope of making kiddush in the sukkah, and insisted that we wait until it stopped raining before we began eating. An hour or more went by, and we were all hungry, so, with my father’s reluctant consent, we began the meal indoors—but he was still utterly determined. He was so sure it would stop raining. Every few minutes he went outside to check if the rain had stopped—it was simply unthinkable to him that we wouldn’t make kiddush in the sukkah on the first night of the festival.

Eventually—long after we had finished eating—he came running in, his eyes gleaming. “It’s stopped raining,” he announced excitedly, and we all traipsed into the sukkah for kiddush and cake. My father just couldn’t stop smiling. He was like a child who’d received his favorite toy as a gift. And that’s exactly how he felt: that God had given him a gift—kiddush in the sukkah on the first night of Sukkot.

These memories and so many more turn each festival and each significant Jewish date into a combination of history, tradition, Jewish laws and customs, mem-

ories, nostalgia, and new experiences. And the result is so much greater than any one of those individual components. Every wine stain on the pages of the Haggadah we use. Every forgotten High Holidays schedule that we left tucked into the pages of the machzor. The special yomtov-connected drawings that our kids gave us when they were at pre-school that suddenly reappear at the relevant time of year. The smell of yomtov food cooking in the kitchen. Each one of these and so many more – too many to mention – are the kaleidoscope of our Jewish experience which add color, context, and meaningfulness to the festival experience, augmenting the practical aspects of the festivals and notable Jewish dates that punctuate our lives.

My intention in having combined all the festivals into one book is to offer the full array of our Jewish experience in one volume – allowing you, the reader, to ride the roller coaster of Jewish experience without having to wait for each significant date to come around. The flavors and evocations of every date in the Jewish calendar are here for you to savor and ready for you to enjoy.

Rabbi Dunner’s new book, Hearts & Minds II: An Original Look at Jewish Festivals and Significant Jewish Dates is published by Otzrot Books, and is available for $24.99 on Amazon and at Jewish bookstores.

Midlife Mu ical Musings

Music Therapy and Hospice

Miriam Hendeles

As a music therapist, I am often approached as follows:

“So...what exactly is music therapy? And what do you do as a music therapist?” someone asks me.

“Well, I work with hospice patients in various facilities and private homes,” I tell them.

“Wow. That’s amazing. These are people who are dying?” they may ask.

“They have been diagnosed with a terminal illness or meet other criteria to be eligible for hospice.”

“So wait - what do you do with them?” They want to know.

“It depends on what the specific patient’s goals are. Goals range from relaxation to grieving to communication to reminiscence. I design activities and techniques, using songs from their past to elicit responses.”

And then “it” comes - The Big Question.

“Wow. But, really, uh, isn’t that depressing?” So? Is it depressing?

I hear these questions all the time. Once people hear that I’m a music therapist, they have a variety of questions for me, most notably, “What in the world is music therapy? Is that like when I’m nervous and I turn on some relaxing Mozart in the car?” (Actually, nope - that’s not what it is...)

So usually, I give them a brief explanation about music therapy, or I refer them to an article about the populations that music therapists work with, or I set up a lengthy meeting with them, perhaps in the form of an interview about music therapy. Either one of those strategies satisfies the questioner’s curiosity.

But, everyone who hears about “hospice” wants to know how in the world one has the stamina or energy to survive an occupation that deals with people who are at the end of life - with people who are dying. How does one face people each day who are at the end of life? How does one reconcile a stage that is feared by many - a period of time worthy of being labeled “depressing?”

Now, there is nothing wrong with curiosity. In fact, I often question my mathematician husband’s work with numbers (Isn’t it boring?) and my sister’s artistic abilities (Isn’t it terribly difficult?) All that is normal and expected. But there is something about the word “depressing” alongside music therapy that causes me to reel in defensiveness when questioned. I certainly don’t come home from work every day feeling sad. I actually feel greatly rewarded by my work.

So, rather than respond with a yes or no answer, my instinct is to convey the reality - to educate the one querying. Yet,

when I respond to sincere questions, I tend to stumble and produce a lame answer:

“The families are in acceptance mode. They are being told what to expect, and so it is not depressing, but rewarding.”

I ramble into some irrelevant explanation about how the families have come to terms with their loved one’s situation and are moving forward to help find comfort measures. I discuss the family’s perspective -- as if that has anything to do with the mood or state of being I, the therapist, am in - or not.

I defend the label “depressing” as if it is some bad word to be immediately replaced by something more positive or good: Rewarding? Important? Good? Nice?

After several encounters with this dialogue and my pat answers to the curious questioners, I talk to my supervisor. She provides me with some profound insights. She reveals to me that she has also been the recipient of the same questions! Depressing or Rewarding? That is the Question

According to Webster’s dictionary, depressing is defined as a lowering of spirits. Is hospice depressing? Is the care provided for patients at the end of life depressing? I think not. Depression brings us down. And death - ultimately - is part of the cycle of life - life moves forward.

No. Death is not depressing. Is it sad? Absolutely. Is death a part of life? Yes. Is death something we fear? Maybe. Is death something we grieve? Of course. Are Death and hospice sad sometimes? Yes. Sadness (defined as unhappiness, grief, mournful) is something we all experience when working with our patients.

When one is sensitized to and aware of the needs of those in hospice, one can actually feel more joyous to be alive and appreciative of life. Being a part of a hospice team can be called a joyful experience because we are given opportunities to bring comfort and stability to families and patients during tense times. G-d is the Ultimate Comforter. If we can facilitate that comfort through calming and soothing harp music, then that is truly a joyful - not depressing - experience.

Miriam Hendeles, MT-BC, is a music therapist for hospice patients and a writer for Binah Magazine and other publications. She’s the author of “Mazel Tov! It’s a Bubby!” and “Best Foot Forward.” She’s a member of a recently launched website for frum women in midlife, www.jewishwomenofwisdom.org, where frum midlife women connect, communicate, and grow through online and virtual interaction. Miriam keeps busy with her various hobbies and skills, like piano, harp, art, and more recently, physical therapy. She considers this midlife time of life a very exciting period full of lots of growth potential.

Opening a Thousand Windows to Show Us G-d

Hindi Kalmenson

Isit down to write an article and immediately wish there was an Inspiration Tree. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was an orchard to wander about in and pick an Inspiration fruit whenever you felt a pang for it? I’d meander through that grove of trees on a whim any day.

Hindi, I chastise myself. You walk in the garden of inspiration every day, you just have to open your eyes. It’s everywhere.

I’m reminded of something John Muir once said, “Oh, these vast, calm, measureless mountain days, days in whose light everything seems equally divine, opening a thousand windows to show us G-d.”

Everything in our world seems to prevent us from seeing G-d. And yet, Nature calls us in a way that it’s impossible not to see the miracles. We are blessed to live in a natural setting that calls us to its window to peek each day and see the Glory of G-d permeating our lives.

But the challenge is recognizing the window for what it is. Who knows how many times I have only seen the sill and shutters? How many times have I missed an opportunity to peer through a window? Well, if I’m honest, I actually know some of those lost glimpses into a G-dly reality…

That little girl standing alone in the corner of the schoolyard while all the other girls danced and jostled playfully in line.

The child who received rebuke instead of a hug.

The woman crying on the phone as she walked down the street seemed to need a kind word.

The friend wanted to chat but I needed to unwind and couldn’t give her the time.

The peer, the friend, the loved one, the child, the stranger, the teacher, the neighbor, the checkout woman, the brother. We are missing moments here!

Why? Why was I missing moments? Why was I missing the G-dly messages and opportunities flung at me from on high every moment of my day? Was there something wrong with my eyes? Well, something was desperately wrong with my mind’s eye. My perception. It convinced me that the child needed discipline, that the brother didn’t care,

and that the friend could wait. My mind convinced me the stranger wouldn’t appreciate a kind word.

My mind darkened my eyes so that pretty soon I couldn’t see anything. So even if I were standing at a ‘window’ all I’d see was a reflection of myself in a mirror. Hardly a window to show me G-d. My mind altered my view so that I could not see the truth that was there. Instead, I challenged the truth and my intuition.

Where are the G-d-windows in our lives? More often than not the windows are prepared in the shadows. Where it’s hard to see, when it’s more challenging to love, step up, and be present. How to peel away at the mental film that fills our perception with ourselves like a gigantic terra-mirror?

One way might be to remember Ruth. A Moabite princess who saw the windows as opportunities and courageously flung open the curtains to step through. There was an offer to marry a Jewish man, so she lifts the blinds. She is left desolate with a mother-in-law who kindly remonstrates her, and she sees the window of possibilities committing herself to G-d until death. They have no food and she sees a G-d-window to beg with dignity. Not once does she see herself as a person who is suffering or one beset with challenges. She is entirely and humbly One with His Will and devotes herself to Him over and over again. To Ruth, everything seems to be a G-dly window of opportunity that she can grasp and actualize.

What stops me from living like Ruth? My ego, my fears of how I will be perceived, my desire to be normal (perfect), my mind arguing with my intuition and inner voice.

Maybe the next time I look at a window and see myself, perhaps I can will my features to look like Ruth’s and step through into a G-dly reality.

Hindi is a certified Relationshift Coach based in Los Angeles. She is passionate about relationships and selfgrowth. She educates women on Torah’s perspective of marriage at her workshops and retreats and helps women around the world through her personal coaching program. Hindi lives with her husband and four children in Los Angeles.

Poland’s Unrelenting Dedication to Jew Hatred

David Billet

While some forms of antiSemitism are more challenging to identify, others are as clear as day. The Polish government has proven that they are just as anti-Semitic today as they were when my grandparents were forcibly placed in a slave labor camp during World War II.

Poland’s Parliament recently passed a law that effectively bars all Holocaust survivors, and their descendants, from recovering property that was illegitimately taken during WWII. Is it not enough that almost three million Polish Jews were killed in the Holocaust? Now they also want to legitimatize the stealing of their property.

A brief walk down memory lane can prove the absurdity of this law and how it is merely the expression of age-old Polish anti-Semitism coming to life in society today.

Firstly, the Polish police played a pivotal role in supporting the Nazis during the Holocaust. The Polish police force was known as the “Blue Police” and ensured that all Jews lived in ghettos, were beaten when failing to comply with Nazi dictates, and were repressed when attempting to fight for their freedom.

It has become widely recognized that the police were comprised of the prewar Polish police force, and that if a Jew was caught by the Polish police, they would almost certainly be killed. It is estimated that approximately 90% of the 3.3 million Jews who were living in Poland were murdered during the Holocaust, thereby ensuring that their property was left behind for others to claim.

Furthermore, acting against extreme pressure from the Polish political class, a variety of scholars and historians have worked to understand the role that Poland played in the Holocaust. Jan Tomasz Gross, a leading Polish American historian, has stated that the Poles had killed more Jews than the Germans during WWII, which led to his condemnation by many Polish political leaders.

Mr. Gross highlighted an example of Polish anti-Semitism by discussing how, on one occasion, half of the residents of a village simply murdered the other half, leading to the death of sixteen-hundred Jews. Another leading Holocaust historian, Barbara Engelking, uncovered testimony that the pre-war mayor of a Polish town led the Nazis to Jews who were hiding in a forest, which led to the death of twenty-two Jews. These are

Building on Faith Miracles in the Minutiae

Denise Berger

only a few examples of the explosive anti-Semitism that led to the extermination of Polish Jewry.

History will never forget the role that Poland played in ensuring that the soil of Europe will forever be stained with the blood of the Jews.

Only twenty years after Jews were suffocatded in gas chambers during the Holocaust, the Polish communist party declared in 1968 that all Jews were the enemy of the state. This has become known as an anti-Semitic purge and forced approximately 20,000 Jews to flee Poland in only four years. Mass demonstrations were also held against Jewish officials, who were often accused of dual loyalty to Israel and were blamed for many of the country’s issues.

If we fast forward to today, Poland is recognized as one of the most anti-Semitic countries in Europe. In a recent survey by the Anti-Defamation League, almost 50% of Poles supported anti-Semitic views and 74% of the survey respondents stated that the Jews discuss the Holocaust too often. In 2019, Poland’s parliament passed a law that made it a crime to state that Poland was complicit in the Holocaust. The Israeli government, and all Jews around the world, must not cower in fear in the face of another political leader who relentlessly attacks our people. Anti-Semitism is a disease that only grows more rampant when fed, and we must not feed the anti-Semitism that has proven to pervade Poland’s political class. Rather than visiting the concentration camps and supporting the economy of a country that despises our people, we must instead focus on supporting Israel, touring Yad VaShem, and educating ourselves in Jewish history. As the generation of Holocaust survivors is slowly coming to an end, it has become more crucial than ever before for Holocaust education to become a focal point of all educational institutions.

While historians often argue that anti-Semitism mutates in every generation, it seems that Polish anti-Semitism remains unchanged after all these years.

Billet is a

Associate Editor of the International Law Journal. In May of 2018, David graduated from Queens College, CUNY, with a B.A. in Accounting and a minor in Economics. David additionally writes articles that focus on foreign affairs, domestic policy, and global anti-Semitism. To date, his work has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Israel Hayom, and almost twenty other media publications.

Over dinner with a group of friends, one of the men at the table shared a hilarious story about painting the ceiling in a spare bedroom. He and his wife had recently bought a fairly large new home that needed some work. There are people who really love DIY projects and consider them a source of fun, creativity, and relaxation all at the same time. Based on the story, and everything else I knew about them, this couple did not seem to be in that category --- although they definitely had a great sense of humor about it.

Later, I wondered why they had even bought the property, given their feelings about home improvement. Several months later that “question” was answered when they shared with friends that they were B”H getting ready to welcome twins. Moving to a larger space is quite common for an expecting couple.

The babies arrived about a year after that dinner. This meant that the house was purchased, and the spare room was painted before they existed at all. To some readers, this might not seem miraculous; it might even seem completely mundane. But this couple married later in life, sometime during their forties. They had been married almost five years when the twins were delivered.

Like many older couples, my friends

sought out fertility treatments. And like many couples, they didn’t share this information publicly until after the births. Statistically, the success rate (meaning a live birth) for women over 40 doing fertility treatments is somewhere around 15%. That means there’s an 85% chance of not achieving success.

But this couple didn’t go with the statistics. Nor did they only do their hishtadlus, aka due diligence, of going through the treatments and davening. They went one step --- or many steps --extra. They bought a house. They created a space for Hashem’s blessing to be received. And they readied that space, painting, and upgrading, all the while going through medical procedures.

Their actions, investing huge amounts of time and effort and hope in this house, not to mention the financial aspect, revealed not just that they were wishing for their dream of a family to be fulfilled, but that they fully expected it to be. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more stunning example of people really truly living with faithful belief in Hashem.

Can work with VHS tapes, VHSC (the small vhs that goes into a converter) Hl-8, and DVD

David

student at Fordham Law School, where he is an

Denise Berger is a freelance writer who grew up in the LA community. Her work has appeared in Table For Five, Shalom Delaware, Detroit Jewish News, and The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles, in addition to literary publications. Denise can be reached at deniseberger2@gmail.com.

Chani Heyman

Dear Chani,

I’m frustrated and overwhelmed with my 8-yearold son, Zevi. He has frequent meltdowns and cries about everything, even more than his younger siblings. We’ve tried yelling at him to stop the crying, but it’s not working. Please help!

Exhausted mom

Dear Exhausted, Thank you for reaching out. Dealing with tantrums can be incredibly frustrating, I hope my advice will help.

It’s important to recognize that some children are more prone to tantrums while others are not. Both personality types are perfectly fine, and one is not superior to the other. Based on what you’ve shared, it seems that your 8-year-old falls into the category of being more prone to tantrums. The first step is to accept this reality about your child. We cannot change their natural characteristics, but we can help them develop and become the best version of themselves by working with their innate traits. Instead of battling against his tantrums, try to understand that this is a part of who he is.

If we allow our children to experience tantrums, they will naturally outgrow them over time. They will learn coping mechanisms and problem-solving skills that will gradually replace tantruming. If we try to control their emotions, they will resist, as you are witnessing. So, what does allowing your child to have tantrums look like?

First and foremost, it’s crucial to find ways to calm yourself down. Please don’t underestimate the importance of this step—it is not easy! The irony is that while we expect our 8-year-olds to learn how to selfsoothe, we often fail to realize that when we become overwhelmed by their tantrums, we are showing them that we ourselves struggle with self-soothing. Find ways to calm yourself, such as listening to your favorite song, lighting a candle, taking a shower, or practicing deep breathing. Whatever works for you. When your child starts crying over something big or small, focus on calming yourself down first. Remember, the rest of the household is looking to you for guidance, so try to emulate a sense of being cool, calm, and collected instead of appearing exhausted and frustrated.

Next, ask your child if there is anything you can do to help. Say something like,

“Zevi, I can see that you’re upset. Is there anything I can do to assist you?” You can offer a few suggestions, but keep it brief. Sometimes as parents, we tend to talk too much. If he responds negatively or doesn’t respond at all, let him know that you’re available if he needs you, and then walk away.

Now comes the challenging part—ignore the tantrum for a full 10 minutes. Allow your child to cry, be upset, and express his emotions. (If he gets destructive or begins to hurt you or anyone else he is no longer having a tantrum, rather that is escalation and would be dealt with differently). I understand that completely ignoring him is easier said than done, but it’s essential. By not responding, you avoid adding fuel to the fire. Remember, you are not upset; you’re simply acknowledging that there’s nothing you can do to resolve the situation. He needs to experience and process his emotions. Sometimes, we all need to let it out, and that is healthy! This approach will help your child learn how to navigate his emotions and eventually, (eventually!) outgrow tantrums.

After ignoring for 10 minutes, you should go back and either try to offer help or distraction. If he agrees, continue on with your day. There is no reason to talk about his tantrum. Remember he didn’t do anything wrong by expressing his emotions. If he is still not ready, ignore him for another 10 minutes. Even the most stubborn child will be ready to move on after three intervals of crying. Your part is really just staying calm.

I hope these suggestions help you and your family deal with tantrums. Patience and consistency are key in helping your child deal with his emotions and finally outgrow his meltdowns, maybe when he’s 30, I’m kidding, hopefully before then!

Chef Nir Weinblut

Split Pea Soup Topped with Crunchy Beef “Bacon” Pieces

Ingredients

• 2 tbsp olive oil

• 1 1/2 cups of chopped yellow onions

1 cup of chopped celery

• 1 cup of chopped carrots

• 2-3 cloves of minced garlic

• 4 cups of chicken broth

Directions

• 4 cups of water

• One 16oz bag of split peas

• 2 bay leaves

• 4 oz of Beef “Bacon” (1 pack)

• Salt and pepper to taste

1. Begin by heating a soup pot over medium heat. Once the pot is hot, add the beef “bacon” to cook. Cook the bacon for a few minutes on each side until it becomes crispy. Once cooked, transfer the bacon to a plate on the side.

2. In the same pot where you cooked the bacon, add the chopped onions, celery, carrots, and minced garlic. Sauté these ingredients until the onions turn translucent.

3. Pour in the chicken broth, water, split peas, and bay leaves into the pot. Allow the mixture to come to a boil, then reduce the heat to a simmer. Stir occasionally as it cooks.

4. Allow the soup to simmer for about an hour and a half, or until the split peas have softened completely. If you find that the soup is not thickening as desired, you can continue to cook it uncovered for approximately 30 minutes. Conversely, if the soup appears too thick, you can add some additional water to reach your preferred consistency.

5. While the soup is cooking, take the cooked beef “bacon” and chop it into pieces.

6. Once the soup has cooled down a bit, ladle it into serving bowls. Top each bowl with the chopped beef “bacon.”

7. Season the soup with salt and pepper according to your taste.

8. Serve and enjoy your hearty and flavorful Split Pea Soup with Crunchy Beef “Bacon” Pieces.

Chani Heyman is a parenting coach who has been giving parenting classes, based on the teaching of Rebbetzin Spetner, for over 9 years to hundreds of mothers across the US. You can reach her at chaniheyman@gmail.com

The Five Stages of Faith

We are each individuals, embarking on a quest for internal and objective truth. If we are to genuinely embrace this journey, we must be willing to leave the comfort of the known and travel towards the infinite, towards the future we know we are destined for, towards our own personal and collective purpose. There are five stages in this journey of faith:

1- Emunah Peshutah (Simple Faith):

The first stage that we experience in life is emunah peshutah- simple faith. If you take a two-year-old child on a walk in the park, all he experiences is life itself. He’ll point at the birds and the trees and exclaim: “whoah!” or point at something and shout, “look at that!”

He doesn’t yet have a categorized mind, so he doesn’t give names to anything, he simply sees reality as it is. At this stage, you experience life with no questions, and no options - everything is simply pure, true, and beautiful.

2- Blind Faith:

Then, you learn how to speak, and the world suddenly becomes a mystery. You walk around in wonder and confusion; you have questions; you’re learning to communicate. If you’re taught to believe in Hashem, you do. Not because you have any reason to, but because your parents or teachers tell you that Hashem loves you, that he created you, that he cares about you, and that “He gave you this delicious cookie as a present.”

As you grow older, you are taught increasingly complex ideas: Hashem sees everything you do, Hashem can forgive, Hashem gives you challenges. However, you are still at an age where you accept these facts at face value, believing them because that’s what people tell you is true. At this stage, belief is obedience, not something you’ve discovered.

3- Experiential Faith:

However, once you reach a certain age, you begin to want more. You want to meet Hashem, to talk to him. You want to genuinely, deeply believe in Him, but you struggle, it’s hard. If only you could see Him, touch Him, or even hear Him, then you’d believe! You just want some indication that He’s here, watching and caring, just as you were told growing up.

Every once in a while, a “coincidental” encounter with Hashem, the sublime, occurs. Maybe your life was saved, maybe you just made your flight, or just missed itand later heard it crashed. Maybe you found your soulmate, did well on your test, or got your dream job. Maybe you had your first child, your illness was cured, or you won against all odds. Maybe you were just in the exact right place, at the exact right time.

Suddenly, you believe. It’s real, at least to you. You’re convinced, you walk around floating on cloud nine. Life is good, pure, true, and beautiful. Here, faith becomes personal, not just something foisted upon you by others.

However, your faith at this stage is simplistic. At some point, this is no longer enough. You want more; you need more. Rational, logical, and philosophical questions come up. “If God exists then why…”, and “How can God exist if….”, or “Why would God do….”. Maybe your life falls apart and you cry out, “How can this be happening to me?!”

4- Rational Knowledge:

The fourth stage is the rational stage. You need rational proofs: Logic, philosophy, science, math, and intellect. So you begin to collect proofs.

- The Big Bang may explain how the world came about, but where did the Big Bang come from? Something higher must have set it into action, there must be a source of the very matter that made up the Big Bang.

This fourth stage is tremendously more developed than the two before it. At this stage, your faith is something you have worked towards rationally, intellectually, and developmentally, something that you have devoted thought and research towards. But in truth, this stage is limited as well. You may have proven that Hashem exists, but it ends there. Knowing that Hashem exists does not mean that you have a relationship with Him. It does not help you truly know Him, to connect to Him on the deepest of levels.

The Ramchal (Rav Moshe Luzzatto) explains in his sefer Da’as Tevunos (Knowing God’s Plan) that rational proofs may reveal Hashem’s existence, but they do not allow for a deeper understanding and knowledge of Hashem. You may know that God exists, but what does that mean experientially, how does this manifest in your actual experience of life? While many people stop at rational knowledge, the fourth stage, we must push ourselves farther. This is where the fifth level comes in.

5- Experiential Knowledge- Truly Experiencing and Knowing Hashem:

There are certain things which cannot be explained rationally. They transcend logical explanation; they can only be experienced. These phenomena are not irrational, they are post-rational. Reason and logic lead you to them, but only experience itself can verify them. If you have experienced something in this realm, you cannot prove its existence to someone else, for they must experience it themselves in order to truly know it as well. For example, if someone has never eaten chocolate before, it is impossible to

explain to them what it tastes like. They need to taste it and experience it themselves. The same is true for spiritual wisdom:

- The fact that life has meaning and purpose is intrinsic to the human experience, and yet impossible to prove.

- You know deep down that you are unique, that you were created for a reason, and that you have a unique mission in this world, yet again, it is impossible to prove.

The above phenomena defy logical and rational explanations. They are experienced deep within our consciousness, deep within our existential experience of reality.

Deeper Torah knowledge as well requires this post-rational experience, weaving your way into the inner dimensions of Torah consciousness. At this stage, you see reality as it is. No questions, no options, everything is just pure, true, beautiful.

But then you notice something grand, euphoric, and unexplainable: This was the exact experience you had during the first stage! Your journey through life becomes the creation of an epic and cosmic circle. You lost that transcendent connection to oneness, so that you could journey through life to rebuild it! Except this time, it’s real, it’s earned, and therefore it’s yours; you

chose it, you built it, and now you get to experience it! Now comes the most challenging stage of all: living by the emes that you so deeply know and experience, turning the cerebral light of truth into a life eternally guided by that truth.

Life is full of ups and downs, light and darkness, clarity and faith. Belief is not static, it’s a process- something you must constantly build, mold, and develop. When in the midst of struggle and darkness, remember how far you’ve come, remember why you’re here, remember your why in life, and then push forward, push forward, and take the next leap forward in your journey of faith!

Rabbi Shmuel Reichman is a bestselling author, international speaker, and the CEO of Self-Mastery Academy. He is also a business, executive, and leadership coach, with a unique approach based on Torah values and principles. His bestselling book, The Journey to Your Ultimate Self, serves as an inspiring gateway into deeper Jewish thought. After obtaining his BA from Yeshiva University, he received Semicha from Yeshiva University’s RIETS, a master’s degree in education from Azrieli Graduate School, and a master’s degree in Jewish Thought from Bernard Revel Graduate School, and then spent a year studying at Harvard as an Ivy Plus Scholar. He currently lives in Chicago with his wife and son where he is pursuing a PhD at the University of Chicago. To enjoy more of Rabbi Reichman’s content, to contact him, or to learn more about his services, visit his website: ShmuelReichman.com

The Ben Ish Hai’s Legacy on his 114th Hillula

Yali (Menashe) Werzberger

The 114th yahrtzeit of Hakham Yosef Hayyim of Baghdad, the Ben Ish Hai, a”h, is on the 13th of Elul. The Ben Ish Hai lived from 1832-1909. It is auspicious to light a candle in his honor on this day, as it is for all great and holy souls, and to learn some of his teachings for him to intercede on our behalf and on the behalf of the entire Jewish people.

The Ben Ish Hai, known as “Il Hakham” (the Hakham; implying that although Baghdad had many rabbanim, the Ben Ish Hai was the Hakham, as were his father and grandfather before him) was the preeminent halachic authority in Iraq, India, Iran, China, Morocco, and many other Sephardi lands. His halacha and Torah were also greatly respected among the Ashkenazi communities.

The Ben Ish Hai came from an illustrious family of Hakhamim. His grandfather, Hakham Moshe Hayyim, a”h, was very scholarly and erudite. He was also very shy, and once had a disagreement with the Rosh Av Bet Din of Baghdad and went to the Nasi (president) of the community to discuss the matter with him. The Nasi disagreed with Hakham Moshe Hayyim, who then left Baghdad for Basra (another city in Iraq). A few years later, a serious question about an agunah came to the dayanim of Baghdad. When Hakham Moshe heard about the case, he wrote a long ruling about what should be done, sending it to the rabbis in Israel, who were impressed with his ruling and agreed with him. When the Hakahmim in Baghdad heard this and became aware of his greatness in Torah, they brought Hakham Moshe back with a lot of honor. He was then the rabbi of Baghdad for another fifty years, continuing to lead with humility, and continued to do what was right, not bending because someone was influential.

It is interesting to note that only three of Hakham Moshe Hayyim’s responsas are printed. In one of these responses, he discusses the importance of the Jews in his city following the opinion of the Hida (Rabbi Chaim Yosef David Azoulay).

Hakham Moshe Hayyim’s son, Hakham Eliyahu Hayyim, a”h, took on the role of Il Hakham after his father’s passing. Hakham Eliyahu was renowned for his knowledge in both the simple, revealed understanding of Torah, as well as Kabbalah. Whenever Hakham Eliyahu heard that someone was struggling financially, he would go to their house at night, leaving a sack full of money outside their door. For years, no one knew that Hakham Eliyahu was behind these gifts, and only after his passing did people find his books, which listed the amount of money he left to different people.

Hakham Eliyahu Hayyim and his wife did not have sons for many years. His wife traveled to Morocco to receive a blessing from the Abir Yaakov, who wrote a note back to Hakham Eliyahu Hayyim, saying that within a year they would have a son who would be holy from the womb and would light the eyes of the Jewish people. Indeed, Hakham Yosef Hayyim, a”h, who was born soon after, was extremely bright and noble from a young age and dedicated

tire week, and the community spent the week in the Great Synagogue of Baghdad, listening to hespedim. When the Ben Ish Hai gave his hesped, the community was awed and stunned, and all the great Hakhamim, including Hakham Abdallah Somekh, who was the Ben Ish Hai’s teacher, appointed the Ben Ish Hai as the head of all the rabbis in Baghdad.

The Ben Ish Hai was able to blend the Sod (Kabbalah) and Peshat, and many

An Arab camel driver was leading the group to the Land of Israel, and the Ben Ish Hai explained to him in advance that they would have to stop traveling on Shabbat. Shortly before Shabbat, however, the Arab refused to stop, citing danger. The Ben Ish Hai and everyone who was with him explained that they were dismounting. The Arab leader said he was leaving, but instead, hid and watched what was happening. He saw a band of robbers enter the Ben Ish Hai’s tent, with the leader of the robbers coming face to face with the Ben Ish Hai, and then run out of the tent, with the rest of the thieves following him. Some say the robber saw the light shining from the Ben Ish Hai’s face, saw his holiness, and ran away, while others say the robber recognized the Ben Ish Hai from a court case where the Ben ish Hai helped him, when another individual owed him money. The camel driver then begged forgiveness from the Ben Ish Hai for not stopping for his group for Shabbat.

When in Israel, the Ben Ish Hai visited many holy graves. When standing next to the grave of Benayahu ben Yehoyada, many Torah secrets came to the Ben Ish Hai and he realized that he was a spark (nitzutz) of the soul of Benayahu ben Yehoyada. The Ben Ish Hai named one of his works Benayahu, and many other works are named after other phrases in the pasuk in Sefer Shmuel that discussed Benayahu ben Yehoyada.

As Il Hakham, there were four Shabbatot in the year when the Ben Ish Hai would be the only one giving a drasha in the entire city of Baghdad. As many as ten thousand people attended to hear his words of Torah, and everyone could hear him. When his son spoke in the same place after the Ben Ish Hai’s passing, not everyone was able to hear him, and his son explained that it was because the Shechina spoke from the throat of the Ben Ish Hai, enabling everyone to hear.

his existence to Torah. At the age of fourteen, a letter with a question came to his father from the rabbanim in Israel. Hakaham Yosef Hayyim researched the matter and sent his response to the rabbanim. They received the letter, and shortly after, received a second response from Hakham Eliyahu Hayyim. The rabbanim in Israel told Hakham Eliyahu that his son already responded and gave the exact same answer as his father.

When the Ben Ish Hai was twenty-six years old, his father, Hakham Eliyahu, passed away. The entire city mourned, and all the Jewish businesses closed for the en-

of his rulings are based on this. What is also clearly evident in his rulings is his deep love for the Jewish people. The Ben Ish Hai also had a great love for the land of Israel. Indeed, he printed most of his works in Jerusalem, and the manuscripts would come to Israel by Ottoman mail, taking forty days via camel. At the age of 35, the Ben Ish Hai went on a trip to visit the Land of Israel, accompanied by many people. During the journey, the Ben Ish Hai spent the entire day studying Torah, would wake up at midnight for Tikkun Chatzot, and then study again until the morning.

The Ben Ish Hai’s Shabbat drashot were extremely popular. He writes in the introduction to the Sefer Ben Ish Hai that when giving a sermon to the people on Shabbat, it is not enough to just speak about the parsha and Midrashim, but that the people must also be taught the halachot (laws) so that they can follow the Torah of Hashem. However, he says that if he were to only teach them halachot, he would lose people’s interest and concentration. Therefore, he would expound on the parsha with all sorts of Torah gems and stories that were easy and pleasing to listen to, while tying in halachot, so that the people would also

know what they were and were not permitted to do. This offers a glimpse into the tremendous greatness of Hakham Yosef Hayyim, a”h. Although he was the greatest, most exalted person in Baghdad, he also knew how to speak to the simplest of people, keeping them following the way of the Torah.

The Ben Ish Hai would study Torah in his attic every Motzei Shabbat, and it was thought that he was learning Torah with Eliyahu Hanavi then. Indeed, he would ask his servant to bring two cups of wine to his attic and would later leave with two empty cups. The Ben Ish Hai’s students wanted to ascertain whether the Ben Ish Hai really was studying with Eliyahu Hanavi, and sent Hakham Yehoshua Salboni, one of the Ben Ish Hai’s beloved talmidim, to run up to the attic, and barge in, under the pretense of having an important question that needed to be asked. When he was halfway up the stairs, the Ben Ish Hai opened the door, sending Hakham Yehoshua back.

It is clear that the Ben Ish Hai’s ne-

shama was one that was on a very high level. Hakham Yehuda Fetaya explained that the Ben Ish Hai’s soul was that of a Tanna; that he was supposed to live during the time of the Mishnah, but his generation needed him and subsequent generations would need his teachings. As a result, Hashem held back the soul of the Ben Ish Hai, until later generations.

The Ben Ish Hai was revered by Jews and non-Jews alike. A story is told, where a young Jewish boy saw a Moslem woman walk to the Ben Ish Hai’s home, kiss the mezuzah, and pray for her son to be healed. She vowed that if her son would be healed, as happened to her neighbor’s son, she would take kosher meals to the Jewish orphans at a school. When she saw the young Jewish boy, she told him, “When you walk by this house, make sure to kiss the mezuzah every day, because great blessings will come to you.”

In 5669 (1909), the Ben Ish Hai visited the grave of Yechezkel Hanavi. The Ben Ish Hai got sick and passed

away on the 13th of Elul. His body was immediately brought back to Baghdad on what was a two-day journey, arriving at the graveyard of Baghdad on the 15th of Elul at night. Thousands and thousands of Jews, Christians, and Muslems came, with some estimates of 150,000 people at the funeral, including babies brought by their mothers. Again, shops and businesses were all closed, with people hearing hespedim. Hakham Shemuel Agassi explained that Hakham Yosef Hayyim, a”h, was the shoresh (root) of the soul of Yosef Hatzaddik, and like Yosef, he had to be born in one place and die in another.

On a personal note, much of the material here is taken from speeches my father, Rabbi Ya’aqob Menashe, a”h (who founded the multifaceted organization, Midrash Ben Ish Hai, along with my mother, Rabbanith Ruth Menashe, a”h), gave on the life and legacy of the Ben Ish Hai. My father would often share how his father, Rabbi Albert Manasseh a”h, would speak about, study, and quote the

Ben Ish Hai and how everything in his home was done in accordance with the Ben Ish Hai’s rulings. My siblings and I say the same thing about the home where we grew up. We grew up with the meshalim (parables) and drashot of the Ben Ish Hai and lived our lives in accordance with the rulings of the Ben Ish Hai. At times, we wondered why the halachot we followed were different from what others did, and later understood that it was because we followed the Ben Ish Hai in all aspects of our lives. We lived our lives in the way our grandfather, and great-grandfather did, by following and speaking about the words of the Ben Ish Hai.

This article was written with information found on midrash.org; Ben Ish Hai – The Life and Times of Hakham Yosef Hayyim by Rabbi Ya’aqob Menashe; Azoulay, Yehuda. The Life and Times of Hacham Yosef Haim. Israel Bookshop, 2011.

Beyond Medical Expertise: The Touch of Rav Moshe Feinstein’s Compassion

Daniel

There was a man in his early forties who suffered from a severe illness, causing concern for his wife and children. The doctor expressed hesitation in performing the necessary operation, fearing the man’s potential demise on the operating table. He advised the wife to seek approval from a higher authority, such as a renowned doctor from a prestigious hospital, to take responsibility for the procedure. Pondering who the highest authority she knew could be, she recalled her husband’s past association with Rav Moshe Feinstein during his time at Tiferes Yerushalayim.

With determination, she decided to approach Rav Moshe and seek his guidance. A few days later, the doctor called and inquired if she had consulted a higher authority. Calmly, she replied that she would be going the next day. Perplexed, the doctor questioned which doctor she was referring to, to which she clarified that she intended to consult a rabbi.

The doctor was incredulous, unable

to fathom seeking a rabbi’s opinion on a medical procedure. He argued that a rabbi lacked the necessary medical background to make such a decision. Unfazed, the wife asserted that the rabbi was the highest authority she recognized, as per the doctor’s request for a higher authority.

Astounded and curious, the doctor requested to accompany her to meet the rabbi, as he wanted to witness the situation firsthand. She agreed, and the following day, they visited Rav Moshe at his residence on FDR Drive. Rav Moshe warmly welcomed them and inquired about the severity of the illness and the operation’s details.

As the conversation progressed, Rav Moshe mentioned that he was trying to recall the husband from his yeshiva days twenty years ago. The wife, eager to assist his memory, presented a picture of her husband during his time at the yeshiva. Upon seeing the picture and recognizing the young man, Rav Moshe

was moved to tears.

Witnessing Rav Moshe’s genuine care and concern, the doctor turned to the wife and remarked that he now understood why a rabbi could make such a decision. He believed that someone who could empathize and shed tears over another person’s illness would be guided to the right decision by Hashem.

Rav Moshe then shared a profound insight that has the potential to transform lives. He advised that the operation should proceed but with an additional commitment from the sick man. He was to undertake that from that point forward, every blessing he recited would be said aloud, allowing someone to hear and respond with “amen.”

Rav Moshe explained the significance by highlighting the numerical value of “amen,” which is 91. Remarkably, the Hebrew word for “angel,” “malach,” also holds a numerical value of 91. Thus, whenever a person recites a blessing and someone responds with “amen,” they

create angels who serve as protectors.

Armed with this newfound understanding, the man underwent the operation while adhering to the commitment of reciting blessings aloud. He also encouraged others to do the same, enabling him to answer “amen” to their blessings. This practice resulted in the creation of numerous angels who would safeguard him.

The operation was a success, and the man had the privilege of living for many years following the procedure, diligently reciting blessings aloud and responding “amen” to others.

Based on a story told over by Rabbi Paysach Krohn

Agalar

Daniel Agalar is the founder of Stories to Inspire, an organization dedicated to sharing curated inspirational stories from renowned Rabbonim. With a widely popular podcast that has surpassed 4 million downloads, Daniel’s passion for spreading positivity shines through. Join their daily Whatsapp broadcast by messaging 310-210-1205 or explore over 4,250 stories on their website at www.storiestoinspire.org. The stories can also be accessed on their hotline at 718-400-7145.