The Indian Standard | OCT 2020

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BY JANANI

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D OCT 2020

FEATURING

MIRA PATEL ON INFLUENCERS AND HER MENTAL HEALTH JOURNEY

NEHA KAPIL

ON ART PRESSURES AND THE SOCIAL MEDIA DISREGARD FOR TALENT

GOWTHAM JEYANATHAN ON PREJUDICE AGAINST MEN-INMAKEUP AND HIS MENTAL HEALTH JOURNEY

TABLE OF CONTENTS 03

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Theme Explanation

"you're sensitive, dramatic, & needy"

An Interview with Neha Kapil

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22

Independence

An Interview with Gowtham Jeyanathan

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42

From Your Diary

Special Thanks

14 An Interview with Mira Patel

27 A Project with Diya Antony

THEME

EXPLANATION

VANISH

things don't just disappear. we can no longer shut our eyes and wish for our dread to be over. vanish. it's truly a children's tale in which when we close our eyes tightly, and pray for our nightmares to subside. unfortunately that tale is reductive of how we have to operate in life. no matter the struggle, the only way to make your problems disappear is by confronting them head on. life has many obstacles and avoiding those hurdles will only catch up to you.

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pg 3

I vanish.

pg 4

MIND hear

pg 5

“YOU’RE SENSITIVE, DRAMATIC & NEEDY”

BY JANANI

A person being abused by their loved ones doesn’t stop loving them, they stop loving themselves.

I really didn’t put this in perspective until I realized I was stuck in a relationship that I didn’t want out, but just had to be. It’s hard to explain to others how the pain that someone else causes is actually addicting because you’re consistently seeking their approval. People will call you stupid and immature and “you can’t be alone, that’s pathetic” without realizing that your abuser is telling you if you leave them, you’ll never be happy. When your loved ones consistently call you names and tell you how dumb you are, you really believe them – this affects every relationship in the future, and you become obsessed with seeking the approval of others… Because that’s all you ever know.

Truly the reason I’m speaking out on this now is because it’s time for a change. It’s time to start thinking about how to live your life for yourself and stop worrying about creating a friendship with people who don’t want or need it.

I recently was traveling for work and had every opportunity to be with friends and have a good time. My toxic mentality had me sitting in a hotel room, crying to myself because of a fight with a friend. When I expressed my pain to that friend, I remember her not reacting the way I thought she would, and her words were truly a verbal slap in the face. Immediately I apologized and didn’t feel bad for how I felt disrespected, but instead thought, “how can I change myself to fit what she wants”.

This friend didn’t apologize or take back her actions or words but made me feel alone and sad after what I thought was a real friendship.

pg 6

This just goes to show what being dependent on love does to you – it ruins friendships and honestly, I had to look inward to realize that I have too high of expectations of others. Realizing that no one owes you anything and no matter how much you think you helped others, it doesn’t come back to you in the same way that you might think. Just be there for others and care, but don’t expect the same treatment back.

Love doesn’t come back the same way so it’s better to just act in the way that is right for you, but with no expectations of a ROI.

Going forward, it’s necessary to just live for yourself and don’t beg to be in someone’s life. If you feel unwanted, just don’t participate and it’s okay to say no and just be alone. No matter how lonely you feel, it’s important to realize that you’re not alone and at least one other person in this world cares about you. At this point in my life, my priority is to make my family and the few friends I have happy. My focus was always on trying to gain as many friends as I could and always do the most for random people – it just makes no sense for me anymore.

Stay true to your values and understand that the only person who can take care of you is you. pg 7

"I want to show people, using your mind is important. My mind is what led me to develop a layered style - all this intricacy you see from makeup, clothing, sets, etc., is curated to give you more to look at and dissect.

Learning is so important and I think the value of that is going away a bit. I just want to show people that mastering your craft and building your talent is valuable."

- Neha Kapil pg 8

an interview with

NEHA KAPIL pg 9

How did you get into content creation?

That came naturally since I wanted to enter into the fashion industry. At first when I started my clothing line there was nobody to model my stuff; I live in Minneapolis so there’s hardly any brown people doing creative things.It was hard to find anybody to help me out in any way, so I was my own model, photographer, graphic designer etc... A majority of my skills came out of necessity. So in order to even enter into fashion I had to learn to how to compose myself, make a composition, and figure out what even made a good photo.It was hard because my skills weren’t developed, and I had a strong vision of how I wanted things to look like but I didn’t have anyone i could reach out to for help and it was hard to execute. My brand has evolved since then and has been through a lot.

You guys can all see my mistakes very publicly, but that’s how I got into content creation. I also have always had ideas in my head for shoots and whatnot, and these visions would often consume me, so once I got into makeup it became very natural.

Your style is very unique and not seen much in social media? Describe how you got here.

I’ve always been very colorful I guess you could say, but I think more than colorful, detail has been a prominent aspect for me. I’ve always tried to push the boundaries of "normal art" and the oath in my perception is detail. For me that comes in not only patterning but also vibrance and color combination. I think a lot of that influence comes from our culture. We have such unique fashion and as Indians we come from a very artistic culture. That’s where I took a lot of my inspiration.

After I graduated college, I was kept thinking over and over again that "I want to make art that is a reference to our culture." However, the question comes, “how do I want to modernize Indian art. Do I want to make it western and use minimalist techniques?" I ended up taking amore traditional route since I was always inspired by ancient art that was known for having a lot of detail.

What is the toughest aspect with social media?

I see a lot of people going down the path of not really developing a skill. It does scare me a little the direction social media is headed towards. I’m not saying anyone can’t make art. But I truly believe that it needs to have a purpose, and it needs to be more than just entertainment. This entertainment aspect seeps into all form of art these days - beauty is about community drama, dance has moved to Tik Tok trends and art in general has become so provocative. As if being pretty to look at is enough... but that doesn’t always speak to anything bigger. I want to show people, using your mind is important. My mind is what led me to develop a layered style - all this intricacy you see from makeup, clothing, sets, etc., is curated to give you more to look at and dissect. Learning is so important and I think the value of that is going away a bit. I just want to show people that mastering your craft and building your talent is valuable.

pg 10

How has it taken a toll on your mental health?

When we look at art as a whole there’s two sides. There are those who have art forms that fall into the entertainment category, and those who have art forms that are more traditional. Because visual artists, stylists, designers, etc. aren’t necessarily entertainment we don't always get opportunities to physically go out and attract our audiences with things like concerts, classes, or shows- and because of that we're much more dependent on social media. Some artists become too dependent and naturally you’re always comparing yourself to others. For example, when someone of a more traditional career path goes for a job interview it's usually just you and the interviewer - you don’t know how the other candidates performed. For me though, my portfolio is out there for everyone to see and I can equally go out see other people’s strengths and weaknesses. You are exposed and people will judge you and think that you're only capable of doing what’s on your feed and nothing else. It creates a competitive mindset - art shouldn’t be about how popular you are, it should be about talent and the strength of the ideas you have to offer. That’s hard to do though because, it sucks to say, the numbers do help. Looking at it from the perspective of owning a brand, for example, if I design a shirt, out of my 1000+ current followers maybe 10 people will buy it. But if I have more followers than more people will buy it. No matter what, the numbers do help build your career.

Have you faced any hardships in your community due to this career?

See, our circle of friends are very unique... I haven't personally seen pettiness in the traditional sense.They’ve always been supportive of my art but it’s the ignorance that is super prevalent in my community. I can see them thinking to themselves whether this is going to lead anywhere, and they see my art more as a hobby and less as a legitimate career. There's ignorance of how everything I do connects and how it all pertains to building a paying career and a respectable business that has a community impact. No one has ever been like “ I don’t want you to succeed” because they have always been impressed by my talent. But when people look at me I see them looking with very confused looks and often avoiding talking to me or asking any questions because they simply don't know what to say or how to even begin to ask questions about something they're not familiar with.

But most of all people really question my business. They talk about it like it’s a tech business, and it's ridiculous since the fashion industry is so different. I get a lot of unsolicited advice because Desi people think that they know everything about business, without having any experience with my particular line of work. I’ll get a lot of uncles and aunties giving me business advice when they don’t get that what they’re saying is not applicable to my business model.

So what are you working on now?

So right now, I guess you could say my day job is I’m a graphic designer. So I’ve been working with a friend of mine who... this is so random but he professionally is a choreographer. He’s been inspired by everything happening in the world lately and he decided to enter politics. He’s running for a board of trustees position. Him and I are working on all the marketing for his campaign. It's interesting because I’ve never done anything of that nature before so every week we’re strategizing on how to market him and set up everything that he needs. There's that, and then I mean I’m an artist as well so I’m always working on new art. Working on new content and clothing collections... pg 11

"I’m a big believer that you have to practice your craft. There’s this culture that the new generation wants to have everything instantly cuz we’re so used to things being viral. Nobody puts an emphasis on mastering your craft or nobody gives importance to it because you can make it out of nothing."

pg 12

BODY me

pg 13

"To past self, I would say don’t believe everybody and don’t trust everybody. Take a break once in a while and don’t compete with other people’s timelines. When I started this, it wasn’t because I wanted to be famous, or because I wanted followers, it was because I had a camera and I wanted to do this. So why the fuck not?

To my future self I would literally say good luck bitch. You’ll need a sedative or some alcohol."

pg 14

MIRA PATEL an interview with

pg 15

Tell us about how you started?

I started around 2016, but 2017 is when I really got into Social Media. Every day I would get home from highschool, I was a junior around then, and I would do makeup looks. I would just do 2 or 3 a day and it was crazy. I had such huge views in the beginning, and one day I woke up and ColorPop reposted me. This place I purchased from had seen me, and that pushed me to do more and it was motivational. Looking back on the past is mind-blowing to me because the things I stressed about then are nothing compared to now. Taking it way back, when I first came to America I lived in Jersey for a year. There I was used to, and I’m pretty sure they were Patels, teachers paired me up with them and I didn’t know how to speak English. These girls acted like they couldn’t be bothered to be around me. It was a huge shift for me when we moved to North Carolina, because I was surrounded by African American, White, and Hispanic people. I became more involved with Western Style, and when I started doing makeup I would do mainly Western looks.

When I did an Indian look later on for Diwali, it didn’t get a bad reaction so I wanted to continue with it. I used some of my mom’s stuff and later jewelry companies would send their stuff to me and yeah it was insane.

How do you deal with the competition in this industry?

Dealing with competition was something I knew would happen as I gained leverage on my platform. I figured there would be others who may feel threatened or think I am trying to take something away from them, but that’s not my case. I really try to push the message of “compete with yourself and not others”— that way you are constantly pushing yourself to be and do better and allow others to join in and also make their mark. I feel like if I did a smokey eye look and then someone else did it, I wouldn’t try to belittle their creativity but rather feed it and support it. When we become inviting, I think more opportunities present themselves to us. Right now, in terms of “competition” -- I just don’t pay attention to it. It doesn’t help and creates a really negative environment for me. My biggest competition is always and forever will be me, myself, and I.

pg 16

How has your journey thus far affected your mental health?

Mental health was something I never really thought of much until I started to follow more people who were consciously talking about the subject. I feel like since it can be such a touchy topic, not everyone wants to openly speak on it. However, with what’s happening in the world, there has been a huge push on supporting the topic and the people who are affected. I don’t want to seem like I am self-diagnosing myself, but when I started to become more seen in the public eye – I found myself in a mental state that wasn’t familiar. I became anxious – I started to take small hits really hard and spent weeks or sometimes months feeling as if I wasn’t doing enough. I think it rooted from having so many expectations and responsibilities as a first gen Indian – who also decided to combat traditions to do what I personally enjoyed. I luckily now can confide in a few people who help me stay grounded and leveled while I take on this insane journey. I hope to one day share my story once I have a better understanding of mental health and hope that I can also make the topic a healthy conversation rather than something to hide.

pg 17

Have you always been outspoken or has social media forced you to come out of your shell?

I feel like it’s a mix of both, my mom always tells me stories about how this really respected person came over to my aunt’s and then came to my house and told me to wake my mom because they were coming over. I slammed the door on this elder and locked it because my mom was sleeping and she will not wake for y’all.

Over time I’ve learned to control what I say but also make sure what I say is heard. But when it comes to guys, I’ll let loose with the vilest things I can. But when it comes to women, I try to be nicer. I’ll usually forgive someone if I think they wrong me but if you constantly discredit me, mock me, or create problems with me then I’ll save my breath. If I think we can communicate then I’ll say so but if not then the block button is right there.

What would you attribute your growth to?

My constant dedication. However, I don’t stick to something for long and I jump from one thing to another pretty quickly. If you see my Instagram it has become an array of shit. Some days I’ll be super desi, some days itll be an indo-western look, other days I’m a gothic punk emo girl. I love playing with style and keeping people on their toes. My evolving and changing my style along with me getting all this attention. I know I have all these male followers but without them I probably wouldn’t have a lot of the other ones too. I get it, I don’t want to be pro girls only, guys like to see a girl flashing her tits and I know there are gonna be nasty comments. When it comes to rude comments and I go off on them sometimes people will say “hey why are you going off on them, this kind of thing happens you should ignore those comments”. That’s what I don’t get.

Who the hell can be allowed to be rude just because I put myself out there like no I’m not putting myself anywhere. Don’t put it on me that’s all on you.

pg 18

SOUL out

pg 19

pg 20

INDEPEDENCE Change is hard. Change is especially hard when one part of your life affects your whole routine. Life in itself throws a lot of hurdles. There are many ups and downs and twists that make life both enjoyable and painfully lonely. I’ve learned over the years that I depend on different, large aspects of my life to be my savior (relationships, friendships, (fake friendships), school, etc.). I have never been able to carry myself or be on my very own. Learning that I can be alone, free and happy is something that I still cannot grasp. A lot of people have left me and abandoned me and even to this day, I will argue that the common denominator is me and that I caused people to leave me. A lot of people in my life put the blame on others saying “oh you deserved better” or “that shouldn’t have happened to you” but those same people will never stand up for me. Those same people who claim that I deserve the world and that nothing should stand in my way will never face the party that hurt me the most or be the change they wish I saw. Most people only care about how life affects them and I’m sitting here at 11:45 PM and thinking… how am I here? How did I get to this point in my life where I’m contemplating what needs to stay and what needs to go? I’ve come to realize that I am at this pivotal point where my heart can only be broken so many times and my trust can only extend so far – at the end of the day and the part that I have still yet to face is that I don’t know if I love myself enough to be alone. This message is not to depress you or to make you feel lonely. It’s actually the opposite. People tell me, “you look so happy”, “you look so put together”. No one knows the truth. No one knows how much I yearn for love and how much I yearn for relationships. I love people, I love friendships, and I love love. But sometimes I am at the deepest pit of loneliness and it’s a struggle that I have faced for as long as I can remember.

At the end of the day, I need to be in my own life savior, my own lifeboat and lead my own life. If it’s not at 16 if it’s not at 18 and if it’s not at 20 then I hope we can be independent at 21.

P.S. If you’re crying alone every night or for many nights – reevaluate. If the people in your life don’t show they love you or wipe your tears away – reevaluate. If people are the reason you are hurt, it means that a part of you is relying on others for happiness and in that case… reevaluate. pg 21

pg 22

an interview with

GOWTHAM JEYANATHAN

pg 23

Tell us how you got started in makeup?

I started doing makeup around 14, I was very insecure because my skin was breaking out. I guess it started out with that, all of my friends had glowing skin and they had everything I wanted. I started looking into foundations and how to cover up your skin. As I started watching tutorials, I would mainly watch how guys could do it. It was very on the low-down, makeup-wise, but also with my sexuality. It was very closed off and I think only two or 3 people really knew about it. Then slowly but surely I started watching other people, and one of the first people I started watching was James Charles. He wasn’t that popular at the start he had a very small following, but I pretty much watched him for a year. That’s around when I started seeing more guys and when [James Charles] became a cover girl. That’s when I started going up as well, this new social media coverage showed me that it was okay for guys.

How was the reaction with your family?

When I first started it was very down low, they couldn’t tell I was wearing anything. I would wear up to the point they got used to seeing it, I’ve always worn it so they got used to it. I made points like actors and actresses use it to look younger and they couldn’t argue with that.

It was really slowly and subtly; my mum has seen it and she would deny it but now she doesn’t say no. She knows I do a lot of clients and she sees I get paid. She probably sees it as a business, but I told her don’t see it that way because if you put a price tag on it you lose the fun of it. Of course, I want to put my name out there but I also want to do it my way.

What’s the goal here? What is your ideal situation?

pg 24

The reason why I started or why I was pursuing it because I want people to feel as empowered as I was. When my skin is fine, I feel fine. We live in a judgmental world and we can’t do anything about that. There’s an older generation we can’t change and as much as we try, some people just don’t get it. When I started and looked at myself, I would be like “wow my skins so nice”. People would tell me I looked refreshed and they loved it. I felt more confident and when I did it for my friend the first time, she could not stop looking at her face. That made me feel so fulfilled. Honestly, I love to do this for seeing people’s reactions and I love watching them feel so empowered. They would ask me how they can learn how to do that because it was such a confidence boost. The reason I put myself out there is because I have a small following, and I want to go bold with the faces that I do. With working with clients I’ve had people ask me for things and ask me what I could do for them. Sometimes if its an important day people will ask if I’m doing it right and that makes me ask myself “Am I doing it right?”. I would just stare at them and not know, but of course you have to trust the process and keep it going.

Later I realized I do a really good job; I know I can do it myself but I want to be able to do client based with my own name.

Talk to us about your journey with mental health and your sexuality?

So many people ask me my views on sexuality, Hinduism, makeup. I keep going back to the Bharatanatyam makeup example like what is the difference of me expressing it as an art form vs them using it for an art form. Its all under art, someone is just channeling the persona they want through their makeup. I feel like it’s a more confident version of me when I wear makeup. They do it to perform while I’m doing it because I have the skills. What’s the difference at the end of the day. You really don’t know what to say because you try your best but then you brush it off.

My whole mental health revolved around my sexuality, in early high school I would easily talk to girls but when it came to boys I was awkward. That was the case wherever I would go. To me it wasn’t even a realization but a feeling, I would brush it off whenever I felt it because I was really into Hinduism. I thought as a Hindu I couldn’t be this way and kept brushing it off for a full year. A year later I brought it up with my friends, I told them I had these thoughts and I didn’t know what to do. With my first girlfriend which lasted two or three months, I had to tell her it wouldn’t work out and I just walked out. It was a highschool breakup she was just like “okay”, everyone was like “Gowtham was in a relationship omg” and then I literally walked off. So when I told my friends I had weird thoughts, they told me “wait didn’t you just have a gf”. I would let them know it felt like I was lying to her about everything. We all kind of went a little silent, because it was my first time saying it. They said if you like boys it doesn’t matter, there is a part of our religion connected to it.

pg 25

"I feel like now I’m expressing a side of me that’s always been there.

I’ve gone through all the phases of doing painting, make up, graphic design. Out of all of that, makeup has been the longest standing one, I can kinda tell it’ll be there for the long run but I can choose whether it's client or influencer based. You can do both but it's so hard to juggle. That’s why I have two pages, with one dedicated to makeup with my personal being more about the awareness of homosexuality.

I’m planning a lot coming soon on how I can infuse both concepts, but for now I’m busy and I want to be out there and get the following to show that it's okay. There’s a lot of people suffering self-doubt itself, and people posting for the wrong reasons and I’m not like that. People just need to keep going and raise more awareness."

- Gowtham Jeyanathan pg 26

a project with diya antony

cast(e) eyes your pottu lies as a third eye, warding off those who cast eyes, yet you only come to see the caste that truly lies, between the eyes of you and the stranger’s eyes

pg 27

In Loving Memory of Newzeena

pg 28

A tribute: cast(e) eyes My mom had a very staple look: black eye pencil on waterline, plum lipstick, Sally Hansen Raisin The Bar nail polish, golden anklets and a mist of Chanel No 5 eau de parfum.

Lastly, she would finish off her look by always carefully placing a small teardrop-shaped “pottu” in between her eyebrows. I knew that the pottu was associated with Indian culture, but had always thought of it as a Hindu-based tradition. Being raised Catholic, I did not understand how our faith played a role in this tradition, but my mom explained to me how she was taught that the decorative mark is used as a cultural symbol of protection against those who “cast eyes.”

When she noticed bad things happening to her she would blame it on people casting eyes.

This belief transcended generations, passed down as a foundational idea to live her life around. It is based around the notion that the “evil eye”, a malicious gaze usually inspired by envy, is always watching.

I think what hurts the most is I can’t even be mad at her for believing that people cast eyes. When you notice patterns in your life, especially when bad things keep happening, it is natural to align such patterns with some sort of rationale, especially if that rationale is something you were raised thinking. This mindset resulted in generations of Indian societies choosing to say “people cast eyes” rather than dismantling the creation of why people cast eyes in the first place. My mom’s narrative was built around a lot of assumptions about her beauty and lifestyle, such as being labeled as “fair, slim, and trim.” These are all surface level things that determine where society categorizes you rather than understanding the complexity of the individual.

In order to avoid people from casting eyes, my mom believed that it was important to keep one’s life private - Both the good and the bad. This was very much clear as I watched my mom take on several significant hardships that she didn’t let define her.

Because that’s what happens. When illnesses have such stigmas, people treat you differently. They act as if they know more about your pain than you do, and it becomes a topic of conversation. Strangers calling from India imposing their own coping mechanisms on to you as you just sit there in so much pain feeling so misunderstood. The emotional toll is unbearable but you keep picking up the phone for the sake of others. Secrecy within the Indian community tends to be associated with being ashamed.

However, this was not my mom’s case. Her selflessness and raw love for my brother and I was shown when she made the decision to stop picking up those phone calls and decided to live for herself.

I wish I could say that I was always aware of this but the truth is, I also failed to realize this about her. I too questioned why she was so private about her hardships. These stigmas that are so culturally rooted corrupted my mind - Preventing me from understanding her emotions and why she’s feeling the way she’s feeling. It only truly clicked for me once she passed away, when her battles were no longer private anymore.

When my mom passed away, relatives and family friends would repeatedly say “Diya I wish your mom had told me.” Here’s the thing though - It’s not about you. Who are we to tell others how to lead their life? If my mom didn’t want to tell you about her hardships, she had her reasons and that should be respected. This “I wish you had told me that” mindset is toxic. Who are we to say that we should have known about someone’s struggles when we aren’t entitled to that?

pg 29

“who am i to think I am so relevant that I am worth the topic of conversation when you don’t see what I see you don’t feel the pain that I feel even as my wounds get deep envy bleeds through you And I mask it all for you for the sake of gratitude”

pg 30

A tribute: cast(e) eyes I think that the beauty of life is that you never truly know what someone is going through; everyone is a mystery. The saying sounds quite cliche but that concept can manifest in so many different forms that we don’t even realize that sometimes we are disregarding it.

When I think of “cast eyes”, to me it translates as “cast(e) eyes.”

Casting eyes on someone comes from a place of envy; however when envy is established, a lot of assumptions are built around it. Statements such as “you are so lucky” or “you are living your best life” come from a place of entitlement, whether intentional or not. It will have an unavoidable impact and the potential to make a person feel misunderstood. These statements are formulated based on our own experiences and the assessment of privileges in our own individual lives. We are constantly weighing the pros and cons of what goes on in our lives and putting that in retrospect to others. This creates this caste structured mindset.

When I think about cast(e) eyes in my life I think about why people consider me as lucky.

Do I put up a facade? These comments really started to bother me because they don’t reflect my reality. Battling depression, grief, and debilitating chronic illnesses, I feel like the layers of trauma in my life aren’t being seen. I feel so misunderstood; who are you to tell me I am living my best life, when in reality, I am barely holding on?

After coming to this revelation, I decided to be vulnerable on social media and with the people around me. I thought that if people actually heard how much pain I was going through they would not want to envy the life that I was living.

Later on, I realized that it wasn’t that simple. Writing captions about pain made me feel more understood, but at the same time, I still came across the same types of comments.

The division between what you feel and what everyone else sees can feel like a caste in itself and create this other layer of feeling alone.

We as a community need to recognize that these superstitions create a framework for how future generations will view themselves, damaging them to a point where they question whether they even deserve to live. We need to radically dismantle this mindset, and change it so that we are affirming and empowering people constantly, rather than casting eyes on them.

pg 31

hear me out

pg 32

From Your Diary

WITH

SHRAVAN HARIHARAN RACHEL ALEXANDER VIKAS PATEL ANUSHREE RAYARIKAR

pg 33

Shravan Hariharan FROM THE DIARY OF

pg 34

My name is Shravan Hariharan, and I am a brown male in the aerospace industry. Working on rockets, lunar landers, and everything in between at organizations like NASA and Blue Origin has been a dream come true; I have loved every project that was put in front of me, and I have met some pretty incredible people along the way.

I’m sitting here now with a network of engineers and executives just like me: men who love what they do, who inspire me to work harder, and who I connect with on so many levels outside of the workplace. Read that last sentence again and you’ll find the issue at hand: in the United States aerospace industry, nearly 85% of current engineers are men.

As a young engineer trying to break into the aerospace industry, I thought that I faced a standard set of roadblocks: build my qualifications and skills at school, win some quality face time with recruiters, and impress the engineers who interviewed me by showcasing what I’ve done. In my world, the problems ended there; once I finally made it into the position I was working towards, it would be a smooth ride for the next several months. Sure, I would have to worry about the team dynamic, pulling my weight, and connecting with others I worked with in order to secure that coveted return offer; that came with the job description, so nothing unexpected. It has only been after four years in the Aerospace Engineering program at Georgia Tech, and work experience at another four companies, that I have understood the naivety of that perspective. By assuming that everyone faces the same issues that I have, I marginalized the struggles of 15% of the current aerospace workforce, and countless more prospective aerospace engineers. For this 15%, the competition and rigor of the job itself takes a backseat to the pervasive male-dominated culture of the industry. Some of the most incredible engineers who I have had the fortune of working with still question their worth, place, and qualifications in the industry, solely because of their gender. Something that has no influence on their abilities as an engineer. Something that tells nothing about what they have done, what they know, and how they solve problems.

I have never had to worry about joining a project group, just to see that there are no other members like me. I have never had to worry about having my voice heard during a meeting, or having my thoughts brushed away, whether it was through subconscious bias or an active act of marginalization. I have never had to worry about hearing microaggressions like “guys” during a team meeting, or looking at my company’s leadership and wondering who is protecting MY interests and rights. This makes my role as an ally so much more important. Not having to personally overcome implicit gender bias in my industry is not something I can disregard – it is a privilege. It is my responsibility to use this privilege to lift the voices and increase the representation of others who aren’t as lucky. The word “ally” has a nebulous definition: I have used this to my advantage. Being an ally starts by listening. Listen to the struggles that underrepresented groups in your industry face, think critically about how you can help, and then build your own defined course of action to effect change. Start small, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly a ripple can turn into a wave. In my personal journey, this started with calling out the microaggressions I saw in the workplace, or in project groups at school. I then had to think bigger: I started a peer mentoring program within my department, to foster a sense of community to tackle these issues together. The process is just getting started – being an ally is an ongoing role, that won’t stop until there is equal representation and equal opportunity in my industry. If you are a member of an underrepresented group, build your army: voice your concerns, raise awareness of the struggles your demographic faces, and you may be surprised at the number allies you find who were simply too naïve to understand where they could make a difference. I have used the gender gap in the aerospace industry as an example, but I urge you to take a look at your own workplace, and understand where you can make a difference.

Not being a part of the problem isn’t enough. Become a part of the solution.

- Shravan Hariharan

pg 35

Rachel Alexander FROM THE DIARY OF

pg 36

The Journey I've heard the phrase, "you'll never get anywhere" from so many different people, and I think back to when I used to believe them; a time when I let random individuals determine my goals and happiness. When I allowed my family's harsh words about how the "formula" for a proper Indian woman is a skinny, polite, and soft-spoken lady.

When I believed that people's opinions were what mattered the most and would help me succeed in life. Looking back at those statements, I feel empowered and relieved, knowing that my current self would never succumb to such standards stated by society.

Being the oldest child, more specifically, from an Indian family, the topic of mental health was always shunned and brushed off. The expectation to be strong, confident, and sure of me at all times without faltering or falling back was always present. Although I can remember days in middle school when I could not get out of bed, I also clearly remember pushing myself for fear of being deemed lazy or unmotivated by family and friends.

Throughout this period, I had an extremely unhealthy coping mechanism of suppressing my feelings until they were no longer consciously present in my mind. This harmful way of living carried on until high school when I realized I struggled with my mental health.

After several sessions with the school counselor, I was diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder. These were two words I knew my Indian parents would brush off as "excuses that were made to refrain from completing schoolwork," so I decided it would be best to keep the information I had learned to myself. Although I tried to keep my grades up and balance extracurricular activities alongside my social life, it all fell short when I had my first significant breakdown at a family dinner. It was at that point that I realized I needed to get proper help.

After what seemed like ages, I managed to get the help and guidance I required and managed to get myself out of a dark point in my life.

Something that significantly stuck with me throughout my mental health journey was that no matter how turbulent the journey is, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I went through two toxic relationships during my recovery period—days of verbal, mental, and psychological abuse that slowed down my progress. I look back at everything that's happened to me, the good and the bad, and I know I have grown as an individual. I am now more confident in her skin and am not afraid to say that I am not okay.

That being said, there are days when my insecurities get the worst of me; days when I pray just to be smarter, prettier, thinner, and more appealing. In moments like that, I like to take a moment to gather my thoughts nd feelings. I remind myself of the times those thoughts were why I struggled to wake up in the morning and look myself in the mirror, and I realized that I am more than that. I am more than just a pretty face in a crowd. I am more than just an average girl from a small town. I am someone who is growing and thriving in this world. I do not fear challenges or obstacles; instead, I push myself to the limits for the best results possible. The ultimatum I give myself daily is that I will be better than who I was yesterday, and I will only keep getting better from this day on.

- Rachel Alexander

pg 37

Vikas Patel FROM THE DIARY OF

pg 38

“24. Dude, you’re 24.” It’s been on repeat in my head for the better part of a month. I’ve been struggling with where I am in life relative to where I thought I would be.

By now I was a supposed to be in my third year of Dental School, potentially engaged, and well on my way to being “successful” in the eyes of my parents. Where am I now? Well, I’m a semester away from being done my masters, single, and my parents aren’t exactly thrilled with my ‘success’.

You see success is different for everyone. People may define it by immeasurable wealth or a measure of the number of friends you have around you. Others define it as being able to do what you want, when you want.

My parents see it as being a Doctor and being able to afford a life, wife, and kids. Is there a correct definition of success? The dictionary has a set definition for it. Yet, it is so individualistic. My point here, is that as long as you are working towards your definition of success keep going. As long as you are doing your best, I am sure that you will get there.

One of the most iterated phrases that I’ve heard is, “It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.”

Looking around me I see plenty of people that are my age that are further along in their lives and in the place that I had once hoped to be. I also see people that are finding their way. It becomes difficult to be objective and not compare. I would find myself comparing where I am to where my older brother is. Not taking into account the 8 year difference. In doing so, I would become discouraged and not put the work in.

It was a matter of realizing that not everyone, even family members, are going to have the same journey.

It wasn’t until a few weeks ago, when my cousin leaned over, and said, “Vikas, you don’t have to be the best version of Nishu, but just be the best Vikas.” Surprisingly, that is not something that I often heard. It was always, your brother did well, but you must do better. That essentially became my mindset. I was pit against my brother. It felt weird, and I spent the better part of my life chasing a ghost. The thing about chasing a ghost is that even when you catch up to it, you still cannot grasp it. Ultimately, it’s a losing mindset that has negative outcomes. It makes you feel like no matter how hard you try, you will just keep falling short.

Following my cousins advice audited my life and delved deep into decisions I had made. It is hard unlearning certain habits that I had formed. It was easy to compare our lives and see that he was further along than I am at 24. Recently, I picked up Jay Shetty’s new book, and about 5 pages in I came across a quote that resonated with me. “The more we define ourselves in relation to the people around us, the more lost we are.” If anything is true, it’s that we cannot find ourselves in the souls of others. We must look deep within ourselves and find what our purpose is. It is not about being the best, or the best version of someone else. Simply, be the best version of yourself and the fruits of your labor will surely be sweeter than you will ever imagine.

Through following this new mindset, my days have become more productive, I have more energy in the morning. I find myself much more motivated to study, read, exercise and it has just made me a happier person. It seems so simple, but sometimes it just helps to hear/read it from a third person perspective. So, if you take away anything, it’s: Be the best version of yourself, do things with the right intention, and please for the love of god, do not compare yourself to anyone else!

- Vikas Patel pg 39

Anushree Rayarikar FROM THE DIARY OF

pg 40

A rose among thorns. That’s what being a person of color on a predominantly white college campus often feels like. Having lived my whole life in a suburb that hosts an India Day festival, and is home to one of the largest Patel Brothers in the nation, coming to a non-diverse college campus was a major culture shock.

Emotions of guilt, betrayal, denial, and confusion ran high.

On one hand, I felt as if I were betraying my upbringing by even choosing to go to a predominantly white school. Though it was the right choice for me academically, it meant leaving my culture behind when I moved out. I couldn’t continue my Bharatanatyam career, celebrate Diwali, or even enjoy a good samosa here. By coming to ISU, I had essentially created a separation between my persona at home and who I was at school.

At first, this separation did not hit me too hard. I was dealing with so many other challenges -- navigating a foreign campus, making new friends, balancing classwork and a social life -- that I didn't even have time to realize my identity shift. However, as the dust settled, it became clear to me. As I met my new friends, and began to create a home for myself on this new campus, there was a part of me that felt empty. I had left behind a significant chunk of what made me, me. I had re-established myself here at ISU, but in doing so, forgot to include the most beautiful part.

The more I looked, the more I saw how isolated I was. I was often the only person of color in my classrooms, sticking out immediately. I felt afraid of being too “other-ed”, and in wanting to fit in to my new home, I had assimilated too far. What I could have brought to the table, with my diverse perspectives and unique experiences, I hid, out of shame and fear.

When a rose sits among thorns, it feels threatened, claustrophobic, suffocated. That’s why in a rose bush, the flowers grow at the ends of the stems, so that they can be seen by the world, and be surrounded by other blooming roses, fragrant and beautiful. I realized that I couldn’t thrive and shine to my fullest potential unless I found others who understood the other parts of me, who could relate to the struggles I faced as a minority on a predominantly white campus.

Things began to change when I met another Indian in my dorm building. It was a simple connection, but I found solace in being able to talk to her about the little things, like how much we missed homemade daal rice, and the bigger things, like how alone we felt in our classes. We eventually started a club on campus, South Asian Student Alliance, that allowed us to create a community, however small, of people who are bound together by the same sentiments of a loss of culture and a yearning for belonging.

Our culture doesn’t make us weird, different, alien, or different; it makes us, us. Unique individuals with a rich background that allows us to see the world from a different lens, to experience its beauty with a renewed outlook. It’s not something to hide, but to display proudly, rising out into the light for everyone to see and admire.

- Anushree Rayarikar

pg 41

SPECIAL

THANKS

as time goes on i realize how silly i was to wonder if i would run out of topics to discuss. the world is filled with knowledge and i thank life for allowing me to learn continuously. i thank the physical, emotional and mental hurdles i had to overcome this month, so that i could be a stronger version of myself, today.

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credits

OCT 2020

Cover MIND "you're sensitive, dramatic, & needy" An Interview with Neha BODY An Interview with Mira

SOUL Independence An Interview with Gowtham An Project with Diya Antony hear me out Shravan Hariharan Rachel Alexander Vikas Patel Anushree Rayarikar Back Cover

VOL 1 ISSUE 3

@mirapatelll @by.janani @by.janani @itsnehalicious @by.janani @mirapatelll @mattperture @montanaevanphoto @agomesphotography @by.janani @zk.captures @by.janani @beautybygowthamjeya @diya.antony @zk.captures @shravan.hariharan @rachelx.a @vpatel_ @lolanushree @mirapatelll

SOCIAL MEDIA Instagram Personal Instagram Tik Tok YouTube

@theindianstandard @by,janani @by,janani JANANI

www.the-indianstandard.com

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