The Indian Standard | JUNE 2021

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BY JANANI

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D JUN 2021

FEATURING KRIPA SHAH

A PREVIEW OF HER WORK AND HOW SHE BECAME THE WOMAN SHE IS TODAY

PAUSE PAUSE inhale.exhale.inhale.exhale.inhale.exhale..inhale.exhale.inhale.exhale.inhale.exhale

pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month

pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month pride month is every month

TABLE OF CONTENTS 02

05

09

Pride

Theme Explanation

Wishing Upon A Star

12

21

23

An Interview with Kripa Shah

A Cycle

Waves of Consciousness

28

30

34

A Piece by Melaura Rice

Dear Diary

Special Thanks

THEME

EXPLANATION

PAUSE

take a deep breath. take some time off. create a journey and plan for the unexpected.

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pg 5

TRIGGER

WARNING

&

DISCLAIMER

This magazine may contain detailed information regarding anxiety, depression and suicide. Please read with caution.

The interviews, stories and entries in this magazine are included with the approval of the respective creators. All correspondence and interaction occurred prior to the publication of this issue.

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pg 6

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pg 7

THEME

EXPLANATION

PAUSE

stream

the power of writing words just as they are is strength. in doing this, you are allowing yourself to just be. so many aspects of our life is filtered. whether we like it or not, we tend to create an image of ourselves to certain groups of people; for example, being the best partner you can be to your significant other, putting on a good, positive face at work, or being as aesthetically pleasing as possible on social media. your own thoughts reflect who you are and the closer you can get to understanding them, the better off you are in the long run.

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pg 8

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WISHING UPON A STAR

pg 9

From a young age we are taught to make a wish on our birthday and to “not tell anyone otherwise our wish won’t come true”. From our adolescence we are told to look to the stars to take away our miseries and to hope for a better future. In that, we are always inadvertently creating a narrative that we cannot achieve our biggest and boldest dreams.

pg 10

The only way to truly stop those who have the potential to be the best of best is to stifle them - allow them to honestly believe that they are not capable of accomplishing what they set out to do. Moreover, the only way to truly be successful is to allow yourself to ignore the noise around you, and continue on a path that you believe is correct. Therefore, anyone who believes the safe path is the right path, will make one believe that in order to get what they want in this life, they need only one thing: luck.

In South Asian homes, we rarely encourage a path that hasn’t already been carved out. We come from families that had every obstacle in their path so they made their job the secure one, as financial needs always were a priority. Our happiness and passions take a backseat as they aren’t the most sustainable options. Rather than pouring our hearts into something that our entire mind, body and soul is guiding us towards, some of us are stuck leading a life that is designed for the safety of others.

When will we realize that the only way to save the world, is by putting on our own oxygen mask first.

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe that having a plan for our future in order for it to be stable is necessary.

However, we never put faith in the younger generation that they may have ideas that are vastly different than ours. We never trust the unknown, even when the pleading to do so comes from our own blood. We are always caught between our own ideals and what society deems as “safe”, rather than expanding on what different flavors our ideals can extend to.

Regardless of circumstance, I hope it can be understood that you don’t have to wish for luck anymore. The most active and inactive thing that we can do for ourselves is to just believe in our potential. To look at our dreams as a guideline and steps towards a goal. No matter the wish, the best is yet to come, and that fundamental belief is crucial in order to get anywhere in this life.

pg 11

rhymes with

Kripa Shah

pg 12

INGREDIENTS Listen up for my recipe, I’m about to spill out all the tea.

She took a pot and poured the water, She looked down, smiled at her daughter.

She said my love, take a listen to me, Make sure ya find love that tastes like tea.

Someone who gives a vibe so good, Like sipping a warm cup of tea on the porch.

She threw two spoonfuls of chai in, With some sugar, ginger and a lil bit of mint.

Can’t forget that elaichi and some dudh, This tea about to taste just like it should.

“My dear make sure you appreciate this, And by this I mean the little things you’ll miss.

When you’re off on your own livin, You’ll find home in things like this mint”.

Then the water started boilin up, She poured in the milk from a cup.

Now it’s time to wait for the rise, Attention must be there with our eyes.

She said this waiting is just like real life, Patience is required almost all the time.

If you want things to be well and right, Make sure you give love and it’ll be fine.

The rise came fast and strong, And no doubt, she was not wrong.

The perfect cups of chai had been made, And I learned to live life without that hate.

pg 13

I don’t know how, but throughout all this and more, I continued to love myself. I just genuinely liked that I was different and that carried on. I have been just trying to learn from the people around me and learn from my own experiences in order to better take care of my self.

pg 14

my mental health journey I didn’t grow up in an environment where I could establish where my “mental health journey” began. I was surrounded by the ideology that we all need to pretend that our mental health problems were not actually there and although I was exposed to this concept at a young age, I also understood that these problems were in fact there: people could be not mentally okay. From elementary school and on, I became very aware of how to be around certain people that may have mental health issues and in turn, was almost engineered to be empathetic. Later, I experienced my own mental health issues in high school because I was bullied for how I dressed, not knowing who I was or what I wanted and I was also struggling with my sexuality - all of this was internal. I couldn’t share this with anybody. I didn’t really think to seek help either because no one was really doing that around me. I just thought people my age sucked because they would call me gay before I even really knew what that meant. I was receiving so much judgement about me without knowing enough about myself - of course I knew that I just was not allowed to dress like a tomboy and be myself. I don’t know how, but throughout all this and more, I continued to love myself. I just genuinely liked that I was different and that carried on. I have been just trying to learn from the people around me and learn from my own experiences in order to better take care of my self.

I am a pretty adaptable person but for some reason, starting my actual job was hard. Now all of a sudden I am trying to go to work in the morning at 8 am, combat traffic and deal with the fact that my start up was all young professionals. Not to say it was all bad, but the thing is, everyone expects younger people to work and work to the point you get burnt out. You get burnt out a few times and the more you know at work, the bigger the stakes are in terms of projects and deadlines. This took a huge toll on me overall. I even wrote a line in one of my rhymes at the time, “I didn’t even have a proper boss to tell me when it’s time to take a pause.” I was living in a studio apartment by myself, my relationship was taking a hit, I was planning on coming out to my parents - all these things kept coming up and because I wasn’t mentally okay, it started to affect my relationship as well. It all led to 1.5-2 years of me giving my relationship, family, work and my circumstances an exorbitant amount of patience, and I just didn’t have the time to give it to myself. And that led to burn out.

I would always write rhymes as a way to cope. It started because I would like someone and I wanted to get it out in this form and it just progressed. It became a natural place for me to just be and I guess it took the place of journaling in some ways. When I moved to New York, someone was like “you should post your rhymes”. They encouraged me by saying it’s not about if your work is good or not, someone is bound to feel what you feel if you post it. pg 15

TREAD CAREFULLY My best friend said tread carefully I said ok but I fall every time she look at me Yeah tread carefully, carefully My best friend said you gotta tread carefully what’s up with the cards gods givin me every shawty that come thru is a masterpiece but one thing comes up that’s a block for me she don’t know what it’s like to be with a girl & flees still every time I see that smile, my knees are weak that’s why my best friend said tread carefully Why’s it gotta be so hard with me?

If you like me it’s real simple please Me being a girl is an issue with society But you like me because of me, riiiiighttt?

So let’s try to just try to set you free Let me give you a kiss & a hug, big squeeezeee Hello BFF, are you listening?

I just wanna love her real good till the end of me.

This shit so unfair I just wanna girl so pretty Shorty that loves herself inside & out, really.

A queen that knows she want me, don’t need me Someone so sure that it’s forever, ya feel me?

She said I deserve someone to be in love with me But if she’s the one pointing out details she sees Like the way I express myself when I’m giddy Then aint she in love and just getting scardy?

My best friend said I know, but tread carefully I said ok but I fall every time she look at me Yeah tread carefully, carefully My best friend said you gotta tread carefully I said ok but I fall every time she breathes Yeah tread carefully, carefully pg 16

SEE ME Oh mother, I wish you could see me See me as a friend See me as this person See me as I am.

I wish you would believe What I see What my heart sees Every beautiful piece.

For I am me I am you I am good I am free.

Oh mother, how I wish you could see me.

See my mom is my best friend in every single way But the one thing that hurts the most, I cannot say I get a lot of heartbreak, girls cut off my wings I wish I could tell momma all of these things.

Your love, your hug, your food, your smile, All the things that make my heart stretch a mile.

I still wish to tell you about my pain All the moments my heart has been stained But I know enough to assume what you’d tell me “Baby, idk what love is but it ain’t always pretty.”

pg 17

heal create & grow

pg 18

B OstillD Y

pg 19

THEME

EXPLANATION

PAUSE

still

slow and steady wins the race. an Aesop fable was written to state this very sentiment; something that we have heard since childhood, and quite frankly, most of us do not follow this. we are always looking to work as hard as we can rather than create a mindset that is clear and level. the value of a clear mind is unbeatable as we are able to create a life that we desire with pure ease.

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pg 20

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a cycle

It’s been a struggle to just be me lately. I am finding myself constantly comparing myself to others and even my past self. I am not happy in my own skin. It’s like the littlest things that are bothering me. Somedays it’s my external appearance, my lack of routine, my productivity, my home life, my relationships - the list goes on. Being in this mental state is highly triggering and can lead to issues that may seem unprecedented. Enduring life with a lack of sense of self can feel empty. As though you are a passenger on a train that never stops. Constantly going through life with a body that doesn’t feel like yours. Connecting your mind with your body is a hard realization with a simple instruction manual. The more I breathe consciously, the more I feel my body and my mind expand and compress. Quite literally, I am using a mind, body connection to elevate my mindset - in other words, the only way I can truly heal is with my own self. Every part of me needs to want to be better, otherwise, I cannot fight this battle.

pg 21

It’s funny, when we want to commit to an action, we always say “I will put my mind to it”. Part of how we are raised, we are expected to look at things with a “clear mind”, a narrow, absolute path.

Bringing on a sense that logic pervades all heart and soul, a fundamental that created the denotation of “emotion”. We associate body parts with meaning that serves to only belittle us.

Phrases like, “you are quite sensitive”, or “stop overreacting” can only make those feel less than, not empower as the intention so suggests. Rather, it is imperative to create action with the purest, complete inaction. Creating a dissonance within yourself by evading these emotions may only drive a wedge between the present moment, and the true emotion you must feel. Being you is not finding yourself. It’s realizing that is has been there the entire time.

pg 22

waves of subconsciousness I type as I think. I think as I type.

My words tumble down to the tips of my fingers as I barely bring them into consciousness I am neither hopeful nor worried.

I let my thoughts be as they are, just to finally see their true form I dream as I am. I am as I dream.

I wait for the day to carry out my wishes yet I only ever remain still I am neither happy nor sad.

I let my life be as is it appears, just to see my true denotations I wander through the world with my words in hand Waiting to strike; my line of armor up Rather than thought, my word is forthright A shield I never thought I had to eradicate Wandering through the waves did I notice The absence that was within me The waves were never supposed to carry me from shore to shore Rather allow me to see how far I had come.

pg 23

pg 24

pg 25

S Osee U L

pg 26

THEME

EXPLANATION

PAUSE

see

we choose to ignore the present moment. as we notice how our lives have changed over the years, and we look to the future, we note that our deepest, darkest secrets follow us. true liberation is living for just right now. fulfilling your purpose for this very moment, and doing the very best you can.

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pg 27

a poem

by Melaura Rice

pg 28

Sun drenched cobblestone meets cloud

Shy feet touch down

Eyes grazing ochre stone

Silently rise as rays flood your eyes

Leave your phone floating at home

Who you know is asleep, anyways

One foot out the door

Leaving always the option of a clean slate

Even in this radiant escape

Days by days, weeks by weeks,

Boredom and simple pleasures the only company

Try not to lose yourself in things so sweet

Pastries keep their pleasure but lose their golden flake

Reading in the soft grass sweet and sleepy

Walking figure eights

Where there is nothing to post and nowhere to go

You need to let the sunlight stream in and let the flowers grow

But planting the seeds only happens on your own

Vines so vast they shatter the slate

Begonias blanketing the ground

Green doesn’t dare to peek

So vast that crushing them beneath you

Intoxicating honey, the tune to your retreat

Has become the choice forever less sweet

pg 29

If our brain can grow and evolve on its own, what would happen if we put intention and love behind it?

pg 30

June 2021

dear diary, I was a rather sad child growing up. Through my understanding of literature and interest in nature, my fascination for the world became introspective. I became hyper aware of my growth and how much I was able to grasp concepts beyond myself. Prior to this however, I was extremely depressed and found toxic traits that would eventually lead me to many downward spirals in the future. I was terrified and extremely young - it was as if I was sad and anxious at the possibility of being sad and anxious. It was like I made myself the victim in a story that I concocted, or so I was told.

My brain created scenarios which was only leading to my eventual doom, a path that was filled with sensory detail beyond a 12 year olds comprehension. My imagination had always taken me places yet my true strengths wouldn’t be understood for another ten years. I grew a sense of pure and utter self hatred. I was constantly negative and never understood that my mind was my own enemy. Eventually I turned 22. My life took a dramatic turn in the winter of 2019 leading into the beginning of 2020, a year of immeasurable external growth and change. I saw that there was life beyond my issues, a fact that typing now seems so obvious. But I suppose that is my point.

pg 31

June 2021

I coined the term ‘Day 1 versus Day 30 Mentality’ to explain this exact phenomenon. Essentially, the first day of our struggles is bleak. We may not see the light at the end of the tunnel and hope gets replaced by fear, worry and self doubt. Our vibration lowers and our thought process muddles where we cannot see beyond our immediate pain. As the days progress, and weeks turns into months, we can understand why situations occurred the way they did. We can also mentality resolve them as “it is what it is” - in the most neutral way possible.

Day 30 doesn’t necessarily literally have to mean the thirtieth day.

It can mean a few days, months or even years - however long you may need to resolve your mental health issues is completely up to your own volition, and that liberation is what actually led to me to put a term on this type of growth. The ability to see perspective on our issues is golden and can be the most valuable set of skills you can obtain. In this way, you may understand that growth from the first day of pain versus the thirtieth day, would look vastly different. So much so, that you may even believe that everything does happen for a reason.

pg 32

June 2021

If our brain can grow and evolve on its own, what would happen if we put intention and love behind it? What would happen if we practically made our mind grow where our teachings and learnings would be retained? So much of our day to day is consumed with thought against our natural progression. We are actually supposed to win. This life that is presented to us sets us up with challenges and victories so that we can fully appreciate each and every moment. The point of it, is to experience it all.

The struggle, the pain, the excitement and each and every moment is supposed to be endured and treasured - however we forget that on Day 1. We forgot that this is supposed to be a part of our path when life hands us struggle. You are supposed to win and life is indeed, supposed to make you question your place in this world. So just know, if you find yourself constantly wondering, you’re on the right track.

pg 33

SPECIAL

THANKS

your environment can always change. i live a life to create, and when my outside world shows me instability, i lose my sense of self. therefore, i create only when i mentally can. for some, creativity is born through pain, however for me, it is bred in positive circumstances only. so, this 'thank you' goes to you. you've encouraged me in more ways than one. thank you for your support, kindness and love. i will never be able to fully express my gratitude, for allowing me to be a part of your day.

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credits

JUN 2021

Cover MIND An Interview with Kripa Shah BODY SOUL A Piece by Melaura Rice Back Cover

VOL 2 ISSUE 6

@kriptonightt captured by: @zkcaptures @by.janani @kriptonightt @by.janani @by.janani @melauraaa @kriptonightt captured by: @zkcaptures

SOCIAL MEDIA Instagram Personal Instagram Tik Tok YouTube

@theindianstandard @by,janani @by,janani JANANI

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inhale.exhale.inhale.exhale.inhale.exhale..inhale.exhale.inhale.exhale.inhale.exhale