The Indian Standard | NOV 2020

t

S

h

T

e

A

I

N

BY JANANI

FEATURING

SWARNAA RAJALINGAM

ON TAMIL REPRESENTATION, SOCIAL MEDIA GROWTH & THE BROWN COMMUNITY

ZENAB KASHIF

ON LIFE AS A SOUTH ASIAN MUSLIM WOMAN & FULL-TIME FREELANCING

DEVINA GOHIL

ON FINDING HER IDENTITY WITHIN THE SOCIAL MEDIA BROWN COMMUNITY & HOW THAT HAS IMPACTED HER MENTAL HEALTH

N

D

D

I

A

A

R

N

D NOV 2020

TABLE OF CONTENTS 03 Theme Explanation

19 pain

32 threads & togetherness

06

11

november

An Interview with Zenab Kashif

20

27

An Interview with Swarnaa Rajalingam

An Interview with Devina Gohil

33

40

From Your Diary

Special Thanks

THEME

EXPLANATION

THREADS

our generation lives in the grey area. we consistently ride between collectivism & individualism. we are comfortable with being neither completely Indian nor American. our generation is constantly in the middle. this is not a conscious decision, rather a circumstance that we have had to acknowledge and adapt into - while inconvenient at times, we must remember a simple fact. we as individuals are merely threads that weave together to build a rich South Asian American Community.

t

h

e

I

N

D

I

A

N

S

T

A

N

D

A

R

D

pg 3

e t a h d r s e t a r eda d sh r s t e h a r d e s t a h d r es a d sr t e h a r d e s a t d h s r t r eh a d es a r d e s a t d h s r t e h r er a d sa d e s a t d h s r t e h a r r e a d sd e s a t d h s r t e pgh4 a r

h t t r h h e r r a e e d a a th d r e a d ss t d s h s t r t h e h r a r e d a e s d a t s d th t r e a d sh s r h t r e h e a r a d e d s a t s t d h h t rh r esa d sr t e e h a a d r d s e s t a t h d h r s r e th e r e ta d s a h a d d r s s e t t a h h d r r s e e t a r e a d sa th h d d r s s t e t h h a r r d e e s a a t

t t r h h e r r a e e d a a t hd r e ast d s d s s h t t r h h e r r a e e d a a s d d t s s t ht r e ah d s t r h h e r r a e e d a a s d d t s s h t t r h h t hr r e a d s r e e e a a a d d d s s s t t t h h h r r r e t he r e aa d s e a a d d d s s s t t t h h h r r r e e e a t ha r e a d s a d d d s s s t t t h h h r r r e e e a a a

t r h e r a e d a t h str e a d s d h s t r e h a r d e s a t d t h hr e a sd s r t e h a r d e s a t d h s r t h r e at d s e h a r d e s a t d h s r t e t h ar e ahd s r d e s a t d h s r t e h a t h r e a rd s d e s a t d h s r t e h a

t h r e a t d s t h r e a d st t h r e a d s t h r e a d s t ht r e a d s t h t r e a d s t h

h

h

e a d s t rh e r e a d s t h rr e e a d s t h r e a d s t h r e ra e d s t h r e a rd e s t h r e a

t h r e a a dd s t h r e a d a sd t h r e a d s t h r e a d s t h a rd e a d s t h r ad e a d s t h r

s

s

r e a d s tt h r e a d s t h t r e a d s t h r e a d s t h r e at d s t h r e a dt s t h r e a

h

h

t h r e r ae d s t h r e a rde s t h r e a d s t h r e a d r se t h r e a d s r te h r e a d s

a

a

we all exist in

h

h

s

s

h

h

a

a

r

r

t h r e a eda s t h r e a d es a t h r e a d s t h r e a d s t h er a e a d s t h r ea e a d s t h r

d

d

e a d s t sh r e a d s t h sr e a d s t h r e a d s t h r e sa d s t h r e a sd s t h r e a

t

t

t h r e a h d s t h r e a d s h t h r e a d s t h r e a d s t h r h e a d s t h r e a h d s t h r e a

r

r

t h r e e aa d s t h r e a d ea s t h r e a d s t h r e a d s e ta h r e a d s t ea h r e a d s t

h r e a d d ss t h r e a d s t d sh r e a d s t h t hr r e a d s t h r d se a d s t h r e d sa d s t h r e a

the grey area

r

r

d

d

t

t

r

r

t r h e r a e d a t hd r e ast s h t r h e r a e d a s d t s t ht r e ah r h e r a e d a s d t s h t r h e ar d s e e a a d d s s t t h h r r e t he r e aa a d d s s t t h h r r e e t ha r e aa d d s s t t h h r r e e a a

t h r e a dsd s t h r e a d s dst h r e a d s t h t h rr e a d s t h r dse a d s t h r e dsa d s t h r e a

r e a d t h str e h r e a d s t t h hr e r e a d s t h r eads e a d s t h r e t h ar e d s t h r e t h ar e d s t h r e a

t h r e a ads d s t h r e a d a sd s t h r e a d s tt h h r e a d s t ahd s r e a d s t h a rd s e a d s t h

t h r e a th d s t h r e a d sth t h r e a d s rt e a h r e a d s t ht h r e a d s t h th r e a d s t h

e a d s t rh e r e a d s t h rr e e a d s t h r e s d a d s t h r e ra e d s t h r e a rd e s t h r e a

t h r e a a dd s s t h r e a d a sd s t h r e a d s t th h r e a d s t h a rd s e a d s t h r ads e a d s t h r

r e a d s tt h h r e a d s t h th r e a d s t h r r ee a a d s t h r e at h d s t h r e a dt h s t h r e a

t h r e r ae a d s t h r e a rde a s t h r e a d dss t h r e a d r se a t h r e a d s r te a h r e a d pg 5 s

American Born Highly Informed About All Cultures Desi

pg 6

November. It’s a time in the Unites States for family - American families that is. As an Indian American, I got asked by white people, “so do you guys do anything for Thanksgiving or Christmas?” I always answered awkwardly and would say “yeah we have some sort of potluck I guess…” I never had strong feelings towards this month as a child since my parents did not prioritize Thanksgiving at all. I mean why would they? They grew up in India and celebrated Indian holidays and this translated in my home as well. This sentiment is completely understandable but as an Indian American, a lot of us are left confused on what to be. Are we American, Indian or our own personal concoction?

I think every Indian American is completely different in what they value. I mean we joke about finding friends that are the “perfect combination of cultured and white-washed” and I think those very specific qualities we look for are different for each person. We go to college, get immersed by Indian events and people, get called too cultured by some and not cultured enough by others, and somehow create our niche. As future parents, this leaves us at our own very unique pain. The American Born Highly Informed About All Cultures Desi.

november november november november november november november november november novembernovember november november novem

november november november november november november november november november novembernovember november november novem

november november november november november november november november november november november

pg 7

november november november november november november november november november november november

pg 8

I mean what do we tell our future generations? That we picked apart every single Indian that we came across and judged them based on how Indian and cultured they were? If they listened to only Indian music because they loved it so much, they were a FOB. If they listened to both and respected all cultures, then they were confused. If they only listen to American music, then they were written off as whitewashed. None of us can win.

This constant judgement causes so many disruptions in households. We go back home during Thanksgiving break for the first time in the semester and our families hit us with “you’ve lost so much weight”, “do you pray in college and keep up with what we taught you or are you drinking all the time”, “focus on studies and don’t socialize.” Too whitewashed for our home and not cultured enough to be Indian American. I mean… where do we stand when none of us are on the same page of what an Indian American means?

At the end of the day, our culture is defined as who we are as individuals and how we celebrate together. It’s collectivism and individualism simultaneously and we weave our own experiences together to create a blanket term of “Indian American”. We recognize that everyone is different, but we don’t celebrate that, we criticize. Next time, think… what is it all for? Whose standards are we placing on everyone and why does it matter? If we are all aware of all cultures, then that’s all we can ask for. We are the threads for our future and this country has provided our parents with so much opportunity. The best we can do is remain as American Born Highly Informed About All Cultures Desi.

november november november november november november november november november novembernovember november november novem

november november november november november november november november november novembernovember november november novem

november november november november november november november november november november november

november november november november november november november november november november november

M IstrandN D

pg 9

THEME

EXPLANATION

THREADS

strand each thought, each idea and each fragment can be the base for every movement. it only takes one seed of an idea to change the way our society operates. whether it is through understanding the diaspora or to how our mental health is affected by it, it all starts with a seed of thought. a mere strand.

t

pg 10

h

e

I

N

D

I

A

N

S

T

A

N

D

A

R

D

pg 11

ZENAB KASHIF @zk.captures

pg 12

an interview with Zenab Kashif Even though I have lived a good chunk my entire life in the suburbs of Minnesota, I've grown up in a really South Asian influenced household. Growing up in Minnesota, there isn't a large number of Indian people and I didn’t really have an Indian friend group growing up. However, that did not stop me. I have love and value my identity as a South Asian Muslim women. After all, it is a big part of who I am. A lot of my understanding of the culture and religion comes from my parents. They are your typical Indian parents with the typical Indian parent mindset. We belong to a smaller sect within Shia Islam, and it’s a really small community. We would go to the masjid (mosque) quite often growing up and that’s still a large part of my life now. Although their mindset is very different than mine, my parents have never pushed too much on me. They really only have a few requirements - do good work, strive for success, and be a good Muslim women.

When it came to choosing how to live life and what to study, my parents never had the opportunity to choose - so, because of that, they didn’t want to take that opportunity away from me. My parents are both software engineers - pretty typical - but they wanted to give me the chance to pick what I wanted to do.

They were supportive towards me studying design and are still very supportive towards me and my freelance design business - in fact, they were the ones who convinced me to go for it full time. I firmly believe that success comes to those who put their heart into their work and that mindset has definitely been instilled in me through my parents.

pg 13

Through high school, I was always more of the artsy type, and I wasn’t that nerdy at all. I knew I was going to do something creative, however my mind never went to studying graphic design.

Honestly, there is such limited representation of creative careers in our community that I had no idea it was a viable option. So, I decided to pursue marketing. However, after a few weeks in the program, I realized it wasn’t what I wanted to do. The marketing program was more analytical and less creative than I imagined it would be. So, I talked to my advisor and she was the one who told me about the graphic design program. When I had that conversation about switching majors with my parents, I simply read the major description and they immediately knew that’s where I belonged. Thankfully, my university had a design program and it worked out really well - not everyone has that luxury, so I am super thankful for that. However, it was tough sometimes. I didn’t know too many people of color in the program and I wish there was more diversity. Although, it was nice having a smaller class size and close relationships with the professors - I wish there were more people to look up to as a South Asian. I always had to search for people to network with outside of the classroom, which would get difficult and exhausting. pg 14

However, I made it through the program, graduated, and am now in the freelance world - working for myself. Freelancing was kind of thrown at me as a product of the pandemic. Had it not been for the current work climate, I would’ve been working for an agency somewhere. Working as a freelance designer is a very untraditional thing to do right after graduation, as it is very unpredictable and requires lots of effort. Even if people pursue it, it is usually just for a short period of time between looking for jobs. However, I knew that if I was going to go for freelance - I wanted to be fully invested. So, it was quite a tough decision. Luckily, my parents and my close friends all told me to go for it. I wouldn't be where I am if they did not, so I am so lucky to have them in my life. If you told me last year that I’d be focusing on ZKCaptures full time, working with more than a dozen clients at once, and managing an intern - I wouldve called you crazy. This is literally a dream come true and I couldn't be more thankful.

pg 15

Work life aside, it hasn't been easy when it comes to mental health. My struggles come largely from imposter syndrome, anxiety, and, above all, the disconnect between me and my family. I love my parents, of course, but they have a different perspective on a lot of things.

As my parents age, they get more conservative and the older I get, the more we tend to clash.

Back in highschool, I was pretty submissive and I would do the things that a “good muslim daughter” would do. However, once I moved out and realized what the world has to offer, I became more firm on my identity and became less of the person my parents expected me to become. I am constantly challenging the way they perceive things. In my opinion, if they are willing to give me the opportunity to find myself professionally, then they should give me the same opportunity religiously as well. Mental health and clashing with parents is a constant battle, but I feel like that is the case with a lot of South Asians. That’s why it is so important to find a supportive community. The road ahead is not going to be easy, but the journey is much easier when you find others who understand you.Additionally, there’s no culture with dating, it’s more like out of sight, out of mind. I wouldn’t bring anyone home. At this point my parents are asking, “if you want to get married within the next five years you should start thinking about it now”. My faith doesn’t track everything I do, it's never really bothered me because it hasn’t been a huge part of my life.

But at the same time, I value my family and what I have been brought up with, so it's this constant dissonance that I battle interally. pg 16

B OfabricD Y

pg 17

THEME

EXPLANATION

THREADS

fabric we think about time as a way to describe distortion. as in, space & time moves in a continuous field and energy is what interrupts it. as we manifest our ideals, we notice resistance in some capacity. staying true to our roots has proven to be very difficult in relation to our external, however i urge you to take that strand of thought and willpower, and weave it into fabric. a tangible reality you may relish in.

t

pg 18

h

e

I

N

D

I

A

N

S

T

A

N

D

A

R

D

PAIN We all experience hurt in different ways. Some feel it through tasks, environment, people or situations, but regardless, pain fills every day of our lives. That is not to say that our lives are occupied with misery, however it is important to acknowledge that through understanding, we can all seek peace and unity.

One of the easiest ways to put this into perspective is through the brown community. We all have similar upbringings and stories, yet our community is one of the most divided. Understanding and compassion is replaced with unhappiness and comparison and we do nothing to change it.

Pain is one of those events that linger. We experience this for long periods of time, so much so that it turns into trauma. In order to put a halt to this, we must seek a way to look inwards and figure out what triggers and pains us, for me it’s loneliness and the lack of community.

Everyone has their own unique formula of pain and in order to show compassion for someone else, we have to do some introspection and find what pains us individually. Only then can we understand what it means to be Indian American – the very blend of individualism and collectivism.

pg 19

SWARNAA RAJALINGAM an interview with

pg 20

My name is Swarnaa but on social media people recognise me as "The Life of a Social Butterfly." I am a content creator who is passionate about fusing creativity and relatability to address issues around inclusivity, colourism, body positivity and mental health. As cliche as it sounds I truly do believe content is king and I am so passionate about the impact content can have in conveying a powerful message, empowering people and raising awareness.

How did you come up with your name (The Life of a Social Butterfly)?

Ever since I was a kid I've been quite social and very chatty. I believe I was three years old living in Auckland, New Zealand playing in the front yard and just having a nice chat with anyone who walked passed. One day we had some of my parents' friends over and my parents were about to introduce me when the uncle & aunty stated he has already spoken to me when he used to go for walks past my house. This chatty, social nature of me really carried through. My friends have always referred to me as a social butterfly because I've always been very comfortable making new friends and just excelling in social settings. I guess having been to 7 different schools in my life, 2 different universities really brought out the butterfly in me.

pg 21

What made you want to break barriers in the brown content creator industry, as your content is not very mainstream?

Growing up being ostracised for my darker complexion I struggled a lot with my confidence. Whatever media I was consuming I just didn't see a lot of people who I truly resonated with. As I started posting, one of the most consistent comments I received from the get go has been how it makes them happy to see someone that looks like them or has similar experiences to them. When I started to share more of my personal struggles, reflections and so forth I noticed there was a global community of us with very similar challenges. It was very unifying and liberating to connect and realise we aren't alone. I really do believe in the power of content in the form of imagery, writing, music and so forth and how it can really spread a message, open people's eyes and challenge their perceptions.

What do you attribute your growth to?

I can attribute my growth to a serious accumulation of many factors. I really do believe the core of it comes down to yourself. Anyone's growth or success has to first start with themselves. Believing in yourself and being prepared to put yourself out there. After that I have to truly thank my family. I know this whole content creation space, putting yourself out there on a global platform is very daunting for parents. I know many parents who still have their reservations and kids who message me all the time about this. So I am thankful my parents have taken the time to understand why I am doing this and have been extremely supportive. Many of my content features my friends and family and I love how enthusiastic they are about it. Further to that this incredible online community. I wouldn't be anywhere without everyone that has checked out my content, takes the time to share their love/feedback, follow and just send the most encouraging messages. There's also an incredible creator community within the South Asian space. I have made some of the best friendships through our common love for content.

They've been really supportive. pg 22

Describe your relationship with mental health.

Let's just say this has been one rollercoaster of a ride and will continue to be. Growing up in a South Asian household it wasn't a topic that was ever really discussed. I had to learn alot about mental health on my own just like many others. I have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past. I was suffering from it severely back in 2012/2013 which I have worked through. I am currently in the process of trying to get hypnotherapy to work through further built in trauma. I think seeking therapy for mental health needs to be normalised. When you work through things that have been swept under the rug, you unlock further potential in you. There are things that may have happened when you were younger than you never fully digested, processed or worked through. The after effects of those incidents may trigger you in different ways that you don't even realise. Working through it will make the biggest difference.

How do you navigate the brown community on social media and do you have any tips?

I think we have such an incredible brown community on social media. We take creativity to another level and I really love seeing more brown people feel empowered to embrace who they are, fuse their culture and explore their identity. Many of us have been displaced from native homelands and have had to deal with trying to fit in a society that doesn't always fully accept us.

However, the online brown community almost feels like a different realm where we're feeling more confident to express ourselves, embrace our identities, see others do it and just revel in it. I have received so many great opportunities being a creator within the brown community. It's been nothing short of amazing.

Some of my tips for anyone wanting to navigate the brown community I would recommend:- don't be afraid to put yourself out there- don't feel the need to conform. Express yourself for you, there are thousands of others out there that will find you, love you and support you. Just give it time. - be open to supporting your fellow creators within the brown community.

Whatever energy you put out there is what you will get back. don't be afraid to reach out to and collaborate. Numbers don't define you. Put in effort into your vision and people will pg 23 gravitate towards you and want to work with you.

pg 24

S OsuitU L

pg 25

THEME

EXPLANATION

THREADS

suit creating a life for yourself that is both fulfilling and tailored to you is a beautiful thing. we work so hard to wake up every morning in order maintain balance and from time to time, it is important to evaluate if you are truly living a life that you respect and treasure. you start with an idea, grow it into a reality and then you get to finally live. live freely, fully & completely. it's all about finding what suits you.

t

pg 26

h

e

I

N

D

I

A

N

S

T

A

N

D

A

R

D

pg 27

an interview with

DEVINA GOHIL

“Keep to what you love and don’t be phased by the lack of recognition. Your growth within yourself will go a long way” pg 28

How did you get into content creation?

Art has always been my identity. I used to spend all my breaks as a child just bringing my tools everywhere with me and it has influenced me greatly. To be honest, I was not trying to go down a creative route for my career and I bounced around a lot of things.

My theory was initially to not allow my passions to be my career because I truly did not want to lose that fire within me, but then I realised how lost I felt by not focusing my energy on the arts, so I decided to just go with it. I actually studied English and Creative Writing, thinking that would stick because I am just such a fan of every art form. If I had gone with my original plan to study Medicine, I knew I could do well but I realised that I wasn't prepared to allow my creative passions to take a back seat. During this time I also started my journey with YouTube. So one day I just got out my laptop, balanced it on an ironing board and a stack of books, and just started filming.

So when I got into social media, I spent more time on YouTube.

That has always been my main platform and when I made my Instagram account, I was like ‘whatever I’ll just keep this for formalities’ - I even deleted my personal account so I can focus on just posting on my public. Things really started to pick up for me when we all went on lockdown and it really allowed me the time to focus on purely my passions. I had the opportunity to put a lot more time and effort into it and it just grew so fast… it’s been amazing to just work on what I love.

How would you describe your sense of style and direction?

My personal style is a reflection of who I am, but it was so hard to find it initially. Once I figured it out though, I never let it go because I just love dressing and expressing who I am. It is so satisfying and when I would leave my house to go to the grocery store for example, I was that girl that would dress up so much and the whole “why are you walking around like it’s a fashion show” was such a thing for me! Honestly, I think the way people dress and accessorize is a reflection of who they are, so I want to always represent myself honestly and stay authentic. Even now though, a lot of people don’t really get my sense of style. I don’t really go with simplicity so I get DM’s and comments about my style and it really goes back to how I worked so hard to find myself, that I can’t go back.

pg 29

So I have been struggling with mental health since I was a child. But the thing is, as a kid you don’t always know when something is wrong because it is your reality, so how can you expect someone young to articulate that they aren’t well? I guess I didn’t really think I had any issues until it was 2017 and I was explaining my thought process to my mom. After I did that, I just saw her expression and she was like, “that is not how people think” and I was shocked. My whole life I thought anxiety and overthinking was something that everyone had (at the degree in which I have it) and when realizing that isn’t the case, I was just dumbfounded. Everything erupted at that point and my anxiety was at a peak. After that it has been constant work. I am constantly trying to make sure that I am well and okay but sometimes those techniques don’t work. It is hard, hard work, and sometimes it doesn’t pay off because nothing is more debilitating than realizing you are back to square one. It’s all about constantly learning about myself and being okay with whatever stage I am at.

I based a lot of my YouTube channel on mental health, as it was during this time that I finally discovered and faced my lifelong struggle with it. My platform allowed me to really express what I went through, and be able to reach so many people who could relate with my story.

The fact people found support and comfort through that, and continue to do so through my mental health related content is why I find it so important to stay genuine and transparent regarding a topic which is often summarised and dumbed down. I worked so hard to find myself, particularly mentally, which is why it’s something I prioritise speaking openly about when it comes to having a platform.

pg 30

pg 31

threads strand. fabric. suit. it all starts with a thread. it takes one idea to live your dream life. it takes one decision to help our struggle with being an Indian American. we all have our own unique thread and none of them are the same. different paths, same story, one destination: togetherness.

pg 32

From Your Diary

WITH A I S W A R Y A

R A N I

S U N I L

A N O N Y M O U S Y A S H I

S A M R E N D R A

pg 33

Aiswarya Rani Sunil FROM THE DIARY OF

pg 34

This is the tale of an oppressed child who found her voice through art and fashion. Sounds like a cliché story that one would share. Well it is common, no doubt! Although it’s a journey some find it hard to break through. So, here I am sharing my story of exhorting passion and beauty while in an attempt to bury a toxic relationship and society's hegemonic statement that my freedom does not exist.

I’m an Indian who spent all my life in India witnessing and adhering to stereotypes, culture and the patriarchal ways of south India. I was lucky to have grown in the 21st century of India where our parents wished for us to mimic the western language yet hold on to our Indian roots. Assimilating to the foreign language allowed me to venture into variant cultures through the Internet. These ventures expanded my views and gave me a chance to be the open minded individual I am today. As an Indian child having parents and ancestors who have adhered to society since time immemorial makes it hard for the inventive and curious nature of children. Those children who wish to enforce their knowledge of creating their own lifestyle which they have appropriated will find it difficult especially when hailed from an ethnocentric Hindu family.

At the age of sixteen I fell into adolescence and like most teens I was self-absorbed. I often confused my emotions of infatuation to that of love. I loved as though it was my duty to, the perfect picture to please was my way of life and in the mean-time to ward off those arrows of insecurities that were shot by my then beloved was what I had considered bold. Four years passed till I figured the relationship I had in fruition was draining me of my childhood, aspirations and my individuality. The realization of the loss and the disappointment had me face changes, changes I brought within me for the worst. As of then my judgments were based on my past, confidence in another was impossible as it was ripped off and self-comparison was priority. Well a whole lot of effort, compassion and support from my loved ones and those who have been by my side aided to the recovery of the broken person I was. It was then I found my passion in putting together clothes and decorating myself, when I couldn’t pull myself together, I found love and joy in ensembling clothes and make up.

Today I have been recognized by fellow artists, I have the support I need coming to me from all directions. I use self-portraits to depict my style of fashion and the reason I chose this path is because it allows me to focus on who I want to be and how I want to present myself as well as my surroundings. For when you surround yourself with positivity the universe conspires to provide you with what you are rooting for. This path of living to the fullest was instilled in me by Paulo Coelho and till today it drives me towards my goals.

I grew a sapling of self-worth and fashion life over the debris that lies on the ground reminding me that they still exist and could come back and haunt me. As Jay Shetty would say “Failures are only failures when we don’t learn from them but when we learn from them, they become lessons in life”.

Every time I blink and let the past’s shadow fall on me, it's not easy getting out of it, neither is it impossible.

As a person who is privileged to have contained peer pressure, societal pressure, mental pressure ( it’s not really something an individual can be completely cured off but it can be contained) the right set of peers and support that I received that resurrected me into being what I am today. I would love to reach out to individuals and portray that if I could find peace at a time I thought nothing was possible I’m sure that if we became a community that loves and supports each other, there is no limit to what we wish to achieve.

- Aiswarya Rani Sunil

pg 35

Anonymous FROM THE DIARY OF

pg 36

Many south Asians, in-fact many people of all ethnic backgrounds, have the awkward delight of carrying names which are different to the typical westerner, in terms of length, pronunciation, religious background, and similarity to funny English words. This leaves us open to ridicule, occupational discrimination, and the awkward cringeyness of teachers butchering our names during registration.

Coming from a Sri Lankan Sinhalese catholic background, my name represents all of these features of myself. Starting off with the traditional Sri Lankan 'ge' name (pronounced gay), my family's original surname left at the front of my name as it was in the traditional Sri Lankan naming system. Given the homophobic background of western culture I felt the shame of not telling people the proper way to pronounce my name out of fear of even worse ridicule than I was already subjected to for this name being so different. Then there's a very westerly normal English catholic name which allowed me the opportunity to avoid these issues I’ve described, and my traditional Sri Lankan name which my mother calls me.

Up until I was in secondary school I went by my traditional Sri Lankan name; this is what everyone in my family called me so didn’t feel weird at all. However, my brothers and sisters never let people outside of our family refer to them by their traditional Sri Lankan names. I couldn’t relate to this as I didn’t like my catholic name. But when I got to secondary school there was an issue with getting my traditional name put on the register however, they were able to add on my catholic name as it was my second name.

Realistically it wouldn’t have been that hard to just tell people what I wanted to be called, but I think my sibling’s resistance to using their traditional names made me think it would be easier to fit in if I switched, so I did.

I am a very Asian looking person so I would consistently run in to this almost insulting doubt from people that this was actually my name. Although I wanted to be angry at people for thinking that Asian people cant give their children more generic names if they want to like in any other race, at the same time I always regretted switching the name I went by, so they were actually kind of right to doubt me.

However, my ‘ge’ name could still be seen on the school register and I received a lot of mockery for it, which continued to make me believe that it’s easier to have names that let you just fit in. I remember being in school learning how to write CV’s and my teacher informing us about the biases against ethnic names and that our chances of getting employed are statistically higher if he we have English and catholic names, recommending us to use these on our CV’s if that’s an option. This has been another one of the reasons why I have resisted switching back to my traditional name.

But I’ve recently come across a lot of inspiring Asian influencers on social media who often speak of their pride in their culture, and I’ve been inspired to embrace the cultural representation that my traditional name gives me. I think a big part of bringing an end to discrimination is to continue to show pride in Asian culture in western spaces and industries, instead of conforming to the normalities of society. Being normal and fitting in is boring.

pg 37

Yashi Samrendra FROM THE DIARY OF

pg 38

Writing is my love language.

While some express affection with physical gifts or acts of service, I write — letters, and poems, and really long text messages to remind the people I love of why I love them. I even use writing to fall more and more in love with myself — a task that isn’t always easy. It hasn’t always been like this though.

Growing up, I wasn’t very good at writing, and I labeled myself as someone that was very clearly STEMoriented. Since I was raised in a South Asian household, neither of my parents really had a problem with this. In fact, it wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I truly started to pursue writing. My first taste of this newfound love came in the form of journalism. I was always slightly interested in politics, but it was when I became a political writer for Affinity Magazine that I decided to dive in, head-first, into using art for the sake of activism. To me, there was, and still is, a beauty to journalism. This power, of being able to evoke emotion out of truth, the ability to make your reader feel something by simply stating facts. I loved it; and I dedicated myself to itImmediately.

However, as I came into college, I found it difficult to maintain my love for writing while handling my coursework. All of a sudden, I was juggling writing my poetry (which at the time was purely therapeutic), researching articles for Affinity, and being a double major at UC Berkeley, and it wasn’t easy. I started to write less, which resulted in me resenting my majors. It was as if science had stripped my passions away from me. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was humanities-oriented but stuck in STEM — self-inflicted torture if you will. I started to turn more and more to poetry for the sake of my mental health. The extremely outspoken and confident little Indian girl inside of me knew exactly what she wanted to talk about. Putting pen to paper, and my emotions into words is still, to this date, the most natural thing I have ever done. As I entered quarantine, I started publishing my poetry on social media and the response was amazing. I didn’t realize how many individuals were facing the same daily battles until I started getting messages and comments about how my work was powerful and relatable at its core. That’s when I realized that poetry could evoke truth out of emotion the way journalism evokes emotion out of truth. I fell in love with writing all over again and this time I knew that I could do it regardless of what I’m studying or the career I’m pursuing.

It took me a very long time to realize that I was approaching my entire identity incorrectly. Since my childhood I had boxed myself in; I was either a STEM student or a writer. The reality of the matter is: nothing is black and white, especially not individuals, especially not me. I am a writer, I am an artist, I am also someone that genuinely loves studying biology and economics. While I am still unsure of where I want to take this, I am confident that my writing is capable of shaping my own experience as well as those of others.

All I can say for sure is that I want to keep writing, to keep discovering new elements of my identity, and never be reduced to a singularity.

- Yashi Samrendra

pg 39

SPECIAL

THANKS

my parents had the typical immigrant story. they came to this country with minimal money and clothes, but they built such a life where I have the luxury to think and ponder about whatever I choose. I dedicate this issue to them, because without the hundreds of sacrifices, thousands of dollars spent on my education, and countless amount of sleepless nights, I would not be here today.

t

h

e

I

N

D

I

A

N

S

T

A

N

D

A

R

D

credits

NOV 2020

Cover

VOL 1 ISSUE 4

@thelifeofasocialbutterfly @aditimakeup @shaanjewellery @kylescollection @dioscruiphotography @by.janani @tejxpatel @zk.captures @tejxpatel @by.janani @thelifeofasocialbutterfly @namastefreedom @maharaasidiaries_⠀⠀ @tiabhuva @tiabhuvadotcom @taurshop @dioscuriphotography @vensulla @aditimakeup @shaanjewellery @kylescollection @dioscruiphotography @tejxpatel @beautybydevvi @by.janani @aiswarya_rani @ysamrendra @thelifeofasocialbutterfly @aditimakeup @shaanjewellery @kylescollection @dioscruiphotography

november MIND An Interview with Zenab Kashif BODY pain An Interview with Swarnaa Rajalingam

SOUL An Interview with Devina Gohil threads & togetherness Aiswarya Rani Sunil Yashi Samrendra Back Cover

SOCIAL MEDIA Instagram Personal Instagram Tik Tok YouTube

@theindianstandard @by,janani @by,janani JANANI

www.the-indianstandard.com t

h

e

I

N

D

I

A

N

S

T

A

N

D

A

R

D