The 2 minutes before you submit your online exam

1. Your Internet drops out. 2. Laptop drops out [the second story window] 3. A power outage occurs. This only affects your house, nay only your room - you can hear your younger sister making Tik Toks in the kitchen. 4. At least four of your teeth fall out. 5. A small, yet determined, hummingbird flies through the window that you neglected to close and deletes your entire word document. Ultimately this is your fault for not hummingbird-proofing your window, and you have only yourself to blame. 6. A croissant you ate as a pre-exam snack gives you terrible foot cramps and you are unable to select the submit button. 7. You didn’t actually sit the exam in the first place. Pretty hard to submit an exam you didn’t even take don’t you think? Bet you didn’t think of that you freakin’ loser. 8. Your mouse is actually a real mouse (the rodent type: ‘Mus musculus’) squeak squeak. 9. As you click onto MyUni, you realise you have forgotten to download the authenticator app to enable you to access the website. Not only does this mean you cannot log in, but your account is vulnerable to cyber-attacks. 10. Your laptop begins to breathe. You assume it’s simply overheating but realise there is a small child trapped beneath the keys. You cannot ignore the dire hostage situation and fail to upload your exam. 11. Your shoelace comes undone. As you bend down, you grab a handful of your study snacks – the snack of all geniuses, jellybeans and cashews. Whilst tying the ol’ bunny ears and crunching away, you fail to chew the jellybean/cashew mix properly. It forms a thick paste along your oesophagus. You do not asphyxiate. You hum at an attempt to unstick the jellybean/cashew paste and soon realise that you have the voice of an angel. Who needs to submit an Equity exam when you can run away to the opera? Every law student’s dream come true. 12. You contract coronavirus aka COVID-19 (wtf man…that’s actually really serious please we are in a pandemic like seriously dude don’t joke about that). 13. A small, yet determined, hummingbird flies through… What? That already happened?

Well did you put in place the appropriate hummingbird proofing mechanisms like I suggested above? Didn’t think so BUDDY, too bad that NGP option is no more. 14. You look in the mirror. You realise existence is meaningless yet all together meaningful.

Whether you successfully upload the exam truly does not matter as you are but a speck in a universe of nothingness. 15. You spill your coffee on your laptop. You clumsy clown!!! 8