The Comet - February 2023

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

everything will be fine

M o n t h l y M o v i e s ON THE BIG SCREEN

EVENTS

Charismatic rising stars and Yamaha artists, Jen-Ting and Jen-Yu Chien, the twin brothers that make up this percussion dynamic duo, are engaged advocates for Taiwanese folk music, perceptive arrangers of Western classical showpieces, and champions of contemporary composers.

Tito Puente Jr.

He has found captive audiences who echo his passion of mambo, salsa and Latin jazz. Crowds lured to a venue by the father are returning to see the son — and to once again participate in the high voltage celebration that takes place on stage. Tito Puente, Jr. has become an audience favorite in casinos, performing arts centers, symphony halls and jazz festivals worldwide.

In order to ruin a western town, a corrupt politician appoints a black Sheriff, who promptly becomes his most formidable adversary. The Ultimate Western Spoof. A town where everyone seems to be named Johnson is in the way of the railroad. (RATED R)

PRESENTED BY:

THIS issue

editor: Ron Evans

contributors: Sarah Sims, Cory Calhoun, Lindsay Breidenthal, Jamie Howell, Christopher F. Hart, JessicaDawn.Co, Anna Spencer, Dan McConnell, Meg Kappler, Holly Thorpe

crossword..................................PAGE 7

kEIth friedle...........................PAGE 8

lynn walker........................... .. PAGE 12

tough tiddies part 5................. PAGE 14

THE FOLLIES.................................PAGE 18

ARTBEAT MAGAZINE.....................PAGE 19

most anticipated movies.... ..... PAGE 23

LOVE/HATE POETRY...........................PAGE 24

EVERYTHING Is FINE.....................page 27

DEAR MOXIE........................ ........ PAGE 30

porn toons.................................PAGE 34

star bitch...................................PAGE 38

issue #52 - february 2023

Love Does Not Compute - by Ron Evans

COMET HEADQUARTERS

Greetings,

February is such a polarizing bunch of made-up malarkey. First of all…28 days? Really? Oh, and sometimes 29? Who do you think you are, Febby? The letter Y? Yeah, I know that analogy doesn’t quite pan out. And yet…there it is in print all the same. Also, February… you ain’t quite winter, you ain’t quite spring. You might just be the very taint of the year. Oh…but you can’t quite be the taint, because you made sure to have something special no other month has. Valentine’s Day. Polarizing indeed, and far from ‘in the middle.’ V-Day may as well be a whole separate month. A month of dread. Anticipation. Let down. Reservations. Also reservations. Grief. Romance. Proposals. Baby-makin’. Unethical chocolates. And often the kind of sex that your partner only agrees to one or two days a year.

I won’t waste ink waxing on the holiday itself. Way smarter, and more handsome (sometimes seafaring), folk have said all that needs to be said on that. I’m more interested in the way people seem to freak out about it. On either side of the street. Love it, hate it - people freak the everloving fuck out about this holiday.

My favorite thing about it is going to any random grocery outlet and watching the dudes running around in a last-minute panic, buying literally anything they can find that’s pink or heart-shaped. It’s like chickens sprinting all about to get the best scraps. I seriously make a yearly plan to be at Fred Meyer around 5:55 pm every Valentine’s Day just to watch the show. Perhaps if I’d just made plans with my significant other

instead, I wouldn’t be twice divorced and perpetually single on V-Day. I should look into that. But I bet I won’t.

Anyhoo, please enjoy our semi-depressing/slightly hopeful collection of locally sourced love/hate poems that were submitted to us for the Valentine’s Day issue. READ: Valentine’s Day issues…

And may you all be perfectly content with yourselves on this special made-up day. It takes work sometimes, but all worthwhile things do. Also, eat local - ethically harvested chocolate (like YETI!). It won’t make up for the other stuff you do…but it won’t pile on. And for the love of all things holy, send a letter to your congress-person about this 28/29 days business. It’s time to acknowledge we’re still needlessly following so many dumb rules that men from the literal Dark Ages made up.

But don’t you DARE touch Groundhog Day. That shit is legit.

XO

Happy Trails, Ron Evans Editor of The Comet

Don’t worry, there are plenty more heartbreaks in the sea.

puzzle corner

cscxwords@gmail.com

new PUZZLE! WORDSQUARE CHALLENGE

Enter the 16 bold letters below exactly once into the 4x4 grid. The challenge: spell 8 different English words--4 that read left to right, and 4 that read top to bottom. Also, remember the rules:

1.No repeating words.

2.Words may only be nouns, verbs, or adjectives.

3.No exclamations, greetings, slang, names or proper nouns, archaic terms,non-English words,or profanity. (Yes, even though this is TheComet. That a problem?)

4.You may use each letter only once as they appear below.

Our solution, which may vary from yours, will appear in next month's issue.Good luck!

Thismonth'scrossword puzzle : " BEAT THESPREAD "

A CROSS

1 Modern surgical tool

6 Words of agreement

11 Herd

6

7

DOUBLE ANAGRAM CHALLENGE

PAUSER

solutions to last month's meta crosswordcontest

The meta answer is FUNHOUSE (Hint: Look for an 8-letter place). The 4 longest Across answers on the grid's left side (in red, at right) "mirror" the 4 longest answers on the grid's right side(also in red, at right)--both in position and letter-wise. That is, spell the 4 on the left backwards, and you get their right-side counterparts, but with one letter in each word changedin symmetrically corresponding places (see those letters highlighted in yellow, at right). This is all hinted at by the puzzle's title, "Reflecting on Changes."From left to right and top to bottom, those differing letters spell FUNHOUSE--a place known for mirrors with distorted (that is, changed) reflections, and an 8letter word that satisfies the puzzle's hint. Congratulations to Steve Kolk, winner of January's meta contest!

solution to last month's ANACROSTIC CHALLENGE

ANSWERS: context, acting, Ringo, rancid, inmost, Esso, fans, ion, sexy, hew, eye, rough QUOTE: Anything you can do in excess for the wrong reasons is exciting to me

QUOTE'S AUTHOR: CARRIE FISHER (spelled out by the answers' first letters)

THE BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHY OF KEITH FRIEDLE

Keith Friedle (Wenatchee) has been a professional photographer for over ten years. He shoots family portraits, senior pics, the occasional event here and there, and most interestingly to The Comet - he shoots boudoir. We chatted with Friedle about working in this popular and unique subgenre of photography.

Are you pursuing this as a career or a bit more of a hobby?

I am currently splitting my time between a full time job and my professional photography business. The goal is to open a studio this year and decide if I am going to go back to it as my sole income.

Tell us about working with models for boudoir/pinup type stuff vs. working with portraiture photos. Is it the same approach or is each situation unique? The goal in both scenarios is for the person or people that you are shooting with to kind of forget they are being photographed and just enjoy the moment. My goal is to truly share the person’s personality through photography. To catch the real person. In both cases that requires a little conversation about what they want to see and feel. Photography is a visual art but just like any art it needs to be felt. You should be able to look at that picture and enjoy the feeling it gives you. Ultimately it’s about making a connection between the photographer and the client.

How do you handle any anxiety or awkwardness the model (especially for private boudoir sessions) may be experiencing during a shoot?

With boudoir my biggest goal is to share their true beauty. So when they are anxious or uncomfortable I slow down the shoot, share each picture with them and constantly talk to them about how beautiful they look and reinforce the fact that this is fun. That this is something for them and that it is what they were hoping for. Involving them in the shot - showing them the progress as we go along really helps them to relax and enjoy feeling beautiful and empowered within their own skin. I have two grown daughters and we raised them to be confident and to know they are beautiful. But I have witnessed through them, and a lot of my clients, the struggles with the pressure that society puts on them to fit into a neat little box. We are all different and beautiful and if I do my job well, I help them see it through my eyes. The other part is having them bring a good friend with them so they have that additional emotional support as well.

Do you find yourself nerding out on the tech/spec side of things - lenses, lighting rigs, apps. etc as much as the actual photography? Or is all that more of a means to an end?

My focus has always been the art. I do focus on the camera to the fact that it is my major tool to share my art - and in that regard, you have basic needs. But I have found many, many times that it’s not the camera but the person that makes a beautiful picture. One that is not only visually beautiful but also makes you feel what they might have been feeling at the moment the picture was taken. Now don’t get me wrong, if you’re going to do this as a profession you have to have a decent camera and a good lens to capture everything you want to capture. But a good artist can take a smart phone and take amazing pictures as long as they have the skill and ability to capture it.

Talk a bit about the shoot process - is there a plan of sorts ahead of time or is there a lot of “see what we have to work with on location” involved?

When I have a shoot coming up I like to have a basic understanding of what they are going to wear and to have the location already set. I try and visualize the whole thing prior. Then once we get to where we are shooting we will revisit it and make sure we are on the same page with what they want to walk away with. Then I can tie the two aspects together and really bring the shoot to life.

Any tips for new shutterbugs concerning approaching models or clients?

I say first thing, please enjoy it. Don’t worry so much about mistakes, just try and really involve yourself and engage with the subject early on. Really see the moment and capture that. The more you do it the better you will get - the camera and all that jazz will come. But when you are engaging with who you’re working with you really want to bring your art to life. Once you can do that, you will start seeing a difference in your art.

Do you have a dream collaboration/location/shoot idea?

I am always looking for new ways to create. My bucket list grows daily. It’s less about who I shoot with and more about where and how we shoot. My big one right now - I want to shoot at the base of a water fall. I have the perfect location in Oregon but I haven’t found the person to shoot it with yet. Time will tell. Can’t wait to share those! C

HONEYBEE

SABRINA

KIRSI

ROMY

KASSAUNDRA

CHYNNA

By Holly Thorpe

Write on the River member Lynn

Walker released her newest book in January 2023 just a year after her first book was published. She discusses her decision to tell her family’s darkest stories and to publish under a pen name to preserve her relationship with her father. She also offers advice for new and seasoned writers on writing for memoir.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lynn Walker worked for several years with at-risk high school students whose parents were drug addicts and alcoholics. She is the author of “Midnight Calling: A Memoir of a Drug Smuggler’s Daughter” and “Breaking Midnight: A True Story.” She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two teenagers.

ABOUT THE BOOKS

“Breaking Midnight: A True Story” tells the story of John Walker, a Miami undercover narcotics agent in the 1970s. Ten years later, he was in prison for smuggling 12,000 pounds of marijuana. In prison, he connected with a South American drug lord who was still running the family operation from inside the federal pen. Within months of being paroled, John began smuggling again— this time uncut Colombian cocaine. And this time, he put everything on the line: his freedom, his family and, ultimately, his life.

“Midnight Calling: A Memoir of a Drug Smuggler’s Daughter” tells the story of Lynn, the happy-go-lucky daughter of a Miami undercover narcotics agent—until her dad snuck out of their house in the dark of night without a glance back. She never knew what happened to him until he landed in prison for drug smuggling. By then, Lynn was filling the emptiness he’d left in her life with a massive drug habit of her own. A perfect setup for her to latch onto the only connection to her dad

that remained once he was paroled from prison—cocaine. After years of abusing coke together, Lynn lost everyone and everything she cared about and was forced to choose—her father or her life.

Many writers and storytellers find themselves leaning toward writing a memoir to document their heritage, history, accomplishments, hardships and more. When did you first decide that a memoir would be the best fit for your stories?

I didn’t want to write a memoir, a true story or even a book. All I wanted was to know how the hell my estranged father ever went from successful Miami undercover narc to drug smuggler. How he went from doting, protective father to using cocaine with my brother and I. After I conducted a series of recorded interviews with him, then I had to write it all down. Once I started unearthing and writing Dad’s story, what I found entangled in it was part of my own. I found answers to longburning questions about our relationship, gained a deeper understanding of how I was impacted by Dad’s choices and by forever chasing after his love, and I heard him finally apologize.

My story—“Midnight Calling”—sort of poured onto the pages. Dad’s story was slower in coming, as I was deeply committed to staying true to his words and his voice.

What advice do you have for those just starting out with their memoirs? What advice do you have regarding revising a memoir?

What makes a memoir stand out from other nonfiction writing, especially autobiography, is that memoirs often read like novels. They don’t cover an entire life, only the pertinent slices of a life, which could be a decade, a year or even one day. A strong memoir focuses on a compelling part of a person’s life or a unique perspective on a more ordinary

part of a person’s life. Yes, Dad was a preacher’s son, then a Marine, then a cop. But the astonishing part is that he was a slick undercover narc who crossed the line, who lost his identity and became a smuggler. I focused on the part of his life that was “Miami Vice” meets “Breaking Bad.” Similar to a novel, memoirs have well-developed “characters,” real people, who come alive on the page. Yes, Dad was a good-looking, six-foot tall man, but let me show you how a Sunday school teacher and a fun-loving father saunters, undercover, into a scary-ass drug deal in Miami in the 1970s.

For me, the challenging part of revising my books was deciding what parts to leave in and take out. How many of my dad’s cocaine smuggling operations does one need to read about to see where his life was headed? And how many episodes of me snorting cocaine, again, with my father does one need to read to understand the depth of my addiction? I had to choose which of those to describe, warning: in gritty detail.

You write under a pen name, which is uncommon for this genre especially. What were the deciding factors in this decision? Do you address this in

your books? Have you ever considered abandoning the pen name? Would you ever recommend a writer use a pen name?

My father supported me publishing his story under the condition that I not use his name, for our family’s privacy and safety. Since we have the same last name, I used a pen name to honor his request. Lots of writers use pen names; it’s a personal choice.

How did these books change your memory of and relationship with your father? How have they impacted your relationship with others in your family? Have your teens heard these stories or read your books?

Writing Dad’s story cleared the air between us and let us grow a little closer. I’m forever grateful that the process allowed us to finally heal our broken relationship. As with many memoirs, all of the names and some identifying characteristics were changed to protect the privacy of individuals involved. So, my relationships with other family members haven’t been impacted. My mother survived the charm and hell of my father, and my drug abuse. She certainly doesn’t need to relive it by reading about it. I hope my kids never read my memoir; I told them they can’t,

but they never listen to me anymore! And I imagine they’ll read their grandpa’s true story, which they know all about anyway.

I saw you spoke about your book(s) at the Keys Discovery Center in Florida and visited some nostalgic and significant locations during your time there. What was that like? How has the response to your books and discussions surprised you?

The Keys Discovery Center event on Florida Smuggling was incredible: 200 people present and 70 online. So fun talking about my books and the contrast between our family’s idyllic trips in the Keys and Dad’s escapades there as an undercover agent. The Keys are such a crazy, beautiful, wild place. It was sweet being there again.

Then while signing copies of “Midnight Calling” at Books and Books Key West, I got to meet the Judy Blume, who owns that bookstore. What an honor that was. She even bought a signed copy of my book. I said, “No. Judy, you do not want to read this book! It’s dark. It’s about addiction.” But she insisted. And let me pick two of hers, which she signed.

I am humbled and surprised (and, to be honest, thrilled) that “Midnight Calling”

has been an Amazon best seller for much of 2022, and “Breaking Midnight” already hit best seller ranks in several categories. I think it’s because these are, ultimately, stories about being broken and somehow surviving and getting okay again. We’re all broken in some way, so I think people relate to that. Even if they never snorted one gram of uncut Colombian cocaine. But these books aren’t for everyone. They’re raw, uncensored true stories. And gritty, did I mention gritty?

What else would you like to share?

Life can turn on a dime. I was a runaway at age 14, a ward of the juvenile court at age 15 and almost lost my life at the end of a sawed-off shotgun at 18. Today I have a full (and peaceful) life and finally realized a twenty-year dream of publishing my first books. So, if anyone out there is struggling, whatever you’re struggling with, NEVER give up.

You can learn more about Lynn and her books at www.lynnwalkermemoir.com or by following her on social media @WalkerMemoir.

You can order copies locally at A Book for All Seasons, Ye Olde Bookshoppe and other independent bookstores near you. C

TOUGH TIDDIES: BREAST CANCER PART V

By Marissa Collins

When I was first approached to write about my breast cancer journey, I was most looking forward to the last installment. Remission.

We all know going through cancer is shitty. Some more than others. But like any trauma, living with those scars can feel equally – if not more – challenging than the fight at times. And if we are not talking about cancer, to begin with, then we are certainly not talking about the wake of destruction it leaves behind. Whether we intend it or not, I think we tend to place more importance on existing than living sometimes.

RECAP

In 2019, I was a perfectly healthy 31-yearold newlywed when I found a mass in my right breast during a self-breast exam. With no history of breast cancer in my family, I was diagnosed with invasive ductile carcinoma – although my closest friends just called it “rubber ducky.”

The original plan was to have a lumpectomy followed by reconstruction and some radiation. After finding out that the rubber ducky had spread to my sentinel lymph nodes, we quickly pivoted. I had a bilateral mastectomy the week of Halloween 2019, a lymph node removal with port installation the week of Thanksgiving, started an aggressive chemotherapy treatment the week of Christmas, and was in the hospital with a fever the week of New Year’s Day. Once the pandemic was in full swing, I was undergoing aggressive radiation treatment followed by an oophorectomy.

THE HELL

Four articles later, my treatment was reduced to a tiny pill (aromatase inhibitor) that I would have to take for the next 5-10 years. I would have a series of frequent to annual check-in appointments with my Oncologist, but, apart from one final blood draw and a bone density scan, I was done.

“Am I in remission?” I asked my Oncologist.

He didn’t directly answer the question and seemed annoyed by it altogether, so I asked the question in another way. “Can I tell people I’m in remission?”

“Yes, you can tell them the hell you’ve been through the last year to get here.”

At the time, it felt like an anti-climactic response. Now, it feels like the most appropriate answer.

In one year, I had over 100 cancer-related appointments with an amazing team

Remission celebration - Will and Marissa.

Photo by Heirloom Creatives

of oncologists, surgeons, women’s health doctors, a nutritionist, and a genetic specialist, nurses, technicians, physical and emotional therapists. I had a biopsy of my breast, lymph node, and shin bone, dozens of blood draws and pregnancy tests, several MRIs and CTs, a bone scan, an x-ray, several ultrasounds, an echocardiogram, a bone density test, genetics testing, three drain tubes installed and lovingly ripped out, 12 bone marrow stimulant injections, 2 ER trips, occupational therapy, and behavioral health therapy.

Everyone’s cancer experience is different. This was mine. It was hell.

THE FINISH LINE

I walked out of the hospital like a freed prisoner breathing in my surroundings. Life was supposed to go on now. My rubber ducky was free to float away.

Going through treatment felt like a series of sprints. In the moment, all I could see was the finish line. Now I was able to pause and assess the damage. I cut, stabbed, poisoned, burned, and drugged my body repeatedly for a year so that I could live. My body and soul were exhausted.

I tried celebrating in my car. I texted the news to my husband and parents. Yet it felt more like a forced victory lap than a gold medal.

Perhaps the pandemic was partly to blame. My celebrations had become important milestones, but now I couldn’t even get a hug. I had to attend appointments alone, everyone was avoiding inperson gatherings, emotions were masked, and the world was fighting about all of it.

On top of that, I was still filled with more questions than answers. How do we know I’m better if we don’t have any scans? Why wasn’t my oncologist excited to tell me I’m in remission? What am I supposed to do with this damaged body? How will I know if it comes back? How do I prevent it from coming back? Do we ever get all the answers we need?

WHAT IS NORMAL?

Despite the pandemic, my life could go back to normal. I had so many drug-induced dreams about this day. But “normal isn’t normal, it’s just what you’re used to,” as Marty Rubin says.

I was used to something that I spent a year dissecting and mutilating past the point of recognition. And I was expected to be happy about it!

My chest was flat to concave, I had gained weight, there was a square burn mark on half of my chest, scars littered my

body, I had joint pain, and hair was starting to grow back EVERYWHERE. On top of that, I was in full menopause and the new drug I was on was amplifying every side effect. I had lost all control of my emotions, I was getting hot flashes constantly, intimacy was painful, and I couldn’t sleep. I was trying everything I could to take care of and appreciate my body through it all. But I was a sweaty mess of emotions.

To add insult to injury, the days of people being overly cautious not to say something that might make me uncomfortable were gone now that I was “normal” again.

In one instance, I was asked how I could not use the wig or breast inserts I had, so I might be more recognizable as a woman. In another instance, I was told someone thought I was a boy.

I have grown up trying to meet our society’s elite standards of beauty. Now I have truly begun to understand how damaging that really is for people that can’t begin to meet those standards – especially those that are ostracized or condemned for it all. It’s not “normal”, it’s just what certain people are used to.

I wasn’t used to any of it. So, I avoided mirrors, joked about myself to others, and cried in the shower a lot. I always thought the next haircut would make me feel better, but I would just come home in tears. Once recognized in public, I was virtually a stranger to everyone I saw. I felt myself fading into the shadows.

At the end of 2020, my husband and I went with a couple to Las Vegas for their joint babymoon and our cancer-slaying celebration. I was so excited to celebrate with the man that told me I was beautiful every day. Until I arrived and was immediately surrounded by images of glamorous women everywhere I went. I also didn’t realize that being on a babymoon would make it difficult to heal a recent wound carved out by my own infertility. If hangovers didn’t remind me of being on chemotherapy, I probably would have drunk away the pain. Instead, I spent much of the vacation crying in my hotel room.

I was broken. I was depressed.

RECONSTRUCTION PART I

I honestly didn’t know how to cope with it all. Perhaps moving forward would propel me out of the pain, I reasoned, so I focused on reconstruction.

Before my mastectomy, I had consulted with a surgeon in Seattle that specialized in breast cancer reconstruction and worked with my local care team. He had reached out to me a couple of times during treat-

ment to assure me he would still be there for me if/when I was ready. However, now I was on independent health insurance that refused to cover this surgeon.

It was always my plan to get breast reconstruction, and I really wanted it to be with this surgeon. But I couldn’t afford the procedure out of pocket, so my local surgeon tracked down another reconstruction option.

Sidebar: Reconstruction is not a standard breast augmentation, so I could not go to just any plastic surgeon. I didn’t have any breast tissue, so I needed an experienced surgeon that could build something from nothing while navigating all the risks associated with it.

I made the call to set up an appointment with this new plastic surgery lead. I spoke with a very friendly woman at the front desk. To my surprise, she immediately set up an appointment without many preliminary questions. We thought it may be possible to get surgery this year (while I was max out of pocket with my insurance).

In short time, the woman called back with more questions. When I told her my treatment plan, she started to backtrack, informing me that I needed to wait at least a year after radiation to get a surgery consult. It would likely be two years before I would ever get in for surgery.

It felt a bit like whiplash. The rhetorical kind, of course, since I’ve never actually had whiplash.

I was especially confused as to why this surgery plan was so different from the last – without ever seeing me or my health records. In a short amount of time, I went from surgery within the year to “call us back next year.” What was happening? I thought this was a moment I needed to advocate for myself.

I told the woman on the other end of the line that I already had a consult with a plastic surgeon. We discussed having expanders and implants, but I didn’t know if it still pertained to my new body. She recommended I attend a webinar that gave information on reconstruction options. I tried to explain that it wasn’t a matter of not knowing the options, rather I didn’t know what was best for me given the current state of my body.

“Well, since you are a know it all (giggling), what do you want?” she said. I assume she was playfully joking, but it all felt like a cruel joke.

I wanted my original surgeon. I wanted different insurance. I wanted to go back to normal. I wanted more padding around my broken heart. I wanted to look like a

32-year-old woman.

Instead, I gave up and signed up for the webinar that I had no intention of attending. I cried in the conference room in which I took the call then again when I recounted the humility to my husband.

I wanted this surgery so badly. Plans change, I’m no stranger to that, but I felt like I was getting lost in the virtual healthcare world. I needed a reconstruction team that was going to see me, respect me, and advocate for me. As badly as I wanted that surgery, this team didn’t feel like the right fit for me. No matter what, I would have to resign to waiting.

Before I end this section, I should tell you that the woman I spoke with called me back the next morning. She sounded dejected and said that I was on her mind driving home from work because I sounded so sad, and she was concerned about me.

I never called her back, but I kept the voicemail. It took a lot of courage for her to call back. She wasn’t a bad person; She just didn’t know the weight of her words.

ROCK BOTTOM

Yeah, somehow it gets worse.

Since my oophorectomy consult, I was seeing a therapist that I loved. But it was pandemic therapy: on the phone (because the video calling platform never worked) for hardly-enough-time-to-unpack-anything-30-minute sessions. Plus, this therapist was moving soon.

Eventually, I was passed along to another therapist whom I talked in circles with for a few months. Ultimately, it just wasn’t the right fit, and I left therapy feeling worse about myself and my ability to cope.

Cancer was everywhere around me. Everyone was dying of cancer in every show and movie I watched. A significant teacher in my life abruptly died of cancer, and I watched my aunt’s sudden passing due to cancer complications. I was grappling with survivor’s guilt paired with the shame that I could ever complain about it.

So, in another attempt to move forward with life, I broached the subject of exploring fostering and adoption with my husband.

What I didn’t fully grasp at the time was that my husband was trying to cope too. He was the most dependable rock I could count on for this whole experience. He never told me what to do, guilted or shamed me for my decisions, and he was always looking for ways to make me feel beautiful. He never asked for help or attention, even when he needed it. But he was in remission too, and I failed to see that

because he was so solid. Ironic, isn’t it?

So, when my husband told me he wasn’t ready to explore fostering or adoption yet, I took it in all of the wrong ways. He was still processing this loss too. He wasn’t ready to jump into the next thing yet.

I was angry - but mostly at myself. I started to think that I made a mistake not freezing my eggs and removing my ovaries. It was clearly a mistake to get a bilateral mastectomy and think I could look normal again. How could I ever think anything would be normal after all of this?

Hopping into my car, I drove in a tearfilled rage without knowing where I was going. My radio was blaring but I couldn’t hear it. The aggressive drivers fueled my anger, so I drove faster.

I wanted to get away from it all. The flesh and bones that I no longer recognized. This unpredictable emotional timebomb that I couldn’t control. The healthcare system that was done with me. Everyone that was so goddamn happy for me. Why was I allowed to live? I drove faster.

When the two lanes became one, I was leading a string of cars that couldn’t go fast enough, approaching a car that was in my lane waiting to turn left across oncoming traffic. I hated the people behind me, and I wanted to escape it all. For a moment, I considered the worst options.

Jenny Lawson says in her book, Furiously Happy, “Even when everything’s going your way you can still be sad. Or anxious. Or uncomfortably numb. Because you can’t always control your brain or your emotions even when things are perfect.”

For a long time, I said that I was going to be okay. I believed that. I was thrilled to be alive and done with treatment. Truly. I fought hard for that. But the fight was over, and I needed someone (anyone) to tell me that it was okay not to be okay.

I needed to start by telling myself that it was okay not to be okay. I just spent the last year fighting for my life. Here I was trying to punish myself for it.

I am incredibly lucky that no one was hurt by my recklessness that day. I have always been deeply ashamed of my actions. Which is why I haven’t told anyone about that incident. Until now.

RECONSTRUCTION PART II

At the beginning of 2021, I went back to my work’s health insurance and was able to go back to my original plastic surgeon for reconstruction. Surgeries were backedup due to COVID, so the waiting periods were longer. I had no complaints about it.

In July, my husband and I celebrated our 2-year anniversary with a hot air balloon ride the day before going into my first reconstruction surgery. They put expanders into the pockets where my breasts used to

be. It was an overnight recovery in the hospital, and I left the hospital with 200 cc’s of breasts. I was elated with just that.

A few weeks later, I returned to Seattle for my post-op appointment where they pulled out two of my four drain tubes. The plan was that they would also start the expansion process, but my radiated skin had not fully healed yet. My surgeon opted not to rush the process, to allow for more healing time, and I would be back in a couple more weeks to try again.

Sidebar: Radiated skin is more like leather and can therefore be less elastic. We were optimistic that I had youth and great skin on my side, but there was no guarantee how much surgery and expansion my skin would take. This surgery was the easiest reconstruction option, and the next option was to take skin from my back which would impact the muscles. There is so much to know about breast reconstruction, but that’s an article for another day.

On the drive home, I had to face the fact that our original reconstruction plan might not work, and I may have to pivot like I had done so many times before.

However, there comes a point in all of this when you just have to say, ‘enough is enough,’ and I was just about there. My body had been through so much in just two years, and the other options in front of me were just too extensive.

I was preparing myself for the worst: not having breasts for a long time – perhaps permanently.

But that’s not what happened. A couple of weeks later, at my next appointment, they were teaching my husband how to fill up my expanders from home. And every two weeks on our living room couch, he took a needle to both breast expanders and filled them with 50 cc’s of saline every two weeks. In a matter of weeks, I had breasts again.

On December 28, 2021, I went in for my last reconstruction surgery. There, they replaced the expanders with implants. It was an outpatient procedure with an extra gift of no drainage tubes. We drove back to Wenatchee the same day of my surgery, and it ended up being the easiest surgery recovery of my entire cancer experience.

GLINDA

Meanwhile, as I was heading into my last surgery - literally in our hotel room in Seattle - I was also submitting audition videos for the 2022 Apple Blossom Musical, The Wizard of Oz

I hadn’t been in a show for years, but The Wizard of Oz was my dad’s favorite and I wanted him to audition. So, I convinced him to audition by doing so myself. He ended up being cast as Uncle Henry and the Oz Guard, and I was shocked but thrilled to be cast as Glinda, the good witch.

Glinda and ‘Uncle Henry’ aka Dad aka Don Collins

But being Glinda was not going to be an easy task. The first notes the Director gave me were this: Glinda is confident, motherly to the munchkins, and she thinks she is pretty. On top of that, Glinda had two songs to sing – something I rarely even did in front of my own husband, let alone by myself in a spotlight in front of hundreds of people.

Super. I had four months to figure out how to make the four things I was most insecure about look natural…

There were many times I didn’t think I could do it. I wanted to give up. I cried in private and tore myself down constantly. I was marinating in an environment where nothing I ever did was going to be good enough, and I was starting to realize just how bad it had gotten.

Luckily, I was surrounded by a community that saw something I didn’t. I took vocal lessons, did a lot of research on character development, and consulted with others to build my acting toolbox. Every rehearsal I practiced standing confidently, moving freely, and getting to know my castmates.

I decided to go back to my blonde hair color but keep it short. And when I put on the Glinda dress… I thought I could cry with tears of joy when I realized that I could fill the top without a second thought. I had been avoiding dresses for two years - now I was like a child in a princess dress twirling around the stage. I was discovering that I was a beautiful, confident woman inside and out.

After every show, I went to the lobby as Glinda and got to experience the magic that she brought to the lives of so many children. I am eternally grateful to Music Theatre of Wenatchee for the opportunity. Glinda really is a special character and will forever hold a special place in my journey. I did my very best to give her life in the same way she helped me find mine. As she says “you’ve always had the power… you just had to find it for yourself.”

NEW NORMAL

So, now what? Well, I guess my life is finally the “normal” I always hoped for. A new normal.

It took about 3 months for my menopause symptoms to start balancing out. It took about a year for some of my other chemotherapy and radiation side effects to fade away. It took even longer to start feeling comfortable with my new hair.

Amongst it all, I had to navigate losing my Oncologist and learning to put my faith in the hands of someone new in a body that doesn’t know what normal is. Luckily, I was able to find a new therapist that has greatly helped me to get through it all.

I learned how to put myself and my

health first. I forced myself to do some soul-searching and make some muchneeded changes to my environment in order to start cultivating my self-worth.

My fertility continues to be a raw wound in our lives. As our friends are having beautiful babies, I still reckon with feelings of genuine joy and ultimate sadness. But I no longer blame myself, and fostering/adoption is still an option that we will explore when the time is right.

I avoided telling people about my struggles, including my support group, because I felt guilty for having these feelings. When I started to hear similar sentiments from my fellow cancer fighters, I was surprised to know it wasn’t just me! We were all looking for a happy ending, yet somehow, we all felt like the frogs.

In April 2022, I made the difficult decision to leave my job and return to my old stomping ground, the Numerica Performing Arts Center. I didn’t realize how isolated I had become until I was welcomed back by the community with open arms. It felt like coming home - there’s really no place like it.

With no surgeries or treatments in site, my husband and I have taken every opportunity to build and cross off our bucket list items. We went whitewater rafting and enjoyed it so much that we did it again – off a waterfall. We’ve camped, glamped, hiked, biked, and made time for friends, family, and each other. We are hoping to finally take our honeymoon in 2023.

I wouldn’t tell anyone that recovering from cancer is easy, normal, or filled with joy. The scars may fade, but cancer will always be a part of my family’s life. Some days are harder than others, but it is getting better. Ultimately, I have decided to exchange my rubber ducky with Elton John’s song: “I’m Still Standing.”

You see, cancer is not a death sentence. Life is. Cancer just pushes us to live in the time we have left. I am going to die one day. Perhaps from cancer or maybe I’ll get struck by lightning. I hope it doesn’t happen any day soon, but to a certain extent, I’ve somewhat come to terms with it. In the meantime, I’m not going to hesitate or apologize for living the life I’m proud of.

Life is short. Don’t wait for cancer or a great tragedy to realize you missed living it. Have some grace for people who are learning how to do that. You never know what someone else may be going through. It’s cliché - until you’ve lived through it.

And if you disagree, well… tough tiddies.

Since 1948, the Wenatchee Valley Follies Guild and Children’s Foundation has been putting on fundraising variety shows featuring local performers. Those funds went to such causes as “staffing our hospitals, supporting our schools, and helping families in need, just to name a few” according to the WVFGCF website. This week, the Follies return with Jaime Donegan at the helm. The Comet spoke with Donegan to find out more about this long-running event.

How and when did you get involved with Wenatchee Follies? And what the hell are the Follies?

I worked for a company called J. H. Cargill out of New York from 1984 until I started my own business, Jaime Donegan Productions, in 1995. I can’t believe that I have been doing this for almost 40 years!

Cargill started the idea of Follies shows being used as fundraisers for social and civic organizations back in 1919. Follies shows were a big part of the theater world on Broadway and all over the world. Basically they are a musical variety revue show. Sometimes they have a theme but other times it is just variety. Singing, dancing, comedy, anything goes. Before television, these shows were a big deal for hometown entertainment. You see them

pop up in movies sometimes and the one that comes to mind is “Fried Green Tomatoes” where they are doing the Follies show and that was her alibi for the murder. Just popped into my head. Back in the day, the local men ALWAYS did a drag number and sometimes it was an actual reverse wedding or something crazy like that.

My Follies shows feature kicklines, tap numbers, couples dancing, comedy and lots of singing. We have a live 9-piece band and the whole thing starts and ends in one month. Our current show has a cast of 140 community volunteers that have come together to have fun and raise money that stays in the community.

I always say that kids have a ton of things to do to keep them entertained but adults don’t have a lot of options to cut loose, let their hair down and play together as adults. It’s quite something to watch when everyone starts to loosen up and have fun and it is a great thing to do during the winter doldrums of gray weather. I am the ringleader and bringer of all things fun a crazy. About ten years ago, Howell At the Moon Productions made a documentary about me called “The Last Director” because I am the last known director of these shows. You can ask Jeff Ostenson for a copy if you would like.

What sets this event apart from some of the other stage tomfoolery the PAC hosts?

This is a show unto its own. Nothing like it. So many people - it sells out and lots of kids benefit from it. So do the adults

To that point, what is the direction/rehearsals like for Follies?

Everyone who wants to be in the show gets a part. I audition the singers but the rest are people that just want to have a unique experience. We rehearse Monday-Friday from 5:00-9:30 for three weeks then we put the whole show together and perform it for four performances only.

‘Follies’ sounds old timey. Is there anything old timey about all this?

Oh yes…it is very old timey….and super modern at the same time. The show is flashy with a lot of spectacle. Dazzling costumes and lighting.

Speaking more broadly about the theater, Wenatchee seems to have a pretty healthy appetite for stage productionsof course many people will never see a play or musical anywhere. What ‘on the record’ thing would you say to anyone that may not “get” the world of live theater to the point of buying a ticket?

Live theater asks the audience member to

participate…to buy in…to enter another world. Most people feel more safe in having their TV’s talk to them - there is no interaction it is one sided. Live theater asks us to open up, lean in and be transported. Hopefully live theater will make you think outside your comfort zone and in doing this we become better humans as we become more involved in the human experience.

And what off the record - but totally still getting printed - thing would you like to say to them?

Step away from your TV’s….go see a live band, see live theater, see some kind of performance art and open yourselves to being changed - for the better.

Anything else you’d like to mention about the Follies?

Year ago, I had a dream of bringing a local band back together to open the Follies show this year. That is happening. Fat Happy - Jamie Howell, Jeff Ostenson, Zach Lodato and Jason Bushong will be in the house.. Whooooo Hoooooo.

The Wenatchee Follies will run for four performances February 2nd, 3rd and 4th.

Purchase tickets at numericapac.org. C

ARTBEAT

FIRST FRIDAYS ARTS WALK MAP INCLUDED

REGIONAL ARTS ADVOCACY AND A NEW LOGO!

By Megan Kappler

Drum roll, please….

NCW Arts Alliance has a new logo! We have been working closely with graphic designer and artist, Elena Payne, owner of Awdience Design, who has partnered with us over the past several months to help us translate our organizational values and mission into a brand new, beautiful logo!

Partnership is a strongly emerging theme for NCW Arts in 2023 as we work with several regional and statewide groups to provide advocacy and collaborative planning for the arts and cultural sector of our communities so that we can thrive and grow together.

Specifically, we are working with Inspire WA and their Inspiration League to plan and prepare for Arts, Heritage, and Science (AHS) week in Olympia early this month. We are helping to coordinate

advocates and district leaders across NCW in Legislative Districts 7, 12, and 13, which encompass all or parts of Chelan, Douglas, Ferry, Okanogan, Grant, Kittitas, and Pend Oreille counties. In-person and virtual meetings with Representatives and Senators from each district are already scheduled during AHS week (Feb. 6-10), and we are excited to help connect community members to this kind of grassroots advocacy with our lawmakers.

In late January, we participated in the Power of Art + Culture in Tourism workshop. We were graciously hosted in Nespelem by the Colville Confederated Tribes, and it was a truly inspiring experience to participate in such inclusive and visionary planning for ways to ensure the equitable rise of local tides to lift us all up.

We are so grateful for the depth of commitment and willingness to think big from all of our regional partners. Want to partner with us? Just reach out at arts@ncwarts.org!

ON THE COVER:

FEATURED EVENT:

WHEN IN ROME

Virgil “Smoker” Marchand, passed away on January 13 at the age of 71.

A member of the Colville Tribe and an

elected representative for Omak, his art and sculptures remain scattered across the Northwest, many of them featuring Native American themes and the spiritual connection between horseman and horse in particular. The Confederated Tribes of the Colville Reservation closed their government offices for two days in his honor and memorials were held Jan. 19-20.

The Wenatchee Valley Symphony Orchestra presents the penultimate concert of its 2022-23 Season on Saturday, March 4, 7 p.m., at the Numerica Performing Arts Center. The volunteer-based orchestra, currently led by conductor Dr. Nikolas Caoile, has been a fixture in North Central

Washington since 1947. Tickets are available online at numericapac.org or at the door.

FEATURED OPPORTUNITY: LEAVENWORTH SUMMER THEATER AUDITIONS

Auditions for the next season of Leavenworth Summer Theater take place this month. The semi-professional musical theater hires local, regional and national talent. All roles and positions are paid. This year’s slate includes The Sound of Music, The Drowsy Chaperone and Cinderella. While they prefer in-person auditions, video auditions are also accepted. They’re looking for musicians interested in orchestra positions, as well. Audition information can be found at leavenworthsummertheater.org

Find a complete list of opportunities for artists at ncwarts.org

SEEKING... HOSTS FOR FIRST FRIDAYS AFTER HOURS:

We’re looking for local businesses who would like to invite First Fridays Arts Walkers to come wind down their Art Walk from approximately 7:30 to 9:30 p.m. following a future First Fridays event. If you are interested in hosting the Arts community for an evening, please let us know with an email to arts@ncwARTS.org.

Salmon Chief, by Smoker Marchand. Metal sculpture located at the Beebe Springs Natural Area on Highway 97 near Chelan Falls and the Beebe Bridge (Photo by Scott Bailey).

SIDE STREET CASHMERE

TAKING PRE-APPLICATIONS FOR MAKER’S ALLEY WORKSPACES

BY LINDSAY BREIDENTHAL

Ifyou’re looking for studio or workshop space, check out what’s happening at 107 Railroad Avenue in Cashmere. This sprawling set of historic warehouses is undergoing an ambitious reincarnation, creating a mixed use block that will be home to a unique neighborhood hub of retail, art, music and food and beverage.

One facet of this project is Maker’s Alley, providing creative studios in a variety of sizes for local creators. Construction is set to start this month with an anticipated opening date of March 13th. The private studio suites, brightly lit work tables, workshop space and lounge will have 24-hour keypad entry for members. The flexibility of options for members and non-members alike is designed to be especially attractive to those who work more seasonally or on a project-by-project basis.

Owners Andy and Lanna Thompson are passionate about their vision. On their website, they note that, “We are on a mission to serve the Valley in new creative ways,” and that they are working to create, “a place to connect with one another and enjoy our wonderful community. All are welcome.”

A tour of the enormous space makes it clear how much work it will take to fully manifest their vision. The Thompsons recognize that they can’t do it all with their small but mighty crew, and are seeking broader participation and expanded ideas as the build what will ultimately become a highly collaborative effort.

Pre-applications for Maker’s Alley are already open. Check out their website at sidestreetcashmere.com for more details or reach out with inquiries to

info@sidestreetcashmere.com or (509)741-4493.

The planned layout for the Maker’s Alley area of Side Street Cashmere expected to open March 2023.

SCAN FOR DIGITAL

INTERACTIVE FIRST FRIDAYS MAP!

OFF THE HILL TO HOST

FIRST FRIDAYS AFTER HOURS AND NCW ARTS ’OFF’ICE HOURS ALL MONTH

After your Arts Walk, the place to be is OFF THE HILL at Pybus Market where they’ll be hosting the official First Fridays After Hours event from 7-9 p.m. Not only that, but for the entire month of February, Off The Hill is generously contributing 20% of sales on select bottles of wine and cider to support NCW Arts and help fund the creation of our regional artist registry! Finally, NCW Arts will be on hand every Monday night in February from 6-8 p.m. for “OFF”ice Hours to talk shop, answer questions and generally have a good time.

OFF THE HILL is a collaboration between Stemilt Creek Winery and Archibald James Wine and Cider featuring small-batch, artisan wines and ciders that are produced side-by-side on Stemilt Hill.

FIRST FRIDAYS ARTS MAP

1. MAC Gallery

Wenatchee Valley College - “Looking Forward, Reaching Back,” works from ceramicist Ruth E. Allan, 5-7 pm

2. Alano Club

Crafty Mugger, Lisa England, handmade crafts,4-7pm

3. Two Rivers Art Gallery

Grand re-opening, Sonia “Sonny” Ramsey, paintings; Jeannie McPherson, piano; 5-8 pm

4. Mela Carma Arington, painting, 4-7 pm

5. Tumbleweed

Katelyn Mingo, jewelry, 4-7 pm

6. Wenatchee Valley Museum

Free admission from 4-8 pm

7. Pybus Art Alley

Cyndi Noyd, paintings; music from the Saddle Rockers, 5-7 pm

Online map courtesy of the Wenatchee Downtown Association wendowntown.org

By DOUG and Kayla Nunn

Ok, so this year is off to a bang as far as movies go with Avatar: The Way of Water and Puss in Boots: The Last Wish breaking records and killing it in the box office. Although they came out last year they are setting the bar high for what we are about to see in the next 12 months. Due to COVID, lots of projects got delayed or just abandoned altogetherbut because of that lots of long anticipated movies are coming out in 2023, plus I have a feeling that we are going to get tons of movie announcements this year. But for now we are gonna cover 35 of the most anticipated movies coming out in 2023. I’m going to try hard to make this less of a generic list and more of a fun read - an idea of what to expect this year in movies. Maybe I’ll write one about all the shows to anticipate too because, yes, The Mandalorian season 3 is coming out, plus The Last of Us premiered and there is a lot to talk about. I plan on doing a year-end wrap up of all the best and worst movies of the year in the December issue. Look forward to a year of exciting and fun articles, and if there is any movie, topic or story you would like to see me write about - or you have any feedback or comment on anything I’ve written, feel free to email me at: retromediaman181@gmail.com.

1. M3gan - Like I said, this year is off to a bang, not only for Avatar and Puss in Boots but for the unexpected banger M3gan. Released January 3rd, this is officially the first box office success in 2023, its comedic tone and campy horror make this highly self-aware comedy horror a great start to the year and also makes M3gan the first movie on my list.

2. You People - Releasing January 27th, this is a Netflix film but it’s on my list purely because Eddie Murphy -yes Jonah

Hill as well, but we have all been waiting for a Eddie Murphy comeback.

before we judge it, but I think it’s gonna be fun.

29. Kraven the Hunter - releasing October 8th.

3

. Knock At The Cabin - Number 3 is M. Night Shyamalan’s “Knock at the Cabin” releasing February 3rd. I’m hoping this one is gonna be good and yes the trailer looks great. I can’t wait to see David Batista’s performance, Rupert Grant also intrigues me in his role. I am very excited to see what happens with this movie.

4. Ant Man & The Wasp: Quantumania releasing February 17th, this is the first movie in Marvel’s Phase 5 lineup.

Moving on with a couple real fast because yes - it’s a list and I only have around 800 words to work with...

5. Cocaine Bear - releasing February 24th. It’s about a bear that does cocaine…watch the trailer.

6. Creed III - releasing March 3rd

7. Scream 6 - releasing March 10th. March 17th is a huge date, save it in your calendar now, we are getting two releases.

8. 65 - Starring Adam Driver - and dinosaurs.

9. Shazam: Fury of the Gods

Both of these movies should be a great time in the cinema.

10. John Wick 4 - releasing March 24th.

11. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves - releasing March 31st. With “Stranger Things” popularizing D&D again, I truly think this is gonna be huge at the box office.

12. The Super Mario Bros. Movie - releasing April 7th. Let’s just see the movie

13. Renfield - released April 14th. It’s a Nicolas Cage movie so..yeah.

14. Evil Dead Rise - releasing April 21st.

15. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 - releasing May 5th, supposedly David Batista’s last performance as Drax.

16. Fast X - releasing May 19th. May 26th also has two major releases.

17. The Little Mermaid

18. The Machine

19. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-verse releasing June 2nd, the highly anticipated sequel to the popular 2018 film “Into the Spider-Verse.”

20. Transformers: Rise of the Beasts releasing June 9th.

21. The Flash - releasing June 23rd.

22. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny - releasing June 30th.

23. Insidious: Fear the Dark releasing July 7th.

24. Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part 1 - releasing July 14th.

25. Oppenheimer - releasing July 21st.

26. The Marvels - releasing July 28th.

27. T.M.N.T: Mutant Mayhem releasing August 4th, this is a Seth Rogan movie about mutant teenagers, he is perfect for this.

28. Blue Beetle - releasing August 8th.

30. The Exorcist - releasing October 13th.

31. Dune Part 2 - releasing November 10th.

32. The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Song Birds and Snakes - releasing November 17th.

33. Wonka - releasing December 15th. I don’t know a whole lot about this one, maybe it’s an origin story for Willy, that could be entertaining.

34. Untitled Ghostbusters Sequel releasing December 20th

And last but not least by any means...

35. Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom releasing December 25th. With all the controversy and mass amount of reshoots because of the Amber Heard situation this movie is a unique situation and should be interesting to watch at the least.

Ok Y’all there it is…there is my list. I hope you got some enjoyment out of it and saved some dates. Sorry Ron, I know I’m over 800 words but this is gonna be a huge year in movies and I already cut my list from 45 to 35. Email me if you want the Snyder Cut with all 45 movies…ok just kidding but thanks for reading and Excelsior!

Doug and Kayla Nunn are owners and operators of The Time Capsule, a retro media hub that celebrates all things nostalgic and pop culture related.

Find them: @retromediaman |

23 Orondo Avenue, Wenatchee and at timecapsulecollectibles.com

NAKED SUNDAYS

By CG Dahlin

days felt like weeks then her nails would so often drag and crawl across my unspeaking skin she was soft, with chalky eyes skin laced with ink, speaking of tales farandnear to her heart, securely weighted in her humming chest she would heave herself upon me in these days and ungracefully smush me to creaking bed this, our cocoon from misty evenings and vexing neighbors

percolation abating aspiring to be espresso bitingandbitter our words were naked on sundays

her irises would swallow me at tablein field but I became a cold stone dragandcrawl

one early afternoon, she’d leave with silent skin and course lips a fork in river, her in-the-know, me, no… nearthenfar

the days felt like weeks still I’d make the coffee as though she were there I’d look at the table, out to the field, and play jazz in these days.

CRASH AND BURN

By Anonymous

We were always destined to crash and burn

Attraction

Your muse

Creative twin flames

We’re good at everything we create... except love

But we sure can

pick fights

Resent

Dodge the questions

Ignore red flags

Fall into old cycles

Pull and rip and destroy

Each other

DAIRY DAYDREAMS

By Kitty Parker

I love you so hard You are always there for me And I’m there for you

I fucking love …. Cheese Gouda, cheddar, gruyere, brie Taste, smell, texture …. Swoon

Soft or hard, I’m here My love for you knows no bounds Ours is a pure love

MISSED CONNECTION

By Abbytron

I want to like you. I want you to like me. But let’s leave it at that. Let’s just let it be. Some people meet head on with those in their direction but I think that I’d prefer to be somebody’s missed connection. So you just like me and I’ll just like you, because it’s harder to lose a person you love than to like somebody you never knew.

BLAST FROM THE PAST (OR THE NEVER)

By Abbytron

Frequently I dream of you, but in my dreams you’re someone else.

I don’t know if it’s someone real,

or someone who I wish you were, but either way I wake up feeling sad that you’re not here.

Were you ever?

You look like you as I remember, as you were when we were together, or maybe even better.

You act like you still think of me. Like you might even still love me. And I think that I might miss you.

Or maybe I just hope that you are missing me. Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?

YOU NEVER REALLY LEFT

By Ramy

Oh Love. I almost quit you. Well, I guess I did. But you didn’t quit me. You waited for me. Soft and calm. Warm and patient.

I said terrible things to and about you. I wrote scathing journal entries about you. It felt good. It felt empowering. When I read them to you, you sighed. Lovingly.

I guess that’s what love would do. Thank you for waiting for me.

Waiting and forgiving. Waiting and worrying. Waiting and waiting and waiting. You never really left. I thought I wanted you to. I really did.

Oh Love. My beacon. My home.

My nightmare and my dream. You came back.

You never really left, yet you came back. I’m sorry I didn’t keep myself for you. I had some Hell to raise I guess. I raised it. I’m done. I think.

I don’t expect you to always come back to me. But for now, I’m at peace. In love. With Love.

BY LAURY BRUMBAUGH

BAD TO HATE

By W. Swanson

Is it a bad thing to hate bad things?

To hate the things those bad things bring? We learn to love, forgive and sing, sing away the hateful things.

But what about the love of hate for all the things that hate creates? Is that not a thing of good? A thing that’s not quite understood?

I think this thing that causes pain and leaves us with so little gained deserves my hate, and so I hate without one moment of debate.

I won’t confess this so called sin because that lets evil win. The righteous ones may plea with me but they’d fare best to let it be.

I use the hate to steer me from the rocky crags from which I’ve come. It soothes, it guides, it orientates and pulls me through these narrow straits.

Is it a bad thing to hate bad things?

To hate the things those bad things bring? They taught us how we should forgive but little else on how to live.

But I have since learned to let go of that storybook fantasy idea of love. I now see what I had missed before, a truth I can’t ignore anymore.

This burden, this storm, this cloud, this weight… is really LOVE, disguised at HATE.

VALENTINE’S DAY CANDY

By Cindy Abouammo

Oh, smooth chocolate sweetness, How I love you so! Wrapped in a beautiful heart shaped box Your beauty is do divine.

You melt in my mouth, like a river of pleasure. But as I step on my scale, I realize. You were but a trickster of love!

Do my eyes deceive me?!

What I thought was a beautiful love affair. Was really a package of true despair! I weep!

FORGET

By TJ Farrell

Have you ever let a person

Fester in your head and worsen

Moods and musings, hopes and daydreams, stealing joy and spreading doom?

Hate can set your stomach churning, Reason slowly overturning, Happiness and hearts-ease spurning, Spurning mirth and spawning gloom

In your head they live rent-free and darken every pleasant room

Adding threads to Sorrow’s loom. Many an astute observer

Tells us hate is close to fervor

Not the polar opposite of love as someone might assume Both take devotion to survive, Our intention brings them alive, But hate serves only to deprive, Deprive and at last consume

The happiness we might else grow, tween our spawning and our tomb

Love that might otherwise bloom

And so I’ll try indifference, Think not of you in present tense, Rewrite with brighter history’s pen your odious nom de plume

It takes so much less energy

To forget than forgive, you see, And me, myself, and I agree, Agree to seek love’s perfume, I’m done with hate, the door is closed, thoughts of you I’ll not exhume, With me, you’ll get no headroom.

POSSESS

By Mery Smith

poems about what it feels like to rub your hair along my palm like it was a cozy crushed velvet couch. Wrote poems about your lips, teeth and cackling laugh. Poems about your hips and the belt loops you adorn them with. Want to somehow become the shape of your clavicle. But I wonder, when? If.

I will write poems about the geography of you, unseen. The long hallways of your soul that I could putter down slowly. Keep my motor turning a soft rumble. In the wake of every idea, memories, hurts and dreams I’d lift water just to watch it fill then slip through again.

Planning to visit your earlobe in the spring.

I’ll be gentle.

Open your chest cavity and crawl in, ever careful not to crush the bone.

PHANTASM

By Mery Smith

woke up for the first time in months having not dreamt of you victorious fell back asleep that mourning/rummaged for your phantom

EX

By Drewbear

Today is a day to be divine to myself

Indeed, to forgive myself

For the misgivings and accidental cruelties

That caused her to be cruel

But I didn’t cause it

It was in her, welling up

It had been all along

And as it sit, eating aimlessly

In the middle of the night

I wonder if she’s doing alright

I loved her through our children

I loved her through the loss of Both of her parents

I was good, and she was less than good to me

I thought she was beautiful

And she was

But she taxed me

She took everything the son that I brought in Any little bad thing

Missed homework, unclean room

As a personal slight

And it took me twenty-four years

To realize that if she can’t accept the mistakes of a child

She’ll never accept mine

BEST RUN

By Jessica

Heart full and beating

Going harder and harder

Sweat pouring off skin

Whole body engaged

Matching cadence

Over the top

Climbing

Together

Step by step

Endorphins rushing

We go faster and faster

Rhythm increasing in sync

Pounding away at the trail

Rain dripping down face and body

Glistening, glazed and glossy

Heart gets cardio goals

Feet fulfill step count

Best run ever is

With my Prince

THE END

By Scott c.

Dear lover.

The end. XO

AN EPIC POEM WRITTEN OH SO MANY YEARS AGO

by Chris Gilman

Don’t go walkin’ down the railroad tracks

When you’ve got the blues, The only thing you got when you get back Is creosote on your shoes….

It don’t do no good to talk to yourself, Walkin’ all those ties, Remembrin’ all his lies

Like how you went and done him wrong And how he’s sufferin’ so.

Then thinkin’ back on all good times, OR Was it a fair amount?

And wonderin’ if he’s havin’ fun

With his new love’s bank account. He left you for a rich ol’ gal, One with a lot of bucks, She looks as if he didn’t care Whether or not she

(DEAR GENTLE READER, USE YOUR IMAGINATION)

Now he’s miserable and hateful, So be happy and grateful, You can pick up your feet, get off the tracks, Hold your head high and get your life back!

Then go buy some new shoes.

NEITHER OF US IS TO BLAME

By Jo Fine Bow

You are not fully to blame

From the banks of the river to the forest and the plains

Your unconditional love that came with conditions spread

The truths I told

The words that hung in my mouth collecting saliva

The feeling of getting them out

I purged them from my body

Looking back I can see the signs

I can see my need to flee

And I can see your need to not be fully invested

Do you remember what you said to me the first day we met?

Do you remember what the sky looked like the night you asked me to be yours?

See these are the things I wont forget

These are the things I can’t remember

Your passing happened long before I called it

They said I had emotionally checked out

The anger in your face that day

I knew right then and there I had broken you like you had broken me so many times before

But is an eye really for an eye?

In the end was it worth it?

All the tears

All the fights

All the love

I no longer grieve for you

The person I knew

The one who I no longer recognize

We have shed ourselves, skin blood and hair

From the touch we once craved

We are no longer the same

And neither of us is to blame

EVERYTHING IS FINE

By Varuca Salty

Ah,Valentine’s Day. The holiday created to punish and ostracize single people. I’ve never really celebrated Valentine’s Day even though I’ve been in committed relationships for most of my adult life. Maybe I’m just not worthy of being celebrated? Maybe I’ve only dated men who didn’t know how to make a gal feel special? Maybe the textbook ways to celebrate are lame and uninspired and not worth buying into? Who knows. All I know is I started taking it into my own hands the last few years. I bought myself dinner from my fave restaurant in town (Sweetwood BBQ), some flowers, and some fancy chocolates. I got all the things I liked and sat and enjoyed them with myself (while occasionally weeping)... like a normal grown up. Last year I rented a hobbit hole and spent the evening with my (platonic) girlfriend eating sushi and chocolate and getting stoned out of my mind. It was amazing. That sounds like it could be some kind of weird euphemism but that is literally what we did.

I’ve never gotten flowers as a gift, save for a few times as a child when my dad got them for me. And I’ve only ever gotten a piece of jewelry gifted to me one time in my life and that was from my high school sweetheart when we were like 16 years old. Please keep in mind that I’ve been married (and divorced) as an adult. And then please connect the dots that my husband at the time did not buy me an engagement or wed-

ding ring at any point. I sure do have a type. Anyway, I digress.

My point is, don’t wait around for someone else to celebrate you. Don’t be like me. If you’re going to be sad and alone you might as well be surrounded by things you love, like a rack of ribs and a pint of dairy-free salted caramel ice cream. Decide to take care of you and celebrate yourself. Show up for you. Tell yourself that you love you and care for you and would do anything to make you feel good. Buy yourself dinner and flowers and chocolate. Take a bubble bath. Scream into a pillow. Whatever you’re into. Do it any day of the week, not just special made up holidays. Stop waiting for someone else to treat you how you want to be treated. Just do it your damn self. It’s called self-care, look it up. Speaking of self care, mine lately has been using a fancy retinol cream on my face at bedtime so I don’t cry myself to sleep because that shit’s expensive and I can’t just be washing it all away with my tears.

And another pro-tip: When buying Valentine’s Day dinner, order two meals for pick up so that when you go to get your meal they think you’ll be taking it home to share with another human who probably likes you and maybe even enjoys your company. Spoiler: both meals are for you. (You’re eating for you and your loneliness.)

Follow me for more depressing tips for depressed people.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 4 AT 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM

Mountain Music Series Feat. Devils Gulch and the Missionaries

Mission Ridge Ski & Board Resort

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 4 AT 6 PM

Valentine Cookie Decorating Class @ Class with a Glass Class with a Glass

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2023 AT 7 PM – 9 PM

Love Letters LitMic Drag Show

Bushel & Bee Taproom

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2023 AT 5 PM – 7 PM

Silent Reading Party

Norwood Wine Bar

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2023 AT 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM

LBGTQIA2S+ Teen Night

The Time Capsule

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2023 AT 6:30 PM

Comedy Night in Cashmere

Leony’s Cellars

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 2023 AT 9:30 PM

Torin Frost and The Patterns Of Saturn!!! Live at Wally’s!!!

Wally’s House of Booze

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 2023 AT 3:30 PM – 8 PM

Host Wenatchee (event space) GRAND OPENING

Host Wenatchee - 10 S Columbia St, Wenatchee

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2023 AT 7 PM

Old Skool’s February 18th: no kids pets okay/House of Ash

Old Skool’s - Ellensburg

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2023 AT 3 PM – 6 PM

Live Music by Mel Peterson & Professor Dre

Chelan Ridge Winery

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2023 AT 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM

Mountain Music Feat. Dynamite Supreme

Mission Ridge Ski & Board Resort

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2023 AT 7 PM – 8:30 PM

“Heart-y Har Har” Comedy Show w/ Chris Mejia and Birungi

Sigillo Cellars Chelan

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2023 AT 3 PM – 6 PM

Live Music by Big Sax Daddy

Chelan Ridge Winery

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2023 AT 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM

Mountain Music Feat. Datura

Mission Ridge Ski & Board Resort

Dear Moxie Rose, Is there any truth to things like oysters or chocolate causing arousal when eaten?

H.

Hi H,

While there are actually no studies that suggest that things like oysters, or even chocolate, work as aphrodisiacs- it doesn’t mean that they won’t work, period. But if they did, it would be by way of a placebo effect, and not because they are actually causing arousal. In the specific case of chocolate, there are studies that suggest that the consumption of chocolate is tied to lower blood pressure – lower blood pressure can potentially contribute to an easier time maintaining an erection or more increased sensitivity in the vaginal area, due to the blood flow not being as constricted. Basically a good way to think of it is this: if you were told that consuming a particular food was going to cause arousal –you may consume that food in preparation for sex. The combination of absolutely believing that that particular food will cause arousal and consuming it with the idea that you would be having sex after consumption, greatly increases the chances of causing a placebo effect. So you may very well begin to feel more aroused after consumption, but in these particular cases, it’s about the set up for how you think about it, not necessarily that the food itself is causing arousal.

Dear Moxie Rose,

It’s taken me a while, but I have recently begun to become more comfortable with the idea that I am one of those people (I’ve heard you talk about this before) that needs toys, particularly a vibrator, to be able to orgasm. My issue is that I have a fairly new partner, and they seem somewhat bothered by me wanting to use toys in the bedroom. When I talk to them about it, they seem like they are unbothered by the idea of toys in general - but they act like their feelings are hurt that I NEED one during sex to finish. How do I navigate that? A.

Hi A.

I’m sorry that you are having to deal with that, but I’m also happy to hear you

express that you have begun to become more comfortable with expressing your needs. That same communication is going to be what’s most important with navigating this with your current partner. Having an understanding of where each other is coming from, always helps with situations like these, where the person is not completely opposed to the idea of toys, it seems to just be the idea of need vs want that bothers them. Unfortunately, we as a society have a long way to go in how we talk about toys being used in the bedroom. In more recent years, it has become a lot more accepted, even encouraged, for partners to explore that side of intimacy. But even still, when you look at any sort of media, from movies to magazines, we still talk to men, as if they are supposed to be able to accomplish all of their partners desires without any assistance. Even going so far as to equate their role as a man to how much pleasure they can bring their partner without assistance. And the sad reality is that this sets everybody up for failure. For example, the statistic that shows that only 25% of people with a vagina can reach climax on penetration alone (in more recent years that number has been updated to around 18% as people become more honest about discussing their sex lives in studies). So for someone experiencing that, they may not understand that the need for a toy is actually a need, more than a want. And their, in this case, male partner (who may have been conditioned for years to believe that their status as a man is directly tied to the ability to “get the job done”) feels that their status as a partner is being called into question

For this reason, it is important that when you are expressing your needs to your partner, that they understand the difference between wanting to incorporate toys and needing to incorporate toys. There is not a problem with either one, both are absolutely acceptable. But the defining difference between the two can play an important role in your partner’s understanding of what it is you are asking. Understanding that there are actual physical, anatomical needs for many people to incorporate toys for things like clitoral stimulation, in order to reach climax - and not that you are just unsatisfied with your partner’s performance.

Similar to the use of a car: using a car to drive somewhere in a timely manner,

makes the job of commuting, much easier… But it does not mean that you are dissatisfied with how your legs work.

Express to your partner, that while you are very appreciative of the fact that they are open to incorporating toys in the bedroom, you expressing that you sometimes need them, versus just wanting them, has entirely to do with your physical body and its capabilities. And not about your partner’s performance. If I may be so bold as to say so: your performance as a partner in the bedroom is not just about what you can physically accomplish, it’s also about how well you receive feedback of any kind.

Partners could absolutely choose to not express this, but it is the mark of a good partnership, a healthy relationship, that you both are able to express your needs, and wants without feeling like it is coming down to a personal attack or critique of performance.

Dear Moxie Rose, I occasionally like to watch more explicit adult content, if I am “taking care of myself.” Sometimes my partner and I may even watch it together as a sort of foreplay. But as somebody that has survived assault and as somebody that doesn’t want to contribute to people being exploited… is there a way to make sure that the porn you are consuming is ethical?

R.H

Hello RH, I definitely understand where you are coming from. And while adult content has become less taboo over the years, as well as taking it out of the hands of large producers, and putting it in the hands of the stars themselves (like with OnlyFans), the porn industry is still looked at with intense scrutiny.

Now, due to its nature, I absolutely understand the need for the scrutiny, to watch everything under a microscope. But I also cannot help but wonder how much of that is strictly because it deals in sex. Not to say that the scrutiny and the microscope should not be there, because it often times is there to help protect would-be victimsbut if things like the #MeToo movement have taught us anything, it’s that there is no one industry that is safe from exploitation.

Take Hollywood for example: we may

question how ethical the pornography we are watching is, because we cannot see what happens behind the scenes. But in that same regard, we do not often get to see what happens behind the scenes of the biggest blockbuster movies- and as we have seen, Hollywood is as inundated with predators masquerading as stars, producers, directors, etc. - as we fear the adult industry is.

All of that to say, there are absolutely measures that you can take to make sure that what you are consuming is ethically produced but unfortunately, there is no way to be 100% certain.

The best way to make sure your porn is ethically produced? Take the money out of the hands of producers and put it in the hands of creators. Purchase adult content directly from the performers. Many times in the genre of “homemade amateur” the people producing the footage, editing it, filming it – are the same ones starring in it. Using platforms like OnlyFans or MakeLoveNotPorn exponentially increases the likelihood that the footage you are consuming is made by and starring consenting adults in their own comfortable setting, with their boundaries being honored - over large studios that do not often keep their stars’ best interest in mind.

Another step you can take is looking into the studio that produced the footage: are there any legal battles currently happening? What do former stars that have worked for them have to say? Are they known for ethical business practices and providing regular STI testing? Have they been the subject of any harassment claims?

It may seem like a lot of extra effort for some thing that is usually thought of as “open the computer, jump online, find porn” but if you are actually dedicated to the consumption of ethically produced porn, are those steps not worth it?

Moxie Rose:

(sex and kink advice/education) from For The Love Of It in Wenatchee, WA.

The information provided in this column is for educational purposes only, and does not substitute for professional medical advice. C

CHOICE SELECTIONS FROM THE IMPOSSIBLY WRETCHED

KNOX GELATIN COOKBOOK OF 1963

By Ron Evans

Around 15 years ago I picked up this random little item in an antique store in Ellensburg. The cover looked simple and appealing enough. TV stuff. And it’s a cookbook. Even at first glance I could tell it was from the early 60’s because TV was still a novelty at that point - so much a novelty that it was a marketing ploy. TV Dinners, TV trays, and toys that scrolled cartoon scenes through a TV-shaped plastic box for ex-

amp. Knox, gelatin purveyors, chased this very trend with the 1963 version of their “hey, literally everything is better in aspic!” gelatin-based cookbook. It was little more than an updated cookbook with little TV screen shaped windows showing the step-by-vomitus-step guide to causing a couple generations to have some sort of food trauma. I have no idea why I feel the need to share it with you here. But I was one page shy of content this month so… you have to suffer with me. Bon appetit!

Lobster Mousse in a logic-defying catfish-shaped aspic. Vomit-loaf as side dish.

Molded Avocado & Tuna. You read that right...

Nope. Not Gramma’s throw-up pan that got left out overnight mid-December. That’s Garden Patch Salad.

Deviled Egg Mold. Show this dish to your misbehaving turtle. Bet that little bastard starts acting right.

Cottage cheese and kidney bean salad. I bet you thought you were the only one to think it up!

By Ron Evans

It wouldn’t be a Valentine’s-ish issue without a little erotica talk. And we happen to have a prolific local erotica author and content creator to reach out to for just such occasion. No, you won’t recognize her real life persona by her pen name, even if you personally know her. And I’ll be damned if that don’t make it all the more intriguing. But she granted The Comet access to this mood-lit den of an industry for this issue. So, lets do it.

When did you get into writing erotic fiction? What drew you to it from a creative standpoint?

I took an indirect path, as a Multi-hyphenate Artist, I fell into erotic fiction backwards, having already published a vast variety of (non-erotic) creative content; sparked from numerous “WOW! You have the perfect voice for phone sex!” remarks, shortly after becoming an explicit erotic entertainment content creator.

I’m curious if you were able to fully go with it right out of the gate or if it took some smaller steps before letting your freak flag fly?

I first entered the world of erotic entertainment as a writer for Mistress Kissy Kink Kandy’s explicit erotic audio content. Since the scripts were at an explicit rating or NSFW classified, it was an easy transition into erotic fiction because that was a downgrade in rating level. Erotic fiction is more sensuous, sexy, aphrodisiac, and erogenous than explicit audio because it is fully and clearly expressed in instruction versus imagination laced in anticipation.

I have always been a highly sexual person; in fact, I have been on both sides— so to speak. I have been submissive and dominant, soft and rough. I have also engaged in roleplay and bondage. All activities are great, but it is truly amazing when anticipation is present.

When I began writing erotica, I found that the genre was lacking in imagination and deeply rooted anticipation. I wanted to give readers something they didn’t know they wanted yet everything

they needed—to stimulate their brains as much as their bodies. A good mindfuck is the truest form of an aphrodisiac for me, I wanted to give my readers a good mindfuck.

Has there been any issues with family or friends knowing you are writing such sexually charged prose? Friends are my family, as I surround myself with those I can be the most authentic version of myself with. I have not called my dad to share “hey how about Sunday’s game and did you read my last book?” Those who I’ve shared my brand with were not surprised at all and are extremely supportive. Although I lead with a giggle in my tone and quirky smirk sharing “DO NOT visit the website!”

Has working in this genre caused any people to assume (or expect) that you are some sort of sex maniac in real life? I have always been very sensual, sexual, and open-minded, with an inclination to explore, even as far back as high school, when I was given the nickname “flirt” because of my overall essence.

Erotic fiction is still fiction - you still want a story and some meat (no pun intended) to hold onto in between the more explicit encounters. Talk about that part of your process - do you like to plot out the outline of an entire story before you get writing? Or do you like to start and see where it goes?

I’ve drawn inspiration from my life experiences as well from ideas that just pop into my head. Sometimes I sit down with an intentional plot to write. Other times an overwhelmingly-controlled takeover forces me into an autopilot-like state of being where a full born story or concept pours out of me no matter where or when I am consumed without debate. The experience is indescribable but if I had anything to relate it to it’d say it feels like I am channeling. The exact same processing happens when writing or developing all creative pursuits.

Do you have a favorite piece of criticism you’ve received - good or bad?

Critics don’t specifically call out storytelling flaws. But overall, feedback is consistently: Give us more!

“I wanted to give my readers a good mindfuck.”

Do you write under any other names in different genres?

Yes, but for safety and branding reasons, I don’t cross over my two worlds. As a Creative Entrepreneur, Multipotentialite, and Multi-Hyphenate, not every industry professional has an understanding of both my imaginary worlds. Plus there’s the misconception that if I’m productive in one realm it will lessen productivity in another...but it doesn’t work that way for me.

Are you self-publishing your books?

Are they in print or solely digital? And how are you selling/distributing them?

I’m self-published and retain control of my unique content. My books are set for release, and come spring 2023, I’ll launch Lickety Kink Podcast: The Sweet Spot, which will offer narrated erotica short stories named “Fun Dips” in addition to the base podcast content of: sex, ecstasy, relationships with a naughtiness twist; pleasure, possibility, passion and the power of kink.

Your website has all sorts of goodies including some audio erotica. Talk about writing for these naughty audio adventures - is the process any different than writing for the written word?

Kink Kandy Explicit audios are Jerk Off Instructions (or JOI) explicit audio.

Sex is like candy. You want a lot of it, in different flavors and varieties. And when you’re finished, you soon start craving it again. Mistress Kissy is a tantalizing voice delivering pleasure and direction; indulging you in the power of possibilities.

After discovering ASMR audio by its explosion of popularity, past remarks related to “perfect voice for phone sex” coupled together created my curiosity toward if I could create these. After some research and online shopping, I set up a tiny recording booth in my bedroom closet and began getting to work. I had a huge learning curve ahead of me—ASMR audios aren’t impromptu; they’re scripted and you’re acting out the lines but not acting out the feeling in your body while speaking at a perfected pace, tone, etc.

It’s not just dirty talk or banter. As a writer, I apply the same skill set I use when writing a screenplay and apply them to creating erotic stories that make listeners feel as if they are characters in my story world.

Do you ever do any in-person readings, book signings or workshops?

No, to in-person; likely never will. Hence safety and other branding. However, by 2024, I will offer “how to write erotica like me” self-guided downloadable modules accompanied with animated explainer videos.

My website offers free samples of Kink Kandy, a deliciously naughty treat. Patreon provides different tiers for fans to become Naughty Nibblers and receive early releases of a variety of audio flavors, full library access, written sweet treats and more. Sign up for my mailing list and follow me on social media—no matter your sweet tooth craving, there are flavors for anyone and everyone!

To “indirectly interact” with me, Kandy

Koated Treats custom JOI audio can be purchased on my website.

What do you have available?

Fun Dips: Bite-sized stories

Savor ‘Til You Drool!

Lickety Kink Podcast: The Sweet Spot We’re all gonna get sticky!

Lickety Kink Podcast Presents Unwrapped Blog: A smorgasbord of eroticism The only thing better than experiencing the kandy jar is when it’s time to unwrap. Aural-4-Play: Your Partner in Pleasure

Kissy Kinky Aural-4-Play offers a unique audio guide for sexual acts, fantasies and positions—in a whisper.

Kandy Koated Treats is a chance for each Naughty Nibbler to have the kind of explicit audio content they’ve always wanted. The preferred scenario can be anything from vanilla to kink; topped off with the perfect sprinkling of FX (standard-length 10-15 minute) for purchase.

Say somebody has been writing for a while now and they have decided to give erotica a try - what words of advice would you have for them?

Don’t start with the content; start with a brand. Build a business plan, vision and mission statement before giving yourself the space and grace to activate something already inside you.

No, you are not just a writer. Create your writing persona character, as you are playing a character. You must get to

know your persona intimately. But when it is finally time to sit down and brainstorm, start with the furthest, most uncomfortable wildest scenario then close your eyes and GO THERE! Put yourself inside the story.

Upon reentry into the real world, in a feverish display, capture the essence and every nuisance from inside the allconsuming sensory experience in your imagination in written/typed words. Do not over think it…just let it escape.

It might not look pretty, but read to capture one line at a time then close your eyes to replay each sentence while asking yourself, “does the sequencing work in a technical aspect?”

For example: Character A, laying in anticipation, radiating seduction through their body, pulsating with desire, reaches to grasp Character B’s forearms, pulling Character A onto the bed.

Now ask yourself, is that actually possible, can someone standing in the doorway be grabbed by someone laying on the bed? No. One character would need one more motion or act before making it to the bed.

LINKS:

kissykinky.com

Unwrap your imagination

PATREON

patreon.com/kissykinky

ELLA DEVILLE EROTICA

elladeville.com C

A SMALL SAMPLING OF THE SEXY EMPIRE THAT AWAITS YOU AT KISSYKINKY.COM

Over the years at the Wenatchee Valley Museum, there have been some odd and strange things that have been donated to the collection. While currently there is a screening process and procedures in place for donating items, this wasn’t always the case. We occasionally find oddities lying around from years gone by with little or no explanations

While startling to find in our dark basement archives room at first, this piece is not actually the giant spider of my nightmares. It is however, an insect made out of a railroad tie and horseshoes. While the artist of this piece is unknown, as well as how it ended up at the museum, we love the creative use of what would have been scrap metal materials that were recycled to form this art piece of sorts.

Curated and written by Anna SpencerCollections Coordinator at Wenatchee Valley Museum And Cultural Center wenatcheevalleymuseum.org

THE FUNNY PAGES COMICS AND NOVELTIES

What do you tell a pig on February 14? Happy Valen-swine’s Day! Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Yes, it’s February 14.

What did the tortoise say on Valentine’s Day? I turt-ally love you.

1) This video game earned over ONE BILLION Dollars in quarters the first year it was in arcades. The following year, it earned SIX Billion dollars in quarters, which was more than the combined amount of money spent in Vegas casinos and US movie theaters that year. What arcade game are we talking about?

A) Pac Man

B) Mortal Kombat

C) NBA Jam

D) Street Fighter 2

2) In 2007, a robber drove a $300,000 Porsche through the window of a Malaysian car showroom, then abandoned the car nearby because its gas tank was empty.

Then, this happened:

A) He sued the car dealership for emotional damages

B) He brought a tank of gas to the impound lot and stole it again

C) The car spontaneously combusted due to an engine defect, killing two police officers

D) The robber won the lottery and returned to the dealership the next week to apologize and legally purchase the Porsche

3) Studies have shown that when you are stressed out, if you stop for a moment and smell THESE, you will have a notable difference in your feelings of stress and loneliness. What can you smell to reduce stress and loneliness?

A) The flowers. Any flowers.

B) Glue

C) Your garbage bin

D) Your partner’s dirty underwear

4) In an interview recently, this person said that back in the late ‘90s they were initially cast as Marla, the female lead in FIGHT CLUB. But Brad Pitt had beef with her and convinced the director of the film to go instead with Helena Bonham Carter. Who was initially cast as Marla?

A) Winona Ryder

B) Geena Davis

C) Uma Thurman

D) Courtney Love

How your sign gets out of a relationship:

Aries - Cheat and get caught… and inevitably get dumped.

Taurus - Blow your life up because your needs aren’t being met but you let it slide for as long as you could and now you’re filled with resentment and rage. Burn that bridge baby.

Gemini - Do people actually date you? Huh.

Cancer - Very dramatically. Lots of on and off and on and off again.

Leo - Kicking and screaming because how could anyone dump YOU?? Don’t they know how amazing you are?!

Virgo - Let your partner treat you terribly and ride it out until they break it off. (So you can be the victim.)

Libra - Doesn’t matter to you because you have backups in line. It’s not exactly cheating, just being prepared.

Scorpio - Over text. Cold and to the point.

Sagittarius - You don’t. Being alone is too big a burden to bear. You stay, even when it’s miserable.

Capricorn - By creating a bonfire with all of their belongings on the front lawn. Hint taken.

Aquarius - With a playful boop on the nose, after all, it was really more of a situationship anyway.

Pisces - With the caveat that you’ll always love them and could totally still be friends with bennies if they want.

ANSWERS: 1-A) Pac Man. 2-B) He brought a tank of gas to the impound lot and stole it again. 3-D) Your partner’s dirty underwear. 4-D) Courtney Love.