The Comet - March 2023

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

everything will be fine

THIS issue

editor: Ron Evans

contributors: Sarah Sims, Cory Calhoun, Lindsay Breidenthal, Jamie Howell, Christopher F. Hart, JessicaDawn.Co, Anna Spencer, Dan McConnell, Meg Kappler, Holly Thorpe, Mike Irwin, Wayne Swanson, Moxie Rose

crossword..................................PAGE 7

MARVIN VELASCO.......................PAGE 8

trish mccallan......................PAGE 12

wild wild childhood................. PAGE 14

ARTBEAT MAGAZINE.....................PAGE 19

filmed in the valley............ ..... PAGE 23

ellen bruex....................................PAGE 24

durga mcbroom.........................page 26

DEAR MOXIE........................ ........ PAGE 30

porn toons.............................

star bitch...................................PAGE 38

issue #53 - march 2023

FIRSTFRIDAY5:00-8:00PM

Joss Paddock circa 1983 in the classic Rajneeshpuram red attire.

COMET HEADQUARTERS

Greetings,

Haggling on prices with artists. Let’s have that talk.

You go into any store, you pay what the price of the thing is, or you think it’s too expensive for you and put it back on the shelf. Often a different shelf than where you picked it up because, stick it to the man! But you don’t go to Target and say to the cashier “Hey, this mascara is 8.99. Would you take 5 even?” You don’t pull up to Starbucks and say “Here’s how much I can afford. Give me this many dollars in coffees, my good Sir!”

Why is it such a widespread thing to assume artists and micro-businesses will (or should) offer this as part of the transaction? Well, we all know the reason don’t we? Because it’s worked before. You wanted something someone made but couldn’t or wouldn’t swing the dough to obtain it so you wheeled and dealed. And yeah. More often than not…we artists will say yes. Because we need the fuckin’ money.

We have to fix this.

Now, trust me…I could go on a rant all day about the shittiness of the capitalist machine etc., but I’m just gonna address the actual world we all currently have to exist in. Shit costs money. A painting takes a unique vision, time, materials and effort to create. Toothpaste is mass-produced in factories. I think. Literally no one knows. A sculpture is a one of a kind thing that often literally has the creator’s fingerprints embedded into it. Taco Bell meat comes in pallets of frozen plastic pouches and they boil it at the restaurant to make it “fresh” again. A good rock album takes a lifetime of heartbreak, busted dreams and questionable life choices to write, rehearse, record (money money money) and release as records, CDs and tapes (more money money money). And that $15 fedora you got at Marshall’s, and wore to the art gallery opening, was made in a sweatshop.

But again, we don’t try to barter or negotiate these cheap, dime-a-dozen things in chain stores, fast food establishments or e-commerce sites. We simply buy or we don’t buy. Let’s normalize the same practice when it comes to fine arts and crafts. Remember, when you buy something that was handmade by someone you are literally the only person on the planet that gets to own, cherish and admire that thing. You also get the satisfaction of knowing you supported the creator of that thing you couldn’t live without. But that satisfaction can only come with a true understanding of this kind of transaction.

Artists tend to be bad at talking money or business (and probably their fathers). And that definitely feeds into this problem. But there’s also the wacky nature of the “market” of art. If I put 79 cents on a painting, that painting is worth 79 cents. Well, it’s only worth that if someone pays 79 cents for it. That’s not true of toothpaste, mascara and cheap hats. Commodities have inherent, market-proven (READ: market-fixed) prices that we all must live by. Art is not this kind of product. The street value of art is practically nil. Even some of the classic, famous paintings that have been stolen from galleries and museums couldn’t be sold on the street and were later found in

dumpsters. Who’s gonna buy a Renoir in an alley? Unless “Renoir” is code for...ah, I’m getting off track.

Anyway, this is the least sexy part of the art discussion. Money. And I hear more artists complaining about their prices being considered negotiable, if not right out mockable, than just about any other aspect of being a working professional artist. Including cat drama and tea-related snafus.

Artists need to stand their ground on their prices. And yes, that’s hard to do when the mortgage is due in three days or your Only Fans subscriptions are getting out of hand. Pun intended. But we gotta be steadfast if we wanna see this buyer expectation die a painful death. And anyone looking into purchasing a piece of original art that’s maybe out of your range - well…skip a week or three of Taco Bell and pay the set price. You’ll feel good about it, and your roommates will thank you for making a merciful dietary choice. You will also be the only human being in the galaxy to own a painting called “Penis Robot Moonwalking On The Moon In Spaaaaaaace!” Or whatever it is you bought. Anyway - I’m out of room so, end of rant.

Wait...I also hate the band Phish. Ok, now I’m done.

Happy Trails,

Ron Evans Editor of The Comet

CORY "DAMN YOU" CALHOUN'S

PU Z Z LE CORNER

CSCXWORDS@GMAiL.COM

This month's meta is New York Times Sunday-size huge (21x21)! Its size has nothing to do with the meta answer: I just needed the room! Pro tip: You definitely should use Google for help with some of the clues this time. Some are pretty obscure and trivia-heavy. But it'll hopefully be worth it (heh-heh). And now, the entry rules...

Enter for a chance to win a custom anagram-therned prize by solving 2023's 2nd meta crossword! HOW TO ENTER: 1. Solve the crossword on this page. 2. Solve its meta puzzle (for tips on how, visit tinyurl.com/corymetas). 3. Email just the meta puzzle answer to the hint (don't send the solved grid!) to cscxwords@gmail.com by 11:59pm PT, March 24, 2023. (One submission per entrant, please.) We'll randomly pick a winner from the correct entries and announce the winner and puzzle answers in the next issue. Good luck!

LAST iSSUE'S SOLUTiONS

ACROSS

1. Topped on eBay

7. Made a memo

13. Visualize

20. Cook too long

21. Daughter of Zeus

22. L'Oreal alternative

23. * Appliance maker that sounds like a seaside destination

25. Makes fountain-like sounds

26. "V" formers

27. Like some martinis

28. Party handout

29. Entrance must-haves

32. * Dimpled copper vessel for a vodka-and-ginger-beer cocktail

37. Actress Kelly Marie ___

38. "Yeah, right!"

40. Flowery verse 41. Words before distance or glance

42. * Trenchcoat maker ironically based in the US 45. Env. contents 47. Spring birds

Auction offering

around

63. Wrestler's goal

119. Superficiality

120. Piglike Malayanmammals

34. Postal delivery

35. ___ Reader (alt magazine)

77. Termite, e.g.

78. Yarn spinner

past due?

* Coping captive's condition

74. Jumps(out)

75. ___ Hill (R&B group)

76. Does some housework 77. Make big decisions for others 80. Preserver of one's dignity 84. Captain's journal 86. Ford of fashion fame 87. Sounds of woe 88. * Best Canadian Film, Toronto International Film Festival, 2009

Convened 91. Scottish cap 93. Scornful cries 94. Uptight

95. * Abrasive metal polish made from rottenstone

101. Centers of activity

104. Down ___ knee

105. Ol' what's-___-name

106. Actress Hathaway and horror novelist Rice

107. Plague

110. * Sword-blade material

115. Sing-along activity

116. Cover

117. Wed in secret

118. Trimmed

DOWN

1. "___ la la!"

2. Charlottesville sch.

3. Pro ___ (for now)

4. Highwayman

5. Ne'er-do-well

6. Lavished affection (on)

7. Fonda of "Grace and Frankie"

8. Place to put down stakes?: Abbr.

9. What punctual people arrive on

10. Eye drops?

11. Multivolume ref. work

12. "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-___"

13. World of Warcraft, for one

14. Words on a candy heart

15. Yuletide tune

16. Big striped cat, in Spain

17. Web browser entry

18. Caviar

19. Chicago trains

24. Harden

28. DVD remote button

29."___ cost ya!"

30. More wilted

31. Biblical song of praise

32. Prefix with "phone"

33. Astronomy's ___ cloud (region beyond Pluto)

36. Big name in pressure relief

39. The Red Sox, on scoreboards

43. Margarine

44. Adult Ralphie's "A Christmas Story" voiceover, e.g.

45. Disney+ series co-starring

Owen Wilson

46. What one who holds their breath too longmay do

47. Division-problem leftover

48. Kind of agreement

49. Data-transfer meas.

52. Bit of driver's license info

53. Visit on a whim

55. Scoreboard fig.

57. Edges

58. Check for accuracy

59. Poker declaration

60. World Series prelude: Abbr.

61. Neighbor of Iran: Abbr.

62. Engine part

63. Writer's framework

64. "This makes me furious!"

65. Bill ___, the Science Guy

69. 12th graders: Abbr.

71. Herb in stuffing

72. Tolkien creatures

73. Old Spanish coin

74. "See ya!"

79. Prefix with "plane"

80. Anxiety about exclusion, for short

81. Lasting effect

82. "That's nice!"

83. Four-armed Hindu diety

85. Salonsupply

89. Cursor interval in a Word doc 91. Like some windows 92. Orang

93. Harangue

96. Frigid

97. Burger topper

98. "Lost" character named for an English philosopher

99. Humpback, e.g.

100. Exorcist's target

102. Beginning

103. Electrical pioneer Nikola

106. Tennis serving whiz

107. Alias preceder

108. Rage

109. To and ___

110. Early seventh-century year, to a Roman

111. Seashell seller

112. Prefix with "center"

113. Bard's"always"

114. Mormons: Abbr.

iDEA!"

HINT: Find a 7-letter proper noun associated with chocolate.

Theme: Carrying items. PAUSER - A = PURSE, BLUFFED - B = DUFFEL, CAGES - G = CASE. Leftover letters anagram into BAG

MARVIN VELASCO @muttermilk

MUSIC, THE WOODS AND BIGFOOT A TRIBUTE TO THE INCREDIBLE LIFE OF DEAN DEWEES

By Paul Graves

Ron Evans asked me if I could write a tribute to a fellow musician and good friend Dean DeWees who just recently passed away. First I want to thank Ron for thinking of him.

Dean DeWees was born August 9th, 1937 in Creston, Iowa and was given the name Homer Dean DeWees, but he went by Dean his whole life. His parents, Myrtle and Chester, were musicians and even appeared with the Barnum and Bailey Circus and the Lenard Players. When the Great Depression came along they moved to Wenatchee to work in the orchards, and later to Hoquiam. There, Chester managed the beautiful 7th Street Theatre from 1942 until 1959. Dean and his brother Ray would often stay in the theater overnight - many famous musicians played there over the years.

In 1942, when he was 5 years old, Dean broke his arm - leading to an infection of gangrene that resulted in him losing the arm just below the elbow. His dad, being a trumpet player, taught Dean how to play the trumpet and he spent the next 25 years playing for a living. He performed on the Ted Mack show, Lawrence Welk, and sat in with the The Ink Spots, Eddie Peabody and many others.

Dean was 12 years old when he first heard Harry James play and he knew then that someday he would play like him (or somewhere close). He eventually met Harry and he gave Dean good advice with just one word “Practice.” When Dean was in high school he heard about a guy named Louis Armstong that was playing in Olympia at the Evergreen Ballroom so Dean and his brother hitchhiked from Hoquiam to hear him play. After the show Dean got a chance to talk to Louis and he even got to play Louis’ trumpet. Louis told Dean he had good chops! Wow, what a night. Dean also met Rafael Méndez, billed as the World’s Greatest Trumpet Virtuoso who had played many times for the Mexican bandit Pancho Villa. At 17, Dean covered a song by Perez Prado’s band called “Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White.” He played it so well that he was asked to appear on the Ted Mack

TV show, a variety music show a lot like today’s America’s Got Talent or The Voice. Dean won it and appeared five more times on the show. In 1964 Dean got a job with the Gara Jerva Quartet and played five years backing up big name performers. He met John Wayne at Ocean Shores while he was making his movie called McQ

In 1958 Dean had a 7-piece band called The Rain Drops and they were booked all summer at the Grayland Grange Hall - his trombone player wanted Dean to go with him to LA to study music at the Westlake School. So they made the adventurous trip and at school one day his instructor heard him play a song called “Skylark.” He was very impressed so he gave Dean and his friend tickets to the Lawrence Welk TV Show. During the show filming, Dean ended up jumping up on stage near Lawrence and he told Dean to get his trumpet (it was back at the hotel). When he came back he was told to wait down in the front seats next to Alice Lon (Champagne Lady). But later, Dean had his chance to sit in and everyone, including Lawrence, were very impressed. Dean was too young to be in the youth band, being 21 by this time, but Lawrence later said he could use Dean somewhere in his band - but sadly he did not have Dean’s contact info, but what an experience it was.

Dean was married briefly in 1968 and shortly after his divorce he was allowed to stay at his brother-in-law’s place at a ranch on Ingalls Creek off the Old Blewett Highway. He even acquired an old packing mule he named Mr. Beesly that took a liking to Dean.

Then, something dramatic happened in January of 1976 - something that would change his life. It was a cold snowy night and he was with his cousin Dave - at the time he got his power from an electric old-timey Pelton wheel driven by a hundred-foot waterfall fed through a large metal pipe. The wheel had frozen up this night so they were using lanterns when all of a sudden his four dogs started barking and growling and they wanted out. He let them out but it was not long that all four dogs came running back into the cabin and cowered in one corner. Dave grabbed a shotgun

and went out saying something was getting into the chicken coop. Dean went out with a flashlight and first saw five dead chickens laying side by side with beaks all pointing in the same direction - then he saw his cousin down on one knee pointing the shotgun at a huge creature. It was a sasquatch. Eight to nine feet tall with a dark V-shape pattern from its shoulders and down its back. Dave shot at the creature from a couple feet away and it did not faze the thing, it just casually walked away with a slow human-like gait. Then, they watched it jump over a 15 foot creek... They went back in to get more ammo and when they came back out, 4 of the 5 chickens were gone.

A few nights later the creature returned and ripped open and killed one of their pigs. Dean took photos of the 16 inch footprints it left and he carved the likeness of the creature into a shadow box he made. This was gifted to me in Dean’s will (pictured on next page). A few years later, 1/4 mile from the Valley Hi store a doctor almost hit a sasquatch as it limped in front of his car - placing his hand on his car hood. He stopped at the store and learned of Dean’s sighting, and there he saw Dean’s sculpture and said that is what he had seen.

So fast forward some years later to the late 90’s or early 2000’s when I met Dean. I have been interested in investigating and researching the bigfoot subject since 1988 and I had heard about Dean’s encounter. So one day I drove up to Valley Hi and tried to find where Dean lived. I saw the name Brender on the top of a cabin, the story I heard was supposed to have happened at Brender Pig Farm. So I knocked on the door and Dean answered. I told him who I was and we got to chatting. He said the sasquatch story had always been written up wrong with it saying many people were there and that they all shot at it and tracked it into the mountains. That’s when Dean told me the whole story to set the record straight. Since then I have helped Dean get his story out there and it has been featured on two episodes of History Channel’s Monster Quest, a movie called Sasquatch Odyssey and a book called Bigfoot Casebook.

I also realized at this time that Dean was a musician. I had been playing guitar since I was 12 years old, so I eventually brought my guitar up and we played a few tunes. His oldest brother Ray (who was an amazing piano player in his own right) and his younger brother Roger who played drums joined us and we decided to form a band. We soon realized we needed a bass player so I contacted my friend Bill Allyn and that completed our lineup. We called our band Cabin Fever and played from 2006 to 2011 when Ray passed away (he was not replaceable). Ray could play “Flight of the Bumblebee” as good or better than the guy that wrote it. But we got to play Apple Blossom and Ohme Gardens among others. We also recorded two albums worth of music at Ingalls Creek Enrichment Center up the road from Dean thanks to Alan Walter. Dean taught me a lot about music and phrasing that I applied to my guitar playing. I really miss playing music with him. Over the years Dean was kinda known as the “Mayor of Valley Hi” and his cabin (originally the last stop gas station before going over the old pass) was along the old highway and many people would stop by and talk with Dean. He put out a couple small booklets and made many of our band’s CD’s and he sold over 700 of them. He had a one of a kind place with a lot of his art hanging on his walls.

Music was his life and many of Dean’s gigs are written up in his autobiography called A Man And His Horn - A Journey In The Life Of A Musician. Dean was a tough old bird, he only had one full arm and a stump for the other arm, yet he lived in his cabin with no running water (he got it from a creek that ran beside his cabin, in the middle of winter he would have to break the ice to get his water for all his water needs with just one arm).

I am going to miss the sound of his trumpet echoing through the hills and mountains that surrounded his cabin. Thankfully, we have recordings that will live on forever.

Rest well my friend. c

by Holly Thorpe

Write on the River offers

Cornerstones of Successful Self-Publishing workshop

March 11

About the workshop

Theresa Monsey (writing as Trish McCallan) presents, “The Cornerstones of Successful Self-Publishing.”

Discover how to maximize chances of reaching readers, including crucial genre choices such as covers and categories, what platforms to publish on, and where to go for help when encountering stumbling blocks. Learn the basis of independent publishing and start off on the right foot!

Saturday, March 11, 10:30 a.m.

Class with a Glass, 134 N. Mission St. Tickets are $15 for members, $30 for non-members

Purchase tickets at writeontheriver.org

Membership is $35 per year, and offers free or discounted access to all WOTR events. Questions? Contact info@writeontheriver.org.

About the author

Author Trish McCallan was born in Eugene, Oregon, and grew up in Washington State, where she began crafting stories at an early age. Her first books were illustrated in crayon, bound with red yarn, and sold for a nickel at her lemonade stand. Trish grew up to earn a bachelor’s degree in English literature with a concentration in creative writing from Western Washington University, taking jobs as a bookkeeper and humanresource specialist before finally quitting

her day job to write full-time. Forged in Fire, the first book in her Red Hot SEALs series, came about after a marathon reading session, and a bottle of Nyquil that sparked a vivid dream. She lives today in eastern Washington. An avid animal lover, she currently shares her home with four golden retrievers, a black lab mix and two cats. Learn more about Trish and her books at trishmccallan.com.

A Q&A with Trish McCallan

Describe the process of discovering and writing for your genre. How did you know when your writing had found its home?

I’ve been a reader for as long as I can remember. While I read widely and across multiple genres, when I started writing, I wrote what I loved to read the most and what I was the most familiar with. So, I knew what my genre was years before I seriously considered publishing. What are the biggest lessons you learned the first-time self-publishing? What surprised you the most?

I self-published my first book in 2011, and the thing that surprised me the most was how completely wrong the big-name agents and traditional publishing houses were about the market. They had no clue what readers were looking for. Nor were they aware of what was happening in the self-publishing marketplace.

Multiple agents and editors told me readers didn’t want romantic suspense books with SEAL heroes. Yet several of the indie authors I was following had selfpublished books with SEAL heroes and their books were killing it on the Amazon bestseller charts. When I self-published

Forged in Fire, that book outsold ALL the top trad authors within my genre who’d published at the same time. When the trad houses finally contacted me, looking to buy the rights to the book, the contract they offered me paid a fraction of what the book was pulling in each month. And they didn’t believe me when I told them that.

They honestly had no clue how much money many of the self-published books were pulling in.

Who can benefit most from your workshop? What would you say to folks who are unsure about attending?

The writers who would benefit the most from this workshop are those who want to make money off their books, or they want to build a readership, whether they make money off those readers or not.

Finally, what’s your advice for blos-

soming writers or writers considering publishing for the first time?

The most important advice I have for any writer is to know your why. You need to decide what your reasons are for publishing. This might seem basic, but it’s essential to know this information before you publish.

If you just want to publish a memoir so there will be a historical account of your life for your descendants, then you don’t need to go to the expense and time of trying to find and connect with a particular audience. If you just want your stories out there, and don’t really care if they connect with readers or an audience, then you don’t need to learn how to attract readers. But if you want to connect with an audience and you want to sell books, then you need to do a lot more research and make a lot more difficult decisions.

So figure out your why and go from there.

Wild Wild Childhood

WENATCHEE’S JOSS PADDOCK ON HIS TIME IN RAJNEESHPURAM

By Ron Evans

In 1981, a growing movement out of India called Rajneesh sought new lands to practice their religion that wasn’t a religion - as they had grown more and more attractive to Westerners and a bit too notorious in India. They decided on an 80,000 acre ranch in rural Antelope, Oregon. The Rajneeshpuram, named after its leader Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (later known as Osho), grew so fast that it quickly freaked out the locals. All these strangers taking over their neck of the woods, dressed in red, some carrying guns. Their leader looked right out of a cult guru line-up from Central Casting as he drove around the grounds in one of his 93 Rolls Royces. And never very far from Osho, his right hand gal, Ma Anand Sheela with her sheepish grin and imposing presence. Yeah, it was a lot to take in for the townsfolk, and this xenophobia and culture clash would lead to one of the most bizarre sagas the nation has ever seen - criminal investigations, espionage, mass poisonings, naked stuff, a fleeing guru and ultimately the dismantling of the Rajneeshpuram. The bulk of this saga was brilliantly portrayed in the groundbreaking Netflix docu-series Wild Wild Country, which is highly recommended for filling in the details outside this personal account.

On that note…I recently learned that a local man had spent four years as a child in the commune - and funnily enough, I already knew him. Joss Paddock is someone I had chatted with over the years, mostly concerning artistic doings. I met him through his girlfriend, local artist/ muralist Sara Hasslinger. The two recently worked together to create the new WENATCHEE mural on the Ave between Mela and the Antique Mall.

Upon learning of Paddock’s history I immediately reached out to talk about a feature for The Comet, not really knowing how thrilled he’d be about the idea. This was a very controversial and polarizing group after all, and this is a small town. I was happy when he not only expressed interest but enthusiasm in sharing his story.

“I consider my time in the commune one of the high points of my life. It was a very loving and creative place. A very intellectual place.” Paddock says with a wide grin.

I hope he someday pens an autobiography so he can properly tell his amazing story in detail. But until then, here’s the abridged tale of a little boy growing up in one of the most famous cult communes in American history.

First things first…let’s talk about the word cult for a moment. Are you offended by it being used in association with Rajneeshpuram?

No, actually I believe in taking that word back. Cult is essentially short for culture. It’s really just used to describe a culture that’s misunderstood or disliked.

How and when did you find yourself in the commune?

Well we were living in Asheville, North Carolina in 1981 - my mom had been into the movement for a while. She had been reading about it and at the time, my parents were heading for divorce. My mom wanted to take me and my sister to the commune and my dad was hoping to keep the marriage and the family together. My mom sorta said look, you can try to stop me or you can come with me. So we all headed to Oregon and joined the commune.

That seems like a pretty abrupt upheaval of your life. How old were you at the time?

I was six when we moved there, my sister was eight. It was pretty crazy really, and when we got there it was such a different way of life. It took a bit of adjusting. And part of the philosophy of the movement was the idea of breaking up the nuclear family model, so we all went there as a family but…you know, things changed instantly when we got there. A lot of people don’t realize - and they didn’t really cover this in the movie - the kids lived apart from the adults. We called it Kids Town. We had renovated an old school, it’s the one you see in the documentary, and we would clean it up and work on making it our home. And we were kind of left to our own devices and we ran all

over the place and built these giant tent platforms and we’d shimmy up and all over them. Mostly we just had a lot of fun. There would be some adults circling through now and again and we all had buddy systems for when we were wandering around, the older kids would sorta look after the younger ones. My sister and I were in separate groups. It was a little harder for her because she was older and had been in public school where I was just getting to be that age.

So when would you see your family?

Not very often. Maybe at lunch in the cafeteria, or some of the gatherings.

Wow. That seems like a pretty big thing to leave out of the documentary. Yeah I wonder if the filmmakers thought that was just a bit too much for people to see. Or they cut it for time, I don’t know. But, after getting used to how things worked there, I thought it was great. We were learning how to be independent and

free from certain attachments. And we were kids so we were mostly just playing around, running all over the desert hills. And it worked well for my family because my sister and I didn’t have to watch our parents fighting all the time anymore. It wasn’t like we were told we couldn’t see our parents, we could if we wanted to. But again, it was set up in a way that…you really didn’t need to after a while.

Was there schooling of any kind for the children on the compound?

No, not really school in the normal sense. We were shown how to do certain jobs and we could learn some basic skills so we could help out. It wasn’t like a sweatshop or anything like that. But that was one of the things they (outside the commune) tried to use to shut us down. They said well, these kids aren’t getting what they need so we’re gonna come in and take them away. They tried that angle.

Did they dye all your clothes red as soon as you arrived at the gates?

Well, my parents had already gone to a gathering for the group in California before we moved to Oregon and when they came back they were in red clothes. So they dyed all of our clothes red. Even our underwear.

That’s very thorough. Did the leaders of the group ever explain to you what the red clothing was all about?

It may have been explained to me but I don’t recall. It was odd. I mean…we had gone to a typical public school wearing typical clothes and then to arrive at this sprawling compound was a little strange. And I had imagined it being a big tent or something out in the desert but as you see in the documentary, there were houses and buildings all over the place. It was overwhelming at first.

I suppose it would have felt like going to camp if it weren’t year round, and the

population wasn’t always changing so much. There were maybe 1200 people when we moved there. And then at festivals, there were like between 10,000 and 20,000 people in the summer. And I think other than that, maybe it was close to 5000 residents.

I had heard about this group when I was a kid. When my family drove down to Bend, Oregon to visit relatives they’d always say - ‘over there is where Les Schwab lives. And down that way is where that guru lives.’ I, too, only imagined a couple hundred people and some old dude in a tent. Wild Wild Country was the first time I really saw how massive this group got to be. Yeah. It could be pretty crazy. Far outnumbering the locals in the area.

Were you aware of any of the controversy concerning the locals and how the group was being portrayed in the media?

Osho drives by in the Rolls Royce in 1983. Photo by Samvado Gunnar Kosattz

Not so much with the hostility of the locals. We knew that we had to be careful to some degree about that, and we knew that - famously now - we had a large group of armed people to protect the commune. But they would actually post newspaper clippings around the commune cafeteria with all these stories about us being a scary cult and you know…these people are the most evil people on the planet So we were all aware how we were being perceived but it wasn’t a daily occurrence of violence or anything. When we were in Antelope I remember some of the locals would try to intimidate us by driving back and forth and standing around with their rifles.

When they would fly the fighter jets over that was something that got our attention. We didn’t have TV but we would sometimes watch movies and one they showed us was The Day After which is about nuclear war. One of the most memorable scenes for me was when you see the missiles going up and it’s like…ok, well World War III has begun. So we would sometimes talk about the possibility of a major attack or disaster and what life would be afterwards. Sometimes we felt targeted I guess.

It didn’t help that you had Sheela going on Ted Koppel and cursing up a storm and being all threatening. And even the stuff with the Rolls Royces - that was all used as a way to make us look like a bunch of crazy people.

The Rolls Royce thing was pretty damn kooky.

That’s kind of what Baghwan wanted, he wanted to sort of be this kooky kind of guy and then he’d say, if all you see are the Rolls Royces then you’ve missed the point. He would almost sound like… this is how we weed some people out. I don’t expect anyone to buy that though [laughs].

There’s footage from a Viha (Rajneesh) documentary (The Way Of The Heart) of Oshso making one of his famous drive-bys as the commune all lined up on the side of the road. At one point he stops and gives a little boy a toy Rolls

Royce. That little boy was a 10 year old you. Yeah. Sheela told my parents their son was gonna be on camera getting this gift. I thought it was gonna be a stuffed animal, that’s what the kids usually got. So they set this up as a bit of a photo-op for the documentary The Way Of The Heart More of a promotional thing about what the group was about. And so he was kinda like Santa Clause to us. He wasn’t speaking in those days so this was really our interactions with him.

I’m guessing it’s too much to hope that you still have that toy? No, sadly. I don’t think it ever made it out of the commune. I remember it disappearing in the toy box there.

So after a while in the commune, how were your parents adjusting to not really seeing their children? My mom was into it. My dad had a harder time with it. But he had a few girlfriends to keep him company.

I find that a fair trade-off. Honestly, I think my dad was sort of mourning his loss of the American Dream. He never really found a place at the commune. He did end up leaving with someone from there, who’s now my step-mom. My mom also left with someone from the commune when it all disintegrated.

What would you say is the root of what Osho was trying to teach?

To break from attachments. And to be at peace with yourself through meditation. And even though he was this…big deal, you know - a famous leader, he would always talk about how the movement wasn’t about him. He didn’t want us to just make another religion, he wanted the opposite of that. You didn’t need these other things (religion and possessions) to be enlightened, you just needed to find it within. It was about walking away from the trappings of the modern world, really.

What are your thoughts on Sheela?

The documentary makes it pretty clear that she was a shit-stirrer. And someone who did a lot of damage to the

movement in many ways. I got chills when I first saw her walking up the hill in the documentary. I was shocked. They found her. They got her to talk for the film. That was a huge get. Honestly, it’s so hard watching her. The way she acts, all the things she did and said. She was so vicious. In the early days all the children would go over to her house for chocolate chip cookies and Coca-Cola. But it’s pretty clear now the kind of person she is. I can still remember watching her plane fly off into the sunset when she left the commune. It was a big day. Kind of a holy shit moment. Things fell apart pretty quickly after that.

Your overall thoughts on Wild Wild Country?

I loved it. And it’s great because I didn’t talk about this very much for so long. It was always like ‘this big crazy cult’ and I could try to tell my story but it was hard to put it into words. And so now I can show this to people and I feel like it does a good job. It does focus a bit on the drama and the palace intrigue of course, but I think overall it’s great. It sometimes felt a little like rewatching old family traumas unfold on TV.

I was glad they showed the stuff about rehoming the homeless people to the commune, the Home Share program. One of my favorite moments from the film was one of those men saying he wasn’t gonna leave until every single last one of the group left. A lot of them found a true home there. Of course it was a very dangerous plan to bring all these people to our home because some of them were clearly psychopaths. And the way they started secretly drugging those people to make them more calm was so disgusting, a complete disregard for these humans. That’s an ugly part of the story.

Was there anything you learned about in the doc series that you never knew about before?

Oh yeah. The chopped up beavers. I never knew that story.

NOTE: You’ll just have to watch the series for this one to make sense.

The film gets into a bit of the more eyebrow raising elements of the commune - specifically, the nude screaming meditation stuff, which looks like the prelude to a David Lynchian orgy. Were the kids ever exposed to any of these kinds of…things?

No, there was nothing like that around the kids. Not in our commune anyway. I have read about some pretty questionable things involving children from one of the communes in India, but that whole thing was a bit wilder and more chaotic than ours. But no, we never…I guess the most sexual thing I could recall from my time there was occasionally you’d hear the sounds of people having sex in their tents somewhere out in the night. But no, nothing I ever saw indicated children were exposed to any of that. There was a lot of French kissing going on with the grown ups though.

I have heard that occasionally there were straight up orgies and I’d believe that. Osho’s thing was…you can’t meditate if you’re too busy thinking about sex all the time. So yeah, go crazy, get it all out of your system and then bring it back to the meditation

Are you still in contact with any of the kids from the commune?

My best friend, Sadhu, is actually from there, we weren’t best friends in the commune but we later became close. He was born into the commune unlike me. He later became the City Manager of Vancouver, British Columbia. But yeah, we’ve stayed in touch through the years and we did a trip to Europe together, visited a bunch of friends there. There’s also a community on Facebook for the current and former members of the group but… that’s a whole different story.

How strange was it to leave the commune and integrate back into a more typical society?

It was a bummer. My sister and I went to Maryland to live with my dad and to go back to public school and all the normal things I guess. I called it suburban hell. But we adjusted. We had a lot of friends from the commune that had a harder time fitting back in. They were even still

Osho gifts a toy Rolls Royce to a 10 year old Paddock. Video source: The Way Of The Heart - VIHA

wearing the red clothes. We kind of just stopped talking about it, because it had become a pretty well known story. We felt like refugees of a good thing.

My mom followed Osho back to India for a while after the commune dissipated. My step-mom, on the other hand, now thinks Osho is burning in hell. That he became an evil man that led them all astray. And a lot of people feel that way because they put him on this pedestal that he couldn’t live up to so they felt cheated or misled.

After college I went to a few intentional communities, as they call them. That’s sort of a catch-all term for a group of people looking to live together and share resources. Communes have a bad name, thanks to some people.

How did you find your way to the Central Washington area?

So I met a girl in South Carolina, in one of these intentional communities, and we ended up moving to Chelan which is where she was born. Chelan really reminded me of where we lived in Oregon. Very similar rolling hills, sagebrush…the smell of sagebrush will always instantly make me think of the commune. There are no juniper trees here though. Anyway, after that relationship ended I started dating Sara who I’d met years before in Chelan, so... here I am.

Have you ever gone back to Antelope as an adult just to see what’s left?

Yeah my dad, step-mom and sister and I decided to drive down there years ago. Maybe around 2005 or so. It’s a Young Life Christian camp now. They have this story that the finger of God came down

and burnt up the wicked Osho’s commune and replaced it with a Christian one. It was strange to be there, I’d say at that time at least 90% of the structures from the commune were still there. What I wanna know is if Osho’s parents are still there. They were buried there you know, and he was in a hurry to leave before he got arrested so, I don’t know if he ever had a chance to have them moved.

Do you still pursue spirituality of any sorts these days?

I’m really into meditating. In fact there are a couple groups in Wenatchee I’m a part of that have kind of joined forces in a silent meditation group. Nothing to do with Osho or anything like that, even though he was all about meditation. And there’s a place near the Plaza Super Jet called the Little House Dharma Center - at 400 Yakima street. And anyone is

encouraged to join the sessions. You can email Sally@nama1119@hotmail.com for more info about that.

So yeah, I will always take certain things with me from those early years. As I said, it was a highlight of my life. The commune had lots of problems of course and we all know more about that now thanks to Wild Wild Country, but to me it’s the story of home. I don’t expect anyone to agree with how I feel about it all and I understand how strange it looks from the outside, but a lot of that does come from ignorance and fear. Fears that we are all brainwashed lunatics looking to dismantle everyone else’s way of life.

Although, I will say this…Osho once said that if our brains are full of garbage, then maybe brainwashing isn’t such a bad idea. C

Joss and his mother, Madhurya Paddock, at the commune in 1983

Over the years at the Wenatchee Valley Museum, there have been some odd and strange things that have been donated to the collection. While currently there is a screening process and procedures in place for donating items, this wasn’t always the case. We occasionally find oddities lying around from years gone by with little or no explanations

One of those being the object seen here, a post-WWII Civil Defense 17.5-gallon water drum. It might seem complicated, as this was before plastic water storage containers were in common use, but this drum came with two plastic liners that held the water within the drum and was either tied or heat sealed closed. The drums were a plan to provide a family of five one quart of water a day for two weeks.

Curated and written by Anna SpencerCollections Coordinator at Wenatchee Valley Museum And Cultural Center wenatcheevalleymuseum.org

ARTBEAT

FIRST FRIDAYS ARTS WALK MAP INCLUDED

NCW ARTIST INDEX IN DEVELOPMENT PRE-REGISTER NOW!

searchable index will be housed on our new website later this spring and will be an incredibly powerful tool for connecting all kinds of artists - to one another, to opportunities to showcase your work, to link to your professional websites and to generally heighten public awareness around all of our local creatives.

DOCUMENTARY PREMIERE: “We’re Not Lost: The Last Ride of the Show Ponies”

By Megan Kappler

Over the past year, NCW Arts has hosted a number of community forums and informal gatherings, and when you showed up to share your hopes and dreams, we took notes! The call is loud and clear that artists and creatives in our region want and need an informational hub to help connect them with one another; to opportunities for collaborations, grants, projects, classes; and to the NCW community at large.

So, we are excited to be able to share the good news! We are now accepting pre-registration for artists and creatives in the NCW region to be included in the new Regional NCW Artist Index! This

Eventually, we will launch a membership opportunity with lots of fun perks, but for now, it couldn’t be easier to let us know you are interested. Just go to our home page at ncwarts.org and complete a simple, secure, Google form with some basic information and, voila! We will be in touch in the coming months as we test out the system and release our new and improved website with the NCW Artist Index in full swing.

In the meantime, be sure to check our current website frequently, not only for the regional events calendar, but also for opportunities like auditions, job openings, funding resources, notice of studio spaces for lease, and much more. No need to harbor that FOMO (fear of missing out) energy any longer. NCW Arts is here to help keep you connected! Reach out to us anytime by emailing arts@ncwarts.org!

FEATURED OPPORTUNITY ARTSWA CREATIVE PROJECT GRANT DUE MARCH 15

You’ve got until March 15 to throw your hat in for ArtsWA’s 2024 Creative Project Grant. This is a $2,000 to $8,000 grant designed to help small to midsized groups provide communal arts and cultural experiences in Washington State. What’s unusual about this grant is that organizations do not need to have an arts-focused mission to apply.

More information can be found at arts.wa.gov/gto-creative-project-grant/

The second local documentary release this year! This time it’s North Forty Productions with a moving look at the life cycle of Americana indie band, The Show Ponies, as they embark on a final tour to say goodbye to their fans and to each other after a 7-year run that generated three albums and millions of listens.

Animations in the film were created by local artists Lindsay Breidenthal and Nathan Getzin. The documentary premieres in Wenatchee at the Numerica Performing Arts Center on Thursday, March 30 at 7 p.m.

Tickets available at numericapac.org

ARTEMIDORUS: A Pink Floyd Experience

Bring on the lasers! NCW’s Pink Floydloving Artemidorus celebrates the 50th anniversary of the release of “Dark Side of the Moon” with a performance of the album in its entirety (as well as every tune from “Wish You Were Here”) at the Numerica Performing Arts Center in Wenatchee on Friday, March 10 at 8 p.m.

They’ll be joined by special guest, singer Durga McBroom, who toured and recorded with Pink Floyd for two decades. Tickets available at numericapac.org.

FEATURED EVENTS ON THE COVER

TaikoProject’s powerful drumming unites ancient Japanese tradition with 21st century American innovation to create a riot of movement and thundering rhythm. Coming to Icicle Creek Center for the Arts

in Leavenworth for two shows, Saturday, March 4, at 7:30 p.m. and Sunday, March 5, at 2 p.m. Tickets and more information available at icicle.org

THE WHEEL TURNS FOR CERAMICIST RUTH ALLAN IN NEW RETROSPECTIVE AT THE MAC GALLERY

BY mike irwin

artist’s statement for the show. “I strive to create artwork that inspires the viewer.”

Ruth

Allan’s life in art and ceramics is on full display this March in a comprehensive exhibit that includes a retrospective of her techniques, materials and creative thinking.

Dozens of decorative porcelain vessels will fill Wenatchee Valley College’s Music & Art Center (MAC) gallery through March 23. The free exhibit — Ruth E. Allan: Looking Forward, Reaching Back — is open 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday through Friday.

Allan will present a slide lecture on her work at 4 p.m., Friday, March 3, in the MAC Grove Recital Hall, followed by a First Fridays Arts Walk reception from 5 to 7 p.m.

“For me, working in art has been a main focus, expression, recreation, means of contributing to the community and enriching my family,” writes Allan in her

The collection demonstrates decades of development of her signature ceramic techniques — saggar and Raku kilnfiring methods — along with glazing and carving artistry that have produced her one-of-a-kind masterworks.

A Washington State native, Allan grew up on a Puget Sound farm where her love of nature and an early devotion to the arts nourished a passion for drawing, painting, carving and working with clay. She has curated local art exhibits and taught workshops at universities, festivals and potters’ groups. Her works have been featured in publications around the globe.

“Art has been a source of inspiration while raising five children, teaching, creating museum exhibits and working for arts in the community,” says her biography accompanying the exhibit.

SCAN FOR DIGITAL INTERACTIVE

FIRST FRIDAYS MAP!

FIRST FRIDAY AFTER HOURS COMES TO

SADDLE ROCK BREWERY

After making your rounds this Friday, March 3, stop in for a beverage and a bite at the Saddlerock Pub & Brewery in downtown Wenatchee for this month’s First Fridays After Hours. Open and free to all, it’s a chance to gather with artists, art lovers and members of the NCW Arts Alliance over a beer and let the creative conversation flow. First Fridays After Hours runs from 7 to 9 p.m.

FIRST FRIDAYS ARTS MAP

“Looking Forward, Reaching Back,” works from ceramicist Ruth E. Allan. Slide lecture, MAC Grove Recital Hall, 4 p.m.; artist reception, 5-7 p.m.

Cindy Noyd, paintings; Amanda Northwind, handcrafted jewelry; artist reception and cider flights from PearUp, 5-7 p.m.

Allen Gossett, paintings; Glenn Isaacson and Patrick Thompson, piano and bass; 5-8 p.m.

Michelle

“Conspiracy

Sophie

Lynn

Regional

Jan

Mary

1. MAC Gallery

2. Visit Wenatchee Visitor Center

3. Two Rivers Art Gallery

4. Salt Creek Apothecary

Anderst, paintings, 12-6 p.m.

5. Pan’s Grotto

Theories Art,” group show, 4-6 p.m.

6. Tumbleweed

Campbell, Lost Highway Silver and Stone, jewelry, 4-7 p.m.

7. Ye Olde Bookshoppe

Walker, local author, booksigning, 4-7 p.m.

8. Wenatchee Valley Museum

High School Art Show, free admission from 4-8 p.m.

9. Pybus Art Alley

Cook Mack and Michelle Knutson, paintings; music from Mike Bills, 5-7 p.m.

10. Wenatchi Wear

Big-Bull Lewis and Rob Lewis, wearable art; direct-to-garment printing demo, 3-6- p.m.

Online map courtesy of the Wenatchee Downtown Association wendowntown.org

By DOUG and Kayla Nunn

Acouple months ago I kept coming across an article talking about this movie Devotion (2022) and that it was filmed in the mountains surrounding Wenatchee. Being a resident of the valley for 35 years, the history of film in the area has always intrigued me. Obviously the article popped up a lot because Facebook’s advertising algorithm told them I lived in the area and I liked movies. Scanning through some of the articles, I learned that the movie was about fighter pilots in the Korean War, more specifically about Jesse Brown, the first African-American aviator to complete the United States Navy’s basic flight training program. The vintage fighter planes took off from Pangborn Memorial Airport and were filmed flying around the Wenatchee mountains. The director (J.D. Dillard) thought that the Wenatchee mountains here best represented what Korea’s forests looked like in that time.

We are already here so I might as well do a short review. Jonathan Majors plays Jesse Brown and he, like in every role so far, killed it. With Lovecraft Country and his portrayal of Kang the Conqueror this man is well on his way to be the next big thing, mark my words - he will take over Hollywood in the years to come. Devo-

tion is based on a true story so it is very predictable but it is an exciting watch and definitely pulls on the heart strings a bit. It’s about love, friendship, determination and diversity. It is a fast-paced, emotional biopic and well worth the watch.

As far as movies that were filmed here in Wenatchee specifically, (without turning this into a research assignment and doing a deep dive on the net) there is only one that really comes to mind…

Surviving the Game

Surviving the Game is a 1994 film starring Rutger Hauer, Charles S. Dutton, Gary Busey and Ice T as Jack Mason. The film is about a homeless man, Jack Mason, being hired as a survival guide for a group of wealthy businessmen on a hunting trip, but really they are killers who hunt humans for sport.

Literally, as I’m typing I just realized how similar it is to the 1997 film The Pest starring John Leguizamo. Ok, ok back on track Doug. Surviving The Game - so this movie was 100% filmed on location and other than the last scene that was filmed in Philadelphia, it was filmed in Wenatchee and Lake Wenatchee. The ending scene even takes place in Seattle but for some reason they filmed it in Philadelphia.

Almost all the “city” scenes were filmed in downtown Wenatchee. Most were filmed on or around Mission, Orondo, Palouse, and Columbia street. The alley scenes were filmed behind the Liberty Theater and Mission. Anyone who loves history and old signage will be happy to see a vibrant Liberty Cinema mural in the background. The infamous Bruce Hotel was featured a lot, being the place the Mason (Ice T) chooses to spend the night before the big hunt.

Some specific scenes to look for include: The very sad scene at the beginning where Mason’s dog is hit by a taxi. That was filmed on Palouse Street and the scene where Cole gives Mason a business card next to the railroad tracks was filmed on South Columbia Street. Burns (Rutger Hauer) and Mason also drive over the Columbia River Bridge.

While staying in Wenatchee in September 1993 during filming this movie, F. Murray Abraham (one of the wealthy Human Hunters) was injured in a car crash, fracturing his wrist, and cutting up his face. He was hit by a drunk driver from Fall City who passed away due to his injuries.

All the “Cabin” scenes were filmed specifically at the Lake Wenatchee airstrip. They built the cabin just to blow it up at

the end. All the forest scenes were filmed in the Wenatchee National Forest, mostly around the Lake Wenatchee area.

To wrap things up let’s just review this thing. If you are from the valley, this movie is definitely a fun watch as we are rarely featured in film or television but, keep in mind - it’s a 1994 film, almost 30 years old, and there are a couple scenes that didn’t age well at all but it’s got Gary Busey and Ice T and it features some of the great historic places in Downtown Wenatchee. Like I said earlier it reminded me of The Pest so it isn’t a unique idea but definitely an intriguing one, what can a man do if he has nothing to lose? Unless you’re there it’s hard to relate. Ice T actually has some solid scenes, especially in the beginning, not to mention Gary Busey’s ad-libbed scene where he explains his scar. If you’re from the valley I recommend watching this if not just to see Wenatchee represented in film.

Doug and Kayla Nunn are owners and operators of The Time Capsule, a retro media hub that celebrates all things nostalgic and pop culture related.

Find them: @retromediaman | 23 Orondo Avenue, Wenatchee and at timecapsulecollectibles.com

This March a very unique art installation will be opening in an equally unique venue. Ellen Bruex’s “A Murmuration of Meanwhiles” will premiere in a high-tunnel greenhouse on Radix Farms in Malaga on March 26th. Bruex creates within a variety of mediums and she’s also half of the muralist duo Fight The Beige (along with her painting partner Heather Dappen). The Comet sat down with Bruex to chat about her inspirations for the show and why she wanted to premiere it on a farm.

First off, tell us a little about the title of the show.

I was thinking about the murmuration of birds, I think it’s Starlings - that all swarm and swoop together at the exact same time and it creates this beautiful, flowing movement. It stops you in your tracks. And this installation is a moving collection of many interacting pieces that make a whole. It’s a murmuration of meanwhiles, and these…

[Bruex reveals two pieces of clear acrylic sheets with the word MEANWHILE cut out of them.]

…are my meanwhiles. All of these pieces will be suspended from the structure of the high tunnel. They will vary in size and I will be playing around with layering them to maximize the impact of the space and light that will be available in the greenhouse. These are carved into reclaimed acrylic sheets/acrylic scraps, most of which were originally purchased or used during COVID for protective barriers.

What do you mean by “meanwhiles?”

This is sort of a progression of my show at the MAC Gallery last April, “An Index Of Beginnings And Endings.” With that show I was closely looking at beginnings and endings in my own life, and in other people’s lives and I even asked for responses from people to be part of the show. And so I asked myself ‘what are beginnings and endings? How are they experienced? And does anything actually ever end?’ My “answer” was that everything is actually just happening all at once. And while I’m experiencing something, you’re experiencing another something, meanwhile... And when something ends, another thing begins simultaneously.

Also a lot of my visual art is born of my poetry. I wrote a poem called the Meanwhiles. And that poem felt sort of like… the answer, like the thesis or the whole point of what I’ve been thinking about for the past year. I’m interested in the perception of time and the collapsing of time into the present, which is also a meanwhile. So I just want to present one word over and over as a simple gesture of a complex process of ideas and experiences. I don’t need

people to have the same thought about the word as I have. But I do want them to ask that question. Why? Why? Why is this word repeated over and over again.

Talk about the pieces themselves, how are you creating these?

So I hand write the word many, many times so there’s variation in the lettering and shape of the pieces. I then scan them and sort of redraw them on the computer before sending them to a Glowforge laser cutter and that leaves a nice crisp reproduction onto the acrylic sheet. And it’s been interesting because I don’t really think of myself as a sculptor or an installation artists. Thinking in 3D is pretty new for me so it’s exciting to do something different and challenging.

How many are you making?

A shit ton. You can quote me on that.

Done. Talk about why you chose to premiere this show at Radix Farm in Malaga.

That’s a really good question. I’m friends with the owners, Graham and Deb Stansbery, and I think I was just there hanging out with them. And suddenly I was like… oh this could be cool. That’s how it happened, pretty organically. I had pressure that I needed to find a space for this so I was looking with that lens. I had my show at MAC recently and didn’t really want to try to do something there again so soon, and Collapse Gallery is now closed. Emp-

The Meanwhiles

A pink sprinkle dances in a jar flipped thrice, lands sideways on a wish, flashes, hits hips with its neighbor, a yellow sprinkle tips, gravity casts its spell.

Meanwhile, red ethanol contracts in its thin home of glass.

Meanwhile, a latch retracts then returns to its strike plate.

Meanwhile, a flywheel, a piston, oxygen-fuel, and a spark plug explode into motion.

Meanwhile, light against a local newspaper passes through a cornea, kisses the retina, the optic nerve whispers to the brain, “Collapse.”

Meanwhile, the reclaimed planks of a tiny yellow house quietly rot under a two-day-old coat of paint.

Meanwhile, a coffee mug hugs a fresh lemon slice, a toy banana, and a plastic thrift-store crescent moon.

ty storefronts in Wenatchee was my Plan B but those didn’t work out anyway.

And they’re (the Stansberys) good at bringing people together and they have this new high tunnel that they’re not using until April when they’re gonna start planting in it, so it worked out nicely.

What will parking/transportation for this event be like?

There is limited parking. But people can park on the street. There’s a very small parking area for just a few cars, so yeah, be prepared to park on the street and we encourage carpooling. It’s not really a wheelchair accessible venue unfortunately.

How long will the show be up?

Two days: one evening grand opening and the following morning. I may leave them up for a few days for some ‘by appointment’ showings if people want that. There will also be a livestream of the show for those who can’t attend.

Title: A Murmuration of Meanwhiles

Location: Radix Farm, 2753 W Malaga Rd, Malaga

Time: Friday, March 24 6:00 - 9:00pm and Saturday, March 25 9:00 - 1:00pm plus a livestream for those who cannot attend, time TBA.

Follow on Instagram @ellen.bruex for updates. C

Meanwhile, a bearing ball rotates in its socket, transferring black ink onto the appropriate line of a lonely legal document.

Meanwhile, silence, save for the pad of a cat’s paw against an antique oak floorboard.

Meanwhile, a tab opens, a larynx rises, amber whisky sinks.

Meanwhile, three sets of molars masticate Cosmic Crisps and pita chips on the folded-down back seat of a beat-up Subaru.

Meanwhile, the neon outlines of arrows illuminate, go dark, illuminate, go dark, illuminate.

Meanwhile, time holds its breath for a moment, or an era, and rearranges the flowerpots.

The sprinkles form a celebratory herd, pick up speed, become a tiny, unstoppable stampede.

-Ellen Bruex

DURGA MCBROOM

LEGENDARY PINK FLOYD BACKING VOCALIST TAKES THE STAGE WITH ARTEMIDORUS

By Ron Evans

Local Pink Floyd disciples, Artemidorus, return to the stage with a performance of two complete classic Floyd albums: Dark Side of the Moon and Wish You Were Here. The show is March 10 at Numerica Performing Arts Center and as if a stage full of top notch musicians playing Pink Floyd tunes with some fog and a serious laser show isn’t enough to get your asses in the seats...the inclusion of special guest Durga McBroom should cinch it.

McBroom was a backup singer (and soloist on “The Great Gig In The Sky”) with Pink Floyd for over 20 years, appearing on the Delicate Sound Of Thunder and Pulse live albums. She has also had a very successful solo career in music with a chart topping hit “Naked In The Rain” along with being a well-known actress - she played Heels in the 1983 cultural phenomenon Flashdance. I chatted with McBroom to learn more about her impressive and eclectic career.

How and when did you first get involved with performing with Pink Floyd? Were you a fan before then? Well, of course I was a fan - I mean, Dark Side of the Moon came out in 1972 when I was 10 so I didn’t really get into it until I was around 13. I went to a very unique private school called MOBOC (Mobile Open Classrooms). Our teacher was a former San Francisco Haight-Ashbury beat poet. So we used to have quite the interesting mix of music that we would listen to. We had an eight track player in our bus, a Pace Arrow which was like a giant motorhome but with plush seats. And Dark Side of the Moon was a staple on that stereo. And that’s when I really got into listening to Pink Floyd. Also, some of the guys in class were obsessed with Jethro Tull. So I was well versed in my prog introduction pretty early on.

I can’t think of a cooler school than that. Or a more perfect setting to hear Dark Side of the Moon. Yeah it was pretty amazing. So yeah I was a fan before. After Pink Floyd had split from Roger Waters they were

starting the whole Momentary Lapse of Reason tour based on that album, which is the first one that they recorded without Roger. And there was a lot riding on this tour. I didn’t realize, until much later, just how much they were gambling on that tour which they had put up their own money to fund.

And they likely felt they had to prove themselves as a post-Roger Waters Pink Floyd. Exactly. So they’d hired Margaret Taylor, she’s gone back to her Asian name Machan Taylor now. After they had shot some live concert footage in Atlanta, David (Gilmour) decided that he wanted to add a bit of “color.’’ [laughs] His exact words. So he asked Michael Pillot, the owner of their production company, if he knew any black singers. Michael was a friend of my sister, Lorelei, and he recommended her. And I happened to be in New York with her at the time because she was working on an album for Capitol Records. I was doing some backup vocals for that album and so she of course recommended me, along with a friend of hers, Roberta Freeman. So we sent in some tapes of what we’d just recorded and they hired us. They flew us in and suddenly we were backstage and…you know, Pink Floyd was big into not really showing themselves all that much right? Well, a gentleman with an acoustic guitar comes backstage and in this very proper sort of English voice says “Hello. Would you like to go over some of the parts?”

We’re like, who is this guy? Then he starts singing…oh. It’s David Gilmour! We were supposed to be there on tour that first night just watching the show and seeing how it all worked but he said “You all sound great. Wanna give it a go tonight?”

Wow.

Yeah. So we said ok, and we went from performing in front of 500 people to over 15,000 people. That was the first time performing with Pink Floyd. David then asked me to join the rest of the tour to provide some “bottom end” to the singers.

Of course there were lots of backup moments, harmonies etc. for you to sing but, “The Great Gig In The Sky” is really your time to shine. I’m curious how you handled stepping into that role - it’s such a unique piece of music. The way Pink Floyd had stitched together the original vocal tracks by Clare Torry on the album, and just the chaotic nature of it. Obviously you want to hit some of the recognizable notes and phrasing while still making it your own. How did you go about that?

Well, David wanted us to learn it note for note. And when we first did it… it was awful. But we grew into it and eventually we did find our way and we were able to add our own nuances. What’s really interesting and humbling is that now, with some of these Pink Floyd tribute bands, I will hear them using some of my ad libs for “The Great Gig In The Sky.”

That’s amazing, although it’s not surprising because you were on the Delicate Sound Of Thunder and Pulse tours which are the two big live Floyd albums/concert videos. It makes sense that you have now become a part of the lineage of that song. Yeah, I suppose that’s true. You know, a lot of people don’t know what the song really is about. It’s a song about dying, in three separate movements. The first part, the real sort of more chaotic parts, that’s the anger part. You’re raging at God - why me? It’s not fair. But then the second part, which on the recordings is the part that I sing, is when the sadness comes in. The loss and regret and the realization that there’s nothing you can do to stop it, you’re going to die. And the third part is the release and the acceptance, and the finding peace in realizing that it’s time to leave. So these are the three movements of that song.

Is David Gilmour as chill as he seems?

Yes. He’s a real perfectionist and he knows exactly what he wants. And he has this sort of gravitas about him when he enters a room but I have to say…as I got to know him I realized that he’s actually quite shy and very quiet.

Pink Floyd shows are well known

for their grand, enveloping displays of lasers, effects and props. I’m curious if you ever experienced any major malfunctions or Spinal Tap moments with these productions while you were with the band.

Oh! [Laughs] So…there was the inflatable pig that used to be floated out in front of the audience. And there were these laser cannons that had to be water cooled, because they would get so hot. The pig would stay in this bin. It was set up so that it would be speed-inflated to go out on the lines over the audience. One time the water from the laser cannons leaked into the bin, so when they went to inflate it they could see it had a bunch of water in it. And they had to think fast and snip the lowest hanging point of the pig to release the water. You can guess what that was.

Oh no…

Yep. They had to snip off the tip of its pee pee and float it out which of course meant that as soon as it went out over the audience, the pig was just pissing all over everybody. And we were rolling.

As if the audience members weren’t already feeling like just another brick in the wall…they got peed on by an inflatable pig.

We were rolling

So how did you get involved with Artemidorus?

They contacted me on social media about working with them. They’d seen that I’d performed with other Pink Floyd tribute

bands and we set up the show in Wenatchee and another one at the Bing Crosby Theater in Spokane.

You have also had a successful solo career as a musician - talk about that a bit, was that going on before Pink Floyd?

No that came after. So, the Pink Floyd live show in Venice was a big deal and Guy Pratt (Pink Floyd’s bassist at the time) was friends with Youth (producer and musician with Killing Joke, the Fireman, Paul McCartney) who was at the show. And he approached me after the concert and said he really liked my voice and we talked about working together. The first song we recorded together was “Naked In The Rain” which became a huge hit all over Europe. It hit number 4 in the British pop charts and number 2 in a lot of the other European charts. So yeah, I have Pink Floyd to thank for my solo career. We have a second album that we have now recorded that we are currently looking for the right home for.

Well before we end I gotta ask you about playing Heels in Flashdance. How did that all come about?

Well, I beat out a whole hell of a lot of other actresses for that part. It’s actually kind of interesting... I went to an open dance audition for the lead, which I knew I wasn’t going to get, but it was an open audition so I went. My boyfriend at the time was also an actor, and he had an audition on the Paramount lot, and I drove him. And while he was there, I looked over and there was this little bungalow that said “Flash-

dance” on it. That was the casting office. So my bold black ass just walked in there and said “Hi, I should be in your movie.” And the assistant casting director saw me and she said, “You know, there is a part you would be good for. Let me have you read something.” And then I read and she’s like, “Okay, I want you to come back.” and when I came back, I was sitting waiting to go in. And this funny little Englishman walked over and sat next to me and he said “Hello, who are you?” I said, “I’m Durga McBroom and I’m reading for Heels.” And we had a nice little conversation. And that turned out to be Adrian Lyne, the director. And he really liked me. So I beat out something like 300 other actresses for that part.

Being such a well-known, maybe even cult-classic level, film - have you done any conventions for Flashdance? You know, a lot of us (from the movie) still talk. Michael Nouri (Nick) is one of my best friends. I love him to death - I just had dinner with him a couple of weeks ago, and Malcolm Danare (Cecil) just called me to say he does a lot of fan conventions because he was also in Christine (1983) And you know, the horror fans are really, really loyal. So he said that since this year, incidentally, is the 40th anniversary of Flashdance there may be some plans for a convention thing. I would doubt Jennifer Beals (Alex) would be a part of it. She kind of walked away from the spotlight after Flashdance. She has acted but mostly in more independent roles.

I can so picture the cosplay at this event when it happens. Are you still acting? Oh yeah, the leg warmers and all. And yeah, I just did a movie called SammyGate a couple years ago. It’s basically about Sammy Davis Jr. and his connection to the Nixon White House. And what did he know? And when did he know it? I play kind of an Oprah Winfrey type talk show host back in the early 70s who has a very brutal and blunt interview with Sammy. So much so that he gets up and walks out off the set.

I have to ask, have you ever experienced syncing Dark Side of the Moon to The Wizard of Oz?

I haven’t. I know I should, everyone tells me I should.

I ask because, to me, the most amazing part of this is “The Great Gig In The Sky” which pairs with Dorothy being pulled up into the tornado. It’s incredible. You have to watch it! I’m gonna text you the video after this, it’s on YouTube. Ok, I’ll watch it. I’ve heard a lot about it.

Artemidorus w/ Durga McBroom

FRIDAY, MARCH 10, 2023 AT 8 PM at Numerica PAC

Tickets: numericapac.org

As of this interview the tickets for the Wenatchee Artemidorus show are dangerously close to selling out. Get those tickets fast! C

McBroom performing The Great Gig In The Sky as David Gilmour plays the familiar haunting pedal steel. Pulse (1995) Columbia Records/PMI/Sony Music Video

SATURDAY, MARCH 4, 2023 AT 12 PM – 5 PM

Taste Chelan 2023: Food & Wine Taste Tour

Lake Chelan Wine Valley

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 8, 2023 AT 8:30 PM

Off With Their Heads! Live at Wally’s with Not All There and The Nightmares

THURSDAY, MARCH 9 AT 4 PM – SUNDAY, MARCH 12 AT 11 AM Leavenworth Songwriters Retreat Icicle Creek Center for the Arts

FRIDAY, MARCH 10, 2023 AT 8 PM

Artemidorus- A Pink Floyd Experience Feat. Durga McBroom

Numerica Performing Arts Center

FRIDAY, MARCH 10, 2023 AT 5 PM

Numerica Presents Rails & Ales

Downtown Wenatchee

FRIDAY, MARCH 10, 2023 AT 7 PM – 9 PM

WHS Presents: Clue

Wenatchee High School

FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2023 AT 9:30 PM – 12:30 AM

Ball Bag, The Nightmares, and Bad Habit

Wally’s House of Booze

SATURDAY, MARCH 18, 2023 AT 9:30 PM

Los Mal Hablados, Cockaphonix and Storm Boy! Live at Wally’s!!!

TUESDAY, MARCH 21, 2023 AT 7:30 PM

National Geographic LIVE - Bryan Smith Numerica Performing Arts Center

TUESDAY, MARCH 21, 2023 AT 5 PM – 6 PM

Gimmee Some Suggahhh: DIY Body Scrub Workshop Bushel & Bee Taproom

TUESDAY, MARCH 21, 2023 AT 6 PM – 8:30 PM

Ecstatic Dance & Contact Improv Alpine Hot Yoga

SATURDAY, MARCH 25, 2023 AT 9:30 PM

Potbelly, Boxcutter PNW and As It Lies Wally’s House of Booze

SATURDAY, MARCH 25, 2023 AT 8 PM – 10 PM

Laugh Riot 2023

Wenatchee Convention Center

SUNDAY , MARCH 26TH 4-9PM

Sharratt DeLong Lobby Art Show

Burk Hill apartment building 119 Okanogan ave

GETTING TO KNOW YOU

lists can be for well-established couples.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of “I already know my partner, because they’ve been my partner for a long time.” but we forget that we only know our partner to the extent of what they have told us and what we have been able to observe. There are some intimate acts that people are hesitant to share, even with established partners, because of their own perceptions of thinking it may be shameful or embarrassing or not knowing enough about that specific act to feel comfortable diving into it with a partner.

BY MOXIE ROSE

Intimate relationships are as unique as the people taking part in them. And we seem to take this idea into consideration more when it’s a new couple - you’re already in the process of getting to know each other, figuring out who the other person is, what they like… Why wouldn’t that extend to the bedroom?

But we tend to slip farther away from the idea that you should get to know your partner, if that couple has been together for sometime already. Yet there are endless discussions, seminars, selfhelp books, podcasts, etc., that all stress the importance of growing as a couple because you are always growing and changing as individual people.

Why wouldn’t that apply to one of the most intimate parts of your lives as a couple: your sex life.

We’ve previously talked about the yes, no, maybe list before but it was specifically in regards to newer couples getting to know each other, and figuring out what the other person may or may not like. And while many people use this for that specific purpose - to get to know a new partner, and help a new partner get to know them - we forget how important this type of discussion, and these types of

There’s also something to be said, for sinking farther into a feeling of comfort with more time in that relationship. Things you may have never considered doing with that partner may now be up for discussion or of particular interest to you because you now have a feeling of comfort and trust with that partner that was not yet established in the beginning.

Sometimes people lack the general knowledge of how to communicate certain wants or needs to partners, especially when it comes to the bedroom - many times because they don’t want to spotlight themselves and be the ones seen as asking for something (and a list allows them to bring it up without bringing it up). Or they fear they’ll hurt their partner’s feelings because they believe their partner may possibly see their ask as a critique of their current sexual performance… And again, checking off something on the list that already exists is simply marking that you’re interested in it, not necessarily a critique of your partner (leading them to feel more empowered to speak up through the list then they would if bringing it up out of the blue).

Partners may also find that as their bodies begin to age and change, physical activities they once liked are no longer appealing. Or they may find pleasure in things that previously were not pleasurable.

And then there’s recovery from trauma.

Unfortunately, there are people who have experienced trauma at the hands of

another person outside of the relationship, but it will fundamentally change the intimacy of the current relationship. There are also people who are still in recovery from trauma experienced before the start of their relationship. Often times they’ve been dealing with certain triggers that their partner is aware of already and other times the comfort of an established relationship can be a double edged sword. They begin to feel more comfort with their partner, but their subconscious “trauma brain” views that as “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” so triggers may begin to arise that previously were not there (or were not as easily set off).

For these reasons (and more) - the yes, no, maybe list is considered a helpful tool for new couples, can be an extremely useful asset to more well-established couples as well.

So what exactly is the yes no maybe list and how does it work? A yes, no, maybe list is a list of many different sexual or intimate acts or dynamics. Both you and your partner fill out your own list and then come back together to compare them to one another. For each of the acts you will mark off yes (I am interested in this), no (I am not interested in this), or maybe (I’m open to discussion about this). Then you will mark off whether, in that particular act, you would like to give, receive, or both. There is then a space for you to put any notes that you may wish to express about a particular act.

One of the most well thought out and intimate yes, no, maybe lists can be found at For The Love Of It in Wenatchee, WA.- where they either have physical copies, printed out, that are free to the public, inside their store- as well as a free PDF version for you to print off at home that can be found on their website ftloi.net. The first page of this list is arguably one of the most important pieces to the rest of the list (and definitely my favorite part because of the importance of it): The consent page.

And while many people may not realize that an entire page is needed for the topic of consent, it is usually because

they are thinking of consent in very simple, black-and-white terms, such as “yes, I want to have sex with you” or “no I don’t want to have sex with you.” And while, yes, that is the baseline… it is by no means the end of the discussion.

As an example, here are just some (but not all) of the questions you will find on the consent page:

I show my consent in the following way: active (no until yes) or passive (yes until no)

Feelings on intoxication during play

Terms/names/pet names I enjoy being called (and ones I do not enjoy being called)

These parts of my body are off-limits

These are body parts I am uncomfortable touching (on other people)

Achieving orgasm during sexual stimulation is important to me: yes or no (this one is particularly important for those who do not enjoy “goal oriented sex”)

I like/do not like these words for genitals or sex

My trauma triggers are (if applicable) and what to look for if the trauma trigger occurs

These types of marks on my body are not okay

The type of aftercare I prefer is

After filling out the consent page, you go through the list of various activities or dynamics marking either a yes, a no, or a maybe. Many times part of the fun is researching and looking up a particular act that you are unfamiliar with. You don’t always know what you don’t know!

Once the list has been filled out by you and your partner, come back together and compare lists. You may be surprised at some of the things you both are interested in, but have never talked about with

How a ‘ Yes, No, Maybe List ’ can help improve your intimate relationships and help you advocate for your pleasure in the bedroom.

each other, you may be surprised to find that you, or your partner, is interested in something that the other one had never considered, and it begins to open up a new doors for everyone.

For the people in recovery from any sort of trauma or abuse - these lists, especially the consent page, are particularly helpful at helping them learn/relearn how to establish boundaries for themselves with their partner in a healthy and constructive way. Possibly even giving them a way to express a particular boundary or need that they previously did not have words for.

These lists can also be helpful for reminding couples how important it is to continuously re-examine their intimate lives, looking for ways to improve each others pleasure and comfort.

Remember that intimate activities should feel pleasurable and safe for all parties involved. And as we as people, and we as couples, begin to grow, and change throughout our live, we forget that a big part of growing as a person and growing as a couple is not ignoring the very real possibility that you and/or your partners, intimate and sexual preferences may change as well. Remember to take as much care of your intimate lives as you do the rest of your lives as a couple.

It is the most vulnerable you can be with another person in many ways and that level of vulnerability deserves its own unique attention so that everyone involved can continuously achieve their best sex life.

To find the yes, no, maybe list, visit For The Love Of It in Wenatchee, Washington or download the PDF list from their website ftloi.net

And always remember that everything you do should be safe, sane, and consensual.

Moxie Rose: (sex and kink advice/education) from For The Love Of It in Wenatchee, WA.

The information provided in this column is for educational purposes only, and does not substitute for professional medical advice. C

NYOTAIMORI

By Wayne Swanson

Nyotaimori. The fine art of eating sushi off a nekkid woman. I’ll be honest, for a long time I thought it really only existed in movies like Sex And The City. I mean... I guess I could have assumed that occasionally somewhere in Japan at some exclusive high-rise restaurant, rich businessmen (or the Yakuza) were sitting around a naked body indulging in tuna wraps. But around 20 years ago, a pal told me she had been to a Nyotaimori party and that’s when I learned how widespread (ahem) the practice was. Not just at house parties. Sushi isn’t really my thing, even if served atop a lovely nekkid person - but I was curious about where, when and how this all started so I ‘did my own research’ - which is code for ‘I looked at a bunch of other people’s research.’ Nyotaimori is certainly nothing new, as it turns out.

Most experts seem to place the origins of Nyotaimori in the later Edo period of Japan (1800’s). Supposedly samurai warriors would return from a victorious battle for a few days of partying like samurais with festivities that included eating snacks

off of nude women. To wash it down they would pour Saki into the women’s hoohaws and then…well, cheers! What the samurai had for dessert, we can only speculate. We can also only speculate who the hell came up with this whole idea, but really, the concept of food meets nudity and/ or sex goes all the way to ancient times. I’ve seen Caligula. But we mostly don’t carry on those traditions in modern times like we have done with Nyotaimori.

The notion of sexuality concerning this experience is a bit of a polarizing one. Interestingly, when researching Nyotaimori I found that men (especially the chefs preparing the sushi) often downplay that there’s a sexual aspect to it. However, women seem to acknowledge and embrace that both sexiness and sensuality of course play a role in the overall process. And this is kind of where things can get a little murky concerning legalities or even consistency in what a Nyotaimori experience would be like.

Some places in Japan offer Nyotaimori where everything is on the table, no pun intended. If you wanna lick wassabi off the

model’s butt, go for it. You can use your imagination to fill in the rest of the possible options. Pervert. Of course those shenanigans wouldn’t fly here in the states but that got me wondering what is allowed. Is this categorized as sex work the same way a strip club would be?

While I didn’t find any overtly clear rules concerning Nyotaimori, it does seem that it widely depends on what country, state, or even county, you are in - what level of nudity is involved, is alcohol served etc. Some countries offer a partially nude model that is never fully exposed while some offer a little nipple here and there. Others even allow for a more ‘samurai’ experience, and I think you know what I mean. Some chefs wrap the models in cellophane for hygienic purposes, but many opt for sanitized leaves covering the naughty bits and providing a clean, flesh-free surface for the cuisine. That was a fun sentence to write. All of the places I looked up that offer Nyotaimori in the US make it pretty clear that boobs, butts and hoohaws (yes I’m sticking with hoohaw) are covered the whole time, therefore you could likely sidestep sex work regulations and restric-

tions, much like the burlesque world. Pasties make it safe. On a Nyotaimori model, these “pasties” are usually flowers or other non-edible delights to avoid any confusion as to what’s free for the pickin’.

The practice is controversial of course for all the reasons naked things usually are, but beyond discourse of morality or exploitation of women (there is a male version too called Nantaimori) there’s also the topic of hygiene. As mentioned, many places will serve the food on a separate surface but the traditional Nyotaimori experience is food on skin. And for these reasons, the practice of eating off of humans has been banned in many countries. A few places in Seattle have offered Nyotaimori over the years but it’s been met with some protests from local feminist groups. Vancouver B.C. recently began to allow Nyotaimori with a similar response.

These days you are more likely to eat off naked humans at private parties catered by top notch sushi chefs than sit down restaurants. I reached out to the owners of Iwa to ask if they offered this service. I have not heard back... C

IS

BY VARUCA SALTY

Big feelings are welling up again. Not sure what kind or where they’re coming from. Exhaustion always plays tricks on me. Making me feel like shame or guilt are consuming me, when actually I’m just tired. I just need a little rest. My body is scared of gentle. It’s scared of rest. If I rest then how can I stay hyper-vigilant and keep myself protected? Resting equals putting my guard down and we all know that is not an option for trauma and abuse survivors. But I have to learn so that I can recharge my batteries and function again.

I started a new treatment for my depression, anxiety and ptsd. But I hesitate to have hope, as always. Hope is grounds for disappointment and disappointment is grounds for feeling like a failure. Must avoid those feelings at all costs.

What I have noticed since starting this new treatment is that my wounds are completely controlling my life. I’m scared of everything because I never know what will bump up against me and prickle my wound. I’ve spent so much time creating this shield of protection around myself, planning my entire life around what I can and can’t do to avoid being prickled in my tender soft spots. That sounds more sexual than I want, but I’m leaving it. I’m annoyed to admit how much this book I’m reading (The Untethered Soul) is helping me understand myself better. It’s not so

different from any other self-help book. But this specific one at this specific time is hitting parts of my brain that needed a little boost, so I guess I’ll just accept it and be grateful.

It’s got me thinking about things in new ways. I’m curious who I would be without blaming others. What does my world look like if I take responsibility for my adult life and only move forward in it? I have no idea, but I’m curious about it. If I couldn’t blame anyone for where I’m at, what would that leave me with? Accountability? Responsibility? Boundaries? Dare I say… self-esteem?! It’s not a place I’ve ever ventured, so I guess it’s worth exploring. I know that life is more than me, alone on an island. I need people, and sometimes those people will let me down. But what if I don’t have to blame them for it? What if I can just pick up what’s mine and set down what isn’t and walk away? What if I could speak up and say, “this isn’t working for me,” without fear of being shunned or abandoned? Because you can’t really be abandoned anyway if you feel safe within yourself - not that I would know from personal experience. What if it’s better to be honest and speak my truth than to abandon myself in these relationships and roles that don’t actually serve me? Who’s to say? But I’m willing to peek around these dark corners to find out. I’m willing to smooth out these sharp edges to find softness, in myself and the world around me. I’m ready. Watch me grow. C

MAXIMUM BONDAGE

THE FUNNY PAGES COMICS AND NOVELTIES

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.

1) The Senate in Indiana just passed a new bill into law making something that was once not legal, legal. One many people say should have been passed long ago. Others are left scratching their heads. What did the Senate in Indiana just vote to Legalize?

A) Snorting refined sugars

B) Ninja throwing stars

C) Marriage to a cousin (so long as it’s not a first cousin)

D) Mowing your lawn before February 1st

2) By far, what is the BEST selling instrument in the entire world?

A) Bongos

B) The Piano

C) The Ukulele

D) The Harmonica

3) Football may be over for the Seahawks this year, but we have so much to look forward to next year. I ran across a piece of info recently about a musician who sadly is no longer with us that incredulously, was a HUGE Seahawks fan.

A) Freddie Mercury

B) Meatloaf

C) Prince

D) Eddie fucking Money

4) Pamela Anderson recently released a memoir, and in it she described the moment that she knew she and Kid Rock were breaking up. They were at a house party, enjoying a movie at a celebrity’s house. The movie upset Kid Rock very much, and caused an argument between himself and Pamela. He stormed out of the house and left Pamela at the party to find her own ride home.

What movie caused Kid Rock to go all baw-with-the-Baw

Gonna figgety find your own ride Pam?

A) The Passion of the Christ

B) The Notebook

C) Borat

D) School of Rock

What kind of pet you have:

Aries - Hamster. So low maintenance even you can keep one alive.

Taurus - A tarantula. You tried to be cool, and you are too stubborn to admit you are terrified of the thing living in a jar in the guest bedroom.

Gemini - A monkey. And you still haven’t let authorities know it got loose three months ago.

Cancer - Hedgehog. Hard and protective on the outside, soft and cuddly on the inside.

Leo - Chickens. They’re both dramatic and noisy, just like someone else I know...

Virgo - A super obnoxious and poor mannered dog. Because you don’t have time to train a pet, you’re too busy working.

Libra - Chihuahua. Because you appreciate its fear of everything, yet somehow thinking it’s tougher than everyone else.

Scorpio - Iguana. Because you can never do anything quite normal.

Sagittarius - A bird. Any fucking bird. Because you are one of those people.

Capricorn - An injured squirrel you nursed back to health that now sleeps in the house.

Aquarius - Himalayan. Because you thought you were adopting a Siamese but you aren’t good with details.

Pisces - Chameleon. Because they change with their surroundings just as quickly and frequently as you do.

Freddie Mercury. 4-Borat, during the scene where some people are watching the Pam and Tommy sex tape.