The Comet - April 2023

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

everything will be fine

THIS issue

issue #54 - april 2023

contributors: Sarah Sims, Cory Calhoun, Jamie Howell, Christopher F. Hart, JessicaDawn.Co, Anna Spencer, Dan McConnell, Meg Kappler, Holly Thorpe, Mike Irwin, Susan Lagsdin, Moxie Rose

crossword..................................PAGE 7

sad, sad circus.......................PAGE 8

four minutes of fame..............PAGE 12

her sense of place................... PAGE 14

ARTBEAT MAGAZINE.....................PAGE 19

video game movies............... ..... PAGE 23

the ahh scares ............................PAGE 24

the scare fox.............................page 26

DEAR MOXIE........................ ........ PAGE 30

painting grief.............................PAGE 34

star bitch...................................PAGE 38

editor: Ron Evans

Grampa and Moon Rae in the Sad, Sad Circus by Siri Rose - Sunday Brunch Photography

COMET HEADQUARTERS

Greetings,

I have a question. Where the hell are all the Wenatchee area bands?

Yeah - I know we have some great local bands, but if you stop and count up the ones who are performing and recording original music on any kind of regular basis, it becomes clear pretty quickly…there aren’t many. And most of the members of the bands that do exist are middle-aged or getting close to it - which is great, keep on rockin’ in the free world etc. But where are the young ones? Where are the kids? Where’s the new generation of locally brewed anger, lust, heartbreak and optimistic rock star emulation?

I remember the early 90’s (somewhat) when there were dozens of (mostly terrible) young bands playing all the time. Grange halls, sandwich shops, park bandshells, driveways, basements and even school dances were filled with angst-ridden young folk, with more starry-eyed delusion than talent, cranking out their special brand of noise - along with the occasional Alice In Chains cover or a 70’s TV show theme song played with irony. Guilty.

But now…it seems like the kids ain’t rockin’ in the free world a’tall. I could be wrong - I certainly don’t hang out with teenagers or young adults very much. Not since the court order…But I feel like I have a pretty good idear of what’s going on around the valley concerning the music scene.

There aren’t as many venues in town that want live music, I know that. In the 90’s and even for a while in the late 00’s, it seemed like almost every place in town wanted to dabble in SOME sort of live music. I even played a “show” at Wenatchee Natural Foods once with Ryan Edwards (a WNF employee at the time) backing me up with a 5-gallon bucket for a rhythm section. But even many of those places were looking for background music more than anything.

And that seems to carry on these days. Half the places that book live musicians just wanna put the performers in a corner with a tip jar as atmosphere for sipping wine, eating meat and cheese off of wooden platters and being way too excited about it, or blowing off steam about how Mark doesn’t give you the emotional support you deserve. But venues have always come and gone. Interest in live local original music has always ebbed and flowed. That’s nothing new.

So what is?

Where are ‘all the young dudes, carrying the news?’ No music scene can survive solely on the bands that have been well established for years. There must always be a new generation irritating the ones before. And nothing irritates us old music scene fucks more than being blown away at some choice tunes cranked out by whippersnappers wearing band shirts we will assume you don’t even listen to. But we need this.

April Fools...Sadly, The Applehedz don’t exist. But they fuckin’ should!

There must be new blood.

I hope it’s out there in the valley somewhere. In some garage or basement or warehouse or barn - a bunch of starry-eyed kids making a racket, dialing in their preferred instruments and building up the nerve to take to the local stages. It would likely only take one really exciting new band to spark a new wave of local music, both young and old.

Until then, I’ll be staring out the window of Comet Headquarters shaking my fist in disappointment, and I’d prefer to shake it to the beat of some swell new local music.

Happy Trails, Ron Evans

Editor of The Comet

THE COMET

PU Z Z LE CORNER

WORD SQUARE CHALLENGE

Instructions at tinyurl.com/wordsquare

ACROSS

T his month's crossword:

THEMELESS CROSSWORD #12

1. "Sheesh!" in Santiago ... and Springfield?

10. Lowest-ranked

15. Isolates

16. Take ___ (be shown the sights)

17. "Fermi" and "Grandfather," for two

18. Super Mario Bros. enemy

19. Pod occupant?

20. Appeared

21. Frolics

26. Eye sores

28. Uno + due

29. Places where étudiantes learn the answer to 28-Across

31. Bewitch

32. R&B songstress Stone

DOWN

1. Egyptian snake

2. Formal vote

3. Bull's-eye: Abbr.

4. Palindromic guy's name

5. "Awesome!"

6. Each

7. Upper limits

8. As of April 2023, the all-time bestselling Legend of Zelda game

9. @ symbols

10. Final viewings?

11. Missouri River tribe

12. Plenty of space

13. Hurricane-like phenomena

14. Swaps

20. Toy store that's not for kids?

D I O T

D L P T

Our solution, which may differ from yours, will appear in next month's issue. Good luck!

33. What one may tell guests they're "in for"

34. Cries of pain

35. Halifax clock setting: Abbr.

36. A way to combat flaky behavior?

40. Short job

41. ___ King Cole

42. What 46-Across has won three of

43. Matter of contention

44. Advanced degree?

45. Big ___ (the drug industry)

46. "Brokeback Mountain" director Lee

47. Badger

49. "What ___!" ("Clean up in here!")

50. Ran 100 yards, say

52. Kind of hour

54. Sir ___ John

55. Green-creme-filled variety of a popular cookie

61. Thyroid, e.g.

62. Woodwinds in wedding bands, perhaps

63. What Carroll's "slithy tove" does

64. "Whatever!"

21. Check the volume?

22. How stop signs are shaped

23. Venus, figuratively, at times

24. Endust rival

25. Brand

27. Evergreens

30. Blown away

32. Traffic reporter's aid, slangily

37. Saturated, trans, and omega-3

38. "Brimful of ___" (1997 Cornershop hit)

39. Mama bears, in Mexico

43. No-goodnik

anagrammed words: A I M S

47. Decompression sickness, with "the"

48. 50 minutes past

51. Fine-tune

53. Collar type

55. ___ tai

56. Collection of a film's songs: Abbr.

57. Ric-___ (wavy fabric)

58. Prefix meaning "one quintillion"

59. "___ the fields we go"

60. 180° from NNW

SOLUTiONS TO LAST MONTH'S META CROSSWORD CONTEST

The meta answer is BELGIUM (Hint: Find a 7-letter proper noun associated with chocolate). The 8 starred clues had multi-word answers, the 1st word of each being the capitol of a country. (The title "Capital Idea!" punned on that; it had a different spelling than, but sounds like, the theme answers' gimmick.) You may then have wondered: Which countries are they capitols of, exactly? (Geography nerds, this is your time to shine!) From top to bottom:

HAMILTONBEACH > Bermuda

MOSCOWMULEMUG > Russia

LONDONFOG > United Kingdom

VICTORIAPRINCIPAL > Seychelles

DOUBLE ANAGRAM CHALLENGE

Instructions at tinyurl.com/coryanagrams

removed letters (1 per word):

ANOTHER FOAMS

WEPT

OUTBID

IDCARDS

L

STOCKHOLMSYNDROME > Sweden

CAIROTIME > Egypt

TRIPOLIPOWDER > Libya

DAMASCUSSTEEL > Syria

Speaking of "capital"—as in capital letter—the 1st capital letter in each themeanswer, from top to bottom, spells BRUSSELS (in blue above), a world capitol that's an 8-letter proper noun associated with sprouts ... but not a 7-letter proper noun associated with chocolate. Hmmm. But you know what is? Brussels' corresponding country, BELGIUM, which satisifes the puzzle's hint. Congratulations to winner Cynthia Peterson for correctly identifying the meta answer!

Inever fully understood why the fear of clowns is such a widespread unease. Yes, Stephen King gave them kind of a bad name, but originally clowns brought joy to so many for decades. I’d even consider clowning an art, though a lost one.

This particular shoot was inspired by a film by Frederico Fellini, a film accurately entitled “Clowns.” Growing up I remember seeing this film and, while not fully

understanding it as a kid, being mesmerized by the costumes and makeup. They were unlike any clowns I’d ever seen and that obviously left an impact.

What really pushed this project forward was the discovery of that old French clown hat in a second hand store. The whole shoot revolved around finding that hat. Afterward it didn’t take long to find the perfect model. Moon Rae was made for the role of monochrome

clown. She’s also willing to be freezing for art, which is the number one thing I look for in a model. Everything else just kind of fell into place.

Website: SundayBrunchPhoto.com

Facebook: Sunday Brunch Film & Photo

IG: Sunday.Brunch.Photo

By Holly Thorpe

FOUR MINUTES OF FAME OPEN MIC RETURNS APRIL 26

Write on the River has announced that the Four Minutes of Fame open mic will return on Wednesday, April 26 at the Wenatchee Valley Museum and Cultural Center.

The quarterly open mic has been on an extended hiatus for the past two years, and now it’s returning as a hybrid event. Writing contest winners from the past three years have already been invited to read their winning entries.

Those interested in reading or learning more can learn more at writeontheriver.org.

“We’re so excited to bring back Four Minutes of Fame,” said Write on the River president Lorna Rose-Hahn. “It is so valuable as a writer to share your work and to hear other people’s work. It’s also so important to feel camaraderie with other writers. All of this improves your craft.”

Write on the River is especially grateful to the Wenatchee Valley Museum and Cultural Center for agreeing to host and facilitate the hybrid event. Special thanks to Zach Eddy and Jamie Johnson for their help organizing.

On word music and the importance of reading our words out loud, from Holly Thorpe

Normally, this is where I would introduce a writer I’ve interviewed. But this month, I’m talking about the importance of shar-

ing our work out loud, and my own experiences with reading my writing to an audience.

First, a bit about me. I consider myself an eclectic writer. My background is in journalism, my current profession is public information and marketing, and I have experience in technical writing and creative writing of all types. My heart, however, belongs to poetry.

In June 2022, I completed my Master of Fine Arts degree in poetry. I lead open mic events and writers’ workshops and have taught creative writing and English courses. I’ve even successfully had a few poems selected for publication in local and regional journals.

But before all of that, I took a poetry class at Wenatchee Valley College with English

faculty Derek Sheffield. The course was a good way to get to know my writing again — I had taken a nearly four-year break from any creative writing while getting my undergraduate degree. I was introduced to a lot of new writers and terminology. My favorite term, which I still use to this day, is “word music.”

Word music and reading aloud

This fairly unscientific term describes the music words make when you combine them. Linguistic windchimes, in a way. The musical rattle of ideas and images bouncing off one and another.

I most often write open-form or “free verse” poetry — meaning it doesn’t follow traditional or recognizable patterns or structures. I rely on the idea of “word music” to create rhythm, pace and sound

Over 40 people attend a Four Minutes of Fame open mic at Bob’s Burgers and Brew in East Wenatchee on May 17, 2018.

without rhyming or form.

without rhyming or form.

For me, and I’d argue for most people, the best way to see if a piece of writing is creating word music is to read it out loud.

Take this excerpt from a poem I wrote about a trip to Yellowstone. This is the first four lines of a free verse poem with multiple sections, all written with no enjambment (line breaks where they do not occur naturally):

“In the church of the wild, we do not burn incense, the earth sends up its own sulfuric fumes. I crush sagebrush between my fingers and smell home. I cannot keep my hands from the earth. I prick my fingers with pine needles and roll smooth stones across my palms.”

Now read it aloud. Notice when you naturally pause or breathe and the speed at which you read. Notice the sounds that repeat and what they feel like (does a repeated hard consonant like a “t” sound different from a repeated “sh” sound?). There are actual terms for most of this: alliteration, assonance, slant rhyme. I encourage you to look them up, soon. But first, just listen.

Get used to listening for the music.

This practice isn’t just for poets. Word music engages the senses, and keeps the ear attentive. Creative writers of all types should seek it out. Writers of any genre can use it.

Reading to an audience

You see the use, then, of reading your writing aloud. Literally speaking it, not just reading along in your head. There is also use in reading to an audience.

My favorite way to “try out” a new poem is to read it to a group of other people.

Terrifying? It used to be. But now it’s an indispensable tool in my writing practice.

There are a few reasons why I like this approach. First, I don’t hoard poems until they’re “done” (they never are) or “perfect” (they never will be). I push them out of the nest while their feathers are still

with their reactions and energy) if your point is coming across or if you’re getting lost in the weeds. Another is if the tone feels wrong but I can’t figure out why. Tone of writing is like tone of voice, it’s how you’re saying something, not what you’re saying. An audience’s sighs, laughter, gasps and uncomfortable glances can all tell you something about the way your writing “speaks.”

ing your story and claiming space to tell it. Your writing deserves to be heard — but the first (and only) person you have to convince of that is yourself.

A note on open mics

A good open mic will be encouraging and safe. It will attract writers who support other writers and it will allow you to connect with people who are working to improve their craft.

A good open mic respects the time and attention of the audience. Things move quickly, writers read without interruption and the audience gets to sample a wide variety of writing from a diverse line-up of readers.

A good open mic is fun to attend — not just to read at. Tip: Listen for word music in every person’s piece. It’s good practice for learning to find and add it to your own writing.

In my experience, Four Minutes of Fame is a good open mic. I began attending and reading long before working with the organization.

It built my confidence. My work got better and more interesting. I made writer friends and connections. I discovered new genres and topics I wouldn’t have otherwise.

awkward and ugly and I see how they do. Second, it’s made me a more effective editor. It’s taken me years to know when a poem is done enough that I’m ready to take it for a test ride, but there are common problems that I know can be helped by reading a piece out loud. One, if it feels incomplete but I don’t know what’s missing. An audience can tell you (literally or

There are few things more gratifying to me as a writer than performing a piece and making someone cry. It’s a little sadistic, maybe, but I think all writers are. Finally, it helps me own my writing and grow confident in it. Speaking your writing aloud means taking ownership of it. Living up to it. Honoring it. Being held accountable for it. It can also mean claim-

I hope you’ll join us on April 26. I’ll be there, ready to listen to word music with you!

To learn more about Write on the River, become a member, or register for events, visit writeontheriver.org. Membership is $35 per year, and offers free or discounted access to all WOTR events. Questions? Contact info@writeontheriver.org

HER SENSE OF PLACE: A COLLABORATION BY THREE WOMEN ARTISTS

ThisFirst Friday, three local artistsJennifer Evenhus, Sheri Trepina and Sasha Fair, will be premiering their new group show ‘Her Sense of Place.’ The trio offer a significant exhibit of work that represents their personal response to ‘Her Sense of Place,’ a theme inspired by the land, agriculture and people of the Wenatchee Valley. Jen, Sheri and Sasha create unique works of art using oils, pastels and/or mixed media, employing diverse mark-making and color palettes. Even though all three women create in different styles and mediums, the strong bond with the Valley is a common thread, bringing together the idea of their stories and relationship with the area, literally and metaphorically. Two Rivers Gallery will present this unique group show experience in its newly renovated space. All three artists are members of this longstanding non-profit gallery run by local artist members.

Jen Evenhus

Working intuitively, Jen uses bold color, shapes, line and mark-making as metaphor for pungent sage, dried balsamroot, cattails, lily ponds and quaking aspen, inhabitants of the Central Washington terrain. These elements have influenced Jen’s art for a lifetime, defining her sense of place in dynamic contemporary and abstract oil and pastel paintings.

Jen uses oil, oil and cold wax and pastel to express her response to Her Sense of Place. She is infatuated with oil and cold wax, addicted to the process of layering and excavating, discovery and experimentation. The history shown on and just below the surface reveals a transformation that begs to be touched. Her pastel work employs her signature bold color and painterly mark-making, pushing hues beyond local color to create show-stopping works of art.

Jen’s work has received numerous awards over the years, such as Best of Show, President’s Award, Juror’s Award, Purchase Prize, and Honorable Mention. Jen is a Pastel Society of America Master Pastelist, International Association of Pastel Society Master Circle Member, Northwest Pastel Society Distinguished Pastelist, and a Pastel Society of the West Coast Member. She is also a member of the American Impressionist Society. Jennifer is an established national pastel painting instructor.

Sheri Trepini

Sheri’s work is profoundly connected to her deep ties to the land, its texture, shape and hue. She is recognized for the use of botanical elements in her mixed media collage paintings.

Collecting and using local plants for mark-making, is a unique component in

her process. Sheri creates collage layers using watercolor, acrylic and ink applied between handmade papers. The movement of paint against these collage layers gives her work an abstract quality.

Sheri’s work has been nationally recognized through publication and awards. Exhibit articles include the Wenatchee World and the Kalispell Daily Interlake. Sheri’s work was selected for Publication in two North Light Books / The Best of Mixed Media Incite 3 and 4. Cloth Paper and Scissors awarded Sheri’s botanical collage piece, “Hostas Following the Sun,” First Place for Mixed Media Excellence.

Her Sense of Place is nurtured on her family farm in Cashmere. She is the 4th generation in the family to draw inspiration and creativity from the land.

Jen Evenhus

Sheri Trepini

Sasha Fair is a realist painter. She received a classical art education and spent several years drawing casts, painting landscapes outdoors and going to famous art museums. Sasha immigrated to the United States in her early 20s. After living in different parts of the country, she settled in Wenatchee. Sasha found the Wenatchee Valley a most welcoming community and full of compassionate, sincere and hardworking people. She feels that craftsmanship, traditional values and high standards are relevant and important here. This inspires her and creates a sense of place in her artwork.

Sasha’s technical skills are based on the experience artists learn from the Old Masters and modern-day conservators. She manages to wrap a classical style around a contemporary local flavor. Some of her

works include vanishing landscapes and historical buildings of the region.

This year Sasha turned more towards figurative art. She loved spending time in the Valley orchards working on a painting for the 2023 Apple Blossom Festival Art Print, which features a middle-school girl holding an apple in soft light of an early spring sunset. Sasha finds today’s young generation very interesting, humane and full of ethereal beauty. People, their stories and experiences – is what constitutes Sasha’s universal language of art, which she speaks fluently with her paint and brushes.

N Pearl St Ellensburg, WA

408 connecting

ART

Sasha Fair

Over the years at the Wenatchee Valley Museum, there have been some odd and strange things that have been donated to the collection. While currently there is a screening process and procedures in place for donating items, this wasn’t always the case. We occasionally find oddities lying around from years gone by with little or no explanations

Like that of the quite morbid sign found in the collection with no information attached that reads:

REMEMBER MAN, AS YOU PASS BY, AS YOU ARE NOW SO ONCE WAS I; AS I AM NOW SO YOU WILL BE, PREPARE FOR DEATH AND ETERNITY

Curated and written by Anna SpencerCollections Coordinator at Wenatchee Valley Museum And Cultural Center wenatcheevalleymuseum.org

ARTBEAT

FIRST FRIDAYS ARTS WALK MAP INCLUDED

FRESH IDEAS FOR WENATCHEE FIRST FRIDAYS

artists and musicians to know how to successfully partner up and light up the town! (The website isn’t quite ready yet, but it will be soon.)

AND A HAPPY 40th TO YOU, COLUMBIA CHORALE!

BY MEG KAPPLER

Spring has officially sprung, and with it come abundant opportunities for experiencing and celebrating our amazing local arts scene and businesses. The NCW Arts Alliance, Wenatchee Downtown Association and the Wenatchee Chamber of Commerce’s Visit Wenatchee campaign have been cooking up some fresh ideas for revitalizing the Wenatchee First Fridays experience.

First and foremost, we want it to be easy to get involved and participate. To that end, we’re working on launching a dedicated website — wenatcheefirstfridays.com — where you can find all the information you need, including a comprehensive, interactive map and a toolkit for businesses, visual and performing

SEEKING...

Make a connection with Upper Valley Connection and help provide arts opportunities for special needs people in the Leavenworth area. Artists are paid a stipend to organize a one time monthly activity with a small group, ages 15-45. Executive Director Maren Cagle said, “We’ve always had visual art, but we’d

Secondly, our priority as we envision a bigger, brighter, more inclusive future for First Fridays, is (as always) to get your input. We are working to schedule a community meet-up and forum this month where all local business owners and interested community members are invited to attend. Please check our website and social media for the date, time and location. We want to share our thoughts, and we definitely want to hear yours. What works, what doesn’t, what do we want to build together? Let’s talk!

Lastly, but certainly not least, we want to honor our roots as we look to the future. The First Fridays Arts Walk specifically would not exist without the selfless dedication of some awesome people (Kasey Koski and karen dawn dean, I’m looking at you). It’s an honor for NCW Arts to be able to build on the foresight and vision of those who laid such a fabulous foundation.

You can expect the Wenatchee Columbia Chorale, 60 voices strong, to make an especially joyful noise at their Happy Birthday Concert this month. In addition, director Mike Hibbert said, chorale alumni will join members on stage to sing “America the Beautiful” at the end of the evening. The program will include the best of the best from four decades of classical compositions, African American spirituals, Broadway show tunes and more.

Saturday, April 15, 7 p.m. at the Saddlerock Evangelical Presbyterian Church. Purchase tickets through the PAC or at the door ($25/$10)

CHECK OUT THE FULL CALENDAR OF EVENTS AT NCWARTS.ORG

FEATURED OPPORTUNITY TOTAL IMMERSION IN ALL THINGS THEATRICAL

love to try something new, too.” This June there’s a theater camp, but how about Dance? Photography? Poetry? Music? Give it a try.

Email uppervalleyconnection@gmail.com or call Maren at (509) 888-4181.

FEATURED EVENT ON THE COVER

“Blue Butterfly,” acrylic painting, 18x24 inches, by Martha Flores.

Martha Flores — artist, educator, retired therapist, frequent dancer and bringer of smiles —has lived in the Wenatchee Valley for almost 20 years. Her vivid and expressive paintings have become part of our arts landscape. Born in Guatemala and raised in El Salvador, she often channels her reactions to events there, as well

as today’s current world situation, into her artwork. “Doing my own art is my therapy,” she said. “It helps me a great deal to deal with the many things that are going on in the world.”

You can see her art and meet the artist at Pybus Public Market’s Art Alley on First Friday, April 7, from 5 to 7 pm. Her show runs through April.

Music Theatre of Wenatchee is offering a rigorous 6-week introductory acting/directing workshop at the Riverside Playhouse. Available slots are filling, but organizer Cynthia Brown encourages registration for any aspiring adult who feels they’re ready to take to the stage. The multi-faceted course is taught by seasoned local theater artists, and classes will cul-

minate in three student-directed and produced public performances of “Almost, Maine.”

FREE From May 23 through July 2 (with flexible scheduling).

Contact Cynthia Brown at (509) 670-8233 for details.

GIVE A LITTLE, GET A LOT: ARTS DAYS WITH UPPER VALLEY CONNECTION

TOP PICKS OF STUDENT ART WILL MOVE ON TO OLYMPIA

By susan lagsdin

This year’s 44th Annual Regional High School Art Show, hosted by the Wenatchee Valley Museum and Cultural Center, yielded a total of 208 separate art pieces from North Central Washington students. Of those, four local judges chose just 15 to send on to Olympia for another statewide round of competition.

Washington’s top high school artists have in the past been recognized by the State Office of Public Instruction at the old Capitol building. But this summer, those 15 statewide winners will, for the

first time, be honored at a celebratory public event at Seattle’s Benaroya Hall.

These NCW high school students are the ones whose works, called “Best of Show,” will compete with students statewide. From Bridgeport: Freddy Parbol. From Cascade: Isabel Bentsen and Lauren Haiduc. From Cashmere: Mykla Smith, Aztlan Oropeza-Garcia, Jayden Anderson, Leandro LopezRosario, and Stevie Garrison. From Okanogan: Lilianna Tixta. From Oroville: Anthony Herrick. From Wenatchee: Jesus Gonzalez Gutierrez, Anna Hirsch, and Wyatt Lester. From Tonasket: Maria Timm and Noemie Guillou.

But those aren’t the only student exhibitors to win praise. Judges also awarded Honorable Mention to several others, and the show’s curator Kasey Koski carefully tallies the People’s Choice ballots, the votes of viewers who walk through the Museum’s extensive exhibit. Additionally, judge Gregg Schlanger of Central Washington University’s art department gave tuition waivers to eight promising artists.

Every fall, students in high school art departments throughout Washington submit pieces for judging within their separate Educational Services Districts. “For 2023 we decided to judge them the way other districts do and just go for

excellence – with no separate awards for medium or genre,” said Koski. “The overall criteria were creativity, technical skill and composition.”

“Fourteen of our regional high schools participated, and we were happy to have the numbers at pre-pandemic levels again,” Koski said. She hopes that next year even more art teachers throughout the ESD will encourage students to show their work.

You can see the last day of the Regional High School Show at the WVMCC on the First Fridays Arts Walk, April 7admission is free.

“Tiger” by Anthony Herrick Best of Show winner

“Decomposition” by Maite Madsen Honorable Mention

“Underwater” by Lauren Haiduc Best of Show winner

SCAN FOR DIGITAL

INTERACTIVE FIRST FRIDAYS MAP!

FIRST FRIDAYS AFTER HOURS MEETS BOOMBOX HEAD!

Every First Friday the NCW Arts Alliance picks a new local spot for a public gathering to round out the evening. This month we’re headed to The Taproom by Hellbent Brewing at Pybus Public Market. What’s even more exciting is that it just so happens to coincide with the release of Hellbent’s latest beer, Boombox Head IPA. That name was inspired by and features the art of our very own master of maniacal, mid-century robotics, East Wenatchee-based painter/designer/ mixed media sculptor/writer/podcaster/musician/publisher (and a few more things that just can’t be listed here) — Ron Evans.

We invite all of you to top off your First Friday with us anytime from 6 p.m. to closing, Friday, April 7, at The Taproom in Pybus Market.

FIRST FRIDAYS ARTS MAP

1. MAC Gallery

“To Go Gentle,” mixed media installation by artist and ceramist Timea Tihanyi, 5-7 pm.

2. Lemolo Café & Deli Sue Erick, paintings, open till 6 pm.

3. Two Rivers Art Gallery

“Her Sense of Place,” a collaboration of artists Jennifer Evenhus, Sheri Trepina and Sasha Syssoeva, music and local wines, 5-8 pm.

4. Tumbleweed

Kealani Designs jewelry and art prints, 4-7 pm.

5. Ye Olde Bookshoppe

Indigenous-owned Mystic North Jewelry, Pacific Northwest themes, 4-6 pm.

6. Inner Grove Tea Company

Featuring Jubilee Bobbie Art by Micaiah. Open until 6:30 pm.

7. Pickle Papers

April is National Card and Letter Writing Month! Visitors can celebrate at the store by writing a letter or card. All supplies are provided for writing, including postage. 4-7 pm.

8. Wenatchee Valley Museum

Last day for 44th Annual Regional High School Art Show, and Beauty of Bronze, free admission from 4-8 pm.

9. Pybus Art Alley

Martha Flores paintings, plus beverages and bites, 5-7 pm. Live music by Dos Dudes on the main concourse stage, 6-8 pm.

Online map courtesy of the Wenatchee Downtown Association wendowntown.org

By DOUG and Kayla Nunn

Video game adaptations are on the rise with decent Tomb Raider and Mortal Kombat remakes - not to mention Sonic killing it in the box office. Plus, the new Mario Bros Movie coming out, not to be mistaken for the 1993 Mario Bros adaptation that we all love.Ok maybe love is a stretch...well I loved it. This year already brought us HBO’s The Last of Us - quickly becoming the best rated video game adaptation ever made! We might be seeing a trend in video game movies surpassing superhero flicks. I’m noticing a downward trend in the superhero movies lately and an uptick in video game adaptations, why this is… I don’t know. Maybe the few people lucky enough to be in the superhero film industry are getting burnt out or maybe they just used up all the good IP…who knows. But they better step it up, as the video game movie is becoming the new superhero movie.

Ok, with the intro out of the way, let’s get to the meaty stuff …The List! Yes it’s another list… but this is a fun list - it’s about video games!

“10 Video Game Movies We All Probably Forgot Existed.”

First movie up on our list is Double Dragon (1994), released only a year after Super Mario Bros (1993), these were the early days in video game movies and you can tell. Double Dragon did not get high praise as it scored a low 3.9 on IMDb and sits at one of the worst video game adap-

tations ever made. The movie is adapted from the 1987 beat ‘em up game of the same title. In the movie you can see a bunch of arcade machines in the power corps hideout. Breaking the fourth wall of the movie there is a Double Dragons arcade cabinet seen among them.

Second on our list is Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), this movie scored 3.6 on IMDb and is the forgotten sequel to the 1995 film Mortal Kombat. There was a third movie planned titled Devastation but was scrapped because of poor reviews. One good thing - other than seeing a live action Reptile - we got from this film was Ray Park. This was his first movie role playing Christopher Lampert’s double as Raiden.

Third up on the list is Wing Commander (1999), this movie got a 4.3 on IMDb. Mark Hamill, who voiced Blair from the games, voices Blair’s onboard computer, Merlin. This movie had so much hype being one of the trailers ahead of Star Wars: Episode 1 but ultimately failed due to script rewrites and rushed dates.

Fourth on our list is Alone in the Dark (2005), the lowest score on our list, this gets a 2.5 on IMDb. This is a very loose adaptation of the 1992 game of the same name. For whatever reason this is one of the worst rated video game movies ever made and ruined both the careers of Christian Slater and Tara Reid.

Fifth on the list is Doom (2005), this movie scored a 5.2 on IMDb. This movie was originally planned in 1999 to star Arnold

Schwarzenegger but after an incident involving two teens who got hurt playing with real chainsaws -after playing the game- the film was scrapped until being picked up in 2005.

Sixth on our list is Bloodrayne (2005), this movie scored a 2.9 on IMDb. This movie was made by Uwe Boll, the same director as Alone in the Dark making this as his second appearance on our list. 2005 wasn’t only the year I graduated, but apparently it was the worst year for video game movies. Fun little fact: they used real prostitutes for this film.

Seventh movie on our list is DOA: Dead or Alive (2006), this movie scored a 4.8 on IMDb. The first fight scene of the movies has a backdrop and voice announcer straight out of the original game. Another fun fact: according to actress Holly Valance around 40 bikinis were ruined while filming this movie.

Eighth up on our list is Hitman (2007) the highest scoring movie on our list with a 6.2 on IMDb. This movie stars Timothy Olyphant as Agent 47, funny how they picked an actor with some of the best hair in the industry to play a bald guy… same goes for Hitman (2015) starring Rupert Friend… They both look weird bald. Another fun fact: both have played Agent 47 and both have played Star Wars characters with Olyphant playing Cobb Vanth and Friend playing the Grand Inquisitor.

Ninth on our list is Far Cry (2008), scoring a 3.2 on IMDb. This is video game movie enthusiasts Uwe Boll’s 3rd movie

on our list, making him our ‘honorary shit ass game movie winner’ of the 2000s. Another fun random fact, Travel Channel star and award winning chef Anthony Bourdain has an uncredited cameo as a scientist.

Last on our list - but not least at number ten is Max Payne (2008), this movie scored a 5.3 on IMDb. Having loved the original game, I was very excited for this movie but for whatever reason it just fell short, maybe for not taking advantage of the trendy “bullet time” mechanic, or maybe for the fact that Mark Wahlberg never played the game. This is one of the first movies to have an after credit scene to help set up the sequel but 20th Century Fox scrapped the idea due to poor ratings.

In conclusion I have a feeling we are in for a treat with a rush of great video game adaptations and there is a bunch of untapped IP, so much IP that one of you reading this could be directing the next big video game movie.

Doug and Kayla Nunn are owners and operators of The Time Capsule, a retro media hub that celebrates all things nostalgic and pop culture related.

Find them: @retromediaman | 23 Orondo Avenue, Wenatchee and at timecapsulecollectibles.com

By Danny KNightmare

Some would say the Oscars was the award show to watch this month, but diehard horror fans tuned in to the 6th Annual AHH SCARES to see their favorite genre get the appreciation it deserves.

Sure, it is nice that horror legend Jamie Lee Curtis finally got an Academy Award for her role in Everything Everywhere All at Once, but what about her other big 2023 film Halloween Ends?

Not to worry, the AHH SCARES are here to pick up the slack for those who love to be frightened, thrilled and grossed-out by gore!

Wenatchee’s wicked cool witch Gory B. Movie and me, the suburban slasher Danny Knightmare, hosted the event for the 6th consecutive year. I started my YouTube channel, Horror Addicts, in 2015, with the AHH SCARES in mind. It took a couple years to have the skill and preparation to pull off such a large award show, but I’m glad it did as it also took a couple years to get to know the online horror community: fellow horror YouTubers, creepy podcasters, and indie filmmakers. Every year we invite different horror content creators to present each of the awards. It’s quite the variety show! Our goal is not only to introduce viewers to new horror movies that they might have missed, but to help them to discover new shows they can follow from these talented presenters.

Now let’s recap the best horror of 2022: the awards, the winners and those that presented them.

B-movie actor Bruce Campbell won The AHH SCARE for Lifetime Achievement in Horror Presented by The Horror Addicts

The winner of Best Horror Movie Poster was Terrifier 2. Presented by Random Horror

The winner of Best Fan Film was Friday the 13 Vengeance 2: Bloodlines. Presented by Jason Takes Omegle.

The winner of Best Franchise Feature was Prey. A prequel to the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger film Predator. Presented by Strange Monkey Reviews.

Jeepers Creepers: Reborn that took home

the award for Worst Film. Presented by Confused Reviews.

The Funniest Horror Film was awarded to Deadstream. Presented by The Mummy & the Monkey.

The award for Best Comic Relief went to John Leguizamo for his role in The Menu. Presented by Cheers to Fears.

The winner of Female Horror Hottie was Diana Prince aka Darcy the Mail Girl. This is her third time winning this award. She won in 2019 and 2020. 2021’s award went to Elvira who had her 40th anniversary special that year. Presented by The Horror Show.

The winner of Male Horror Hottie was Bill Skarsgård for his role in Barbarian. Presented by The Movie Massacre Show

The winner of Best Found Footage Horror Film was Deadstream. Presented by Cannibal Video

The Best Horror Novel was awarded to The Hacienda by Isabel Cañas. Presented by The Books in the Freezer Podcast. Bonus points if you get that Friends reference!

The Best Horror Video Game was awarded to Evil Dead: The Game Presented by The Horror Shark.

The Best Creature award went to The Feral Predator from Prey. Presented by The Steve and Crypto Podcast.

The Best Final Girl award went to the character Sienna Shaw played by Lauren LaVera from Terrifier 2. With her armor, wings and sword, she was born to battle that evil clown. Presented by Chauncey K. Robinson.

In return, Art the Clown walked away with the award for Best Killer also from Terrifier 2. Presented by Hailey Homicide.

Best Soundtrack went to Studio 666, which starred and featured the music of the Foo Fighters. RIP Taylor Hawkins. 1972-2022. Presented by The Jony Horror Show.

Best Musical Score went to Daniel Davies alongside John and Cody Carpenter for their work on Halloween Ends. Presented by Bare Bones.

Best Effects went to Terrifier 2 for its plentiful over the top gore. Presented by The Nightwatch Zone.

Best Costumes went to Prey for its Native American and French Settlers wardrobes. Not to mention the Predator’s attire. Presented by Sally the Zombie Cheerleader.

Production Design was won by Rob Zombie’s The Presented by Mister Lobo from Cinema Insomnia.

Best Cinematography was won by Eliot Rocket for his work on both X and Pearl, two movies that were both directed by Ti West. Presented by Ghoulish Tendencies

Best Death Scene was awarded to Terrifier 2 for a kill that went on for a long time and involved both salt and bleach. They call him Art the Clown for a reason. Presented by Almost Sideways Movie Podcast.

The Best Animated Horror Film was won by Mad God. This movie was created by famous stop-motion effects artist Phil Tippett. He started working on this movie back in 1990 while also working on RoboCop 2. When his work was replaced by CGI during his time with Jurassic Park, he shelved it only to work on it on and off for the next 30 years. Presented by Screaming Soup, the Web’s #1 Animated Horror Host Show.

The award for Best Screenplay went to Seth Reiss and Will Tracy for The Menu. Presented by Brandon the Beldam.

Best Stunts went to Prey for all the alien fighting action. Presented by Dice Rollen.

The Best Foreign Horror Film went to The Sadness from Taiwan. Presented by The Movie Void.

Best Horror Documentary was awarded to Shudder’s In Search of Darkness III Presented by The Late Late Horror Show.

Best Premiering Horror TV Show went to Netflix’s Wednesday. Presented by That Horror Couple.

Best Returning Horror TV Show went to Netflix’s Stranger Things Season 4. Presented by Drumdums.

Best Horror Non-Fiction Show went to Shudder’s The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs. Presented by production designer Yuki Nakamura and music man John Brennan of The Last Drive-In. Yuki was unaware of even being nominated let alone winning. He gave a genuine reaction as John and him presented the award. patreon.com/yukiandjohnspatreonbuffet

The winners for Best Child Actors were both Mason Thames and Madeleine McGraw for their performances in The Black Phone. Presented by CarnageCandyy

The award for Best Horror Actor went to Ethan Hawke for The Black Phone Presented by Gorey Bits.

The award for Best Horror Actress went to Mia Goth for her roles in Both X and Pearl. Presented by Rainbow Fright.

Ti West won Best Horror Director for cranking out two great horror films in one year. X was released March 18, 2022 and Pearl was released September 16th 2022. Presented by Doctor Wolfula.

And finally, Terrifier 2 won Best Horror Film of 2022. Director Damien Leone is already working on part 3 Art the Clown will return! Presented by Hack the Movies.

Lots of other amazing movies were nominated for these awards, but there isn’t room to mention them here. So you’ll have to check out the replay at YouTube.com/@horrorAddictsTV

I think you’ll enjoy the awesome presentations. They’re all so different and worked so hard on them. Some of them are even fully animated. They deserve awards themselves.

As for the rest of the year, stay tuned to Horror Addicts for plenty of reviews, unboxings, livestreams and more as we research the potential winners of next year’s AHH SCARES! C

by award.

Skarsgård by by

Best went and Best Munsters. directed by Podcast. The

THE SCARE-FOX

by kevin dann

Uncannily resembling an early work of outsider art, Head Gamekeeper D. Green’s “scare-fox” was an altogether utilitarian contraption, devised to send foxes fleeing from his Herefordshire game preserve’s pheasant field. Shutters driven by a clockwork mechanism sent light flashing from three sides of the crude box, while its fourth side bore a badly painted caricature of a human face. Before the “scare-fox,” Green would burn fires at night to keep the foxes from the pheasants, “and even after that used to lose some.” He was certain that two scare-foxes set up in any field or wood would keep the predators away, and had plans to make one with glass sides and bells timed to ring with the shutters.

Lawyer, editor, and indefatigable leader of the “More Game” movement in America, Dwight W. Huntington published this photograph of the scare-fox in Our Wild Fowl and Waders (1910) as part of his campaign to raise American awareness of the devastating depredations caused by “vermin:” a word that Americans used largely to refer to bed lice, but which in British gamekeeping circles had long been applied to any animal — from foxes, weasels, snakes, and stoats to rats, moles, and even shrews — that competed with hunters. Enthusiastically introducing the term in his March 1908 Independent “Game Bird Enemies,” Huntington would routinely employ it for the next three decades while cheerleading for “MORE GAME AND FEWER GAME LAWS.” Two journals he edited — Amateur Sportsman (1909–1912) and The Game Breeder (1912 –1938) — are a unique chronicle of the antagonistic reactions of hunters and “shooters” (waterfowl and other bird gunners) to the early twentieth century growth of the wildlife conservation movement. While Audubon Societies and kindred organizations lobbied legislatures to protect mammals and birds from destruction by both hunters and hab-

itat loss, the Game Conservation Society (founded by Huntington in 1912) marshaled a nationwide campaign to stymie the “naturalists:” his generic and largely derogatory label for all of those who impinged on his dream of making America the world’s leading producer of game animals.

Having long held pride of place as the chief nemesis of game keepers and bird hunters, “Reynard” — the red fox, Vulpes vulpes, a circumpolar predator universally known as the most catlike of the canids — exercised Huntington’s ire more than any other vermin. Conceding that “I enjoy seeing an occasional sly fox about,” Huntington happily reported his own and others’ fox shooting exploits, including the Middle Island Club of Long Island’s outing to celebrate a worthy member’s eightysecond birthday, during which they killed a number of foxes:

From the time the first hound gave tongue Mr. Reynard was on his way. Oh, such music on a sharp, still and pretty morning can only be appreciated by those who know! Well, after chasing this cunning cuss for more than an hour, he was finally headed off by our young member, Mr. Howard Voorhies, who registered his first kill, and arrangements were made to have the pelt tanned and incidentally to decorate the cozy home in Brooklyn.

Like that macabre scare-fox, such accounts sit uneasily for us foxadmiring moderns, who are more likely to find sympathy with Oscar Wilde’s delicious declaration that fox-hunting was “the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.”

Originally published in The Public Domain Review under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0.

SATURDAY, APRIL 8, 2023 AT 9:30 PM

Cockaphonix, Those Damn Animals, and The Elecvnts

Wally’s House of Booze

TUESDAY, APRIL 11, 2023 AT 7 PM

Tipsy Talk: Be A Better Ally, Not An A$$hole

Bushel & Bee Taproom in Leavenworth

SATURDAY, APRIL 15, 2023 AT 9:30 PM

The Lovedarts, Moss Glow plus guests

Wally’s House of Booze

SATURDAY, APRIL 15, 2023 AT 6 PM – 8 PM

Unsolicited Advice

The TAP ROOM by Iron Horse Brewery

FRIDAY, APRIL 21, 2023 AT 9:30 PM

Box Elder, Not All There, Weird Animal

Wally’s House of Booze

FRIDAY, APRIL 21, 2023 AT 5:30 PM – 7:30 PM

2nd annual Trashion Show

Wenatchee River Institute at Barn Beach Reserve

SATURDAY, APRIL 22, 2023 AT 9:30 PM

Third Seven, Indigo Rose and Dylan Morrison LIVE at Wally’s!!!

Wally’s House of Booze

SATURDAY, APRIL 22, 2023 AT 9 PM

Defiant Live @ Club Crow

Cashmere

SATURDAY, APRIL 24, 2023

Bryan Bielanski LIVE At Old Skools

Ellensburg

THURSDAY, APRIL 27, 2023 AT 5 PM

Ice Cream Social - Wenatchee

Wenatchee Valley Museum & Cultural Center

FRIDAY, APRIL 28, 2023 AT 9 PM

Datura, Crazy Eyes, The Regressions, and The Nightmares

Wally’s House of Booze

APR 28 AT 9 AM – APR 30 AT 4 PM

3 Day Artisan Event

Entiat

MAY 5 AT 3 PM – MAY 7 AT 11:30 AM

Leavenworth Jazz Festival

Icicle Creek Center for the Arts

FRIDAY, MAY 26, 2023 AT 7:30 PM

Kuttl3ss And Old Skool’s present: The “Up In Smoke”

Northwest Tour-Ellensburg

Dear Moxie Rose, I sometimes see these stimulating creams or gels that are supposed to have a cooling, warm, or tingling sensation. Sometimes they’re on their own, and sometimes they’re in a lubricant. What exactly is the benefit to this and is the lubricant version better than the other topicals?

-E.N.

Hi E.N.,

As far as a better/worse scenario goes, it’s pretty subjective. You could have two people, with the same anatomy, using the same product, and have two different experiences. Because of that, some people experience a better or stronger sensation when the topicals are on their own, and some people experience a better or stronger sensation when it’s incorporated into a lubricant. The point to either of them is to bring added sensation to what is arguably one of the most sensitive areas of your body. The idea is to not only add a bit of extra sensation that may be just enjoyable for all parties, but an increase in heat or tingles can often flood that area with blood, which will continue to make that area more sensitive. Some people choose to use this as a means to help them climax more easily because there’s an extra sensation that’s added to everything that you’re already doing. Some people use it just to switch things up and do something a little different. People usually have personal preferences as far as enjoying the cooling sensation or the warming sensation. Often times the tingling sensation can feel almost like a cooling sensation, even if that’s not what it is advertised as. Again, that area of the body is so sensitive and everyone’s anatomy and preferences are so different, you can use the same product and have a different experience from one person to the next. Some things to keep in mind: the warming sensation on these, although it may feel incredibly strong in the genital area, are not going

to be good substitutes for things like icyhot when using on your general muscles around your body. The level of heat needed for, let’s say your back muscles, is going to be significantly higher than the heat that you would need in the genital area. And generally speaking, you will experience a stronger sensation if you have a vulva, rather than a penis. This is due to the fact that just the clitoral area alone has 10,000 nerve endings, which is approximately 2 to 3 times more nerve endings than you find in a penis. So as sensitive as the penis area is the people with a vulva are generally going to experience a greater sensation. If you do choose to experiment with these, especially if it’s mixed in with a lubricant, be sure that you understand what type of lubricant you are using and take the precautions that are needed. For example: not using an oil based lubricant, or a lubricant that has any oil in it at all, on condoms (both latex and polyisoprene will be compromised by oil). You also want to be sure that if you are using a silicone or silicone hybrid lubricant that you are not using it on silicone toys, as those are not compatible to be used together.

Dear Moxie Rose, My partner and I are interested in trying impact play. Can you cover the basics of what we should know first?

S.C.

Hi S.C., Absolutely! The first thing I will tell you is that it is always, always, always a good idea to establish a SafeWord and/or safe signal (like snapping three times, when you may be unable to speak due to things like a ball gag). This makes sure that there is no misunderstandings about when you are telling your partner to stop what they are doing because you need a break. Another route you can go, or something you can add to the discussion of a safe word, is something we call the “stop light system.” Which sounds very much like what it is.

Green means you’re good to go and still having fun. Yellow means that you need to have your partner slow down and possibly prepare to stop. And red, like a SafeWord, is an absolute and immediate stop of all things happening. You also want to have a discussion with your partner about areas of the body that are off-limits to any sort of impact. Sometimes this is due to it being a particularly sensitive area, like the inside of the thighs, or because it is just your own preference that that area be offlimits to impact. Once you get through the negotiation stage of your prep work, the next things you want to do are establish what kind of impact you prefer and where your threshold is. Impact can be summed up into one of two categories: thuddy and stingy. The bigger the item making the impact is, the more surface area is covered and the more of a thud you will get. The smaller the instrument, the less surface area is being affected, so you will get more of a stinging sensation. This scale can slide a little bit, depending on what types of instruments you are looking at. For example, using a bigger paddle will cover more area and have more of a thud to it than a open hand would (spanking), but an open hand will still have more of a thud than something even smaller like a riding crop. If you have the opportunity to go into a store where some of these instruments are displayed, it is a good idea to lightly test each instrument on the inside of your arm. This will give you the general idea of whether it’s going to be more of a thud or more of a sting. Once you have picked out what you’d like to use, you’re going to find your threshold. This begins with your partner using whatever instrument you have picked out, on whatever body part you would like them to strike - (a good starting point is a more meaty, fleshy area like the butt). And start out by going lightly and slowly begin to increase the intensity until you let them know that you have found your threshold, and that they are to strike no harder than

that. After that, proceed to have some safe and consensual fun! But do not forget the importance of aftercare. In the realm of impact play this can involve either emotional aftercare, physical aftercare, and in many cases both. Emotional aftercare is helping your partner come back to a more intimate and caring place, mentally - because the act of impact play can elicit some very strong feelings from people on both the giving, and the receiving end. The best way to know what type of care your partner will need, as far as mental and emotional care, is to ask them. Then there is the physical care. This one is usually taken on a case by case basis, depending on the duration of the impact play scene, the instruments used, and how that person is feeling. Some of the aftercare you can do physically include things like warm compresses and/or ice packs for areas that have been struck, soothing ointment to help with inflammation, possibly some minor first aid attention if there is any skin breakage. Again, the best way to know what your partner would ultimately appreciate, is to ask them, maybe even try a few different things until you find what works best for you.

Dear Moxie Rose,

What is the biggest, or one of the biggest, misconceptions about the human body that you find yourself repeatedly educating on? -A.

Thanks for asking, A.

Unfortunately, there are many that come to mind. And to be clear, I absolutely do not mind repeatedly educating on these misconceptions. I understand that, while this may be common knowledge to me, and many other people, not all of us were lucky or privileged enough to have access to that type of education, or to have been taught better. And I would much rather repeatedly stop the spread of misinformation than think that I was letting people

continue to go throughout their lives getting hurt or hurting others. But if I had to pick one out of the list, I would have to say that it’s the subject of vaginal douching.

Vaginal douching, the act of flushing out the inside of your vagina/vaginal canal (often times with a prepackaged solution that comes with the application bulb), is not only completely unnecessary… it is down right dangerous. You can thank the marketing geniuses behind “feminine hygiene products” (products such as vaginal washes, like Summer’s Eve) for instilling a sense of shame and embarrassment in many people for their bodies simply existing. If you were to listen to these advertisements, you would think that any sort of smell in the vulva/vaginal area is the worst thing imaginable. Never mind the fact that you will never see an advertisement for a body wash that puts the smell of ball sweat as the centerpiece to its ad - only the ones aimed at the vulva/vagina are the ones that basically tell you “your body is gross but our product can help.” The most important thing that these marketing ploys leave out is that smells you would identify as bad (for example, the long-standing “fish smell” jokes) are often times a sign of an underlying health issue that is not being addressed by any sort of wash or douching product. To take the same “fish smell” example - it’s made into a joke. A punchline. But the smell you would identify as a fishy smell is almost always the first telltale sign of bacterial vaginosis, or an oncoming yeast infection, both of which can become extremely dangerous if left untreated. And contrary to what it sounds like, internal washes, such as douching, do not actually cleanse anything. In the same way that deodorant does not cleanse your body, it simply covers up a smell. The best way it was ever described to me by an OB/GYN was “if there is something going on inside the vagina that I need to be able to see as your doctor, using a vaginal douche, does not clean anything out and it’s actively covering up spots inside that I should be able to see but no longer can. And in that area of the body, especially since many people only see an OB/GYN once every 1 to 3 years, having something go untreated, because we are unable to see it, can get out of hand extremely quickly.”

The vagina is a self cleaning organ. It is a mucous membrane. It cleans itself out constantly, similarly to how your nose does. Which is another mucus mem-

brane. The only times you ever are cleaning your nose is when some thing has made its way to the outside and needs to be wiped away(this is exactly what your vaginal discharge is about). Which is why you can also tell a significant amount about the health of your vagina through your discharge.

Using vaginal douches is not only dangerous, and completely unnecessary, it sets you on the path of a vicious cycle. For example, if you use one because you feel like you could potentially be getting a yeast infection and so your intent is to “clean it out,” it may temporarily make you feel like you have cleaned everything out and temporarily relieve those symptoms. But what actually is happening is a temporary relief to a problem that has not been solved. But now you have also thrown off your pH balance, as well as your flora (the balance of good bacteria, such as your stomach has but, in the vagina), which leaves you more susceptible to bacterial vaginosis or yeast infections. So you temporarily threw a band-aid over a problem that has not been solved, while simultaneously setting yourself up to have that problem occur even more (or get worse than it already is), which leads people to thinking that they need to do a vaginal douche again because they believe it worked last time. And so begins the vicious cycle. Unfortunately, once you have entered into that cycle, you do have to have a period of letting your pH rebalance and letting the good bacteria regrow. The best way to take on vaginal hygiene is to make sure that you are always peeing after any penetrative sex act (whether it was just with a toy or with another person’s body), when bathing make sure that you are thoroughly cleaning the vulva with water only (the outside) but not the vagina (inside) take a daily vaginal probiotic capsule (like any other daily vitamin you might take for general health), make sure that you, your partner, and/or any toys you are using are clean before use, get regular exams from your OB/GYN. And alert your doctor if your discharge color/smell is notably different from your “norm.”

Moxie Rose: (sex and kink advice/education) from For The Love Of It in Wenatchee, WA.

The information provided in this column is for educational purposes only, and does not substitute for professional medical advice. C

EVERYTHING IS FINE GRIEF. IT’S WHAT’S FOR DINNER

By Veruca Salty

Istarted off this year with a pretty rough break up. Not only did I lose my person of 4 years but I also lost my best friend, which might have hurt more. I went from talking to someone all day, everyday, to barely talking to anyone ever. I was already in a pretty deep depression and this break up kind of pushed me over the edge. I also decided to try out a 6 week at-home ketamine therapy starting at the end of January. Oh, and I chose to go no contact for 60 days with my ex. It was a fun time all around.

I was in a rough place and I needed routine and daily rituals to even survive.

I made a list of things I required of myself every single day. The list included such basic human needs like drinking water and eating food, plus some other centering practices like 5 minutes of stillness (meditation), daily journaling/writing, 10 minutes of movement and a daily art practice. For the art practice I settled on watercolors, a medium I never properly learned to use. I was super gentle with myself and decided to keep it abstract and just paint whatever my feelings were for the day. And I made myself do it Every. Single. Day. for 8 weeks. I think the biggest feat was actually sticking to a new daily habit. That’s not typically my strongest suit. It ended up being my favorite part of my day because it forced me to nestle back into myself and fully feel what I was feeling. I decided that it

would be good to have a visual on my moods and emotions while I was working through all of this. I tend to get lost in the bad and completely forget that the

needed that reminder directly in my face - even though things are hard and dark, there can still be beauty in it. The whole project was inspired by local

was pretty damn profound to me. I told her about this project of mine recently and thanked her for inspiring it and she called this type of art “Generative Apocalypse.” That feels right. The act of creating art and beauty even while our world is crumbling down around us.

This little daily art practice really helped me recognize the few good days I did have in the midst of all the chaos and sadness. And now when I look at all of them, hanging in chronological order on my bedroom wall, I’m mostly drawn to the dark ones. Each piece is individually named on the back. Silly things like “darkness washed over the dude” and “why am I like this?” The collective piece is appropriately titled, “Grief. It’s what’s for dinner.”

good ever existed. With this project, I knew I would be able to look back and see days that felt lighter and brighter. And I also knew that even the hard days could potentially turn out beautiful. I

artist Ellen Bruex’s art installation, “An Index of Beginnings and Endings.” That show was so impactful for me. Getting to walk around a room and read some of the most vulnerable moments of her life

I highly recommend a simple daily art practice. You don’t even have to be good at it. I still have no idea how watercolors even work. But it’s not about that. It’s about putting brush to paper and just seeing what happens. Plus it’s incredibly cathartic. When I look back on the first two months of this year, I no doubt remember how fucking brutal they were. But I also remember the little glimmers of hope. The tiny bits of warmth that broke through. It allowed me to make meaning out of my suffering. I long for the day that I’m able to create without being completely flooded by suffering and chaos. Maybe someday. But until then I’ll use my sad to create things that make me feel a little less sad. And I hope you will too. C

THE TRACKSUIT

THE FUNNY PAGES COMICS AND NOVELTIES

Does February march? No, but April may!

Why is Yoda such a good gardener? He has a green thumb.

What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls? Seasoning.

1) An interview with an actor came out recently where they expressed lament over one of the most successful things they had ever done - a really popular TV show from the ‘80s. The lament focused around the fact that the main character from this show upstaged every other actor, even if they were better actors, and it caused a huge divide on the set.

What show were they talking about?

A) Knight Rider

B) Married with Children

C) Rosanne

D) Alf

2) A 39 year old mom in the UK was given some jail time after she got really high on drugs, filmed herself DOING THIS, and then posted the video to social media. What vile act landed her in jail?

A) She pooped in an envelope and tried to mail it to the Queen of England

B) She poured acid onto the household dog in an attempt to rid it of fleas

C) She pierced her nine year old’s tongue with a letter opener

D) She murdered and then ate her kid’s hamster, ironically named “Mr Nibbles”

3) During the premiere party for the movie “Oblivion”, Tom Cruise hired a guy to follow him around the red carpet with this...

A) An electric space heater to keep him warm

B) A giant card that read “Applause” so his fans knew when to clap

C) Hand cream so he could repeatedly remoisturize

D) A medium sized brick he could stand on for photo ops with other celebrities

4) I’m going to give you four facts about the planet we live on... Three are not real, and one is correct. Which fact about Earth is real?

A) No one knows who named it “Earth”

B) Mt Everest is the tallest mountain on our planet

C) The earth is a perfect sphere

D) During the middle ages, the general consensus was that the Earth was flat

Spring is officially here! We made it.

Here is your sign as a spring sprouting plant...

Aries - Goatsbeard. A funny, hearty little weed that doesn’t get enough attention. Can relate.

Taurus - Fern fronds. Curvy and cute and fuzzy and tender. You win this time Taurus.

Gemini - Mullein. Versatile and prolific af. These things will grow anywhere. Discretion? Who needs it!

Cancer - Crabgrass. Edible and nutritious but ultimately seen as a burden.

Leo - Knapweed. This little guy produces toxins that poison the nearby plants and stunt their growth. Bonus points for being prickly and unapproachable. You’re just fun all around.

Virgo - Poison Ivy. Shiny and pretty from a distance but will burn you from the inside out if you get too close.

Libra - Lupine. Do you say it like “loo-pin” or “Lou-pine”? Just curious. This flower is part of the legume family which means they’re tolerable for consumption but will likely cause gastrointestinal distress. Not too unlike you, Libra.

Scorpio - Stinging nettle. No explanation needed.

Sagittarius - Wild strawberry. A sweet little treat, but it’ll hurt your insides if you indulge too hard.

Capricorn - Goathead. Annoying and terribly invasive.

Aquarius - Glacier lily. These flowers bloom upside down. They’re bright and quirky and.. not quite right.

Pisces - Bleeding heart. They look as dramatic as they sound, just like you!

ANSWERS: 1-A)

The Alf alf cast HATED being upstaged by a puppet. On set there was a big human-puppet divide. 2-D) She murdered and then ate her kid’s hamster. 3-A) An electric space heater to keep him warm. 4-A) No one knows who named it “Earth.”

indigenous enterprise

indigenous enterprise

indigenous enterprise

indigenous enterprise

indigenous enterprise

indigenous enterprise

indigenous enterprise

indigenous enterprise

indigenous enterprise

indigenous enterprise enterprise