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The Carolinas’ Full Throttle Magazine
The Carolinas’ Full Throttle Magazine staff screens hundreds of jokes each month. We make no claim to being politically correct. Most PC jokes just aren’t funny. If you are offended by any of the jokes on this page, take heart in the fact that we go to great lengths to offend everyone equally. This is not a hate crime! At our house we call it “pickin” and it is symbolic of your acceptance in the group. We live in the United States Of The Offended, so get over it!!
the bank. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest. Later, the bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the South for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s private underground garage and parked it. Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The good ‘ole Tar Heel boy replied, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?” His name was BUBBA...
guy said and he left the agent’s office. Five years later the agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed: Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Richard van Lesbian!. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice. Sincerely, Dick van Dyke
s e k o p S & s e k o J
I made a million dollars in October, it’s now mid-November and I’m broke. I hate working at the Mint. A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related. This means that the remaining 77% are caused by a$$holes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and crap like that. Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause twice as many accidents.
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About 2 hours.” The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around at the shop and said, “About 3 hours.” The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop and said, “About an hour and a half”. The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, “Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.” A little while later Bob returned to the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asked, “So, where does that guy go when he leaves?” Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, “Your house!” What was Humpty Dumpty’s favorite month? October... He had a great fall. A Redneck from North Carolina walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Bakersfield on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of
The teacher was telling the story of Christopher Columbus and how many people thought that the world was flat. Then she had mentioned that the world was really round and… got interrupted… “Miss Smith, the world is square, not round,” said little Johnny. “No, it’s round Johnny. Who told you it was square?” replied the teacher. “My older brother. He claims he’s been to all 4 corners of the earth.” A good looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and said, “I want to be a movie star.” Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, “What’s your name?” The guy said, “My name is Richard van Lesbian!.” The agent said, “Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name.” “I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever.” The agent said, “Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years...you will never go far in Hollywood with a name like Richard van Lesbian! I’m telling you, you will have to change your name or I will not be able to represent you.” “So be it! I guess we will not do business together,” the
You bring ‘Coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, “You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.” The cat thought for a minute and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.” God said, “Say no more.” Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat. The mice said, “Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.” God answered, “It is done.” All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, “Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?” The cat replied, “Oh, it is wonderful. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!”
