IN THIS ISSUE
Deficits and Acquisitions, Claudia Mallea, Editor PAGE 1-2
PAGE 3
PAGE 4
PAGE 5-6
Autumn in Boone, North Carolina 2023, Katie Morelli
Him/Magician to the World, Diana L. Creaturo
Latte in my Batte, Audrey Wick
Brandi, Leslie A. Miller + Brandi Thomas PAGE 7-8
PAGE 9-10
Contributor’s Bios
The Bee Foundation & Bee of Hope PAGE 11-12
CREDITS
Editor: Claudia Mallea
Cover Image: Binks
Design: Claudia Mallea and TBF
DEFECITS AND ACQUISITIONS
Claudia Mallea, Editor
At a gala last October for The Bee Foundation, the brain aneurysm organization with which I have been closely involved for a few years, I was shocked to hear the word “deficit” uttered by many speakers, fellow aneurysm survivors, their family members, doctors, and advocates, to refer to the physical or cognitive functional changes experienced long term after aneurysm rupture. Often qualified with the phrase “life altering.” As I celebrated and socialized with my fellow survivors, almost none of whom have the obvious physical disabilities I have as a result of my rupture, I was forced to ponder, ‘do all these people think that I am deficient?
Sure, I need a big plastic ankle brace and a cane to walk, and my left arm is functionally useless. But those are changes, not losses. I can still walk three miles and cook beautiful meals for my friends. A month after this gala, I even started working again. Instead of saying I live with deficits, life altering or not, I prefer to say I acquired a disability.
In the first year after my aneurysm rupture, I jumped right into the disability world. I started attending meetings of the disability caucus of my organizing home, Jews for Racial and Economic Justice. and by the end of the year I was a co-chair of that caucus. I made disabled friends and joined a disabled athletic team.
DEFECITS AND ACQUISITIONS
Claudia Mallea, Editor
Acquiring a disability has given me community, cause, and subject. I write about disability all the time. Most of my published writing in some way relates to disability. mostly its social components. Right now, two and a half years into my disability, I have a pretty positive relationship with disability and mine in particular. On Saturday evening, the 34th anniversary of the signing of the Americans with Disabilities Act, I went to a disability Pride party hosted by a disabled friend of mine. I met cool, kind, interesting people with a variety of disabilities and talked about such subjects as paratransit, rehab approaches, and the movies and books we like. I also danced and bedazzled my inhaler. So I don’t feel deficient. I mean, look at all these cool people I know because I got a disability! I have gained a lot with my disability. deficiency posits a loss from some imagined baseline. I don’t see how I have dipped below where I was at 23. my life is different but it isn’t less.
AUTUMN IN BOONE, NORTH CAROLINA 2023
Katie Morelli
Autumn in Boone, North Carolina 2023. A time of transformation, which is showcased by nature with a burst of colors. We can be beautiful during our time of transformation, too.
MAGICIAN TO THE WORLD
Diana L. Creaturo
As the season slowly slips into Fall
I feel myself change. It is a special time of year for me, Halloween being a special day, a new day, a new moment, a new year. I love the feeling in the air, the darkness of the sky and the stillness that never feels the same any other day of the year. It is only after the trick or treaters, and costume clad mortals empty the streets, that this stillness can be felt. It is such a beautiful kind of quiet.
It is not only a change of season, it is a time of Rebirth, Growth set new intentions, begin the cycle again, from Magician to The World
I am always ready to begin again. As the season slowly slips into Fall
I feel myself change.
It is a special time of year for me, Halloween being a special day, a new day, a new moment, a new year. I love the feeling in the air, the darkness of the sky and the stillness that never feels the same any other day of the year. It is only after the trick or treaters, and costume clad mortals empty the streets, that this stillness can be felt. It is such a beautiful kind of quiet. It is not only a change of season, it is a time of Rebirth, Growth set new intentions, begin the cycle again, from Magician to The World I am always ready to begin again.
5 LATTE IN MY BATTE
Audrey Wick
Mymorningshavealwaysinvolvedawarmcupofcoffee.Likeahugto startmyday,cradlingacupandnursingitasthesunrisesisawelcome partofmyroutine.
ThatallchangedintheICU.
Ilandedthereafterarupturedbrainaneurysm.Lyingimmobileandwith abreathingtube,mymindwasnotthinkingaboutcoffee.Instead,itwas insurvivalmode.Emergencysurgery,stabilizers,andmedicalequipment allcomingledinadelicatedanceaftertheneurosurgeonandhisteam savedmylife.
IdideverythingIwastoldtodointhehospitalinordertorecover.
Soimaginemysurpriseonemorningwhen,aftertwoweeksintomy hospitalizationandgraduationintothestep-downunitofcare,thenurse practitionertoldmesimply,“Today,we’regoingtotrycoffee.”Evenwith myfuzzycognition,IhadtoaskifIheardhercorrectly.
“Yes,”sheinsisted.“Andyou’regoingtogetityourself.”
Thatwasthecatch.
Inthisnewrecoveryunit,Iwashavingtoretrainmymusclesfor movement.Prescribedmedicinesweredoingtheirpart,butinorderto meetbenchmarksfordischarge,Ineededtomove.Becauseintermsof recovery,movementismedicine.
Mytaskwastomaneuver withtheaidofawalkerandanursewithin arm’sreach tothestaffbreakroom.There,Iwouldpourmyselfacupof coffee.IfIcouldmanagethat,Icoulddrinkit.Asacoffeelover,I immediatelyacceptedthistaskfromthenursepractitioner.
Lyingproneforsolongwithvarioustubes,drains,andlinesdoing theworkthatwouldkeepmealive,mymusclesnowpaidtheprice withsoreness,tightness,andgeneralatrophy.Walkingwasnot easy.ButIwasdeterminedtoimprove,andthistaskwithcoffeeat thefinishlinegavemeatangiblegoal.
6 LATTE IN MY BATTE
Audrey Wick
SoItookastep.
Andanother. Andanother.
Inrecovery,that’sthewayforward:onestepatatime.
Itwasn’tafardistance,butbystandardsofsomeonewhohad experiencedtheequivalentofanearthquakeinherbrain,itfeltlikean obstaclecourse.Whenthebrainbleeds,itshortcircuitseverything, affectingfunctionsallthroughoutthebody.Ineededtorecoverbalance, stamina,andflexibility,butIwasdefinitelygratefultobealive.
Mygratitudepropelledmeforward,andwhenIarrivedinthebreakroom andwasabletopourmyselfasteamingcupofcoffee,IknewIwasonmy way.IaddedsweetenerandmilkbecauseIwantedtoexperiencethe richnessofalltheflavors.Andhowsweetitwastotastethatfirstsip!
Thelatteinmybatte(body)worked!Iwasonestepfurtherinmy recovery,andwhileitwouldstillbealongroad,meetingthatfirst challengeshowedmethatsuccesswaspossible.
Now,wheneverIstartmydaywithcoffee,thatwarmhuginamug remindsmetobegrateful:forhealth,forperseverance,andforthose peoplearounduswhochallengeustobebetter especiallythosewho makeusgetourowncoffee.
I am delighted to present the following nonfiction essay entitled "Latte in My Batte." It has been written in response to the theme of issue two for growth/change, as it focuses on a surprising aspect of my recovery from a subarachnoid hemorrhage. It was a joy to first be connected with The Bee Foundation through the sharing of my story (https://www.thebeefoundation.org/reflection-on-my-one-year-aneuversary-by-audrey-wick/), and I'm honored to have this chance to be considered for The Apiary Such a powerful initiative, and so well appreciated by the aneurysm community! Writing is important in recovery.
~ Audrey Wick
BRANDI
Leslie A. Miller
MeetBrandi or“Binks”(Brandiinks)asherartistfriendscallher.I hadthegreatfortuneofgettingtoknowBrandiafterwebothhadthe misfortuneofexperiencingsuddenchangesinourlivesduetobrain bleeds.Mein2021andherin2022.
Whilethecauseofourbrainbleedsdiffered,thesimilaritiesresulting fromourbraininjuriesarehardtooverlook theneedtoprocessthe intensefeelingsthataccompanyalife-changinginjuryandadapttothose changes.
Forme,thechangesresultingfrommybraininjuryshatteredmysenseof stability,leavingmefeelingdisorientedandbroken.Whenmylife suddenlyshiftedin2021,inwaysIcouldneverhaveanticipated,Ifeltlike thegroundbeneathmehadcrumbled,leavingmestrugglingtofindmy footing.TheplansandexpectationsIhadformyfuturenolongerseemed relevant.Theuncertaintyofwhatwasnextinlifewasoverwhelming.I experiencedintenseemotionalturbulenceandturmoil makingmefeel fragmented.Thepiecesofmylifenolongerfittogetherthewaytheyonce did.ThesenseoflossIfeltwasdeeplyunsettling,creatingaprofound senseofvulnerabilityandhelplessness.
ForBrandi,thechangesnotonlyaffectedheremotionally,butphysically. Asaresultof4differentbrainbleeds,Brandihadtorelearneverything includinghowtowalk,howtotalk,howtoread,andhowtowrite.She lostherUPScareer.
WhenchattingwithBrandiaboutherexperience,sheshared,“…Ihave neverfeltalonelinesslikethatbefore.Ihavelostsomany people….friendsandfamily…becausetheydonotunderstandwhatis happeningtome.Ilook“normal,”sotheword“fakingit”getswhispered often.SometimesIwishIstillhadmyphysicalailmentsbecausenoone questionedmyinjurythen.”
ItrulyadmireBrandi.She’sfoundsomethingI’mstilllookingfor--away toprocesstheintensefeelingsthataccompanyourlife-changinginjuries.
8 BRANDI
Leslie A. Miller
TodayBrandireferstoherselfasBrandi2.0.Shetoldmethat immediatelyfollowingherbraininjuryshefoundapowerfultoolfor healingandmanagingheremotions.HerloveofArt.Duringthehealing process,Brandispentmuchofherdaydrawing.Brandifoundthatart wastheonlythingshecoulddoafterherinjury.Shecouldn'twrite,but couldstilldraw.Shesaid,“It'shealingforme,asitallowsmetoexpress myself.InmyartworkIdon'thide,Iletitout.”
Brandi’sartworkispowerful.
IaskedBrandiifitwouldbeokayformetosharesomeofherartwork. Ifyou’dliketotalkmorewithBrandiaboutherartworkorcommissiona piece,giveheracall@630-550-2041.
CONTRIBUTOR BIOS
CLAUDIA MALLEA (she/her) | Editor
A writer/archivist/librarian from Brooklyn, NY. She is a survivor of AVM and brain aneurysm rupture. Her work has been featured in a NYC theater production, Raw Lit Issue 3 and Bullshit Lit Online Features. She writes a monthly Digest of Cool Articles, Cool Article Club. She is a member of the NY Caring Majority, a coalition of care workers, seniors and people with disabilities advocating for fair pay for care workers, Co-chair of the JFREJ Disability Justice Caucus, and an ambassador to The Bee Foundation.
DIANA L. CREATURO
Diana holds an MFA in Creative Writing. She is a brain aneurysm survivor and adenomyosis warrior. A lover of books, poetry, letters, music, animals, astrology, tarot and all things vegan. She lives in Westchester County NY and can be found writing at home while listening to music. Her work has appeared in Mookychick (October 2020) and she is a blog writer for The Bee Foundation.
KATIE MORELLI
A wife, dog mom and survivor of AVM.
1 0 CONTRIBUTOR BIOS
Audrey Wick
Audrey Wick lives in Texas where she teaches writing and literature classes at Blinn College. Audrey also writes creatively, both fiction and nonfiction, and has contributed to Writer’s Digest, Woman’s World, and Chicken Soup for the Soul, among others. She survived a subarachnoid hemorrhage in Nov. 2019 and is currently on a “watch and wait” approach for a second, unruptured aneurysm.
Leslie A. Miller
Leslie A. Miller experienced a brain aneurysm rupture in June 2021, which was followed by a craniotomy and clipping. For Leslie's story, see https://www.thebeefoundation.org/leslie-a-millers-story
Brandi Thomas
On January 28, 2022 Brandi Thomas experienced a traumatic brain injury. A former UPS manager who taught drivers their delivery skills and responsibilities, Brandi has embarked on a journey relearning how to walk, talk, read, and write. After her injury, art became her sole outlet, providing healing and a means of selfexpression.
Our Mission
The Bee Foundation for Brain Aneurysm
Prevention is dedicated to saving lives and providing hope by funding preventative research, raising awareness, advocating for better policy, and supporting aneurysm families and survivors
TBF AMBASSSDORS
The TBF Ambassadors are a community of individuals impacted by brain aneurysms and dedicated making meaningful connections to provide support and raise awareness.
TBF ZINE
The TBF Zine (short, self-published magazine) titled The Apiary; will feature visual art and writing, published quarterly. The work in this Zine need not be about aneurysms. Each issue will have a theme, and community members can submit work about or in response to that theme.
TBF Bee of Hope
Every day, bees achieve the seemingly impossible. Working tirelessly as a tightly knit community, they fertilize and renew in relentless pursuit of their mission.
Like the bee, we are committed to achieving what many have called impossible.
Together we build on shared expertise and the experiences of our integrated family to deliver lifesaving hope, healing
