The Apiary: A TBF Zine Issue 2

APIARY ISSUE 2: GROWTH/CHANGE

IN THIS ISSUE PAGE 1-2

Deficits and Acquisitions, Claudia Mallea, Editor

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Autumn in Boone, North Carolina 2023, Katie Morelli

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Him/Magician to the World, Diana L. Creaturo

PAGE 5-6

Latte in my Batte, Audrey Wick

PAGE 7-8

Brandi, Leslie A. Miller + Brandi Thomas

PAGE 9-10 Contributor’s Bios PAGE 11-12 The Bee Foundation & Bee of Hope

CREDITS Editor: Claudia Mallea Cover Image: Binks Design: Claudia Mallea and TBF

PAGE 01

DEFECITS AND ACQUISITIONS Claudia Mallea, Editor At a gala last October for The Bee Foundation, the brain aneurysm organization with which I have been closely involved for a few years, I was shocked to hear the word “deficit” uttered by many speakers, fellow aneurysm survivors, their family members, doctors, and advocates, to refer to the physical or cognitive functional changes experienced long term after aneurysm rupture. Often qualified with the phrase “life altering.” As I celebrated and socialized with my fellow survivors, almost none of whom have the obvious physical disabilities I have as a result of my rupture, I was forced to ponder, ‘do all these people think that I am deficient?

Sure, I need a big plastic ankle brace and a cane to walk, and my left arm is functionally useless. But those are changes, not losses. I can still walk three miles and cook beautiful meals for my friends. A month after this gala, I even started working again. Instead of saying I live with deficits, life altering or not, I prefer to say I acquired a disability.

In the first year after my aneurysm rupture, I jumped right into the disability world. I started attending meetings of the disability caucus of my organizing home, Jews for Racial and Economic Justice. and by the end of the year I was a co-chair of that caucus. I made disabled friends and joined a disabled athletic team.

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DEFECITS AND ACQUISITIONS Claudia Mallea, Editor Acquiring a disability has given me community, cause, and subject. I write about disability all the time. Most of my published writing in some way relates to disability. mostly its social components.

Right now, two and a half years into my disability, I have a pretty positive relationship with disability and mine in particular. On Saturday evening, the 34th anniversary of the signing of the Americans with Disabilities Act, I went to a disability Pride party hosted by a disabled friend of mine. I met cool, kind, interesting people with a variety of disabilities and talked about such subjects as paratransit, rehab approaches, and the movies and books we like. I also danced and bedazzled my inhaler. So I don’t feel deficient. I mean, look at all these cool people I know because I got a disability! I have gained a lot with my disability. deficiency posits a loss from some imagined baseline. I don’t see how I have dipped below where I was at 23. my life is different but it isn’t less.

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AUTUMN IN BOONE, NORTH CAROLINA 2023

Katie Morelli

Autumn in Boone, North Carolina 2023.

A time of transformation, which is showcased by nature with a burst of colors. We can be beautiful during our time of transformation, too.

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MAGICIAN TO THE WORLD Diana L. Creaturo As the season slowly slips into Fall I feel myself change.

It is a special time of year for me, Halloween being a special day, a new day, a new moment, a new year.

I love the feeling in the air, the darkness of the sky and the stillness that never feels the same any other day of the year.

It is only after the trick or treaters, and costume clad mortals empty the streets, that this stillness can be felt.

It is such a beautiful kind of quiet.

It is not only a change of season, it is a time of Rebirth, Growth set new intentions, begin the cycle again, from Magician to The World I am always ready to begin again.

As the season slowly slips into Fall I feel myself change.

It is a special time of year for me, Halloween being a special day, a new day, a new moment, a new year.

I love the feeling in the air, the darkness of the sky and the stillness that never feels the same any other day of the year.

It is only after the trick or treaters, and costume clad mortals empty the streets, that this stillness can be felt.

It is such a beautiful kind of quiet.

It is not only a change of season, it is a time of Rebirth, Growth set new intentions, begin the cycle again, from Magician to The World I am always ready to begin again.

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LATTE IN MY BATTE Audrey Wick My mornings have always involved a warm cup of coffee. Like a hug to start my day, cradling a cup and nursing it as the sun rises is a welcome part of my routine.

That all changed in the ICU. I landed there after a ruptured brain aneurysm. Lying immobile and with a breathing tube, my mind was not thinking about coffee. Instead, it was in survival mode. Emergency surgery, stabilizers, and medical equipment all comingled in a delicate dance after the neurosurgeon and his team saved my life.

I did everything I was told to do in the hospital in order to recover.

So imagine my surprise one morning when, after two weeks into my hospitalization and graduation into the step-down unit of care, the nurse practitioner told me simply, “Today, we’re going to try coffee.” Even with my fuzzy cognition, I had to ask if I heard her correctly.

“Yes,” she insisted. “And you’re going to get it yourself.”

That was the catch.

In this new recovery unit, I was having to retrain my muscles for movement. Prescribed medicines were doing their part, but in order to meet benchmarks for discharge, I needed to move. Because in terms of recovery, movement is medicine.

My task was to maneuver—with the aid of a walker and a nurse within arm’s reach—to the staff breakroom. There, I would pour myself a cup of coffee. If I could manage that, I could drink it. As a coffee lover, I immediately accepted this task from the nurse practitioner.

Lying prone for so long with various tubes, drains, and lines doing the work that would keep me alive, my muscles now paid the price with soreness, tightness, and general atrophy. Walking was not easy. But I was determined to improve, and this task with coffee at the finish line gave me a tangible goal.

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LATTE IN MY BATTE Audrey Wick So I took a step.

And another.

And another.

In recovery, that’s the way forward: one step at a time.

It wasn’t a far distance, but by standards of someone who had experienced the equivalent of an earthquake in her brain, it felt like an obstacle course. When the brain bleeds, it short circuits everything, affecting functions all throughout the body. I needed to recover balance, stamina, and flexibility, but I was definitely grateful to be alive.

My gratitude propelled me forward, and when I arrived in the breakroom and was able to pour myself a steaming cup of coffee, I knew I was on my way. I added sweetener and milk because I wanted to experience the richness of all the flavors. And how sweet it was to taste that first sip!

The latte in my batte (body) worked! I was one step further in my recovery, and while it would still be a long road, meeting that first challenge showed me that success was possible.

Now, whenever I start my day with coffee, that warm hug in a mug reminds me to be grateful: for health, for perseverance, and for those people around us who challenge us to be better—especially those who make us get our own coffee.

I am delighted to present the following nonfiction essay entitled "Latte in My Batte." It has been written in response to the theme of issue two for growth/change, as it focuses on a surprising aspect of my recovery from a subarachnoid hemorrhage. It was a joy to first be connected with The Bee Foundation through the sharing of my story (https://www.thebeefoundation.org/reflection-on-my-one-year-aneuversary-by-audrey-wick/), and I'm honored to have this chance to be considered for The Apiary. Such a powerful initiative, and so well appreciated by the aneurysm community! Writing is important in recovery. ~ Audrey Wick

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BRANDI Leslie A. Miller Meet Brandi — or “Binks” (Brandi inks) as her artist friends call her. I had the great fortune of getting to know Brandi after we both had the misfortune of experiencing sudden changes in our lives due to brain bleeds. Me in 2021 and her in 2022.

While the cause of our brain bleeds differed, the similarities resulting from our brain injuries are hard to overlook — the need to process the intense feelings that accompany a life-changing injury and adapt to those changes.

For me, the changes resulting from my brain injury shattered my sense of stability, leaving me feeling disoriented and broken. When my life suddenly shifted in 2021, in ways I could never have anticipated, I felt like the ground beneath me had crumbled, leaving me struggling to find my footing. The plans and expectations I had for my future no longer seemed relevant. The uncertainty of what was next in life was overwhelming. I experienced intense emotional turbulence and turmoil — making me feel fragmented. The pieces of my life no longer fit together the way they once did. The sense of loss I felt was deeply unsettling, creating a profound sense of vulnerability and helplessness.

For Brandi, the changes not only affected her emotionally, but physically.

As a result of 4 different brain bleeds, Brandi had to relearn everything including how to walk, how to talk, how to read, and how to write. She lost her UPS career.

When chatting with Brandi about her experience, she shared, “…I have never felt a loneliness like that before. I have lost so many people….friends and family…because they do not understand what is happening to me. I look “normal,” so the word “faking it” gets whispered often. Sometimes I wish I still had my physical ailments because no one questioned my injury then.”

I truly admire Brandi. She’s found something I’m still looking for -- a way to process the intense feelings that accompany our life-changing injuries.

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BRANDI Leslie A. Miller Today Brandi refers to herself as Brandi 2.0. She told me that immediately following her brain injury she found a powerful tool for healing and managing her emotions. Her love of Art. During the healing process, Brandi spent much of her day drawing. Brandi found that art was the only thing she could do after her injury. She couldn't write, but could still draw. She said, “It's healing for me, as it allows me to express myself. In my art work I don't hide, I let it out.”

Brandi’s art work is powerful.

I asked Brandi if it would be okay for me to share some of her artwork.

If you’d like to talk more with Brandi about her artwork or commission a piece, give her a call @ 630-550-2041.

Brandi’s sketch is how she describes her brain injury. The curtain being pulled open represents the silent disability that no one can see. The broken glasses represent her fractured skull, with the dripping blood representing her brain bleeds.

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CONTRIBUTOR BIOS CLAUDIA MALLEA (she/her) | Editor

A writer/archivist/librarian from Brooklyn, NY. She is a survivor of AVM and brain aneurysm rupture. Her work has been featured in a NYC theater production, Raw Lit Issue 3 and Bullshit Lit Online Features. She writes a monthly Digest of Cool Articles, Cool Article Club. She is a member of the NY Caring Majority, a coalition of care workers, seniors and people with disabilities advocating for fair pay for care workers, Co-chair of the JFREJ Disability Justice Caucus, and an ambassador to The Bee Foundation.

DIANA L. CREATURO

Diana holds an MFA in Creative Writing. She is a brain aneurysm survivor and adenomyosis warrior. A lover of books, poetry, letters, music, animals, astrology, tarot and all things vegan. She lives in Westchester County NY and can be found writing at home while listening to music. Her work has appeared in Mookychick (October 2020) and she is a blog writer for The Bee Foundation.

KATIE MORELLI

A wife, dog mom and survivor of AVM.

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CONTRIBUTOR BIOS Audrey Wick

Audrey Wick lives in Texas where she teaches writing and literature classes at Blinn College. Audrey also writes creatively, both fiction and nonfiction, and has contributed to Writer’s Digest, Woman’s World, and Chicken Soup for the Soul, among others. She survived a subarachnoid hemorrhage in Nov. 2019 and is currently on a “watch and wait” approach for a second, unruptured aneurysm.

Leslie A. Miller

Leslie A. Miller experienced a brain aneurysm rupture in June 2021, which was followed by a craniotomy and clipping. For Leslie's story, see https://www.thebeefoundation.org/leslie-a-millers-story

Brandi Thomas

On January 28, 2022 Brandi Thomas experienced a traumatic brain injury. A former UPS manager who taught drivers their delivery skills and responsibilities, Brandi has embarked on a journey relearning how to walk, talk, read, and write. After her injury, art became her sole outlet, providing healing and a means of selfexpression.

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Our Mission The Bee Foundation for Brain Aneurysm Prevention is dedicated to saving lives and providing hope by funding preventative research, raising awareness, advocating for better policy, and supporting aneurysm families and survivors TBF AMBASSSDORS The TBF Ambassadors are a community of individuals impacted by brain aneurysms and dedicated making meaningful connections to provide support and raise awareness.

TBF ZINE

The TBF Zine (short, self-published magazine) titled The Apiary; will feature visual art and writing, published quarterly. The work in this Zine need not be about aneurysms. Each issue will have a theme, and community members can submit work about or in response to that theme.

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TBF Bee of Hope Every day, bees achieve the seemingly impossible. Working tirelessly as a tightly knit community, they fertilize and renew in relentless pursuit of their mission.

Like the bee, we are committed to achieving what many have called impossible.

Together we build on shared expertise and the experiences of our integrated family to deliver lifesaving hope, healing and a better tomorrow.

Saving Lives, Providing Hope

info@thebeefoundation.org 844.823.2873 303 West Lancaster, #334 Wayne, PA 19087

To learn more about contributing to the TBF Zine, contact us.