The Andalucian - September 2013 by The Andalucían

Editor’s Slice Hello

September always seems such a busy month for our family, as I’m sure it is for a few out there too. What with getting back into the swing of things after our annual summer leave in August, and getting Alice back in a routine of earlier mornings for the return to school after such a long break, September can often seem like a breath of fresh air in our house as we all settle back into ‘normal’ life. The magazine is no different — with the launch of our autumn advertising prices, the interviews and articles on new beginnings for some and new ventures for others, there seems to be a rush of exhilaration all round. This month we’re proud to feature two of our favourite writers – we have an in-depth interview with newly-published author Ella Durham, who speaks to us about her new novel Ebony Blood, and our own John Sharrock Taylor who celebrates the launch of his new book – No Baboons in India. We have the UKES company talking about their new venture here in Andalucía – helping to bridge the gastronomic gap - plus the exciting new news that the Kontiki restaurant has re-opened in the famous El Chorro lakes. If you have a new venture, or just want to let our readers know what’s happening with your business, contact us at info@theandalucian.com. Our dedicated team can help place your business firmly on the Andalucían map.

Mike

The Andalucían X5092417D Calle Juanita Romero s/n Campillos 29320, Malaga

Next deadline: 4 October

Join us on Facebook www.facebook.com/theandalucian

Owner: Claire Marriott Editor: Mike Marriott

See our Classified Deals on page 31

Special thanks to our writers and contributors Alice Marriott Stuart Langley Amigas de Casa Tricia Johnson Ella Durham UK-ES John Sharrock Taylor

Talking Point

The sticking point

of a gecko

We’ve all seen the cute little gecko scurrying along the walls and ceilings, darting and stopping if the light gets switched on and off, but have you ever wondered how they are able to glue themselves to the surface? Every time I see a gecko now I have a little smile as I remember the fabulous children’s book by the late, great Roald Dahl — The Twits, where the children stick a couple’s furniture on the ceiling to play a prank on them. I sat for ages watching the geckos darting around rooms in our house – they truly are amazing little creatures. It has long been said that a gecko’s skin is so sticky that it can support its entire bodyweight clinging upside down to a ceiling by only one toe – but how is it possible? It could be very useful ─ let alone great fun ─ to have toes as sticky as a gecko’s, but if they were too sticky, it could get really annoying. Imagine if your toes kept getting stuck to things, like when you get sellotape tuck to your thumb. That problem isn’t one faced by geckos, because the way their skin sticks to surfaces is not due to some gluey substance but the so-called ‘setae’ on their toes. Setae are little bristly bits, of which there can be millions on a single gecko’s feet. So they’re pretty tiny, but each seta itself ends in 1000 even more miniature ‘spatulae’, which are too small to be seen with the naked eye. There used to be quite some disagreement among scientists about the exact way in which the lizards cling upside down to walls and ceilings. In addition to chemical bonding and electrostatic attraction, one earlier theory was a suction-cup mechanism, but it turns out that a gecko’s stickiness still works in a vacuum.

The world’s leading authority on ‘gecko adhesion’ (who makes these jobs up?) is a certain Dr Kellar Autumn from Oregon. It was a decade ago that Dr Autumn and his colleagues reported that they had finally discovered the explanation: the use of intermolecular forces known as Van der Waals forces. The ability to adhere is related more to the way the setae move together and towards the surface, than to the size or shape of the individual setae themselves – which explains why geckos are able to quickly run away or change position without getting stuck. They can stick and unstick themselves 15 times a second when scuttling up a wall — beat that, Spiderman! Not only that, but the setae have an inbuilt self-cleaning mechanism. In earlier research, Dr Autumn’s team determined that the setae were even sticker than previously thought, by a factor of about ten times. A single seta can support a force of 200 micronewtons, which for us non-scientists means it can lift 20 milligrams. Therefore, each one of these tiny seta could support the weight of an ant! At the time the research was published, not only did Autumn specifically confirm to the world’s media that a gecko can support its entire body weight with only a ‘single finger’, but he also came out with the solid pub fact that a million setae, which could easily fit onto the area of a euro coin, could lift a 45-pound child. In 2006, Stanford University unveiled a robotic gecko with synthetic setae and duly gave it the unfortunate title – Stickybot. Apparently the Pentagon was very interested in further developing this invention. So if you see a guy in a spider suit scaling a building, it will most definitely be the setae on his fingertips. I wonder if they’ll develop the self-cleansing mechanism for fingernails too!

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Spotlight

Not a desperate

housewife in sight

The Amigas de Casa is an innovative social group for English-speaking women now living in — or maybe just visiting — this delightful area of Andalucía. We are now in our fourth successful year and hold our regular meetings on the second Thursday in every month from 11am to 1pm at the Venta Talillas, Avenida Antonico Rosa, Villanueva Del Trabuco. Our invited speakers are amazed to see so many members — an average of 47 at each meeting. To date, we have 85 fully paid-up members from all walks of life and not only from Trabuco. They also come from Rosario, Salinas, Mollina, Loja, Antequera, Archidona, Iznajar and other surrounding areas. We continue to make new friends and enjoy our numerous activities, so why not come along with a friend ─ or come alone ─ for our special guest fee of just 3€ and make new friends and join in the fun! It’s no secret that many women enjoy the noncompetitive company of other women. With this in mind, we are a casual, non-profit making group. We are self governing — a democracy not a dictatorship ─ and any profits we do make go to worthy charities in our area.

have members who do not live here on a permanent basis but choose to tailor their visits to coincide with our meetings and trips. We have our own Facebook page for daily general chat and a monthly information page on the Trabuco Times website. Take a look at www.facebook. com/amigasdecasa or www.trabucotimes.com/ amigasdecasa.htm for full details and telephone contact numbers. Finally, we are at this moment looking for a local linedancing teacher — is there anyone out there who could fill these boots? If you are up for the challenge, please contact us through our Facebook page or info@theandalucian.com

Originally, the group was an idea formed by our president Jean Preston to be a ‘book group’ for keen readers. It has ─ just like Topsy ─ grown out of all expectations and become the Amigas de Casa it is today. The group is always adapting and never gets stale. There is a variety of interests and hobbies throughout the membership and with the additional bonus of informative guest speakers at our monthly gatherings, there’s always something to appeal to all tastes. We are, as the name suggests, a ladies-only group but we are aware that an all-female social gathering is not for everyone, so we do invite husbands and partners to join us on our regular day trips. Invitations are also extended to certain talks which may be of interest to them too, such as our popular recent ones on local history and photography. Before each annual AGM ─ which are a legal requirement but last as short a time as possible ─ members are always asked for suggestions when a vote for the committee is taken. This, of course, is always followed by refreshment and cake. We even

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Health & Beauty

See the sun for what it is Both ultraviolet (UV) rays and blue light rays can cause damage to your eyes. While the harmful effects of these rays are three times greater in the summer than in the winter, you still run a high risk of sustaining serious eye damage if you do not wear eye protection in the cooler months ahead. Here in Andalucía, as the autumnal overcast and cloudy days approach, remember the sunlight can be just as dangerous to your eyes. In July, we discussed the need to protect your skin from harmful damage caused by the sun’s UV rays; with this issue we are explaining just how dangerous the sun can be to your eyes. Unlike other parts of your body, your eye’s lens does not repair itself when damaged. Cells and proteins that get damaged will never be replaced and over time, the damage to your lens may lead to serious eye diseases or possibly loss of vision. While all people are at risk of eye damage from prolonged exposure to the sun, several groups face an increased risk. In particular, children under the age of 10 may sustain serious retinal damage as their eyes are not able to block as much UV radiation as adult eyes. As a result, it is extremely important that young children wear eye protection at all times when outside in the sun. Other groups of people at an above-average risk of eye damage from the sun include: • People with retinal disorders • Cataract surgery patients • People taking medications that increase eye sensitivity to sunlight • People with lighter-pigmented eyes The main conditions relating to how long-term exposure to sunlight without eye protection can lead to are: • Cataracts • Age-related macular degeneration (AMD) • Pterygium (surfer’s disease) • Skin cancer near the eyes • Photokeratitis

Cataracts

There is no pain or redness and at first the vision loss is too slight to notice. At some point, blurriness becomes a problem, as does glare in low-light conditions. This can interfere with night driving. There may be reduced colour vision, changes in your glasses prescription and increasing fogginess of vision in all lighting conditions. When the vision loss becomes too great a problem in daily activities, your optician or doctor will recommend cataract surgery - often called lens replacement surgery.

Age-Related Macular Degeneration

Generally, AMD will result in a gradual and painless loss of vision. The symptoms include: • Shadowy areas in your central vision • Unusually fuzzy or distorted vision • A need for very bright light for reading or other close vision activities • Difficulty adapting to low light levels • Blurring of printed words • Decrease in the intensity or brightness of colours • Difficulty recognising faces There is currently no known treatment that will reverse the effects of age-related macular degeneration. However, there are certain treatments that can slow its progression. It is important to go to your ophthalmologist for regular macular degeneration screenings after age 45.

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Health & Beauty Pterygium

Owing to many sufferers leading an outdoor life in a sandy or dusty environment with the additional hazard of harmful rays, pterygium is often referred to as Surfer’s Disease. A pterygium is a noncancerous growth that starts in the clear, thin tissue (conjunctiva) of the eye. This growth covers the white part of the eye (sclera) and extends onto the cornea. It is often slightly raised and contains visible blood vessels. The problem may occur on one or both eyes. Pterygium is rare in children. The main symptom of a pterygium is a painless area of raised white tissue on the inner or outer edge of the cornea. Sometimes the pterygium has no symptoms. However, it may become inflamed and cause burning, irritation, or a feeling like there’s something foreign in the eye. Vision may be affected if the growth extends far enough onto the cornea. A physical examination of the eyes and eyelids confirms the diagnosis. Special are usually not needed, and neither is treatment. Using artificial tears to keep the eyes moist may help prevent a pterygium from becoming inflamed. Mild steroid eye drops can be used to calm inflammation if it occurs. Surgery can be used to remove the growth for cosmetic reasons or if it blocks vision.

As we covered in July, when detecting symptoms of skin cancer you might only notice a sore that won’t heal. This is relevant for cancer surrounding your eye, too. Your eyelid shape might change or your eyelashes might be missing. The good news is that periocular skin cancer cells don’t usually spread (metastasize). However, if left untreated, they will grow and invade other nearby parts of your body. It is rare for periocular skin cancer to recur. However, you should be checked regularly to make sure it doesn’t and treat it if it does. If you notice any of the abovementioned symptoms, please contact your doctor.

Photokeratitis

These symptoms may not fully appear until 6 - 12 hours after you have been exposed to UVB rays: • Tearing • Loss of vision • Pain • Redness of eyes • Swollen eyelids • Headaches • Gritty eyes • Halos • Hazy vision and temporary loss of vision

Ongoing inflammation can cause a pterygium to grow further onto the cornea. A pterygium can return after it is removed.

Eyelid and peri-ocular skin cancer

Skin cancers can affect the eyelids or the adjacent facial area (peri-ocular region). Eyelid skin cancers are most often on the lower eyelid, but may be found anywhere on the eyelid margins, corner of eye, eyebrow skin or around the eye area of the face. Usually they appear as painless elevations or nodules, often with a pearly appearance, with either loss or distortion of the eyelashes or fine hairs of the skin. You may notice an ulceration in the area, with bleeding, crusting, redness and/or distortion of the normal skin appearance. These findings need to be evaluated and will require a biopsy to confirm the diagnosis as skin cancer.

Photokeratitis can be very painful and the best way to treat eyes is to place ophthalmic antibiotic drops into them and to keep them closed, preferably with eye patches. Recovery is usually within 48 hours, this is because the surface of the cornea regenerates itself every 24 to 48 hours. Eye damage from the sun is cumulative over the course of your life. The more you are exposed to sunlight, the more likely you are to suffer permanent damage to your eyes. As with most health conditions, prevention is paramount. It is important to always wear eye protection whenever you are outside during the day. Studies have shown that UV rays are strongest between 10 am and 4 pm, so it is especially important to protect your eyes during these hours. Continued on page 8

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Health & Beauty The best way to protect your eyes is to wear sunglasses. However, not all sunglasses will provide you with equal protection. For maximum protection, you should look for sunglasses that: • Block 99-100% of UVA and UVB rays • Block blue light rays • Contain large lenses that fit close to your eyes • The CE Mark and British Standard (BS EN 1836:2005) or equivalent • UV 400 label

Think about the sides of your eyes, and consider sunglasses with wide or wraparound arms. Wearing a wide-brimmed hat can reduce the amount of UV rays that reach your face and eyes. The Royal College of Ophthalmologists warns that sun can burn the eyes, too. Over-exposure to ultraviolet light, such as a day at the beach without proper eye protection, can cause a temporary but painful burn to the surface of the eye - similar to sunburn on the skin. Reflected sunlight from snow and water, and artificial light from sunbeds, is particularly dangerous. Always avoid looking directly at the sun. Staring directly at the sun can permanently scar the retina, the area at the back of the eye responsible for vision. If you have questions about your vision or concerns about your eye health in general, make an appointment with a local optician or your GP immediately.

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Spotlight

No baboons in India by John Sharrock Taylor It was Harry’s idea. Harry is the diamond geezer of international head-hunters, a profession whose collective integrity makes corkscrews look straight and estate agents seem like models of integrity. Unlike most members of the 40 thieves, Harry carefully vets the employers on his books and doesn’t hesitate to blacklist any who don’t come up to his exacting standards. I’ve known him fly half way round the world to rescue a teacher who was being bullied and on one famous occasion, he even lent his trousers to a dishevelled interview candidate. Greater love hath no man than that. So when Harry asked ‘How would you like to go to India and build a new school?’ I was immediately interested. During much of my previous career as a headmaster, I had specialised in turning round failing schools and here at last was an opportunity to start with a clean slate. ‘Ah!’ I hear you thinking. ‘This is going to be a story of do-gooders ministering selflessly to the third-world poor.’ Wrong. India has a booming economy and its burgeoning middle class has more disposable loot than ever before. There are long waiting lists for established private schools and all over the country, entrepreneurs who have made billions in textiles and telephones, motors and marble, are busily building fantastically-luxurious boarding schools which make Eton and the Dorchester look like Chav High and Mrs Blenkinsop’s Blackpool B&B. Through wealth and poverty, class and caste, tigers and technology, materialism, mysticism and murder, No Baboons in India ranges from farce to tragedy and back again. John and Val and Lakshmi Bhai, their almost-daughter, together with Baldrick, the African Snake Hound and Basil, his princely brother, are the pivotal characters, but India and a billion Indians are the heroes and villains of the piece. The paperback No Baboons in India is already on sale at Amazon and the Kindle version will be available shortly. The following may help to give you a flavour:

Val and Lakshmi Bhai 10

In the Beginning was the Nerd Papaji’s creative genius was never more surely demonstrated than in the external appearance of Erkon World School. Other edupreneurs might make the mistake of inviting prospective parents to a muddy, cluttered building site. But a full year before the first child entered its ornate wrought-iron gates, Papaji had completed the landscaping of his campus, with sweeping vistas of emerald lawns, shady groves of newly-transplanted mature trees, broad intricately cobbled walkways, a nine-hole golf course and a lake on which wildfowl sailed serenely. To passers-by on the main road, the EWS buildings looked as if they had been there for years. Runof-the-mill school promoters might be happy with vulgar, tasteless wedding-cake architecture but not Papaji and his sons. Restrained, traditional ─ but never conventional ─ the design of their school hinted at solid quality within. In fact, like every other new educational institution, the infrastructure of the school was being developed in stages. When we accepted our first intake of students, only one boarding house and the lower floor of the central building were fully commissioned. The massivelyimpressive library and the sports centre were empty shells with a tide of closely-mown greensward washing up to their ornate bronze doors. Almost nothing was internally complete ─ except, that is, for the sumptuous Italian marble-paved reception area and Papaji’s particular hobby, the Nerve Centre. As our prospectus put it: ‘Technically the most sophisticated school in the world, ERKON WORLD SCHOOL has embraced technology like few other educational institutions and its wealth of gadgetry is monitored around the clock via the Intelligent Building Management System from a Nerve Centre resembling the bridge of the Starship Enterprise.’

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Spotlight The Star Trek comparison was no exaggeration. Carpeted in deep red, the Nerve Centre was a reverentially-hushed temple at the centre of EWS, where a team of intense, hawk-like, bespectacled young men sat at a long, curved control panel bristling with switches and coruscating with coloured lights. In front of them, a line of monitors supplied current information about all aspects of the school’s technical systems, while above their heads, another row of plasma screens relayed closed-circuit TV images of every area of the campus. Any variation in temperature, air quality or the chemical analysis of the mineral water supplied to the corridor dispensers would immediately be detected and rectified. Any student experiencing the slightest glitch with her laptop or his Blackberry phone would only have to call the Nerve Centre’s emergency number and an intense, hawk-like young man would speed silently to the rescue. Ms Dinraver, planning a PowerPoint presentation in the lecture theatre, would merely give a day’s notice and a similar young hawk would not only supply the necessary graphics from the Nerve Centre’s extensive databanks but also ensure that our elegantly-supercilious Art teacher’s presentation went off hitch-free, without her immaculately-manicured hands ever having to touch a single button. This, at least, was the theory. Like the planet Klingon, the reality was several dimensions away.

There was a sharp intake of breath and Ruth’s eyes opened wide in disbelief as she picked up the telephone. ‘Nerd Centre? This is the Director’s personal assistant. Kindly inform the chief nerd that he is required immediately in the Director’s office. At lunch? Then he has two minutes to bolt his chapatti and present himself. I am counting.’ Continued on page 12

As Director of Erkon World School I might occasionally show how choleric I was and make my bondmen tremble. But this privileged little corps of techie trekkies was an entirely different matter. The well-paid Adams of Erkon World School, they had all been installed in Papaji’s technological Eden at least two years before the first teacher had set foot within its portals, and they considered themselves answerable only to the deity himself on his personal cloud of being in a far-off Delhi suburb. As far as the least of them was concerned, all the students’ laptops could crash with impunity and even Ms Dinraver could stamp her elegantly-shod foot until she went into a full Bollywood routine before they would even deign to take notice. I confess that I was at a loss. If I made an early call to the emergency number, a remote and reproving voice would inform me that it was merely there to record calls, as all its colleagues were at breakfast. If I telephoned half an hour later, they had been summoned urgently to morning coffee. Or lunch. Finally, I mentioned my frustration to Ruth, my PA. She had worked for the Erkon Organisation for years and was not the least bit impressed by Papaji himself, to whom, with his love of gadgets, she often referred as ‘the boy with his toys’.

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Spotlight In fact, that exalted personage, the Director of Technical Services ─ a tall imposing Sikh ─ arrived at my office in well under 60 seconds, although a full two minutes had elapsed before his heart-rate steadied and his breathing returned to something like normal under the more-in-sorrow-than-in-anger gaze of my PA. It was not that he expected Miss Ruth to shave off his whiskers and unravel his pugree. She didn’t need to resort to anything so crude. ‘Respected sir, what is your problem?’ ‘Sex,’ I replied tersely. ‘Sex?’ The chief nerd was visibly alarmed. ‘Sex. I was attempting to look up a person called Napoleon Bonaparte on a historical web page. The search engine required me to fill in a box specifying the sex of the target subject. I immediately received an on-screen message from your bloody net nanny programme threatening to report me to my boss for attempting to access a pornographic site.’ ‘Respected sir, it will be rectified immediately.’ The chief nerd was true to his word. Within five minutes, my telephone rang and a cheerful voice greeted me from the Nerve Centre: ‘Respected sir, I have made the required adjustment to the net nanny programme. You can now access your pornographic site.’

About the author John Sharrock Taylor's life began in Lancashire, England, in 1946 and what with one thing and another, it still goes on to the present day. After a career as a headmaster in England, Latin America, Africa and Asia, he now lives with his wife Val and their dogs Boris (big and soppy) and Biggles (small and hyperactive) in an ancient cortijo in the hills of Andalucía, where the wine is abundant and the neighbours hospitable. A former cathedral soloist, he is currently preparing his choral group to sing a 15th century requiem for King Richard III (see below). He owns a cannon, likes olives, boats, history and beer and dislikes potatoes, flamenco and unfermented fruit. 'No Baboons in India' is John Sharrock Taylor's second book. 'A Wigan Childhood' was published in 2010 and two further titles are in preparation.

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Things to Do

The Ricardian requiem

A Medieval Requiem for the White Queen’s Brotherin-Law Following the recent discovery of his skeleton under a car park, England’s most controversial king, Richard III, is again in the news more than 500 years after his death at the battle of Bosworth Field in 1485, as the cathedrals of Leicester and York (Richard’s own choice) argue over which is to be his final resting place. At 7.30 pm on October 11 in the Ermita de Nuestra Señora del Socorro, La Parrilla (Villanueva de Algaidas) the choral group La Vid y La Vida, together with medieval musicians from the Gloucester Waites, will be presenting a commemoration for Richard with settings by 15th century composers John Dunstable and Johannes Ockeghem. Feel free to come along and join in with this unique occasion.

Directions From the motorway exit at Salinas take the A333 north. At Bar Los Caminos (10 minutes from the motorway) take the left turn signposted Villanueva de Algaidas. After another 10 minutes, turn left at the Hojiblanca olive mill and pass Bar La Parrilla. At the very end of the village street, take the downward right fork past the village spring and you are at the Ermita, which is not visible until you are upon it.

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Spotlight

Are you missing

a taste of home ?

Life in Spain is great, but do you miss a taste of home? There must be things from the UK that you miss — like a great cup of tea, the good old full English breakfast or how about McVities ginger biscuits? Or maybe you crave finishing a meal with a ‘taste-ofhome’ fruit trifle? We all have our favourites.

The truth is that most British nationals living in Spain love the life here. Of course, the paper shuffling can sometimes wind you up but that is soon balanced out when you appreciate other benefits such as the wonderful health service on offer. Sometimes, it is true, you find an official who is less than helpful but again this is often eased by the fact that the huge majority of Spanish people are among the nicest, most friendly people on the planet. Missing loved ones back in the UK is an emotion we all face and the ridiculous way that airlines and ferry companies jack up the prices, especially during the school holidays, doesn’t make seeing family and friends any easier. Still, at least now those of us with access to the internet can stay in touch through the wonders of Skype and similar products. The other loss is easy access to the British food we love ─ that ‘taste of home’ we don’t like going without. It’s true, there are a few British shops around but they are not always easy to reach and if you have to make a pilgrimage to somewhere like Fuengirola to buy the things you love, then after adding in the cost of fuel ─ not to mention the time it takes ─ it can make for an expensive and tiring trip.

If you are living inland, the good news is that these problems will soon be a thing of the past as a UK company ─ UK-ES ─ is making your favourite British goods available via Spanish village shops, making it easy for them to stock a selected range of our favourite essentials at prices which will typically be less than that famous ‘Arctic’ store! Starting last month, shops in Ventorros de San Jose, Villanueva de Trabuco and Rio Frio were amongst the first to join the UK-ES suppliers’ scheme — many more are to follow. To find out which shops are joining the scheme, keep your eye on The Andalucían magazine as we’ll be listing new outlets as they get involved. You can also send an email to letmeknow@uk-es. com and you’ll be informed as soon as new shops sign up. For up to date information, visit www.uk-es. com/shops See advert on page 5 for more contact details.

Fancy winning a

Kindle reader? Let the staff at UK-ES know the British grocery items you miss the most. Just go to the website and complete a quick survey and you could be in with the chance to win a new Kindle reader – it is that simple! To enter, go to www.uk-es.com/ survey or alternatively write them on the ‘request pad’ found in any of the current outlets – check the website for a list of participating shops.

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Just for Fun

September’s twenty teasers -

mixed bag of mind-blowing questions

1. A firkin is equal to how many gallons? 2. What is former Liberal Democrat leader Paddy Ashdown’s real first name? 3. Romansch is an official language of which country? 4. Which wood is used to make cricket bats? 5. Which country is made up of two main islands, North Island and South Island? 6. What was the Yorkish symbol in the War of the Roses? 7. Which river flows through Vienna? 8. How far is Dover from Calais? 9. How many seconds are there in an hour? 10. Who was the first person to reach the South Pole? 11. Where were both the 1932 and the 1984 summer Olympics held? 12. Who was the first woman to win a Nobel Prize? 13. Which English navigator discovered the Falkland Islands in 1592?

14. Which group wrote and performed the soundtrack songs for the 1986 movie ‘Highlander’? 15. Who said: “I’ve been on a calendar, but never on time?” 16. Which Indian term mean cooked in a clay oven? 17. Tauromachy is the art or act of what? 18. Who was the goddess of victory? 19. Who built the first successful petrol-driven car? 20. Not released as a single in the UK, which Beatles song topped the US charts in June 1970?

Answers can be found on page 24.

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Around Andalucía

It’s just not me!

Have you ever watched a play, film or TV show and thought “I’d like to act but it’s just not me?” Well it might be that you have hidden talents yet to be discovered. The TAPAS drama group has gained a reputation for producing excellent shows and plays and is always on the look-out for new members. We have two excellent directors in Lee Lingwood and Jane Busby, and a brilliant back-stage crew who manage to transform the stage at Los Arcos into anything from a 1940s pub to a modern-day living room. If you’ve ever thought about getting involved in amateur dramatics, whether it be as a performer or a member of the backstage crew, why not send an email to info@tapassociety.com and find out more. The basic requirements are a sense of humour and fun, and a willingness to learn. In return, they’ll offer you a group of friendly, like-minded people who also once thought “it’s just not me!”

We’ll meet again To most people, the 1940s conjure up an image of hardship, uncertainty and danger. The world was in the grip of the Second World War for the first half of the decade and austerity for the second half. Despite the uncertainty, the British spirit was in many ways defined by the events of the 40s. The British stiff upper lip, the steely resolve not to be beaten and the atmosphere of pulling together for the common good were all to the fore. Despite their hardship, the British found ways to look to the future and try to forget all that was going on around them. One of the positives to come from those dark days was music. Such iconic figures as Vera Lynn, the Andrews Sisters and Glen Miller made their names during the 40s. TAPAS is celebrating the 1940s with a musical show, “We’ll Meet Again,” at Los Arcos, (A7059 Coin/ Cartama road km 6) on October 18,19 and 20. The show, directed by Jane Busby, features the music of the decade and promises to be another memorable event. For more information contact the box office on 635 293 714, email info@tapassociety.com or visit the TAPAS website at www.tapassociety.com

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Men’s Matters

Boxers, briefs, or bare it all?

There's more to making good choices than you might think. You wouldn't believe there'd be a lot to learn about underwear — other than wear it, change it, wash it, repeat — not turn it inside out! However, there's actually more than most men imagine. And whether guys choose boxers, briefs or love to go commando, chances are that underwear rarely gets a second thought.

For starters, most women will second the commandment that underwear ‘dos’ include throwing out the old. We have to remember that our old comfy pants are old ─ not sentimental. To be fair, we all have a pair that are disgraceful and near on disgusting. Throw them out. Once a month, throw out any underwear that is unpresentable. Grey, ripped, unsightly. Get rid of it. Uncertain? Chuck ‘em.

As a result, many men lack underwear etiquette. Most importantly, underwear needs to be changed frequently and always remain clean. And, according to the Missus, it should be discarded when threadbare or stained. If you work out or sweat excessively, it may be a good idea to change at midday to remain fresh. Here are more dos and don’ts:

This purge should be accompanied by buying new underwear regularly. April Masini, a relationship councillor, says, “In fact, every time you get a haircut, buy some new underwear. Link buying new underwear to something you already do on a schedule, so you get into the habit.”

Simple Rules for What You Wear Under There With that sentiment in mind, there are a number of simple rules you can follow when it comes to your health and underwear.

Don’t get locked into just one type of underwear. She carries on to report, “My advice is to switch it up — and unless you’re religiously committed to boxers or briefs, have fun with your underwear and have some of both. If you have fun with your underwear, she

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Men’s Matters will, too — and everybody wins! Colours, fabrics, cuts, styles — have at least one pair of each. One of the best things you can do for your relationship is to keep things fresh in the bedroom, and while your underwear isn’t a cure-all for bad bedroom skills, it sure can’t hurt.” Boxers or Briefs — the Pros and Cons Variety might be the spice of life (and underwear), but it also brings to mind the age-old male health debate: boxers or briefs? It’s really a matter of your own personal tastes more than anything else. Generally, boxers will give you more breathing room and briefs will give you support, but it is a matter of preference. Remember, tighter briefs will lower fertility. Material Matters The next issue to consider is what material to choose. April says that men, just like women, should choose cotton or synthetic blends for everyday wear and save the more luxurious silks and other fun fabrics for special occasions. For the gym or other sports, the newest synthetic blends are the way to go to prevent chafing. You

definitely need to wear underwear which provides the proper level of support and utilises a moisturewicking fabric. Never wear boxers, cotton or go commando when working out. Think it through! The good news is there are so many athletic underwear choices at a range of prices to suit all. Also, never wear workout underwear more than once without washing them. As if we would! The Pros and Cons of Going Commando Another underwear option is to wear no underwear at all. This can be fun and feel great in the right circumstances, but experts advise proceeding with caution. “Going commando can be very sexy, but like everything else, there's a time and a place,” April says. “Commando is great if you’re going for a sexy evening with a predictable outcome. However, dancing the night away first is going to have a sweaty outcome, which is not ideal. Also, linen trousers or shorts are going to reveal a little too much of your commando profile. If you go commando, wear something that makes your underwear status your little secret revealed by choice, not visual impact.” Obviously, not a good look!

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Talking Point

There’s always been a story

behind our Ella

Ella Durham, our resident short story writer for many years, has had her first book published – Ebony Blood. This is an intriguing secret-filled murdermystery novel set in the Scottish Borders. We are delighted that Ella has found time to chat with us. Hi Ella, congratulations from all of us at The Andalucían on the publication of Ebony Blood ─ we are so proud of what you have accomplished! Living in Andalucía, we have the sunshine and laid-back lifestyle, so what made you write a book about the cold climates on the Scottish Borders? ‘I spent a memorable holiday there with my husband when we were first courting. It was a magical place with lots of traditional buildings and old castles which cast long shadows in the autumn evening sunshine. It gave the whole place a very mysterious feel. The countryside was so beautiful, yet it suggested something more to me ─ something which I have never forgotten.’

Is anything in your book based on real life experiences or is it purely imagination? ‘The main characters are loosely based on some people I have known but it is not really them or their true characteristics. I just observed that sometimes they didn’t get on like people of their age and background should, and I found it interesting to try and work out why ─ and what it would take to get them to change.’

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Talking Point Ebony Blood is the name of a certain stretch of the river featured in the story and makes a great catchy title - how did you come up with it? ‘It is a fictitious stretch of river near Selkirk, but I wanted the title of the book to reflect the darkness and significance of the river and the terrible murders, and how they link to it.’ We’ve all enjoyed reading your short stories, and they always show your talent to put pen to paper for various genres, so what made you choose a murdermystery for your first book? ‘I love reading murder mysteries as they lead you to work out a puzzle – ‘whodunnit’? I have always felt quite pleased with myself if I can work out who the killer is, so I was really keen to see if I could write a story which made my readers try and do that; I didn’t want the ending to be too predictable. I wanted to lead them this way and that...it’s all part of the fun of writing. To date, most people who have read the book tell me that they guessed wrongly but fully understand who the real killer turns out to be.’ What was your favourite chapter (or part) to write and why? The very first page! It gave the reader immediate insight into what the book involved and it set the scene, I think, to make people want to know more. It had been rumbling around in my head for years so it was good to get it finally written down on paper. What was the hardest part of writing your book? The explanation of why certain characters turned out to be innocent. You must give credence to their alternative motives and not let the reader think, ‘”Oh well, that seems a bit implausible.” How long did it take you to write the novel? The manuscript was finished within ten months - or so I thought. That was until my editor and publisher got their hands on it. I suppose it’s like a painting - an artist never sees the picture as ever completely finished. There are always changes and improvements you can make; I could have gone on tweaking it for years. If Ebony Blood were made into a movie, who do you picture playing the brothers Greg and Tony, and also Marie?

I would like Greg to be played by Brad Pitt (who wouldn’t?) and I see John Altman playing Tony. I think that Kierston Wareing (Kirsty Branning from ‘Eastenders’) would be good as Marie. Which of your characters would you like to meet in person and why? Angus Willard - he’s such a stiff and upright sort of old-fashioned detective. As a child, what did you want to do when you grew up? Apart from being a ballerina, a pop star and a famous film star, I really wanted to be either an optician or a physiotherapist. Instead, I ended up in the Civil Service! When did you first realise you wanted to be a writer? My interest in creative writing began when I was eight years old. I wrote poems and short stories for my own amusement then with my parents’ encouragement, went on to write some for my school magazine. I could always make up bedtime stories verbally, too, but I don’t think they were good enough because the kids always stayed awake right to the end to find out the outcome! What is your work schedule like when you’re writing - do you have a routine? I like to write in the afternoons after 2pm and when all my household chores or responsibilities are done. At weekends, I hide away with my laptop for hours while hubby is glued to the football on TV.

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Continued on page 24

Talking Point Which authors have most influenced your life? Jane Austen – for her brilliant descriptive use of the English language and her characters whom you can imagine in your mind’s eye. I also studied Shakespeare and Chaucer in my youth and found their writings both intriguing and challenging. I also like Alex Barclay, Harlen Coben and Lynwood Barclay and Nicci French’s novels. What book are you reading now? Just finished ’Caught’ by Harlen Coben, What do you like to do when you’re not writing? I love cooking and researching new recipes. I enjoy walking our two rescue dogs, Johny and Rio with my husband, Dave, and I love reading, watching TV and swimming in our pool. Our village’s fiestas keep us entertained with late nights! What does your family think of your writing? Dave is extremely supportive. I could not have achieved Ebony Blood without him - what a treasure! My niece thinks it’s great. My brother doesn’t read murder mysteries. Dave’s family - particularly my sister-in law and her family - have been very positive, buying and reading Ebony Blood even though they normally read life sagas and romances. Can you tell us about your upcoming book? It’s another murder mystery, set in Spain on the Costa Del Sol. It involves a murder of a young girl, an evil killer’s misguided quest for vengeance and the depths some people could go to achieve it in the seedy side of life. It’s a little darker than Ebony Blood but not gory - well, not too much.

Twenty teasers answers 1 Nine 2 Jeremy 3 Switzerland 4 Willow 5 New Zealand 6 A white rose 7 The Danube 8 22 miles (35 km) 9 3600 10 Roald Amundsen

When can we expect it to be coming out? It’s only a quarter written. Hopefully early next year. Do you have any advice to give to aspiring writers? Don’t give up. Do your background research thoroughly, check your grammar and when you think you’ve finished writing your manuscript, read it out loud then be prepared to re-write it again. Then, GO FOR IT!! Thanks Ella, and finally… when was that point in your life that you realised that being an author was no longer going to be just a dream but a career you were going to turn into reality? I don’t think of my writing as a career - just something I love to do. Being retired here in Spain gives me the time and opportunity to do that. It’s in my blood - you could say my Ebony Blood!!!! You can order either e-book or paperback versions of Ebony Blood though my website www.elladurham. co.uk. Follow Ella on Facebook at www.facebook. com/elladurhamauthor and Twitter at @LornaElla Now for a few quick-fire questions for you! Pen and paper or laptop? Both! Quiet or music? Music always and every time. Red or blue? Blue. I have to say that as Dave is a Lazio supporter - they play in blue! Cake or crisps? Crisps - Cheese ‘N Onion. Dogs or cats? Both, but dogs by a very short head. Pool or beach? Pool. Can’t stand the sand on the beach. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate of course! Turn to page 26 to read more about Ella’s new book.

11 Los Angeles 12 Marie Curie 13 John Davis 14 Queen 15 Marilyn Monroe 16 Tandoori 17 Bullfighting 18 Nike 19 Karl Benz 20 The long and winding road

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Alice’s Wonderland

All the fun of the summer!

by Alice Marriott Hello it’s me — Alice Well, summer has been good. I’ve been going to the pool for a lot of it. I love swimming. I got a nice tan, too — I go a bronze colour. My friend Nadia has had a great summer by going to Florida for two weeks. She even bought me a t-shirt from Converse. It’s really nice! The feria was great. Some friends from England, Izzy and Darcy, came and stayed for a week or so with their family. We had a great time and I can’t wait for next year’s feria. There were a few rides — including the bumper cars, the hopper and the pot (olla/cazuela). We went on all of them. Then on the last night, we watched the fireworks at 3am and went to a party to celebrate.

But summer’s almost over now and school is about to start. I’m going into my last year of high school and I’m actually looking forward to it — except all the exams. It will be good fun to see all my friends again and talk about how good the summer’s been. I hope you’ve all had a great summer too.

My sister is moving into a flat so in the meantime we’re looking after her two cats, Persy and Tommy. Tommy is just bonkers. He runs around like a maniac scaring the other animals, and he sits behind me on the sofa attacking my hair. Persy is a lot more calm and just sits on you, digging her claws into you when you stroke her. She’s also very fluffy!

Puzzle answers from page 18

Other than helping at the Auction House I’ve got another little job. I’m going to be teaching some kids to ride horses and it means I get to ride for free. It’s great fun and it feels fantastic getting back on a horse. I had my first lesson with the girl, whose name is Maria Victoria. It was good and I forgot how many mistakes I use to make, too! I can’t wait to start teaching other kids. We got the bad news that Mum has to have another operation on her neck to get another tumour out soon, so there are lots of trips to the hospital for more tests and stuff. I hope she is OK; it is such a worry that they keep finding tumours — I do wish cancer would give her a break but she is very brave. To give her a bit of a rest she will be working from home a lot more — she still has to get up early though to make sure Dad and I are up! And speaking of hospitals, my sister had to go too but it is good news there as her collar bone has fixed itself so she has taken the support off.

Love Alice x

Easy

Hard

Wuzzle Answers 1. Odd couple 2. Neon lights 3. Heat wave 4. I'm in between jobs 5. Parakeets 6. Skinny dipping

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Spotlight

Ebony Blood

by Ella Durham

Murder in the Scottish Borders throws two brothers’ ill-fated fishing trip off course and their own dark secrets risk being exposed.

“Fishing for the truth can be murder.” With their personal lives in tatters, and in a lastditch attempt to salvage the brotherly bond they once shared, Greg and Tony Williams embark upon a fishing trip to the Scottish Borders. No sooner than they arrive, the brothers learn that the police are investigating a gruesome murder and are on the hunt for a fugitive. The news further fuels Tony’s agitated behaviour, intensifying the brothers’ volatile relationship. The pair begin to argue uncontrollably and, ignoring a local’s advice to avoid the notorious stretch of river known as Ebony Blood, they set off into the unknown. Then Tony reels in a headless corpse from the murky waters; shortly afterwards, he disappears.

As the body count in this quiet Scottish town starts to rise, the police target Tony as a potential suspect and an official search is launched in order to track him down. Desperate to find his brother before the police do and to prove his innocence, Greg takes up an offer of help from local barmaid Marie Frazer, but quickly becomes suspicious of her actions. Following a confrontation, Marie confesses to having known Tony previously and reveals the secrets that threaten to shatter their relationship forever. With Tony still nowhere to be seen, it will fall to Greg to solve the mysterious chain of events himself, whilst struggling to come to terms with the truth of Tony’s double-life ─ another horror which is unravelling before him. Greg must enter a dark world of murder, drug crimes and revenge, and face his own personal demons in order to save his brother ─ that is, if he still wants to. Ebony Blood is the debut novel from Ella Durham and is set in the town of Selkirk, in the Scottish Borders. She draws on her personal memories to craft a bleak and unsettling thriller about the power of secrets. Ebony Blood by Ella Durham (published by Ant Press, ebook RRP £1.96, paperback RRP£8.75) is available online now at retailers including Amazon.co.uk and can be ordered from all good bookstores.

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Just for Fun

20 useless things you just don’t need to know about... A total of 15000 people fainted during King George V’s funeral On average, women utter 7000 words per day, whereas men manage just over 2000 If you jog for one and a half hours a day for 48 years, you will increase your life expectancy by three years. But unfortunately, you will have spent three years jogging! The Indonesian fruit bat has a wing-span equal to the height of filmstar Tom Cruise (5’7) The Eiffel Tower is 15cm (5.9”) higher in the summer than in winter as the steel construction expands in the heat of the sun. It takes 25 men, 14 months and 32,000 litres of paint to cover the 50-acre surface of the Eiffel Tower. The silkworm moth has 11 brains. 97.2 per cent of all the earth’s water is saltwater and there is enough salt in the world’s ocean to cover all the continents with a layer 150 metres (492 feet) thick. In 1992 a phone card in Japan sold for $42,000. It was the very first card issued in that country. The human brain constitutes around 2 per cent of the body’s weight but uses 20 per cent of the body’s energy. In a survey, 1000 London taxi drivers were asked what their response would be if they were told that life had been found on Mars. 72 per cent said they didn’t care and 2 per cent said they didn’t know how to drive there! Brendan Maguire was voted for sheriff of San Mateo County, California, in 1986 with an overwhelming majority of 81679. Unfortunately he had been dead for two months. There are at least 250,000,000 bubbles waiting to burst out of every bottle of champagne. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

300 women in the UK insured themselves against the possibility of a virgin birth, which they feared may happen in the year 2000. The rhinoceros beetle is the strongest animal in proportion to its size — it can carry 850 times its own weight on its back. More people have heart attacks and more cars break down on a Monday than any other day of the week. Over 67 per cent of people admit to urinating while in public swimming baths. In one UK supermarket, 13 women became pregnant after manning till number 11. The management renamed the till 10a. In Malaysia, more people are killed per annum by falling coconuts than from poisonous snake bites.

All advertisements are published in good faith and are for information purposes. We do not under any circumstances accept responsibility for the accuracy of such advertisements, nor is any kind of warranty or endorsement expressed or implied by such publication. The editorials are not a substitute for legal advice, and not intended or offered as such. The Andalucían does not therefore accept any duty of care to anyone who makes use of, or seeks to rely on, material in this publication. No part of this or any previous Local Connections or The Andalucían publications may be used or reproduced without the prior written consent of the owner.

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Short Story

Les soucis de Quasimodo by John Sharrock Taylor Quasimodo was worried. He enjoyed his work and indeed anything at all to do with campanology. He was blissfully happy in his new life with Esmeralda, though with the impending patter of tiny hunchbacks, their little apartment in the bell tower high above the Ile de la Cité was certainly going to feel a bit cramped. What worried him most was the thought that the even tenor of their life (even when worried Quasimodo relished a pun) might be disturbed by prying visitors or, even worse, the paparazzi. It had all started with the novel. And it had, of course been just that — a novel. Quasimodo often smiled to himself when he thought of that tragic and entirely fictional ending with him and Esmeralda embracing in their common grave. Then there had been the film of the book, starring Mr. Laughton, whose Hollywood good looks, Quasimodo humbly believed, had been too conventionally handsome for the role. Then there had been the book of the film for those readers who couldn’t read French or, if they could, would certainly have struggled with M. Hugo’s polysyllables and Gothic flights of fancy. Then the radio and TV interviews and the articles in the glossy illustrated magazines (Quasimodo always insisted on being photographed on his good side) such as ‘Allo’, ‘Elle’, and, of course, ‘Bell’.

Suddenly, from being an obscure functionary, the bell-ringer found himself the most famous hunchback in Paris...in France...in the whole world. And, truth to tell, he was surprised to discover that he enjoyed it. People made pilgrimages to see him at work — not only from all over France but from every conceivable country on the face of the earth.

As I’ve already mentioned, the only drawback to all this adulation was the lack of room in which to swing a cat. Not that Quasimodo literally wanted to swing a cat. Having himself suffered a great deal of unkindness in his earlier life, he was always extremely tender towards the underdogs and indeed, undercats, of this world. In point of fact, he and Esmeralda had a much-loved ginger tom called Robert le Majeur, who had his own tale (and indeed tail) though he doesn’t come into the present story. No, Quasimodo didn’t want to swing a cat, but as the cathedral’s senior campanologist, he most emphatically did need room to swing a bell — and a very large bell at that. The bell in question was Emmanuel Le Grand Bourdon de Nôtre Dame, greatest of the cathedral’s mighty peal and weighing all of 13 tons. Naturally, Quasimodo was a past master of the art of change ringing with the usual apparatus of ropes and sliders, but his particular party piece was to ring his beloved Emmanuel using only the strength of his mighty arms. All of which brings us to the tragic incident of Gene, the original American in Paris. It was a bright, sunny spring day with the plane trees along the Rive de la Seine bursting into joyous leaf. The bell chamber was full of visitors, all eager to see Quasimodo perform and he was determined not to disappoint them. He flexed his bulging biceps, grasped the great bell’s knurled bronze edge and applied his gargantuan strength. For a moment, Emmanuel’s enormous dead weight continued to hang plumb, then centimetre by centimetre, he swung on his axis until he was balanced at a 45-degree angle, sustained only by the hunchback’s mighty muscles and straining sinews. Then suddenly, Quasimodo leapt crabwise clear as the great bell swung back to the perpendicular with a deep, sepulchral BOOOM!

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Short Story It was an amazing feat and the assembled crowd of tourists burst into spontaneous applause. But one young American, Eugene Vincent from Uxbridge, New Jersey, had watched the bell-ringer’s virtuoso performance with particular fascination and as Quasimodo signed his autograph book with the practised flourish of the celebrity campanologist, Gene whispered in awed tones: ‘Gee, Mr. Modo, I’d just lurve to do that. Do you think I could?’ ‘I very much doubt it. It’s extremely dangerous. How do you think the non-photogenic side of my face got to be like this?’

clear quickly enough. To the horror and dismay of all present, the edge of the great bell struck him a 13ton hammer blow and he flew straight out between the louvres of the bell chamber and fell 100 feet to the cobblestones below. By the time Quasimodo and the shocked tourists had straggled down the tortuous spiral staircase to ground level, a crowd had gathered round the shattered body of the young man from Uxbridge and a puzzled gendarme was reaching for his notebook. ‘Can anybody identify this man?’

‘Aw gee, Mr. Modo, I carry a stack of insurance. Just let me have a go!’ ‘Very well, but on your head be it. Literally, I rather fear.’ To cut a lengthening story short, young Gene did indeed try to replicate Quasimodo’s extraordinary feat but unfortunately he failed to leap

Gazing down at the pathetic corpse, Quasimodo murmured sadly ‘Non, monsieur l’agent...His face simply doesn’t ring a bell.’

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