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June, 2014

Texas Twister

When Life gets too hard to stand...Kneel!


June, 2014

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A man goes into a seafood restaurant and sees a sign that reads: “Big Red Lobster Tails - $1.” Amazed at the value of the offer, he calls a waitress over. “Excuse me,” he said. “Is that sign correct?” “Yes sir,” she replied. “It’s today’s special offer.” “Fantastic,” said the man. “But are you sure they’re not small?” “Oh no sir, I can assure you that they are very big.” “Are they out of date then?” “No, no sir, they are fresh in this morning.” “Well in that case, here’s my $1. Fill me up.” The waitress took the $1 coin, sat down beside him and said, “Once upon a time, there was a big red lobster...” ***** “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

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June, 2014

A European tourist is lost and stops in an Irish village to ask for directions. He sees two old men sitting outside the pub enjoying their Guinness. “Parlez-vous Francais, he asks. The old men look at each other and shake their heads. “Sprechen sie Deutsch?” Again, the old men shake their heads. Beginning to get a bit irritated, the tourist asks “Habla Espanol?” The men once again shake their heads. Totally exasperated by now, the tourist asks “Parla l’italiano?” The men once again look at each other and then shake their heads in puzzlement. The tourist is so disgusted that he drives off. One old man says to the other, “You know, Sean, perhaps we should learn another language.” “Ah get on with yeh; look at him, he knows four and it didn’t do him a bit of good.” ***** “I think the bottom-line difference between being single and being married is this: When you’re single you’re as happy as you are. When you’re married, you can only be as happy as the least happy person in the apartment.”

Texas Twister


June, 2014

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. “Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? and “Who does everything mother says?” Five small voices replied in unison. “Okay daddy! You get the toy.” ***** After putting their three-year-old child Brian in bed, his parents heard muffled sobs coming from his room one night. Rushing back in, they found that the child was crying hysterically when he saw them. He told his parents that he had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure that he would die now. The father, in an attempt to sober him down, took out a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it out from Brian’s ear. The child was really thrilled and stopped crying at once. In a flash, he snatched the penny from his dad’s hand, swallowed it, and then cheerfully demanded, “Do it again, Dad!” ***** What’s the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Redneck zoo? On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin. A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.

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June, 2014 WHY DO WE SAY THAT? Chew the Fat During Medieval times bacon was very expensive to buy. When you did get some, it was customary to display or store it over the fireplace in the parlor. When important guests came over, it would be taken down and chewed during conversation. People would ‘sit around and chew the fat.’ Wet Your Whistle This saying supposedly came from an English pub. A whistle was baked right into the rim of a ceramic beer mug. The crowd would get loud and it became hard for the bartender to hear people ordering drinks. They would then blow the whistle for another drink in order to ‘wet their whistle.’ Honeymoon It was thought that if newlyweds drank mead (a wine made from honey) every evening for one month (the cycle of one moon) they would surely have a male heir in that year. They drank the mead out of a ‘Mazer Cup’ that they’d pass on to the next generation. That one-month period is called the ‘honeymoon.’ Sleep Tight Mattresses were originally pulled tight with ropes woven through the bed frame. A key was then used to periodically tighten the rope. This could very well have led to ‘sleep tight’ but many people disagree. ‘Tight’ means sound or healthy, which would explain the usage as well. Still others believe that ‘tight’ came along to rhyme with ‘good night,’ or ‘wake bright,’ or even ‘bed bugs bite’! Mind Your P’s & Q’s There are two explanations for this saying. The first is from England where, once again, we gather in a pub. Ale was ordered in pints and quarts and when the crowd got rowdy, the bartender would tell them to ‘mind their p’s and q’s.’ The other plausible explanation is that the letters p & q are easily reversible. When a printer was running a press, the boss would tell him to ‘mind his p’s and q’s.’ Beat Around The Bush This saying came about when people used to hunt game. The birds were chased and scared out of their hiding place, normally a bush. They were then captured and killed. We now say don’t ‘beat around the bush’ meaning don’t procrastinate like the birds did when they hid. Turn The Table Tables in the past had only one finished side. The family, to preserve the nice side, used the rough underside. When company would come over the whole top lifted off and the finished side was shown. Families would ‘turn the table’.

Texas Twister


June, 2014

A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first. “Tell me,” said he, “if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?’ The inmate said, “It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful.” “Marvelous,” said the head of the institution. “Or else,” ruminated the inmate. “I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one’s life in bringing up a new generation of scientists.” “Absolutely,” said the head. “Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution.” “An interesting possibility,” said the head. “And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle.”

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June, 2014 The Laws of Golf LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant “You looked up,” or invoke the wrath of the universe. LAW 6: The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor. LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire. LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man. LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls. LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn’t, how do you explain the way it works against you? LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse. LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination. LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. LAW 14: Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three). LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty. LAW 16: “Nice lag” can usually be translated to “lousy putt.” Similarly, “tough break” can usually be translated

Texas Twister “way to miss an easy one, sucker.” LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you. LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be. LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month. LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.


June, 2014

There is a blonde on a plane to New York. She is sitting in the first class section, but her ticket says that she should be in the coach section. A flight attendant realizes the blonde’s mistake and asks her politely to move. The blonde won’t move. All she says is, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, and I’m going to New York.” The flight attendant goes and tells all of the other flight attendants. They all try to persuade the blonde to move, but she won’t move. All she says is, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, and I’m going to New York.” The flight attendants go and tell the pilot about the obnoxious blonde. They tell him the only thing that she says. He puts the plane on auto-pilot and whispers something in the blonde’s ear. Immediately, she gets up and moves to her normal seat. Then the pilot goes back to fly the plane. The flight attendants are all very curious about how the pilot made the blonde move so quickly. They ask him and he says, “Oh, it was easy. All i had to do was tell her that the first class section wasn’t going to New York!” ***** One night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Uncle Bill died. He woke up and that evening, his dad got a call saying that Uncle Bill died. The next night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Aunt Joy died. He woke up, and then that evening, his dad got a call saying that Aunt Joy died. He told his daddy, “Two days ago, I had a dream Uncle Bill died, and then yesterday, I had a dream Aunt Joy died. His dad said, “that’s just a coincidence.” The next morning he tells his dad, “I had a dream that my dad died.” His dad was terrified. He had the worst day at work and took every precaution. He didn’t eat any of the food in case of food poisoning, and he drove slowly in case of a car wreck. When he finally got home, Little Johnny’s mom asks him how his day at work was. “Much more horrible than your day I’m sure,” his dad replied. “I don’t know,” said his mom, “The milkman dropped dead on the front porch today!

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June, 2014

Texas Twister

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?” At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired “How much for a season pass?” ***** “If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic professor. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer. “Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”


June, 2014

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.” The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?” The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that’s red and has thorns.” “Do you mean a rose?” “Yes, that’s the one ,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?” ***** A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However,” he pointed out, “there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah. Right.”

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June, 2014

Texas Twister

Bob was was taking Sue out on their first date. When he picked her up at her house, he was most gentlemanly and chivalrous. At dinner, the two enjoyed each others’ company immensely and were having a wonderful first date. Bob’s attentive ways spilled right over into their trip to the movie theater. A few minutes into the film Bob asked Sue, “Can you see, dear?” Sue answered, “Yes, I can see fine.” A few seconds passed and Bob asked, “Is your seat comfortable?” Sue responded, “Yes, it’s extremely comfortable.” Moments later Bob asked, “Is there a draft on you?” Sue, impressed with Bob’s attentiveness, said, “No, I feel no draft at all.” Upon hearing her answer to his final question, Bob replied, “Great. Let’s switch seats.”


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June, 2014

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June, 2014 with value added items like jams, jellies and canned

Texas Twister growing market.

goods, handmade chicken coops and best of all a warm, welcoming community spirit.

Customers at the Wills Point Farmer’s Market

This year, the market will be held at Bruce Park, location

can expect to find farm fresh produce, baked goods, eggs,

of historic Wills Cabin, on the corner of 3rd Street and

honey, plants and value added items like jams, jellies and

W.N. Commerce St. It is a great, shady place with a pavil-

home-canned foods, soaps and more. All value added

ion and space for plenty of vendors. It will be open every

items will be subject to approval by the Farmer’s Market

Saturday from May 24 to July 26 (with the exception of

advisory board, must be made by the vendor and clearly

July 5) from 8:00 a.m. to NOON.

labeled with the ingredient list; no re-sale products will be allowed. What will not be acceptable products at this

Wills Point Farmer’s Market a Welcome Addition

Farmer’s markets are becoming increasingly

market include domestic animals/pets, exotic animals,

popular. Consumer interest in obtaining fresh produce

garage sale items, resale items, weapons of any kind or

from the grower, increased awareness of shopping locally

value added items that are not made by seller.

and the concept of “community supporting community” makes it a perfect opportunity for communities. Direct

marketing of produce and products through farmers mar-

pate. For more specific guidelines or vendor registra-

kets is an important sales outlet for agricultural producers

tion forms send inquires to contact@willspointchamber.

nationwide. Food in the United States travels an average

com or; visit the Chamber of

of 1,500 miles to get to the kitchen table. Shipping costs

Commerce or Sweethearts Gifts; or call (972)977-8648.

May 20, 2014 – Wills Point, TX – If April show-

are passed on to the consumer and the cost/process of

Any non-profit organizations interested in participating

ers bring May flowers then what do May showers bring?

shipping and packaging contribute greatly to pollution.

through a fundraiser can call for more information about

This season, organizers of the 2nd Annual Wills Point

Today, there are nearly 4,800 farmers markets operating

fundraising opportunities.

Farmer’s Market are hoping that they bring some awe-

throughout the nation. Wills Point is proud to add to that

some home-grown produce and flavorful fare partnered

All farmers in the region are invited to partici-


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TMS Choir Students Make History - Winning First-Ever Tenor/Bass Sweepstakes & Having TWO Choirs Compete... TMS Choir Concert - Thursday, May 15 @ 7:00 pm, FHS Auditorium

The Thompson Middle School Choir Department made history on April 8, 2014. For the first time, two choirs attended the UIL Concert and Sight-Reading Contest. For the first time, TMS brought a Tenor/Bass Choir and a three-part Varsity Girls Choir. The contest consists of two phases: 1. Concert - Each choir sings three songs for a panel of judges. 2. Sight-Reading - Each choir reads a piece of music they have never seen for a panel of judges. The TMS Non-Varsity Tenor/Bass Choir made the highest rating, SUPERIOR, for both phases of the contest, which awarded them the very first SWEEPSTAKES trophy TMS Fine Arts has ever received! The TMS Varsity Girls Choir made a rating of EXCELLENT in Concert, and ACCEPTABLE in Sight-Reading. According to TMS Choir Director Karen Batsel, “The Varsity level is much more difficult, and since this is their first time to go as a Varsity Girls choir, these girls should be very proud! Only five out of twenty-two choirs from our Region brought home a Sweepstakes from the contest! The hard work and dedication that the students exhibited during the preparation process was inspiring, and the district and community should be very proud!” The TMS choirs are now working on their final concert of the year, titled “HAPPY”. It will be full of music that everyone will enjoy. Everyone is invited to see the concert on Thursday, May 15, at 7:00 p.m. in the Ford High School Auditorium. Come support these talented students!

Cannon Students Raise Over $4,600 for the ADA

D.C. Cannon Students Walk for Diabetes during PE Classes. Students made posters to walk for friends and family in support of their struggles. All monies raised go to the American Diabetes Association. Students who raised over $100 will be receiving six Ranger Baseball Game tickets to enjoy with their family.

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June, 2014

Howdy Texas Twister Fans, I sure hope you are having great weather. We had some rain, which was really good for our garden. I can’t wait to have fresh veggies to cook and put up. Well, football season will soon be here, so I thought we would try some easy recipes that all of us would like to eat. So, enjoy! God Bless our Soldiers, past and present and their families. Thank you for keeping us free and safe. So, if you see a soldier, be sure and thank him or her.

Baked Chicken

Prep Time: 10 minutes 4 servings Ingredients: 1 tsp paprika 1 each cooking spray 1/2 tsp ground thyme 1 tsp garlic powder

Cook Time: 20 minutes

1/2 cup bread crumbs 1/2 cup plain yogurt or whole milk 10 oz boneless skinless chicken breast Directions Preheat oven to 350F and prepare a baking pan with nonstick cooking spray. Trim the fat off of the chicken, cut into 4 equal pieces, and marinate them in the yogurt for several minutes. In a bowl, mix together the bread crumbs, paprika, thyme, and garlic. Dredge the chicken in the crumb mixture and arrange on the baking pan. Bake for 20 minutes; watch closely to ensure that the chicken “crust” does not burn. Nutritional Values per servings: Calories 167.3, Total Carbs 11.9 g, Dietary Fiber 0.9 g, Sugars 2.0 g, Total Fat 2.9 g, Saturated Fat 0.9 g, Unsaturated Fat 0.3 g, Potassium 274.5 mg, Protein 21.8 g, Sodium 172.1 mg. Dietary Exchanges: 1/2 Fat, 1/2 Milk, 1 Starch, 3 Lean Meat.

Barbecue Meat Loaf

Ok, I can hear it now, meat loaf again! Well this is a little different and when you are watching football, it makes a great sandwich. Prep Time: 25 minutes Cook Time: 1 hour

Texas Twister Servings: 6 Ingredients: 1/4 cup fresh chopped onion 1/4 cup fresh chopped celery 1/4 cup Ketchup 2 egg whites Directions Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Place all of the ingredients except beef in a bowl and mix together at low speed. Blend well. Now add beef and mix at low speed until blended. Shape into a loaf of about 3 1/2” X 7” and place in a pan sprayed with cooking spray. Bake for about 1 hour. Pour off any fat drippings and let stand for 10 minutes before serving. Nutritional Values per serving: Calories 123, Total Carbs 6.8 g, Dietary Fiber 0.4 g, Sugars 3.3 g, Total Fat 2.9 g, Saturated Fats 1.1 g, Unsaturated Fat 0.4 g, Potassium 49.6 mg, Protein 17.9 g, Sodium 612.2 mg. Dietary Exchanges 1/2 Vegetables, 2 Meat, 1/2 Other Carbs, 1/2 Starch


June, 2014 potato generously with more olive oil. Sprinkle potatoes with kosher salt, fresh ground black pepper and fresh chopped rosemary (or chives or thyme or whatever herb you have available.) Bake in a 450 degree oven for 20-25 minutes until golden brown. IT’S YUMMMM!!!!

Fresh Peach Sorbet

You guessed it! I’m still craving fresh veggies. You need to find a produce stand, farmers market or neighbor with an abundance of fresh veggies and fruits. There is nothing better than fixing your father a home cooked meal for Father’s Day with fresh veggies and his favorite meat. If he’s like mine, it will grilled with only green hickory, salt and pepper for flavor. But you need “stuff” to go with the meat, or so Mom always said. And this month, I’ve found the perfect stuff! New potatoes, fresh peaches, fresh corn, fresh herbs! When I need to cook something new and on a grill, I go to my grilling hero, Bobby Flay of the food network. I found this way to grill corn when I found the food network and it is my go to way for corn on the grill. I have yet to try grilling something his way and not have it come out YUMMM!!!

Crispy Hot Potatoes

12 whole New Potatoes (or Other Small Round Potatoes) 3 Tbsp Olive Oil Kosher Salt to Taste Black Pepper to Taste Rosemary (or Other Herbs of Choice) To Taste Bring a pot of salted water to a boil. Add in as many potatoes as you wish to make and cook them until they are fork-tender. On a sheet pan, generously drizzle olive oil. Place tender potatoes on the cookie sheet leaving plenty of room between each potato. With a potato masher, gently press down each potato until it slightly mashes, rotate the potato masher 90 degrees and mash again. Brush the tops of each crushed

1 C water 6 Tbsp sugar 4 Tbsp lemon juice 8 medium ripe peaches, peeled and sliced In a saucepan, combine the water, sugar and lemon juice, cook & stir over medium heat until sugar is dissolved Cool slightly; transfer to a blender. Add the Peaches; cover and process until smooth. Fill cylinder of ice cream freezer; freeze according to manufacturer’s directions. Transfer sorbet to a freezer container; cover and freeze for 4 hours until firm. You can sub any fresh fruit or melon for the peaches, and you can use your favorite sugar substitute and make it very low cal. It’s also fat free, where ice cream is oh so not! IF you use a fresh berry, black berry, raspberry, put the berries into the blender first, and strain the seeds before adding the “syrup” to the berries to put into your freezer. IT’S YUMMMM!!!!!

Page 21 Grilling Fresh Corn on the Cob

8 ears of fresh corn (or an ear for each person coming… maybe 2 for some) Kosher salt Butter ( plain, herb or your favorite) Heat the grill to medium. Pull the outer husks down the ear to the base. Strip away the silk from each ear of corn by hand. Fold husks back into place, and place the ears of corn in a large bowl of cold water with 1 tablespoon of salt for 10 minutes. Remove corn from water and shake off excess. Place the corn on the grill, close the cover and grill for 15 to 20 minutes, turning every 5 minutes, or until kernels are tender when pierced with a paring knife. Remove the husks and eat on the cob or remove the kernels. Serve butter and/or Herb Butter. Spread over the corn while hot. To make your own herb butter: 2 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature 1/4 cup chopped fresh herbs ( basil, chives or tarragon) 1 teaspoon kosher salt Freshly ground black pepper Place in a food processor & process until smooth. Scrape all the butter into a pretty dish, cover and chill before serving. AND IT’S YUMMM!!!!!!


American Home Care 903-447-5800 1-866-290-4USA American Home Care is locally owned and operated by Doug and Lecia Pritchett, RN BSN. For the last 18 years, they have been committed to providing uncompromising quality health care to families and their loved ones in 18 counties throughout the Dallas Metroplex and East Texas. Recognized as a local leader in the healthcare industry, our patients benefit from our “one stop” services through a continuum of care including home health care, hospice, durable medical equipment, Primary Home Care (PHC), and Community Based Alternatives (CBA) to meet their nursing, therapy and social needs. The Culture at American Home Care, American Home Hospice and Associated Medical Equipment is one of high moral and professional ethics and maintains a sincere endeavor to improve the overall well being of our patients. At American Home Care we believe clinical excellence and compassion care go hand in hand.

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the local community, Hunt County and surrounding areas with beautiful and affordable housing!! We are a family owned and operated business with a very knowledgeable staff that is very excited to meet your family’s housing needs. We have a new location to better serve our customers needs and would like to invite you to stop by and tour the new office, tree lined lot, gorgeous homes and take advantage of our free housing consultations! Our housing professionals are here to provide you with friendly and courteous help with your new home. Our main focus at Thomas Outlet Homes is to take care of your modular and manufactured housing needs, but we are also fully staffed to help you with septic, foundations, electrical, plumbing, decks, skirting, driveways, lot clearing, clean up and more. We would like to personally thank the Lake Tawakoni Regional Chamber of Commerce staff and members for all of their dedication to the community and hard work in making this a better community for all the local businesses! Come by for your Free Consultation!!

Just Pie 228 W. Hwy 276, Suite 3 West Tawakoni, TX 75474 903-447-4313

Since opening its doors in West Tawakoni in

April of 2010, Just Pie has grown from a small shop to a DFW farmer’s market favorite. Just Pie not only serves delicious pies and lunches at their West Tawakoni (& future downtown Greenville) location but it has a presence at eight different farmer’s markets every Saturday throughout the Dallas area. Branching out with Ain’t Just Pie has also given fans an opportunity to see the other of Call one of our professional, award winning, agents for all your real estate needs. For over thirty years, our family owned office has proudly served the Lake Tawakoni area community. We are very grateful for your continued support Thank you,

Thomas Outlet Homes 4342 Hwy 34 South Greenville, TX. 75402 903-883-0219

We at Thomas Outlet Homes are proud to serve

CENTURY 21 Upchurch Real Estate 8756 S. Hwy 34 South Quinlan, Tx 75474 903-356-3116 office

ferings such as delicious lunches, granola, fresh canned produce, and assorted snacks and goodies. With additional locations in the works, future offerings will include fresh baked breads, pastries, cakes, and more. Owner Shannon Arnold Foltz says she’s proud of her small business and its impact on the community, supporting the QISD, BISD, QISD Education Foundation, Lake Tawakoni Regional Chamber of Commerce, Community Seeds, Lake Area Shared Ministries, Hunt County Kids, No Child Hungry, Chefs for Farmers, Go Texan , & the Tawakoni Civic Club.

Texas Twister June 2014  

Enjoy all our jokes, fun stuff and recipes!